Q&A

Q: When I look in the mirror, all I do is Q: Sometimes I feel like people are judging
focus on everything I hate about myself. me because of how I look, even when I go to
What should I do? church! How do I deal with it?
A: If looking in the mirror is a negative A: No one is perfect…and most people (including
experience, next time think about saying those at church) are influenced by society’s
something positive about yourself instead, standards. Instead of getting upset, try a different
whether you believe it 100% or not. Try to approach. Be a role model through kindness,
think about one of your favorite features compassion, forgiveness, and being non-
instead of focusing on what you may consider judgmental toward others. It’s possible that your
faults or disappointments. If you are faced example of kindness to others, even though
with more serious issues of frustration, they might not be kind to you, could change
disappointment, and hate, please make sure their hearts and minds. Be strong and don’t let
to talk to a trusted individual who can lead negativity change how you respond to Christ’s
you in the right direction for guidance. greatest commandment to love one another!

toll free phone number: 1-800-931-2237

web: www.nationaleatingdisorders.org
• National Eating Disorders Association:
Toxic World: www.bodyimagehealth.org
• Building Healthy Body Esteem in a Body
Online Resources: your parish priest to get help.
Newman, Focus on the Family, 2007. parents, a school counselor, a trusted adult, or
Peace with Your Body Image” by Deborah important to tell someone. Speak to a friend, your
• “Comfortable in Your Own Skin: Making an unhealthy body image or eating disorder, it’s
Franklin, Discovery House Publishers, 2004. If you or someone you know is struggling with
True Image in the Mirror of God” by Regina
• “Who Calls Me Beautiful? Finding Our
Books:
INFO
GET THE FACTS THE CHURCH SPEAKS
Body image is defined as a person’s sense of Created in the Image of God
his or her own physical appearance. Our body If we were to live by society’s expectations
image often affects not only how we view our- and standards of living, it would be almost
selves, but also how we interact with others. This impossible to be happy. Fortunately, we are
can affect our sense of self-worth and plays a big blessed to have a higher standard! God loves
part in our physical and emotional development. you for exactly who you are, because He
created you exactly as you are—in His own
All Day, Every Day: Did you know the average image and likeness (Genesis 1:27). Rather
person is exposed to 3,000 ads a DAY? In than focusing on man-made “ideals” for
addition to selling products, ads attempt to beauty, think about your own reflection as an
sell the myth that we can, and should, achieve icon of Christ.
physical perfection in order to feel good about
ourselves. Many of these ads are even digitally Looking Inward
altered, making it even more difficult for us to “The Lord sees not as man sees; man looks
distinguish between “perfection” and reality. on the outward appearance, but the Lord
looks on the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7). Your
The Myth of Perfection: These unrealistic
self-image should be a reflection of who you
expectations about body image set us up to fail,
are as a person, the decisions you make,
especially when we may never be able to look
and your relationship with God, not how you
a certain way. Instead of inspiring us in a posi-
look in front of the mirror. Remember…you
tive way, our constant exposure to the idea of
are more than skin and bones. You are the
perfection may cause us to have anxiety and an
“temple of the Holy Spirit” (1 Corinthians 6:19).
unhealthy obsession about our own body image.
Regardless of our physical appearance, we
have each been created in His image on the
inside. Don’t forget or downplay this incredible
honor, and remember the special way God
created each of us.

Unique in God’s Sight

People come in all shapes and sizes. Trying
to compare yourself to someone else never
really works. Each of us has unique strengths
KNOW THE SIGNS and weaknesses that make us one-of-a-kind
The following might be signals that you have a and important in God’s eyes. It says in 1
negative or unhealthy view of your body: Corinthians 12:18-20, “But now God has set the
• When you see yourself in the mirror, car members, each one of them, in the body just as
windows, or storefront windows, you only notice He pleased. And if they were all one member,
things that you don’t like about your body. where would the body be? But now indeed
• You rarely think you look good. there are many members, yet one body.” What
• You have a tough time taking compliments, as does this mean? Regardless of our physical
you really don’t believe they are true. appearance, intellect, skin color, or any other
• It takes you forever to choose clothing. features, we have all been created with a
• You compare yourself to others constantly. specific purpose. Sit down and write all of the
• You criticize your body regularly. things that are unique about you. Consider how
• You skip events because you don’t think you you can use your uniqueness and God-given
look good enough to be in the crowd. talents to best serve Christ and others.
 Q&A
Q: My friend is being bullied online. I’m so Q: Last year I received threatening texts from
upset and want to protect my friend, that a girl at school. I told my parents and they filed
I respond by saying I will hurt this guy for charges, but she has started sending them
what he’s doing. I know I’m defending my again. Now I don’t want to tell them, because
friend, but am I being a bully also? there is nothing else for them to do, especially
A: Responding to negative comments with because it didn’t help the first time.
negative comments tends to fuel the fire, not A. Let your parents know! The burden is too big
put it out, and often draws others into the con- for you to handle alone, and you will feel better
versation. Don’t react, respond with anger and when you are supported by people who love you.
threats, or comment on posts that may be Don’t give up! There’s always more that can be
offensive or upset someone.You could also po- done, like working with school officials or going
tentially become a target. The best way to help back to the police. Your bravery in coming forward
is to support your friend and tell a trusted adult. can change your situation and the lives of others!

https://www.facebook.com/PACERTab
Join Teens Against Bullying on Facebook:
http://www.stopcyberbullying.org/
Join the Don’t Stand By—Stand Up! Campaign:
http://www.stopbullying.gov/
Department of Health and Human Services: threatening or dangerous.
www.pacerteensagainstbullying.org what’s happening, especially if the situation is
National Bullying Prevention Center: parents, a teacher, or your parish priest know
Online Resources: yourself, it may not be safe. Let an adult, your
in that person’s life. Don’t try to take it on by
don’t ignore it! You can make a difference
If you or someone you know is being bullied,
INFO
GET THE FACTS THE CHURCH SPEAKS
Bullying is when someone uses physical force, You Have the Power! God is on YOUR Side!
insults, or threats to ignore or hold power over Even when it seems like everyone is against
someone else. It’s more common than you think. you, the Lord is always on your side. “Be
71% of students say that bullying is a problem strong and of good courage, do not fear or
at school, and 160,000 students miss school be in dread of them: for it is the Lord your
every day because they fear an attack. Some God who goes with you; he will not fail you or
people are also at a higher risk, like those with forsake you” (Deut. 31:6). This doesn’t mean
disabilities, those questioning their sexuality, and that bullying will go away if you ignore it. It
those with low self-esteem or poor social skills. means that God will give you the strength
Types of Bullying: Physical (using violence to to come forward. Do the right thing…saying
dominate another person); Verbal (using words something will help change your situation AND
to humiliate someone, usually in front of others); might help others who are also being bullied by
Social (spreading rumors, making someone feel the same person!
isolated or not included); Cyber (using digital
The Golden Rule
media to embarrass and make threats).
“Do unto others as you would have them do
Cyber bullying is especially damaging because unto you” (Matthew 7:12). Sound familiar?
the bully can remain anonymous, it can happen As early as elementary school, we are taught
at any hour, you can’t respond immediately, the Golden Rule which lays out the basics
and it can reach a large audience. Around half of respect and love for ourselves and others
of teens say they’ve been the victim of cyber (friends, strangers, classmates, family, etc.).
bullying, and 1 in 10 have had damaging pictures It is important to remember that we are
taken of them with cell phones. accountable to God every day for all of our
thoughts, words, and actions. Make it a priority
to think about the “Greatest Commandment”
from Christ, to love one another, with the
knowledge that hurtful words or actions can
have devastating consequences for others.

Break the Cycle

Often times, those who are bullied end up
DEALING WITH IT bullying because they want to be accepted by
Responding to Bullies: Don’t react or fight... others. Instead of perpetuating the cycle of
bullies love when you get upset. Try staying violence and hate, think of St. Paul’s words,
close to friends, as there is always safety in “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome
numbers, and when possible, steer clear or evil with good” (Rom. 12:21). The next time
ignore. Most importantly, make sure to tell you find yourself reacting in anger, challenge
someone—never keep it a secret. yourself to respond like Christ, with love
Responding to Cyber Bullies: Change your instead of revenge. If you aren’t sure where
privacy settings and click the “report abuse” to start, use these words from the prayer of
button or flag. Make sure to save messages, Metropolitan Philaret of Moscow, “Bless my
emails, and social media conversations, dealings with all who surround me. Teach me
especially if they are threatening. Most to treat all that come to me throughout the day
importantly, never share anything that you with peace of soul and with firm conviction
would not like to be public—things sent or that Your will governs all. In all my deeds and
posted electronically are never secure! words, guide my thoughts and feelings.”
 Q&A
Q: People tell me marijuana is natural and Q: If Jesus and his Disciples drank wine in
not addictive. Is that true? the Bible, why can’t I drink alcohol?
A: Research confirms that you can become A: While alcohol in and of itself is not bad, we
hooked on pot. It is also important to note need to be careful with the excessive use of any
that drugs can dominate your lifestyle, control substance—it can easily deaden our defenses
how you spend time, and influence the people and negate our free will. When someone has
you hang out with. Research also proves a few drinks, they become more “relaxed” with
that short-term effects of using marijuana are other things in life—and this is where we need
sleepiness, impaired or reduced short-term to be extra cautious. Additionally, as Orthodox
memory, increased heart rate, paranoia, and Christians, we abide by the laws of our local
hallucinations. Long-term effects of using government (Matthew 22). Since the minimum
marijuana are elevated cancer risks and drinking age is 21 in the United States, we should
decreased testosterone levels for men. refrain from alcohol until then.

Webber. Conciliar Press, 2003

Explores the Twelve Steps by Fr. Meletios
Steps of Transformation: An Orthodox Priest
Victor Mihailoff. Regina Press, 2005
Our Minds and Bodies From All Addictions by
Ancient Eastern Orthodox Spirituality to Free
Breaking the Chains of Addiction: How to Use Alcohol and Drug information at 800-729-6686.
Books: more info, contact the National Clearinghouse for
www.teens.drugabuse.gov contact your parish priest for assistance. For
www.checkyourself.com do not wait any longer. Talk to your parents or
• Drug and Alcohol Abuse websites for teens: If you need help for yourself or a friend, please
www.findtreatment.samhsa.gov
• Treatment Facilities:
Online Resources:
INFO
GET THE FACTS THE CHURCH SPEAKS
Addiction can happen even after one use. As a teenager, you face pressures every day.
Regular drug abuse or sustained exposure to a Whether it’s casual drinking, binge drinking or
drug, even for a short period of time, can cause experimenting with drugs, your friends’ influence
physiological dependence. may cause you to do things you wouldn’t
Drug & alcohol abuse causes brain damage. normally do. Although it may be tough, you are
Drug abuse affects the way the brain functions called to be examples in the Faith, to resist
and alters its responses to the world. these pressures, and be a Christian example
to others.
Drugs are more dangerous today.
Over the years, drugs have been modified Your free will is lost.
either biologically or chemically to create higher The Church teaches that God created each
concentrations of the active ingredient—the of us with free will, and in His own “image and
thing that produces the “high.” likeness” (Genesis 1:26). We are all given
Substance abuse increases the risk of injury. the chance to either turn towards or away
Car crashes, falls, burns, drowning and suicide from God, but alcohol and drugs take away
are all more common when people are under this opportunity by deadening our reason and
the influence. intellect. When we become dependent on
substances rather than God, we lose our ability
to worship and glorify Him.

Christ isn’t your #1 priority anymore.

When a person is addicted to drugs and/or
alcohol, those substances often become more
important to that person than God. As Chris-
tians, however, our loyalty is first to God. Any
kind of addiction puts the object/idol in His place.

Your body is a temple.

KNOW THE SIGNS The Church views the body as a temple of the
How can you know if a friend or loved one has Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19). Over time, drug
a problem with drugs or alcohol? Sometimes it’s use, leads to the deterioration (“indirect suicide”)
hard to tell. Most people won’t just walk up to of the body. It means that we are ignoring our
you and ask for help. If your friend or loved one responsibility to keep our temple pure, holy,
has one or more of the following signs, he or and healthy.
she may have a problem:
A false sense of reality.
• Giving up activities or things they used to While it may be easy to use drugs or alcohol
enjoy such as sports or hanging out with in order to escape your worries and problems,
friends who don’t use drugs or drink. Christ promises to never give us more than we
• Pressuring others to do drugs or drink. can handle (1 Cor. 10:13), asking us to deal
• Getting in trouble with the law. with things in a real and honest way.
• Taking risks, including sexual risks and
God is always with us.
driving under the influence. St. Tikhon of Zadonsk writes, “God is present
• Feeling run down, depressed or suicidal. in every place, and He is with us wherever we
• Suspension from school/after school activities. may be. And anything we may do, we do before
• Missing work or school, failing grades. Him and His holy eyes.”
 Q&A
Q: I always find myself stuck in conversa- Q: What if I hear a rumor about myself?
tions with my friends that involve gossip. A: Whether there is some truth to the rumor
What am I supposed to do? or not, it can be very painful. Here are a few
A: Speak up. Let your friends know that the things you can do:
unkind words are hurtful and that no one is Don’t react quickly. Take a step back and
benefiting from the conversation. control your emotions.
Be positive. Turn the conversation around Remain friendly and stay positive. Don’t fall into the
by saying something nice about the person same trap as the person who spread the rumor.
being talked about.
Speak with the person directly. While it may
Walk away. Don’t encourage the conversation have been a complete misunderstanding,
and don’t be part of the problem by sticking you might find that you have something to
around to listen. apologize for as well.

Publishing, 1996.
I, by George W. Grube, Light & Life
• What the Church Fathers Say, Volume
Books:
christianliving/a/gossipquiz.htm
http://christianteens.about.com/od/ a trusted adult, or your parish priest.
• Take the Gossip Quiz: gossip and its consequences, speak to a friend,
gers-of-gossip If you or someone you know is dealing with
http://ymtoday.com/articles/2375/the-dan-
• The Dangers of Gossip:
Online Resources:

INFO
GET THE FACTS THE CHURCH SPEAKS
• Gossip is one of the oldest and most common If you don’t have something nice to say...
ways that people share (unproven) facts, Well, you know the rest. St. Paul asks the
usually about someone else’s personal life. same thing of us in his letter to the Ephesians,
• People of all ages, backgrounds, and cultures “Do not let any unwholesome talk come
use gossip as a form of communication, and out of your mouths, but only what is helpful
studies show that it helps us navigate through for building others up according to their
social situations. needs, that it may benefit those who listen”
(Ephesians 4:29).
• Research says that people are influenced by
gossip, even when it contradicts what they have
Don’t be the spark! Sometimes one careless
seen with their own eyes.
word can cause enormous pain and create
• While we are used to basing our decisions unnecessary problems, even if you weren’t
on unproven facts, like gossip or rumors, intentionally trying to hurt someone. St.
remember that information drifts further from the James says, “The tongue is a little member
truth as it travels from person to person. and boasts of great things. See how great
a forest a little fire kindles!” (James 3:5).
We can also find examples of this in the Old
Testament when Solomon writes, “Fire goes
out without wood, and quarrels disappear
when gossip stops” (Proverbs 26:20). Don’t
give gossip a place to live, because even
the smallest spark can start a great fire.
Unfortunately, it’s contagious!

You’ve got a friend—so act like one!

Pretending to act one way in front of someone
and turning against them after they leave is
KNOW THE SIGNS described in Psalm 41:6: “They visit me as if
Normal interactions with your friends can easily they were my friends, but all the while they
turn into gossip sessions. What you say may gather gossip, and when they leave, they
influence how your friends perceive someone, spread it everywhere.” Make sure that you are
whether good or bad, so it’s important to think an honorable friend, no matter who you are
before you speak. Recognizing rumors about talking with!
someone may be hard, but asking yourself
some questions before adding your “two cents” Show some humility. We all know the
could make a huge difference! common phrase “nobody is perfect,” so why is
• Are you sharing information to make yourself it so easy to point out other people’s flaws, but
look better? not our own? St. Basil says, “If you see your
• Is it harmful or degrading to the other person? neighbor committing sin, take care not to dwell
exclusively on his faults, but try to think of the
• Are you stretching the truth to make something many good things he has done and continues
seem more exciting? to do. Many times, by examining everything he
• Are you revealing a secret that someone told has done, you will come to the conclusion that
you in confidence? he is truly better than you.” Instead of focusing
• Would you feel comfortable saying the same on yourself, show some humility by lifting
thing if the person was standing in front of you? others up with respect and positivity.
 Q&A
Q: I’m leaving for college soon—how can I Q: Is it ok to question my faith?
stay connected to the Orthodox Church? A: There are a ton of conflicting messages about
A: If your school has an Orthodox Christian faith, God, ethics, and morality. It can leave
Fellowship (OCF), have the courage to you wondering…what is the truth? Questioning
attend a meeting, even if you don’t know your faith in a positive and engaging way can
anyone else! If you don’t have an OCF on help you understand God and Orthodoxy in a
campus or an Orthodox community near deeper way. In fact, your faith will probably be
you, there are several regional and national even stronger once you have overcome doubts.
OCF programs and events that you can Do the research and make sure to learn what
attend. Visit www.ocf.net to find an Orthodox the Orthodox Church believes about different
Christian Fellowship (OCF) chapter. issues. Seek out the answers or resources
from your parish priest and others who are
knowledgeable about Orthodoxy.

http://www.transitioning2college.org/ Publishing, 2009.

• Transitioning to College: High School by Autumn McAlpin, Booksurge
Real World 101: A Survival Guide to Life After
Books:

Online Resources:
INFO
GET THE FACTS THE CHURCH SPEAKS
Handling the Transition, Not the Change: No Be Sober, Be Watchful (1 Peter 5:8)
matter how we prepare for a change in life, we Now more than ever, taking responsibility for
may not be fully prepared for the transitions those your actions is extremely important. Facing
changes bring about. Whether going to college, things like peer pressure, sex, and alcohol on
leaving home, or starting a new job, life changes your own will require character, discernment,
will constantly test you—how will you respond? and a clear understanding about the
Personal Freedom: Finding yourself with an consequences of your actions. Thinking about
enormous amount of freedom and free time how you will respond to difficult situations,
may leave you feeling lost and overwhelmed. including what you will say, is often the best
With so many decisions, extra time, and the way to prepare for encountering temptations.
added personal and financial responsibilities, Owning Your Faith
daily life can be difficult to navigate. Figuring out where God fits into your life after
Relationships: During any transition in life, our high school may involve standing up for what
relationships with family, friends, and God may you believe and sorting out essential questions
become strained because of added stress and about faith. With all of these new experiences,
the challenges of a new environment. Losing especially meeting people from different faith
touch with these connections can leave us backgrounds, taking the time to “relearn” the
feeling alone, both emotionally and spiritually. basics of Orthodoxy will help you better under-
stand your faith. The willingness to own your
faith, rather than simply inheriting it from your
parents, is a huge step in one’s spiritual journey.
Orthodox Christian, All the Time
Living as an Orthodox Christian should be
something you think about both on Sunday
mornings AND on Friday nights. You may even
DEALING WITH IT feel like you are leading a double life, conflicted
between who you are and who you would like
Plan your day, every day! Now it’s up to you to be. Challenge yourself to be an Orthodox
to make decisions about all aspects of your Christian all day, every day—not just when it’s
life—what time to wake up, making it to class convenient! Take some inspiration from St. Paul,
or work, remembering to pray. Make a “LIFE” who said this about his own spiritual dedication,
schedule. Planning ahead and knowing when “I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer
and where you are going can keep you on I who live, but Christ lives in me” (Gal. 2:20).
track, in both your personal AND spiritual life!
Maintaining Balance in Your Life
Know when to ask for help: Taking advantage Taking care of yourself physically, emotionally,
of help rather than trying to navigate on your and spiritually is an important aspect of
own can be the difference between failure and maintaining balance. Scripture says, “Look
success. Identifying the people in your life that carefully then how you walk, not as unwise
you trust and can listen to your doubts, fears, men but as wise, making the most of the time”
and questions is half the battle. (Eph. 5:15). When demands like exhaustion,
Find a “Family”: Finding friends with similar exams, and relationships require more of your
interests can provide you with the right support time, it can feel impossible to fulfill all of your
at the right time. The people that you surround commitments. Making time for prayer will help
yourself with, your new family, will greatly influ- reduce anxiety and keep you focused on your
ence your every day decisions. Choose wisely! connection with God.
 Q&A
Q: I’ve got so much going on: school, sports, Q: I’m stressed because I put things off until
work, friends, and that doesn’t even count the very last minute. Why do I keep doing that?
time with my family. How do I manage it all? A: Many people make themselves a victim of
A: All of these things are great, but sometimes procrastination. To relieve the stress, we turn to
they’re overwhelming, right? First, never be too things that entertain us: music, TV, surfing the
busy to pray—often times it’s the first thing we net—anything to keep us from thinking about
cut from our schedule. Prayer is time spent with something we’d rather not do. The problem is,
God, and even when we’re busy, it’s the one our “break” isn’t really restful because we’re just
thing we really need. Second, make a plan. This avoiding the problem. Later on, we’ll have to face
helps us get a handle on our long “to do” lists. up to whatever it is we’re putting off, and with
Lastly, ask for help! People that try to go it alone not as much time to do it. Sounds familiar—and
are often the most stressed. God, your family, stressful—I bet. Ask God for help and then face
your priest and your friends are all sources of up to the fear of tackling the hard things first and
support you can and should turn to. you’ll find yourself much less stressed.

for Teens by Earl Hipp, Free Spirit Pub., 2008.

• Fighting Invisible Tigers: Stress Management
Books:
mind/emotions/stress.html
• Teens Health: http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_
com/od/advice/tp/copewithstress.htm
• Coping with Stress: http://christianteens.about. set goals about the issues at hand.
info/teen-stress/causes-of-stress.html trusted adult, or your parish priest to help you
• The Health Center: http://www.thehealthcenter. dealing with stress, speak to a caring friend, a
If you or someone you know is having difficulty
faithvalues/8c3044.html
http://www.christianitytoday.com/iyf/hottopics/
• Chritianity Today: Ignite Your Faith:
Online Resources:
INFO
GET THE FACTS • Fuzzy Thinking: When we’re stressed, our
bodies respond with adrenaline, the “fight or
Stress is normal. The real definition of stress
flight” hormone that prepares us for combat
is the effect on us from any change in our
or a quick getaway. While this is helpful in
environment. Since changes happen all the
an emergency, when triggered by long term
time, stress is normal and unavoidable. We run
stress, it can make it hard to think through
into problems when we have too much stress or
things or cause you to think less clearly.
stress we don’t deal with.
• Feelings of Frustration: If you’re faced with
Stress can hurt…and kill. Many scientists think
many demands at once, the result for many
that the majority of all illnesses and accidents
people is increased frustration and irritability.
can trace their causes to stress. Excessive
stress not only lowers our immunities, but makes
it hard to concentrate and make good decisions. THE CHURCH SPEAKS
Stress is treatable. There are many things we You may think that the Church only teaches us
can do to combat the effects of stress on our things about God, prayer, and purely spiritual
health and better prepare us for future stresses. things, but there’s so much more! Actually, one
Being aware of the sources of our stress and of the things that sets Orthodox Christianity
reducing them are some of the best things we apart is our belief that we can begin to experience
can do to stay happy and healthy. the blessings of God’s Kingdom—Heaven—in
this life. We don’t have to wait until we die! God
not only wants us to live a good life, but a great
life (John 10:10).
• Fr. Meletios Webber says that stress is
basically our body’s reaction to thoughts.
When we experience thoughts as scary or
threatening, we experience lots of stress.
Try envisioning stressful thoughts as puppies:
your thoughts might be annoying, jumping and
KNOW THE SIGNS yapping in your head all of the time, but in the
end, they are only harmless and easily ignored!
Since stress is ALWAYS around us—we’re all
stressed to different degrees. If we have more • In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus encouraged
stress than we can handle, there are a variety us not to be “anxious about tomorrow for
of things that often happen. Any of these symp- tomorrow will be anxious for itself” (Matthew
toms might be a sign that we’re not dealing well 6:34). Too often, we try to tackle way too
with stress: much. One of the best ways to combat
stress is to limit how much we try to deal
• Headaches: Having headaches regularly,
with at any one time.
especially tension headaches, is often linked
to being overly stressed. • The passage, “Come to me all you that labor
and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest”
• Getting sick often: The more stressed out
is an invitation that comes to us from Jesus
we are, the worse our body is at fighting off
Himself (Matthew 11:28). He offers to bear
everyday illnesses.
our burdens and gives us the real opportunity
• Problems sleeping: Stress can make it to break free from stress through Him. When
harder to fall asleep or stay asleep, or might we’re in church, when we pray, when we just
make our time sleeping less restful. sit in silence in front of our icons—that is
• Anxiety: This is often defined as feeling fear where we find the “still waters” He promises
but not knowing exactly what we’re afraid of. us (Psalm 23).
 Q&A
Q: I don’t want to give in when my friends Q: I have a really good friend, but she’s always
want me to do stuff I know I shouldn’t, but I trying to convince me to do things, even when
don’t know how to tell them I don’t want to? I say no. What should I do?
A: First, lower the importance of their approval A: When we make our decisions clear to our
by raising your understanding of God’s love friends, they’ll almost always respect us and
for you. Second, be clear within yourself about stop pressuring us. Everyone knows it’s not
what you believe and what you do and don’t cool to pressure someone into do something
want to do. Lastly, be ready to say “no” by they don’t want to. Once in a while though, our
preparing ahead of time. In your head, have friends don’t respect us enough to stop. That’s
a script for the next time you’re pressured to when it’s time to face the fact that they’re not
do something you know is wrong. Some short, really being our friends. Leaving a friendship
easy phrases to remember are: no thanks, I can be really difficult, but we read in Psalm 1
don’t feel like it, it’s not my thing, and when that God blesses us in powerful ways when we
nothing else has worked, back off! leave bad influences behind.

Publications, 2002.
Book for Teens by Jim Burns, Ph.D., Servant
• Tough Problems, Real Solutions: A Q & A
priest, especially if the situation seems dangerous. by Sharon Scott, HRD press, 1997.
your parents, a school counselor, or your parish Peer Pressure Reversal for Teens and Preteens
wrong for you. Don’t hesitate to talk to a friend, • How to Say No and Keep Your Friends:
means that something about the situation is
that’s going on, even if your friends don’t, it Books:
gut. If you feel uncomfortable with something http://www.surfinthespirit.com/teens/
time dealing with peer pressure—listen to your • Christian Resources for Teens:
If you or someone you know is having a hard Online Resources
INFO
GET THE FACTS THE CHURCH SPEAKS
Peer pressure has a much greater impact on Some religions teach that God created us to
teen behavior than any other factor. It’s worth serve and love Him. Orthodox Christians believe
thinking about the role peer pressure plays in the opposite: we were created so that God
your life, since it probably plays a bigger part incould love us. We are the “apple of His eye,”
your decision making process than you think. the greatest of His creations. We read in Gen-
esis that when God created heaven and earth,
Not all peer pressure is bad. In fact, positive
light and darkness, plants and creatures, He
peer pressure is a great help. The only difference
“saw that it was good,” but when he created
between negative and positive peer pressure
man and woman, “it was very good.” What does
is the outcome: the positive kind helps us do
that mean to us? When we really understand
things that are good for us and others, while
how much God loves us, we don’t care so much
negative peer pressure pushes us into things
about anyone else’s approval or acceptance.
that hurt us.
We’re the most open to negative peer pressure
Giving in to negative peer pressure makes
when we forget how precious God has made
people feel worse about themselves. People
each one of us to be. Jesus taught us that if
often give in to negative peer pressure because
we hear His words and put them into practice,
they think they’ll feel better by pleasing their
we’re building our life on a good, solid foundation
friends, but it doesn’t work that way. Standing
(Luke 6:47).
up for yourself and doing what you feel is right
is the real way to feel better about yourself. Martyrs point the way. The history of the
Church is full of martyrs who did the right thing
in the face of powerful pressure to go down the
wrong path. Our saints are our heroes, showing
us how it’s done. St. George, the Three Holy
Youths, St. Demetrios, St. Christina and St. Marina
are just a few of the saints who, like you, faced
enormous pressure, but drew on the strength of
God to overcome adversity.
One bad apple can spoil the whole bunch.
KNOW THE SIGNS St. Paul didn’t talk about apples, but he echoes
Wanting acceptance by one’s peers is completely this old saying when he writes: “Bad company
normal. Some people are easily influenced by corrupts good character” (1 Corinthians 15:33).
peer pressure because their self confidence is While we need to work on our ability to say
based on other people’s approval. Some signs “no” even when it’s hard to, we also need to be
that we might be too open to others’ influence honest about the influence our friends have on
include the following: us, and when necessary, distance ourselves
• Low self-esteem or lack of confidence. from that influence.
• Uncertainty about one’s place within their
Community in Christ. Resisting negative peer
group of friends.
pressure is hard, especially when we are alone
• No personal interests outside of one’s own in our decision. While we may feel isolated
peer group. from our friends, as Orthodox Christians,
• A feeling of isolation from peers and/or family. it’s encouraging to know that salvation is
• Lack of real ties to friends. granted through the Church, the community of
• A feeling that friends could turn on you. believers. We are never really alone!
 Q&A
Q: I’m not really into porn, I just get curious Q: Isn’t it better for me to watch porn than to
once in a while. Is that so bad? act on my desires in real life?
A: Our Church Fathers describe sin like a fire: A: Jesus said that when we lust after someone,
when it starts, it’s just a little spark. But that we’ve already sinned in our hearts. That doesn’t
little spark can start a raging wildfire. No one mean we can say “well, I’ve already done it in
plans on getting addicted to porn, but it happens my heart, so I might as well go do it for real.”
to lots of people, all of the time. If you’re not What we watch, hear, think and let into our hearts
addicted yet, that doesn’t mean you won’t be really matters. Our Church teaches us to guard
soon. And meanwhile, you’re filling your head our hearts like soldiers guard the gate to a king’s
and your heart with images of sex, and that’s castle. We are the temple of God Himself, and
not what God wants for us. So snuff out the we have to be vigilant in order to keep His Temple
spark. It’s a whole lot harder to put out a wildfire. pure, both body and soul.

Waterbook Publishers, 2009.

by Shannon Ethridge, Stephen Arterburn,
Plan for Sexual and Emotional Fulfillment,
• Every Woman’s Battle: Discovering God’s
House, 2000.
Stephen Arterburn, Fred Stoeker, Random
Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time, for practical tools to overcoming addiction.
• Every Man’s Battle: Winning the War on Check out www.safefamilies.org/recovery.php
Books: your parish priest to help you set attainable goals.
addiction, speak to a friend, a trusted adult, or
sexabstinence/15.50.html?start=2 If you or someone you know is dealing with porn
www.christianitytoday.com/iyf/hottopics/
• Christianity Today, Addicted to Porn:
Online Resources:
INFO
GET THE FACTS THE CHURCH SPEAKS
• Most people don’t initially seek out porn, but God is not embarrassed in the same way we are
inadvertently come across it on online. by certain sins. He has given us His command-
• Pornography often unintentionally becomes ments and His ways for our benefit, so we can
an addiction. Many end up addicted to porn live the best lives possible. Sex was designed
as others are addicted to alcohol or drugs. by God as a way to express and experience true
love between a husband and wife. Pornography
• Habitual viewing of pornography usually leads
portrays sex in a way that removes the holy love
to increased isolation and a compulsion to
that joins a married couple and replaces it with
view more.
lust. Viewing porn can provide a “high” similar to
• Viewing pornography misinforms the viewer that received from drugs, and is often sought as
about sexuality, as it removes sexual interac- a relief from life’s pressures. While it may seem
tion from the context of a loving, committed to promise relief and an escape from stress, it
relationship and instead emphasizes the never delivers, often leaving us with feelings of
self-centered seeking of pleasure. isolation and loneliness.
• Pornography is fueled by a multi-billion dollar
Sex is Holy
industry seeking to lure in new customers,
God created sex and offers it to a husband and
whom it only seeks to profit from, not entertain.
wife as a reflection of the love which binds the
persons of the Trinity: the Father, Son and the
Holy Spirit. Unfortunately pornography perverts
that reflection, meaning that it literally deviates
from what it was intended to be, that is, its
original purpose.
God is Love
God’s greatest commandment, to love one
another, should be echoed in every aspect of our
lives. Watching porn devalues God’s creation by
treating men and women as sexual objects.
KNOW THE SIGNS The Truth will set you Free
Pornography has always existed, but before the
When viewing inappropriate images, we create
internet, it was definitely more difficult to come
a false sense of reality that often allows us
across. Now pornography is available to anyone
to fall deeper and deeper into the grasp of
with a computer, cell phone, iPod—pretty much
pornography addiction. The Church offers us a
anything that’s wifi-enabled. Its addictive proper-
solution—freedom in Christ (Romans 8). When
ties are well known to counseling professionals
we are able to fully submit ourselves to Jesus
who deal with millions of people whose marriages,
Christ, we are no longer bound or enslaved by
careers and entire lives are damaged by this
our own human desires.
activity. Some people who are addicted to porn
exhibit the following: The Way Out
• Giving up other activities in order to be alone God offers us the gift of Confession, where
in a place where porn can be viewed. we can be free from those things that bring us
down. He always wants us to come back to
• Becoming desensitized to graphic sexual Him, no matter what we’ve done and how far
images because of repeated exposure. we’ve strayed. Don’t let excuses stop you from
• Increased isolation from friends, family, and approaching Confession, because this is the
the church. first step toward healing.
 Q & A
Q: Being physical with my boyfriend brings Q: I’ve done “things” with my girlfriend and
us closer together. I love him and want to do know they are wrong. I don’t want to confess
what’s right, but I don’t really want to stop. what I’ve done to my priest—he’d never look
We don’t go “all the way,” isn’t that OK? at me the same way again. What should I do?
A: It’s best not to hide behind technicalities A: Priests understand that everyone deals with
when it comes to sex. The fact is, any sexual the same temptations. No matter what, your
activity is inappropriate for those outside of priest wants the best for you, and wants you
marriage. Sexual activity does bring you and to be close to God. There is nothing that will
your partner closer together—that’s how God make him happier than to work with you towards
designed our sexuality. When this happens healing, especially through the sacrament of
outside of marriage, the bonds between us are confession. Remember that a priest is present
easily broken, and people are often hurt as a during confession as a witness before Christ;
result. If we’re serious about our faith, we’ll stay forgiveness doesn’t come from him, but from
away from sexual activity outside of marriage. Christ himself.

http://www.abstinence.net/
• National Abstinence Clearinghouse:
magazine.com/life/.../17168-the-purity-puzzle
• Relevant Magazine: https://www.relevant-
• True Love Waits: http://www.lifeway.com/tlw/
Case, Zondervan Publishing, 2003.
and attainable goals in your relationships.
Pam Stenzel, Rick Bundschuh and Steven
or your parish priest to help you set boundaries
Sexuality, Spirituality, and Self Respect by
sexual purity, speak to a friend, a trusted adult,
• Sex Has a Price Tag: Discussions about
If you or someone you know is struggling with
Bethany House Publishers, 2008.
Body, Mind, and Heart, by Jim Burns, Ph.D.,
• Accept Nothing Less: God’s Best for Your
Resources:
INFO
GET THE FACTS THE CHURCH SPEAKS
When you hear, “everyone is doing it,” It’s important to remember who came up with
it’s not true. Less than half of all high school sex in the first place. Like all of His gifts to
students have sex before graduating. us, God provided us with the beautiful gift of
our sexuality, but not to use in whatever way
Setting boundaries. Statistics prove that if you
we like. He created it as a means of keeping
can set proper boundaries before a situation
married couples close to each other, and as the
arises in your relationship, more often than not,
means of continuing His creation (hence the
you will make the proper decision.
term: procreation). God’s commandments are
Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STD’s) are a all given to us for OUR sake, not His.
big risk. No one who has sex plans on getting
an STD, but this year alone, one out of every • Jesus said that even looking at someone
four teenagers will be infected. lustfully is a sin. We should struggle for purity,
not only in our actions but in our minds and
The emotional attachment that accompanies hearts. A simple tip: when your eyes start to
sexual activity is too often understated. It wander, recite the Lord’s Prayer or the Jesus
often causes people to stay in bad relationships Prayer: Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, Have
longer than they should. In addition, when the Mercy on Me, a Sinner.
relationship does finally come to an end, it can
• Everyone has sexual temptation. St. John
easily turn one’s life upside down because of
Cassian said that “only the lifeless are
the physical and emotional attachment to the
exempt from the battles of lust,” it’s part of
other person.
being a human being. We all have to deal
with this because it engulfs our everyday lives
on the internet, on TV, at movies, etc. The
question remains, how will you handle it?
• Modern society says we should “be ourselves”
and to do whatever we feel like, but Orthodox
Christianity teaches us that we are most
ourselves when we don’t allow temptation
to enslave us. While the struggle against
any sexual activity outside of marriage is
KNOW THE SIGNS a difficult one, those who wish to enter the
Sex affects your emotional wellbeing. Kingdom of Heaven enter by the narrow gate
Teens that are sexually active are more likely to (Matthew 7:13).
feel depressed and are significantly less likely • The Church provides us with the way to
to be happy. avoid all sins in the first place, through
Many teens who decide to have sex end up regular prayer, fasting (where we practice
wishing they hadn’t. The regret can play havoc saying “no” to ourselves), the services of
with one’s self-esteem and confidence. the Church, and the advice and support
of our Spiritual Fathers. The Church also
Think faith determines one’s actions? It’s gives us the cure if we’ve fallen into sin.
often just the opposite. While most Christian Confession is the Church’s way for us to
teens rely on their faith to keep them away from admit what we’ve done and experience
sexual temptation, those that have sex often try God’s forgiveness and love first-hand. It’s
to justify it by changing their beliefs and morality never too late to come back to God and
into thinking there’s nothing wrong with it. His Church.
 Q&A
Q: What does the Orthodox Church say Q: What should I do if a friend seems suicidal?
about committing suicide? A: Show your friend that you care by listening—
A: The Orthodox Church believes that we sometimes this is enough to lighten the load
are called as Christians to preserve life, just enough for them to carry on. Allow them to
and that we do not have the right to take experience God’s love through you by showing
away anyone’s life, including our own. sympathy, staying calm, and remaining non-
Suicide is very serious in the eyes of the judgemental. Don’t try to carry the burden by
Church because it doesn’t give a person the yourself. Urge them to get help as soon as
opportunity for repentance and confession. possible and get other friends, parents, and adults
As suicide and its consequences is such involved. If your friend is in immediate danger, get
a complex issue, the church addresses it help right away and call 911. Remember, if all
pastorally on a case by case basis. of your attempts fail, don’t blame yourself. If you
were close to the person, it might be helpful to
reach out to a suicide survivor support group.

Hsu, InterVarsity Press, 2002.

for Comfort, Answers and Hope by Albert Y.
• Grieving a Suicide: A Loved One’s Search
Books:
Prevention: http://www.teensuicide.us/
(8255) or visit www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org.
• Adolescent Suicide Statistics and
Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK
Prevention: http://www.afsp.org/ feelings is the best solution. Call the National
• American Foundation for Suicide to someone who can help you deal with your
Online Resources: Asking for help can be really tough, but talking
or others, you need to get help right away.
can’t see any solution besides harming yourself
If your feelings become so overwhelming that you
INFO
GET THE FACTS THE CHURCH SPEAKS
There’s ALWAYS another solution. Many God has a plan.
teens who have attempted suicide say that they God created you in His image and has a unique
didn’t really want to die, but they couldn’t see purpose for your life. “For I know the plans I
any other way out. Remember that no matter have for you, says the LORD, plans for welfare
how horrible you feel, these emotions will pass. and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope”
(Jer. 29:11). While things may not seem to work
Being depressed or having suicidal
out the way you want them to, remember that
thoughts doesn’t make you a bad person!
God’s plan may not be running on your time table!
Depression can make you think and feel things
that are out of character. Even though depres- Christ wants us to have life.
sion is completely treatable, it’s estimated that Life isn’t always easy. At some point, every one
only 20% of teenagers ever receive help. It’s of us faces something (whether it’s depression,
important to tell someone how you are feeling! grief, stress, etc.) that may challenge our will to
live. We should look at Christ’s message to give
Wait 24 hours before taking action. This us strength:“The thief comes only to steal and kill
can give you time to think things through and and destroy; I came that they may have life, and
distance yourself from those strong emotions. have it abundantly” (John 10:10). In other words,
Make sure you are never alone. If you are Christ wants us to have life. He came to this
afraid you can’t control yourself, stay in public world to free us from death itself!
places or hang out with family and friends. Even You are His Holy Temple.
if you can’t verbalize your feelings, anything to We have no right to take away life, whether it’s
keep from being alone and in danger will help. our own or someone else’s. In fact, we have
been created for a very special purpose. We
find out in 1 Corinthians 3:16 that our lives and
bodies don’t belong to us, but rather to God:
“Do you not know that you are God’s temple
and that God’s Spirit dwells in you?” Since
we have been given this great responsibility,
it’s important that we take care and respect
ourselves and others.
KNOW THE SIGNS Return like the Prodigal Son.
Sometimes it is hard to know what your friends God is always patiently waiting for us to return to
are going through, especially if they are hurting him with open arms like the father who received
or suffering from depression. Remember that the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32). Suicide takes
suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary away our opportunity to repent, since we can’t
problem, so it is important to recognize “undo it” or ask for forgiveness later. No matter
warning signs: how desperate or hopeless we feel, God is ready
• Thinking, talking or wishing about suicide. to accept, forgive, and embrace us.
• Taking risks like abusing drugs and alcohol. Christ is our hope.
• Feeling hopeless, like there is nothing to live for. God comforts us not only through the Sacra-
ments of the Church, but also our community,
• Getting upset about insignificant things.
friends, and families. Christ emphasizes that we
• Giving or throwing away personal belongings. are never alone: “I will not leave you desolate; I
• Withdrawing from family, friends, or hobbies. will come to you” (John 14:18). Just remember
• Feeling anxious or agitated all of the time and that Christ is always by your side, even if you are
having dramatic mood swings. feeling hopeless or isolated.