Advice to Children

Elder J.H. Oliphant

     Society is divided into two classes as respects moral condition, and every reader of
these pages who lives to manhood, or womanhood, will take a position in one of these
classes. You will be honorable, truthful and chaste; or, you will he dishonorable, a
liar, and indecent. You will be intelligent, and have a well-stored mind with useful
knowledge, or you will be ignorant. How important it is to you, and to your parents,
and to all your friends, that you should be honorable, informed, truthful, and pure in
all your moral habits. It would brighten your path through life, and make you an
unfailing source of happiness to others. How anxious you should be to attain to this
high position in life. "A wise son maketh a glad father," and so thousands of fathers
have found it; "but a foolish son is the heaviness of his mother." Nothing so gladdens
parents as that of seeing their children run in the path of virtue and honor.

     It is my desire in these pages to give some hints and suggestions suited to urge and
aid you to reach a point of usefulness and happiness. I assure you that much is
required of you. You have many things to watch and many to do. One important thing
is to watch yourself, and another is to take care of your time. Your health and strength
of body is a matter of more importance than you are aware of. You should take care
of your strength by temperate habits in everything. Intemperate habits of eating in
childhood are followed by bad results in old age. If you could think of it now, while
young, and form a habit of regular and temperate eating, it would be a great blessing
to you in after life. The habit of being out all night, exposed to all sorts of weather, in
the pursuit of pleasure, is a sad mistake, and too dear a price for pleasure. Regularity
of habits in eating, sleeping, and exercise, is of more importance to your happiness
amid well being than you can imagine. Your mental powers depend much upon your
physical powers. A well developed mind needs a strong physical constitution.

     1st - As a rule, it is safe to say that the use of tobacco is no advantage, but a
disadvantage to health; besides, it is an expensive, filthy habit that should be avoided.
I would recommend that you never begin a habit that is at once
injurious, expensive, and filthy.

     2nd - I think that we should discourage the use of spirits. Never treat any one, nor
suffer any one to treat you, as a mere compliment. You should not enter inside of a
grog-shop, nor form a habit of taking a dram when you go to town. These little
beginnings may end in painful results. Thousands have been utterly ruined by spirits;
therefore you have reasons to BEWARE.

     3rd - The places you frequent, and the company you keep, will have much to do in
moulding your character in the eyes of the world, as well as in fixing the habits that
will follow you through life. As the bullet is shaped by the mould, so your habits and
thoughts will be shaped by the company you keep. "He that walketh with wise men
shall be wise, but a companion of fools shall be destroyed." Persons who drink, swear,
or indulge in profanity, are not likely to be of any real use to you. You should never
make them feel that you are above them, but you should avoid their society. You
should never seek the company of persons unless you feel willing that the public
should class you with them, for you will, in the eyes of the public, be classed with the
company you keep. "Birds of a feather will flock together," is a saying I heard when I
was a boy, and so the masses of men will have it. I read, when a boy, of a dog called
Tray, who was sorely beaten for no other thing than that of being found in bad
company. It is often the case that young folks are unwilling for parents to choose
company for them. As a rule, parents know better what company is best for you to
keep, and you should pay great respect to their judgment in this matter. Fairs, shows,
dances, frolics, etc., are not good places to learn moral habits, and they often prove to
be expensive. How desirable that you should reach manhood or womanhood without a
spot or stain on your good name. You can not too carefully guard yourself in these
things.

     4th - Your own good behavior in company will add much to your credit in the
world. If your language is habitually chaste, your jests modest and sensible and your
actions in good taste, you will be respected. At church, take pains to observe good
order, listen to the sermon, no matter how contrary to your opinion, and when meeting
is out go quietly out, and indulge in no loud talking or laughing while about the house.
Avoid all foppery or strutting in company. These things are disgusting to all sensible
people. Never suffer yourself totalk in a proud, whining manner. Talk plainly, and in
the same common way you do at home, or among your schoolmates at school. And
walk in a natural, easy way in company. It is a sad sight to see young ladies entering
church, as we sometimes see them, in a proud and haughty manner. Strutting shows a
want of common sense; therefore avoid it. Don't speak unnecessarily of the faults of
others; it will cause them to look for your faults, and you are sure to have them. Never
refer to yourself in the way of praise as to your beauty, dress, education, influence, or
religion, remembering the old saying, "self-praise is half scandal." The wise man says:
"Let another man praise thee and not thine own mouth, a stranger and not thine own
lips." You should suffer no one, however ignorant or poor, to think that you are above
him in your feelings; remember that "when pride cometh, then cometh shame," and if
you are entertaining a proud and haughty spirit it will be followed by shame; "before
destruction the heart of man is haughty," and when your beauty, wealth, learning, or
good name makes you proud, you have reason to be uneasy. Cultivate a habit of
apologizing for the mistakes of others; it will cause others to apologize for you. Form
a habit of cheerfulness when in company; it will make your company pleasant to
others. Never be hasty to give your advice or opinion, it will cause people to think that
you think you are "smart; " and for the same reason, you should not do all the talking
yourself, remembering the proverb, "a fool is known by his multitude of words." --
Solomon. Franklin has it: "A still tongue makes a wise head." Make it a point when in
company to learn something. If the conversation is unedifying, you could bring up
something that would be profitable.

     5th - Economy should be carefully cultivated. Your future happiness greatly
depends upon it. You must distinguish between economy and stinginess
or parsimony. "There is that that scattereth and yet increaseth, and there is that that
withholdeth more than is meet, but it tendeth to poverty." Economy does not forbid
charity; it forbids wastefulness Economy, therefore, is the friend and source of
charity; by its practice we are able to supply our own wants and have something for
the poor. Remember the saying: "A penny saved is worth a penny earned." "Take care
of the cents and the dollars will take care of themselves." A careful, saving wife is
worth a, dozen of a wasteful, spendthrift disposition. Pride and extravagance are the
forerunners of poverty, and often lead to fraud and dishonesty. If you are proud you
should mark Solomon's words: "Every one that is proud in heart is an abomination to
the Lord." Pride will lead you to desire to live beyond your means, and will ultimately
bring you to need. "If you buy what you don't need now, you will, some day, be
unable to buy what you do need." Don't form a habit of wanting to buy everything you
see, because it is nice; this tempter, if submitted to, will enslave you and your parents;
and you should not desire pride to be your master. It is a sad sight to see children
dressed in fine clothing and their parents owing for them. A young lady strutting in
laces, ribbons and silks, and a mortgage on her father's home, is a woeful sight; what
sensible young man would want her for a wife? and of what use or comfort is she to
her parents? And so, a young man, dressed in extravagance, and often with a cigar in
his mouth, a bottle or revolver in his pocket, or both,and a fiddle under his arm
presents a sickening sight and yet we often meet with it. Take care of your books, at
school and at home; take care of your clothes, don't be ashamed of patched trousers or
boots, or of wearing an old hat or bonnet. It is a grand sight to see an intelligent,
modest young man or woman at work with patched clothes on, seeing after the farm
or kitchen. This is the very foundation of usefulness and success in life. In this way
you save money for future wants, and what sensible person will fail to admire you for
it. Never let your merchant think that he can sell you such things as are of no value; he
will know that you are worthless as soon as he finds that you will bite at his
breastpins, rings, ribbons, silks, perfumery, paint, prize-boxes, and such things as he
has only to catch sap heads; let him know that you want no goods except what are of
real solid use, and he will admire you for it. Don't buy things "because they are
cheap." Don't seek to be the finest dressed one at church; always be clean, and keep
your clothes so. Don't be stingy; there are things necessary for your comfort; the poor
and sick need a little charity; a day's work, or something that you can spare that they
need, will help them much, and give them a bright spot in life, and make your
conscience feel good; these things you should pay for and do, but bear in mind there
are many traps set to catch the fruit of your labor, which you must watch. Every
lottery in the land is a swindle, and should be let alone. Keep your eye on our book
peddlers, pill peddlers, lightning-rod peddlers, clock fixers, pack peddlers and patent
right peddlers, etc., you are in danger of getting bit by them, and when they bite you
they will laugh far most at your folly.

     6th - Honesty is indispensable to every one who ever expects to be truly great or
good. Let it be said "he is honest," and he can get any place he is able to fill; no
merchant, banker or officer wants a dishonest clerk; no one wishes to leave or entrust
his money or valuables to one he knows to be dishonest. You should use the greatest
pains to secure to yourself the reputation of being honest, and you should feel
within that you ARE HONEST. If you are conscious that you are dishonest, you never
can feel that independence that you ought to feel; you can not feel that you are truly
noble, for you know that you are not noble. If you want to succeed well, keep a good
conscience; and to do this, keep a good opinion of yourself; and to do this, let your
plans and actions be such that you are willing for all to know all about them; this will
make you feel that you are noble. It will give you a bright clear open countenance, and
enable you to face your employer, and face the world and your accusers, and your
Creator. You will have a firmness and steadfastness of character that will be of
infinite worth to you through life. Many years ago I took particular interest in the
sixty-third lesson in the Indiana Fourth Reader, which I would recommend you to
study carefully: "If you would have your tongue worth anything to you in business,
never employ it to misrepresent things with." "A merchant or tradesman who
habitually lies about his goods, will be detected, and then his tongue is useless to him
in business." "A false balance is an abomination to the Lord." "The lip of truth shall
be established forever." "A just weight and balance are the Lord's." Don't sell anything
with a hidden fault; always keep and live above such things as selling over-salted
butter, or old feathers for new ones, or spoiled eggs, or tainted meat, or dirty wet rags,
or damping your feathers or wool, or greasing your wool with old grease before you
sell it, or sprinkling your dried apples or peaches or wool before you sell them, or
over-feeding or slopping your hogs or cattle before they are weighed. Never charge an
unjust or extravagant price for your work or goods, when it is all left to you.
     If your merchant makes a mistake in your favor, in counting, weighing, or
measuring, or settling, or changing money, always correct; be as ready to correct
mistakes in your favor, as you are those against you. Whatever you find return to its
owner. Do no one private injury in his person or property; never circulate a false
report about any one. In all I have said I wish you to understand that we should be
honest with ourselves; and, therefore, we should ever with manly energy contend for
our own rights, while we give others justice. We should do justice by ourselves,
therefore in all our buying and selling and mixing with men, we should have an eye to
our own rights as well as those of others. In contending for our rights, let us be
cautious; law suits are expensive things, and therefore should be a voided; better be
loser than make an enemy sometimes. "If you are defrauded and have no other way to
get redress, let it go and say nothing." This is better than to add an enemy to the
injuries you have already sustained. "Let it pass and afterwards watch."

     7th - Faithfulness and punctuality are of vast importance. When you make a
promise, however small, charge your mind with it, and do it. If it be to mail a letter,
pay a small sum of money, bring some little article from town, or bear a message to a
friend, make it a point through life to perform it. It will become a part of your
character, and will be of great worth to you. Notice that some men when they promise
a sum of money on a certain time, or to be at a certain place, etc., that they are very
careful to do it. It is of vast importance to you that when you make a promise people
depend on your fulfilling it. In this way you get good credit. Your word becomes as
good as your note, with good security. You should set a high estimate on your word,
and so live that others will. This is the sure road to usefulness, and happiness, and
honor. Young man, run in it.

     8th - The wise man says: "Hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the
law of thy mother." There is no one on earth who has a better right to your obedience
than your parents. Children ought to love their parents with a pure and disinterested
love. The love of a mother is intense. She has had your interest and well-being at heart
from your infancy. You may be sure that she often prays for you, and desires that you
may be good and useful. She is pained when she sees your conduct imprudent. You
ought, while young, seek to make your parents happy. Make them feel that you love
them, and delight to do their wishes. Parents are taught in the Bible to "chasten their
children while there is hope." -- Prov. xix, 18. Your parents may find it necessary to
use the rod on you, but this they should do in love for you. When you become grown
up you will see that the chastisements of parents were a blessing to you. But you
should so conduct yourself as to need no correction. If your parents love you they will
endeavor to have your conduct good. "He that spareth his rod hateth his son, but he
that loveth him chasteneth him betimes." -- Prov. xiii, 24; see, also, Proverbs xxii, 15;
and, also, xxiii, 13: "Withhold not correction from the child, for if thou beatest him
with the rod he shall not die; thou shalt beat him with the rod and shall deliver his soul
from hell." The responsibility of parents is very great. They should have the control of
their children, and secure their obedience. When your parents grow old do not forget
them; try to make them happy, visit them, and give them the full assurance that you
love them. Now, while you are little, they labor for you and study your interest, and so
when they are old do not forget it. Give them all the sunshine you can. They will love
and appreciate your visits, or presents, or expressions of love. You should not, while
young, make your parents blush with shame for your bad conduct. I have seen parents
blush with shame for the ugly conduct of their children. Think of this. You may, when
they are dead and gone, regret your course toward them now. Respect them, and the
church, and remember that their credit as church members is affected by your
conduct. Baptist parents love their children, and long to see them become good and
useful; they wish them to be sincere, quiet, truthful and prudent. "Obey your parents"
is a commandment of heaven. You should, with utmost care, mind what they tell you.
If at times they ask too much, you should nevertheless obey them. It is ruinous to
yield to a spirit of disobedience, and will give your parents pain, and you a bad name.
Obey your teacher at school. Make him feel that you intend to obey him with
pleasure. He will love you, and feel an interest in you, and will abundantly repay your
kindness. Doing right is sowing seed that will ripen some time; some will ripen
immediately, and some may not ripen for many years, but all will ripen. A good action
is never lost; it will bless him who performs it. The "royal path" to honor, usefulness
and happiness lies in the unwavering habit of doing right.

     9th - "Control your temper." Form a habit of governing your temper. You can
accustom yourself to anger on every provocation, or you can cultivate a quiet, even
temper. When one is drunk with rage he is not fit to act or speak. "He that is slow to
anger is better than the mighty." "He that ruleth his spirit is better than he that taketh a
city." The man who controls his temper while others are abusing him, is a greater
conqueror than he that takes a garrisoned city. Your enemy, while in a rage, is a fool,
and it is your highest wisdom to make pleasant answers. "A soft answer turneth away
wrath." The cold hammer moulds and shapes the hot iron. If you keep cool you may
have your own way in the end, and feel much better yourself, and have the approval of
others. Never become the settled and fixed enemy of any one, and be careful to make
no enemies of this kind. "It is an honor for a man to cease from strife." It often occurs
that men disagree in business, and ever afterwards entertain malice to their mutual
injury. If possible, avoid this thing. It is far better to have the good will of a man,
however worthless and evil, than to have his ill will. Let your course of life be
honorable and kind, and you will have friends. "A man that hath friends must show
himself friendly." Do not become a party to strife between others. You may seek to
make peace, but never become a party in strife. Solomon says: "He that passeth by
and meddleth with strife is like one that taketh a dog by the ears." He is likely to get
bit himself. You should not make friendship with a mad man. If he is now mad and in
a rage with another, he will soon be so with you, and you do not need him for
an intimate friend.

     10th - Accustom yourself to diligence in your business. Be willing to work with
your hands; this is an honorable and healthy way of gaining a living. Remember that
good management is of vast importance; therefore, consider what is best to be done,
and when; lay your plans and work to them, and keep up with your business. Know
the state of your flocks, your fields, shops, or whatever your business is. Avoid
unnecessary bodily exposure, which leads to loss of time from business--and doctor
bills. Maintain the purest, friendship with your companion in life, and mutually
cultivate a habit of close economy, and you will certainly become a substantial
citizen. The man who can manage his own business will be called to take the care of
others. "Seest thou a man diligent in business, he shall stand before kings; he shall not
stand before mean men."'

     11th - You will of necessity have to take an interest in the political affairs of our
country. We all have reasons to love our government that has for so long a time
secured to us the rights we have enjoyed. And you should embrace such views as will
best maintain our institutions. Do not be governed by a low party spirit,but let your
views be elevated, broad, and national; let your aims be to promote the general good,
bearing inmind that all the goodness is not in one party, nor all the evil in the other.
These sentiments within you will lead you to talk with moderation to others; your
views will be better respected, and your influence greater, by pursuing a conservative
course. Be honest and conscientious in your actions, and never seek to carry your ends
by unlawful means. Our institutions are in greater danger from bribery than any other
cause. If the people are left to act with no influence upon them but reason and sound
argument, our government is safe, but if bribery rules we will drift to ruin. Never, in
any way, countenance unlawful means to carry political ends.

     12th - My dear young friend, the Almighty, who upholds all things, has the first
and highest claims upon our affections. He is the great source of our being. It is he
that keeps us. All our plans will prove worthless without his blessing. We read in his
Word: "Remember now thy Creator in the days of thy youth." He justly claims your
love and purest affection. You are under the strongest possible obligation to turn away
from sin and its love; and to God, with a true penitence of heart for sin.

     God's indignation is eternally against sin, and you will not live a life of rebellion
against him, and escape his wrath. For sin God once drowned the world; he sent down
showers of fire upon the cities of the plain; he directed the entire destruction of whole
nations; he destroyed Pharaoh and his host. He is the same God to-day that he was
then; his claims are just and reasonable. He claims your heart, your affections and
service; and, within, you are convinced that you should give these to him. He will on a
time say, "Depart, ye cursed, into everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his
angels," and "These shall go away into everlasting punishment." Those who live lives
of sin will make up this company. For sin he spared not his own Son. He will punish
sin in his rebellious creatures. Oh child, it is a great thought that you are under the
government of God. It may be unpleasant to you to know that you are accountable to
God for every evil word, thought, or action; you need not say that you can not repent
or turn from sin, or love your Creator; for though that may be true, yet it grows out of
your unwillingness to do that which your heart tells you is right, and therefore in
your inability lies your sin. How needful that you be reconciled to God, that you feel
within that there is a settled peace with God, that you enjoy his great approval. You
may dam against sin by moral habits, and seek to hedge it in by reformation, but all
this will not cure the disease. You must have Christ within you, his own Holy Spirit
must renew you. How gracious are his appeals, "Come unto me all ye that labor and
are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Oh, if you were truly weary with sin; if you
did but feel a willingness to give the dear Redeemer your whole heart; if you felt
within the force of the words, "God be merciful to me a sinner," then all would be
easy. Your greatest trouble lies in your fixed love for evil, and your fixed unconcern
about eternal things. In this lies your greatest danger. Do not be deceived about this
matter. "You must be born again." Without this your church connection would be of
no value, for as the sow returns to her wallow in the mire, so you will return to your
sin. The root of sin must be cured or killed within. Never be satisfied about your state
religiously, until you feel that you are dead to sin; until you have from your own heart
repented of your sin, and realized that God's Holy Spirit bears witness with yours that
you are a child of God. With this blessing you are prepared to live, and prepared to
die. May God give you this matchless blessing!