Quinteros, Antonella Young Adult Literature Essay #1

BONDS

How was your relationship with your parents during your adolescence? The

feedback on this question may be very different depending on who answers it.

According to Kaplan, “The term adolescence is commonly understood to define the

period of life between childhood and adulthood.” But according to Amanda J. Degner,

“This time frame not only describes a very diverse reality, but adolescence varies

considerably across cultures, over time, and within individuals.”1 Having this in mind,

one can assume that each teenager interacts with the world in a different way; this also

applies to relationships, especially when talking about relationship with parents. This is

evident in the novel Matilda2 by Roald Dahl, as well as in the play Doors3 by Suzan

Zeder and in the short stories Piddler on the Roof4 and Round the Bend5 by Paul

Jennings. Within these literary texts we can find several different styles of parent-teen

relationships: dysfunctional, loving, close and healthy respectively.

The dysfunctional style of relationship is the one Matilda had with her parents.

Dysfunctional Relationships are relationships that do not perform their appropriate

function; that is, they do not emotionally support the participants, foster communication

among them, appropriately challenge them, or prepare or fortify them for life in the

larger world.6 Despite the fact she was not still a teenager, she behaved as if she were.

She was very independent and this was so because her parents did not pay attention to

1
http://charis.wlc.edu/publications/charis5-3/Degner.pdf

2
Dahl, Roald (1988) Matilda. New York: Penguin Group
3
Zeder, Suzan (1985) Doors. Louisville: Anchorage Press Inc
4
Jennings, Paul (1998) Piddler on the Roof. London: Puffin
5
Jennings, Paul (1998) Round the Bend. London: Puffin
6
https://www.tinatessina.com/dysfunctional_relationship.html

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Quinteros, Antonella Young Adult Literature Essay #1

her, they did not love her. One can assume this bond was also loveless because she was

left alone in the house almost every afternoon (first chapter: “The Reader of Books”)

When Matilda was three she had learned by herself to read, so she asked her father to

buy her one. In that situation, any father had bought a book for his dear daughter, but

not Matilda`s father. All he did was mocked at her reading interests. If this relationship

had not been dysfunctional, he would have encouraged her to continue reading and he

would have helped her to develop reading skills; especially, he would have not mocked

at her, parents are not supposed to do that.

If you have a loving relationship with your parents, you all feel, show or

indicate love and affection to each other7. This was the case of Jeff and his parents,

they are characters in the play Doors. Apparently, they really loved and cared

about their son, but they did not function as a couple any more. Definitively,

they wanted to get divorced but they did not know how to tell him the truth. For

his part, Jeff always heard his parents arguing, he knew they were not getting

on well. “I try to imagine what it would be like if they would just stop fighting”

(p. 29). In an attempt to protect their son, Jeff`s father (Ben) left the house at

night and came back at breakfast (p. 24). Ben and his wife, Helen, thought that

Jeff knew nothing and all the arguments. They loved their son so much that they

did everything they could not to hurt him, which showed they knew what the

divorce would cause in their preteen son. They were right, according to an article of

the University of Missouri: “At 11 to 13 years old, they are trying to identify who they

are and where they fit in, but their parents remain a source of emotional support.

Divorce and separation can interfere with these processes.”8

8
https://extension2.missouri.edu/gh6616
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Quinteros, Antonella Young Adult Literature Essay #1

Having a close relationship with somebody is to have intimacy or confidence

with someone. 9 This is the case of Weesley and his father, they both appear in the short

story Piddler on the Roof. They have an excellent relationship, it is evident from the

very beginning: “Then we would both start to laugh like crazy” (p.63),” […] And we

were great mates.” (p.64). Having in mind the way they spoke to each other, and the fact

they played sword fighting while peeing, it gives the impression that they were like

friends. They enjoyed spending time together. It is obvious that this style of bond is

beneficial for teenagers. In fact, “Research showed that many individuals who had

depression, anxiety and detachment behaviors had previously experienced detached

childhood relationships with their parent(s)”10. Probably, this strong relationship

between Weesley and his father would last forever. Bonds are like flowers, if we feed

and take care of them from the very beginning, they will sure blossom.

Ned and his father had a healthy relationship. They are both characters in the

short story Round the Bend. According to Merriam Webster Dictionary, the term

healthy makes reference to something that is beneficial to one's physical, mental, or

emotional state 11 . In order to have a healthy relationship with their teenage sons

or daughters, parents should allow them to have certain independence. One of

their greatest difficulties is becoming independent while maintaining a loving

relationship with parents12. In the story we are told that Ned was in his way to a

volleyball match in the car of a friend`s father and his own father was there

9
https://dictionary.reverso.net/english-definition/close+relationship

10
https://www.acpeds.org/the-importance-of-close-parent-child-relationships

11
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/healthy
12
https://www.thewholechild.info/resources/age-group-13-18/parenting-tips-ages-13-

18/healthy-parent-teen-relationships/
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Quinteros, Antonella Young Adult Literature Essay #1

waiting for them. This shows that Ned was kind of independent from his father.

Despite the fact Ned would wish to have another father, he loved him very

much: “He was a hero…Just the opposite of my dad…I love my dad.”(p.25). We

all know that teenagers don’t always admire and enjoy their parents the way

they often do when they are younger 13 ; this is exactly what Ned showed

throughout the story, but at the end we get to know that he admired and was

really proud of his father.

To conclude, despite the fact that all the characters were more or less at the

same period of life, they all had different styles of relationships with their parents.

Teenagers are going through a difficult process of becoming an adult and they are

looking for an identity, so the way they interact with their parents is very important to

them, parents still have a lot of influence over their “children”. Parents have to learn

how to deal with a teenager son, it is not easy, but most of them do it successfully.

There are two important feelings that parents need to transmit to their sons or daughter:

love and freedom.

Works Cited

 Collins Dictionary https://www.collinsdictionary.com/dictionary/english/loving

 Dahl, Roald (1988) Matilda. New York: Penguin Group

 Degner, Amanda J. “The Definition of Adolescence: One Term Fails to

Adequately Define This Diverse Time Period”

http://charis.wlc.edu/publications/charis5-3/Degner.pdf
13
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/04/11/well/family/why-teenagers-become-allergic-to-

their-parents.html
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 “Healthy Parent-Teen Relationships”

https://www.thewholechild.info/resources/age-group-13-18/parenting-tips-ages-

13-18/healthy-parent-teen-relationships/

 “Helping Preteens and Adolescents Adjust to Divorce”, University of Missouri, Extension.

Website: https://extension2.missouri.edu/gh6616

 Jennings, Paul (1998) Piddler on the Roof. London: Puffin

 Jennings, Paul (1998) Round the Bend. London: Puffin

 Merriam Webster Dictionary https://www.merriam-

webster.com/dictionary/healthy

 Reverso Dictionary: https://dictionary.reverso.net/english-

definition/close+relationship

 Tessina, Tina B. “WHAT IS A DYSFUNCTIONAL RELATIONSHIP?”

https://www.tinatessina.com/dysfunctional_relationship.html

 “The importance of Close Parent-Child Relationships” American College of

Pediatricians. Website: https://www.acpeds.org/the-importance-of-close-parent-

child-relationships

 “Why Teenagers Become ‘Allergic’ to Their Parents” April 11, 2018. Website:

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/04/11/well/family/why-teenagers-become-

allergic-to-their-parents.html

 Zeder, Suzan (1985) Doors. Louisville: Anchorage Press Inc