International Journal of Leadership and Change

Volume 2 | Issue 1 Article 6

2014

Leadership and Loneliness

Ami Rokach
The Center for Academic Studies, Israel

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Part of the Educational Leadership Commons

Recommended Citation
Rokach, Ami (2014) "Leadership and Loneliness," International Journal of Leadership and Change: Vol. 2: Iss. 1, Article 6.
Available at: http://digitalcommons.wku.edu/ijlc/vol2/iss1/6

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Leadership and Loneliness
Abstract
This article addresses leadership and loneliness and examines the interaction of these two constructs. The
literature suggests that leaders (educational, state, business, and organizational) endure stress, alienation,
loneliness, and emotional turmoil. These may lead to health problems and negatively affect social and familial
relationships as well. The interaction of leadership and loneliness will be highlighted. Relevant literature will
be reviewed on leadership and its characteristics and effects on those who succeed and get to the “top.”
Loneliness will be examined and how it may affect people in general, and leaders in particular; the article will
close with suggested strategies as to how leaders may cope with their loneliness.

Keywords
leadership; loneliness; alienation; coping; work

This article is available in International Journal of Leadership and Change: http://digitalcommons.wku.edu/ijlc/vol2/iss1/6

Leadership and Loneliness
Ami Rokach Associate Professor of Psychology, The Center for Academic Studies, Or Yehuda, Israel and York
University, Toronto, ON, Canada

Abstract
This article addresses leadership and loneliness and examines the interaction of these two constructs. The literature
suggests that leaders (educational, state, business, and organizational) endure stress, alienation, loneliness, and emotional
turmoil. These may lead to health problems and negatively affect social and familial relationships as well. The interaction of
leadership and loneliness will be highlighted. Relevant literature will be reviewed on leadership and its characteristics and
effects on those who succeed and get to the “top.” Loneliness will be examined and how it may affect people in general, and
leaders in particular; the article will close with suggested strategies as to how leaders may cope with their loneliness.

Keywords:
leadership; loneliness; alienation; coping; work

Leadership central figure in the school’s direction, functionality,

and goals (Kelchtermans, Piot, & Ballet, 2011). The
There is a distinction that was made “between school principal is viewed as a ‘gatekeeper’ responsible
rulership, which basically consists of obtaining for coordinating the outside [out of school], the inside
the followers’ obedience by coercion (e.g., [in school], and assumes the gatekeeper’s position
control of resources or legal authority), and on the threshold between the two (Crawford, 2009;
leadership, which includes causing people to Kelchtermans, 2007). Those responsibilities are
respond to the leader of their own free will, demanding and put the educational leaders in conflict
based on trust and enthusiasm. Leaders, unlike with their staff, organization, and/or the community.
rulers, have the ability to harness the hearts and Kelchtermans et al. (2011) observed, “These principals
minds of the followers. (Popper, 2011, p. 29) try to sit on the fence, run with the hare and hunt with the
hounds” (p. 100). Isolation, loneliness, and exasperation
Each leader is unique, which is the difference that
are not uncommon.
others follow. However, leaders as a group possess This article will briefly examine the history and
some common characteristics (Goffee & Jones, 2004). development of leadership throughout human existence
Leadership is defined as: (a) influencing people in and take a closer look at the loneliness that may be
the direction of contributing to group goals; and (b) experienced by those leaders.
coordinating the pursuit and achievement of those goals.
“We think pragmatically of leadership as building a
team and guiding it to a victory….Leadership is both a A Brief History of Leadership
resource for groups and an attribute of individuals, but
we believe that its primary significance concerns group According to evolutionary and anthropological
performance” (Van Vugt, Hogan, & Kaiser, 2008, p. 183; frameworks, humans evolved in a manner not unlike a
Kaiser, Hogan, & Craig, 2008). Banai and Reisel (2007) pack of animals, which allowed our ancestors to survive
saw leadership as the process of providing direction despite the predators lurking in a hostile environment that
and influencing others. Leaders’ behaviors shape their infrequently supplied them with shelter, food, and water
subordinates—referring to leaders of state, business, and (Foley, 1997; Van Vugt et al., 2008). Collective foraging
the educational system down to the level of principals and hunting, division of labor, group defense, and (often)
(see also Bandura, 1986; Shamir, 1990). communal parenting helped to buffer external threats
Similarly, although the argument can be made that (Kenrick, Li, & Bunter, 2003). Consequently, group
leadership in an organizational function is broader than members had to decide what, when, and how to do things.
that of a school principal, the principal similarly is a Such decisions could be made when one individual would
Rokach 49

take the initiative and provide direction for the group. concern for others (Dirks & Ferrin, 2002; Epitropaki
Additionally, a cooperative effort and group cohesion & Martin, 2004; Van Vugt, Hart, Jepson, & De Cremer,
were necessary in order for the community to function 2004). Homo sapiens emerged nearly 200,000 years
well (Bloom, 2000). Conflict and even homicide were ago, united into larger tribal structures, and maintained
present in those ancient communities, and a need for authority structures that were inherently democratic
peacekeeping existed before conflicts got out of hand (Dunbar, 2004; Van Vugt et al., 2008).
(Boehm, 1999). Leaders served those functions; thus,
leadership has a long evolutionary history. Stage 3: Chiefs, Kings, and Warlords
Van Vugt et al. (2008) suggested a four-stage process
of progressive evolution of leadership over the course of Some 13,000 years ago, at the end of the Ice Age and the
non-human to human primate history. It included the beginning of agriculture and dependable food supplies,
following: leaders began to play a key role in food distribution
within the community (Diamond, 1997; Johnson &
Stage 1: Pre-human Leadership Earle, 2000). Leaders in those communities possessed
powers to deal with conflicts, paving the way for formal
Simple leader-follower structures for coordinating group authority powers and the stage for chiefdoms and
activities are found in the first stage (Bloom, 2000). The kingdoms (Betzig, 1993). Leaders, by their allocation of
foraging pattern of a variety of insects, the swimming resources to specific groups, could create cultural elites
patterns of schools of fish, or the flying patterns of birds or hereditary leadership (Padilla, Hogan, & Kaiser,
are examples of leader-follower relationships. Members 2007). As it was a lucrative payoff, leadership began to
then follow the one who moves first. Non-human attract shrewd, albeit resourceful, people who succeeded
primates exhibit behaviors that resemble leadership. — but for selfish reasons (Betzig, 1993). A large
For example, chimpanzees were observed to display proportion of modern humanity still exists under these
peacekeeping behavior (de Waal, 1996). Boehm oppressive conditions: parts of Asia, much of Africa,
(1999) observed a conflict between two neighboring the Middle East, and South America (Transparency
chimpanzee groups in Tanzania who became involved International, 2005).
in a conflict. The alpha male from one group charged
the other group, and the others in his group followed him
Stage 4: State Leadership
and overpowered the other group.
The fourth stage, some 250 years ago, is termed
The Industrial Revolution (Van Vugt et al., 2008).
Stage 2: Band and Tribal Leadership
Communities merged into states and nations, and large
Humans, not unlike chimpanzees, developed and shaped businesses developed, all of which had implications for
leadership by their unique evolutionary history. This leadership. As citizens were free to leave, at least in
stage, Environment of Evolutionary Adaptiveness democratic countries, they may not have had the power
(Foley, 1997), extended from 2.5 million years ago to reverse leadership dominance, not unlike subordinates
until the end of the last ice age, which occurred 13,000 in Stage 2, Environment of Evolutionary Adaptiveness
years ago. Humans lived in semi-nomadic conditions period (Boehm, 1999). Citizens, who may have felt
focusing on hunting and gathering food in clans of 50- powerless, actually had the ability to influence how
150 individuals (Dunbar, 2004). The best hunters and leaders behaved. In the early stages of the Industrial
warriors, referred to as “Big Men,” exercised great Revolution, workers were practically slaves of their
influence on group decision-making (Chagnon, 1997; employer, though the situation has since improved
Diamond, 1997). For approximately 2.5 million years, significantly (Wielkiewicz & Stelzner, 2005).
leadership was democratic, in that group members Scholars have discussed the compatibility between
resisted attempts of direct control by Big Men. If Big followers’ values and characteristics of the leader (Ehrhart
Men attempted to dominate the group, they may have met & Klein, 2001). Followers with a secure-attachment
fierce resistance by collaborative subordinates (Boehm, style (Ainsworth, Blehar, Waters, & Wall, 1978) are
1999). This scenario has influenced the manner in which drawn and tend to follow people-oriented leaders, who
leaders are evaluated in modern society. Individuals usually have a secure-attachment style (Popper, 2002).
seek in them (though not always find) fairness, integrity, Followers who exhibit an avoidant-attachment style
competence, good judgment, generosity, humility, and are attracted to task-oriented leaders (Shalit, Popper, &
50 International Journal of Leadership and Change

Zakai, 2010), who usually tend to have the same style are generally unfavorable. Lonely people often have very
(Popper, 2002). Another attempt to understand which negative self-perceptions, and the inability to establish
followers are attracted to what kinds of leaders was social ties suggests the person may possess personal
the compensation argument, which significantly differs inadequacies or socially undesirable attributes (Lau &
from the attachment style similarity theory, according Gruen, 1992). “The extent of the stigma tends to range
to which followers are attracted to leaders who provide from personal deficiency to dislikableness….Lonely
a response to their sense of deficiency. Consequently, people are perceived as less psychologically adjusted,
people-oriented leaders attract individuals with insecure less achieving, and less intellectually competent in
attachment styles who may follow that leader as a way of relating to others” (p. 187).
strengthening themselves (Shalit et al., 2010). In general, the psychological views of Peplau and
Perlman (1982), Rokach and Brock (1997), and Weiss
(1973), though they differ as to whether loneliness is a
Loneliness unidimensional or a multidimensional experience, share
several common tenets:
Research suggests that loneliness is a universal human
experience. Luo, Hawkley, Wiate, and Cacioppo (2012) • Loneliness is an experience of separation.
noted that between 20-40% of the people in Western • Loneliness is associated with invalidation of
countries are lonely at any given time. Loneliness is such meaning.
a painful and profound experience that it is unimaginable • Loneliness is painful and, thus, difficult to
that it does not affect all facets of individuals’ lives. tolerate.
For example, Luo et al. (2012) found that it affects • Loneliness motivates humans to seek meaning
individuals psychologically, emotionally, health wise, and connection.
and in their relationships in general, and in more intimate
• Loneliness most probably has an evolutionary
ones in particular. Similarly, Theeke (2009) noted the
basis.
physical correlates of loneliness included poor perceived
health, physical symptomatology, hypertension, sleep • Loneliness signals the potential for growth
disturbance, and dementia in the elderly. Negative and new possibilities.
psychological correlates included depression, negative
self-assessment, diminished intimacy in marriage, and
Thus, loneliness is a universal experience that
general and social psychological distress.
does not respect the boundaries of age, gender, race,
Beyond Luo et al. (2012) and Theeke (2009), others
and marital or socioeconomic status; it is sometimes
have reported the physical effects of loneliness. It has
persistent and continuous and other times short-lived
been shown to alter immunity (Kiecolt-Glaser et al.,
(Heinrich & Gullone, 2006; McWhirter, 1990). Rolheiser
1984) and to predict mortality as well (Patterson &
(1979) eloquently captured this universal quality by
Veenstra, 2010). Loneliness and lack of social support
declaring, “No person has ever walked our earth and
have been reported to be associated with impaired
been free from the pain of loneliness. Rich or poor, wise
sleep, impaired mental health, cognitive sluggishness,
or ignorant, faith-filled or agnostic, healthy or unhealthy,
increased vascular resistance, increased systolic blood
have all alike had to face and struggle with its potentially
pressure, and altered immunity (Hawkley, Thisted, Masi,
paralyzing grip. It has granted no immunities. To be
& Cacioppo, 2010).
human is to be lonely” (p. 9).
Loneliness is also clearly related to impaired mental
health (Wilson et al., 2007) and precipitates depression
(Cacioppo, Hawkley, & Thisted, 2010). Loneliness feels
bad; is a subjective experience that causes one to wonder Leadership and Loneliness – Do They Go
whether others also experience its depths; is painful; and Together?
affects self-esteem, confidence, and social self-image
(Rokach & Brock, 1997). Succession to the top leadership position in an
Loneliness carries a significant social stigma as organization is necessarily isolating in that it
well, as lack of friendship and social ties is socially separates leaders from others (who now directly
undesirable, and the social perceptions of lonely people report to them) and leaves them without peers.
Rokach 51

As a result, their own normal dependency carries greater responsibilities and longer hours, burdens
needs for contact, support, and reassurance rise that may reduce the amount of time available for
up and overwhelm them...the term “loneliness communicating with intimates. Hence, the advancing
of command” has been used frequently in the employee may eventually find that his or her relationships
context of leadership. The inability to test one’s and family relations have deteriorated through neglect”
perceptions, the tendency to lose touch with (Bell et al., 1990, p. 10).
reality because one occupies a top position, is When individuals move into leadership positions,
a danger anyone can fall victim to when in a they are expected to fulfill the organization’s strategic
leadership position. (Kets de Vries, 1989, pp. 6-7) and structural needs. Additionally, a leader is often
expected to meet the dependency needs of employees.
However, when no one is available to respond to the
The “top” is not typically a crowded place. Gumpert
leaders’ needs for company and support, they may
and Boyd (1984) found that 52% of CEOs frequently
experience loneliness. Thus, as employees reach the top,
felt lonely. Similarly, Gumpert and Boyd (1984) found
they find that one of the reasons leaders feel isolated is
a “pervasive sense of loneliness” (p. 18) reported by
because they may become the target of their employees’
small business owners. While not all data suggests
ideals, wishes, feelings, and fantasies (Kets de Vries,
leaders are necessarily lonelier than their employees or a
1989).
control group (Bell, 1985; Hojat, 1982), most available Employees are known to attach to their leaders’
research clearly indicates that executives and leaders are mystical qualities much like with transference. They
indeed lonely at the top (Bell et al., 1990). On the other respond as though the leaders were a significant authority
hand, Wright (2012) argued against the assumption figure from their past, such as a parent or a teacher; when
that every leader is lonely. He suggests, rather, that the this occurs, the distinction between their past and present
intensity and frequency of loneliness experienced by disappears. Such transference onto the leader adds to
working people varies and depends upon the qualitative the stress and eventual isolation of the leader (Cooper &
aspects of one’s work environment and not solely by an Quick, 2003). Transference can be acted out in several
objective environmental condition, such as position in ways and can affect employees as well as leaders.
the organizational hierarchy. These varying findings and Subordinates may idealize their leaders and recreate the
positions on leadership and loneliness raise the question sense of security and importance they felt in childhood
of what happens to individuals as they climb the ladder when they were cared for by omnipotent parents, thus
of success. Is success accompanied by happiness or by feeling a sense of security and stability. They give in to
loneliness? Reinking and Bell (1991) pointed out that their leaders’ whims, become “yes-men,” and actually,
those who aim for high portions often find themselves “allow” the leader to operate in a bubble where they begin
estranged from others, especially from coworkers. It is to believe they are as good as their adoring employees
difficult, if not impossible, to get close to those against make them believe they are. As a result, some leaders
whom we are competing. may become dismissive of their employees, may exploit
A large variation can be seen in what makes individuals them, and then terminate them when they feel they no
feel lonely and the way they perceive relationship longer serve their purposes. Such behavior may result
deficiencies in the workplace. Consequently, Wright, in employees reacting angrily and blaming the leaders
Burt, and Strongman (2006) observed social deficiencies for not living up to what they fantasized, for greatly
at work, i.e., the qualitative lack of social support at work disappointing them. Hostility and lack of cooperation
is less responsible for loneliness than one’s personal may result. In response, leaders may be tempted to
characteristics that impede desired relationships and retaliate, fire those they perceive to be “against” them,
interpersonal closeness (Parker & Asher, 1993). For and imagine various unrealistic plots and malicious
instance, Riesman (1950) posited that as people climb attempts to dispose of them (Kets de Vries, 1989). Thus,
the organization ladder they might discover their it is easy to understand why leaders may feel isolated,
duties no longer revolve around technical competence shunned, and eventually lonely.
but rather aim toward manipulating and persuading “It is not just lonely at the top, it can be disengaging
others. Similarly, Bell, Rolof, Van Camp, and Karol too” (Jones, 2005, in Wright, 2012, p. 47). Often,
(1990) contended that this shift eliminates the social the social distance maintained by executives serves
communication executives may have enjoyed in the as a major contribution to the loneliness they
past. Additionally, leaders may find “each promotion experience. Wright (2012) argued that social isolation
52 International Journal of Leadership and Change

is a professional hazard in high positions. Leadership and, thus, distance themselves from their employees
positions within organizations often do not foster work (Granovetter, 1982; Messe, Kerr, & Sattler, 1992).
environments where friendship and social intimacy are The relationship between leadership and loneliness
possible, thereby loneliness may develop. Likewise, may be affected by the cultural context. For example,
some 40 years ago, Slater (1970) pointed out that both Banai and Reisel (2007) examined organizational
social institutions and private organizations emphasize loneliness in six countries that differ on a wide range
individualism and success through independence and of general cultural values. Research in India, reported
competition, which undermines a sense of belonging, by Banai and Reisel (2007), showed that the country’s
community, and engagement with others. collectivist values influenced employees’ needs. Indian
Leadership advancement leads to non-reciprocal workers apparently prefer jobs that are instrumental in
relationships with subordinates. Leaders are expected achieving and maintaining family welfare. Consequently,
to provide support, although it is usually unavailable to leaders also must behave according to those values, which
them (Blake & Mouton, 1978; Moyle, 1998). As Johnson are shaped by the educational and cultural institutes to
and Hall (1994) pointed out, leaders may experience which almost everyone is exposed (Ingelhart & Baker,
social isolation and loneliness if they have no support 2000). Countries with Western, more individualistic
from their subordinates or from a group of their equals. values, utilize management practices that focus on skill-
Another contributor to loneliness may be that, on based living, as well as providing tools that employees
the way to the top, aspiring leaders engage in beneficial need. Management in collectivist nations, in contrast,
relationships that will help propel them to the desired emphasizes interdependence between the employees
position; however, once leadership positions are reached, and the firm for which they work in order to enhance
those relationships may be unsuitable, non-beneficial, the association between the employee’s own identity and
or too time consuming, and the leader may disengage. that of the organization (Earley & Gibson, 1998; House,
Cooper and Quick (2003) suggested that, as the isolation Hanges, Mansour, Dorfman, & Gupta, 2004).
and loneliness continue, depression may result. And as The broader concept of work alienation may also
depression deepens, it invites further feelings of isolation play a role in leaders’ loneliness. Work alienation
and disconnection, which may lead to irrational and even depicts the phenomenological experience of severe
harmful behaviors and business decisions, alcoholism, disengagement covering a worker’s sense of self, relating
drug use, and other means of escape. to self-alienation and social alienation (Banai & Reisel,
Additionally, technology now allows workers and 2007). Seeman (1983) suggested that such alienation
leaders to be stationed in various locations rather than also includes powerlessness, meaninglessness, and self-
sharing geographical space. As such, it minimizes, estrangement. According to Hodson (1996), leaders’
or even eliminates, informal networking and reduces work alienation is a function of modern organizational
opportunities for relationship development, thus realities, such as role conflict, social affliction, and/
contributing to feelings of isolation and alienation. or disconfirmed career expectations (Korman, Witting,
While distance alone may not lead to loneliness, it may Berman, & Lang, 1981). Similarly, Yilmaz (2008)
contribute to those feelings, especially when the person/ observed another cause of leader loneliness: the
executive is not seeking support, friendship, and casual perception that others may be a threat. This perception
interactions at work (Mulki, Locander, Marshall, Harris, may lead to anxiety and alienation, which inevitably
& Hensel, 2008). may affect the interaction between the executive, the
Another contributing factor to leaders’ loneliness is organizational structure, and subordinates. In addition,
their access to more resources and possessing more power it may affect work performance and one’s organizational
(Hsiao-Yen Mao, 2006). Consequently, employees commitment, defined as valuing the organizational
and others may approach and befriend them to seek benefits above one’s own (Ozsoy, Ergül, & Bayik, 2004;
their resources or help (e.g., information or money). Yilmaz, 2008).
Additionally, they avoid employees, as they perceive Those who perceive themselves to be socially
a lack of free will on the part of their subordinates in isolated are at an increased risk of developing dementia,
befriending them, which perpetuates their feelings of Alzheimer’s disease, lower cognitive ability, and
loneliness (Kipnis, 1972). Executives commonly execute memory problems (Bazargan & Barbre, 1992; Wilson et
orders; appraise their subordinates’ performance (and al., 2007).
sometimes negatively) (Liden, Wayne, & Kraimer 2001); 1. Research has demonstrated the connection
Rokach 53

between loneliness and poor health: lonely The Ravages of Loneliness on Leaders
leaders are prone to high-calorie, high-fat
diets, a sedentary lifestyle, increased blood Rook (1992) and Cacioppo et al. (2002) argued that
pressure, and dangerous weight gain (Lauder, poor relationships could adversely affect health and
Mummery, Jones & Caperchione, 2006). well-being, even with the absence of such blunt acts
2. Loneliness has been identified repeatedly as criticisms, betrayal, or other social wounds. Thus,
as a risk factor for depression (Cacioppo it stands to reason that leaders may be vulnerable and
et al., 2006). Depressed leaders cannot suffer negative consequences when the relationships
be expected to function well and serve they previously formed at work change or threaten to
as a lightning rod for their subordinates. change. For example, changes in leadership, poor
3. Lonely individuals express more feelings work performance, or in the leader’s role may hamper
of helplessness and stress than the non- relationships with others at work or may be perceived as
lonely (Hawkley, Burleson, Berntson, & a threat to those relationships (Hsiao-Yen Mao, 2006).
Cacioppo, 2003). While stress may motivate Leaders hold their positions to lead, guide, show
individuals to challenge themselves the way, and point their followers in the most effective
and grow, lonely leaders likely do not and beneficial direction. Most certainly, loneliness will
perceive the growth promoting elements be a disturbing element in their ability to function. As
in stress (Hawkley & Cacioppo, 2007). the adverse correlates of loneliness previously described
Schoenmakers, van Tilburg, and Fokkema (2012) indicate, leadership loneliness is rarely a welcomed
suggested that loneliness occurs when a discrepancy experience; thus, it is quite clear that leaders need to
is found between an actual relationship and one that is learn to cope with loneliness, if experienced, or lower
desired. That gap can be closed by improving existing its chances to occur. Fortunately, extensive research has
relationships or making new ones, which is considered an been conducted in search of coping strategies.
active coping approach that focuses on changing person-
environment relationships. Lowering expectations about
friends, and relationships in general, implies regulating What Can Leaders Do To Minimize Isolation?
the emotions linked to those relationships (Heylen,
2010). For example, should leaders expect employees
to share, not expect other executives to seek their Leaders can do several things to prevent or at least
company and advice, or not expect that support, trust, minimize negative outcomes and health problems
and rapport will always be available? Schoenmakers associated with loneliness. Described below are several
et al. (2012) reviewed various approaches available of techniques that Goleman (1998) and others have
to reduce loneliness and concluded that organizations suggested to help leaders overcome these negative
that initiate interventions for the lonely should not only symptoms.
help the lonely develop a high-quality social network,
but also should help them adjust their expectations to • Executive/Leader Coaching is one of the most
realistic populations (Stevens & Van Tilburg, 2000; effective methods of dealing with lack of feedback
Schoenmakers et al., 2012). from within the organization (Morris &Tarpley,
Thus, career success seems strongly associated with 2000). Executives are offered a safe, confidential
loneliness (Bell et al., 1990). The life of the executive on forum for examining ideas, concerns, and
the organizational ladder, whether business or education, challenges they may face. The coach is someone
is highly competitive, leading to estrangement from who is knowledgeable about the organization
peers and coworkers (Bell et al., 1990). As Seidenberg and/or psychological counseling and with whom
(1980) observed, “Corporate men are lonely both in their the executive can freely and confidentially speak
travels and in their offices....They secretly yearn for more (Kilburg, 2000).
trust and genuine friendship, which are absent both from • Peer support of other leaders. Peers at the upper
competitors on the outside and inside the organization” levels of organizations are difficult to find. Some,
(p. 186). the more fortunate executives, may find peers
outside the organization or a friend in another non-
competitive organization. For those who cannot
54 International Journal of Leadership and Change

connect with either, there are organizations, such operate in a transparent manner, garner courage
as the Young Presidents Organization (YPO), that and optimism in the face of challenge, and agree to
afford young executives the opportunity to learn be guided by an unfailing moral compass (Avolio
from each other (Cooper & Quick, 2003). & Gardner, 2005; Diddams & Chang, 2012).
• Confidantes. Leaders need to address their Authenticity embodies an encouraging alternative
personal lives, emotions, intimate fears and to fear and helplessness in the workplace (Cranton
concerns, struggles, and failures. A natural & Carusetta, 2004). Authentic leaders know
confidant of many executives is a spouse or life and act upon their true values, beliefs, integrity,
partner. A good marriage, a caring partner, and and strengths (Avolio, Griffith, Wernsing, &
open communication provide the type of setting a Walumbwa, 2010).
leader needs to unload, to share, and to hear from • Reaching out to colleagues. In a study of Flemish
a supportive friend (Romano, 1985; McCullough, educational leaders, Kelchtermans et al. (2011)
2001). “There are things that we discuss only with found they experienced isolation and exclusion.
people who are very close to us. These important The educational leader’s position is a lonely
topics may vary with the situation or the person: one. By definition, the leader does not have a
we may ask for help, probe for information, or just peer-group within the organization, nor are there
use the person as a sounding board for important “real” colleagues. Consequently, Kelchtermans
decisions — but these are the people who make et al. (2011) questioned where the educational
up our core network of confidants” (McPherson, leader belongs. Research on teachers clearly
Smith-Lovin, & Brashears, 2006, p. 353). These pointed out their great need for belonging, and
individuals influence the actions of others in a the quality of their relationship with colleagues
constructive and meaningful way. Leaders and was tremendously important to them (Ackerman
executives need such individuals in order to & Maslin-Ostrowski, 2004; Achinstein, 2002).
function both personally and professionally at School leaders share that need, as many were
their optimal level (Smith-Lovin & McPherson, teachers previously. However, they do not feel
1993). they “belong” among their subordinate teachers.
• Journal writing, which leaders may be doing on And thus, reaching out to colleagues, i.e., other
a regular basis in relation to their work, is one of educational leaders, could greatly assist in coping
the easiest and simplest methods of dealing with with or even preventing loneliness.
feelings of isolation (Pennebaker, 1997). For • Increasing one’s circle of friends in and out of
example, writing about troubling events helps work. Cooper and Quick (2003) suggested,
resolve unfinished business that leaders may “While little to nothing can be done about the
otherwise carry home with them on a daily basis, nature of the executive position and the isolation
as it is impossible for the leader to resolve all the and loneliness that accompanies it, leaders and
issues faced during the day. executives can become aware of the risks and
• Peer Assisted Leadership (PAL) is a program potential outcomes that accompany [it, and]...
intended to help school leaders reduce their address [them]...by seeking out the type of support
isolation, though it could easily be adapted to that is most beneficial” (p. 7). Hsiao-Yen Mao
other leadership settings (Dwyer et al., 1983). (2006) conducted a study on Taiwanese employees
PAL assists participants in identifying and and leaders and found a negative correlation
understanding their own and other leaders’ school between a person’s organizational level and
actions. Leaders are encouraged to assume a non- workplace friendship. The relationships found
evaluative stance and, by doing so, become more in organizations are superior-subordinate, peer,
accustomed to accept their own behavior and to mentor-protégé, and friendships (Sias & Perry,
seek assistance and guidance from peers once they 2004). Among those, friendships are unique, in
leave the training program (Dussault & Barnett, that they are voluntary and for personal, socio-
1996). emotional benefits. Friendship can influence job
• Becoming authentic leaders in the organization effectiveness, not only by affecting leader-follower
refers to leaders who bring integrity to their work, relations (Boyd & Taylor, 1998), but, more
importantly, by serving as systems for decision
Rokach 55

making, mobilizing resources, or transmitting religious “duties,” but to be among others, to feel
information (Lincoln & Miller, 1979; Hsiao-Yen part of a group, and to partake in common practices
Mao, 2006). and beliefs (André, 1991). And it should be noted,
• Self-development and understanding may be that André and others argue that spirituality is
the much-desired effects of the increased self- different from religiosity. Pargament and Sweeney
intimacy, renewal, and growth that often are (2011) defined spirituality as “the continuous
the results of active participation in organized journey people take to discover and realize their
focus groups (Parents Without Partners, spirit, that is, their essential selves… for as long
Alcoholics Anonymous, PAL, etc.) and of as people engage in these various means with
receiving professional help and support (Rokach the intent to enhance their search to discover and
& Brock, 1997). When the decision is made realize their essential selves, they are participating
to consult a mental health professional, a new in spiritual quest” (p. 58). Spiritual struggles
brand of connection is brought into one’s life and quests, the questions, conflicts, and tensions
— a connection with someone who can help about matters that may be of deepest meaning
with improved feelings and functioning. When to the individual, have led to profound personal
a positive rapport is established, both the client growth, an increased ability to make meaning of
and therapist are deeply involved in a unique the situation and experience of loneliness, and
relationship geared toward helping the client engagement in positive problem-solving actions
benefit from the discussions with the therapist, (Pargament, Murray-Swank, Magyar, & Ano,
who possesses the ability and training on the 2005; Park, 2005; Pargament, 2007). Those who
manner in which to provide the client with reliable attain spiritual growth are better able to accept the
attention and understanding, maintaining a focus reality of their situation [and can, thus, adjust to
on the client’s world and problems. Therapy can whatever they need to face in a more appropriate
help the lonely leader in many ways. First, the manner]; develop creative coping strategies; find
lonely individual is relieved to be able to talk meaning in their trauma or stressful situation;
with another human being about important issues. grow from adversity; and generate the motivation
Another benefit is that the lonely leader can share to access their social support network (Tedeschi
strong, painful emotions without censoring them & Calhoun, 2004; Pargament & Sweeney, 2011).
or worrying about the effect on the relationship
with the other person, i.e., the counselor.
• Spirituality and rituals. André (1991) suggested Conclusion
one may successfully deal with loneliness by
finding solace, that “emotional experience of a Leaders and their associates, or followers, are seen
soothing presence. In a turbulent world, solace as partners in a dance. Both parties carry a heavy
calms us. In the face of adversity it gives us responsibility to ensure work is performed successfully.
composure” (p. 108). Ritual is an important source Reaching the top position carries with it the ‘risk’
of solace in that it provides rewarding connections of experiencing isolation, inability to share with
to the past and the future and anchors the individual subordinates, and a heavy responsibility that many times
to time and space. Thus, religion and faith may must be carried alone by the leader. While leaders are
not only provide the person with connectedness susceptible to loneliness and isolation in their position,
to other worshippers, but also with the solace there are various ways that they can act in order to
that comes from feeling related to a protective address it. They must be willing to listen and to have
and powerful supreme being. The public in the respect for their colleagues and subordinates, which
Western Hemisphere, in reaction to a money and will contribute to real understanding of the leader
capital-oriented culture, appears to address the and his/her employees, and vice versa (Kets de Vries,
alienation promoted by an individualistic culture 1989). A variety of strategies that can be very useful
by increasing attendance in religious services also have been covered. Some depend on reaching out
and developing a stronger spirituality. It is safe to others, like obtaining some coaching, peer support
to suggest that at least a part of those who attend and confidants, while other approaches can be generated
religious services are present, not because of by the leader himself/herself, i.e., journal writing, self-
56 International Journal of Leadership and Change

development and self-understanding, and spirituality. within a nomological net: An evolutionary perspective.
Journal of Research in Personality, 40, 1054-1085.
Regardless, loneliness in leadership, though perhaps
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