“The Chaos”, by Gerard Nolst Trenité

I take it you already know[nәʊ]

Of tough and bough and cough and dough? ? [tʌf] & [baʊ] & [kɒf] & [dәʊ]
Others may stumble, but not you
On hiccough, thorough, laugh and through? [`hıkʌp], [`θʌrә], [lɑ:f] & [θru:]
Well done! And now you wish perhaps
To learn of these familiar traps?

Beware of heard, a dreadful word, [hɜ:d] [wɜ:d]

That looks like beard and sounds like bird, [bıәd] [bɜ:d]
And dead: it's said like bed, not bead, – [ded] [bed] [bi:d]
For Goodness' sake, don't call it deed! [di:d]
Watch out for meat and great and threat, [mi:t] & [greıt] & [θret]
They rhyme with suite and straight and debt. [swi:t] & [streıt] & [det]

A moth is not a moth in mother[mɒθ] [`mʌðә]

Nor both in bother, broth in brother, , [bәʊθ] [`bɒðә] [brɒθ] [`brʌðә]
And here is not a match for there, [hıә] [ðeә]
Nor dear and fear for bear and pear, [dıә] & [fıә] [beә] & [peә]
And then there's does and rose and lose-[dәʊs] & [rәʊz] & [lu:z]
Just look them up: and goose and choose, [gu:s] & [tʃu:z]

And cork and work and card and ward, [kɔ:k] & [wɜ:k] & [kɑ:d] & [wɔ:d]
And font and front and word and sword. [fɒnt] & [frʌnt] & [wɜ:d] & [sɔ:d]
And do and go and thwart and cart-[du:] & [gәʊ] & [θwɔ:t] & [kɑ:t]
Come, come, I've hardly made a start!
A dreadful language? Man Alive,
I'd mastered it when I was five!
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse [kɔːps (труп), kɔː(род войск), hɔːs, ənd wɜːs. ]
For this phonetic labyrinth
Gives monkey, donkey, ninth and plinth;
Wounded, rounded, grieve and sieve [sɪv];
Friend and fiend, alive and live. [ ˈfrend ənd ˈfiːnd, əˈlaɪv ənd ˈliv ]
Query does not rhyme with very, [ ˈkwiːri dəz ˈnɑːt ˈraɪm wɪθ ˈveri]
Nor does fury sound like bury. [ ˈnɔːr dəz ˈfjʊri ˈsaʊnd ˈlaɪk ˈberi ]
Dies and diet, lord and word, [ ˈdaɪz ənd ˈdaɪət, ˈlɔːrd ənd ˈwɝːd ]
Earth and heart and clerk and herd;
Evil, devil, tomb, bomb, comb; ['iːv(ə)l, 'dev(ə)l ,ˈtuːm, bɔm, ˈkoʊm]
Doll and roll and some and home. [ dɔl ənd rəʊl ənd sʌm ənd həʊm]
Finally — for I’ve said enough — [ ˈfaɪnəli, ˈwɪtʃ ˈraɪmz wɪθ əˈnəf ]
Through, though, thorough, plough (плуг), cough, tough [θruː, ðəu, 'θʌrə, plau, kɔf, tʌf,]
Hiccough has the sound of cup. [ ˈhɪkʌp həz ðə ˈsaʊnd əv kʌp. ]
My advice is to give up!!! [ ˈmaɪ ædˈvaɪs ɪz tə ˈɡɪv ˈəp!!! ]
 Dearest creature in creation, [ ˈdɪərɪst ˈkriːtʃər ɪn kriːˈeɪʃn̩, ]
Studying English pronunciation, [ ˈstʌdiŋ ˈɪŋɡlɪʃ prəˌnʌnsɪˈeɪʃn̩. ]
I will teach you in my verse [ ˈaɪ wɪl tiːtʃ ju ɪn maɪ vɜːs ]
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse. [ saʊndz ˈlaɪk kɔːps, kɔː, hɔːs, ənd wɜːs. ]
I will keep you, Suzy, busy, [ ˈaɪ wɪl ˈkiːp ju, ˈsuːzi, ˈbɪzi, ]
Make your head with heat grow dizzy. [ ˈmeɪk jər ˈhed wɪθ ˈhiːt ˈɡroʊ ˈdɪzi. ]
Tear in eye, your dress will tear. [ ˈtɪr ɪn ˈaɪ, jər ˈdres wl teər. ]
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer. [ ˈsoʊ ʃəl ˈaɪ! ˈoʊ ˈhɪr ˈmaɪ ˈprer. ]

Just compare heart, beard, and heard, [ dʒəst kəmˈper ˈhɑːrt, bɪəd, ənd ˈhɝːd, ]
Dies and diet, lord and word, [ ˈdaɪz ənd ˈdaɪət, ˈlɔːrd ənd ˈwɝːd, ]
Sword and sward, retain and Britain. [ ˈsɔːrd ənd ˈswɔːd, rəˈteɪn ənd ˈbrɪtn̩. ]
(Mind the latter, how it's written.) [ ˈmaɪnd ðə ˈlætər, ˈhaʊ ɪts ˈrɪtn̩. ]
Now I surely will not plague you [ ˈnaʊ ˈaɪ ˈʃʊrli wl ˈnɑːt ˈpleɪɡ ju ]
With such words as plaque and ague. [ wɪθ ˈsətʃ ˈwɝːdz əz ˈplæk ənd ˈæˌɡjuː. ]
But be careful how you speak: [ bət bi ˈkerfəl ˈhaʊ ju ˈspiːk: ]
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak; [ ˈseɪ ˈbreɪk ənd ˈsteɪk, bət ˈbliːk ənd ˈstriːk; ]
Cloven, oven, how and low, [ ˈkloʊvn̩, ˈʌvn̩, ˈhaʊ ənd ˈloʊ, ]
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe. [ ˈskrɪpt, rəˈsiːt, ˈʃoʊ, ˈpoʊɪm, ənd ˈtoʊ. ]

Hear me say, devoid of trickery, [ ˈhɪr ˈmiː ˈseɪ, dɪˌvɔɪd əv ˈtrɪkəri, ]

Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore, [ ˈdɒtər, ˈlæftər, ənd tɝːˈpsikəri, ]
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles, [ ˈtaɪfɒjd, ˈmiːzl̩ z, ˈtɑːpˌselz, ˈaɪlz, ]
Exiles, similes, and reviles; [ ˈegˌzaɪlz, ˈsɪməliz, ənd riˈvaɪlz; ]
Scholar, vicar, and cigar, [ ˈskɑːlər, ˈvɪkər, ənd sɪˈɡɑːr, ]
Solar, mica, war and far; [ ˈsoʊlə, ˈmaɪkə, ˈwɔːr ənd ˈfɑːr; ]
One, anemone, Balmoral, [ wʌn, ˈænəˌmoʊn, bælˈmɔːrəl, ]
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel; [ ˈkɪtʃən, ˈlaɪkən лишай(ник), ˈlɒndri, ˈlɔːrəl; ]
Gertrude, German, wind and mind, [ ˈɡɝːtruːd, ˈdʒɝːmən, wɪnd ənd ˈmaɪnd, ]
Scene, Melpomene, mankind. [ ˈsiːn, mel'pɔmənɪ, ˈmænˈkaɪnd. ]

Billet does not rhyme with ballet, [ ˈbɪlət dəz ˈnɑːt ˈraɪm wɪθ bæˈleɪ, ]
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet. [ buːˈkeɪ, ˈwɒlət, ˈmælət, ˈʃæˌle. ]
blood and flood are not like food, [ ˈblʌd ənd ˈflʌd ər ˈnɑːt ˈlaɪk ˈfuːd, ]
Nor is mould like should and would. [ ˈnɔːr z moʊld ˈlaɪk ʃəd ənd ˈwʊd. ]
Viscous, viscount, load and broad, [ ˈvɪskəs, ˈvaɪˌkaʊnt, loʊd ənd ˈbrɒd, ]
Toward, to forward, to reward. [ təˈwɔːrd, tə ˈfɔːrwərd, tə rəˈwɔːrd. ]
And your pronunciation's OK [ ənd jər proˌnənsiˈeɪʃn̩ɪz ˌoʊˈkeɪ ]
When you correctly say croquet, [ ˈwen ju kəˈrektli ˈseɪ ˈkroʊkeɪ, ]
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve, [ ˈraʊndəd, ˈwuːndəd, ˈɡriːv ənd ˈsɪv, ]
Friend and fiend, alive and live. [ ˈfrend ənd ˈfiːnd, əˈlaɪv ənd ˈliv. ]

Ivy, privy, famous; clamour [ ˈaɪvi, ˈprɪvi, ˈfeɪməs; ˈklæmər ]

And enamour rhyme with hammer. [ ənd eˈnæmər ˈraɪm wɪθ ˈhæmər. ]
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb, [ ˈrɪvər, ˈraɪvəl, ˈtuːm, bɔm, ˈkoʊm, ]
Doll and roll and some and home. [dɔl ənd rəʊl ənd sʌm ənd həʊm]
Stranger does not rhyme with anger, [ ˈstreɪndʒər dəz ˈnɑːt ˈraɪm wɪθ ˈæŋɡər, ]
Neither does devour with clangour. [ ˈniːðər dəz dɪˈvaʊər wɪθ ˈklæŋər. ]
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt, [ soʊlz bət ˈfaʊl, ˈhɒnt bət ˈænt, ]
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant, [ ˈfɑːnt, ˈfrənt, ˈwoʊnt, ˈwɑːnt, ˈɡrænd, ənd ˈɡrænt, ]
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger, [ ˈʃuːz, ɡoʊz, dʌz. ˈnaʊ ˈfɝːst ˈseɪ ˈfɪŋɡər, ]
And then singer, ginger, linger, [ ənd ˈðen ˈsɪŋər, ˈdʒɪndʒər, ˈlɪŋɡər, ]
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge, [ riːl̩ , ˈziːl, moʊv, ˈɡɒz, ˈɡaʊdʒ ənd ˈɡeɪdʒ, ]
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age. [ ˈmerɪdʒ, ˈfoʊliɪdʒ, məˈrɑːʒ, ənd ˈeɪdʒ. ]

Query does not rhyme with very, [ ˈkwiːri dəz ˈnɑːt ˈraɪm wɪθ ˈveri, ]
Nor does fury sound like bury. [ ˈnɔːr dəz ˈfjʊri ˈsaʊnd ˈlaɪk ˈberi. ]
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth. [ ˈdɑːst, ˈlɒst, poʊst ənd ˈdɒθ, ˈklɒθ, loʊθ. ]
 Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath. [ ˈdʒɑːb, ˈnɑːb, ˈbʊzəm, ˈtrænsəm, oʊθ. ]
Though the differences seem little, [ ˈðoʊ ðə ˈdɪfərənsəz ˈsiːm ˈlɪtl̩ , ]
We say actual but victual. [ wi ˈseɪ ˈæktʃəwəl bət ˈvɪtl̩ . ]
Refer does not rhyme with deafer. [ rəˈfɝː dəz ˈnɑːt ˈraɪm wɪθ ˈdefər. ]
Feoffer does, and zephyr, heifer. [ fe'fər dʌz, ənd ˈzefər, ˈhaɪfər. ]
Mint, pint, senate and sedate; [ ˈmɪnt, ˈpaɪnt, ˈsenət ənd səˈdeɪt; ]
Dull, bull, and George ate late. [ ˈdʌl, ˈbʊl, ənd ˈdʒɔːrdʒ ˈeɪt ˈleɪt. ]
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific, [ ˈsiːnɪk, ˈærəbɪk, pəˈsɪfɪk, ]
Science, conscience, scientific. [ ˈsaɪəns, ˈkɑːnʃəns, ˌsaɪənˈtɪfɪk. ]

Liberty, library, heave and heaven, [ ˈlɪbərti, ˈlaɪˌbreri, ˈhiːv ənd ˈhevn̩, ]
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven. [ ˈreɪtʃl̩ , ˈeɪk, ˈməˌstæʃ, əˈlevn̩. ]
We say hallowed, but allowed, [ wi ˈseɪ ˈhæloʊd, bət əˈlaʊd, ]
People, leopard, towed, but vowed. [ ˈpiːpl̩ , ˈlepərd, toʊd, bət ˈvaʊd. ]
Mark the differences, moreover, [ ˈmɑːrk ðə ˈdɪfərənsəz, mɔːˈroʊvə, ]
Between mover, cover, clover; [ bəˈtwiːn ˈmuːvər, ˈkʌvər, ˈkloʊvə; ]
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise, [ ˈliːtʃəz, ˈbriːtʃəz, ˈwaɪz, prəˈsaɪs, ]
Chalice, but police and lice; [ ˈtʃæləs, bət pəˈliːs ənd ˈlaɪs; ]
Camel, constable, unstable, [ ˈkæməl, ˈkɑːnstəbl̩ , ʌnˈsteɪbl̩ , ]
Principle, disciple, label. [ ˈprɪnsəpl̩ , dəˈsaɪpl̩ , ˈleɪbl̩ . ]

Petal, panel, and canal, [ ˈpetl̩ , ˈpænl̩ , ənd kəˈnæl, ]

Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal. [ ˈweɪt, sərˈpraɪz, ˈpleɪt, ˈprɑːməs, ˈpæl. ]
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair, [ ˈwɝːm ənd ˈstɔːrm, ˈʃeɪz, ˈkeɪas, ˈtʃer, ]
Senator, spectator, mayor. [ ˈsenətər, ˈspektetər, ˈmeɪər. ]
Tour, but our and succour, four. [ ˈtʊr, bət ˈaʊər ənd ˈsʌkər, ˈfɔːr. ]
Gas, alas, and Arkansas. [ ˈɡæs, əˈlæs, ənd ˈɑːrkənˌsɑː. ]
Sea, idea, Korea, area, [ ˈsiː, aɪˈdiːə, kɒˈriːə, ˈeriə, ]
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.[ ˈsɑːlm, məˈriːə, bət məˈleriə. ]
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean. [ ˈjuːθ, ˈsaʊθ, ˈsʌðərn, ˈklenz ənd ˈkliːn. ]
Doctrine, turpentine, marine. [ ˈdɑːktrən, ˈtɝːpənˌtaɪn, məˈriːn. ]

Compare alien with Italian, [ kəmˈper ˈeɪliən wɪθ əˈtæljən, ]

Dandelion and battalion. [ ˈdændəˌlaɪən ənd bəˈtæljən. ]
Sally with ally, yea, ye, [ ˈsæli wɪθ ˈælaɪ, ˈjeɪ, ˈjiː, ]
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key. [ ˈaɪ, ˈaɪ, ˈaɪ, ˈaɪ, ˈweɪ, ənd ˈkiː. ]
Say aver, but ever, fever, [ ˈseɪ ˈeɪvər, bət ˈevər, ˈfiːvər, ]
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver. [ ˈniːðər, ˈleʒər, ˈskeɪn, dɪˈsiːvər. ]
Heron, granary, canary. [ ˈherən, ˈɡrænəri, kəˈneri. ]
Crevice and device and aerie. [ ˈkrevəs ənd dɪˈvaɪs ənd ˈeri. ]

Face, but preface, not efface. [ ˈfeɪs, bət ˈprefəs, ˈnɑːt əˈfeɪs. ]
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass. [ fləm, fləgˈmætɪk, ˈæs, ˈɡlæs, ˈbæs. ]
Large, but target, gin, give, verging, [ ˈlɑːrdʒ, bət ˈtɑːrɡət, ˈdʒɪn, ˈɡɪv, ˈvɝːdʒɪŋ, ]
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging. [ ˈɔːt, ˈaʊt, ˈdʒaʊst ənd ˈskaʊər, ˈskɝːdʒɪŋ. ]
Ear, but earn and wear and tear [ ˈɪr, bət ˈɝːn ənd ˈwer ənd teər ]
Do not rhyme with here but ere. [ də ˈnɑːt ˈraɪm wɪθ hɪər bət eər. ]
Seven is right, but so is even, [ ˈsevn̩ z ˈraɪt, bət ˈsoʊ z ˈiːvn̩, ]
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen, [ ˈhaɪfn̩, ˈrʌfn̩, ˈnefjuː ˈstiːvn̩, ]
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk, [ ˈmʌŋki, ˈdɑːŋki, ˈtɝːk ənd ˈdʒɝːk, ]
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work. [ ˈæsk, ˈɡræsp, ˈwɑːsp, ənd ˈkɔːrk ənd ˈwɝːk. ]

Pronunciation — think of Psyche! [ proˌnənsiˈeɪʃn̩ — ˈθɪŋk əv ˈsaɪki! ]

Is a paling stout and spikey? [ ɪz ə ˈpeɪlɪŋ ˈstaʊt ənd ˈspaɪki? ]
Won't it make you lose your wits, [ woʊnt ˈɪt ˈmeɪk ju ˈluːz jər ˈwɪts, ]
Writing groats and saying grits? [ ˈraɪtɪŋ ɡroʊts ənd ˈseɪɪŋ ˈɡrɪts? ]
It's a dark abyss or tunnel: [ ɪts ə ˈdɑːrk əˈbɪs ɔːr ˈtʌnl̩ ]
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale, [ ˈstruːn wɪθ ˈstoʊnz, stoʊd, ˈsɑːləs, ˈɡʌnl̩ , ]
Islington and Isle of Wight, [ ˈɪslɪŋtən ənd ˈaɪl əv ˈwaɪt, ]
Housewife, verdict and indict. [ 'hʌzɪf, ˈvɝːdɪkt ənd ˌɪnˈdaɪt. ]
 Finally, which rhymes with enough — [ ˈfaɪnəli, ˈwɪtʃ ˈraɪmz wɪθ əˈnəf ]
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough? [ ˈðoʊ, θruː, ˈplaʊ, ɔːr ˈdoʊ, ɔːr ˈkɑːf? ]
Hiccough has the sound of cup. [ ˈhɪkʌp həz ðə ˈsaʊnd əv kʌp. ]
My advice is to give up!!! [ ˈmaɪ ædˈvaɪs ɪz tə ˈɡɪv ˈəp!!! ]

https://www.learnenglish.de/pronunciation/pronunciationpoem.html (аудио)

Dearest creature in creation, When you correctly say croquet,

Study English pronunciation. Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
I will teach you in my verse Friend and fiend, alive and live.
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy, Ivy, privy, famous; clamour

Make your head with heat grow dizzy. And enamour rhymes with hammer.

Tear in eye, your dress will tear. River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,

So shall I! Oh hear my prayer. Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Just compare heart, beard, and heard, Neither does devour with clangour.
Dies and diet, lord and word, Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain. Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
(Mind the latter, how it's written.) Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
Now I surely will not plague you And then singer, ginger, linger,
With such words as plaque and ague. Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
But be careful how you speak: Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low, Query does not rhyme with very,

Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe. Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Hear me say, devoid of trickery, Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore, Though the differences seem little,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles, We say actual but victual.
Exiles, similes, and reviles; Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Scholar, vicar, and cigar, Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Solar, mica, war and far; Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
One, anemone, Balmoral, Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel; Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Gertrude, German, wind and mind, Science, conscience, scientific.
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.
Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Billet does not rhyme with ballet, Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet. We say hallowed, but allowed,
Blood and flood are not like food, People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Nor is mould like should and would. Mark the differences, moreover,
Viscous, viscount, load and broad, Between mover, cover, clover;
Toward, to forward, to reward. Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
And your pronunciation's OK Chalice, but police and lice;
 Camel, constable, unstable, Face, but preface, not efface.
Principle, disciple, label. Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Petal, panel, and canal, Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal. Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair, Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Senator, spectator, mayor. Seven is right, but so is even,
Tour, but our and succour, four. Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Gas, alas, and Arkansas. Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Sea, idea, Korea, area, Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean. Pronunciation -- think of Psyche!
Doctrine, turpentine, marine. Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won't it make you lose your wits,
Compare alien with Italian, Writing groats and saying grits?
Dandelion and battalion. It's a dark abyss or tunnel:
Sally with ally, yea, ye, Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key. Islington and Isle of Wight,
Say aver, but ever, fever, Housewife, verdict and indict.
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary. Finally, which rhymes with enough?
Crevice and device and aerie. Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is give it up!

Another variant:
http://flying-w.net/5.5t/knowledge/English/phonetic_labyrinth.html
(transcription)
Dearest creature in creation ,
Studying English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse.
Sounds like corpse , corps , horse , and worse —
It will keep you, Susy, busy ,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear —
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer :
Pray console your loving poet,
Make my coat look new , dear, sew [səu] it!

Just compare heart , beard , and heard ,

Dies and diet, lord and word ,
Sword and sward(дёрн) , retain and Britain
(Mind the latter, how it’s written).
Made has not the sound of bade ; [bæ̱d, be͟ɪd]past of bid
Say – said , pay – paid , laid , but plaid [plæd] плед
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as vague and ague .
But be careful how you speak :
Say break and steak , but bleak and streak .

Previous , precious , fuchsia , via ;

Pipe , snipe , recipe and choir ;
Cloven , oven ; how and low ;
Script , receipt ; shoe , poem , toe .
Hear me say, devoid of trickery :
Daughter , laughter and Terpsichore ;
Typhoid , measles , topsails , aisles ;
Exiles , similes , reviles ;
Wholly , holly , signal , signing ;
Thames , examining , combining .

Scholar , vicar and cigar ;

Solar , mica , war and far .
From desire to desirable , admirable from admire . ['ædm(ə)rəbl]
Lumber , plumber; bier [bɪə] похоронные дроги but brier ['braɪə] шиповник;
Chatham , brougham ['bruːəm]одноконный экипаж ; renown [rɪ'naun]
популяность but known ,
From knowledge ; done , but gone and tone ;
One , anemone ; Balmoral;
Kitchen , lichen ; laundry , laurel ;
Gertrude , German ; wind and mind .
Scene , Melpomene , mankind;
Tortoise , turquoise , chamois-leather ;
Reading , reading , heathen , heather .

This phonetic labyrinth

Gives moss , gross , brook , brooch , ninth and plinth .
Billet does not end like ballet ,
Bouquet , wallet , mallet , chalet .
Blood and flood are not like food ,
Nor is mould like would and should .
Banquet is not nearly parquet ,
Which is said to rhyme with “darky.”
Viscous , viscount , load and broad ;
Toward , to forward , to reward .
And your pronunciation’s O.K.,
When you say correctly croquet ;
Rounded , wounded ; grieve and sieve ;
Friend and fiend ; alive and live ;
Liberty , library , heave and heaven ;
Rachel , ache , moustache ; eleven.
We say hallowed , but allowed ;
People , leopard ; towed but vowed .

Mark the differences, moreover ,

Between mover, plover , Dover ;
Leeches , breeches ; wise , precise ;
Chalice , but police and lice ;
Camel, constable , unstable ;
Principle , disciple ; label;
Petal , penal and canal ;
Wait , surmise , plait , promise , pal.
Suit , suite , ruin ; circuit , conduit
Rhyme with “shirk it” and “beyond it.”
But it’s very hard to tell,
Why it’s pall , mall , but Pall Mall .

Muscle , muscular ; gaol ; iron ;

Timber , climber ; bullion , lion ;
Worm and storm ; chaise , chaos , chair ;
Senator , spectator , mayor .
Ivy , privy ; famous ; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.

Pussy , hussy and possess;

desert , but dessert , address.
Golf , wolf ; countenance ; lieutenants
Hoist , in lieu of flags, left pennants .
River , rival ; tomb , bomb , comb ;
Doll and roll and some and home .
Stranger does not rhyme with anger ,
Neither does devour with clangour .
Soul but foul , and gaunt , but aunt ;
Font , front , wont , want , grand and grant .

Shoes , goes , does . Now first say finger ,

And then singer , ginger , linger .
Real , zeal ; mauve , gauze and gauge ;
Marriage , foliage , mirage and age .
Query does not rhyme with very ,
Nor does fury sound like bury .
Dost , lost , post and doth , cloth , loth ;
Job , job ; blossom , bosom , oath .
Though the difference seems little,
We say actual but victual .

Seat , sweat ; chaste , caste ; Leigh , eight , height ;

Put , nut ; granite but unite .
Reefer does not rhyme with deafer .
Feoffer does, and zephyr , heifer .
Dull , bull ; Geoffrey , George ; ate , late ;
Hint , pint ; senate , but sedate ;
Scenic, Arabic, pacific;
Science , conscience , scientific ;
Tour , but our , and succour , four ;
Core provides a rhyme for door.
Gas , alas and Arkansas .
Sea , idea , guinea , area .
Psalm , Maria but malaria ;
Youth , south , southern ; cleanse , but clean ;
Doctrine , turpentine , marine ,
Compare alien with Italian ,
Dandelion with battalion .
Sally with ally ; yea , ye —
Eye , I , ay , aye , whey , key , quay !

Say aver , but ever , fever ,

Neither , leisure , skein , receiver ,
Never guess — it’s not safe.
We say calves , valves , half , but Ralf .
Heron, granary , canary ;
Crevice and device and eyrie;
Face but preface , but efface ;
Phlegm , phlegmatic ; ass , glass , bass ;
Large , but target ; gin , give , verging ;
Ought , out , joust and scour , scourging .
Ear , earn ; and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with “here ” and “there ” but “ere .”

Seven is right, but so is even ,

Hyphen , roughen , nephew , Stephen ;
Monkey , donkey , clerk and jerk ;
Asp , grasp , wasp ; and cork and work .
Pronunciation — think of Psyche —
Is a paling, stout and spiky,
Won’t it make you lose your wits,
Writing “groats” and saying “grits.”
It’s a dark abyss, or tunnel ,
Strewn with stones, like rowlock, gunwale ;
Islington and Isle of Wight;
Housewife, verdict and indict .

Don’t you think so, reader, rather

Saying lather , bather , father ?
Finally, which rhymes with “enough ” —
Though , through , plough , cough , hough ,
Or tough ?
Hiccough has the sound of “cup.”
My advice is — give it up!!!