ADR: AN IMMERSIVE EXPERIENCE TO THE DEPTHS OF HUMAN NATURE

Throughout human history, many things have changed, but one thing remains constant. That is
human conflict. Human conflict has existed since the primitive era. Surprisingly, it became more
prevalent as we grew more “civilized.” The existence of conflict between men is an inescapable
truth. Conflict is a product of our human nature.

As future mediators, it is our goal to resolve conflict. Being a mediator requires patience, effort,
diligence, conviction, flexibility, and mastery of human nature. To master human nature is to
master oneself. Being a mediator requires self-mastery, and to do so, we must understand that
conflict is simply a product of the manifestations of our human nature. From here on out, we
must regard ourselves as pupils of human nature. Learning and understanding the elements by
heart and remembering that resolving conflicts is an introspective endeavor. 

Rule I – Irrationality
“You like to imagine yourself in control of your fate, consciously planning the course of your
life as best you can. But you are largely unaware of how deeply your emotions dominate you.
They make you veer toward ideas that soothe your ego. They make you look for evidence that
confirms what you already want to believe. They make you see what you want to see, depending
on your mood, and this disconnect from reality is the source of the bad decisions and negative
patterns that haunt your life. Rationality is the ability to counteract these emotional effects, think
instead of reacting, and open your mind to what is happening instead of what you are feeling. It
does not come naturally; it is a power we must cultivate, but we realize our greatest potential.”
 ― Robert Greene

It is within our human nature to insist that we are rational beings and that our actions and
reactions are products of our logical thinking. However, we are incorrect. We fail to realize
that our emotions drive most decisions. As future mediators, we must also understand that
their overwhelming emotions caused conflict between them. 
Being inherently irrational beings, we are susceptible to veer toward our own biases. We
are giving ourselves a sense of belief that our decisions are logical and objective. These
biases distort our perception of things which affects our decision-making. As future
mediators, we must recognize the biases in the mediation process and eliminate them by
setting a neutral point of view. 
Remember, every response is an emotional response. Every human reaction is evoked by
emotion. Pay attention to triggering factors. It may be a traumatic experience, a nostalgic
trip, a person who annoys you, or a person you profoundly adore; our reactions and
decisions are stimulated by our emotions, which are ignited by certain triggering factors.
We must pay attention to these inflaming factors, and as future mediators, we must
identify the triggering factors of each party and manage them well. 
Being pupils of human nature, we must develop our rational selves. Accepting that we are
naturally irrational is the first step in creating a rational mind. Be the voice of reason in a
room full of emotion. Be the master of your emotions. 

RULE II- Narcissism 

We are all narcissists, some deeper in the spectrum than others. 

It is an undeniable fact; we are often self-absorbed. Being deluded in overt self-love, we tend to
seek external validation. We often make decisions that would elevate our ego and our hunger for
attention. As future mediators, we must understand that we will encounter different narcissists.
As narcissists, we are overly sensitive. External praise, acceptance, or validation bogs our sense
of self-worth. Especially in today’s age and with the pervasive Influence of social media, we are
further elevating our very own narcissistic tendencies. 
We must understand that there are three types of narcissists, healthy narcissists, functional
narcissists, and deep narcissists. Healthy narcissists have a strong sense of self and are
exceedingly empathetic. Functional narcissists are your everyday people, and it can be you and
me. We may slip into bouts of self-absorption, but we tend to criticize ourselves afterward. Deep
narcissists are the type of narcissists everyone should look out for. However, we should not
discount the fact that we may be one. These kinds of individuals seem lost. Their self-worth
entirely comes from external attention and validation. For deep narcissists, attention is survival.
As future mediators, we would be encountering different kinds of narcissists. Thus, it is essential
to recognize the different narcissistic types we will eventually face. We are developing
empathetic skills to deal with narcissism and narcissists in general. We must consider the people
we come across as an undiscovered territory, a new country to explore. By framing it this way,
we develop curiosity, setting aside prejudice and bias towards the person. 

RULE III – Role-playing

“People are like the moon; they only show you one of their sides.” – Arthur Schopenhauer.
We all wear masks to show ourselves in a different light. We portray ourselves as a particular
character, mostly someone likable. We often play the role of an agreeable person, someone loved
by many, hated by few, gentle, kind, patient, and soft-spoken, an ideal person. However, like
most actors, we get exhausted. The mask slips, cracks within the mask form, and our true selves
would leak out. Often, what seeps through are the undesirable traits we vehemently repress. 
As future mediators, we must be a master of reading people. To see beyond the mask and to
accurately ascertain what they truly desire. We must develop observational, decoding, and
impression management skills. These skills would help us in unraveling the true character of the
person. Often, in an aggressive setting, people tend to be passive-aggressive. Hiding their true
intentions, they subconsciously resort to microaggressions. Please pay attention to people when
they talk, and look for their facial expressions, body language, and tone. Once we get the hang of
it, we can now start to interpret these subtle cues as to what they mean and what the other person
demands, aiding us in managing their impressions and hopefully leading us closer to the root of
the problem.
RULE IV- Compulsive Behavior
Our character is formed in our early childhood. Character is an accumulation of repetitive
actions over time. We can safely say that our habits form our character. Bad habits lead to
bad character, and good habits lead to good character. However, a character cannot only
be judged through patterns. A person’s character can be measured by how they carry
themselves through adversity, how they treat people, work with others, their patience, and
their ability to learn. Removing a character is impossible, but it can lessen negative
patterns in your life.
Each one of us is inherently compulsive. At some point in our life, or maybe even now, we are
regurgitating negative patterns in our life. Over time and without conscious notice, these
compulsive behaviors become a part of our character. Compulsive behavior is integrated into a
person’s character and produces toxic character traits. 
As future mediators, we must look out for these toxic character traits from others and our own.
The poisonous character types to look for are hyper-perfectionists, relentless rebels,
Personalizers, drama magnets, big talkers, The sexualizer, pampered princes/princesses, and
moralizers. We need to manage these toxic types correctly, and we can only do so through proper
understanding.
The Hyper Perfectionists
Hyper perfectionists are the type of people who seem to be dedicated but are unable to delegate
appropriately; these are the kind of people who seek to be involved and be in firm control over
different things. In other words, a control freak. 

The Relentless Rebel

Relentless Rebels are the kind of people who dislikes authority and mistrusts anyone in power.
They would blame everything on the system, anything but themselves. They cannot accept any
criticism and are often childish in their behavior.
The Personalizer
Personalizers are the kind who are very sensitive and thoughtful. However, that sensitivity only
goes one way, which is inward. They take every criticism as a personal attack and would often
make the other person guilty of it. 
The Drama Magnet
Drama Magnets are attention seekers. They draw attention by surrounding themselves with
drama or creating one. They always find a way to be a victim in every given situation.
The Big Talker
Big talkers talk about a big game but never actually finish what they have started. They would
inevitably waste your time.
The Sexualizer
Sexualizers are the type of individuals with an abundance of sexual energy. Their energy usually
comes from a dark place, and they see every relationship as a possible path to something sexual. 
The Pampered Prince/Princess
The Pampered Prince/Princess is the type of individual whose parents overindulged by being
given too much attention at a young age. If they don’t get what they want, they can show baby-
like behavior to the extreme of throwing tantrums. 
The Moralizer
Moralizers are the kind of people who vigorously condemns something but are secretly drawn to
that thing. They seem moral, but they have a secret dark side. 

One way or another, we would encounter some of these people. Using this knowledge, we can fit
such individuals into different types. This can help us develop effective strategies for
approaching such individuals in mediation. We must also keep in mind that; we may also fit into
one of these types. Thus, introspection is crucial. 

Rule V – Covetousness
We are marked by the continual desire to possess what we do not have – objects projected by our
fantasies. It is human nature to desire things we do not have. However, we are rarely contented
as we tend to seek more after attaining our desire. 
We rarely achieve contentment in our lives, especially in today’s time. Where desires are
promoted left and right, we are stimulated to want more. Often, things are more than we can
chew. As future mediators, we must acknowledge this innate desire within us and among the
people we encounter. The desire to possess is natural to men. Understand that we have the
inherent belief that we deserve the things other people have.

RULE VI – Short-sightedness
Humans are most impressed by what we see here and now in the present. By overemphasizing
the present, we lose perspective on our long-term goals. 
The Mountain Analogy
When standing at the base of the mountain, you cannot have much perspective over the bigger
picture. As you go higher up the mountain, you can see more clearly. When you reach the top of
the mountain, you gain a panoramic view from every perspective of that mountain. People who
are stuck in the present are the people who are standing at the base of the mountain. Most of us
are standing at the bottom of the mountain. We are more reactive to present events making us
susceptible to conflict and manipulation.
As future mediators, we must elevate our perspective. With an elevated view, we will have the
patience and clarity to reach almost any objective. We must look beyond what is in front of us
and look from a higher place to see everything more clearly. Instead of reacting to what is in
front of us, we must develop a far-sighted perspective. A straightforward way to achieve this is
to delay any form of reaction. Mainly emotionally induced responses. By slowing reaction time,
we can think more clearly and look at the possible consequences of each answer and what would
result in the best and worst outcomes. No matter the situation, we must always prioritize gaining
a more comprehensive perspective from each interaction. 
Nonetheless, we must also remember as mediators; we must be on top of the issue between the
people we are mediating. Since they, too, are vulnerable to their short-sightedness. 

RULE VII – Defensiveness

Everybody wants to believe they are independent and in control of their lives. People have
certain perceptions and self-opinions about who they are and are willing to fight to defend those
opinions. 
There are three universal self-opinions:
“I am autonomous with my own free will.”
We do not want to tell ourselves that outside influences guide our decision-making. If we feel
like we are being coerced, we tend to rebel.
“I am intelligent in my way.”
We do not accept the notion of being gullible in any shape or form. Nor do we assume that our
intellectual capacities are mediocre at best. When confronted with that fact, we often rationalize
our intellectual mediocrity.
“I am good and decent.”
We all tend to believe we are good people supporting the right causes.

By understanding the three-universal opinions, we can be in a better position to influence them.

As future mediators, we should never put someone in a situation where we would trigger one of
their self-opinions. We can use these strategies to persuade people effectively and avoid
triggering their defensiveness. 
Be more of a deep listener.
We are more naturally inclined to be fascinated by our thoughts and feelings than the person we
are communicating with. We often hear this advice from time to time, which may seem a bit
redundant, but this is an essential skill we must learn to deal effectively with people.
Set the proper mood
As future mediators, we must emancipate an aura of positivity and optimism. The goal is to
appease, not provoke. Set the tranquility mood, which would naturally disarm the people around
us.

Confirm their self-opinions

The goal is to recognize their self-opinions in a way that would not trigger their defensiveness
over such opinions. If their self-opinion is about autonomy, frame things in a way that their
decisions or agreements were not influenced by you, instead their own free will. If their self-
opinion relates to their intelligence, frame it in a way that it was their idea of how the mediation
process has become more accessible. Lastly, if their self-opinion is with their morals, simply tell
them that conciliation and forgiveness are only natural since they are good and decent
individuals. This would put you in a position where they would be willing to accept your
opinions later.
Ally their insecurities
Once you have identified someone’s insecurities, be careful not to trigger them. It is also
essential to avoid unnecessary compliments as they may sometimes trigger than flatter them. 
Use their resistance
Subvert people’s language, emotions, and stubbornness in a constructive way. Use their language
against themselves. It is challenging for people not to follow the words that they have used
themselves. Stubbornness stems from uncertainty and fear of change. The application of reverse
psychology might be effective in breaking their resistance.
The key to dealing with defensiveness is developing your self-awareness. 

RULE VIII – SELF-SABOTAGE

 We are prone to self-sabotage. The way that we look at and interpret the world around us is what
creates our attitude. If we only see the negativity in the things we encounter, having a negative
attitude eventually leads to self-sabotage. 
We must identify and address these negative attitudes. Whether from the people we meet or from
within ourselves.
Hostile Attitude
People who carry a hostile attitude rationalize their hostility by seeing the world as an evil place.
In their mind, the world is against them, blames others, and tends to make the people around
them aggressive or defensive. We should be aware of such individuals. Regardless, we should
also be mindful of our hostility and manage them well.
Anxious Attitude
People with anxious attitudes fear the lack of control over certain things. In other words, people
who carry this attitude are control freaks.
Avoidant Attitude
People with this attitude are generally insecure about themselves, and as a result, they avoid
challenges and would instead escape than confront a problem. 

Depressive Attitude
People of this attitude are masters of victimizing themselves. They would act in ways that would
enhance their depressive state, amplifying their state of unworthiness as they create situations
where someone would inadvertently hurt them. 
Resentful Attitude
Unfortunately, these kinds of people are prevalent nowadays. People carrying these attitudes will
always have a feeling of being wronged and oppressed. They are more likely to hold on to
grudges and act on these in vengeful ways. 
As future mediators, we must keenly spot individuals with self-sabotaging qualities. Though
generally, it is wise to avoid such people, the nature of our work does not allow such
discrimination. Thus, as future mediators, we must carry the right attitude and infect others.

Rule IX – Envy
“Every time a friend succeeds, I die a little.” – Gore Vidal.

Envy exists among all of us, but we rarely catch it nor acknowledge it in ourselves, as we are
taught to be selfless and be happy for the success of others. Yet, nothing hurts us more than
seeing others succeed; it hurts because our ego is being attacked. Envy is the trickiest and most
elusive of all human emotions. To decode envy, we must become a Master of Human nature. 
Before we can appreciate its nuances, we must learn to understand the difference between
passive envy and active envy. We all suffer from envy from time to time as we unconsciously
observe the people around us and feel they have more in life than ourselves. The need to
compare may motivate some of us to excel, but envy is a destructive emotion for some. 
As future mediators, we must learn to look for the signs of envy and the different envier types. It
is difficult to detect subtle signs of envy, but if we pay attention, we can catch them. The
symptoms of envy:
Micro expressions
It is the eyes that are most associated with envy. It’s often that the first impression is the most
accurate. People who feel envy would initially look with disdain in their eyes and momentarily
shift their expression as the conversation goes on. 
The Schopenhauer Method for Eliciting Envy
‘’Tell suspected enviers some good news about yourself – a promotion, a new and exciting love
interest… you will notice a very transient expression of disappointment. Their tone of voice as
they congratulate you will betray some tension or strain. Equally, tell them some misfortune of
yours and notice the uncontrollable micro expression of joy in your pain, what is commonly
known as Schadenfreude.”
Poisonous Praise
Envious people will find ways to praise coupled with sarcastic or paradoxical remarks, often
leaving the receiver confused, uncomfortable, or losing confidence in themselves. 
Back-biting
Gossip often serves as a cover for envy—a means of venting frustration through sharing
malicious rumors or stories.
Push and pull
Enviers often use friendship and intimacy as the best way to wound the people they envy. 
The different types of Enviers are:
The Leveler
The levelers are enviers who are always on the lookout for injustices in the world. Despite their
ability to put others down, they do not easily take a joke at their own expense. Enviers of this
kind are mediocre and would attempt everything to bring others down to their level.
Self-entitled Slacker
The enviers of this type believe they are entitled to the luxury of a life without working for it.
These people are plagued by narcissism and insecure about their abilities to get things they want.
Keep an eye out for people who prefer to maintain their status through charisma than by doing
the necessary work. 
The Status Fiend
Status fiends are the type of enviers who would judge you according to your income and status.
It is common for such classes to demonstrate their position in the opposite direction. They would
openly preach about living a simple life yet secretly yearn for a lavish style of living. 
The Attacher
These types are attracted to the powerful and successful. Their attraction does not stem from
admiration but out of envy. They attach themselves to others to bask in their glory, a glory but
his own. 
The Insecure Master
These types of enviers are mostly seated at a high position in life. The prestige they achieved,
however, failed to quell their envy. Enviers of this type often fear their subordinates or
employees. Thinking that they will grow better than them, these people would result in
unjustifiable termination of their associates or will engage in actively sabotaging their careers. 
As future mediators, we must be on a careful lookout for these types and prevent such types from
gaining a foothold in the mediation process. An envious person who imposes his will would
result in destabilization. We must be the masters of the field against such envious types. 

RULE X – Grandiosity
Throughout history have had a deep need to consider themselves important. We get a little bit of
success and let it go straight to our heads. We feel superior to others, amplify our
accomplishments, and take all the credit. We downplay the contribution of luck or other people
who may have played a contribution to our success. As soon as the perception of our greatness
and brilliance differs too much from reality, we become grandiose. We must seek out signs of
grandiosity in others and ourselves. 
Grandiosity has become more prominent today as the result of the following factors: 
The Age of Participation Trophies
Everyone is rewarded, and no one is excluded. In today’s day and age, people are being spoiled
more than ever. The sense of satisfaction and meaningful achievement has died. In a world
where everyone is seemingly rewarded for no reason, we grow more detached from the reality of
our capabilities.
Dwindling Respect for Authority
The utter lack of respect and increasing disdain for authority have become more prevalent
nowadays. People, in general, would discount the proper jurisdiction as something they can
easily trample on. Amplified through the normalization of mockery and disrespect being
romanticized and has been regarded as the norm in today’s society.
The Influence of social media
Social media has inflated everyone’s egos to the point that everyone is an expert at something. A
social issue arises. Suddenly, everyone becomes an expert; the approval people receive from
people with the same unqualified opinions only further inflates the ego, nurturing the sense of
grandiosity. 

As future mediators, we must understand that grandiosity is a form of primal energy that we all
possess. We need to master the application of practical grandiosity and redirect the negative
connotations of such energy to a positive light:
1. We must be honest about ourselves as to our grandiose desires.
2. We must focus our energy on achievable goals.
3. We must always keep in touch with reality as to what is realistically possible from our
grandiose desires.
4. We must challenge ourselves within our abilities.
Dismantle grandiosity with a simple reality check.

We are reiterating what I said at the beginning of this dissertation. Conflict is a product of
Human Nature. As future mediators, the nature of our job requires a deep understanding and a
Mastery of Human Nature. The path to mastery is an inward journey. Each one reflects the other.
To understand others, we must first understand ourselves.
Thus, to be an effective mediator. One must first be a master of himself. 

REFERENCE

Greene, R. (2018). The Laws of Human Nature. Penguin Publishing Group