***Production contains adult subject matter.

***

The Pillowman
Martin McDonagh

A Play in One-Act

***Production contains adult subject matter.***

 CHILD CHORUS LEADER #1
Once upon a time there was a little boy upon whom his
mother and father showered nothing but love. All the seeds
of creativity were implanted in him from an early age and it
was writing that became his first love. It was the night of
his seventh birthday that the NIGHTMARES first started.
The room next door to his own had always been kept
padlocked but on this night the muffled screams of a small
child began to emanate through its thick brick walls.

CHILD CHORUS LEADER #2

For years, the sounds persisted. His stories got better and
better, but they got darker and darker, due to the constant
sound of child-torture. It was on the day of his fourteenth
birthday that a note slipped out from under the door of the
locked room. A note that read: They have loved you and
tortured me for SEVEN STRAIGHT YEARS. The note
was signed “Your brother,” and the note was written in
blood.

CHILD CHORUS LEADER #1

After he’d read the blood-written note and broken into the
room, it was, of course, his brother he found. Alive, but
brain-damaged BEYOND REPAIR. And that night, while
his parents were sleeping, the fourteen-year-old boy held a
pillow over his father’s head for a little while. And, after
waking her for a moment, he held a pillow over his
mother’s head for a little while, too.
 Police interrogation room. KATURIAN sits at a
table, center. TUPOLSKI and ARIEL enter and sit,
flanking him. TUPOLSKI carries a file containing a
large sheaf of papers.

TUPOLSKI
Mister Katurian, this is Detective Ariel, I am Detective
Tupolski.

KATURIAN
The main thing I want to say is, I have complete respect for
you and for what you do and I’m glad to help you in any
way I can. I’m not like some of these… you know?

TUPOLSKI
Some of these what? I don’t know.

KATURIAN
Some of these people who have no respect for the police.
I’ve never been in trouble with the police in my life.

ARIEL
Until now, you mean...

KATURIAN
I’m in trouble with the police now?

ARIEL
You think this is a social visit? Your rights have been read.
Do you think we do this to our friends?

KATURIAN
I will answer everything you want me to. You don’t have
to…
 ARIEL
You will answer everything we want you to. There was
never any question…

TUPOLSKI
Why do you suspect we have brought you here?

KATURIAN
I can’t think… I’ve never done anything. Never any anti-
police…

TUPOLSKI
You can’t think of a single reason we might have brought
you here?

KATURIAN
Just… you took my stories when you brought me.

TUPOLSKI
Why would that cause alarm? It isn’t a crime, to write a
story. Given certain restrictions…

KATURIAN
Of course…

ARIEL
The security of the state, the security of the general welfare.
I wouldn’t even call them restrictions.

KATURIAN
I wouldn’t call them restrictions either.

ARIEL
I would call them guidelines.
 TUPOLSKI
Given certain guidelines, it isn’t a crime to write a story.

KATURIAN
That’s what I thought. I mean, the first duty of a storyteller
is to tell a story; maybe the only duty. That’s what I do: I
tell stories. You know what I mean?

TUPOLSKI
No underlying messages?

KATURIAN
No. Should I have?

TUPOLSKI
Should I have? Good answer.

ARIEL
Kind of subservient on the one hand, yet vaguely sarcastic
and provocative on the other.

KATURIAN
I wasn’t trying to be provocative.

TUPOLSKI
Were you trying to be subservient?

KATURIAN
No.

TUPOLSKI
Then you were trying to be provocative. And now Ariel…
(Ariel slams Katurian’s face to the table)
… is going to hurt you.
 KATURIAN
Listen, I don’t understand what I'm doing here. I don’t
know what you want me to say. I just write stories. I stay in
with my brother and write, that’s it.

ARIEL
This reminds me. I'm going to talk to the brother.

KATURIAN
My brother is at school.

ARIEL
He’s backward, your brother, yeah?

KATURIAN
He’s… slow to get things sometimes.

ARIEL
I see.
(Ariel exits)

KATURIAN
I took him to school this morning.

TUPOLSKI
Your brother is in the room next door.

KATURIAN
But he’ll be scared. My brother gets frightened easily, and
he doesn’t understand these things -- he has nothing to do
with these stories anyway. I've only ever read them to him.
 TUPOLSKI
No one has to get hurt, or be scared, as long as we quickly
come to an agreement.
(Tupolski flips through the file and pulls out a sheet
of paper.)
Here we are: “The Little Apple Men.”

KATURIAN
It’s not one of my best.

TUPOLSKI
This story, starts off with her father treating her badly…
Exactly how many stories have you written where a little
child is treated badly?

KATURIAN
A few.

TUPOLSKI
A few?! I’ll say. The first twenty we picked up… “Three
Cage Crossroads”… “The Tale of the Town on the River”.

KATURIAN
What are you trying to say, that the children represent
something?

TUPOLSKI
I'm not implying you're trying to say, “Go out and murder
children.”
(Beat)
Are you trying to say, “Go out and murder children?”

KATURIAN
No! Are you kidding? I'm not trying to say anything at all!
If there are children in them, it’s incidental. It’s accidental.
 TUPOLSKI
Your best story is?

KATURIAN
“The Tale of the Town on the River” is the only one that
was published.

TUPOLSKI
Read it to me.

KATURIAN
All of it?

TUPOLSKI
The whole of it. Standing.

KATURIAN
(Stands)
This feels like school, somehow.

TUPOLSKI
Except at school they didn’t execute you at the end.

KATURIAN
Once upon a time in a tiny town, there lived a little boy
who due to poverty walked around BAREFOOT. One
night, he heard the approach of a horse and cart. As it
neared he saw that its driver was dressed in the darkest of
robes, which sent a shiver of FEAR through the little boy’s
body. Putting his fear aside, the boy offered up the small
sandwich to the driver. The cart stopped, the driver got
down and sat beside the little boy for a while. As the boy
told the driver of his POOR, HARD LIFE, he eyed the
back of the driver’s cart; it was piled high with small,
empty animal cages.
 TUPOLSKI
Continue…

KATURIAN
The driver stood up and announced that he had to be on his
way, but first he wished to give the boy A GIFT, as he was
so kind to an old weary traveller. He whispered, “One day,
when you are a little older, perhaps, you will truly value
and thank me. Now CLOSE YOUR EYES.” From a secret
inner pocket of his robes the driver pulled out a long, sharp
and shiny meat cleaver, raised it high in the air and brought
it down onto the boy’s right foot, severing all five of his
muddy little toes. The driver rode on; leaving the boy, the
rats, the river and the darkening town of HAMELIN far
behind him.”
(Looks at Tupolski for any response, gives him
back the story, sits.)
Do you get it? The little boy is the little crippled boy who
can’t keep up when the Pied Piper comes to take all the
children away. That’s how he was crippled.
(Beat. Tupolski continues to scribble.)
It’s a twist. He brought the rats to the village. He was after
the children all along.

TUPOLSKI
This reminds me.
(Places a tin on the table)

KATURIAN
What’s in the box?
(Sound of a man screaming hideously a few rooms
away. Katurian stands.)
That’s my brother!

TUPOLSKI
Yes, I believe it is.
 KATURIAN
What’s he doing to him? You said he would be fine!

TUPOLSKI
Katurian, I am a high-ranking police officer in a totalitarian
dictatorship. Why would you believe anything I say?

(Ariel returns. Whispers into Tupolski’s ear during

Katurian’s next line. Tupolski exits.)

KATURIAN
What have you done to my brother? I want to see him --
right now!

ARIEL
What happened to the third child?

KATURIAN
What third child? The papers didn’t say…

ARIEL
No, they didn’t say. The third child, a little mute girl, went
missing three days ago, the same area, same age. The
papers will be saying something tonight. A lot of things.

KATURIAN
About the mute girl?

ARIEL
About the mute girl. About confessions. About executions.
All that type of stuff.

KATURIAN
But… I don’t understand what you're trying to say. Should
I not write stories with child-killings because in the real
world there are child killings?
 ARIEL
You think all we’ve got against you is a disagreement with
your style of prose? Like we don’t know what your brother
just disclosed… Open the box.

KATURIAN
(Wrenches the box’s lid off, then recoils in horror.)
What’s that? What is this?

ARIEL
You know what they are. We found them in your house.
Your brother’s already admitted his part.

KATURIAN
No! I just write stories!

ARIEL
No? Well here’s where we stand as of 5:15 p.m., Monday
the fourth.
(Packs up the papers and box of toes.)
Along with the evidence we found in your house, your
brother, spastic or not, has, under duress or not, admitted
enough for us to execute him before the evening’s out.
We’ll be back to chat shortly.
(Michal is thrown into the room as Ariel exits.)

KATURIAN
(Rushing to Michal, checking his body for injuries.)
Michal! Are you all right? I'm here now. I won’t let them
hurt you ever again.

MICHAL
What are you doing? Let who hurt me?

KATURIAN
They were torturing you.
 MICHAL
They didn’t torture me. The man said he was going to
torture me, but I thought, “No way, that’d hurt,” so I just
told him whatever he wanted to hear, and he was just fine
then.

KATURIAN
But I heard you scream.

MICHAL
He asked me to scream. He said I did it really good.

KATURIAN
So he told you what to say and you agreed to it?

MICHAL
Yeah.

KATURIAN
Did you sign anything?

MICHAL
Huh? You know I can’t sign nothing.

KATURIAN
Then maybe we can still get out of this. Whatever they do,
Michal, no matter what, you don’t sign anything. You got
it?

MICHAL
Whatever they do to me, I don’t sign anything.
(Beat)
Can I sign your name?
 KATURIAN
Especially don’t sign my name. Especially don’t.

MICHAL
I killed a loada kids, hah! And it was nothing to do with my
brother, Michal, not even a bit, signed Katurian hah!
(Beat)
Sorry, Katurian.

KATURIAN
It’s alright.
(Beat)
We’ll be alright, Michal… if we just stick together.

MICHAL
But we ain’t going home for a while anyway, are we?

KATURIAN
No.

MICHAL
Tell us a story, Katurian. Do “The Pillowman.”

KATURIAN
Why “The Pillowman”?
(Beat)
Let’s see, how does that start…?

MICHAL & CHILD CHORUS

Once upon a time…

KATURIAN
I know, but I’m trying to think how it actually starts…

MICHAL & CHILD CHORUS

Once upon a time…
 KATURIAN
Alright. Once upon a time there was a man who did not
look like normal men. He was about nine feet tall, and he
was made of fluffy pink pillows. The Pillowman had to
look soft and safe, because his job was very sad and a very
difficult one…

MICHAL
Uh-oh, here it comes…

KATURIAN
The Pillowman would find a troubled child before the life
of HORROR they were to lead hadn’t quite yet begun and
the Pillowman’s job was to get that child to kill themselves,
and so avoid the years of pain that would just end up in the
same place for them. The Pillowman would always suggest
they do it in a way that would just look like a TRAGIC
ACCIDENT, because mummies and daddies always find it
easier to come to terms with a five-year-old lost tragically
than they do with a five-year-old who has taken action to
avoid life.

MICHAL
I like the Pillowman. He’s my favorite. But this part is a bit
boring. Could you skip on to the end, please?

KATURIAN
Why don’t we just wait to finish the story until we’re out of
this mess.

MICHAL
(Long, awkward beat)
But I still can’t figure it out.

KATURIAN
Figure what out? “The Pillowman”?
 MICHAL
No, the box with the little boy’s toes in it.
(Beat)
I thought I’d hidden it really well. I mean, I hid ‘em in the
attic. They must’ve used sniffer dogs or something.
Because, no way, I hid them brilliant.

KATURIAN
You what!?

MICHAL
I… well I… well…
(Katurian backs away from him)
You know… you told me to.

KATURIAN
I what?

MICHAL
You told me to.

KATURIAN
I don’t remember telling you to take a bunch of little kids
and go butcher them.

MICHAL
I didn’t butcher. I… I wouldn’t have done anything if you
hadn’t told me. Every story you tell me, something horrible
happens to somebody. And I didn’t enjoy killing those kids.
I just set out to chop the toes off one.

KATURIAN
Are you telling me you don’t know that if you chop the toes
off a little boy… you don’t know that they’re gonna die?
 MICHAL
Well, I know now.
(Beat)
Well, the torture man certainly seemed to be on my side.
He seemed to agree it was all your fault.

KATURIAN
What did you tell him?

MICHAL
Just the truth. All the things I did to all the kids I got from
stories you wrote and read out to me.

KATURIAN
That isn’t the truth, Michal.

MICHAL
Yes it is.

KATURIAN
No, it isn’t.

MICHAL
Well, did you write some stories with children getting
murdered in them?

KATURIAN
The Pillowman never killed anybody, Michal. He was a
thoughtful, decent man, who hated what he was doing. You
are the opposite, in every respect.

MICHAL
Well, okay, you know I’m no good at opposites. The
Pillowman is a good story, Katurian. It’s one of your best. I
think you're going to be a famous writer some day. I can
see it.
 KATURIAN
When am I going to be a famous writer? They’re going to
execute us, they're going to destroy my stories.

MICHAL
I think it’s us we should be worrying about, Katurian, not
your stories. They're just paper.

KATURIAN
What?

MICHAL
They're just paper.
(Katurian bangs Michal’s head down once against
the floor.)

MICHAL
You're just like Mum and Dad!

KATURIAN
Say that again…?

MICHAL
Hitting me, and shouting at me!

KATURIAN
I’ll tell you this. If Mum and Dad are looking down right
now, I think they’ll be glad to see you turned out to be
exactly like them.

MICHAL
Don’t say that or I’ll kill you!!!

KATURIAN
You're not gonna kill me, Michal. I'm not a helpless child!
 MICHAL
I was just doing your stories.

KATURIAN
What did you do to the third girl?

MICHAL
I'm not telling you now. You’ve hurt my feelings.

KATURIAN
How did you kill the third girl, Michal? I just need to know.
Was she like in a story too? Which story?

MICHAL
It was a good story. You're a good writer, Katurian. Don’t
let anybody tell you different.

KATURIAN
Where did you leave her?

MICHAL
At the wishing well.
(Katurian begins to cry. Michal comforts him)
Don’t cry, Kat. It’ll be alright.

KATURIAN
How will it be alright? How will it ever be alright?
(Beat)
I used to love you so much.

MICHAL
What do you mean used to? That’s the meanest thing I ever
heard! What’s done is done; you always were a worrier.
(Beat)
I'm getting a bit sleepy now so I'm gonna have a little sleep
for myself.
 KATURIAN
You’re going to sleep? They're coming back to torture and
execute us any minute.

MICHAL
Exactly, so it might be the last sleep we get for a while. I
love sleeping.
(Beat)
Katurian?

KATURIAN
What?

MICHAL
Tell me a story… tell me the one about the little green
pig… tell me that one.

KATURIAN
I can’t remember how it goes, “The Little Green Pig”…

MICHAL
You remember how it goes, Katurian, come on.

MICHAL & CHILD CHORUS

Once upon a time…

KATURIAN
Okay. Settle down… Once upon a time, there lived a little
pig who was different from all the other pigs because he
was green, but he liked being green because it made him a
bit different, a bit PECULIAR. The other pigs around him
were jealous and they bullied him, and all of this tension
aggravated the farmers. So, one night, they snatched up the
little pig and in the barn, they opened a big pot of very
special pink paint; a paint that could NEVER be washed
off and could NEVER be painted over, and they covered
him from head to foot. And the little pig cried, “Please
don’t let them make me like all the rest. I'm happy in being
a bit peculiar.” But it was TOO LATE. The paint was dry,
the farmers sent him back into the fields, and the little pig
cried himself to sleep.

MICHAL
(Yawns, falls into a deep sleep.)

KATURIAN
But that night, as the pigs lay sleeping, strange storm
clouds began to gather overhead, and it began to rain… no
ordinary rain; a very special GREEN rain; a rain that could
never be washed off, could never be painted over. And
when morning came, the pigs found that every single one
of them had turned bright GREEN. Every single one
except, of course, the little green pig, who was now the
little pink pig. And he smiled, because he knew that he was
still, and always would be, just a little bit PECULIAR.

(Katurian listens to sleeping Michal for a while,

stroking his hair gently.)

KATURIAN
You like that one, don’t you, Michal?
(Beat)
No little toes in it… It’s nice.
(Beat)
Maybe you should have acted out that one.
(Katurian forcefully holds a pillow over Michal’s
face until he is dead. He goes to the door and bangs
on it loudly.)
Detectives?! I would like to make a confession to my part
in the murders of six people.
 CHILD CHORUS LEADER #2
When the Pillowman was successful in his work, a little
child would die horrifically. So, the Pillowman, as big as he
was, he’d just cry ALL DAY LONG, so one day decided
to perform one final job. He went to this place near a pretty
stream with a little can of gasoline, and soon the Pillowman
heard little footsteps coming closer. It wasn’t a small child,
but a little Pillowboy. And the Pillowman told him all
about his sad job and the dead kids, and the little Pillowboy
understood instantly. All he ever wanted to do was to
HELP PEOPLE, so he poured the gasoline all over
himself still smiling, struck a match, and the Pillowman sat
there watching him BURN.

ARIEL
(Holding the seated Katurian by the hair.)
What is the matter with you?

KATURIAN
(Robotic, scripted, controlled.)
I hereby confess to my part in the murders of six people;
three carried out by me alone…

ARIEL
We are well aware of your detailed confession. We’ve sent
a forensic team to analyze the crime scene based on the
map you so selflessly provided. That has nothing to do with
what I am trying to understand.

KATURIAN
I… I don’t understand.

ARIEL
They found her down by the wishing well, playing with
three little piglets.
 TUPOLSKI
(Sarcastically playing stupid.)
She was still alive?

ARIEL
She had plenty of food and water. They found a big can of
green paint, so plenty of prints if we need em. So, he
confesses to the murder of two people we knew nothing
about, and he confesses to the murder of a girl who wasn’t
actually murdered.

TUPOLSKI
Can you tell us why the mute girl is still alive?

KATURIAN
I cant. But, I’m glad she is.

TUPOLSKI
I believe you're glad she is. The little boy whose toes you
cut off and let bleed to death, what color was his hair?

KATURIAN
What?
TUPOLSKI
What color was his hair?

KATURIAN
It was a browny-black sort of color.

ARIEL
Pretty good. Considering he was Jewish. It’s just
unfortunate that his mother was Irish, and her son closely
resembled a red setter.
 TUPOLSKI
Do you want some questions about the girl found in the
park?

KATURIAN
No.

TUPOLSKI
You never even saw those two children, did you?

KATURIAN
No.

TUPOLSKI
Did you tell your brother to kill them?

KATURIAN
I never knew anything about any of this until today.

ARIEL
Did your brother kill your parents, also?

KATURIAN
I killed my parents!

ARIEL
I believe you did. But… you didn’t kill any children did
you?
(Katurian shakes his lowered head.)

TUPOLSKI
So, before we execute you, why did you confess to killing
the children, Mr. Katurian?
 KATURIAN
You had me for killing Michal. I couldn’t let you kill him,
so I did. When you found the little girl you would have
found where I buried my parents. I thought that if I tied
myself into all of it, like you wanted, I could save my
stories. You promised they would be safe with a full
confession.

TUPOLSKI
That’s a shame then isn’t it?

KATURIAN
What’s a shame?

TUPOLSKI
Our saving your stories was based on you confessing
truthfully. Evidently your confession wasn’t completely
truthful, was it? So, obviously, if your confession wasn’t
completely truthful, after we execute you, we destroy your
stories.

KATURIAN
You're not being serious.

TUPOLSKI
There’s your hood. Put it on, please.

KATURIAN
Ariel, please…?

TUPOLSKI
Did we not, as honorable people, promise to save his stories
if he made a truthful confession?

ARIEL
Yes. It’s true.
 TUPOLSKI
And did he confess to killing children that he did not kill?

ARIEL
Yes. He did.

TUPOLSKI
Are we not, then, within our rights, as honorable citizens, to
destroy all of Mr. Katurian’s work?

KATURIAN
Ariel…

ARIEL
(Sadly)
We are within our rights.

KATURIAN
Ariel, please…

TUPOLSKI
Put the hood on, I said.

KATURIAN
Ariel!

TUPOLSKI
Ariel?

ARIEL
I know all of this isn’t your fault. I know you didn’t kill the
children. I know you didn’t want to kill your brother, and I
know you killed your parents for all the right reasons and
I’m sorry for you. I’m really sorry for you. But at the end
of the day, I never liked your stories in the first place. You
better put on the hood.
 KATURIAN
Will you give me ten seconds from when the hood goes on?
I need to say goodbye to my brother, in my own way.

ARIEL
We’ll give you ten seconds…

TUPOLSKI
(Katurian pulls the hood on.)
Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four…

(Gunshot. Katurian falls to the floor, Detectives exit

quickly at the blackout. As lights are going into
blackout, the puppeteer light comes up to reveal
Michal reaching for The Pillowman. The Puppeteer
light and music fades out.)