Writing Partition

FIRST
EDITION
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Contents
1) Introductory paragraphs
 Things not to do in an introductory paragraph
 Functions of the introductory paragraph
 Finding the hook
2) Composing your own thesis statement
 Tips and examples for writing thesis statements
 Why should your essay contain a thesis statement?
3) How to write a concluding paragraph
 What to avoid in concluding paragraphs
 Step 7: write the conclusion
4) Editing and revising
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Introduction
Let’s say you’re at the bookstore and you’re trying

to decide whether or not to buy this book. You wonder:
will it really help me write better? Is it any different
from the other books on the shelf? How can this book
improve my writing?---Yours truly has been in this
situation---If these are some of the questions you have,
then read on-------you’ll find the answers here!
Dedicated to my first and only love VB.

whom I give my thanks out for being so
devoted to learning day by day. October
2009 Huancayo
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INTRODUCTORY PARAGRAPHS
F irst impressions are so important. How many times have you heard that? It is true that the first
impression—whether it’s a first meeting with a person or the first sentence of a paper—sets the stage
for a lasting opinion.
The introductory paragraph of any paper, long or short, should start with a sentence that piques the interest
of your readers.
In a typical essay, that first sentence leads into two or three sentences that provide details about your
subject or your process. All of these sentences build up to your thesis statement.
Functions of the Introductory Paragraph
 To capture the reader's attention and to encourage further reading.

 To give readers a general idea of what will be discussed in the essay, using the topic sentence.
 To state the thesis or main point that the essay will support and preview the organizational plan.
 It provides a reason for readers to keep reading.
The second task can be accomplished by a carefully crafted thesis statement. Writing thesis
statements can be learned rather quickly. The first task — securing the reader's interest — is more difficult.
It is this task that this discussion addresses.
First, admit that it is impossible to say or do or write anything that will interest everybody. With that
out of the way, the question then becomes: "What can a writer do that will secure the interest of a fair sized
audience?"
Things NOT to do in an introductory paragraph:

 Apologize. Never suggest that you don't know what you're talking about or that you're not enough
of an expert in this matter that your opinion would matter. Your reader will quickly turn to
something else. Avoid phrases like the following:
In my [humble] opinion . . .
I'm not sure about this, but . . .
 Announce your intentions. Do not flatly announce what you are about to do in an essay.
In this paper I will . . .

The purpose of this essay is to . . .
Get into the topic and let your reader perceive your purpose in the topic sentence of your beginning
paragraph
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Writers who write for magazines and receive pay for their work use five basic patterns to grab a reader's
interest:
1. historical review 4. quotation

2. anecdotal 5. rhetorical question
3. famous person 6. surprising statement
Finding the Hook
Historical review or interesting facts: Some topics are better understood if a brief historical review
of the topic is presented to lead into the discussion of the moment. Such topics might include "a
biographical sketch of a war hero," "drugs and the younger generation." Or start by providing key facts
such as dates, times, places, names, and statistics to give historical context and credibility to your essay.
Obviously there are many, many more topics that could be introduced by reviewing the history of the topic
before the writer gets down to the nitty gritty of his paper. It is important that the historical review be brief
so that it does not take over the paper.
Example:
Television is so popular that over 128 million sets are now being used in 98 percent of American households.
According to the A.C. Nielsen Company, which takes television surveys, each week the small screen holds the
attention of children under five for an average of 23.5 hours and adults for an average of 44 hours. Indeed, the typical
viewer spends more time in front of the television set than he or she spends on any other activity except sleep. But far
from being the "idiot box" that it is often called, television offers viewers many benefits. Television can be
educational, as well as entertaining.
Exercises: Write introductory paragraphs by using the historical review technique including its appropriate
thesis statement.
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Anecdotal: An anecdote is a little story. Everyone loves to listen to stories. Begin a paper by relating
a small story that leads into the topic of your paper. Your story should be a small episode, not a full blown
story with characters and plot and setting. Read some of the anecdotes in the Reader's Digest special
sections such as "Life in These United States" to learn how to tell small but potent stories. If you do it right,
your story will capture the reader's interest so that he or she will continue to read your paper. One caution:
be sure that your story does not take over the paper. Remember, it is an introduction, not the paper.
Example:
When Jonathan Swift described Gulliver's trip to the land of Laputa in Gulliver's Travels, Swift depicted
scientists who had one eye turned inward and the other aimed at the stars. In the case of two high school science
teachers I had had at this school, life imitates Swift's art. The school district should require all teachers, especially
those in science, to have an interest in students as well as expertise and curiosity.
Exercises: Write introductory paragraphs by using the anecdotal technique including its appropriate thesis
statement.
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Famous person: People like to know what celebrities say and do. Dropping the name of a
famous person at the beginning of a paper usually gets the reader's attention. It may be something
that person said or something he or she did that can be presented as an interest grabber. You may
just mention the famous person's name to get the reader's interest. The famous person may be dead
or alive. Of course, bringing up this person's name must be relevant to the topic.
Example:
To the list of professional basketball players such as Magic Johnson, Michael Jordan, and Larry Bird who have
become household words, we can add another name: Shaquille O’Neal or ―Shaq‖ for short. A few short years ago
Shaq was yet another high school basketball player who had dreams of becoming an NBA player. But unlike the great
majority of high school hopefuls, Shaq had the unbeatable talents of which sports fame and fortune are made. Shaq
began his career with the Orlando Magic. He now plays for the Los Angeles Lakers. How Shaquille O’Neal was
discovered and how he became a nationally known player makes an interesting story.
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Exercises: Write introductory paragraphs by using the acknowledgement or interesting facts or figures
technique including its appropriate thesis statement.
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Quotation: Begin with a quotation from a book, article, poem, or interview that illustrates your
point, introduces your thesis, and gives credibility or authority to your writing. Explain what the quotation
means and how it relates to your thesis.
Example:
―Fish and visitors,‖ wrote Benjamin Franklin, ―begin to smell after three days.‖ Last summer, when
my sister and her family came to spend their two-week vacation with us, I became convinced that Franklin
was right. After only three days of my family’s visit, I was thoroughly sick of my brother-in law’s corny
jokes, my sister’s endless complaints about her boss, and their children’s constant invasions of our privacy.
Exercises: Write introductory paragraphs by using the quotation technique including its appropriate thesis
statement.
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Asking a revealing question: Begin by asking a question that is new and surprising and that
reveals information about your essay topic. The question should provide a basis for what your
essay discusses.
Examples:
If you became seriously ill and needed to be hospitalized for several weeks, would you be able to
afford to pay thousands of dollars for proper medical care? Unfortunately, many Americans have already
found out that they cannot. Therefore, the federal government must provide national health insurance for
all of its citizens.
Are we going back to previous times when children had no more rights than cattle? Some migrant
children still work fourteen hours a day picking fruits and vegetables on farms. Can we afford to spend
money on putting people into space? Countless children live on the streets with no place to call their own.
Exercises: Write introductory paragraphs by using the rhetorical question technique including its
appropriate thesis statement.
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Surprising statement: A surprising statement is a favorite introductory technique of

professional writers. There are many ways a statement can surprise a reader. Sometimes the statement is
surprising because it is disgusting. Sometimes it is joyful. Sometimes it is shocking. Sometimes it is
surprising because of who said it. Sometimes it is surprising because it includes profanity. Professional
writers have honed this technique to a fine edge. It is not used as much as the first two patterns, but it is
used.
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Have a minute? Good. Because that may be all it takes to save the life of a child—your child. Accidents
kill nearly 8000 children under age 15 each year. And for every fatality, 42 more children are admitted to
hospitals for treatment. Yet such deaths and injuries can be avoided through these easy steps parents can
take right now. You don't have a minute to lose.
Exercises: Write introductory paragraphs by using the surprising statement technique including its
appropriate thesis statement.
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Exercise 1: In the following demonstration, you will learn about the different parts of an introductory
paragraph. Decide the parts that are used in every paragraph.
Reasons Connecting phrases

Background information Hook
Thesis
Beginning from the birth of the American criminal justice system to the year 2,000, over 14,000 legal
executions had been carried out in the U. S. Most of these death sentences were given in cases of murder or rape.
Capital punishment, the most severe sentence in the U.S, is one of the most controversial issues in the criminal
justice system. One of the problems in the use of the death penalty is that mistakes can be made and innocent persons
might put to death. Besides, the legal appeals that are available to death row inmates make the cost of executions
very high. Not only is capital punishment flawed and very expensive. It is also an unjust punishment. A civilized
society should have a better means of dealing with dangerous criminals than killing them.
The……….….grabs the reader’s attention and makes her want to read more. There are many
types of hooks a writer may use to interest the reader. Here the writer uses a startling fact.
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……………………on the topic of the essay provides the reader with additional information or context. It
helps the reader both get involved in and have a deeper understanding of the topic of the essay.
justice system. One of the problems in the use of the death penalty is that mistakes can be made and innocent
persons might put to death. Besides, the legal appeals that are available to death row inmates make the cost of
executions very high. Not only is capital punishment flawed and very expensive. It is also an unjust punishment. A
civilized society should have a better means of dealing with dangerous criminals than killing them.
…………………. link one part of the introduction to the next. Without connecting phrases, introductory
paragraphs can seem disjoint or difficult to follow.
justice system. One of the problems in the use of the death penalty is that mistakes can be made and innocent
persons might put to death. Besides, the legal appeals that are available to death row inmates make the cost of
executions very high. Not only is capital punishment flawed and very expensive. It is also an unjust punishment. A
civilized society should have a better means of dealing with dangerous criminals than killing them.
A writer may choose to include the………………. for his positions in the thesis in the introduction. If she
does, those reasons will be developed in his essay in the order they appear in the introductory paragraph. So,
the plan of the essay is revealed in the introductory paragraph.
The………………the part of the introductory paragraph that states the basic position the writer takes in an
essay. The thesis is often the last sentence or two of the introductory paragraph
Exercise 2: This exercise is to help you to identify the basic techniques for composing the opening statement of your
introductory paragraph: the historical review, the rhetorical question, the surprising statement, and the anecdote.
 A historical review states why something is important (suitable for academic essays).
 A rhetorical question is a question that you ask and then answer yourself (NOT suitable for academic essays).
 The surprising statement states something surprising or shocking to encourage the reader to pay attention
(maybe suitable for academic essays if it is not too assertive).
 An anecdote is a short story (NOT generally suitable for academic essays, unless quoting qualitative research).
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Exercises
Read the paragraphs and then identify the technique used
Can education reduce crime?
German police are embarrassed after a 27 year old man whom they had just booked for burglary walked out of
the police station and stole an unmarked police vehicle. "It's not just unusual, it's embarrassing," said a spokesman
for police in the town of Eschwege. It is thought that the man stole the key from an officer at the station. When he
was booked and released, he was observed by officers getting into the unmarked police car. The officers gave chase
resulting in the man's re-arrest. Three vehicles (including the stolen police car) were damaged during the pursuit. The
stolen vehicle was recovered upon arrest of its unlawful driver. This criminal seems unable to prevent himself from
taking actions with bad consequences, and if this trait is common among criminals, perhaps education in this area
would reduce crime.
Answer:…………….
Explanation:………………………………………
The globalization of pollution
A message in a bottle thrown into the sea by a four-year-old girl in England has been found 9,000 miles away in
Western Australia. Alesha Johnson threw the bottle into the water at Morecambe Bay, Lancashire last July, enclosing
her Heysham address, and a picture of herself. The note read: "If you get this message, please write back." This
week, she received a letter from a 10-year-old from Perth, who said he had found the bottle in a local boatyard. This
illustrates that water pollution is not limited to the area around where it starts, but is a global problem.
Authoring principles and practices: Navigation in Educational Web Sites
As more and more students go online and spend more time on the Internet, web site navigation has become
more important in helping students find information for their studies. This essay details navigational design
techniques that help web site designers make their navigation more user-friendly, especially for educational users,
such as university students and researchers.
Children's satisfaction with their names
A Swedish Lebanese couple, Walid Elias and Carol Kai, has chosen to name their first born son Google,
after the well-known search engine. The Swedish tax authority, which normally frowns on unusual names,
apparently had no objections. The father, Walid Elias Kai, says he's a "great fan" of the search engine and wanted to
honor the service by naming his son after it. But Mr. Kai says he and his wife also chose the name because of the
similar word googol. "[Googol] means 1 followed by 100 zeroes," stated Mr. Kai, "and I want my son to have lots of
friends – I want him to be social, so the name also symbolizes this." Upon hearing the news, authors of the Google
weblog wrote, "We wish him long life and good health, and hope his schoolmates aren't too hard on him." This
shows how satisfied children are with the names given to them by their parents, and how they react when given the
opportunity to name themselves.
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What is art?
If you saw a giant pink rabbit on a hill, would you think you were going mad? Gelatin, a group of artists
from Vienna, has erected a pink bunny measuring 200 feet in length (about 60 meters) on the side of a northern
Italian mountain. The artwork, titled "Haze" (which translates simply as "Hare"), is located at a height of 1600m on
the mountain Colletto Fava, close to Bar La Baita, above the Village of Artesina, Piemonte, Italy. The soft rabbit is
constructed out of pink wool, and is expected to remain on the mountain until 2025. But is it art?
The state of the environment
Scientists in Hamburg, Germany are baffled by what appears to be a widespread case of "Exploding toads".
In a local pond, more than 1,000 toads have expanded and then exploded. In addition, it has been reported that
thousands more are exploding in central Denmark, in a town called Låsby located in Mid-Jutland. The water in the
pond has been checked, but does not indicate anything out of the ordinary. Neither do the toad's corpses. They have
been checked for bacteria and viruses, but none have been found. Our ecosystem is becoming stressed, as can be
seen from such symptoms.
How can anti-social behavior be prevented?
A 46-year-old motorist from South Woodham Ferrers, Essex, England was hit by a frozen sausage on his way
home. The projectile flew through his open car window and broke his nose. When the Essex Ambulance Service
arrived he had lost a large amount of blood, but he appears to now be recovering. An ambulance service official says
the 46-year-old man suffered a broken nose and lost a lot of blood. The spokesman says it must have been an
incredibly lucky, or unlucky, shot - to get the sausage through a moving car window. Police are now investigating
the case of the flying sausage. But what causes people to shoot sausages at passing cars?
Recent Advances in Robotics
Would you like a robot classmate? Qrio, a humanoid robot developed by Sony Intelligence Dynamics
Laboratories, has been "attending" a nursery school in California since March. Qrio is taken to the school in San
Diego every day, and spends time playing with ten children under the age of two. A researcher is on-hand to observe
and document the interactions that take place. The children were apprehensive about the robot at first, but have
grown to accept it, and will help it up when it falls. "The children think of Qrio as a feeble younger brother",
according to researcher Fumihide Tanaka.
The advantages and disadvantages of keeping exotic pets
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Police organized a search in the Sydenham Park area of south-east London after a local, Anthony Holder, was
attacked by a 6ft long black animal while looking for his kitten in his back yard that borders a woodland. Holder said
the animal pounced, knocked him to the ground, and then he was "in its claws for about 30 seconds. Its teeth were
out and I tried to defend myself and eventually I got the thing off my body." Holder was scratched all over his body
and suffered swelling and bruising to his hand and the back of his head. He called the police at about 2:15 am while
the animal sat in the garden next door. While Holder was being treated by paramedics, the Metropolitan Police
conducted a search of the area. A citizen and a police officer saw the creature, believed by some to be a panther.
Sightings of big cats have increased in recent years. The notion of a large predator in London was initially dismissed
by scientists, but evidence from footprints and droppings has led to other conclusions. The British Big Cat Society
estimates 50 to 100 are currently loose across England. One danger of keeping exotic animals is that owners of
exotic pets may choose to set their animals free if they grow too big to keep.
Explanation:………………………………
Exercise 3: In the following demonstration, you will learn about the different parts of an introductory paragraph.
“In American today, no population poses a greater threat to public safety than juvenile criminals,” says
Representative Bill McCollum of Florida, who is the author of a bill already approved by the House of
Representatives that would allow offenders from age 13 on to be tried as adults in federal court. In order to address
this increasing threat, juvenile criminals can no longer be dealt with in the juvenile justice system. Teens who
commit serious violent offenses should be tried and sentenced as adults in order to protect society, to provide
appropriate retribution, and to serve as a deterrent to other teenagers.
Hook techniques
a) Opening with a question

b) Opening with an interesting or emotional story
c) Opening with a startling fact
d) Opening with a quote (the exact words)
e) Opening with a striking image (description)
On afternoon in 1994, Megan Fox, a little girl of 7, was riding her bicycle outside her home in New Jersey
when a neighbor asked her if she wanted to see his new puppy. He then took her into his home, raped her, and
strangled her with a belt. The man, a twice-convicted sex-offender called Jesse Dequat, was sentenced to death in
1997. For gruesome murders like this, the death penalty is the only appropriate punishment. Society should
continue to apple the ultimate punishment to deal with the most heinous crimes.
Hook techniques

Have you ever done anything risky, dangerous or illegal? Most of us probably have, most likely during our
teenage years. As a teenager, we probably did not consider the long-term consequences of our actions. What
would have happened if you had been caught when you did something irresponsible? If you had been tried and
sentenced as an adult- as many believe today is appropriate- you might have ended up spending many years in
prison, exposed to dangerous, hardened criminals three times your age. In a just society, sentencing teenagers as
adults is inappropriate and excessive. Teenagers must not be tried as adults.
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Hook techniques

In the United States more than 80 people die from gun violence every day, making the U.S. the most violent
of all western societies. In as effort to curb this violence, gun-control laws such as the Brady Act, which requires
licensed gun dealers to run background checks on prospective buyers, have been passed. Most of these laws try to
prevent criminals from acquiring guns. But we also need to consider the broader protection of public safety when
designing gun-control laws. One way of ensuring overall public safety is through the creation of federal firearm-
access prevention laws, which would restrict unauthorized access to firearms and reduce all types of gun violence.
They would also be a constitutional and feasible means of gun control.
Hook techniques

The small shriveled body of Karen Quinlan continued to deteriorate. Unable to feed, care for herself or
communicate in any way. Ms. Quinlan remained in a vegetative state for ten long years, never to gain
consciousness again. Can we say that Karen was “alive” or “living” for those long years? For those who consider life
to be based solely on the body’s breathing function, Karen was alive. But Karen’s friends and family, the person
Karen died when she became comatose. Although defining what constitutes a person is a central issue in the right
to die debate, it is not the only or the most important issue. There are other concrete issues that must be looked at,
such as the suffering that denying the right to die causes to the patient, the family, and society. In order to avoid
unnecessary suffering, terminally ill patients should be a granted the right to die.
Hook techniques

Exercise 4: In this exercises you will have to read the paragraphs and choose the right answer.
The Myth of Equal Opportunities
____________________________________________. Or at least that is what one is led to conclude

based on the unequal access to opportunities available to various members of American society. Despite the struggles
fought and the many victories won to do away with discrimination, opportunities are still not equally available to all.
Women are paid less than men for the same work and they are underrepresented in government. Blacks and
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Hispanics make up a small percentage of the workforce in top positions and a large percentage of those who live in
poverty. The poor members of society, regardless of gender, race, or ethnicity, confront a world of hardships and
limited opportunities to improve their lives. For these reasons, America is a land of unequal opportunities.
Choose the missing hook for introductory paragraph 1
a) There are many problems in the U.S.

b) All men are not created equal.
Mandatory Military Service for All
____________________________________________. Maintaining a strong and well-staffed military is the

only way our country can be assured of peace. The only way we can be assured of a strong well-staffed military is
through the initiation of mandatory military service. We need a mandatory draft to insure that our military is
adequately staffed, is representative of all members of society, and can provide young people with the discipline
necessary to be productive members of society.
Choose the missing hook for introductory paragraph 2
a) In this time of increased terrorism and nuclear proliferation, we need a strong military that represents the
entire nation and all its citizens, a military that can be ready for action at moment’s notice.
b) There are several countries in the world that require young people to serve in the military for a certain length
of time.
The Right to Die
Nowadays, there is a heated debate going on regarding euthanasia, otherwise known as assisted suicide.
Supporters of euthanasia argue that it is cruel to keep alive terminally ill people who are suffering constantly.
However, pain and suffering are just as much a part of life as good health and happiness are. First, life is precious
and no one, regardless of the amount of suffering he might be experiencing, has the right to take his life. Second,
euthanasia could be abused whenever the interest of the patient is in conflict with those of the family or medical
community. _______________________________________. For these reasons, patients should not be granted the
right to kill themselves.
Choose the missing reason for introductory paragraph 3
a) Lastly, euthanasia should not be performed because it is illegal.

b) Lastly, as medical science and technology are always advancing, there is always the possibility that what is
incurable today could be curable or manageable in the near future.
Marijuana Use
People believe that illegal drugs cause severe health problems and induce criminal behavior, whereas legal drugs
do not pose serious problems to the user and to society. But that is not always true. Many legal popular drugs, such
as alcohol, if they are taken in toxic doses, can cause serious health problems, even death. On the other hand, certain
illegal drugs – marijuana in particular– do not cause serious problems and have significant therapeutic benefits. They
pose little or no threat to society. Yet, marijuana use still remains illegal. Marijuana is less harmful than such legal
drugs as tobacco and alcohol, and it has some important medicinal benefits. ______ ______________________.
Choose the missing thesis for introductory paragraph 4
a) Therefore, marijuana should be legalized.
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b) There, we should not tell our children that is wrong to use marijuana.
Sex Offender Notification Law
The sex offender notification law requires states to adopt a system to notify the community that a sex offender
has established residence nearby. This law has been the center of many arguments. On the one hand, this community
notification law seems a good way of allowing residents to protect themselves and their families from a convicted
offender. ______ _________________________________________. It subjects the offender to endless punishment
after he has already served his sentence. In addition, it incites people to vigilante justice and prevents offenders from
ever returning to a normal life. Given these limitations, the notification law of sex offenders should be struck down.
Choose the missing connecting idea for introductory paragraph 5.
a) However, the law prevents the offender from committing the crime again.
b) On the other hand, however, branding sexual offender for life might actually do more harm than good.
Exercise 5: put the following sentences in the right order. Incorrectly placed sentences will bounce back to the
list of sentences. In this exercise you will learn how to arrange the sentences of an introductory paragraph in a
logical order.
To improve Voter Turnout

Voting to elect public officials is one of the most invaluable rights of a citizen in a democratic society.
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In addition to the cumbersome registration process and the fact that Election Days is a work day, the
two-party system offers a limited choice to voters.
nless the known causes of low voter turnout are dealt with, citizen of the U.S. will not be truly
presented by their elected leaders.
In countries where voting is compulsory, voter turnout is between 70% and 90%.
Through voting, people realize the basic principles of democracy and establish a government of the
eople, by the people and for the people.
In contrast, voter turnout in the U.S. is only 50%. That is because, unlike in other western democracies,
registering to vote is not easy in the U.S.
To make matters worse, elections are held on a Tuesday, which is a workday for most Americans
Against Euthanasia
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Nowadays, there is a heated debate going on regarding euthanasia (assisted suicide). (1)
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reover, because the interests of the patient may be in conflict with those of the family or
dical community, there is always the chance that euthanasia could be abused.
is precious, and no one has the right to take his own life. For these reasons, euthanasia should remain illegal.
wever, pain and suffering are just as much a part of life as good health and happiness.
tly, as medical science and technology are always advancing, there is always the
sibility that what is incurable today could be curable or manageable in the near future.
Supporters of euthanasia say that it is inhumane to keep alive terminally ill people who are
experiencing immense suffering
COMPOSING YOUR OWN THESIS STATEMENT

Now that you have decided, at least tentatively, what information you plan to present in your essay, are you
ready to write your thesis statement?
The thesis statement tells the reader what the essay will be about, and what point you, the author, will be
making. You know what the essay will be about. That was your topic. Now you must look at your outline or diagram
and decide what point you will be making. What do the main ideas and supporting ideas that you listed say about
your topic?
Remember: Your thesis statement is the central argument of your essay. It must be concise and well-
written.
Your thesis statement will have two parts.
TOPIC + OPINION = THESIS STATEMENT
The first part states the topic.
1. Kenya's Culture
2. Building a Model Train Set
3. Public Transportation
The second part states the point of the essay.
1. has a rich and varied history

2. takes time and patience
3. can solve some of our city's most persistent and pressing problems
Or in the second part you could simply list the three main ideas you will discuss.
17
1. has a long history, blends traditions from several other cultures, and provides a rich heritage.
2. requires an investment in time, patience, and materials.
3. helps with traffic congestion, resource management, and the city budget.
Examples:
TOPIC + OPINION = THESIS STATEMENT

When it comes to animals, dogs make better pets
Animals + Dogs make better pets than cats =
than cats.
Movies and The movie "Titanic" ignited many emotions in an
+ Titanic ignited many emotions =
emotions audience.
Gangs and
identity in the The boy lost his personal In the story "On the Sidewalk Bleeding", the boy
story + identity and was only seen as a = loses his identity and is only recognized as a gang
"On the Sidewalk gang member. member.
Bleeding".
Tips and Examples for Writing Thesis Statements
Tips for Writing Your Thesis Statement
1. Your thesis statement should be specific—it should cover only what you will discuss in your paper and
should be supported with specific evidence.
2. The thesis statement usually appears at the end of the first paragraph of a paper.
3. Your topic may change as you write, so you may need to revise your thesis statement to reflect exactly what
you have discussed in the paper. Make sure that the entire essays holds unity.
Why Should Your Essay Contain A Thesis Statement?

 to test your ideas by *distilling them into a sentence or two
 to better organize and develop your argument
 to provide your reader with a "guide" to your argument
*to get the essential meaning or ideas from thoughts, information, experiences, etc…
Remember: In general, your thesis statement will accomplish these goals if you think of the thesis as the answer to
the question your paper explores.
1. A strong thesis takes some sort of stand.
Remember that your thesis needs to show your conclusions about a subject. For example, if you are writing a paper
for a class on fitness, you might be asked to choose a popular weight-loss product to evaluate. Here are two thesis
statements:
There are some negative and positive aspects to the Banana Herb Tea Supplement.
This is a weak thesis. First, it fails to take a stand. Second, the phrase "negative and positive" aspects" are vague.
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Because Banana Herb Tea Supplement promotes rapid weight loss that results in the loss of muscle and lean body
mass, it poses a potential danger to customers.
This is a strong thesis because it takes a stand.
2. A strong thesis justifies discussion.
Your thesis should indicate the point of the discussion. If your assignment is to write a paper on kinship systems,
using your own family as an example, you might come up with either of these two thesis statements:
My family is an extended family.
This is a weak thesis because it states an observation. Your reader won't be able to tell the point of the statement, and
will probably stop reading.
While most American families would view consanguineal marriage as a threat to the nuclear family structure,
many Iranian families, like my own, believe that these marriages help reinforce kinship ties in an extended
family.
This is a strong thesis because it shows how your experience contradicts a widely accepted view. A good strategy for
creating a strong thesis is to show that the topic is controversial. Readers will be interested in reading the rest of the
essay to see how you support your point.
3. A strong thesis expresses one main idea.
Readers need to be able to see that your paper has one main point. If your thesis expresses more than one idea, then
you might confuse your readers about the subject of your paper. For example:
Companies need to exploit the marketing potential of the Internet, and web pages can provide both advertising
and customer support.
This is a weak thesis statement because the reader can't decide whether the paper is about marketing on the Internet
or web pages. To revise the thesis, the relationship between the two ideas needs to become clearer. One way to revise
the thesis would be to write:
Because the Internet is filled with tremendous marketing potential, companies should exploit this potential by
using web pages that offer both advertising and customer support.
This is a strong thesis because it shows that the two ideas are related. Hint: a great many clear and engaging thesis
statements contain words like "because," "since," "so," "although," "unless," and "however."
4. A strong thesis statement is specific.
A thesis statement should show exactly what your paper will be about, and will help you keep your paper to a
manageable topic. For example, if you write a paper on hunger, you might say:
World hunger has many causes and effects.
This is a weak thesis statement for two major reasons. First, "world hunger" can't be discussed thoroughly in five or
ten pages. Second, "many causes and effects" is vague. You should be able to identify specific causes and effects. A
revised thesis might look like this:
Hunger persists in Appalachia because jobs are scarce and farming in the infertile soil is rarely profitable.
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This is a strong thesis because it narrows the subject to a more specific and manageable topic and it also identifies
the specific causes for the existence of hunger.
Exercise 1: Thesis Statement Exercises
1. Essay Question:
“In a five paragraph essay, describe three approaches you take when studying for a test”
Your 3 Main Points:
a) _______________________________________________
b) _______________________________________________
c) _______________________________________________
Your Thesis Statement:
_______________________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________
2. Essay Question:
“Discuss some of the issues students face when studying abroad.”
Your 3 Main Points:
a) _______________________________________________
b) _______________________________________________
c) _______________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________
3. Essay Question:
“Life at college comes with many different challenges. Of course, people face and/or deal with
their problems in a variety of ways. Please describe one problem or issue you face, and some of
the ways you deal with student related problems/issues.”
Your 3 Main Points:
a) _______________________________________________
b) _______________________________________________
c) _______________________________________________
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_______________________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
Exercise 2: Creating Your Thesis Statement
Look at the following thesis statements. Which of the three types (analytical, expository or argumentative) do they
exemplify? Look at the feedback when you have decided.
1. In order to completely understand the possible problems arising from Poland's entry into the EU, three main
areas of EU policy should be examined in detail: agricultural policy, broader fiscal policy and foreign policy.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………
2. When compiling a business proposal, one has to consider questions of capital, consumer demand and
competition.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………
3. The status of women has improved remarkably since the 60s, thanks mostly to increased educational
opportunities and legislative reform.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………
4. The purpose of this paper is to demonstrate that, contrary to the opinion of many experts, the potential
benefits of learning vocabulary methodically, by word field, are considerable.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Exercise 3
Rewrite each of the thesis statements below, turning each into an effective thesis statement for a 2-3 page essay. You
must think carefully about what would be an appropriate topic for an essay of this length - be careful not to choose a
topic that is either too broad or too narrow.
1. Choosing a career is very difficult.

_______________________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________
2. It is important to visit foreign countries.
_______________________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________
2. In this essay I am going to talk about social problems in Peru.
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_______________________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________
3. The nuclear family is a thing of the past.
_______________________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________
Exercise 4
Complete the following thesis statements by adding the specific points or claims that you think should feature in the
essay.
1. The life expectancy of the average person is increasing because of

...............................................................................................................................................................................
...............................................................................................................................................................................
...............................................................................................................................
2. Technology is changing our lives in three important areas:
...............................................................................................................................................................................
...............................................................................................................................................................................
...............................................................................................................................
3. A teacher must have the following qualities: ...
...............................................................................................................................................................................
...............................................................................................................................................................................
..............................................................................................................................
4. The purpose of this paper is to examine...
...............................................................................................................................................................................
...............................................................................................................................................................................
...............................................................................................................................
5. Owning an automobile is a necessity both...
...............................................................................................................................................................................
...............................................................................................................................................................................
...............................................................................................................................
6. Poverty has numerous negative consequences for society, including...
...............................................................................................................................................................................
...............................................................................................................................................................................
...............................................................................................................................
7. The main difficulties affecting foreign students at university are...
...............................................................................................................................................................................
...............................................................................................................................................................................
...............................................................................................................................
8. Living together before marriage is becoming increasingly popular for three main reasons:
...............................................................................................................................................................................
...............................................................................................................................................................................
................................................................................................................................
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1. General note: A thesis statement like "There are pros and cons to this topic..." or "In this essay I plan to
examine the advantages and disadvantages of X..." are generally thought to be TOO WEAK, as there are
good and bad sides to EVERYTHING. This is particularly true of American conventions for academic
writing. You should, in any case, be careful that your thesis statement is not so vague that it could apply to
ANY topic. Your reader is interested in what you have to say SPECIFICALLY about THIS TOPIC.
Exercise 5: In this exercise you will learn to identify specific problems with thesis statements.
The underlined thesis is incorrect because:
a) The thesis is unrelated to the introductory paragraph.

b) The thesis contradicts the introductory paragraph.
c) The thesis is a fact.
d) The thesis is too general.
e) The thesis is unclear.
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3

24

Exercise 6: In this exercise, you will learn how to identify and fix problems with thesis statements. Each of the
following introductory paragraphs has a problem with its thesis statement. Read each paragraph and identify the
problem in the thesis statement. Then, rewrite the correct thesis statement in the space provided.
The Right to Die
(1) In the debate regarding assisted suicide, there are those who believe that a person is alive as long as she
continues to breathe. They say that death must remain a natural occurrence, and not something to be caused or
facilitated by human interference. However, the example of Karen Quinlan, a woman declared permanently
comatose in hospital, brings to light the common sense in the use of assisted suicide. Although Karen Quinlan
continued to breathe for nine years, Karen died to her family and friends when she became comatose. There is
no justification to maintain that the simple act of breathing qualifies as life. Keeping utterly debilitated patients
alive with the help of medication and technology simply perpetuates the suffering of the patient and her loved
ones. It serves no better purpose than imposing a financial burden on the patient's family and draining the
limited resources of society. For these reasons, Karen Quinlan should have allowed to die.
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Write your thesis here
Hint
The statement is too narrow to be a thesis. Karen Quinlan's case is just an example. The rest
of the introduction suggests that the essay is going to be about the right to die, not about
Karen Quinlan.
Should Marijuana Be Legalized?
(2) People believe they know the difference between illegal and legal drugs. The popular belief is that illegal
drugs cause severe health problems and induce criminal behavior, whereas legal drugs do not pose serious
problems to the user and to society. But is this always true? Many popular legal drugs, if they are taken in toxic
doses, can cause serious health problems, even death. On the other hand, certain illegal drugs—such as
marijuana—do not cause such serious problems and have significant therapeutic benefits. Yet, marijuana still
remains illegal. So, perhaps the assumption that all legal drugs are good and all illegal drugs are bad is incorrect
since the decision to categorize drugs as legal or illegal has been an arbitrary one. Marijuana is one substance
that has been mistakenly classified as an illegal drug for too long. It is less harmful than such legal drugs as
tobacco and alcohol, offers medicinal benefits, and its legalization would offer significant economic benefits to
society. Therefore, legalizing marijuana may not be such a bad idea after all.
Hint
This statement is too weak. The phrase "may be" shows the writer's uncertainty, and it fails to convince
the reader. You need to use a stronger word or phrase, such as "should."
In Support of the Death Penalty
(3) One afternoon in 1994, Megan Kanka, a little girl of 7, was riding her bicycle outside her home in New
Jersey when a neighbor asked her if she wanted to see his new puppy. He then took her into his home, raped her,
and strangled her with a belt. The man, a twice-convicted sex-offender called Jesse Timmendequas, was
sentenced to death in 1997. For gruesome murders like this, the death penalty is the only appropriate
punishment. Justice is only served when the death penalty is given to a criminal who has cruelly taken the life of
another person. Besides, by executing those who murder innocent victims in cold blood, society can prevent
future murders. Also, the possibility of executing the innocent by mistake is dramatically reduced by the appeals
system that is in place today for defendants in death penalty cases as well as the availability of advanced
forensic technology and DNA analysis. Therefore, we should put a stop to executing criminals.
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Hint
This statement contradicts the whole idea of the paragraph. The thesis statement should be clearly in
agreement with the arguments presented in the paragraph.
Don't Try Teenagers in Adult Courts!
(4) Have you ever done anything risky, dangerous or even illegal? Most of us have probably done at least
one thing in our lives - most likely during our teenage years - that bordered on the edge of legality. As
teenagers, we probably did not consider the long-term consequences of our actions; we were just out trying to
have a good time, to be accepted by our peers. Imagine, for example, that after attending a party and being only
"mildly intoxicated," you decide to drive home. While driving, you fall asleep and accidentally kill another
driver. If caught, tried and sentenced as an adult - as many today believe is appropriate - you might end up
spending many years in prison, exposed to dangerous, hardened criminals three times your age. This one poor
decision, and all your hopes and plans for a productive and meaningful life are wasted! How many young lives
need to be destroyed before society realizes that sentencing teenagers as adults is inappropriate and excessive in
a just society? Teenagers do not have the same intellectual or emotional capabilities as adults. Furthermore,
serving sentences in adult prisons is dangerous both to society and the young offender. Finally, the juvenile
justice system is the appropriate place to try juvenile offenders. For these reasons, we should protect
teenagers from the criminal justice system.
Hint
This statement is too vague (unclear). It should clearly state what aspect of the criminal justice system
teenagers should be protected from.
The Myth of Equal Opportunities
(5) America is hailed as a land of equal opportunities. Founded on the principle that "all men are created
equal," it is regarded by many as a country where a person is not discriminated against on the basis of race,
ethnicity, gender or religious conviction. However, a look at the history of the U.S. over the centuries and a
closer look at the state of minorities in the present day America reveal quite a different picture. Despite the
various struggles fought and the many victories won to do away with discrimination and to create an even
playing field where individuals can utilize their potential, opportunities are still not equally available to all
members of American society. Women are paid less than men for the same work, and they are obviously
underrepresented in government. Blacks and Hispanics make up a small percentage of the workforce in top
positions but a large percentage of those who live in poverty. The poor members of society, regardless of
gender, race, or ethnicity, confront a world of hardships and limited opportunities to improve their lives. For
these reasons, some people think America is a land of equal opportunities, and others believe that it is not.
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Hint
The thesis does not have a definite position. The rest of the introduction takes a stand on the issue of equal
opportunities, but the thesis does not.
Exercises 7: In this final exercise, you will write an essay using the outline below.
Thesis: Educational programs inside prisons aimed at rehabilitating prisoners should be considered as
an alternative to the current punitive justice system.
Educational programs aimed at promoting social values help prisoners develop social skills
o Providing workshops promoting
 civilized behavior
 responsible conduct
o Active involvement in courses that promote
 self-esteem
 empathy
 solidarity
Education provides prisoners with life skills necessary for reintegration into society
o College-educated prisoners have a better rate of employment
 75% vs. 40%
o Recidivism (committing crime repeatedly) drops considerably
 from 60% to 10%
o Education of prisoners has a positive impact on their children
Education programs save money
o $2,500 per year to educate an inmate compared to $25,000 to incarcerate
o $1.71 in reduced crime costs for every dollar spent on education
o Working ex-offenders pay taxes
Conclusion: Educational programs offer prisoners the help they need to develop the skills necessary to
become productive members of society.
Tips and suggestions for writing an introductory paragraph
Grab the reader's attention right away by beginning your introductory paragraph with a
hook. A hook can be:
o a question
o an interesting or emotional story
o a surprising fact
o a striking image
o a quote (the exact words) usually of someone important or knowledgeable on the
topic
o a general view contrasted with the author's view
Provide some background information on your topic.
Your thesis should clearly state the position you are arguing in your essay.
Make sure to use connecting phrases and sentences so that your paragraph logically flows 28
from one idea to the next.
How to Write a Concluding Paragraph
An effective concluding paragraph should provide closure for a paper, leaving the reader
feeling satisfied that the thesis has been fully explained. Probably the shortest paragraph
of an essay, the conclusion should be brief and to the point. The conclusion should
provide a restatement of the thesis, a summary of the author's conclusions, and perhaps a
solution to the problem, if this is the writer's intent. However, a good writer avoids a
blatant repetition of the thesis statement which can leave a reader feeling annoyed and
disappointed after reading an otherwise interesting paper. Repeating the thesis, word for
word, in the conclusion seems lazy and is not very interesting. It is best to restate the ideas using different language,
perhaps even to create a sort of dramatic effect that comes from repetition. Good conclusions might have a dramatic
quality -- rather like a grand finale. The conclusion should leave the reader with an overall sense of how the writer
feels about the subject. Concluding statements which refer back to the introductory paragraph are appropriate here.
Frequently, the ideas in the body of an essay lead to some significant conclusion that can be stated and explained in
this final paragraph. Finally, this is not the place to introduce ideas you forgot to mention in the body of the paper!
What to Avoid in Concluding Paragraphs
 Do not *go off the track. Avoid introducing an entirely new idea or adding a fact that belongs in the body of
the essay. Your conclusion should flow from the rest of your essay.
*to stop liking something
 Do not announce what you have done. Avoid statements such as ―In this paper I have tried to show the main
causes for the drop in oil prices.‖ This concept is a little too obvious. Do not be afraid to discuss what you
have done, but do it in a more subtle way.
 Do not make absolute claims. Avoid statements such as “If we take this action, the problem will be solved.”
Always qualify your message with expressions such as ―If we take this action, we will begin working toward
a solution of the problem.” The reason why you want to avoid this is that extreme claims like the examples
are very hard to prove. We live in a world without a lot of absolutes, so simply write what you were trying
to prove. Again, do not be afraid to be confident of your success, but do not claim total victory, either.
 Do not apologize. Avoid casting doubt on your material by making statements such as ―I may not have
thought of all the arguments, but. . .‖ and ―Even though I am not an expert, I feel that what I have said is
correct.‖
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Step 7: Write the Conclusion
The concluding paragraph typically has two parts:
1. The summary statement is one or two sentences which restate the thesis in a fresh way to reinforce the essay's
main idea.
2. The clincher is a final thought which should create a lasting impression on the reader.
The summary statement
The summary statement is an effective way to start your concluding paragraph because it helps to drive home the
ideas you've expressed in your essay.
Look at your thesis statement again and rework it in a new way. Avoid repeating key words and phrases from
the thesis statement because you don't want the summary statement to sound boring or repetitive. Using a
thesaurus is a good way to find new, interesting words.
Here are some examples of thesis statements and summary statements:
Thesis Statement: Many Americans are buying the Toyota Corolla because of its competitive price, fuel economy,
and high resale value.
Summary Statement: Reasonable pricing, low miles per gallon, and an attractive resale value have all contributed
to the popularity of the Toyota Corolla in today's market.
Thesis Statement: San Francisco is a stimulating place to visit because of its magnificent location, its theaters and
art galleries, and its many fine restaurants.
Summary Statement: If you love beautiful surroundings, world class theater and art, and an exquisite meal, then
San Francisco is the place for you.
The clincher
The clincher, also referred to as the closer, is your last opportunity to connect with the reader. One way to make the
most of this moment is to return to the technique you used for your grabber.
Exercise 1: Decide what kind of technique is used in every example.
1. Prediction or Recommendation
2. Using a Question
3. Using Description
4. Anecdote
5. Using a Quotation
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1. Using ……………… as a Clincher - Examples
Concluding Paragraphs Introductory Paragraphs

In Lake Wobegone Days, humorist Garrison Keillor
tells of a retired dentist in a little Minnesota town.
He sits in a fishing boat much of the day. "Open
wide," Dr. Nute says to the fish. "This may sting a
little bit. Okay. Now bite down." Unfortunately,
not all retired persons are so easily able to continue
their once interesting professions in some form, as
Dr. Nute has. Retirees have a high death rate within
the first six months after retirement, apparently
because of boredom, and psychologists suggest three
ways to prevent it.
When Jonathan Swift described Gulliver's trip to the land of

Laputa in Gulliver's Travels, Swift depicted scientists who had
one eye turned inward and the other aimed at the stars. In the
case of two high school science teachers I had had at this
school, life imitates Swift's art. The school district should
require all teachers, especially those in science, to have an
interest in students as well as expertise and curiosity.
The young man with the hammer hoisted himself onto the top
of the wall. All around him on the wall and on the ground,
people chanted and cheered. The young man knelt down,
with his hammer, and began to chip at the cold, gray
concrete. Little by little, the wall began to crumble. As I
watched in amazement, it was hard to comprehend the fact
that I was watching the Berlin Wall coming down.
Exercise 1
Introductory Paragraph
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Concluding Paragraph
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Exercise 2
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2. Making ………………………. as a Clincher - Examples

Television is so popular that over 128 million sets are now
being used in 98 percent of American households. According
to the A.C. Nielsen Company, which takes television surveys,
each week the small screen holds the attention of children
under five for an average of 23.5 hours and adults for an
average of 44 hours. Indeed, the typical viewer spends more
time in front of the television set than he or she spends on any
other activity except sleep. But far from being the "idiot
box" that it is often called, television offers viewers many
benefits. Television can be educational, as well as
entertaining.
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Fully half the fatal automobile accidents in Maryland involve a
drunk driver, according to the State Division of Motor Vehicles.
We should support concerned citizens who are now
demanding that three strict laws be passed to alleviate this
problem.
A study at the University of North Carolina indicates that

persons riding in a passenger van are twice as likely as other
riders to suffer serious or fatal injuries. Recently I learned
from personal experience that the shape of a vehicle is a
major factor in how safely it handles.
Exercise 1
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Exercise 2
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3. Using a…………………. as a Clincher - Examples

What do smoke signals, wax tablets, and the telegraph all
have in common? They were all tools used for
communication. Some of these tools were more sophisticated
than others, but all of them served the same purpose. They
allowed people to communicate with each other. Maybe in a
few thousand years, our way of communicating will become
obsolete. But there's no denying the importance of the cell
phone, the computer, and the postal service in our society
today.
Where does our drinking water come from? Some people get
theirs from water systems maintained by cities and towns.
Other people get theirs from their own wells. However, much of
your drinking water, whether people get it from a city water
system or from a home well, comes from the ground.
If you became seriously ill and needed to be hospitalized for

several weeks, would you be able to afford to pay thousands
of dollars for proper medical care? Unfortunately, many
Americans have already found out that they cannot.
Therefore, the federal government must provide national
health insurance for all of its citizens.
Exercise 1
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Exercise 2
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4. Using a……………….. as a Clincher - Examples

"Never do yourself what you can afford to pay someone else to
do." That is a motto my brother lives by. Had I lived by it, too,
I could have saved myself a large expense, much griminess,
and a painful injury to my hand the last time I tried to fix a
leaking toilet.
H.L. Mencken defined "Puritanism" as "the haunting fear that

someone, somewhere, may be happy." The clerks at the
Department of Motor Vehicles must be Puritans. They
seem to do their best to see that each person who comes in to
get a license or registration, has to wind through a confusing
maze of lines, must wait an eternity for help, and has to
remain standing the entire time.
35
Writer Dave Gentry once said, "True friendship comes when
silence between two people is comfortable." I know exactly
what Mr. Gentry means. My best friend, Elizabeth Reynolds,
and I, can talk on the phone for hours or we can sit
together in the mountains or at the beach and just enjoy
the silence. Since she's been my best friend for twenty-five
years, we're able to connect in many ways.
Exercise 1
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Exercise 2
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5. Using…………………..as a Clincher – Examples
Mile upon mile of brown Pennsylvania hills unfolded as I

drove in and out of the curves and over the crests of Interstate
70. The world's worst forest fire could not have caused more
destruction & damage and all because of the gypsy moth. If
this pest is to be stopped, it will only be through the strong
action of the government and private landowners.
For anyone fortunate enough to have a wood-burning

fireplace, sitting in front of a healthy fire on a frosty winter
afternoon provides a sense of comfort and luxury.
Unfortunately, many fireplace owners do not understand
the three essential steps for achieving a successful fire.
Everyone should learn the basics of preparing the fireplace,
arranging the materials before igniting, and tending the fire.
Its left ear is partially detached. One of its black plastic

eyes is gone. Parts of its fur is worn and matted from being
hugged and tugged around the house. Food and juice stains
dapple its tan coat in places. Some people might think this
little stuffed bunny should be thrown into the junk heap.
But this old bunny is one of my favorite childhood possessions,
and we've been through a lot together.
Exercise 1
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Exercise 2
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Exercise 2: In the exercise, you will have to decide what kind of techniques are being used in every concluding
paragraph, but first take a look at the outline.
Outline
Thesis: Federal firearm-access prevention laws should be passed. These laws would restrict unauthorized access
to firearms and reduce all types of gun violence. They are also reasonable and feasible means of gun control.
Body:
Access prevention laws address the source of gun-related violence: ready access to privately-owned
firearms.
o Explain what access prevention laws would do.
Access prevention laws will reduce all types of gun-related violence.
o Accidental deaths
 Journal of the American Medical Association study
o Intentional third-party shootings
 Bureau of Tobacco and Firearms study
o Suicides
 Guns provide quick, easy and effective means of killing one's self.
Gun-access prevention laws provide a legitimate and feasible means of gun control.
o Provide a constitutional means of gun-control
 Right to bear arms comes with the responsibility for storing them safely.
o Provide a practical means of gun control
 financial cost
 physical and mental effort
 time
1
To conclude, one cannot argue against the necessity for federal firearm-access prevention laws. They keep
weapons out of the hand of unauthorized users, reduce all kinds of gun-related violence, and they are a constitutional
and practical means of gun control. If you want this country to stop being the most violent of all western countries,
call or write to your representatives in Congress and demand that they pass federal firearm prevention laws.
38
Techniques
a) Summary
b) Restatement of the thesis
c) Suggestion (call for action)
d) Prediction (positive or negative outcome)
e) question
2
In summary, federal firearm-access prevention laws prevent unauthorized individuals from having access
to guns. This in turn reduces three types of gun-related violence: accidental deaths, thirds-party shooting and
suicides. Moreover, access prevention laws provide a constitutional and practical means of gun control. These
facts provide conclusive evidence that a firearm-access prevention law is needed. If a federal law is not passed, the
United States will continue to have the unfortunate distinction of being the most violent of all western societies.
Techniques
a) Summary
e) Question
3
Do we as Americans want to continue to be known as the most violent of all western countries? If not, call
or write to your representatives in Congress and demand that they pass federal firearm prevention laws. After all,
federal firearm-access prevention laws keep weapons out of the hand of unauthorized users, reduce all kinds of gun-
related violence, and they are a constitutional and practical means of gun control. Given these facts, one cannot argue
against the necessity for federal firearm-access prevention laws.
Techniques
a) Summary
e) Question
Exercise 3: In this exercise, you will learn to identify concluding paragraphs that match the content of the
outline given.
What will you do?
You will be given an outline that is missing a conclusion. There are also five concluding paragraphs. You will have
to choose one. Read the outline and each concluding paragraph, decide if the concluding paragraph given matches
the outline or not.
1
Outline
Thesis: the time for the legalization of marijuana has come.

 Tobacco and alcohol are more harmful than marijuana.
 Findings on marijuana, tobacco and alcohol
 Marijuana the least addictive and not linked to aggression or violence
 Alcohol the most addictive, causes aggressive and violent behaviors, and may be
deadly in large doses
 Tobacco associated with many diseases
 Marijuana offers medical benefits
 Relieves symptoms of many diseases
 List of physical illnesses it relieves
 Benefits to mental illnesses 39
 Present few side effects
 Contrast side effects of marijuana and prescription (legal) drugs
 No physical addiction
As a society, we can’t continue to label substances legal or illegal based on arbitrary reasons. If drugs more
harmful than marijuana are legal, marijuana too should be legalized.
a) The concluding paragraph matches the outline

b) The concluding paragraph does not match the outline
2
Outline

 Benefits to mental illnesses
 Economic benefits of legalizing marijuana
 Cutting law enforcement costs saves money
 Example of Massachusetts study
 Taxing marijuana sales
Given that marijuana is less harmful than alcohol or tobacco, given its medical benefits, and given the
economic benefits its legalization would bring, marijuana should not be illegal any longer. If we continued to
label marijuana illegal, we would actually be supporting a system of arbitrary laws and denying all citizens
the benefits this drug could bring. Think of it. Can we as a society afford to do this?

3
Outline

 Tobacco associated with many diseases 40
Marijuana should not be illegal because it is less harmful than other legal drugs, has medical benefits, and
legalizing is would even bring economic benefits. Besides, legalizing marijuana will ensure that children
won’t have access to it. Who can argue against such benefits?

4
Outline

 Benefits to mental illnesses
 Economic benefits of legalizing marijuana
 Cutting law enforcement costs saves money
 Example of Massachusetts study
 Taxing marijuana sales
Though marijuana is less harmful than other legal drugs, has obvious medicinal benefits, and legalizing it
would bring economic benefits, we must not legalize it without first carefully considering the societal impact
its legalization would have.

5
Outline

 Tobacco and alcohol are more harmful than marijuana. 41
As we have seen, there really is no direct connection between the legal status of a drug and its harmfulness.
Some harmful drugs are legal, while marijuana which is less harmful is illegal. Given this fact, along with all
the evidence of marijuana’s medical benefits and the economic benefits of its legalization, we must conclude
that it is in society’s best interest to legalize marijuana.

Exercise 4: In this test, you are given a thesis statement followed by an outline. Based on the thesis statement and the
outline, you will have to write a complete essay and a well-developed concluding paragraph.
Thesis: Society should apply capital punishment to deal with the most heinous crime of
murder.
Capital punishment is the only fair means of retribution.

o Death is the only punishment that fits the crime of murder.
 Those who take life forfeit their right to live.
 Unfair to keep a murderer alive
o Lightens the pain that the loved ones of the victim feel.
Capital punishment serves as deterrent.
o People fear death the most. 42
 Death inflicted by law and scheduled by the courts is especially

Tips for Writing Well-developed concluding paragraphs
You must restate the thesis.

You must summarize the reasons and the arguments.
You may also make a suggestion (call for action), or
include a prediction (positive or negative outcomes).
You may end your concluding paragraph with a
question.
Do not introduce new ideas in the concluding
EDITING AND REVISING paragraph.
Do not include ideas that might contradict your thesis.
In this exercise, you will learn how to edit your writing - how to find and correct grammar mistakes.
The following passages contain various grammar mistakes.
1. Find five mistakes with number agreement.
43
2. Find five mistakes with verb forms.
3. Find 5 mistakes with verb tenses.
44
4. Find 5 mistakes with apostrophes
5. Find 3 mistakes with Run-ons; 2 mistakes with Verb Tense.
45
6. Find 2 mistakes with Conditionals: 3 mistakes with Articles.
7. Find 3 mistakes with Capitalization; 2 mistakes with Subject-Verb Agreement
46
8. Find 3 mistakes with Word Forms; 2 mistakes with Apostrophes
9. Find 2 mistakes with Verb Tenses; 3 mistakes with Word Form
47
48
ESSAY BREAKDOWN – HOW THEY LINK TOGETHER
 INTRODUCTION PARAGRAPH
 Background sentence (general information)
 It is common today…
 As it is commonly understood…
 Nowadays…
 Detailed background sentence (background information)
 This can be seen in…
 This has been seen in…
 This is nowhere more evident that than…
 Thesis (the main idea of what you are trying to prove – do not use personal pronouns)
 It is believed that…
 It is argued that….
 It will be shown…..
 Outline of two topics in supporting the paragraphs.
 This will be proven by analyzing…1,2
 This will be shown by taking into account 1,2
 SUPPORTING PARAGRAPH 1
 Topic 1 (repeats the first topic given in the outline sentence)
 Firstly…
 Looking first at...
 Examples to support topic 1 (do not invent facts must be real evidence)
 For example,
 For instance,
 Take_________, for instance
 Discussion sentence (links the example 1 to topic 1)
 This example clearly shows that…
 It is obvious when looking at this example that…
 This example makes it clear
 When looking at this example there‟s no doubt that…
 Conclusion sentence (links and supports topic 1 to the thesis)
 It is obvious that…
 Thus, there is an obvious link between…
 From this, it can be concluded that…
 SUPPORTING PARAGRAPH 2
 Topic 2 (repeats the second topic given in the outline sentence)
 Firstly…
 Looking first at...
 Example to support topic 2 (do not invent facts - must be real evidence)
 For example,
 For instance,
 Take_________, for instance
 Discussion sentence (links the example 2 to topic 2)
 This example clearly shows that…
 It is obvious when looking at this example that…
 This example makes it clear
 When looking at this example there‟s no doubt that…
 Conclusion sentence (links and supports topic 2 to the thesis)
 CONCLUSION PARAGRAPH
 Summary (restates supporting topics 1 and 2)
 After analyzing the areas of….
 Following the analyzing of…..
 Restatement of the thesis (use it again with different words)
 As has been proven...
 It has now been shown…
 Prediction or recommendation
 It is expected that… / It is predicted that…
49
EXAMPLE
Why Eating Out
As it is commonly understood, Opinions on food vary tremendously as does an individual‟s culinary skill. Thus,
some people like to eat out while others prefer to stay at home and cook for themselves. For me, I prefer to go to food
stand or restaurants as opposed to preparing food at home. Eating in this manner both more convenient and tastier and I
will analyze these areas in my essay.
Firstly, eating in a restaurant is much more convenient that eating at home. For example, when I finish al long day
of work, I often don‟t have enough time to prepare a meal for myself at home. Furthermore, many international
restaurants line the street where I live. Thus, going to a restaurant is a much more convenient option for me. From this, it
can be concluded that one of the main reasons I prefer restaurants to cooking at home.
A second reason is that restaurant food always tastes better than the food I cook. I am not a talented chef by any
stretch and the food I cook never turns out the way I plan. For instance, I often over cook the foods to the point that they
unpalatable. For this reason, restaurant food is consistently a tastier option and is therefore another reason why I prefer
buying my meals to preparing them at home.
In conclusion, restaurant food is both more convenient and tastier than my own cooking. Thus, as it has now been
shown I choose to eat the majority of my meals outside my home and strongly prefer this to cooking for myself. I believe
I will continue this lifestyle as long as I am a working person.
PART 1/……………………………
SHOULD EDUCATION BE FREE?
Should education be free? There are people who say that it should. There are others who say that it shouldn‟t. If it is free,
then everyone can go to school, That is a positive result, but, what if it isn‟t free? People have to pay. And if they have to
pay, they might not have enough money to finish their schooling. But if it‟s free, then the people who provide schooling
the teachers and managers will not make money. So, therefore, education should not free. It‟s not really fair if people
who work in schools don‟t get paid. But, then again, if people have to pay, maybe they won‟t come to school, and then the
teachers will not get paid, so it won‟t matter, so should education be free? I say that it should be free. Except where you
have to pay, and then it should be like a business.
That‟s crazy because it doesn‟t have a clear position statement.

There are two conflicting position statements.
Paragraph is like punctuation. It tells the reader when the argument is done.
Without paragraphs, it‟s difficult to read.
PART 2/…………………….
I think education is free. I no pay for school. My dad, he pays, but that‟s not good. Because I think that „cause people
work and pay money for talks. They don‟t know any best, unitl we all get a good school, an can ask good eduction, it is
not for school to give it for free. This is what i mean. If we think education is free- think again. It‟s not free. Education
you have to pay. My mum she pays schools fees and my dad he pays too, so everyone knows that free is good, because
then everyone can…..
50
PART 3/……………………………..
Should education be free? In my view, education should be free. If it is free, then people do not have to pay. That is,
schools are free, and so education is free. In other words, whenever people do not have to pay for schooling. Then, we can
say that education is free, there are people who disagree with me. They say that education should not be free. If education
is not free, then you have to pay for schooling. Schooling should be free, unless you must pay, in which case. It is not free.
Making education free for everyone is a good idea, but it may be practical, for example, where does the money come
from for school books and other things? If education is free, then who pays for all the sources, the books and materials?
Not having a wide range of vocabulary makes lose lots of marks.
PART 4/ ……………………….
Hey, I think education should be free. Don‟t you think so? If you think about it, it makes sense.
First of all, if education is free, we can all go to school. That‟ cool I mean, it doesn‟t matter if you are black or white, rich
or poor, fat or thin, anything – we can all go. That‟s real democratic, like everyone‟s equal, get it? And, everyone will be
able to read and write and ask intelligent questions, and say what they wanna say.
And another thing, if we can all get educated, we will all become smarted and then we can do the same work twice as fast.
Don‟t you that‟ll make the world a better place. Like everyone will be able to do stuff faster and more efficiently, so
that‟s an economic reason why education should be free.
Another thing, if everyone is educated, and then there will be less racism, less conflict. Why wouldn‟t everyone want
that? I mean there‟s too much violence and too much conflict in the world. Don‟t you agree? So if we can get everyone to
just try to understand each other. Then we will make this world a better place.
The possible solution here is to use more impersonal language. Avoid using the first person pronoun “I” and try
not to use the second pronoun “you” too much.
In my opinion, education should be free. There are a number of social and economical reasons for free education.
First of all, free education means that everyone can access schools and library resources. There are no restrictions on
access regardless of whether, you are rich or poor. Everyone will be able to develop their writing and reading skills, and
as a result society will become more equal. There will be less social disadvantage.
Secondly, there are economic advantages for free education if everyone can develop their skills and knowledge. They
will become more productive workers. This is good for the country‟s economy, as it will make us more internationally
competitive with our countries.
Thirdly, free education means that they will be more social harmony, as people learn about each other differences,
including religious and cultural differences, they will become more tolerant. A more tolerant and understanding society
means there will be less social conflict.
In conclusion, the social and economic advantages of free educations are overwhelming if people can develop their
knowledge and skills. They will become more tolerant, more productive and society will become more egalitarian
51
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FIRST

Let’s say you’re at the bookstore and you’re trying

Dedicated to my first and only love VB.

Functions of the Introductory Paragraph

 To capture the reader's attention and to encourage further reading.

Things NOT to do in an introductory paragraph:

In this paper I will . . .

1. historical review 4. quotation

Finding the Hook

Surprising statement: A surprising statement is a favorite introductory technique of

Reasons Connecting phrases

Can education reduce crime?

The globalization of pollution

Authoring principles and practices: Navigation in Educational Web Sites

Children's satisfaction with their names

The state of the environment

How can anti-social behavior be prevented?

Recent Advances in Robotics

The advantages and disadvantages of keeping exotic pets

a) Opening with a question

a) Opening with a question

a) Opening with a question

a) Opening with a question

a) Opening with a question

The Myth of Equal Opportunities

____________________________________________. Or at least that is what one is led to conclude

Choose the missing hook for introductory paragraph 1

a) There are many problems in the U.S.

Mandatory Military Service for All

____________________________________________. Maintaining a strong and well-staffed military is the

Choose the missing hook for introductory paragraph 2

The Right to Die

Choose the missing reason for introductory paragraph 3

a) Lastly, euthanasia should not be performed because it is illegal.

Choose the missing thesis for introductory paragraph 4

a) Therefore, marijuana should be legalized.

Sex Offender Notification Law

Choose the missing connecting idea for introductory paragraph 5.

To improve Voter Turnout

COMPOSING YOUR OWN THESIS STATEMENT

Your thesis statement will have two parts.

TOPIC + OPINION = THESIS STATEMENT

The first part states the topic.

The second part states the point of the essay.

1. has a rich and varied history

TOPIC + OPINION = THESIS STATEMENT

Tips and Examples for Writing Thesis Statements

Tips for Writing Your Thesis Statement

Why Should Your Essay Contain A Thesis Statement?

1. A strong thesis takes some sort of stand.

This is a strong thesis because it takes a stand.

2. A strong thesis justifies discussion.

My family is an extended family.

3. A strong thesis expresses one main idea.

4. A strong thesis statement is specific.

World hunger has many causes and effects.

Exercise 1: Thesis Statement Exercises

Your 3 Main Points:

“Discuss some of the issues students face when studying abroad.”