C O N T EN T S

How NOT to Celebrate Your Birthday 1

1 , A n ODD W ay to Spend Your Birthday 5

2, Spinach with Your Driftwood? lo

3 , Stoick Fails to See the Funny Side 18

4 , Bog-Burglars Do N ot A lways Tell the Truth *9

5 , The Stealth Dragon 4-J

6, W elcome to the M eathead Public Library 4 -9
7, High in the M urderous M ountains .. w

8, N o Going Back , ,.b8

9, The Hairy Scary Librarian 75

1 0 , Big, Big Trouble 9b
1 1 , Hide-and-Seek with Driller Dragons 104.
1 2 , A Hero's Guide to Deadly Dragons 115

1 3 , Yikes HI

1 4 , M adguts W ill Be Steaming M ad 1*8

1 5 , The Hairy Librarian Gets Scary 14-4¬
1 6 , The Librarian Gets Squashed ,150
1 7 , The N umber Six Sword I5I
1 8 , W hy N o One Steals from M adguts 15b
1 9 , Hiccup's Birthday Present Ibj

Epilogue 175
Dragon Profiles 179
Dragonese Dictionary 199
 This is

th e HOfE T/ f £

V H iccup is a Viking, and is in •.

his first year of the Pirate Training
Program, w hich is a bit like prison but the boys are
armed and the fo o d is T RU LY D ISG USTIN G .
Vikings are the Terrors of the Seas, the Scourge
/
[/ of Civilizatio n, the great Barbarian Warriors o f
the N o rth.
But what H iccup is, is mostly W ET. / ^
/ 4 It rains a lot o n the Isle o f Berk. S
D i d you know , there are 101 different w ords for ^
rain in the D r a g O U e s e language?
Hiccup know s them A L L

i
 This is Hiccup 's dragon,

T OOTHLESS.
H e is the smallest hunting
' dragon anybody has ever f
seen. A nd he hasn't got
any teeth. But he can still
give a nasty bite w ith his
V ERY H A RD gums, as you /
w ill find out if yo u ever try and take back the
haddock he's just sneakily stolen fro m your plate
w hen yo u w eren't lo o king.
N EV ER try and take back the haddock. ^
You might need all ten o f your fingers one day,
for sw ordfighting, or learning to play the harp
or something.
Sometimes H iccup can't help w ishing Toothless
was a truly gigantic Mo nstro us Nightmare kind of
dragon . . . but d o n't tell him.

/
/
 This is Hiccup 's father,

you can see, he is tough but not all that bright.

 This is Hiccup 's best friend ,

H is dragon, Ho rro rco w , is a

no rmal size, but she is
vegetarian and not very
scary unless you happen to
be a carrot.
Things Fishlegs
often says in a life-
threatening situation:
"Fo r Tho r's sake, I can't believe we are out here
surrounded by deadly fire-breathing carnivores Y ET
A G A IN ! Call me fussy but I quite fancied staying
alive until I was at least tw elve. . . . "

is the daughter of
Big -Bo o bied Bertha,
the Chief o f the
Bog-Burglars.
H iccup never tells her
this, because Camicazi
is way too pleased with herself already, but she IS a
very good swordfighter.
She is also handy at Burglary, and here she is in
her Burglary Suit. Some of that equipment looks
illegal.
Things Camicazi often says when swordfighting
a large and scary Cannibal:
"Ooooh you're just TERRIBLE at this, really
TERRIBLE . . . I hope you're better at eating people
than you are at swordfighting, because if you're not
you must be STA RV IN G .. . LOOK!" (cuts a large
letter C in the shirt-front of the Cannibal with the tip
of her sword) "C is for Camicazi, and Clumsy,
Cowardly Cockroach of a Cannibal, I could have
killed you five times already, it's PA TH ETIC ."
A nd here are some others. . . .
4^ r * * ^ i

H O W NOT TO
C ELEBRA TE YO UR
BIRTH D A Y
H l t t * ^ a v U his
Once there were dragons. ' *%
• Imagine a time o f D R A G O N S •— some larger '
than mountainsides, slumbering in the depths o f the'
ocean; some smaller, than ybuf fingernail, ho pping
through the heather.
Imagine a time o f V IKIN G H ERO ES, ih
w hich men were men and w o men were sort o f men,
too, and even some little babies had chest hair.
A nd no w imagine that you are a boy called
H iccup Ho rrend o us H ad d o ck the Third , not yet
twelve years o ld and not yet turning out to be the
kind o f H ero his father w o uld have liked him to be. ~
That boy, o f course, was really M E, but the boy I was
then seems so far away to me now that I shall tell this
story almost as if he was a stranger.
So, imagine that instead o f being me, this
stranger, this Hero -in-Waiting, is Y O U ; ""~
You are small. Yo u have red hair. Yo u d o n't
realize it yet, but you are about to set out o n the most
alarming episode o f your life so f a r . . . . W hen you are
an o ld , o ld man like I am you w ill call it How NOT to
Celebrate Your Birthday — and-even at this distance
in time it w ill still cause your o ld w rinkled arms to
prickle w ith goose bumps as yo u remember the perils
and .dangers o f that terrifying adventure. . *».
X. A N ODD W A Y TO SPEN D
YO U R BIRTH D A Y

At exactly twelve o'clock on the afternoon of his twelfth

birthday, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third, the
Hope and Heir to the Tribe of the Hairy Hooligans,
was standing shakily on a windy, narrow window ledge
three hundred feet up in the air.
Hiccup was a rather ordinary-looking boy for
someone with such a long and impressive name; a
smallish, thinnish runner bean of a boy with bright red
hair that shot straight up as if it was surprised, and a
face that nobody ever remembered.
His knees were wobbling as he flattened himself
against the wall.
The window ledge that he was perching on
belonged to a Castle of terrifying size and spookiness
that sprawled like an ugly black monster on top of the
gull-shrieking cliffs of the little Isle of Forget M e.
Although this Castle was known as TH E
M EA TH EA D PUBLIC LIBRA RY, it was not, in fact,
open to the general public. This was back in Viking
times, when books were considered a highly dangerous
civilizing influence, so they were rounded up and kept

5
lo cked up in the Library under heavy
armed guard. Entry to the Library was
strictly by invitation only.
Hiccup had not been invited.
W hich was why he was
three hundred feet up in the
air, and about to sneak in
through an upstairs window.
W hat he was making
here was definitely a surprise
visit. H e R EA L L Y ,
R EA L L Y d id not want
anyone to kno w he was there.
If H iccup lo o ked d o w n
(and he was trying very, very
hard not to) he co uld see
the tiny figures of hundreds
o f Meathead Warrior Guards
^ moving in the courtyard
below, the sun glinting
w ickedly o ff their metal-
tipped No rthbo w s, their
Driller Dragons o n lo ng
chains beside them. H iccup knew that they only had to
lo o k up, and they w o uld have no hesitation at all in
shooting on sight.
Hiccup sw allow ed hard. H e was getting the nerve
up to climb through the bro ken w ind o w and into the
Library — but he d id n't really want to do this, either.
W ho knew W H A T co uld be hid d en in that dark
maze of rooms, a labyrinth so huge that you co uld be
lost in there for weeks w ithout a soul ever finding you?
Whatever else was in there, H iccup knew that
somewhere in that terrifying bo o k w arren there
prow led the Hairy Scary Librarian himself, the half-
blind Guard ian o f the Library.
Master Sw ordsman, Mathematical Genius, and
an all-around scary individual, the Hairy Scary Librarian
show ed no mercy to Intruders.
Hiccup had heard him at gatherings o f the Tribes,
boasting of how he finished o ff fo o lish Warriors w ho
dared to try and find out the Library's secret w ith one
slash o f his swords, w hich he called his Heart-Slicers.
"I croaks them w ith me Heart-Slicers," he w o uld
w hisper w ith the firelight flickering in his
undead eyes. "I unzips them fro m their Hf^-*
goggle-screams to their grub-w ashers." Then he w o uld
make a nasty swiping mo tio n fro m his throat dow n to his
belly butto n. "Serves them right — N O BO D Y borrow s
books fro m M Y Library and lives to tell the tale."
A nd if the Hairy Scary Librarian was scary even
o n a social occasion, w hen yo u were sitting d o w n at a
cozy campfire w ith the rest o f the Tribe all comfortably
settled around yo u, how much scarier was he still w hen
he was doing his business, lurking like a spider around
every corner o f his spooky Library, his Heart-Slicers at
the ready?
Particularly w hen, like Hiccup , you had come to
the Library not just to stroll about, but to actually STEA L
one o f the precious books and take it home w ith yo u.
A t that moment, a small w ild dragon happened to
fly past the spot where H iccup was perching. H iccup
follow ed it automatically w ith his eyes. "Lesser-Spotted
Squirrelserpent," H iccup said to himself. A nd as the
little dragon soared, free and careless, w ith nothing to
do and now here to go, into the bright blue sky, H iccup
thought to himself: W hat AM I doing? This is my
BIRTHDA Y, for Thor' s sake. I should be sitting at home
enjoying myself instead of risking my neck three hundred
feet up in a Library of Doom. .. . W hat AM I DOING?
HOW DID I GET M Y SELF INTO THIS M ESS IN
THE FIRST PLA C E? NOTHING could possibly be
worse than this. . . .
A n d at that moment, H iccup was so busy w ith
this thought and w ith w atching the Lesser-Spotted
Squirrelserpent w heeling through the air in a lazy arc,
that he lost concentration, and his foot slipped o n the
crumbly edge o f the w indow . A n d w ith a smothered
shriek, he fell o ff the ledge.
H e fell o ff the ledge entirely, arms
and legs scrabbling wildly, and one flailing
hand just caught onto the w ind o w ledge as
he f e ll. . . and held — leaving him hanging
by one hand, w ith nothing betw een him
and the hard ground but three hundred
feet o f pure clear air.
H iccup screamed again.
Do w n below o n the
battiements, the heads of four hundred
Meathead Guards tipped upw ard to lo o k. A l l four
hundred reached fo r their No rthbo w s.
A nd , floating up to H iccup as he swung fro m the
ledge w ith one hand, came the ominous sound o f the
Driller Dragons setting their drills a-w hirring.

9
2. SPIN A C H W ITH YO UR
DRIFTWOOD?

W e'll just leave H iccup hanging o ff the w indo w frame,

shall w e, w hile we go back and discover exactly ho w he
got himself into this mess in the first place.
W hen H iccup had w o ken up at seven o'clock that
morning, he had absolutely no idea of what he w o uld
be doing only five hours after.
H e was rather excited because it was his birthday,
and although he was twelve years o ld , in fact,
technically speaking it was only his THIRD birthday,
for Hiccup had been bo rn o n the 29th o f February, a
leap year.
H is first thought w hen he w o ke up was to make a
w ish. A nd this w ish was, "Please, Tho r, co uld yo u make
this a nice, quiet, PEA C EFU L day? N o shipw recks, no
storms, no close encounters w ith ho micid al villains w ith
hooks for hands, or w ith the deadlier type o f dragon?
Just for my birthday?"
Fro m this yo u may gather that peaceful days in
the A rchipelago were few and far betw een, and the life
o f a w ould-be Viking H ero was exciting, if exhausting.

lo
 Hiccup got up and spent some time persuading
his pet dragon, Toothless, to eat a healthy breakfast.
Dragons are supposed to eat plenty o f vegetables,
and, weirdly, lots of W O O D , small branches, twigs, the
bark of trees. This seems to help their fire-breathing, and
this is very important because a dragon w ho can't breathe
fire gets very sick indeed, and eventually explodes.
Toothless was a rather disobedient Co mmo n or
Gard en dragon, unusual only in that he was a lot
smaller than all the other boys' dragons.
H e hadn't eaten his w o o d for w eeks, and
now he absolutely refused to eat either
his spinach or his driftw o o d, and just sat
in front o f his plate blo w ing grumpy
smoke rings.
"OK„ t k i i , To o tA iess," said
H iccup , "If you're going to be iii^e ti l s ,
V vfi just going to go to ti e Burg lary
Co mpetitio n w itho ut yo u. But w &en
I coiyie bad$, you better
iuv e eaten u f
A L L tfiat hriftw ooh \^
or else tfiere w i l l be
I? 0 H A D D O C K , . "

11
 "Yo u is a v ery iji-iji-iyiean M aster," said Toothless
w ith dignity, "anil your fteart is ijiah.e out of bogeys."*
In a big sulk, he climbed back into the bo w l o f
spinach and sank d o w n into it, like a very small
crocodile into a mudbank. Only his nose and tail
were showing, so it lo o ked like the bo w l o f spinach
was blow ing smoke rings. Toothless swished his
tail and spinach sprayed everywhere.
Hiccup went o ff to the Pick-Po cketing cc
Finals o f the Burglary Co mpetitio n.
A nearby. Tribe called the
Bog-Burglars was visiting ^
the Ho o ligans, and the r ^ J^
Burglary Co mpetitio n
had been carrying o n for the
previous three days. The Bo g-
Burglars were frighteningly good
in the Burglary Department, as
their name suggests. They had already w o n the
Sheep-Rustling Co mpetitio n o n the first day, and the
Narro w bo at-Nicking Co mpetitio n o n the second day.
This was the final day o f the Co mpetitio n, the
Pick-Po cketing Challenge, and the Hooligans needed
to w in this to salvage some pride.

*Hiccup and Toothless were speaking in Dragonese, the language that dragons
speak to each other. There have been very, very few humans over the centuries who
have been able to speak this interesting language, and Hiccup was one of them.
 Unfortunately, the Bog-Burglars were just as good
at pick-po cketing as they were at everything else, and
yet again the Ho o ligans were thoroughly beaten in the
match.
Hiccup had a particularly gloomy time in the
Co mpetitio n. N o t only d id he completely FA IL in the
Burglary department, but his unpleasant cousin,
Snotlout, had made some very sneering remarks about
his birthday in front o f everybody else: "So the ickle
baby H iccup is three years o ld today, is he?" he had
jeered. "Trust a W EIRDO like yo u, H iccup , to be bo rn
o n the W EIRD EST day o f the year . . . and bad luck
for us that a FA ILURE like you was ever bo rn at all.
If it wasn't for yo u, I w o uld be the next Chief of the
Ho o ligan Tribe, and a very brilliant and violent Chief
I w o uld be, too . . . Burgle his shirt, Do gsbreath!"
A n d Snotlout's sidekick Dogsbreath the
Duhbrain, a brute o f a boy w ith a ring through his nose
and very limited communication skills, had removed
Hiccup 's shirt and smooshed him into the mud .
"Everybo dy else may be celebrating your birthday
at this Birthday Banquet this evening," Snotlout had
snarled, "but I am w earing BLA C K, because I am
mourning the fact that you were ever bo rn at a l l . . . . Have
a Miserable Third Birthday, H iccup T H E U SELESS! "
 It was all very depressing.
A disappointed, disheveled, and mud-splattered
H iccup got back again three hours later, w ith his
friends Fishlegs and Camicazi.
Fishlegs was a Ho o ligan like H iccup , but he
lo o ked more like a daddy longlegs w ith asthma and a
squint. Camicazi was a very small, blo nd Bog-Burglar,
and she had hair as untouched by human hand as parts
o f the A mazo nian rainforest.
Despite her size, Camicazi was PA RTIC ULA RLY
good at pick-po cketing, and she was carrying five
Ho o ligan daggers, three Ho o ligan helmets of various
different sizes, and a pair o f Stoick the Vast's hairy
underpants.
"I can't TH IN K ho w you got them o ff him
w ithout him no ticing," H iccup was saying, w ith
reluctant admiration. Stoick the Vast was Hiccup 's
father, a classic Viking o f the traditional large and
terrifying type. "H e's going to hit the ro o f w hen he
finds out. . . . "
" O h it was easy peasy lemon-squeezy," boasted
Camicazi, carelessly tw iddling one of the daggers.
(If Camicazi had a fault, it was that she did have a
tendency to be rather pleased w ith herself.) " H e can't
see a thing through that beard of his. I co uld have
taken the shirt and the trousers o ff him as w ell if I'd
w anted to ."
"W ell, thank Tho r you d id n't," said H iccup w ith
huge relief. "It w o uld have put him in an even worse
mo o d than he is already. I'm going to have to tiptoe
around him for the next couple of days as it is, so as
not to get into tro uble."
W hen the three o f them w alked into the ro o m,
H iccup gasped in horror.

15
1
 The ro o m was covered in spinach.
The driftw o o d was sitting o n the plate,
unto uched. . . .
A n d Toothless was sitting in the middle o f the
ro o m, lo o king rather guilty.
H e had eaten three-quarters of Chief Stoick the
Vast's new throne, the big one w ith all the carved
kno bbly pictures o f W o d en o n it.
3, STO ICK FA ILS TO SEE
TH E FU N N Y SID E

A t this bad moment, Stoick the Vast stomped into

the ro o m.
Hiccup's father, Stoick the Vast, O Hear H is Name
and Tremble, Ug h, Ugh, was the Chief of the Tribe of the
Hairy Hooligans. H e had a belly like a battleship, a beard
like a hedgehog struck by lightning, and a good heart but
a short temper, and he was already in a very bad mo o d.
Camicazi's mother, Big-Bo o bied Bertha, the
Chief o f the Bog-Burglars, had said some very harsh,
jeering w ords about the Ho o ligan performance in the
Burglary Co mpetitio n.
" Y O U H O O LIGA N S CO ULD N 'T BURG LE
Y O U R W A Y O UT OF A P A P E R BA G !" Big -
Bo o bied Bertha had bellow ed in betw een laughing
herself silly, and those unkind w ords had stung Stoick,
w ho co uldn't resist a challenge, particularly one set by
Big-Bo o bied Bertha herself. Stoick bet her tw o o f his
finest axes that he co uld prove BY T H E EN D OF
T H E D A Y that Ho o ligans were just as good at
Burglary as Bog-Burglars. Bertha had accepted. They
had bumped bellies o n the bet. A nd that was that. A n d

18
it had a lot to do w ith why H iccup was hanging so
precariously in the Library, as yo u w ill see.
Stoick was no w w o ndering if this had been w ise.
Bog-Burglars, yo u see, were so very good at Burglary.
A l l in all, Stoick w asn't in the best o f moods to
find his brand-new throne had been burned to a crisp.

"AM AAAAAAAAAARG H !"

screamed Stoick the Vast, tearing his beard out. " M Y
FA VORITE TH RO N E DESTROYED!"
"It's not destroyed, Sir," said Fishlegs quickly,
tliinking o n his feet. "It's just a little black around the
edges . . . it adds a sort o f lived -in, uncivilized feel to it,
you know , and that's all the rage in Viking furniture
right no w ."
Stoick calmed d o w n slightly.
"Lo o k!" said Fishlegs, shaking the chair
enthusiastically. "It still w orks as a C H A IR; it's just got
a new feel to it."
Stoick rubbed his beard thoughtfully.
Fishlegs patted the seat of the chair.
"Co me o n!" encouraged Fishlegs. "Let's see ho w
you lo o k o n it."
Stoick the Vast low ered his great bo tto m into the
chair and Fishlegs stood back.

*9
 "Brav o !" clapped Fishlegs. "So barbarid You are
the very M O D EL o f a mo dern Viking General. . . ."
""You think so?" asked Stoick, flexing his muscles.
H e did lo o k rather good actually, a great six-and-
a-half-foot Viking Chieftain w ith a beard like an
erupting bird's nest in this huge, burned-out ruin o f a
throne, all tw isted and blackened and still smoking
slightly.
"Oh;yf?s!" gushed Fishlegs. "You're a vision fro m
Valhalla! H is Scariness Stoick the Vast, Mo st H ig h
Chieftain of the Hairy Ho o ligan Tribe, O Hear H is
N ame and Tremble, Ug h, Ug h, at his most
frightening . . . Primitive! Magnificent! Terri — "
The left back leg o f the throne shivered and
collapsed.
H is Scariness Stoick the Vast, Mo st H ig h
Chieftain of the Hairy Ho o ligan Tribe, O Hear H is
N ame and Tremble, Ug h, Ug h, fell to the floor w ith a
crash that shook the house to its rafters.
There was a nasty pause.
Fishlegs opened his mo uth — I'm not sure how
even Fishlegs was going to talk them out of this one.
But Camicazi spoiled it anyway.
M o st people w o uld be far too scared to laugh at
the Chief of the Hairy Ho o ligans, but unfortunately

lo
Bog-Burglars aren't afraid of anything. Camicazi
LA U G H ED SO H A RD she nearly fell over.
Stoick leapt to his feet with a quickness
surprising in someone who was built like a bull on a
body-building program.
Stoick lost his temper.
A nd when a Hooligan loses his temper, he really
loses it.
" SILEN CEf roared Stoick. "HO W DARE
Y O U L A U G H A T M E, Y O U M IN U SC U LE
LITTLE FEM A LE M A R SH - M ED D LER r
It was at this moment that he realized that the
minuscule little female marsh-meddler was holding a
rather smart pair of hairy underpants that looked
strangely familiar . . . Thunderbolts of Thor! She'd had
the sheer Bog-Burglar cheek to nab his knickers!
Swelling up like an infuriated baboon, he
snatched the furry pants. " A N D HOW DARE Y O U
N ICK THE KN IC KERS OF THE CHIEF OF TH E
H A IRY HO O LIGA N TRIBE!" roared Stoick the Vast.
"It was a pick-pocketing competition." Camicazi
grinned cheekily. "In case you Hooligans hadn't
noticed. . . . "
Although perfecdy true, this wasn't a remark that
was likely to put Stoick in a better frame of mind.

11
 A stead,, W > V ,

fig.l.

<4
> remo v e h \ i

-fro m ^s *, . ^ .
a b ove W , J> ^ y

fig. 2.

X * 4
 "O h, my goodness! You're
right. There IS a sheep on my head
Well, I have A BSO LU TELY N O
IDEA how that could have got
there. . . . "

fig. 3.
 " A CHIEF'S U N D ERW EA R IS SA C RED
RO YA L PRO PERTY!" howled Stoick the Vast. " A S
IS HIS TH RO N E! I KN O W W HO TO BLA M E
FOR THIS O UTRA G E, H IC C UP! IT'S YO UR
RIDICULO US LITTLE A M O EBA OF A D RA G O N ,
FOOTLESS!"

14-
 H e po inted at Toothless, w ho was sitting,
giggling, o n the remains o f the throne.
"H e's called Toothless, Father," H iccup said,
hurriedly, "and I do n't think it was him, yo u know . It
was probably just a spark fro m the fire...."
Unfortunately, Toothless chose this particular
moment to let out a large w oody belch, and tw o great
black puffs o f smoke shot out o f his nostrils, showering
them all w ith throne splinters.
"W H A T DO Y O U THIN K I A M - STUPID?"
bellow ed Stoick.
" N o , no ," murmured Fishlegs, soothingly, "just a
little challenged in the brain cell d ep artment.. . it's
traditional in a Viking C h i e f . . . . "
" SH U D D U P! " roared Stoick, grabbing one o f
the throne legs and w aving it at H iccup . "LOOK A T
THIS! GUM -M ARKS! THA T RID ICULO US FROG
OF Y O U RS H A S C RO SSED THE LIN E ONCE
TOO O FTEN !"
"I'm sorry, Father . . . , " H iccup mumbled ,
miserably. "Tootftless!" he scolded his pet. "Yo u fallow
you're not su f f oseit to toucfi aitytfd iig tf u t belongs to
ijiy fatfter."
"W -w -w as W O O D ! " Toothless po inted out.

15
 "I ijieant ti e /
Jl
D R I F T W O O D on your p kte, auk ^
you i^now k , To o thless," scolded
H iccup . "Ifat ti e tiro ne."
Stoick turned fro m red to purple as a ~
bruise. H is voice w hen he spoke now was dangerously,
carefully calm. "H iccup . . . you w eren't talking to your
dragon in Dragonese, now, were yo u?"
" U m . . . yes, Father . . . I mean — no, Father . . . , "
stammered Hiccup , "I mean, I do n't know , Father.
"You W ER E speaking in Dragonese," said Stoick.
H e took a small, stained notebook fro m his pocket.
A Hero' s Guide to Deadly Dragons was w ritten o n the
front in inky letters. "A nd what is this that I fo und in
your bedroom? D i d Y O U w rite this in this notebook,
H iccup ?"
"Yes," admitted Hiccup .
(It was a bit difficult to deny it, as it said by
Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III underneath the title.)
Hiccup had been filling it w ith descriptions of all the
different species o f dragons, and the beginnings o f a
Dragonese Dictionary.

lb
•M ;4u#*. tK o t iwytf JH ^

$oT T< V T i j / / V )uL5^ 4

r *
A H ZXJL ' tot

<3Ut ft

^ - 4 ^ r
\4
7/ ic 6-

0 Second , ' '

i w

1 o C&mnot ^ U n < the 4 ^

•4

J T
*tM £ < j^ o v ^ K» s
h(?|//2. f hiA H4£h f S o u t or)-t ^Um
if

i t ^

i f
 Stoick swelled up furiously, his nostrils flaring like
a bull in a bad mood.
This was too much.
"BOOKS! My Heir, writing BOOKS? ? " fumed
Stoick the Vast. "You are supposed to be a VIKIN G,
Hiccup! THE H O RREN D O US H A D D O C KS DO
NOT W RITE BOOKS] Your terrifying Hooligan
ancestors would be turning in their graves! W H A T do
Horrendous Haddocks not do, Hiccup?"
Hiccup hung his head.
"Horrendous Haddocks do not write books,"
muttered Hiccup, looking at the floor.
"Horrendous Haddocks do not even REA D
books," added Stoick. "Books are banned. Completely.
By order of The Thing,* as you would know, if you'd
been concentrating.
"YO UR LA ST REPO RT W A S A D ISG RA C E,
H IC C UP!" stormed Stoick the Vast. " Y O U SH O ULD
BE PA Y IN G M O RE A TTEN TIO N TO YO UR
SEN SELESS V IO LEN CE! YO UR SH EEP-
RUSTLIN G ! N O T DRIFTIN G A R O U N D ,
SCRIBBLIN G A W A Y IN BOOKS®"
Stoick the Vast was so annoyed he was practically
levitating in the air. "BO O KS!!" he snorted furiously.
"BO O KS A R E USELESS, H IC C U P, USELESS]

*The Thing was a meeting of all the local V iking Tribes.

TH ERE IS O N LY O N E BOOK W O RTH
REA D IN G , ON E BOOK THA T IS THE EXCEPTIO N
TO THIS R U L E, A N D TH A T IS HOW TO
TRAIN YOUR DRAGON, BY PRO FESSO R
Y O BBISH , TH A T IS TH E O N LY BOOK FOR
H O O LIG A N S - "
Stoick stopped mid-shout.
H e was suddenly struck by a Brilliant Idea — and
he d id n't get many o f those.
"In fact, that bo o k's lying around here
somewhere, I kno w it is . . . Go bber the Belch STO LE
that book H IM SELF!"
Bo o ks were despised by the Viking Tribes, as they
were seen as a horrible civilizing influence and a threat
to barbarian culture. Because they were banned, they
were lo cked up in the great grim Meathead Public
Library, guarded by the terrible Hairy Scary Librarian
and his dreadful army of Meathead Warriors and
Driller Dragons.
So scary was this Librarian, that stealing one o f
these despised books fro m the Library had become a
challenge to the bravest Viking Warriors, and very few
co uld say they had succeeded in the attempt.
"I wonder? " Stoick scratched his beard
thoughtfully w ith the throne leg. "A ll I have to do is

J4-
find that bo o k . . . show it to Bertha . . . and that'll
PRO V E that Ho o ligans are just as good at Burglary as
Bog-Burglars! I bet none o f Bertha's Warriors have
snaffled a bo o k fro m right under the nose o f the Hairy
Scary Librarian! H EH H EH H EH ! The bet is mine,
all mine\"
Stoick rubbed his hands together in delighted
glee, chucked the throne leg in the fire — and then
remembered he was still supposed to be telling
Hiccup off.
" O h , ahem," said Stoick, hurriedly putting his
stern voice o n again, for he was now in a big rush to go
and find the How to Train Your Dragon bo o k. "I am
still very concerned, H iccup . I am going to get rid o f
this silly Dead ly Drago n W hatimy bo o k that you've
been w riting, and I do n't want to hear you speaking
Dragonese, or do ing any of this bo o k-w riting nonsense
EV ER A G A IN . " Stoick stuffed Hiccup 's notebook
back in his o w n breast pocket. "I want yo u to start
acting like a future Viking C hief . . . concentrate o n
your Rudery and your A xe-w o rk . . . stop being friends
w ith these unsuitable marsh-meddlers" —he glow ered
at Camicazi, w ho grinned back at him hap p ily — "and
I am w arning yo u, M O ST SERIO U SLY" —Sto ick
low ered his voice to its M O ST SERIO US lev el— "if

35
that dragon o f yours does O N E more thing like this . . .
just one more thing . . . I ' l l . . . I ' l l . . . I ' l l . . . "
Stoick racked his brain for a really good
punishment.
"I'll BA N ISH him ," said Stoick finally.
"You w o uld n't!" gasped H iccup in horror.
"I would, and I will," said Stoick, firmly. "Yo u are
twelve years o ld today, H iccup , so it is time for yo u to
stop messing around and start grow ing into a proper
Viking H ero . It's for your o w n go o d ."
Now, where did I put that H o w to Train "Your
Drago n hook? w o ndered Stoick to himself. Ooh, I can' t
wait to see Big-Boobied Bertha' s face when she realizes
I've won the bet! That'll wipe the smirk off those Boobies
of hers. . ..
A nd Stoick positively skipped out o f the ro o m, o n
his way to the Great H all to lo o k for it.
'TJ-n-no t a nice ijian, your fatfier," huffed
Toothless, as H iccup rubbed the spinach o ff his back
w ith the tip o f his waistcoat. " H e gets v -v -v ery cross,
lyle not a rid iculo us fro g ."
" W e l l , if you W I L L go around eating peo f le's
tiro nes, ti e y are going to get cro ss," H iccup scolded
Toothless. " I W , Tootfdess, I w ant you to T H O T , . H e
really really ijieans it, now . O t f E W O RT; T H U 5 G
and you are out o n your ear. C an you t i l n i ; of
anything else you ijiig&t fiave done ti at w i l l get us
into tro uble?"
Toothless lo o ked up at H iccup w ith puppy-dog
eyes. "W&o — iji-iji-ijie?" he said innocently. H e shook
his head so hard his horns w o bbled . "I^o w ay, n-n-no t
ij ie...."
"O ft good," H iccup said, relieved.
Toothless thought a bit more. H e scratched
behind his ear thoughtfully, and then began to lick
the spinach o ff his hind leg w ith his fo rked tongue.
" W - w - w e li . . . , " he admitted casually betw een licks,
"tfiere iji-iji-ijLtg&t be just one t44inf tfd ng "
" W H A T tm y t& n g ? " H iccup asked, his heart
sinking.
Toothless sighed and stopped licking fo r a
second. H e po inted w ith one claw tow ard a large
bro o m resting against the w all in the corner.
H iccup fo llo w ed the direction o f his claw.
A n d then he let out a yell his father w o uld have
been pro ud of.
There, hid d en behind the bro o m, were the
scattered remains o f a bo o k — the burned-out,
stomped-on, and chew ed-over remains of a bo o k w ith
golden clasps and fancy gilt lettering and an unusually
thick cover . . .
. . . a cover that was to rn in half, and ripped to
shreds w ith sharp little claws, and smeared w ith
spinach-colored stripes, and now read:
H O * (shred) T O * * A I N Y * * R D R A G * * (rip)
 4. BO G - BURG LA RS DO N OT
A L W A Y S TELL TH E TRUTH

" T i e Ho o ligans W O R SH I P ti l s stupid f>ooi$," H iccup

moaned, picking up one o f the to rn bits and trying to
fit it to another. " T i e y tilni^ it ias ti e answ er to
ev ery tiing M y f atier tiin i;s it's going to w in i i i ji
i i s bet against Big-Bo o bied Be rti a and $ O W looi<;
at i t . . . it's ruined . . . w i a t w ere you tiintjing ,
To o tiless?"
"W -w -w as on ti e c i a i r , " sniffed Toothless.
" P- p - faf er Is ^Ind of woody M e eat ti e booi;
first, ti e n ti e c i a l r . "
"What are we going to do? " H iccup w ailed,
throw ing d o w n the bits o f bo o k in despair. "We can't
mend this! A nd Toothless w ill be banished !"
"To o tiless d-d-doesn't w ant to be banlsied . . . , "
w ailed Toothless.
"\\ Camicazi was d o ing a handstand against
;~f".*^' the w all, but she came d o w n to say, "I'm sure
there's other copies o f that bo o k in the
Meathead Public Library. A ll we have to do is nip over
there and steal o ne."
There was a stunned silence.

J9
 "That's a G R £A T idea, that is," said Fishlegs,
sarcastically. "What about the Hairy Scary Librarian
and his Heart-Slicers?"
" O h , come o n, it's just one teeny little mad o ld
Librarian guarding that w ho pping great Library. We
co uld be in and out before he even knew we were
there," said Camicazi breezily. " H o w about it, Hiccup ?
A re you o n for proving that Ho o ligans are just as good
at Burglary as Bo g-Burglars?"
No w , Camicazi w asn't strictly telling the truth,
was she, w hen she said that the Hairy Scary Librarian
was the OI^LY person guarding the Meathead Public
Library? A s we saw in Chapter One, there was also the
small matter o f the four hundred Meathead Warrior
Guard s, not to mentio n their Driller Dragons.
Unfortunately, H iccup didn't kno w anything
about the Meathead Public Library, apart fro m the
fact that he had met the Hairy Scary Librarian once
or twice and he d id n't like the lo o k o f him. And, he
thought, if the Library was as big as Camicazi said it
was, perhaps they couldjust sneak in very quietly
and grab one of the books without anyone being the
wiser? And then Toothless wouldn' t be banished, and
Stoick would be pleased, and they would win his bet
for him.

4-o
 So he said slowly, " O K then . . . let's do that... ."
A n d fro m that moment o n, they were DOOMED.
" Y IPEEEEf sang Camicazi, punching the air.
"It's BU R G L A R Y time! This is great, I've been
lo o king fo r an excuse to steal my mother's Stealth
Drag o n!" and she hurried out of the house and tow ard
the Drago n Stables, fo llo w ed closely by a w o rried
Hiccup , a w o rried Toothless, and an even more w o rried
Fishlegs.
"H ang o n a seco nd," puffed Hiccup , feeling that
the situation was spiraling out of control, "w hat's all
this about stealing people's Stealth Dragons? W hat is
a Stealth Dragon? A nd w here d id your mother get it
fro m in the first place?"
"She nicked it fro m Madguts the Murd ero us tw o
days ago," explained Camicazi. "It's one of their Secret
Weapons. I expect that's w hy she accepted your
father's burglary bet. She knew he w o uld N EV ER
come up w ith anything more impressive than burgling
a Secret Weapo n fro m the Murd ero us Tribe."
" O r anything C RA Z IER," H iccup po inted
out, "N O BO D Y steals things fro m Madguts the
Murd ero us. . . . A nd w hat are we going to need this
Stealth Drago n thing for, anyway, if this Library is only
guarded by one person?"

4-1
 " O h w ell," replied Camicazi, thinking o n her feet,
"yo u never know, the Hairy Scary Librarian co uld be
lo o king out the w ind o w w hen we turn up . . . and he
w o n't see us coming, w ill he, if w e're sitting o n the
back o f a Stealth Dragon? Here we are!" she said
happily.
Camicazi had now reached the Drago n Stables,
and she flung open a particularly enormous stable
door and gestured in triumph at the inside. "Feast
your eyes o n that!" w ho o ped Camicazi. " THAT is a
Stealth Drag o n!"

Translator' s note:
Unfortunately, we cannot show you a picture of a Stealth
Dragon, due to the fact that they are invisible.

4-1
5. TH E STEA LTH D RA G O N

A t first sight, there appeared to be no thing at all in

the stable.
Stealth Dragons are chameleons, w hich means
that they turn exactly the same color as their
surroundings. A n d they are particularly good at it, so
good that, even as large as they are, their camouflage
makes them practically invisible. W hich means that
they can sneak up o n a Village, or ind eed , a Library,
w ithout anyone realizing they are there.
It took a few seconds for their eyes to adjust and
to see the faint ghostly outline of a very large sleeping
dragon, the bo tto m of it exactly the color and texture
of the pile o f hay he was sleeping o n, the top just
precisely the pattern o f the w o o d he was leaning
against, knotholes and all.
"Isn't this just the coolest thing yo u ever saw ?"
sang Camicazi excitedly, running her fingers along the
creature's invisible side. "I've always w anted to ride
one o f these things!"
"W O W ," breathed H iccup admiringly. "W O W ,
W O W , W O W , W O W , W O W , W O W . Lo o k at its tail

4-i
spines, they're gigantic. . . . But we can't possibly steal
this dragon, Camicazi."
"W hy no t?" asked Camicazi, vaulting onto the
dragon-shaped blo ck o f air that seemed to be the
Stealth Dragon's back, w aking it up w ith a start.
"W hy no t?" squeaked Fishlegs. " W hy not? ? ? This
isn't just any o ld riding dragon, this is a Secret M ilitary
W eaponl Madguts the Murd ero us and those scary
Warriors in his Tribe are going to be turning over every
stone in the A rchipelago lo o king fo r this dragon! A n d I
do n't want to be sitting o n its back w hen they find it!"
"W ell, w hether you lot come w ith me or not, I'm
going to steal this dragon, pilfer that bo o k, and be back
in time for tea," said Camicazi, do ing up the seatbelt on
the saddle and gathering the Stealth Dragon's reins in
her hands. "What are you Ho o ligans made o f?" she
said teasingly. "You're not A FRA ID , are yo u?"
O f course H iccup was not going to admit that he
was afraid to a small blo nd girl a w hole head shorter
than he was.
"I kno w I'm going to regret this," said H iccup ,
climbing onto the shimmering mirage o f the Stealth
Drago n.
"N o t half as much as I'M going to regret it," said
Fishlegs between gritted teeth, jumping from foot to foot

4-4-
in his anxiety. "W hat if Madguts C A TC H ES us? H e's
only the scariest Chief in the entire barbarian w o rld. . . ."
" H e can' t catch us, that's the w hole p o int,"
grinned Camicazi, "because w e'll be rid ing o n the back
o f an invisible dragon, and invisible dragons are
untrackable; that's w hat makes them such great Secret
Weapons. Stop w orrying fo r once in your life, Fishlegs,
and get up here and live a litd e!"
Fishlegs sighed and follow ed H iccup onto the
Stealth Drago n's back, and the tw o boys fastened
themselves into the seatbelts o n the saddle.
The Stealth Drago n's tall, aerodynamically curved
back spines soared up o n either side o f them, so that
they were now as invisible to any onlookers as the
Stealth Drago n himself.
"Co uld we possibly go to ti e Dfleatiead Public
Library ? It's just to ti e ri g i t of ti e ly leatiead
Islands, on. a sijiali island called Forget M e ? " H iccup
asked the Stealth Drago n politely.
If anybody know s ho w to train a dragon, it's the
Murd ero us Tribe, and the Stealth Drago n stood at
attention and answered w ith military promptness.
"A bso lutely , SIR,! A n y ti i n g you say, SIR] W i l l ti at
be al l , SIR? "
" W i a t a goody-goody," muttered Toothless.

4-5
 "A nd . . . o f f . . . we . . . GO!" yelled Camicazi,
giving the reins a w ild shake. " Y 0 0 0 I C K S! "
The Stealth Drago n leapt into the air the moment
the co mmand left her throat. A nd once H iccup had
caught his breath and begun to peer over the edge o f
the Stealth Drago n's back fins, the dragon was flying so
fast that Berk was a pale purple shadow far behind
them, and they were halfway to the Meathead Islands
already.
"W ill yo u lo o k at the A C C ELERA TIO N o n this
thing? W A H 0 0 0 0 0 0 ! " w ho o ped Camicazi above the
roaring w ind . "You've got to admit, Fishlegs, this is a
ride o f a lifetime!"
But Fishlegs was too busy concentrating o n not
getting dragon-sick to admit to anything o f the sort.
Toothless held o n to Hiccup 's shoulder like a
disgruntled ro bin, his ears flapping in the w ind ,
muttering, "Us d-d-doit't H A V E to go so f~f-
f ast. . . do n't H A V E to . . . ti l s g-g-guy, ie' s j-j-just
Rowing off. . . ." — as if he had never show n o ff in his
life before.
Stealth Dragons do fly fast.
They fly so fast that by the time they caught sight
o f the Library itself and H iccup had realized that
JT I.'—* v
Camicazi had not to ld the truth about
\ " —- ^crzL-*"7'^>
the Hairy Scary Librarian being the only guard, and
that the place was in fact absolutely craw ling w ith
hundreds of heavily armed Meathead Guard s and their
Driller Dragons. By this time . . . it was TOO LA TE.
The Stealth Drago n had already sailed sheer over
the blackened battlements, as quiet as a whisper.
The invisible creature then hovered next to a
w ind o w three hund red feet up the M ain Library
Build ing, and one by one the Vikings craw led across his
invisible wings and onto the w indo w ledge.
Hiccup w hispered to the Stealth Drago n to hang
around and w ait fo r their return, and the dragon
no d d ed obediently.
"A bso lutely, Sm tfo fro b lo ji, SIRJ A l l you fuve
to do is c all, SIRJ" the dragon w hispered back, and he
drew back to hover a respectful little distance away.
Camicazi was the first to craw l through the
Library window, fo llo w ed by Fishlegs and then
Toothless, so that only H iccup remained, standing o n
the tiny, crumbly w ind o w ledge.
There he stood for a few seconds, until his
attention was momentarily distracted by a passing w ild
dragon called a Lesser-Spotted Squirrelserpent, and he
lost concentration and slipped o ff the edge o f the
w ind o w w ith a shriek.

4-7
 A nd this is how H iccup was left hanging at the
end o f Chapter One.
Only five hours
after he w oke up o n
his tw elfth birthday,
H iccup fo und himself
dangling by one hand
fro m a w indo w ledge,
three hundred feet up in
the air, w ith the Meathead
Warrior Guard s d o w n
below fitting their
silver-tipped arrows
to their

No rthbo w s, and bending

do w n to let their Driller
Dragons o ff their chains.
6, W ELC O M E TO TH E
M EA TH EA D PUBLIC LIBRA RY

" EEEEA A A A R G H ! " screamed H iccup Ho rrend o us

Had d o ck the Third , swinging violently this way and
that, trying to get his other hand back o n the ledge.
" ST EA L T H D BA G O I5! H E L F W E ! "
The Stealth Drago n w o uld have been happy to
help out. Unfortunately, however, it d id not hear
Hiccup 's desperate cries. It, too, had caught sight o f
the Lesser-Spotted Squirrelserpent, and it hadn't eaten
since the previous evening.
A ppetite had w o n out over military discipline,
and the Stealth Drago n was already more than a
hundred yards away, sw ooping after the unfortunate
Squirrelserpent like a sparrow haw k after a mouse.

zzzzzzrN .Gr
A w ickedly sharp N o rthbo w arrow narrow ly
missed taking o ff the tip o f Hiccup 's nose.

zzzzzzzrM G -T RUN K I
zzzzzzzrM G -TH.QN.KJ

4-9
 Two more wickedly sharp Northbow arrows plunged
deep into the backpack slung over Hiccup 's shoulder.
Released fro m their chains, the snarling Driller
Dragons spread their black wings and leapt into the air,
the drills o n the ends of their noses viciously
w hirring, flying swiftly upw ard tow ard where
the boy was hanging.
Two pairs o f hands closed
over Hiccup 's w rist, and
Camicazi and Fishlegs, w ho
were now kneeling o n the
w indo w ledge, hauled
him upw ard w ith a
strength they d id
not kno w they
had, through
a hail of
 They were only just in time.
A s they dragged him through the w indo w and into
the Library, the d rill o f the leading Driller Drago n just
missed the back o f Hiccup 's heels. The dragon
how led in fury, for the w ind o w was to o
small for it to enter.
"O h, thank Tho r you're
safe," panted Camicazi, as they
all no w stood inside in the
gloom o f the Library,
w hile the Driller

Q ^ ^ O Im H ^ ^ V Dragons
viJ A ^ H ^ ^ H ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ B a . revved up
their drills
to an
excruciating w hine and screamed in frustrated
fury outside.
" You call this safe? " coughed Fishlegs,
sarcastically.
" A A A A A RRRRG G G G G H H H H H H ! "
screamed Hiccup , Fishlegs, Camicazi, and
Toothless, falling back as a terrifying six-foot-long
d rill, sharp and spinning, sliced through the
air betw een the four of them.
 The leading Driller Drago n was not
going to be defeated.
In a blinding rage, it had throw n itself at
the w indow , cracking it w ider so that it co uld
' shove its gigantic head and one outstretched
arm through the opening,

bellow ed the Driller Drago n,

shaking its head w ildly fro m
side to side, as it tried to
push its way in.
 Two great cracks appeared o n either side of the
window, as the brickw o rk burst, splitting the ro o m
fro m floor to ceiling. . . . the Mo nstro us Creature
gripped the edge of the opening w ith its one arm and
H-E-A -V-E-D its way forw ard. It had already w o rked
one gigantic muscled shoulder through. . . . H iccup
w atched in fascinated horror as its drill w hirred even
faster in its excitement. . . two seconds more and it
w o uld be in the ro o m w ith them . . .
. . . and H iccup grabbed the nearest thing at
hand, w hich happened to be a small marble statuette o f
the god Tho r resting o n a po d ium, and lo bbed it at the
dragon's head as hard as he co uld .
By total fluke, it caught the Creature right
betw een the eyes, totally depressing and w iping out a
spot about the size of a large pimple that just happened
to contain the Driller Dragon's entire brain.
Ev en a Driller Drago n cannot functio n w ithout
the use of its brain, small as that brain might be.
O ne second the Creature was plunging forw ard,
roaring maniacally. The next it collapsed, as limp as a
lettuce, and as dead as a dinosaur, its limbs jerking a
little for a moment, and then going still.
Only its d rill continued to w hir, but more and
more slowly.

54-
 The three Vikings and one small dragon stood
stock-still in the no w quiet, darkened Library, great
clouds o f dust billow ing up around them and begmning
to setde do w n again o n the floor.
The drill w hirled slower . . . and slower . . . and
slower . . . and finally stopped.
" O K , then," w hispered Camicazi shakily, "so
N O W w e're safe. . . ."
"Safe? Safe? ? ? ? " panted Fishlegs, furiously.
" Safe w o uld be if we were putting our feet up back o n
Berk . . . w hich is where we SHOULD be if we hadn't
listened to your C R A Z Y idea in the first place! In what
possible way co uld you call the situation we find
ourselves in now as SA FE? "
" O h you boys," shrugged Camicazi, "you're such
worriers. A ll we have to do N O W is find the bo o k,
pilfer it, zip back here again, climb out the w indow , call
up the o ld Stealth Drago n, and fly back home to Berk.
Trust me, Fishlegs, it's no problemo. Watch and learn,
my boy, w atch and learn."
" N o pro blemo ?" raged Fishlegs. "No problemo?
O K then, Litd e M iss W e' ll Be Back in Lime for Tea, just
exactly how are we supposed to climb out this w ind o w
now that bird brain here is jammed right in it? "
H e flung out his arm to indicate the dead Driller

55
Drago n, w ho was, indeed, stuck so tightly into that
w indow , he co uld have been w earing it as a pair o f
trousers.
"A h," said Camicazi, thoughtfully.
'A nd that's the only w indow ," Fishlegs pointed out.
"W e'll just have to w alk out the front door, then,"
said Camicazi defiantly.
"W o uld that be the same front door through
w hich, even at this very moment, Meathead Warriors
and their Driller Dragons are po uring through in the
H U N D RED S, lo o king for us? In the H U N D RED S,
w hen you said that this Library was only guarded by
O N E small, mad Librarian?" asked Fishlegs politely
through gritted teeth.
"I d id n't think you w o uld come if you had
thought there was more than one guard ," Camicazi
po inted out, reasonably.
"N o t coming w o uld have been a very good id ea!"
how led Fishlegs.
Something caught Fishlegs's eye and he turned
even w hiter than he was already, attempting to climb a
nearby co lumn in his anxiety. "Lo o k!" gasped Fishlegs,
no dding in the direction o f the ground w ith a jerk of
his head. "The floor! It seems to be m-m-mo v ing!"
The pattern o n the floor was indeed mo ving, in a

5b
sinuous, w rithing wriggle that was almost hypnotic to
look at.
" O h , that," said Camicazi carelessly, " that' s just
the Red H o t Itchyworms that are alarming the floor."
" Red Hot Itchyworms7" squeaked Fishlegs,
attempting to climb even higher up the co lumn he was
clutching.
Red H o t Itchyworms are tiny little maggot-like
dragons that bite considerably harder than either ants
or wasps.
"It's all right," said H iccup reassuringly, taking a
good look at the Itchyw orms. "As long as w e're w earing
dragonskin shoes, they w o n't attack us. But you can't
touch the floor w ith anything unprotected. . . . They
can bite through ordinary material, and once they get a
taste o f your blo o d they'll swarm all over yo u. I mean,
you might have W A R N ED us, Camicaz i!" Hiccup
tut-tutted in exasperation.
" FU SSP O T S! " snorted Camicazi.
Fishlegs climbed d o w n fro m the co lumn and put
his dragonskin shoes gingerly o n the floor.
"A nd this is another small po int," Fishlegs
grumbled. "I don't kno w if you've noticed, but this
Library seems to be like some sort o f M A Z E. H o w are
we going to find our way through it without getting lost?"

57
 " O h , I've thought o f that," replied Camicazi,
more confidently this time. "We're going to fo llo w the
Stormfly. The Stormfly never gets lo st."
She took her backpack o ff her shoulders, reached
inside, and carefully removed Something fro m it.
The Something was a hunting dragon the color o f
a shiny golden co in.
"Is that your dragon?" H iccup asked. "I d id n't
even kno w yo u H A D a d rago n."
" Everybody has a drago n," replied Camicazi,
rather surprised. "But mine is independent — we do n't
need to hang out together the w hole time like yo u guys.
Wake up now, Stormfly, I need yo u. . . . "
She tickled the golden dragon behind its ears to
w ake it up, w hich it d id w ith a sort o f meowy sneeze,
and Camicazi just pulled her hand away before it
nipped her.
Two seconds later, the little dragon was w ide
awake, curling around Camicazi's ankles, and then up
onto her shoulders in such a restless golden streak o f
quickness that H iccup co uldn't make out its species.
"It's a beautiful d rago n," H iccup said, "but what
kind is it?"
Hiccup knew the answer before he had finished
the question, because upo n hearing itself called

58
beautiful the scales of the
dragon blushed fro m go ld to
rose to scarlet, like an
instant sunset.
" A MOOD
D RA G O N !" H iccup
exclaimed in
astonishment.

"But that's incredibly rare, I've never seen a M o o d

Drago n before . . . "
"M o o d Dragons, rare?" snorted Camicazi. "That's
nothing. This is a M o o d Drago n that speaks N o rse."
N o w this to o k Hiccup 's breath away.
Lo ng ago, the bards say, dragons and men spoke
together as happily as yo u or I. N o w H iccup was one o f
the only people around w ho spoke Dragonese, and
although dragons generally understand N o rse (w hich

59
they call lumpentongue) H iccup had never before met a
dragon w ho co uld speak it.
"But she's a terrible liar," w arned Camicazi.
"I am not a terrible liar!" retorted the M o o d
Drago n, indignantly, in perfect No rse.
But her scales betrayed her by flushing fro m
palest pink to a rather pungent purple.
" You see!" grinned Camicazi. "She turns purple
w hen she lies. She can't help lying, it's in her nature.
Co me o n then, Stormfly, we need yo u to guide us
through this horrible bo o k w arren. . . . "
This appeared to please the offended little M o o d
Drago n, for she faded fro m purple into sunny yellow
and sprang like a cat onto the top of Camicazi's head.
"W ho is A nxious-Boy-w ith-the-Freckles, and
w ho is my fellow green-blood?" purred Stormfly
softly, lo o king d o w n at Toothless through laughing
yellow eyes.
Toothless was acting rather weirdly. H e had gone
pink around the horns, and he was staring ahead,
glassy-eyed, as if stuffed.
H e answered gruffly, "Tftat's H ic c u f , and ijie
T-t-to o tfdess. M e a v ery rare TootMess Dayd reaiji.
Very r-r-rare and very v icio us."
 "H ello , T-t-to o tiless," admired Stormfly,
delicately swishing her yellow tail. " O o o i , you do lo o i;
vicious . . . Vicio usly fmitdsoijte. W i u t sijurt little
w ings you iav e !"
A t this, Toothless puffed out his chest and lo o p-
the-looped w ith pride. H e was so busy show ing off, he
d id n't even notice Stormfly's naughty, smiling face
turning slowly fro m yellow to purple.
"This still doesn't solve the pro blem o f what we
do once we find the bo o k," said Fishlegs, stubbornly
sticking to his gloomy view of the prospect ahead o f them.
"W ell," said H iccup , "we can either sit here
getting depressed, or we can go and try and find a copy
of How to Train Your Dragon by this Professor Yobbish
person, and hope we think o f something along the way.
Whatever we do , it's clear fro m this point that there is
N O GOING BA C K . "
This was a good point.
" O K , Stormfly," said Camicazi, "take us to the
A nimal Training section. . . . "
Stormfly took an elegant sniff o f the stuffy
Library air. H er dainty little nose w rinkled in disgust.
"Left," announced Stormfly, and Camicazi immediately
turned right.
 "Erm . . . yo u have to do the opposite o f what
she says," explained Camicazi.
"Great!" Fishlegs smiled sarcastically. "O u r trusty
guide through this maze o f Death is a pathological liar!
It doesn't get better than this, really. . . . "
"O H stop being so GLO O M Y about everything,
Fishlegs," said Camicazi, breezily. "It's always all right
in the end . . . Tho r only know s how. . . . "
So H iccup and Fishlegs set o ff into the dark,
tangled heart o f the Library, tiptoeing after Camicazi
and Stormfly through the lo ng twisty corridors, w ith
Toothless flapping at the rear.
7, H IGH IN TH E M URD ERO US
M O U N TA IN S

Fishlegs w o uld have felt gloomier still if he co uld have

seen what was happening high in the sinister crags o f
the Murd ero us Mo untains, w here the Murd ero us Tribe
had their hideout.
The Murd ero us Tribe d id not often receive
visitors. Perhaps it was their uncomfortable habit o f
sacrificing intruders to the Sky Dragons at the point o f
M o unt Murd ero us that kept people at bay. O r maybe it
was their SM ELL.
They lived o n a repellent diet o f mo nth-o ld rotten
haddock stuffed w ith pickled onions and bad eggs, all
w ashed do w n w ith enormous quantities o f BEER,
w hich, as you can imagine, w o uld make anybody stink
a bit after a w hile.
Whatever the reason, the Murd ero us Tribe was
generally left to enjoy the peace and quiet of its sinister
mountaintop home. A n d such was their reputation that
nobody came in a friendly way to nick their sheep, or
burgle their reindeer, in that neighborly, Vikingly
manner that was the fashion all over the rest o f the
A rchipelago.
 So Bertha's cheeky burglary o f Madguts's newest
military w eapon took them entirely by surprise.
Madguts's henchman, Gumbo il, knelt in the dust
before the open stable door, peering at the muddle o f
footprints and po king at the soil w ith one black-gloved
finger. H e was jo ined in this exercise by five gigantic
Sniffer Dragons, their enormous nostrils pushing
through the dirt like bloodhounds as they searched for
a scent.

*>5
 Gumbo il was carrying Madguts's terrifying
arsenal.
Fifty Murd ero us Warriors and Madguts himself
were w atching Gum bo il po ke. "Sto len!" Gum bo il
hissed in disbelief. "By the Beard o f Great Stinking
Hairy-Knuckled Tho r, Your Vio lence's Stealth Drago n
has been STO LEN !"
O ne of the scariest things about Madguts the
Murd ero us was that he never spoke.
N o bo d y quite knew why. Some say he had no
tongue, and others say he had lost his voice box, but
whatever might be the reason, he was never heard to
do anything more than grunt. H e grunted now.
Gumbo il leapt sycophantically to his feet and
stood on his tiptoes as Madguts grunted furiously into
his oily ear.
"Chief Murd ero us is V ER Y A N N O Y E D , " spat
Gum bo il at the silent Murd ero us Warriors gathered all
around. " H e orders yo u to track d o w n the perpetrator
o f this outrage before nightfall, or he w ill be selling the
lot o f you to the Uglithug Slavelands!"
There was an excited hiss and bark, and a swish
o f fo rked tails fro m the Sniffers as they finally p icked
up the scent of the stolen Stealth Drago n. "After them!"
yelled Gumbo il, running to mount his ow n dragon.

bb
"A nd by the orders o f his Viciousness, Madguts himself,
the one that catches the burglar red-handed shall have
extra rotten eggs w ith his haddock to night!"
The Murd ero us Tribe raced to their dragons, and
they took off after the Sniffers tow ard the east and the
distant silhouette o f the little Isle o f Forget M e .
8, N O GOING BA C K

The only w indo w in the Library was no w plugged by one

fat, dead Driller Drago n, and no natural daylight co uld
sneak its way into the gigantic, endless maze. The walls
were lined w ith bo o ks. Thousands and thousands o f
bookcases stretched fro m floor to ceiling, lit only by the
d im light o f glowworms, clinging to the walls, and a faint
scarlet gleam given o ff by the w riggling Itchyw orms.
Hiccup w alked o n, shivering not just w ith co ld ,
but w ith fear.
Fo r the Library was co ld w ith that dark, damp
co ld that has not seen daylight for so many years that it
has forgotten what sunshine feels like. The sad, soggy
rooms smelled o f silence and secrets. The Library felt
to Hiccup like a poor neglected fishy Creature w ho
nobody remembered had died in some forgotten corner,
and was slowly decaying.
A nd it was SPO O KY. Cho king dust clouds filled
some of the halls, and in others the glowworms had
gone out and w ere feeling their way through absolute
darkness.
In other halls, the shelves had clearly been
attacked by Driller Drago ns.

fe 8
 Way, way in the distance they co uld hear the faint
echoes o f shouting Meathead Warriors and their
barking Driller Dragons as they po ured into the Library
Entrance, beginning their search for the three Viking
Intruders. Surely the Library Labyrinth was so huge
that the Searchers, even in those numbers, w o uld take
a lo ng, long time to find them?
A nd maybe it was Hiccup 's imagination that was
jumping about like a po o r bird dashing its head against
a w ind o w pane, but he kept o n thinking that he heard
strange breathing and snuffling noises co ming fro m
somewhere behind his shoulder.
Sometimes he thought he saw a flicker o f
shadows mo ving and disappearing around a
blurry corner.
Toothless no longer flew after
^ them. H e had crept into Hiccup 's furry
, . ^ w aistcoat, his back spines a prickle o f
L. fear and alarm. "Issa. not s-s-safe . . . , "
he w hispered. " T k r e ' s B- B- BA D
tilings In i e r e . . . trust
\\ T- t- to o tiiess... Tootiless
c^tf? i^nows "
Ev en through his
terror, H iccup was blo w n away w ith

fe 9
Com. I

t
excitement at seeing so many books in one place at one
time. H e had scribbled away in notebooks himself, o f
course, but because books were banned by order o f The
Thing, the only proper bo o k he had ever really held was
that copy o f How to Train Your Dragon, w hich Toothless
had incinerated. A nd he hadn't been very impressed by
that particular bo o k.
N o t enough w ords, in his o pinio n.
But here, it was like entering a cave full o f
treasure.
" W O W , " breathed H iccup , "if you stayed here
long enough you really co uld find the answer to
everything. . . . "
There were fat books, thin books, volume after
decaying volume o f the Encyclopedia Barbaria, Guid es to
the A rchipelago, and to strange, lost, far-away lands that
H iccup had heard spoken of by the bards, w ith names
like jewels — Russia, China, India, A frica, and Japan.
Were these places really R EA L , or as imaginary as
the unicorn? H iccup longed to stop and p ull out the
dusty maps. . . . Co uld there really be a land so hot that
your thoughts bo iled over in the steam o f the day, a
land where elephants flew over herds o f peaceful
flamingoes, w andering over a w o rld as w arm as bread
fro m the oven?

71
 It seemed extremely unlikely, and H iccup burned
to kno w the answers.
Hiccup burned to kno w the answers . . . but he
d id not stop.
A nd they were enormously relieved w hen
Camicazi announced triumphantly that they had
reached the Dragons and Other Exo tic Creatures
section o f the Library.
"N o w , w ho w rote it again, remind me?" asked
Camicazi.
"Professor Yo bbish," replied H iccup .
"It's over here," said Fishlegs, kneeling in a corner
o f the hall. " W ... X ... Y for Yobbish . . . Great
Gulpings o f Trior, he's w ritten a bo o k about keeping
SH A R K S as pets, what was the man thinking of? Here
we are! How to Train Your Dragonl"
A n d there it was, the exact replica o f the one that
had sat in the Ho o ligan Great H all for so many years,
and that was now hid d en under Hiccup 's bed ,
shredded to pieces by Toothless's expert little claws.
W ell, perhaps not an exact replica.
"It's a second ed itio n," Fishlegs po inted out.
" N o one w ill no tice," said Hiccup , jubilantly
taking it out o f Fishlegs's hands and checking that it
was all there.

7l
 It certainly was: the big handsome cover w ith the
fancy bits o n it, and inside the three, golden, sacred
w ords that were the w hole of %bbish's advice o n the
subject:
Y ELL A T IT,
But this time, after twenty years of painstaking
research and as this was a second editio n, he had
added the vital w o rd . . . LO UD LY.
It may not seem like much, but the Ho o ligans
had been follow ing this advice w ith awed obedience fo r
generations.
H iccup stuffed the bo o k into his backpack.
"Just lo o k at all these incredible books o n
dragons!" he exclaimed in excitement. " V iking Dragons
and their Eggsl Dragons of the Icy DepthsX Dragons of
the Frozen Northl Think ho w helpful it w o uld be
to the Viking Tribes if we were allow ed to read all
these b o o ks... ."
"I hate to hurry y o u," said Fishlegs, "but w e're in
a bit o f a tight spot here, remember?"
"Yo u co uld be right," said H iccup . "I've got this
horrible feeling we might be being fo llo w ed. . . . "
"W hy do yo u think TH A T? " squeaked Fishlegs in
alarm.
" O h it's just a feeling I have . . . , " said Hiccup .
 "I co uld be w ro ng, of course.
W hich directio n d o we have to go
in to get out o f here, Stormfly?"
"Right," said Stormfly.
A nd Camicazi was just about
to turn left around the
corner . . . w hen a tall, thin
Something stepped out o f the
shadows, out of now here, and
barred the way.
"Silence in the Library,"
w hispered the Something. A n d
w ith a nasty, screeching scrape the
Something drew its Heart-Slicers
fro m their tw o scabbards and
held them o n either side of
Camicazi's face.
"Ssssssssshhhhh . . . , "
w hispered the Something.

74-
9. TH E H A IRY SC A R Y
LIBRA RIA N

The Something was a man as tall and thin as a bro o m,

w ith a w ild mo p o f hair, and a beard so lo ng he co uld
have w iped his feet o n it. H e had tucked this beard
into his belt, along w ith a w hole armory o f nasty-
lo o king weapons, axes, swords, and the terrifying
Northbow .
Hiccup immediately recognized the man as the
Hairy Scary Librarian himself, for he had seen him many
times before at Eld ers' Meetings. Somehow, though,
he hadn't lo o ked half as scary out in the open air,
surrounded by the other Viking Warriors. Here, in the
co ld heart of his Library, w ith his co ld , sad, half-blind
eyes, and his cracked voice w hispering like his throat
was full of bro ken glass, here, he was very scary indeed.
"The Library is clo sed ," croaked the Hairy Scary
Librarian.
Camicazi backed away fro m him. " U m m . . . yes,
we were just leaving, actually . . . , " she said, quietly
draw ing out her o w n sw ord.
"Ssssh . . . , " said the Librarian. "Your friend has
one o f my books in his backpack. It is STRIC TLY

75
FO RBIDDEN to remove books fro m the Library. Giv e
it back to me, please, or I shall be reluctantly forced to
kill y o u."
Hiccup drew his sw ord as w ell.
(Fishlegs TRIED to draw his, but unfortunately it
got stuck in the scabbard, and however hard he tugged,
he couldn't p ull it out.)
"I'm very, very sorry," said H iccup , politely, and
he meant this most sincerely for H iccup wasn't a
natural Burglar, "but I really, really need this book. It's
a matter of life or death." A n d then he w ent o n, less
politely, for he was feeling rather indignant about this,
"A nd these books aren't just YO UR books, they belong
to the w hole o f the Viking Natio ns. We should A L L be
allow ed to read them, and this really should be a
Library that is open to the Public. A l l this know ledge
co uld be very impo rtant."
"Well I'm very sorry, to o ," w hispered the Hairy
Scary Librarian, sadly shaking his head and draw ing
out another sw ord w ith his left hand . "But I think that
these books are M IN E all M IN E." A horrible gloating
and greedy lo o k came into his mad, half-blind eyes.
"Perhaps you should bring this up w ith The Thing. . . .
How ever, I'm not sure they w ill listen to yo u, as books
are considered to be D A N G ERO U S and strictly

7fe
banned, by their o w n order. A n d furthermore, it w ill
be rather difficult for yo u to bring it up because you
w ill be DEAD "
A nd the Librarian lunged at H iccup w ith the
sw ord in his right hand, and at Camicazi w ith the
sw ord in his left, and the three o f them began to fight.
"Can't we talk about this, like reasonable
peo ple?" asked H iccup , jumping out o f the way o f the
Librarian's razor-sharp sw ord and nipping in w ith a
thrust of his o w n.
" D i d I say I was a reasonable person?" w hispered
the Librarian in surprise.
"Masft. M iji! " squealed Toothless, w ho , like all
dragons, had a bloodthirsty streak. " R i f fdiyi and tear
ftiin anil stoijif on kiy i and. bite hkqi and tat;e al l fiis
e^ s!"
The Librarian was a very fine swordfighter, for
bo th Camicazi and H iccup were extremely go o d at
sw ordfighting themselves, and the Librarian was
fighting them bo th at the same time.
" O O O h h h h , you're really quite go o d at this, fo r
a M o ro nic Meathead ," exclaimed Camicazi in pleasure,
as he deflected her Lo ki's Lunge w ith Do uble Twist,
and replied w ith a Thrusting Tho r and a couple o f
Sw iveling Swipes.

77
 Camicazi lo ved to have the practice of fighting a
really good opponent.
"Be quiet," hissed the Hairy Scary Librarian.
"Unless you w ant the Driller Dragons to find us, and
death by Driller Drago n is such an untidy way to
DfE . Far neater to go swiftly o n the point o f my
Heart-Slicers, but it's up to yo u, o f course. . . ."
H iccup was in fine fo rm, neatly do dging the
Librarian's fiercest sw ord strokes and throw ing in some
challenging thrusts o f his o w n, w hile Camicazi's sw ord
was swiveling like a tornado.
Toothless and Stormfly also entered into the
batde, shrieking rude encouragements and flying
as close as they dared so they co uld nip in and bite
the Librarian o n the sword arm in order to put
him off.
 But o n the other side, the Librarian seemed to be
unmoved by the dragon bites. H e was a fully grow n
adult, much stronger and bigger than they were, calm
and capable as a juggler at fighting bo th of them at the
same time, and every thrust he made was aimed at their
hearts.
"You know, I've got a bad feeling about this,
Camicazi," said H iccup , slightly nervous as the
Librarian deflected his Do uble-Backed Left-Hand ed
Thro ugh-Lunge. "I think this guy co uld be a
FlashMaster like Humungo usly Ho tsho t the H ero .""
"You know, I was just w ondering the very same
thing," said Camicazi, w ith interest. "O nly a
FlashMaster w o uld kno w how to parry a Sw itch-
hander . . . an O v erp o int. . . and a Go ld en
Grimpiercer . . . and live to tell the tale. . . . "
FlashMasters were the very highest o f Sw ord
A rtists. They had all studied under the Great Flashburn
himself at his Scho o l of Sw ordfighting, and they were
virtually unbeatable at the A rt.
"I is a FlashMaster," croaked the Hairy Scary
Librarian, and his death mask grin was most horrible to
beho ld, "and I is going to croak you w ith me Heart-
Slicers . . . fro m your goggle-screams. . . . " (The Hairy
Scary Librarian lunged to the right at Camicazi's

*Please see Book 5: How to Tw ist a Dragon's Tale.

throat, and she just managed to turn the blade away in
time, so that it only scratched her a little.) ". . . to your
grub-washers. . . . " (The Hairy Scary Librarian lunged
to the left at Hiccup 's stomach, and H iccup just
managed to bring do w n his o w n sw ord in time, so that
he was only given a tiny graze.)
"Fishlegs!" shouted H iccup shakily. "H elp ! G o
and lo o k up in the Sw ordfighting Section over there, I
can see a bo o k by Flashburn and it might say how to
defeat a Sw ord A rtist. . . . "
Fishlegs had been spending the past ten minutes
struggling to get his sw ord out o f his scabbard. N o w he
jumped to the Sw ordfighting Section and ran a
trembling finger along the F shelf. " . . . Fiercethrust...
Fighthard . . . Here it is! Flashburn!" H e dragged out
the big heavy bo o k called Swordfighting with Style, and
rifled through the pages lo o king for Sw ord Artistry.
The Hairy Scary Librarian was a little confused as
to why the fight was still going o n. A s a great
FlashMaster, w ho had had ten years of personal one-
on-one tuitio n fro m the w orld-renow ned Flashburn,
swordfights against him normally d id not last very lo ng.
A ll right, so he had tw o opponents this time,
but they were only children, one as skinny as a praw n,
and the other a tiny little blo nd girl. A dmittedly they

81
were extraordinarily go o d swordfighters for children,
but still, he should have been standing over their tw o
dead bodies five minutes ago, w iping their blo o d o ff his
Heart-Slicers w ith the end o f his beard.
"W hy is yo u not croaked yet?" hissed the Hairy
Scary Librarian in surprise. " You is so titchy and so
piddly. Is scrambling my brain-boxer that you is not
w orm-burgers some time ago. . . . "
The Hairy Scary Librarian was still confident o f
success, however.
H e gathered up his strength for the final attack,
closed his eyes so that he was totally blind and co uld
better channel energy fro m the great god Wo d en . . .
and launched himself outw ard to the left and right w ith
deadly accuracy.
H is Heart-Sheers simultaneously thrust aside the
swords of bo th H iccup and Camicazi and plunged
tow ard their hearts like heat-seeking missiles . . .
. . . and Fishlegs saw the peril of the moment as
he flicked desperately through the pages of
Swordfighting with Style muttering, "Lunges . . .
Parries . . . Do uble Cartw heels . . . O h , bother this for a
lo ad of lobsters!"

81
 Ji/fit ViAo^fi hA& aM jjfcdfy . fto loB/\ how
to S\tf$ty fy jG. Thiur i4f^ ofi- a, le+ttAju u>

\ m ot ?/ /uMfvcUjome, bfiM,>^^r,

do. /V<H^<e b e a u A ^ u L, '

i^vc^»v«|,voe^t ^ ^ ^ MUSCLES
t 1

J
I a ^ nxn*) UTTERLY ftp*UiA*T«J?«fr
; I sU U ^ ^ P *^ ^
1
T
 A nd he to o k a good ho ld of the heavy
Swordfighting with Style book, and he swung it as
hard as he co uld at the Hairy Scary
Librarian's head.
The bo o k made contact w ith a
confident W H A C K! A n d the Hairy
Scary Librarian, w ho was already
a little o ff balance w ith those
lunges going to the left and
^ the right at the same
time, lost his footing
o n the Library floor.
H is Heart-Slicers flew up
j and missed their targets, w ith
A \ ^ .3r only milliseconds to spare, and
the Hairy Scary Librarian w o bbled
o n the sp o t. . . lost his balance and fell
heavily to the floor . . . kno cking out
Stormfly w ith the back o f his flailing sw ord
hand as he went d o w n.
The Hairy Scary Librarian was w earing shin-
length dragonskin Wellington boots, but his backside
was only protected by thin leather trousers. A nd , if you
remember, the Library floor was alarmed by Red H o t
Itchyw orms.
 So the instant his bony bo tto m touched the
ground, the minuscule Itchyworms swarmed in their
trillions and zillions and numberless frillions all over
his Hairy Scary tummy, across his Hairy Scary chest,

9*
up to his Hairy Scary scalp, and streamed
do w n into his dragonskin shoes.
The Hairy Scary Librarian leapt to his
feet as if electrified.
H e knew better than anyone how vital it was
not to make any lo ud noises in the Library. H e
dro pped his sw ord, clamped his hands over his
mo uth, and went purple in the face in his effort not
to laugh.
A n attack by Red H o t Itchyw orms feels as if
every single nerve ending in your entire bo dy is being
tickled at exactly the same time.
It is infinitely worse than having ants in your
pants. The Hairy Scary Librarian danced w ildly fro m
foot to foot, scratching himself frantically.
"M M M M M FFFFFFFFFFFFF," gurgled the Hairy
Scary Librarian. " M M M M M FFFF."
The Itchyw orms had been making steady
progress d o w n the shoes, and no w they got to the soles
o f the Hairy Scary Librarian's feet.
The Hairy Scary Librarian lost it.
H e forgot about not making a noise.
H e forgot about everything.
Fo r the first time in twenty-five years the
Librarian laughed.

9*
 " H A H A H A H A H A H A H A H A H A ! " roared the Hairy
Scary Librarian.
A nd then,
" H A H A H EEH EEO H FO RTH O R' SSA K
EST O PIT H A A A H H H A A A ! H EEEE!"
A nd then he fled for the exit, for he knew he had to
get out of there, quick. A nd as he ran, he was laughing and
itching and screaming hysterically,

" R U N FOR YO UR LIV ES! H EE-H EE!

H EA D Q UIC KLY A N D C A L M L Y FOR
TH E EXITS!
N O P U SH IN G !
N O SH O V IN G !
HA HA HA
H A H A ! EV A C U A T E
TH E LIBRA RY !

HAHAHAHA!"
94-
 No w , H iccup and Fishlegs and Camicazi and
Toothless w o uld have done w ell to have follow ed him,
and taken his advice.
But they w eren't concentrating o n the Hairy
Scary Librarian.
Camicazi had picked up the stunned, limp bo dy
o f Stormfly and was cradling her in her arms. "Wake
up, you little liar . . . , " w hispered Camicazi. "Co me o n
now . . . do n't do this to me. . . . "
A nd to Hiccup 's astonishment, Toothless, w ho
normally cared for nobody
but himself, was
practically crying
and licking
Stormfly's paw
to try to wake
her up .
 ' ( ( ( f C JL '<

10. BIG, BIG TRO UBLE ^ c

f

She had turned completely w hite . . . w hich d id n't lo o k

ho p eful. . . but after a few minutes, the gold slowly
began to return to her body again, her lashes trembled,
and she finally opened her eyes.
"Sie' s a-a-aliv e!" yelled Toothless happily, and
he d id a somersault in the air.
" O h , thank Tho r," sighed Camicazi. " H o w are
you feeling?"
"I'm feeling like a dragon w ho has been hit o n
the head ," said Stormfly, rubbing the large lump that
had appeared between her horns. "W ho are yo u?"
"What d o you mean, w ho am I?" said Camicazi in
surprise. "I'm Camicazi o f course . . . your Master."
"A nd w ho is the boy w ho looks like a fish? A n d
what about this skinny red one all covered in freckles?
A nd , most important, W HO A M I and w hy
asked Stormfly, w ith mo unting horror, " . . . why am I
speaking the language o f the lumpentongue?"
"You're Stormfly. You've always spoken N o rse,"
stammered Camicazi. "Sto p jo king around, Stormfly,
w e're in trouble h e re . . . . "
"I'm not jo king," said Stormfly.

9 fe
 II
r

A n d to Hiccup 's concern, not even a hint o f

violet came over her as she said it.
"What am I do ing in this horrible, co ld dungeon?"
asked Stormfly.
"It's a lo ng story," said H iccup , hurriedly. "But
the important thing is, can you remember the way O U T
o f here?"
"W ell," said Stormfly, rubbing her head again, "I
can't remember ho w I got IN , so ho w am I supposed to
remember how to get O U T? "
There was a nasty silence, as the three young Vikings
suddenly realized exacdy how much trouble they were in.
Big , big, BIG trouble.

97
 The Library seemed to have gotten even darker
since the Hairy Scary Librarian had shrieked out o f the
ro o m. O ne by one, the glowworms were dimming their
glows. The lo ud cries o f the Hairy Scary Librarian's
hysterical cracked laugh co uld be heard echoing and
tw isting do w n the corridors.
It was as if the Library was laughing at them.

>• smirked the Library.

A nd another echo was reverberating

uncomfortably in Hiccup 's brain. It was the echo of the
Librarian's w ords: "Be q uiet. . . unless you want the
Driller Dragons to find us . . . and death by Driller
Drago n is such an untidy way to die. . . . "
H iccup swallowed hard.
The Library stopped laughing, and now the
silence was so lo ud and so thick you co uld almost
to uch it.
Hiccup 's anxious, stretching ears strained to hear
through the blanket o f blackness.

9 8
Co uld that gentle patter be the
d rum o f mnning feet? A nd way back in the
backgro und, that soft and grim pulsation, co uld that
w liirring w liining be the hum o f distant drills?
" O K , " w hispered Hiccup , his heart no w beating
in an erratic rhythm as he tried to keep his voice calm.
N o bo d y else seemed to be hearing the noises he was
hearing, and he d id n't w ant to w orry the others. "W e'll
just set o ff then, shall w e, and see if it jogs Stormfly's
memory. W hich way first, then, Sto rmfly?"
"Are you talking to me? " asked Stormfly, po inting
her w ing to her chest.

99
 "Yes," w hispered H iccup . "You're Stormfly, that's
your name."
"N ice name, I like it. It's got style," said Stormfly,
very pleased w ith herself. "But I haven't got the
foggiest w hich way to go. Right?"
"So . . . should w e go right, then?" asked Fishlegs.
" O r left? D o yo u think the kno ck o n the head has
made her more truthful?"
"She still looks g o ld ," said H iccup , trying to see
through the glo o m. "I think w e'll go right."
"This just co uldn't be better," said Fishlegs.
" N o w our trusty Guid e is not only a pathological liar,
but has also lost her memory . . . Marvelo us. Superb.
EXC ELLEN T."
"W ell, it's all your fault," snapped Camicazi.
"Yo u shouldn't have bro ken up the fight. We were
SLA U G H TERIN G that guy! We had him just where
we w anted him !"
"Exactly where yo u w anted him?" snorted
Fishlegs. "Exactly where yo u w anted him? So yo u
W A N TED him w ith his sw ord running right through
you like a Bo g-Burglar kebab, d id you? Silly me, and
there was I thinking I've just saved your life and maybe
you co uld thank me, just a little . . . but, oh, no, yo u
W A N TED him to be killing yo u, d id n't yo u. . . . "

loo
 " W illyou keep your voices down? " hissed H iccup
in a panic, starting to fo llo w Stormfly, w ho had begun
to flap o ff to the right. The bo nk o n her head had
affected her flying, and she zigzagged and swayed
eccentrically through the air, bumping into things.
"Sorry, sir," apologized Stormfly, to yet another
bookshelf. "This way, guys, I think my memory co uld
be re tu rn in g ...."
They were all rather encouraged by Stormfly's
confidence, despite the fact that she kept o n bumping
into things. But after about half an ho ur o f mnning
around the Library w ithout seeming to get anywhere at
all, that confidence w ore off.
" You haven't a clue w here we are, have yo u,
Sto rmfly?" panted Fishlegs.
"Weeell," said Stormfly, "it seems to be a big
creepy place w ith loads and loads o f BO O KS in i t. . .
I give up . . . is it a school? THIS W A Y , G U Y S! "
A n d she d o ubled up o n herself enthusiastically.
" O h for Tho r's sake," moaned Fishlegs,
staggering after the others as they set o ff again.
Ten minutes later, puffing asthmatically, he called
everybody to a halt. "I've got to rest for a b i t . . . , "
w heezed poor Fishlegs, "and w e're not really getting
anywhere, are w e?"

lol
 " O K , " w hispered Hiccup , lo o king nervously
around him. The noises were nearer now, but still the
others seemed not to have no ticed them. "We can stop
for a moment, and then we have to get o n again. . . . "
Fishlegs leaned back o n one o f the bookcases,
panting heavily.
Unfortunately, it was exactly the bookcase that
Toothless had chosen to rest o n, and in the darkness
Fishlegs accidentally po ked him in the stomach.
Toothless was not the kind o f dragon to suffer in
silence.
" E E E E E E O O O O O O W ! " shrieked Toothless.
"SsssslM W mlihhhhhhhh!!!!!" hissed Hiccup .
A lo ud and thrilling noise came rumbling d o w n
the passages o f the Library. It began as a lo w murmur,
vibrating through the dragonskin under Hiccup 's feet,
and then built slowly into a terrifying carnivore R O A R
that ho w led its way d o w n the passages, and through
the halls, bo uncing o ff the books and shaking the
eardrums of the poor petrified Vikings and their
dragons, until the Library echoed around them like a
cage of hungry Hons.
A nd now there was no question o f what the noise
was. It was the sound o f a crow d of padding feet, first
w alking, and then breaking into shuddering, springing

lol
runs, the noise o f D RILLER D RA G O N S stampeding
through the Library lo o king for something to eat, and
the sound o f their D RILLS w hirring around hungrily.
11, H ID E- A N D - SEEK W ITH
D RILLER D RA G O N S

Camicazi, Hiccup , and Fishlegs ran back through the

corridors as swift as foxes w ith the full cry o f the H unt
after them. D o w n along the twisty tunnels they fled,
the Library no w a terrifying Babel o f screaming and
roaring and shouting, all echoing each other in a
confusing Pand emo nium of noise so lo ud that it tore at
the ears and pierced their very backbones.
"O o o o h!" squealed Stormfly happily. "W hat are
we playing now ? Is it Hid e-and -Seek? Is it? Is it? I
LO V E Hid e-and -Seek!" i>s
 "We're playing Run-A w ay-A s-Fast-as-You-Can-
fro m-the-Ho micid al-Drago n-Mo nsters. . . , " panted
Fishlegs. "A gain! I just cannot believe my bad luck. . . ."
" U p here! It's a short cut!" yelled Camicazi. They
scrambled up a rickety ladder, extraordinarily tall, up
through a hole in the ceiling, where they craw led o n
hands and knees before dro pping back d o w n into
another corridor again.
 They ro und ed a corner to find a crouching Driller
Drago n, poised to spring. Camicazi screamed and
to ppled over a tall, tottering bookcase o n him.
O n and o n they ran through the N o ise, until
Fishlegs came to a panting halt and gasped, " I. . .
really . . . can't. . . go . . . any . . . farther. . . ."
"N o r can I," panted Camicazi, draw ing her
sw ord. "W e'll have to stand and fight them."
"We haven't got a hope of defeating so many,"
gasped Hiccup , draw ing his sw ord, too.
"Well, then," sang out Camicazi defiantly, the light
o f battle in her bright blue eyes, "w e shall DIE a Hero 's
death, FIGHTIN G TO THE LA ST!"
"I hate it w hen you say things like that. . . ,"
w himpered Fishlegs.
"D-d -d -esert!" shrieked Toothless. " I tfd ni; we
sftouid desert!"
"Go o d id ea!" approved Hiccup . "FSut w iere to ?"
It was a good point.
There was nowhere to go.
"Co me o n!" shouted Camicazi. "H elp me build
a barricade w ith these bo o ks!" A nd she began pulling
books o ff the shelves and lo ading them into a pile by
the entrance, as if this pathetic obstacle was going to
keep hundreds o f hungry Driller Dragons at bay.

lob
 Fishlegs and Toothless helped her, and Stormfly
was still thinking that this was a jolly game and kept o n
kno cking the pile over, in fits o f giggles, and H iccup
lo o ked around the ro o m they had ended up in,
desperately searching for something, anything, that he
co uld use to help them in their final, hopeless stand.
 A nd then his eye caught a gleam o f dancing
brightness.
There it was.
A bo o k o n the bo o kshelf opposite appeared to be
GLO W IN G. A l l around it was a bright chink o f light, as
clear as the day.
A nd as he stepped tow ard the glow ing book,
H iccup gave a gasp of astonished amazement.
H is O W N N A M E was w ritten o n the side o f it.
H IC C UP H O RREN D O US H A D D O CK in big
golden letters.
No w , there are those w ho do not believe in Fate.
A nd there are those w ho d o . But just ask
yourself: what are the chances of H iccup lo o king
around this very ro o m, and his eye alighting o n a bo o k
w ith his o w n name o n it? W hat are the chances o f that,
I ask? Minusculey small, and that is w hy I personally
feel that Fate must have led them to that particular
ro o m. They had been running through rooms just like
this one all day, all lined w ith bookcases floor to ceiling,
and all smelling faintly o f fish.
But in this enormous, great, tangled book w arren
of a Library, w hich must have had thousands and
thousands o f rooms in it, the ro o m that they had
ended up in was the O N LY ro o m that contained

lo8
a book written by H IC C UP H O RREN D O US
H A D D O C K.
"Roaring Razorclams!" exclaimed Hiccup,
lowering his sword, his jaw dropping. "This is
EXTRA O RD IN A RY! That book has been written by
someone with exactly the same name as M E!"
Actually, as he drew nearer, he realized it wasn't
EX A C TLY the same name. The author was Hiccup
Horrendous Haddock the Second.
"I would, of course, find that fascinating,"
moaned Fishlegs, frantically dragging books off the
shelves, as the sound of drumming feet grew louder
and louder, cutting through the general cacophony of
the Noise, "if I wasn't just about to DIE. Will you come
and H ELP U S, for Thor's sake?"
Hiccup stepped forward toward the books, as if
hypnotized. "It must be a relative of mine, a
grandfather or something?" whispered Hiccup. "I guess
if I'm the Third, there must have been a First, and a
Second, mustn't there?"
This had never occurred to Hiccup. "But my
father's never talked about this guy before," he said
slowly.
In fact, what had he said, only this morning?
"TH E H O RREN D O US H A D D O C KS DO N O T

I09
W RITE BO O KS. Your Ho o ligan ancestors w o uld be
turning in their graves."
But his father had not to ld H iccup the truth, had
he? Here was a Ho rrend o us Had d o ck w ho clearly
H A D w ritten books. A nd as Hiccup drew nearer still
he almost laughed. It co uld not be a coincidence; it had
to be Fate. There it was, a big, glow ing green-and-gold
bo o k called A Hero' s Guide to Deadly Dragons by
H iccup Ho rrend o us Had d o ck the Second. It was
EX A C TLY the same name as the bo o k Hiccup had
been w riting himself for the last six months, in that
scruffy o ld exercise bo o k that Stoick had confiscated
only that mo rning.
Hiccup pulled out the bo o k, and as it came away
fro m the shelf in a clo ud of dust, it left a book-shaped
rectangle of bright daylight in the darkness.
A Hero' s Guide to Deadly Dragons was the only
REA L bo o k o n the shelf. The rest were fake, false
backs o f bo o ks, only centimeters deep, stuck to the
w o o d in row s. There was a lo ud CLICK and smoothly,
quietly, the entire bookshelf swung o pen like a door.
The do o r stuck a little o n the Library floor, and
H iccup dragged it open. A nd as he pulled it w ider,
beautiful bright daylight and air as fresh as a gulp o f
w ater po ured into the ro o m.

Ilo
 Behind that bookshelf door was a short tunnel,
and at the end o f the tunnel was a glorious blue circle
o f sky. Scraw led o n the inside of the door, were the
w ords The Dragon W hisperer' s W ay.
Camicazi and Fishlegs stopped their frantic
efforts to build a w all out of books, and their jaws
flo pped dow nw ard in astonishment. Camicazi gave
a joyous shout and ran across the ro o m, intending
to climb up into the tunnel.
But H iccup yelled out in alarm and drew her
back. Fo r even through the dazzle of the daylight, he
co uld see that the tunnel was not empty. There was a
w hole heap o f sleeping dragons in there, each the size
o f a largish new t.
"Let me go !" gasped Camicazi. "They're only tiny
dragons! They're quite sweet really. . . . "
"Trust me," said H iccup grimly. " Those are not
sweet. Those are Poisonous Pifflew orms . . . Fo r Tho r's
sake, DO N O T W A K E T H EM . . . ."
Camicazi, Fishlegs, and Toothless froze in horror.
If a Pifflew o rm bites yo u, you have roughly one
quarter of a second to curse your bad luck, before you
fall to the ground as dead as a d o d o .
H o w do you deal w ith a Poisonous Pifflew o rm?

" 4-
12. A H ERO 'S GUIDE TO
D EA D LY D RA G O N S

H iccup had discovered ho w to deal w ith Poisonous

Pifflew orms some six months earlier, observing their
behavior one day w hile dragon-w atching at W ild
Drago n Cliff. But in the terror o f this moment, he
co uldn't quite remember what he had w ritten in his
notebook. H e closed his eyes desperately . . .
what was it now ? H e had a horrible
feeling that you had to rub their
tummies w ith the end of a 0 5
nettle? No, o n reflection he .
thought, that was Deadly
Nadders . . . Thank goodness,
because there weren' t any nettles lying
about.. . Did you blow in their eyes? No,
that was Toxic Nightshades. . . .
"What do we do now, H iccup ?"
w hispered Fishlegs, w ith his hands
over his ears, trying to cut out the
sound o f those padding feet
getting closer and closer. ^ (
 "D o you think we can creep through them
w ithout w aking them up ?"
A s if in answer to this question, the nearest
Pifflew o rm stirred in its sleep, opening its eyes briefly
for a second, yaw ning and flicking out its little fo rked
tongue, so that a droplet o f purple veno m landed o n
the edge of the brickw o rk.
It sizzled through the stone like acid, leaving a
little puff o f purple smoke rising fro m the hole.
The Pifflew o rm closed its eyes again.
" O h, brother . . . , " moaned Fishlegs.
If only Father hadn' t confiscated my book, H iccup
thought to himself.
If only I had A Hero 's Guid e to Deadly Dragons
with me RIGHT NOW . Hang on a second . . . what am
I thinking about? I do have A Hero 's Guid e to Deadly
Dragons with me right now.
Hiccup lo o ked d o w n at the big, heavy, dusty o ld
bo o k he was ho ld ing in his hand.
My ancestor must have written about Poisonous
Piffleworms in here. H iccup flung open the bo o k.

lib
 There was a Warning o n the first pag
w ritten in large ink-smudged capitals.

WARNING!
REA D THE H ERO 'S
GUIDE TO D EA D LY D RA G O N S
A N D Y O U W ILL DIE,

"We A L L d ie," said H iccup aloud,

" . . . eventually."
 . . . and this time he really d id laugh.
Fo r w ritten o n the next page were the w ords:
we Att Dig , .

Still laughing, he turned the next page

 . . . and disturbed a couple of real, live baby
Pifflew orms that had burro w ed their way into the
pages o f the bo o k and were steadily eating them.
< The Pifflew orms froze for a second, and then the
/ Pifflew o rm o n the left gave a shriek o f fury, and
; snapped forw ard its neck, pinpo int fangs bared to
* sink into Hiccup 's hand and . . .
 . . . H iccup pulled his hand back
in the nick of time, slammed the bo o k
shut, and threw it to the floor. Hastily,
Fishlegs and Camicazi piled the heaviest
books they co uld find o n to p o f it.
"What do we do no w ?"
w hispered Fishlegs, his eyes ro und
w ith terror.
The shriek of their fellow
Pifflew o rm had disturbed the sleep
o f the nest of Pifflew orms in the
tunnel. They were squirming
around restiessly, their eyelids
flickering.
 It was only a matter o f minutes before they
w o ke up.
How do you deal with a Piffleworm?
How do you deal with a Piffleworm? screeched
Hiccup 's brain. W as it that they couldn' t stand the
color yellow? No, that was Deadly Nightshades. ..
W as it that you tickled them behind the ears? No, that
was A rsenic A dderwings. W hat was it?
H iccup tried to imagine the page in his
notebook in his mind's eye. . . .
It seems a go o d moment, dear reader, to
discover what kind o f H ero Y O U w o uld make.
W o uld yo u have lived through this situation? Being
a H ero and living to fight another day is not just
about sw ordfighting skills, yo u know. Yo u also
need a good memory and an eye for detail.
Imagine, then, that the bo o k you are
ho lding RIG H T N O W contains a dragon so
deadly that you cannot turn the pages back to
find out ho w to deal w ith a Pifflew o rm.
No w .
D o n't cheat.
How do you deal with a Piffleworm?
 The answer is quite simple — or at least H iccup
thought it was.
A Piffleworm cannot stand the sound of whistling.
The sound causes it to enter a fro zen state of fear and
repulsion, where it cannot move a muscle or a w hisker,
let alone a po iso n gland.

lib
 "Start w rustling!" shrieked H iccup . "It makes
them freeze and they can't hurt us then!"
"Are yo u sure?" screamed Fishlegs.
" N o ! " said H iccup . "I think it might be the thing
w ith the netde, but we haven't got any nettles here
anyw ay!"
It is surprising ho w hard it is to w histle w hen yo u
are frightened. A ll three o f the Vikings and Toothless
too, d id their best, but their throats were dry, and their
lips were shaking, and the most w histly noise they
co uld make was a sort o f strangled puff.
Meanw hile the noise o f approaching Driller
Dragons was so lo ud , it was astonishing they w eren't in
the ro o m already, and the Pifflew orms were opening
sleepy eyes, and the po iso n glands o n their necks were
beginning to sw ell up as they saw that their nest had
been invaded by intruders. . . .
"That's the worst w histling I've ever heard !"
exclaimed Stormfly, circling above their heads in
amusement.
"Sto rmfly!" cried H iccup in relief. " You show us
ho w to do it then!"
"Are you talking to me?" asked Stormfly, po inting
her w ing at her chest.
" Of course I'm talking to you!" ho w led H iccup .

117
 "A ll right, all right, keep your hair o n." Stormfly
smiled, circling in graceful cartwheels around Hiccup 's
head, co mbing out her crest w ith one paw. "Yo u'll have
to ask me nicely. . . . "
" PLEA SE!" shrieked all three Vikings
simultaneously.
Stormfly puckered up her lips and stopped.
"But I can't remember anything to w histle," she
said slowly.
"Whistle A N Y TH IN G ! " screamed the Vikings.
Stormfly w histled the first verse o f the Bo g-
Burglar Natio nal A nthem — not that she had a clue
what it was, o f course. By the end o f the first couple o f
lines, the Pifflew orms had frozen so lid, puffed up like
hard little dragon statues, w ith their mouths w ide open
and fangs bared.
Hiccup , Fishlegs, Camicazi, and Toothless
scrambled into the tunnel, trying to avoid stepping o n
the stonelike little monsters.
"Co me o n out now, Sto rmfly!" H iccup ordered
the M o o d Drago n, w ho was still happily w histling as
she flew upside do w n around the ro o m.
"But the game isn't o ver!" Stormfly po inted out
cheerily. "They haven't fo und us yet!"

118
 " GET IN!" shouted H iccup , and he reached out
and grabbed her by the tail, and dragged her into the
tunnel.
But they w ere precious seconds too late.
W ith furious roars, fo ur fully grow n Driller
Dragons sprang like lions into the ro o m.
Just a few moments later, and all they w o uld have
seen was an empty ro o m. But the bo o kshelf do o r was
still w ide o pen, and the three Vikings and tw o dragons
w ere clearly to be seen, stuck in their hid ing place.
" Now they've fo und us!" squealed Stormfly in
excitement. "Co o o eeeee!!!"
"Shut the door, Fishlegs!" screeched Camicazi
and H iccup , as the leading dragon leapt to w ard the
three o f them in the tunnel, and Fishlegs tried to shut
the do o r . . .
. . . and the tip o f the Driller Dragon's drill caught
in the crack betw een the do o r and the doorway, and
Fishlegs co uld not shut it.
 13, Y IKES

The d rill w hirred furiously, and the three young Vikings

were showered w ith splinters o f w o o d as they all three
hung o n to the door.
The Driller Drago n heaved back his mighty head,
and the do o r was ripped out of the Vikings' hands and
swung w ide open again.
"N o w , no w !" sang Stormfly. " N o rough stuff!"
The Driller Drago n gave a roar o f savage triumph
and sprang fo rw ard, jaws agape.
A nd H iccup picked a fro zen Poisonous
Pifflew o rm off the top of the tunnel, and threw it in the
Driller Dragon's face.
O ne second the dragon was this magnificent
po uncing carnivore. The next he was a mew ling
baby, gibbering w ith fear.
^ The Poisonous Pifflew o rm fell to the
I* ^ ^flo o r like a dragon made out o f stone. But
still, all fo ur of the Driller Dragons reared up
onto their hind legs in horror, and turned
around squealing, fighting to be the first to get
,o ut o f the ro o m.

3.
 Fishlegs slammed the bookshelf door.
They knelt o n all fours, surrounded by an entire
nest of unimaginably venomous fro zen Pifflew o rms,
the tunnel echoing w ith their pants of relief.
Hiccup shuffled o n his knees to the end o f the
tunnel. They w eren't as high up as they had been w hen
the Stealth Drago n had d ro pped them off, but it was
nonetheless a very lo ng, lo ng, way d o w n, and H iccup
tried not to lo o k.
H e leaned out and called as lo udly as he dared
for the Stealth Drago n.
Please, please let the Stealth Dragon hear us, he
prayed to Tho r as he called.
Tho r must have been listening — it has to be
said, Tho r has been very go o d to H iccup over the
years — for one second there was just bright blue sky
in front of them, the next the sky had darkened slightly,
in the ghostly fo rm of the Secret Weapo n.
"Rea&£ to go, Si r? " asked the Stealth Drago n
politely, hovering next to their tunnel.
" W e l l fieilo . . . , " smirked Stormfly, batting her
eyelashes. "W&ere Mb YOU spring fro iji, gorgeous?"
Toothless sw elled up w ith furious jealousy.
"Sno t gorgeous! Is a g-g-great big inv isible
goodf- gooifV'

HI
 Fishlegs was delighted to make the dangerous
craw l along the Stealth Dragon's outstretched hovering
w ing, so deeply relieved was he to get out o f that
Library.
"W fiere to, Sk ? " asked the Stealth Drago n,
w hen all three o f them had fastened their seatbelts.
"Bext sto f, t k ISL E O F BER R , " said Hiccup .
The Stealth Drago n w heeled around o n his
albatross w ings, and fo r the first time, H iccup realized
that there was a most unpleasant smell of rotten eggs in
the air, and they were not alone in the A rchipelago
skies.
The air was full o f dragons, dragons as far as the
eye co uld see.
A n entire Drago n A rmy was descending o n the
little Isle of Forget M e .
These were large riding dragons, but in this case,
because this was an attack operation, they w eren't
being R ID D EN exactly.
Each dragon had a heavily armed Viking Warrior
dangling fro m his claws. The Warriors had their swords
draw n, and they were screaming the Murd ero us War
Cry at the tops o f their lungs. The Murd ero us Tribe was
storming the Meathead Public Library.
 It was rather beautiful to w atch the precision o f
their attack.
The dragons sw ooped d o w n to the Library
Entrance and let the Warriors go at exactly the right
moment, so that they co uld hit the ground running,
and launch immediately into fighting the Meatheads,
w ho poured out to greet them.
A pitched battle was taking place, and the
Murd ero us Tribe was w inning, because they are some
of the best barbarians in the business.
" H A ! " w hispered Fishlegs to Camicazi. "So much
for this Stealth Drago n being untrackable! Five

TJ4-
minutes later and Madguts w o uld have caught us red-
hand ed !"
" M M M m m m , yo u co uld be right," admitted
Camicazi guiltily. "W e'd better tell my mother she
needs to get rid o f it as soon as possible."
Hiccup got the Stealth Drago n to fly o n a low er
flight path than no rmal back to Berk. A nd it seemed
as if the entire way, above them was this steady
stream o f Murd ero us Dragons flying
in the other directio n.
 "That disgusting smell," mused Stormfly,
w rinkling her beautiful nostrils and peering upw ard as
she flew, "it really reminds me of something and I can't
think what "
There is a narrow gap called the Slice o f Death
that separates the N o rth Meathead Island fro m the
So uth Meathead Island. M o st Vikings tend to avoid it,
because there are shoals o f dangerous reefs all the way
along.
But Camicazi steered straight tow ard it, and once
they had entered the canyon, the Stealth Drago n d id n't
bother to fly any higher above the waves. H e just
swerved to avoid the rocks as if he were do ing a slalom
in the air.
The impossibly high walls of the Cliff o f Forever
soared up to their left.
The improbably high w alls o f the Cliff o f Eternity
stretched up to their right.
A nd the Stealth Drago n sw iveled his way through
the rocks at the bo tto m o f this tunnel o f cliff like he
was threading a needle through the treacherous surf. By
the time they shot out of the Slice o f Death, all three
Vikings and their dragons were drenched w ith spray.
Ev en Fishlegs forgot about the disgusting smell
sufficiently to jo in the others in w ho o ping w ith

life
excitement as they were soaked by another wave,
drenched in salt, and blo w n backw ard in the w ind .
H e might not have felt so happy if he co uld have
seen the sinister dark figure standing in front o f the
Meathead Public Library, fingering his axes. It was
Madguts the Murd ero us, o n the path o f his stolen
Stealth Drago n, his tracker dragons sniffing through
the sand in a frenzy o f excitement.
"H e's been here . . . , " hissed Gum bo il. "But he's
already left, flying thataw ay ...." H e po inted a black-
gloved finger in the directio n o f the litde Isle o f Berk.

7-At* * r » ^ - £r
14. M A D G U TS W ILL BE
STEA M IN G M A D

Stoick had a difficult afternoon of not finding things.

First he was lo o king for the How to Train Your Dragon
bo o k. Then he co uldn't find his son, because he felt
that maybe he had been a little crosser than he should
have been, particularly given that it was Hiccup 's
birthday.
But bo th bo o k and son had vanished into thin air,
even though he had sent half the Tribe all over Berk
lo o king for them. A s the sun began to sink that
evening, Big-Bo o bied Bertha stomped into his Chiefly
H ut, w ith a confident smirk o n her face.
The mighty bosoms of Big-Bo o bied Bertha had
killed many a Warrior in mo rtal combat. She was a
great monster o f a w o man, w ho closely resembled a
Wo o lly M ammo th in a dress, and even in a one-on-one
social situation, she tended to bello w at the top of her
fog-horn voice, as if she was trying to be heard by
troops at the other end of a largish battlefield.
"So this is where you're hiding, is it, Stoick, you
o ld Warthog?" she yelled cheerfully, giving him a playful
tug o n the w hiskers that made him bristle furiously.

U8
"H o p ing yo u can skulk in here till I'll forget about the
bet, are you? W ell, I haven't. It's the end o f the day,
your time's up, and I hope you're ready to give me
those axes. Where's your pro o f that yo u lettuce-
hearted, rabbit-brained, butter-fingered Ho o ligans are
better at burglary than us Bo g-Burglars?"
Stoick's chest swelled w ith indignation. "We
Ho o ligans are the finest Burglars in the world!" he
yelled, punching his fist in the air. "O ne o f my Warriors,
Go bber the Belch, has stolen a bo o k fro m the
Meathead Public Library, fro m right under the nose o f
the Hairy Scary Librarian! A n act o f Burglary and
Bravery o f the highest o rd er!"
"N o t bad , not bad ," w histled Bertha. "I w o uld n't
have thought that that great lumbering sack of potatoes
had it in him ." She lo o ked cheerfully around the ro o m.
"So , where is it then?"
"W hat?" asked Stoick, playing for time.
"The book, man, the bo o k! The bo o k that your
Gobber-w ith-the-face-like-a-hippopotamus-that-
somebody-trod-on has flukily snaffled fro m that lo o n
the Librarian. W here is it?"
Stoick's chest deflated a little. "A h, yes, w ell, that's
w hat I can't quite understand. I had the bo o k in this
very ro o m only this mo rning, but now it seems to have

U9
completely disappeared. It's most extraordinary. I'm
afraid you're going to have to take my w o rd fo r it. . . . "
Big-Bo o bied Bertha hadn't heard such a go o d
joke in ages. She laughed so hard the tears ran d o w n
her beard and she co uld barely stand up. " H A ! H A !
H A ! H A ! " roared Big-Bo o bied Bertha. " O h , that's a
good one! Yo u stole the bo o k and then you seem to
have lost it, is that what you're saying?" jeered Bertha.
"Fiddlesticks and tadpole tails! You never H A D this
bo o k you're boasting about because yo u hopeless
Ho o ligans co uldn't burgle berries fro m a baby!"
Stoick w ondered w hether to hit her.
"N ev er mind , Sto ick," bo o med Bertha, giving
him a friendly dig in the ribs, "even if you H A D stolen
that silly little bo o k of yours, you w o uldn't have w o n the
bet anyway. Co me and see what I stole fro m Madguts
the Murd ero us only yesterday. . . . Fo llo w me. . . . "
Muttering rude w ords under his breath to the
great god Thor, Stoick fo llo w ed Bertha's bossy,
departing bo tto m all the way to the Drago n Stables.
Bertha stopped outside a particularly large stable
do o r and began to undo the bolts. "I hope you d o n't
mind that I borrow ed an empty stable o f yours to put it
in . . . this w ill show you what a REAL burglar can d o . . . . "

I4.0
 Bertha flung open the door dramatically. "Feast
your eyes o n that, Stoick the Vast! A real, live, top-of-
the-range Stealth Drago n, stolen fro m under the very
nose o f that birdbrain, Madguts the Murd ero us, by my
o w n fair hand s!"
"Thumbnails of Tho r!" exclaimed Stoick,
forgetting his fury, he was so impressed. "Madguts w ill
be steaming m ad !"
"Po o h!" boasted Bertha proudly, if unwisely. "Us
Bog-Burglars aren't scared o f TH A T idiotic stinkpo t!"
Stoick peered into the stable. " Bu t. . . b u t. . .
but Bertha, there's nothing there. . . ."
Bertha chuckled. "Yes, w ell, that's what makes
them a Secret Weapon, you see," she explained kindly.
"The Stealth Drago n is so w ell camouflaged, it is
practically invisible. . . . "
" N o , really," said Stoick, w alking fro m one end o f
the stable to another, "there really is N O TH IN G
H ERE."
Bertha blundered into the stable, her hands in
front of her, trying to feel for a not-only-invisible-but-
abso lutely-NOT-THERE Stealth Drago n. It took three
turns around the stable to convince her that the dragon
had vanished. "Well, bother my bunio ns!" exclaimed
Big-Bo o bied Bertha. "It's completely disappeared!"
 Stoick began to laugh.
"It was here this mo rning! Large as life and as
transparent as glass!" protested Bertha.
" O h , yes," jeered Stoick, laughing himself to
tears, "invisible dragons, my belly butto n! That's a good
one, Bertha, that's a good one! I'll give yo u a couple o f
invisible axes in return for w mning the bet!"
Big-Bo o bied Bertha turned purple as a blueberry
and clenched her fists. The tw o o f them were so
engrossed in their disagreement that they d id not
notice a tall, thin figure creeping up behind them.
"Bo th of you ho ld your hands above your heads
and come slowly out of the stable!" barked a hissing
croak o f a voice.
IS, TH E H A IRY LIBRA RIA N
GETS SC A R Y

Bertha jumped a foot in the air and her plaits shot out
fro m the side o f her head, all in a tremble. She spun
around w ith really quite impressive quickness for a
w o man of her girth, and nearly fainted w ith relief w hen
she saw it was only the Hairy Scary Librarian, standing
in the stable doorw ay w ith a N o rthbo w pulled back,
ready to shoot.
"O o o h, Hairy, it's only you, thank Tho r," she
said, pressing her hand to her gigantic chest. "I thought
you might be Madguts the Murd ero us. . . . "
"SH UT IT, BERTH A , A N D PUT YO UR
THIEVIN G H A N D S OVER YO UR BU RG LA RO U S
H EA D , " advised the Librarian.
It occurred to Bertha and Stoick that the
Librarian was lo o king rather more agitated than
no rmal. H e had always been a little unstable, but the
Itchyw orms-dow n-the-trousers-incident had driven him
over the edge. There was a mad glint in his eye, a large
lump o n his head, and a stray Itchyw orm left d o w n one
side was making his w hole body tremble.
"Err . . . you're lo o king a little freaky, Hairy," said

14-4-
Bertha, politely humo ring the Librarian by putting her
hands over her head. " D o yo u think yo u need to lie
d o w n?"
" Y O U BETC H A I'M LO O KIN G A LITTLE BIT
FREA KY ! " shrieked the Hairy Scary Librarian.
" YO UR LITTLE H O O LIG A N A N D BOG-
BU RG LA R BRA TS H A S BEEN SN EA K IN G S
INTO M Y LIBRA RY , A N D STEA LIN G O N E OF
M Y BOOKS!"
"I DON'T KN O W W H A T YO U' RE TA LKIN G
A BO UT!" roared Stoick the Vast, genuinely
bew ildered. " A N D HO W D A RE Y O U TH REA TEN
ME, STOICK THE V A ST, O N M Y V ERY O W N
ISLA N D ! GET OFF M Y L A N D , OR I W ILL
THROW Y O U OFF!"
" You are o n the w ro ng end o f this arrow ," po inted
out the Hairy Scary Librarian, "and therefore not in a
position to give out orders. Your brats have been
trespassing," he co ntinued, "and have stolen one o f my
books. . . ."
" You must have mistaken them fo r somebody
else," said Stoick the Vast, w ith less o f a bello w as he
realized that the Hairy Scary Librarian had a point
about being o n the w ro ng end o f the arrow. "O ne
Barbarian child looks very like another. . . . "

Us
 "N o t your child ," screeched the Librarian. " Your
child is very different fro m most decent Viking
children . . . small skinny boy w ith bright red hair,
ridiculously scrawny for the son of a Chief. . . . "
"There are lots of Viking children w ho
haven't had their grow th spurt yet!"
protested Stoick defiantly. "It co uld
have been anybody \"
"Was w ith a boy w ith a face like
a fish and a girl w ith light fingers and
no manners," continued the
Hairy Scary Librarian.
" M y Camicazi isn't the
nicking-things typel" cried
Big-Bo o bied Bertha.
(Bertha had
her
 4

fingers firmly
crossed above her
head.)
" All Bo g-
Burglars is the
riickmg-things
typel" screeched
the Hairy Scary
Librarian. "They'd
nick the trees fro m
the w oods if they
co uld fit 'em in they's
pockets! A nd I caughts the
magpies red-handed pilferin,
my very last copy o f How to
Train YourDragonl"
screeched the
Librarian.
Stoick started
guiltily.
"HA!" cried the
Librarian triumphantly.
"So you do know s what
about! You all try and steal books o ff me,
do n't yo u, and fair enough I suppose,

H7
we are Vikings, but those w ho gets caught in my
Library have to pay the price, w hich is death o n the
spot, no questions asked. But did they's have the
decency to put their hands up and let me poke them
w ith my Heart-Slicers?" H is hissing, w hiny voice rose
in outrage. " O h no , not them, they bo nked me o n the
head, and put Itchyw orms d o w n my trousers! I do n't
kno w what the younger generation is coming to !"
Stoick the Vast co uldn't help grinning w ith pride
w hen he heard this info rmatio n. W ell done, Hiccup! he
thought exultantly.
Stoick's secret smile drove the Hairy Scary
Librarian w ild w ith temper, and he let fly the arrow,
w hich cut o ff Big-Bo o bied Bertha's left plait, and he
had fastened another arrow in the bo w before Bertha
and Stoick had had time to blink.
"TELL M E W H ERE THE THIEVING LITTLE
M A G PIES IS OR THE N EX T A RRO W GOES
INTO STOICK H ERE,"
Bertha tried to bluster her way out of the
situation. "I really do n't kno w what you're talking
about," she bello w ed, "and I haven't seen my daughter
since this mo rning anyway."
The Hairy Scary Librarian let fly his next arrow,
w hich flew straight into the chest of Stoick the Vast.

U8
 A n d this was where the Hairy Scary Librarian lost
co ntro l o f the situation.
Fo r instead o f falling d o w n as dead as a dinosaur,
Stoick calmly removed the arrow fro m his breast and
snapped it in tw o .
"B-b-but that's impo ssible!" stammered the
Hairy Scary Librarian, turning very w hite. "HO W IS
Y O U DOING THA T?"
The N o rthbo w is the deadliest, hardest, most
accurate bow in the A rchipelago . Nobody gets hit by a
N o rthbo w arrow and lives to tell the tale.
The Hairy Scary Librarian reloaded his bow and
was about to shoot again.
But he d id n't get the chance.
A n enormous, practically invisible dragon
appeared out o f now here and landed o n him.
Squashing him.
Flat.

I4.9
16. THE LIBRA RIA N GETS
SQ U A SH ED

Hiccup , Camicazi, and Fishlegs w ere hoping to secretly

replace the How to Train Your Dragon bo o k w ithout
anyone finding out that it had ever been burned, and to
return the Stealth Drago n before it was discovered that
they had stolen it.
How ever, leaning over the edge o f the Stealth
Dragon's invisible w ings, H iccup co uld see the tw o
corpulent figures of his father and Camicazi's mother,
standing in front of the open stable door, and the thin,
furious fo rm o f the Hairy Scary Librarian w ith his
loaded bow.
The plan changed in an instant. "Lank on. tfiat
skinny Vising w l t i ti e s t u f M ^ lo ng bearh, Stealtfi
Drag o n," shrieked H iccup , "as quid?; anh, as &ar& as
£ 0 U can!" A n d the Secret Weapon obligingly went into
a shrieking dive that had Fishlegs covering his eyes, and
Stormfly w ho o ping w ith excitement, and Toothless
complaining that he was "sho w ing off a-a-again."
The mighty shining fo rm of the Stealth Drago n
landed w ith considerable force and pinpoint accuracy
right on top of the elderly madman.

l5o
17. TH E N U M BER SIX SW O RD

Fo r once in their lives, Stoick the Vast and Big-Bo o bied

Bertha were completely and entirely lost for w ords.
Stoick the Vast's mighty jaw d ro pped in his
amazement. "By the Black Heart and Tricky Twisting
Tongue o f the Great G o d Lo k i ! " he cried, for he had
never seen a Stealth Drago n before, and his first
thought was that perhaps Tho r had decided to save
their lives by taking out his hammer and kno cking a
piece out of the sky to strike d o w n the enraged
Librarian.
Ev en Big-Bo o bied Bertha's tremendous breasts
heaved in astonishment.
A nd they only heaved more at the sight of three
little figures climbing carefully d o w n fro m the back o f
the great shimmering mirage o f Madguts's Secret
Weapon.
"O o o o h, w ell done, yo u great, magnificent hunk
o f a d rago n!" cooed Stormfly, fluttering around the
Stealth Dragon's mighty head, batting her eyelashes.
"Brilliand y flattened!"
"Is not so b -b -b rilikitt just to s-s-squasft
soijiebofrsr!" hissed Toothless, in a jealous fury. " Anfom

151
can ho s-s-squasiing! Loo^! Tootiless can &o
squasiing too!"
A nd the little dragon jumped up and d o w n o n the
end o f one o f the Hairy Scary Librarian's long,
quivering feet, po king out fro m beneath the beautiful
gleaming bo tto m o f the Stealth Drago n.
"Camicaz i!" scolded Big-Bo o bied Bertha
furiously. "I might have kno w n it! W hat H A YE you
been doing w ith M Y stolen go o ds!"
Camicazi was clearly no more afraid of her
mother than she was o f anyone else.
She put her hands o n her hips. "W ell, I like

l5l
TH A T!" she exclaimed. "We SW O O P d o w n, saving
your neck in the nick o f time fro m being shot by this
mad Librarian guy, and all yo u can do is C O M PLA IN ! "
" A N D W HY" thundered Big-Bo o bied Bertha, in
a fog-horn voice so lo ud that it made the eardrums o f
the listening Vikings vibrate, "IS THIS LIBRA RIA N
SHOOTIN G A T U S IN TH E FIRST PLA C E? I
TOLD Y O U TH E LA ST TIME I RESC U ED Y O U
FRO M THE D U N G EO N S OF THE D A N G ER-
BRU TES, TH ERE A R E CERTA IN PEO PLE Y O U
N IC K FRO M , LIKE THE P EA C EA BL ES, A N D
THE QUIET-LIFES, A N D C ERTA IN PEO PLE
TH A T Y O U DON' T BEC A U SE IT'S JU ST TOO
D A N G ERO U S, I M E A N , HOW M ANY TIM ES DO
I H A Y E TO SA Y TH IS, C A M IC A Z I? "
Like many parents, Big-Bo o bied Bertha was
making an EX C ELLEN T point that she w o uld have
done w ell to have listened to herself, for she was so busy
scolding, and everybody else was so busy listening, that
nobody had no ticed a sinister, thuggish figure landing
his dragon a hund red yards away, and nobody had seen
him quiedy draw ing out his axes, a horrible grin o n his
ugly mug, and a truly unpleasant reeking smell of
rotting eggs and stinking haddo ck po uring out fro m
betw een his jagged and bro ken teeth.

15J
 Nobody, that is, apart fro m Stormfly, w ho
suddenly stopped mid-flutter and w rinkled up her
pretty little nose. "O o o o h, yuckl" she exclaimed
disgustedly. "W hat is that revolting SM ELL? "
Smell is one of the strongest of our senses, and
the po w erful stench given o ff by the Murd ero us Tribe
at close quarters reactivated the part of Stormfly's
brain that had been shut o ff by the blo w to the head in
the Library, and her memory returned.
"Why, I do believe it's that human stink bo mb
Madguts the M urd ero us!" she cried in delight. "It's all
coming back to me now ! I am Stormfly, and I spent
my earliest dragonhood in their w hiffy Murd ero us
Mo untains."
Stoick the Vast, Big-Bo o bied Bertha, Hiccup ,
Camicazi, and Fishlegs turned very pale, and slowly
around, and there he was, the revolting smell himself,
Madguts the Murd ero us, his co ld , staring blue eyes like
chips of ice.
Madguts was not alone. H e was accompanied, at
a respectful distance behind , by about fifty or so crack
Stealth Warriors, w ho had been d ro pped by their
dragons o n silent w ings, and were now all training their
No rthbo w s straight at the chest o f Big-Bo o bied Bertha.
Madguts grunted something inarticulate to his

154-
henchman, Gumbo il. "The N umber Six Sw o rd, "four
Viciousness?" replied Gum bo il to his Master, removing
the bag o f weaponry fro m his back and searching
through it. "A very fine choice, if I may say so, Sir.
Extra Lo ng , Super Deadly. The N umber Six w ill never
fail you in a Revenge Situatio n."
Gum bo il removed a truly evil-lo o king sw ord fro m
the basket and handed it to Madguts, w ho tested the
point o f it o n his hand for sharpness, sending a bright
sprinkle o f blo o d do w n onto the ground.
Bertha swallowed hard.
18. W H Y N O O N E STEA LS
FRO M M A D G U TS

Madguts gestured tow ard his

henchman, Gumbo il, w ho
" J^x always d id his talking
.( \ for him.
A
"Mad guts is
interested to hear, Bertha,"
sneered Gumbo il, w hile
everybody gave a ho rrified
gasp and tried not to
breathe in too deeply,
"that yo u feel there are
some people it w o uld
be unwise to nick
things fro m.
Because he
w o uld have
\ thought that
he w o uld be
one o f those
peo ple."
 " O h , you are, Mad guts, yo u
are," Bertha assured him, keeping a
wary eye o n that sw ord.
No w , Big-Bo o bied Bertha was a
frightening w o man whose gigantic
breasts and superstrong
sw ord arm were the
Terror o f the
A rchipelago. Ho w ever,
even those Bo o bies
knew w hen

beaten, and they dro o ped in a depressed

4~
way as Bertha, tough but not all that BRIGHT, 4
searched for a convincing explanation as to what
exacdy she was d o ing w ith Madguts's Stealth Drago n.
Gumbo il carried o n.
"Anybody w ho steals fro m Madguts has the most
unpleasant fate o f being taken to the Uglithug
Slavelands . . . or sacrificed to Sky Dragons, depending
o n whether Madguts is in a merciful mo o d . W hat are you
doing with M adguts's Stealth Dragon, Big-Boobied Bertha? "
 Bertha had been trying to stand between
Madguts and the Stealth Drago n, in the pathetic hope
that Madguts w o uld not notice it, but o n seeing its
Master, the Stealth Drago n had leapt to its feet and
slunk to Madguts's side.
"SIT!" barked Gumbo il, and the Stealth Drago n
instantly sat.
"Yo u see?" w hispered Toothless in Stormfly's ear.
"H e's a real go o ii^-go o ^!"
"H e Is, Isn't fie?" replied Stormfly disapprovingly.
She sighed. " A n i l ie' s w o rd ing fo r a real ba£t&£-
ba£th.£...a ver^ STERKY bah.&£-ba&h£at tf i a t. . . I
can't ti k i s W H A T I saw i n i V ..."
"Well, Bertha?" said Gumbo il, as Madguts toyed
w ith his axe. "What is your answ er?"
There was a nasty silence.
Hiccup gave a tactful cough. " U m , Chief
Murd ero us, sir," he said politely, "I think you might be
making a little mistake here. . . . "
Madguts the Murd ero us frow ned thunderously.
"Very understandable, I'm sure," said H iccup ,
hurriedly, "but this is not what it looks like. M e and
my friends have just been stealing a bo o k fro m the
Meathead Public Library, and the person w ho chased
us o n the back o f this Stealth Drago n, and w ho must

158
have stolen it in the first place, was not Big-Bo o bied
Bertha but the Hairy Scary Librarian...."
H iccup po inted to the prone and squashed figure
of the Hairy Scary Librarian. H e was still alive, but gentiy
slumbering in the heather. " . . . Big-Bo o bied Bertha
was in the middle o f arresting him w hen yo u arrived ."
"Brilliant. . . , " w hispered Camicazi under her
breath. "That's brilliant... for a boy, o f c o u rse ...."
The Hairy Scary Librarian w o uld have hotly
denied this charge, but the Hairy Scary Librarian was
in no co nd itio n to deny anything, as he slumbered
peacefully o n, out for the count.
"In fact," continued H iccup , "yo u should really
be thanking Big-Bo o bied Bertha here, because the
moment she clapped eyes o n the creature, she knew
that such a splendid Secret Weapo n co uld only belong
to a magnificent Murd ero us Chieftain such as yourself,
sir — w hich is w hy she squashed him. Isn't that right,
Bertha?"
" O h , ah . . . yes" said Big-Bo o bied Bertha
hurriedly, "that's absolutely right."
Everybody held their breath as Madguts the
Murd ero us lo o ked fro m H iccup to Big-Bo o bied Bertha
to the slumbering Librarian, fro m out o f his mean blue
eyes, as co ld and cruel as the ocean itself.

159
 H e chew ed thoughtfully o n his knucklebo ne for a
moment or tw o, and then he advanced tow ard Bertha
w ith his terrifying sw ord gleaming in his hand. Bertha
raised her head bravely, for a Bo g-Burglar laughs in the
face o f death, and lo o ked Madguts straight in the eye
as she w aited fo r the final b lo w ... .
. . . But to her astonishment, Madguts G A V E her
the sw ord.
A n d then Madguts leaned over, spat in the
heather, and mo tio ned to his henchman. H e grunted
something in Gumbo il's ear, and then, w ithout a w o rd ,
he climbed up onto the Stealth Drago n's back, and the

^ £ ofo rt Ik*' s
beautiful creature sprang into the air, turning in an
instant fro m as green as the heather to as blue as the
sky, and was gone.
"Mad guts gives yo u his sw ord in thanks for your
services in capturing the fo o l w ho tried to steal his
Stealth Drag o n," sneered Gum bo il. " He seems to
believe your sto ry . .. .1 do n't, mind you, but Mad guts
is the boss. G U A RD S! " screamed Gumbo il, removing
the Heart-Slicers fro m the Librarian's sw o rd-belt
and adding them to his o w n. " T A K E THIS
DOZ Y LIBRA RIA N OFF TO THE UGLITH UG
SL A YE LA N D S! "
The Guard s snapped to attention, and one o f
their dragons took the limp body o f the unconscious
Librarian betw een its claws and flew o ff w ith it tow ard
the west.
The Hairy Scary Librarian w o uld w ake up many
hours later, deep in the heart of the Uglithug
Slavelands, rather thinner than he was before, and w ith
a thumping headache, and his temper w o uld not be
impro ved once he realized w here he was.
Lest there are any soft-hearted readers out there
w ho are w orrying about his unjust fate, I should remind
you that he was a singularly unpleasant character w ho
had dispatched many an unfortunate Warrior up to

lfe l
Valhalla w ith his Heart-Slicers, for no greater crime
than attempting to burgle a bo o k fro m the Library in
order to impress their fellow Tribesmen. So I w o uld n't
feel too sorry fo r him if I were yo u.
Gum bo il spat o n the ground in as disgusting a
way as his Master. He d id n't seem too sorry fo r the
Librarian. "Serves him right for falling asleep," he said,
w ith a sneering grin like a malevolent toad's. "A nd
fortunate for him that Madguts was in a merciful
mo o d . I'll be lo o king out for you, Bertha . . . , " he
w arned the Big-Bo o bied one. "I w o uld n't do any more
burgling fro m the Murd ero us Tribe . . . the next time
you do it, you may not be so lucky. . . . "
A nd w ith that, the Murd ero us Warriors climbed
up onto the backs o f their rid ing dragons, leaving
behind them a faint, sulfurous w hiff of haddock and
bad eggs.

l fe l
19, H IC C UP' S BIRTH D A Y
PRESEN T

Bertha w aited until they were safely out o f earshot, and

then she shook her fist up at the sky and shouted,
"TH A T' S RIGHT, OFF Y O U GO, Y O U IDIOTIC
OLD STIN KPO T, U S BO G-BURGLA RS A REN ' T
A FRA ID OF YOU, Y O U KN O W !"
"W ell," sighed Big-Bo o bied Bertha, " that was a
close o ne! I have got to admit, Stoick, that skinny
praw n o f a son o f yours may not lo o k up to much, and
he may not be able to burgle for toffee, but he can
certainly think o n his feet."
" H e sure as Tho r can burgle for to ffee!" objected
Stoick, thumping his son delightedly o n the back.
"H e's burgled a bo o k fro m the Meathead Public
Library — where is the bo o k, H iccup ?"
Silently, H iccup reached inside his backpack and
drew out the How to Train Your Dragon bo o k — second
editio n, and handed it to Stoick.
"N o t to mentio n stealing a Secret Weapon fro m
you and Madguts the Murd ero us. N o t bad for a
tw elve-year-old, I'd say. A nd , what's more, he's

lb}
PRO V ED that Ho o ligans are JU ST as go o d at
Burglary as Bog-Burglars. So I think yo u'll find that I've
w o n our little bet. . . . Yo u'd better stump up those
axes, Bertha, like a good little loser. . . . "
Stoick rubbed his hands together in glee.
O f course, Big-Bo o bied Bertha co uld N EV ER be
described as a good little loser, and she sw elled up in
fury, her beard bristling and her hamlike fists clenched.
But she was a good sport at heart, and a Viking o f her
w o rd . A nd after all, young H iccup here had just saved
her fro m an unpleasant spell in the Uglithug
Slavelands. . . . She'd have escaped, o f course, for you
can't keep a Bo g-Burglar under lo ck and key, but it
w o uld have been a nasty experience no netheless... .
So her stormy brow cleared, and she reached into
her axe-belt and brought out tw o o f her finest axes, and
gave them to Stoick w ith reasonable good humor.
A fter all, at the end of the day, she had lost tw o
axes but gained a rather magnificent sw ord, and a
Murd ero us sw ord is hard to come by.
" EXC ELLEN T! " roared Stoick the Vast. "I hope
yo u'll jo in us this evening for Hiccup 's Birthday
Banquet?"

"BUT OF C O URSE!" thundered Big-Bo o bied

K>4-
Bertha, rubbing her hands together excitedly, for she
was always the life and soul o f the party.
"I shall be presenting him w ith a new sw ord
as a birthday present!" bo o med Stoick, trying
(unsuccessfully) to sound careless and not
BURSTIN G w ith pride at his son's achievements this
afternoon. "A sw ord suitable fo r a boy w ho is now a
twelve-year-old and the son o f a Viking C hief . . . not to
mentio n a Burglar o f some d istin c tio n ...."
" U m , Father," interrupted H iccup . "I'm quite
pleased w ith my old sw ord really . . . there's something
ELSE that I w o uld really like as a birthday
p resent...."
"You can have A N Y T H IN G ! " pro mised Stoick,
rashly, because he was so delighted to have w o n his bet
against Big-Bo o bied Bertha. "A nything at all! A xes,
spears, a new dragon, anything at all!"
" W e l l . . . , " said H iccup slowly, "w hat I w o uld
really, really like, no w that the Hairy Scary Librarian is
got rid of, is for books not to be banned and for the
Library to be open to the public again. Tho se Driller
Dragons are making an aw ful mess o f the place."
Stoick's brow s descended angrily. This wasn't
w hat he had been thinking o f at all!

lbs
 "I KN O W you think
'' How to Train Your Dragon is
the only bo o k w o rth having
and that Vikings do n't need
books, but there are
LO A D S o f books in that
Library that you w o uld find
incredibly useful," pleaded
• fe'^yv-^— — H iccup . "Bo o ks about
" 3~~\r
/
swordfighting, about axe-work, about all the
~~ different types o f dragons. Bo o ks w ith maps that
w ill help you sail to A frica and India and A merica. . . ."
" N o such place!" snorted Stoick.
"We nearly DIED in that Library," said Hiccup ,
"but we d id n't because we knew H o w to Deal w ith a
Pifflew o rm. A nd that's how books can help you, Father.
They can save your life, they really can. . . . "
Stoick lo o ked thoughtful. Fro m out o f his breast
pocket he drew the scruffy copy o f A Hero' s Guide to
Deadly Dragons that he had confiscated fro m H iccup
earlier that mo rning.
This notebook really H A D saved Stoick's life,
only ten minutes earlier.
Fo r w hen the Hairy Scary Librarian shot that
arrow, the sharp point of it had sunk into the book rather

\ bb
than into Stoick's chest. It had nearly cut the po o r
bedraggled bo o k in half, so deep had been the w o und .
Maybe it was a sign fro m Tho r.
Perhaps books w eren't as dangerous as they
lo o ked , and maybe they really could be useful to the
Viking Tribes. H e ' d always w anted to go to A frica. . . .
"MMMmmm," grunted Stoick the Vast. H e
handed A Hero' s Guide to Deadly Dragons back to
H iccup .
A Viking Chief SHOULDN'T change his mind ...,
thought Stoick. So he tried to sound as stern and Chiefly
as he co uld, in the hope that nobody w o uld notice. "Urn,
I R EA L L Y think you need to w rite this bo o k out again,
H ic c u p ," scolded Stoick sternly. "Lo o k at it, it's in a
disgraceful state. A n d as for that other matter . . . I'll
speak to The Thing about it."
 H iccup grinned delightedly.
Stoick the Vast and Big-Bo o bied Bertha stomped
off, spiritedly discussing A xe-Fighting Mo ves and w ho
was the better Wresder.

"Hap p y birthday, H ic c u p ," smiled Fishlegs.

<f
You must ad mit," said Camicazi, lo o king at
H iccup a trifle anxiously, "it's been a really good o ne."

tf>8
 Hiccup clasped A Hero' s Guide to Deadly Dragons
to his chest.
W hen you only have a birthday once every fo ur
years, it IS important that it's a good one.
H e surveyed the day. O n the w hole, it wasn't
quite w hat he'd hoped for, w hich was really a quiet,
peaceful twenty-four hours.
H e ' d stolen a Secret Weapon belonging to
Madguts the Murd ero us. H e ' d kno cked out a Driller
Drago n. H e ' d narrow ly avoided being stuck o n the end
o f one o f the Hairy Scary Librarian's Heart-Slicers.
H e ' d been lost in a Labyrinth. H e ' d discovered the
Drago n Whisperer's Way. H e ' d dealt w ith an entire
nest o f Pifflew orms. H e rescued his father fro m death
by No rthbo w , and Big-Bo o bied Bertha fro m being sent
to the Uglithug Slavelands. . . .
Just a no rmal day in the Barbaric A rchipelago,
really.
But it had all turned out all right in the end.
Tho r only know s h o w . . . .
A n d this was the surprising thing about life o n
Berk. It was a bit like the sea itself. O ne minute it was
all storms, and shipw recks, and desperate escapes fro m
deadly dragons, the next it was as calm, and peacefully
restful, as if these things had never happened.

169
 The sun had gone do w n now, and the stars were
beginning to come out in a darkening sky, reflected like
candles in the glass-flat Bay below. Farther dow n the
hillside, in the Ho o ligan Village, fires were being lit in
preparation for the Birthday Banquet, and the first
sounds o f singing co uld be heard.
Rather surprisingly, despite being some o f the
roughest, toughest rabble o f plug-ugly Barbarians yo u
co uld ever have the misfortune to come across, the
Hooligans were excellent , >—
singers, and their deep, / / -\ -~
gorgeous voices rose up w ith the •— ^
plumes o f smoke, in gentle, v
—
peaceful harmony. ^
Hiccup gave a sigh v
—^
o f contentment.
Hiccup was extremely fo nd o f his family, but he
d id n't always find it easy being so very, very different
fro m the rest of his Ho o ligan relations.
If Toothless and Camicazi hadn't draw n him into
the Library Labyrinth, he w o uld never have discovered
that he had a secret ancestor, someone w ith the same
name and the same interests as H iccup himself.
A nd somehow this discovery made him feel a lot
less lonely in the w o rld . . . .

l7o
 H e turned to Camicazi.
"Yup ," said H iccup . "What w ith one thing and
another, it's been an EX C ELLEN T birthday."
Camicazi turned a celebratory cartwheel.
Hiccup began to stroll d o w n to the Banquet w ith
his good friends Fishlegs and Camicazi, their way d o w n

to the Village lit up by the little sparks o f flickering

glowworms, shining deep in the darkness o f the
bracken.

171
 "A re £o u coijiing to ti e B-b-banquet, Sto njifl^?"
asked a blushing Toothless fro m his perch on Hiccup 's
helmet.
"I might," replied Stormfly carelessly, sw ooping
d o w n low over a marsh they were passing, in order to
admire her reflection in the water. "N o bo d y know s
what the Stormfly might d o . . . . "
" Tootfilm k,nows w iere ti e ^ i;-^'^eefiitg ti e
f o o h ....." suggested Toothless eagerly.
A t the mentio n o f fo o d , Stormfly's yellow eyes lit
up. "Lead o n, O Gummy O ne," draw led Stormfly.
The two little dragons flew o ff in the direction of
the Village, and H iccup called out anxiously after them,
"Yo u're H O T to go niching ti e foo& no w , To o tiless,
before tie Banquet's even begun! Reijieijiber, Y O Q
got us Into al l ti l s trouble in tfafint filace . . . be gooh.,
now , To o tiless!"
Stormfly batted her beautiful lo ng eyelashes.
" O h , we w o uld n't dream o f stealing any fo o d , or
causing any trouble, w o uld w e, Toothless?" she called
out over her shoulder. "D o n't yo u worry, A nxio us-
Human-w ith-Freckles, Stormfly w ill keep an eye o n
him, you can trust Stormfly. . . . "
A nd as the two litde dragons soared dow nw ard A
4

A
tow ard the quiet and restful unsuspecting Village
below, even in the darkness of the evening
H iccup co uld see the elegant sw ooping litde
fo rm o f the M o o d Drago n blush fro m
gold, to violet, to deepest indigo as
she flew.
EPILO G UE BY H IC C U P
H O RREN D O US H A D D O C K
TH E THIRD, TH E LA ST OF
TH E G REA T VIKIN G H ERO ES

So that is the story o f how, o n my tw elfth birthday, I

came to liberate the Meathead Public Library.
M y father kept his promise, and gave a passionate
speech at the next meeting o f The Thing arguing that
books were not dangerous, but co uld be helpful to the
Viking Tribes. A nd such was his influence at that
meeting, that the ban o n books was lifted , the Library
was open to the public once more, and the Driller
Dragons were prevented fro m grazing in its halls.
I have spent many happy hours in that very
Library, w andering d o w n the quiet corridors, and
opening each bo o k is like opening a do o r into other
times, other w orlds. It reminds me o f that time w hen
I discovered the Drago n Whisperer's Way. . . .
I myself grew up to be not only a H ero , but also
a Writer. W hen I was an adult, I rewrote A Hero' s
Guide to Deadly Dragons, and I included not only some
descriptions o f the various deadly dragon species, and a

175
useful Dragonese Dictionary, but also this story o f how
the bo o k came to be w ritten in the first place.
This is the bo o k that yo u are ho lding in your
hands right now.
Perhaps yo u even bo rro w ed it fro m a Library?
If so, thank Tho r that the sinister figure o f the
Hairy Scary Librarian is not lurking around a corner, .
hid ing in the shadows, Heart-Slicers at the ready, or
that the punishment for your curiosity is not the
w hirring w hine o f a Driller Drago n's d rill.
You, dear reader, I am sure cannot imagine what it
might be like to live in a w o rld in w hich books are
banned.
For surely such things w ill never happen in the
Future?
 Thank Tho r that you live in a
time and a place w here people
have the right to live and think and
w rite and read their books in
peace, and there are no need fo r
Hero es anymore . . .
A n d spare a thought for
those w ho have not been so lucky.

u> no t \l
 ~ STATISTICS ~
COLORS: A very gaudy orange, with big black
stripes
ARMED WITH: A smell so disgusting it makes
you fall over ... 6
DEFENSES: See above ... 6
HUNTING ABILITY: Pretty good, I think, no
one gets near enough to check ... 3
SPEED: Not particularly quick ... 2
FEAR AND FIGHT FACTOR:
Nobody is TERRIFIED of Stink Dragons, because
they can't actually KflL you, but people tend to
jleave therrfalone... 4
 * A Stink Dragon's defense is
very similar to that of a skunk.
Disturb it, or make it feel as if it is
in danger, and it will open its mouth and
spray out a stinky mist that drenches its
victim. If a Stink Dragon "stinks" you,
nobody will come ^
near you for at least
a week. Indeed, for
the first 48 hours,
the smell is so
indescribably awful
that it is almost
physically impossible
to approach you. ivil k
M o

~ STATISTICS ~
COLORS: Constantly changing
ARMED WITH: Camouflage and the usual
talons and fire ... 6
DEFENSES: See above ... 4
HUNTING ABILITY: Very, very good, can sneak
up on its prey ... 9
SPEED: Nice and quick ... 7
FEAR AND FIGHT FACTOR:
t Put it this way, you don't want to meet a
Mood Dragon in a BAD mood... 6

f
D

A Mood Dragon changes color according to

its mood. Thus, an angry Mood Dragon
turns a deep blue-black, excitement is
orangey-pink, nervousness a very pale
green. Mood Dragons vary enormously in
size. Some are as small as spaniels, others
as big as a lioness.

Aft**
 STATISTICS
COLORS: Black
ARMED WITH: Terrifying swiveling drill,
and the usual teeth and talons ... 10
DEFENSES: See above ... 10
HUNTING ABILITY: Good ... 9
SPEED: Faster than you might think ... 7
FEAR AND FIGHT FACTOR: Really scary if
they catch you ... 9
a]

Driller Dragons are an extraordinary

phenomenon because they have a single
drill at the end of their nose which they can
revolve at amazing speed. This drill cuts
through wood as if it were water. Driller
Dragons are often used as guard dragons.

P o l l * * Drftflo**

I
 STATISTICS ~
COLORS: Bright chili red
ARMED WITH: A bite and a sting far more
painful than a hornet's ... 5
DEFENSES: See above ... 5
HUNTING ABILITY: A s warm can take
down a deer... 5
SPEED: Quite quick ... 5
FEAR AND FIGHT FACTOR:
A swarm of Itchyworms cannot kill you, but
you will be itching for hours afterward . . . 4

Red Hot Itchyworms are, as their name

suggests, almost unbearably hot to the
touch. They are bloodsuckers, and when
they get into a person's clothing they swarm
all over the body in a pack, biting incessantly.
An attack by Red Hot Itchyworms is infinitely
worse than haying ants in your pants.
 - STATISTICS ~
COLORS: Aquamarine or turquoise
ARMED WITH: No particular extra weapons,
but cuckoo dragons are very wily and
intelligent. . , 5
DEFENSES: Brains, see above... 5
POISON: None..... 0
RADAR: None. . . 0
FEAR AND FIGHT FACTOR:
Not scary, but do fight surprisingly well... 4
The Cuckoo Dragon lays an egg in the nest of
a bird, who then brings up the infant dragon
as if it were her own baby, despite the growing
size and strength of the imposter.
 ~ STATISTICS ~
COLORS: Pale aquamarine
ARMED WITH: Large nose ... 2
DEFENSES: Not very many ... I
HUNTING ABILITY: Phenomenal trackers
SPEED: Slow ... I
FEAR AND FIGHT FACTOR:
Sniffer Dragons are not really fighters.
They are used by the Murderous Tribe like
bloodhounds, to track down enemies ... 1
 1

Sniffer Dragons have enormous hairy

noses that are highly sensitive. They have
gotten used to the Murderous stink over
the centuries, and it doesn't bother them
anymore.
Sniffers are very gentle, and they
wrinkle their noses up when they meet
each other. They make very good friends
and family pets.

f
 ~ STATISTICS
COLORS: Transparent
SIZE: Very small
POISON: None ... 0
RADAR: None... 0
ARMED WITH: Electricity ... 8
DEFENSES: Electricity ... 8
SPEED: Quite nippy ... 0
FEAR AND FIGHT FACTOR:
Harmless if picked up by the tail

This nanodragon is not aggressive, but it

gives a truly terrible (although not fatal)
electric shock when touched. Like their
close cousins the glowworms, these
creatures can be used as a source of light
if noflameor candle is available.
 ~ STATISTICS ~
COLORS: Gray in daytime, light in
nighttime
SIZE: Very small
POISON: None... 0
RADAR: None. . . 0
ELECTRICITY: None... 0
DEFENSES: None... 0
SPEED AND FEAR AND
FIGHT FACTOR: None ... 0
The glowworm is a tiny creature, more like
a worm than an actual dragon. These
animals are a useful source of light on
moonless nights, or in
caves. Sometimes
the Vikings even
put them in
lanterns.
 ~ STlTISTICS ~
COLORS: Greens and browns, gray and
white. Striped backs and spotted stomachs.
ARMED WITH: The usual talons and fire... 1
DEFENSES: Rely on their quick reflexes to
scurry back into treetop holes too small for
larger dragons to enter. Luckily they
reproduce quickly, because they are hunted
by all the major carnivore reptiles ... 3
HUNTING ABILITY: Shortwings eat insects
in vast quantities, mice, voles, and bats ... 5
SPEED: You have to be quick to catch a
mouse ... 4
FEAR AND FIGHT FACTOR: Only scary
because of their habit of starting forestfiresby
accidentally setting trees ablaze while hunting.
They have a special call that summons a
brigade of other Shortwings to help them
snuff it out with their fireproof wings ... 3
The forests of the Barbaric Archipelago are
absolutely swarming with these charming
little dragons. Lively, chirpy little creatures,
Shortwings have very long tails that end in a
"hook" so that they can get a better grip as
they swing through the trees. As their name
suggests, Shortwings have practically lost
their power of flight; they use their short,
stubby little wings to glide from,
tree to tree only. Shortwings,
like woodpeckers, make their
nests in holes in the tree trunks.

li» /e pijgu

«u £less
COLORS: Black, dark gray, midnight blue
SIZE: Very small
ARMED WITH: Two front teeth and mouth
with a powerful suction ... 7
DEFENSES: Doesn't need any ... 0
SPEED: Quick little creatures ... 6
HUNTING ABILITY: They travel in packs, or
vexes, of sometimes millions at once, so they can
wipe out a whole herd of reindeer... 8
FEAR AND FIGHT FACTOR: Deadly if you
happen to be asleep, otherwise harmless ... 5
These nocturnal bloodsucking creatures will
attack any large mammal—reindeer, sheep or
even humans. One Vampire alone cannot kill,
but an attack by an entire vex is very often
fatal. The victim does not wake up during an
attack because the Vampire anesthetizes the
skin before it bites.
JjsO - - ^ ± 1 ^ c^L

~ STATISTICS ~
COLORS: Constantly changing
ARMED WITH: Projectile fire rockets,
explosive burn streams, and
finger-lightning... 10
DEFENSES: Difficult to see . . . 10
SPEED: Massively quick ... 10
HUNTING ABILITY:
Unparalleled. Can't be detected by their
victims until it is too late ... 10
FEAR AND FIGHT FACTOR:
The perfect military weapon ... 10
Unfortunately, we cannot show a picture
of the Stealth Dragon because it is so
well camouflaged that it is practically
invisible. These dragons are very useful
if you wish to sneak up on an enemy
without being detected.
Jjp. If^faj--.

~ STATISTICS ~
COLORS: Brown, gray, and pink and, like its
close cousin the Strangulator, covered in
yicky slime and goo
ARMED WITH: The Slitherfang pulls its
victim under the ground, where the victim
suffocates and is then devoured ... 10
RADAR: None ... 0
DEFENSES: Small Slitherfangs are
sometimes attacked by enormous Creatures
like Seadragons Giganticus Maximius, who
grab them by the tentacles and pull them out
of the ground like worms. But mostly
Slitherfangs dig too deep too quickly to be
caught... 10
SPEED: Frighteningly quick ... 10
FEAR AND FIGHT FACTOR: Once a
Slitherfang has grabbed you by the
ankle, you are pretty much a
goner... 10
Deep beneath the bogs and quicksand of
the Barbaric Archipelago, SOMETHING is
stirring. Picture an unwary Viking out
looking for clams on the beach. Suddenly,
a repulsive tentacle squirms its way up
from the sand and wraps itself around his
ankle.... The sand gives a bubbly belch as the
Viking is dragged down below the surface,
never to be seen again. The Slitherfang
has struck again.
Slitherfangs are truly
gigantic underground
Creatures that live
below the
surface like
revoltingly enormous
worms. They are
behind the mysterious
disappearance of
thousands of
Vikings and vast
quantities of Bog and
Heather Dragons.
D RA GO N ESE
DICTION A RY
a un
a little pM h;
a lot i?ragghj
again wrajujiortujie
agony ow-lika-iientipull
all right oke^ ttokey
am is
and plus
anyway wateva
are est
armor joosqueese-protcctor
autumn fallings
axe chopper

bad m o o d tfiuniierpuffs issa sapping

beach
because parsk
bed sleeps-slab
bedroom suzxspot
bee frazxer
f giggle juice
beer/mead "\ silhj juice
V. wobble juice
belch/ burp gobfart
bet ganibla
better perfe
big giganticus
bird song-inuncfi
biscuit snik-snak
bite someone
on the bottom yuiji-^u^i on hi buni
bite someone
on the finger Yuvfi-yuxfi on ill (iuinb
bite someone
on the stomach •pun-yuin on iti tuni
bits
blanket snugger
C ooz;ejoos
blood
' Scarlett joos
bog runner'slnk
bogeys sniffersluitge
bone wfilte branch
 botti buni
bottom
itubbli niucii
bow and arrow pluckit plus forkenfc
brave lacksijiart (lit. foolish)
breakfast earhjnmncn
burgle siuckle
burrow gaff
burrow, to *tuggie
burst into tears h.o iti girl^ boo-ioo

can
can I? goffa

carrots snore^-ijiuttcft

(and all kinds of veg.)

cunga
carry
C qiiaowia
cat
£ ijiiaow-ijuaow
catch catcfta
ceiling airtop
chair buiji-support
chase ciassa
cheese ijioo-poos block
c him ney scorchspot
cho co late chocklush
cho o se choosa
clev er quiclijsinart
clo ak swirlarounit
clo se snap
c lo u d wet ciuinp
co ld shivers
horn-creainer
co w inilks-itangier
inoo-nranch
co zy toastibolll
crabs crawl pinches
c rac kling sapping
craw l ckggie
c u c u m b er greenburger

d ad pappa
d agger pricker
d ance tootsleing
day itunniitg
death big hreainthne
deer prickle-burger
definitely houbhj houbls
delicious scnnnplush
dipped hunkiflgs
disgusting/
revolting Suck-suck
disgusting, illy koubls sock-suck
do not care isju burpeit
dog hiin-woof
don't
don't like lulikeit
door slanuner
down inolewas
greenciaw
dragon
greenblooit

drink glugga

ears squearers
earth squelcis bit
 eat?
gobbla

f
eat
inunch-inunch
scrninining
enemies piss-people
eyes peepers

starawas
bott^-crackers
buttok-thunder
sinells-breez;ers
wobbilfiesh
fat
jellibelli
favorite bestest
feather fbjfluff
feet runners
fern striitescrapers
fetch grabba
warniaiu-tootsies
fire

fire,to set
i scorch-crackle
flicka-fiaine
fish saltswhninss
fit/put parka
flo o r itust holder
flower buxs-niuncfi
fly flip-flap
follow two step
food grubbings
footsteps slow-ino-pop
for par
forget rubout
fork poker
friend freun&lee

ghost fella o hi hreaintinie

give gfva
glass looktfiru
good-bye too&ieoon
grass green stuff
greedy ©vennuncfi
gross poo-poo
guy pish-person
haddock stinkfisfi
hair gogglecfioke
hands reecfiers
happy SDiirkling
harbor ianitscoop
have ava
he iissa
brainbo^
head noiihle
{ pussier
headache ow-initi-brainboii;
earwig
hear
squear
heart joossqueese
heather purple stuff
hello howiteehooiieetiiere
helmet puszle-protector
here vola
honey bussjoos
horse nelgfi-inuncfi
hot dogs/
sausages warni woofs (made from venison)

noosus
house
wingless gaff
how? horra?
how do you do? farin okes?
hug vonut-belh; squeezes
ita wingless lanh. prisoners
human beings no-brainers
{ sk^less ilirt grubbers
hungry belhj-screani
hunting p rkkin

I ine
I do like it ine like it
in ipps
in this initi
insects scuttles
inside inna
islands hrybits
is not snotta
it's not sna
jacket grubwanner
jo king tickling

kind keenhlee
kiss swappa ha sucki lip-juice
kitchen inunchspot
knees clackers
knife slicer
kno w coglet

laug h ho id cfuxckli fia-fias

last time pasthne
lead first step
legs strikers
legs hurting ow-inhi-tootsks
less than plus p M b ;
lesson snorer
lie greenblooit-speek
like COIM
liked likek
C kkle
little

live folha (lit. means fold)

lobsters front pinches

look goggle
lose leafbeslnit
loud fortisshno
love 'e's alright reels
lucky houblesi^

marsh oo?er
master sellfatter
mean snakesnlpper
meet greets
middle inM iing
milk inoo-joos
moon hark-peeper (lit. ey e of the
more than luggis
mother inaina
mouse squeaks-snack

mouth gob

my < ,
c w-
myself ineselva

name calita
nanodragons pesti-stings
nest gaff
next door ensweet
night
no nee-afi
no problem easif easileinottsqueesi
nobody nevenjian
nose sniffer
not Isna
not at all p&hlephun

ocean wetworlit
OK okey
old/wrinkly crunipiy
once wuntune
or oo
out opps
oysters saltslcks

pajamas jun-jains
paper trickle
pen M ckle-scratcn

Pig squeal-inurtcfi
plate plonker
please pishyou
pleased heebs-jeebks
C ow-in-hi-tunun£
poisonous
£ wobble&iguts
poo cack-cack
pooing crappa
porridge ughjsluitge

ranhlfloss
C blue leak
C thunitennan hrip-itrops (lit. Thor's tears)
remember regurgle
right oopla
right now snip-snap
Romans hakiess no-bralners
room hovel
rug wipe
rumbling larhl-gurgles
run qukk-ino
saucepan niuncfiboil
scratch scarlet strokings
scream sowhjsftreekers
sc rummy £Uin-£Uinitthutuin
sea wettings

see
£ peepa
sheep fchn-fluff
shells squergiebo^es
ship/ sail puffcatcfier
shoe runnerbo^
shout roarspeek
shy snus&rose
C weekhjweeit
sick £ wofeble-fci-guts
sit parka hi botts
sky bluetop
sleep sip ixi peepers
sleeping sussing
smell snlffa
smile curiup hi gob
sneaky tlpclaw
sneeze spray id brain-go©
snot brain-goo
snow hanhruff-hl-wohen
so too
spear plunger
spit gobba
splat splosh
spoon scooper
spring wettings
start gogo
starvation gobblehesert
steal swappit
stinks yucksnlff
stomach grubwasher
C grittyblt
stone
C laniujiake
stormclouds thunherpuffs
stream wet crackle
stupid lacksinart
summer boilings
sun hot o id worth
sunshine hazxleit
swim wet-flap
sword flashprlcker
table C inunchy-holher
£ Branch-support
tail forkwaver
take tacka
talons/toenails scrapers
tantrum,
to have a ho hi wobbly screaniers
hohiheebyjeebys
temper,
to lose your ho hi hissifittfngs
ho hi screeiniberserkers
thank you thankee
that ha
that bad tootoo
that way vuzxa
the hi
there here
thirsty hry-gurgs
this way vlzsa
T ho r Thunhernian
three years old par twa freezings
throat goggle
thro w bung
thro w up/ be sick cnuck-it-up
time tick tock
tip to e sfiusfistep
tired z;uxsrea&y
to ilet crapspot
to ng ue forkspeeker
too tow
tree bluescraper/leafings
tum m y grubwasfier
tummy ache ow-inhi-grubwasher

up gohway

vegetables snory inunch

v eng eful grhjiful
 bigthjie

f buckets
ftairy no-brainers

w ake u p peepers un&o

w alk siow-ino
C neehy
w ant
C wanti
w as woz,
w ater gurgielap
w ave wetting wrinkle
w hat? warra?
w hen? tarra?
w here? yarra?
w hich? wotcfta?
w hisp er shusfispeek
w ho ? fiooity?
w ho se? fiossa?
w hy? quera?
w ind tiiorpuff
window air square
flip-flaps
wings
glihers
winkles snotting-guin
winter freezings
with wl
worms squergles

yes

you
black squ&kk
blue seasky
green leafy
purple broos
crhnson
red S fose
{ scarlet
white white
yellow butter color
 Kitow Your
UMBELS
Counting in Dragonese
(all t&e wa% «P to googles)

o ne oos
tw o iioos
three twa
fo ur far
five fiff
six sick
seven soccer
eight accer
nine niiuier
ten Win
eleven liver
tw elve twiver
thirteen twaver
fo urteen farti*
fifteen fifth
sixteen sixths,
seventeen soccertis
eighteen accerti*
nineteen ttkutertis;
twenty twhjiijiy
twenty-one twkjuny-oos
twenty-two twhniny-itoos
twenty-three twhjuny-twa
twenty-four twiquny-far
twenty-five twhjuny-fiff
twenty-six twiininy-sick
twenty-seven twhniny-soccer
twenty-eight twiinjpy-accer
twenty-nine twhniny-iunner
thirty turiniiny
forty farty
fifty
sixty sicfey
seventy socky
eighty acky
ninety ninny
a hundred un poniter
a hundred
and one un poniter plus oos
a thousand un wonher
a hundred
thousand un poniier o woniters
a million un inarvei
a hundred million un poniter o inarvels
a z illio n un boggle
a go o gle un stagger-boggle

the largest nu m b er anyo ne has

ever tho ug ht of, and then ad d o ne:
uji trldss^ blow-hi-braiitbox boggle plus oos
iAJ<*k Tooth/£ Si
 0(o

Howheehoohethere
Hello.

M e calha Tbotnless, farm ofcey?

0
My name is Toothless, how do y ou do?

Watena calha?
W hat is y our name?

Won cnujiply est ta?

How old are y ou? (lit. How w rinkly are y ou?)

M e is crmnply par twa freezings

/ am three y ears old.

Wa folha ha flip-flaps?
W here do y ou live? (lit. W here do y ou fold y our w ings?)

M e folha inhi ieaflngs

/ live in this tree.

M e folha inhi ranhifloss gaff

/ live in this rabbit burrow .
(Me gobbla hi raithifloss)
(1 ate the rabbit.)
M e folha wi ine freunhlee Hiccup
/ live w ith my friend Hiccup.

Hissa okey, par un no-brainer

He's O K, for a human being.

Hissa na yucksniff tootoo

He doesn't smell that bad.

Na coin ha piss-person Snotlout

Not like that dreadful guy Snotlout.

Hissa yucksniff plusplus ha un fif-sunning-cruniply

stinkfisn, hunkings inna cack-
cack hi Gronckle
He stinks w orse than a V"' s S
V5
five- day - old haddock dipped
in Gronckle poo.

M e isna tickling
I'm not joking.

Da pastinie ine greety

niss, ha yucksniff
woz; too greasypiss,
nie is hisclose ha cnuck-it-up
The last time w e met, the smell
w as so bad I nearly threw up
Phis, yow goggla ha sniffer on ha pish-person?
And did y ou see the nose on that guy ?

Da sniffer issa too giganticus,

yow niay parka un greenburger up here
That nose is so big, y ou couldfit a
cucumber up there.

M e coglet, parsk ine ^5*YY *

parka un here M€ i o fib } .^ji- ^ /

/ know because
1 put one there
i ' y

my self. c^ r t n H 5 e iy

Hissa susring
He was sleeping.

M aynissa k

peepers unho ' Q ^ J ^ ^ ^ ^

snipsnap \;/]» f ~~
But he w oke up. ' u
^ .]-
/•/'SS
Hissa ho hi heeby-jeebies ^ 0 ^
He w asn't very pleased.

•
M e na coglet conuna, niay hissa na likeit
nie never
t 1 don't know
w hy , but he's
L
' . " . never really
A i j Ja ^ 1 (
^ e i t
liked me.

T- T- T- T- T- T- Tee nee hee hee hee

H a ha ha.

M e isna burpeit
7 couldn't care less.
Oooooh, harititips hi Thunhennait
O O O O O h, thumbnails of Thor...

Toothless ava ow-initi-

& 1
- *y
^\ (7' " / have a headache.

O r,
Toothless ava
ow'ktiu-tootsies
My /egs are Hurting.

n: 4; 0

O r, most likely,
Toothless ava ow-initi-
grubwasher
/ have a tummy ache. /
We isna tickling
I'm not messing w ith y ou.

Issa ow-lika-hentipuil
It's agony .

Sna parsk nie na likeit ha

upplt ha sleepy-slab
It's not because I don't
w ant to get out of bed.

-5

Sna parsk issa toastiboiil inhi sleepy-slab

It's not because it's all cozy in bed.

Sna parsk ine na likeit outy inhi Wetworlh prlckin hi

saltswinunys inhi Prlckin Snorer par wobbliflesh Gobber hi
Gobfart
It's not because I don't w ant to go out there huntingfishin
a Hunting Lesson for big fat Gobber the Belch.
Inhi Thunhennan hrlp-hrops
In the rain (lit. Thor's tears)

Plus hi shivers
And the cold.

Issa parsk nte Issa big hreanitline

It's because 1 am dy ing.

Toothless hrearntfone plus nevennan Issa burpeh

I'm dy ing and nobody cares.

M e grubwasher Issa weekbjweeh buckets

My stomach is very , very sick.

(PAUSE)

M e sniff a ha eariyniunch?
Do I smell breakfast?

OOOoooooooh, wann-woofs plus

saltslcks issa Tbothiess's BESTEST
O ooooooh, sausages and oy sters
is my FAVO RITE.
We has buckets id belly-screain ine inay gobbla id
horn-creainers
/ am so hungry , 1 could eat a cow .

Belly-screain... PLUS itreaintiine

Hungry . . . AND dy ing.

Toothless ava earlyinuneh inid sleepy-siab?

Can I have breakfast in bed?

Ti sna? *
W hy not? ^
• .*
Yow issa snakenipper Yellfatter
You are a very mean M aster.

W i un squeeseblooit id lanitinake
W ith a heart of stone.

Pius yow inay itrlp-itrop buckets tiine yow saidy niin

greenblooit issa itreaintiine frkn gobbleitesert plus
©w-inid-grubwasher
And y ou w ill regret this w hen y our poor little dragon has
died of starvation and tummy ache.

M ay itoubiesis; par yow, nie issa ndn perky

But luckily for y ou, I'm feeling a little better.

(flies out of bed, miraculously

recovered)

M ay nie ava buxzjoos wi ine saltslcks?

Can I have honey on my oy sters?
 Hiccup 's arch enemy is

A lvin's greed and malevolence have led to

him beco ming smaller and smaller over
the years.
H is arm was cut o ff by Grimbeard
the Ghastly. The stomach juices o f the
Mo nstro us Strangulator have caused all
his hair to fall out.
A nd he has lost bo th a hand and an
eye during an unfortunate encounter w ith
some Sharkw o rm s....
A t this rate, there'll be no thing left
o f him at all.
 Alvin was recently swallowed up by a Fire-Dragon,
who then dived into a volcano. . . .

Surely, even Alvin could not return from this

experience tofightanother day?

W atch out for the next volume ofHiccup's memoirs....

D on't miss Hiccup's next adventure!
1, A PRO PER V IKIN G
SW IM M IN G RA C E

O ne chilly spring day in the Barbaric A rchipelago,

H iccup Ho rrend o us H ad d o ck the Third , the H o p e
and H eir to the Tribe o f the Hairy Ho o ligans, was
standing miserably o n the West Beach o f the
Murd ero us Mo untains w ith absolutely no thing o n but
his helmet, his sw ord, his w aistcoat, and a teeny-weeny
pair o f hairy sw imming trunks.
The Murd ero us Mo untains were not the kind o f
place yo u w anted to visit at the best o f times. They
gave H iccup the shivers. The tall, cruel-lo o king,
dizzyingly high peaks were home to some unspeakably
dangerous dragons and mutant w olves, not to mentio n
the Murd ero us Tribe, the fiercest and most ruthless
Vikings in the uncivilized w o rld .
The Murderous Tribe d id not often receive visitors.
Perhaps it was their uncomfortable habit of sacrificing
unwelcome intruders to the Sky Dragons at the summit
of Mo unt Murdero us that kept people at bay.
But o n this occasion, Mad guts the Murd ero us
had taken it into his head to be hospitable, and to invite
tw o o f the other Tribes, the Hairy Ho o ligans and the
Bog-Burglars, over to his island for a jolly little
Intertribal Friendly Sw imming Race.
It was a traditional Viking Sw imming Race, and
the Vikings were a little bit crazy, so they were going
sw imming w ith their weapons o n: swords, axes,
daggers, that sort of thing.
It d id not seem to have occurred to them that
this w o uld make them less floaty.
So there they w ere, the entire Warrior
populations of the Murd ero us, Ho o ligan, and Bo g-
Burglar Tribes, hopping up and d o w n o n the
uncomfortable gravel beach, trying to pretend they
w eren't freezing their horns off, w ith the mutant
wolves how ling cheeringly up in the mountains above.
There was a strong easterly w ind that bro ught
goose bumps to H iccup 's skinny, freckled arms and
w hisked o ff helmets, clo aks, and sw ords, and sent
 t

Toothless
was a particularly
small Co m m o n or
Gard en dragon
w ith large, innocent
greengage eyes.
"Toothless w -w -w o ulim't go swhjujihtg totals if
Toothless was y o u," he advised H iccup . "Is very ch-ch-
chilly h i there. Toothless has been, h i already a n i it
nearly froz;e Toothless's w higs o ff."
"Yes, thani; you, Toothless," said Hiccup .
(Hiccup was one o f the very few Vikings, before or
since, w ho co uld speak Dragonese, the language in
w hich the dragons speak to each other.) "V ery helfful,
I' l l bear that k Bikh."
Go bber the Belch, the teacher in charge o f the
Pirate Training Pro gram o n Berk, had stripped do w n
to his underw ear and was breathing
in the gale as if it were the
loveliest o f summer breezes.
f "Lo vely sw imming w eather!"
he roared delightedly, beating
'0/v ^ ^ s c
^ fi ^
e s t s st e a

| ' £ ) great redheaded gorilla.

 "Gather ro und and stand at
attention, boys, and I'll explain the
Rules o f the Race . . . "
The twelve boys stood
before their teacher in a
shivering line.
"Now , boys!" boomed
Gobber. "A proper Viking Swimming Race
is not like those pathetic little competitions they carry out
on the mainland. It is a test of your EN D U RA N C E, your
STREN GTH, and your SUICIDA L BR A V ER Y . . .
" O h brother," moaned Hiccup 's best friend ,
Fishlegs, w ho was the only boy in the Program w ho
was even worse than H iccup at all the Viking activities.
H e had legs as limp as tw o strings o f spaghetti, and he
co uldn't sw im. "I do n't like the sound o f this . . . "
"In a proper Viking Sw imming Race," continued
Go bber, "the w inner is the person w ho is LA ST."
There were gasps o f surprise, and " O h sir, please,
sir, that can't be right, sir," fro m the line o f boys.
"In w hich case," sneered Snotface Snotlout, a
great bullying brute of a boy whose muscular arms
were covered entirely in skeleton tattoos, "H iccup the
Useless w ill w in, no pro blem. He's always the last
at ev ery thing ..."
 H iccup stood o n one leg, tried to smile, and fell
over in the sand.
" Aha," grinned Go bber, his beard bristling w ith
keenness. H e laid one finger to his nose. "But think
carefully about this, boys . . . We all set out fro m the
beach and start sw imming, and fro m then o n it's a
game o f Chicken. W ho can sw im out the farthest, the
longest, into the deepest ocean, and still return? M any
are the Warriors over the centuries w ho in their pride
have misjudged the sw im BA C K , and w ho have
drow ned as a consequence . . . "
" O h yippee . . . " moaned Fishlegs.
"But o n the plus side, anyone w ho drowns in the
course o f a Sw imming Race w ill automatically go
straight to Valhalla." Go bber smiled in the
manner o f someone giving everybody a
great big birthday present.
 "Any questions?" roared Go bber.
H iccup put up his hand . "A small po int, sir.
W o n't we freeze to death in about five minutes?"
"Do n't be a softy!" roared Go bber. "The
Blubberw ing fat you have rubbed all over yo u
SH O ULD keep yo u w arm enough to prevent actual
D EA TH . . . but it's all part o f the game, o f course.
Can yo u use your skill and judgment to stay out lo ng
enough to w in the Race . . . but not SO LO N G that
you freeze to death?"
Go bber w alked up and d o w n the line o f boys,
inspecting them before they went out to jo in the
competition. "Very smart, Sno d o ut. . . Chin up, Tufnutt
Junio r . . . Haven't you forgotten something, Clueless?"
"I've got my sw ord, sir," said Clueless.
"You d o have your sw o rd ," admitted Go bber,
"but you DO N O T have your sw imming costume. Put
it o n quick, boy . . . I d o n't think that Tho r w ill be
w elcoming you into Valhalla in the nude. It really
doesn't bear thinking ab o u t. . . "
H e mo ved along the line until he stopped dead
in front o f Fishlegs. " W H A T," roared Go bber in an
aw ful voice, " W H A T in Tho r's name are TH ESE? "
"A rmbands, sir," replied Fishlegs, lo o king straight
ahead.
 "Fishlegs can't sw im, sir," o ffered Fliccup in
defense o f his best friend . "So w e made him these out
o f a couple o f pig bladders. Otherw ise he sinks like
a stone."
"Like a stone," repeated Fishlegs helpfully.
" O h for Wo den's sake," blustered Go bber, "w hat
are the Murd ero us Tribe going to think if they catch
sight o f TH O SE? I'll lend yo u my cloak, Fishlegs, and
you can drape it over them, and let's just hope no bo dy
notices. Tho r, give me strength . . . "
 "N o w , have all o f you got your hunting dragons?"
bellow ed Go bber.
The boys had brought their hunting dragons.
They were hud d led o n the beach, their wings over
their heads, shielding themselves fro m the rain.
""four hunting dragon can fly over your head as
you sw im. It makes yo u easier to spot fro m the beach,
and they can maybe fight o ff any pred ato rs. . . sharks,
Darkbreathers, that sort o f thing . . . OK, you can fall
out now and get ready, and I'll see you at the starting
line in about five minutes."
The boys began their last-minute preparations,
chattering excitedly.
" H i there, LO SERS," sneered Snotlout, a tall,
mean boy w ith nostrils so large you co uld stick a
cucumber up them (Toothless had actually D O N E this
once) and w ith the repellent beginnings of a mustache
sprouting o n his upper lip like a little, hairy caterpillar.
"I hope little baby H iccup has been practicing his do g
paddle then . . . "
H e gave H iccup a big shove that sent him
sprawling in the sand.
"Har, har, har . . . ," snorted Dogsbreath the
Duhbrain, Snotlout's equally unpleasant sidekick.
Dogsbreath lo o ked rather like a gorilla in goggles w ho
had been overdoing it w ith the doughnuts.
"Very funny, Sno tlo ut," replied H iccup , spitting
sand out o f his mo uth.
" You guys are normally so good at coming in
l as t. . . " sneered Snotlout. "In fact this may be your only
opportunity ever to come in FIRST, for once .. . Just
try and at least go out of your depth, w on't you, before
you crawl back to the beach like the pathetic, cowardly,
Uttle plankton you are? You don't want to embarrass us
PRO PER Hooligans more than you actually have to . . .
N ice armbands, Fishlegs, by the way . . . "
A nd Dogsbreath took the pot o f slimy green
Blubberw ing goo Fishlegs was ho lding in his hands and
po ured it over Fishlegs's head before strolling o ff w ith
Snotlout, w ho had a rather base sense o f humor and
was laughing so hard he co uld barely w alk.
"I hope a
Darkbreather gets him,
said Fishlegs
gloomily,
taking o ff his ~3 ^^— "
glasses and V /
trying to \. V
rub o ff the
Blubberw ing
fat w ith the edge of his swimsuit, but only succeeding
in smearing it all over the glass so that they were
impossible to see through.
"It w o uld just spit him out again," replied H iccup
even more gloomily, trying to rub the sand o ff himself
but completely failing because the Blubberw ing fat was
so sticky. "I bet he tastes ho rrible."
PA A A A A - A A RA A A P!
A musician fro m the Murd ero us Tribe sounded
the ho rn to summon the competitors to gather for the
beginning o f the Sw imming Race . . .
i