WHEN YOUR SPOUSE IS HOTTER THAN YOU

M arrying outside your religion is no big deal anymore. Neither is marrying someone of a completely different
generation. And now that something like 4% of all marriages are interracial, not even your grandparents will get lathered up if
you marry someone of another color. But as the old prohibitions fall away, a new one is rising to take their place. It's a
discrimination that's widespread but largely unspoken, causing pain and stress to the affected couples (1), who
often find it hard to talk about, even to each other. I'm talking, of course, about marrying outside your looks (2). Marrying
a few degrees up or down the hotness scale. Refusing to stay within your cute-gory.
I've been in a mixed marriage for a decade and a half now and gotten used to the stares and nudges (3). I've even
developed a couple of airy responses to the inevitable comments that arise from co-workers (4) and friends along the
lines of "Um, your husband is so hot..." Sometimes I go with "Oh, that's not my husband--that's my twin brother," and other
times a dismissive "Yeah, but back in Australia I'm considered a great beauty. It's Nicole Kidman who's the hag." (5) Each
time, it hurts just a little less.
Like so many in my situation, I didn't mean to intermarry. (6) It wasn't that I had ideas above my station; it was just that I
was young and naive enough to think love would conquer all. Also, to be perfectly frank, I didn't think he was that hot. That's
what makes this type of discrimination particularly insidious: it's not clear that couples have transgressed against hotness-
equality laws until they're already married. Nobody minds if you date outside your tribe, and people applaud an ambitious
play for the hubba-hubba human across the room (7), but--as my brothers and sisters in the gay community have
found--there's a world of difference between what people will accept in the innocent suburbs of hooking up and the
judgmental metropolis of marriage. (8)
As in so many other areas of discrimination, women face double jeopardy. Guys who marry a few rungs up the looks ladder are
rock stars or rich or have, I don't know, beautiful penmanship. Women who marry up, well, they're deluded. (9) Their
husbands must be (10) gay or have really bad acne to even look at them. And the standards are ridiculous. Deborra-Lee
Furness is a charming, spirited, good-looking woman who happens to be married to Hugh Jackman, a freak of nature. Hence
rumors circulate that Jackman is gay. Had there been an Internet in times gone by (11), they probably would have
swirled around Queen Victoria's and Eleanor Roosevelt's husbands as well.
Shockingly few peer-reviewed studies have been done on our type of union. We don't yet have our own box to check on the
Census, even though we've been around for years. I'm actually the product of a mixed marriage. My father has an unlined face
and thick, curly salt-and-pepper hair in his 70s. My mother--well, let's just say that when she comes to visit, the kids hide the
broomstick and the big cooking pot. She tells folks my dad married her for her legs and her fortune. Coincidentally, these are the
only two of her attributes she did not pass along to me.
If you suspect that you might be in an interfacial marriage, don't be ashamed. Acceptance is the first step to recovery (12).
Ask yourself these questions: Do you and your spouse disagree on how many mirrors should be in the home, what angle they're
placed at and how well they're lit? Do you find yourself taking all the photographs at family gatherings and "forgetting" how to
use the self-timer? If your spouse buys you some beauty products, do you take it as a kind of warning? Do you ever encourage
your spouse to wear those pants that make him or her look beamy?
These are all challenges that scummy-yummy couples must deal with to survive. And that's before you get to the big questions:
Do you raise the children as attractive or hideous? (4) Or try to find a middle ground--you know, sorta cute? Do you
celebrate beautiful-people holidays (Valentine's Day, Mardi Gras) or Oktoberfest? Very few mismatched pairs can work through
these issues on their own.
What they--who am I kidding, we--desperately need is a celebrity spokescouple, a famous mixed-assortment pair (13)
willing to step into the limelight and explain the challenges specific to this unequal yoking. Maybe then people would have a
little compassion for those of us who, through no fault of our own, have to wake up every single day to a drop-dead gorgeous
human being on the other pillow, for the love of mercy! Donald and Melania Trump, are you reading this? Ric Ocasek and
Paulina Porizkova? Sylvester Stallone and Jennifer Flavin? Larry King and whomever you're married to now? Your people need
you!
First question: How did you score such a hottie?

Time Magazine/Essay
Thursday, Apr. 26, 2007 By BELINDA LUSCOMBE
 When Your Spouse is Hotter Than You

A) REGISTER CONSIDERATIONS...

1. What is the subject matter of the article? What is being talked about?
2. Who are the participants involved in the communication process? What is the relationship
between the writer and the reader? Identify the target reader/audience.
3. What is the medium used to convey the message? Written? Spoken? Written to be read out-
loud?
4. What is the purpose of the article?
5. How can the questions above shed light on the language choices made by the writer?
6. What is the tone of the article?

B) LANGUAGE FOCUS

1. “…widespread but largely unspoken, causing pain and stress to the affected couples.”
Identify the metaphor being used to represent this kind of relationship. What effect does the
metaphor have on the reader? Can you spot other metaphors at work in the text? Do they
have the same effect? Provide linguistic realizations of said metaphors.

2. “...marrying outside your looks,” is used to describe this type of relationship. Find other
linguistic choices made to represent this kind of relationship, to build this identity chain. In
other words, which different linguistic choices are made to refer to marrying outside your
looks. How do those choices reflect the writer’s view of the situation?

3. Read the following sentence and concentrate on the use of the word “nudge”. Is “nudge” in
this case a metaphorical extension? If it is not, can you think of an example is which nudge is
used metaphorically?
a. I´ve been in a mixed marriage for a decade and a half now and gotten used to the
stares and nudges.

4. Read the sentences below and concentrate on “arise”and “raise”. Compare arise with arouse
and raise with rise.
a. I´ve even developed a couple of airy responses to the inevitable comments that
arise from co-workers and friends.
b. Do you raise the children as attractive or hideous?
5. “It is Nicole Kidman who is the hag” is an instance of emphatic it. You use who when you
emphasize the subject and the subject is human. What do you use in the following case?:
a. Her ability to come up with airy responses is what I find interesting.
b. It is ___________________________________________________.
6. “I didn't mean to intermarry.” Paraphrase. Expand on the use of mean+to inf/mean+ing.

7. “… people applaud an ambitious play for the hubba-hubba human across the room.”
Concentrate on the use of the word applaud. Explain how it can be described as a metaphorical
extension.

8. “…the innocent suburbs of hooking up and the judgmental metropolis of marriage.”

9. “…, they're deluded.” Explain the meaning of the word “deluded.” Provide other examples. How
can it be used with “into”? Which meaning is conveyed by this preposition?

10. “…must be…” Discuss the use of must in this context. Which other meaning can must convey?
Provide clear examples.

11. Paraphrase what is underlined in the following sentence:

13. “…mixed-assortment pair” Rephrase.