We might just start off gently this week with an item from across the water.

Oh yes there is room for thought, and a message in it.

HOW WE TREAT PEOPLE

Five lessons to make you think about the way we treat people.

1 - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady.

During my second month of university, our professor gave us a pop quiz.
I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions until I read the
last one:
"What is the first name of the woman who cleans the campus?"
Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was
tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper,
leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last
question would count toward our quiz grade.
"Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers, you will meet many people. All are
significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say
"hello".
I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.

2. - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain

One night, at 11.30 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an
Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had broken down and she
desperately needed a ride.
Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to help
her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960s. The man took her to safety,
helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab.
She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven
days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console colour
TV was delivered to his home.
A special note was attached... It read: "Thank you so much for assisting me on the
highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits.
Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's
bedside just before he passed away. God bless you for helping me and unselfishly
serving others."

Sincerely,
Mrs. Nathanial (King) Cole.

3 - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve.

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10 -year-old boy entered a hotel
coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him. "How
much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked. "Fifty cents," replied the waitress. The little
boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it. "Well, how much is a
plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired.
By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient.

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 "Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied. The little boy again counted his coins. "I'll
have the plain ice cream," he said.
The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy
finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left.
When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There,
placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies... You see, he
couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.

4 - Fourth Important Lesson. - The obstacle in Our Path.

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and
watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock.
Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked
around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did
anything about getting the stone out of the way.
Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder,
the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road.
After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up
his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been.
The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold
was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway.
The peasant learned what many of us never understand!
Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.

5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving when it Counts.

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl
named Liz who was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only chance of recovery
appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously
survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the
illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy
if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister.
I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes I'll
do it if it will save her." As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister
and smiled, as we all did, seeing the colour returning to her cheek. Then his face grew
pale, and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice,
"Will I start to die right away".
Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to
have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.

Now you have 2 choices.

1. Delete this valuable message, or
2. Cut and paste it onto a new email. Forward it to people you care about.
I hope that you will choose No. 2 and remember. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
"Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt, and dance
like you do when nobody's watching."

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Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their options. One
was an alcoholic, one was a chain smoker and the other was a homosexual.

The doctor, addressing all three of them, said, "If any of you indulge in your vices one
more time, you will surely die."

The men left the doctor's office, each convinced that he would never again indulge
himself in his vice. While walking toward the subway for their return trip to the
suburbs, they passed a bar. The alcoholic, hearing the loud music and seeing the lights,
could not stop himself.
His buddies accompanied him into the bar, where he had a shot of whiskey. No sooner
had he replaced the shot glass on the bar, he fell off his stool, stone cold dead.

His companions, somewhat shaken, left the bar, realizing how seriously they must take
the doctor's words. As they walked along, they came upon a cigarette butt lying on the
ground, still burning.

The homosexual looked at the chain smoker and said, "If you bend over to pick that up,
we're both dead."

Then there was the story of the four golfing mates. George Jim, Larry, and Henry. All
four are on the ninth tee, and as George was first off, he hit his tee shot into the trees
at the side of the fairway. The other three decided that George should go and find his
ball, and in the mean time the others discussed the successes their sons had made in
their business life.
Jim said his son was in real estate and was so success full that he had recently given a
home unit away.
Larry not to be out done said his son was now principle dealer at a Ferrari franchise and
had sales figures that allowed him to donate a Dino Ferrari to a worthy recipient.
Henry who had been quiet then said that his son had recently acquired a clothing store
in the heart of the city and was dealing in exclusive lines such as Gucchi, Anthony
Squires, and like name synonymous with the rag trade. His son had just given away to a
customer a complete new wardrobe of apparel.
George’s son was well known to be gay, and he never spoke about it because he felt
embarrassed in the knowledge that his family had to face the fact. Anyway he returned
to the tee and enquired as to what the topic of conversation was, and was told that it
was the successful lives the others sons had achieved.
“Oh is that all.” exclaimed George. “As you may have guessed, our Nathan is a
homosexual, and Anne and I were very upset when told. But he is getting on in life”
“Well our Nathan has done well for himself of late. He has got a new home unit from a
real estate broker, a new Dino Ferrari from the local dealership, and the most
magnificent wardrobe of clothes you ever saw. So he’s doing Ok I guess.”

A Hunter walking through the jungle found a huge dead dinosaur with a pigmy standing
beside it. Amazed, he asked: "Did you kill that?". The pigmy said "Yes." The hunter asked
"How could a little bloke like you kill a huge beast like that?". Said the pigmy: "I killed it
with my club." The astonished hunter asked: "How big is your club?" The pigmy replied:

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"There's about 60 of us."
--
A stockbroker is busted for inside trading, convicted, and sent to prison. As he gets to
his cell, his worst fear is there to greet him. His cellmate is a six-foot-five, three-
hundred-pound man, says, "you want to be the husband or do you want to be the wife?"
The stockbroker weighs the options. He figures it s better to give than to receive so he
says, "I'll be the husband". The six-foot-five, three-hundred-pound sweaty man says,
"then why don't you be a good husband and suck your wife's dick...!!"

Two dads from the neighbourhood were standing around watching their kids play on the
playground. These guys are always trying to top each other with new jokes.

One of the dads, Pete, pipes up and asks Bob if he knew anything about wrestling. Bob
proceeds to tell him a thing or two, and walks up behind Pete and puts his right arm
through his right armpit and his hand on Pete's neck.

"What's this called?" Bob asks. "That's a half-nelson," Pete says as his right arm was
pushed up over his head. "Very good, Petey," Bob replied. "Now, what's this?"

He did the same exact thing to Pete's left arm leaving him with both hands over his
head while standing behind him. "That's a full-nelson," Pete said, trying to figure out
what Bob's joke could be.

"Right!" Bob said. Then, remaining behind Pete with both his hands forcing Pete's over
by putting pressure on his neck, Bob bent Pete over and began grinding his hips into his
ass.

"So what's this?" Bob said. "I don't know," Pete admitted. Bob shouted, "It's a Father
Nelson!"

A Northern Territory farm hand radios back to the farm manager.

Boss, I gotta helluva problem here. I hit a pig with the Ute. The pig's ok but he's stuck
in the bull bar at the front of my Ute and is wriggling & squealing so much I cannot get
him out".

The manager says "OK there's a 303 behind the seat, take it out and shoot the pig in
the head & you'll be able to remove him".

Five minutes later the farm hand calls back. "I did as you said boss. Took the 303 and
shot the pig in he head and removed him from the bull-bars. No problem there, but I
still can't go on."

"Now what's the problem?" raged the manager..

"Well Boss, its his motor bike. The flashing blue light is stuck under the right front
wheel arch.....................You there boss?"

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A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his
new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of
you bastards who want off, get the fuck off now, cause we're in a hurry! And all of you
bastards who are getting on, get the fuck on, cause we're going down the tracks".

The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in
this house. Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS. When
you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train.
Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are
disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We
thank you for travelling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one."

She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all
of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We
hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added... "For those of you who are pissed off
about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat bitch in the kitchen."

An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded doctor's waiting room. As he approached the
desk, the receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?"

"There's something wrong with my dick," he replied. The receptionist became irritated
and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded doctor's room and say things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.

The receptionist replied, "You've obviously caused some embarrassment in this room full
of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and
then discussed the problem further with the doctor in private."

The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people things in a room full of others, if the answer
could embarrass anyone."

The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered. The receptionist
smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?" "There's something wrong with my ear," he stated. The
receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what
is wrong with your ear, Sir?". The man replied "I can't piss out of it..."

A guy walks into a bar in New Zealand and orders a white wine. All the Kiwis sitting
around the bar look up, expecting to see some pitiful Australian.

The barman says, "You ain't from around here, are ya?" The guy says, "No, I'm from
Canada." The barman says, "What do you do in Canada?" The guy says, "I'm a
taxidermist." The barman says, "A taxidermist? What in the bloody hell is a
taxidermist? Do you drive a taxi?"

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"No, a taxidermist doesn't drive a taxi. I mount animals." The barman grins and hollers,
"It's okay boys. He's one of us."

It's a beautiful warm day and a man and his wife are at the Zoo. She's wearing a cute
loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps.

As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the beast
goes crazy. He jumps up on the bars, holding on with one hand and his feet, grunting and
pounding his chest with his free hand. The gorilla is obviously excited at the pretty lady
in the wavy dress.

The husband, noticing the excitement, proposes that his wife tease the poor fellow. The
husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and play along. She does, and
the gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead.

Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall. She does, and the gorilla
is just about to tear the bars down. "Now try lifting your dress up to your thighs." This
drives the gorilla absolutely crazy.

Suddenly, the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the cage door, slings her in
with the gorilla and slams the door shut. "Now, tell HIM you have a headache!"

A husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly
whacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the
course. The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there,
find the owner, apologise and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us."

So they walked up and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, "Come on in." When they
opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a
broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window. A man reclining on
the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my window?" "Uh... yeah, sir. We're
sure sorry about that," the husband replied.

"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you... you see, I'm a genie, and
I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm
allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep
the last one for myself."

"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like
a million dollars a year for the rest of my life." "No problem," said the genie. "You've got
it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!"

"And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked. "I'd like to own a
gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world," she said. "Consider
it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and
natural disasters!"

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"And now," the couple asked in unison, what's your wish, genie?" "Well, since I've been
trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my
wish is to have sex with your wife."

The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both now have a
fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?" She mulled it over for a few moments
and said, "You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind,
but what about you, honey?" "You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. I'd do
the same for you!"

So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon
enjoying each other. After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and
looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband?"

"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly. "No kidding," he said, "thirty-five
years old and both of you still believe in genies?"

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to
come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked
his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-
fed... "Breast-fed," she replied.

"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered. She did. He pinched her nipples,
then pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed. The doctor said, "No wonder this baby is underweight.
You don't have any milk." "I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came!"

HORRIBLY POLITICALLY INCORRECT BUT I HAD TO SHARE.......

I was asked to run a marathon.

I said, "Piss off".
They said "come on, it's for spastics and blind kids."
Then I thought........F*@ k! I could win this...........

Year 1981
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes
4. Pope Died

Year 2005
1. Prince Charles got married (again)
2. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe (again)
3. Australia lost the Ashes
4. Pope Died

In future, if Prince Charles decides to re-marry and Liverpool wins another European
crown.... please warn the Pope :-) ...

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Even Rocks Pray

This is AWESOME! Tilt your head to the left to see the picture. You will be amazed at
what you see. Look at the entire length of the picture......Way to the left! Once you see
it you will not see anything else!

That's a wrap people. Another undertaking done and ready. Surprisingly I managed to
get this one finished earlier than I have in ages which means I may get an early night
for a change although there's an even better chance I will remember something I
needed to do at 1:00am and spend the next 2 hours sorting it out... I.e. a typical
Thursday night.

I thought I would add something for a

special someone to end off with. This
person is well known to many by another
name of cause. Even her hair style is
close, if you recognise her dressed for
work, good for you. (Note the dummy for
spitting.)

Until next time be good, stay off the

perch, and remember to scrub behind your
ears.

Enjoy.

The Old Goat

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