Broken

Vision
Horacio Jones
Copyright © 2015 Horacio Jones

All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-1503126268
ISBN-10: 1503126269
 DEDICATION

Dear Mommy,
I want to thank you for always believing in me,
supporting me, and helping me embrace the things
that I think and feel as strengths, and not
weaknesses.

Dear Dad,
I want to thank you for being in my life. Without
you, I do not know what kind of man I would have
become.

To the both of you,

You're always there to help me in any way with all
of the loving things you've done for me. I may never
be able to repay you. I’ve learned what to do and
what not to do by observing your 40 year
relationship and marriage. Thank you.

Love Always, Your Son,

Derrick Jones, Jr.
“I CAN ONLY SAVE MYSELF”
 Table of Contents
Forward: ....................................................................... iii
Horaciology ................................................................... 2
Happiness ...................................................................... 6
25 Things to Do Every Day to Be Happy .................. 7
What Is a Situationship?.............................................. 9
Place Holder ............................................................... 13
Too Much Too Soon ..................................................... 23
Availability Limits ..................................................... 26
Too Busy?..................................................................... 28
Fall Back Action ......................................................... 30
Smile ............................................................................. 35
What Do Men Want? ................................................. 38
The Male Perspective ................................................. 46
Super Hero Men .......................................................... 50
The Friend Zone .......................................................... 53
Why "Nice Guys" Finish Last..................................... 56
The Compatibility Spark ........................................... 60
Textationships............................................................. 66
Do Not Stop Loving .................................................... 69
I Loved Looking Single… ........................................... 71
Call Me Crazy ............................................................. 77
 HORACIO JONES

The “You’re Crazy” Effect ......................................... 80

The Crazy Ex ............................................................... 83
The Confirmation Talk .............................................. 88

#DearWomen.............................................................. 96
I Understand: Part 1 ................................................... 97
I Understand: Part 2 ................................................ 123
Someday .................................................................... 126
Distance ..................................................................... 135
How to Move On ...................................................... 138
"Next Big Thing" ...................................................... 148
The Colombian Woman .......................................... 152
Unbroken Visualization .......................................... 161

vi
 I Am
Not A
Love
Doctor
i
 HORACIO JONES

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Thank you to the following individuals who,

without their contributions and support, this book
would not have been written:

Sylvester McNutt III

Joe Brock
Britney Sade
Tiffany Michelle

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 BROKEN VISION

Forward:
Sincerity seeps through the words of a once
broken man while understanding he is assigned to
the vision of a leader. So here we have Broken
Vision; where those noble worlds unite with the
courtesy of Horacio Jones. Mr. Jones fondles the
essence of our indecisiveness by confronting every
lovers concern head on. It is his seamless
permutation of tone and truth which resonates with
me, and provides the clarity for that which had
become so out of focus. It is his transparency which
breaks down the walls of stubbornness and greets
our emotions with the language of brotherly love. It
is his vision of how love can be, which ignites the
flame of hope. You can dare to be a man who tackles
truths as he does. You can dare to be a woman who
appreciates him. But, you won’t dare to stop flipping
the pages of this masterpiece, as he sweeps through
the thoughts you doubted that anyone else knew
existed. Hereto is your confirmation.
The Broken Vision is more than the state of
being broken, because it is also the revelation of a
lesson – it is transitional. This Broken Vision is
where the signs become so crystal clear and the
destination nears. You may have never noticed how
long you were aimlessly wandering in a
Situationship but, I know you can still remember
that moment when your heart was broken and you
knew then more than ever, you would have to make
the hardest decision that needed to be made.
The Broken Vision is where you collect your
pieces so you may find peace. Horacio reveals the
ugly truths and smothers the ache of the
disappointment with an abundance of delectable
food for thought (some are an acquired taste). The

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 HORACIO JONES

moment we accept these feelings of disparity as

lessons, we become victors of life. Marinate on that
for a moment … This can single handedly liberate
you from the denial and prepare you for a better love
– the love that you desire.
If you find yourself questioning the purpose of
the heartache that finds you, look at the way you
allow people to love you. This vision does not
exclude self-accountability. More often than not,
truths expose just as much about ourselves because
we are responsible for what we tolerate and how we
react. Move from the cloud of defensiveness and be
receptive to the idea that you enabled bad behavior
by being faithful to it.
We all have habits of romanticizing the time in
an effort to negate the inconsistent love. Most of us
fall into the safety net of familiarity in fear that the
freedom of real love does not exist. This is self-
entrapment; love is emancipating. Horacio
surrenders his own experiences as a reminder of our
common ground then proceeds to release us to
where we hope to be. The discomfort that you may
feel is the process of being removed from your
comfort zone, so that you may experience the
newness that you were blocking all along.
Growing pains are the bittersweet luxury of
adulthood. We are finally free to be the person that
adolescence may have been too shy to reveal. We are
finally liberated into the possibility of self-
acceptance in entirety. The love that you seek cannot
be defined by anything other than finding someone
who wishes to live eternally in your space of
freedom. With that said, love shared with your soul
mate, will not hurt from the restrictions they wish to
place upon you. It will promote your growth as you
continue to grow into newfound territory with them.
Horacio links the heartache to the healing, and the

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 BROKEN VISION

healing to the completion. The completion is not

merely partnership; it is self-love to the utmost
degree.
So indeed, that which is broken can be fixed.
Contrary to our discouraging feelings however, the
resolution is self-fulfilled. This is the declaration of
the intention of your journey in love – to learn. In
your very hands is this conscious piece of literature
from a man who did not allow his brokenness to
render him unrepairable and keep him that way
forever. Horacio continues to grow, like us all.
In this work, Horacio Jones reassembles the
shattered pieces of himself, takes a step back – like a
Kintsugi exhibit at the museum – and reflects on
how each fracture is a bridge to the next chapter. We
find our wholeness at the core of this… Broken
Vision.
Britney Sade
Moments of
Transparency
North Babylon, NY

v
Long
Captions…
THE HARDEST
PART ABOUT
BREAKING UP
IS LETTING GO
OF THE LAST
PIECE OF
YOUR SOUL

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 HORACIO JONES

Horaciology
My mission is not to save anyone other than
myself. I cannot help people. I can only grow as
much as I can and use my gift to help others seek
growth by showing them mine. I am not a
relationship guru. I am not a relationship doctor. I
am only an observer of relationships, and a seeker of
true love. With that being said, the words in this
book are what I truly believe within my heart. I do
not claim to have the answers, I only have my
perspectives, opinions, and frustrating
contradictions. I am not right, nor am I wrong. I just
“am.”

If you bought this book, it is because we relate in

many forms, and you want to appreciate it from
another perspective. In addition, you do not need
advice, you want something, or someone, to show
you that you are not alone in what you feel. Please
understand that when I say “you”, I am always
speaking to myself first.

Broken

Sometimes, we attempt to explain what love and

happiness is. No matter which definitions we give,
they are always different. Love makes no sense. I will
not try to make this book into something that it is
not. Honestly, I am writing this book because I need
to exhibit my point of view. I need to let go of the
thoughts that I usually drag along in the back of my
mind. They have become so abundant, that I cannot
seem to let them out on one sheet of paper, or one

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Instagram post. It is as if the pages of my journals

are too fragile for the weight of my words.

Vision

My intent is to move people, inspire new

thoughts, and contour new perceptions about
relationships. When you are autonomous by your
imagination, the ideas that you explore and discover
are a lot more appreciated and interesting. That is
why I have an irresistible passion that I certainly
cannot contain. What I like best of all is the beauty
of the concept: creating an amazing idea from my
mind, and conveying it to another's. It is beautiful
beyond description because it is going to HELP
people get through tough situations.

Mended

Although, I've been hurt by my past relationships,

I have not given up on love. My philosophy has
always been to love as much as I can no matter how
much I’ve been hurt and betrayed. Even when a
relationship does not work out, I’ll always be able to
accept the outcome by reminding myself that I gave
it my all, and that my effort was not the issue.

Sight

It is said that we should never ask a single person

for relationship advice. I disagree. Every “single”
person is not trying to ruin relationships; not all
misery wants company. If you think that they do, it
is like saying that all single people are lonely and
miserable. Loving you and giving yourself time to
heal, and not settling for just anyone has never
caused anyone harm.

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 HORACIO JONES

So, YOU need to reevaluate YOUR relationship if

you find yourself asking ANYONE, single or not, for
advice. Just because they are in a relationship does
not mean that they will give you good advice. Just
because they are not in a relationship does not mean
they will give you bad advice. At the end of the day,
it is YOUR heart on the line. However, other
perspectives can help.

You Bought My Book That Makes Us Family.

If you want to do some soul searching, or to hear

something you already know, but needed
confirmation that you weren’t going crazy, then this
book is for you. Broken Vision consists of my
observations, experiences, clarity, and reality. I
believe that no matter who you are or what
background you have, there is something in this
book that will resonate with you and leave you
“thirsty” to read more.

“Don't let the smile fool you. She's still hurting, but
trying to be strong. The worst part is that she’s
starting to hate her friends because they keep
telling her what she isn't ready to accept yet. "He
Does Not Love You." The hardest part is when they
ask "are you ok?" Because it reminds her that she's
nowhere near "ok" and hates lying to them. But
she searches for any type of justification for why
she stays with him. Horacio Jones”

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 BROKEN VISION

Equals
I believe,
Expecting to find someone
Who is my equivalent,
Is a bit unrealistic.
I want someone who
Is different.
I want someone who
I can teach things too,
And learn things from.
In a sense, I love dissimilarities.
I think the goal is to understand
The differences, and
Become the strength to each other's
Weaknesses.
- Horacio Jones

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 HORACIO JONES

Happiness
The perspectives we have based on our
happiness may be our problem. We pretend to be
happier than we really are all over social media, then
copy what we see other “happy” people do. This all
happens while we hopefully wait for someone else to
make us happy. We are being naïve, lazy and selfish
for expecting someone else to do it for us, instead of
making it happen for ourselves.

It is not hard at all to be happy. Choosing

happiness is choosing to actively accept and
understand people without out being dependent on
their actions or inactions. If we are waiting for
someone to pop up, waiting to get a new job, waiting
to graduate, waiting to buy a car, waiting for the
pizza delivery man or for our friend’s Netflix
password, to be happy, we are wasting time. Finding
happiness is supposed to be our own responsibility.
Blaming other people for the lack of serenity in life
will not bring much peace, but more frustration
instead. Make yourself happy.

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 BROKEN VISION

25 Things to Do
Every Day to
Be Happy
I want to start working on these things TODAY
and apply them with my family members. All of
these things are simple principles, but the challenge
is being consistent with them.

1. Be optimistic
2. Stretch in the morning.
3. Think about things that you are happy about
for a few minutes out of your day.
4. Step outside.
5. Laugh
6. Exercise
7. Express gratitude
8. Meditate
9. Say “thank you”.
10. Make your bed, to clear your head. A messy
bed is a reflection of your life.
11. Making the choice to eat better is making the
choice to feel better.
12. Challenge yourself.
13. Touch someone
14. When you take something out, put it back
when you’re finished with it.

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 HORACIO JONES

15. Read your mail, your text messages and

email.
16. Listen to music for the mood you want to be
in, instead of the mood you are currently in.
17. Give someone an honest compliment.
18. Putting your alarm across the room.
19. Say “hi” to your neighbors.
20. Prepare breakfast, snacks, or lunches to take
with you throughout the week.
21. Clean your counters and dishes right when
you are done with them instead of letting
them pile up.
22. Acknowledge your parents and find out what
they’re up to today/let them know that you
love them.
23. Writing down the things you need to do.
24. Tell a friend you love them,
25. Get enough sleep. Being tired makes it
harder to be happy.

Your Relationship Status

Is “To Be Determined”
Grab some tea, because it is about to get real…..
When they tell you that they’re not looking for what
you are looking for… You need to look elsewhere,
because they are being honest…. For once.

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What Is a
Situationship?
Some of us want to have boundaries or
restrictions (aka a commitment) in place before we
take a big leap into a relationship. However,
confusion arises when one of the two people
involved does not want the commitment and only
wants the benefits of a relationship. Most people
think that the confusion and uncertainty in this
generation’s form of dating is a complete two-way
street. I’m sorry, it is usually not. In most cases,
they already know what they want. In their minds,
they have made it clear that they do NOT want a
relationship. But, we go along with it and our
compliance indicates that we are okay with it.
However, they are cool with doing "relationship-
like" things because in their mind, they already
made it clear. We, however, are left confused,
hoping for more by:

1. Continuing to offer more attention, hoping it

will change their mind.
2. Pretending to be perfectly ok with just being
friends with benefits.
3. Overly expressing our willingness to wait until
the other person is “ready”.
4. Falling for their potential.
5. Trying to convince others that they are perfect
together.

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 HORACIO JONES

6. Trying to force ourselves to love this person

and manipulate them into falling in love.
7. And having sex with them. (Miraculous sex is
often what keeps the perplexing nature of a
Situationship going. Besides being the sporadic
cure for loneliness, sex is the key facilitator of this
dysfunctional style of dating.)

Bear with me as I break this ALL THE WAY

DOWN.

A Situationship is an entertaining, but

complicated in-between phase of being more than
friends with benefits. It is an arrangement that
deems you to be less than official relationship
partners without a label, where two people haven’t
committed to being anything official for various
reasons. These people are confused on what they
really have with each other.

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Situationships: - having sex, thinking that it

is official when it is unofficial, having a bond
without a title, having the title without a bond, not
being ready for a relationship, but ready to ACT
like it is a relationship, messing around with
someone for months or years who can only "see
you in their future", but keep giving excuses for
why they won't settle down with you, NOT
committed, - situations.

*** This includes you and your ex who you still

mess around with when you are broken up. The
interesting thing is that more often than not, it
never turns into an official relationship. Why?

We allow people to treat us like they own us,

without giving us a title or commitment. We allow
them to get used to that arrangement. As a result,
they see no point in “leveling up” to an official
relationship.

“We are not together”

Situationships have all of the benefits of a

relationship without the label/commitment. Why
should they want the commitment if we are
ALREADY giving them everything that a
commitment represents? They are able to get
whatever they want, and when it comes time to give
to us, they use the “we are not together” excuse.
What we do not understand is that our actions are
of an official relationship partner, but our
commitment and label is NOT official.

We have stopped wanting our relationships to

stand publicly because we still want to appear
single while keeping our options open and because

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 HORACIO JONES

some of us hate the embarrassment that follows

public labeled break ups. However, people who
really want a future together would be willing to tell
anyone, “Look, this is my woman” or “my man.”
Someone that really wants you will give you that
label or confirmation of your relationship status. I
stopped settling for “we do not need a label because
it complicates things.” Yeah, of course it is
complicated as hell now that your side pieces know
about your relationship. It is complicated because
you are still entertaining other people. That label is
a way of letting everyone know that you are proud
of being with someone, and that you have long term
plans with them. The label, actions and discussion
goes hand in hand to stop the bond from being
complicated. When everyone knows your
relationship status, your secret life becomes
“complicated.”

Pseudo-Relationship

Situationships are superficial. They seem to be

laid-back substitutions for relationships because
you get the relationship benefits, but you also get to
maintain your “singleness.” Believing that you get
the “best” of both worlds is exactly why
Situationships get complicated. It is confusing for
some people when one minute you claim that you
do not want a relationship, and the next minute you
act like you are in a full blow relationship. You
spend time, have sex, meet friends and family, and
do not want each other to talk to other people. You
put all of that time and effort in, for what? Just to
say you are not in a real relationship? Then turn
around acting single as hell all over again... On top
of that, you do not call people out on their fake shit;
you go along with pretending that it is real, because

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you do not want to lose the pseudo-relationship.

Thus, you fake it until you make it, I guess.

Place Holder
How long are you going to fake a relationship
with someone before you realize that you are not
going to get the relationship you want? Years?
From a man's perspective you are a placeholder, a
temporary convenience while we “chill”, until the
woman we REALLY want comes along. We say that
we are not ready for a relationship, but really, we
are not ready for a relationship with YOU.

This is difficult to explain because we truly

believe that we do not want ANYONE. Suddenly, we
change our decisions about relationships when "the
one" comes along. While it is a shock to us, it is
also a shock to the placeholder women,
unfortunately. This may hurt: "The One" rarely has
to “try” to be the one. She just "IS", and I know it
does not make any sense to YOU, because that
other woman may not come close to you in
comparison with most desired qualities in women.
Nevertheless, you just do not have that “spark” like
she does. You have to try to spark things up; she
just exists and we automatically feel something for
her. This does not mean you are less of a woman. It
just means that we do not feel the same spark with
you, as we do with the other woman.

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 HORACIO JONES

The one we want is usually not the one who

throws all of her best assets at us. She is usually the
one we cannot get those assets from without a real
commitment. Not only that, there is something
about HER that we can never explain, which hurts
you. I said, “the one we want”, instead of “the one
we end up with”, because we sometimes settle for
less.

Regardless, having sex with you, and practicing

a relationship with you is only temporary (we are
not timing it, we are just chilling, and going with
the flow). We are not aware of "the one". We just
know that YOU ARE NOT HER; you are holding
her place, and all of a sudden, she comes out of
nowhere. That is when we ditch the placeholder
who was playing the girlfriend role: cooking,
cleaning, providing snacks, loyalty etc.

I Do Not Know What I Want

The problem is that we are STILL messing

around with someone who CLAIMS that they do
not know what they want, but at the same time,
they know what they do not want for sure: a
relationship with us. They know what they want.
However, it is difficult to explain and express it in
words. Even their actions may confuse us. Let’s not
even sugarcoat it; if we have dated or have been
sexing someone for months or years, and they
haven’t tried to make it official, THEY KNOW
WHAT’S GOING ON… We are not taking it slow
anymore. If we were the one they wanted, they
would not be so hesitant to “put a claim on it.”

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 BROKEN VISION

When someone wants

you, there is no
reluctance, no
justifications, and no
excuses that will keep
them from
committing to YOU.
Horacio Jones

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 HORACIO JONES

Loyal Booty Call

You are guaranteed sex, attention and snacks.

You are most likely not the only sex and source of
attention and money. So, when you get late night
texts, it is only because everyone else are
unavailable. The fact that you are loyal, and always
give in, you become the fall back plan. The sad part
about that is that your loyalty may never be enough.
So, the real question is, why be loyal to the potential
of a relationship in the “future” when you can meet
someone that wants more with you right now?

How to Avoid the Loyal Booty Call Role:

1. I’ll resist falling for potential.
2. I’ll seek a commitment before intimacy. Did I
have sex with them because I like them, or because
they “earned” it? Do I expect a relationship just
because I had sex with them?
3. I won't go with the flow, instead, I will
communicate what I feel and what I want.
4. I’ll Increase my effort when I trust them.
5. "I do not want a relationship" means "I do not
want a relationship with you". It doesn't
automatically mean they want a relationship with
someone else, but it definitely means that they do
not want a relationship with me. Being clear from
the jump as to what I am looking for before
investing feelings and energy is key.

The "What Are We" Question: Going with the flow

Spending more time together is a sign of

progress. Eventually, we want to know where the
bond is progressing to. After a while of hanging out

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and being intimate, we tend to fall into this "idk”

situation. Seeking clarity and an update on the state
of the relationship, we ask, "what is this, what are
we?” Isn’t it funny how they always respond with
"Going with the flow, it is what it is"? I mean, who
actually knows what that means? “Going with the
flow” and giving a million other excuses is how they
take advantage of our confusion. “Going with the
flow” REALLY means that they can make time to
fuck you, but not make time to commit to you, so,
“it is what it is.”

The Situationship Trap

They always say that if you stay in a woman’s

life long enough for her to get comfortable around
you, you will eventually get what you want from
her. Especially if she cannot find anyone else
willing to “act right” and have sex, but you. There is
no secret, she wants sex in her life as well. So, if
you’ve known her for a long time, and you stick
around for her weak moments, you will end up with
better Situationship opportunities because you’ll
learn how to sell your dick better than your
“relationship-worthiness.” Once you give up on
trying to escape the friend zone or trying to date
her, you remove the pressure of falling into a new
relationship with her. This is when she will become
comfortable enough to open up for a “sex without a
commitment” Situationship. At least with you, she
does not feel as bad about the “free sex” because
you are a really close friend that she trusts.

More women fall for the Situationship trap

because they want a familiar man that won’t make
them look like a hoe. If you stick around and do not
try to date them, you will learn that some women

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just want the ability to chill with someone they

know while not having to worry about impressing
him or being judged by him. SOME of them try to
convince themselves that it is just about the sex.
But, what happens right after the “bang”? Some of
them “catch feelings” for that guy-friend, and do
not want to share him. Or, when it is their ex, they
end up falling for him again.

Sometimes you want to take back

everything that you feel about someone.
No matter how much you try to paint a
different picture, at the end of the day,
some people just don’t get it.
-Horacio Jones

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 BROKEN VISION

At the end of the day, if

you do not address how
much you DON'T trust
them, you'll end up
regretting your investment
in them. Your stress won't
always be because of what
they do, it'll be because of
what you THINK they might
be doing. Don't fake it. Get
that shit off your chest. Horacio
Jones

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 HORACIO JONES

I Don’t Deserve Shit

Deserve: [dih-zurv]: verb (used with object),
deserved, deserving.
- To merit, be qualified for, or have a claim to
(reward, assistance, punishment, etc.) because of
actions, qualities, or situation:

My belief is that “I deserve better” usually

means that there is a baseline for treatment and
character. Being a good man or woman should be
that baseline. That baseline suggests that people
should be treated respectfully in any relationship. It
suggests that everyone deserves natural human
rights. It explains why we settle for less and still feel
as though we deserve better. We believe that we
deserve the “decent human behavior baseline” no
matter who we are with and for however long we
are with them. We see potential when we settle for
less and it is not because we feel as though we
deserve less. We just feel that over time of working
on the relationship, we will get what we deserve;
respectful and loving treatment (baseline).

Even with that being said, I'm so confused by

people saying that they deserve things. The word
‘deserve’ is thrown around way too much these days.
The word "deserve" just seems so vague to me
nowadays and I am more enthusiastic about the
word "desire" better because it implies that we really
want something, but are not entitled to it just
because we say that we want it. People use it so much
that it has lost all meaning in my eyes. The word
itself sounds exaggeratingly selfish when used in
reference to relationships in a way in which I have
never understood.

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 BROKEN VISION

My question is, why do so many people believe

they “deserve” anything? Growing up in the south, I
was always taught that it’s not about what
Socioeconomic status you grew up in, where you
were born, or who your parents were that could get
you what you “deserve.” I was taught it’s up to you to
make something of yourself because we are entitled
to shit these days unless it yours.

Some people believe that just because someone

is treating them like shit for months on end, that
they DERSREVE better even when they choose to
STAY. We've all been in a shitty relationship, but it
was because of our choices that those relationships
lasted as long as they did after giving a million
chances. My belief is that we did not DESERVE
anything other than what we CHOSE to settle for.
Saying that we deserve better is sometimes a way to
feel good about ourselves without actually doing
anything about it except playing the victims. In life,
you get what you earn, not what you deserve.

What if we stopped searching for the

relationships that we THINK we deserve? What if
we learn how to focus internally and decide what
kind of relationships we want and need, and then
understand that they are not going to be perfect? If
you want better for yourself, you have to put in the
work in all aspects of your life. If you feel as though
you deserve something, you should prove it to
yourself by putting in the work and earning it.

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 HORACIO JONES

A simple date on the

calendar can bring back
so many memories…
Horacio Jones

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Too Much Too

Soon
“I was always a very giving person, and whatever
I had was yours... Until the time came when I
wanted your honesty and heart, the only things
you weren’t willing to give. Horacio Jones”

I used to be the type of person who gave a lot of

themselves to the point of damaging my own
circumstances. I use to frequently wrestle with the
complicated feelings that came from giving too
much too soon. For me, it was usually about the joy
of the moment. But, the fear in my mind about
possibly being taken advantage of, had led to more
pain than happiness. Also, the guilt of telling them
“no”, and most recently, the anxiety of feeling as
though I have done more harm than good to a
particular situation, has taught me a very valuable
lesson: like everyone, my life was a work-in-
progress to be more reserved and to learn how to
save certain things about myself for a committed,
interdependent relationship.

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 HORACIO JONES

Signs of Giving Too Much Too Soon

1. When I feel dependent on their validation of

everything that I’ve done for them.
2. Usually when it feels like too much too soon,
it is.
3. I’m increasing my effort just because I like
them, not because they worked for it. It
should be both at the same time.
4. They are telling me that they aren’t ready, so
I should slow the hell down before I push
them away; not TRY HARDER.
5. I’m being too accommodating of their needs
and ignoring my own. I’m unhappy trying to
make them happy.
6. There is no commitment established but I
feel like I’m in a relationship…. Sometimes.

“I would have given them anything they wanted, just because

I liked them. But for some reason it just did not seem to do any
good. I gave, gave, and gave while they only acquired. I think
I did too much for those who weren’t willing to do the same
for me. Or maybe they were not ready.” - Horacio Jones

At first, doing a considerable amount of things to

impress each other and make each other extremely
happy seems natural and even pleasurable. Think
about it, when you are in love with someone, doesn't
it also make YOU feel good to do a lot of the things
that makes them happy? After all, aren't we
supposed to give our all? Well, in MY OPINION,
NO!!!! Or, at least not until we are truly in love or
when dating reaches a certain point of trust and
understanding; when the relationship is official.

I asked myself, why was I giving these women so

much of myself when they weren’t officially MINE?

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 BROKEN VISION

My exaggerated effort was obviously pushing them

away. I realized that doing too much too soon (giving
my all to someone, BEFORE it was OFFICIAL)
actually suffocated them and even myself. I
concluded that giving too much too soon is by far the
biggest relationship mistake made by both men and
women and it is the ticket to the “friendzone” or the
“place holder zone.”

I fell in love
with a part of you.
Your soul…
What I found there,
Something dark and deep.
The reasons why you never played for keeps.
Horacio Jones

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 HORACIO JONES

Availability Limits
Some of us figure out how to master
manipulating people with our availability. Women
pursue men in their own unique ways by making
themselves available for us to make the move. They
place themselves where they will "catch our eyes". As
a result, a man can drive a woman crazy by limiting
his accessibility. One reason why he might be
limiting his availability is because experience has
taught him that a great deal of women seem to go
for unavailable men. Sometimes, we even get into
the habit of being “fake busy” so that we are not TOO
available.

Based on the art of attraction, women learn to

market themselves visually and men learn how to
market themselves through their actions and
possessions; having a job, money to date, a car to go
places in, and ultimately having his own place.
However, we all do not want to market ourselves to
the point where we look too willing for anything or
anyone. Experience has taught us that.

If you are always available, your time doesn't

appear to be very valuable. If someone feels like you
are going to make time for them out of your busy
day, they will appreciate that time more. They do not
appreciate your time as much if you have nothing
else to do but talk and text them ALL damn day. You
should not fake it though. If you really have that
much of free time, you should find REAL things to
keep you busy instead of creating illusions. Be
authentic, not bogus. This way, it is real and not a
game. The positive thing about staying busy by

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finding REAL things to do is that you'll have new

things to talk about and you’ll BE a more interesting
person, and not SEEM like an interesting person.

Saying “I love you” is

important, but not enough.
Love is a word AND action. It is
passive, but also active. You
know you love someone when
you cannot put into words how
they make you feel, and when
cannot believe the things you'd
do for them. - Horacio Jones

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 HORACIO JONES

Too Busy?
People who are “too busy” to see you are just
that. They are too busy to see “YOU”. Someone who
really wants you will take time to see and contact
you. Some people are either too lazy or not
interested. Actually, it’s not always about them NOT
wanting you or NOT being interested in you. It may
be a case of them not being interested enough to try
harder to see you or talk to you. Reading this may
sounds harsh if you do not want to accept someone’s
disinterest in you, but really, it probably has nothing
to do with you. Maybe they are really focused on one
thing or another and do not want to take the time to
pay more attention to you. It is ok for them to have
priorities other than you, right? My rule is this:
Never get too involved with someone who tells you
up front that they are too busy for a relationship. I’m
not saying that you should be petty about it. I am
saying that avoiding those “too busy” people is for
your own good. Nobody is too busy for a relationship
if they really want to be in one. They obviously do not
want to be in one. That's why they brought up that
subject, and that's why they told you that.

The reality of it all is that we put people into

categories. When we think of certain people, we
categorize them in this way:

a) People that I'll pay attention to whenever

I find the time to ("Booty Calls" or New
people)

b) People that I'll NEVER actually get with,

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but I'm either too shy or selfish to ever

tell them — so I'll keep them around just
to use them or until they fall back on their
own (The Friend Zone)

c) People that I'll DROP EVERYTHING to

get with — even if it means I’m actually
REALLY busy, missing “turn up time”
with my friends, or even missing out on
some money. ("The Bae". People we feel
a spark of deep chemistry with)

Now that you know this, the best thing for you to
do is a too analyze your situation to identify which
category you fit in. If you do not know, here's a
suggestion:

If they treat you close to category A or B and

nothing like C, then you might as well find a more
available, willing, and more interested person to
focus on.

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 HORACIO JONES

Fall Back Action

Fall Back: move or turn back; retreat.
Synonyms: retreat, withdraw, back off, draw
back, pull back, pull away, and move away
"The troops were ordered to fall back"
“When you have been putting in effort but, the
person you’re interested in is only playing games….
FALL all the way BACK.”

They say not to be "too available" and people take

that as letting the phone ring longer than needed,
not answering messages as soon as they receive
them, or even pretending that their schedule is full.
Isn't that considered “playing games”? Why fake
your “fall back” just because you think that if you do
not "fake" your availability, the other person will
think that you are “clingy” or doing too much?

I hate when people pretend. Have you ever

desired someone and initiated putting effort to get to
know them but, they did not reciprocate the same
effort? Even though they said that they wanted to get
to know you, you still haven’t seen any proof through
their actions. In fact, it seems as if they were not even
interested. But, you liked them. So, you tried not to
call and text as much because you thought it would
be better than “bothering” them with resent
messages. Next, you waited for them to contact you
first because you did not want to seem desperate or
clingy. You may have even decided to wait a few
minutes to respond to texts just so you would not
look too eager.

We try so hard to give off the impression that we

are unavailable because we think that it is an

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effective technique to manipulate other people into

pursing us. Also, we believe that if we limit our
accessibility (fall back), we would not have to worry
about pushing people away because we push
ourselves away. We've all tried it, to make ourselves
look unavailable so that the other person will
increase their effort. Why do we do this? It all boils
down to adjusting the "demand curve.”

The demand curve is basically a measure of how

much WE perceive that someone else will demand
our time and effort. We believe that decreasing our
availability will in turn, influence them to increase
theirs. In other words, we supply less of ourselves
while hoping that they will start demanding more
and trying harder. We believe that adjusting the
demand curve will work because life has taught us
the we all want what or who we cannot have. I guess
we subconsciously try to manipulate other people
into wanting us.

There are many ways we try to accomplish

mastering the demand curve. For some of us, we do
not allow ourselves to be too common with anything
that we do, or with any person of interest. We know
that too much of anything is lame, basic and boring.
Therefore, we choose to supply more of our time and
effort, if they demand more; that is when we feel safe
enough to open up. What you fail to realize about
this demand curve theory is that you are only too
eager to someone who is not ready for your type of
love. The person that is meant for you will know how
to handle you.

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 HORACIO JONES

Nice Men Are Lame

When we first meet a woman, we cannot expect
her to give us everything just because WE believe we
are good men. I know you’ve noticed that being a
nice man does not always produce the best progress
with women. Chemistry and compatibility are way
more important than doing the things that we are
supposed to do, anyway! The last time I’ve checked,
being nice, honest, and respectful is a part of being a
decent human being. So, why would she reward you
on being a good person? There are so many other
elements that come into play that even a near
“perfect” man cannot always overcome. Or at least
won’t always have the confidence to try to overcome.
We are not entitled to shit these days. It is good to be
nice to women, but what else can you do?

Just as some women give up everything before a

commitment, men do the same thing. We give too
much too soon while requiring the bare minimum or
nothing In return; not even a commitment. If you
treat a woman way better than you treat yourself,
two things will happen: she will take advantage and
use you, or you will become dependent on her; you
"can't" be happy without her and her reciprocated
effort. Both of those scenarios are bad. If you treat
her way better than she treats herself, two things will
happen: she will push you away into the friend zone,
or SHE become dependent on you; she "can't" be
happy unless YOU make her happy.

The Real Bad Guy

The REAL bad guy does not conform to society's

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bullshit. He says “NO” when it's appropriate. Society

does not like him because he is too far in his own
lane. Any person, place, or thing that proceeds to
make his life hard, will be dismissed without a
second thought. Most people are not used to this
type of man, and that is why he appears to be a jerk
for not putting up with their bullshit. His dedication
to his personal growth may take up most of his time,
and as a result, other people will think of him as
being an inconsiderate jerk. Not only does he say
“no” to women, he says no to anyone else who wastes
his time. So, those men who lie and constantly cheat
on women are not bad guys. Those liars and cheaters
are pieces of shit. Women who lie and cheat on men
are also pieces of shit. You can debate those last
statements all you want.

Telling a woman “no” means you are sure of

yourself, you are not a door mat and that she has to
actually put in work in order to get to know you. She
does not want a “yes” men because after a while, they
get boring. Telling her no sometimes means that she
cannot throw pussy at you to get what she wants,
then call it a day. She has to put in work in order to
understand you.

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 HORACIO JONES

No Land For Basic Men

No Feelings…

It is not all about what we do. Sometimes, it is about what

we DO NOT DO. We can no longer be inconsistent and
complacent men. We have to put in work. Men who aspire to be
husbands make sure that their women would never have to
second guess their loyalty and trustworthiness. Do not be basic,
be creative and interesting.

Becoming a better man is a choice and takes

effort. We become better men when we display what
we have learned from our mistakes and the mistakes
of others. Also, we become better men when we use
our experiences and observations to grow within
ourselves and uplift others. Sadly, some of the most
important things to do in order to be a better man
consists of learning how to embrace our emotions,
how to be considerate and how to feel comfortable
being vulnerable.

We are taught that expressing our feelings makes

us look weak. Society obliges to this fabricated idea
of manhood through social media, music and
television. The greatest contributors to this idea of
manhood are our closest family members and
friends. We are raised by the men in our families to
value money, multiple women (while being taught to
make sure women closest to us - sisters, cousins etc.
- must keep their legs closed), cars, clothes, and
violence. We are taught by our friends (even female
friends) that those materialistic things reflect our
strengths, while expressing emotions, committing to
one woman and showing love reveals our weakness.
We wonder why we cannot see the value in what it
truly means to be an open and expressive man
because we do not know how to. Maybe the
definition of being a man has changed over the years.

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One thing that I noticed is that we are still

struggling with embracing the feelings we try to
hide. We invest so much of our time and energy into
this deceitful idea of masculinity, that when it comes
time to opening up to women, we are afraid or do not
have a clue how to.

Smile
I'll admit that some days,
I miss being the reason you smiled.
But, the thing I missed the most
is smiling because of you.
I discovered peace during each smile
and I'd sit there, staring at you,
trying to read your mind even though
I loved the mystery.
For some reason,
These memories of your smile
reminded me that love
is always the right answer.
We had the choice
to hate the unknown
after breaking each other,
but instead, we chose
to let love asks questions,
and maybe it’ll guide us
to its own answers
until then, I hope
you’re smiling.
Horacio Jones

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Drunk In Love

Yep, she’s definitely drunk in love.

It's crazy how his presence seems to disrupt her pain
after he gives her a couple of "shots” from the back.
Every time she tries to leave, he somehow
ends up right back in the same bed with her
while she "takes it to the head."
Maybe that’s why she wakes up with a headache.
She doesn't use it to THINK.
Even when it's full of thoughts of leaving him,
She drinks again, and right before she sobers up,
he pours her a cup full of bullshit, which she sips on all
night.
And wakes up with regret as a hanger over.
Sunglasses and Advil?
Horacio Jones

My Love

Your value and worth is intuitively known.

My heart needs no logic for this explanation.
I do not expect the rest of the world to understand,
and society does not validate MY love.
They cannot comprehend how your nearness
takes my breath away. In a way that the things
I want to say cannot be spoken, only showed. But,
in silence, can only hope my eyes will speak my love.
So that you can hear my heart. I don't have to prove
my love to the world. I just want to convince you
because in your mind, if we want to live happy
lives, our unique version of love is more
important than anything else.
Horacio Jones

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Men Of
Substance
Men of substance are compassionate and caring
for all people. They respect others, remain loyal, and
appreciate what people do for them. Men of
substance strive to make the world a better place.
They increase the quality of life, know right from
wrong AND demonstrate it. They are focused on
their goals and still find time to value the people and
things around them. Men of substance do their best
to prevent the end of good things and if you are not
about of their solutions, then they will consider you
as a part of their problems. They take risks to achieve
and sometimes they fail, but they never grow weary
of trying. Simply put, men of substance put in work
in all aspects of life and are HUMAN, in all of its
wonderfulness.

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 HORACIO JONES

What Do Men Want?

On any given day, my mind alternates between
wanting a committed relationship, a fuck buddy
(Situationship), a one-night stand, or nothing at all
(food). I cannot speak for all men, but based on the
ones that I know, we all have VERY similar thoughts.
However, even with parallel thoughts, we all do not
ACT on those thoughts in the same ways. With that
being said, men fall into 3 categories:

1. Men who just want to fuck.

2. Men who want a committed relationship
(and sex). ***Usually the men of substance.
3. Men who want to be alone and single (sex
and friendships with women aka friends with
benefits).

A few things that all men want—even when we

makes mistakes are:

1. Success
2. Respect
3. Appreciation
4. Loyalty

Category: I Just Want to Smash

If I just want to fuck you, I will most definitely

only want your respect in the bed room. I will not
care if you love me or not. If I just wanted the sex, I
could care less about getting to know you. I may be a
piece of shit in almost every other aspect in life, but
that “dick” though, will have you ignoring all of my

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piece of shit qualities. As long as you stay under that

dick spell, I’m going to love the “dick respect” that
you show and continue throwing dick your way
because I see how much you appreciate the multiple
orgasms. It does not stop there. I would not feel
successful unless I get you to be loyal to me. I do not
want to settle down with you, but I want to make
sure that you do not give my pussy to anyone else. If
my goal was to smash and I liked it, chances are I
want more sex with you. If I am this type of guy, then
I’m damn sure not trying to be a man of substance
and do not care for women at all. So, my perception
of success is smashing and chasing multiple women,
seeking respect from them homies, and making
money.

Category: I Want a Relationship (Man of

Substance)

If I want a committed relationship, I will show

it with consistency between my words and actions.
That consistency would not only pertain to just a
woman. A man of substance is consistent with
everything and everyone. That is how he earns his
respect. People appreciate you when you say that you
are going to do something and you do it. People
become loyal to you when they can trust you and
believe in you. The only way to earn respect is
through your constant “realness” and having
everything “add up.” A man of substance and who
wants a relationship with you makes that
relationship one of his goals. Without achieving that
goal, he will not feel successful. In addition, a man of
substance wants to be seen as a hero, especially in
the eyes of his woman, friends and family.
Respecting him makes him feel like they believe in
him and appreciates him. When you are a man of

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 HORACIO JONES

substance, more people are willing to be loyal to you

because they trust you.

Category: I Don’t Want Anything Serious

Lack of respect makes it harder for a man to

open up emotionally. So, instead of seeking
emotional attachments, the emotionally unavailable
man decides to fall in love with his goals. His main
goal is money and respect. Even when he meets
women who gives him unconditional respect, he still
does not want to pursue them romantically because
they “distract” him. The only things that he is willing
to allow are sex and friendships because they do not
require the same amount of energy and level of
commitment as relationship do, according to his
perspective. Even when he “catches feelings” he still
does not pursue anything serious with women
because he believes that those feelings will
jeopardize his progress towards his goals. Some men
feel as though relationships will slow them down. So,
they only make time for sex every now and then, but
they do not chase sex. Sometimes, sex just falls into
their laps because some women want to stick around
to unlock men’s emotions, using sex as a weapon, so
to speak.

Men Want Success While Sustaining Their Value

I always think that people who only desire

success - money and power - are people who
fundamentally lack true ambition. Someone with
true ambitions knows that working on their values
and maintaining healthy relationships are also a part
of being successful. One of the most disheartening
things about chasing success is finding yourself

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 BROKEN VISION

blinded by the chase. Enjoying life becomes a lot

harder, when you do not take time to value things
and people around you if your accomplishments
keeps you away from them. So, being successful isn't
always the hardest thing in the world. Sometimes,
remembering to value yourself is the toughest thing
to do.

“Success is the sum of perception, hard work and

luck.” - Horacio Jones

One man’s perception of success may differ

greatly from another man’s perception. Let’s take
relationships with women for example. My Idea of
success includes a happy marriage. That means, if I
achieve every single goal EXCEPT that happy
marriage, I will not feel successful. Treating a
woman right and seeking a wife is a part of my goals.
Now, let’s say that another man’s idea of success
differs in only one area; relationships with women.
In his mind, if he achieves all of his goals without
marrying a woman, he will still consider himself
successful because marriage is not a goal and not a
top priority. Guys like him are not concerned with
committing to women. Therefore, they tend to fall
into the “I just want to fuck” and “I do not want
anything serious” categories.

Most men do not try to be compete assholes.

However, we try to be completely successful. There's
nothing wrong with striving for success, but
oftentimes we lose sight of who we are and do not
realize the extent of the pain that we influence for
women. It is like we have our minds so focused on
everything in life EXCEPT settling down with ONE
woman and use all women as “speed bumps” on our
way to the top. The only time we stop or slow down

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 HORACIO JONES

is when we want to have sex and “chill,” but not to

settle down.

Little do we know, all women aren’t distractions

and relationships only get in the way of our success
if we aren’t committed to both our women and goals.
If we lose sight of other aspects in life, then we are
distracting ourselves. If we keep our eyes on our
values, we would end up both successful (including
marriage), happy and a good person, which is part of
the recipe to be a man of substance.

Men Want Independent Women Too

You work hard, make your own money, and

have your life nearly together. Also, you have your
own mind. Nothing is more attractive than an
independent woman who knows her stance on a
topic and is able to powerfully expressive it. Why
would not I want you? If you can teach me something
new, life together will be a lot more interesting as I
also teach you new things. Unfortunately, some
independent women do not believe that men want
them.

One thing that I know for a fact is that a lot of

women are stuck with the belief that men do not
adore independent women. While there are a great
deal of insecure men who cannot handle working
women, in other many cases men LOVE boss
women. However, one reason why men may not
pursue some independent women is because SOME
of them are always broadcasting how much they
DON’T need a man. Bragging is unattractive for any
human being.

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The truth is, we already know damn well that

you may not need a man, but you want one. So, if in
one breath you express your independence, use the
next breath to express your desire for a committed
relationship with a man. Maybe you feel as though
he want to control you or make you STOP making
more money than him. That is not what a man of
substances wants. Putting his comfort above your
own SOMETIMES the relationship to make him
happy doesn’t mean you have to ALWAYS sacrifice
your wants or needs. The sacrifices are usually small
and are actually in the form of healthy
compromising and cooperating. Making HIM feel
comfortable means that you’re excited about having
him in your life and that you genuinely believe he is
deserving of your time and love. On top of that, you
know that he would make those same sacrifices as
for you. To sum it up, men of substance want
interdependent relationships.

Love US, Not our potential

We want you to understand us without placing

expectations so that you can appreciate who we are
before you fall in love with our “potential.”

Men of substance want gentlewomen

Let us be the gentleman, but step up when it’s

your turn. Let us play our manly role, but do not hold
back from pitching in on situations that society says
“women shouldn’t,” like taking out the trash, paying
for a date, carrying your own bags sometimes and
planning dates. Relieve us of SOME of our duties
every now and then.

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 HORACIO JONES

A man of substance appreciates

a woman who has her own
mind and who is confident in
her beliefs. When he says
“you’re beautiful”, he is
complimenting her physical
beauty AND her mental
attractiveness. He knows that
one of the most beautiful parts
of a woman is her mind and
how she uses it.
- Horacio Jones

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Gentlewoman Checklist

1) Women who value their bodies, time,

energy and minds; Loyal, appreciative,
ambitious, mentally and emotionally
stable,

2) A woman who knows how to pleasure a

man and can get turned on by turning
him on.

3) Women who dress up for us.

4) Interesting without being impossible to

figure out.

5) Helps him develop a relationship that is

full of peace.

6) A woman who appreciates him and finds

more reasons to love and less reasons to
complain.

7) A woman who won’t embarrass him

because she can handle herself. She gets
alone with others.

8) A woman who knows how to prepare a

good meal.

9) Supportive.

10) Sex. Do not act like you did not know this.

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The Male Perspective

We apply our flawed perception of value to the
women that we entertain based on how much we
believe that these women value themselves. If she
has been giving us all of “her” while requiring
nothing or little in return, then that tells us on how
much she values herself and we know she’ll settle for
the less that we give. The type of women that throw
EVERYTHING at us too soon aren’t the ones we
want to settle down with.

These are some of the traits men look for, but

these aren’t always what we settle for. Just like some
women, we also settle for less sometimes.
***Cooking and cleaning for us is extra. We are
grown. We can do those things ourselves. We aren't
looking for moms to baby us or take care of us.

1. Is this woman going to make my life hard?

Does my life feel better with her?
2. Is this woman going to try to change me? Can
I be ME freely without her complaining?
3. Amazing Sex
4. Thot Fax = is she known for smashing the
homies, club promoters, dudes on the block,
rappers, brothers, cousins.
5. Do I have to be her man in order to get all of
these benefits, or are they free?
6. Is her curve game extremely strong and brutal
when it comes to other men trying to get at
her?
7. Basics = ambitious, respectful, honest,
loyalty, trustworthiness etc.
8. Is there a "spark".

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9. Am I afraid of losing her?

10. Does she love herself?
11. Does she love me?
12. Am I in love with her?
13. Emotional, mental health.
14. Is she comparing me to who I was yesterday,
or to her irrelevant exes?

Stop Trying to Change a Man that

Does Not WANT to Change for YOU
I’ve noticed that a lot of women love catering to
men who aren’t official with them. Those women are
hoping to get these men to commit to them if only
these men could “see her worth.” Either that, or they
try to force men to date them. I say “force” because,
from a man perspective, it feels like they are making
it mandatory for us to transform into the way THEY
want us to be. The final straw is when they hit us with
ultimatums.

Men do not like being forced to do shit (this all

goes both ways by the way). Women need to
understand that genuine relationships do not start
with ultimatums. No matter how well they “play
their position”, a man is going to choose the woman
he wants to be with on his own. He will settle with
that woman because he cannot imagine not having
her. He will settle with that woman because he feels
ready. He will settle with that woman because being
with her, feels way better than running around. A
man that is sure of the woman he wants does not
want to ever risk losing her and all of a sudden, those
other women become completely irrelevant.

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If we are used to treating you a certain way in

which you’ve allowed, then you try to change our way
of treating you, we will still see you as a woman who
settles for less if we do not want to learn how to value
you. You can bring awareness to our bad treatment
of women, but you cannot make us WANT to change.

Men who do not want to change will view your

“treat me better” moments as you being a nagging
brat. We will continue to treat you the same way
because we do not see the benefit or joy in being the
way that YOU want us to be. Therefore, you should
leave a man before you try to change a man, because
that man has been living a particular way because he
wants to. You cannot change what he wants.

Furthermore, we think that it is quite selfish of

you to force us to change, just to make YOU happy.
So, we’d rather leave you alone than to become a
different person for you. Always remember, if we do
not change, it is because we love being the way that
we already are. We’ll listen to your demands, but if
we do not fuck with you like that, respect you, or love
you, we are not going to take any of those
ultimatums and demands seriously.

If we ain’t shit, let us be “ain’t shit.”

You do not HAVE to settle.
If we ain't shit for treating you how we want to
treat you, then you ain't shit for staying. Why do you
want us to change? Is it because it'll make YOU
happier? You mean to tell me that the only reason
you are here is because you want US to make you
happy?

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You just have to learn to not try to change a man

from one mindset to another. If I am just looking for
sex, and I tell you I that I do not want anything
serious, convincing me that a relationship with you
will be worthwhile is going to be a waste of your time.
Odds are, you’re not the one I’m looking for, and
even if you were, I’m not going to realize it until it is
too late.

The changes you want, are mostly reflections of

what YOU think you need from us. Sometimes, that
need is what drives the “I do not want to change”
men away. My opinion is that you should date the
man who’s looking for what you want and things will
work out.

No matter how many different ways that I say this, it all

means the same thing: wanting us to change for you, means
wanting us to stop doing what we WANT to do, and stop
being who we like to be, just to make YOU happier. Horacio
Jones

Even if what we like to do is bad and dead ass

wrong, we still WANT to do it. You have a choice to
put up with it. Instead of trying to change everyone
you date, just so YOU can be happy, how about you
learn how to let people be themselves, and leave
them the fuck alone if you can't handle it or respect
it? All you can do is bring awareness to how they do
not appreciate women because it is not your job to
change them.

We have to change ourselves. Forcing us will not

result in a real alteration in our behavior. Yeah, we
will “try” for a few days, but what does that mean to
us if it is not something that we WANT to do
consistently? At the end of the day, men who are
forced into relationships, or men who are being

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forced to change, will still be playing by their own

rules. In order to not look like the bad guy, we would
rather make you look crazy. Let us be us, and if you
do not like it, leave because we still have a lot of
growing up to do.

Super Hero Men

I am a recovering Super Hero. I ruined many
friendships and potential relationships by
“heroically” swooping in when my female friends
were having problems. My shoulder was always
soaked in tears and right before I’d dry it, they would
go back to their exes. Or, they would end up in my
bed for a couple of one-night stands. Then, they
would wake up feeling saved and ready to love
again… to love their exes again. It took me a very
long time to realize that I was “saving” these women
so that they could run right back to the villains.
However, I have recently retired my cape because in
reality, I can only save myself.

Some men have adopted the idea that they are

supposed to be the "hero" in a stressed and broken
woman's life, because she needs saving from herself
and from “Bad Men.” They enforce the “Save-A-Hoe”
code of chivalry and use old-fashioned graciousness
and sweetness as their secret weapons. They are
fascinated by women in distress, depressed, needy or
damaged. The super hero man is convinced that he
can “rescue” these women, fix them, and then date

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them.

These Lois Lane women all share the same stories

and characters: they’ve been cheated on, treated like
shit by their exes, they have emotional issues, and
maybe even history of abuse. The only way to be
content, Captain-Save-A-Hoe senses the NEED to
save one (or all) of these women. Therefore, he
internalizes an exaggeratedly unrealistic and
glamorized idea of the women he attends to, and sees
them as hopeless and worthy of his heroics and love.

Unfortunately, every hero has their downfall.

Eventually the Super Hero Men realize that the only
people they can save are themselves. Instead of
inheriting a woman’s pain, he learns how to be there
for her while she SAVES HERSELF. The beauty
behind dating a woman that has saved herself is that
she will KNOW how to love you unconditionally. She
does not want to be saved.

The WOSRT MEN ON EARTH - The Villain Men

Villains always have hidden agendas and ulterior

motives. They ALWAYS have concealed reasons for
doing something that is different from the stated or
apparent reason. If you have an ulterior motive for
doing something, you do it partly because you think
you will get some advantage from doing it. When a
man’s effort or support to a woman comes with
hidden agendas, a line gets crossed. He is no longer
hoping that she will recover from her past. His goal
is not to love her. Instead, it is to win her over and to
be rewarded with sex for all of his effort. Some men
will actually take an active role, turning themselves
into a combination of a caring and selfish shoulder
for her to depend on. How do you think women

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would feel about men whose idea of dating includes

persuading women to feel obligated to have sex with
them?

The main thing about these Villain men is: they

tend to be the FOULEST ASSHOLES. They
consciously pray on broken women, because they do
not think that they can get a well put together
woman. So, they pray on women in distress, hoping
to “save” them, expecting a reward. Sadly, some
women are too vulnerable to realize what these men
are doing to them.

They do not care about how offensive their

method is. As long as they get what they want, they
are satisfied enough to be able to handle knowing
that they have further damaged another woman in
the process. These women are vulnerable and The
Villain takes advantage of them. They do more harm
by confusing women and manipulating them to date.
By manipulating a woman, The Villain thinks that
she will become so overwhelmed with appreciation
of his fake effort that she will reward him with her
body. The simple fact that he uses manipulation
rather than genuine love automatically makes him
the worse type of guy on earth. The last straw is
praying on broken women, then ditching them when
they realize that those women are “too insecure” and
“too emotional.”

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The Friend Zone

There are good men and women who do not get the
kind of treatment from the woman/man that they
want or think that they “deserve.” Regardless of how
good or bad we are to our significant other, two
things that we cannot force are chemistry and
compatibility.

The friend zone isn't always a bad place to be.

Being “friend zoned” means that not everyone is
meant to be with who they want. Misunderstanding
the friend zone might be the problem with a lot of
people today. We need to stop trying to force things
because we feel it is right, and let things happen
when they happen. The challenge is to remain that
good friend after the fact and keep the truthfulness
of who we are, intact. What's meant to be will always
be. There is no denying that it is easier to say you've
been FRIENDZONED, as if it is the other person's
fault, than admitting you are not who they want.

DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT

Women desire other men because other men are

interesting and different. Those interesting men do
not make themselves TOO available. They do not
give women all of the benefits of a relationship just
because they like them. Instead, they make women
earn it. Simply put, their life does not revolve around
pleasing and doing EVERYTHING to seem
completely in love with a woman that they're just

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dating.

We can get out of the friend zone by making

ourselves better, more interesting people. When
they distance themselves from us and keep us as
friends, we should stop writing it off as being
friendzoned. We should stop blaming them when
our approach may have been the problem.
Sometimes, they're just not that into us. Other times,
they are actually looking out for us because they
truly might not be ready for what we want to offer.
They may still be hurting and do not want to hurt us.

Instead of focusing on women’s behavior, we

should ask ourselves why are we attracted to women
who pull away? What is the perception about
ourselves or love that would cause us to recreate
these same "friendzone relationships" with women?
Maybe we feel as if it is safer to chase unavailable
women because we'll never get close to them, and
doubt that we are worthy of good available women.
Maybe it is time that we do something different.

Friend Zone Entry Guide for Men

Stop Complaining, start understanding. You see, we

fail because we come on entirely too strong, too fast,
too early. After a couple of dates, we damn near try
to marry these women. We have to remember that
just because we are nice guys, that doesn't mean we
are the right guys.

Being respectful and sweet does not separate us

at all these days, and they do not have an award for

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saving broken people who haven’t saved themselves

yet. At the end of the day, she wants an adventure,
not just sexual ones either. How creative can you be?
She is attracted to innovative, confident and
ambitious men. How hard are you working to build
yourself? She is attracted to men who aren’t lazy
bums. Also, it is about SWAG = your physical
features and how well you dress them, the words you
use and how you present your intelligence
consistently. So, how well do you finesse your
appearance, Bruh?

The main way in to the friendzone is by not

making your intentions clear, letting her vent all day
about other men, trying way too hard (being
EXTRA), and by being afraid of rejection. The most
important thing you need to know is that most men
get "friend-zoned" because those women were not
sexually attracted to the them. They can try as hard
as they want, but 99% of the time, “trying harder”
becomes annoying and certain women would rather
push those “die hard” men away. A woman either
wants you or she doesn't.

She’s Just Not That into You

Like men, women have their own preferences. I

am convinced that a woman’s idea of the “ideal
man” is surprising even to her. However, some men
do not get the hint when she rejects HIS idea of an
ideal man. I'm done saying guys who enter the
friend zone are stuck there. You only get stuck
somewhere if you accept it. Your game has to be

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tight or you just have to take the rejection like a

man and leave her alone.

Do not be thirsty. The only guys in the friend

zone are the ones who choose to be there. You
cannot keep treating it like a death sentence. All
you have to do is NOT BE:

A. Whack

B. Extra

C. Corny

D. Weird

— But if you ARE...... Opt out. IMMEDIATELY.

She’s Just Not That into You.

Why "Nice Guys" Finish

Last
Striving to always "be nice" makes you just a
"friend" or “too good to be true. Predictable + No
Excitement = Unappealing and BORING.”

1. "Nice Guys" finish last because they do not

set boundaries or make any demands. They
are so into the women who they date, that
they neglect themselves to the point of
allowing women to control them. Jerks on
the other hand, do not let women control
them.

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2. Some women confuse controlling and

demanding jerks with men who are
confident. Those same women confuse “nice
guys” as push overs.

3. Nice guys are predictable. They repeat the

same nice guy behaviors because it worked
the first time and they are afraid to try
something different. They fear that their
women would leave them if they took risks
and failed. Little do they know, women are
attracted to spontaneous men who offer
excitement and challenges. Compared to
dating nice guys, dating “jerks” is always a
project for women who love trying to prove
their worth. Nice guys let women wrap them
around their fingers ASAP.

4. Most "nice guys" aren't being real and are too

agreeable, so women assume that these men
are too good to be true. Jerks "keep it real,"
while nice guys do not want to upset the
woman ever.

5. Nice guys rarely need to be saved and some

women like to "save” men. They end up
trying to save “jerks” because they think
their love will save them.

6. “Jerks” become projects to reach their

"potential". Some women do not want to
"open up" but, a nice guy will eventually want
a commitment from them too soon.

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Friend Zone Avoidance Notes:

1. Women do not feel comfortable with people who treat
them better than they treat themselves when they
have low self-esteem.

2. Relax and take it moment to moment.

3. Tease her.

4. Make her laugh.

5. Challenge her.

6. Express your opinions.

7. Do not be afraid to disagree.

8. Do not be extra: not too available, not too unavailable.

9. Rejection does not mean try harder. Being rejected

usually means that you should stop trying or try
something different.

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Loving
someone who
loves you back
is the ultimate
compliment.
- Horacio Jones

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The Compatibility Spark

Imagine a woman in a relationship with a man
that she defined as respectful, emotionally available,
amusing, and good in bed. She loved him, but was
not in love with him and did not see a future with
him. The reason why she stayed so long was because
he was a good man. Unfortunately, she did not feel a
Spark with him. When asked what specific recipe
made her feel a spark, she said that she could not
explain it. She felt as though she was settling for less
without the chemistry. So, she left him because
“something was missing.”

Would you date someone you were not attracted

to? Most people would say no. They would choose to
kindly abandon the other person before that
person’s feelings grew any stronger. I personally
would rather be single than in a relationship that is
passionless and mind-numbing even when sex is
involved. It takes more than great sex to build a
successful relationship, but sex seems to be my
generation’s foundational first steps for relationship
building. When one person feels the spark and the
other doesn’t, usually the sex is better than the bond.
Either way, the result is still an awkward break up.

If you know that someone is into you, doesn't it

suck when they want you to return the same level of
attraction when you aren’t as enthusiastic about it as
they are? Even when you think that they are a sweet
person, don’t you find it difficult to explain how you
just do not “feel it” with them? When you date good
people and enjoy it, but do not feel any real desire
with them, you get jammed. Your options are:

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1. leave a really good person,

2. Or understand that they have most of
the qualities that you are looking for in a
mate and maybe you could build a spark
with them over time.

Now Spark = Friend Zone Ticket

Sometimes, the initial spark and chemistry
fades over time. It took me a long time to accept that
some relationships grow stronger and eventually
evolve, while others burn out and fade away. I really
think that in order for the relationship to last, the
Spark needs to be replaced with security and trust
after years of being with a person. I know that’s not
as exhilarating, but it is soothing in its own right, and
more than enough for me. When you love someone,
no matter how much time has passed, you will find
creative ways to show it and appreciate the good
relationship. I will take security over a spark any day.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that, the spark

isn’t everything and in the end, you need to see if you
can wake up every morning next to that person and
feel secure and loved. Sometimes, it takes a little
effort and creativity to keep things fresh and
exciting, but the result is more than worth it.

Naïve Sparks
Nowadays, it seems as though the "Spark"
decides who we date. It is not that they do not want
YOU, they want someone with those qualities PLUS
THE SPARK aka chemistry. Understand this, you
have "A" SPARK, but not "THE SPARK", and they
cannot imagine going out with someone for whom

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they felt no natural interest. So, they friend zoned

you, not to be an asshole, but because you are a good
person and they actually like your friendship.
However, even though they like you, they do not
have romantic feelings towards you.

Can a relationship grow a spark?

Yes. Will it ever feel as powerful as a natural

build? You never know. Can you form something
with someone you do not feel a spark with? Of
course. However, it is not easy because you feel as
though you are “forcing” yourself to date.

Dating solely based on lustful sparks is a

misconception of the mind and why relationships
seem to not grow. The Spark (familiarity through
chemistry - which is usually desired subconscious
patterns), alone, does not make relationships and
basing relationship choices on a “feeling” isn’t
enough. What about trust? What about respect? Just
because you have that strong feeling doesn’t make
them the “right person,” and just because you do not
feel the Spark initially doesn’t mean it cannot grow.

No spark or chemistry are our code words for "I

know what I want, but I'm going off what I naturally
feel." If you only date people who you feel a natural
spark of chemistry with, maybe you need to figure
out why in the hell you only feel sparks and
chemistry with people who play games with you. If
trying to change someone who you feel a spark with
hasn't been working out, why not try appreciating a
better person who you can create a new spark with?
Especially if the sparks you've naturally felt have
lead you down hurtful paths. What if the REAL
challenge is learning how accept what is better for

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you, rather than trying to change someone into what

you “deserve”? You do not want to "force" yourself to
like someone, but you've been "forcing" someone
else to treat you better. Think about that.

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I've seen so many

women say that they met
a guy who is sweet,
caring, confident, & even
attractive yet, they do
not feel anything for him;
no spark, and no
chemistry. They do not
want to "force it" and
they feel as though they
would be wasting their
time "settling" for him.
Horacio Jones

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I am not lonely. The

beauty is that
my tolerance for
your presence is
much more intense
than the void of
your absence. Horacio
Jones

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Textationships
In today’s dating world, people are so
emotionally connected to text messages, that they
trip when you text "ily" vs "I love you." People will
think that you do not like them if you do not text
back fast enough. If you do not text back, they will
get pissed off. Instead of calling you, they will just
wait, mad as hell all day, for you to respond. It makes
me sick.

We are lazy and texting is easy. On top of that,

we are catching feelings through texts, so there's no
effort or urge for calling and meeting up. Instead of
expressing our deepest thoughts in person, we do it
through text because it's laid-back. It is easy to click
through text messages. It barely requires any real
effort. That's why so many relationships can go
wrong especially if one person is too lazy to
communicate properly in person; we only know their
“text personality”.

Also, people are very shy and do not have the

courage to speak face to face. When you are texting,
you have time to think about what you want to say
and think about how the other person will perceive
your message. So in reality, they are getting an
edited, filtered, and too thought out version of what
you think they want you to be. In person, the
interaction is unedited and unfiltered; you do not
have time to think long and hard about a response.
So, the person gets to see more of the real you.

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Additionally, texting has taken intimacy away

from us; it has no emotion. I think it robs us of real,
genuine conversations. It also robs us of quality time
spent in person. They cannot see real facial
expressions through text. They cannot physically see
if you are actually laughing your ass off. They can
only imagine it. In person, there are no
misinterpretations or emotionless replies just to
because they sound like good responses.

Too much texting, not enough dates.

Our dating culture has evolved to a cycle of text

messages, rather than doing a dinner and a movie.
Most people now would rather exchange texts,
Facebook posts, instant messages, DMs, etc. instead
of actually going out. I mean sure, we can have a
great conversation via text, but the deepest and
dopest conversations happen face to face, over
drinks in the dark corner or a lounge. Sadly, now
emoji flirting is the new first date.

Don’t Text Me

If we do not call or see each other, there's only so

far we can go. If you can only express yourself
through texts, but not through other means of
communication, you're not interesting enough to
hold my attention. I'll express how much I hate
texting and tell people to call me. Then they will try
to hold long text conversations anyway. If you want
someone, CALL them and go see them. I’m not in the
mode to try to spark up a full blown relationship
through text. I can't be that Textationship guy in the
real world anymore.

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Look, when you settle for those Textationships,

you're just falling for the words of someone rather
than the actions. You're falling for the picture that is
being painted for you. The words are what attracts
you to them, but it's the actions that will actually
move you closer. Remember, anyone can tell you
want you want to hear, but everyone can't back up
what they speak of. Now that you are intrigued by
those TEXTS, you should spend some time with that
person, so they can put those words to action.

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Do Not Stop Loving

Do not stop loving. Instead, you should start
loving for YOU. Use love to redefine your status as
an individual that is disconnected form the source of
your pain. When you love and live for YOU, the
source of your pain transfigures into the loneliness
and disconnectedness that only you can work on.
The source of your pain will no longer be the person
who betrayed you, it will be the void that is left after
a break up. What is better than filling that void with
SELF-LOVE? It is a difficult process that I’ve been
dealing with, but what I did was NOT stop loving
myself. I did not want to stop loving anyone. I choose
to still be happy without having to be with anyone
but myself first.

We should also continue loving other people. The

reason why we should not try so hard to stop loving
people is because the love that we have for them is a
reminder of the beautiful times in our lives. That
love shows us how strong our hearts are.

“No Love Lost” has helped me forgive my ex. The

goal was not to stop loving her, it was to accept my
love for her while also accepting that I could not be
with her for my own good. FOR MY OWN GOOD.
Key word: GOOD. It is good for us to love, even if we
cannot have them. Love keeps us alive. The pain
from lack of acceptance is what kill us.

A part of acceptance is letting go of the 'what ifs'

and realizing the value we have in this world as
individuals. After the difficult process of detaching
yourself from someone, it is a beautiful feeling to still

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be able to love them from a far and accept that the

happiness you seek is truly found within yourself.
When you accept the outcome in the form of love,
you can look back without crying and recall
memories without them hurting. Through
acceptance, you release yourself from shackles of
hurt and pain. With love, you maintain the ability to
move on to someone new.

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I Loved Looking Single…

She just wants me to care like she cares... love
her like she loves me... think of her as often as she
thinks of me... miss her as much as she misses me...
I used to do it. Now, she doesn’t know what's going
on with me.

I’m more secretive and I’ve been acting shady on

Instagram. Now, she is there, posting shit, saying
things like "It's just me and you, don't nobody have
to know our business. As long as WE know." "I like
my relationships low-key. I don't see the big deal
with posting pics with or without him." But, I can
tell that she is lying to herself. She WANTS to show
me off. She wants the world to see how “happy” she
is. But, she doesn’t tag me or post any pictures of us
because I don't. I have all of my pictures posted of
things that I love: with my friends, family, car etc.
There is a reason why she is not there.

What confuses her the most is that I look too

single while telling her that I love her at the same
time. She checks my Instagram and see these
thirsty women comment… and there I am,
entertaining that bullshit. She doesn’t even get that
attention from me anymore.

The sad part is that she doesn’t complain about

it to me because I’m not showing any signs of ever
changing. It's just so hard to let go because she gave
me so much of herself while not requiring anything
from me in return… and THAT’S why I treat her
this way; she stays with me even though I clearly
loves being single which hiding her.

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Stuck
Sometimes I felt stuck. I knew I could not have
who I truly wanted. I tried to put up with the
bullshit for the sake of our long history. But we
simply could not find a way to make things work. I
walked out, but my heart stayed... Stuck... And
when I thought it was "all said and done", I'd
always think of more things to say, and those words
would always lead to more things I wanted to do
against my worth. It is like, even when you try your
best to move on, it is hard to open up to someone
else because deep down inside, you really do not
want anyone else. You’re stuck. Horacio Jones

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“Men know after one

conversation if you are a
“whatever” girl. At first, he
won’t tell you that he is not
looking for anything
serious, he will wait until
either after sex or when he
is a couple of weeks into
mindfucking you, and then
drop that ‘I do not want a
relationship’ bomb.”
- Anonymous

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Just Do It
Our words can often interfere with our own
actions. There is always more said than done. The
proof is not in our words, but in our actions. What’s
the point in saying we’ll do something when we can
just do it?

It is easy to say “I will change” or “I will treat

you better” but it is much more difficult to actually
show that on a consistent basis, and a lot of times, it
is difficult to even notice that “change.” That’s why
we have things like #Wcw #MCM
#RelationshipGoals #HisAndHers to encourage us
to show false representations of the state of our
relationships instead of actually having a solid
relationship with one another, not worrying about
what other people think or how they see our
relationships.
No one needs to know that you are going to the
gym, just go. You do not need to #Instagram your
#MCM every week, WE KNOW, just physically
show HIM. You do not have to post your food, just
eat it. Less people care than you think, and all they
really want to do is find something wrong with you
or with what you do. Our life does not improve by
being on display, it improves when we take the
steps to improve it. No more talking or fake
posting, just do what you need to do. It’ll be valued
more.

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Walls
Too tall to climb,
Tall enough to consider them as awfully evident.
These walls
Would never fall
Because you’ve built them with the same
Métier that you used to break mine down.
Walls, constructed for someone else to climb.
I ascended yours, uncertain of what was on the
other side…
I found
Everything
That you strained to hide,
Even the one thing that I cannot change,
The reason I loved you…
Your walls.

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There's a thin line between

acting crazy and being
passionate. Just like there's
a thin line between
intuition and insecurities.
But the lines between lies
and truths are certainly
evident Horacio Jones

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Call Me Crazy
I had let my passion go, and a bit of my sanity
went with it. I had lost my grip. I was so obsessed
with finding out the truth, that I started doing things
that only made me look even crazier than I already
thought I was. Love did not do that to me, being
naive, not trusting what was in my face and doubting
my intuition, did that to me. Horacio Jones

I tried to stop the cheating and lying by shifting

far outside of my element. I was checking phones,
stalking social media, and I got really jealous. That's
when I surrendered my passion, and really appeared
senseless and irrational. I was so obsessed with
finding out the truth, that I began doing things that
only compelled others to think that I was truly going
crazy... and when she'd say "you are tripping" I'd
stop and evaluate what the fuck I was doing. I was
really feeling like I was going crazy. I was trying to
MAKE this grown ass woman be honest. All of that
energy wasted, and all I had to do was leave, accept
that she was lying on purpose, she WANTED to lie, I
could not change her, and no matter how much I
tried to manipulate the situations, she would lie
anyways. Just when I felt sure that she was lying, she
would find a way to embarrass me and throw me off.
The hardest thing to do was stay away. But that got
easier over time. I did not want anyone calling me
crazy anymore. I reminded myself that I was a grown
ass man. So why the hell was I letting this woman
make me feel less than that?

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Forcing shit doesn't

work. I was still
trying to change
people for me,
instead of changing
myself for ME. I
“deserve” better
when I learn how to
appreciate better
people. That is the
real challenge.

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Before you spend another

day complaining about how
dirty they’ve been treating
you and how long they've
been treating you that way,
why haven't you first asked
yourself why have you been
accepting it for so long? -
Horacio Jones

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The “You’re Crazy”

Effect
Certain people call you "crazy" because it is a
defense mechanism that they use to minimize your
feelings so that they can control you. In order for
them to continue being sneaky, they need to make
sure that you no longer trust your own feelings and
instincts. They want to make sure that you rely on
them to tell you how you are supposed to feel. They
call you crazy so that you won't trust your own
intuition as well. The funny part about letting them
call you crazy is that you'd actually look back at all of
the things you've done, feeling embarrassed and
ashamed. Then you will start to rethink everything,
as if you did it out of craziness. Well, if they can stop
you from trusting what you feel, they will make you
trust what they say you should feel, and they said you
are crazy. So, what are you?

How to make someone look crazy

1. Your sex game needs to exceed your
character and personality. Do this by
setting the bar low with your behavior, so
that you have room for improvement.
Therefore, giving them hope that things
will get better. Meanwhile, you can
continue pulling them back in with
orgasms every time they say “I’m done
with you.”

2. Have random spurts of corrected

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behavior, demonstrating that you have

the ability to be a better partner for them.
Therefore, having them fall in love with
your potential.

3. Flirt heavily with other people, and accuse

your partner of being overly insecure and
jealous.

4. Never answer phone calls around them.

Never let them see your phone screen.
Change your passwords often. Delete your
texts and call logs. They will become
increasingly curious and start their
investigations into your phone, social
media, and other people you know.

5. NEVER GET CAUGHT CHEATING. Only

"almost" get caught. Just enough to make
them want you to not have any opposite
sex friends. They may even be skeptical
about your family.

6. Disappear for hours or days without

communication.

Now that you know the method of making

someone look crazy, you now know how NOT to get
fooled. The goal should be to stop letting people tell
you how to feel. On the other hand, some people get
really desperate for the truth. So they start doing
things irrationally. Which makes them really look
crazy. Sometimes, it is not even about the other
person, it is about controlling yourself and getting a
grip. Chill out.

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Declining someone
else’s emotional state is a
way of directing them
away from the truth. If
they no longer have
confidence in their own
feelings, they’ll end up
relying on someone else
to tell them how they
should feel.

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The Crazy Ex
After breaking up, one of the hardest things to do
is to leave your ex the hell alone. Regardless of who
dumped who, sometimes you still want them back.
You want them back so badly that you will have a
thousand and one things to say to them, then
become obsessed with trying to get them to forgive
you or want YOU back. Desperate times calls for
desperate measures though, right?

I used to try to convince her that she was wrong

about breaking up, and to give our relationship a
second chance. My mind would fill with great things
to say. Then, I’d feel like shit when my ex kept
avoiding those talks that I had been desperately
wanting. What I did not realize was that my ex had
decided to ignore me and that I at least owed her that
freedom. Calling, texting and repeatedly trying to
make contact, only made things worse.

At first, it made sense in my mind; I wanted her

to know that I still desired her. I wanted her to know
that I was thinking about her no matter what we’ve
been through. I wanted her to see how much effort I
was putting in, so that she may all of a sudden want
to do the same. But, it did not work most times. In
fact, she ended up pushing me away.

She saw my texts. My missed calls were being

viewed. She saw my emails and my indirect
Instagram posts that were actually making things
worse. She saw me. She just did not want to deal with
me at that time because she felt as though I was

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doing wayyyyyy too much.

I tried not to worry about my ex not calling or

answering me after a break up. I get it…. Someone
who breaks up with me is going to feel awkward
talking to me for a little while, and they want space.
It is always best to calm my ass down, so they can at
least have the chance to miss me, need me, and want
me again.

However, my ex could not possibly miss me if I

was still trying to get in touch with her. Which is why
nothing I seemed to have done, worked. In fact, the
harder I tried, the faster she would run. I realized
that my best bet was to leave her the hell alone with
her thoughts so that she could have a little time and
breathing room. Every time I invaded that breathing
room, I looked “crazy.”

How to Stop Being Crazy

First this I needed to do was stop inventing

reasons to contact her. I had to stop trying to make
up reasons to go to her house. Why? Because all I
really wanted to do was convince her into
ANOTHER sit down “let’s get back together” talk.
My actions were completely counterproductive
because I was sabotaging my future chances by
constantly bombarding her with relationship talk,
which she was trying to stay away from. I was
postponing the REAL deep conversation that she
would have actually wanted, AFTER I calmed the
hell down and AFTER she had felt ready (Sometimes
they will never be ready, so you can’t wait forever.
You better get the hint).

Second thing I had to do was let her call ME when

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she was ready to talk. I learned that minding my own

business until she sought me out would have shown
me that she was thinking of me and was ready to
discuss things. I did not say WAIT for her, I said that
I minded my own damn business.

One thing is for sure, I am not waiting forever for

anyone. Before she called me, I proceeded to cut all
ties and communication. After that, the next thing I
know, my ex was calling me just to see how things
were going on my end. It was the way that I handled
those “come back calls” that determined whether or
not I was making myself look crazy. Usually, I would
instantly start accusing her of lying and using me for
money. I looked crazy because I never had proof.
Over time, I had to learn that sometimes that “come
back call” is truly and only just to check up on you
and not to leap right back into a relationship. You
will ruin a sweet conversation with someone you
really care for by bombarding them with relationship
talks every time they call you. Chill out… do not force
it.

Trying to force them to get back with me was all

wishful thinking, with the real end result in the form
of shame. The day will come when you will realize
that you pushed them into a corner during a break
up, and instead of wanting to work things out, they
will truly think you are crazy. Whatever you do, keep
your dignity. Just relax, if they want space, you owe
them that.

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“There are only three things I

can control; what I say, what I
do, and what I think.
Everything outside of that is
beyond me. I know that I
cannot change others, can’t fix
them or bend them to my own
wants and needs. Therefore,
my only real responsibility is
myself.” Horacio Jones

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Sooner or later, I have to grow

up and be the bigger person.
Every situation doesn't need a
reaction. Sometimes I just have
to accept shit for what it is,
learn from it, move on and let
that shit go. - Horacio Jones

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 HORACIO JONES

The Confirmation Talk

Actions speak louder than words, but some of
those actions are confusing without the words.
Horacio Jones

The Bond and the Title goes hand in hand. If I

really want you, you will get the title and appropriate
treatment and behavior from me. The Bond is
between you and I. The title is a representation of the
future plans that we have made with each other. No
title means no future plans. The title is the name of
our relationship. The title is our declaration to the
world of our one on one love. The title represents the
fact that our "other options" are completely cut off
and irrelevant.

I'm personally a fan for the confirmation talk

(titles). We are either together, or not together.
There is no in between with me. You are NOT my
woman just because I treat you like it. You are my
woman when I define WHY I'm treating you that
way, while presenting plans for OUR future, and
adding a commitment with clarity. When a man
really sees you in his future, he makes sure it is
KNOWN with both actions and words. If you have to
wonder, then you are not his woman. That's why I
say actions do not always speak louder than words,
instead they go hand in hand. The title means
nothing if the actions do not match. The actions are
bullshit if the definition does not match.

A title (Confirmation talk or a defined answer to

the "what are we" question) in my opinion,
demonstrates a higher level of commitment.

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Confirming the status of the relationship with words

AND actions is our declaration against the confusing
“going with the flow” stage. Confirming the status of
the relationship with words AND actions means that
we are in a relationship together and we have plans
for OUR future.

Our relationship title will never be "we know what

we have" because no the hell we do not! Labeling you
AND treating you as my girlfriend is the simple
definition of our relationship and future plans. If I
label you AND treat you as my friend, it means that
we have a platonic bond. If marry you, you become
my wife. That means that I am 💯 percent sure that I
am spending my life with you and there is NO ONE
ELSE. Friends with benefits = friendship = booty
calls.

All bonds and actions (treatment) must correlate

accurately and consistently with the titles placed. If
your bond is labeled as the following for 4 months or
more, you're in a Situationship:

1. We’re just chilling

2. Going with the flow
3. We know what we have
4. Nobody has to know
5. Low-key bae
6. I do not want a relationship

For each individual, the title has different

meanings. Maybe you desire a title in order to feel
secure and to know that your companion is willing
to tell the world about you. Maybe you feel content
knowing that they do not mind sharing that you
exist. Even if they do not broadcast it, you’ll be
content just as long as they do not HIDE it. The title

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shows you that you are important and that they are
not keeping their options open. It also clears up any
uncertainty about the future and eliminates
hesitation.

Some people want a title so that they do not have

to read between the lines and make assumptions.
Embarrassing assumptions occur when the
relationships aren't defined. So, titles define the
bonds that you have with people. For example, not
introducing her as your woman could lead her to
believe that you are trying to hide the fact that she is
your girlfriend, although maybe not deliberately.
She will feel very secure if you make an effort to
validate that she is very important and that the
relationship has a plan for the future. This applies to
women who hesitate to “claim” their men as well.

Are Titles Important?

Should the title really matter if you already have

a strong bond? My answer = HELL YES.

When I say "title" I'm not talking about the words

"boyfriend and girlfriend". I'm talking about that
"confirmation talk.” The confirmation talk is the
discussion about defining the bond that you have
with someone. The “talk” is about communicating
and understanding if plans for a future together will
be made. Those discussions could be private or
public. But, that "what are we" talk is important to
eliminate confusion.

The reason why people are confused, is because

their emotions are official, but the title or
relationship status is still TBA. Therefore, they are
unsure as to whether or not, they should have their

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actions correspond more with the title of “we are

single” or correspond to their emotions of “officially
together”.

Some people want the relationship title because it

broadcasts their relationship publicly, letting
everyone, including each other, know that they are
taken. Titles show that you have serious plans for the
future. Others are more into low-key, discrete
relationships; resisting the title because it makes
things public.

Giving your mind, body and heart

to someone who is not really trying
to be official with you is letting
them know that they can have the
most sacred pieces of you without
necessarily being in a relationship
with you. So, why should they claim
you if they have the same benefits
with or without the official
relationship? Horacio Jones

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Half Single
Face it, no matter how many times you explain to
them that you do not want anything serious, treating
them like it is more than what you say it is and
having sex with them will most likely confuse them.
Even though you are single, they do not consider you
fully single. The funny thing is, even though it is not
an official relationship, when they start acting single
or settle down with someone ELSE, you are going to
feel like they cheated on you. What the both of you
fail to realize is that there was never a relationship
established... You’re just halfway single. Horacio
Jones

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She was never crazy. She

was just passionate about
love and honesty. She only
became obsessed with
finding out the truth
because she always felt
certain that there was more
to your stories. She did not
want to leave, she wanted
your lies to leave, and for
your love to stay.
- Horacio Jones

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“If she had demanded more from

the start, she would not have found
herself in the position she did and
would have learned that the REAL
challenge is keeping her standards
high, for a good man to match, not
lowering herself to teach a dog to
love her. If you want a good man,
then begin with self-respect. The
problem isn’t always guys…the
problem is you are searching for a
good guy, but settling for dogs who
“behave” after you give them your
treats. Stop that bullshit.” Horacio
Jones

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I haven't given up on love yet,

but I know what I want for
myself. I know that the way I
treat myself and carry myself
will determine the kind of
person I'll attract and the
amount of bull shit I will put up
with. If you want to attract
good in your life, you have to
put out good and stand up for
what you want. Lessons
learned… Horacio Jones

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#DearWomen
I want to dedicate this to the women. I see your
tears even if they may not fall from your eyes. It is
projected in your desire to find love & happiness, but
always in the wrong places and in the hands of men
that do not truly love you. I wish you could see
yourselves for how I view all of you; lovely, beautiful,
worthy of love. But you are steady striving for all of
the wrong things with dating. You are slowly killing
parts of who you are because of certain actions that
you repeat just like other hurt women.

Your mind, body and soul should not come at a

cheap price. So why invest in bootleg love? You are
doing just that - selling yourself short. These men
will come and go, but those demons you bury deep
within, will hunt you until you break the cycle. After
every heartbreak, those demons get stronger. You
need to let go, let go of whatever it is you are holding
onto and find something new, something within
yourself that says "I do not just know that I deserve
better, I'm going to do better". The thing is, if you
continue down this route, it will never change;
different men and same results.

Whatever bed you lay in, whatever lips you kiss,

whatever hand you hold that does not bring you
happiness or see you for you, is a disservice to
yourself.
Sincerely Horacio

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I Understand: Part 1

“You are in charge of your happiness. At this

point, your tears from disappointment and
heartbreak are no one's fault, but yours if you
STAY. You keep entering these Situationships
knowing what the outcomes may be, but
ignoring them. Do you not love yourself
enough to know what is best for you? If not,
I'm here to tell you that YOU DO. You are
worthy of love and respect. Keep telling
yourself that until you believe it. Some people
will only treat you the way that you allow
them to. The more you continue with these
Situationships, the bigger hole of depression
you're digging for yourself.”
X Horacio Jones

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Listening restores
understanding. So, when I am
constantly telling you that "you
just do not get it," try listening
to what the hell I am trying to
say before you shoot my
perspective down. You might
learn something.
Horacio Jones

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You cannot please

everybody. There is
always going to be
people who want to see
you fail no matter
what you do. Haters
have a job too. They
help balance the world.
So let bygones be
bygones and do you.
Horacio Jones

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The perspective of putting

your flaws in the hands of a
loving man sounds so much
more mentally, emotionally
and sexually gratifying than
letting a man “put you in
your place.”
Horacio Jones

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Put Her in Her

Place
At first, I did not understand what women
meant by “put me in my place.” I was dealing with
very immature and petty women who WANTED to
argue and cause drama. They were used to having
to prove their worth and when I did not want to
argue, they’d assumed that I did not care about
them. But, I grew tired of the drama and instead
felt like why the hell am I trying to tame these
grown ass woman? Over time, I learned that
"putting a woman in her place RESPECTFULLY" is
more appropriated.

Women want to be put in their place

RESPECTFULLY because it turns them on. A man
who has the balls to correct them is a big turn on.
They want a self-assured man and a leader. That is
why they test us so much. They want to see if we
have balls.

If you let her get away without correcting her

RESPECTFULLY, then you go into the friend zone
category. But, if you call her out on her bullshit
without getting emotional, abusive or disrespectful
about it, you go into a different category - the "I
might marry him and fuck him like crazy" category.

A woman who is in control of her man is not

comfortable because she knows it is not natural.
She will seek out stronger men who challenge her.

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She will test men constantly until she finds what

she is looking for; a man with balls, a real man who
knows the ways of the world, and a man who will
take control of the situation and tell her to calm the
hell down. This is what she wants without having to
tell him. Even men want to be put in their place.
Most of us want to alternate between following and
leading.

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I strongly "dislike" when other people

tell me that I deserve better. They have
never seen the skeletons in my closet. I
only want for peace and that which
brings me joy. If someone or something
makes me feel alive and secure, makes
me laugh, treats me kindly… that is what
I deserve because that is what I
CHOOSE to settle for. Horacio Jones

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A drop of honesty catches more praise than lies

that will make me feel good.

Horacio Jones

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It is amazing how everyone

else can see how evil and
sneaky someone is while the
person emotionally involved
is oblivious to it. The reality
is, they see what's going on,
and they just do not want to
accept it. Horacio Jones

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I do not think that anyone can be

in love with someone who treats
them like shit. Sometimes we fall
so deeply in love with the idea of
being in love, that we paint the idea
on someone who isn’t even worthy
of the picture, then expect them to
live up to it. Horacio Jones

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Dear Single
Mothers
She said "my daughter does not have a father. I'm
the father." What pisses her off the most is that he is
"free". While she is tied up late night taking care of
HIS child, he is out messing around with women
who call him daddy. But, his child barely knows who
its daddy is. While he is at the CLUB, she is putting
the baby in the CRIB. While he is sipping on Cîroc
bottles, she is sipping on baby bottles, making sure
her child is getting enough to eat. She cannot count
on him to lend a hand, but she can count on one
hand, how many times he already has. 1. Xmas, 2.
Father’s day, 3. Birthday. 4. Late night booty calls
while she is lonely because she does not have time to
find a new man.

On top of that, she doesn't believe anyone would

date her AND her child. She doesn't want HIM, she
wants his HELP. But the only thing he wants to do is
help her undress. His clothes are right back on
before she can even ask "are you keeping your child
this weekend?" It kills her how he only sticks around
because he feels obligated. He never offers to spend
time, unless it is for 15 seconds... long enough to post
a video on Instagram, making it seem like he is
always there.

Single mothers are dateable. Many of them are

tough and independent. Many of them are already
great mothers (weren’t you looking for someone who

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would be a great mother?). They are patient, but

have low tolerance for bullshit. Many of them do not
play games, or have time to fool around. These
women take their relationships seriously, and are
willing to keep you around if the relationship is a
good thing for both her and her child. Do not knock
it before you try it.

Sometimes dating is unpromising. You never

know who is really genuine about understanding
your responsibilities as a mother, which are basically
no days off. No free weekends or nights.

I like to admit my mistakes. My

biggest one was allowing myself to
become so busy trying to make
something work and not wanting to
let go, that I forgot that the point of
being with someone was to accept
them for who they really are and be
happy with that. If I do not like
who they really are, I should not try
to force them to be compatible with
me. Horacio Jones

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 Love
We know what makes us feel good, and we learn
what makes other people feel good. What if the
reason why we do not understand love the same way
is because love doesn’t always look the same way?
Love comes out differently.

What if, love is masked by fear of being alone?

Who are we to tell them differently, if we cannot

define love ourselves?

I want love to be the glue that holds us together

through thick and thin, allowing us to forgive each
other for mistakes, to compromise when necessary
and putting the other person's needs before our own.
Love should feel like complete happiness of loving
yourself, and loving how you can love someone else.

There may be as many definitions of what love

actually is as there are lovers to define the word.
With our many different understandings of
romance, passion, adoration, devotion, affection and
courtship, there may not be a standard one size fits
all definition of "love" as love is felt and expressed
differently from each and every one of us. I think that
with this business trying to define love actually
drives it away instead of simply enjoying what it feels
like.

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Love is the Catalyst for Commitment.

- Horacio Jones

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I wonder what happens when we have

chosen a partner that has changed to
such a degree that we no longer
recognize them. Naturally, we feel lost
and resentful. At least I do. I find myself
wondering... what I did to “deserve” this
from the person I thought I knew.
Horacio Jones

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Falling In Love

Our main drive is to expand ourselves as much as

we can and to feel important. One of the ways we
accomplish this is through our relationships with
other people.

Have you ever wondered why you fell in love with

specific people? Why THAT particular person? Why
not someone else? I believe that we fall in love with
certain people because we all have a check list of
things that we want in a partner. A lot of the things
on our lists may be subconscious, and of course,
some are more important to us than others. We hold
on to certain traits on those lists so much that we are
willing to settle for less, just because that particular
person fits important characteristics of our lists.

The conditions that a person must meet in order

for us to love them varies. For example, some people
fall harder for physical characteristics, such as race,
skin tone, hair type, and body shape. While other
people fall for the intangible characteristics such as
the way a person sounds, the way they look at them,
their work ethic etc. That's why we are capable of
falling for imperfect people. We understand that no
one will ever match every single trait.

Friend Zone

Someone who does not match the list, or at least

some important characteristics of it, then becomes
“ineligible” to be my partner, therefore ending up in
the friend zone. The characteristics in your list are
distinctive and specific to you depending on your,
standards, experiences and principles.

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Cannot Seem To Move On

Furthermore, this checklist theory is why we

"cannot move on". Someone could fit our love
criteria so well, that we feel as though no one else
could be a better match. We lose sight of the millions
of other people in the world and the probability of
finding better matches, and that is why we never
recover from breakups.

It DOES get easier. You will most definitely heal

and love again. However, it won't happen
overnight. These things take time. You will notice
that with each day that goes by, your desire to live
and do things will get stronger, and you will think
less and less about your ex until one day you'll look
back and think, "what the hell was I thinking,
suffering so much over that person” Horacio Jones

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Self-Love
Do we love ourselves, or do we just love the
thought or ideas we have? Do we fall in love with who
we want to be, who we used to be, or with who we
actually are? Are you in love with who we have
potential to be, or who everyone else says we are?

I love myself. I think those who do not love

themselves will find it difficult to love others fully.
Loving yourself should be a completely natural
thing, it lies in human nature to want to feel good
about ourselves, even though we constantly battle
opinions of others. Think about it; all of the good
things you have going for yourself, all of the things
you live for, the things you’ve done to help people, all
of the things you can do or will do… aren't they all
worth loving yourself for? It should feel wonderful to
embrace yourself for everything you are and
everything you have. You are unique. Embrace your
rareness. Feel good about being the only you, and
imagine what good you can do for everyone around
you once you embrace yourself. You are a good
person, no matter what anyone else says. Just look
inside yourself and see it.

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On this journey of self-love, I

hope that you no longer feel the
need to search for reasons outside
of yourself just to feel beautiful. If
you need a reason to smile, look
into the mirror. Your life is a gift.
Horacio Jones

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Benefits of Self Love:

1) You not only know your worth, but you will not
settle for less, thinking someone else will change for
you. The absence of their love does not mean you
should throw away your individual identity. You do
not NEED them to validate your love when you are
full of it already.
2) You know what love feels like. You know how
to love others. You can spot real love and distinguish
between fake love.
3) You can give and receive love.
4) You are better prepared to re-adjust if your
love was ever taken for granted. You've built yourself
high enough to not be able to fall too far from being
able to withstand and accept betrayal.
5) You'll be happier with giving the loved version
of yourself to someone who desires the best version
of you.

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I swore to never force anyone to stay

somewhere they did not want to be; not
because I did not want them, but
because I believed that true love is
expressed in the form of freedom. It
seemed very apparent to me that you
knew I wanted to stay, but at the time I
did not know how to forgive and forget,
I questioned if that’s even possible. I
peacefully surrendered to the option of
leaving because, at the time, I did not
see any reasons to stay. I often wonder
how much effort was required to stick it
out. But on this journey to find the type
of love I lost, I found out that I may or
may not know a lot, but I know I loved
you, I just could not have the honest
version of you. Horacio Jones

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 You tried almost everything to make it work
before you finally decided to leave. You kept
forgiving me, not because you believed that I was
truly sorry every time, but because you hoped that
things could have been worked out. It is sad that
the more you forgave me, the more I hurt you. You
thought that I would live up to my potential.
Horacio Jones

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The Truth Won't

Always Set You Free
The truth will not set you free, but it will make
you feel uncomfortable. If you are trying to deny it,
reject it, or ignore it, the truth complicates things for
you. Accepting the truth means that you have to get
out of your comfort zone and face reality. But people
do not appreciate reality when the perceptions of
their fantasies are better.

The truth will force a lot of people to dislike you.

The truth may not agree with what society says, so
anyone going against it, would be considered hating,
awkward or weird. If you are the truth, the people
around you will be uncomfortable. No one wants you
around. If anything, the real truth may scare away
some of the “sleeping” people around you.

If the mass majority of people are always telling

each other what they already agree with, accepting
the opposite as the truth, may definitely be pointless
to them. There's no need for the truth when a fantasy
is way easier to accept than the reality that isn’t
desirable at all. You know that your truth isn’t the
truth that they want to accept. They hear the truth,
but has it set them free?

No, because we find ways to differentiate our

truth from other people’s truth. The truth for one
may not apply to another. What we should do is find
our connection with our truths and see how we feel
about them when we compare them. At the end of
the day, whatever truths you choose to accept, you

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have to deal with the consequences. So speak the

truths that allow you to feel good and be happy about
not having to deny reality or paint different pictures.
The truth may not set you free, but it will teach you
how to be free if you are willing to accept it.

I noticed when your habits changed,

and by that time, I was already too
invested to pull away without getting
hurt. I thought, if I stay, I could
endure the pain until things got
better. But, being without you was
something I could not believe I could
handle. Therefore, I stayed, without
thinking about the fact that it would
only get harder to leave. When I
finally gained the strength to leave,
it was harder to stay away. Horacio
Jones

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Emotionally Promiscuous
Be cautious of people who are “emotionally
promiscuous.” Emotional promiscuity is when a
person constantly falls for every single person that
they meet. Getting emotionally attached to
everyone too soon is dangerous. This kind of wear
and tear on your heart can be harmful to a person's
emotional health, and definitely lead to sexual
promiscuity. Feelings develop too easily for you,
which leads to emotional cheating. You cannot be
trusted because you like EVERYBODY.

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Time Heals
Eventually you get up again and put yourself out
there (aka give a damn). Being single is a great way
to figure out what you like and do not like. Take the
time to know who YOU are, and what you can offer.
Then you can appreciate what a person has to offer
in return when you finally decide to let love in again.
Horacio Jones

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I Understand: Part 2
“It's not just about the choices this woman is
making with men. It is about the fact that she
hasn't learned the lesson yet. It doesn't matter that
her best friends are the observers and givers of
love during her hard times if she pushes them
away every time they try to help. What matters is
the lesson. If this woman is not tired of going
through it, she will KEEP going through it until she
gets completely fed up. This concept covers life in
general.

We all see faults clearly when we are the

observer of these women. Just because we see it
doesn't mean that our solutions are the best for
them. She may not even want help because she
may not know she needs it, or be in a place
mentally and emotionally where she is willing to
be receptive to it. She has to get there on her own.
Just because we all see it, doesn't mean she will.
The lesson is hers to learn, not yours to teach. That
is life’s job. Let her live. Don't give up on her.

X Horacio Jones

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Acceptance..... Then move the hell on. I

Challenge you to treat yourself better than
Someone else can. All of this time, you've been
Waiting on "the one".... Why not be "the one "?
Treating yourself better won’t hurt. Horacio
Jones

The reason why she gets upset at the

people closest to her is because she does not
want anyone to convince her to break up with
someone before she feels ready. She knows her
worth, it is just hard to accept it for the
first time. She keeps saying that it is
easier said than done, because ending a
serious relationship is not as simple as
walking out. It is life-changing. She'll be
ready when she knows deep down in her heart
that her relationship is going nowhere, fast.
Just try to understand how she feels and why
she is stalling. Because we’ve all been
there. Horacio Jones

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I never want to hear myself say

"I'm sorry" again, to someone that
does not care to hear it... Horacio
Jones

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Someday
Sometimes, the reality of that relationship or
Situationship isn't as sweet as the fantasy, and we
ignore the fact that we are wasting time and energy
on someone who simply does not WANT to change
and we end up feeling like shit when reality finally
slaps us in the face. We fall in love with "what ifs" —
Horacio Jones

When we fall for their potential rather than the

actual person, we make our relationship out to be
more than what it really is. We fall in love with the
"Idea of being love", and we ignore all of the signs
that tell us that this person is no good for us. Or, we
are very aware of those signs, but try to look past
them.

We try to convince ourselves that we are happy.

But are we really happy? If so, happy with what: The
idea or the reality? Hopefully, we know the
difference because all fantasies come to an end.
Sooner or later, we'll have to deal with the reality of
the situation and the fact that the person we are with,
is not really what we want or need.

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Sometimes You Have To Accept The Fact That

Certain People Will Never Go Back To The Way They
"Used To Be." In Due Time, True Colors and
Intentions Will Reveal Themselves. Maybe it is Not
That They're Changing. Maybe You Are Just Starting
To Realize Who They Really Are. Horacio Jones

… Maybe we cannot help but fantasize about the

future; about "what could be." The future is
unexplored territory with limitless possibilities and
that is appealing to us. We have to remember to not
forget that we are living in the PRESENT. We have
to ask ourselves, "Is this current version of our lover
worth the sacrifice of our time, effort, bodies, and
love... Just to wait for their potential version to
FINALLY arrive at our front door with everything
that they SHOULD HAVE BEEN DOING in the first
place.

What are they doing RIGHT NOW that

influences our decision to "stick it out" until
SOMEDAY arrives? We see certain potential, but
they see a whole different version and maybe that is
why a conflict exists. SOMEDAY, we have to stop
seeing people for who we want them to be and see
them for who they show themselves to be; Actions
reveal all we need to know. Horacio Jones

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Why Do We Fall For Potential?

The reassurance of the future creates hope that

one day life will be as they say, so we accept it simply
because it is consistent behavior, and human beings
respond well to consistency in all forms.

It is simple: We fall in love with the potential of

what someone could be instead of seeing the person
for who he/she really are. A lot of times, people come
off how they want to be seen. You fall for that person
and then they change. You cannot accept who they
really are because you have already accepted who
you thought they were.

1. Potential - LATENT qualities or abilities that

MAY be developed and lead to future success
or usefulness.

2. LATENT - existing but NOT YET developed

or MANIFESTED; HIDDEN; CONCEALED.

So, it is a mistake to think that there is only one

person who possesses those characteristics that YOU
see in them, that aren't even apparent yet. If you are
obsessed with the potential of a particular person,
you have to ask yourself, “What's so great about this
person's potential?”

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She is exhausted, not bitter. She is just tired of

ending up in bullshit relationships with men who
start off different then become complacent and
inconsistent… even if it is sometimes her fault for
expecting greatness from ass holes. She is not stuck
up though. She is probably rejecting new men so
that they won't get their hopes up. It is not that she
doesn't know her worth now, it is just that they are
asking to get to know a woman who is rediscovering
herself. They just have to let her heal.
Horacio Jones

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#DEARSELF

THERE IS A BIG DIFFERENCE BETWEEN

BEING PATIENT WITH SOMEONE AND
ALLOWING SOMEONE TO WASTE YOUR TIME.
HORACIO JONES

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She was that smile on a bad day.

And now that I do not have her,
The sun just doesn’t shine
The same way.
– Horacio Jones

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Simple Shit
I do not want much. I just want the real thing. I
want someone who has a growing crave and desire
for me but doesn't necessarily NEED me. I want
someone who is already full of love, not someone
that I have to complete. I want someone that wants
me to be better for US, not just for them. Someone
who is working on their own shit and I come along
and make life easier and more enjoyable. I want
somebody that'll give and take without feeling
obligated and isn't keeping track of what they give
because they know I’m not playing games. Just be
real. I'm not even asking for much Horacio Jones

I want a give and take relationship without feeling

like I'm taking advantage of you. Or without any of
us feeling like we owe each other. If you are carrying
around a whole bunch of shit in your bag — trust
issues, bitterness, exes — I just want you to know
that you do not need that when you are with me.
Let's not be bitter, let's both be better. I want people
to look at us and have to wonder who the better half
is because both of us have our shit together or
working to get things together. This is possible. This
is simple shit.

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Oh Well
I just had to get my heart to stop wanting
What I could never have with you.
But, I wanted us to work
More than anything,
So I forced the compatibility.
Then, I finally realized
That I did not mean as much to you
As you meant to me.
I discovered the truth,
You cannot change someone
That doesn't see issues
And flaws in their actions.
Now when I look back,
It is funny because I had always thought
It'll be better to do everything you
Could do to keep me,
Rather than trying to do everything you can
To get me back. But oh well, your bad.
- Horacio Jones

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He is missing self-love... and without it, he

settles for anything and not for what he wants. He
is afraid of being alone and does not understand his
worth. His actions are a reflection of how he feels
about himself. He needs to take care of himself first
& discover his own value. Only then will he put
himself first & stop settling for less. Dating women
that do not want to commit to him, mirrors his own
commitment issues. After attracting a pattern of
disloyal people, hopefully he’ll realize that he is
being disloyal to himself. Horacio Jones

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Distance
Regardless of the physical distance, the
emotional connection should be there. When that
deep emotional connection is not established, or
when trust issues take over, more “distance” is
created. The extra distance between us makes some
things "inaccessible."

Staying Committed; if there's no emotional bond,

the distance doesn't mean anything, even if I lived
across the street. We could physically be right in
front of each other and not feel a damn thing
anymore. If there ever comes a time when the
anxiety associated with the emotional distance
surpasses the enthusiasm to make things work,
(causing us to not only feel physically deserted, but
emotionally lonely as well) it may be because "stood”
...no longer “stands”. What "stood" was a strong
understanding and willingness to remain together
no matter how far apart we were from each other.

Long distance relationships can work. The

woman I loved the most had moved back to
Colombia when we decided to be together. It worked
because our love and desire to be happy with each
other exceeded the nervousness of being apart for so
long. I knew who I wanted. She knew who she
wanted. That's all that mattered.

Some people will say it is a sign of weakness, to

"Wait" to be with someone so far away. But that's not
THEIR love story, it is OURS. To us, it is not a waste
of time. It displays strength, courage and evidence

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that no time or distance can drift two people apart

who are completely committed and in love with each
other.

Make Long Distance Relationships Work

Set some ground rules and realistic expectations.

We should have a GOAL. We’ll need an app, like
FaceTime, Skype, and even WhatsApp where we can
dress up and go on cybernetic dates to make our
distant relationship more exciting. Ultimately, we’ll
have a plan to actually be in person together
someday, but understand why it cannot be at the
MOMENT. Therefore, perseverance and patience
are also imperative. Most importantly, we have to
COMMUNICATE often in imaginative and creative
ways. Someone who really wants you will do
everything in their power to keep you close, because
they recognize that any arrangement of distance
yields doubt.

Emotionally Unavailable:

Being emotionally unavailable doesn’t mean they

cannot fall in love. It means that they are not serious
about falling in love With US. They can be a good
person and do everything right – but if they are not
trying to open up emotionally, maybe we are wasting
our time, although they will still be perfectly fine
with receiving our attention and affection and of
course sex. The lack of emotional connection is what
ultimately eradicates the relationship.

The emotional distance generates problems

because SOME of us think that we can determine
why that other person is emotionally unavailable,
then try to "fix" it or change them. Over time, it just

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becomes too stressful because our effort hasn’t made

them express deeper feelings. So, we either keep
trying, break up with them, or cheat (emotionally
before physically).

Physically Unavailable:

Being psychically unavailable to us doesn't mean

that they are being physically available to someone
else. Everyone doesn’t show physical affection the
same way. They do not want to cuddle and kiss all
day. They value space. Stress from everyday life or
experiences while growing up could effect that. It
becomes a problem when we expect people to be just
as affectionate as we are, even when it comes to sex.
It is nothing that a little bit of communication cannot
fix because all we want is their reassurance that they
are attracted to us physically.

Mentally Unavailable:

This one is the most important because they

cannot be available to us in any aspect (other than
sex) if their mind isn't focused. If they cannot hold a
conversation or grow intellectually simply because
they are not on our level mentally, it should turn us
off. Immature and petty people annoy me; it is like
dating a little kid. These mentally unavailable people
are most likely superficial and their mind is based on
materialistic things, not on fulfilling our emotional
desires? Dump them.

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How To Move On
You’ll lose yourself
Through the pain
Of not having the effort
And commitment reciprocated.
Nevertheless, through losing yourself,
You begin a process
Of finding yourself after chaos.

After chaos,

There's peace.

Then,

Balance....

Finally, you’ll pick yourself UP....

That's the only direction we can

Take once we are strong enough
To walk away. - Horacio Jones

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How to Move On
Part I: Face Reality

If I want to get over someone who I KNOW I

should not be with, the first thing I have to do is face
reality: THEY DO NOT WANT TO BE WITH ME. If
they did, they’d be here right now, making things
work. If we were such a great match, they would be
in it as much as I am. If we were meant to be
together, we would be together or at least working
on it; not working away from it. I would not be on
the receiving end of the lies and pain that'll only
make it harder to trust THEM, even later down the
road. That is backwards. I do not want to go that way.

When you love someone so much, you tend to

have tunnel vision. The pain hits you out of nowhere
and you are never really prepared to have to move on
with your life all of a sudden. You cannot see your
life functioning as it used to without them. All you
want is to find a way to get them back. Even if they
do not want it.

So, I FACE REALITY, accept it, heal my own

damn heart as fast as possible. I cannot lie, it hurts.
I do not want to fake like I'm all ok, trying to hide it
or suppress it. Living in denial can feel good for a
little while; we are allowed to feel like shit initially.
We can be angry, sad or disappointed, whatever.
But, one of the last things we should do is run from
it because it'll eat us up inside. FACE IT.

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I moved on when I realized

that I did not have to stop
loving them. I just had to
start loving myself more.
– Horacio Jones

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I honestly think it is better to go through this pain

now than to postpone it for later and live in false
hope, thinking they'll want us back. Even when it is
obvious that they are still doing the same shit that
they were doing to us, to someone else, we STILL run
back after suppressing the reality.

Suppressing the pain will only prolong my

recovery, not make it go away. The person who
would rather do that "us" thing with someone else,
has a mind of their own, and we cannot change it by
force. We cannot even persuade them by "showing
them our worth." They have free will and unless they
choose us, we’ll have to walk away. As simple as that.
Easier said than done though.

Easier Said Than Done

You have to be sick and tired of hurting – fed ALL

the way up – and willing to move on AND CUT
THEM OFF. No more saying that "It is easier said
than done". Is it really easier said than done? We
SOMETIMES talk a lot of shit, but we do not do half
of the things we say we were going to do. It is much
easier to tell yourself that you are going to end the
bullshit ass relationship that you put so much effort
into, than it is to actually leave and stay away.

If we are going to say it, the first thing we must do

is not go back on our word with every other thing in
our lives, as practice. For example, if we are going to
go to the gym, let's make proper life adjustments in
order to make time for the gym. That does not have
to be said. Just do it. I know you cannot buy the
house or car right now, but let's make the proper life
adjustment today that'll set us on the path. Just do
it. I know it is so hard to break up. There is a long

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road to recovery. So, why postpone it by staying with

someone who's wasting your time? You do not have
to say anything anymore, just start doing things. Get
excited about what you do, not what you say.

How to Move on
Part II

When you continue to be with someone who you

know is no good for you, you are deciding to be on
the receiving end of whatever bullshit they throw at
you. Sometimes “staying” = allowing them to hurt
you and take control of your love life.

At some point, you have to realize that all you are

doing is wasting time. You've put up with way too
much crap from someone, and the only logical thing
to do is stop, especially if they're still cheating,
treating you like shit, Haven’t you had enough?

After you face reality, change your mindset then

raise your standards. Accept that the pain will last
for a while. Change what you demand of yourself.
NEVER forget how much it hurt when you had them.
9 times out of 10, all they have earned from you is
forgiveness and front row seats to your recovery…
without them.

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Horacio Moving On Steps

1. Face reality
2. Don’t say… just do.
3. Do not ignore it, deal with it.
4. Meditation and prayer
5. Hang around your friends and family more. It helps
keep your mind off of him/her. People usually
distance themselves from people who are telling
them to LEAVE.
6. No more EXCUSES — stop defending them. Do not
keep making excuses for them, "it is a lot of good
things they do too". No, you’ve already given a
million chances. Case closed. It is never a good
enough reason for them to lie to you and cheat. It is
not YOUR fault.
7. Stop inventing reason to contact them.
8. Start focusing on just YOU – You've allowed yourself
to become consumed with making things better with
this person. Instead of putting YOURSELF first,
you’ve been putting THEM first. And you’ve made
them your only source of happiness. Stop that. Go
do some things that make YOU happy because your
ex won’t. Spend time with yourself and NO TIME
WITH THEM.
9. Workout. Burn off steam. Get sexy. Growth with
health, you’ll feel a lot better by taking care of
yourself. Once you see the results, you will realize
that you are the person that you want to fall in love
with.
10. Say no - they're used to getting their way. No more
SEX!!! You'll really see their true colors. Sex will
have you going back on your word. Can we hang out?
No! Do you miss me? No response.
11. Do not sit around thinking you miss them. What you
miss is the person you wanted them to be and who
you thought they were. You were happy before them,
you will be happy after them.
12. CHANGE YOUR MINDSET. "I desire a better
person, not a better THEM because that version
doesn't exist."
13. No guilt. Do not feel bad about leaving. Delete their
number, pictures, off your social media. NO MORE
CONTACT. Leave them alone so you can heal and
figure YOURSELF out. Stay off their profile! They'll

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tell you how "sorry" they are and how "depressed"

they are because they do not have you. Guilt is a
dangerously powerful emotion. And they WILL use
it against you.
14. No "let's just be friends" arrangements. Do not play
yourself. Feelings are still there. Stay away. No
checking in. Do not fool yourself into believing your
situation is different, because unfortunately, most of
these situations are the same. You cannot move on
while being friends. YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH
THEM.
15. Be proud that you finally put yourself first. Get your
shit together. I'm just saying, you can do better.

Why is it hard?

Time and distance. That's all we need to move on,

right? Then why is it that after months and even
years, we still feel the pain? What if it is not even
about them? Maybe, it is because we cannot move on
from ourselves and memories, not the actual people
who hurt us? Because, we are stuck on what we
should have done differently, what we should have
known, what we should have seen, what we should
have been.

After space and time away, we still hate thinking

about it. If only I hadn't been like this, If only I had
done that. It is The Situationship Cycle, where we
only blame ourselves.

We start blaming ourselves over time, because

the pain becomes romanticized. Meaning, the anger
towards them fades, and we remember most of what
was good with them. But, we also remember more
about what's "wrong" with us. Underneath whoever
we are struggling to let go of, lies the reality that this
is so much about how we feel about ourselves and
what memories make us feel.

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The memory of them is what makes it hard. When

someone we love leaves, they take with them the
physical pieces of the relationship. They cannot take
away the emotions, the thoughts and the memories.
These feelings eventually scatter. After that chaos,
new, more intense feelings take their place: Pain and
anger towards the memory of the person who left.

Most of us try to forget these memories, which

usually leads to more displaced frustration. We try
to distract ourselves from these memories by using
other people. Although, it may provide a temporary
“pardon” from the pain, we tend to also develop deep
emotions for those temporary people as well.
Nevertheless, you’ll eventually encounter those
memories again as soon as you are by yourself and
vulnerable. You will be juggling the pain from your
ex and this new emotional attachment. The only cure
is to accept those memories, not run from them or to
someone else. Accepting the memories as lessons
takes time, but time is a healer.

Even with the memories, life goes on. Your break

up won’t stop anything, unless you allow it. You
should embrace the memory instead of trying to
suppress it.

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When you lose someone you love,

you are fragile, and need time to
reflect, and re-live those memories.

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My love cannot MAKE you worth it.

My love cannot change you.
My love cannot make you love me.
My love can only be given
unconditionally. It is up to YOU to
accept it and use your actions as proof
that you love me back.
– Horacio Jones

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"Next Big Thing"

We hate starting over. However, being afraid of
opening up again DOES NOT mean that there is
something WRONG with YOU. It has become a
norm to stay to ourselves and deal with an ex just for
familiar sex. But at some point, if you truly want a
good relationship, better job, new car, new hobbies,
health etc., you have to get ready to take a risk by
stepping out again. Nevertheless, do not look down
on yourself if you are afraid; everyone is afraid of
change.

Date someone else. Do something else.

I do not think that people realize how important

the NEXT person, place, or thing, is after rebuilding
yourself. After a long while of "doing you," you'll still
feel a little pain from your past, but there comes a
time when you fully accept what's done is done. You
forgave them. You do not hate them. You do not
want them back. Although the love remains, you
realized that it is ok to love people, but not have to
be with them.

My goal is to love, not hate. I believe that

forgiveness and acceptance are forms of love. You
sometimes second guess if you are truly over the past
relationship because there's still a void to be filled.
You've done everything needed to move on... except
one thing. START DATING NEW PEOPLE. That's
mainly because you do not FEEL ready. The thing
about that is, you'll only know that you are ready,
once you try the dating scene again.

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I will not act like it is a bad thing to fall in love

again because the last phase of moving on, is dating
someone new; creating better memories. The next
big this doesn't have to be a "person". You can go
after that new job you want. You can buy that car. Go
back to school Etc. You are ready to accept that "next
big thing":

1. When you reestablish yourself as an individual.

2. Accepted that it is NOT only your fault.
3. You do not get angry about the past bullshit anymore.
4. When you STOP checking up on your exes and stop
responding to them.
5. Happy on your own "Doing You".
6. Can have fun when you go out.
7. When you are emotionally available to invest in
someone, or something else.
8. Dealt with your trust issues.
9. Ready to not let that random "pop up" by your ex stop
you or draw you back in.
10. You are ready when you finally try.
11. When you finally stop worrying about if your ex is ever
going to talk to you again after you have sex with
someone else.

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Getting Back With Your Ex

We obviously had feelings for each other before,
so why not now? What we both need to do is think
about the things that caused us to break up. We
should examine these individually and decide if
there are things that can be worked out between us.
If we feel this way, then let’s talk to one another
about the issues we had. Let’s communicate with
each other, not argue. If we ever end up back
together, then our relationship will be different, but
it will also be much stronger.

Letting Go
Too often we get caught up in trying to obliterate
people from our lives and memories when in fact, we
should embrace every person in our lives for
different reasons. We should appreciate everyone we
meet because they are blessings, and all
relationships with them teach us lessons. Our lives
are collections of moments and blessings that
remind us of how things used to be and motivate us
to make better life choices. Simply put, the people we
meet teach us how to treat ourselves.

I think that some of the pain of having to let go is

dealing with the changes and adjusting to new,
uncomfortable situations. The truth is, we eventually
hurt less, but won't ever forget these people. Those
memories are not a bad thing because every person
we meet provide us with memories that teach us
about life and ourselves by bringing out things in us,
that we never knew existed. It is not a bad thing to
let go. Horacio Jones

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Ex-Girlfriend’s Boyfriend

This is about a woman whom most days, I have

loved twice as much as I loved myself, and possibly
more than she had “deserved”…. at the time.
However, the highs of that experience cannot be
more precious and memorable, and the lows were all
still worth it… Where each memory is appreciated,
not regretted.
Be patient and persistent.
She is delicate and fragile.
She is very prideful and stubborn.
She has been through so much already.
She is no one’s project, but her own, and if I am
wrong, and she is in fact “well put together,” then she
will identify her own chaos and work hard to
continue progressing… Just as I've always hoped.
She is determined to grow stronger, and if she is as
impressed by you as you are by her, she will know
how to love you. Nevertheless, what's most
important is that she knows how to love herself, and
recognizes what true love feels like from one man
other than her "father". Regardless of which one of
us appreciated it, we all desire to experience that
beauty of “love.”
You've made a commitment to this new
beginning with her. Even after her heart was broken,
she still has strength to love you, because the man
(me) who help a broken woman rebuild her heart, is
the same one who broke it. Where the next (you), is
there re-make it, maybe even better.
Congratulations.

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The Colombian Woman

I have had a love-hate relationship with my ever-
changing beliefs about soulmates. One day, I’d think
that the whole idea was bogus. The next day, the love
would stab me, soul deep. It was comparable to a
spiritual connection that includes inducing more
thoughts of her being my wife. I fell in love with that
woman every day for 14 years, even while I was
dating other women, and even while she was dating
other men.

I did not know what it was about this woman, and

for that very fact, the “beautiful confusion” was
evidence that I loved her. That “fact” lead me to
believe that soul mates initiates when a connection
between two people is established, and they
CHOOSE to become soul mates; making the
connection stronger by choosing to build a life
together. If things do not work out, they move on
while their souls are still tied to each other through
their memories. Sometimes, they are able to move
on to establish deeper soul ties with other people,
and other times, the forces of love pull them back
together.

There was no list of reasons why I loved this

woman, I just did. When I look back, trying to dissect
my own heart, I realized that the timing and
circumstances influenced the reasons why she
became “the one”. Maybe to you, this perception
may seem defective, wistful, unrealistic and naïve.
However, I’ve learned that love makes no sense, and
that my soul tied to hers.

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Timing and Circumstances

When I met The Colombian Woman, I may not

have “known” she was the one the moment I saw her,
but in retrospect, I realized that I did. I am not
saying that it was love at first sight, but once she
walked out on the dance stage, there was a small
spark that grew over the next few years. There was
no better space and time for my heart to have found
its way to her. I was not open or ready to love anyone.
She “just fit” into my heart out of nowhere. I did not
know anything about her, but she stuck out for a
reason that day I first noticed her. The point is, soul
mates come out of nowhere.

As time went by, we became best friends (I settled

for that because she did not feel the same way for me
at the time). As we spent time together, I constantly
felt an odd sense of déjà vu as if each moment had
already taken place in different settings. There were
no words or explanations that could clearly
articulate the many connections I felt with her each
day. It was spiritual liveliness, an intuitive knowing,
and it just felt right. The best part was that I could
see the spark growing in her as we consumed more
of each other’s time.

Our love caught fire, and we decided to date each

other officially. During our years as lovers, we had
some of the best times of our lives, without a single
regret. Unfortunately, no relationship is perfect, and
even soul mates will experience ups and downs.
Although we loved each other, we both had our flaws
and allowed them to halt us, and we “pushed” each
other into the hands of other people. However, it
only makes sense that when things do not work out
with those other people, we run back to each other.

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We run back to where our souls were tied the

tightest, even after tying them to other people. We
are deeply rooted, and if running back to each other
is actually damaging, this destruction seems
beautiful.

I Stayed…

It is refreshing knowing there is nothing that I

went through with her, that other people have not
also gone through. I find comfort in knowing that the
same things that happen to me, has happened to the
readers of this book. Being so relatable has helped
me learn some important things about myself and
my soul mate; I can still love her even when I am not
with her. I can be happy without her. I can love
someone else better. Realizing my worth and
knowing the best is right ahead of me, keeps me
grounded I am now focusing on bettering myself for
the next soul tie. Even if it is not her.

When I look back at the relationship with the

Colombian Woman, I stayed because I valued that
relationship. I was obsessed with having a woman in
my life and I was quite content to accept her,
complete with her imperfections…. up to a point.
When we reached that point, I chose to leave at that
time. But, I will never look down on myself for
staying while I did because I was completely in love
with that woman for millions of reasons that I still
cannot explain. I stopped hurting when I realized
that I wasn’t a victim. I knew what she was and I
stayed because I believed in something greater than
myself: love, faith and hope.

Her Perspective

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I knew that I was not perfect. I was very

manipulative and ego centric. I basically crucified
her on every little white lie. Mostly because I had
zero tolerance for ANY lies. Although lies at any level
are still unacceptable, I finally and truly understand
why she told them. That was who she was, and most
people would view her as a bad person. But, in fact,
she was just a woman defending herself against a
man who she felt was trying to control her. Also,
when I look back at the relationships she had with
her family, and other men, she was so used to lying
because they gave her no freedom. I realized, lying
became a part of her personality after a while, even
if there could have been more mature ways for her to
express herself.

She never intended to hurt me. She just knew

that if I found out the truth, I’d react in such a way
that would remind her of her upbringing with her
authoritarian mother, distant father, and ex-
boyfriends. Just as her mother did, I can remember
not really taking her point of view of things into
consideration. No matter how many times she said
“you just do not get it”, at the time, I truly believed
that I “got it”. I eventually realize that I “got it” from
my point of view, without trying to fully understand
her perspective. I was wrong, just like her mother,
father and exes.

She wanted me to understand her, not brush her

off. The main issue was that I was a very prideful
man. I always believed that I was right and in turn,
never listened to how she felt. Over time, it got
progressively worse. She could not do anything
without being criticized and crucified by me. So, she
walked on eggshells the whole time, telling little
white lies about where she would go and what she

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would do. She did not inform me about who she

talked to. Even if she tried talking to me, I
supposedly already "knew" that I was right and
never felt the need to hear her out. Nonetheless, she
loved me, but just could not ignore the distance that
grew between us by my shadowing of every moment
of her life. She just wanted some freedom, but chose
to lie instead of searching for better ways to
communicate with me. Her favorite line was "you
just do not get it”, and she told more lies that I could
not take.

This is not to justify her lying ways. This is about

accepting that break ups involve two people. So, we
broke up because of my abhorrence for her white
lies. Her explanation was that the lies are white,
meaning it was not a big deal, but I wanted her to
understand that lies are lies, size and color of those
lies did not matter. To me, ALL LIES WERE A BIG
DEAL. The fact that she categorized lies as white,
odds were that she would do it again, and I was tired
of going through the same thing.

But, anyone can run away when challenged by a

relationship. Real love gives you the power to choose
to stay because you value that person and that
relationship. It works when the other person chooses
not to repeat the mistakes.

I never knew how hard it would be to stay away

from her as she went through tough situations
without me. I abandoned her for her lies, but I still
felt like I should have tried harder to stay with her,
not leave her, like everyone else did. I walked out,
but my heart stayed. But, when I thought it was "all
said and done", I kept thinking of more things to say
to her, and those words kept leading to more things

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I wanted to do with her.

I’m finding "my way back home". It has been

a journey through which I have found out what
I want. It has been a painful, yet beautiful
journey. I’m enjoying it now. My attitude
towards this journey is a positive one. Through
my journey, I have found my strength, my voice
and my worth. After the pain diminishes, your
focus changes. It is me, myself & I.

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Glossary

FallBackation: when you stop putting effort into

building something with someone.

Situationship: A relationship that has no label on

it... like a friendship but more than a friendship but
not quite a relationship.

Relationship Benefits: sex, intimacy, attention,

money, loyalty etc.

Side Piece-ism: the process of making it look cute to

be the other girl.

Compatibility Visit: the first in-person meeting

between someone you knew through social media,
Skype, FaceTime, phone etc.

SWAG: your physical features and how you dress

them, the words you use and how you present your
intelligence and creativity.

Frienzonenistic Traits: “too much of anything.”

Side Chick Preparation: telling your second

girlfriend that your main girl is crazy. Treating you
like a girlfriend, but not wanting to be with you.

Compatibility Spark: the instant attraction to

someone you barley know. The lustful connection
makes you feel like your souls are tied.

Confirmation Talk: defining the bond that you have

by communicating and understanding if plans for a
future together is the goal. The “what are we” talk.

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Thot Fax: their sexually promiscuity level and

credibility. Is she known for smashing the homies,
club promoters, dudes on the block, rappers,
brothers, cousins…

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Unbroken Visualization
It is a tough battle between seeking validation
and validating yourself. There's a harsh battle
between knowing who you are, and what you want to
do, vs the opinions of others and who they think you
are. You will lose every time if you give in to other
people’s opinions.

No one can define love for me. No one can tell

me if I love myself, or if I love anyone else. They can
only observe the way that I treat myself and others,
and base it off of their own interpretations of love. I
can express to you a million times that you should
love yourself before loving someone else. While that
will appear like a common sense quote, the reality is
that the whole “loving yourself” expression is
completely misinterpreted. Why? Because loving
yourself has no conclusion. There is no quota. If
there is, can you tell me how much you love yourself
without using the words "a lot", “enough” or their
synonyms?

You cannot put how much you love yourself on

a scale. On a scale of 1 to 10, I love myself 1 through
10 on any given day. Try this, YOU ALREADY LOVE
YOURSELF in the way that YOU recognize love, and
all you need is positive ways to demonstrate it to
YOURSELF. In the ways that you learn to love you,
and make yourself feel good, that's how you learn
how to make others feel good and loved.

I think the business of trying to define love as a

unique feeling with a universal definition, actually
drives it away rather than accepting it as the

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greatest emotion we can ever feel. So, when I say,

“love yourself” before you love anyone else, please
understand that this is an unrealistic quote. What I
should say is that, before you invest yourself in
other people, start investing in yourself even when
it feels like you love them more than you love
yourself. We all know that you can fall in love
before you feel “complete

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