Organizing The Essay

Organizing the Essay – The Thesis Statement
The thesis statement is the most important sentence in your essay. It controls the
ideas that you will present in subsequent body paragraphs, so it should conform
to certain guidelines to be effective:
Make an assertion: The assertion contains two parts—a topic (usually the
subject) and a comment (usually the predicate) that expresses a viewpoint.
University libraries are valuable not only for research and studying but also
for meeting people.
This thesis statement contains a topic (university libraries) and a comment

(valuable for research, studying, meeting people).
Have a single topic-comment relationship: “The admissions policies of UCLA are

too strict, and there is too much traffic in the area around the campus” should be
modified so that only ONE of these statements is the focus of the essay.
Be precise and objective: You should use unambiguous and clear words, as
abstract or vague words are confusing to readers. Avoid words like terrible,
good, bad, interesting, exciting, wonderful—they are not only unclear but highly
subjective and so not useful.
Passing ESL 21B is a bad experience. (vague, subjective)
Being successful in ESL 21B is challenging for students for the following
reasons: foreign student stresses, unreasonable teachers, and the difficulty
of academic writing in a foreign language. (more precise and objective)
Be limited: The topic and comment (or thesis) should be narrow enough so that it
can be handled in a few pages.
Germany’s destruction of the Hehe people in Tanzania showed the

ruthlessness of early German imperialism. (narrow enough to write an
essay about)
The colonial period in Africa showed European colonialism at its worst. (too
broad to cover in one essay)
Offer a frame for the rest of the essay: ‘Burger King is better than McDonald’s”
tells us little about the rest of the essay. Much better would be:
The courteous service, the quality of food, and the dynamic atmosphere
make Burger King a much better family restaurant than McDonald’s.
Thesis Statement Pitfalls
Do not express a personal preference: “I like my smartphone” does not require

support, is impossible to develop, and is uninteresting. Much better would be—
While smartphones offer users an array of convenient options, they can

also be addictive and socially destructive.
Do not make an announcement: Phrases like, “In this essay I will discuss” or
“This essay is about” should not be a part of the thesis statement. Don’t tell the
reader what you are going to do, just do it.
Do not make a statement of fact or a definition: Facts or definitions leave no

room for development. What can you say after the statement, “Leonardo da
Vinci invented the flying machine”? Much better would be:
Many concepts of modern flight are evident in Leonardo da Vinci’s notes

and sketches.
With a thesis statement like this, there is something to write about in the rest of
the essay.
Do not ask a question: Your thesis should answer a question about your topic.
The question “Why is writing well necessary for students?” should be answered as
follows:
Being a good writer helps students think clearly, organized ideas, and
communicate better.
Thesis Statement Exercises
1. Revise the following thesis statements by changing the italicized abstract or

vague words into more concrete and precise words.
a. The study of literature is enjoyable.
b. Balancing work and leisure activities is good.
c. Intercultural relationships can be rewarding.
2. Narrow the focus of the following statements.
a. The energy situation in the world is critical.
b. People of all ages benefit from different recreational activities.
c. World leaders need to confront many social problems.
3. Add a comment to each of the following topics to make a good thesis

statement.
a. University education.
b. The role of technology in a profession (specify the technology and the

profession)
c. Foreign student advisors.

4. Determine which of the thesis statements below are good and which are poor.
If the thesis statement is a poor example, identify the problem—personal
preference, too broad, vague, announcement, statement of fact, two topics, or
question.
a. The development of South East Asian countries has had a varied history.
b. Canoeing is a sport that I enjoy.
c. Starting an herb garden is easy if you follow several simple steps.
d. This paper will focus on the 1982 Israeli invasion of Lebanon.
e. Small colleges are preferable to large universities for students who want
personal attention and contact with professors.
f. What are the reasons a foreign student comes to the United States?
g. Lotteries are a good source of income for the government, and they can make
the lucky winner rich.
h. The development of the petroleum industry in Venezuela created severe

problems in its agricultural production.
i. The spring carnival festivities in many Latin American countries are exciting.
j. Inflation is a rise in the general price level, resulting in a fall of purchasing

power.

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Organizing the Essay – The Thesis Statement

This thesis statement contains a topic (university libraries) and a comment

Have a single topic-comment relationship: “The admissions policies of UCLA are

Passing ESL 21B is a bad experience. (vague, subjective)

Germany’s destruction of the Hehe people in Tanzania showed the

Thesis Statement Pitfalls

Do not express a personal preference: “I like my smartphone” does not require

While smartphones offer users an array of convenient options, they can

Do not make a statement of fact or a definition: Facts or definitions leave no

Many concepts of modern flight are evident in Leonardo da Vinci’s notes

1. Revise the following thesis statements by changing the italicized abstract or

a. The study of literature is enjoyable.

b. Balancing work and leisure activities is good.

c. Intercultural relationships can be rewarding.

2. Narrow the focus of the following statements.

a. The energy situation in the world is critical.

b. People of all ages benefit from different recreational activities.

c. World leaders need to confront many social problems.

3. Add a comment to each of the following topics to make a good thesis

b. The role of technology in a profession (specify the technology and the

c. Foreign student advisors.

b. Canoeing is a sport that I enjoy.

c. Starting an herb garden is easy if you follow several simple steps.

d. This paper will focus on the 1982 Israeli invasion of Lebanon.

h. The development of the petroleum industry in Venezuela created severe

j. Inflation is a rise in the general price level, resulting in a fall of purchasing

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