Monologue Monologue

I have had all sorts of problems lately. I lost my job. My dog ran away. The taxes I have had all sorts of problems lately. I lost my job. My dog ran away. The taxes
are always there. My car broke down. I got a terrible rash that I'd perfer not to are always there. My car broke down. I got a terrible rash that I'd perfer not to
talk about right now. Oh, and my bathtub randomly exploded. EXPLODED. Don't talk about right now. Oh, and my bathtub randomly exploded. EXPLODED. Don't
ask. I don't even know. I mean seriously! I'm not trying to question the universe ask. I don't even know. I mean seriously! I'm not trying to question the universe
or anything, but that kind of stuff just plain doesn't happen! It definiatly ruined or anything, but that kind of stuff just plain doesn't happen! It definiatly ruined
my day. And don't even get me started on the crap that's on daytime television my day. And don't even get me started on the crap that's on daytime television
nowadays. nowadays.

Its like the entire world is against me. Like I'm just a fictional character for some Its like the entire world is against me. Like I'm just a fictional character for some
twisted writer to vent his anger on to make himself feel better about his own life. twisted writer to vent his anger on to make himself feel better about his own life.
I know it sounds ridiculous but that's the only thing I can compare it to. I know it sounds ridiculous but that's the only thing I can compare it to.

You know what? I'm being selfish. I've just been telling you all about my You know what? I'm being selfish. I've just been telling you all about my
problems. I never listen to what you have to say. How's life? (long pause) problems. I never listen to what you have to say. How's life? (long pause)

Hey, wait just a second here. Something's wrong. (looks around) What the hell....? Hey, wait just a second here. Something's wrong. (looks around) What the hell....?
I'm not talking to anybody! I've been talking to myself this whole time! I'm not talking to anybody! I've been talking to myself this whole time!

Am I crazy? Now that I think about it, I don't even remember getting here. (thinks Am I crazy? Now that I think about it, I don't even remember getting here. (thinks
hard) I can't remember anything before me saying "I have had all sorts of hard) I can't remember anything before me saying "I have had all sorts of
problems lately." problems lately."

I can't remember any of my life! It's like my life started with that sentence and I can't remember any of my life! It's like my life started with that sentence and
there was nothing before it! there was nothing before it!

Ok, ok, ok, pal, don't panic. There's got to be some reasonable explanation, right? Ok, ok, ok, pal, don't panic. There's got to be some reasonable explanation, right?
Let's see. Where am I? I'm in some sort of.....room. Alright, that's a start. My Let's see. Where am I? I'm in some sort of.....room. Alright, that's a start. My
god, why do I feel so comfortable talking to myself? Wait. There's people. They're god, why do I feel so comfortable talking to myself? Wait. There's people. They're
just sitting there.....watching me... just sitting there.....watching me...

(long pause)Wait. These people...this room...those lights....that hairstyle.... I know (long pause)Wait. These people...this room...those lights....that hairstyle.... I know
what this is! I know where I am! This IS an audience! My greatest fear has finally what this is! I know where I am! This IS an audience! My greatest fear has finally
come true... I'M TRAPPED IN A MONOLOGUE!!(goes to his knees, throws hands come true... I'M TRAPPED IN A MONOLOGUE!!(goes to his knees, throws hands
into the air) into the air)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Monologue Monologue

I have had all sorts of problems lately. I lost my job. My dog ran away. The taxes I have had all sorts of problems lately. I lost my job. My dog ran away. The taxes
are always there. My car broke down. I got a terrible rash that I'd perfer not to are always there. My car broke down. I got a terrible rash that I'd perfer not to
talk about right now. Oh, and my bathtub randomly exploded. EXPLODED. Don't talk about right now. Oh, and my bathtub randomly exploded. EXPLODED. Don't
ask. I don't even know. I mean seriously! I'm not trying to question the universe ask. I don't even know. I mean seriously! I'm not trying to question the universe
or anything, but that kind of stuff just plain doesn't happen! It definiatly ruined or anything, but that kind of stuff just plain doesn't happen! It definiatly ruined
my day. And don't even get me started on the crap that's on daytime television my day. And don't even get me started on the crap that's on daytime television
nowadays. nowadays.

Its like the entire world is against me. Like I'm just a fictional character for some Its like the entire world is against me. Like I'm just a fictional character for some
twisted writer to vent his anger on to make himself feel better about his own life. twisted writer to vent his anger on to make himself feel better about his own life.
I know it sounds ridiculous but that's the only thing I can compare it to. I know it sounds ridiculous but that's the only thing I can compare it to.

You know what? I'm being selfish. I've just been telling you all about my You know what? I'm being selfish. I've just been telling you all about my
problems. I never listen to what you have to say. How's life? (long pause) problems. I never listen to what you have to say. How's life? (long pause)

Hey, wait just a second here. Something's wrong. (looks around) What the hell....? Hey, wait just a second here. Something's wrong. (looks around) What the hell....?
I'm not talking to anybody! I've been talking to myself this whole time! I'm not talking to anybody! I've been talking to myself this whole time!

Am I crazy? Now that I think about it, I don't even remember getting here. (thinks Am I crazy? Now that I think about it, I don't even remember getting here. (thinks
hard) I can't remember anything before me saying "I have had all sorts of hard) I can't remember anything before me saying "I have had all sorts of
problems lately." problems lately."

I can't remember any of my life! It's like my life started with that sentence and I can't remember any of my life! It's like my life started with that sentence and
there was nothing before it! there was nothing before it!

Ok, ok, ok, pal, don't panic. There's got to be some reasonable explanation, right? Ok, ok, ok, pal, don't panic. There's got to be some reasonable explanation, right?
Let's see. Where am I? I'm in some sort of.....room. Alright, that's a start. My Let's see. Where am I? I'm in some sort of.....room. Alright, that's a start. My
god, why do I feel so comfortable talking to myself? Wait. There's people. They're god, why do I feel so comfortable talking to myself? Wait. There's people. They're
just sitting there.....watching me... just sitting there.....watching me...

(long pause)Wait. These people...this room...those lights....that hairstyle.... I know (long pause)Wait. These people...this room...those lights....that hairstyle.... I know
what this is! I know where I am! This IS an audience! My greatest fear has finally what this is! I know where I am! This IS an audience! My greatest fear has finally
come true... I'M TRAPPED IN A MONOLOGUE!!(goes to his knees, throws hands come true... I'M TRAPPED IN A MONOLOGUE!!(goes to his knees, throws hands
into the air) into the air)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!