Discursive Writing

Structure:
A discursive essay could include:

 an interesting introduction

 a clear indication of your position in relation to the topic

 your first argument, with supporting evidence

 your second argument, with supporting evidence, and so on (the number of paragraphs
like this will depend on the number of arguments you can offer)
 a conclusion, in which you reiterate your position

The basic structure. (2 ways)

Introduction Introduction

Position (Neutral tone) Position (Neutral Tone)

1st argument & supporting evidence 1st argument & supporting evidence +
counter argument
2nd argument & supporting evidence 2nd argument, evidence + counter agmt

3rd argument & supporting evidence 3rd argument, evidence + counter agmt

4th argument & supporting evidence 4th argument, evidence + counter agmt

Opposing argument Position (Arriving at a conclusion)

Taking a stand finally

Position (Weighing pros & cons) taking a stand Concluding statement

Conclusion (Statement clearing your side)

Introductions
The opening of an essay is important. It should capture the reader's attention and avoid being
bland or dull. The reader should be interested and keen to read on.

Some examples of different styles that could be used in an introduction are:

 provocative
 balanced
 quotation
 illustrative
 anecdotal
An example of a provocative introduction is - "It is difficult to see how anyone can approve of
fox hunting."

An example of a balanced introduction is - "Fox hunting is a subject about which people hold
strongly contrasting views."

An example of a quotation introduction is - "Oscar Wilde once described fox hunting as 'The
unspeakable in pursuit of the uneatable."

An example of a illustrative introduction is - "On a glorious autumn morning a terrified,

exhausted animal is savaged to death by a pack of baying dogs while a group of expensively
dressed humans encourage the dogs in their bloody work."

An example of an anecdotal introduction is - "I have always detested fox hunting since I was
almost physically sick while watching a television film of the kill at the end of a hunt."

Linking ideas
There will be a number of arguments in a piece of discursive writing. Using linking words
effectively can help you achieve this.

These words are usually used at the beginning of a new paragraph, but they can also be used to
link ideas within a paragraph.
 Type of link Example

furthermore, likewise, in addition, similarly, also, moreover - numbering your

Same line of
points (‘firstly’, ‘secondly’, etc) is a rather mechanical method of linking and is
thought
best avoided

Conclusion or thus, therefore, consequently, accordingly, in retrospect, hence, in conclusion, in

summary brief, as a result

Definite
without question, without doubt, unquestionably, absolutely
statement

yet, on the other hand, nevertheless, however, although, conversely, otherwise,

Contrasting idea
on the contrary

Further because, for instance, since, for example, so that, despite the fact that,
examples accordingly, although, if, though, unless

Tone

Do Do not use

Write in proper, complete sentences Abbreviations (ie/eg/etc/UK)

Use complete words and expressions Contractions (isn't/don't/won't)

Use proper, standard English Slang (bloke/geezer etc)

Colloquial language (mate/bolshy etc)

It is important to write formally in a discursive essay. This means you should write in complete
sentences, using full words and expressions and standard English. Contractions should be
avoided. For example, 'is not' should be used instead of 'isn't'.

It is advisable to try and avoid expressions like 'a lot' or 'lots of'. More formal expressions such
as 'many', 'much', 'a number of', or 'numerous' are more suitable for discursive writing.
Discursive Writing test questions
Read the essay below over, thinking about how the writer has constructed it. Then try the
quiz questions which will help you identify features of style, structure and approach that
you can make use of in your own writing.
There is no doubt that boxing is a very violent activity which polarises opinions, with
prominent members of the medical profession strongly condemning the sport while boxing
fans are equally passionate in supporting it. I find myself in the ironic situation of
sympathising with those who say it should be banned, yet wishing the sport to continue
because I believe it has genuine benefits. Furthermore, I find myself enjoying watching it
whenever I have the opportunity.
I am certainly aware of all the powerful arguments against boxing. It is the brutality and
infliction of physical damage that is the principal reason which has led to calls for the sport to
be banned. By definition, boxing is a gruesome athletic contest between two persons, each
of whom uses fists to try to knock the other unconscious or to inflict enough punishment to
cause the opponent either to quit or to be judged beaten. Boxing matches are conducted
under established rules and procedures and have a referee, judges and timekeeper. The
primary aim of each participant is to strike a blow to the front of the head and body of the
opponent that will knock down and render the boxer incapable of rising to a standing
position and defending himself within ten seconds.
As a result, the sport has witnessed many unsavoury incidents throughout its history. Gerald
McClellan, former American middleweight champion, suffered extensive brain damage and
lost the ability to walk, in addition to losing his sight and most of his hearing. Muhammad Ali
‘s boxing-related Parkinson’s disease is well-known and there are even extreme cases where
a boxer has nearly died in the ring as happened in September 1991 when Michael Watson
fought Chris Eubank. Is it any wonder that the British Medical Association has campaigned
against the sport? One medical figure, Dr Jeff Cundy, has described the devastating effects in
graphic terms that everyone can understand: Blows to the head cause the brain to move in
the skull like jelly in a bowl.
However, boxing is not only a health issue but a sociological one, as many argue that it
promotes violence. In the Seoul Olympics some years ago an element of hooliganism caused
chaos during and after the fights, leading to the President of the Olympic Games forecasting
the boxing would eventually be forced out of the Games. To many, it seems inconsistent to
condemn violence in society and at the same time allow a sport which glorifies it. If a man
were to go out into the street and punch someone in the face he would be arrested and most
likely be charged with assault. Why, then, are sportsmen able to beat each other up in the
boxing ring and get away with it?
Valid though these points are, I nevertheless feel that there is another side to the issue. It is
simply not true to portray boxing as nothing more than a form of uncivilised behaviour.
 Famous boxers follow highly disciplined regimes and lifestyles and in many cases have strong
religious beliefs. Mike Tyson is a Muslim; Frank Bruno a Christian. Some boxers even claim
some kind of divine inspiration. These men are certainly not controlled by their basic instincts
but are civilised individuals who are perfectly capable of controlling their potentially violent
natures.
The point could be put even more strongly: many boxers consider that boxing is not just a
sport but an art. The famous American boxer Sugar Ray Leonard once said that Boxing is the
ultimate challenge. There's nothing that can compare to testing yourself the way you do
every time you step in the ring.
Furthermore, whether we like it or not, aggression is part of human nature and boxing
provides a means of channelling aggression in a controlled and supervised way. There are
many examples of boys from underprivileged backgrounds who, instead of becoming
involved in street fights and gang warfare, have found a more worthwhile outlet for their
instincts through boxing.
This point has been convincingly argued by journalist Charlotte Leslie in The
Guardian. Boxing, she claims, engages with young people on their own terms and recognises
that frustration and aggression that is so often the hallmark of teenage years. It reaches into
the underground, anarchical world which engulfs so many school drop-outs, which many
other forms of social engagement cannot penetrate.
Above all, boxing provides hope for many young people who lack self-esteem. They may have
failed in other areas and have come to see themselves as dropouts from society. As Leslie
puts it, They no longer feel that they have to pick fights, but can walk away. Boxing gives
them the confidence to give school a go and to make job applications. I have seen young
boxers turn from outcasts to role models.
It seems to me that humans have a natural instinct to fight; we have used it to evolve to
where we are today, and no doubt it contributed to the survival of the fittest. If boxing
channels that instinct into something positive rather than something destructive, and
provides hope for youngsters whose lives lack direction, then I believe we should fully
support it.
1
Which of the following approaches does the writer take in the introductory paragraph?

He strongly supports boxing

He is strongly opposed to boxing

He supports boxing but recognises its dangers

 2
What is the function of the opening sentence of paragraph two - "I am certainly aware of all
the powerful arguments against boxing"?

A topic sentence to introduce arguments in favour of the writer’s view

A topic sentence to introduce arguments opposed to the writer’s view

A statement of the writer’s own opinion of the sport of boxing

3
What is the purpose of the references to the names of famous boxers in paragraph three?

To show that the writer is an expert on the subject

To provide examples of how dangerous boxing can be

To show that boxing used to be more dangerous in the past

4
In paragraph three the writer says: "Is it any wonder that the British Medical Association has
campaigned against the sport?" What is the function of this sentence?

The writer is asking himself why the British Medical Association has campaigned against the
sport

The writer is surprised that the British Medical Association has campaigned against the sport

This is a rhetorical question

5
In paragraph four the writer states that "in the Seoul Olympics an element of hooliganism
caused chaos ringside during and after the fights." Why does the writer include this?
It backs up his argument that violence in the ring can lead to violence outside it

It shows how violent a sport boxing is

It is a criticism of the way the Olympics were organised

6
What is the function of the opening sentence of paragraph five - "Valid though these points
are, I nevertheless feel that there is another side to the issue"?

It summarises the argument of the previous paragraph

It introduces the next point to be discussed

It provides a link from one side of the argument to the other

7
The author states: "whether we like it or not, aggression is part of human nature". What is
the significance of this statement for his argument?

It backs up his view that boxing is a worthwhile activity

It proves that boxing is dangerous and should be banned

It is an example of how the writer justifies violence

8
Which of the following three justifications for boxing does the writer consider the most
important?

It provides hope for many young people who lack self-esteem

It is a way of channelling aggression

It is a way of challenging yourself
9
Which of the following persuasive methods does the writer of this essay not use?

Statistical evidence

Reference to relevant historical events

Quotations from experts

10
Which of the following statements best summarises the writer’s view?

Boxing channels [the fighting] instinct into something positive rather than something
destructive, and provides hope for youngsters whose lives lack direction

To many, it seems inconsistent to condemn violence in society and at the same time allow a
sport which glorifies it

I find myself enjoying watching [boxing] whenever I have the opportunity

 Argumentative Essay (Format)
The goal of an argumentative essay is to clearly outline a point of view (claim), provide reasons for the
claim and evidence to back or support the claim or point of view. A good argumentative essay should
follow this structure:

1. Introductory Paragraph: The first paragraph of your essay should outline the topic of
discussion, provide background information necessary to understand your argument, outline the
evidence you might present and state the thesis.

The Thesis Statement: It is a concise, one-sentence summary of your main point or claim. It is
a part of your first (introductory paragraph)

2. Body Paragraphs: A typical argumentative essay comprises of 3 to 4 paragraphs that explain

the reasons why you support your thesis. Each body paragraph should cover a different idea in
relation to your topic of discussion (claim) or piece of evidence. The main idea of the paragraph
should be summarized in single sentence called the ‘Topic Sentence’. The topic sentence clearly
and concisely explains why the reader should agree with your position. In the Body paragraphs
you back up your claims with examples, research, statistics, studies and text citations. Also fairly
acknowledge opposing point of view on your ‘claim’. You may state the opposing views,
disprove them or explain why you disagree with them. Presenting facts and considering a topic
from every angle adds credibility and will help you in gain a reader’s trust.

3. Conclusion: This is the last stage of your essay where you summarize all arguments
made in your body paragraphs and restate your thesis. Take care to restate our ‘Thesis’
by paraphrasing the one made in the introductory paragraph. Also avoid introducing a
new idea/ new fact or more arguments at this stage.
 Thesis Statement in an Argumentative Essay
What is a Thesis Statement?
A Thesis Statement is a one-sentence summary of your essay. It is a part of your Introductory paragraph.

What is its significance?

Having a Thesis Statement in the introductory paragraph helps in the following ways:
1. To distill multiple ideas on a topic and narrow them down to a few that connect with your point
of discussion or ‘claim’
2. To organize and develop paragraphs further down the essay
3. To guide the writer in thinking specifically in a said direction

What are the characteristics of a good Thesis Statement?

A good Thesis Statement should:
1. take on a subject on which reasonable people could disagree. ( A debatable or controversial
issue on which people may be divided in their opinion)
2. support one point of view
3. deal with a subject that can be adequately treated given the nature of the assignment
4. assert your conclusions about a subject

How to write an effective Thesis Statement?

1. By focusing on the key words of the question
Look for the key words in the question – try to understand what the question is focusing on. Use
the same key words in framing the thesis statement.

2. Introduce the perspective that you argue – ask yourself a question on the selected topic or
perspective and try giving a convincing answer to it. Almost all assignments, no matter how
complicated, can be reduced to a single question. Your first step, then, is to distill the
assignment into a specific question.
For example, if your assignment is, “Write a report to the local school board explaining the
potential benefits of using computers in schools,”
Turn the request into a question like, “What are the potential benefits of using computers in
schools?”
After you’ve chosen the question your essay will answer, compose one or two complete
sentences answering that question.

Q: “What are the potential benefits of using computers in schools?”

A: “The potential benefits of using computers in schools are . . .”

OR
A: “Using computers in schools promises to improve . . .”
The answer to the question is the thesis statement for the essay.

Generate a suitable Thesis Statement:

Let’s see how to generate a thesis statement Brainstorm the topic.
Let’s say that your class focuses upon the problems posed by changes in the dietary habits of Americans.
You find that you are interested in the amount of sugar Americans consume.

You start out with a thesis statement like this:

Sugar consumption.

This fragment isn’t a thesis statement. Instead, it simply indicates a general subject. Furthermore, your
reader doesn’t know what you want to say about sugar consumption.

Narrow the topic.

Your readings about the topic, however, have led you to the conclusion that elementary school children
are consuming far more sugar than is healthy.

You change your thesis to look like this:

Reducing sugar consumption by elementary school children.

This fragment not only announces your subject, but it focuses on one segment of the population:
elementary school children. Furthermore, it raises a subject upon which reasonable people could
disagree, because while most people might agree that children consume more sugar than they used to,
not everyone would agree on what should be done or who should do it. You should note that this
fragment is not a thesis statement because your reader doesn’t know your conclusions on the topic.

Take a position on the topic.

After reflecting on the topic a little while longer, you decide that what you really want to say about this
topic is that something should be done to reduce the amount of sugar these children consume.

You revise your thesis statement to look like this:

More attention should be paid to the food and beverage choices available to
elementary school children.

This statement asserts your position, but the terms more attention and food and beverage choices are
vague.

Use specific language.

You decide to explain what you mean about food and beverage choices, so you write:

Experts estimate that half of elementary school children consume nine times
the recommended daily allowance of sugar.

This statement is specific, but it isn’t a thesis. It merely reports a statistic instead of making an assertion.
Make an assertion based on clearly stated support.
You finally revise your thesis statement one more time to look like this:

Because half of all American elementary school children consume nine times the
recommended daily allowance of sugar, schools should be required to replace
the beverages in soda machines with healthy alternatives.

Notice how the thesis answers the question, “What should be done to reduce sugar consumption by
children, and who should do it?” When you started thinking about the paper, you may not have had a
specific question in mind, but as you became more involved in the topic, your ideas became more
specific. Your thesis changed to reflect your new insights.

How to Tell a Strong Thesis Statement from a Weak One?

1. A strong thesis statement takes some sort of stand.

Remember that your thesis needs to show your conclusions about a subject. For example, if you are
writing a paper for a class on fitness, you might be asked to choose a popular weight-loss product to
evaluate. Here are two thesis statements:

There are some negative and positive aspects to the Banana Herb Tea Supplement.

This is a weak thesis statement. First, it fails to take a stand. Second, the phrase negative and positive
aspects is vague.

Because Banana Herb Tea Supplement promotes rapid weight loss that results in the loss of muscle
and lean body mass, it poses a potential danger to customers.

This is a strong thesis because it takes a stand, and because it's specific.

2. A strong thesis statement justifies discussion.

Your thesis should indicate the point of the discussion. If your assignment is to write a paper on kinship
systems, using your own family as an example, you might come up with either of these two thesis
statements:

My family is an extended family.

This is a weak thesis because it merely states an observation. Your reader won’t be able to tell the point
of the statement, and will probably stop reading.

While most American families would view consanguineal marriage as a threat to

the nuclear family structure, many Iranian families, like my own, believe that
these marriages help reinforce kinship ties in an extended family.
This is a strong thesis because it shows how your experience contradicts a widely-accepted view. A good
strategy for creating a strong thesis is to show that the topic is controversial. Readers will be interested
in reading the rest of the essay to see how you support your point.

3. A strong thesis statement expresses one main idea.

Readers need to be able to see that your paper has one main point. If your thesis statement expresses
more than one idea, then you might confuse your readers about the subject of your paper. For example:

Companies need to exploit the marketing potential of the Internet, and Web
pages can provide both advertising and customer support.

This is a weak thesis statement because the reader can’t decide whether the paper is about marketing
on the Internet or Web pages. To revise the thesis, the relationship between the two ideas needs to
become more clear. One way to revise the thesis would be to write:

Because the Internet is filled with tremendous marketing potential, companies

should exploit this potential by using Web pages that offer both advertising and
customer support.

This is a strong thesis because it shows that the two ideas are related. Hint: a great many clear and
engaging thesis statements contain words like because, since, so, although, unless, and however.

4. A strong thesis statement is specific.

A thesis statement should show exactly what your paper will be about, and will help you keep your
paper to a manageable topic. For example, if you're writing a seven-to-ten page paper on hunger, you
might say:

World hunger has many causes and effects.

This is a weak thesis statement for two major reasons. First, world hunger can’t be discussed thoroughly
in seven to ten pages. Second, many causes and effects is vague. You should be able to identify specific
causes and effects. A revised thesis might look like this:

Hunger persists in Glandelinia because jobs are scarce and farming in the
infertile soil is rarely profitable.

This is a strong thesis statement because it narrows the subject to a more specific and manageable
topic, and it also identifies the specific causes for the existence of hunger.
 Thesis Statement
WHAT IS A THESIS STATEMENT? The main point or controlling idea of any essay is its thesis. It is an
arguable assertion—your opinion or position—on your topic and is, without question, the most
important sentence in an academic essay. Having a thesis is useful to both the writer and the reader
since its primary function is to organize, predict, control, and define the entire paper.

In many cases, a thesis sentence will not only outline the essay’s main point, but also predict and
control the direction that the paper is going to take. The thesis thus serves as a contract between
the reader and the writer because it promises both the central purpose of the essay and the
structure of the paper as well. It gives the essay a sense of unity and helps keep the writer focused
while writing. Generally located at the end of the introduction, the thesis is usually only one or two
sentences (although in a longer paper the thesis may be stated in several sentences).

WHAT IS A THESIS STATEMENT GOOD FOR?

A good thesis statement

is more than a statement of fact and makes an arguable assertion about a topic; it states the
position a writer has reached about the topic and is usually at the end of the introduction

is a complete sentence that expresses an opinion or an idea about a topic that can be supported or
more fully developed in the body of the essay

summarizes the whole essay in one sentence and promises or reflects the essay’s main purpose or
“so what”

provides the structure or unifying framework for the scope, focus, and direction of the essay

predicts, controls, and obligates and serves as a contract between the reader and the writer

limits the topic to be narrow enough to make it manageable so it can be fully supported but not too
broad for the scope of an essay

HOW DO I DEVELOP A THESIS STATEMENT?

While the topic is what the paper is about, the thesis defines your opinion or position on that
particular topic. For this reason, it is important to develop a tentative or working thesis statement
early in composing your essay because it will help guide your thoughts and possible research. When
you have decided on your essay’s topic, you can begin to develop your thesis by examining your
topic, perhaps doing some exploratory reading and writing, or reflecting and pulling from class
discussions or conversations with classmates and friends.

A writer develops a thesis by asking questions about the topic and by focusing on a basic point or
question which the topic raises. The answer to such a question will be your thesis: what you think
about a specific topic. The topic is your question, and the thesis your answer to that question.
 For this reason, as you write your paper, your thesis statement may change. In fact, in its initial
stages, a thesis statement usually is rough and works only as a tentative planning tool. Writing
promotes thinking. As you write, you will discover precisely what you think about the topic, and
your thesis will probably change. As you continue writing, a more specific, complex, and final thesis
will emerge as you narrow your focus. Remember that writing is rewriting, a continual process that
takes many revisions. As you write and do more research, you might even notice that you have lost
your original thesis as you find evidence that does not support your thesis. This is absolutely normal
since as you write you often reach deeper insights about your topic and realize that your thesis
statement has to be more complex to match the supporting ideas and evidence that you have
provided.

Don’t be surprised if in early drafts of an essay, your thesis statement ends up at the end of a paper
as you attempt to answer your questions about the topic. Such thesis statements can then be
revised, polished, and moved since most thesis statements appear usually at the end of the
introductory paragraphs.

THESIS AS A STRATEGY FOR THE WRITER AND READER

A thesis is both a writer and a reader strategy…

For the writer, the thesis statement is a writer strategy because it

• serves as a planning tool and one-sentence summary of the writer’s opinions about a topic

• helps the writer determine the paper's real focus and lets the writer know if an essay is wandering
off in too many directions

• becomes an organizational framework for the topic sentences

• provides the writer with something to define, prove, and develop

For readers, the thesis statement is a reader strategy because it

• serves as a contract with the writer, engaging and allowing readers to follow through the paper

• keeps readers focused on the argument so they know what to expect in the essay

• allows readers to identify the main ideas and see exactly how each topic sentence connects to the
thesis

• offers enough detail for readers to grasp the writer’s argument

A thesis, thus, lets your reader know what to expect from your paper and allows your reader to
decide how well you’ve accomplished what you’ve set out to do. In fact, some thesis statements
might even give you an outline for your paper.
 For example, it shouldn’t be too much trouble to organize an essay with the following thesis
statement:

Attending a community college like CSM makes sense since the cost is low and the quality of
instruction is high.

TOPIC OPINION REASONS OR SUPPORTING EVIDENCE

Attending a community college makes sense since the cost is low and the quality of
like CSM instruction is high.

With such a thesis, a writer would first discuss the relative low cost and then describe the excellent
education one can obtain at colleges such as ours! This is a common form for a thesis. The writer
first states the topic and then the arguable assertion or opinion about it, then adds the reasons or
supporting evidence. The reasons are usually introduced by joining words such as the following: for,
as, because, since, due to. The supporting evidence answers the “so what?”

Exercise 1
For each of the following thesis statements, identify the topic, the opinion or arguable assertion,
and if applicable, the supporting evidence or reasons.

Example: Cell phone use while driving should be banned, for it creates an unsafe environment not
only for drivers using cell phones but also for other people in nearby vehicles.

TOPIC OPINION REASONS OR SUPPORTING EVIDENCE Cell

Cell phone use should be banned, for it creates an unsafe environment not only
While driving for drivers using them but also for other
people in nearby vehicles.

1. Violent video games should be made illegal, for it might incite some people to commit violent acts.

2. An after-school job can be harmful to teenagers as working not only reduces opportunities for social
and recreational time but also takes time valuable time away from schoolwork.

3. Marijuana should be legalized since legalization would eliminate the black market for that drug.

4. Welfare benefits for single mothers should not be eliminated, for the benefits are needed to prevent
hunger and poverty among our country’s most helpless citizens—our children.
THESIS DEVELOPMENT GUIDELINES HOW DO I KNOW A TROUBLESOME THESIS WHEN I SEE ONE?

1. If it is merely a statement of fact. Some writers might confuse factual introductions to an essay
with the thesis.

Example: Henri Matisse was considered, with Picasso, one of the two great artists of the twentieth
century.
Better: Henri Matisse is superior to Picasso because of Matisse’s brilliant ability to shift between
realism, abstraction, Fauvism, and classicism.

2. A troublesome thesis can be too broad or too general. If the writer is trying to write an essay
and not a book, it may be on too large an issue for a writer to develop thoroughly in a short
essay.

Example: Homelessness in San Francisco is a serious problem in today’s society.

Better: The problems with homelessness in San Francisco could be resolved if the Board of Supervisors
would agree on some of the proposed solutions.

Example: Crime is too prevalent in our society.

Better: Our judicial system should give tougher sentences to criminals who are repeat offenders.

3. A troublesome thesis can be too specific. If your thesis is too specific then you will have too little
to write about. It may be only on one aspect of an issue, one part of a topic, or the first main
point. Examine all your main points for a larger, umbrella sentence.

Example: Getting into Disneyland on the Saturday during Labor Day weekend can be difficult.
Better: Getting into Disneyland can be difficult, depending on the time of year.

4. A troublesome thesis expresses more than one main idea. If your thesis makes more than one
point, your paper may be confusing to your reader. A thesis which clearly expresses one
controlling idea will focus your paper.

Example: The proposed transit system is worth examining, but it has several weaknesses, so it should be
run only on an experimental basis for a limited period of a couple of years.
Better: The proposed transit system should be run on an experimental basis for a limited period of a
couple of years.
 5. A troublesome thesis is a fragment; a good thesis statement is expressed in a complete
sentence.

Example: How life is in New York after September 11th.

Better: After September 11th, the city of New York tends to have more cases of post-traumatic
disorder than other areas of the United States and rightfully so.

6. A troublesome thesis is in the form of a question instead of a sentence or arguable assertion. It

does not take a position.

Example: Should an eighteen year old have the right to drink?

Better: Anyone old enough to fight a war should be old enough to drink.

7. A troublesome thesis contains phrases such as “I think,” “I believe,” or “in my opinion,” which
weakens the statement.

Example: GOP candidate Bill Simon and Governor Gray Davis may appear to be different, but in my
opinion they are very similar.
Better: To the unsuspecting voter, GOP candidate Bill Simon and Governor Gray Davis might seem to
offer a choice in the gubernatorial race; however, in fact they take very similar stands on certain
issues

8. A troublesome thesis is expressed in vague language. Try to avoid vague terms such as “things,”
“neat,” interesting,” “nice,” “good,” and “great.”

Example: Negative things have resulted from religion being taught in our schools.
Better: Religion as part of the school curriculum should be avoided because a person’s religious beliefs
are highly personal and require individual commitment.

Exercise 2
Keeping in mind the above thesis development guidelines, analyze the following statements and identify
the reason(s) you think they do or do not work as good thesis statements.

Example: Drug use is a serious problem in today’s world.

Analysis: Not a good thesis. Expresses a point that everyone would probably agree with; it does not state
an assertion that anyone would want to argue. The statement is also too broad, and it contains the
vague phrase “in today’s world.” Avoid using such vague or fuzzy phrases.

Example: This has been the worst summer in the world for bad weather—droughts, floods, and huge
fires have besieged the planet all at the same time.

Analysis: Not a good thesis. Merely a statement of fact leaving the writer with nothing to argue or
support.
1. Television has had a serious impact in today’s society.

2. During a recent episode of Law and Order, two people were killed, three were stabbed, and four were
badly beaten.

3. An evaluation of the benefits of Prozac

4. In this essay I am going to talk about the potential problems if the administration restructures the
Social Security program.

5. Have you ever considered why people are so rude when they drive, especially at rush hour?

6. Christopher Reeves’ physical disability has not prevented him from becoming an advocate for
research on spinal cord injury, and his story should be made into a book.

7. How to grow beautiful orchids.

8. I think it is interesting how many people enjoy horror movies.

9. If you don’t care about spending a little bit more money, I think you’ll agree that dinner is a much
more satisfying experience at The House of Prime Rib than at Sizzler’s.

10. This paper is an attempt to tell you about how I felt viewing the devastation at Ground Zero in New
York.

Exercise 3

Again keeping in mind the above thesis development guidelines, analyze the following troublesome
statements, but this time suggest a revision for each of them.

Example: In Gone with the Wind, Scarlett O’Hara is a proud, headstrong woman.

Analysis: Not a good thesis. Simply a statement of fact.

Better: Scarlett’s headstrong nature is the primary reason why Rhett Butler both loves and leaves her.

Example: Romeo and Juliet die because each one unfortunately thinks the other is dead.

Analysis: Not a good thesis. Another statement of fact that no one would disagree with; it does not state
an assertion that needs to be argued.

Better: Shakespeare uses Romeo’s and Juliet’s needless deaths as metaphors to show the pettiness of
feuding families and countries.

Example: The thesis of this paper is the difficulty of solving our economic problems.

Analysis: Not a good thesis. This is simply an announcement of the subject or topic of the essay, not a
thesis.

Better: Solving our country’s economic problems is a lot more difficult than most people believe.
1. Advertisers like to use beautiful models in their ads to sell their products.

2. This paper will consider the reasons why detective fiction is worth reading.

3. I believe that the federal government should give more money to breast cancer research.

4. Not much has been done to save the condor from extinction.

5. Writing an essay can be a fairly easy process.