Perkins

Post
3 November 2011 Bicentenary Issue

Praesent:
Sagittis
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Quisque:
Porttitor
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Marc Bolan spotted in Sherwood

It has emerged that 70s glam-rock idol Marc Bolan did not as was widely reported - die in a fatal car crash in 1977 but has been living undercover in the midlands. He shook off his rock-star image and lived in relative obscurity in a suburb of Nottingham, working as a civil servant under the pseudonym John Perkins. But Marc, who celebrates his 50th birthday today, was outed by gig-goers who spotted him at an open mic night in Nottinghams Navigation Inn. Marc has to be the best guitarist in the world, said one. We knew it had to be him. The hair gave it away. Realising hed been recognized, Bolan and his band made a quick getaway by boat with paparazzi in hot pursuit.

Rumbled alive and well Bolan at 50 (above) and (right) the young star aged 15

Drummer Simon Perkins said: It was like a scene from the Blues Brothers, we had to dive into the boat, step on the gas and get out of there. Continued on page 8

 Perkins Post 3 November 2011

Bicentenary issue

News in briefs
Rockers reunion
From our Berlin correspondent

Exclusive! 70s teen band One Way are to re-form with the original line-up of John Perkins (lead guitar), sisteract Kathy and Jean Willis, (vocals) Sue Fishburn (vocals) and Jonathan X (percussion). In their heyday they gigged to packed houses the length and breadth of North Notts. Watch this space for listings. Singer Kathy said: Weve overcome our musical differences and decided to get back together for a special tour this winter. Im nervous because I havent seen some of the other band members for 34 years!

Robber repents:
By JANE BARRATT.

Police studying CCTC footage of an incident at Nottinghams Fat Cat caf spotted drunken civil servants running off without paying, one recognizable as a well known witch from Chesterfield, another wheezing badly. Closer examination of the footage showed one of them described as a white male, chunky build, five-foot eight with a curly perm returning the next day with the cash. Notts Chief Constable Steve Green said: He must have had a fit of conscience.

Commodore John Perkins denies rumours he intends to make a takeover bid for the Beeston M arina complex amid speculation that Marina bosses were concerned that his expanding fleet was monopolizing the pontoon.

Grumpy old men top ten gripes

1. The Archers (its always bloody on!) 2. People nicking my beer 3. People talking over the telly 4..People cleaning their teeth within a five mile radius. 5. That stupid bear with the bandage over its eye. (you cant mean Pudsey?!! Ed) 6. Those horrid little fruit flies 7. People telling me my guitars too loud. 8. Other people on the road when Im driving 9 Other guitarists 10. Other people in my kitchen

Crutch crisis
By JEAN (NEE) WILLIS Traffic Police stopped five youths driving through the village of Clarborough after reports of firearms seen poking out of the car windows. Closer examination revealed the offending objects to be a pair of crutches.

Thought for the day with the Very Reverend Dr Brian Hackland
I often sit and reflect I on how life can be cruel and demanding. But then I always remember my maxim and it cheers me up no end, and I offer it you now so that you may share in my wisdom and contentment. Do as I say, not as I do. And if you cant do that, then just dont act, stand there.

[
Racing tips By VINCE BRADY Nap of the day: Hoof Hearted 4:30 Nottingham Next best: Onceasoamesalwaysasoames 5:30 Nottingham
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Brian.

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Perkins Post 3 November 2011

Bicentenary issue

Film fans are said to be thrilled at news that John Polly Perkins is to star in the long-awaited remake of 60s cult classic road movie Easy Rider

Daily reading chosen by Brother Robert Edwards

50-year old fined after 50-year old fined after nightclub fracas nightclub fracas
by VINCE BRADY In the early hours of Wednesday morning Wannabe Crooner Johnnie Let me entertain you Perkins, 50, was ejected from top Liverpool nightspot the Little Bug. Perkins, who admitted to a string of previous offences when sentenced at Liverpools Night Court, was later ushered away into the night by friends. Perkins, notorious for stage hogging at Karaoke events around the country, had been warned several times by the management to leave the stage. It was when he threatened to play guitar that managers stepped in and ejected him. Eyewitnesses confirmed that the gyrating Perkins had become too much to watch, let alone listen to. Asked to comment on his fine Perkins replied, I dont understand it, everyone was having such a good time, then they told me I had to go. Last time this happened to me I got two years wages!

A reading from the Second Book of Hillage; Chapter 6 verse 1. VII 1 It came to pass in the second year of the reign of Pharaoh Brown that seven plagues did afflict the land of Egypt. 2.The pharaoh greatly wondered at this, and all his priests, soothsayers and spin doctors with him. 3.And the pharaoh said: Who is there who can save us from these torments? He will be rewarded, yea, up to his final pension! 4.Then spake the chief priest: It is written that he who shall save the land of Egypt will be of the tribe of Perkins. 5. And it came to pass that such a man was found, John of the curly locks and ursine mien, who was of that tribe, even the tribe of Perkins. 6. And this John, of the tribe of Perkins, lived only on the juice of fermented fruits and the flesh of roasted beasts. 7. John fell upon his knees before a LORD of Whitehall and said: Help me LORD, for I have not a clue what to do. 8. And the LORD said Jump to it Perkins, and I will write you a decent reference, and John arose and did as the LORD commanded. 9. And behold, the seven plagues did cease, even as a kettle that hath boiled or the tap that hath dripped its last drip. 10. And Pharaoh said: Well done, thou good and faithful servant, heres your pension and Ill throw in a second-hand jag as well!

FOR SALE:
Boat with attitude. at least one careless owner. colourful past, criminal record. Contact Simon on 9525150
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 Perkins Post 3 November 2011

Bicentenary issue

Resilience response reigned in after COBR Chief resigns

The coalition government has scaled down the need for emergency planners after the resignation of Whitehall mandarin Jinxed John Perkins. John - whose arrival in a pivotal national resilience role sparked a catalogue of catastrophes of almost biblical proportions decided to retire from public life in April. One former colleague said: It was exciting when John was with us. That is to say there was never a dull moment. Bird flu, floods, foot and mouth and fuel strikes to name but a few. Its been a lot quieter since he left. John (50), said: Those were heady days but Im glad theyre over. You cant keep that sort of pressure up for ever. I had Gordon Brown phone in to my teleconferences and I was frequently called to COBR. Government chiefs paid tribute to his contribution: The nation should be grateful, said a leading Whitehall source. John is now spending a lot more time with his family and pursuing his musical career. I have lots to look forward to, said John. I am having a nice Christmas and itll soon be Goose Fair! I chose the right time to leave. I wouldnt want to work for this bunch of amateurs anyway! Oh and did I mention Id been to COBR? Sports extra
from ANDY WALKER An extreme sport first played in North Notts is to enjoy a revival ahead of next years Olympics. Extreme pillow-fighting - invented in the 70s by two Clarborough boys involves no-holds-barred fighting in the dark using exploding pillows.

The Cabinet Office Briefing Rooms (COBR)

Kiddies Korner with ROB EDWARDS

Clarilocks and the two bears

Whos been drinking my honey, wondered Clarilocks

PC Productions, Nottingham. Editor Clare Stevens, Contributors: Jane Barratt, Vince Brady, Kathy Robertson, Jean (nee) Willis Simon Socks Perkins, Andy Walker, R ob Edwards, Splodge Face Rob Edwards Splodge Face