Love in the time of the Internet

Chei Billedo
Dept. of Psychology

What is LOVE? 

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 LOVE

• LOVE is a construct
• Construct
– An abstract theoretical variable that is used to explain
some phenomenon which is of interest to scientists
– Operationalize!

Interpersonal Attraction

• A person’s desire to approach another individual

• Positive evaluation of others
• There are several factors that determine to
whom we get attracted to and how strong our
attractions are: attraction cues

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 Attraction Cues

• Characteristics and Behaviors of the Persons

involved
– Physical attractiveness
– Actual similarity
– Perceived similarity
– Reciprocity
• Gain-loss hypothesis

Attraction Cues

• Characteristics of the Situation

– Familiarity
• Proximity (the location of the people relative to one another)
• Propinquity (the actual contact between individuals)
– Situations inducing emotional arousal
– Novel and unusual Situations

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 Romantic Relationships

• Socioevolutionary Theory (Wright, 1995)

• Social Exchange Theory (Thibault and Kelly, 1952)
• Equity Theory (Walster, Walster and Berscheid, 1978
• Triangular Theory (Sternberg, 1986)

Socio-Evolutionary Theory

• Human being’s innate evolutionary mechanism

guides the selection of potential mates to
maximize genetic fitness
• Two adaptive functions of romantic relationships:
– sexual reproduction
– bonding for the care of the offspring

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 Triangular Theory
3 important components
– Intimacy: those feelings that promote closeness,
bondedness and connectedness

– Passion: “a state of intense longing for union with the

other”; motivational and other sources of physiological
and emotional arousal (sexual feelings)

– Commitment: decision that one loves a certain other

(short-term aspect); the commitment to maintain that
love over time (long-term aspect)

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 What is the Internet?
•A set of numerous interconnected networks that enable
communication between or among computers.

•The convergence of computers and telecommunications

has led to a new medium for communication called
computer-mediated communication (CMC).

•What is the internet for?

What is the Internet?

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 What is computer-mediated communication (CMC)?

•Narrow bandwidth – does not transmit much of the

information available

•In-person communication is considered as “wide

bandwidth”  people communicate in real time (i.e. at
the same time) using multiple modes simultaneously
•Multi-modal CMCs – webcam, headset, etc.
•3d chat?

What is computer-mediated communication (CMC)?

CLASSIFICATIONS OF CMC

•Asynchronous – communication is not

simultaneous; time lag
(e.g., e-mail, forum, blog, social
network sites)

•Synchronous – communication occurs

simultaneously between two or more
users; real-time (e.g., im, chat,
videoconference, 3D Chat)

CLASSIFICATIONS OF CMC

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 CYBERSPACE?

Cyberspace was a term coined by science fiction writer

William Gibson in his novel Neuromancer (1984): “…a
consensual hallucination…”

CYBERSPACE?

What is “there” in cyberspace?

- The use of the word “space” can be described as a…

“physical” space - Spatial metaphors; contextual co-presence
“social” space – built on interaction of users
“psychological” space

What is “there” in cyberspace?

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 Unique features according to Suler (2007):
•Reduced sensation
•Texting
•Identity flexibility/anonymity
•Altered perceptions
•Equalized status
•Transcend spaces
•Temporal flexibility
•Social multiplicity
•Recordability
•Media disruption
•Blackhole experiences

Unique features:

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Communication Online
•Use of emoticons - :-)
•Emotes (verbalization of actions) - *hug*
•Strategic use of punctuations/capital letters – Hello???!!!! I AM
ANGRY!
•Paralinguistic markers – Hmmmm.. Ahhh… Oooohhh..
•Misspellings – Wuv you!
•Acronyms – ctc, gtg, brb, hb, rofl, ttyl
•Territorial behaviors – flooding (sending too many messages
consecutively so that others would have difficulty sending)

Communication Online

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 Anonymity and the Self
•Defining the self
•Self-Description (web-pages, social network pages, blog)
•Nick/sn
•Avatar
•Online behavior

•* There is plasticity of self online. It allows people to play

several identities.

Anonymity and the Self

•How do people present themselves in cyberspace?

Walther (2000): Social Information Processing Theory – message senders

portray themselves in a socially desirable manner in order to draw attention of
message receivers and foster anticipation of future interaction.

How do people present themselves in cyberspace?

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Do people lie then?
Miller (1995): the selves presented in web pages do not seem to be
qualitatively different from “selves” presented in other ways

Clay (2000): in interactive CMC, there is an attempt to express the “real self”
online, especially when one desires to form and maintain relationships

Do people lie then?

Anonymity and Disinhibition

Disinhibition – reduced self-regulation;
Two major effects:
1. People use it to act out a certain need or emotion (e.g.,
flaming, cybersex, gender switching)

2. Accelerated and Increased level of disclosure

Anonymity and Disinhibition

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 LOVE online? 

Stage 1: The use of attraction cues

in online interactions
• Age and Sex
• Attractiveness (Nick, Avatar and Self-presentation)
• Similarity
• Proximity and familiarity (intersection frequency)
• Overlapping social circles
• Physical attractiveness

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 Stage 2: The establishment of intimacy
leading to friendship

• Similarity
• Perceived characteristics
• Perceived quality of communication

Stage 3: The intensification of attraction

leading to a romantic relationship

• Exclusivity, Regularity, length of the

interaction
• High Level of disclosure
• Other forms of communication (text,
phone, e-mail, webcam) – Back-
channeling
• Validation of existence (pictures, other
forms of communication)
• Terms of Endearment

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 Stage 3 (continuation)
• Long-term plans/meeting in person
• Verbalization of feelings towards each
other
(“pasakalye” – “halabsyu”, “wuv you”)
• Verbalization of the physical aspect of
intimacy
(mwah, “cyber foreplay”, phone sex)
• Physical attractiveness (nick, self-
description, pictures)

Stage 4: The decision to meet in person

• Physical attractiveness still
plays a role, but not as big as
“in-person” meeting only
• Initial meeting is usually an
affirmation of the intimacy
established online
• Accelerated physical intimacy:
holding hands, kissing, necking
and petting, sexual intercourse

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 Stage 5: The decision to continue or
terminate the romantic relationship after
meeting in person

Online versus In-person

• Similarities
– Perceived and actual
similarities
– Reciprocity
– Proximity and
familiarity/propinquity effects
(intersection frequency)
– Novelty of the situation
(inherent online)
– Physical attractiveness

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 Online versus In-person
• Differences
– Location
– Accelerated intimacy online
• higher levels of self-disclosure on CMC
• hasty verbalization (limited non-verbal cues,
deindividuation effects)
– Physical components of a relationship

Heightened attraction?

Social Identity model of Deindividuation

Effects
(SIDE) theory
by Postmes, Spears & Lea (1998)
• Members of the ingroup and the outgroup are both
treated as stereotypical group members: Ingroup
favoritism increases, and outgroup bias/rejection is
heightened

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Hyperpersonal Perspective
by Walther,1997
“selective self-presentation”
• editing and off-line processing for the purpose
of presenting self in a more desirable manner
• people may idealize the impressions that they
construct of their communication partners

THE FORMATION OF INTERPERSONAL ATTRACTION AND ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP ONLINE

ONLINE INTERACTION IN-PERSON INTERACTION

Attraction Cues Attraction Cues

Computer-mediated In-person
Communication (IRC) Communication

Lack of Intimacy Lack of

Intimacy Intimacy intimacy

Friendship Romantic
Relationship Romantic Friendship
Relationship

Acquaintance
Acquaintance

Termination of
Relationship Decision
Termination of
to meet Long-term Relationship
In-person Commitment

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• Meaningful relationships are formed through
online interaction.
• The question is not whether the relationship
is real or not, but whether the relationship is
complete or not.
• Friendships, which rely solely on intimacy,
may be complete online.
• A romantic relationship, on the other hand,
demands physical component. This becomes
the impetus for couples to move from online
to “in-person” interaction.
• The theories of attraction based on in-person
interactions are applicable to online
interactions with slight modifications.
• (AND THE INTERNET IS NOT JUST FOR
PORN! – chei monster)

thank you! gtg! ;-)

thank you! gtg! ;-)

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Email me

cfbilledo@yahoo.com

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