# Abandoned (1)

Trust A firm belief in reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. Infants are born with no trust or mistrust. Infants will develop trust or mistrust during the first eighteen months of their lives. During the first eighteen months, the infant will develop trust provided the mother and father are attending to its basic needs, demonstrating consistency, support, reliability, and most importantly, love. When the infant's basic needs are satisfied, the infant will develop a feeling that the world around them is a safe place to belong to, and trust is born. When a mother or father reject, harm, or fail to provide the basic needs an infant requires, for selfish reasons, the infant will develop mistrust and will learn the world around them is not a safe place to belong to, becoming apprehensive, suspicious, and experience prolonged episodes of depression later in life. Abandoned To cease to support or look after. So we begin to unravel the many mysteries, which prevent a person from achieving their ultimate dream, their goals, trust in their partner, and trust in the world around them. Without trust, comes no confidence, with no confidence comes very little success and lots of pain. No trust equals a confused life with many unanswered questions, feeling alone and abandoned by all. The hole in the soul must be healed through the healing process--acceptance, becoming aware of self.

Abandonment - The Emotional Scar To Your Inner Child

My childhood memories are quite fond. I have memories of when I was 2 years old, just a baby. I remember my grandparents visiting from Italy; they took me for a walk down the street. Some memories are only still shots, a moment in time. Some memories are more detailed as I grow older. I remember my brother locking my mother into the cellar. That happened in the middle of a 70's winter. I clearly remember the consequences that followed too. I was only 3 years old. Life Coaching Clients who go through my self-awareness program will tell you I preface their first session by saying, Nobody is to blame for what you may uncover during your sessions. You are an adult now, and you must accept responsibility for your actions; you can no longer look for someone to blame for how you feel or for what you do. You should also know your parents did the best they could with the tools that were passed down to them. Its a cycle that many, including you dont even know youre in. Most clients who work with me are ready to learn what many people fear: The truth behind who they truly

are. Although I have many fond childhood memories, I also have the typical memories of: Abandonment, neglect, shame, and guilt among others, no different than anybody else. There is one particular memory of abandonment that will trigger my self-chatter. On command I could alter the direction of my journey and cast a shield to protect my inner child from experiencing another blow of abandonment. A few years ago, if I foresaw the possibility of experiencing the emotion of abandonment I altered the direction of my journey to protect my inner child instantly but had no clue that I was doing it. This behavior prevented me from enjoying my life to the fullest for fear I would be abandoned again. The wounds of an inner child are very real and very much alive in everyone. The scar is deep, and the emotion is real. The feeling the inner child is left with when its not healed is isolation, alone and disconnected from the adult. People who experience depression, or experience troubled relationships, or ongoing life dissatisfaction may be feeling the remains of a wounded inner child. The pain to severe and the scar to deep for many, they often run from this experience never healing the emotional scar, and the cycle continues from generation to generation. Fortunately I am aware of my inner child - from time to time he likes to make himself known by reacting strongly to certain events leaving me left with the same feeling as when I was a child. When my inner child surfaces I allow him to go through the process of feeling basking in his emotions as I the adult Bruno validate his feelings. Suppressing his emotions would be denying his existence - he does exist. In the past when I did not validate his emotions he would seek validation externally. He was never direct with whatever he was feeling, he disguised his emotions within a joke or a general statement, but listened carefully for the validation. Boy oh boy - I dont need to tell you what would happen if he wasnt validated. You are allowed to feel down and blue, little guy, it did happen and you have every right to feel blue. Youre safe and everything will be okay. Tomorrow is a new day.

Abandonment
What is abandonment? How does it affect a persons adult life? Is it connected to Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)? The meaning of abandonment used loosely is when the needs of a child have not been met. Perhaps the mother was not affection enough or did not express her love for the child. Whatever the case, the basic needs of the child were not met, leaving a gap in the childs soul. It is very common for a person to have deep issues with abandonment that are both real, actual abandonment, and abandonment that is perceived by them and or about to take place.

A person dealing with issues of abandonment, could learn how not to trust anyone, for the fear the person will not be there when they are needed, might feel they are not important, not worthy, and feel the lack of respect among the people they think are supposed to love them. Abandonment is found in disorders such as Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Abandonment is often the root cause in people with BPD. One of the behaviors observed in a person with BPD, is the constant need to heal the wounded soul. The person is not conscious of the void left behind from one of the early development stages when trust is developed, and will go on a life long search to fill the void, or to find the love it so desperately seeks. The person will find temporary ways to fill the void, the wounded soul, but what they will do is begin to sabotage any relationship they are in or push people in their lives aside for the fear they too will be abandoned by them one day. Abandonment can only be fixed with healing. People dealing with deep, rooted, abandonment issues, will have to come to terms with the understanding that they are the only one that can make themselves feel better, by accepting the hurt and so that the healing process can begin.

Acrophobia
Today I must cross this bridge again. Last week I traversed the bridge without a thought. As a matter of fact I did not realize I was on the bridge until I was almost completely across it. I am confident that today I will traverse this bridge with no thought, with no issue, and without the need for a distraction.

Fear
Many people deal with irrational fear daily. How does a person develop a fear that is irrational in the first place? Is it because of a traumatic event that happened in a persons past, is it from watching TV, or is fear part of our genetic makeup? Many fears and phobias are irrational and pose no immediate danger, yet a person feels unsafe from the inside. Aware of the irrational behavior, they cannot control their behavior and begin to avoid encounters with what ever they fear, resulting in a phobia. Acrophobia is the fear for heights Not long ago I faced one of my fears that was quicky becoming a phobia. Driving is my main method of transportation and bridges are part of our roads everywhere. I knew I had to conquer my fear or my fear would conquer me. What happens when a persons concedes to fear? Fear begins to build onto the fear, eventually paralyzing a person from completing a task. The person slowly begins to avoid

being in a situation where they would be faced with their fear--anytime they succeed in avoiding their fear, they experience a sense of relief--they make a mental note of the sensation, recalling the sensation at any possible thought of the fear popping up, creating total avoidance of the situation. New fears begin to emerge, restricting the person from other aspects of their life. Soon after theyre confidence slowly dwindles, creating even more fears until they are completely isolated and protected within their own home. How to overcome fear before it conquers you: 1. Acknowledge your fear 2. Recognize the fear is irrational and poses no danger 3. Ask yourself what would happen if you did complete the task regardless of the fear 4. Set a date 5. Visualize yourself succeeding 6. On the date set Complete task 7. Write down what you learned from the experience 8. Read back what you wrote about your experience

Acrophobia
I have a fear. I have acrophobia, an extreme or irrational fear for heights. At one point in my life I was afraid to fly, especially after 911. My fear for flying was so intense I would make up stories moments before each flight. I had a thousand reasons why I should not get on my flight--from profiling the other passengers, to the look and age of the plane, I would even guess the captains age and then guesstimate the number of years and experience he or she could have. Oh yeahyou could say I was a nut case about flying. But, I boarded each and every flight I was booked on and because I did board each flight, I have in-flight stories that would bring anyone to their knees from laughter, especially the story when I thought we were going to crash. Yeah Ill spare myself the embarrassment. At the worst point of my fear of flying, I was on average booked on four round trips per month between Newark, New Jersey and Toronto, Canada. That was a total of eight flights a month, two flights each week. I lived in Toronto but reported into the US. I did this commute for almost two years between 2004 and 2006. I did eventually get over my fear of flying Im proud to say. But acrophobia isnt defeated so easily, it manifested itself somewhere new in my life. Enter big tall bridges, bridges that are traversed by millions of motorist each day. What happens when a person doesnt even know they have a fear for bridges, when all of a sudden they begin to feel their entire body tensing-up, their hands grip to the steering wheel, and their heart pounding to their chest--what does a person do? Ill tell you what I

did. I braced myself for impact. No reason why I braced myself for impact, I just did, as I raced across the bridge, hoping it would not collapse behind me, as I envisioned my car plunging to the river below. There is one bridge just outside of Albany, New York on Interstate 90 that paralyzes me each time I approach it. My heart begins to pound, my hands grip to the steering wheel and my body tenses-up, I see the bridge a mile away. My first instinct is to pull over and wait for a few cars to go first, followed by my next thought that Im not letting my fear stop me from crossing any bridge. So yesterday was one of those days that I would find myself traveling between New York City and Toronto and there it is from a mile away, the bridge. Yesterday as I approached the bridge, I decided I was going to blog about it and I reached for my camera, that was sitting on the passenger seat. I was going to attempt to take pictures of the bridge, drive my car and deal with my fear all at the same time. I knew that If I wanted to pull this off I had to pay ultra attention to everything around me. My hands both on the steering wheel, the camera resting on the top of the steering wheel. I am totally relaxed and snapsnap snap. Im taking pictures of a bridge that just ten days earlier terrorized me, along with a dozen other times. Crossing the bridge yesterday was no different than driving on any other part of 436 km stretch of I90. I crossed the bridge yesterday with no thoughts. I could only pay attention to the cars around me, the lane I was traveling in, and taking pictures of the bridge as I crossed it. I did not have time to think about what would happen if the bridge collapsed. My heart did not race, nor did my body brace for impact. I was just in the moment, distracted by reality.

Pain Caused By Fear - Anxiety Attach

I feel mortified. They say we are our own worst critics. I believe that we are our own worst critics. I wont deny that I am crucifying myself right now. My heart is beating a thousand miles a minute, the same way it beat last April, when I spoke at the peace-bypeace festival. That was my first public speaking appearance and it was for 800 students. They do say: Go Big or Go Home So I go BIG!! Oh yeah! Style By Jury - Was I nervous the first time? I think I was a little nervous, but not to the extent where I couldnt work. Do I believe I might have spoken fast like I did on the radio? Sure - I think I did. You know! The funny thing is someone once told me that I write the way I speak. Oddly enough I never really heard, or should I say, aware of what I am saying. I mean - Im aware of what I am saying but I am not aware of how it sounds. I dont think I ever gave thought to how I might sound. I sometimes become aware of when I speak fast, so I slow down. But even when I slow down I am not thinking about how it sounds - only that Im

speaking fast. I gained a lot from my experience at the peace-by-peace festival. I also gained a wealth of experience with each episode of Style by Jury and Save Us From Our House. But today I will walk away with the granddaddy of all prizes, a huge learning lesson that will help me as I move forward in my journey. But, the prize also came at a cost the biggest anxiety attach I experienced since my last one when bridges were an issue. Clients sometimes ask me if Im ever in my head. I always give them the same answer each time. No, I have no reason to be in my head. I never did want to hear what I sound like on the radio, nor did I ever want to see what I look like on TV. But after listening to what I sound like on the radio, I know now what that person meant when they said, I speak the way I write. So yes, I am in my head tonight Just a little bit. During my brief, intense anxiety attack earlier, I said, Im never doing that again, But I know that comment is not true - I welcome another time so I could implement what I learned today and what I will learn tomorrow no matter how sever the anxiety attach will be. Sometimes what we need to learn about ourselves will come at a cost the price is fear that causes pain - anxiety, but in the end its worth it any amount of pain caused by fear is worth experiencing if the end result yields a positive learning experience.

The Search For Love or The Need To Be Loved

Human beings: Mysterious, intellectual, adventurous and emotional, white, black, brown, leaders, and followers, happy, joyful, stressed or relaxed these are just a few characteristics that make human beings human. Although each one of us was raised in a different environment, no matter what nationality, culture, or race, we all share one fundamental need, and that is love. Love is the single most needed emotion everybody everywhere in the world longs for. People search for love in partners, in spouses, and in family. Often time the search for love is mistaken for a need to be loved. Unfortunately when the basic emotional need of a child is neglected, the child is left feeling abandoned resulting in an ongoing and longterm search for love in adulthood that is often mistaken for the need to be loved. The need to be loved is described by loneliness, misunderstood, and unworthy; Nobody to hold and to tell them I love you and that all will be well Nobody to validate how they feel, but many will defend their feelings. How could that be, how could another person defend another persons feeling? Is it any wonder they feel unworthy When will it be their turn? The search for the love or the need to be loved

The effects from the need to be loved are profound and reek havoc ranging from sever panic attacks to anxiety for the fear that they will never be loved. Some will develop an inability to trust anyone. They fear that the people closest to them will not be there for them when they need them most. Relationships become battlegrounds fighting to secure the love they finally deserve. Love is a fundamental need in every human being. In the absence of love human beings are left feeling unsettled, incomplete and continue the search to fill the void within their soul. Cycling through unhealthy relationships does not heal abandonment nor fulfill your need to be loved. The only true way to do so is to start the healing process. The feeling of abandonment needs to be confronted and dealt with directly. This is the only path to true happiness. Only when you are ready to accept what is and deal with the imprisoned emotions will you begin to understand the difference between love and the need to be loved.

Looking For Holiday Stress Research? Self-Awareness For The Holidays

Imagine the holiday season colored in just black and white, with shades of gray. The Christmas tree dull slate and stark black. It would be dismal, wouldn't it? But now imagine a Christmas tree lit with rich vibrant colors: blues, reds, emerald greens... It would be quite a dramatic difference. This is the dramatic shift you would experience, just by learning to heighten your selfawareness. Self-awareness--or the lack of it--colors how you see and experience the world around you. Mastering self-awareness opens up a whole new world of opportunity, advantages and experiences, and reduces stress and anxiety levels, especially over the holiday season. Reduce Holiday Stress With Self-Awareness? Self-awareness is having an unvarnished and clear perception of your behaviors thoughts, feelings, emotions and your personality. It is an unbiased view of your individual strengths and weaknesses, as well as an unfiltered inventory of your internal beliefs, motivations, reactions and corresponding emotions. When you are in touch with your true feelings and self-aware of your own thoughts and emotions, you are able to fully understand others without judgment and react accordingly, minimizing unnecessary stress and anxiety. But learning to heighten your awareness can be difficult to achieve if you don't know what you are looking for. Beliefs and mistruths you have adopted, unwillingly and unknowingly over the years. I call these misperceptions "noise." They cloud the way you

perceive others and, more importantly, how you perceive yourself. Clearing away the "noise" and learning self-awareness takes time and dedication. A master life coach can also teach it. The first step towards learning self-awareness is learning about your behaviors and how your emotions react in a given environment. How to Achieve Self-Awareness For The Holiday Season There is no quicker path to awaken and learn self-awareness than by consulting with a qualified master life coach. By participating in life coaching, you can immediately begin to wipe away the years of misperceptions and mistruths and begin to see clearly. Master life coaches are trained to direct your attention toward areas of need. They don't just ask questions but instead ask the RIGHT questions in order to get to the root of the matter. By becoming more conscious of your underlying habits and your behaviors, you are able to live more fully, increase your emotional intelligence and achieve more success, while reducing stress and anxiety. Learn self-awareness for the holiday season and reduce your stress and anxiety. Visit Bruno LoGreco Master Life Coach & Mentor at www.brunologreco.com. You will discover a new vibrant world full of opportunity!

Holiday Season Self-Awareness Package Includes:

Two forty-five minute phone calls Behavior assessment Summary of your behavior Tools to help you reduce your stress and anxiety just in time for the Holiday