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EFFECTIVE
TEENAGE BOY
PARENTING

EKEKERE SAMUEL

Uyo, Nigeria

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Thank you for buying this Book. You are not just
paying for knowledge but you are supporting
Soaring Life Ministries and Soar Inner City project
to support Kids in School. We are grateful!
You can send us an email: naijasoar@gmail.com
or WhatsApp or call us +2349055530115,
+2349039926659

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© 2022, by EKEKERE S. U
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be
reproduced in any form without permission in writing
from the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations
embodied in critical articles or reviews.
Editor: Soar Writing Services
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Printed in Nigeria

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To all those who are going through economic as
well as mental difficulties due to the Coronavirus
pandemic and the Russian Ukraine war, may this
book bring you joy and fewer struggles.

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 Acknowledgments
~~~
I AM GRATEFUL to my daughters, Success,
Greatness and Dominion, whose giggling play
inspire me to want to leave footprints for life. I
want to thank my mom, Emeline Samuel who have
faithfully fulfilled the role of being a sacred parent
in the absence of my dad and modelled for me what
it is all about. She has been an inspiration.
To the many readers who provided helpful
comments on an earlier draft. The volume you hold
in your hands is much different because of their
insightful comments and suggestions. The team at
Soar Montessori has proven a great community of
minds. I will ever be grateful. I’d like to offer special
thanks to Mr. Richwise Ime. His support and
insight on the content of this book, cannot be
overstated.
Grace and I are in awe of the people God has
blessed us with as friends and co-workers.
I also want to thank Evangelist Okpo Solomon,
whose friendship, support, and informal
mentorship in the writing ministry has been

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invaluable. Godswill, whose manifold gifts allow
me to pursue my own.
The Victory Press team did their usual superlative
job. They provided their customary top-of-the line
service in taking a coarse manuscript and making it
much better.
A special thank you to my sister Utomobong
Samuel for her personal encouragement. I know
she is always praying for me.
Finally, and foremost, I’d like to thank my wife,
Grace, whose patience borders on saintliness.
Grace has greatly influenced this book. I can’t
imagine having written it without her being within
earshot of my home office.

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 INTRODUCTION
(((( ))))

RAISING CHILDREN IS an arduous task, and it's

harder the higher the children grow. Parenting roles
are fast changing with advancements in technology
and the modern parent must adapt to the changing
times.
Agreed, you have worked so hard to raise your
children till now. You remember that time they
were young, you had to be around them and then
eventually they grew and began to take
responsibility for themselves. You loved their new
found independence but realized that this
independence was giving you too much to worry
about.
Every parent raising teenagers have this fear and
doubt, about doing enough to instil some degree of
discipline in their wards to be able to wade off the
Influences of their peers. And if you are raising
teenage boys especially, you want to be certain
about what influences them beyond you.

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It’s no easy task raising teenage boys. Who makes
all the troubles in society? The boys. What’s the
largest population in the prisons? The boys. With
the male child being the most prone to crime and
criminality, parenting techniques targeted at boys
should be well curated to meet the burden of the
challenge.
No parent wants to raise a son who is going to end
in prison. I don’t want you to either. But parents
are daily losing their male wards to the influence of
peers, alcohol, drugs and other vicious crimes. It
seems obvious that if more boys are raised
correctly, society will be faced with less problems.
The tumultuous process that involves raising a
successful male child requires hardwork,
persistence and perseverance. Forget about all the
brouhaha and hassles of society, you will have to be
extra diligent at your parenting your role if you will
have a chance to win your son from the claws of
societal influences.
True, you are up against vipers, beasts and all forms
of wild societal animals and they are waiting to
pounce on your teenage son if you aren’t watching.

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Now, your teenage son is peculiar. Think. Would
there have bee electricity, telephone, automobiles
and other great inventions if all the men had turned
out criminals? Of course, no! Society has enjoyed
the benefit of quality parenting offered to male
children the world over. You will not fail society in
raising well bred sons that will impact our nation,
continent and the world.
That criminal down the road is evident of a poor
parental system. You may not totally agree, but this
does not matter. Parents must take responsibility
for their children whether it is a fault of theirs that
things went bad or yes. No one will.
Your children are arrows while you are the bow.
Your bow responsibilities are immense because you
have to be strong enough to have a chance to be
effectively used to shoot that arrow, you son, into
the world. As you shoot him, he goes against the
wind, friction with particles in the air, and against
it’s own inertia. It's never easy for our kids but with
the right parenting strategy, you can guarantee that
he is going to go as far as you want.
Parents want to see their children outdo them. I
know that part of your heart is desirous of raising a
son who isn't only going to walk this road with you,

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but who will be a pathfinder for many after you.
You want the best for your son. No bargains.
The teenage years 13-19 are defining years for your
male children. And for you as parent in their lives,
it matters that you have the strongest hold of them
during these years of their lives. What I mean here
is that you should be the strongest influence
through those years as they pursue what picture
they are able to create about their lives going
forward.
Now this book is for you. You picked it up and
decided that you should be a better parent for your
teenage son. Congratulations. You’ve got good
thoughts for him. You care. Now is time to take
your care further, by reading every part of this
book.
Don’t just wish to be a father or a mother to a
teenage son. Be a concerned parent who wants to
be a major player in his or her son's life growing
through the often called wild years. I’m not praying
for you. I won't have to pray for you when you have
equipped yourself with quality parenting knowledge
and are doing what you have to do to get the
process right.

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Now that you have this book before your eyes, it’s
time to read it. Spend time on it and then seize the
opportunity of knowledge to make your son one
you will be proud of.

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 CHAPTER
1

WHAT'S THE HECK ABOUT THE

TEENAGE YEARS?
(((( ))))

NOW, THE DEFINING years of a child’s life is

every year since they were born. A child growing
through the age rank from zero all the way to twelve
is learning to discover but under close supervision.
Parenting is always closest the early years of our
lives but it wanes as the years go down.
The reason is, as we grow, we look for more
independence. If we don’t get it, we fight for it. And
parents become weaker while their children are
entering their strongest years. At some point, where
the parents show uncanny weakness the children
could overpower their influence.
Parents tend to love to see their children do more
without them. Who doesn’t? We easily get tired
having to babysit, so when a child is able to do with

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little or no supervision, we want to enjoy our
freedom too. But this is where many a parent miss
it on their teenage sons. Here, the parents disappear
entirely from their sons’ lives, when this should be
the time they should be more ever present.
I know you don’t want to be seen as babysitting
your teenage son. He doesn't want it either but he
will welcome your presence as a partner and factor
in his increasingly growing independent life.
The reason teenage life is considered a herculean
season in a child's life is because it is a period in a
child's life when he begins to feel he is finding his
individuality and voice. He has the desire to know.
There are several questions he is now finding
answers to and be wants those answers by all
means.
The average teenage boy wants to feel he is wanted,
admired and welcomed by society, by his peers, by
his family, by everyone. At this point in his life, his
dreams are being directed towards being wanted.
He thinks the stage is all his. He is attracted to acts
and people who seem to have a way with society.
He gets on music, loves games, feels he can be a
model, etc. And then he realizes all these have to
wait. You can’t tell the fury in his minds knowing

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he will have to go through a process. Now , if he
isn't well advised, someone is going to whisper in
his years about this short route to fame and wealth
and he is going to buy it.
As a child grows, his ability to understand grows
too. The teenage years is a period of quantum
exposure. All these years, he had been shielded.
You shielded him from watching all the adult
shows. He is getting to see those shows more often
now because you’ve probably given him more
openness. Or, he is getting to see what his friends
are watching more often. He feel he knows what's
going on now, but in reality, he knows too little
about what he is watching to have a good image or
opinion about it.
Your son's questions in these years are hunting for
answers and there is always someone willing to give
an answer if you aren’t willing to offer one. Here
again is where most parents miss it. They are
unavailable to answer the questions because they
feel their children are too young to not understand
what’s going on. They hide in the cover of “he is
too young" while someone else is busy influencing
the boy negatively.

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Doing the teenage years are when young people
develop the ability to bond. Young men want to
hang around fellow young men. They feel that
hanging around their peers is the sign that they are
valued and wanted. Your son is likely going to
shape his identity putting into consideration his
peers he hangs around with. This is the reason cult
groups are very successful at hunting teenage boys.
Because parents aren’t offering answers, teenagers
find answers amongst themselves and eventually
conclude that they have no need for parental
counsel since the parents aren’t even willing to play
this role in the first place.
As long as parents will say and do nothing,
teenagers will find no value for them. But this is not
what you want. You want to be around your
teenage son because you want him to trust you with
his questions and to always run back to you when
he thinks is he is been influenced by his peers. This
is where you are able to prove your parental role
over your teenage son.
I don’t want you raising teenage sons that will add
to the crime statistics. The statistics is damning
already. But most criminals started out as teenagers

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whose parents overlooked. While your teenager is
craving for independence, you should not give it.
Be there! Stay around! Talk! Teenagers need people
to talk to especially the boys. They need the rapport
with parenthood and they want someone to count
on them. Your son isn't going to count on you if
you are not counting on him. This is your chance at
a destiny, and wouldn’t it be great that you
succeeded? Yes, you will!

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 CHAPTER
2

PARENTING YOUR TEENAGE SON WILL

COST YOU
(((( ))))

I’M AMAZED! Parents aren’t willing to spend

more time with their teenage children like they did
when they were in their earlier years. They feel, “he
is big enough to fix himself". But are our teenage
sons really big enough to face the hassles of life
alone? You probably know the answer. Not yet!
You can't get quality results when you aren’t
making quality inputs. You spend more time with
your younger kids but you spend, less with your
teenagers. But in reality, your teenagers need all the
time. They will soon be heading out to the world
without you and you need them to go into the
world with everything you can show them.
Your teenage son is smart. I know that’s what you
think too about him. But he thinks he can be

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smarter if you offer him a shoulder to fall on. While
he may be growing up, he is not grown up yet. He
doesn't want you treating him like a grown up, he
wants you treating him like a “growing up” young
man.
Your growing up teenage son needs time. He is not
going to have this much time with you in the next
one, two to five years depending on how old he is
now. He might be off for higher education, or to
pursue a career and you have to reach him only via
calls. Now is the right time to forge a major impact
in his life. It will cost you to always spend time to
influence him. But if you have to do it now so that
you don’t have to do it later, why not?
He needs your financial resources, more than you
have always given him. Look, your son’s teenage
years are investment years. The teenage years are
actually the best time to invest in your son’s talent
or skills. This is why you have to be on the look out
for what skills he is exhibiting. Most parents fail
here. They don't care about their children's talent
and the boys are looking for how best to use what
they have discovered about themselves. They
eventually end up joining gangs because they were
looking for how well to develop their talent.

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Your son will likely have developed a talent or skill
that you may have knowledge of or may not have
at all. It’s ridiculous thinking that your son has to
be a doctor or a lawyer or an engineer because you
feel everyone that’s responsible is either a doctor, a
lawyer or an engineer. It's ridiculous.
Your son’s talent is a key to his wealth. If you can
help him convert that talent to money, why not?
But first, he will have to be able to convert that
talent to a level of perfection before it can become
profitable. You owe him the right investment in his
talent and skills apart from his basic education. You
have to help invest in his skill education. The more
he is able to do with his talent with your help, the
less likely he is going to go looking for people out
there.
Register him in weekend and holiday classes to
improve his talents. Buy him books related to his
skills. Be interested in what he is interested in. The
more interest your son feels you have for him and
what he is doing, the more likely he is going to trust
you with everything he has. Trust in parenting is a
financing tool to get the best out of your wards.
Parenting is a costly venture. You signed in to
spend on your children the moment you opted to

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bring them into the world. You want to be
intentional about how you spend on your teenage
son. You should be goal oriented, targeting a
certain endpoint.
Your teenage son deserves your faith to make the
investment in him. To make any investments
requires a level of faith. Your faith in your child is
going to grow in him a confidence to pursue even
bigger dreams that you can imagine. Investing faith
in your teenage son is important as this will
increasingly trigger his curiosity towards things that
he knows you will support.
The price to produce a son that’s going to be
profitable for life is huge. Your prayers are
investments that you can’t ignore. This teenage
years are when you should likely pray the most. The
strange forces of darkness come sprawling as he
grows through teenage-hood. You want to stay in
charge. This means always having that boy under
your spiritual control. This will require nights and
days of sacrificial prayers on his behalf.
There is no trick to getting more out of your
teenage son. It’s no trick. It’s about been
intentional, doing what you have to do, when you
have to do it. There is no guarantee you will get any

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good out of your son when you are not showing a
commitment to his welfare. This commitment
means you are investing everything you have to
make him the picture that’s better than what you
envisage.
Indeed, you don't know clearly the image of your
son's tomorrow. What you have is a glimpse. To
even succeed at the glimpse you see, you must show
a willing commitment to play your role as
effectively as you can. The road to tomorrow for
your teenage boy is right now passing in front of
you. You could decide to choke it with thorns and
broken bottles, or you make it an express lane. This
is your chance, make the most of it.

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 CHAPTER
3

PLAY A MENTOR ROLE

(((( ))))

YOUR TEENAGE BOY is bursting with life. He

has several things running through his head as he
tries to define who he is and what he is in life for.
He begins to find a clearer picture as he grows
through teenage-hood and he wants to find
someone whose picture offers him a sense of
direction.
Your parenting role includes mentorship.
Mentorship means you are willing to hold your
son's hands through the path you have taken and
obtained some level of success from. You can't
discard your achievements as nothing just because
you don’t want your son to head in that direction.
You have achieved some feet, appreciate it and
teach you son what you already know.

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You have knowledge. This knowledge should be
your son’s advantage through life. He doesn’t have
to go learn what you already know when he can
learn while watching you do. I advice parents when
I have the opportunity to always train their children
in whatever skill or trade they already have because
this may just be their take off point. I also believe
that children are blessed with more grace to double
the efforts of their parents especially with
advancements in technology.
Take this advice. Yes, you don’t want your child to
become like you, or to undertake a business you are
currently doing. There's nothing wrong about this.
What’s wrong is when you decide to close a door
of opportunity for your own advancement because
you are not willing to see your child head in a
profession you are already headed. Let your child
make his decisions eventually about what
profession he intends to pursue.
As a mentor, you are an example. Be proud of your
parental role. Your teenage son will be proud he has
parents who exemplify the life that they want him
to live. You want your child to be available, you
ought to be available. You want your child to spend
time studying his books, be studious. You want

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your child to be aware about what’s happening
around him, be aware too. Model your life so that
you can be a mirror through which he is going to
look for himself.
A mentor guides. You can’t guide a person when
you lack knowledge of what you are offering to
guide them. Teenagers are knowledge savvy.
There's so much knowledge that they easily can
acquaint themselves with especially in this age of
the internet when information is at one's finger tips.
You can't be effective offering guidance when you
aren’t up to date or well informed about the subject
matter. Now, update your syllabus. You can't be a
parent with a 2000s mentality when you are in
2020s.
So how much do you know? Rise up to the
challenge. Don't let your teenage child be too smart
to think you are out of date. I know what this means
for parents trying to catch up with the trend. But
you have to adapt for your children. It’s not going
to be easy but you have to do this for them. For
them!
The road through parenting your teenage boy is
filled with potholes and mines every now and then.
You remember all the time when you were a

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teenager. It wasn't easy right? It has never been
easy, but you made it. Your parents were there with
you. Now is your time to play the same role for your
son.
A mentor is an encourager. Very often, I hear
parents talk about their children and talk about their
sons in a way that breaks their spirit. When I was a
teenager, my dad would always tell me that if I
didn’t find my self somewhere before I turned 18,
he'd kick me out of his house. He'd often say this
till one day, I became mad. I told him, what I
needed was encouragement. I wasn't doing bad, I
just needed someone to believe in me.
Your son needs your encouragement even if the
goods he is producing isn’t up to what you had
expected. Encouragement is powerful. It can stir up
possibilities in people so that you get results beyond
what you ever anticipated.
Imagine your teenage son accomplishing much
without your effort. You won’t feel happy that you
weren’t part of the success story. Every parent's joy
is in knowing that they were part of the success
story of their children. Now, you have a part to play
for your children. Do your best for them. Do it
now.

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 CHAPTER
4

BE A FRIEND TO YOUR TEENAGE SON

(((( ))))

TEENAGERS FEEL LOVED among their

friends. Friendship is a strong binding force and
teenagers feel an increased level of importance and
desirability when around their friends. This is the
reason most worthwhile friendships among people
started out when they teenagers.
This desirability to bond with fellow teenagers is a
reason teenagers are prone to peer pressure. It’s
actually normal to want people to be desirable and
your teenage boy will likely find it appealing that he
is able to find approval from his peers. But the
problem here is, the peers are just like himself,
lacking knowledge. You don’t want you teenage
boy depending entirely on the approval of his peers.
They don’t have to approve him for him to believe
in himself if you are doing your parenting job.

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To protect your teenage son, you have play the role
of a teenage friend. C'mon get closer. Don’t live in
the clouds when your boy is down here. You will
agree that you are less closer with your teenage son
than you were when he was younger. You have to
change this scenario. Get interested, get concerned.
Understanding teenage friendship is key to enjoying
your relation with your teenage son. He needs a
friend and if you show up friendly, why not? He is
going to open up. The challenge with teenagers is
“they want to trust enough before they open up".
You'd wonder where you got it wrong on this
parental journey. But you didn't get it wrong. You
just thought he was growing now and needed less
of you. In reality, he needs more of you now.
The time you spend with your teenage son should
increase more than ever. The interest you show
should also increase. Put him in your shoes. He is
just getting to know the world better and he has
several questions that he wants answers to. Yes, he
wants answers to those things you feel he is still too
little to discuss about, like sex, relationships, career,
money etc.
Why do you think your teenage boy is too little to
discuss issues when he is faced by a society that

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talks about these things often. Truly, you can’t hide
him from the influences of the social media or even
the mass media. The faster you tell yourself this
truth, the safer it will be for you.
Building a friendly disposition with your teenage
son helps create the atmosphere for chit chats that
will eventually lead to him asking those questions
and you answering those questions in the safest way
possible for him. Time is counting down to when
he would be independent. You may not have all his
teenage years. Some teenagers are through with
secondary school at age fifteen or sixteen and they
immediately get offered admission into the
university. Teenagers face the world earlier these
days so you have to pretend that the time you have
is now to foster that friendship that will keep him
on your phone wherever he finds himself, because
he knows a friend he can trust.
Learn to do teenage stuff. Follow him to games,
take a walk with him once a while, be around and
available.
You are going to enjoy peace when you know your
boy is open with you. Now, this is gold. You can’t
take away the fact that as he grows, he wants to
keep more to himself and keep secrets too. But if

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he knows you are open yourself with him, he will
find it less difficult to keep those secrets.
You know what friends do for one another. They
believe for each other. Teenage life is herculean life.
All the school work, all the stress he has to go
through with perfecting his talents skills. He wants
that assurance that he is on track. You aren't going
to nag on him when he struggling with his task. You
are going to assure him that whatever he is going
through, you are right behind him. He needs that
reassuring believe.
There is nothing most rewarding than knowing that
you have raised a child well who will be able to
stand his own among his peers despite the
pressures he may face. This is what you want.
Friendship matters to teenagers than it does for
adults. The friendships we keep as teenagers are
often the strongest for life. If your teenager can
bake on you, you know you’ve gotten him behind
you through life and for life.

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 CHAPTER
5

SHOW HIM THE BIGGER PICTURE

(((( ))))

PARENTAL GUIDANCE IS no joke. It’s big

work. This particular duty you must play is a
stimulant. The big picture. What do you see? Your
teenage son wants you to see something. You can't
be blind and raise teenagers, else you’ve officially
decided to lose them.
Here’s what I mean. What parents see about their
children is what gets them to work hard on their
parenting style, concept and roles. You should have
a picture you want to see happen for your children.
This is even more important for your teenage son,
because it gives him the picture of where he is in
your own picture.
Teenagers need the assurance of their parents
cover. They want to fly, but they also want to know
that the moment they take off, they should have

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you watching their back. It doesn’t mean you
should have a picture you must enforce. Don't try
it. Enforcing your own picture can be detrimental
to your relationship with your teenage son. But you
want him to see that in your plans about your own
future, he has a special place.
The picture you are creating isn’t the end point
picture. It is the start-off picture. You want to
encourage your son to see the possibilities that you
see to enable him be better than he can ever think
off. What you offer your child is a foundation.
Don't treat it as the end.
Here’s the deal. The bigger picture isn’t about you.
It’s about him. He can be anything and everything
he wants to be as long as he becomes useful to
himself, the family and society. What you want for
him is relevance through life.
Strategic parenting puts children first. You can’t
take away the fact that your son has huge potentials.
But you have to let him see what direction his
potentials should head. Talk to him about the big
possibilities of his potentials. And you really should
know what he has potentials at.

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Sit him down and talk to him. It is his blessing to
have a parent who acknowledges his capacity and is
willing to give the initial push because he sees
possibilities about it.
Some parents kill their children’s dreams just
because they do not agree with the potentials they
see. A teenage boy has potentials at music, or sports
for example but the parents are adamant that he has
to go to the university and study a particular course
of study that he lacks interest in. You’ve forever
stolen your opportunity to influence that child. If
he decides to pursue your interest, he may end up
dropping it if his believe in his potentials is strong
enough, or he may end up in regrets that he could
have been something you refused to allow him be.
Now, I don't want you to have regrets in the future
about your son. Checkout his potential and if you
feel, he is so good in a skill, offer him an education
at it. Help him see what he can become from what
he has potentials for. You get it right?
I always advise parents to invest at their children's
strength. See far for your teenage son at what he is
showing potentials for. See the stage, the stadium,
the influence at what you see about him and let him

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know you believe in him enough to invest in his
potentials. This will save you money.
You know, the late Michael Jackson was a huge
talent, and was discovered by his dad. Lionel Messi
was discovered and managed by his dad. The
Williams sisters were discovered and managed by
their father. Burna boy is managed by his mom.
And there are literally millions of talents out there
who were discovered and managed by their parents.
Your son does not have to get formal education
alone as his route to greatness. If you will take him
up and manage what potentials you see about him,
you can be reaching the skies together.
See the big picture but acknowledge that the picture
is bigger than what you can see. I’m not saying you
are blind. You aren't. I’m just stating that you have
huge possibilities waiting your son for you. You
don’t have to limit him, you have to awaken the
things you’ve seen. Now is the time, later may truly
be too late.

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 CHAPTER
6

HELP HIM DEFINE BOUNDARIES

(((( ))))

AS YOUR TEENAGE boy grows, he is learning

first hand his growing independent roles. Yes, you
want him to begin to do some of his thinking by
himself. You don’t want to be everywhere around
him. You want him to be able to take the initiative.
This is great but this is also where your problems
are going to begin. This is because, he does not
know his limits. Chance is, your son is likely to want
to try out new possibilities that will go anti your
expectations as well as that of society.
This is where your parental role is crucial, to help
him define boundaries and to ensure he sticks to
those boundaries as much as possible. No parent
wants to raise an heady boy. I'm sure you want a
son who has a head upstairs and who isn't going to
cause you pains. But he will, if you allow him too
much freedom.

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It’s great that you are allowing growth happen and
giving him the leverage and freedom you think he
deserves as a growing young man. But he can be
too free to not know what he is doing out there the
moment he is out of the door of your house.
You are not trying to cage him or his potentials. But
you want to be sure he is not going to get involved
with activities that are going to hamper the
potentials that you know he has. So yes, you have
to define the lines.
Your teenage son has to know he is not yet an adult
that can think for himself and do what he feels. He
must learn to submit to instruction and guidance.
As long as he lives under your roof and enjoy the
benefit of having you meet his needs, he must play
game. He must stay within your rules of
engagement. The rules of engagement should
however not be such that limits has creative ability
to think correct and productive thoughts. You just
want to ensure that the limits are to enable him
make the most of what he has capacity for.
Sit down. Take a look at your teenage boy. Amazing
young man right? But he is as amazing as you are
able to define the boundaries. If he gets involved in
cultish or any crime, you aren’t going to like that

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face, I assure you. Now, you want him to know he
may have his freedom but don’t go beyond this
point. You break this point, you lose your freedom.
Parents are often too busy to place these
boundaries for their teenagers so you find a young
person who was doing well as a child turn out wild.
You don’t give your teenage son too much freedom
to not value your guidance and directives. Stand
and be decisive about your expectations from him.
Let him know he has to play ball with you.
Define the boundaries. He is not yet an adult so he
has to answer to you. Know where he is headed at
any given time. Get to meet his friends. Check him
out in school and ask his teachers how he is faring.
Give him impromptu calls from time to time to
know where he is and how he is doing. Let him
know you are checking on him because you care
about his safety. He may say, he is grown and no
longer a child, but such statements should not hold
water if you want to keep him safe.
Mind the things you familiarize him with. Avoid
giving him more money than will meet his basic
needs. Want to know where he gets everything he
buys that you didn’t give him. Don’t see your son
using a phone you didn’t buy and be comfortable

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about it. Or he wears a pair of shoes that you know
you didn’t give him and you smile about it. Or, he
refuses to go to church with you and you feel
comfortable about his “choices". He should not
have choices with you in your house. You should
define the choices.
If he gets something with his savings, know how he
is saving to be able to afford it. Know where or how
he got the money to save. As long as he is aware
you are concerned about the things he brings with
him, he is going to play within your rules. Teenagers
want the rule book defined. Some may want to
break the rules, but the rules still has to be defined
so that they know where and how they have broken
the rules.
Let your teenage boy know there will be
repercussions for breaking rules. I heard a mother
tell his wilful teenage boys who were nineteen,
seventeen and sixteen that if any of them
impregnated any lady, she would have to marry the
lady for that person. And she meant it. The boys
were always hanging around with one girl or the
other. The moment their mother made this
statement, they realigned. They didn’t want to
marry too early in their lives.

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Define the boundaries now and as early as possible
in the life of your teenager. It's your path to peace
and bliss through your parenting experience.

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 CHAPTER
7

TEACH HIM TO HAVE A SELF BELIEVE

HE CAN DEFEND AGAINST HIS PEERS
(((( ))))

PARENTING TEENAGERS ISN’T easy work

but it’s easier when your teenage boy understands
what you are trying to do and catches the fire. In
this case, he has been able to inoculate the thoughts
in your heart, the believe that you have for him and
the confidence you want him to have about himself.
Teenage-hood is when you help your boy define his
outlook about life. He has to first be able to believe
in himself, a task that should be a major goal for
you.
It's easy to believe in one's self when you have
people who believe in you, tell you they do, inspire
you to the believe and are counting on you everyday
of their lives. You are that “people" for your
teenage boy and you should offer him the platform

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to develop his confidence level for what you believe
and what he believes about his ability and capacity.
Let him know other boys should look up to him, an
not the other way. Raising your teenagers to have a
high level of self esteem is important because it
gives them a sense of “I am in charge of my life".
Your teenage boy has to learn to have faith in his
ability. This will only happen when you have given
him the strong backing he needs to see his ability as
the best that can be. Talk him up. Encourage him
up.
At the table of boys, destinies are exchanged. As
you know, you child is living in a society where
there are sprawls roaming around like demons
looking for those to destroy. Your teenage boy is
not exempted. But you can exempt him by the
things you tell him. Teach him he is the best. He
does not need any other motivation when your
words are assuring enough and he sees your
sincerity about what you are saying.
Get him to know there are young people who are
hanging around but he must assure you he is isn’t
going to join the crowd. The best any parent would

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want for his teenage boy is to stand away from the
crowd and be outstanding.
This will only happen when he is blustering with
confidence about his ability and what he is capable
of doing. Indeed, he has the capacity to do big
things and as long as he sees big things about
himself, he is not going to be cowed into following
others who aren’t worth the onus.
See, the ball is in your court, you still have this fine
young gentleman before you. He really may not be
gentle for too long if you will look away from him.
He needs your firm watching eyes and your
reaffirmation about his ability, a forceful tenacity to
ensure that he works. Of course, he will work.
You believe in your son right? This is actually where
it begins. He is likely not going to believe when you
are not believing. He will have no back bone when
you are not strengthening the bones. He stand aloof
when face with the challenge his teenage peers
bring along because he has nothing really to defend.
But he should have. Your teenage boy should be
you ambassador, carrying the light of your family,
the hope of your family, the future of your family
with him. So, what you should do is to make sure

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he becomes that ambassador for you. Let him know
what the family stands for and how he must defend
the family name and what it stands for every where
he goes.
Even if the family doesn’t have a named history to
defend, let him know you are creating a name that
you want him to be a torch for.
A teenage boy well taught and groomed will always
think first of the benefit his actions will bring to the
home he is being raised from. He is going to think,
it’s not about him but about “us". Now the “us"
picture is what you want him to be able to see and
carry with him everywhere he goes, that fact that
his actions will have a telling effect on how the
family grows.
Don’t sleep on your responsibility. Stay on it.
Remember you really do not have all the time on
this task any more. Just a few years down the line,
perhaps a year, or two, or at most five, he is gone
into the real world to start a life without you. He
will be flexing his muscles and stretching himself to
the limitless possibilities life offers. But, every time
he wants to make that step, he will always have a
recourse to the things you have always said.

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 CHAPTER
8

PRAY FOR HIM

(((( ))))

IF THERE IS a time when you need more prayers

for your child, it is during his teenage-hood. Yes, he
needs prayers throughout his lifetime but now is
rife to make the prayers for him if you haven't been
doing this.
The power of a parent's prayers cannot be
underestimated. While parents work so hard and
talk so hard, you need those words to make great
impact for him. Your child is a gold ground where
you are planting your words and actions into, but
like every good ground, weeds grow on good
grounds too to choke the words and effects you are
trying make.
Always speak your words to God on his behalf.
Always commit his way to God. You can’t do as
much without the effect of the maker. Nothing

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happens by chance if you won't take a chance. God
has a plan for your boy but you have to show your
commitment to this plan by having a place for Him
in the grooming process.
There is no picture bigger than God's picture for
your teenage boy. Do you know that picture? Very
often, parents do not consider the place of God and
what his expectations are. They are busy trying out
all strategies and making all the investments and
many cases anti God's plan. The result certainly
turns out a disaster. You can do nothing but by
God's grace.
It would be smart to commit your child to God
even when you know you are getting all the process
right. That's the insurance you need. A child that’s
committed to God and His ways is definitely in a
part to a onward and upward trajectory.
Does your teenage boy know about God? What is
his relationship with God. This is what you should
instil as he grows. You don’t want to just commit
him to God, but you want him to acknowledge His
place in his life. You are safe with a child who
doesn’t just know about God but who has
committed his life to following his ways.

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Your prayers for your son can be the game changer.
Once, I visited the home of a friend, and I could
hear his mother every midnight pray for her
children. Now I knew what force was behind my
friend's academic achievements in school. It was no
miracle. She was an intentional mother.
It won’t be a miracle that your child will turn out a
huge success. The miracle you expect is the miracle
you work to create. Your teenage son will turn out
great and God wants this to happen. God gave him
to you, you didn’t know how the sperm would mix
with the egg to create a boy. God did that!
God gave you your son and you can't make him
what God isn’t going to approve. It will be easier to
find God's picture and then do your best to make
that picture possible.
What’s the function of your knees? It's for prayers
of course! And who else would you pray for if you
aren’t going to be praying for your son? For your
neighbours, your friends, your country? No!
Charity must begin at home. Pray for your children
daily.
Your prayers are an investment. Just as you are
investing your finances and physical resources,

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prayers are spiritual investments you are making. It
takes two to tango. It takes the physical and the
spiritual, so when you play your physical role and
then you play your spiritual role, you make the most
impact.
I listened to a particular minister who was invited
to speak in a church in my city. He said something
profound. He said his mother is always praying for
him and he could hear his mother's prayers from
wherever he was the moment she starts praying. He
was already in his late forties but his mother still
hasn’t given up praying for him.
If a grown up person is not doing without the
prayers of his parents, how much more your
teenage son? Maybe you didn’t grow up in a praying
culture that saw your parents pray for you, you can
start it for your children. Start it with your teenage
son. Every once in a while, tell him to kneel and
have you pray over him. You serve as a spiritual
coverage and your prayer will work wonders and
speed up his journey through life.

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 CHAPTER
9

HE SHOULD BE MORE!
(((( ))))

WHAT’S BEAUTIFUL ABOUT parenthood is

the privilege you have to be part of something great.
Your teenage son is going to be great. That’s why
you are reading this book.
But see, he has to be greater than you. If you are
making plans to make him someone like you, you
probably are in error. I’m too certain he wants to
outdo you. Right in the heart of every teenage boy
is the desire to outdo their parents. They want to
prove they can be better, achieve more and do
more. Yes they will. This is the reason we call them
future leaders.
Your desire for your teenage son is for him to
outplace and outdo whatever you’ve done or
acquired. You are not raising a child that will come

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to sell all that you have gathered and will leave
nothing for his progenitors.
In the community where I had lived for more than
seven years, I knew a family where the children sold
all the properties their father had and shared money
accrued amongst themselves. Sadly, they also sold
their father's only house where he was buried after
he had died. When their mother died, they had no
place to do the customary marriage rites. The poor
things had not bought any land or house to replace
what they had sold.
Now, you will say that’s bad. But, this is a result of
poor parenting, where children were not taught to
have value for heritages. They grew up no thinking
of growing resources but spending them. Your
desire for your child is to do more than you have.
This means that he is starting from where you will
end. Offer him the startup but he must assure you
that he is going to grow and increase what he has
seen you gather. He can only be greater by adding
to what he has seen.
Correct parenting should involve parents raising
their children in a way that encourages them to add
value rather than destroy value. You want him to
achieve more, but more will only be possible faster

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when he leverages on the advantage through life
that you are offering him.
You are your teenage son's advantage through life.
When I was a teenager, I had an argument with my
dad. My dad had no land, no house, no retirement
benefits, nothing. But he worked. He would always
say to me, I don’t have anything to give you, if you
like work hard, if you like don't. I knew better that
j needed his advantage. I was sixteen but smart. I
angrily told him, his mates were building houses
and starting businesses so that their kids will have a
better start. He'd be helping me start my life on a
better footing.
Now, my dad took those words and decided to own
his own house. When he died, I had to use the
building to start Soar Leadership Centre after I had
hunted for a job and didn’t find one. Now I imagine
how my life would have turned out if he had not
built a house. We have been stranded. Perhaps you
wouldn’t have read this book, because I wouldn’t
have been able to create the platform that I am
leveraging today. I have now added to that building
he left and I am certain of transferring something
far bigger than he left to my children when I will be
saying good bye to this side of life.

- 50 -
Why do I share this story? The power for more is
right in your teenage son, but you need him to start
on a ground where he would find easier to launch.
Let your teenage son know what the plan is. Let
him know you know he is better than you. Let him
feel the confidence that you are entrusting him with
a future that you want to be part of, a future that is
his to make. Assure him you will do your part to
empower him but he must commit to doing far
beyond you because this is what he is about.
Your teenage son will go far. Believe this and let
him see it too.

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