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A Letter To Failures WOMEN'S

HELP
June 15, 2021 | 6 min read

We train, study, and prepare day in and day out while dreaming of what we will
do with all of our successes and glory without a passing thought of the
potential of failure. After all, winners don’t think this way, they don’t allow
negative energy to Pow into their thought process. Failure is NEVER an option!
That is, until it becomes a reality.

In the instance of this failure, we watch the mightiest of warriors crash down
into darkness and sometimes lose themselves. I should know, I am kind of an
expert in the Veld of failure.
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 Considering the potential I showed, physically and intellectually, coupled with
the swell of conVdence that I radiated, I never could have imagined that I would
fail more times than anybody I know. I have failed BUD/s (Basic underwater
demolition/SEAL Training) twice. I switched over to the Army SFQC (special
forces qualiVcation course) and was there for 3 years, recycling many of the
courses several times for di`erent reasons. I failed and had to re-do the SOCM
(special operations combat medic) course 3 times, which typically doesn’t
happen. While I was still active, I had failing businesses that crippled me
Vnancially. Hell, the whole reason I even joined the military was because I was
kicked out of the Dallas Police Academy for having too many tradc violations.

Over a decade of my life was spent training, then su`ering, then failing, and
repeating. However, I was not the only one in this situation. There is a large
population of service-members who can relate on at least a partial level. Many
of these men and women go on and serve honorably, happily, and with no
regrets. Yet, there is another percentage of them who did not fulVll their
ambition, and they will live years trying to Vnish what they started. Though
often still top performers in whatever capacity they are serving, they are not
happy, they are not content, and sometimes they become a sort of self-

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 appointed outcast. This situation exists in all planes of society, whether a SOF
trainee or a Corporate odce worker. When a person’s drive, ambition,
capability, and conVdence seem indestructible, it is no wonder why they fall so
hard when they fail.

Considering the amount of commitment and ambition in many SOF trainees,

the drop-out process is far from perfect. Most are treated as if they simply
failed out of any other standard military course. Instead, many get ridiculed
and called a failure, a quitter, or weak, often by those who would never even
attempt such a venture. Many have invested their entire identity into becoming
this special person. Failing is devastating and can make some perfectly strong
individuals question the value of their own lives. I have had friends lose
themselves in this darkness we call failure. I, too, have almost lost myself. I
knew people who have literally drank themselves to death after failing and I
know people who turned to drugs to escape the prison of their shame.

Everyone talks about how hard completing Navy SEAL training is, but nobody
talks about the one thing that’s harder – failing it. As the only Petty Odcer in
the BUD/s holding company at the time, it is no wonder the Navy wanted me to

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 track and escort the BUD/s dropouts, which they deemed “high suicide risks”.
So often we hear about the mental fortitude and sheer willpower of those who
wear the coveted pins, hats, and patches that we desire. Obviously, nobody
talks about the guy who went almost all the way and then failed.

Nobody sees the 23-year-old SFQC washout climb through regret, anger, or
depression for another 10 years to Vnally restart and earn their Green beret at
33. There is, no doubt, something to be said about men and women who
struggled, fought, and bled their way through 6 months to 2 years of training to
earn their place, but there is something truly unique about anyone who fails,
only to rise up and continue to claw forward for a mere opportunity to try
again before being subjected to the same course all over again. Due to the
attrition rate of many of these courses, there are far more of these individuals
out there looking for the opportunity to prove themselves than people
realize. After all, anyone can succeed once; It is not what we do in our
successes that deVne us, but what we choose to do after we fail.

“The Gift of Pain” is a book written by Paul Brand and Phillip Yancey that
illustrates an interesting concept. It is about Dr. Brand, a surgeon who travels
to India to Study Lepers. Until recently, it was believed that leprosy caused
infections, loss of limb, sores, blindness, and much more. Dr. Brand discovered

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 that Leprosy did not cause any of these things. It was not a disease of the
tissue, but a disease of the nerves, the loss of a pain response. This,
consequently, led to the alicted failing to blink and ultimately going blind,
Whereas, the healthy would feel a burning sensation to do so. It led them to
walk on broken legs, to neglect open infections, and even fail to naturally shift
their body while sleeping-leading to horrible pressure sores. Aside from the
obvious medical breakthrough regarding those alicted by leprosy, there is an
even larger revelation that can be applied to those alicted by life. We fear and
resent pain, when in reality, it is a gift.

Naturally, we humans want to control every aspect of our lives. We feel

helpless without knowing where we are going and when we are going to get
there. We feel ashamed when we never arrive. We feel like failures if our
perfect future didn’t pan out exactly how we had planned. These thoughts tend
to cloud our minds and we fail to see that life is a whole lot larger than the
titles we seek to feel self-worth. We fear and resent failure like we fear and
resent pain. Every time I failed, I found myself in a dark place asking “why?” It
took me almost a decade to truly answer that question.

Like the unpleasant pain signals that we were blessed with failure, too, was

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 gifted to us. Unlike pain however, Failure triggers no immediate subconscious
muscle rePex to keep us from burning ourselves or going blind. The ability to
adapt to failure is on a conscious level. It di`ers because it creates pain in our
minds instead of pain on our Pesh. The only absolute failure in this life is the
inability to manage failure.

I write this as a plea to everyone who has ever experienced failure. in this
darkness you cannot see the light. You cannot see the doors waiting to open.
You cannot see what the future holds for you. You can only stand back up,
acknowledge that it is all still there, and put one foot in front of the other while
your eyes adjust -like every great hero in history has had to do. With a little
patience you will start to see again, this time even clearer. Weeks, months,
years, and decades from now we will look back and see why life molded us the
way it did. We will control what we can control, and the rest isn’t up to us. We
can, however, choose whether we stand back up or let that dark pit consume
us. After the disappointment in yourself passes and you start to move forward
again you will come to the realization that the trident, beret, scroll, or
(whatever MARSOC gets) isn’t what you genuinely coveted anyway, it was
simply the channel that you thought you needed to forge you into the man or
woman you see yourself being. Fortunately, a velcro patch has no say in that.

One night in BUD/s the cadre kept the class up all night writing an essay about
why they wanted to be Navy SEALs. Many gave the standard “I want to be the
best,” response. Others said it was to “prove something to themselves” and so
on. One gentleman, a top college athlete who succeeded at virtually everything
he did, wrote his piece: “I want to feel like I belong because I EARNED the right
to belong. I want to do something special. My life won’t be complete unless I
become a Navy SEAL.” As Hellweek approached, tensions and anxiety grew. The
student was nervous but knew what he wanted. He knew that failure was not
an option and he would become a Navy SEAL. Besides, there was nothing to
worry about- he didn’t know how to fail. About a week later, full of regret from
quitting coupled with his lack of experience in the failure department, he rode
an elevator to the top of a hotel in downtown San Diego and jumped o`. He
was right. His life wouldn’t be complete… but only because he believed it to be
so.

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 Je# mitchell is a business owner/entrepeneur residing near Ft Bragg, NC. He is a
former petty o@cer in the Navy Seabees and then served as an Army special
operations combat medic.

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