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Best-Selling Author & Trusted Sexual Advisor
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What Is An
ORGASM
And Why Does It Matter?
Sex is one of those things where if it's bad, it's still freaking good. And when it's
really good, it's out-of-this-world spectacular.
We all know women are notoriously difficult to get off, much less to get her to
squirt like the Niagara falls. Their vaginas seem like they were literally designed to
cause confusion and chaos.
But there are ways to get the job done. Sometimes all you need is a few tweaks to
what you're probably already doing.
If you’re starting from ground zero, trying to learn how to bring a woman to an
orgasm, and then actually performing the technique on her, is kind of a big deal.
It's also not something that you can "half ass."
You've got to be fully committed to learning it correctly, and then performing it the
right way, without trying to rush to the finish line.
Obviously, an orgasm is something that can make a woman feel amazing. You may
think you already know everything there is to know about "the basics" of female
orgasm, so let me set the record straight. Female orgasm isn't nearly as strange
and mysterious as it's often made out to be. But I assure you that there’s definitely
a thing or two you can learn.
That's what this module is all about! You're going to learn everything you need to
know to understand what orgasm means for your lover… and more importantly,
how to give it to her.
First things first, let's get right to the heart of what an orgasm is.
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Orgasmic Anatomy:
We're All Alike
Orgasm is a function of the muscles known collectively
as the pelvic floor, and the nerves which connect the
pelvic organs to the brain. The PC (pubococcygeal)
muscles work in sets, with one muscle bringing on
movement and sensation in the others.
So What Is Orgasm?
Women's orgasms aren't strange and mysterious. In
fact, in terms of anatomy and physiological response,
the male and female orgasms are much more alike
than they are different.
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believe that!
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Men and women both suffer from these
misconceptions about the relative unimportance of
female pleasure. The longer a relationship lasts, the
more likely a guy is to spend time really trying to get
his lover off. Sad but true.
So What Do Women
Really Want?
In short, the same things you do. Safety, comfort,
pleasure, love, esteem. And sex is ultimately about all
of these things in one way or another. Here our goal
is primarily pleasure, but all these other aspects play
their roles.
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through the female sexual response and the different
kinds of climaxes a woman can experience. We'll talk
about her hormonal cycle and how it influences her
desires. And finally, I'll take you through an average
month with some ideas on how you can best give her
pleasure during each stage.
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Patterns of
AROUSAL
There are many different kinds of orgasmic
experiences, but they can all be described as functions
of a series of different aspects of arousal. Because so
much of arousal can be about the emotional, mental,
or even spiritual experience of the individual, it is hard
to pinpoint one specific kind of orgasm as "best" or
"most fulfilling" for any one woman.
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Shades Of
Arousal
In the widest context, arousal doesn't need to be
sexual. In fact, many climactic experiences aren't
sexual at all, for example - eating incredible food,
witnessing something miraculous, appreciating great
beauty, having a direct perception of the divine in
some way. There are many ways that the human body
and mind can experience ecstasy of which sex is only
one. While these stages are specific to the sexual
experience, you can see reflections of them in the
other ecstasies you may have enjoyed in your life.
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5
1. Build Up
Slow or fast, subtle or straight to the point, the
rising tide of pleasure is the first wave of any
kind of arousal. It wells up, expands, in the
chest, or in the loins. It doesn't matter much.
The build up is all about the stimulation.
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2. Plateau
This can actually come either before or after
the peak, depending on whether or not your
lover is multi-orgasmic and if the build-up
keeps going after the first peak.
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3. Peak
When the tension has built to its most pleasurable
level, there is a release.
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4. Recovery
After the last orgasm, at the end of the final
peak, whether it's the body or the brain that
finally says, "No more!" This is the time for
recovery. While some people hit this wall hard,
others ease into it quietly.
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All The Orgasms
In the coming sections, I'll be talking about the female
hormonal cycle and how that affects a woman's sex
drive, including which kinds of orgasms you may want
to try to give her during different times of the month.
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1. The Quickie Orgasm
The title here just about says it all. The sex starts hot,
escalates at super speed, hits the high end and then drops
off to the plateau.
Because the nature of the quickie is, well, quick, you want
to focus on the kinds of stimulation that you know have
a very high potential of getting her to orgasm quickly. In
other words, leverage on clitoral stimulation that matches
as close to her masturbation style as possible using the
strength and dexterity in your hands.
This means that positions where you can have sex while
you rub her clit are best, as both of you will be able to get
off fast and furious. Doggy style, spooning, bend-over and
just about any other from-behind positions will give you the
perfect angle to wrap your arms around her hips, part her
lips with your fingers and touch her just the way she likes.
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2. The Slow Orgasm
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3. The Deep Climax
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4. The G-Spot
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5. The Tantric Way
And I'm going to teach you how! But first, I'm going to teach you when.
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Female Hormonal And
SEXUAL CYCLES
We tend to talk about women's cycles in terms of their
emotional responses (in other words, when to steer
clear) as if that's all we can learn about a woman's
hormonal cycles; as if it's a dirty secret we should just
ignore and hope it goes away.
Well I'm here to tell you. It's time to get over it.
Seriously. Things are going to get a little bit graphic up
in here! It’s for real men only.
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The First Week
From a clinical perspective, a woman's cycle begins
on the first day she menstruates, so most of the first
week will be occupied by whatever symptoms she
experiences along with that. Many women find that
simple, clitoral orgasms help them to relieve cramps
and may even encourage her flow to end faster.
Nearing Ovulation
This is prime time for some of the more intense sexual
play. In the days leading up to ovulation, your partner's
hormones will start shifting more towards the kind
that encourage fertilization. It works differently for
each woman, but generally, her vaginal canal will
deepen, her cervix will soften, and she will become
more naturally lubricated with fertile cervical fluid,
designed to facilitate pregnancy.
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The spike of her arousal may be only a small hill or
a massive mountain, so you can take your time each
month learning more and more about what kind of sex
she desires.
After Ovulation
For some women, their libido drops off immediately
after ovulation, but for many others their arousal
levels are maintained for another week or two until
pre-menstrual symptoms begin to set in. This period is
great for tantric work, as the urgency of ovulation has
subsided with arousal levels staying high.
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Depth is one of the most important aspects of making
a lasting impression and we'll talk about this much
more in the modules to come. For now, it’s enough
to know the kinds of sex you can enjoy during this
time of the month are some of the best options for
creating and reinforcing powerful, intense, feedback-
forming memories and habits. The kinds that
make sex something that's second nature in your
relationship,and not a back burner or a last resort.
Pre-Menstruation
The symptoms most guys associate with this time
of the month are, in my experience, things women
experience more during the first week of their cycles -
cramps, discomfort, and a general annoyance with the
world.
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At the end of this module, I'll walk you through an
exercise to do specifically this, so you can learn all her
secrets for getting off quickly and just hard enough for
her to relax, roll over and go to sleep. (Seriously, if you
want to maximize your own pleasure during this time,
get your rocks off with her before you take her all the
way over the finish line.
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ORGASMS
All Month
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The First Week:
Clit And Cuddles
Remember that in this first week, we're going to focus
on intimacy, rest, and clitoral stimulation, if that's
something she finds comfortable or pleasurable during
menstruation or shortly thereafter.
Day 1:
This is a great time to do the first exercise
at the end of this module, “The Talk”. (Of
course, if she isn't on the first day of her
cycle right now, you don't need to wait to
do the exercise until then.) Either way, it's
a time to offer her support, give her time
to rest, and indulge her desires. That's all
she needs from you today.helps to control
and normalize blood sugar levels, which
provides numerous health benefits.
Day 2:
While she may enjoy sex on day one,
sometimes day two is a bit easier. An
orgasm is a perfect way to relieve cramps,
even if it feels a bit weird for her at the
time. If she's never tried it, suggest it the
next time she's suffering in pain and the
Advil just isn't cutting it.
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A clitoral orgasm is definitely the best way
to go. At night before sleep, cuddle up
behind her with a powerful vibrator like
the Hitachi magic wand and press it into
the mound of her pubic bone, through
her clothes. If she wears tampons at night
(it isn't recommended, but some women
do it anyway) she will probably want to
remove it beforehand and go with a pad, a
sponge, or a cup of some kind. Lots of sex-
friendly options are available.
Day 3-5:
For the next few days, just watch her
energy levels and her sexual response.
Where is she at? She may have a long first
week and need this vibrator treatment for
a few more days, or she may finish her
period in just a few days. Learn what her
pattern is like and support her however
you can. It'll be worth it when she hits
ovulation full of energy and ready to
return the favor!
Day 6-7:
The day after her period ends, whether
that ends up being day four or day six
(or day eight) you should do the second
exercise in this module for the first time.
You will want to practice it throughout her
cycle this month, so consider this your first
practice run.
How often does she masturbate? Don't
schedule to practice this one every day if
she typically masturbates just once per
week (though try to practice it at least that
often). And don't limit yourself to just once
a week if she is getting herself off every
day!
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Nearing Ovulation:
Deeper And Harder
Keep up the good work! This week we're going to bring
more penetration play into the mix and see how many
different kinds of orgasms you can discover together!
Day 8-10:
As you practice the masturbation exercise
and enjoy your own sexual play together
during this week, keep a close eye on her
body for changes in physical response.
You may find her nipples becoming
sensitized (in a good way!) and that she
enjoys more intense breast stimulation.
You may notice that she pushes her hips
up and into you, or down towards your
body, with more insistence than before,
suggesting a desire to be penetrated.
She may even initiate penetration during
masturbation.
Pay careful attention to the way she likes
to be penetrated. Does she use fingers?
One or more? Does she use a toy? Does
she wait for you to initiate intercourse?
Start playing around by using your own
hands more often during sex. See if you
can perceive the changes in her cervical
position, softness, and the fluid texture.
Just remember to be gentle - this is sex,
not a gynecological exam! Taking an
interest in your partner's fertility can be
powerful and intimate, if you do it right. Or
totally awkward if you do it wrong.
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Day 11-13:
She's likely getting close now. Libido tends
to rise before ovulation, along with the
increase in fertile fluids. The only surefire
measure of ovulation is a marked increase
in base body temperature, but the best
days are the few days leading up to her
ovulatory point, so you want to be able
to heed the early signs. This is, of course,
especially true if you are trying to get
pregnant, but not the only good reason to
pay attention, as you will soon see.
Women who are ovulating tend to enjoy
rougher sex, deeper penetration, harder
orgasms, as well as partner-pleasing
activities like giving oral. Some women
begin to feel a sense of urgency and
many tend to experience something
akin to blue-balls - an aching heaviness
in her groin that appears as her arousal
increases and needs to be satiated by just
about any means necessary. Don't let the
opportunity slip you by!
Day 14:
Ovulation day! If this is indeed the day she
pops, so to speak, then it's the peak and
she'll be soon heading out of this arousal
period. Use this time to really explore
some deep fantasy before heading
into next week's tantric preparations.
Whatever her deepest need is at the
moment, do whatever you can to fulfill it.
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After Ovulation:
All That Energy
During this week, her body is still full of the energy
and nourishment she will shed during her period in a
week or two (or three). And the sense of urgency she
feels due to ovulation will have dissipated, or at least
opened up and relaxed a bit. Now you can really PLAY.
Day 15-18:
This is a week of dreaming and taking
your time together. After ovulation, she
may just want a few days to recover, and
you might too, if you went at it as hard as
you could. No shame in that! Take time
in the early part of the week to simply
spend time together without the pressure
to be sexual. Relax into it and see what
happens.
Day 19-21:
It's time for a tantric getaway. Plan a
weekend together. If you can't do a full
weekend away and alone, at least set
some time aside for tantric exercises
each day, and then take one full day off
together to really go deep.
In the upcoming modules, I'll talk more
about tantric rituals and how to use
them to enjoy amazing sex. But for now,
I suggest trying things like meditating
together, breathing in unison, staring
into each others eyes, making love very
slowly, massaging each other, sharing your
fantasies, talking about your secrets and
your dreams, affirming and sharing words
of love, touching very gently, exploring
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new sex toys and accessories, and just
about anything else that encourages you
to really take your time and get intimate.
Pre-Menstruation:
Circle Back
This is the final week leading up to the start of a new
cycle. Her energy levels may begin to drop again, and you
may notice food cravings or simply a desire to rest. Her
hormone levels are speeding up again, so pay attention
and see what kinds of changes you notice.
Day 22-25:
As this week begins, her libido may drop
off the map for a while. Use the time to
study up, rest again after your tantric
adventures, and debrief a bit. Talk about
anything that's coming up for you in your
practice, ask her how she's doing, and
share your experiences so far.
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Exercise: The
Conversation
(How To Talk
About This Like It's
Foreplay!)
It's time to have the talk.
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1. Pick a time
Schedule a time when neither of you are busy
or distracted. Set aside at least an hour or two
to sit and chat. If it doesn't take that long, no
bother, but you don't want to need to run off in
the middle of the conversation, or be exhausted
because you're up talking way past your usual
bedtime.
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4. Come up with a
plan together
Take into account how much time you have to
spend together, how often each of you want
to have sex, what can be done to increase her
libido? What days are best to set aside for you
two? What times of the day do you have the
most physical and sexual energy, the most
mental clarity? Make your calendar to match her
menstrual cycle as closely as possible, based on
the tips you’ve learned so far. And of course, put
these into PRACTICE!
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Exercise: Observe And
Report
(Learning Her
Masturbation Styles)
The most important thing you can do in this module is to
learn to mimic her masturbation techniques as best as
you can. This is going to take some practice, as well as a
deep understanding of how she masturbates differently
throughout the month.
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1. Set your dates for
"masturbation gazing"
practice
and figure out what she needs to be comfortable
with this act. It can be very intimidating. Perhaps
she would like to watch you? Perhaps she
needs some foreplay or cuddling beforehand?
Whatever it is, get into a habit that allows you
to practice watching her when she is most
comfortable.
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This is by far the most powerful technique you
can learn, but don't get discouraged if it takes
a while. Remember, she's had her entire life to
develop a masturbation style that works best for
her and can get her off every time without fail.
Most women can orgasm by their own hand in
under a few minutes, just like most men. Don't
underestimate the power of this skill, but don't
get frustrated either if it doesn't come to you
right away. It will take time.
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Coming Up
NEXT!
Our next module goes beyond the basics and gets
to the heart of the most tried-and-tested orgasm
techniques. You will learn everything you need to
know to make a woman orgasm in any situation and
at any time during her cycle. I'll teach you all the best
tricks for giving her an orgasm during intercourse. I’ll
go over all you need to know about grinding, manual
stimulation and using vibrators, all for her pleasure.
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