IELTS Writing Test - Correction - May 18 - My Phuc

TASK 1.
The given line graph illustrates the percentage of the population that elder than 65 years old, over in a
century in three different countries namely Japan, Sweden and the USA from 1940 to 2040. Looking
from an overall perspective, it is clearly indicated that the highest percentage of old population will
reach a peak at about 30 percent in Japan in 2040 despite its was less than 5 percent in 1940.
In the beginning, the average of elderly in 1940 was between 5 to 10 percent in all the three countries
and the USA had the highest percentage while it was lowest in Japan. The population in the USA grew
steadily and reached up to 15 percent in 1980. It is predicted to reach nearly 25 percent in 2040.
Similarly, in Sweden, the percentage of aged people grew from about 7 percent in 1940 to 15 percent in
1980 and is turning into 25 percent in 2040. In contrast, the aged population in Japan leveled off the
lowest, which was less than 5 percent until 2000s and expected to grow and reach the highest
percentage, about 27 percent in 2040.
TASK 2.
There has been a concerning issue which regards the government accept to move industries and
businesses from big cities to countryside. It is undeniable that it may bring some benefits; in the
meantime, possible drawbacks should be taken into account and properly dealt with as well. However,
in my personal perspective, the disadvantages of this issue outweigh the advantages.
On the one hand, the primary advantage of this statement could be that if the dislocation happen, it will
be able to encourage equal distribution of the population, reduce the possibility of population
concentration in urban. This maybe explained by the fact that anywhere have many industry and
business systems, everyone will focus on there.
On the other hand, the disadvantages of this particular issue may range from minor inconvenience to
serious setbacks; specifically, there may be destroying the natural environment in rural areas because of
industries and businesses development. It is undeniable that when the Gornment deal with opposition
from the people. As a result, no consensus will occur. Moreover, ultimately, this issue need a lot of
money. This issue will be very difficult for developing countries
In conclusion, it is safe to say that everything comes with both advantages and disadvantages, and this
topic is not an exception. Although encouraging industries and businesses to move from large cities to
the countryside may be beneficial in some, personally, the disadvantages of this issue outweigh the
advantages.
CORRECTION
TASK 1
The given line graph illustrates the percentage of the population older than 65
years old, over a period of a century in three different countries, namely Japan,
Sweden, and the USA, from 1940 to 2040. Looking from an overall perspective, it is
clearly indicated that the highest percentage of the old population will reach a peak
at about 30 percent in Japan in 2040, despite it being less than 5 percent in 1940.
In the beginning, the average percentage of elderly in 1940 was between 5 and 10
percent in all three countries, and the USA had the highest percentage while it was
lowest in Japan. The population in the USA grew steadily and reached up to 15
percent in 1980. It is predicted to reach nearly 25 percent in 2040. Similarly, in
Sweden, the percentage of aged people grew from about 7 percent in 1940 to 15
percent in 1980 and is expected to rise to 25 percent in 2040. In contrast, the aged
population in Japan remained the lowest, which was less than 5 percent until the
2000s and is expected to grow and reach the highest percentage, about 27 percent,
in 2040.
1. Task Achievement (5.5/9.0):
2. Coherence and Cohesion (6.0/9.0):
3. Lexical Resource (5.5/9.0):
4. Grammatical Range and Accuracy (5.5/9.0):
OVERALL TASK 2: 5.875  BANDSCORE 6.0

TASK 2
There has been a concerning issue regarding the government accepting to move
industries and businesses from big cities to the countryside. It is undeniable that it may
bring some benefits; in the meantime, possible drawbacks should be taken into
account and properly dealt with as well. However, from my personal perspective, the
disadvantages of this issue outweigh the advantages.
On the one hand, the primary advantage of this statement could be that if the relocation
happens, it will be able to encourage the equal distribution of the population, reducing
the possibility of population concentration in urban areas. This can be explained by the
fact that if anywhere has many industries and business systems, everyone will focus on
them.
On the other hand, the disadvantages of this particular issue may range from minor
inconveniences to serious setbacks; specifically, there may be destruction of the
natural environment in rural areas because of industry and business development. It is
undeniable that when the government faces opposition from the people, no
consensus will occur. Moreover, ultimately, this issue needs a lot of money. This will be
very difficult for developing countries.
In conclusion, it is safe to say that everything comes with both advantages and
disadvantages, and this topic is not an exception. Although encouraging industries and
businesses to move from large cities to the countryside may be beneficial in some
ways, personally, the disadvantages of this issue outweigh the advantages.
1. Task Achievement (5.5/9.0):
2. Coherence and Cohesion (5.5/9.0):
3. Lexical Resource (5.5/9.0):
4. Grammatical Range and Accuracy (5.0/9.0):
OVERALL TASK 2: 5.375  BANDSCORE 5.5
OVERALL WRITING: 5.6  5.5

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TASK 1.

1. Task Achievement (5.5/9.0):

2. Coherence and Cohesion (6.0/9.0):

3. Lexical Resource (5.5/9.0):

4. Grammatical Range and Accuracy (5.5/9.0):

OVERALL TASK 2: 5.875  BANDSCORE 6.0

1. Task Achievement (5.5/9.0):

2. Coherence and Cohesion (5.5/9.0):

3. Lexical Resource (5.5/9.0):

4. Grammatical Range and Accuracy (5.0/9.0):

OVERALL TASK 2: 5.375  BANDSCORE 5.5

OVERALL WRITING: 5.6  5.5

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