CHAPTER NINE

INTRA-PERSONAL AND INTERPERSONAL SKILLS

9.1. Self-Concept and Self-Awareness

Self-concept and self-awareness are two crucial aspects of an individual's life. Self-
concept phenomenon that develops in social interaction and is based on the social
character of human language. It is a multi-dimensional construct that includes an
individual's perception of themselves as a physical, social, and spiritual being. It
includes everything a person believes to be true about themselves, and is
composed of permanent self-assessments that change over time with life
experiences and relationships. Self-concept is not restricted to the present but also
includes past and future selves. It guides actions, motivations, expectations, and
goals for the future. Self-awareness is having a clear perception of one's
personality, including strengths, weaknesses, thoughts, beliefs, motivation, and
emotions. It is an attribute of one's self-concept that allows understanding other
people's attitudes and responses to them. High self-awareness is a solid predictor
of good success in life, as it helps individuals know when an opportunity is a good
fit for them and how to make an appropriate enterprise work well. However, most
people are hardly aware of why they succeed or fail or behave as they do. To build
self-awareness, individuals can practice mindfulness, become a good listener,
become more self-aware, open their minds to new perspectives, develop self-
esteem, look at themselves objectively, take feedback from others, know their
strengths and weaknesses, and set intentions and goals.

9.2. Self-esteem and self-confidence

Self-esteem and self-confidence are two important aspects of our mental and emotional well-
being. Self-esteem is the cognitive and emotional appraisal of our own worth, reflecting our
relationship with ourselves, others, and the world. It deals with the evaluative and emotional
dimensions of the self-concept, and is a matrix through which we think, feel, and act. It is the
judgment or opinion we hold about ourselves, determining our worth and capability.

There are two main types of self-esteem: competency-based self-esteem, which is tied closely
to effective performance, and virtue-based self-esteem, which is grounded in norms and values
concerning personal and interpersonal conduct. Competency-based self-esteem is closely tied
to effective performance and is associated with self-attribution and social comparison
processes. On the other hand, virtue-based self-worth is grounded in norms and values
concerning personal and interpersonal conduct, such as justice, reciprocity, and honor.
Self-confidence is the belief in oneself and abilities, which describes an internal state made up
of our thoughts and feelings about ourselves. In the absence of confidence, courage takes over,
operating in the realm of the known, while courage operates in the unknown, uncertain, and
fearsome. Courage is a nobler attribute than confidence, as it requires greater strength and is
associated with limitless capabilities and possibilities.

In summary, self-esteem and self-confidence are crucial aspects of our mental and emotional
well-being. Competency-based self-esteem is closely linked to effective performance, while
virtue-based self-esteem is grounded in norms and values concerning personal and
interpersonal conduct. Both self-esteem and courage are essential for maintaining a healthy and
fulfilling life.
9.3. Self-Control
Self-control involves refraining from actions we like and performing actions we prefer not to do
for long-term goals. People often struggle to stick with long-term goals due to the lure of
immediate rewards. Researchers suggest that controlling ourselves is taxing and makes
exercising subsequent self-control more difficult. We have a limited ability to regulate ourselves,
and using control resources on unimportant tasks can reduce the capacity for important ones.
Therefore, it is crucial to maintain self-control in a meaningful way.
9.4. Anger Management
Anger management is a crucial skill that can help individuals redirect their anger energy towards
their goals. It is essential to recognize anger as a signal of vulnerability, as it can lead to feelings
of devaluation and a lack of self-control. By practicing the ancient martial art of kung fu,
individuals can remain calm, empty themselves of anger, and gain an advantage in conflicts by
using their opponent's tendency to strike out in blind rage.

Some techniques for managing anger include recognizing anger as a signal of vulnerability,
focusing on making one feel more valuable, not trusting judgment when angry, seeing the
complexity of the issue, understanding other people's perspectives, not justifying anger,
knowing one's physical and mental resources, focusing on improving and repairing rather than
blaming, remembering one's deepest values, and knowing that a temporary anger state has
prepared them to fight when needed.

To improve anger management, individuals should practice these techniques whenever they
encounter anger in their life, and they may eventually become part of their daily behavior. By
incorporating these techniques into their daily routine, individuals can better manage their
anger and prevent conflicts from getting out of hand.
9.5. Emotional Intelligence and Managing Emotion
Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify and manage one's own and others' emotions. It
includes three skills: emotional awareness, which involves identifying and naming one's own
emotions, harnessing these emotions for tasks like thinking and problem-solving, and managing
emotions, which involves regulating one's own emotions when necessary and helping others do
the same. People with high emotional intelligence know themselves well and can sense the
emotions of others. They are affable, resilient, and optimistic.

Developing emotional intelligence can lead to increased productivity, success, and help others.
It also reduces stress, promotes understanding and relationships, fosters stability, continuity,
and harmony, and is strongly linked to concepts of love and spirituality. Emotional intelligence is
divided into five domains: personal (self-awareness, self-regulation, and self-motivation) and
social (social awareness and social skills) competences. Individuals have different personalities,
wants, needs, and ways of showing their emotions.

9.6. Stress, Coping with Stress and Resilience

Stress is a common condition that can cause physical and psychological consequences, such as
heart disease, diabetes, anxiety, and depression. It comes from three categories: catastrophes,
significant life changes, and daily hassles. Catastrophes are unpredictable, large-scale events
that are often viewed as threatening, while significant life changes involve life transitions and
insecurities. Daily life events, such as awaiting medical results, perfect exam scores, and team
wins, are also significant sources of stress.

To manage stress, individuals can try to understand the reasons behind their bad grades or
study hard to improve their performance. Stressors are unavoidable, and as they are coupled
with heart disease, depression, and lowered immunity, it is essential to learn to cope with
stress. There are two ways of dealing with stress: problem-focused and emotion-focused.
Problem-focused coping involves addressing stressors directly, while emotion-focused coping
involves addressing emotional needs through communication with friends.

Resilience is the ability to come back strong after being knocked down by adversity. It involves
adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or significant sources of stress,
such as family and relationship problems, serious health problems, workplace, and financial
stressors. Resilience strategies include a positive attitude, optimism, the ability to regulate
emotions, and the ability to see failure as helpful feedback. Research shows that optimism helps
to blur the impact of stress on the mind and body in the wake of disturbing experiences, giving
people access to their cognitive resources and enabling cool-headed analysis of what might
have gone wrong and considering more productive behavioral paths.

Resilience is not a magical quality, but it takes real mental work to transcend hardship. Even
after misfortune, resilient people can change course and move toward achieving their goals.
Emotional pain and sadness are common in people who have experienced major adversity or
trauma in their lives, and the road to resilience is likely to involve considerable emotional
distress. Resilience is not a trait that people either have or do not have, but rather behaviors,
thoughts, and actions that can be learned and developed in anyone.

9.7. Critical and Creative Thinking

Critical and creative thinking skills are essential for decision-making, problem-solving, and
information gathering. They involve intellectually engaged, skillful, and responsible thinking that
requires the application of assumptions, knowledge, competence, and the ability to challenge
one's own thinking. Critical thinking requires self-correction and monitoring to judge the
rationality of thinking and reflexivity.

Contemporary education aims to improve students' thinking skills through the notions of critical
thinking and creative thinking. Teachers aim for students to be better critical thinkers, focusing
on effective problem-solving, independent assessment, and problem-solving. They also want
students to be more creative, responding productively to new situations, generating new
solutions, and producing original works.

Critical thinking is analytic, aiming to arrive at judgments within a given framework or context,
while creative thinking is imaginative, constructive, and generative. Both goals are essential for
students to develop their critical and creative thinking abilities. However, they are often
considered separate and distinct. Critical thinking is analytic, allowing individuals to arrive at
judgments within a given framework or context, while creative thinking is imaginative,
constructive, and generative.
9.8. Problem Solving and Decision Making

Problem solving is a crucial aspect of human life, and it is almost impossible to avoid it. There
are two classes of problems: well-defined problems and ill-defined problems. Well-defined
problems have clear goals, path to solution, and obstacles to solution, while ill-defined
problems lack a clear path and problem statement. Problem solving is a process that resolves a
gap between a present situation and a desired goal, often with known or unknown obstacles.

Steps in problem solving include recognizing or identifying the problem, defining and
representing the problem mentally, developing a solution strategy, organizing knowledge,
allocating resources, monitoring progress, and evaluating the solution for accuracy. Decision-
making is another important aspect of problem-solving, as groups can draw on more resources
than individuals and generate more ideas and possible solutions. They can also evaluate the
options generated during discussion more objectively.

Groups may require a certain number of people to favor a solution or meet a standard of
acceptability. While people generally believe that a group's decision will be superior to an
individual's, they may not always make good decisions. Decision-making is a selection process
where one of two or more possible solutions is chosen to reach a desired goal. Both problem-
solving and decision-making involve similar steps, sometimes used interchangeably.