The Art Of Erotic Seduction

by Albert Ellis

...Unbutton her garment gradually, while tickling or

caressing. Caress-that is, put pressure-with the last three
fingers of the hand and palm. This gives her the illusion that
you are caressing with all your hand, while in truth your
thumb and forefinger are free to work on her zipper or
buttons.
You can intersperse this process with the use of your mouth.
"Educated" lips can unbutton most buttons and unzip most
zippers. Ostensibly you keep caressing her with your lips
and breath; but all the while you are busy at the fasteners....
-from Light Petting (Necking)

TABLE OF CONTENTS
Introduction
1. The Morality of Sexual Seduction
2. Seduction Do's
3. Seduction Don'ts
4. Setting the Stage
5. Kissing
6. Light Petting (Necking)
7. Heavy Petting
8. Giving Full Satisfaction
9. Problems and By-Products
10. Keeping a Relationship Going
Suggested Reading
About the Authors
***
To all the lovely women who have taught me the art of erotic
seduction.-Albert Ellis
TO my son, for whom this was originally written, and to D. M.
W., from whom I've learned a lot and loved every minute of
it.
-Roger O. Conway

INTRODUCTION

This book grew out of our personal experiences, rather than

from the things we heard and read about. In fact, since one
of us (A. E.) was reared in a typical middleclass
neighborhood in the North Bronx and the other (R. C.) was
brought up in a conservative town in the deep South, what
we originally heard about seducing respectable young
women was almost unmitigated hogwash. First, you weren't
supposed to do such a dastardly act at all. Secondly, if you
did have the temerity to try, you were almost certain to run
into such unalterable opposition that you might just as well
give up soon, find some tramp or whore who was easily
available, and let it go at that.
So we didn't try too hard-in the beginning. We did very little
with the "nice" girls we dated, and if we somehow began to
get somewhere sexually with one of these girls-mainly
because we went with her long enough, and one thing
naturally began to lead to another-we began to think in
terms of possibly marrying her. For in those days sexual
"intimacy" was almost synonymous with a state of
matrimony in our minds; and, frankly, we didn't have the
guts to think much beyond this point and to try to get "nice"
girls to bed with whom we had no intention of becoming
terribly serious.
A little later, we changed. Once we had got a little sex under
our belts, it didn't seem quite so sacred any more, and
seemed to merit an entirely justifiable position even when
not ennobled by love. Moreover, once we loved a girl, had
sex relations with her, and then (as is human) were no
longer highly enamored, we had to admit that, at least in
some cases, her physical charms were still enrapturing.
Although our hearts were no longer captive, our genitals
were not equally discriminative; and often our rolls in the
hay with these no longer loved lasses were as memorable as
the delights we mutually enjoyed when our souls were more
in tune.
So we learned. And, as part of our learning, we started to
make more vigorous overtures toward girls whom we never
loved-knew, in fact, that we possibly never would. We found
them physically attractive, though sometimes little more
than that. But we knew we could enjoy them, and they us,
sexually; we said to ourselves, "What the hell! What have we
got to lose? Let's try."
Try we did. At first, much failure. But some success! Even,
surprisingly, when we did the wrong thing—pushed a girl too
hard and too fast or clumsily ripped off a few of her blouse
buttons while trying to get at her breasts-we found that not
all was lost, that girls easily forgave and forgot-and then,
amazingly enough, went much farther than they ever would
have gone had we not made our mistakes in the first place.
We read, too-goodness knows how many books on sex
technique, the psychology of women, birth control methods,
and related knowledge. They helped a little. But most of
them (as many still tend to be today) were pedantic,
idealistic, and impractical. More important, no doubt, were
some of the fictional writings then extant: Molly Bloom's
soliloquy in Ulysses; Boccaccio, Rabelais, Balzac, and other
classical ribald story tellers; smuggled-in copies of Fanny Hill
and the books of Henry Miller. These taught us graphically
that not all women were "pure," and that many were as
ready to play double-backed horsy as their male suitors.
So we ventured; and, in a fair number of cases, succeeded.
Then, as our skills grew, so did our successes. Women whom
we would have never dreamed we could make it with fell, if
not exactly at our feet, at least eventually between our
bedsheets. And some of them-of all things!-scolded us for
not having actively persuaded them to get there much
sooner. Could it really be true, as these females alleged, that
we had often been too timorous and gentle? It could; in fact,
it was.
So we learned some more. And we learned the pleasure of
learning. We thought, now and then, of transmitting some of
our knowledge to other males; since most of them we talked
to labored under our prior delusions and knew as much
about the fairest flowers of young womanhood as they did
about raising ostriches. One of us (A. E.) did eventually write
a book, Sex and the Single Man, in which some of his best
advice to the sexlorn was communicated; but there were so
many other things to tell the male reader that little space
remained for much salient information on the gentle art of
seduction and the hows and whys of sex etiquette.
Meanwhile, the other author of this book (R. C.) was leading
a respectable married life and rearing two children, a boy
and a girl. When his son reached the age of eighteen, he
began to collate some answers to the question, "Dad, what's
the best way for me to 'make out' with a girl?" and he wrote
a manual incorporating these answers and gave it to the
son. This work was quite successful in answering the boy's
main questions, and served many of his friends, as well, in
their quest for down-to-earth information which their fathers
were loath to give them.
When the two authors of this book became friendly (largely
by mail, since they live a thousand miles apart), they agreed
that in spite of their previous ventures in this field, nothing
of note had yet been published to inform the young male
how to conduct himself in his sexual relations with females,
so that he could obtain acceptance and enjoyment and, at
the same time, he could responsibly satisfy them. Hundreds
of books on general etiquette exist, and some of them are
even practical and unprissy. But to locate one on sexual
etiquette that includes the relevant facts of life and an open-
minded attitude toward non-marital and marital sexuality
has been a Herculean task. That is what the present work is
designed to be: a factual, liberal, objective view of dating
and mating, particularly oriented toward the late teenager
and early adult, but applicable to any male who wants to
enjoy heterosexual relationships with willing females.
CHAPTER ONE - THE MORALITY OF
SEXUAL SEDUCTION

According to Webster's New World Dictionary, to seduce

means "to persuade to do something disloyal, disobedient,
etc." Sexually, it means "to persuade to engage in unlawful
sexual intercourse, especially for the first time; induce to
give up chastity." Obviously, these definitions are loaded-for
they only talk about persuading an individual, and
particularly a female, to engage in an act which is disloyal,
disobedient, or unlawful. If this is all that sexual seduction
is, then it cannot easily be defended, and might better be
abandoned by honorable men.
Fortunately, this does not exactly cover the whole field of
seduction. Most of the time when John reports to his friend,
Joe, "I was able to seduce Mary last night. It was rough for a
while; but I made it at last," he does not mean that he
persuaded or induced Mary to do something disloyal or
unlawful. For usually Mary is not married or engaged to
someone else to whom she has promised to be faithful; and
she resides in a community where fornication may be
frowned upon but where no one is likely to be jailed when
caught engaging in it.
What is more to the point, in the usual case of seduction, is
that the girl you seduce at first is reluctant, for one reason or
another, to have sexual relations in general and intercourse
in particular. Perhaps she wants to remain virginal; or thinks
she does not know you well enough; or is not sufficiently
attracted to you; or is afraid that someone else will find out
that you have had relations; or has some other reason for
warding you off. Anyway, when you first make verbal or
physical overtures to her, she responds negatively or
indifferently; and therefore she has to be seduced into
having sex.
Is it, then, immoral for you to be so persuasive with a girl
that you induce her to have sex, as the saying goes, "against
her will"? Not usually. For you obviously have the right, as an
independent human being, to try to persuade virtually
anyone to do almost anything-as long as you do not use
force, threats, lies, or other skulduggerist means of
"persuasion" and as long as you employ non-coercive
methods with reasonably adult, sane individuals of whom
you are not likely to be taking unfair advantage.
Suppose, for example, you are convinced that political
dictatorship is the best means of running the country or that
complete freedom of trade, a la the views of Adam Smith
and his followers, is immensely superior to any kind of
government-imposed economic regulations. You meet a
young girl and try to convert her to your views and get her
to work in a group that is devoted to promulgating the
program in which you believe (and that, we shall assume,
fights for this program in a perfectly legal way). You may be
a complete crackpot with respect to your political or
economic views; practically all your cohorts who work for
these ideas may also be arrant screwballs; and, probably if
such ideas ever swept the country and were officially
adopted, they would run you, your girlfriend, and your
countrymen into the ground. To make matters worse, if you
do persuade the girl to follow your politico-economic bents,
she very likely will ultimately become disillusioned with your
cause and will fervently wish that you had not led her astray
in the first place.
For all this, are you not legitimately entitled to persuade,
cajole, induce, or seduce this susceptible young damsel to
acquiesce to your philosophies? The answer, of course, is:
Yes. For if it were not your right, free speech would be a
mockery in this land, and the next expression of your views
to be outlawed could be your ideas on religion, current
events, or even how to succeed at tiddlywinks without really
trying.
But isn't this a bit unfair? it may be asked. Is it right for you,
who may be bright, informed, and a sweet mouthed talker,
to persuade a delectable young thing, who may be much
less bright, informed, and silver-tongued, to do something
which she may be unenthusiastic about doing with you at
the time, and even more dim-viewed about later? Should
your natural superiority in certain respects enable you to
have your way with her, even to her current or subsequent
detriment?
The answer to these questions is: Who said the world is, or
even should be, fair? Let's suppose, for the sake of
discussion, that the girl really doesn't want to go to bed with
you, and that later she regrets doing so; and let's suppose
that she only does so because of your verbal superiority over
her, and not because any of your arguments are intrinsically
good. Even so, how is your "taking advantage" of her in this
respect any different from your taking your brains and your
loquacity to become a top man in your class at school, to be
elected head of your fraternity, to become vice president of
your company in record time, or to win out in many other
competitive ventures that you are bound to pursue in life
(unless, of course, you neurotically withdraw from all
competition entirely, because you are scared witless of
failing)?
Competitiveness, the use of brains, and verbal and physical
persuasiveness, in other words, seem to be inherent
components of human endeavor. They are particularly
indigenous to our society; but they are also prevalent in
most other parts of the world. If we abolish one aspect of
personal salesmanship-which we happen to call by the
loaded name of sexual seduction-while leaving extant
virtually all its other major aspects, we are illogical and
inconsistent. This is not to deny that competitiveness or self-
interest (or whatever you want to call it) does not have some
pernicious results; for it does. But it is to contend that it has
many advantages, too; and that human life without it seems
more than a little inhuman.
Another point: Every male, obviously, is hardly mentally and
verbally superior to every female of our species. Although
some males are indubitably brighter than some females,
many females are more intelligent than males (as all results
on intelligence tests tend to prove). This means that where
some bright males may easily talk some stupider females
into going to bed with them when the latter really do not
"want" to do so, about as many sharp females may just as
easily talk some less sharp males into not copulating with
them, when the latter clearly want to do so. And what is fair,
from an ideal view, about that.
Still another thing to consider: From a biological standpoint,
there seems to be some evidence that the human female is
less imperiously driven to want to have intercourse, both
before and after marriage, than is the male. And it is
possible that were strict "fairness" in this respect achieved,
the human race would have died out many eons ago.
Moreover, it seems just as unfair (if not a little more so) for
highly sexed males to be frustrated and deprived of
satisfaction if they don't persuade somewhat reluctant
females to go to bed with them as it seems for females to
have sex at times when they are not, at least initially, fully
aroused. Again: The biological fact seems to be that most
females, once their resistance to sexual participation is
overcome by their male partners, wind up having an
enjoyable time and frequently enjoy sex play and
intercourse more than the male initiators!
Finally-granting that unfairness exists on both sides and that
there is no perfect solution to this age-old problem-a
reasonable, middle-ground type of solution does seem to be
available. That is, that the male, when he is more motivated
to engage in heterosexual relations than is the female, be
ethically permitted to try to persuade her to have them with
him; but that he follow certain ground rules in so doing.
Thus, he should attempt to seduce girls who are above a
certain age (say, eighteen); should be as honest as possible
with them and not claim love or marital intentions when he
has none; should take full responsibility for seeing that they
are contraceptively protected; should do his very best to see
that they find their sex relations satisfying and educational;
should be considerate to girls after the seduction is
completed; and should be consummately kind and
courteous in his present and future relations with females
whom he wants to seduce.
The ethics of seduction involve a two-way application.
Females as well as males may be seductive; and heaven
knows how many relatively low-sexed and unwilling males
have been brought to bed by women who were much more
determined than they to have affairs. Moreover-even when
the male is technically the persuader-the clothes, the
demeanor, and the behavior of his partner may have much
to do with getting him into action and keeping him going. If
a girl wears low-cut dresses, sits very close to a man when
they are driving, and talks as if she has had innumerable
lovers, he is much more likely to try to seduce her that
night, even though she shows some initial resistance, than if
she dresses and acts more sedately.
The girl who wants her date to behave in an ethical manner
when he is trying to induce her to take her clothes off would
better look at her own inflaming actions. If she is an
inconsiderate tease, and makes a habit of arousing males to
the point of erection and then giving them no satisfaction,
she is much more likely to be unethically seduced, and in
some instances practically raped, than if she is less of a
tease and refrains from being terribly provocative unless she
really intends to let her date go pretty far.
The ethics of seduction include talk as well as action, and
extend to individuals other than the couple involved in the
seductive act. This is particularly true in regard to the male's
talking about his partner after he has persuaded her to go
the sexual limit. Ideally, it really should not matter if you
beat at Susie's portals awhile, finally arrange for the walls of
Jericho to crumble, and then boast to ten thousand other
males about your noble exploits, and especially about how
juicy a morsel Susie finally turned out to be when the
coverlets were down and her legs were up. If she were truly a
sane girl, she would hardly mind your letting the Army,
Navy, and Marines know how she moaned with delight and
dug her fingernails deep into your back during the heights
of her ecstasy. For she would realize that few of the people
you told about your encounter would really despise her-in
fact, a lot of them would beg you for her telephone number!-
and that, even if some did despise her, she needn't take
their estimate seriously.
But go find one solitary girl in our society who believes that
although sticks and stones can break her bones names won't
ever hurt her! Maybe she somewhere resides in this land;
but so far, in our hundred years or so of accumulated
existence, we haven't found one like her. We know girls-and
quite a few of them-who don't mind letting practically
everyone know that they have a steady boyfriend and are
sleeping with him regularly; and we know lots of others-in
fact, an increasing number these days-who are domestically
cohabiting (at least in Metropolitan areas of the North and
West) with a man to whom they are not legally married and
who don't seem to care if the whole world knows this. But we
have met damned few females who want their friends and
relatives to know that they have had a one-night stand with
a fellow they just met, and with whom they had little or no
intention of having sex until he cleverly undermined their
last line of defense.
So proselytize, if you will, against the vulnerability of your
female friends to the negative thoughts that others
(particularly other females) may have about them. Show
them, if you can, that they are not really hurt, the great
majority of the time, by what anyone thinks of them, but
only by their own silly beliefs that it is awful to be criticized.
Give them copies of A Guide to Rational Living and other
works which one of us (A. E.) has written to prove that it is
not others' disapproval that cuts us to the quick, but the
exaggerated significance which we give to this disapproval.
This does not mean that a girl cannot suffer, especially in
some of the more benighted parts of this country, by getting
a reputation for being an easy mark sexually. Unfortunately,
she still can. She may be dropped from school, fired from a
job, boycotted socially, or otherwise penalized for her
liberality, especially if she resides in a small town.
Consequently, she should be discreet about some of her
sexual affairs and you, as her partner, should be equally
discreet. If the time comes when she actually is discovered
in some unconventional behavior and people look askance
at her, she can still accept their negative attitudes without
agreeing with them, and can accept herself though others
may condemn her. You, if you believe strongly in the
principles of rational living, can help her in this respect, and
get her to see that, at most, it will be highly inconvenient,
but hardly catastrophic and soul-shattering, if others
disapprove of her for some of her sex behavior.
Nevertheless! As long as conditions regarding sex attitudes
and behavior remain as they currently are, you'd better
learn to keep your big trap shut if you have any intention of
seducing many girls in this society. Open your mouth wide,
and say as many words, sentences, and paragraphs as you
like to the girl herself as you slyly slither your hands through
her neckline and under her skirt. But when it comes to
telling your buddies and your female friends about what
happened at the witching hour when she finally
surrendered, watch out! Discretion is the better part of
repeated visits to her garden of love.
There is nothing necessarily wrong, then, with seduction-as
long as it is practiced in a sane and sensible manner, with a
few decent ground rules. This is true of almost any sex act. It
is very difficult to think of sexual behavior that is bad,
abnormal, or perverted in itself; rather, it is the immoral or
disturbed manner in which such behavior is practiced which
makes it deviated. A classic case in point is homosexuality.
Young boys frequently engage in mutual masturbation and
other forms of homosexualism. Adult males in prison or
otherwise isolated from females also often have sex relations
with other males. There is nothing unusual or perverted
about this type of occasional or sporadic participation with
members of one's own sex. But when a male can only enjoy
other males sexually, or when he obsessively-compulsively
seeks homosexual outlets,! or when he is homosexual
because he is afraid to fail with females and will not risk
encounters with them-under these conditions he tends to
become a fixed or confirmed homosexual and to be neurotic
about his sexuality.
So with seduction. If you are only interested in seducing one
new girl after another, and not in maintaining any other kind
of sex relationships; or if you are obsessively-compulsively
concerned with seduction, and neglect other important
aspects of your life to spend inordinate amounts of time and
energy at this game; or if you only attempt seduction with
very young girls, because you are afraid you cannot handle
older women and that it would be catastrophic if you got
rejected by them-in these circumstances, you are resorting
to limited types of sex behavior because of your neurotic
blocks, and you are acting abnormally. Similarly, if you are
terrified of any kind of seductive activity and you refuse
ever to try to persuade a girl to go to bed with you, even
when it looks like you would have a good chance of
succeeding with her and would have a most enjoyable time,
you are needlessly defeating your own ends and are
sexually neurotic.
To seduce or not to seduce is not exactly the question-since
you can legitimately, at one time and another, do either. As
long as you do your seducing or non-seducing in a sane,
non-defeating manner, and as long as you take reasonable
care not to be inconsiderate to your sexual partner, you
should be able to get along quite well in life and in love.
How to go about being an intelligent seducer, in terms of
effective technique, is another problem-to which we shall
now turn.
CHAPTER TWO - SEDUCTION DO'S

Before long, we shall get around to the specific details of

seduction. But first, let us consider some guiding principles-
some governing philosophies-which you would do well to
keep in mind. There are various important do's and don'ts to
heed. Here, to begin with, are the do's.
Attract favorable attention
Before you can seduce or have an ongoing relationship with
a woman, you must be attractive or have something to "sell"
or offer to her. Since all of us are stuck with our looks, and
few of us are rich or notably witty, we can't go too far with
these kinds of attractions. But there are certain things you
can do to attract favorable attention from the great majority
of women; and one of these is to become something of a
master of the social graces.
Does this mean that no women like boors? Obviously not.
Graceless, rough-and-tumble movie stars have been great
favorites with the ladies for decades; and some women even
seem to favor such goons in real life as well as when safely
viewing them on the screen.
If you want to win this kind of gal, O.K.: Be as churlish as you
like. But don't expect to meet many of her ilk in your
lifetime.
The average woman, no matter where you encounter her,
likes to be treated with gentleness and unfailing courtesy.
This includes girlfriends, mothers of friends, sisters, school
teachers, strangers-almost the whole range of women,
regardless of age or position. For this most prevalent type of
female, you may require a few lessons in general etiquette.
For example:
Speak to men in one tone of voice-to women in softer
(though not weak and infirm) tones.
Be maturely protective of women in your company. This does
not mean fighting at the drop of a hat. It rarely, if ever,
means fighting. But assume that most women are, or at least
feel they are, physically weaker than you, and that they
want to know that they can make use of your superior
muscular power if the occasion for such use arises.
Learn to be alert in social encounters. When meeting new
people with your girl, make all the introductions called for,
and especially make sure that she is clearly introduced to
everyone present. Sometimes she will find it flattering if you
refer to her as 'my girl,' 'my fiancee,' or some other
possessive term. Help her to remember new people's names
and to relate to them socially. See that she is not left out of a
group conversation or left to shift for herself at a party where
she knows few people.
Acquire social skills and good manners. You needn't be a
stickler for all rules of etiquette-with exaggerated courtesy
you may make yourself a bother to others or make them feel
you are snobbishly looking down on them-but you can learn
to use a knife and fork properly, eat decorously, balance a
teacup on your knee, and hold an umbrella over your girl's
head (instead of poking her in the eye with it!).
Try to become competent in those social activities which you
are likely to share with eligible women. For example, learn to
be fairly good at dancing, bridge, and conversation.
Help women when they are carrying heavy objects. This
includes assisting strange women you may run into-and
whom you may thereby be able to pick up (and later seduce)
in the process!
Being socially gracious may occasionally be overrated: for if
you get a reputation for being a foppish Mr. Emily Post,
independent-thinking women may look at you askance, or
think you are a homosexual. But being socially inept and
boorish is usually worse; and if you think that courtesy and
politeness have no real bearing on sex, you are sadly
mistaken. The social graces often pay direct erotic
dividends. They lull mothers into thinking you are a highly
desirable and safe escort for their daughters. They enable
you to get dates with girls who tend to relax their guard.
They sometimes earn you special privileges, such as staying
out later than the girl normally would. They don't usually
vault you directly into milady's bed; but they often allow
you to get so close that only a little extra hop will put you
there.
Show interest in people
The most fascinating subject in the world is people. You can
learn a great deal about masses of people from books and
psychology courses, but this kind of information only
infrequently helps you with specific individuals. The best
way to learn about individuals is from themselves-from your
own intimate contacts with them. To this end, here are some
means you can try:
Acquire a sincere and boundless interest in people. Realize
that novels are great, movies and shows are fine, even
television performances are sometimes interesting. But in-
person people-watching is among the best of all possible
shows; and the performances are practically free and
continuous.
Learn the art of making women talk about themselves. Don't
think that conversation largely consists of your brilliant bon
mots or scintillating monologues. Some of the most
charming conversationalists around hardly know a thing
beyond hackneyed information from the newspapers or TV
newscasts. But they do know enough to ask you what you
think of wars and stock market prices, or foods and fashions,
or the latest movie and the classic novels. Follow their lead:
Open your mouth and ask your female companion what she
thinks of the price of spinach in China.
Learn the art of listening. Women, if given half a chance, yap
away like all get-out. Why do you think most housewives'
phone fines are busy all morning? They're not, most of the
time, ordering groceries or asking their office-tied husbands
what they'd like to do that evening. The odds are ten to one
that they're trying their mothers, girlfriends, ex-boyfriends,
and even their mothers-in-law, until they find someone who
will listen to their latest tales of boredom and woe. Why
assume that your not-yet-married girlfriends are much
different? Give them a chance to tell you just about every
foolish little thing that has happened to them since you
soul-kissed them last Saturday and before they realize what
has struck them, you may be on your way to kissing even
more delectable parts of their anatomies tonight.
Listening is one of the few main skills that young women
attempt to acquire. Beat them at their own game. Answer
their questions, then turn the question back on them. They
would (even when they don't consciously know it!) prefer to
talk about themselves anyway.
The usual gambit you'll encounter from a female is, "Now tell
me about yourself," or "What do you do in life, and what do
you want to do with the rest of your days?" Be prepared to
answer, at least for a starter, with a brief-yes, brief-response.
For she often isn't interested, really, in the story of your life;
and certainly not in many of its deadly details. She's either
sitting on "ready" waiting to tell the story of her life; or she's
nervous, uncomfortable, and doesn't know what to say.
Therefore, she wants you to start the ball rolling and take
her off the hook.
Don't, then, refuse to answer her question or questions. Edit,
if you wish: Give her a story of your life that is deliberately
highlighted, somewhat amusing, and (as we noted above)
relatively brief. If she's really interested in you, you can fill in
all kinds of other details a little later. But start off with some
of the obviously more interesting things you have done and
are now doing.
Should you give her a "line"? No, not too much of one. You
don't know how much you will be seeing her in the future,
and any real line that you give will have too much
exaggeration and falsehood in it, which she will eventually
see through. So let your sins largely be those of omission
rather than commission. Leave out the dull parts of your
past and present doings, and spotlight the adventurous,
romantic, and unusual parts.
Forget to tell her, for example, that you work from nine till
five, almost every day of the week as an accountant, doing
unexciting audits of various people's books. Tell her, instead,
about the one or two unusual situations that you get into
during the week or month-the crooked customer you have,
for instance, who thinks that he is smarter than the Internal
Revenue Service, and who usually ends up paying more in
fines, if you don't watch him carefully, than he would have
paid if he were more honest in the first place. Or forget
about the business end of your day-which she probably
doesn't give a hoot about, anyway-and tell her about the
nutty personalities you keep meeting in the course of it: Your
boss, who loses thousands of dollars a year at the racetrack;
your assistant, who is obsessed with tall blondes; your
customer, who spends much of his office day fighting over
the phone with his wife.
While making your stories about yourself and your
associates amusing, try to include in them one main idea-
such as the thesis that you are determined to become a big
man in your field, or your goal in life is mainly to make
women happy. If your tale about yourself is rambling and
aimless, your companion will tend to find you as
undistinguished as all the other males she has talked to in
the last few years; while if you have some central theme,
and seem determined that your life will lead somewhere, she
is more likely to find you memorable and to think that you
are an up and coming something or other. A woman doesn't
necessarily require that the male she admires and covets be
rich and accomplished; but she does like to think that he will
do something special in life (and that she, as his potential
consort, will be favorably identified with him if he does).
Once you know approximately what you can answer to a
girl's questions about yourself, don't give her a long
monologue. Do try to intersperse what you say with suitable
questions and comments about her. If possible, let her do
most of the talking, and from time to time appropriately
interrupt with something like, "Oh, so you want to be a
computer programmer. That's fascinating! I'm pretty
interested in that sort of thing myself. In fact, I once... If
she's not so talkative, remember! not all girls are-and this
kind of thing doesn't work, you can reverse it. Mainly talk
about your history and doings and plans; and then keep
interrupting with, "Did you ever do anything like that? Did
you find the job you first wanted to work at didn't turn out
the way you thought it would, but led you into other fields
that you had hardly thought about before?"
Be prepared with a fairly standard set of questions that you
can easily and appropriately ask and she can easily answer.
Such questions as "What part of the country did you grow up
in?"
"Do you like the work you are in?"
"How do you get along with your mother and father?"
"Where would you like to be in life five years from now?"
Should you use sex as a conversational gambit? By all
means, yes; but do so intelligently, so that she neither
thinks you are a sex maniac nor a prude. Not only is it likely
that she has some distinct interest in this area, but by
finding out how she feels about certain sexual topics you
can judge fairly well what your chances are of getting her
undressed fast and what kind of hassles you will probably
have to go through before you induce her to go all the way.
In making sex-conversation, don't put your questions to her
in the form of, "Have you ever soul-kissed?" At this kind of
query, she may easily become embarrassed, and give you a
partial, evasive, or false answer. Use the form: "How did you
like it, when you first soul-kissed?" or "Do you think it is all
right for girls to soul-kiss, even when they are not madly in
love with a fellow?" Ask a question, where possible, that
presumes an affirmative response to an implied previous
question. In every girl's life there tends to be someone who
taught her how to kiss. But you don't ask, "Did someone
teach you how to kiss?" You ask, instead, "Tell me about the
first time you really learned to kiss," or "Who was the fellow
with whom you first learned to kiss?" This kind of question
assumes that she has learned, and that she would not be
averse to telling you something about how she learned.
If you think the girl you sure would be skittish about sexual
conversation, you can always start off with questions about
love. For example: "When did you first fall in love with a
fellow?"
"How many times do you think you have been seriously in
love?"
"How long did your most intense love feelings last?"
"What happened to make you fall out of love with the guy
who was the greatest one in your life?"
"What kind of a man do you think you will marry?" In
answering these seemingly innocuous questions, most girls
will give away some of their sex attitudes, too, even though
you may never specifically query them on that score.
Once things get started, and the girl seems to be responding
well to your sex-love questions (and you simultaneously
keep revealing to her various facts about your own prior boy-
girl intimacies), you may become considerably more explicit.
You may ask whether she enjoys sex; what kind of lover she
likes best; what movies and novels she responds to sexually;
whether she is guilty about masturbation; etc.
Most of these questions, however, may have to be reserved
for older girls or for those with whom you have already had
some intimate conversation and who seem to be able to
respond frankly. You have to face the fact that the more
intimate and personal your questions are, the thinner the ice
on which you are skating often becomes. Watch the girl's
reactions closely and try to see that you do not frighten or
inhibit her too much. If the ice does get too thin, it is often
wise to beat a temporary retreat.
Watch, also, your own actions and reactions! If you can ask
even the most intimate questions calmly, matter-of-factly,
with no quivering of your voice and with the assumption
that you are making perfectly respectable queries and that
there is nothing wrong about her answering you in a
similarly matter-of-fact way, you will get much more
information from a date than otherwise. This is the secret of
such students of sex as the Kinsey research team and Dr.
William H. Masters and Mrs. Virginia Johnson. They are able
to discuss any aspect of sexuality with such equanimity and
objectivity that their interviewees quickly see that there is
nothing sensational about anything they might say, and
nothing that would in the least shock the investigators.
Consequently, these respondents tell the researchers things
about themselves that they never would have thought of
telling anyone else on such short notice.
If you can really believe that there is nothing wrong with a
girl's sex behavior, no matter what she tells you about it,
and that even if she has made some notable errors in her life
(such as becoming illegitimately pregnant or participating in
highly masochistic relations with a male) you would never
think of condemning her for these errors, you will frequently
get a large amount of personal sex information from her that
she may never have told anyone before. But if you show
puritanical or condemning notions about certain aspects of
sexuality and about those who perpetrate such deeds, you
can be pretty sure that she will put on an equally puritanical
show and act as if she is the purest of virgins when she may
be anything but.
Do you need practice in talking to girls about sex and
related subjects? You certainly do! You weren't born to speak
dispassionately about passion; and you generally have to
learn to do so. Stand in front of a mirror, if necessary, and
practice asking questions like, "When you took World History
in high school, what was your grade?" You know damned
well she took World History and made some grade. There is
nothing exciting or unusual in this. Now that you have
mastered that kind of question, go on-still in front of the
mirror-to sexually intimate questions, to see if you can ask
them in exactly the same tone of voice and with the same
calm inflection. "When you went with your last boyfriend,
how did you feel about heavy petting?" Got it now?
If so, on to the next step: Practice with a real, live girl. Try it
on almost any girl-preferably the next one you date. Will you
get the question out just right with her? Probably not. Why
should you, when you've never tried anything like that
before? But will you learn, by your imperfect delivery, how
to do it a little better next time... and next time... and next
time? You certainly will-if you don't blame yourself for not
doing it perfectly this time... and the last time... and the
time before that. So just keep trying. Use the mirror method.
Try talking into a tape recorder. Make attempts with actual
dates. So you won't do so well a few-even many-times. So
what? Practice makes perfect if it is directed and shaped by
a known goal, if it is improved and guided by expert advice,
and if it is consciously modified by past mistakes. Keep
trying.
Handle women gently and patiently
Don't be rough; don't tussle; don't have any knockdown
fights; don't use force. (There are exceptions to prove all
rules, of course, but very few to these.) Accept all refusals,
rejections, and frustrations calmly, with good grace and
dignity. Try not to lose your good humor.
This is all very easy to say-but how do you actually do it?
Very simply, if you are willing to work hard at it. Whenever
you are refused by a girl-which, we hope, will be often, thus
proving that you are really in there trying and trying-admit
the truth to yourself: "I got refused. There is probably
something about me that she doesn't like, and I wish I didn't
have this deficiency in her eyes. But I do have it. Tough!"
Then refuse to admit what may seem to be the logical, but
actually is the illogical, corollary of this statement: "And isn't
it awful that I don't have what she desires. Am I not a perfect
bum for being thus deficient!"
It is this second set of beliefs, and not the first, that makes
you feel hurt and cantankerous. And it is a false set; for it is
not awful, but merely unfortunate, that you are lacking what
she wants in a man. You are not a bum for being deficient in
her eyes: You are merely a person who is a little too fallible
for her, but who may be more than satisfactory for many
other women and who can lead a pretty happy existence
even if you never win her (or, for that matter, any girl like
her).
If you get terribly angry about being refused by a girl, and
begin to resort to some rough treatment, you are again the
victim of a second silly set of beliefs: That because she has
made things rough for you, you can't stand it, it shouldn't be
that way, and you hate her and this awful world for being so
unfair. If, on the other hand, you remain calm, good-
humored, and patient even when things are going badly for
you with females, then you are telling yourself the truth: (a)
that you don't like the unfortunate fate that has been dealt
out to you; and (b) that even though you don't like it, you
can stand it, and you don't have to demand grandiosely that
the girl and the universe treat you exactly the way you
would like to be treated.
So if you have a sane philosophy of fife, and follow
Epictetus' injunction to do your best to change the things
that you can change, calmly accept those you can't, and
know the difference between the two, you can then handle
women gently and patiently, and increase your chances of
making it successfully with them. You can then approach
females slowly and confidently-moving deliberately and
firmly with few sudden and unnecessary motions that may
frighten them or make them think you are hysterical and
weak.
Minimize sex antagonism
Face the fact that the two sexes, in our society as well as in
nature in general, are different. Not always, of course, and
not in every conceivable way; for there is a considerable
overlap in the behavior of males and females. But males do
tend to be stronger, more direct, and more dominating; and,
as we noted above, they usually have greater and more
imperious sex drives. What is more, we reside in a culture
where the male still gains in reputation if he copulates with
large numbers of females, where the female is more or less
looked down upon by many of her associates if she is even
moderately promiscuous.
Because of these biological and sociological differences,
considerable sex antagonism currently exists. Men resent
women for being so slow to warm up sexually, for warding
males off even when they, the women, are aroused and want
to have intercourse, and for making many nonsexual
demands (for entertainment or marriage, for example)
before they will regularly accede to the male's sex urges.
Women, at the same time, are often bitter against men for
wanting to lay them lovelessly, for being obsessed with their
sexual organs rather than with their minds or other
attributes, and for being more or less fickle.
You didn't create this sex antagonism in our society; but you
have to live with it and, if possible, minimize it in your
relations with females. Show them that you don't think of
them mainly or only as sex objects; that you are able, in at
least some instances, to copulate lovingly and not just
passionately; and that you can be faithful to one woman if
she proves to be a satisfying sex-love partner.
Indicate to your dates that you truly respect women in
general and that you don't have any kind of double
standards that you apply to their sexual conduct. Prove by
your demeanor and your behavior that you do not think that
any woman is a "slut" or a "tramp." Some women have sex
for one reason, some for another. Some have sex more
frequently than others. Some have sex in marriage and
some outside of legal matrimony.
But all women, you should endeavor to believe and to
indicate, are ladies, are humans, are people. And none is to
be condemned because she engages in sex acts which you
would think nothing of if performed by a man.
Be helpful
Women can usually accept a great deal of help. They tend to
be weak and over-conforming. They knock themselves down
mercilessly for their sexual and other mistakes. They have
difficulty in accepting themselves as females. They have
great hangups about how old, or how homely, or otherwise
deficient they are. They are often terribly afraid that they
have made a poor choice of sexual partner and that they
have done the wrong things with him. They are incredibly
vulnerable in many, many ways-for a multitude of reasons.
The moral of all this would seem obvious: Never try to rob a
woman, to make her weaker, or tear her down. Build her up
as much as you can. Help her work on her self-picture and
see that she can fully accept herself even with her
deficiencies and her errors. Show her, if humanly possible,
how to be more positive toward sexuality, to enjoy it more,
to look forward to having it again and again. Let her know
that she can love and be loved-and that when she chooses
wrongly and is not approved or adored, she can still accept
herself and solve her own problems of living. Help her to be
more positive toward men. toward marriage, toward life
itself. If this is the attitude that you take toward the females
with whom you try to have sex relations, you will almost
certainly abet your own affairs with them, and you will even
more certainly be of inestimable help to them and to the
males with whom they may have subsequent affairs.
Knowledge is Power
If you were going to try to persuade anyone to buy a product
or an idea, you would acquire as much knowledge as you
could about the thing you were selling. The field of sex is no
different. When you go out to seduce a girl, you are trying to
persuade her to accept you and to want sex with you. This
implies that you have at least two major fields to know:
psychology and sexology.
As to psychology, first try to know yourself. Know what your
tastes are; how you react to different situations; what you
can reasonably expect of yourself conversationally, in
practice, and otherwise. Understand, particularly, your weak
points. Are you easily angered? Are you subject to anxiety?
What can you do to make yourself less upsettable? What
situations should you avoid because you are likely to react
badly?
Learn as much as you can about females, and about the
psychology of the one you are attempting to enjoy sexually.
Get as much experience as you can in being with and
dealing with women. Talk to them about their desires, aims,
attitudes, values. Be friendly with several girls in whom you
have little or no sex-love interest and try to have an easy,
honest relationship with them, so that you can find out what
they think about various issues, and what they think about
the tactics you are taking with other girls in whom you are
sexually interested. Having male confidants with whom you
can talk about your problems with women is fine; but having
a few female confidants is much better.
What should you know about sex? As much as you can!
Many women keep themselves from having intimate
relations with males because they think that they cannot
have sex while they are menstruating, that having two
lovers at a time is being promiscuous, that syphilis can
easily be acquired through kissing, or some other such
nonsense. The more you know about the facts of life, the
more you will be able to disabuse these women of their false
notions, and remove some of their silly blocks to sex.
Other sex knowledge can also be helpful. About female
erogenous zones, for example; about foolproof methods of
contraception; about various methods of arousal and
copulation. Some of this knowledge you will find in the
following pages; but since this is not an encyclopedia of sex,
other sources are also relevant. Read several basic texts on
sex-such as Studies in the Psychology of Sex by Havelock
Ellis, Sexual Behavior in the Human Female by Alfred C.
Kinsey and his associates, Human Sexual Response by
William Masters and Virginia Johnson, and The Encyclopedia
of Sexual Behavior by Albert Ellis and Albert Abarbanel.
Read a few modern marriage manuals-such as The Sexually
Responsive Woman by Phyllis and Eberhard Kronhausen,
The Art and Science of Love by Albert Ellis, An ABZ of Love
by Inge and Sten Hegeler, and Secret Techniques of Erotic
Delight by Vyvyan Howarth.
Most of all, gain your sex experiences with as many different
females as you can. You can only basically know women by
knowing women: there simply is no other way. And the more
girls you go out with, make passes at, get refused by, and
get accepted by, the more you will discover about the
psychology and sexology of the fair sex. Naturally, in the
process of acquiring this kind of knowledge you will make
many errors. Rut that's the way, being a human, you learn:
by trial and error. So time's a wasting: get going!
CHAPTER THREE - SEDUCTION
DON'TS

You are now preparing yourself to do many of the things it

would be wise for you to do if you are to become adept at
persuading women to enjoy sex with you. What are some of
the important things that you should avoid doing? Here are
some of the most significant seduction don'ts.
Don't have sex with an incompetent
From both a legal and selfish standpoint there are many
kinds of sexual incompetents with whom you should avoid
having relations. Legally, age is usually the big issue. In
most states of the union, you commit the crime of statutory
rape when you have intercourse with a girl who is under
eighteen years of age; and statutory rape is a very serious
offense that may lead to harsh penalties. What is more, even
if you do not have actual coitus with an under-age girl, you
may be liable to prosecution for such statutory offenses as
carnal abuse, lewdness, sodomy, or corrupting the morals of
a minor. Some of these sex crimes are misdemeanors, some
are felonies; all of them, in case you are actually
apprehended and convicted, can be a hardship if not a
disaster, and some of them can haunt you-particularly in
relation to employment-for the rest of your life.
Nor is tenderness of age the only hazard that you are likely
to encounter when you have sex with a female. Suppose a
girl is well over the age of eighteen but she is mentally
deficient or psychotic; or she is closely related to you; or, if
you are a physician, a dentist, or a psychologist, she is one
of your patients.
Under these conditions, even if she "willingly" has
intercourse with you the courts may find that she is not
legally competent to consent; and you may be in for a
charge of statutory rape or incest.
So watch it! Find out (a) what the laws regarding sexual
consent are in your community and (b) how likely the
enforcement agencies are to enforce them. Some sex laws-
such as those forbidding adultery-clearly exist on the statute
books of many states, but are virtually never enforced. Other
laws-such as those forbidding coitus with girls who are
seventeen years and eleven months old-also exist and are
often enforced. Look up the statutes in your own state.
Speak to a competent criminal lawyer. Get the facts before
you start winning the consent of a girl who is judged to be
legally incompetent.
Assuming that you get the legal precautions out of the way,
and are reasonably safe from the sheriff's clutches, should
you still try to seduce a girl who is really incompetent? No,
not usually. Suppose you have a chance at one who is quite
stupid (though not mentally deficient), exceptionally
ignorant, or very neurotic (though not psychotic) and
suppose that there is a good chance that you can get her to
bed. Why should you not? For several reasons:
1. She will probably not be a very good sex partner. She may
hardly be able to go through the motions adequately; and,
even if she does, she will be available more in body than in
spirit, and it is un-likely that your enjoyment will be
anything but minimal.
2. The time and effort you have to take to seduce an
incompetent is hardly worth it. A stupid and unwilling girl
may require hours to be convinced that sex is really not a
horrible business and that she might well enjoy it. Is it really
worth all this effort with her, when you could just as well
look for a brighter and more eager partner? If you were on a
desert island with the dull girl, that might be a different
story.
3. Once you get an incompetent female to bed, you may rue
the consequences. She may become so attached to you (and
think that she is incapable of getting any other male) that
you may have one devil of a time getting rid of her. She may
foolishly manage to get herself pregnant by you. She may
turn out to be all right sexually, but may bore you so
thoroughly in your nonsexual intimacies that you may want
to be rid of her immediately and yet feel obligated, now that
you have literally opened her up to sex, to continue to have
relations with her.
For various reasons, then, it would be better if you kept
away from incompetent gals. If no other females are
available, or if you think that you can educate a female to
become much more competent than she now is, or if you are
so sexually ignorant yourself that almost any kind of
experience would be better than none-then the game may
be worth the candle. But if there are no such extenuating
circumstances, stop wasting your time, and look for more
suitable partners.
Don't be dishonest or break a trust
You will, sooner or later, encounter a situation where it is
advisable for you to assure a woman that you will not go
beyond a certain point. One will agree, for instance, to sleep
all night with you in the same bed, as long as you do not
attempt to have actual intercourse with her; and you will
find it advisable to set this restriction to your being with her.
It is usually unwise to make any such assurance; but, if you
do make it, be certain to word it so that the restriction does
not exist after a particular night.
But once made, five up to the assurance you have given to
the very best of your ability. Remain true to your word-even
though you very much regret having given it. After you go
through some degree of hell a few times, you'll regret that
you spoke hastily and you'll probably learn not to make
promises so quickly or cavalierly.
Does this mean that if you promise a woman that if she goes
to bed you will not try to copulate with her, and that if she
then begs you to do exactly that, you have to stick to your
original promise to the exact letter? No, not necessarily.
What you are really promising-if you are at all wise-is that if
she gets into bed with you and if she still only wants to
snuggle and pet but not go further, you will respect her
wishes. But you are not promising that if she begs you to go
further you will disregard those wishes. In certain
circumstances-as when neither of you is contraceptively
prepared-you might still refuse intercourse even if she does
beg for it. But under most conditions, as long as you are
convinced that she has truly changed her mind, it is quite
legitimate for you to accept her changing.
What about when you are trusted not to have sex with a
woman by a third party-say, a close male friend of yours who
is her husband or long-time lover-and she wants to give you
her all? Normally, no! Trust is trust; and you should value
your real friendships more than an occasional lay. If you and
your friend's wife are madly in love and you are willing to
give up his friendship to pursue the great love with her, that
may be worth it-even though he considers you a villain for
knifing him in the back. But having a one-night stand with
his girlfriend or wife and jeopardizing your longstanding
closeness with him generally isn't worth it, and you are
foolish to give up a meaningful and good relationship for
temporary sex titillation.
Besides, your enlightened self interest should tell you that
you would not want your male friends bedding down with
your wife or sweetheart (unless that kind of thing doesn't
bother you, and you have an agreement with her that both
of you can have other affairs without endangering your
relationship). Sure, you may have to pass up some exciting
adventures with your friends' wives to avoid provoking said
friends into trying to run off with your lady love every week
or so. But isn't that kind of sacrifice worth it? Can you expect
all the advantages of life with none of the disadvantages?
Don't use force or threats of force
Do not start or prolong a relationship in which you can only
get what you want from a woman sexually by threat or by
moral pressure. If you find it necessary to keep a girlfriend in
line by continually threatening to stop going with her unless
she does this or that-get out!
Decide what you want from any relationship to make it
worthwhile to you. Frame your decision in the form of a
pressure-less request. Let the girl know what makes you
happy sexually and otherwise and what kind of things you
do not like. Meanwhile, try to find out from her what she
likes and dislikes in her relations with you. While trying to
accede as much as you can to her requests, calmly note how
much she is willingly acceding to yours.
If she is motivated to succeed, fine. If not, think seriously of
dropping her and letting her stay dropped. Don't keep
bargaining all the time; don't threaten. If she concedes out
of fear, you may be pretty sure that her concession is half-
hearted and temporary. Try to get what you want as a willing
gift from a woman-or try to get it elsewhere from a more
willing partner. If she doesn't know how to give-give up.
If you have to keep bargaining for sex, it generally isn't
worth it. Occasionally, a girl is so delightful, so good for you
nonsexually, that you are willing to keep pressing her for
sexual favors. But not very often! And, no matter how great
she may be, the chances are that there are plenty of other
girls who are just about as fine as she-and who want,
sexually, what you spontaneously want. Look for one (or
more!) of them.
Avoid buying sex with words of love
If a woman lets you know that she will not have sex with you
unless you say, "I love you," be reluctant to purchase
responsiveness on this basis-unless, of course, you really do
love her. Words are cheap; and it will seemingly not cost you
anything to keep telling women that you love them when
you really don't. But there are hidden costs in this
procedure: Because the woman thinks that you really do
love her, she will demand many other things (such as
economic help) from you; she will often feel terribly hurt
when your actions belie some of your words; she will "enjoy"
sex with you for the wrong reasons, because she thinks you
are mad about her, and not because she really thrills to your
touch or your kiss.
It may be different if you are married to a woman or if you
intend to stay with her for a long time. Then, even though
you love her little or infrequently, it may be best to let her
think that you love her more than you do. For a wife who
thinks that you do not love her enough will tend to shrivel
up sexually, and give you and herself less enjoyment than
she otherwise would. And if you can from time to time tell
her that you love her, when you are actually exaggerating
the degree that you do, this may be the best all-around
solution to a situation that never will be too good.
With a more temporary girlfriend, things are different. You
are not stuck with her, since there are generally many other
possible female partners available. So what is the point of
keeping her at the expense of telling lies? You are only
selling yourself short; and you are rarely doing her much
good either. Even if she would feel terribly hurt if you told
her the truth, the chances are that she would survive and
accept you with little love; or else she would force herself to
break with you and seek someone else who would naturally
care for her more than you do. Give yourself and her a better
chance! Be as honest as possible with her-without going out
of your way cruelly to tell her that you never really did love
her and that she is so deficient that practically no one else
could.
Don't beg
No matter how frustrated you may be with a temporary or
permanent girlfriend, don't insist to her that you need sex
and that you will be entirely miserable without it. You don't
need sex-nor practically anything but food, clothing, and
shelter, in order to survive. You want it very much; you will
be considerably less happy without it than with it; and you
intend to have it, if possible. But you still don't need it; you
won't die without it.
If you do beg, you may actually get some sex from your girl.
But it will be at the expense of (a) selling your soul; (b)
inducing her to do something she really doesn't want to do
right then; (c) training her so that next time, and the next
and the next, you'll probably have to beg, (d) refusing to
face the fact that it might be much better if you stopped
begging her and found another girl who wouldn't have to be
implored.
Don't use a line
A "line" is a string or pattern, much of which may be
exaggerated or untrue, which is designed to impress, and
which you tend to repeat with one girl after another. Lines
are ineffective and reflect a lazy attitude on your part. For
one thing, almost any intelligent woman can spot a line
quickly, and when she does you're practically dead with her.
For another, it does not tend to produce effective results
even when it is not recognized.
Every woman is somewhat different. If it's worth your time
and effort to seduce her or to have a relationship with her,
then it should be worthwhile for you to recognize her
differences from other women and to relate to these
differences. Therefore, adapt yourself to her in particular and
not to her as a feminine statistic. And be as honest as
feasible-albeit, as we have previously noted, with certain
selected sins of omission. To be dishonest is to risk
discovery, to have to keep lying to back up previous lies,
and to be anxious about being caught in your own tale-
spinning.
Don't use wholesale flattery
Flattery consists of saying something you don't really
believe in an effort to produce a good effect on a woman.
Avoid it.
This doesn't mean that you should not be complimentary.
But it will be a rare girl you date who does not have
genuinely good traits that you can keep pointing out to her;
these you should discover and describe.
In the area of compliments, do not stick to the infantile
repertoire of most men, which consists of (a) on seeing your
girl dressed for a date: "That's a pretty dress," or "You look
nice;" (b) on her person: "You're pretty," or "You've got a
nice figure."
Certain rules that you can follow in order to be notable in
this respect are these:
1. Tend to avoid what other men say. Your girl has heard
these things before and will lump you with the others if you
parrot this kind of stuff.
2. Rarely compliment her on the obvious. "How nice of you
to win that contest," doesn't say very much, since she and
everyone else knows she won it. Find something about her
that is not so obvious, and tell her what's good about that.
3. Compliment the parts rather than the whole. "You're such
a nice girl," is much too vague. "One of the things that's nice
about you is the unusual way that you wear your hair," is
much more specific and meaningful.
4. Put effort into compliments. If you say what comes most
easily to your lips, it may be trite and uninteresting. Look for
something less commonplace to say in her favor.
5. Insofar as you can, honestly compliment those aspects of
your girl that she is most proud of or vain about. If you tell
her how well she looks, and she would much rather be
known for her brains, you are not helping her or your cause
very much. Find out what she most wants to have or be and
look for something in that direction to commend her for.
6. Frequently try to compliment her on something that, in
her own case, is unusual or rare. If she is beautiful, praise
her intelligence; if she is intelligent, find something
beautiful about her.
7. Try not to lie. Few males have a good enough memory to
be a good liar, and it is improbable that you are one of them.
Instead of making sweeping or extravagant statements,
make well-qualified and honest ones. Even qualify your
superlatives. Don't say, "You are the most beautiful (or
intelligent or artistic) girl I ever met." Rather: "You are
among the most... or "In the top ten...." Don't say, "The thing
I like best about you is your tiny feet." For as surely as night
follows day, six months later she'll say, "You remember what
you said was the thing you like best about me?"-and there
you'll be minus any recollection of what you said you liked
best about her. So, instead: "One of the best things I like
about you is...."
8. Develop a hard core of honesty in response to her direct
questions. If you evade, your opinion will not be valued. This
does not mean that you have to be brutal or categorical
about her bad traits that cannot be changed-such as her
height, hairline, eye color, or breast size. Make your opinions
on these points as gentle as possible, if she presses you for
an answer.
But if your girlfriend is too fat, dyes her hair a lousy color,
has a flossy permanent, or is wearing a hideous dress, and if
she presses you to tell her what you feel about this attribute,
then give her a straight answer (softened by a reminder
that, of course, this is only your opinion). If you practice this
kind of honesty over a period of time, your opinion will come
to be respected.
9. Stick to your own favorable biases, and disregard those of
your date. She may, in answer to your honest compliment,
say: "You're biased. You just like me. I'm not really as good as
all that." Don't let her self-deprecation divert you one iota.
Stick to your guns and ignore her lack of appreciation of
herself.
Don't be judgmental
You are bound, as you try to have affairs with this girl and
that one, to make errors and to wreck some of your best
chances. Too bad! But that's all it is: too damned bad. It is
not horrible, if you fail; and you are not horrible for failing.
The more you condemn yourself for your amorous mistakes,
the less you will be able to rectify them in the future. What
is more, unless you are around eighty years of age, you do
have something of a future, and usually a considerable one
at that, ahead of you. That is what you should be
concentrating on: "Now that I've messed up this sex-love
venture, what can I learn by my mistake to help myself
succeed at the next one?"
The same will be true of the girls you encounter. Beelzebub
knows that they make serious blunders in their relations
with you (and with others). They lead you on to think you
are going to have a great time in bed with them that night-
then they stop short after a little petting, say that they are
really not feeling well, and call the whole thing off for the
evening. They obviously grant John and Joe the utmost
sexual sacrament-then they keep pushing you away as if
they were vestal virgins. O.K. So they're wrong as wrong can
be; and you have to suffer their sorry failings. Would that it
were not so! But it indubitably is. And if you are to get
anywhere with these difficult, fallible girls, you'd better
dispassionately and compassionately accept the fact that it
is. Don't condemn them for their nefarious ways; don't say
or insinuate that they deserve to be roasted in hell for not
giving you your due. The more you carp at them for their
presumed misbehavior, the less eager they will usually be to
behave better with you in the future. Or, if you do get them
to change their ways because of your castigation, they will
surrender to you resentfully, or with flavorless martyrdom.
And is that the kind of "cooperation" you really want?
If you must be judgmental-and we strongly advise you not to
be-at least don't judge until all the facts are in. So your date
is late, for the umpteenth time. Quite probably, she is
inconsiderately forgetful, or is perfectionistically taking too
much time to make up her eyebrows, or is even flirtatiously
engaged in conversation with some other fellow while she
keeps you waiting. But probably doesn't mean certainly. It
could be, this particular time, that there really was a tie-up
in traffic or her mother did have hysterics just as she was
about to leave. Before you angrily sail into her, at least find
out the facts. She may, for once, have a legitimate excuse.
See if she does, before you start lighting a fire in your blood
stream.
Watch your preconceptions!
Don't assume just because a woman looks a certain way that
she is bound to act the ways she looks. This goes for both
sides of the sex fence: positive and negative. The fact that a
girl you date looks like she is bursting out of her brassiere
and that she hardly will be able to keep her hands off you for
a second does not mean that there is any accurate reality
behind these appearances. And, conversely, when your date
for the evening appears to be a horned-rim-glasses type,
with stringy hair, sallow complexion, and buck teeth that
indicate to you that she is as passionate as an iceberg, you
may actually find-with a little probing and prodding-that she
is both warm-hearted and hot-blooded and that just because
she has (and knows she has) such a discouraging exterior,
she may be more than eager to make you swallow your
predictions by jumping into bed with you pronto. By the
same token, behind the mask of a sharp tongue and an
apparently nasty disposition, lies many a battered ego ready
to respond passionately to sex. So don't let a woman's looks
snow you. Never judge a book by its cover!
Another preconception to watch is that arising from your
date's previous experiences. If you happen to know, from
very reliable sources, that she is an "easy lay," and that she
has had sex with many men before you, do not assume that
she will go to bed with you almost immediately. Even if a girl
has had sex with an entire football team in one night, this
still says nothing about what she will do with you. She may
not like your type; or, oddly enough, she may like you so
much that she doesn't let herself fornicate with you, while
she plays fast and loose with other males for whom she does
not particularly care and with whom she thinks she has
nothing to lose.
By the same token, the fact that a woman has never had sex
with any man in her life implies little about your chances for
success with her. You are an individual in your own right,
and your relationship with her may be quite different from
any she has had with other men. Moreover, she may decide
to let you devirginized her just because she has never had
intercourse and thinks it is about time that she did. Sex is a
highly personal thing to most women, and you should not
make assumptions about what a date will do with you on the
basis of what she has or has not done with other men.
You may easily make a mistake in this regard when you go
with divorcees. Statistically, they tend to have more
nonmarital affairs than do single or married women. By all
means seek them out as dates and companions. But just
because your chances may be greater with a divorcee than
with a nondivorced woman, don't assume that the one you
are dating will or must go to bed with you. She may; but
there is no reason why she must.
Don't assume that any woman owes you sex
No matter what you do with a woman, nor how well you treat
her, she does not owe you sex in return. Legally, if you are
married to a woman, she does owe you sex, and it is
sometimes possible to get the marriage annulled if she does
not pay you this "debt." Actually, of course, this is an archaic
law, and should be repealed.
In any event, don't act on this legal assumption in your
relations with women. A prostitute may owe you sex, once
you pay for her services. But a date, no matter how well you
treat her, does not have to satisfy, or even try to satisfy, you
sexually. You hope she will; but she does not have to.
It is unrealistic for you to bitch and moan, when a woman
frustrates you sexually, "You got me all hot and bothered
and now you owe it to me to satisfy me." Like almighty hell
she does! She doesn't owe you a damned thing-except,
possibly, a certain amount of human courtesy; and there is
really no reason why she has to "pay off" even with that.
Don't forget, in these circumstances, that you got yourself
hot and bothered, that you allowed her (even induced her)
to arouse you; and she is in no way obligated to do anything
to satisfy you.
Ethically, you should not ever arouse a woman fully and
then make no attempt to give her an orgasmic release. By
the same token, an ethically minded woman will not arouse
you and refuse to give you, in some way or other, an orgasm.
But neither you nor your date is obligated to be ethical; it is
merely preferable that you be. If a woman keeps arousing
you, and then refuses to satisfy you in any way, you are
justified in having nothing more to do with her. But don't
make yourself angry, don't childishly demand that she treat
you nicely. Just calmly note that sexually ethical behavior is
not her bent-and go find other women who are more inclined
to be fair about sex.
Don't avoid love to avoid pain
If you want to avoid feeling any hurt in your sex/love
relationships, you can easily keep away from falling in love
and exposing yourself to emotional trauma. But if you do
use this technique of saving yourself from hurt, you are very
foolish; for you throw out the baby with the bath water and
"protect" yourself in a self-defeating manner.
No one that we know ever really died of a broken heart; and
many lovers, as Byron and several of the other romantic
poets indicated, gained a heck of a lot by letting themselves
love unrequitedly. Pain is an experience; and as long as it
does not consist of self-deprecation or hostility against
others, it can deepen and mature you. There is some pain in
all loving; and if you really try to escape from all emotional
turmoil, you will most likely escape from all love.
Moreover, if you acquire a truly self-accepting philosophy of
life you will be able to love freely and openly and still avoid
depression and deep-seated anxiety. For the latter are not
born of doubt and uncertainty-which are rather intrinsic to
loving-but of self-deprecation. It is not the loss of a girlfriend
which makes you deeply depressed, but your irrational belief
that you are no good without her. It would be sad and
regrettable if you did not win her love-but that's all it would
be, if you refrained from beating yourself over the head for
not winning it.
You can learn, then, to let yourself fall freely in love; and
then, if things go wrong with your affair (which they
frequently do!) to tell yourself, "I'm really sorry that she
doesn't care for me as much as I would like her to; and I
shall be sad about that for some time to come, whenever I
remember how great it would have been if she cared more.
But the fact that she loves me less than I would like her to
does not mean that I am worthless, nor that I cannot find
other suitable girls who will care deeply for me. So, rather
than mooning about her, I shall actively seek my next
beloved. And, if necessary, the next... and the next... and
the next!"
Don't marry under pressure
In the course of your seduction activities, you may be placed
under pressure to marry a girl of whom you are somewhat
fond and who appears to be a great bedmate, but toward
whom you are maritally lukewarm. Resist!
Marriage is a difficult enough relationship without your
making it more so. Lots of girls, who are desperate to marry
for one reason or another, may try to get you to the altar
when you are not inclined to plunge. Sometimes they will
threaten to break off with you if you do not get engaged; or
say that they will then marry someone else; or even,
occasionally, hint at committing suicide. No matter! Unless
you really think a girl will make an excellent wife for you,
and unless you are financially, emotionally, and otherwise
ready for the harsh realities of married life, firmly hold your
ground and let the girl do what she will.
Suppose a girl becomes pregnant by you, should you then
feel obligated to marry her? No. Not all marriages made
under such conditions fail; but most of them are seriously
handicapped. For several reasons:
1. Both participants know that they married not because
they were ready to marry, but because they felt they had to.
Neither may ever be convinced, therefore, that the other
really loved him or her and truly wanted to wed.
2. Such marriages are almost always precipitously and
prematurely made. The growing together and the emotional
readying that are normally achieved when there is no
outside force propelling the couple toward marrying are
usually skipped.
3. Both mates tend to blame themselves and the other for
the pregnancy. They wonder, perhaps for years afterward,
what would have happened to them, and whom else they
would have married, if pregnancy had not occurred. It may
take either or both of them quite awhile truly to accept the
marriage.
4. People should think very carefully these days before they
bring a child into the world. Not only is it rather
irresponsible, in the light of the present population
explosion, to add to the number of people who already
inhabit this crowded earth; but it is even more irresponsible
to bring forth a child who is not wanted and who may be
poorly cared for because one or both parents would rather
remain childless. More than enough unwanted children are
conceived and born to couples who are already married; and
if unmarried individuals keep carelessly adding to this
number, and therefore marrying, the world will hardly
become a better place in which to live.
So consider carefully before you marry any girl whom you do
not strongly love and want to live with for many years.
Marriages with a great amount of affection and mutual
interest in forming a lasting partnership are hard enough to
maintain happily today. Those that are additionally
handicapped by tepid love and reluctance to live together
have a much smaller chance of joyous survival. You may
think yourself unfeeling and unkind to leave a girl in the
lurch when she desperately wants to marry and you do not;
but in most instances you will prove to be much less kind
when you hesitatingly espouse her.
CHAPTER FOUR - SETTING THE
STAGE

You may consistently succeed-in some endeavor without

having a very clear conception of your goal; but this is not
very likely. Similarly with seduction: Unless you understand
what is your aim, you are probably not going to get very far.
Let us start the clarification process by trying for a clear-cut
definition of the term itself.
Rigorously defined, seduction is the process of persuading
an initially unwilling female to have sex with you for the
purpose of your own enjoyment. It may include her greatly
enjoying the sex relations too; but it also may not. Seduction
also occurs when you are relatively uninterested in having
sex with a woman and she induces you to have it.
Is seduction really worth striving for? Obviously it often is:
Since by engaging successfully in this process you learn
sexual skills and techniques, you get a certain amount of
carnal satisfaction, and you may revel in the game and the
challenge of inducing a somewhat reluctant woman to
become enthusiastic about going to bed with you.
Does seduction have important disadvantages? It certainly
may! For example:
1. By the very definition of the process, you can see that you
place yourself, when you are seductive, in something of a
pointless and endless endeavor. Like a squirrel in a cage,
you may run and run and never quite get anywhere. For
seduction necessarily takes place with an initially unwilling
female; and as soon as you induce her to become willing,
the seductive process ceases. Although the thrills of the
chase, and the sense of power you may gain by overcoming
opposition may at first exhilarate you, when you are faced
with a steady diet of chasing, the game may pall.
2. The "ego inflation" that many males find in seduction, and
that you may feel when an attractive woman
enthusiastically wants you after first taking a dim view of
having anything sexually to do with you, is almost always a
Pyrrhic victory. True self-esteem or ego-enhancement occurs,
as the senior author of this book (A. E.) has pointed out in
his writings for many years now, when you fully accept
yourself whether or not others approve of you and whether
or not you excel at any tasks. When you like yourself or
consider yourself a worthwhile person because you are a
great seducer (or a great anything else), you are accepting
yourself only contingently; and you are ever ready to fall on
your face and dislike yourself when you fail at any task or
find that some significant person disapproves of you. Since
it is virtually impossible for you always to succeed or receive
approbation from others, the time is bound to come-and
sooner than you think! when your "ego inflation" will be
reversed and you will feel, as the saying goes, lower than
whale dung. Especially if you use seduction as a method of
ego-raising you are certain to encounter scores of girls who
will not surrender to your manly wiles; and then where will
you and your blasted "ego" be?
If your pride in yourself, moreover, depends to any
considerable degree on your success with women, you will
tend to remain anxious even when you are having a series of
successes. For how do you know whether this present
woman, or the next, or the next will fall? And since your
definition of yourself is, "I am only a worthwhile individual
and have a good ego when I get this gal to bed," you will be
anxious at the prospect-which, of course, always exists-of
your not achieving copulative ecstasy with her. A person
with a truly healthy ego enjoys himself rather than rates
himself. He acknowledges that his performances are good,
bad, or indifferent; but he doesn't falsely evaluate his total
being, his self, in terms of these performances.
Consequently, he enjoys himself when he has a willing and
actively participating female partner and he also accepts
himself when he has an initially reluctant partner whom he
has to try to seduce.
3. Although you may learn a good deal about arousing a girl
sexually in practicing the art of seduction, arousal is hardly
the whole of sex activity; and you may tend to become too
one-sided in this regard, and not focused enough on
satisfying a willing female with whom you have steady sex
relations. Moreover, the "kicks" that you get from seduction
will not usually exist in a continuing affair; and it is possible
that such affairs will become relatively monotonous and
boring once your gratification stems mainly from the
seductive process.
4. The goal of the conquest often becomes so important in
seduction that the goal of sex pleasure itself is almost lost
from sight. When you finally get a reluctant girl to be willing
and you have copulatory relations with her, sex may seem
anticlimactic. Your concentration on seducing may be so
great that when ejaculation finally occurs you can hardly
feel, much less enjoy, it.
Unadulterated seduction, therefore, is often a great game;
but it does have drawbacks. Any extreme form of human
behavior tends to be one-sided and disadvantageous, and
human neurosis largely consists of going from one extreme
to another, without remaining very long at any midpoint. In
regard to seduction, therefore, we recommend a more
moderate or modified form—one that has the goal of
inducing one or more initially reluctant girls to have a ball
with you sexually, but that also looks for other kinds of
enjoyment and longer range involvements with some of
these girls.
Modified seduction includes the goal of your giving pleasure
to your partner, of providing her with sexual satisfaction
even at some temporary cost to you. It involves your finding
an unwilling female and then doing your best to provide her
with so much satisfaction that both this time and the next
she becomes more willing. Where, in unadulterated
seduction, you strive for a series of unrelated incidents, and
make the conquests themselves all-important, in modified
seduction you still have such incidents from time to time,
but you also strive for a continuing relationship with at least
a minority (or even the majority) of the females with whom
you have these incidents.
The skills you are likely to learn in modified seduction can
readily be applied to an ongoing marital or nonmarital
relationship. Instead of helping you to become a self-
centered, unloving individual who may revel in cruel and
unkind affairs, modified seduction encourages you to
become more outgoing and related. It enables you to build
your sexual release into deeper and more abiding pleasure.
Modified seduction, in other words, can be defined as the
process of persuading an initially unwilling female to engage
in sexual activity (not necessarily intercourse) for the
purposes of (a) your own immediate and future enjoyment
with her; (b) her sex-love satisfaction; and (c) the hope that
she will be so fulfilled by having an affair with you that she
will have a more positive attitude toward sex and be eager
to seek it on her own initiative (with you or other males) in
the future. This form of seduction, as you will note, is not
only useful and beneficial with a new girl whom you
encounter, but it may be employed with one whom you have
previously had but who is at any given time reluctant to
continue sex relations, and it may also be employed with a
regular sweetheart, fiancee, or wife who from time to time
appears to be sexually unwilling.
There are several corollaries to your striving for modified
seduction with the women you encounter. First of all,
whether you are satisfied fully or not on a given night
becomes of relatively little importance. Your main goal,
frequently, is encouraging and teaching your partner to be
generally responsive; and if it looks as if she is not in the
mood to swing on a particular evening-and especially as if
seducing her might lead her to become anti-rather than pro-
sexual, you can easily forego this time, and let yourself be
sexually frustrated for the nonce. After all, you can always
take care of yourself by masturbating or calling up another
girl as soon as you leave her. So why make a great issue of
your satisfaction at this moment?
Another corollary of modified seduction is the view that the
most significant kind of sexual pleasure comes when you
have relations with a woman who is highly motivated to give
you maximum satisfaction. This is not necessarily true in all
cases: You could be a true masochist, who gets enjoyment
when a female acts sadistically or indifferently to you. But
you probably aren't; and if so, you will find that you can
enjoy yourself far more with a partner who really wants to
gratify you, and who creatively goes out of her way on many
occasions to do so, than with one who cares little whether or
not you are pleased.
If you are in the normal range of sexuality, and you do enjoy
sex most when it is freely and actively given with a view
toward pleasing you, modified seduction should certainly be
your cup of tea. For if you persistently try to give pleasure to
a woman, without expecting an instant return, there is an
excellent chance that she will feel like going out of her way
to please you.
This does not mean that all women are like this. They aren't.
Few women are properly trained in receiving and giving sex
pleasure. Some never overcome a deep aversion to physical
love. Others never lose their inhibitions. Still others never
learn to love or to give themselves freely to anyone.
Suppose you run up against one of these difficult or
impossible females. You work your head and your body off to
please her; you give skill, time, effort, consideration,
kindness, attention, and love. Even after a long time has
passed, you get little or nothing in return. She remains as
indifferent toward your satisfaction as she was when you
first seduced her.
What to do? Should you blame her vehemently and call her
an ingrate? Should you vow never to go out of your way
again to please her or any other woman? Hell, no!-not if you
are stable and sane. For who is this woman to get you to
change your general standards of conduct? Why should you
give her such power over you?
Calmly and firmly, instead, go after what you can get with
this woman. If sex doesn't pay off with her, what does? Can
she be a good companion, business partner, wife, or mother?
Stop railing and ranting against her "horrible unfairness"
and see. Maybe, if you don't get enough out of your
relationship with her nonsexually, you should leave her. But
maybe, for one reason or another, you shouldn't. The main
thing is for you not to expect her to be any different from
the way she is; to try hard to change her sexually, but to
enjoy her as much as you can while you are still with her.
You can, to this end, play some intelligent games of your
own with a girl who is and is likely to remain a cold fish. You
can keep trying to be a fine lover to her-but measure your
performance not in terms of how she reacts (since it looks as
if she just won't react well) but in terms of how well you are
doing it. Even if the varieties of copulation you are able to
effect and practice with her never quite send her, you are
learning, in the process, how to copulate more effectively;
and you should be able to use this knowledge, later, with
other girls who are more appreciative.
With an iceberg you can beautifully practice preserving your
own mental health. Instead of angering yourself about her
lack of responsiveness, and telling yourself that she is a
goddamn bitch for being the way she is, and how can she
give you so little when you are obviously giving her so
much, you can convince yourself that you can accept her
the way she is, and that you don't have to upset yourself
over her deficiencies. If you do this again and again, you will
tend to become so adept at keeping yourself calm and
collected under the most difficult circumstances that this
trait will serve you well with the next girl or girls with whom
you try to have a good relationship.
Physical aspects of modified seduction
If your goal is modified seduction, and you want to help a
woman gain maximum satisfaction for herself and
simultaneously help yourself to maximum enjoyment, there
are some physical corollaries to this kind of aim.
Unadulterated or crass seduction is generally based on the
assumption that you have to persuade a woman to travel a
sex path that she really doesn't want to travel and that will
never prove to be entirely enjoyable to her. But there are
many facts which belie this assumption. For one thing, it has
never been proved that the strength and nature of a
female's sex drive is greatly different from a man's. And in
many cases the reverse of the common assumption is true-
that is, the woman turns out to be far sexier, in urge and in
orgasmic capacity, than almost any man could hope to be.
Does this mean that no real sex differences exist between
males and females. Not at all. Statistically, there are some
important differences. In particular:
1. The peak of a male's drive tends to occur when he is
between the ages of sixteen and twenty. Although some
females, as well, are more highly sexed during their teens
than they are any other time in their lives, a great many do
not fully mature sexually until they are in their late twenties
or early thirties.
2. Men usually need no real heterosexual experience to feel
the full thrust of desire. Women are in the same class in
many instances, and spontaneously masturbate long before
they do any heterosexual petting or copulating. But a large
number of other women feel spontaneous desire for
intercourse only after they have had some sex experience
and are thereby awakened.
3. Women in our society are trained differently from men
and tend to have a larger share of inhibitions and a greater
potential for guilt. They therefore have more difficulty letting
themselves go fully, and often need nonsexual excuses for
so doing: such as the fact that they are in love with or
married to their sex partners. However!-beneath the false
mask of puritanical inhibition that millions of females
assume beats a nature that may be as, or nearly as,
passionate as a man's.
4. Women are usually excited by fewer and different external
stimuli than are men. As the Kinsey studies show, males are
more easily aroused by nudity, by so-called pornographic
pictures, by salacious stories, and by other "sexy" objects
than are females. Females may frequently be aroused by
romantic stories and films which leave males relatively cold.
5. Men, of course, do not get pregnant. Women's menstrual
cycles affect somewhat their sexuality, in that they may be
very arousable at certain times of these cycles (for example,
just before, during, and after their periods) than they are at
other times. Women, moreover, because they know that
intercourse may easily lead to pregnancy, tend to inhibit
their sexual expressions far more than males do and to
refrain from intercourse with men whom they hardly know
and by whom they would not want to become pregnant.
You must realistically face these differences between males
and females. If you take them into account, you may
conclude that modified seduction is not really a process of
getting women to travel a path they absolutely do not want
to travel: it is mainly a mode of persuading them to open a
door and step across a threshold that they have some
hesitancy in crossing, and will only let themselves cross in
special circumstances. Once across, most women enjoy the
"path" immensely.
Modified seduction largely consists of making an ally of a
woman's basic sexual nature. You try to excite her to the
point where her body takes over and where she is more than
willing to let it. In a sense, your seduction is accomplished
by her own body and innate sex learnings.
Typical modified seduction consists of kissing, breast
contact, manual petting of the genitals, and intercourse.
There are many variations and exceptions to this. But we
shall try to cover the classic-the most statistically probable-
methods first and then work in the variations and
exceptions.
Almost any female will kiss. Why? Because she can't get
pregnant by kissing; kissing is exciting; and she rarely loses
any degree of reputation, in this day and age, when she
kisses.
Breast stimulation is usually the second most common step
that women will allow you to take on the road to their
seduction. Many women who won't permit you, at least for a
long time, to go an inch below their waists will be rather
liberal in allowing your hands, and sometimes your lips, to
roam over their breasts. They do so because the breasts are
a definite erogenous zone, they are clearly far above the
waist, their stimulation cannot result in pregnancy, and they
are one of the main parts of the body which are uniquely
feminine. Some women consider breast stimulation as a part
of kissing-and, really, it is. There almost appear to be direct
nerve connections between the erotic tissue of the mouth
and the nipples of the breast for these women. On the other
hand, other women have breasts that are unarousable; or for
one reason or another-especially the fact that they may feel
that their breasts are too large or too small or too poorly
shaped-they refuse breast contact and do not allow
themselves to have any degree of erogeneity in that area of
their bodies.
Just as the lips and the nipples sometimes seem to be
erotically connected, there seems to be almost a direct
nervous flow between the nipples and the female genitals.
Breast contact certainly stimulates the genital juices in
many instances; conversely, as Dr. William H. Masters and
Mrs. Virginia Johnson have shown, sexual intercourse leads
to breast expansion, as well as to flushing and expanding of
other sensitive parts of the woman's body. Once the
reciprocal stimulating effects of breast and genital excitation
occur, the woman frequently becomes receptive to all kinds
of petting in various regions, especially in her genitalia.
This means that if you will only be patient, and if you will at
first accept what a woman easily offers-usually, as we noted
above, her lips and her breasts-you can after awhile "reach"
her genitals through persistent stimulation of these more
available areas. Or, stated differently, when she freely offers
you her bps and her nipples, she is offering more than she
realizes, or even more than she consciously wishes to make
available to you; and if you gracefully seem to accept, in
their own right, those parts of her anatomy which she does
let you manipulate with your fingers and your lips, she will
eventually, in spite of (really, because of) herself be offering
you her innermost reaches as well.
When a girl does, whether reluctantly or not, let you pet her
freely, and when she especially permits you manual or oral
contact with her clitoral region, you are frequently (though
not always) in the home stretch. After sufficient stimulation
of her clitoral area, you can usually effect penile entry-and
then you've got it made.
This, in brief outline, is the physical aspect of modified
seduction. The next few chapters give some of the most
salient details to round out this outline.
CHAPTER FIVE - KISSING

The first step in modified seduction is usually to establish a

kissing relationship. Obviously, this hinges on getting the
first kiss. If you kiss skillfully, the second and subsequent
kisses are easier-or at least present a different problem.
Many males try to go the limit the first night. This course is
over ambitious and tends to be fraught with pitfalls. In
general, you will do better to think in terms of a three-to-five
night campaign-and to realize that it may take even longer!
Some men make their first kissing attempts only when
parked and/or saying goodnight. Both of these plans may be
mistaken and should often be avoided. The parking bit is
often not best because this is exactly what the girl expects
and frequently tries to avoid; consequently, she is not in a
very good mood when you first attempt it. When you park,
you tip your hand-she knows you didn't pick a lonely street
or deserted bit of the countryside to park on just because
you like to talk. Most women you date will have been
through that parking routine before-many times before. And
who knows what bad memories some of those previous
jaunts may have left!
So as soon as you cut off the ignition on your first date with
a girl, she is likely to tense and say to herself: "Well, here it
comes. He'll do this first, then that, etc." She'll be preceding
you all the way. If you think, when you put your arm on the
back of the seat and then quietly drop it over her shoulders,
that you are slipping up on her unawares, you are probably
deluding yourself. She knows every move of this kind that
you are going to make before you make it.
If, from the tenor of the rest of the evening you have spent
with her, she seems to be delighted with you and receptive
to hand-holding, arm-pressing, and other little touches, then
trying to kiss her in a parked car may be quite different. In
these circumstances, in all probability, she is ready for your
first attempt at kissing; and she may even take it unkindly if
you do not kiss her. But if you hardly know her, have no
reason to believe that she has warm feelings for you, and
have some evidence that she is a little on the prudish side, a
first-time kiss in a parked car may by no means be the best
way to her heart or her bosom. Give the matter a little
thought; don't make a routine attempt just because it seems
the only thing to do.
Waiting until you leave the girl at her door before you try
the first kiss has definite drawbacks, too. For one thing,
think of the time you may have wasted previously that
evening. Here you've been with her for several hours
perhaps, and only at the very end, as she is about to scoot
indoors, you get around to what may be the most important
part of the evening. It's already late; she expects to go
inside right away; and both of you, almost invariably, are
standing up fully clothed (in overcoats, no less, in the
winter-time!).
Even if she responds to you, under these conditions, how far
can you go, how long can you stay, and how much can you
learn about how passionate she is?
Try to kiss her earlier in the evening-and in ways which offer
a greater chance of propitious conclusions. If you can get
her into her parlor or yours, for example, when both of you
are seated side by side on a sofa, you can get a good first
kiss, if she allows it, and a fair-sized embrace, too; and one
that may lead to more kissing, more embracing, and then on
to light or heavy petting. Kissing itself-if that is what she is
going to restrict you to-can be done in sequences, rather
than in one main lump. If you start late in the evening you
have time for about one, and only one, goodnight kiss and
hug. But if you start at 9:00 p.m., there is no reason why the
first kiss and hug cannot lead at 9:15 to another, and at
9:30 to still another; and so on. By 11:00 p.m., at this rate,
who knows what else, besides her lips, you may be kissing!
The first kiss
There are many ways, conventional and not, in which you
can get in the first kiss with a girl. Preferably, you will do
well if you (a) act differently from most men, in regard to
both time and place and (b) slip up on her unawares.
In regard to being different, give serious consideration to a
first date on which you do, in terms of the usual
entertainment, absolutely nothing. It may, as an ice-breaker,
be advisable to take the girl to a movie; but if you are really
wise, you will stay away from all such entertainment. For one
thing, movies take about two and a half hours of precious
time; for another, there are too many people around; for a
third, she may get much more absorbed in the movie or play
than in you.
You do not, of course, have to make any passes at all the
very first night you see her. You can have a perfectly
charming, sexless evening, and not even try for a goodnight
kiss. The girl may even ask herself, when the evening is
over: "Why didn't he even try to kiss me? Am I losing my
touch?" And you may throw her so much off balance that on
the second or third date you may more than make up for lost
time.
A still better procedure, usually, is this: Call for her fairly
early in the evening, and spend the entire night at her place
or yours. If necessary, take her out for a few drinks, but try
to get back to her place fairly early (so she can't give you
that old chestnut, "Oh, it's been so good talking with you.
But I have to get up early tomorrow morning to help mother
pack for her trip. So why don't we call it a night and get
together some other time?"). In the meantime, talk like a
blue streak about her and her and her and you and you and
you. Then, when you've got her on a sofa, say something
sweet and suddenly kiss her smack on the lips-hard. If her
lips are soft and responsive, go on, and on, and on from
there. If not, you have time for some later attempts, after
you unapologetically withdraw.
Various approaches to kissing
Most males, as we noted above, uncreatively try to do
virtually all their kissing in parked cars. This is not
necessarily good strategy, since there are many other more
original approaches. Sex and the Single Man quoted a
student of lovemaking techniques in regard to some of these
original approaches. Let us quote him again here:
"1. The car exit approach. No woman expects a man in his
right mind to kiss on a public thoroughfare. Fine! Do just
that! You are taking her to supper on the second night. You
park. You go around to open the door. As she puts her feet
on the ground her head is down. Judge the distance
accurately and arrange to have your lips poised when she
looks up. Then kiss her. Do it gracefully and be careful not to
bump mouths. Do it gently and don't hold it. Don't hug her.
Dart in and out but make it good while you are there. This
gives you the opportunity to verbalize the 'goodness' of the
kiss (at the right time and place) and simply proceed to kiss
her again.
"2. The standing approach, (a) Sudden. You walk her to the
car (or anywhere else). You take her upper arms in each of
your hands. Her head is down or level. You hold her with
'restrained intensity' (but really very gently) and mutter
some sentimentality-only part of which she catches. You
know she's going to look up. As she looks up you move down
such that your lips meet. She'll never know what hit her. (b)
Gradual. (Same circumstances and position as above.) With
a sudden flood of 'controlled intensity' you start kissing her
hairline-lightly with loose lips. Pluck gently at her skin and
hair. Make the movements of the tickling kind that are apt to
produce goose bumps. Sooner or later she will turn her face
up. Kiss down her face until you reach her lips. If she never
turns her face up-back off. You have lost nothing.
"3. The stop-light approach, (a) You are stopped for a light.
Start to reach in the glove compartment, stop midway, put
your left hand on her jawbone and kiss her. (b) Use the
hairline approach at one light and take it to the lips at the
next.
"4. Drive-in or hamburger approach. Note: almost everyone
has sensitive skin. Almost everyone can get goose bumps.
Goose bumps constitute a mild shock and the instant they
occur the girl's reflexes are slower. Learn to produce goose
bumps and to judge the exact instant of shock, (a) Tickle the
back of her neck. Watch her face. At the instant of shock-
kiss, (b) Stroke the hair and face with your outside hand on
the outside of her face. When she gets goose bumps or when
she closes her eyes and sighs-pull her gently to you and
kiss, (c) Cradle her face with both your palms. This is
frequently interpreted as a 'tender' gesture by women. Hold
her eyes with your eyes, hold her face until you feel her
body relax, throw in an intimate remark, then gently kiss
her. (d) The Happy Warrior. Here you share a joke and both
laugh. Reach out and cradle her against your shoulder in a
spirit of camaraderie. At the split second the laughter stops
she will inhale a deep breath. Place your hand under her
chin, make it coincide with the inhaling, and kiss her in one
motion, (e) Pick up her outside hand in your outside hand.
Turn it palm up and kiss the palm, first with lips, then with
tongue. Holding her hand out from, but in front of, her face,
start down the wrist but go directly into her mouth.
"5. The Louise Lift approach. Pick her up (she will grab you
around the neck and giggle), wait until she stops giggling-
then kiss her."
To these we add still another approach, which we call the
verbal approach. This is a method in which you creep up on
your girl conversationally, and get her to accept the fact
that kissing is good, and that kissing with you in particular
will be very good, before she realizes what hit her. If you ask
a girl, "May I kiss you?" you're generally dead: for often she
feels too bold saying, "Yes," and she thinks that somehow
she just has to refuse you-even though she may very much
want you to kiss her. Even if you announce, "I will kiss you,"
you haven't much of a chance to follow up this
announcement with action, since she may take your
announcement as a challenge, and almost automatically
respond, "Oh, no you won't!" or may move and keep out of
kissing distance.
The verbal approach is much more subtle. It is like the
method that females use when they first talk about how
good it is for a man to have a den in his house; then they
note how fine it would be for you to have one in your house;
and then, before you realize what is going on, they mention
the den, and maybe the gun cabinet that would look so well
in it, in our house. On your side, you can start with an
impersonal statement, such as, "Don't you think that people
feel closer when they kiss?" Then you can get a little more
personal with: "Don't you feel much closer to a fellow when
you kiss him?" Then still more personal: "You know, I look
forward to that feeling of closeness that comes after a kiss."
Finally: "I think we will feel very close once we get around to
kissing. Don't you?"
There are, of course, a hundred variations on this. One fellow
of our acquaintance asked his friend to look up a girl he
knew when he got into town and "kiss her for me." This
friend played it cool-made periodic references to the kiss he
was supposed to give the girl, but didn't make any actual
moves. He made his verbal sallies so effectively that he got
the girl excited before he ever touched her, and when he
finally did kiss her she practically rubbed his lips off.
There is another lesson to be learned from this. Effective
techniques, skillfully and confidently applied, will usually
work, no matter how experienced the woman is with whom
you use them. Good principles remain good principles, no
matter who says them or to whom they're said. Thus, if you
tell a woman that your goal is to contribute to her
individuality, her happiness, her self-sufficiency, her self-
actualization, and if you point out that all these goals are
enhanced by her learning to live at peace with her own
sexual nature (which means to have guilt-free sex at any
frequency that her body seems to require), you can't go far
wrong because what you have said is true and the principle
involved is perfectly sound.
The main thing that you must stick to in this respect is
making your goal genuine. If you tell a woman that you are
most interested in pleasing her and then, in practice, you
show her that you are almost exclusively interested in your
own affairs and not in hers, the principle crumbles and you
become a fraud. Lip service is not enough! In modified
seduction, you should let your partner know that you are out
for her good as well as your own-and then practice what you
preach.
This does not mean that you should be utterly self-
sacrificing in your affairs with women. Your main goal in life,
if you are sane, should be enlightened self-interest-not
martyrdom to others in order to convince them (or the world
in general) how fine a person you are. If you don't take care
of yourself first, no one else is likely to do so; and if you
devote yourself primarily to others, rather than to yourself,
the chances are you do so because you think this tactic will
induce them to be equally devoted to you. In most
instances, it won't! They have their own fish to fry; and for
sensible or neurotic reasons, fry them they will.
So your goal with women should be to help yourself enjoy
them. But, once you live in any community or group, social
interest (as Alfred Adler showed) becomes part of self-
interest. If you harm others, they will sooner or later
retaliate; if you are reasonably nice to them, they will
usually help you and let you and your interests be. So with
women: The more you are genuinely interested in their
welfare, the more you will tend to get from them. Females,
moreover, are probably biologically more giving than are
males; they like to devote themselves to others (especially
to young children); they enjoy loving. Consequently, if you
are kind to them, they will tend to give you even more in
return than you give them. So your "sacrifices" for them will
usually be worth it.
In any event, don't promise her anything and only give her
Arpege. You can, in fact, give most women relatively little in
terms of gifts and worldly goods-as long as you give them
reliability, honesty, and the backing up of any promises that
you care to make.
In pursuing the verbal approach to kissing and other sex
contacts with women, you are to some extent gambling. If
you are really on a woman's side, and show her this, you
tend to help her become happy and independent in her own
right; and as soon as she develops sufficient self-confidence,
she may take herself off to other quarters and you may have
little or no place in her life. Many a man has helped a girl to
find herself and to be a much better sex-love partner-only to
see her waltz off with some other man.
If this happens to you, don't be downhearted or disturbed.
You did your best to build up a woman-and you ended by
constructing a great partner for some other man. You
gambled and lost. But this indicates that the principle you
used to help her is valuable and valid and that you can
apply it with other girls. If your being genuinely interested in
this woman succeeded so well, you can assume that it will
succeed with others-and that not all of them will desert you.
Human behavior being what it is, men who truly keep a
woman's interest uppermost in their minds are so rare and
so sought for by females that you don't have to worry about
losing your gamble very often.
Back to kissing! The secret of approaching the first kiss
properly is often in split-second timing. If you keep your
eyes and ears open, so that you see what is going on with
the girl you are dating; if you work against your own
nervousness by convincing yourself that it will not be
catastrophic if you fail with this particular girl; if you
persistently and assertively go after what you want sexually,
but at the same time show your date that you are on her
side and that you want to help her grow and develop as a
sex partner and a person; if you are reasonably adept at the
art of kissing itself (which we shall explain in the later pages
of this chapter)-if these are the rules of the game you follow,
the chances are that you will be able to kiss your date soon
and well, and that the first kiss will be a precursor of many
delightful osculations to come.
Subsequent kisses
Let us suppose that you have managed the first kiss. Now
that you have put the wedge in, you want to widen the gap.
Keep kissing her, as much as you find feasible, here, there,
and yonder, until she enjoys it and does not resist. Then,
when matters seem to be going well, begin to make your
kisses more serious. Pick places-such as your or her
apartment or parking spots that are dark and secluded (and
that, now that she is coming to know you, she will not be
afraid of).
Kiss her well and thoroughly. Kiss her eyes, face, hair, lips,
neck, shoulders. Use your tongue cautiously, at first-unless
she begins to use hers right away and shows that she is no
novice at this game-then work up to using it more freely.
Gradually inspire her to use her tongue in kissing you back.
Try to control the sound of your breathing while kissing-
preferably keep it silent. Learn the technique of "leashed
intensity." In using this method, you want to create the
illusion of hugging her intensely but actually being gentle.
You can do this by gripping her back with your fingers,
keeping your forearm muscles tense, but letting your biceps
remain loose. That is, you do not actually squeeze her; but
your fingers and forearms give the illusion of a powerful
grasp.
Kissing, as we noted before, should usually be a prelude to
as well as a concomitant of various other kinds of sexual
stimulation. While you are kissing your date, investigate her
body for special erogenous zones that she may have. At the
very beginning, it may be well to forget about her breasts,
thighs, and genitals in this respect, since she may think you
too forward and may repulse you completely. But there are
many other possibilities which may be just as erogenous and
less threatening to her: such as the nape of the neck, the
throat, the junction of neck and shoulders, the underside of
the upper arm, the inside of the forearm, the shoulder blade
muscle, the palms, the waist or small of the back, the hips,
behind the knees, the bottom of the feet. You can reach
practically all these erogenous zones with your hands; and
some of them-such as the neck and ears-you can easily
reach with your mouth. Even if you do not stay with any of
these zones for a long time, at least explore. You may gain
knowledge useful for the future!
The technique of kissing
Kissing takes many forms; but the one form to avoid with
most girls is the kiss with the lips and teeth closed. This kind
of kiss is all right for friends, relatives, and others toward
whom you want to show mild affection. But sexy kissing, the
kind that really excites and involves, tends to be open-
mouthed lip and tongue swapping.
This does not mean that every kiss you try with a girl should
be approached, or the initial contact with her lips made, with
your mouth open, your lips wet, or your tongue in evidence.
It is better, usually, to start with your teeth slightly parted,
your lips dry and relaxed, gently or barely together-or ever
so slightly parted. During the approach, your tongue and
teeth would better be well hidden.
Don't think that you have to pucker your lips as you
approach a kiss: nor should you hold your lips together
firmly or tightly. Try to approach with your lips held in such
an easy, natural way that they provide a soft cushion. Don't
clamp or grit your teeth together as you start to kiss, for this
tends to give an unpleasant and unnatural cast to your face,
and does not help your lips to feel good on initial contact.
Don't jut your teeth forward, keep them sheathed by the
cushion of your lips.
Initial contact should usually be made gently, not in a hard
or jarring manner. Avoid sudden or impulsive approaches
unless your timing is perfect and you can put your lips
against hers in a gentle manner. Try to decide as you
approach whether you are going to put your nose to the
right or left of her nose, so that you can avoid bumping
noses.
Don't, unless there seems to be a special reason for doing
so, engulf a woman in a bear hug, smother her, or interfere
with her breathing. Don't hold her too tightly,
uncomfortably, painfully, or in an awkward position. In
kissing, especially when both of you are standing, her neck
tends to be bent upward at an extreme angle; and this
position may become unbearably painful after a while.
Consequently, try not to kiss too long in one position.
For long sessions of kissing, try to maneuver your partner so
that she can keep her neck straight and her head centered
above her shoulders. See to it that her whole body is
comfortable. Don't kiss her for lengthy periods unless her
neck and the back of her head are supported. In response to
a kiss, she has to exert pressure; and for her to keep
pressing forward with her head (and to absorb your own
forward pressure) may put an intolerable strain on her neck,
shoulder, and back muscles. If necessary, put your arm
around her and support her neck against your wrist, letting
the back of her head rest in your palm.
You will sometimes see in the movies, a couple, afire with
attraction and panting with passion, approach their first kiss
with lips wet and mouth gaping open. This is fine for the
movies; in real life, it's not worth a damn. Instead, dry and
shut your mouth as you come in for a landing. A little later it
will be time to open your big trap!
In long kissing sessions, kisses are frequently separated only
by retreating half an inch, catching your breath, and kissing
again. Sometimes it is difficult to tell where one kiss ends
and another begins. Nonetheless, the best rule with new
girls with whom you are trying methods of modified
seduction is to dry your lips (say, on the back of your hand)
for subsequent contacts and re-approach each kiss with your
lips closed. In an ongoing relationship where mutual passion
is known to result from protracted kissing, an exception to
this rule may be taken. During initial contact on a given
evening, in such cases, you would still do well to start with
dry and closed lips. But on subsequent kisses that evening
you may let your lips remain moist and slightly parted as
you swoop in again and again.
Teaching a girl to kiss
Many girls have to be "taught" how to kiss. This hardly
means, now, that in the case of an inexperienced girl you
back off and say, "Now I'm going to teach you how to kiss."
You simply keep practicing, many times if possible, and try
to lead her by example to the proper way of kissing.
Occasionally, if you know the girl well enough, and are
committed to an ongoing relationship with her, you can give
her verbal as well as nonverbal instructions. Usually,
though, it's best to forget about the words and stick to the
deeds! Human beings learn, as John Dewey pointed out
years ago, largely by doing. O.K.: do!
In the process of showing a girl how to kiss, you may try the
following movements:
1. When lip contact has firmly but gently been made, you
send the tip of your tongue out on an exploratory
expedition. Make a slow pass across her lips (if closed) or
slightly through her lips (if parted). If you encounter closed
lips, make repeated forays against them with the tip of your
tongue. Should you continue to meet with closed lips, wait
until she seems to be enjoying the process thus far-or is at
least accepting and tolerant about it-and then
simultaneously do two things: (a) With your lips pressed
firmly against hers, slowly open your lips, and thereby tend
to push hers open; and (b) press your tongue with some
force into the opening you have thus made. Repeat for as
long as is necessary, being careful not to drool on her.
2. When you begin to encounter parted lips and teeth, send
the tip of your tongue on brief forays inside her mouth,
searching for her tongue. Repeat this, too, as long as
necessary.
3. When you touch her tongue with yours, lightly brush tip
against tip-and then withdraw.
4. Keep repeating steps 1 through 3, until you encounter the
tip of her tongue almost every time you kiss.
5. Contact between your tongue and hers should at first
occur inside her mouth. When this kind of contact is being
achieved regularly, kiss in the same manner as before-but
withdraw your tongue one-eighth of an inch from hers and
wait for her to close the gap. Kiss her again, withdraw the tip
of your tongue again, and wait for her to close the gap
again. Keep repeating this until she becomes conditioned to
your actions and habitually keeps closing the gap between
your tongue and hers.
6. Now, if she hasn't fully got into the habit of following your
tongue with hers, make the gap between your two tongues a
little wider-say, a quarter of an inch-and repeat step 5.
7. When she seems to be regularly closing this greater gap,
start withdrawing your tongue in one-quarter-inch steps as
soon as she closes the gap each time. Keep repeating this
until she starts following your tongue inside of your mouth.
8. When she begins to insert her tongue into your mouth,
partially close your lips around it, suck it ever so slightly,
and at the same time briefly and gently lick it with your
tongue. Then break the kiss and repeat.
9. By alternately inserting your tongue in her mouth and
then inviting her tongue into your mouth by retreating, you
can establish this pattern of swapping. Keep repeating until
she learns from your example to slightly suck and lick your
tongue.
10. When this alternating pattern and reciprocal behavior is
firmly established, try to determine and then concentrate on
the kissing motions that produce the most stimulating effect
on her. You will normally find that this greatest effect is
achieved in one of three situations: (a) She will prefer to
continue the alternating pattern; (b) she will prefer to insert
her tongue in your mouth; or (c) she will prefer to receive
your tongue in her mouth.
Naturally, you will then try to give preference to the kissing
method that produces maximum response in her. For the
main goal of modified seduction is to find what is most
enjoyable for her, and then to keep giving her what she
most enjoys-in order, of course, to also induce her to want to
satisfy you maximally.
More techniques of kissing
During a kiss you should try moving your lips with an ever
so slight "rippling" motion and move your head the barest
fraction: side to side in a tiny Figure 8, or a small, lazy circle.
The motion of both your lips and head will be almost
imperceptible; but the effect on the girl may be
considerable.
Deep kissing has been described by novelists as "two
hungry mouths (or birds) feeding each other." It is an apt
description. But remember that no matter how deep or how
"hungry" kissing gets, it is usually best not to get saliva or
moisture on the skin surrounding your girl's lips. Try to
arrange matters so that at no time is anything damp but the
red portion of her lips.
Most men are big and most women are little-relatively
speaking. The various parts of their body tend to be in the
same proportion. Consequently, your tongue will be capable
of overfilling most girls' mouths-or at least of giving them
the feeling that it does. It is therefore a good idea for you
rarely to insert your whole tongue into a date's mouth.
Preferably, also, keep your tongue sharp and narrow-not flat
and broad.
Some women in the grip of passion like to have their mouth
completely engulfed by your fully opened mouth. You can
experiment with this method, but don't be surprised if it fails
to send the woman you are with. Take it easy in this respect;
and wait, often, for your partner to take the initiative in this
respect, and thereby to show you what she really wants.
Some inexperienced women will have discovered that
effective kissing is executed with the mouth open; but,
misguidedly, they may open their mouths widely for the
initial kissing contact. Such women fail to provide you with
any bed of lips to kiss against, and you may find it well nigh
impossible to make initial contact with an "open pit." In
these cases you may gently touch the girl's upper lip with
your closed lips, retreat a half inch, and wait for her to close
her mouth (perhaps in astonishment!). As soon as she does-
kiss her. Repeat this until she gets the message that it would
be wiser for her to keep her mouth almost closed until
contact is made.
Deep kissing should be varied with kissing other parts of the
girl's face and head, and with occasional closed-lips
pecking. Then another technique of kissing may be worked
in. Here you make closed-lip contact (as before), but
immediately withdraw your lips a quarter of an inch and run
your tongue from side to side (a) between her upper and
lower lips, (b) on her upper lip. Watch her reaction closely,
since this kind of kissing tends to tickle. Sometimes it tickles
"good" and sometimes it tickles "bad," depending on the
girl's individual reactions. When it's "bad," stop. If it's 'Toad,"
she will often react exactly as a person does if a fly lights on
his face: with the same kind of flinch and quiver.
A word of caution should be injected here. When you are
kissing an inexperienced girl, and particularly one whom
you have every reason to believe is afraid of sex, do not
pant, gasp, or breathe hard. Try not to let your hands shake
or the muscles of your body quiver. Don't appear to be
hurried or anxious. And, above all, if you get an erection in
the process of kissing, try not to let her touch it with her
body or feel it in any way. For if she finds that you are
completely aroused, you telegraph or announce to her the
connection between kissing and arousal. This knowledge
may induce the inexperienced and sexually shy girl to throw
herself into a mild panic state; and this may defeat your
purpose in trying to go farther with her.
Even in prolonged courtship and marriage, it may be wise
for you to hide your physical manifestations of sexual
arousal when you are at the kissing stage. For your girlfriend
or wife may be so tainted with some of the puritanical
nonsense that is still prevalent in our society that she may
be repelled by what she considers "premature" arousal on
your part, and may think that you really are not at all
romantic in regard to her. A truly experienced and
sophisticated woman will sometimes be very happy when
you get an erection or display other forms of sexual passion
during moments of kissing: for she is pleased that she is
able to arouse you so easily. But other kinds of women may
not be pleased at all; and you would better heed the
sexually backward state in which some of them exist.
Being a male yourself, and having been raised in this anti-
sexual culture, you may have a problem regarding kissing.
For one thing, realizing that many females kiss without
going farther, and that they think nothing of arousing you
by prolonged osculation and then leaving you sexually
unsatisfied, you may be somewhat jaundiced about the
whole kissing process, and may do your best to avoid it. This
is somewhat like trying to get to home plate without
touching first base.
You usually cannot make it that way. Almost the only way to
many women's genitals is through their lips; and you'd
better face that fact and act accordingly.
Another typical hangup for the male is that he finds kissing
so powerfully stimulating that a little of it goes a long way.
and he wants to get down to sexual finalities within a few
minutes after lip to lip contact begins. Here again, alas, the
female of the species often is much different. She may want
quantities of kisses before she ardently wishes to go much
farther. And if you are wise, you will respect her wants, and
hold your horses for quite a while, before you attempt to get
your hands and your penis between her legs.
A third difference between males and females in our society
stems from the fact that experienced and older men
frequently grow to hate the inhibited, prudish, virginal
behavior so characteristic of the girls of their youth. Because
of the frustrations they experienced during these early
years, they place an exceptionally high value on any and all
behavior that is in direct contrast to the unresponsive,
restrained behavior which is still so common. Consequently,
they tend to like almost anything that is different from this.
This means that, being a man, you may want and become
quickly excited by a woman approaching a kiss with a wet,
open, and enthusiastic mouth. This is why the movies
portray such kisses-but don't forget that in the movies the
women are acting! The fact that you want such kisses does
not necessarily mean that the average girl does. You would
be wiser to try kissing in what appears to be her way, and
forget for awhile your own greatest interests. Later, once you
have sensibly seduced a girl and trained her to do many
things your way, you may try for any kind of kissing that you
favor. But at the beginning, think primarily of her and what
she may prefer. Your foresight and consideration will very
probably pay off!
CHAPTER SIX - LIGHT PETTING
(NECKING)

Light petting or necking usually follows kissing and hand-

holding. It may be an end in itself, particularly during the
first few dates with a rather inhibited girl; or it may be an
intermediary step between kissing and heavy petting or
intercourse. Light petting cannot be defined with complete
accuracy-since caresses that barely arouse one girl may
produce a powerful orgasm in another-but in general it
consists of stimulating your partner's body mainly above the
waist and with most of your and her clothes still on.
Petting the breasts
After kisses have become long, good, and freely given, try to
move in on the breasts. You can often accomplish much in
this connection if you make indirect movements. Although
most women are clever adversaries in the sex game, and are
ever ready to ward off your bold attacks, in this breast bit
many of them are unsophisticated and unaware. They seem
to feel that there's something magic about the hand-that is,
if a man doesn't touch their breasts with his hand, then he
hasn't really touched them. Your aim, however, is not
necessarily manual (though that is delightful!) but some
kind of stimulation of their bosoms. It doesn't make a
helluva lot of difference whether you do this with your hand,
forearm, or big toe. (Which reminds us that one of the
authors of this book actually did stimulate a girl's torso with
his feet, after she had warily kept him from getting to her
with his hands; and within ten minutes of this kind of
activity she became so aroused that the rest of the way to
her subterranean springs was easy.)
As you kiss and hug, it is often well to maneuver to keep
your arms next to her body, under her arms. Gently press
and caress her breasts with your forearm. Do it slowly and
imperceptibly at first. Seem to be scratching your chin or
pushing back your hair frequently, so that you are
continually moving your hand and slowly dragging your
forearm over her breast. Since so many women wear falsies,
put pressure on her from a below-the-breast-upward
direction.
Take your time. Don't hurry. As you withdraw your hand,
gradually rotate it so that you are dragging the back of it (or
the side of it, between your thumb and forefinger) against
the underside of her breast. Stroke her side, stomach, and
back in between times. Kiss with increasing intensity and
steadily work on those breasts.
Then, as you feel her breathing get heavier, touch one of the
special erogenous zones you have discovered in her (for
example, the nape of her neck) and at the same time firmly
cup a breast in your other hand. You are simultaneously
arousing her from three directions:
(a) kissing, (b) hand on nape of neck or other erogenous
zone, (c) hand on breast. You frequently will get a sudden
shudder.
Before she has time to gather her wits together and grab
your hand, it may be well for you to move the one that is
cupping her breast. (It was just a brief gesture, in passing.)
Continue to kiss and repeat the entire process-but this time
suddenly kiss her ear. Move in on her breast and away from
it before she can object. Since you always know in advance
what you are going to do, your reaction time will be faster
than hers.
Continue to kiss and then try her breasts with no other
stimulation than kissing, using either one or two hands to
cup them firmly. Repeat. Next time hold on longer; and
between your kisses run your fingertips lightly over her
body: face, neck, shoulders, sides, arms, across breasts,
stomach, between breasts, directly on the breasts, etc.
Fingertips often are not considered "hands" by women, just
as forearms are not.
Kiss. Cup breasts. Break. Fingertips. All this time you are
generating heat. All this time, too, keep interjecting quiet,
reassuring remarks in a calm, level tone. If you yourself are
very much aroused, try not let it show too much in your
voice or hands. Keep your body as steady as the Rock of
Gibraltar. This will tend to show the girl that you are fully in
control of yourself and will be reassuring to her.
Later we shall note some almost infallible measures of a
girl's passion. Right now, watch her eyes. If you closely
observe a person tell, in the heat of his excitement, about
how a football star broke away for a ninety-yard run or how
he caught a thirty-seven pound fish, there is often a
characteristic kind of stare, with moisture on the periphery
of his eyes. This stare can indicate many kinds of
excitement-including sexual arousal-and is a valuable
barometer of increasing female passion. Watch for it.
Oral breast contact.
When you have succeeded in "occupying" the girl's breasts
through her clothes and are meeting minimal resistance to
further contact of this sort, you are ready for the next step;
and that is to get your mouth on one of her nipples. In view
of the difficulty often involved in completing this step, it
might seem that it could be omitted. Sometimes, indeed, it
should be. Enough women, however, are induced to go
further by nipple-mouth contact to make it worthwhile for
you to pursue this objective.
Because complete surrender can occur at the point when
mouth or hand contact is made with a nude breast, you
should give some consideration in advance to where you are
located when you are trying to effect this kind of petting.
Preferably, make your full pitch when you and your girl are
in a place, such as a bedroom or a lonely spot on a beach,
where it is possible to have intercourse. If you get this far
unexpectedly and you are parked in her driveway or in some
public place, you should seriously consider moving to a
more deserted spot-or else try for some kind of heavier
petting that may lead to mutual orgasm but that does not
involve actual coitus. Which course you take should depend
on your "feel" for, and evaluation of, the girl and the
situation at the moment.
The clothes problem
Women generally wear one of these outfits: bathing suit;
slacks or shorts; a high-necked dress that zips about six
inches in the back and on the side, or some other garment
that makes the breasts inaccessible; same as the preceding
garment, but with a low neck; a dress, sweater, or blouse
that zips or buttons up the back; a pullover sweater or
blouse; or a dress, sweater, or blouse that zips or buttons in
front.
Before we discuss these various types of garments and the
problems they present, let us remind you that you might
review some of the discussion on compliments in Chapter 2.
Also: memorize your girl's wardrobe, if you can, and see
which of her clothes zip or button in the front. When you
know that you are going to have a date with her, encourage
her to wear "that orange sweater" or "that purple dress."
Don't say "that orange sweater that buttons up the front";
then she may suspect what you have in mind and
deliberately decide not to wear it.
1. Bathing suit. Complete lovemaking is well nigh impossible
if your girl is wearing a one-piece bathing suit. Only a
magician will be able to have intercourse with her in that
attire; and even getting at her breasts is often a difficult
task. The main thing, under these circumstances, is to
induce her to take off as much of the suit as possible; and if
you warm her up while it is still on, you may be able to
persuade her to do this. But if you try to take off her bathing
suit yourself, you are usually in trouble-especially when she
is still unresponsive. If she is wearing a two-piece bathing
suit, getting at her lower regions without her cooperation
will still be difficult; but getting to her bare breasts will often
be quite easy, as explained below in the discussion of bras.
2. Slacks or shorts. Slacks or shorts are discouraging,
particularly as far as complete intercourse is concerned.
Trying to take off this kind of clothing yourself can result in a
real hassle. A thorough preliminary warming up of your
partner, together with the right kind of sweet nothings
whispered (or shouted) into her ears, may sometimes do the
trick. But slacks and shorts mean that the girl will be
wearing some kind of blouse or sweater; and those
garments, as noted a few paragraphs below, can be handled
very effectively.
3. A high-necked dress; or some other garment making the
breasts inaccessible. You can't fight City Hall. If you can't get
to them, you can't. Give up and move on to some other
worthwhile activity-such as arousing her by passionate
kissing, or by intense lovemaking through her clothes, until
she is willing to take the dress off.
4. A dress with a low neckline. In this case, you may have to
content yourself with manual stimulation of the breasts and
forget about the oral. Let us stop by the way and describe
manual breast technique.
Manual breast contact. For the most part, the surface of the
breast and its main body are not particularly responsive to
touch. There is a wide range of individual differences here
(as there is in most sexual matters); so that a few females
are exceptionally excitable by almost any kind of contact
between your hands and their breasts. But most of them
feel, if you cup the whole breast and knead it softly, a
pleasant but not overwhelming sensation. Again: to draw
your fingertips lightly over the skin of the breasts in a
tickling motion is interesting and pleasurable to many
women. But this is true of several other parts of their bodies
and is hardly uniquely so of the breasts.
The main site of response in the bosom is the nipple. It is
equipped with erectile tissue and will frequently grow hard
under sexual excitation. Frequently doesn't mean always:
Nipple erection does not occur in some women; so don't let
the absence of it shake you or cause you to lose heart. When
you can get to the breast with your hand, take the nipple
and gently rotate it between your thumb and forefinger or
between forefinger and middle finger (like holding a
cigarette). Stroke the tip of it with a single fingertip; brush
your open palm over it, barely touching the end of the
nipple; or squeeze it gently and relax it again in a definite
cadence.
With the girl's dress on, you can't get to the breasts except
through the neck; and when this is possible, it is best to
leave her bra (assuming she is wearing one) in place and to
go down from the top. There are two main methods of
managing this: (a) While facing the girl, turn your hand
(with palm away from you) and go in from the top; or (b)
while standing or sitting at her side, put your arms around
her neck and go down from the top.
If the girl's bra is too tight to provide ready access for your
hands, it may be necessary to unfasten it. This process often
separates the men from the boys. To become adept in this
regard, you can practice as follows:
Get yourself a leather pillow and borrow a girl's bra. Fasten
the bra and slip it over the pillow. With one hand hold the
snap tight against the pillow and practice unfastening the
bra with your other hand. Practice in the dark or with your
eyes closed. Become equally skillful with either hand; so
that, in a sense, your left hand does know what your right
hand is doing! Be able to unfasten a bra from the top or from
the bottom. Go to department stores and study the
construction of bras. Some fasten in the center, some to left
of center, and some to the right. Study bras with straps as
well as the strapless kind. Put a pillow slip over the bra you
are practicing with and learn to find the snap from the
outside by lightly running your fingers over your girl's back.
Locate the snap exactly and learn to find it on the inside the
first time you reach for it.
If you keep practicing along these lines, you should soon
become so skillful that you may be able to unfasten a bra
and not even have the girl suspect that you are working to
do so. The unsnapping process may take place during either
a tickling or caressing routine or during a "passionate hug"
while you are kissing.
5. A dress, sweater, or blouse that zips or buttons up the
back. The main goal is to get the breasts nude. For a one-
piece dress, it is often best to forget oral contact and stick to
manual. Occasionally, however, if you get enough of the
girl's dress unzipped or unbuttoned, you can slip or pull it
over her shoulders, and before she realizes what is
happening have her covered only by her bra or slip. It then
can be a short extra step to baring her breasts completely
and using your lips on them.
Zippered blouses or sweaters are ideal, and can frequently
be undone and whisked away before your partner has half
made up her mind how far she wants to let you go. Learn to
unzip such pieces of clothing silently, while tickling or
hugging the girl, since the noise or feel of a zipper opening
may be frightening to a woman.
When a zippered blouse or sweater is undone, get it
completely off, if you can, or push the material up under her
neck and loosen her slip straps (if she is wearing a slip) and
pull the slip down. Preferably, the bra should have been
unfastened earlier but, if not, do it now. Then either take her
breasts out above the bra by pushing it down (this is best if
it is loose enough) or push the bra up above her mammary
glands.
6. A pullover sweater or blouse. Push the sweater or blouse
as high as you can get it. If the garment is loose or if it
stretches, you are in business, and may be able to bare her
breasts completely and use oral contact. Proceed the same
as in No. 5 above. If the garment is tight, forget it and stick
to manual stimulation, until you get her so aroused that she
wants to remove her upper garments (or all her clothes).
7. A dress, sweater, or blouse that zips or buttons in the
front. All these items are handled in essentially the same
way. You can unfasten them by hand or by mouth. By hand:
keep kissing the girl and try to keep your head between her
eyes and your hand. Unbutton her garment gradually, while
tickling or caressing. Caress-that is, put pressure-with the
last three fingers of the hand and the palm. This gives her
the illusion that you are caressing with all your hand, while
in truth your thumb and forefinger are free to work on her
zipper or buttons.
You can intersperse this process with the use of your mouth.
"Educated" lips can unbutton most buttons and unzip most
zippers. Ostensibly, you keep caressing her with your lips
and breath; but all the while you are busy at the fasteners.
Note: On zipper garments (whether zippered from the front
or back), there is often a hook and eye which fastens them
at the neck. You can unfasten this only by hand. It is often
best to get this undone first, and then quickly zip open the
rest of the garment.
When the dress or blouse is opened from the front, loosen
her slip straps and either lower or raise her bra. Hold her
breast in your hand and slowly lower your head. Don't jump
at her with your mouth! From kissing her lips, start kissing
down. Pass lightly over any clothes that may be gathered at
her neck. Kiss and caress her breasts with your tongue
before proceeding to her nipples.
Oral techniques with the nipple include: (a) brushing the tip
of the nipple with the tip of your tongue;
(b) brushing the shafts of the nipples with your parted lips;
(c) licking the nipple; (d) gently nibbling the nipple; (e)
gently sucking the nipple; (f) a full-scale mouth sucking and
tonguing of the nipple, sometimes including restrained use
of your teeth.
There are a few women but not enough to be significant who
are completely ready at this point and will eagerly have
intercourse. They are often discernible by their reaction
when your mouth touches their nipples. They show a
sudden, sharp intake of breath, and they "freeze." Some of
them go into what is practically a state of coma. In such a
case, it is wisest to keep your mouth on the woman's nipple
and unhurriedly but efficiently raise her dress, pull her pants
down a few inches, arrange her in some comfortable
position, and have intercourse. Only after penis entry has
been effected should you remove your mouth from her
breasts.
Other women do not completely give in at this time, but
many of them are so passionately aroused that they then
permit other kinds of caresses-particularly genital contacts-
that up to this point they would never even consider. If your
date is one of these cases, keep kissing her breasts, but also
see that your hands wander far and wide, especially to the
genital area, until she is completely aroused, and practically
all resistance to taking off her clothes and having
intercourse is overcome.
Light petting positions
Kissing is often begun in a car, with the male in the driver's
seat and his date next to him on his right. This position can
be maintained throughout, although it has one important
drawback. It forces you to operate, for the most part, left-
handedly. If you can develop a high degree of left-handed
skill, do so. Practice will usually make perfect in this respect.
If it does not, you may have to arrange somehow to do most
of your petting when you are seated on the right of the girl.
Sitting on the girl's left-hand side offers some real
advantages-the most important one being that you don't tip
your hand by making any elaborate changes in position as
the petting is about to begin. If you use this position, subtly
encourage her to put her arm (that is, her left one) around
you. Then by simply leaning back you eliminate one of her
defensive hands without appearing to hold her.
Also, you can affectionately put your right arm around the
back of the seat and literally manage to hold her right hand.
This leaves her with no hands and your left one entirely free!
But be careful that you don't make her feel trapped. If you
sense this, let one of her hands go immediately. Moreover,
should the place where you are parking suddenly be
invaded by onlookers, you are left free in the driver's seat,
and can turn on the engine and make a quick getaway to a
more secluded spot.
An alternate position is to slide slightly to the right of the
steering wheel and ask the girl to lie across your chest. Get
her right arm behind your back (thus eliminating it), and put
your left arm around her and hold her left hand. Now your
right hand is free. This is a good position for manual and oral
breast manipulating and for other forms of light petting. It is
an inferior position for intercourse itself, because you must
move her to effect coitus. But for nights when you are
working her up to the point where she will later engage in
heavy petting or intercourse, it's an excellent position.
If you want to reverse positions and get to the girl's right-
hand side, this is sometimes difficult to achieve when you
are in a car. But you can always develop a sudden urge to
urinate, excuse yourself to find a bush, and then get in on
her side of the car. Now that you are on her left you have the
advantages of the original position plus having your right
hand free. This also puts you in easy access to the best
position for intercourse in a car.
If you are in the driving position in a car and want to get on
the girl's right, don't move to that position by shifting or
crawling over her. In this event you will have to get your
body over the girl before you have aroused her sufficiently
to engage in heavy petting or intercourse; and doing this
frightens most women. If you insist on swapping sides
without leaving the car, it is best to pull her into your lap
and then move her over. In this way, her body passes over
yours and not yours over hers-which is likely to be less
frightening to her.
There is one position to avoid-that of lying across her with
your left elbow on the arm rest of the door next to her. This
position may be good for kissing and hugging; but beyond
that, you're likely to be dead. It is awkward to get to her
breasts and almost impossible to pet her in this manner.
However, a slight modification of this position is likely to
have advantages. In the modified position, she virtually lies
down with her head by her door. Face her in a semi-prone
position, with your outside leg braced on the floor. This may
be a good position but is sometimes cramping to the neck.
In the milder seasons of the year, a blanket on the ground
has many advantages. Private picnics can be put to good
uses. A walk in the woods has possibilities, but it is often
better to go there alone and pick out some good spots first.
A note about parking. Try to park where there is only one
direction in which another car can approach yours. If there
are two approaches, it is impossible to watch them both at
once. If there is an empty car or other object in front or in
back of you, that is fine; but you should make sure that you
cannot be hemmed in by a car that parks in front or in back
of you. Also, try to predict your general position with the girl
before you park. Then you can park the car so that you can
keep your face toward the approach to it, to see if your
kissing and petting will be intruded upon.
CHAPTER SEVEN - HEAVY PETTING

Petting occurs whenever you have any kind of tactile

contact with a woman. You engage in necking or light
petting when you embrace and caress a female mainly on
the upper parts of her body, from her waist up; and in many
instances of light petting, you may not even achieve contact
with her nude breasts. Heavy petting occurs when you begin
to caress all the other parts of her body as well, and her
genital region in particular. You may engage in heavy
petting fully unclothed-and that, of course, is the best way
to do it. But you may also pet heavily in a car, on a park
bench, in the girl's living room when her parents are in
another room of the house, and in other places where it
would not be advisable for either or both of you to be
completely nude. Some girls will insist that you pet in a
semi-clothed state even when you are safely alone behind
locked doors, because they are shy about being naked with
you or because they feel that nudity will be more conducive
to having complete intercourse, which at this point they still
want to avoid.
Approaches to heavy petting
When you are trying to pet heavily with a girl for the first
time, it is usually best to approach her genitals indirectly,
through first stimulating the other parts of her body, and
particularly her breasts, until she becomes desirous and
wants to have genital contact. Consequently, you generally
don't make a move toward her genitals until you have (a)
had oral contact with her nipple; or (b) had prolonged
manual contact with her naked but unexposed breast (after
discovering that oral contact is impossible); or (c) had
prolonged manual contact with her breasts through her
clothes (after deciding that nude manual contact is not
feasible); or (d) decided to bypass her breasts because
fondling them doesn't seem to stimulate her or causes her to
become over defensive in regard to your contact with them.
There are two main directions in which you can approach a
girl's genitals: (a) from above and (b) from below. Most men
favor moving in from below, because it is usually easier for
them to get their hands under a woman's skirt or dress than
to place a hand in the region of her belly button and then
continue downwards. Moreover, many men are mistakenly
vagina-centered, and think that if they reach that orifice
with their fingers, the woman will freely let them explore it,
will become uncontrollably aroused thereby, and will then
willingly permit them to engage in intercourse.
How wrong they are! Often the last thing a woman whom
you have recently met wants you to caress is her vaginal
orifice. For one thing, she, too, thinks of it largely as an
organ for having intercourse; and she is afraid that if she
allows you to enter it with your fingers, your penis will not
be very far behind. So, at this early stage of the game, your
getting to this special part of her being may be decidedly off
limits.
Just as important, and in many cases more so, is the fact that
the vagina is not the main seat of sensation in many
females. As noted sexologists-such as Robert L. Dickinson,
Havelock Ellis, and G. Lombard Kelly pointed out a good
many years ago, and as the senior "HEAVY PETTING" author
of this book (A. E.) has shown in his writings for the past two
decades, millions of sexually normal women derive relatively
little satisfaction from vaginal intromission and are primarily
aroused and impelled to orgasm by some form of contact
with their clitoral region. It is the clitoral area that females
spontaneously find and use themselves, in the great
majority of instances, when they masturbate; and it is this
same region that lesbians stimulate in most of their sex
contacts with each other.
Your main goal, therefore, particularly when you are starting
to pet with a girl, should usually be her clitoral region rather
than her vaginal orifice. And since the clitoris is located at
the very top of her sex oval (which is technically called the
vulva), if she is seated or lying down on her back and you
pass your hand over her abdomen and over her mons pubis,
this is the first part of her genitals that you will reach.
Conversely, if you approach her genitalia from below, by
running your hand up her thigh, the clitoris is the last thing
you reach. Petting her from either direction has merit; but if
you have a choice, approaching from the top direction may
be preferable. (Note: The differences in direction may be
determined by the relative position of the hand you are
using to pet her genitals. If, at the point of clitoral contact,
your wrist is above your fingers, you have probably used an
"above" approach; but if your wrist is below your fingers,
you have probably used a "below" approach.)
Here are some techniques of genital petting that you may
find it advisable to employ:
1. Petting from above (fingers below wrist)
The general tickle approach. This consists of the same
method used for approaching the breasts. It is idle tickling of
the whole body, with particular concentration on the special
erogenous zones you have discovered in the course of your
light petting explorations. It is best carried on while kissing.
Concentrate on the girl's hips, stomach, and thighs. Cross
from right hip to left thigh and from left hip to right thigh.
That is, for an "X" with your fingers every time you pass
them over her genitals. Do it first with just the fingertips and
a little pressure. As you feel the reaction increase, gradually
put pressure on her genitals with your thumb as you make
downward motions, and with your little finger as you move
up. Slowly increase both the frequency and the force of the
pressure.
The girl, if she is resistive, may attempt to grab your hand at
this point. Try to beat her to this by moving it yourself before
she does. At this point stay in motion. You may be in for a
long, slow process that requires considerable time and
patience.
If the girl says, "Don't," or otherwise indicates that she
doesn't want you to keep caressing her genital region, say
nothing but move your hand away. Go back to manipulating
her special erogenous zones and her breast; then return to
her genital, and particularly her clitoral, region and repeat
what you were doing before. Keep repeating (a) kissing (b)
non-genital petting, and (c) heavy petting, with more and
more time spent on the last process, and more pressure
being applied to the genital area as you pet it.
Let her drag your hand away again and again, if she must;
but keep tickling, rubbing, caressing the other parts of her
body when she does. Then go back to the genitals. Finally,
even though she may be holding your wrist, put direct
pressure on her genitals and massage her clitoral area with
your index or middle finger. Her legs may be tightly together
and she may tug on your wrist. But hold your finger on her
clitoral area as long as you can, massaging as well as she
permits, then allow her to pull your hand away if she is really
insistent.
Repeat. Repeat again and again until her hand remains on
your wrist but she doesn't pull-she just writhes with
pleasure, or moans, or holds still, indicating that you are
really reaching her. Keep massaging directly over, and
especially around the sides of, the clitoris.
If the girl's legs are crossed, about once every ten seconds
force your hand as far down in between them as you can
(pushing the material of her dress tight up against her
genital area if she is still clothed) and tug gently on her top
leg. If the leg nearest you is on top, pull it toward you in an
"uncrossing" direction; if the leg farthest away from you is
on top, push it away in an "uncrossing" direction. Spend
only a few seconds doing this. Intersperse, if you possibly
can, with many more seconds of clitoral region massage.
When her legs are uncrossed but together, the next step is
to open them. While still kissing her breasts (and, from time
to time interspersing this with some lip kissing), still kissing
some special erogenous zone, and still massaging her
clitoral area through her clothes, (1) without ceasing or
interrupting any activity, place your thigh next to hers,
reach down, push your forearm and elbow between her legs,
and pull her nearest leg over your leg; or (2) cross your
outside leg over your own leg nearest her, hook your foot
over her calf, and pull her leg over your leg that's nearest
her. Since her leg will end up being hooked over yours, by
moving your own leg and occasionally pushing against her
outside leg, you can make an entry into her genital region
and control the angle of the opening you make.
When her legs are open, then: (1) if her skirt is loose
enough, gradually gather it up with your ring finger and
little finger while you continue to kiss her breast and
massage around her clitoral area. When you have gathered
the skirt in a ball in your fist, then touch her clitoris directly
through her panties. (2) If her skirt is too tight, then-in one
motion-move under her dress and touch her clitoris directly
through her underpants. b.
The tummy rub approach. Caress, rub, tickle, and massage
the girl's stomach, letting your little finger dip lower and
lower toward her clitoral region. After you have touched this
region through her skirt with your little finger, keep adding
fingers until you can use your whole hand. Then proceed as
in the general tickle approach. (Note: This tummy rub
method may be particularly good during and before
menstruation, when she may be having cramps. Stomach
rubbing is frequently therapeutic at this time.) c.
The skirt-wad approach. Ostensibly massage her hip, and
this area alone, with feigned (but controlled) intensity.
Meanwhile, keep gathering or wadding up her skirt if it is
loose enough. By the time you are set to move your hand to
her genital area, only her panties are between you and this
region. Sometimes, using the wadding approach, you can
get her skirt all the way up before she realizes what is
happening.
2. Petting from the bottom (fingers above wrist). The thigh
tickle approach. Proceeding on the outside of the girl's
clothes, as in the general tickle approach, you work your
hands down to her knee. This method is best used when her
body is very close to yours. Start tickling the underside of
her knee (the knee crotch). Gradually tickle up the
underneath side of her thigh; then tickle her buttocks. If she
opens her legs, caress and massage the inside of her thighs,
finally reaching the clitoral region.
If she keeps her legs crossed or together, you can then get
at her from the rear. Legs that are crossed toward you are
very vulnerable in this manner. Reaching around her thigh,
move your fingers along the crotch of her underpants,
passing over her anus, over her vaginal orifice, and reaching
back up to her clitoral region. Now it's just a matter of
persuading her, by your persistent massaging of this
sensitive area, to uncross or open her legs. b. The approach
of last resort. Let's assume that all efforts to gain direct
contact with her clitoral area through her underpants have
failed. Let's also suppose that she is sitting or lying in a
position with her legs separated. Occasionally, it is worth the
risk to move your hand under her dress and up to her
genitals all in one single motion. You'd better try to have
good aim and land directly in the clitoral area! If she reacts
negatively-don't persist. You gambled and lost. But you can
return, a little later on, and perhaps do better. Since this
approach of last resort may put her off entirely at this early
stage of the game, try to avoid resorting to it, and instead
use the other methods we have been outlining.
Heavy petting in spite of clothing
Clothes are quite a problem! In the course of trying to
engage in heavy petting with a girl, you may encounter
rubber pants; a girdle with a crotch; a girdle that is open-
ended; light underpants; leotard-type underpants that start
from the waist and include, in one piece, stockings as well as
panties; and complete lack of underclothing. How can you
pet under these different conditions? As follows:
1. Rubber pants. These are an invention of the devil. Pet the
girl through her skirt and get to her genital region as well as
you can over the rubber pants, and then, when you have
sufficiently aroused her, ask her to take them off. The
chances that you can get your hand inside this kind of pants
to pet her naked body without hurting her and yourself are
negligible. By hook or crook, get those goddamn pants off!
2. Girdle with a crotch. Another devilish invention. After,
again, getting the girl sufficiently aroused by the other
methods we have described, try to get your hand, or at least
a finger or two, inside the crotch. Sometimes you can
continue in this manner, and arouse her greatly or give her a
complete orgasm, even though you have considerable
restriction on your hand and finger movement. If this is
impossible, do your best to get her to remove the crotch (if it
is detachable) or the complete girdle.
3. Girdle that is open-ended. What a relief! Unhook her
stockings from the garters that usually hang down from the
girdle and you then have her genitals practically wide open
to your touch. If you can push the girdle up over her
buttocks, thus giving you the freedom to spread her legs
farther apart, fine. If not, you can still have a good deal of
maneuverability with your hand and fingers, until you get
her thoroughly excited; and then you may easily induce her
to take off the girdle-and, preferably, all the rest of her
clothes-so that you can put the finishing touches to
satisfying her with your fingers or your lips.
4. Light underpants. Hook your fingers into the crotch of her
light pants and pull them down a few inches. This gives you
much more leeway to get at her genitals; and you can go in
to them through one side of her leg or the other. Where you
cannot get her pants down, it may be necessary for you to
hook a finger, particularly your index finger, under them,
reach her clitoral region in this manner, and begin
massaging it even though her pants (which usually will
stretch a little at the bottom) are still in place. This method
will restrict your finger movements considerably, and it is
not to be preferred; but it can be used where necessary.
5. Leotard-type underpants. A modem iniquitous invention
in the same class as rubber pants, only worse. All types of
short underpants can sometimes be dislodged if you get
your hands under the girl's dress or skirt, grasp them firmly
from the top, and pull forcefully, until they come down from
her buttocks and dangle loosely around her legs. This is not
ideal, since the pants hanging around her legs restrict her
freedom of action, and make certain positions and responses
well nigh impossible. But it is better than nothing; and it
does work in some instances where all else fails.
The leotard-type underpants, which include long stockings
that are integrally attached to the panties themselves, make
it literally impossible for you to get at a girl's unclothed
crotch (unless, miracle of miracles, they happen to have a
large hole in them at exactly the right spot!). For heavy,
body to body petting, therefore, they simply must come off.
As in the case of short underpants, you can try to get them
off, or at least down, by hooking your hands under the
portion which goes up to the girl's waist, and then firmly
pulling or peeling them down. This, especially with the
leotard-type pants, has its drawbacks; but, again, it is better
than nothing. Better yet, arouse the girl so much in the
course of petting her while her underclothing is still on that
she will take off her leotard-type pants herself and save you
the trouble of awkwardly removing them.
Petting techniques without clothing
When you have your date, regular girlfriend, or even your
wife sufficiently unclothed to permit genital petting in the
raw, things still are not completely in the clear. For now is
the time for all good men to come to the aid of their
countrywomen and show them what full arousal and non-
coital satisfaction really means.
The first thing to be sure of, in this connection, is that you
acknowledge the great importance of the clitoral region. In
the old days-say, up to a half century ago-most men thought
that because they enjoyed intercourse more than almost any
other form of sex play, women did too, and that the way to
satisfy a woman completely was to be a long-lasting,
gymnastically inclined copulator. Shortly after that, the
sexological literature (or at least the more enlightened part
of it) changed its tune, and sophisticated males started to
realize that many women were much more clitoris-centered
than vaginally oriented in their sexuality. They came to
understand that the clitoris is the homologue of the penis,
and that it is not only the most important source of arousal
in most females but it requires specific massage, apart from
coitus itself, if many of them are to reach climax.
Recently, with the unusual sex researches of Masters and
Johnson, even more light has been thrown on clitoral arousal
in women. It now appears that it is the clitoral region, rather
than the organ itself, which is directly stimulated by most
women when they masturbate to orgasm; and that during
penile-vaginal copulation those women who receive intense
satisfaction and orgasm appear to do so because the
copulatory movements indirectly stimulate the clitoral area,
and this kind of rhythmic indirect excitation brings them to
their sex peaks. (This is quite different from the old notion,
which sex books used to include, that during intercourse the
male should "ride high" and lean forward, so that the top
part of his penis actually touched the clitoris itself and
thereby aroused and satisfied the female.)
The point is that if you are going to engage in genital
petting and thoroughly arouse your partner, you'd better
face the fact that the clitoral region is usually-though not
always-the key area by which she is brought to sex heights.
Learn to locate this organ, which is a slightly raised mound
of relatively hard flesh right at the top of a woman's vulva,
at the spot where her two outer labia tend to merge.
Practice, when you are with willing females, the exact feel of
the clitoris, so that you can find it without using your sense
of sight, and so that you can be pretty certain when you are
on or near it. Once you are well aware of what and where it
is, here are some petting techniques that you can try:
1. The "Eraser." Place the tip of your middle finger on the
clitoris (slightly cupping your hand); then roll or move your
hand slightly from side to side, as if erasing a short line. Vary
the speed in accordance with the response you produce in
your partner. If she feels dry, drop your finger down to the
vestibule of the vagina, get some lubrication there, and
resume your manipulation of the clitoral region with the
moisture you have obtained. If you want the girl to have a
climax this way, continue to stimulate her; but if you do not
want her to have one-perhaps because you think she will be
more willing to engage in intercourse if she doesn't have
one that way-don't over stimulate her, but stop when you
think she is ready for other things.
2. The "Doodle Bug." Stroke the circumference of the base of
the clitoris in a circular motion. A slow, lazy, easy motion is
often best in this regard; but some women are more
stimulated by a faster, and even a very rapid, motion. Again,
get some lubrication if she is dry; and, if necessary, and you
are well prepared, use an artificial lubricant, such as K-Y
Surgical Jelly.
3. The "Banjo String." In some cases, especially where your
date is not arousable by the usual methods of massaging
around her clitoral area, the little mound that tends to be
her most sensitive spot may be rather violently plucked. Slip
your finger over the clitoris, starting at one side of it and
firmly plucking as you rapidly go to its other side. She may
give a distinct jump as you do so, and this may be a signal
that she is really reached by this procedure (although in
some cases it may signify pain and, if so, she'll let you know
soon enough!).
4. The "Globe Master." The clitoris itself, as Masters and
Johnson show, may not be highly sensitive to direct
stimulation. Moreover, at the height of excitement, it tends
to flatten, losing the hardness that originally helped you
locate it and stay on target, and to foil some of your best
efforts to keep it under your fingers. No matter! If you will
use the technique of massaging the entire area around it,
including often the vestibule of the vagina itself, you will do
much more for some women than if you keep the clitoris
directly under your touch. Sometimes grasping the whole
vulval area in your fingers will prove to be very arousing;
and sometimes massaging the entire area in a vigorous,
wide-ranging manner will do the trick.
5. The "Pinpoint." For one reason or other, because of
congenital factors or early conditioning, a particular girl may
require a pinpointed massage of some special part of her
genitalia. Thus, she may be unusually sensitive at the glans
or head of the clitoris. Or she may have great stimulatory
potential in her meatus (the opening of her urethra, which
lies between the clitoris and the vaginal orifice). Or she may
go into ecstasy when she is massaged at a certain spot on
the upper wall of her vagina (which may be well supplied
with nerve endings from the underside of the clitoris).
Whatever her individual idiosyncrasies in this connection,
try to discover them as early as possible in your petting
relations with her, and do not fail to use them to good
advantage.
6. The "Teaser." Instead of having steady contact with the
clitoral region of your partner, you can try teasing or
intermittent stimulation. But beware! This kind of teasing is
rarely to be used with an inexperienced girl whom you are
introducing to heavy petting for the first time (or even the
first few times). For just as soon as you stop steadily exciting
this kind of novice, she may lose interest, or may have time
to think that she is doing the wrong thing, or may otherwise
decide to interrupt the proceedings and push you away. If
so, you often will have to forget sex at that point-at least for
that evening.
With an experienced woman, teasing may be quite another
matter, and may prove unusually titillating to her. In the
course of such teasing, you touch the clitoral region, then
leave it; then you keep touching it, almost touching it,
stroking it for awhile, then desisting, and return. Watch for
feedback as you proceed in this manner, for even
experienced girls can be left cold.
Oral-genital petting
Petting does not consist of only caressing and stroking
various parts of a girl's anatomy with your fingers. It also
includes oral-genital relations-at least, when the girl will
permit this kind of excitation. Many women, of course, will
not allow you to practice cunnilinctus, especially when they
are young and unsophisticated sexually, because they
wrongly believe it to be "unnatural" or "abnormal" or "dirty,"
even though they may not think sex itself is a nasty
business. On the other hand, there are inexperienced girls
who will permit you to kiss their genitals quicker than they
will allow you to do almost anything else, because they
particularly enjoy this land of sex activity and view it as non-
penetrative and un-likely to lead to intercourse.
Some virgins who are intent on preserving their chastity
favor cunnilinctus for a special reason. Not only do they wish
to avoid intercourse, but they also want to refrain from any
sexual activity which may result in the destruction of their
hymens; and manual manipulation of their genital area may,
of course, do just that. Oral-genital relations, on the other
hand, are most unlikely to result in any hymen damage, and
therefore are sometimes permitted by girls who are
determined to protect their technical virginity.
Another peculiar concomitant of demi-virginity arises in a
number of instances these days. Many girls, especially those
who want to retain the favor of their male partners but who
do not want to have intercourse, easily and quickly resort to
fellation, or the taking of the male's penis into the mouth.
They thereby give their dates orgasms and are not put upon
to satisfy them in any other way. Once these girls convince
themselves, in theory and in practice, that oral-genital
relations are good and enjoyable, they are only a short step
from being convinced that cunnilinctus, the homologue of
fellation, is also permissible. So when you discover that the
girl you are dating is willing to be a fellatrix, you should
have a relatively easy time persuading her to let you
practice cunnilinctus.
If you want to know all the details of oral-genital activity, we
highly recommend the unique book by Gershon Legman,
which he originally published under the anagrammatic
pseudonym of Roger-Maxe de la Glannege, Oragenitalism:
An Encyclopaedic Outline of Oral Technique in Genital
Excitation. He includes an abundance of techniques, many
of which are more germane for old lovers and husbands and
wives who want to experience all possible kinds of sex
variations than for young girls who are being introduced to
sex relations for the first time. But they have definite
relevance for the complete seducer, too.
For one thing, you would do well to note that oragenitalism
is an important part of human sexuality and that it can serve
to loosen up certain females, and to give them exceptional
satisfaction-as much as virtually any other heterosexual
method ever invented. As Legman notes, "The erotic use of
the mouth in caressing and exciting the genitalia of the
sexual partners is, after the use of the hands and the sexual
parts themselves, the most valuable erotic technique, and
the most efficacious. It is also the most misunderstood and
the most maligned."
As Legman also notes, cunnilinctus does not have to wait
upon a couple's taking off their clothes and getting into bed
together. It can be done in fairly unprivate places, such as a
car; and it can be accomplished while your partner has most
of her clothes on. Suppose that you are necking with a girl in
a car, and she has no idea that the two of you will engage in
anything more than heavy petting. Almost before she knows
what is happening, you may engage in oral-genital relations
with her by taking these simple steps:
1. Put your head in her lap, so that the back of it is firmly
against her clitoral area, and wiggle, until she begins to get
excited. At the same time, your hands can be caressing her
face, her breasts, or other parts of her body.
2. Open the car door on your side, to give yourself more leg
room, and turn over on your stomach. Raise yourself on your
elbows, with your face over her lap-ostensibly to talk to her.
3. Bury your face in her lap occasionally and let your breath
out on her clitoral region through her clothes. Don't blow,
just let your breath out and keep breathing on her.
4. Rub your cheek against her thighs and work her dress up.
5. Run your tongue lightly over her knees and thighs,
pulling her dress higher from underneath with your hand,
and licking her thighs even higher.
6. Get to her genitals, if you can, with your fingers, by
hooking your fingers underneath her panties. Massage her
genitals for several minutes, if necessary, until she begins to
become interested.
7. After awhile, pull her pants down a short way and use
your tongue instead of your fingers on her clitoral region
and the other sensitive parts of her genitals.
8. If you decide that you want to give her a complete climax
oral-genitally, remove her underpants, spread the major lips
of her vulva with your fingers, and lightly flick her clitoral
area with the tip of your tongue. Occasionally suck it. The
chances are that she'll have a climax.
Oral-genital positions
Just as there are many possible positions of intercourse, so
are there many ways to perform cunnilinctus.
Legman has computed that there are at least 14,288,400
potential major combination-postures for one man and one
woman-and who knows how many additional minor
possibilities! For practical purposes, there are fewer than
these. If you want to be a reasonably good lover, and be able
to arouse a girl fully by cunnilinctus, and either induce her
in that manner to go on to have intercourse or to give her a
full orgasm by oragenital means, here are some of the main
positions you can employ:
1. Woman lying on her back. She lies on a bed or sofa
(occasionally on a table or on the floor), with her legs open,
preferably with a pillow under her buttocks, and her thighs
raised. Her knees can be raised and her feet brought back
toward her buttocks; or she can rest her legs on your
shoulders. You can assume various positions, as follows: a.
Lie on your stomach, between her legs, with your legs
extended or curled at your side. You can either lie flat or rise
on your elbows. b. Get on your hands and knees, making
sure that her pelvis is lifted high enough to afford you good
entry to her genitals; otherwise your neck will be too far
down and your position will be strained. Better yet, get on
your hands and knees on the floor, while she lies on her
back at the edge of a bed or low table, with her legs spread
wide apart and her thighs perhaps resting on your
shoulders. c. Stand and bend over her, while she is lying on
a high bed or table, across the arm of an upholstered chair,
or across the top of an automobile seat, with her shoulders
on the seat itself (and you standing in the back seat). Stand
straight between her legs, provided that she is lying or
sitting on a high bench or table, a dresser, or the crotch of a
tree. e. Squat between her legs, as in lb. f. Sit between her
legs while she lies on a bench, desk, or bed, with her feet
extended over the edge (and her legs often resting on your
shoulders). You can also sit on a sofa or chair while she lies
on the floor with her shoulders down, and you bend forward,
put your arms around her knees from underneath, and draw
her genitals up to your face. g. Straddle the woman, with
your head pointed at her feet, and your elbows on each side
of her body. You are then approaching her clitoral region
from the top rather than from the bottom; and while you are
cunnilinguing her, she is also able, if she wants to do so, to
take your penis in her mouth, in the famous sixty-nine
position. Or, instead, she can massage your penis with her
hands or arouse and satisfy you by pressing it between her
breasts. Although she may say no to these practices if you
ask her to do them, in the heat of her passion during this
position of cunnilinctus, she may become inspired to do so
voluntarily. For this reason, this is one of the best oral-
genital positions for you to take. h. With the woman's legs
raised high and her buttocks supported by a pillow or
bolster, you can lie on your side facing either toward her
head or toward her feet, and can reach her genitals with
your mouth. This position will usually not be as comfortable
or maneuverable for you as some of the other positions
noted above, but it can be used at certain times. ie. Woman
lying on her side. When the woman lies on her side, with her
legs scissored open, you can also lie on your side and easily
reach her genitals with your mouth. Or you yourself can use
various sitting, squatting, and standing positions,
particularly if you employ certain pieces of apparatus (as
noted under point 1), such as a bed, a sofa, a desk, or a car
seat.
3. Woman lying on her stomach. If the woman lies on her
stomach on a bed, and her legs are raised high on your
shoulders, you can again reach her genitals with your
tongue and lips. This is rather a difficult position, and is not
recommended under normal conditions. Better yet, if she
lies on her stomach on a high bed or desk, with her legs
dangling over the side, you will be better able to tongue her
genitals if you are in a sitting, kneeling, or squatting
position.
4. Woman sitting. If she is sitting on a chair, with her thighs
spread wide apart, or if she is sitting on the side of a bed or
desk, you can sit or kneel between her legs and comfortably
perform cunnilinctus.
5. Other positions. If the woman is kneeling, squatting,
standing, or taking various other positions, it is also possible
for you to engage in oral-genital relations with her. Many of
these positions, however, are uncomfortable, not too
efficient, and require special apparatus in order to work well.
By and large, the postures that we have outlined above, with
variations you may work out from your own
experimentation, will suffice. The main thing-as it always is
with human sexuality-is that you discover what you and
your partner like best, and not just try new positions for the
sake of novelty.
Anal petting
Anal relations have been among the most tabooed in our
culture; and even today, when oral-genital relations arc
becoming the norm among educated and experienced
couples, there is considerable reluctance to engage in anal
manipulation, anilinctns, or anal intercourse. Some of this
reluctance is sensible, since the anus, although normally not
filled with fecal matter as most people erroneously seem to
believe, is not the cleanest or most sweet-smelling organ,
and many lovers prefer to stay away from it out of
preference and taste rather than of irrational avoidance.
Innumerable individuals, on the other hand, are exquisitely
sensitive in their anal area and find that sex relations are
much more satisfying when this part of their body is
involved. If, therefore, you would be an unusually good
lover, you should seriously consider anal as well as genital
caresses, and should sometimes include them as part of your
lovemaking methods.
With girls that you are trying to seduce, and particularly
with young and inexperienced ones, anal arousal is to be
approached more carefully and cautiously. If you caress or
gently slap a girl's backside, in the course of sex play, she
may enjoy it, and even ask for more. But if you approach the
anal orifice, she may become upset, shrink back in horror,
and put a complete halt to all your ventures.
Take care, then! Even when you have a girl completely
undressed, and she seems to be actively enjoying all kinds
of caresses and kisses on various parts of her body, only
gingerly approach her anally. Be exceptionally gentle, and
make sure that you do not hurt her. Use the barest tips of
your fingers, in a highly tentative exploratory manner, and
be ready to retreat immediately if she offers any serious
objection or seems to be in pain. Once you are having
steady sex relations with a girl, you can broach the matter of
anal sexuality in much more direct terms, and can try to
persuade her to experiment in that respect. But at the very
beginning, unless you have some reason to believe that she
is particularly receptive in this area, go easy. There's many a
slip between the anus and the lips! (even when a good
outcome or conclusion seems certain, things can still go
wrong)
Getting the girl to reciprocate
At the beginning of a relationship, when you are trying to
seduce a girl who has had little sex experience in general
and almost none with you, it is unrealistic to expect any
great amount of petting reciprocation. Your main job,
whether you like it or not, is to pet her; and if she is at first
exceptionally passive, willing to take all the pleasure you
can give her (even up to and including orgasm), and to give
you practically nothing in return, that is too bad, and there's
not much that you can do about it.
If you think, on the contrary, that she really should
reciprocate in kind, and that she's an awful bitch for not
doing so, disaster will almost always ensue.
For you will be covertly if not overtly hostile to her, she will
sense that you are dissatisfied and critical, and she will often
feel unduly put upon.
After all, in most instances, she did not ask you to start
kissing and petting her; and if you did so on the hope that
she would soon be doing the same to you, that was your
gamble, and she is hardly to blame for your having taken it.
So stop your nonsense! Your sexual satisfaction, at the
beginning, should not be that important. If she voluntarily
starts petting you actively in return for the pleasure you are
giving her, fine. If not, philosophically accept the fact that
frustration is a normal part of the game at this point. Try not
to get yourself too aroused in the process of pleasing her; or
you may let yourself get aroused and then see to it that you
later masturbate to release your sexual tension.
Is there anything, without making childish overt demands on
her, that you can do at this stage to encourage her to pet
you and to give you a certain amount of satisfaction? Yes,
often there is. Instead of asking her to hold your penis or to
kiss it or to perform other sex acts you would like her to do,
you can gently try to move her to do these things.
Thus, you can take her hand, from time to time, and put it
on your penis. Or you can push your genitals against various
parts of her body and move in such a manner as to
encourage her to return your pressure. If she at first turns
away from you or refuses to cooperate with these motions,
you can go back to them later, and gradually train her to do
some of them.
" Usually it's best not to ask. If you say, "Will you please
touch my penis?" the chances are high that she will refuse.
Even if you ask her to unzip your fly or unbutton your shirt,
she will tend to say no. But if, without saying anything to her
you suddenly unzip your own fly and place your genitals
against her thighs or in her hands, the chances are greater
that she will not withdraw, but will at least mildly cooperate.
After a few repetitions of this kind of action on your part, the
probability of your getting still more cooperation from her is
decidedly increased. But be ready to beat a hasty retreat.
Always remember: Seduction is a form of persuasion; and
modified seduction, even though its goal is the pleasure of
the girl you are trying to seduce, is still a persuasive
technique. In selling something to someone, you eventually
hope to benefit by your sale; but in the course of the
inducing process, you generally do not. So don't be upset if,
for quite awhile during your initial contacts with a girl you
are trying to seduce, you have to do practically all the
petting and she offers very little in return. That's all you
need-right then. Later, we hope matters will be much more
reciprocal!
CHAPTER EIGHT - GIVING FULL
SATISFACTION

The ultimate goal of modified seduction is the giving of full

satisfaction-first to the girl and second to yourself. Why
should the girl and her satisfaction come first? Because the
goal, usually, is not merely a one night conquest or seeing
that you have a great climax on that particular evening. This
is the goal of unbridled or crass seduction. That of modified
seduction-remember!-is to please the girl so much in the
course of getting her to bed that she will intensely want to
be with you on future occasions and will want to do almost
everything possible (at least after awhile) to please you. So
if you are only partially gratified at first, that's too bad; but
it's to be expected, and you needn't consider yourself a
martyr or an idiot for getting yourself into that position.
Modified seduction, in other words, aims for long-range
rather than short-range hedonism: It tries to provide you
with some pleasure today and even more tomorrow. It helps
you run your life by what Freud called the reality principle
instead of the pure pleasure principle-or by the philosophy
of giving up some present pleasures for future gains.
Hedonism is a great creed to live by, but there is such a
thing as mature as well as childish pleasure-seeking, and
modified seduction falls into the former rather than the
latter category.
Giving full satisfaction to a woman, especially during some
of your first dates with her, does not necessarily consist of
copulating with her until she has an orgasm. It means
bringing her to complete climax and often to three or four or
more climaxes in a given evening-by some means or other,
coitally or non-coitally. With many women, and particularly
with skittish virgins, by far the best way to start satisfying
them is without your sacred penis. The one thing they
consider most sacrosanct is intercourse; and it is the one sex
technique by which they are likely to become pregnant.
Consequently, if you assure them, by your words as well as
your deeds, that you are not compulsively interested in
penile-vaginal copulation, and that you are more than
willing to pet them to orgasm (as well as to have them do
the same for you), you are much more likely to get them
fully undressed and ready for sexual completion than if you
insist on ending up with coitus.
Satisfying a female extravaginally, moreover, is probably the
best way to induce her to have intercourse. For once she
sees that you are truly interested in her satisfaction, once
she has done everything except coitus with you and safely
enjoyed herself, and once she sees that your demands are
not inordinate and that she can fairly easily satisfy you by
manual and oral methods, she will most likely lose all her
fears of having sex with you, will trust you implicitly,-may
become emotionally attached to you, and will want to let
herself be carried away into intercourse itself. Not that you
have to copulate! For if you are in your teens, or do not have
adequate means of birth control available, or she is directly
under parental scrutiny, it may be wiser for you not to do so,
and to continue to pet to orgasm each time you are together
sexually. But if it is feasible for you to have coitus without
any great tangible danger, she will likely eventually
welcome it if you first satisfy her in non-coital ways over a
long enough period of time.
What are the best ways to satisfy a girl completely when you
have got her to the point where she will let you do so? You
will find many glorious details about copulatory and
noncopulatory techniques in various sex manuals, such as
the senior author's The Art and Science of Love and the
other manuals we listed in Chapter 2. As we suggested, read
some of them. In case no good manual of this sort is
immediately available, here are a few salient pointers.
Petting to climax
In the previous chapter, we have delineated some of the
main techniques of manual and oral petting. Virtually all the
methods outlined there can be used not only to arouse a
woman so that she will want to have intercourse with you,
but can be taken one step further and used to give her a full
climax.
If you want to use manual means of giving your partner
orgasm, here are some specific steps that you may take:
1. Get yourself and the girl in a comfortable position.
Standing in the hallway of her building or trying to make it
fully with her when you are in adjoining movie seats is
hardly the most comfortable position in the world, though
either of these (and even more unlikely) positions may be
used in a pinch.
2. Remove her underclothing, if possible. If you can, take off
or get her to take off all her clothing; even if she is
sufficiently undressed for you to manipulate her genitals,
you can usually arouse her better and lead her more fully to
orgasm if you can freely kiss and caress other erogenous
zones of her body as well.
3. If you are lying down, you may find it best to rest on one
elbow and place the elbow of your petting arm on your hip
bone. If you are sitting, you may find it best to draw up your
outside leg and rest your elbow on your thigh. In these or
similar ways you should be able to pet for a considerable
period of time-sometimes up to an hour or more-without
your fingers or arms getting tired.
4. Use the "eraser" or the "doodle bug" or any other of the
techniques of exciting the girl's clitoral region that we have
described in Chapter 7. Discover which method she most
likes and favor that one; but at times switch, for variety's
sake, to another method, especially when the main one you
are using is not leading her to achieve an orgasm.
5. Usually, the thing that produces a climax in a woman who
is hard to satisfy is sameness-that is, your using the same
motion, same pressure, same position, same breathing, same
everything. But not always! Some women require an
occasional or constant change in method of excitation; and
they will frankly tell you so. Others also require change, but
will not verbalize about this preference. Try to find out from
the girl, by observing her reactions, and by talking to her,
what methods are best for her.
6. With most females, use saliva or secretions from their
genitals to lubricate the clitoral region and other sensitive
spots of their genitals. Commercial lubricants, such as K-Y
Jelly which (unlike vaseline) is water soluble, are often
excellent and should be available. Too much lubrication may
bother some females, and it may have to be wiped away
from time to time.
7. When the girl seems to be having a climax, don't assume
that this is the time to lose contact with her genitals. Men
frequently are supersensitive immediately following orgasm
and want no further contact with their penis at that time.
But females usually prefer continued pressure on the clitoral
region, although not necessarily a continuation of active
manipulation. Exert this kind of pressure, and remain still
until she signals you to break contact entirely.
Intercourse methods: problems with virgins
Your ultimate goal generally is to have intercourse with the
girl you seduce. Not that you have to have it; you can be
excellently satisfied without actual coitus. But intercourse is
one of the most enjoyable of human pursuits, and there is no
reason why you should not engage in it with a willing
partner. One of the main problems of modified seduction,
then, is to make her willing.
If the girl is a virgin, you may have some special problems of
having intercourse with her at first. For one thing, she may
not even know what a climax is, and you may have to
enlighten her somewhat and show her, largely through
petting, how to have one. You may also have to teach her
that the first time she has intercourse she may or may not
have a very pleasant time of it, and may or may not have an
orgasm (even when she previously received it by manual
and oral stimulation).
In effecting intercourse with a virgin, you usually should
proceed slowly and cautiously, since she will tend to be
fearful of several things-especially of pain, of pregnancy,
and of not being able to perform well. Try to put her at ease,
largely by showing her that you know what you are doing,
that your main goal is to please her and to make the process
painless, and that you expect little or nothing of her. Let her
know that the initiation process may not go well at first, but
that this does not bother you. If it takes several-even many-
times to completely devirginize her and to have successful
intercourse, that should be all right with you; and she should
be sure that you are in no hurry, will only go as far as she
wants to let you go at first, and will not criticize her for her
ineptness or lack of courage.
In general, you should try to effect entry of her vagina with
your penis in a gentle and slow manner, by degrees rather
than in one fell swoop. See that she is fully aroused, and
that her sex organs are well lubricated by her own arousal or
by artificial means. Enter her vagina slowly and gradually,
taking care that entry is not too painful. Frequently, it is best
to prepare her, if her hymen is intact, by making manual
entry first, with one or two of your fingers, and by pushing
the hymen back or breaking it in this manner. For your
fingers have a sense of direction, know what they are doing,
and can penetrate or withdraw at your will; while it is much
more difficult for you, particularly when you are sexually
aroused and perhaps in danger of ejaculating quickly or
losing your erection, to use your penis in as sensitively
probing a manner as you can use your fingers.
General rules are fine, but they all have their occasional
exception. In some cases, it is best to devirginize a girl
boldly and quickly, without too much gentleness in your
approach. This is especially true if she is skittish and
inclined to put you off completely at the first sign of
discomfort or pain. It is also true if she is hesitant about
having intercourse at all. In such circumstances, if you are
cautious and overly kind, she may pull away before the act
is completed: while if you are bold and direct, she may be
devirginized before she hardly knows what is occurring, and
may be grateful for the dispatch with which it was
accomplished. Once vaginal entry is effected, therefore, it
may be advisable for you to reach the hymen with your
penis and then make a quick pelvic thrust which enables
you to pass by it and achieve complete penetration. Even if
such a method is somewhat painful, the pain quickly
subsides and the woman is glad to have the deed done. We
have noted quite a few problems where lovers or husbands
kept dilly-dallying so long in having initial intercourse that
much more pain and panic were engendered in the course of
a long, drawn-out process than would have occurred if there
had been a one-two-three penetrations with a moderate
amount of initial pain.
If you are initiating intercourse with a virgin and she panics
in the middle of it, stop and reassure her, and show her that
having sex right then and there is far less important to you
than calming her down. Talk to her; show her that her fears
are exaggerated; convince her that you are basically on her
side. If she is too upset, do not attempt to have coitus at all
that evening, but let it go for another time. Satisfy her, if
you can, in noncoital ways and let it go at that. If you can
successfully calm her, it may be possible to have intercourse
an hour or two later.
During intercourse, it is often best to aim your penis toward
the anterior or upper wall of the vagina, since the opening in
the hymen is likely to be larger in that vicinity. However, this
same anterior wall is also well supplied with nerve endings
from the underside of the clitoral area, so it may be sensitive
to both pleasure and pain, and it may have to be
approached gently rather than vigorously during initial
intercourse.
The more you arouse a virgin before intercourse, the easier
defloration tends to be. If she is sufficiently aroused and if
she definitely wants to have coitus in order to get her
virginity over with and to please you, she will tend to ignore
the discomfort that may ensue from tearing or stretching her
hymen. Although pain is mediated through specific nerve
endings of the body, it is greatly influenced by one's
psychological state; so that if a virgin is highly distracted
during intercourse and not focusing on the pain she thinks
she is "supposed to" receive, she will be much less likely to
be traumatized by intercourse than would otherwise be true.
Not every virgin has a hymen; some females are born
without one or have a thin membrane that is easily punched
or pushed aside during masturbation, medical examinations,
petting, or other activities. So if your girlfriend says she is a
virgin but does not appear to have any hymen, do not make
an issue of it, nor imply that she is lying to you. Treat her as
if she were entirely virginal, even if you think she isn't, and
show her that you. accept her as a person whether or not
she has technically preserved her chastity up to the time
when you first have intercourse with her.
The folklore states that when a girl is devirginized there is a
considerable amount of visible bleeding. This is sometimes
but not always true; even a female with an intact hymen
may bleed very little or not at all during initial intercourse.
When bleeding does occur, you can encourage the girl to
rest on her back with her thighs together for a few minutes,
and that will normally stop it. If bleeding is excessive and
prolonged-which is quite uncommon-take her to a physician
promptly.
Intercourse may be had with a virgin in any of the usual
positions which are outlined below. Usually, however, you
should try the face to face position, with yourself on top, and
with her legs raised quite high, so that her vaginal opening
opens widely. As noted above, penetration should generally
be slow and the hymen preferably should be stretched
rather than broken. At the point where your penis meets real
resistance, it may be advisable for you to make a quick
thrust and for her to meet you in a similar thrust.
Your behavior with the girl immediately after initial
intercourse may be crucial to her and your future relations-
perhaps to her future attitude toward sex. You should let her
see that you think she has done exactly the right thing in
letting herself be devirginized, and that you do not think she
is one whit diminished because of this. You should also try to
indicate that initial intercourse, however satisfactory it has
been, is probably only a prelude to much better sex relations
to come, and that as she continues to have coital relations,
things will probably get more and more satisfactory.
Intercourse methods: coital positions
There are many possible positions of intercourse-probably
thousands if every little minor variation is counted. Detailed
information on the main positions, together with their
advantages and disadvantages, is given in the senior
author's The Art and Science of Love. Here, in briefer outline,
are some of the main coital postures that you can take with
a willing partner:
1. Face to face, man on top. You get on top of the woman,
who is lying prone on a bed or sofa, preferably with her legs
spread, her knees flexed, and her thighs raised. A pillow may
be placed under her buttocks and her legs may be placed on
your shoulders. Don't actually lie directly on her, but support
the weight of your body on your hands or forearms. In
different variations of this position, she may keep her legs
apart and flat, keep them between your knees, and put one
of them between your legs, bend her thighs back toward her
chest, raise one of her legs while keeping the other flat,
wrap one or both legs around yours, or wrap her legs around
your waist.
2. Face to face, woman on top. You lie on your back and she
squats over you and guides your penis into her vagina; or
she sits in an astride position on your erect penis and loins,
with her back resting against your flexed knees and raised
thighs. Or you can achieve penetration in some other
position and then gently roll around until she is on top. Once
entry has been effected, she can keep squatting, or sit
astride, or straighten out her legs and lie between or outside
yours. You can lie prone, or can lift yourself on your hands
and forearms, or can raise your knees at her side or in back
of her.
3. Face to face, side by side. You both lie side by side, facing
each other. You may both have your lower legs on the bed,
with her upper leg over your legs; or her lower leg may rest
on your lower leg and your upper leg may rest between her
legs, so that they are interlocked. Or one of you may be
largely resting on his or her back while the other is on the
side.
4. Rear entry, man's face to woman's back. You may enter
her vagina from the rear, instead of from the front, in several
ways: (a) You may lie on your side behind her back (she, too,
being on her side), with her buttocks somewhat above your
penis and her body slightly curved inwardly, her legs bent at
her hips. You enter her vagina between her legs and let your
scrotum press against her buttocks, (b) She may kneel on
her hands and knees, with her head and breast almost on
the bed or sofa, with you kneeling behind her. You again
enter her vagina between her legs, (c) She may be on her
stomach with her pelvis raised and with you lying on top of
her. (d) You may sit on the side of a bed or chair, while she,
with her back to you, sits on your penis and your lap (or
lower part of your stomach).
5. Sitting positions. The sitting positions, which are often
quite comfortable, have several main possibilities:
(a) You sit on a chair or edge of a bed and she faces you, her
legs astride yours. With your legs apart and her legs around
your waist, you can pull her toward and away from you. (b)
You can sit on a high chair or bed while she stands facing
with her legs somewhat apart. You can then pull her hips
back and forth to you. (c) You can squat between her thighs,
while she is lying on her back facing you, with her legs on
your hips. You can then make pelvic thrusts or pull her pelvis
back and forth toward you. Or she can squat between your
thighs, while you are lying on your back with your legs
apart, and she can make churning movements around your
penis, (d) You can sit on a bed or chair, while she bends
over, in a doubled-up position, with her back to you. You can
then, using the rear entry position, pull her pelvis back and
forth over your penis.
6. Standing positions. Sometimes, if you have short legs or
she has long ones, you may stand and face each other and
effect entry and intercourse. Or she can lie with her legs
dangling over the edge of a table or bed while you stand
between her legs. Or you can stand while she, with her arms
around your neck, clasps your hips between her thighs.
Birth control methods
If you are going to have penile-vaginal intercourse with a
girl, particularly a young and sexually unsophisticated one,
you should be certain that proper contraceptive methods are
employed. Ideally, she should be protected by using the
birth control pill; but very frequently, especially if she is a
virgin, she will not be. Therefore, the main burden of birth
control may fall upon you, and you should be careful to
accept this burden, and let her know that you have no
intention of impregnating her. Even if she tends to be
careless in this respect-as a surprisingly large number of
girls are-you should insist on adequate protection. Some of
the main contraceptive methods which may be employed
are:
1. Oral contraceptive. The only birth control measure which
seems to be about 100 per cent effective is the birth control
pill, a steroid compound which is taken once a day for
twenty consecutive days and then discontinued for five
days. So far, in spite of some unpleasant side effects which it
may have, this pill has proved harmless for the vast majority
of women who have used it. It is contraindicated, however,
in some cases, and has to be prescribed by a physician. If it
is possible to get the girl with whom you are going to use it,
by all means encourage her to do so, since it is probably the
greatest boon to intercourse yet invented.
2. Diaphragm and contraceptive jelly. A rubber diaphragm,
which the woman inserts into her vagina to block her
cervical opening, and which is used in conjunction with
contraceptive jelly, is usually the second-best method
recommended for safe intercourse. Research by Masters and
Johnson, however, has recently shown that it is not quite as
safe as was previously thought; and it is objected to by
many women, who dislike the time, trouble, and messiness
involved in using it. In an ongoing relationship where it is
impractical for the woman to use birth control pills it is
highly recommended. It cannot usually be employed by
virgins; and it has to be specifically prescribed by a
physician.
3. Contraceptive foam or jelly alone. Various foams and
jellies may be inserted into a woman's vagina to block off
the cervical opening and kill the male's sperm, and can be
used without a diaphragm or condom. They are by no means
entirely safe and should generally not be trusted unless
employed in conjunction with another contraceptive
method.
4. Condom or sheath. Condoms or sheaths (popularly called
rubbers) are rubber or animal-skin tubes which are rolled
onto the male's penis to prevent his sperm from reaching
the woman's uterus. They are not entirely safe, since they
can break, can have holes in them, and can slip off during
intercourse; but they are convenient and they constitute a
fairly safe device that you can always have ready at hand, in
case you seduce a girl and she does suddenly agree to have
intercourse. They should preferably be used in conjunction
with contraceptive jelly or some other birth control method.
5. So-called safe period or rhythm method. Because most
women take about twenty-eight days to complete their
menstrual cycles, and because ovulation occurs around the
midpoint of this cycle and women are usually only fertile for
a few days around this midpoint, there is not a good chance
that they will become pregnant if they refrain from having
coitus from about the eleventh to the eighteenth day of a
twenty-eight-day cycle. But since most women have
irregular menstruation from time to time and their ovulation
may be disrupted by various factors-such as illness,
emotional upsets, and unusual changes in their lives-the
"safe" period of rhythm method is not highly reliable and
should not usually be employed, especially with an
unmarried girl who wants to avoid pregnancy, unless it is
combined with some other contraceptive technique. Don't
fool yourself by letting your wish be father to your thought
and insisting that your girl cannot possibly conceive
because you are copulating on, say, the seventh day after
the beginning of her cycle. She probably won't; but she
certainly can, and your wish may make you father to your
child.
6. Withdrawal. Coitus interruptus or withdrawal is the
process of withdrawing the penis from the vagina after
intercourse has taken place for some time, but before
ejaculation occurs. It is the most available-and, of course,
cheapest-method of contraception known; and therefore it is
widely used, particularly in the course of seduction. You
should rarely if ever use this method of contraception, no
matter how sorely you are tempted to do so, for several
reasons: (a) Your precoital lubricating fluid may contain
sperm and you may impregnate a girl without ejaculating in
her vagina, (b) You can easily misjudge your timing and
withdraw your penis after ejaculation has taken place, (c) If
you withdraw in time but ejaculate, after withdrawal, close
to the entrance of the vagina, impregnation can still occur,
(d) If you have intercourse twice in a row, live sperm may
remain in your urethra after the first time and impregnate
your partner, (e) Even when coitus interruptus works as a
contraceptive method, you will tend to be anxious about its
not working and may lose much of the pleasure of
intercourse.
7. Sterilization. Both males and females may be sterilized by
surgical procedures, so that they are rendered infertile. The
male may have his vas deferens (seminal duct) cut and tied;
and the female, in a much more complicated operation, may
have her fallopian tubes tied. Both these procedures are
somewhat reversible; but once done, sterilization usually
leads to permanent infertility. If you have already had
children and are certain you do not want any more or, if you
are quite sure that you wish to have no children at all, and if
you want to lead a sexually active life and attempt a good
many seductions, you might think seriously of having
yourself sterilized.
8. Abstinence. A sure-fire method of birth control is
refraining completely from intercourse. This is not very
practical in the seductive process, unless you want to limit
your relations entirely to heavy petting; and even then you
have to make sure that none of your semen is ejaculated in
the neighborhood of her vaginal orifice, and that none is on
your fingers when you manually stimulate her genitals.
Because of its obvious limitations, abstinence is not a very
acceptable method for people who engage in long-term
sexual relationships.
9. Intra-uterine devices. Intra-uterine devices, or plastic or
steel peccaries which are inserted by a physician into the
woman's uterus through her cervix, and which remain in
place for long periods of time, have been used more than
ever before in recent years, in spite of early unsatisfactory
experience with them. For some women they seem to be
fairly safe and convenient; but for one reason or another,
many women cannot use them for any length of time. Until
more experience with them accumulates, it is better not to
rely solely on this contraceptive technique.
10. Combined methods. If you are not sterilized and if your
girl does not regularly employ contraceptive pills, you
should seriously consider using two birth control methods
simultaneously, especially if it is highly important that she
does not become pregnant. Thus, you can use a condom in
conjunction with the rhythm method; or you can use the
rhythm method at the same time that you use contraceptive
jelly without a diaphragm. If you show a girl that you are
most interested in protecting her in a double safeguarded
manner, she will have more confidence in your caring for her
and will be more likely to have occasional or steady sex
relations with you.
Post-coital procedures
Your relationship with a girl does not immediately end with
intercourse; at least, it had better not! If you merely induce
her to engage in sex with you, copulate actively with her,
have an orgasm yourself, and then immediately turn over
and sleep or get up and leave her, she will probably think
you inconsiderate and unloving, and will be in no mood to
continue to have sex with you (or any other man!) in the
future. Most women are supersensitive immediately
following petting to climax or intercourse. They want to be
held closely, told nice things about themselves, accepted as
human beings and not merely treated as sex objects.
Consequently, if you are kind and wise, you will take some
time after sex to continue to make love, with words and
deeds, to show the girl that you really like her, that you are
still interested in her and want to please her, and that you
are looking forward to seeing her again. Don't, after you
have been sexually satisfied, shortcut paying the girl the
same sort of undivided attention that you paid her
beforehand.
CHAPTER NINE - PROBLEMS AND BY-
PRODUCTS

Seducing a female is a complicated business. Unadulterated

seduction has its distinct difficulties; and modified seduction
tends to have more. Your aim in this latter kind of
relationship, mind you, is to go beyond a one-night stand
and to keep your partner in a generally receptive frame of
mind toward you and the male sex in general. Let us discuss
some possible pitfalls, and what you can do to stay in the
clear.
Stamina makes the difference
You may apply all the techniques we have been outlining in
this book and apply them well and still not get very far with
women. Why? Because you may be impatient and
persistent. This, from one point of view, is odd: If you wanted
to become reasonably adept at golf, tennis, or half a
hundred other sports, you would probably spend any
amount of time, money, and effort making yourself
proficient in these areas. But because you have strong sex
desires, which often clamor to be satisfied right now, pronto,
this very minute, you are likely to think that the sport of
lovemaking is different from any other, and that it's hardly
worth the candle if you have to spend long, hardworking
hours and days at it.
Such puerility! If you want to do almost anything well, you
have to study and work at it intensively.
Many men assiduously devote themselves to a woman on
the first date or two, get rejected by her, give up, and settle
down to a virtually sexless life. Don't! Sex/love relations are
not always worth the candle; occasionally they are just not
worth all the time and trouble involved. But mostly they are.
For loving is an important part of living; and though it won't
kill you not to have sex with females, it's usually a dull life
without it. You learn about yourself, moreover, and what you
really do and do not want, mainly by trying, by
experiencing, and by failing at certain ventures. Unless you
keep acting, doing, striving, you will remain only technically
or half alive, and will never even know what you truly would
enjoy being.
Sex and buddy relationships with a girl
It often happens that you will have a buddy relationship with
a girl, with practically no sex between you, because she is
going with some other fellow (who may be your best friend),
because you are emotionally interested in another girl,
because the two of you have had a sex relationship and no
longer want to continue it, because you are just not
physically attracted to each other, or for various other
reasons. Anyway, there is nothing wrong with maintaining
such buddy relationships; and they may even be used to
good sexual advantage, since a female buddy will often get
dates for you with her girlfriends, will talk to you about your
problems with girls, and will otherwise be helpful.
Suppose you want to change a sex relationship with a girl
into a buddy relationship, or vice versa. What then? Usually,
you talk. You say to the girl with whom you are having sex,
"Look, dear. I like you very much and I want to go on being
very friendly with you. But (and here you give some
plausible reason) I think it would be better for us to stop
having sex right now." You can explain that you're attracted
to some other girl, or are having difficulty getting sexually
aroused with anyone, or what you will. Most of the time, if
you are honest in this respect, you can end up being friendly
on a nonsexual basis with a girl who has previously petted
heavily or even gone to bed with you.
If you want to start being sexual with a girl with whom you
are on buddy terms, you can say something like: "You know
that I value your friendship very much and that I want to
keep it. But the fact remains that I keep getting more and
more attracted to you sexually, and that one of these days-
and maybe real soon!-I'm going to grab you and try to rip
your clothes off. So don't be surprised when it occurs!" Or,
without saying anything, you can merely begin to kiss her in
a more friendly manner, caress her where previously you
have merely held her hand, and see if you can't get her
sexually aroused, just as you would do if you had never been
on buddy terms with her.
In any event, don't think that your relationships with girls
have to be on one plane, just because they have started off
so. You can begin as a buddy, become a lover, and then go
back to being a buddy again. You can sometimes start a
purely sexual relationship with a girl, then go on to a sex-
love relationship, then have a loving but nonsexual
relationship, then end up as good friends who do not really
love each other very much. There are many possibilities, and
at various times you may try practically all of them with a
given girl.
Being sexually moral
In the old days, sexual morality consisted largely of
refraining from sex at all unless (a) you were married to your
partner and (b) you were interested in procreation. Today,
those of us who are objective and sane do not think there is
anything wrong with sex in, of, by, and for itself, but that
only certain ways in which it is done may be ill-advised or
erroneous.
What ways? The same ways, basically, that hold true for
nonsexual acts. That is to say, any human act is immoral or
unethical when one individual specifically, needlessly,
unfairly, and unwittingly harms another human being. And
any sex act is wrong when it is perpetrated by an individual
so that, in the course of performing it, he gratuitously,
unfairly, and against another's volition causes injury to the
other.
Are not various sex acts harmful in themselves? Perhaps; but
it is difficult to think of one that is. Many acts-such as
necrophilia or having sex relations with lower animals-are
rather uncommon, bizarre, and idiosyncratic; and some of
them would hardly be performed by an undisturbed person.
But it is difficult to see how even these peculiar activities
intrinsically are unethical in the usual sense unless they are
done in a manner that needlessly and deliberately harms
others.
The thing that really is most unethical in life is your
condemning yourself and others for possible or actual
wrongdoings: This kind of moralism pretends to be for the
individual and social good but really creates havoc among
us fallible people. The useful purpose of criticism is to help
the criticized individual change his ineffective ways for
better ones. But condemning a whole person for any of his
acts helps him feel, normally, that because he is no good he
cannot possibly do any better in the future and that because
he has done so poorly he deserves to spend his time and
energy punishing himself for his sins. Although constructive
criticism, therefore, may be helpful, denigration of a person
for his behavior is a destructive kind of criticism that does
not help him and that usually gives you yourself a pain in
the gut (which we call hostility).
This is notably true in regard to sex. If you condemn a girl
for her sex activities-for her being promiscuous, for example,
or for her accepting payment for the sex favors she gives-
you are usually (a) contending that her performance is
wrong, when actually it may not be (promiscuity may be
good rather than bad for her); (b) holding that she is totally
worthless for this particular performance; (c) wrecking your
own chances for good sex-love relations with her (or girls
similar to her); (d) maintaining a generally intolerant
attitude that will limit your own living and focus your
emotions in an undesirable direction.
More specifically: Watch your attitudes toward any girl you
seduce! She may be weak (or stupid!) for giving in to your
wiles. But her act of having sex with you is hardly wrong in
itself-it probably is good. And if the manner in which she had
it (perhaps foolishly, against her best interests) happens to
be mistaken, then she may be decidedly neurotic (or even
psychotic). So she has her limitations; too bad! But she is
not "worse" than you are; she is hardly an "evil woman"; she
is not a worm or a slut. She is merely a little more fallible
than it would be better for her to be; and, for that matter,
who isn't? If you think less of her for having engaged in
intercourse with you, you are the one who has a real
problem. If there ever were a "sin," this surely is it.
Sexual performance difficulties
Almost every man has some kind of difficulties in performing
sexually at certain times during his life, and this especially
tends to be true of males who are out to seduce beautiful
young women. Just because they value victory so highly and
because they think it is awful if they fail, they make
themselves overly anxious-and then, ironically, they do fail.
Types of sexual difficulties in males are discussed at length
in various sex manuals (such as the senior author's The Art
and Science of Love). Here are a few brief pointers to aid
you, in your seduction attempts, if you become afflicted with
any of the usual sex problems.
1. Premature ejaculation. The male who is highly excited
sexually, particularly when he is young and inexperienced,
tends to become quickly aroused and all-too-quickly
orgasmic. The average male of any age, as the Kinsey
researchers have shown, is likely to last in active intercourse
for two minutes or less. But many males last only for a few
seconds; and others ejaculate even before they have
entered the woman's vagina with their penis.
There are several reasons why, either occasionally or
persistently, you may be afflicted with premature
ejaculation: a. You may be sexually inexperienced and have
not yet had enough practice in holding back your orgasm for
awhile. b. You may be having sex relations with females too
infrequently, and therefore be over-aroused on the few
occasions when you do have it. c. You may be so afraid that
you will not last long in intercourse and will disappoint your
partner, that you will bring on hypersensitivity because of
your extreme anxiety. d. You may be guilty about having
intercourse and want to prevent yourself from having it
satisfactorily. e. You may be afraid to impregnate the girl
with whom you are having coitus and pick this novel method
of contraception.
Of these reasons, the first three are the most important, and
the third one is generally the most common of all. If you
want to overcome premature ejaculation, here are some
methods you can try: a. Get as much experience sexually as
possible. Even if you think there is a good chance of your
failing at first, try and try again, until you develop methods
of succeeding. The more you give up trying, the more you
will convince yourself that it would be awful if you failed-and
that idea will make you more impotent. b. Consciously look
for and bring to light the catastrophizing views that you are
indoctrinating yourself with which make you ejaculate
prematurely. See clearly that you are telling yourself, "How
horrible it would be if I failed her! What a louse that would
prove me to be!" or "Other men succeed at intercourse; I
cannot succeed; therefore I am an incompetent who does
not deserve to succeed." Determine your basic philosophies
that underlie these self-indoctrinations-for example, the
values that it would be horrible (instead of merely
inconvenient) if you failed and you would be a louse
(instead of a capable person who happens to be as yet inept
in this particular endeavor) if you didn't last a long time
sexually. Then vigorously contradict and challenge these
self-defeating philosophies. Ask yourself, "Why would it be
horrible if I failed?" and "Where is the evidence that I would
be a worm if I didn't last fifteen minutes in active coitus?" c.
If you come too quickly with a girl on a given evening, rest
awhile, then attempt to have intercourse with her later on,
when you will be less easily aroused. Or, if necessary,
masturbate an hour or two before you meet her that
evening. Or use some nerve-deadening ointment, such as
Nupercainal salve, thirty minutes or so before you attempt
intercourse. d. Learn to think of nonsexual things, people
and events just before you enter the girl's vagina with your
penis, or immediately after you enter it. Think of the wheat
fields in South Dakota, or the ugly gal you know with whom
you never would consider having sex, or the great
intellectual conversation you had yesterday. You bring on a
high state of sexual excitement and the onset of orgasm
largely with your thoughts and fantasies; but if you divert
these into nonsexual pathways, you can often retard orgasm
for a considerable period of time. e. If you have intercourse
in a slow and easy manner, taking short strokes and several
pauses between your thrusts, you can often retard your
climax. You can also try breathing deeply at the points you
think your orgasm is approaching and tightening or relaxing
your anal muscles when you seem about to come.
2. Difficulty in achieving or maintaining erection. Many
males, including those who are normally quite potent, at
times have difficulty in achieving or maintaining an erection.
They may be over-anxious about maintaining it, may be
physically fatigued, may have mixed feelings about having
sex at that time, or may be otherwise blocked. If you are in
this condition, here are some methods you can use to help
yourself: a. Accept the fact that this kind of difficulty is quite
usual and that it hardly means that you will be impotent for
all time. It is inconvenient for you to have this kind of
problem just when you have induced the girl to engage in
intercourse; but that's all it really is: inconvenient and not
catastrophic. b. Don't castigate yourself for having erectile
difficulty. It's not shameful, doesn't mean that she'll never
talk to you again, and doesn't prove that you're not really a
man. c. Be honest with your partner, let her know that you
are having difficulties but that this is temporary, and that if
she bears with you, and even helps you, the difficulties will
disappear. See if you can't get her to excite you, by
massaging your penis, engaging in oral-genital relations, or
doing other things that you find arousing. d. Focus on
sexually arousing ideas and images. Think of things or
persons who stimulate you, or of exciting acts you would like
to do with your present partner. The more definitely you
concentrate on sexual imagery-instead of on how awful it is
that you are not sufficiently erect-the more potent you will
tend to be.
3. Difficulty in achieving orgasm. In some instances males
can have full erections and maintain them almost
indefinitely, but they are not able to achieve orgasm. This
condition may arise because they are fatigued, have
imbibed too much alcohol, are not greatly aroused by a
particular woman, are afraid of impregnating their partner,
or are not focusing properly on sexually exciting things. If
you sometimes have trouble in reaching a climax, here are
some methods you can employ: a. Have sex less frequently
before you try to have intercourse with your girlfriend;
refrain from masturbation and all other orgasm-producing
practices for several days before your date with her. b. Try
different forms of stimulation, such as oral/genital relations,
before intercourse, so that you are quite excited during
coitus. c. Don't delay your climax too long in order to satisfy
her. Have it within a reasonable period of time for you, and
then perhaps try to get another erection which you can
mainly use to gratify her rather than yourself. d. Teach your
partner exactly what to do to arouse you fully: to massage
specific erogenous zones you may have, to stimulate your
penis in a particular manner-whatever excites you most. e.
Use multiple physical contact in some cases, so that while
you are copulating with your partner you are also kissing
her, embracing her breasts, or doing something else that is
quite exciting to you. f. Learn to focus intently on sexual
thoughts and images which you find notably arousing.
Problems in satisfying a female sexually
Just as you may have difficulty in getting or maintaining an
erection, lasting long enough in intercourse, or coming to
climax, so may your partner have her own problems. She
may want to have intercourse with you but may not easily
get aroused, may get aroused and enjoy intercourse but not
have any orgasm, may have painful coitus, and may have
one or more orgasms but not be satisfied. There may be
physical and/or emotional reasons why she is relatively or
absolutely frigid, and the only way that she can overcome
her blockings in this regard may be through medical and
psychological treatment (just as you, if you are seriously
impotent, may require some psychological help). Here,
however, are some ways in which you can help her be more
successful sexually if she is willing to have sex but does not
seem to be sufficiently enjoying it:
1. Let her know that you are not upset by her difficulties and
that you do not look down upon her for her degree of
frigidity. Show her that you are eager to cooperate in any
possible way to help her overcome it.
2. Make sure you do everything possible to arouse her
sufficiently before you attempt intercourse or before you try
to give her an orgasm in noncoital ways. Find out what her
erogenous zones are-by asking her if necessary-and
stimulate them. Do whatever else she thinks you should do
to excite her.
3. Talk to her about her sex problems and see if you can
discover what her particular blocking is and how it may be
overcome. Don't try to give her intensive psychotherapy,
because it is most un-likely that you are equipped to do so.
But if you discover that she is blocked because of being
guilty about having intercourse, or something like that, you
may be able to reassure her, help her overcome her guilt,
and thus aid in disinhibiting her.
4. Assume that if she has orgasm difficulties she may need
prolonged or special stimulation of her clitoral region, rather
than merely intercourse itself, to achieve climax. Try various
positions, such as entering her vagina from the rear and
putting your arm around her waist to reach her genitals,
which enables you to stimulate her clitoris manually while
coitus is taking place.
5. Don't hesitate to give her orgasms noncoitally, or even to
show her how to give herself orgasms, as a prelude to her
receiving them in coital ways. Some girls have to learn what
an orgasm is and how to achieve it extra-coitally before they
can satisfactorily have it during intercourse.
6. Don't give up easily! Many girls, particularly virgins, take
a considerable amount of time to reach full sex satisfaction.
Let her know that you intend to persist until she is able to
enjoy herself greatly; but that if she never does have an
orgasm that will be too bad but not catastrophic. Don't make
her feel that she has to have climaxes to please you; but do
let her know that she will have them if you and she persist.
Lovemaking is an art
Is lovemaking a science? No, although it has many
scientifically based aspects. Thus, it can be scientifically
attested that most women are more easily seduced and
enjoy sex to a greater extent when you are patient, when
you are encouraging rather than negatively critical, when
you kiss and fondle them before attempting intercourse,
when you stimulate their clitoral regions adequately, and so
on. These activities do not work well with all females, but
with a high percentage of them; and that is as much a
scientific fact as are observations that many human beings
are susceptible to advertising or are strongly influenced by
what they see in the movies.
An art, however, is the ability to make things; it is
creativeness; it is a skill. A scientific fact, therefore, can be
either artfully (skillfully) or unartfully (ineptly) applied. This
particularly is true in regard to some of the facts of sex and
love. Artistic sex or sex-love relations usually require several
things: (a) Your skill, experience, enthusiasm, discipline, and
effort; (b) your absence or minimization of inhibitions,
problems, and disturbances; (c) your ability to help your
partner to acquire a considerable degree of both (a) and (b).
We have already, in the course of this book, outlined most of
the basic requisites that will enable you to become an
artistic lover. If you persist along the lines we have been
exploring, you will first begin to have a good percentage of
successes with modified seduction. Particularly if you select
your partners well in making dates-if you avoid those who
seem to be too young, too rigid, and too disturbed-and if you
show them the kind of consideration and interest that we
have been espousing, you will soon begin to induce a high
percentage of your dates to take their clothes off and to
engage in heavy petting and intercourse. Then, after you
have been succeeding at this for awhile, you will gain the
experience and confidence in your lovemaking methods
which will help you become a truly capable, and perhaps
sought after, lover.
Once you master the art of seduction, you may find it
worthwhile to abandon it in favor of maintaining relatively
few ongoing sex-love relationships. For in these kind of
affairs-and usually only here-do women tend to become
uninhibited, completely abandoned, fully participating
partners. Here uniquely does sex often have a tremendous
emotional impact, including a meaningful expression of
love, a marvelously shared experience. Life rarely offers
enjoyable and ecstatic participation anywhere nearly
comparable to good sex in an ongoing love relationship. Its
beauty and wonder beggar description.
CHAPTER TEN - KEEPING A
RELATIONSHIP GOING

If you have studied the material presented so far in this

book, and have begun to put it into practice in your sex-love
affairs, it is safe to assume that you are well on your way to
becoming a qualified master of the arts of love-one who is
able to get women as bed partners and who is prepared for
sex in an ongoing relationship. Once such a relationship is
under way, problems inevitably arise in maintaining it in a
manner satisfactory to you and your partner. What are some
of these problems and how can you solve them? Let us see.
Combating the "should" concept
If you go with a girl steadily or live with her in legal marriage
or in a non legalized union, the burden of "should" almost
invariably tends to creep into your relationship. Your partner
may have felt it was nice, before your union became
regularized, that you wanted to see her every night-now she
thinks you should. Or you feel that it was lovely that she was
so kind and attentive to you when you first were going
together-now she should be. Both of you tend to expect or
demand what you previously thought was so sweet of the
other to give voluntarily.
Watch those insidious shoulds! Practically all human beings
respond positively when they feel free to give their affection
and attention as they choose, and they respond negatively
when they are pressured by expectations and demands from
another person. If you are wise, therefore, you will recognize
that the main thing that your girlfriend or wife should do is
to be herself in the way that she sees fit. It would be nice if
she continually saw fit to do things with you the way that
you would like to see them done. But the fact that a thing
would be nice or preferable does not mean that others with
whom you are associated should, ought, or must do it in this
manner. Not by a long shot!
It usually will take considerable effort and self-discipline on
your part to provide your mate with the freedom to be
herself. But if you want the relationship between you to
remain good, and the sex in this relationship to be of high
caliber, then you'd better forget the should concept and let
your partner be the person she is-which means, of course, a
person who wants to do one thing this minute and quite
another kind of thing the next. If you can solve this
significant part of your mating, the other parts will tend to
fall into place. If they do not, then you have probably not
chosen a woman who has enough attitudes and ways that
are basically consonant with your own, and you'd better
honestly admit that fact and consider dissolving the
relationship with her and choosing a partner who naturally
matches you in many respects or can be guided to do so if
you take reasonable time and effort.
Dealing with boredom
One of the major enemies of good sex-love relations in a
steady affair or marriage is boredom. Monotony is one of the
great liabilities of being human; it is the price we pay for
much of our efficiency. One of the reasons that man has
advanced civilization to its present level is his ability to free
his mind by performing repetitive functions in an unthinking
fashion. Thus, it requires no thought to tie your shoe laces,
shave, perform most of the operations of driving your car,
and do a thousand other things that you repeat virtually
every day. But the very nature of man that allows you to
develop these brain-freeing habits may also tend to destroy
your sex and love life if you do not actively find a way to
counteract monotonizing tendencies.
Good sex does not by itself beget more good sex. In many
instances, good sex begets sex that is performed the same
way over and over-and results in stultifying boredom and the
creeping death of joyous sex. This is not always true; there
are some individuals who can perform petting and
intercourse in exactly the same way, day after day, for
twenty or thirty years, and apparently continue to enjoy it.
But these people are relatively rare; and it is probable that
you and your mate are not among them.
Unfortunately, and perhaps unfairly, although women often
require as much or more sexual innovation and variety to be
kept maximally interested in sex, they often do not provide
impetus and ingenuity to produce this variety. They typically
leave it to the male to be the instigator, and they merely
carp, if they do anything at all, about how deadly their sex
life is becoming. Consequently, if you would maintain a
lively copulatory relationship-you'd better keep in mind the
virtues of variety and not rely on your mate to instigate
them.
At the same time that we are reminding you about the
virtues of variety, we must caution you not to overdo things
in this regard. If you become obsessed with doing novel sex
things or you engage compulsively in trying to perform
them, you will not only tend to lose pleasure in doing these
things yourself, but you will very likely turn off your sex
partner in regard to them. A varietistic approach to sex that
must be accomplished no longer remains novel or creative.
Your partner may really not crave sexual diversity; so if you
insist that she have it with you, instead of calmly trying to
persuade her to have it from time to time, she may offer
great resistance and you may defeat yourself and never
achieve your desired goals.
If you approach varietism within a relationship in a sensible
manner, here are some of the things you can try:
1. Find out what is monotonous and what would be a
welcome change to you and your partner, and don't depend
on statistical information in this respect. One couple's
variety may be another couple's routine. See what you
consider repetitive and monotonous about your relations
with your mate, and then discover, by word and by deed,
what she considers monotonous. Change in these respects,
rather than in your entire sex-love pattern.
2. Don't hesitate to get varietistic ideas from other sources.
Sex manuals may be excellent references, but novels and
poems are better in many instances. The Marquis de Sade's
120 Days of Sodom may not be your cup of tea in this
respect (we thought the book a crashing bore and got little
of value from it); but even the most bizarre tomes can
sometimes provide you with ideas which you can modify to
your own tastes. Your friends, too, may have some
interesting notions that will prove helpful. This, incidentally,
is one of the advantages of your having a good many affairs
during your lifetime: Sex information that you pick up with
one girl can often be used to good effect with another; and
your current partner's varietist notions, which she may have
learned from her previous affairs, can prove useful in your
relationship.
3. It is often not so important that you change what you do
in bed as it is that you change the order and sequence in
which you do it. After all, there are not too many different
things that you can do sexually, unless you count the minor
variations on the minor themes. But you can do the things
you do perform in varied ways. Women frequently complain
that when they have a steady relationship with a man they
can tell you exactly how he is going to make love each time.
He will kiss them on the bps about three times, then he will
kiss the left nipple until it gets erect, then he will... etc.
Usually, these women feel that when sex is approached in
this routine manner it is not very exciting. Strive, then, to do
things differently-at least on some occasions. A degree of
repetition-particularly of those caresses which the girl seems
to enjoy most is valuable. But too much can be deadly!
4. There is no reason why you have to engage in sex at the
same time and in the same place each time you have it.
Intercourse doesn't have to be done late at night, or in bed,
or with the lights out. If you start petting while you are lying
on the floor watching television, and you and your mate
become unusually aroused, you can make love right then
and there, and not have to feel obligated to get up and go to
bed. You can arrange to have sex at lunch, just before
supper, at eight o'clock in the evening, or at some other
"peculiar" time. You can also make love on a beach, in the
open fields, on a park bench (as long as there are no cops
around!), and at various other places-even when you are
living with your partner and could be much more
"comfortable" at home in bed.
5. Sometimes sex becomes more exciting when you and
your girl act out your fantasies. If she is in the habit of
thinking about other people when she has sex relations, you
can encourage her to tell you what situations she is
fantasizing, what the people are doing, what they are
saying, and so on. You can likewise tell her your sex
fantasies. You can make love together while you are telling
each other your fantasies or you can tell them and later try
to reenact those portions that lend themselves to acting-out.
Most women, at first, will have great trouble talking over
their fantasies with you, and some will never be able to do
so. But with some persistence you may be able to achieve
this with your partner, and both of you may find this kind of
fantasy-exchange rewarding.
6. It is not always well to discuss in detail the elements of
variety that you try to add to your sex life. If you have
fantasies that you tell each other, or role-playing that you
enjoy doing together, you will naturally have to discuss
these aspects of your love life and mutually agree to do
certain things. But often you will find that surprising your
mate will be more exciting than giving her advance notice of
what you want to do. Thus, you can tell her that you would
like to go swimming with her-but actually plan, in your own
mind, to have intercourse with her in the water. Or, when
she calls you in to dinner, you can suddenly appear in the
nude and proceed to eat that way, hoping to stimulate her
sexually (although you may repel her). Surprising her in
various ways, as long as you do not take these surprises to
extremes that will throw her off balance and upset her, may
work out very well. These methods, of course, are not
normally to be used when you are first seducing a girl, but
after you have had considerable sex experience with her.
7. Even though you and your partner have been together for
some period of time and have regularly enjoyed intercourse,
it is sometimes advisable and feasible to make a date for
sexual purposes. Thus, you can arrange to go to a hotel or a
motel for a given evening especially for sex purposes, even
though either or both of you has a suitable apartment which
you usually employ. Or you can plan a sex-filled weekend at
the seashore, and go to some trouble to make all the
necessary arrangements in advance, so that you will both
have no duties, responsibilities, children to care for, or other
things to do and can largely relax and have sex with each
other.
8. You can pay special court to your girl on certain days or
evenings. These can be usual occasions, such as her
birthday, Valentine's Day, or New Year's Eve; or, better yet,
they can be unusual occasions-such as Groundhog Day!-
when she would not anticipate special attention. Anyway,
select a time, either plan the day ahead with her or surprise
her with no advance notice, and do the kind of things which
you originally did when you were first courting her, but
which lately you probably have let fall by the wayside. For
example: Buy her a bunch of violets, design a funny card for
her, take her to the kind of show she likes but you don't
ordinarily prefer. Devote yourself to being attentive to her
for that day or evening. Tell her all the things you should
have told her for the past month but haven't: What she still
does better than any other woman alive, how cute that curl
is that won't stay put, how her smile takes your breath away,
how you love the way her eyes light up when she sees you,
and how glad you are that you've got her.
Keeping courtship going
Going out of your way to court your girlfriend or wife on a
special day is fine. But a steady relationship requires a lot
more than that. We can't reasonably expect that you will be
single-mindedly devoted to her every day of the year; for
you won't be, unless there is something most peculiar about
you. Besides, if you were, your everyday work would
probably suffer, and you'd have a hard time making a living!
There are, however, many ways in which you can continue
some aspects of the courtship pattern forever and a day.
Here are some suggestions;
1. Don't try compulsively to adhere to a pattern of behavior
that it is impractical for you to maintain. It is all very well to
call your girl or your wife when you are away on short trips.
But if you call her every night when you are away on long
trips, your telephone bills will tend to become enormous,
and you will soon be forced to stop. Explain to her, in such
cases, that you would very much like to maintain the
original pattern of calling, but that for the economic good of
both of you, you'd better not! Even at the start of a
relationship, if you set the pattern of calling a girl every
night of the week when you don't see her-especially if you
stay on the phone for a full hour or more of delectable
conversation-she soon will find that she has little time to get
the laundry done, shampoo and set her hair, pay her bills,
and maintain her wardrobe, and she may become irritated
with the amount of time you are consuming.
2. The art of seduction, as we have been showing
throughout this book, is largely the art of inducing a girl to
respond warmly to you-of your being the doer and her being
the willing receiver. Consequently, we have kept advising
you how to act in order to get her to respond. Actually, in
order to keep a sex-love relationship going in a topnotch
manner, you also have to learn how to respond well to her. If,
for example, your girl or your wife displays herself to you in
a flimsy nightgown or a revealing negligee, and you respond
indifferently or negatively (as with, "Good God! What are
you doing in that thing? It just doesn't suit you at all!"), you
are not going to encourage her to keep pleasing you. If you
are wise, you will go out of your way to respond positively to
any and all action she may take to please or excite you.
Maybe you do not need any great amount of feedback to
keep sexually and amatively interested in her; but the
chances are that she needs a good deal of it to keep her
ardor for you from flagging. Respond! You will be doing both
her and yourself a lot of good.
Keeping a woman's sex urges alive
Arousing a woman to sexual heights and inducing her to
have intercourse with you in an enjoyable manner is often
quite an art; but keeping her arousable over a long period of
time is even more difficult. Women can easily be sexually
turned off-or, more accurately, unconsciously or consciously
turn themselves off-no matter how great their early
responsiveness may be. Some of the main ways in which you
can keep your girlfriend or your wife sexually alive are as
follows:
1. As we noted above, many women have difficulty getting
orgasm; and even when they do, it may be only occasional
or in a mild and not very pleasurable manner. Even when
you have initially brought your partner to a climax, you
often have to devise methods of continuing to do so.
Varietism, which we discussed earlier in this chapter, often
helps in this regard. What also may help is: (a) persistence;
(b) showing a great deal of love, especially at certain times;
(c) talking your partner out of any remaining inhibitions she
may have; and (d) looking for the special kinds of physical
and mental stimuli which she seems to require.
2. Women who achieve climax without much difficulty
frequently are able to have two, three, four, or more an
evening. Often, these women are not really satisfied with
one; and, as Masters and Johnson have shown, will only be
knocked out and ready for sleep when they have had about
four. If your partner seems to be in this category-which you
can easily determine by a moderate amount of
experimentation-make sure you try to give her the multiple
orgasms that she requires for full gratification. Don't
selfishly get your own orgasm or two and then turn over to
go to sleep, or get up to leave her. Stay, if you humanly can,
until she has her fill.
3. Many women are hung up on the idea that they should be
(a) having orgasms during intercourse and
(b) having them simultaneously with you. Don't be
misguided by this notion! Unfortunately, many of the old sex
books, partly misled by orthodox Freudian formulations,
push the idea to the hilt, and define a woman who does not
have orgasm during intercourse as frigid, even if she can
have several orgasms a night in noncoital ways. Balderdash!
Some of the least frigid women seldom or never have a
climax during penil/evaginal copulation; and some of the
much less highly sexed women often or usually do. So if your
partner believes that she has to reach ecstatic sex peaks
during intercourse, do your best to disabuse her of this idea.
Quote authoritative writings to her on this score (such as the
senior author's The American Sexual Tragedy, Sex Without
Guilt, and The Art and Science of Love and Masters and
Johnson's Human Sexual Response); see that she speaks to
people, particularly other women, who do not hold her
unrealistic views; take her, if necessary, to see an
enlightened marriage counselor, sexologist, or
psychotherapist, who can explain to her that she is being
perfectionist in her sexual demands. Similarly, if your
partner believes that you absolutely, positively should have
simultaneous orgasm if you are to have the "right kind" of
sex relations, do your best to disabuse her of this notion,
and show her how unrealistic it is.
4. Fully accept the fact that not only is the woman in whom
you are most interested different from all other women in
some essential ways, but she is also different from herself
over a period of time. For one thing, she usually changes
sexually (as well as emotionally) in the course of her
menstrual cycle; so that at some points she is very highly
sexed and at other points much less interested in sex
relations. For another thing, she often will have moods,
ailments, environmental stresses, and other influences that
tend to change her sexual and nonsexual responsiveness.
Give these due weight! Don't be surprised if she acts
differently today than she did yesterday or a week ago. Try
to help her over her bad or low moods; and, if that is
impossible; bear with them until she reacts better again.
5. Don't think that you have to be masochistically devoted
to a woman on a long-term basis, so that you always please
and ask little or nothing for yourself. There will be many
times in your relationship when you know perfectly well that
she is not being satisfied in various ways, and when you also
know just what to do to please her, but when you do not feel
like doing so, for one reason or another. You may, for
example, be overfatigued some evenings; or feel physically
below par; or be greatly absorbed in your business or
professional concerns; or be in a strong mood to withdraw
into your own thoughts. As long as these times are not
exceptionally frequent or prolonged, there is no reason why
you cannot honestly let her know that tonight is not your
night, and that you will do your best to satisfy her desires for
sex, companionship, help with problem solving, or whatnot
tomorrow or soon.
If you spoil her by letting her know that you are always
available to gratify her whims, she may take advantage of
your good nature, and may also lose respect for you. Assume
that even if her frustration tolerance is fairly low it is not
nonexistent. She can live happily without everything she
wants at this moment; she doesn't need her every desire
fulfilled.
At times, too, there will be something you will want from her-
sex satisfaction or anything else-that she is not greatly in
the mood to bestow right then; and there is nothing wrong
with your persuading her to make the great sacrifice and
bestow upon you this favor. If you are in general consistently
kind and courteous to her, there is reason to believe that she
will sometimes reward you in return, even when she does
not enthusiastically feel like doing what you want. Don't
arrange to have merely a one-sided give-and not-take
relationship with her. If you do, you may resent her bitterly,
and will very likely wind up with someone else anyway.
6. Although you may refuse your mate various things, as we
have just noted, try to do so in an objective, non-nasty
manner. Relationships can (and do) survive many hasty
words spoken in anger. The scars left by "I hate you," "Go to
hell," "You make me sick," or "You're stupid!" usually heal
with time. But there are certain attitudes which, if even
verbalized once, cannot easily be undone. Here are some
things to avoid:
a. Don't react negatively to any display of passion.
Overtures to have sex may be pleasantly rebuffed, with the
idea that you just cannot very well give in to them right
now, but will be glad to do so a little later. But don't indicate
that the overture is ever disgusting or bad.
b. Don't react with impatience or boredom to helping a
woman to climax that is long or difficult in coming. If you
aren't actually happy to give her a climax (or climaxes)
whenever or wherever she wants them, at least act like you
are pleased!
c. Don't react negatively to menstrual blood. Many
experienced women are most passionate during
menstruation, particularly after the first day has passed; and
if you show them that you can't stand their menstrual flow,
you turn them off and discourage them generally. If your
partner washes her genitals before having sex, and
sometimes temporarily blocks off her menstrual flow with a
diaphragm, you should get virtually none of it on your
pristine body. And if you are revolted by mild contact with
menstrual blood, that is your problem, and you should try to
do something, perhaps with the help of a psychotherapist,
about it.
7. Rarely say "No" to your partner's request for sex.
Occasionally, you may really be too tired, too sick, or too
something else to have any form of sex activity, for example,
if you are hospitalized, have flu and fever of 102 degrees,
have broken your leg within the last three days, or are
actively vomiting with a case of ptomaine poisoning. But not
otherwise! This does not mean that you always must be
ready for intercourse; frequently you may be unable to get
an erection or even to go through copulating movements for
a protracted period of time. But you can still go through
most kinds of noncoital acts no matter how tired or
unexcited you are. Pet her manually to a climax; or, if your
arm muscles refuse to function and your fingers are
blistered, pet her orally. And if your tongue gets tired, don't
forget you have a big toe!
There are two good reasons why you should rarely say "No"
to your partner. First, over the whole span of your
relationship it is likely that you will want sex more often than
she will; and if you refuse her when you are not exactly in
the mood, she will have many more opportunities to return
your deed in (un)kind. Second, if she really has more sexual
desire than you, either temporarily or on a more permanent
basis, you would be acting lovingly and kindly if you
deferred to her greater desire. In any love relationship, the
individual who requires the most food, sleep, sex, or what
you will, and who would be more hurt by lack of it, is
generally favored over the less desiring member of the pair.
Few things enhance, nurture, and cause love to grow and
prosper as much as your unstinting and unswerving
determination to satisfy your partner's sexual-emotional
wants.
8. Don't think that you have to refuse to copulate with your
mate just because you have little desire or interest in sex at
any given time. Although you can, at such times, satisfy her
in various manual or oral ways, you can also frequently use
your penis successfully even when you are desireless. How?
In these ways: a. Your girlfriend or wife can frequently arouse
you sexually, in spite of your lack of desire. If you have
already had one orgasm and don't feel like having any more,
allow her to stimulate your penis with her hands, mouth, or
other part of her body, and you may be surprised how often
it will become erect. Moreover, an erection achieved at such
times may last much longer than one that is more
spontaneous, since it leaves you quite capable of copulation
and yet not impelled toward having a rapid orgasm. b. If you
are a healthy male, you probably will have morning
erections from time to time. These arise spontaneously, and
seem to be correlated with rapid-eye movement dreams.
They are sometimes exciting, but sometimes they are not.
Whether they are or not, you can frequently use them for
copulatory purposes, assuming that your partner is sexually
raring to go at that early hour. c. In many instances it is
possible to introduce your limp penis into your partner's
vagina and to obtain enough of an erection to copulate.
After you have had a full erection and orgasm, you can
frequently continue intercourse with a flaccid organ,
particularly if you clasp your partner's buttocks with one
hand and hold her hips firmly to your body. But even with no
erection whatever you may be able to have coitus; and
sometimes in the course of such coitus, you will become
aroused and will actually achieve a completely erect state.
To achieve intercourse with a flaccid penis, you should first
see that your girl's genital region is quite moist, either from
her own natural secretions or with your saliva or with
lubricants such as K-Y Jelly. Place her on her right side, but
slightly more on her back than her side. Have her draw her
right leg up toward her breast, while it lies flat on the bed.
Get between her legs, rest on your left side and elbow, and
place your waist across her right thigh, so that your hip bone
is beneath and touching her leg.
By moving her left leg with your right hand, you can control
the angle of opening of her legs and the angle her hips
make with the bed, and the total bend of her body. With a
little experimentation, you can find a position that is restful
and relaxed to both of you and which puts her vaginal
orifice, wide open, beneath your penis. Her left leg will be
the most unrelaxed part of her, and you can support it in a
variety of positions: on your shoulder, in the crook of your
elbow, with your hand, or balanced in a vertical position.
By placing your left loin against the under side of her right
thigh, you can so roll your penis up to her vaginal opening
that by using your fingers as a "shoe horn" you can force
your perfectly limp penis into her vagina. It sort of "pops" in
like a grape forced into a narrow neck of a bottle. Once in,
slow, careful movements will often produce enough of an
erection to permit you to copulate. You can also achieve this
kind of intercourse when you lie on top of your partner, or
use other positions where her vaginal opening is wide and
you "shoe horn" your limp penis into it. You may never get
more than slightly erect during the whole
process, but this is frequently enough to be climax-
producing to your partner.

FINALE

We have tried in this book to give you a good idea of how

you can successfully engage in modified seduction with a
woman of your choice. This means inducing her to have
complete sex relations with you, even though at the
beginning she is reluctant, for one reason or another, to do
so. More importantly, it means persuading her with
adequate psychological and physical skill, so that she ends
up by wanting very much to have sex, and by enjoying it
immensely with you, and so that she looks forward to having
relations with you (and possibly with other males) in the
future. Your goal in modified seduction, then, is honestly
selfish or self-interested; but you employ a sane, long-
ranging, enlightened self-interest that includes a high
degree of social interest.
For what is sexually good for others, and particularly for
women with whom you come in contact, will usually be good
for you as well, and will generally and specifically aid your
own sex-love life. The more sex knowledge you help to
promulgate among your fellowmen and fellow-women, the
better reverberations there will tend to be on your own
enjoyments. Be, if you wish, a short-range hedonist, who is
only interested in your own sex pleasure and who avoids any
loving relationships; if this is your won't, you are not a
criminal or a louse. But you will be selling yourself short and
missing some of the greatest experiences that life can offer
you. If, on the other hand, you are a long-range hedonist,
who is interested in your satisfactions of today and
tomorrow, and who strives for sexual and amative fulfillment
for yourself and your girlfriend or wife, you will tend to reap
much greater rewards. We have tried to give you the
knowledge and the techniques. The choice is yours!

SUGGESTED READING

All contemporary books on psychology and sexual

relationships are to be read skeptically, with allowances for
the bias of their authors, since our knowledge of these fields
is still slight and there is much prejudice that goes by the
name of science. If, however, you read fairly widely in these
fields and cover several different points of view, you may
make your own useful synthesis and help yourself
considerably. Here are some books which you can try.
Beigel, Hugo. Sex from A to Z. New York: Ungar, 1962.
Benjamin, Harry, and Masters, R. E. L. Prostitution and
morality. New York: Julian, 1964.
Berg, Louis, and Street, Robert. Sex: methods and manners.
New York: McBride, 1953; New York: Macfadden, 1961.
Brown, Fred, and Kempton, Rudolf T. Sex questions and
answers. New York: McGraw-Hill, 1960.
Clark, LeMon. Sex and you. Indianapolis: Bobbs-Merrill,
1949.
Cory, Donald Webster. The homosexual in America.
New York: Paperback Library, 1963.
Edwardes, Allen, and Masters, R. E. L. The cradle of erotica.
New York: Julian, 1962.
Ehrmann, Winston W. Premarital dating behavior. New York:
Holt, 1960.
Ellis, Albert. The American sexual tragedy. New York: Lyle
Stuart, 1962. New York: Grove Press, 1963.
Ellis, Albert. Reason and emotion in psychotherapy. New
York: Lyle Stuart, 1962.
Ellis, Albert. Sex and the single man. New York: Lyle Stuart,
1963. New York: Dell Books, 1966.
Ellis, Albert. The intelligent woman's guide to man hunting.
New York: Lyle Stuart, 1963. New York: Dell Books, 1966.
Ellis, Albert. If this be sexual heresy....New York: Lyle Stuart,
1963. New York: Tower Publications, 1966.
Ellis, Albert. The case for sexual liberty. Tucson: Seymour
Press, 1965.
Ellis, Albert. Homosexuality: its causes and cure. New York:
Lyle Stuart, 1965.
Ellis, Albert. Sex without guilt. New York: Lyle Stuart and
Grove Press, 1966.
Ellis, Albert. The art and science of love. New York: Lyle
Stuart and Dell Books, 1967.
Ellis, Albert, and Abarbanel, Albert (eds.) The encyclopedia
of sexual behavior. New York: Hawthorn Books, 1967.
Ellis, Albert, and Harper, Robert A. A guide to rational living.
Englewood Cliffs, N. J.: Prentice-Hall, 1961. Hollywood:
Wilshire Books, 1967.
Ellis, Albert, and Harper, Robert A. Creative marriage. New
York: Lyle Stuart, 1961. Paperback edition, retitled The
marriage bed. New York: Tower Publications, 1966.
Ellis, Albert, and Sagarin, Edward. Nymphomania: a study of
the oversexed woman. New York: Gilbert Press-Julian
Messner, 1964. New York: Maofadden, 1965.
Ellis, Havelock. Studies in the psychology of sex. New York:
Random House, 1940.
Ford, C. S., and Beach, Frank A. Patterns of sexual behavior.
New York: Harper, 1951.
Freud, Sigmund. Collected papers. New York: Colher Books,
1963.
Fromm, Erich. The art of loving. New York: Harper, 1956.
Guttmacher, Alan F., with Best, Winfield, and Jaffe, Frederick
S. The complete book of birth control. New York: Ballantine,
1961.
Guyon, Rene. The ethics of sexual acts. New York: Knopf,
1934.
Guyon, Rene. A case for sexual freedom. Hollywood: France
International Publications, 1963.
Hegeler, Inge, and Hegeler, Sten. An ABZ of love. New York:
Medical Press, 1963.
Hirsch, Edwin W. The power to love. New York: Pyramid,
1962.
Howarth, Vyvyan. Secret techniques of erotic delight. New
York: Lyle Stuart, 1967.
Kelly, G. Lombard. Sexual feeling in married men and
women. New York: Permabooks, 1961.
Kinsey, Alfred C., and others. Sexual behavior in the human
female. Philadelphia: Saunders, 1953. New York: Pocket
Books, 1966.
Kirkendall, Lester A. Premarital intercourse and interpersonal
relationships. New York: Julian, 1961.
Kronhausen, Phyllis, and Kronhausen, Eberhard. The
sexually responsive woman. New York: Grove Press, 1964.
Legman, Gershon (under the pseudonym of Roger Maxe de
la Glannege). Oragenitalism: an encyclopedic outline of oral
technique in genital excitation. Part I: Cunnilinctus. Privately
printed, 1940.
Lipton, Lawrence. The erotic revolution. Los Angeles:
Sherbourne, 1965.
Masters, William H., and Johnson, Virginia E. Human sexual
response. Boston: Little Brown, 1966.
Nefzawi, Mohammed al. Perfumed garden. New York: Medical
Press, 1964.
Reich, Wilhelm. The sexual revolution. New York: Noonday,
1962.
Rubin, Isadore. Sexual life after sixty. New York: Basic Books,
1965.
Street, Robert. Modern sex technique. New York: Archer
House, 1959.
Taylor, G. Rattray. Sex in history. New York: Ballantine, 1962.
Vatsyayana. The kama sutra. New York: Medical Press, 1964.
Young, Wayland. Eros denied. New York: Grove Press, 1964.
Albert Ellis was born in Pittsburgh and grew up in New York
City. He holds a bachelor's degree from the City College of
New York; and M.A. and Ph.D. degrees in Clinical Psychology
from Columbia University. He has taught at Rutgers
University and New York University; has been Chief
Psychologist of the New Jersey State Diagnostic Center and
later Chief Psychologist of the New Jersey Department of
Institutions and Agencies; was a Consultant in Clinical
Psychology to the Veterans Administration; is Executive
Director of the Institute for Rational Living, Inc.; and for the
last twenty-five years has been in the private practice of
psychotherapy and marriage and family counseling in New
York City.
Dr. Ellis is a Fellow of the American Psychological
Association, and has been President of its Division of
Consulting Psychology and a Member of its Council of
Representatives. He is a Fellow (and past President) of the
Society for the Scientific Study of Sex; and a Fellow of the
American Association of Marriage Counselors, the American
Orthopsychiatric Association, the American Sociological
Association, the American Association for Applied
Anthropology, and the American Association for the
Advancement of Science. He has been Vice-President of the
American Academy of Psychotherapists; Chairman of the
Marriage Counseling Section of the National Council on
Family Relations; and a member of the Executive Committee
of the American Association of Marriage Counselors,
Psychologists in Private Practice, Psychologists Interested in
the Advancement of Psychotherapy, and the New York
Society of Clinical Psychologists. He has served as Associate
Editor of the Journal of Marriage and the Family, the
International Journal of Sexology, Existential Psychiatry, the
Journal of Sex Research, Rational Living, and Voices: The Art
and Science of Psychotherapy.
Dr. Ellis has published over two hundred and fifty papers in
psychological, psychiatric, and sociological journals,
periodicals, and anthologies. He has authored or edited
twenty-six books and monographs, including THE FOLKLORE
OF SEX, THE AMERICAN SEXUAL TRAGEDY, SEX WITHOUT
GUILT, HOW TO LIVE WITH A NEUROTIC, THE ART AND
SCIENCE OF LOVE, THE ENCYCLOPEDIA OF SEXUAL
BEHAVIOR, CREATIVE MARRIAGE, A GUIDE TO RATIONAL
LIVING, REASON AND EMOTION IN PSYCHO/THERAPY, SEX
AND THE SINGLE MAN, THE INTELLIGENT WOMAN'S GUIDE
TO MAN-HUNTING, THE CASE FOR SEXUAL LIBERTY,
HOMOSEXUALITY: ITS CAUSES AND CURE, and HOW TO
PREVENT YOUR CHILD FROM BECOMING A NEUROTIC ADULT.
Roger Conway is a pseudonym for a marriage counselor in a
small conservative southern town. He is the father of two
dating and as yet unmarried children, for whom parts of this
book were originally written, and thinks it wise to preserve
his anonymity because, in the area of cross-burning zealots
in which he resides and works, the members of his family
might suffer if his authorship of a book with liberal sex views
became known. He has devoted himself to various kinds of
teaching, on an individual and group basis, in the past, and
is now interested in spreading the tenets of rational-emotive
counseling and psychotherapy, which he has used to his
great personal advantage, to a wide audience. He is working
on a sequel to the present book and hopes, through reader
reaction to this volume, to get some material for the sequel.
So any readers of THE ART OF EROTIC SEDUCTION who have
salient comments and suggestions to make are welcome to
send them to Roger O. Conway, the Institute for Rational
Living, Inc., 45 East 65 Street, New York, N.Y. 10021.
THE END