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    Once Upon A Time

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    jason.augustine.spam

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    Once Upon A Time

    Uploaded by

    jason.augustine.spam
    11 views9 pages

    Original Title

    Once Upon a Time

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    Copyright:

    © All Rights Reserved
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    11 views9 pages

    Once Upon A Time

    Uploaded by

    jason.augustine.spam

    Copyright:

    © All Rights Reserved
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    You are on page 1of 9

    THE GREATEST STORY

    EVER WRITTEN
    (BY TWO BORED PEOPLE PLAYING A GAME DURING SPANISH CLASS IN BSS MAHIM)

    JASON AUGUSTINE & VIKRAM UNNIKRISHNAN


    Foreword
    No matter how awful your life gets, whether you succeed or
    fail, remember that you will always have created a
    masterpiece. If you die tomorrow, you will die having put
    something real, however stupid and nonsensical, out into
    the world. With your signature, you will be preserved in the
    pages of history forever.

    _____________________ ______________________
    Author 1 Author 2
    Reviews
    “Truly, one of the stories ever written”
    - Some Guy on Reddit
    “Wow. Wow Wow Wow”
    - Ryan George
    “This short story is a whimsical masterpiece, delightfully rich in absurdist humour and
    imaginative flair. Centered around the character Zem, or rather a multitude of Zems, the narrative
    unfolds with a comedic exploration of identity confusion, deftly employing repetition and
    unexpected twists.
    The characters, all variations of Zem, navigate a chaotic world where names and identities
    hilariously intermingle. The author’s playful prose is a marvel of linguistic inventiveness, weaving
    a tapestry of surreal humour and satirical commentary.
    The climax, involving the forbidden word and the ensuing improbable chaos, showcases the
    author's skill in blending complex ideas with humour. The epilogue, featuring Arthur Dent’s
    whimsical lecture to a door, adds a perfect touch of absurdity, rounding off a narrative that
    embraces the joy of the nonsensical.
    In sum, this story is a delightful romp through a fantastical universe, celebrating the power of
    imaginative storytelling and leaving the reader both amused and enchanted.”

    - Chat Gpt

    “Moo. Moo moo moo. Moo moo . Moo moo moo moo moo moo moo
    moo. Moo moo moo moo. Mooooooooooooooooo. Moo.”
    - The cow from the ranch on the outskirts of Melbourne, Australia
    Warning
    The following text contains scenes so graphically obscene and
    words so offensive, the typists of this text will spend the rest of
    their lives in church and have been given help by the cheapest
    therapists the publisher could afford. Rest assured, they are
    not doing well . The following text must be kept out of the
    hands of children, dogs, kittens, koala bears, otters becoming
    friends, and chubby asian babies smiling in order to preserve
    what all that is good and kind about this word. In an effort to
    reduce the damage inflicted, the authors have graciously
    deigned to include the entirety of the worst obscenity, and have
    opted to censor it , lest the book be sucked into an
    Improbability Drive of a spaceship piloted by a depressed robot
    and a two- headed lunatic. But the odds of that happening are
    infinitesimally small. The ominously-unnamed obscenity can
    be viewed in its entirety in the Ultra-Complete Maximegalon
    Dictionary of Every Language Ever, but do so at your own risk.
    Better men and mattresses have tried, and paid for it.
    Disclaimer
    The following story is a work of fiction (kind of). Unless
    otherwise indicated , all the Zems in this book are either the
    product of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious
    manner. They bear no resemblance to the actual Zems residing
    on Squornshellous Zeta, and any resemblance to Zems, living
    or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
    Index

    Reviews........................................................................................................................................ 3
    Warning........................................................................................................................................ 5
    Index............................................................................................................................................. 7
    Chapter 1...................................................................................................................................... 8
    Epilogue......................................................................................................................................10
    Chapter 1

    here was once a Squornshellous mattress. Its name was Zem. It had a friend

    named Zem. It had a daddy mattress and a mama mattress named Zem ad Zem. It also

    had a brother and sister mattress named Zem and Zem. Zem died, but no one was sad

    because they didn’t know who it was. This saved some time. The next day Zem won the

    prize for most squishy mattress, but everyone was confused ,because they thought Zem

    had died the previous day. Eventually they gave the prize to Zem, but this caused a

    great uproar amongst Zem, Zem, Zem, Zem, Zem, and even Zem as they all thought

    they were going to win. Eventually Zem managed to calm them down, until Zem

    intervened and randomly professed his love for Ze,. A hundred Zem’s in the crowd

    fainted, and Zem started volluing about what it had got itself into.

    So, the Zem committee decided that it was time that they changed everyones

    name to something other than Zem. The most skilled Zems were hired to vollue new

    names other than Zem. These were some of the names - Emz, Ezm, Mez, Zme, Mze,

    and Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Zem was given the Zem intelligence Award for

    discovering 17 new letters in the name Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, but this

    pavelled Zem as Zem had stolen the name Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious from Zem,

    but that didn’t end up mattering as the award ended up being given to Zem instead.

    Zem was so enraged that Zem quit the Zem committee, which sent Zem, Zem, and Zem
    into a panic, aggravated by the fact that before quitting, Zem had used the unspeakable,

    unwritable word (because there weren’t enough letters), Belgi*um (pronounced

    bell-ji-im). For the proper definition, consult the Ultra-Complete Maximegalon

    Dictionary of Every Language ever, the only place in the world where the word

    B*lguim is written with all its letters. Anyways, the use of this word was so highly

    improbable that Squornshellous Zeta got sucked by the Improbability Drive in the

    Heart of Gold into Arthur Dent’s teacup where it was drunk up in one massive gulp.
    Epilogue

    rthur then proceeded to fascinate the nearest door with the

    Complete History of Biscuits.

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