IT WAS FORCED MARRIAGE

ZIKHONA LYLA WILLIAMS

PART 1

It was a Tuesday afternoon me and my best friend(Mihlali) were coming back from
school she was doing the talking I had no energy in me hunger was striking me and
my plastic bag kept tearing apart because of the weight of my school books. I was
thinking about my life, my home will I even get food when I get there cause I didn’t
get any this morning. I am labeled as the black sheep of the family I would have
understood if I was hated for my father’s sins but Sam and I have the same father
and he’s not mistreated. Mihlali brought me back to earth.
Her:Are you okay?
Me:Yeah
Her:Talk to me hle what’s bothering you?
Me:Nothing
Her:We’ve been friends since grade 3 so I know you are lying to me
Me:I’ll tell you when I’m ready
Her:Okay I love you
Me:Love you too *smiles*
Her:I missed that smile
Me:Mxm
We hugged and bid each other goodbyes and went our separate ways, my mind
went back to square one as I was passing people who were looking at me some
were even laughing you would also laugh I mean who wouldn’t a grade 11 learner
carrying a plastic bag, with dirty hair you could see my toes my school shoes were
broken/open in the front and I wasn’t wearing any socks because I didn’t have any,
there was I walking with my head held up high while I was suffocating myself with the
small shirt I was wearing under my colorful jersey. I’m not complaining other people’s
situations are more painful than mine but I didn’t deserve all of that no one does as I
was walking I felt someone hugging me from behind.
Voice:My one and only beautiful sister *He was whispering in my ear*
Me:You know that’s not true
He walked next to me and held my hand.
Him:Come on Lwa you are beautiful, so how was school?
Me:Same old
Him:Aren’t you gonna ask me?
Me:Sam I’m tired, hungry and I’m carrying a plastic that keeps on tearing so mind me
for not wanting small talks.
He pulled me in for a hug I cried in his embrace I couldn’t hold it he was brushing my
back telling me everything is gonna be fine but will it ever be? maybe I’m weak or
just being too girly for crying but I just couldn’t hold it, it was too much.
Same calm me down and we walked in silent, a blue car was parked outside our
house we looked at each other then both shrugged our shoulders at the same time.
Him:Haha you such a copy cat
Me:Haha and you a copy dog
Him:Finally she laughs I love you sis
Me:Love you too bro
We went in the house and mom was sitting with a fat dark skinned man probably in
his late 40s or early 50s. They were laughing like nobody’s business well mom was
laughing harder I guess it’s her new man.
Us:Afternoon
Mom:Afternoon baby
Baby? baby not babies, oh yeah meant for Sam even though I was used to it, it was
still painful. The man just nodded
Mom:(pointing at me) You go change and come back here.
I went to the room changed into a dress I was wearing from the two previous days I
can’t change everyday because the soap is not enough to wash my clothes that’s my
mother’s words, I went back to them Sam was still there.
Mom:This is Xola
Us:Hello bhut’Xola
Mom:Not bhut’Xola to you Lwandle
I looked down and played with my hands listening to my stomach groaning oh how I
miss the taste of food in my mouth even a small portion would mean more than you
can ever imagine water is what made me full on those hunger days but food had its
own place. Mom disturbed my thought land.
Mom:This is your husband and you are leaving with him tonight.
Sam and I:WHAT?!!!
Mom:Voetsek Lwandle! Don’t you ever raise your voice on me!
Sam:You can’t do that!
Her:I can baby think about the money we won’t suffer again and it will be minus one
problem.
Him:No!!
I couldn’t utter a word tears were streaming down my cheeks is this woman my
mother? What kind of person is she?
Her:She’s a good for nothing little trash Sam we don’t need her, this idiot must leave
my house.
I went down on my knees placing my hands in front of my chest to show that I’m
begging as I was crying out loud Sam also kneeled next to me also begging the man
not to take me, we were both in tears. The man was old enough to be my father I’ve
never had a boyfriend but here was I having a husband, maybe my life is gonna be
better if I leave with him I mean he has a car so I will be living a better and wealthy
life but that wasn’t me I’m not like that he was probably gonna use me for sex only. I
was crying like there’s no tomorrow and my brother was helping me, the old man
pulled me in for a hug I tried to get out of his embrace but he was too strong for me
he was brushing my back.
Him:Sssshhh it’s okay it’s okay princess I won’t take you hush baby hush now.
PART 2

April 3, 2016| visionarywritings|

The man really didn’t take me with him and we (Sam and I) were grateful but mom
on the other hand was furious I didn’t understand her why so much hate towards her
own blood. I got my punishment after cleaning the whole house but this time around
Sam was also kicked out, he kept on telling me everything was gonna be fine but at
that moment I didn’t believe any of that. As I was concentrating on the pains on my
body from mom’s beating Sam was brushing my back my head placed on his lap his
sweet melody making me sleepy I didn’t know the exact time but it was the early
hours the door opened mom stood there.
Her:Samkelo
He looked at her without uttering a word
Her:You see what you made me do I couldn’t sleep a wink knowing that you’re
sleeping outside I hope you learned your lesson.
Him:I would do it again if I had to
Her:You little slut what did you give my son?! He is your brother for heavens sake!!
Me:I didn’t gi-
Her:Shut up!!
Sam:Don’t talk to her like that!
Her:You will pay for this Lwandle you making my son chose you over me your day is
coming you good for nothing trash.
Sam pulled me in the house by my arm to his room, I shared a room with the little
ones around them you’d swear I’m the little one the words they use towards me . I
was voiceless at home nothing I said mattered, I didn’t know new clothes or shoes I
always got hand outs sometimes they (big sisters) will tear them a bit before giving
me I didn’t tell Sam everything because I didn’t want him to fight with his sisters
because of a “slut” I’m sure even a street kid’s life was better than mine.
Sam:Lwandle’elihle
Me:I should have left with that man
Him:Are you crazy!
Me:At least my life won’t be like this Sam look at me take a good look at me Sam
mom is right I’m a trash good for nothing, the ugly ducky I have nothing absolute
nothing. I wish I was never born why do people hate me this much? What did I do
wrong?
Him:Hey hey you did nothing, you are not ugly Lwandle you the most beautiful chick
I know don’t wish that you have me the whole of me I would even die for you sis. I
love you okay now wipe those tears and get into bed we need to rest.
Me:I need to prepa-
Him:No you won’t do that
Me:Mom-
Him:I will deal with her now come.
I wiped my tears and got in next to him, the warmth of his blankets made the back of
my head hair rise. It was like I didn’t have any parents it was only me and Sam,
brother got my back but it got him into trouble to and I didn’t want that. I slept like a
new born baby it was like I was in heaven I don’t remember the last time I slept like
that, it was foreign to me the feeling was out of this world think about it I was over joy
because of sleep because of warm blankets, because I slept on a bed and not on the
floor, because I had a pillow and didn’t have to use my arm to rest my head, because
I wasn’t disturbed during my sleeping session oh how I wish that would be a every
day’s thing I’m sure my soul would be rich just by that. I woke up and it was quiet
around the house I took a bath with water only no soap they hide it from me I also
didn’t know why I got done and dressed Sam was watching tv it was clean so I had
nothing to do we both didn’t go to school I joined him.
Me:Hey
Him:I cooked go take your food
Me:You should have woken me up you know that’s my job
Him:That’s not your job go
Me:I can’t eat that food even though I’m starving I can’t what will ma say.
Him:Do you see her around? I feel like slapping you right through your face so that
you can wake up and stop obeying everyone! Now go take your food and eat it
before I feed you.
I did as I was told you should have seen the way I was eating I was shoving
everything you know those drug-users-street-kid people how quickly and fast they
eat I was like them but I wasn’t on drugs and I wasn’t on the streets but I ate like
them not because I could help it but because of the lack of food. Sam was looking at
me with pity eyes the whole time I finished eating washed my plate and drank a
glass of water.
Him:I’m gonna go look for a job so that you may have a better life
Me:No Samkelo you can’t do that you’re almost done
Him:But I don’t like the way you’re being treated I hate it Lwa
Me:I’ll survive Sam just promise me you won’t quit school.
Him:Uhm…
Me:Sam promise
Him:Okay I promise I won’t
Me:Thank you
I gave him a tight hug then we went to sit down, I couldn’t let Sam quit school
because of me noo!! I love him way too much to let him throw away his future
because of a piece of trash. He made me laugh throughout the day he was doing his
job of being a big brother and I loved him for that.
Weeks went by everything was normal well to me it was normal the cursing,
beating,no-food day all my punishments were normal to me because that’s how I
was raised but throughout all those ordeals Sam still had my back. So on this day
mom told not to go to school so I did my chores she later on told me to go take a
bath and this time around the soap was there I did the hygiene process she gave me
the lotions everything was just weird I got done my sisters came in.
Phumeza:You know you are so lucky it was suppose to be us not you
Sindiswa:Worse you are the most ugly person I know
They laughed and continued with their insults I didn’t utter a word all I had to do was
just blink and my tears would fall out.
PART 3

Sat there with them listening to their insults I was hurt but not that hurt cause I was
used to it you know when someone keeps repeating something to you, you end up
believing them so yeah I believed every word they told from how ugly am I to I
shouldn’t be alive. If I shouldn’t be alive why did she keep me in the first place? I
mean she had the chance to abort me but she chose to keep me to torture me for my
unknown sins. Mom stormed in the room she looked at me with a disgusted face that
was not tough love that was pure hatred.
Her:Come!
She was whispering in loudness if you know what I mean. I got up and pulled that
tight dress down cause it was too short for me I felt like a prostitute those things
were just not me. I went to her she grabbed me roughly and pulled that dress up, she
took my hand went to the lounge a men and women were seated there they looked
old in they’re 60s or so, they both looked at me as I was pulling my dress down mom
gave me a death stare.
Her:Here she is
Women:Hello
Me:Hi
Men:Let’s get this over an done with I have a meeting in an hour.
He said that looking at his expensive watch, I sat down I was soo uncomfortable that
I kept on pulling my dress down I even wiped that lipstick I could see mom boiling.
Women:Papa she’s perfect
Man:Yes she is but did you have to dress her in things she doesn’t like I mean we
can even see she’s not comfortable with these things.
Mom:I’m sure sir
Women:Okay so how much?
Me:What’s going on?
Mom:Sshhh stop being disrespectful in front of your in laws
Me:In-laws?! I don’t want a husband mom please don’t do this I beg of you please.
Now tears were just streaming down I kept on begging them but they didn’t care
even that couple didn’t feel anything towards me and Sam wasn’t around. I begged
and begged but nothing I was crying my heart out but no one seemed to care I cause
this is it I’m getting married like or not. I got up so that I can run away but the man
grabbed me before I could.
Him:Don’t even think about it.
His voice was so deep and threatening I become scared that moment I continued
with my crying my life is OVER I might as well just die I thought to myself the woman
brought me back to earth.
Her:We are living now let’s go
Me:Please I don’t wanna go
Man:She wasn’t asking
Mom:Yeah take Lwandle get out of my house.
Me:Why do you hate me so much? What did I do to you people? I’ve been nothing
but a good girl all my life I don’t deserve any of this m-
Mom:Shut the fuck up and get out of my house!!
Man:Let’s go now!
Me:Can I at least change.
The women nodded I went back to the room took of those clothes and wore a long
dress, I hadn’t stop crying I took a pen and paper I wrote Sam a letter “Dear Samkelo
I guess this is goodbye I will miss you. I don’t know where I’m going but what I know
is that I’ll be getting married. You’ve been nothing but good to me thank you for all
those years where you had my back, where you would sacrifice for me Sam we both
know my life was hell mom never loved me. I want you to move on with your life
pretend like I wasn’t there, I’ll never stop loving you Sam you are my no1. We have
so many memories together many were outside in the cold but I learned something
from them. Don’t feel guilty because you weren’t there to stop them maybe I’ll never
see you again so I’ll take one of your hoodies to remember you by it. You will have a
smooth and fruitful life now no worries about me being punished and the will be
money in the house. Please keep your promise I wish dad was around maybe just
maybe I wouldn’t be getting married at 17. Goodbye Samkelo and good luck with life.
I will always love you
Yours truly Lwandle”
I quickly went to his room put it under his pillow, maybe where I’m going I’ll also have
a pillow, have food everyday but then again I’ll be a sex machine. I could hear mom
calling me swearing if I don’t there now hell will break lose. I went to them my
siblings were all smileys we went out, my heart was in pieces Sam was there I didn’t
get the chance to say goodbye to him. We entered the car my “family” started
dancing they were rejoicing I just didn’t understand those people. The men drove it
was quiet I was crying in silent I didn’t know where I was going. The pain I was
feeling was just too much no goodbye to the people I love my best friend this is it I
guess.
Women:We’ll start at the mall to buy her new clothes.
Men:I’ll drop you off
Women:Okay Makoti stop crying man
That word gave me goose bumps I’m only 17 for heavens sake.
Women:You can call us mom and dad ok
I nodded I didn’t trust voice it was just too much, “dad” dropped us at mall it was my
first time at a mall there were soo many people. The shock was written all over my
face, I mean there were also restaurants inside the mall that’s how shocked I was, I
was looking around like a 5 year old, “mom” took me to the salon these things were
all new to me, I was embarrassed cause my hair was steel wool they made my hair
from there we went shopping I was fitting some clothes I started crying.
Her:Hey come on
Me:it’s my first time in new clothes.
She gave me a hug she was nice it was an awesome experience for we bought so
many clothes for me it was too many but it was only 7 bags 1 bag was too she said
we’ll come back again. We took a cab to this huge house to was really big and
beautiful I used to see those houses in magazines only but there I was. We went in I
almost fainted it was more than beautiful I was even shaking my palms were
sweating like never before.
Mom:Neo! Neo!
A guy came running he looked at me like “who the fuck is this”
Mom:Neo meet Lwandle
Him:I’m never introduced to new staff cause I don’t wanna know them remember
Mom:She is not staff
Him:Whatever she is I don’t give a damn He was looking at his phone the whole time
I wasn’t even a little hurt why would I, I don’t even know the guy.
PART 4

The Neo guy was good looking but he didn’t fantasies me actually nothing did, I
mean I was just sold a couple of hours ago. I stood there thinking about my life
hurt/pain was an understatement if only I could run away from the pain and hide until
it’s gone I would, I missed my family crazy I know but I was used to them I was used
to everything they did to me and I’m sure they were still celebrating I wondered how
Sam was doing. Tears found their way out of my eyes down my cheeks without my
permission I didn’t even know these people’s names
Neo:Drama queen
Ma:Neo! What’s wrong Lwa?
I looked at her in disbelief is she for real they just bought me for heavens! This is
pure human trafficking! I just stared at her no words were coming out.
Neo:Good Lord mother where did you find this idiot? Oh have you seen my tablet?
Ma:Manners boy and ask one of the ladies
Him:You mean helpers, isn’t she suppose to be with the others?
Ma:Neo man!
Him:Argh whatever, where are these maids when you need them Maid!! Servant!!
A woman came running she was wearing a black and white uniform so she must be
the helper she looked so motherly and well mannered her head was bend down.
Her:Yes sir
Him:I can’t find my tablet
He didn’t even look for it he was standing there the whole time busy with his phone
which looked expensive it was gold in colour. My eyes played around the room and
there was his tablet right behind him I knew it was his because it was written NEO at
the back
Me:It’s…It’s be..behind you
He looked up at me with disgust written all over his face like he was ready to puke or
something was smelly.
Him:I don’t remember asking you and you where’s my tab?
Ma:Her name is Grace
Him:Didn’t ask and don’t wanna know so Gladys where’s my tab?
Grace:It’s behind you sir
Him:Than get it for me! Do your freaken job women!
Ma:Neo!
Grace quickly got it and handed it to him he grabbed it and clicked his tongue didn’t
even say thanks he walked away while his mother was still talking to him. My mom
would have beaten me like there’s no tomorrow but that’s my mother a woman with
no heart whom is deep and dark with no emotions towards her own.
Ma:Grace please escort Lwandle to her room and make sure she rest
Grace:Yes mam She took the shopping bags from me and lead the way I was
following behind her while my eyes were playing around the house was out of this
world but I didn’t care about that I wanted out I don’t care even if I go back to my
mom it will be better than getting married at 17 with a total stranger. We entered this
huge bedroom everything was huge for me I wasn’t used to any of these things,
tears fell out.
Grace:Hey hey
She gave me a hug
Me:You know I should be grateful they’re giving me a bed, bought me new clothes I
didn’t have any of this where I’m from but my heart-….I can’t
Her:Sshhh come sit down*We sat down* I’m sorry for whatever you’ve been through
but look around you’re about to have a beautiful life. I would love to chat with you but
I have to go back to work and mam said you must rest.
Me:Uhm ok
She quickly went out closing the door I looked around the room it was okay. I found
myself holding Sam’s hoodie sobbing I was hugging it hoping it would be him, the
guy who had my back all these horrible years but now I had to stand on my own no
one is gonna hold my hand now I’m all alone I guess it was meant to be that way. I
crawled into the most comfortable bed ever for once I had my own personal space
and pillow for how long? I drifted off to the land of sleep, I was woken up by this
other lady.
Her:it’s dinner time
Me:Dinner?
Her:Yes dinner
Me:Dinner
Her:Uhm are you okay?
Me:Huh?
Her:Yoh! Must I ca-
Me:Oh no I’m okay
She looked at me shook her head as she was going out as soon as she was out my
mind immediately drifted to the word DINNER oh my word I was gonna get food it’s
crazy but if you were in my situation you would also be excited just by the food I
quickly got ready then went down Neo’s parents were already seated around this
long table.
Me:Evening
They both nodded as they were still moving they’re jaws enjoying the food my mouth
got watery immediately I was swallowing my saliva.
Ma:Before sitting please get Neo
Me:Uhm ok
Ma:4th door on your left
I went upstairs I don’t why me cause I was woken up by the helpers why can’t he
also be called by the helpers the guy is rude for heavens sake, I got to his door and
knocked.
Him:Go away whoever you are!!
He was shouting the door was still closed I knocked again the door opened.
Him:WTF which part of go away don’t you get
Me:Your mom is calling you dinner is ready
Him:Mxm
Slammed the door right in my face I turned around and slowly walked back to the
dinning room.
Me:He doesn’t want to come
The man took out his phone irritation was written on his face he called someone.
Him:Get your ass right here NOW!!
He dropped the call I didn’t touch my food I didn’t know how to use fork and knife,
Neo came sat down and ate his food without uttering a single word.
Ma:Lwa why aren’t you eating?
Me:Uhm…Uhm
Neo:Mother where the heck did you get this nerd?
Ma:Neo mani Lwa are you allergic to it?
Me:No ma it’s…It’s just that I I…don’t know how to use fork and knife
I said the last part very fast I was embarrassed I really didn’t know but do you blame
me. Neo burst out in laughter you’d swear I cracked a joke he was even banging the
table with his one hand and the other was placed at his stomach I guess I was really
funny hey.
Ma:It’s okay sweetie
Neo:It’s okay? really mother the girl is embarrassing oh jesus christ where are you
from?
Father:Shut up Neo!! This is your bride
His face changed immediately he laughed a little maybe thinking they’re gonna say
they’re joking but zilch! Anger fulfill his face which turned pink
Him:WTF!! I’m not gonna marry this hoe she is dumb can’t you see that! Bitch pack
fucken stuff and get the fuck out! Even if she was the last girl on earth never do you
hear that NEVER!!!
I got up and ran to the room I was given I locked myself and cried silently. I heard a
door getting slammed maybe it’s Neo, I continued with my crying he’s shouting me
like I asked to marry him if it were for me I wouldn’t even be in that house. I finally
calm down on my own no Sam around this time I decide to go to Neo’s parents beg
them to take me back I stepped out and headed downstairs I could hear people
arguing as I was approaching, I recognized the voices as I was getting near it was
his parents.
Father:He doesn’t have to know
Mother:Until when
Father:Until he’s learned
Mother:I hope he learns quicker than expected
Father:Me too as soon as possible that girl can’t stay here
Mother:I just hope it works my son will never downgrade like this
Father:I can’t even stand her
PART 5

stood there not knowing nor understanding what they were talking about my palms
started sweating, lower lip vibrating, knees getting wobbly, tears rushing to my eyes
but what have I ever done to people for them to hate me so much? Don’t I also
deserve happiness? I mean I’ve been through a lot. I didn’t ask them to take me with
them I actually beg them not to and now they can’t stand me everybody can’t stand
me, I looked up to stop the tears from coming out took a really deep breath and
called “mom” I called because I wanted them to stop talking and know that I’m
coming I got them, they were so cool like they weren’t talking about me I guess they
don’t care.
Her:Yes
Me:Can I talk to you guys
Dad:Yes and please call us Mr and Mrs Dlamini
Yoh I guess he really can’t stand me it’s not like I want Neo or I’m a gold digger no!
Me:Ok uhm can…uhm can you please take me back home
Mr D:Home? You call that a home? Oh please shut up child
Mrs D:Papa! Lwa we can’t we already paid for you, you belong to us now
Me:Bu-
Mrs D:Would you shut up and listen! I’ve had enough of your shit go to your room
now!!
I quickly got up and ran to “my room” like literally ran I locked and did what I do best,
what I’ve done all my life. What is happiness? Love? Care? Where is humanity?
When will it be my turn to be happy? My path is soo dark that I don’t even see my
own hand, where do I only get these tears? I’m a jumpy girl 1 loud word I jump I think
it’s from all the abuse well I call it discipline. I cried myself to sleep that wasn’t new to
me what was new was the bed and all the furniture in a strangers house. I heard a
loud bang on my door it’s been banging for a while now I answered the person
replied saying breakfast is ready my stomach immediately groaned.
Me:Ok
I turned and faced the unfamiliar ceiling it was beautiful I found myself wishing my
life could also be beautiful tears went down on each side of my face and 5 words
escaped my mouth from me to the man above “F*ck you I hate you” Never in my life
have I ever thought I’ll use those words against him but I meant every single word.
I got up and went to the in suite bathroom my first time I took a shower it was so
foreign the water going down my face followed by tears. I got done lotion and wore
my new clothes the side my heart was happy yet the other half was crushed followed
by my spirit, I went down Mr and Mrs D were already seated Neo was late as usual I
greeted them in my crushed spirit they greeted back.
Mr D:Where the hell is Neo?!
Mrs D:Grace please call Neo down
She disappeared as she was going to get the big man himself, I was uncomfortable
that it got visible.
Mrs D:Are you okay?
I nodded showing off my fake smile
Mrs: So how did you sleep?
I was about to answer her when I got interrupted by her ringing expensive phone
thank god!
Her:Neo…but-…Com-…fine
Dropped the phone you could see “defeated” written all over her make up’d face he
didn’t even let his mom finish her sentences or word.
Her:He’s not joining us for breakfast
So Neo called to tell his not coming for breakfast wow! Mr D got up furious and went
upstairs left us sitting there awkwardly she couldn’t even look me in the eye. He
came back with him he was on his phone as usual sat down without uttering a single
word, he looked up to me with so much hate and disgust.
Him:You still here? Do we have to eat with her like really?
Mrs:Yes
Mr:And you better start respecting her
Neo:Why should I she’s a nobody come on look at her. Did you have to pick a ugly
village girl geez. I won’t marry you and would you please go eat in the kitchen cause
you’re making me lose my appetite.
PART 6

I had my breakfast in the kitchen I didn’t want to make him “uncomfortable” at his
parents house no! I believe I’m a walk over never stand up for myself which is why
Sam would want to slap me sometimes, well I have to respect and do as I’m told it’s
their house I’m just a stranger who’s gonna marry they’re arrogant good for nothing
spoilt brat son. After breakfast Neo went out and his father went to work so it was my
chance to speak with Mrs D about me schooling, I found her in the lounge legs
crossed staring attentively at the huge screen TV these people are those “Go big or
go home” kinda people splashing money around while some are needing it. I stood
at the corridor studying her the same way she was looking at the TV (attentively) she
was a beauty but was hiding some under make up she turns to look at me while
flipping her weave.
Her:Yes Lwandle
Me:I didn’t say anything
Her:Just talk I don’t have the whole day
Meaning she wants to go back watching useless reality shows watching people fight
over shitty stuff argh
Me:Mrs Dlamini uhm will I go…go back to…uhm…school?
She looked at me like I’m crazy or I’m talking a foreign language, her lips moved
from apart hanging a bit then she gave me a bitchy attitude/look I knew a no was
coming, like really take my teenage hood and education away from me but school is
where my mind ease.
Me:Well I want to stand on my feet and not be dumb finish school and not be an
embarrassment to your family
Her:You already are one so I don’t think so school will help.
I had to think of something then NEO came in mind crazy right
Me:But…but think about it if I get educated Neo will fall for me an-
Her:Shut up I need to think
I slowly sat down praying she agrees I really need education it will be my ticket out if
I’ll ever go out they own me remember.
Her:Fine you’ll go, I can’t give you my card cause I don’t trust you so I’ll give you
cash so you can go buy everything you’ll need maybe there they’ll teach you what
class is.
I nodded she stood up and threw her hips right and left doing the cat walk walking
upstairs, the smile I had was something else. Come on I’ll see Sam and bestie life is
actually going my way I can’t believe it. Mrs D came back and gave me cash she
took out her phone and showed me a uniform.
Her:Buy this uniform
Me:Huh?
Her:I forgot how dumb you are I said BUY THIS UNIFORM and do something with
your hair
I nodded in hurt and fear oh what have I done to deserve this. She called me a cab it
took me to the same mall, I went to same hair salon did a straight up then I walked
around the mall searching for uniforms shop. You know that feeling like someone’s
watching you yeah that feeling that’s how I was feeling I looked around but saw no
one oh well. I continued with my search as I was looking at the shops, the watched
feeling was still there I again looked around and saw some guy looking at me not just
any guy a white no a English guy. I looked at him he smiled and started walking he
was coming my way so I also started walking but not to meet halfway no I was
walking away from him. I felt a
hand grab me I turned and it was him this was so weird making it worse was that he
was quiet and just staring at me. Dark thick eye brows matching with his hair pink li-
argh anyway I yanked my hand.
Him:Uhm oh my word I’m sorry uhm
Me:ok but you’re creeping me out
Him:I’m sorry again I didn’t mean to its just that…that…I don’t know
Me:ok look I gotta go
Him:Okay but uhm…uhm
Me:You’re weird
Him:I know right
I looked at him is he for real?
He stood there right in front of me staring he was sweating no words were coming
out of his mouth and I was kinda getting scared I’ve never experience this kind of
behavior no guy has ever been so nice to me expect Sam I moved back a little.
Me:Uhm Uhm bye
Him:Wait…I’m Jerome Brown doing my 3rd year I’m 21 years of age and I’ve just
been blinded by a black girl for the first time not just any girl a beautiful girl who’s
standing in front of me. Pure innocence written all over her face making me lose my
cool for the first time, I’m a talkative person but right now I can’t even begin to
explain what I’m feeling and it’s scaring me. All you need right now are wings cause
you are a true angel.
Me:I have to go
I ran away from him he was freaking me out I’m not used to that it was so hard to
believe me beautiful? me an angel? that’s bullshit!! I’m like the ugliest girl in the
world I’m sure he was just trying his luck with me. I carried on running until I saw a
security guard I gathered myself together and catch my breath I went onto him asked
for uniform shops he showed me his eyes were tracing every inch of my body while
swallowing hard and licking his lips with a smirk I had goosebumps he was creeping
me out. I went into the shop feeling his eyes following me I looked for the uniform
found paid and left, I walked around I didn’t know where to go for taxis so I just
walked around I saw another security guard I asked for help he helped me shame no
funny business I took it went straight “home”. I went to the my room placed all the
stuff and went to Mrs D.
Me:Here’s the change
Her:Nah keep it I’ve pulled some strings they accepted you so Monday you’re
starting
Her:Uhm ok
I was kinda hurt and happy at the same time I’m not going back to my school so I
won’t see my better half but on the bright side I’ll be wearing a new school uniform,
I’ll be neat no more nasty comments I’ll be starting a new life my thoughts were
disturbed by Neo
Him:Mother
Her:Baby
Him:You out I wanna talk with my mother
I stood up
Mrs D:Lwandle sit
Neo:Go
Her:Neo!
Him:No! what is it with this bitch can’t you see I don’t want her she is not my type!!
Luyanda go pack your bags you’re leaving
Mrs D:Lwandle her name is Lwandle
Him:Does it look like I give a damn Luyanda go!
I jumped and quickly went to my room tears running down my face like a waterfall
hands vibrating due to afraidness(no such word) my legs getting wobbly I sat down
and let it all out. Why does he hate me so much? Yes he doesn’t want me I
understand but I can’t seem to understand the hate I’m also a victim in this. Laid
there on floor next to the bed crying like a hungry child with no hope no one to
comfort me and tell me everything is gonna be okay. I feel like a burden like a bag of
weed that nobody wants around the cops pain is what I’ve experienced my whole life
and it’s not decreasing it’s actually increasing each and every day. How I wish my life
was normal like everybody else’s.
PART 7

Well I wasn’t send home or whatever he was going to send me Mr Dlamini refused
which I didn’t understand cause he doesn’t like me. Things were getting tougher
each and every day people were now showing their true colours Neo has already
shown his you already know, Mr D once slapped me for no reason but I later on
found out a business deal went wrong so he was angry and took it out on me. That
day I cried myself to sleep I was really hurt cause now I was gonna be a punching
bag every time business goes wrong. Monday came my uniform fitted me perfectly
everything was on point I had transportation I went with Mrs D they sorted out
everything I was sent to my new class well you all know the drill. The learners were
nice unlike my previous school mates it was break time 3 girls came up to me we
were in the same class.
Girl1:Hey I’m Amy this is Mandisa and Casey
Me:Hi
Mandisa:You are our new friend so feel free around us okay?
Me:Okay
They were nice and beautiful you could see RICH written all over them this was my
first time being in a clique me and the chilled together they were really cool but I
wasn’t comfortable around them yet. School went on after school we went to the
gate Mandisa left 1st so it was just the three of us.
Amy:Here’s my brother bye girls
Us:Bye
We exchanged hugs not used to those things
Casey:Tell him his H for hot
Amy:Haha I will
She entered their car and it drove by us and then came back and stood in front of us
Casey:No she didn’t!
Me:Yes she did anyway here’s my transport bye
Hugged eish ain’t used to this I quickly went to the car I heard my name so I turned
and looked back Amy was standing there smiling like no tomorrow
Her:We are going to mall tomorrow please tell your mom
Me:Okay
Her:Bye friend
I entered and the driver drove the was something wrong about Amy’s smile it was
too much not a fake smile no but it was like a 5 year old who just got candy or was
promised a candy. “Please tell your mom” if only she knew I was living with my buyer
I’m actually a bride and it’s against my will. I looked our the window until we reached
our destination and went out got into the house Mr D was home the were no signs of
his wife and son.
Me:Afternoon sir
Him:Yes Lwandle
I went to the room closed the door and started taking off my uniform my door opened
and it was Grace
Her:Sorry
Me:it’s okay
Her:So how was your first day?
Me:it’s was actually good I made fri-
The door opened again this time Mr D stood there I was shocked and Grace looked
terrified I quickly took my clothes and covered myself he didn’t move an inch.
Him:Grace back to work
Her:Sir not her I’ll take her fall but please not her
Him:I said back to work!!
She stood up and gave me a hug she had tears in her eyes I didn’t understand she
went out Mr D was still standing at the door drooling he came in and closed the door
actually locked it he went to sit down on the bed I moved back with fear and shock
terrified hoping that what I’m thinking won’t take place. My sweating my brain failing
to concentrate I swallow hard then look at this man who’s sitting there quietly and
staring at me licking his lips uncontrollably he was actually drooling.
Him:I see that I chose well now drop the clothes little girl all of them.
No words were coming out I don’t deserve this why me? tears tackled my eyes they
went out without my permission down my face they went. Never in my life have I
experience something like this so he’ll be my first in everything. God? Who’s that?
where the hell has he been my whole life? Why is he hurting me like this? Why
doesn’t he stop? haven’t I had enough? when will things go smooth for me?
Him:I said clothes down I want to see that sexy body of yours remember I own you. I
have to taste what I bought now come to daddy baby
PART 8

My heart rate increased without feeling his touch, his words playing like a recorder
on repeat at the back of my mind. I don’t know the taste of another persons lips but
here was I gonna taste an old man’s lips, where are you dad? You’re suppose to
protect me from the evil I’m suppose to be your princess why aren’t you here? I
moved back still covered in my clothes. He had a smirk on his face which was
making my stomach turn disgusted I look at him if this takes place it will be the end
of me the will be no more Lwandle it will haunt me forever!
Him:I don’t mind coming up to you
He said that getting up he takes the first step my legs get even more wobbly
speechless I stand there Mr D comes my way I move back until the hit the wall. He
stood in front of me his eyes playing around my body he grabs the clothes with full
force and anger he throws them aside.
Him:Get down on your knees and make me your lollipop
Sies! I swear at that moment I wanted to puke but the situation didn’t allow me I’m
sure you all are wondering why aren’t I screaming or say something at least but I
couldn’t my mouth was running out of saliva the shock was taking its curse. I didn’t
know where to begin in difficult situations we tend to not know what to do or say until
it’s all over then we say if only I did this or said this but by then it’s over. His hands
went onto my boobs he squeezed them out of nowhere I push him he stumbles back
and look at me in disbelief “Baby! Baby where are you?!” That was Mrs D I ran to the
door unlock it and ran into her arms she brushes my back.
Her:Hey what is it? Why aren’t you dressed?
Me:He…Mr Dlamini…He
I couldn’t speak properly I was just crying “Honey” It was him behind me
Her:What’s going on here?
Him:This piece of trash was trying her luck with me
Me:No you were
Her:Lwandle how could you
Me:I didn’t
Her:You hoe so you saying he’s lying
Me:Yes
She slapped me so hard that I stumbled back I couldn’t believe it but what was I
expecting it’s her husband after all. Never have I got that much beating in my entire
life they both beaten me I begged and begged but they had no mercy even god has
no mercy over me. I blame my parents for this why didn’t they love me? No parents
would sell their child but mine did, I cried myself to sleep with a painful body I tried to
pray but failed I will be wasting my time he was never there and surely will never be
there. The following day I prepared for school Mrs D bought school trousers to hide
the shame I went to school you could see by the way I was walking that something
was wrong, after school Mrs D came to fetch so I couldn’t go with the girls to the mall
and I must say Amy was disappointed.
A month went by things went from bad to worse! I was getting touched occasionally
by beatings and sexaully I didn’t tell anyone because I was scared Mrs D hated me
for “trying my luck” with her husband Neo was still Neo he didn’t know everything
actually he was in the dark about everything but he still treated me like shit and so
was his girlfriend I was a walk over for everyone. One place where I was happy was
school me and the girls were close but I was more close to Amy she would beg me
to go out with her or go to her house but I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere, they saw
things weren’t okay for me this one time I had a black/blue eye Mrs D covered it with
make up but the inside of the eye said it all cause it was blood red it was caused by
a punch from Mr D apparently he lost a really great business deal and Lwandle was
to be blamed.
PART 9

April 4, 2016| visionarywritings|

It was a Thursday afternoon I was sitting in my room just for peace and quiet thinking
about my journey through life all the things I’ve been through they all have made me
strong and weak at the same time I pray no one goes through that hard core
depressing path. I thought about every single details it was like I was watching a
movie only in my head then it struck me it’s clear as day light! Why didn’t I think
about this sooner I felt my heart jumping for joy a smile was revealed on my face my
eyes twinkling like tinker bell. I got up Mr and Mrs Dlamini weren’t around they left for
some business trip which I was happy about cause my body won’t be touched
without my permission by that disgusting good for nothing piece of shit man not that
I’ll ever give him permission to touch NEVER. I went downstairs and Neo was
watching TV or it was watching him cause he was busy on his laptop, I took a deep
breath and went on to him.
Me:Neo
Him:What?
Me:We need to talk
Him:I don’t want to talk to you
Me:it’s something that will make us both happy
He looked at me
through his see through glasses (Like JR kinda spectacles)
Me:I have a plan to get me out of here
He closed his laptop turned his body to face me he looked me straight in the eye I
felt my blood rushing through my veins I’m not a fan of eye contact, Neo is like a
toddler’s book easy to read I could see “interested” written all over his face and I
liked that
and it sure as hell was the first time he was interested in something I have to say.
Me:I need your help
Him:Just get to the bloody point
Me:Your parents want me to change you, they don’t want me to marry you think
about it the are millions of beautiful girls out ther-
Him:Good point there are
Me:We have to pretend like we are civil and you have to change
Him:What do you mean change?
Me:Stop being a arrogant spoilt brat
Him:I’m not
Her:Yes you are just change please I want to get out of here
Him:I hate the idea but if it’s worth to get your ass out of here then I’m game
He turned and went back to his laptop Neo is a bitch I swear, well I got up and made
me something to eat from there it was school work for me. The following day I woke
up and did the usual when I got downstairs Neo was there and that to me was a
surprise I took my breakfast because me and him don’t eat in the same room.
Him:it’s okay sit
Me:What?!
Him:Sit
Me:No it’s fin-
Him:Luyanda sit down
Me:it’s Lwandle
Him:Whatever
We ate in pure silence the only noise were fork and knifes Neo is a slow eater who
likes to play with his food if he doesn’t play with it know that he won’t finish it anyway
we both got done I stood up to go wait for my transport.
Him:I’m taking you we need to talk
I thought my ears were deceiving I turned in slow motion to face him and he had a
serious face on my heart drummed immediately I nodded to show him I agree kinda
felt like he didn’t need my opinion or permission his face said it all I was some how
scared of him I don’t know why but I was. I took my school bag went to go wait for
him outside he came we entered his car and drove.
Him:Look Luu my parents always ask the maids questions so we have to be nice in
front of everyone at home I mean my home
Me:Ok
Then it went silent he called me Luu I’m Lwa not Luu! Argh what’s the point. We
arrived at school I went to my friends they were all smilies well except Amy she
looked kinda pissed and disappointed.
Me:Morning
Them:Friend
Then it was the hugs geez I’m still not used to this.
Casey:Who was that hunk?
Amy:Yeah Lwa who was that?
Amy’s tone was different from Caseys
Me:Hunk? Please that’s Neo
Mandisa:Is he your boyfriend?
Me:Sies never!
Amy revealed a smile and gave me a hug
Amy:Thank God love you Lwa
Me:Love you too I guess
We chatted about random things Amy’s attitude was lighter from when I arrived she
was the happy Amy we know, the serene interrupted us. School was school at break
Amy told us we are going to the mall after school I agreed Mrs D ain’t around so why
not? After school we went to the gate my transport was already there so told him I’m
going to the mall and went back to the girls we were waiting for Amy’s brother he
was taking us.
Casey:Can’t wait to see him
Mandisa:He is such a hunk I’d give it up to him anytime any day or place
Amy:Sorry to burst your bubble but he’s taken
Casey:So what? Lwa you should see him gosh!
We laughed at her they went on and on about Amy’s brother well I don’t see eye to
eye with them when it comes to guys I’ve never looked at a guy the other way if you
know what I mean.
Mandisa:Here he is how do I look?
Lwa:Spectacular
Casey:And me?
Amy:Gorgeous but his taken
The car stopped in front of us we went in Amy took the front and us the back.
Amy:Brother dearest
She kissed his cheek
Amy:You know the girls so I won’t do a introduction.
Amy’s brother:Hello ladies
He said that looking at the back to face us
C&M:Heeey Rome
Me:You
Casey:You?
Amy:Yes you heard right “you”
Mandisa:You guys know each other?
We didn’t reply to any of their questions which they kept on flooding us with to a
point where I couldn’t hear a thing my eyes were some how locked to his I wanted to
move them but I lost control over them, blood rushing through every corner of my
body I felt my ears warming up I was running out of saliva causing my throat to be
dry. I was feeling things I’ve NEVER felt before his eyes were so pure oh god what’s
happening, Mandisa shook me and brought me back to earth.
Amy:Geez guys get a room
Jerome:Shut up
He revealed his a smile and turned to look at the road I was still speechless.
Casey:Can we get out of here
Jerome:Of course Caca
He started the engine then turned to look at me I couldn’t look at him this time I just
looked down
Him:You never told me you’re name angel but it’s okay I’ll call you Angel
Mandisa:Haha oh god you guys are making me jealous
Me:Please call me Lwa
He just smiled and drove it was silent Amy kept on giggling the drive was way too
long for me, we got to the mall he parked the car and we all went out.
Him:Can I join you guys?
Casey:Sure!
Amy:This is a girls thing
Jerome:Noted but still can I join
Amy:I don’t know if the girls will ag-
Him:Angel? Can I join you?
Me:Why me?
Him:Because I only see you here
Me:Uhm…If they agree then I guess I don’t have a choice
Him:Hey! I want you to want me to be here so do you want
Me:Huh?
Amy:Romey are you ok?
Mandisa:Hahaha my word Rome is stuck
Casey:Just come
She grabbed him by the arm and pulled him inside well with we followed after them it
was clear as day light that Casey was gaga over Jerome, Rome or Romey whatever
his name is. We went to spur we got seated and order me and Jerome ordered the
same food oh Casey too.
Him:So Angel
Me:Lwa
Casey:So how’s university?
Him:Normal
Our food came and dig in I couldn’t eat in front of Jerome he was staring he could
eat either it was either by choice or shyness I don’t know.
Amy:Lwa why aren’t you eating?
Me:Uhm I’m kinda full
We carried on having random chats after that we went window shopping it was past
4 in the afternoon we decided to call it a day, we first dropped off Mandisa then
Casey she wasn’t pleased then it was my turn I showed them I hugged Amy and turn
to leave but Jerome stopped me.
Him:Can I also get mine
Me:Bye Jerome
I quickly went in closed the gate and left him standing like a hopeless man. I went
inside there were elders and Mr and Mrs D were also here I’m deep shit.
Elderly man:Makoti
Me:Afternoon
Elderly woman:Wooohh you chose well
Elderly woman2:We must with the preparation as soon as possible
Mrs D:But Ma
Elderly W3:No Nosipho they must get married soon or else others will see her
Elderly W1:We can start preparing tomorrow.
PART 10

I went to my room took off my uniform and wore simple clothes, I thought about the
fact that I’m getting married soon but I thought they just want him to change I don’t
even love Neo let alone like him and it’s mutual. If only I had loving and not heartless
parents oh how I miss Sam, I crawled my bodu in between sheets and cried silently I
really missed Sam more than anything I would give up anything or everything just to
be with him. My door flew open I jumped out of bed I can’t just lay there Mr D is back
remember, she was beyond angry she was furious and I didn’t know why her hands
placed on her hips her nose turned pick she took a step forward I took one back she
took another one Neo’s girlfriend appeared behind her they both entered and closed
the door.
Mrs D:You piece of shit
She gave me thee hardest clap I held my cheek while looking at her she clap the
uncovered cheek so now I held them both I was shocked mxm by what maybe?
Cause this is what they do to me.
Her:I told you not to go to the mall but noo you did
Me:I..I-
Her:Shut up!
She gave me two more tears went down voluntarily
Roxanne:Wipe those shitty crocodile tears
Mrs D:I’ve had enough of you just because the elders like you doesn’t mean you’ll
marry my son you bitch
Roxanne:He is mine you skank
Then I became their punching bag they performed all the beating styles I didn’t fight
back I’ve never fought back in my entire life they even took turns on me I was crying
begging them to stop laying there hopeless they were throwing words, kicks,
punches it was a nightmare and painful moment for me the door opened they
stopped I just carried on crying “Get out of here” it was Mr D oh Lord
Mrs D:Bu-
Mr D:I said out!
Roxanne quickly went out Mrs D looked at me
Her:it’s not over it’s bloody far from over
Then she left it was only me and Mr D in the room he came closer.
Him:I’m sorry for what they did to you
I nodded while sobbing my body was paining
Him:I know a way that can make the pain ease and you can also forget about what
happened
I looked at him he had a smirk what is wrong with this man?
He came closer and closer I crawled my suddenly heavy body which was painful I
was crawling back and he was moving forward coming closer to me, he took off his
jacket and threw it on the bed, he started undoing his belt. I screamed for help he
picked me up and slapped me through the face and held my mouth in a way to shut
it his pants went down his one hand went down on me I can’t let him rape me no I
can’t. I bit his hand which was covering my mouth.
Him:You bitch
Baaam another clap at that moment I didn’t care I couldn’t’t let him take my virginity
he grabbed me by my hair he was really on a mission he was even sweating, his grip
tightened he dragged me to the bathroom I was doing everything in my power
believe me every time I did it was like I was releasing a beast out in him.
We got to the bathroom he locked it with one hand while he was choking me with the
other he threw my body against the wall now tell me where the hell is god when this
is taking place? He pinned me so hard that my back hurt he lifted me up and shoved
his hand into my sweatpants I was kicking doing every possible thing I could but the
man was just too powerful for me. Maybe it was meant to be what am I different by
everyone’s lives are okay and my is horrible maybe I should have killed myself the
minute things started to go bad but I was busy hoping for a change a change that will
never happen. I did have faith that one day things will be perfectly fine but they got
worse so I lost faith along my sick pathetic life, I don’t have a normal life I don’t know
what normality is I’m not cursed it’s not bad luck it’s pure hatred from the man above
why created a creature like me when you know my whole life I will be troubled, hurt,
cry more than smile, if I’m being punished isn’t it time to let go of the punishment. He
gives me strength because he knows he’s sending more horrific things my way. Mr D
rubbed my clit roughly I don’t know if I was suppose to enjoy it or what but trust me I
was hating every minute of it he buried his face on my neck one hand on my mouth
and the other playing with my virginia his body against mine it looked like he was
enjoying him self.
Him:Today I’ll make you a woman
He placed me down and took out his hand he was trying to take off my pants but it
was difficult he needed to use both his hands he let go of my mouth, I didn’t scream I
got courage to kick him and I did I kicked him right there at his private part he
groaned in pain I continued now he was down I ran to the door it was locked so I
needed to unlock he grabbed me by my ankle I screamed this man is a psycho I
kicked off his hand and unlocked the door he grabbed me again this time real hard is
grib was painful i tried kicking it off but nothing so I used my only weapon left my
mouth i screamed “Lwandle are you okay?”
PART 11

Help? Somebody’s out there? I’m gonna be saved from this lunatic I screamed once
more my throat was sore the door opened Mr D let go of my ankle I knew I was safe
cause if I wasn’t he wouldn’t have let go of me. I stood up and ran into the arms of
comfort they comforted me while brushing my back whispering that everything is
gonna be okay hushing me with a sweet voice, I was led back to the room I didn’t
trust anything so I went back to the bathroom and locked Mr D inside. I went back to
the bed and let it all out the comfort arms were wrapped around me once again “it’s
okay baby I’m here now” I wanted to shut up but I couldn’t I was almost ripped apart
by that psychopath. He is old enough to be my father what if that was his daughter
how can some men be so heartless isn’t another’s man
child yours too. I cried begging the Lord to take me I’ve had enough I give up on life
I’ve done my share it’s time to put the ropes down. The arms were removed from my
body hands were placed on my face lifting it up I couldn’t so I look down my head
was placed on the lap brushing my hair. Mr D started banging the door shouting that
we must l let him out I went to go open for him, he came out furious he didn’t utter a
word he click his tongue and went out of the room. I cried again I hate my life why
can’t it be normal why are bad things happening to me? I cried harder but not loud
for everybody in the house to hear me they won’t believe me anyway a pain
developed at the back of my ear down my neck I held it “Stop crying please” I turned
to look why must I stop it hurts and it’s the only way I know to ease the pain not like
Mr D.
Me: You don’t understand you don’t know what I’m feeling inside I’m pieces fresh
sharp broken pieces of glass nothing and no one can repair that and make it normal
again. My whole life I’ve been nothing but miserable I will cry till my last breath the
journey has been hell! I hate everything and everyone I wish I was never born!
I fell down and cried “So you hate me too? I know what you going through everything
will be okay”
Me: hat do you mean you know what I’m going through? Grace talk to me please
Her: Come here Lwa
I stood up and went to her she placed my head on her lap and brushed my hair she
made me comfortable my head started paining from all the crying my body also, I
heard sniffs I looked up at her she was crying I quickly wrap my arms
around her the way she did to me.
Her:I have to keep my job Lwa believe me I hate it I hate him and his twisted family
She was talking in between snobs I brushed her precious back until she stopped
crying I let go of her and looked her straight in the eye.
Her:Your eyes are intimidating
Me:Talk to me then please I beg of you
Her:6 years back I was looking for a job to support my family things were tough baby
really tough so the Dlamini’s gave me a job Neo was 18 at the time doing his first
year everything was great I was thankful and I really loved this family
until…until…Lwandle Mr Dlamini forced himself on me they threatened to make my
life hell if I tell by they I mean the husband and wife, I need the job but I hate what
he’s doing Lwa I hate it
Me:Is he still d-
Her:Yes she still does all of us I’ve left before and then…then….I’ll try my best to
protect you okay I won’t allow him to kill you the way he killed me okay I nodded we
both broke down I felt for her here I was thinking I’m the only person who’s troubled
but so was Grace the years of being raped by this moron Mrs Dlamini is evil! A
fucken witch! Sick bicth! How can she allow this what kind of people are these. We
eventually calm down and she had
to leave and go back to work, I locked the door I didn’t feel safe in that house I
needed to get out of there but where would I go? I stayed in my room the whole
weekend Mrs D
lied to the elders and said I’m sick while I was recovering from the beating, the only
person I
allowed in that room was Grace the rest were not allowed. Monday morning I did the
normal routine wore trousers to hide my legs they had purple spots I took my bag
and went downstairs the “Family” was already there I didn’t feel like eating especially
with them.
Elderly women1:Oh morning Makoti please come join
Me:Morning no ma I’m already late I’ll just grab an apple
E.W2:Nonsense come I looked at them and sat down Neo wasn’t busy with his
phone on the table which was something new
E.W3:So are you ready Makoti?
Me:For what ma?
E.M:For your wedding
Me:Oh uhm
Neo:We don’t even know each other to marry one another
Me:True
E.W2:Then you’ll get to know each other on your honeymoon
Us:No!
Everybody looked at us his parents were smiling because we didn’t want to be
married to each other.
Neo:Can’t I chose my own wife I’m in love with Roxanne not Luyanda she is not my
type
E.W1:Who is Luyanda? He pointed at me argh mxm
E.M:it’s Lwandle
Neo:Yeah
E.W3:What do you even see in Roxanne can’t you see she’s a gold digger
Mrs D:No she’s not!
Neo:The only gold digger here is Luyanda I won’t marry her! You can’t force me! I
stood up took my school bag and left without saying goodbye my transport was
already outside, I can’t believe Neo thinks I want his money mxm what was I
expecting his parents were so quiet obeying everything the elders were saying. I got
to school and greeted my friends
school was school I was quiet the whole day after school we were waiting for our
transportations.
Amy:Lwa are you okay?
Me:Yeah why?
Mandisa:You’ve been quiet the whole day
Me:Got a lot on my mind
Amy:I hope one of them is Romey
Me:Who?
Mandisa:Jerome
Me:Why on earth would I think of him
Amy:Because he’s been thinking about you the whole weekend
Casey:Liar!
Amy:Then listen to this She took out her phone and played a recording Jerome
asking her questions about me I think he wasn’t aware that he was being recorded
because he would say things like “Sorry god but I think she’s heaven” I was
speechless asking if I have a
boyfriend and stuff.
Me:I’ve heard enough
Amy:Come on its clear as day light that the guy is in love with you
Casey:Here he comes He stopped in front of us he got out of the car and came to us
I looked at him and smiled.
Him:Ladies, Angel
Us:Hey
Him:Can you please borrow me Lwa
Them:Of course!
Me:What?!
Amy:Yes take her She said that while pushing me to her brother I stood in front of
him he looked me straight in the eye and gave me a tight hug
Me:Ouch!!
Him:What’s wrong?
Me:Nothing He gave me a look and took my hands we moved away from them and
sat down on some big rock.
Him:How are you?
Me:I’m okay and you?
Him:I’m awesome I missed you
Me:You lying
Him:No I’m not I really did Angel
Me:Uhm okay We kept quiet for some time he kept looking at me
Me:Stop it
Him:Stop what?
Me:Looking at me stop it
Him:I’m just admiring the beauty in front of me
Me:You lying again
Him:No! You really are beautiful the birth mar- woah what happened to your face?
Me:Huh?
Him:Your face you have a blue mark on the side what happened?
Me:Oh nothing
Him:First your body is sore then you have a blue mark and you tell me it’s nothing try
again Lwa
Me:….
PART 12

I swallowed hard he was dead serious I played around with my eyes avoiding eye
contact with him, he took my face and turned it to his direction making me to look at
him. I can’t tell him what if he laughs or think I deserve all of that or I’m a gold digger
he’ll tell Amy then what? Maybe I must tell him everything maybe he can help me out
of house of hell yeah.
Him:I’m waiting
Me:Look-
Him:Don’t even think about lying to me
Me:Fine! I’ll tell you
He came and squat in front of me his hands placed on my thighs for balance I
quickly move
them he looked at me
Him:Sorry
I nodded and looked away you became sensitive about people touching your body
when you’ve experienced what I’ve experienced. He turned it again
Him:Talk
Me:Uhm I got this mark and body sore from a fight and a beating-
Him:What?! Who the fuck did that tell me I’ll deal with them. They fucken don’t have
a right to do that shit!
Me:Can I finish?
He nodded I took a deep breath and continued
Me:Me and my cousin got into a fight and our mother beat-
Him:But…No! It’s still wrong please don’t fight again you’re way too beautiful for
fighting okay?
Me:Yeah here’s my transport bye
I stood up to walk away but he held my hand and pulled me into his arms he
wrapped them around my body not too tight I got goosebumps.
Him:Oh man He was whispering
Him:Angel?
Me:Jerome
Him:You are rare, created to be the best. Beautify to be magnificent I fell for you not
you’re beauty I fell really hard whatever you’re using don’t stop cause I love the
feeling. I’m having insomnia because of you I ain’t hating it a bit Angel I couldn’t utter
anything my mouth just dried.
Him:can I take you out tomorrow?
Me:I will be busy My voice was raspy like I’ve just woken up.
Him:Please pretty big fat huge gigantic please
Me:Haha okay I’ll see what I can do
Him:it’s a date you smell nice by the way
Me:Uhm thanks I guess
Him:And beautiful
Me:Haha thanks again
Him:And I lov-
“Luyanda!” That was Neo’s voice it brought me back I quickly broke the hug yep we
were
hugging the whole time I Lwandle was in Jerome’s arms.
Him:Are you okay?
Me:Yeah look his shouting my name already I gotta go
Him:He said Lu-what what that’s not your name
Me:He calls me that bye Jerome
Him:Who is he? Wh- I quickly left him Jerome is active when it comes to talking and I
couldn’t answer his questions. I went to Neo he was standing next to the car pissed
AF* we both got in.
Him:You really are a hoe aren’t you acting all holy at home but you know what kind
of a bitch you are. I didn’t answer him I just looked out the window
Him:Does he know you’re a gold digger?
Me:I am not!!
Him:Then why don’t you go to him?!! If you so wanna get out go stay with him!!!
Me:Stop shouting at me!
Him:Shut up bitch I kept quiet tears were threatening my eyes I understand why he
doesn’t like me but to treat me like this is unfair I’m also a victim in this. We got to his
house he stopped me from getting out.
Him:Look you have your boyfriend and I have my girlfriend this shit right here is
definitely not for us we’re in love with other people all I’m saying is go to your white
guy and I’ll go to my white girl. I got out of the car and went inside the house greeted
the elders I went to my room and locked myself inside it doing my school work I
blocked everything out of my mind and just forced on my school stuff. In the evening
I was called down for dinner I went down everyone was seated I sat down with while
I was being evil eyed by Mrs D we said grace and
ate while words were being exchanged around the table the elders talking about the
wedding they literally forcing us Neo looked at me and smiled I didn’t understand
that’s so unlike him.
Neo:Oh I forgot to share the news when I got to school she *pointing at me* was in
another man’s arms all cosy they even kissed in front of me while the white guy’s
hand was on her flat ass
PART 13

I continued eating I wasn’t shocked nor scared it really didn’t bother me, because I
didn’t do
anything of those things Neo was just being a bitch. Silence filled th the table it was
dead quiet the only noise was from my plate I could feel their eyes they were so
heavy I was kinda happy maybe they’ll let me go who knows. Something hit me in
the face it hit hard you could tell it was thrown with full force I looked around to see
what hit me it was chicken thigh yep meat it was from Mrs D she was on her toes!
Her:You filthy good for nothing hoe!! Get out of my house! Out!! I stood up not
knowing where next to go
Elderly man:Sit down Lwandle
Neo&his parents:WHAT?!!
E.W1:Explain Makoti wea(you) sit down She was pointing at Mrs D she sat down
and so
did I Mr D was mumbling things I couldn’t make out. It then went quiet I took a deep
breath and looked at them all but my eyes stayed at Neo he was already
embarrassed his eyes picking every corner of the dining room he kept licking his
lower lip he couldn’t look at me.
E.W2:Lwandle
Me:Neo is lying
Mrs D:No he’s not!
E.W1:Where you there? She looked down
E.W2:Then keep quiet, carry on
Me:When Neo arrived I was with Jerome his Amy’s brother Amy’s my best friend
nothing is going on between us. I see him as a brother nothing more or less I can’t
seem to understand why Neo would lie like this.
E.M:It’s called jealousy because you’re gonna be his wife he doesn’t want another
man’s hands on you
Neo:I don’t want her she can be with whoever she wants to be with I don’t want to
marry
her
Me:I also don’t want to marry you Neo
Neo:Good!
E.W3:You will marry each other like it or not she’s good for you Neo and you better
apologize for lying about the girl He looked down and played with his hands he didn’t
want to apologize man Neo is so easy to read.
Him:I’m sorry He was lying! He wasn’t sorry after his fake apology we went back to
eating his parents were quiet the whole time they were kinda pissed off I’m sure it’s
because I’m forced to marry their son. After dinner I went straight to my room and
threw myself on top of the bed and closed my eyes I was thinking about everything I
was slowly getting sleepy the door swung open I jumped out of bed. He was
standing there all pissed off he closed the door and came my way but not too close
to me the was a huge gap between us.
Him:Why don’t you leave?
Me:They don’t want me to leave
Him:They don’t have to know you’re leaving
Me:I have nothing where will I go what will I eat
Him:Uhm I’ll support you just leave. I love Roxanne not you
Me:I really don’t want to marry you Neo I’m way too young for this I want to
experience things not jump into marriage with no experience
Him:Woah wait I was gonna be your first?
Me:Uhm yeah
Him:Woah A smiled was revealed from his face his eyes sparkling he took a step
forward my right leg voluntarily went forward he was shocked and so was I. We met
each other half way our eyes locked I’m sure the key was thrown in the ocean it was
intense I had not butterflies but birds in my tummy it kinda amazing his hands went
on my waist they were vibrating and so were mine my knees were wobbly I’ve never
kissed a boy. His hands pushed me up a bit our faces were so near we were
breathing the same air his warm breath kept phuffin in my face.
Me:I I I do-
Him:I’ll teach you His voice was so raspy my word what’s going on! Our faces came
near again, our lips met his were vibrating like his scared or something I was really
scared. My knees failed me I went down but he catches me before I hit the ground I
look at him as he comes closer our lips meet again his lips were so soft yet cold he
guides me and I follow like jesus and the followers. I was in heaven I saw God and
the angels it was magical he broke it off and looked at me with a smile on his face I
was still scared and we were still on the same position.
Him:I love you Lwandle
Me:I love you too Neo
The door opened I jumped oh my word what a dream!
PART 14

That was the weirdest dream of my life it was a nightmare I felt disgusted me kissing
Neo? NEVER let alone me loving him sies I look at the door the elderly woman stood
there she invited herself in and sat down I was still standing.
Her:Come sit here She was showing me a space next to her I went and sat down
Her:Talk to me
Me:About?
Her:Anything that’s bothering you My troubles which were memories in head played
like a DVD tears tackled my eyes I’ve come a long way from sleeping outside to
almost being raped what’s next forced to marry someone what will happen when
we’re married? Nothing will change we’ll still feel the same way we’re feeling about
each other. I long so many things from parents love to a normal life maybe I should
run away from this house and go back home at least there I won’t be molested but
hatred will be there but at least I’ll be home Sam will be around but what about
school there I’ll be back on being the slave, the black Sheep of the family the poor
girl who doesn’t know new this. Maybe I should just let it
be maybe he wants to sleep with me because of the fact that I’m staying in his house
that’s
understandable right? I looked at the elderly women she was staring at me.
Her:You don’t have to if you don’t want to I nodded and fiddle with my hands
Her:You do know that you don’t have a choice right I look back at her in shock
Her:You will marry him look at me I’m happy in my marriage it was an arrange
marriage
Me:I’m sure you didn’t hate each other like us
Her:We didn’t in fact we felt something for each other
Me:It’s not the same mme I feel nothing but hate towards Neo and the feeling is
mutual please ma
Her:I’m sorry baby but it’s a done deal you will marry each other like it or not
Me:But I’m only 17
Her:I was 15, think about it the two of you will grow old together and you’ll see Neo
will change he’ll change because of you I broke down I really don’t want Neo he’s too
much for I’d rather date Jerome then him. Days passed everything was the way they
were the elders were always with me at home advising me about marriage so Mr D
didn’t get a chance to
come to my room he didn’t like that he was always angry and took it out on the
maids they
were walking like penguins I felt sorry for them I don’t know why they still tolerated
the rape they were old to stand on they’re feet unlike me. The wedding preparations
were still going forward my friends still didn’t know about my life Amy was my bestie,
me and Jerome were spending more time together he was the best he wasn’t
rushing me into anything we had so many things in common I knew every single way
to put a smile on my face he calls me angel but the real angel is him he’s the best we
were really close Amy thought we were dating but we were only friends.
It was a Saturday I was sent to the mall with Neo we fought that but they didn’t listen
I had to change my outfit because the mighty brat said he won’t go if I don’t change
the elders said I must go change so I did. We went to the mall not talking to each
other we had nothing to say to one another we were given a list so we bought
everything on the list and went to spur for dinner Grace wasn’t gonna cook tonight.
We were still waiting when I saw Jerome walking with some white chick I got so
angry that I couldn’t sit still
on the chair Neo just looked at me and went back to his phone. Jerome saw me and
came my way Neo went to fetch the order.
Him:Hey Angel
Me:Jerome
Him:She’s not my girlfriend I swear
Me:I didn’t ask
Him:I can see that you’re angry
Me:Mxm
Him:Baby come on she’s my cousin Britney tell
her
Her:it’s true I’m his cousin
Me:Why are you explaining yourself to me? It’s
not we’re dating we’re just friends Jerome
Him:Well I felt a need to explain
Neo came he looked at Jerome then me after that he smiled
Him:Wifey let’s go your in laws are waiting for you
Jer:Wifey?
Neo:Soon to be didn’t she tell you we’re getting married soon babe you should invite
your friends to come to our wedding Jerome looked at me and I stared back I could
see how hurt he was his eyes were filled with tears Neo!
PART 16

It shouldn’t be against our will to be deflowered because it will be something we’ll

never forget it should be something we’ll be proud to talk about not someone who
will force themselves on you ripe your insides apart just to pleasure themselves while
they’re torturing you. Once they take it you can never have it back and that’s the
most painful part.
He removed the jean and threw it on the floor I screamed once more he punched me
real hard that I felt liquid flowing down on either side of my face it was blood I was
crying I was wishing death, a cold metal was placed against my neck I didn’t care I
wanted him to kill me. He then ripped my vest off me and tied it on my face to shut
me up he then gave me countless claps.
Him:Now be a good girl and shut up I’m about to show you the moon and stars you’ll
beg me not to stop
He licked my breast I felt so disgusted but that wasn’t the case I had a more bigger
problem to be disgusted by Mr D’s saliva I was begging the Lord to just take my life
cause this is it I’ll never be the same again, in my life everything amazing hasn’t
been on my side maybe I deserve this maybe this is destined to happen. He used
the knife to cut my bra in the middle he then squeezed my boobs I removed my
focus from him and focused on my mouth I was trying to remove that vest and
scream like never before. His hand went inside my panties my body flipped
immediately I was shocked and scared tears were being victoria fall on my face, he
took it out and slapped the insides of my thighs then ripped my undies I was now
fully naked keep in mind that my legs are apart. He stood up and stared at my body
while slowly taking off his clothes I was trying my best please believe me but nothing
was changing I tried bringing my legs back together by force thinking maybe the
ropes will break but nothing I was tied even my hands how come I didn’t hear him
come in feel him when he was tying me how can I be so careless and not lock the
door? My mind was so clued on Jerome and the kiss that I forgot I’m living with a
pervert.
Him:Your body is so fucking sexy it literally turns me on by just looking at it
His pants went down followed by his under clothes his freaken old manhood was
standing on his toes! It wasn’t a pretty sight to see I vomited that’s how much
disgusted I was slapped real hard
Him:You will sleep in it
He got on top of me smiling like a lunatic actually he is a lunatic a monster! Me on
the other hand I was still trying to get loose he went oral on me I wasn’t enjoying it I
was crying throughout the whole ordeal I never imagined my first like this actually no
body does.
Him:Would you stop crying I’m doing this for you
He came up to me with his nude body came up I mean to my face! He removed the
vest I immediately screamed he just looked at me I continued screaming
Him:Would you shut up it’s just the two of us everybody went out I sent the maids
home so you screaming won’t help but make me beat the living shit out of you
So it’s happening I’m getting raped and no one is here to save me this is it Lwandle
Mr D is about to deflower you and this time around no one is gonna help you he
brought his dick closer to my face sies! I was turning my head right and left I wasn’t
about to suck him no! He grabbed the chin of my face and held it at one place
Him:No suck me like a lollipop, here’s your lollipop sexy
Oh Lord no please God don’t let this happen do you hate me that much? He shove it
in my mouth it went down to my throat I bit him he groaned in frustration and took it
out slapped me like never before and quickly puts it in again I lay there hopelessly
not moving a inch of my mouth or head, he grabs my hair and do the movement.
I am not loved hatred is what people have towards me curse am I but think about it if
God really loved me he wouldn’t allow this to take place his thing in my freaken
mouth! He groaned in pleasure after a while he took it out and went down to my
lower body I have lost all hope after this there won’t be no Lwandle that’s a promise I
make in my head while laying there I felt his dick against my vagina as he was
positioning himself to go in, he got done with the positioning he giggled I was like kill
me lord take my life now! I felt the head on my entrance
Him:Here comes the awesome part you are about to enjoy this…
PART 17

Pain is a common thing in my life it is so common that I got used to it but it comes in
different ways which pains a lot, life is not a child’s play poor or not life is hard. I’m
not prefect no one is but people hurt others to feel good I forgive easily if my living
circumstances are not looking good. I never want to end up on the streets I want to
finish my studies but no one is on my side to help me out of the Dlamini’s house. I’m
about to be deflowered by the most arrogant self centered bastard his old enough to
be my own father, I’m just a baby what have I done to deserve all of this? I was
begging him to stop but he was enjoying himself I begged the Lord for help or to
change Mr D’s mind estate. His tip was at the entrance to me it felt like he was
already in it pained a lot, to all rape victims I’m truly sorry you had to go through that
if I’m awaking memories then I apologize you didn’t deserve that always remember
you’re bigger then him/her, don’t let him/her control your life you can conquer
anything while he’s watching from the side thinking he finished you not knowing that
he awaken the beast in you.
He placed his hands on my waist as his upper body was up his face looked down
looking at what his about to do.
Him:We can chat if you want to so you may not feel the pain
Is he for real chat about what?! How he’s gonna do me good?! How he is killing me?
taking something so precious from me? my dignity?! tears escaped my red puffy
eyes I could feel how swollen they were they were so heavy. He looked at me then
got up, he is so free I could tell that he wasn’t lying that it’s just the two of us in the
house. He untied my right leg I was shocked but kept still what is he doing? Is he
letting go of me? He came up to me and untied both my hands I sat up straight and
untied my other leg. He sat on the study table chair he was still nude and so was I.
Him:Dance
I uncovered my mouth shocked! what does he mean by “Dance” he had a straight
serious face on I got off the bed and just stood in front of it.
Him:Go on
I looked around the room scanning it tears stopped flowing they just dried out! I had
non left, I started moving my hips left and right like I was following the music he
smiled and leaned back on the chair. I slowly went down while moving my hips the
rhythm was there I was going up and down, he was clearly enjoying himself.
Him:You’re suppose to touch yourself princess
I didn’t do no such thing I cat walked around the room it was like something was in
control of me everything I was doing wasn’t Lwandle. I walked to the door and faced
him continuing with the dancing my hand moved to the back and quickly unlocked
the door then ran out for my dear life. I knew for a fact that the main door is locked
and it will take forever for me to get there so I ran into a room and locked myself in it,
I took everything I could lift and placed it in front of the door and cried my heart out I
was scared terrified! I probably fell asleep cause I was waken up by furious knocks I
looked around I was still in that room butt naked, I grabbed the bed sheets and
covered myself. The knocks were still on going I had a terrible headache, I could tell
everyone was back I could hear they’re voices. I removed everything and went out
the elderly woman gang me with hugs I was still didn’t move I was zombie
traumatized. They let go and threw me with questions their mouths were moving but
I couldn’t make out what they were saying, I walked away to my room locked and
went to go scrub myself I felt so dirty like it was my fault that I was almost raped. I
went out wore tracksuit and packed my clothes I then sat down where will I? I have
nothing! The room reminded me so much about the incident I broke down where is
everyone? where are those who love me when I need them? I can’t go through this
alone I need someone’s shoulder, a chest to rest my head on, a voice that will be
filled with love that will reassure me that everything will be okay is that too much to
ask?
I locked myself for the whole weekend not eating, I wasn’t hungry and I was avoiding
everyone. That weekend I cried my eyes out I couldn’t even sleep properly it was
horrible. Monday morning came I got ready for school my eyes spoke the unspoken
they explained what my mouth couldn’t explain, I went down as normal everyone
was there when I made my appearance they stood up not everyone did only the
concerned did.
Me:Morning
They didn’t greet back but threw me with questions I looked at them the elders had
concern faces on they looked worried I felt tears threatening my eyes Mr& Mrs D
didn’t care they were eating well I wasn’t expecting anything what shocked me was
that Neo stopped eating he was looking at me worried, he stood up his feet found
themselves next to me I moved back.
E.M:Neo you not even married yet but you’ve already hurt the girl
Neo:What?
E.M:Look at her she doesn’t even want you near her
Neo:I didn’t do anything I swear I may be a jerk sometimes but I’m not heartless, I’ll
never hurt her like this come on old man give me some credit!
He then walked away he disappeared at the stairs, I looked back at everyone I was
speechless I guess they were too.
E.W1:Makoti are you pregnant?
Me:Huh?
Mrs D choked on whatever she was drinking
E.W2:I didn’t think of that MaKhumalo but it’s clear they’re fighting because she’s
pregnant it’s just hormones
Are they crazy or what?! I’ll never sleep with Neo the thought of sex crossed my
mind it brought back memories I quickly grabbed my bag and went out the driver was
already there. He took me to school, school was school my friends could tell that I
wasn’t okay and I wasn’t talk active they did the most talking my mind wasn’t there
the day was a drag after school we went to the gate they went home only me and
Amy were left behind.
Her:Wanna talk about it?
I shook my head
Her:I’m here if you do
I nodded, she held my hand I instantly broke down she gave me a hug tears were
my only words the thought of going back there killed me inside, she was busy
brushing my back when somebody pulled me out of her hug. It was Jerome he
placed me on his chest and gave me a tight hug I continued crying.
Him:Baby please I hate seeing you like this please
I calm down he kissed my forehead and gave me a hug again.
Him:Let’s get out of here
I cleared my throat
Me:My transport
Him:it’s Monday today Lwa
Oh shit! I have to tell him everything but I’m not ready to open up yet not after what
happened but I’ll have to tell him I can’t lose Jerome. We went to the car Amy was
siting at the back Jerome opened the front door for me I didn’t want to sit there I
shook my head.
Him:You are the wife so that’s your seat
I felt my cheeks heating up I guess I was blushing I got in Amy was quiet Jerome
drove to his parents house the drive was silent I was thinking where will I begin? Do I
have to tell the truth? But he’ll look at me differently if I do, the truth always comes
out. We got off Amy was just quiet she gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek then
left us there, Jerome took my school bag and he led the way to his room to my
surprise his room was outside my first time to boy/guys room he opened and it was
neat! mxm I’m sure he cleaned it cause he knew I was coming anyway I stood at the
door I didn’t know what to do where must I sit.
Him:Hey come here close the door behind you please
I looked at him why close the door? He laughed and came up to me pulled me to him
and closed the door we were so near each other butterflies were dancing in my
stomach my hands were getting sweaty he brought his face closer to mine placed his
hands on my waist oh Lord have mercy! What is he doing to me?! He then
whispered
Him:I love you
I swallowed hard he moved his face back and smiled his hands still on my waist.
Him:I guess that’s a I love you too
I blinked uncontrollably I was stunned, he took my hand and led us to the bed we sat
down he placed his arm around my shoulder.
Him:This is my house oh I’m sorry I mean our house
Me:Haha nice room
Him:House baby house
Me:Show me the kitchen
Him:Okay fine room, something to drink, eat?
Me:Nah I’m cool
Him:Okay
He got up took out his phone and called someone telling them to bring something to
eat and drink I thought I told him I don’t want anything he dropped the call and sat
next to me again. He turned my body to face him our eyes locked it was magical I
saw love in his eyes I had hope that one day I’ll be free and happy that what I’m
going through is not the end of the world, he shifted closer and immediately smashed
his lips on to mine they were soft my arms voluntarily wrapped around his neck I
came back to my senses and quickly removed my arms but my lips just didn’t want
to move away from his. I was following him he was teaching me something new his
lips uhm one word Jesus! He bit my lower lip and moved back his eyes were still
closed his ears were red I didn’t understand.
Him:I love you angel
I nodded forgetting that his eyes are closed I was smiling from one ear to another he
opened his eyes and kissed my cheek. A knock came through he attended the door I
made myself comfortable not COMFORTABLE I was just a bit relaxed, he came
back with a tray which had food and beverages.
Him:Let’s eat
Me:I thought I told you I’m okay
Him:Uhm then you thought wrong
Me:I told you Jerome
Him:Let’s eat
Me:No
Him:To me no means yes and yes means no so come
Me:No
He raised his thick black eyebrow
Me:I mean yes!
He smiled and sat next to me
Him:You just said yes so open up I’ll feed you
I give up! Cause he ain’t giving up he fed me even though I didn’t want to be fed
when I told him I was full he took the tray and placed it on the table he took a chair
and placed it in front of me sat down and looked at me he had a serious face on.
Him:You know I love you right?
I nodded
Him:I want what’s best for you, you blinded me angel I’m so attached to you that I’m
afraid to lose you. I don’t wanna share you Lwa I’m in love with you but I feel like I
don’t know you, you never open up about your life to me maybe you don’t trust me I
don’t know. It’s okay if you not ready I won’t force you angel but please tell me the
truth are you involve with someone else? Are you getting married? Are you breaking
my heart? Do you love him? Do you belong to him? Is this it?
I didn’t know what to do or say should I lie to him? He doesn’t have to know
everything right? It’s not like he’ll save me his still a student himself.
PART 18

Where do I begin? is he worth the truth? am I

about to make the biggest mistake of my life?
voices were on going at the back of my mind one telling me to lie while the other
telling me to come clean about everything. Tears were starting to form in my eyes I
was scared what if he judges me? he took both my hands and squeezed them gently
reassuring me that everything is gonna be okay. He got up from the chair and
kneeled in front of me my hands were still in his, Jerome is an angel sent from above
I don’t deserve him not from my background I don’t deserve anyone this special!
Tears escaped my eyes I’m a wreck a
good for nothing whore a piece of trash where the hell did I find this guy, he wipe my
tears and peck my lips.
Him:Baby
I swallowed hard and looked into his eyes
Me:I love you
Him:I love you too never forget that, I’m sorry if I’m bringing back horrible memories
but babe I wanna know
I took a deep breath a breath that will help me
spill the beans
Me:I’m getting married to Neo
He let go of my hands ouch! I think I should
change my story I can’t hurt him like this. He
stoop up and moved away from me what’s
happening? I also stood up and went near him
but he moved backwards now that hurt a lot. Am I losing him like this? Is he drifting
away from me? Tears went down my face I love Jerome with every fiber in me.
Him:What’s going on? Are you in love with him? Am I a fool for loving you? Tell me!
He shouted I got so shocked that my body
jumped a bit I moved back he was pink!
Me:Plea-…Pleas-….
I was scared of him scared to tell him the truth scared of how he’ll react when I tell
him every single detail. Tears were flowing down my face
Me:Please don’t hurt me
He looked at me shook his head and quickly came my way he wrapped his arms
around my body.
Him:I’ll never hurt you angel I’m sorry for shouting sshh I’m sorry.
He was busy brushing my back I cried my heart out on his chest, after some time I
finally calm down we sat down.
Me:I’m not in love with him in fact we hate each other we both don’t wanna marry
one another but we’re forced… The people I’m staying with are his family baby he
has his own girlfriend and I’ve got you.
Him:Your family what the heck is wrong with
them why are they allowing this, you’re practically an adult
I looked the other way my family? They hate me! I’ve got non
Me:They are agreeing to this
Him:Why?! I don’t understand please make me understand
Me:Our families want us to get married, don’t
worry we won’t, we won’t show up on the
wedding day. After that we’ll go our separate
ways his father though…His…His….
Him:His what?
Me:Uhm his checking our every move but don’t worry got this under control.
He looked at me for longest time I can’t believe I just lied to him I hated myself for
that cause I’ll get used to it but I couldn’t tell him I had no guts to tell him the truth
how I was sold Mr Dlamini almost raping me twice the beating I keep getting I just
couldn’t.
Him:You lying to me and I hate that
I swallowed really hard I got scared I felt my palms getting sweaty my heart racing a
marathon words ran away I didn’t know what to do or say.
Him:What? You thought I won’t know? You lying to me woman why?
Me:Bab-
Him:Don’t baby me!
Me:I’m sorry okay! I’m sorry I’m not good enough! I’m sorry I’m a piece of trash I’m
sorry I brought you into my complicated life! I’m sorry Jerome
Him:Tell me the truth!
We were shouting at each other I didn’t blame him I would also be angry he got up
and paced around the room
Me:Please take me home
He turned and looked at me in disbelied
I didn’t know what to say so it’ll be better if I went home us shouting at each other
was the first and that broke me cause its all my fault. He came near me and knelt in
front of me took a good look at me then stood up and shook his head, he took my
bag and went to the door opened it and gave me another look I couldn’t look at him
so I looked down I’m sure he hates me!
Him:You said you wanna go home right so come
I stood up while dragging my feet and body I didn’t like the tension between us but
it’s out of my powers I can’t do anything about it. We left for the car this time he didn’t
open the door for me everything he was doing was tearing me apart, I loved his
attention but this time around I had non he drove me home. The drive was silent the
silence was too loud it was cracking every corner in my heart we parked in front of
the house not uttering a single word. I turned my body and took my bag from the
back.
Him:What happened?
He was pointing at my thigh scar my skirt went up I quickly pulled it down and looked
the other way
Him:Never mind I don’t wanna hear your lies
Ouch!! I swear that made my heart collapsed to the ground, I turned to face him he
was looking outside the window tapping his fingers on the steering wheel his tapping
got loud in my head uninvited tears went down my cheeks I wiped them and got out.
I was wishing he would stop me but he didn’t I heard the car driving off more tears
came out every step I was taking was making my tears come out more. I got in the
house and went straight to my room and locked the door threw myself on the bed
and made my pillow wet. I was waken up by knocks on the door it was Grace telling
me dinner is ready, I got up changed into a tracksuit costume wash my mouth and
face then found my way to the dinner table.
E.W1:Makoti are you okay?
I nodded and sat down Mr D said grace and we ate they were busy making small
talks my mind wasn’t there it was on my soul mate whom I’ve lost I heard a bang! I
quickly escape the thinking land it was Neo he threw his plate I was shocked but I
didn’t give a damn!
Mr D:Are you crazy?!
Neo:You are busy laughing can’t you see the poor girl is suffering!! Take her back
home or I will!
Mrs D:This is about her?! you broke my plate because of this thing!
She stood up and went to Neo’s side slapped him hard against the face real hard
Neo was about to say something when Grace entered.
Her:Lwa you have a visitor
Mr D:At this time of the night?! tell them to go away
Neo:Let them in
Neo was on my side I was happy and completely confused by his actions Grace left.
My mind drifted to Jerome again he was occupying my mind nothing mattered oh
how can I be so dumb “Lwa” I looked up and it was Amy she looked troubled I wiped
my tears yeah I was crying.
Me:Amy
Her:Please borrow me that book I forgot mine at school.
I got up and went to my room took my bag and searched for a book then I realized
she didn’t say which book, I took my whole bag and went downstairs to her. She tool
my bag and took out a Life Sciences book
Her:Please walk me out I’m sorry for disturbing dinner
Everyone nodded I walked her to my surprise Jerome was outside I felt relieved and
scared at the same time.
Amy:Oh Rome I found her crying
Then she entered the car he came near me I moved back
Him:What? I won’t hurt you
I went up to him he squeezed me in between his arms I missed him!
Him:I couldn’t leave it like that I’m sorry
Me:No I’m sorry
Him:Please tell me the truth please
I took a deep breath there’s no lying now cause he knows when I’m lying, I
summarized everything for him leaving some parts out like the Mr D saga I wasn’t
ready to talk about that I’ll tell him when I’m ready. After telling him he moved away
from me and gave me his back while leaning on the car, I hugged him from behind
he let me be we stood in silence after what seemed forever to me he broke the
silence.
Him:I’m sorry you had to go through all that bullshit
Me:It’s okay
Him:No its not! man I just wanna kill your mother and rest of the jerks inside that
house!
He turned away and held my shoulders
Him:Come stay with me
Me:You staying with your parents so no!
Him:I’ll look for an apartment baby please I can’t let you stay with them
Me:You didn’t think this through no
Him:Baby please
Me:No! There are way too many expenses my school fees and all that us living
together can cost us huge-
Him:My parents will pay
Me:We’ve just started dating what if we break up than what?
Him:So you’re thinking of dumping me
Me:No but please think about it, only 3 months left then the year will be over next
year we’ll move in together
Him:Pinky promise?
Me:Pinky promise
We made a pinky promise and kissed each other like never before I saw everything
beautiful in that kiss it was so magical.
Months passed it was December next month I’ll be moving in with Jerome he was
the best boyfriend ever! He was a true angel made me laugh even on those days I
had a painful body he made me see pass my stupid life everything about him was
amazing it was like I’m dreaming. My friends were the best Amy knew what Jerome
knew nothing about Mr D saga speaking of that he hasn’t tried any of his stupid
stunts because more family members have arrived due to the planning of the
wedding which was gonna be on March the following year. Me and Neo still didn’t
want to marry each other but he has changed on some days he would be nice then
on some he would act all bitchy but he was supportive about my relationship with
Jerome he apologized to him about the last incident, sometimes he takes me to
Jerome that’s how supportive he is, I wished Sam was around to see how happy I
was.
We were getting our final reports I was so freaken nervous couldn’t even sit still Neo
took me to school.
Him:Would you relax
Me:Shut up
Him:No like seriously Luu relax I’m sure you made it
Yeah he still called me Luu, I just kept quiet my phone rang yep I had a phone! its
was him the one and only boo-thang.
Me:You
Him:Baby where you at I’m waiting for you
Me:Waiting for me?
Him:Yes
Me:Uhm you’re weird
I dropped the call
Me:Faster Neo
He drove faster I was going out of my mind, he parked at the gate I quickly went out
Him:Bye to you too!
I waved he rolled his eyes mxm I made my way Jerome he was standing with the
girls I hugged him first then the girls then back to him.
Me:I’m so nervous
Him:You called me weird
Me:Don’t you have something better to do
Him:This is important I’m here to support my wife
I blushed and played with my fingers he lifted my head and peck my lips.
Him:Go I’ll be waiting for you good luck even though you don’t need it
I winked and left with the girls I was quiet we all were, we got to class and stupid
teacher made a speech I was not in the mood for the talk. We were given our report
cards I was shaking but we all were proceeding to the next grade. We made our way
to the gate Jerome was still there Amy ran up to him he spun her around Sam
crossed my mind.
Him:Bae are you okay?
Me:Uhm yeah
Him:Congrats come here
I went up to him he kissed the daylights out of me I was losing my breath he broke it
then whispered “Let’s go shopping for our little house”
PART 19

Well we went to drop Amy she couldn’t come with she had plans with her boyfriend
we went furniture shopping it was so much fun Jerome kept choosing unnecessary
things he was making it so much fun we were really enjoying ourselves I couldn’t
wait to move in with him start something new with the one I love I was scared at the
same time what if things don’t work out between us where will I go?
Him:I’m hungry
Me:Eat me
Him:I might just do that
He was smiling from one ear to another he than winked I hit his shoulder playful he
dragged me out of the shop we went to Spur holding hands acting like newlyweds
we were still in a honeymoon phase in our relationship, we ate while talking and
laughing our lungs out at silly stupid things after that we went back to shopping we
spent the rest of our day in shops we couldn’t decide what we wanted we didn’t even
know what we wanted we took a few things and promised we’ll come back again
they said they’ll deliver everything so we left and went to check the apartment it was
exactly what I had in mind it was perfect! I ran around like a mad person checking it
out
Him:Angel slow down!
Me:Haha this is perfect
Him:I know thanks to me!
Me:Mxm
Him:I missed you today
Me:I’ve been with the whole time
He came near me and placed his hands on my waist our eyes locked it still feels like
the very first time even when we kiss it feels like the first time.
Him:I missed your lips, your body against mine, your hands around my neck
He smashed his lips on to mine like I said it feels like the very first time we kissed a
long passionate kiss I started feeling some weird stuff things I’ve never felt before.
He picked me up not breaking the amazing kiss he placed my body against the wall
the weird feelings were becoming more my breathing pace started increasing his
hands went under my tee they were caressing on my back he would run one finger
down my spinal court that brought me goosebumps. My fingers were running through
his hair he went down to my neck an uninvited but volunteering moan escaped my
mouth he broke it and put me down his front pants was huge I was embarrassed oh
jesus he was pink he kept his eyes closed he pinned me again this time around my
body tightened up I saw how heavenly he was! He moved back and opened his eyes
they were red!
Him:I’m sorry I just got carried away
I nodded he laughed and disappeared to the bathroom passage I sat down on the
floor and thought about what just happened but what just happened?!
He came back after a few and sat next to me.
Him:You’re a virgin?
I nodded and looked at him he smiled and kissed my cheek.
Him:Thank you for waiting
Me:It’s not like I had a choice
Him:Oh please you had one but you choose the wise one let’s get out of here its
getting late.
He stood up and helped me to get up we left for car he drove me home he was play
Beyonce-I was here he kept looking at me than back at the road with a huge smile
on his face, he parked at the gate.
Him:I love your smile
I smiled immediately
Me:And I love you
Him:Not more than how I love you
Me:I love you universe size
Him:I love you space size
Me:Arg!
We kissed after that I went to the house they were all in the lounge I greeted they
greeted back.
Mrs D:Where’s your report?
I was confused of what she was talking about so I just looked at her.
Neo:Your school report card Luu
Oh shit I forgot it in Jerome’s car all my stuff even my phone! How can I be so
careless
Me:Don’t worry I passed
Mr D:We didn’t ask
Me:Uhm okay
Mrs D came my way and pulled me by my ear to the kitchen that shit hurts
Her:Where is it?
Me:I forgot it at Amy’s house
She slapped real hard I so wanted to return it!
Her:I saw you at the mall with that white guy you bitch!
Another one was placed on my face followed by another one.
Her:See if he makes it through out the festive season nobody messes with my son
and gets away with it
She clicked her tongue and cat walked away from me heading to the lounge I didn’t
understand what she meant by “see if he makes it”
PART 20

Days faded away Mrs D turned into a red evil witch she was horrible she was hurting
me in every possible way I was so ripped apart that nothing was making me smile
even Jerome, he was trying his best but I was a wreck I would just burst out in tears.
Mr D was totally annoyed by the family members he was so fed up to the point
where he didn’t join us for any eating he would look at me like a hungry puppy. Our
relationship(Jerome and I) was okay but I was slowly drifting away from him my mind
was so occupied by Mrs D that I never listened when he spoke but my love for him
never changed I was still crazy about him but I needed some healing physically and
emotionally. He pinky promised me that on the 25th we will go to my mother’s house
and today it was that day I was so nervous.
I woke up filled the tub with water, a knock came through I attended it, it was Grace
Me:Morning
Her:Good morning sweetie and merry Christmas
Me:Hahaha merry Christmas Grace
Her:I’m here to change the bedding then I’ll let you be
Me:Okay
I went to the bathroom took off my pj’s and soaked myself my body needed that.
After some time I went out dried myself and lotion I wore my under clothes just then
the door opened holy mother shit! Last person who was in my room was Grace and
she didn’t lock I quickly grabbed everything in front of me and covered myself Neo
had his back on me the moment he saw I was half naked he turned.
Him:Oh my fucking lord I’m so so sorry Luu
Me:Get out!
He quickly went out I ran to the door and locked it how will I be able to look at him
again things are gonna be awkward around here. I got dressed and left making sure
no one notices me Jerome was already waiting for me I get to me we share a brief
hug he was about to kiss me but I quickly stopped him.
Me:We gonna be late
Him:Okay
He huffed out loud and opened the door for me I got in he did the same and drove.
The drive was quiet he kept looking at me, I could see how worried and hurt he was.
Me:Jerome I said turn left
Him:Okay
He turned left and looked at me one more time
Me:The road
Him:Okay…You know what I’ve had enough of this bull
He parked aside and came around to my side opened the door and pulled me out.
Him:What the heck is going on? I’ve had it with your attitude I’ve been nothing but
patient with you but you keep pushing me away what’s wrong Lwa? Did I do
something shitty? Please tell me so I can fix it I wanna sleep at night and what you
doing is giving me sleepless nights
I didn’t know what to say cause he did nothing wrong he’s been doing well always on
my side. I wrapped my arms around his neck and brought him closer, smashed my
lips onto his they were sensational they always reminded me that Jerome is an
angel. I thought he would back out but instead he brought me closer and squeezed
me like never before we kept going until we heard people talking they were actually
stopping us we backed out and looked at each other and laughed we totally forgot
we were in public.
Him:I missed you
I peck his lips
Me:I love you and I’m sorry I’ll tell you okay
Him:Okay and I love you more
We went to the car and headed to my mother’s house this time around we were
talking I showed him the house he parked in front of it I took a deep breath Jerome
placed his hand on top of mine.
Him:Hey I’m here nothing to worry about
We went out of the car after he hugged me reassuring me thar he’s there, the house
was different I guess it was the money Dlamini’s paid for me. We entered the yard
while our hands were locked, a lady was seated outside the closer we got the clearer
I could see her she looked familiar. She looked at us she was actually shocked to
see me to the point where she placed her hands on her mouth it was actually my
sister she was pregnant, she screamed as she was getting up which was a mission
for her.
Her:Lwandle oh Lord!
She came to us and wrapped her filthy hands around me I was disgusted not that I
was better than them but the fact that she hated me now all of sudden she loves. Her
family members started getting out because she was screaming, they all started
celebrating hugging me kissing my cheeks.
Mom:My baby oh my poor child Lwandle never do that again
Sis:We were worried Lwa
Mom:Never ran away from home again thank you son thank you for bringing my
daughter back
Jerome sat his eyes on me they were pacing under my skin I looked at this women in
front of me the hatred I had towards her was beyond words, she placed her arms
around me I was just stunned I didn’t hug her back. Jerome let go of my hand I
removed her arms around my body and looked at Jerome he raised his eyebrow
giving me the can we talk look I nodded.
Him:Just give us a few minutes mam we’ll be right back
Mom:it’s okay son
We made our way to the car tears escaped my eyes I was just too shocked
Him:Ran away?
Me:I can’t believe this she’s evil I never ran away yes I tolerated her shit but I never
thought about running away I’m way too scared for the big world to run away. Don’t
tell me you believe her over me oh my word Jerome!
Him:Hey hey don’t put words in my mouth I never said so I’m just shocked cause
they’re all talking about you running away
Me:I’ll never do that I’m way too fragile for that
Him:Let’s go back in there and show them you’re better you’re amazing and you
don’t need them
Me:I love you
Him:Love you million times more
He kissed my cheek a smile came upon my face we went back into the house we sat
down.
Big_Sis1:Aren’t you gonna introduce us to the hunk who found you
Big_Sis2:Yeah we wanna know the gentleman
Me:Oh uhm this is Jerome my-
Him:Her husband
I looked at him he was so serious I blushed my heart was in waves. They all didn’t
believe it my sisters had that jealousy look mom sat at the tip of the chair.
Her:What happened to the Dlamini’s?
Me:Who?
Her:The Dlamini’s the family I sold you to
“I thought she ran away, you lied to me. All this time me missing her you seeing how
I was suffering you actually knew where she was”
It was Sam I ran up to him like a mad person have ever been family-in love like love
your family or sibling to the point where it hurts that’s how I felt about Sam I’d kill for
him. I cried my heart out in his arms we both went down crying in each other’s arms I
missed him he meant so much to me, we let go of each other he stood up and
helped me to get up he took me into his arms and spun me around his eyes were
sparkling I was giggling like a 5 year old.
Me:Sam put me down hihihi Sam
He putted me down and gave me a tight hug
Him:You look so beautiful as always thanks Santa
He kissed my cheeks I started crying again he was my strength, he gave me faith, he
was my shoulder to cry on he gave me love the love no one gave me. He was my
favorite person the 1st guy to tell me he loves me actually the first person to tell me
that to tell me how beautiful I am, God gave me a gift through Sam. He brushed my
back calming me down he came near my ear and whispered.
Him:Your husband looks worried stop crying
I stopped crying and started laughing I backed out from the hug and went to Jerome
peck his lips he wiped my tears.
Me:Thank you for everything baby I love Jerome. You mean so much to me I’ll never
stop loving you that I can promise you please never leave me I’ll be nothing without
you, yo-
He placed his index finger on my lips stopping me from talking
Him:I’m doing all of this because I love you and want what’s best for you when you’re
hurting I’m also hurting angel, I promise to never leave you I love you baby
He gave me a big hug man I love this man!
Sam:Or else you’ll have me to deal with that’s my baby sis
Jer:Haha I promise I won’t trust me man
Me:Come I missed you
I took both they’re hands we went to the car to me we were the only ones in that
house others weren’t there to me I just didn’t care about them they meant nothing to
me. The way they treated was painful they just don’t deserve my kindness maybe I’ll
forgive them but act all family-family never!
PART 21

Aaaa! I had an amazing christmas everything was spectacular nothing expensive

just a room filled with love and peace it made me forget about every hurtful thing in
my life it made me to appereciate life it showed me that there are people who
actually love me it was me,Sam,Amy and Jerome they’re parents didn’t mind them
spending the day with us. I wouldn’t exchange it for anything I broke down when it
was time for us to go our separate ways but we promised we will do it more often,
me and Samkelo exchanged number we took him home then they took me home.
Me:Thanks
Jerome:Huh?
Me:About today silly you made my day
Him:You just made mine by saying I made yours… Come on babe that was nothing I
just wanna see you smile
Me:I love you
Him:Girl please not more than me
Me:Oh yeah
Him:Yeah
We kissed a looong kiss it was amazing! Man I love this dude
Amy:I hate you guys!
Haha I totally forgot she’s around we broke it while laughing I said my goodbyes and
went in the house where I was awaited with a stick it was so thick that I got scared
before it even touched me I so wanted to go back where I was coming from my day
was so gonna end bad I guess I spoke way too soon “made my day”
MrsD:Where have you been? Didn’t that bitch of a mother teach you that christmas
is spent with family!
Family? Is she nuts? They aren’t my family never was and probably never will be! I
just stared at her without uttering a word my palms were sweating like crazy that
stick was thicker than a broom stick! Aunt Dorris came to the lounge her eyes
travelled on my body while her nose was blowen up she was mad! Neo also came
oh how nice mxm
Him:Where have you been?…Oh Jerome
His mom:Who’s that?
Him:Her boyfriend which is totally none of your business
Aunt D:Boyfriend?! So you skanking around you whore!
Neo:Skanking?
Mrs D:You sleeping with him aren’t you?
I didn’t answer her I was still in the same position even if I was that’s none of her
damn business
Neo:Woah you…you slee-…tell me this is a fucking joke!!
Aunt D:Its not son
He surrended his hands while shaking his head he turned and walked away I was
left with the two witches what is it to him if I’m sleeping with Jerome, a clap moved
me from thought land and back to reality. Aunt Dorris landed her hands on my throat
and started choking me I felt pain on my ribs I realized that Mrs D was hiting me with
that stick I was screaming my lungs out which was kinda hard to do because of aunt
Dorris’s choking, she pulled me by my hair making me stand on my feet pushed to
the wall hiting hard with my head everything became blur the stick was still smashing
my ribs it was painful I felt warm liquid going down my face I went down they were
still beating me the pain was unbearable it was getting hard to breath my nose was
also bleeding my sight was still blur.
Voice1:Are you fucking crazy?!!!
Voice2:Nosipho Dorris no!
Voice1:Luu Luu come on open your eyes mom what the fuck is wrong with you!! Luu!
Shit
It was Neo he was shaking my body like crazy making it pained even more I couldn’t
move they’re voices started to vanish, I was going into a more well very peaceful
place I could feel it in me than lights out!

Voice:Lord please wake her up please she’s the only woman for me I love her god I
want to share my life with her, mxm how could you let this happen to her what kind of
a god are you?… Baby please wake up I love you if you can hear me squeeze my
hand
I so wanted to squeeze his hand but it was impossible I couldn’t move anything I
could feel pipes on my face, his hand squeezing mine but I couldn’t do the same I so
wanted to show him I’m awake, I ended up sleeping again with his head on my lap. I
was waken by people arguing the voices were Jerome and Neo’s they were arguing
about the incitend that took place it took everything in me to open my eyes Jerome
looked like hell they were so caught in the moment they didn’t even realize that I’m
awake. I cleared my throat they looked my way shock was written all over they’re
faces Jerome smiled and ran to me so did Neo, I felt pain on my chest it was kinda
burning it was on fire! Beeping sounds started to go off my eyes were weak ready to
close and they did.
PART 22

A hand brushed my face it was so smooth I didn’t want it to stop, drops hit my face I
quickly opened my eyes meeting Sam’s teary eyes another tear hit my face he just
broke down when he saw I’m awake I also cried but it was painful so I stopped and
looked at him, he hugged me and kissed my cheeks than sat down bringing the chair
closer.
Him:I hate you do you know that?
I nodded with a smile on my face I know he’ll never hate me.
Him:Almost a mouth you’ve been here how do you think we feel? The sleepless
nights you’ve put us through Lwa…Oh my word you’re awake
He kissed again he was all excited I just smiled I couldn’t believe I’ve been there for
a whole mouth! The door swang open my man entered he totally lost weight he just
wasn’t the Jerome I met at the mall the weirdo who lost words when he first met me,
he saw that I’m awake he didn’t come to me he just walked out me and Sam were
both confused. We heard a bang on the door Sam quickly attended it I was now
worried I mean what’s going on making things worse I couldn’t get up! They came
back he immediately kiss my lips and and hugged me tight I moaned in pain my eyes
filled with tears he let go
Him:Angel
He hugged me again but more gently this time around I than realized that I actually
missed his scent to me it was like yesterday when we kissed in front of Amy but my
heart ached for him.
Him:Baby please don’t leave me never leave me Angel, I love you okay? I love you
He let go of me and brought the second chair closer
Jer:Bruh go get the Doc
Sam:Ha.a bruh she’s my sister you go get the Dr
Jer:She’s my wife go!
Sam:You nuts! You’re suppose to respect me I’m your brother in-law
Jerome laughed got up and did as told haha the Doc did what his good at apparently
I had a panick attack and my ribs were broken ouch anyway we “chilled” until visting
hours were over those two clicked. I slept a police officer woke me up for a
statement I gave him I had to open a case they messed me up! At was night-visiting
hours when I was woken up by people shouting at each other argh Jerome and Neo
Jerome:She doesn’t need you or your stupid family leave!
Neo:You don’t decide for her she’ll tell me that herself so shut the fuck up?
Jerome threw a punched at him yoh! 1st time I’m seeing him fight he threw a second
one
Me:Jerome! Ouch ouch
He quickly came my way and touched were it pained my ribs Neo also came his
nose was bleeding eish Jerome Neo took off his t-shirt WTF guy was sexy but not
more than my Jerome I looked at boo
Him:Okay sorry about that but you…dude just leave
Neo:Luu must I leave?
Jer:Yes! You don’t even know her!
Neo:I said Luu not white guy
Jerome was about to say something when I held his hand stopping him from saying
something I can speak for myself
Me:Neo uhm please pack my stuff I’m moving out
Jerome squeezed my hand with the biggest smile on his face this guy thou, Neo
couldn’t believe it
Him:Wait what? Where the hell are you gonna go?
Me:Its a new year right? Well I promised someone that we’ll move in together
Jer:And that someone is me dawg
Haha bragging, Neo looked at me I nodded my head he nodded too
Him:I’m just glad your okay and I’m sorry about what happened
Me:Okay
Him:At least I won’t marry you thank you jesus
Me:Yeah thank you lord
He kissed my cheek and left, Jerome wiped my cheek the one Neo kissed me yeah
that one, he smashed his lips onto mine it was freaken long I missed this lips! I broke
it
Him:Finally moving in with me
Me:Can’t wait
Him:Happy new year baby
Me:Haha happy new year
I moved my body which was a mission making space for him, he laid next to me
placed his hand on my tummy
Him:This is our year for the rest of our lives
I kissed his forehead
Him:Never do that again you made my life a living hell I wouldn’t survive without you
neither will our kids
Me:Kids?
Him:Yeah one day baby when we’re both done with studying and married
Me:Haha okay
We talked for the whole hour when it was time to leave Neo entered in a hurry
Him:Thank god I found you
Jer:Yeah
Neo:They’re in the car
Jer:Let’s go but 1st let me kiss my angel
Neo rolled his eyes we kissed
Him:Okay we get it you’re in love now let’s go my girlfriend is waiting
We laughed thet left I was happy and sad at the same time don’t forget about nerves
I’m moving in with my boyfriend at the age of 17 wow! But I don’t have a choice
right? Either die in that house or move in with someone who treats me like a princess

Days went by I was now discharged from the hospital even though I haven’t fully
healed Mrs D and Dorris were arrested for assault and battery+ attempted murder
but they had an expensive lawyer by their side, but my man and my in laws were
supportive so I didn’t care. Living with Jerome uhm crazy! But kinda cool he was so
not a morning person always helping me in doing things I couldn’t do because of the
ribs we were madly in love with one another it was awesome! I was now going back
to school they were informed about my health so they understood I woke up 1st took
a shower did the normal things you do when getting ready for school, part I hated
was the fact that his parents were paying for my school fees and everything.
Me:Wake up
He groaned pulling the blankets over his head eish I pulled them off
Him:Haaa I’m so gonna kill you, go back to sleep
Me:What about school?
He jumped ran around like a mad person
Him:Oh my word I’m so sorry
Me:Hey its okay its like what now 5:30
He looked at me
Him:What?!
I really woke up early well I couldn’t sleep anymore I was excited about matric I had
a load full of work to do
Him:This is torture I’m going back to sleep
Me:Jerome
Him:No!
Me:Mxm
I stood up holding my ribs and walked to the door
Him:Okay fine!
I smiled and carried on walking I made some breakfast after an hour or so he looking
all fresh sat down and we ate over a conversation we washed the dishes when we
were done see why I woke up early so we could do the dishes.
Him:Now what huh?
Me:We bond
Him:In our sleeps right
Me:Don’t forget you’ve got classes today
Him:Aaaa! Do I have to go?
I looked at him is he for real?
Him:Okay okay I’ll go just for our future
Me:Damn right!
He smashed his lips onto mine I wasn’t expecting that well I kissed him back things
started getting out of hand he pushed me to the couch and got ontop of me we were
breathing heavily his hands were caressing on my body he squeezed me
Me:Ouch
He quickly got up
Him:I’m so sorry
Me:Its okay we need to get going
Him:Uhm yeah your hair though
He chuckled I went to go fix my hair and he took me to school.
PART 23

Days went by I was catching up on school work it was so tiring I was always
exhausted but hey I gotta do my work only way I can pay my own stuff t was a friday
evening just after dinner we were watching tv my head placed on his shoulder our
feet placed on the table my inbetween his a hard knock came throught it was
extremley loud like a rude cops knock we both looked at each other
Him:WTF
Me:No idea
We both stood up I collected the plates while he attended the door they barged in
like mad people I was so shook and scared that I dropped the plates I went down
forgetting about the ribs Jerome helped me up they are so full of themselves that
they sat down without being offered a seat
Jer:What do you want?
MrD:We paid money for her so we want her back who the hell do you think will marry
my son?!
He stood up and came my way he was clearly pissed Jerome stood in front of me
blocking MrD from getting to me, I moved back scared that he’ll whip my ass I just
don’t get this family what do they want from me?!
Jer:You’ll get your money back
Eldery.M:She must and needs to marry Neo
Jer:Why? I don’t understand
MrD:Don’t ask us bullshit!
Jer:Mxm, seeing you old man are more matured than him*pointing at MrD* please
care to explain
Eldery.M:Well you see son when we choose a wife for our sons they have to marry
them like it or not, we don’t go back on our words its part of our culture
Jer:No offense but your culture is weird she doesn’t want to marry him she’s only 17
for god’s sake what does she know about marriage
E.M2:She’ll learn like the rest
Me:Does Neo know about your visit
MrD:He doesn’t have to know
Me:Take Roxanne she’ll be more than happy to marry him
E.M1:You were chosen not her
Me:I’m sorry but no I’m not marrying him
Them:Yes you are!
Jer:No she’s not now leave
They got up looking all pissed I knew they weren’t done with this but they kept quiet
and left how they found out where I lived no idea, when they were finally out the the
door I broke down I’m bringing drama into his life I just don’t deserve him, he
wrapped his arms around me and comforted me brushing my back gently
Me:This will never stop I’m so sorry I’m not a normal teenager everything about
me&my life is upside down
Him:Hey hey I love you just the way you are nothing about you is upside down okay
I nodded we shared which lead to him breaking my virginity *y’all know the what
goes down* it so fucken painful! But I didn’t regret it for one bit I actually gave it away
to someone I love I didn’t do it because I was hurt I did it because I was ready and
wanted to and he was gently. We banged each other almost the whole night well it
was only 3 rounds but to me it felt like the whole night I wasn’t used to it and it was
still painful Jerome on the other side was having the time of his life! Woke up the
next morning he was still sleeping I tried getting up but I couldn’t I shook him
Me:Jerome
Him:Mhmm go back to sleep
Me:I can’t move my legs
*silent*
Me:Jerome!
Him:Mhmmmmm
I started crying what if I may never walk again ha.a I was seriously thinking
nonsense
Him:Baby hey what’s up?
He sat up straight and pulled me to me
Me:My legs I can’t move than
Jerome laughed at me no like seriouly laughed he stood up and pulled me to stand
my legs were wobbly so I fell back to bed and quickly covered my self I was still
naked and so was he!
Him:I saw everything last night
Pulled the covers I pulled them back no ways I’m showing him my body saw it or not
I don’t care, I was embarrassed he actually saw everything!
Him:Okay fine so how are you planning to get up if I’m not allowed to see your body
Me:Close your eyes and pick me up
Him:That’s impossible!
Me:Anything is possible and please get dressed
He laughed and wore his boxers, came to my side and picked me up without closing
his eyes mxm. The inbetween of my thighs were sore I don’t wanna talk about my v.j
lord have mercy it was like it was torn apart!
He placed me on the toilet seat and ran a bath for me man I love him! I sat there
while covering my private parts he would look at me and chuckle when he was done
he placed me inside he bath tub and left me to bath. After the refreshing I actually
gained my walking ability back got up wrapped a towel awound my body and to the
room he was making the bed with new covers
Me:Why change it?
Him:Had blood spots nothing major
Nothing major?! Is he for real
Me:Uhm I’m sorry
Him:Don’t worry that’s normal
Me:But still I-
Him:Lwa
Me:Okay! But you should have let me do it not you
Him:I don’t mind I’ll even take care of you when you’re on periods run to the store to
buy you pads I aint ashamed
Me:Uhm weird let’s just stop there
He laughed and continued with what he was doing I jst sat there and waited for him
to finish. When he was done he left for the bathroom I than lotion and quickly got
dressed weird I know and came back straight to me and kissed me. He started
taking my clothes off I stopped him
Me:Its still painful
Him:Oh sorry you making breakfast right
Me:Yeah
I wore my clothes I went to go make breakfast I found a note shoved under the door I
pick it up it read:”if I were you I wouldn’t be so comfortable remember what I said him
not finishing the season”
PART 24

My mind went blank I completely frooze what do they want from me? Aren’t they
happy I’m finally out of their lives? I was never good enough for them or they’re son
they’re suppose to be happy not follow me around like sick puppy’s I’ve had enough
of them its time to man up to their shit they can’t take him away from me I’ll be lost
without him “Babe what’s wrong?” It was him I ran to him and wrapped my arms
around him and just cried I then promised myself those are my last tears he broke
the hug
Him:Talk to me
Me:I love you and never leave me no matter what happens
Him:Where does that co-
Me:No matter what
Him:Yeah I’ll never leave you
Me:Pinky promise?
Him:Pinky promise babe
I peck his lips he wiped my tears
Him:Out with it
Me:Its nothing I’m gratefull you’re in my life
Him:I know when your lying to me and now you are, I hate that Lwa!
Me:No need to shout!
Him:But you are! You keep lying to me I fucken hate that! What? you don’t trust me?!
Me:Mxm
I stood to walk away he pulled me by my arm and shot me with a very serious look
and kinda pissed
Me:I’m tryna protect your feelings here
Him:From what?!
Me:Stop shouting!
Him:Not until to tell me what’s freaken going on we’re in a relationship Lwa
RELATIONSHIP! God dammit!
I yanked myself and threw him with that piece of paper went to room and cried my
poor lungs out I was so angry at Jerome there’s no need for him to shout at me like
I’m some little girl! I’m his girlfriend his partner for heaven’s sake! He crept in next to
me and held me tight not uttering a single word he kept bringing me closer to him I
wasn’t fighting him off ha.a I wanted to be near him I wanted to feel his skin against
mine, my anger was all gone just by his touch I just loved him even more. I probably
fell asleep cause I was woken up by him I yawned and pushed the heavy blankets
off me went to rinse my mouth and face and went back to him I stood by the door
frame while he sat on the edge of the bed.
Him:Mom asked us to come over
Me:Okay
Then it went dead silent it was just awkward, we got ready we weren’t talking to each
other got done and went over.
HisMom:Finally you arrive
She hugged us both his father wasn’t around went on some business trip
Amy:Bestie!
Me:Hey you
We shared a hug
Her:Oh brother no need to hug you I’m so used to you
Him:Oh that’s how its gonna be now okay I got you, mom why am I here I mean y’all
are ladies
HisMom:Just sit down
We all sat down we sat on the same couch with flippen huge gap between us Amy
looked at us attentively.
HisMom:I just miss having you around you guys never come over
Jer:Miss having us around? Mom its not like we used to come
HisMom:Exactly my point!
Amy:I totally agree with you mom
They kept on talking I just wasn’t listening my mind was far from there I hated what
was happening between us it was just tearing me apart I wanted to scream maybe
just maybe after that I’ll actually feel better I looked at him. He was laughing and
having a good time while my heart was in pieces maybe he didn’t regret shouting at
me I felt uninvited tears going down my cheecks I stood up without saying a word
and went to the bathroom locked myself in there and cried silently nothing hurts than
a silent cry cause it makes you think about a lot of crap. A knock came through I
didn’t answer
Amy:Lwa! Open up please
I washed my face opened and went pass her but she quickly stopped me
Her:What’s going on?
Me:Nothing
Her:You were crying, I can see the tension between the two of you
Me:Not now please
Her:Bu-
Me:Amy
Her:Okay fine! But you will tell me and I’m here for you
I nodded we went back to the others his mom was on the phone, he looked at me I
looked him back our eyes just locked
HisMom:We going out for dinner!
I broke the eye contact leaving his on me, we spent our day at his parents house and
later went out for dinner we still weren’t talking but I kinda did have a good time we
went back to our apartment I took off my shoes while he was locking up I sar down
and watched some tv he came and sat on a different couch the tv was the only thing
talking we both looked at each other the same time.
Us:I’m so-
We both laughed and just met each other half way shared a kiss our way to making
love.
*
*
*
A month went by it was now my birthday month March I was so excited Neo
sometimes visited which was weird but he got along pretty well with Jerome I always
left them alone when he was around. Jerome never felt threatened by Neo cause he
knew I loved him with my all, our life together was cool he was stilling the loving
boyfriend. The Dlamini’s oh lord have mercy they were still on my case I told Neo to
make his parents to back off and he did, so it was just after school I was with Neo at
the apartment he was waiting for Jerome he was on his way.
Him:Its almost your birthday bruh your gonna be 18
Me:Who told you that?
Him:Your boyfriend, what must I get you?
Me:Well…your parents bruh tjo!
Him:I don’t know what’s their problem I love Roxanne not you, I see you as my little
sis
Me:Did you have to say little
Him:Hush Luu I need some silence
Me:Mxm
I left him there and went to go change my uniform came back Neo was on my phone
Me:Hey!
Him:Sshhh! Ok we’re coming
He dropped the call
Me:Coming?
Him:Jerome was in a car accident let’s go Luu now!
He was packing like shit I just went cold he literally dragged me out of the apartment
to the car, he was speeding like crazy I was just dead ice cold I had no emotions. We
got there Neo pulled inside and went to the receptionist while I sat down.
PART 25

I sat on those cold chairs with a blank mind while Neo was shouting at the poor
sister, I started having negative thoughts what if he didn’t make? I’ll be lost without
him, yes I’m too young to be like this over a guy but he’s my everything. Neo sat
besides me I turned my body to face him while tears were flowing down my face it
was just unbelievable
Me:What…now…is..he..okay?
Him:I don’t know
Me:I’m scared Neo what if- why is this happening? Why does the lord hate me so
much? Bringing all the pain and misery I wish it was me instead of him
Tears weren’t stopping they were just becoming more, my heart was arching for
Jerome it was like my heart was ripped out of me. Neo stood up and pulled me into
his arms yanked myself out of his embrace yes I needed that hug I needed comfort
but not Neo if it was some else I would have let them, he tried pulling me I just kept
pushing him
Him:Stop pushing me away! I’m also hurting yes not like you but it does hurt. I saw
him as my new best friend the brother I never had in just the little time we spent
together, he inspired me onto being a better person and now…and now this
He sat down and held his head as he entitled his head to face down
Me:Why are you speaking in past tense? Please don’t be negative
I was also negative but I didn’t want a negative person I wanted someone who’ll tell
me he’s gonna be okay, he look at me I moved away from him sat on another chair
which was a bit far from him, he didn’t say anything he just let me be. I cried in silent
which was making matters worse I needed to be strong for him but I couldn’t I was a
wreck I way too emotional but who wouldn’t? After some time Neo went back to ask
questions but that lady had a stinking attitude I felt like punching her, a doctor came
we rushed to him
Me:How is he?
Dr:Brown?
Us:?
Dr:Are you his family?
His family? I completely forgot about them
Neo:No
Dr:Than I’m sorry I can’t tell you
Me:But-
Dr:Sorry ma’m
Neo:She’s the wife
He looked at me and swallowed hard than shrugged his shoulders
Dr:Aren’t you young for-
Us:Doctor please!
Dr:Okay, he’s okay just a broken leg and a few stretches but we gonna keep him for
observation. He was really luc-
Me:Can we see him?
Dr:His asleep at the moment
Neo:Your point?
The Dr looked at him
Neo:Yes or no?
Dr:Uhm come visiting hours
He turned and walked away I burst out it was tears of joy I was greatful life is too
short. Neo wrapped his arms around me I let him be
Him:His okay
He was busy brushing my back I moved out of his embrace and wiped my tears
Me:I better inform his parents
Him:Yeah and its almost the visiting hour so do that
I nodded and searched for my phone but I couldn’t find it I looked at him. He laughed
at me and handed me his phone but I didn’t memorize his family’s numbers so I
didn’t know them
Me:I don’t know the number
I gave him his phone back we sat in silent he was busy on his phone as always
Me:Your a brat do you know that?
That just came out it was suppose to stay in my head, he didn’t answer nor look at
me like wtf ha.a he continued with his phone. I kept quiet we sat there until it was
time to go in we went in his ward. He was wide awake he ran to him forgetting his
hurt I gave him a big massive hug filled with kisses tears voluntary coming out he
groaned in pain that’s when I knew I was over doing it I stepped back.
Me:I’m sorry
He nodded
Neo:Bro you scared us
He cleared his throat
Him:You’re such a girl bruh Lwa was suppose to be scared not you
Neo:Yeah right, so what happened?
Him:I don’t know…*he looked at me than back at Neo* well there was this girl she
was passing by my eyes were glued on her I didn’t see the other car.
Neo laughed and picked up Jerome’s arm to fist bump him mxm, they went on and
on I was quiet the whole time just listening to them.
Jer:Babe
I fixed my eyes to him
Him:I was joking
Me:I know
Him:Than why are you so quiet?
Me:Just that I almost lost you, thinking that’s it for me and here you are making a
joke about your accident
Him:I’m sorry
Me:Its okay I’m just gald your okay
Him:I’ll never leave you I pinky promised remember
Me:Yeah yeah whatever
Him:Looks like I’ll be needing your help around the house now
Neo’s phone rang
Neo:I need to take this
We nodded he went out
Me:Baby what really happend?
Him:I was speeding rushing to get home out of the blue light of the sky two cars
came crushing me on both sides of the car you should have seen my car Lwa
Me:You saw it? How’s that possible?
Him:When they took me I wasn’t dead I just dizzy and in a whole lotta pain. I don’t
know how I survived that
Me:I’m just glad you did
I placed a kiss on his cheek
Him:Yeah me too I don’t know why I’m kept here though
Me:Observation
Him:Mxm
Neo came back they chatted I joined in, in some parts I wasn’t used to the friendly
Neo nor did I trust him it was so unlike him. After the visiting hour he took me home I
thanked him and went in looking everything making sure I’m safe inside I than
informed Jerome’s family about the him and crept myself in that big cold bed but 1st I
prayed thanked the man above for saving his life if it wasn’t for him Jerome would be
no more.
Weeks went by it was now the week before my birthday the 16th of March everything
was okay back to normal Jerome with his broken leg, me pushing hard on my school
work, Neo best buddies with Jerome that ish still didn’t sit well with me but I can’t and
won’t control Jerome on whom he may and may not befriend, I was still in contact
with Sam actually this day were chilling togeth Rome was at campers Sam didn’t
have classes that day yeah brother made it to varsity he was staying in res had a
waitering job at some restaurant. I was proud of him 1st in the family to go to varsity,
my head was placed on his lap
Him:So how is he treating you?
Me:His okay
Him:Just okay?
Me:Okay I don’t mean to brag but *I sat up straight* he’s amazing brother that guy
has love for days! Is everything a girl could ever ask for I mea-
Sam had a straight serious face on okay? I kept quiet and placed my head back on
his lap he also kept quiet weird after some time he broke the ice
Him:You know I’m happy you’re happy Jerome is a nice guy but sis I hate this you
living with a guy a such a young age you’re still a baby Lwa whom needs parental
guidance. If your parents weren’t asses none of this would be happening I want to
take care of you depend on a guy who’ll always have your back no matter what
come rain or snow but hey there’s nothing I can do about it
Me:Actually there is
Him:Tell me and I’ll do it
Me:Study hard finish your studies get a job and take care of me
Him:I’ll do that little sis just for you
Me:I’m almost 18 I aint little no more
Him:You’ll alway be a baby to me
Me:Geez you’re only 18 Sam
Him:Soon to be 19 I’m older than you
Me:Yeah right
Him:I better get going my shift starts in like 30 minutes
Me:Oh
I sat up he stood up and so did I
Him:Oh?
Me:Yeah Oh
Him:I’ll come visit again
Me:You better oh else consider yourself dead
Him:Haha noted
He kissed my cheek and gave me hug-squeeze we bid each other goodbyes and he
left. I already missed him I decided to take a nap since I was alone and bored AF.
PART 26

I was woken up by tiny hands slapping me not real claps ha.a just those wake up
claps I thought I was dreaming as I don’t know any kid so I ignore it until I heard
Jerome saying “wake her up baby”
I opened my eyes welcomed by the most adorable baby girl she was probably 2-3-4
not sure I sat up straight.
Me:Hey
Him:Hey
I went to rinsen my face and mouth came back to him who was playing with the girl
Me:Hey baby she’s so adorable what’s her name?
Him:Lwa
Me:Mxm I’m serious
Him:Haha so am I
The girl:My name is Robyn Brown I’m 4 years old and this my cool uncle Jerome
Me:Cool? Really?
Him:Yes! Robyn you’re suppose to say coolest uncle
Me:Stop teaching the child nonsesnse
He laughed
Robyn:What’s your name?
Me:Lwandle
She looked at me than at Jerome she looked confused I wanted to laugh it was clear
she wouldn’t be able to pronounce my name
Me:My name is Angel
She smiled ahh
Her:Are you also an angel?
I nodded with a smile on my face
Her:My mom is also an angel but she’s in heaven grandpa said angel’s stay in
heaven why aren’t you in heaven?
I looked at Jerome he looked down it was clear that Robyn’s mother was no more,
no mother at 4 ouch! It pained me I swear she was so bubbly I took her in for a hug
she hugged me back tears tackled my eyes I looked up to stop them from coming
out, I placed her on my thighs gave her a kiss I didn’t know what to answer her I
guess Rome picked that up.
Him:She’s your new coolest aunt baby
Her:Okay!
She was so bubbly! She placed both her tiny hands on my tummy I was confused
but let her be
Me:How did you get home?
Him:Dad fetched me he was with her so I took her, hope you don’t mind
Me:Not at all so how’s the leg?
Him:Its getting there
We chatted about random things my heart was heavy Robyn fell asleep now it was
my chance to ask questions
Me:What happened to her mom?
He swallowed hard
Me:I’m sorry you don’t have to tell me I’ll under-
Him:Hey its okay…she died giving birth
Me:Woah meaning she doesn’t know her?
He nodded tears went down my face think about it not knowing the woman who gave
you life, her love, not getting the chance to meet her
I went to the lounge and sobbed I was emotionally Jerome came and sat next to me
and hugged
Me:Sorry I’m not con-
Him:I’ve healed
I broke the hug and wiped my tears
Me:Where’s the father?
Him:Hit and run…don’t even know the damn guy
I looked at him
Him:They met at a party slept together than boom she she’s pregnant
Me:Oh wow
Him:Yeah but its life
Me:Hungry?
Him:Starving
Me:What are you gonna have cause I’m not hungry
Him:What’s up with you always not hungry, when last did you eat Lwa?
Me:Uhmm this morning
Him:Wha were you having?
Me:What’s with the questions?
Him:Answer
Me:Okay fine I had an orange
Him:Proper food?
Me:I’m not hungry
I stood up made him something than serve him, he ate just a portion of the food and
handed me the rest indicating me to finish it I took without arguing and ate.
Me:Done! Happy now?
Him:Yes!
I felt the urge to puke I ran to the bathroom every single bit of that food was out I
went on and on until I was better when I turned Jerome was standing there I rinsen
my mouth he looked worried
Me:I’m okay I think its flu nothing major
Him:Are you sure?
While feeling my temperature through my forehead
Me:Yes! But I’m gonna take a nap
Him:Do that I’ll ask Amy to bring you something
Me:Please
I went to the bedroom undressed I was feeling hot I was left with my under clothes.
My body temperature was high but I got under the covers so weird I even covered
my head sleeping next to Robyn.
PART 27

Months went by my birthday was… It was amazing just people close to me well Neo
spoiled it by bringing Roxanne with after they arrived I just didn’t feel it anymore.
Robyn stayed with us for about two months she was amazing a bundle of joy I loved
having her around but she had to go back to her grandparents. Her mom was
Jerome’s cousin, she broke my heart on her leaving day it was like she knew she
was leaving she didn’t want let go of me. My friends made me take a test due to
mood swings and the puking well I did and it was negative, I really wasn’t cause my
tummy was still flat. It was now September the year really flew by Samkelo was
taking me out I got ready Jerome was looking at me the whole time well his leg was
now fine.
Me:Stop staring babe
Him:Can’t help myself
Me:You better
Him:I miss you
Me:I sleep next to you every night
He stood up came my way and stood behind me looking at me though the mirrors
review.
Him:I miss this *kissing my neck* and this
Squeezing my butt I giggled and turned to him peck his lips
Me:Gotta go
Him:But babe its been what 3 months don’t forget those 2 months of Robyn
Me:Jerome!
Him:No babe its unfair
Me:its not 3 its 2
Him:Same thing to me
Me:Hang in there you’ll be just fine
Him:It pains though
I kissed him a long passionately kiss he picked me up
Me:Jerome put me down I gotta go
Him:Cancel
Me:Sam won’t like that
He let go and slept on his back nigga had a boner shame but I had to go
Him:You’ll pay for this Lwa
I just looked at him and continued with my preparations I got done took my things.
Me:Babe I’m out
Him:Okay
Me:Ouch
He stood up and walked me out gave me a kiss and went back in I took a taxi to the
mall met up with Samkelo shared a hug and went to eat than watched a movie after
it he walked me to the taxi’s.
Me:Thanks for today
Him:You are my baby sis after all
Me:Sam please tuu
Him:Here comes cheese boy
Me:Cheese boy?
Him:Neo
Me:Oh him
Neo:What about me?
Me:Hi to you too
Sam:I gotta go sis
Me:You can’t leave me with him what if he kidnapps me
Neo:Really? Me kidnapp you? Don’t fool yourself
Me:What do you want Neo?
Him:Ma is in the car she’s calling you
Me:What does she wants?
Him:No idea
Sam:Sis
Me:Its okay at least there’s a lot of people here
I kissed his cheek and bid him farewell, me and Neo went to his car I stood outside
Mrs Dlamini came out.
Her:Lwandle
Me:Nosipho
That’s her name mos I won’t call her ma she doesn’t deserve that title
Her:Oh so I’m Nosipho now
Me:That’s your name right
Her:You still young Lwa
Me:What do you want?
Her:Neo did you tell her?
Him:Haa ma no
Her:When are you planning on telling her?
Him:She doesn’t have to know
They were going back and forth I stood there like an idiot
Her:Yes she does and she must consider them
Him:She’s with Jerome for heaven sake so no!
Me:I don’t have time for this
Her:My son is in love with you Lwa
Him:Ma!! Eish Lwa do-
Her:And you have to consider his feelings for you leave that guy cause my son won’t
have sleepless nights thinking of you whereby he could be right next to you.
PART 28

They both disgusted me 1st Neo pretends to be Jerome’s friend while he deep down
knew what he was after and as for Nosipho she’s a grown up for gods sake what is
she in Neo’s love life and wasn’t she like what Roxanne’s bff. Turned around to walk
away but Neo stopped me by grabbing my arm I yanked myself and slapped him real
hard that my hand kinda hurt, he held his cheek.
Me:You deserve more than that for betraying Jerome
Him:I didn’t
Me:Mxm
I walked away he ran after me and stood in front of me
Me:Don’t test me Neo
Him:Look I’m sorry okay I didn’t plan this I swear. I’ll stay away if I have to ma has a
big mouth.
I pushed him aside took a taxi straight to the apartment I got there Jerome was
watching soccer I didn’t even greet him I went straight to the bedroom got under
cover
Him:Lwa…baby…Lwa
Me:What?!!
I uncovered myself for some weird reason I was pissed
Him:Really?
Me:What Jerome?
Him:What’s up with you?
He sat down next to me
Me:Neo and his mom
Him:What does she want now?
Me:The same old shit…god I hate them!
I went to the bathroom did my deed washed my hands and went to the kitchen
Him:I cooked
Me:Stop following me around and watch the match
Him:Someone is moody
Me:No I’m not
Him:Okay
He surrended his hands and went to go sit down I helped myself and sat next to him
Him:Your appetite is back and huge
Me:Meaning I eat too much
Him:Nope meaning I’m happy you’re eating
I nodded and watched the match eating I finished and placed my legs ontop of him
Me:Massage
He started massaging my feet aahh it felt so gooodd
Me:Don’t stop
Him:Really?
Me:Uhuh
He didn’t I was really enjoying it well he had his way we made love right there in the
lounge ahh pits of living alone, after 3 rounds we laid on the floor while catching our
breaths
Him:Wow! Bae thanks
He kissed my cheek I stood up and went to go take a shower finished and got under
cover I was way too tired.
Days turned into weeks Neo was scarce I still hadn’t told Jerome about Neo it will
cause tension between us so neah. Matric was killing me work was too much I was
always lazy yoh!
It was a friday night Jerome went out with his friends I started having lower back
pains they were really painful I won’t lie, I drank 2 painblock pills that’s how much it
pained. I than took a nap don’t even know when Jerome came back woke up the
following day he was asleep next to me full clothes I was soo hungry I made myself
something to eat no not cereal I wasn’t gonna be full by that. My phone rang
unknown number I took it
Me:Lwandler hello
Caller:I can’t do this anymore
Me:Who’s this?
Caller:Its me Neo
Me:Eish dude
Him:I can’t stay away Lwa I can’t
I went dead quiet
Him:Hello are you still there
Me:Dude you just called me Lwa
Him:That’s your name
Me:Look Neo I have a man even if I didn’t would never date you, you just aren’t my
type
Him:Lwandle please
Me:No! And stop calling me!
Hands were wrapped around my waist I turned it was Jerome he gave me who is it
look I handed him the phone. I’ll never cheat on him so I’ll let him deal with Neo, I
went back to bed after a few he joined me but underssed 1st
Him:What does he want?
Me:He wants me, he wants me to leave you and date him
Him:And you gonna do it?
Me:No never why would you ask me that
Him:I just wanna be sure
Me:Can’t believe this
Him:Look I love you okay and I don’t wanna lose you believe me, babe you were
gonna marry the guy a-
Me:I was forced Jerome
Him:But still
Me:Why befriend him when you can’t trust me around him?
Him:I trust you but not him
Me:You guys were buddies!
Him:Because I thought his over that ish but cleary he aint over it
I just looked at him because if I answer we will be going back and forth about the
stupid thing
Me:Ouch!
Him:What?
Me:Pai- ouch!
Him:Bae
I showed him where it pain my lower back again
Me:Pills int the car- now!
He harried and came back with them I quickly drank them and cried it was painful
Him:I’m taking you to the doctor
Me:I’ll be fine
Him:No!
Me:Jerome please tuu I’ll be fine
He cuddled me until the pain vanished we ended up falling asleep.
PART 29

That day Jerome’s phone was ringing none stop I was so irritated because he wasn’t
answering them he would just look at the caller ID and shove it next to him. He again
went out that night I wasn’t bothered at all I mean his young and he also has a life he
doesn’t have to baby sit me. I called Amy for a sleep over she agreed I took a bath
wore pj’s and settled in front of the tv, a knock came through the door I attended to it,
it was my bestie we shared a hug.
Me:Please do come in
Her:Is he really gone?
Me:Yep
Her:What’s up with him leaving you alone here?
Me:I don’t really mind
Her:You should go out with him some time party till the sun comes out
Me:I’ll pass I don’t drink
Her:You joking right
Me:Nope I’ve never in my life taste alcohol and I definitely won’t start now
Her:Okay I won’t force you
We watched a chick flick movie, really alcohol aint for me so neah. After the movie
we went to bed Jerome was gonna take the couch. The following day we woke up
freshen up and had breakfast Jerome didn’t sleep home the was no sign of him. Amy
was blabbing the whole time but she surely noticed that my mind was way too
occupied so she kept quiet, she kept stealing qlancing at me. It past 11am when he
entered I was mad and realived he’s okay but couldn’t he at least call to inform me
he won’t be back.
Him:Hey guys
Amy:Hey brother
I stood up took our glasses I looked at him he had a lipstick stain I passed him going
to the kitchen because the door was open a potion of the wind entered and a
fragrance caught my attention it was new to me, was definitely not his but a
women’s. I brushed it off and continued going to the kitchen placed the glasses in
the sink. I went back to the couch he wasn’t there I heard the shower running so I
figured he’s taking a shower.
Her:You’ve gained
Me:I beg your pardon
Her:You’ve gained
Me:I heard you the first time so what I’m fat?
Her:Your words not mine, get up
Me:Mxm
Her:Just get up
I did and she did too, she lifted my arms
Her:You see
Me:Okay fine
Sat down again
Her:But its nothing big maybe you’ve gained something like 4 pounds
Me:I’ll start jogging tomorrow I like my body
Her:Yeah you’ll get them off in just a week
Jerome:Babe!
Me:Jerome
Him:Come here please!
I dragged myself to him he was in the bedroom
Me:Yeah
Him:Uhm why are you so cold towards me?
Me:I am?
Him:Yes talk to me
He said that coming forward I found myself moving backwards his phone rang we
both looked at it “Haley” was the caller ID and I didn’t know that person. We both
looked at each other he swallowed hard with shock written all over his face it was
clear as day light. I turned to walk away but his words stopped me
Him:I can explain
I took a deep breath pushed my tears back and turned to him with a smile on my
face
Me:Explain what?
Him:I’m not stupid Lwa let me explain
Me:I’m the stupid one
Him:Baby it was a mistake
He said that moving towards me I was moving backwards
Me:What are you talking about?
I knew what he was talking about but I wanted to hear him say it, I wanted him to
confrim to me that he cheated on me.
Him:Lwa please
Me:Please what Jerome?
Tears fell out of my eyes I wasn’t expecting this, not from him! Where did it go
wrong? Did I lack something? I thought we were happy but clearly I was wrong. Do I
forgive him and carry on with the cheat or dump him but where will I go what will
become of me? Why is my life so pathetic?
The pains came back but they weren’t that painful I held on to where it pained.
Him:Babe you okay?
Me:I’ll be fine I just need to rest
Him:What’s wrong with you Lwa what’s up with these pains?
I pushed him aside and got under cover I was forcing myself to fall asleep but
nothing, Jerome’s cheating started playing in my head I cried silently I was more
than hurt why did he do this? Wasn’t I enough for him? A sharp pain came through
my stomach from the back I groaned not wanting to be loud, variuos pains came
through. I stood up and walked around the room not knowing what to do, I went back
to bed but nothing was helping I was going back and forth. I decided to go to the
lounge maybe there I’ll be okay.
Amy:Hey are you okay?
I nodded tears going down my face I than shook my head I was not okay, she came
to hug me but the hug didn’t even last cause the pain was taking its course.
Me:Please get me pills they’re in the second drawer in the kitchen
Her:Okay
She hurried to the kitchen Jerome come to me
Him:Baby I’m taking you to the doctor
Me:I’ll be fine Jerome
Amy came back with them but Jerome took them
Him:Stop taking pills! I’m taking you in
Me:No!
I walked around to ease the pain but nothing Jerome picked me up and we all went
to the car.
PART 30

I was crying all the way to the hospital my back had a dull ache the car was flying,
Amy was holding my hand.
Amy:What’s wrong with her?
Him:I don’t know okay!
Her:Don’t shout at me if you were around you would’ve known but nooo you’re bus-
Him:Amy shut up!!
She kept quiet Jerome was freaking out but so were we, I felt the pain easing down I
listen to it until I completely felt no pain but I was scared didn’t understand my own
body.
Me:Jerome turn the car I’m okay now
Him:No Lwa
Me:I’m fine!
Him:Until they come back again
I just shut my mouth and looked out the window, he actually cheated on me he slept
with some else he left me at home to be with some else. I looked at him he wasn’t
paying attention to me his focus was on the road. We got to the hospital we all went
in he went to the receptionist.
Amy:Buddy what’s going on?
Me:I don’t know Amy I’m just as clueless as you
Jerome came to us he squatted in front of me placed his arms on my thighs for
balance took my hands into his.
Him:We’ll see Dr Z soon
I slowly removed my hands from his he looked at them as they escape his, he glued
his eyes on me.
Him:I’m sorry Lwa I was drunk baby it wa-
Me:Not now please
Amy:You such an ass
With that said she went out, he sat next to me and started blabbing about how sorry
he is that it was a stupid mistake it will never happen again. I swear I wanted to
believe him but I couldn’t he broke my trust he broke my heart, my heart was beating
fast I kept wiping my tears with the back of my hand he just wasn’t shutting up. My
eyes just shut down! I woke up in a hospital bed Jerome and Amy sitting next to the
bed I just cleared my throat.
Him:Babe!
He wanted to kiss me but I looked the other way Amy hugged me.
Me:What’s wrong with me?
Jer:We’re still wai- oh here he is
A tall black doctor entered holding a file we exchanged greetings.
Him:I’m Dr Zuzile
I nodded
Him:Well mam you experienced a braxton hicks contraction that was just a sign that
your uterus is keeping its muscle firbes toned, ready for the rigours of labour.
Me:Huh?
Him:Because of your flat stomach at 32 weeks it got us worried so we took you to
the emergency scan but turns out your baby girl is perfectly fine healthy and growing.
Me:Huh?
Jer:Wait what?!
Me:Braxton what what, labour, 32 weeks baby girl doctor I’m not following
Him:You’re preg-
Us:What?!!
Amy:Wait as in pregnant pregnant like gonna have a baby pregnant like its in there
growing
She was pointing at my stomach
Jer:I don’t understand like Dr she’s…she’s…wait can you say it again
Dr:She’s 32 weeks pregna-
Me:Months please!
I was freaking out!
Him:8 months
Them:What?!
Me:That’s impossible! Look at me!
Dr:I guess you all didn’t know
Us:Of course we didn’t!
Jer:Lwa you’re pregnant like doctor are you sure?
Me:I need to be alone
The doctor was the 1st one out the door and they followed we were all shocked I
wasn’t ready for a child not after what happened, the signs were all there but I
ignored them. I took a test but it showed negative I even had an eating disorder how
is it all possible 8 months!! Never even once did we protect ourselves during an
intercourse I wasn’t preventing what were we expecting! I cried out loud that my
chest started burning up.
Me:I’m pregnant I’m gonna be a mother to a baby girl next month…bullshit!
It just didn’t want to sink in, I couldn’t be pregnant I’m only 18 for heaven sake! In
matric with a cheating boyfriend I have nowhere to go no family to run to why
couldn’t I wait? Or maybe prevent why am I so stupid we learn about protection at
school but dumb ass me wasn’t using it.
PART 31

Few days went by I was out of the hospital still digesting the fact that a baby girl is on
her way not just any baby girl MY baby girl, I was nervous what if I treat her the
same way my mother treated me but I wouldn’t want nobody especially my child to
go through what I went through but than again people change. Jerome’s parents
were informed about the baby they were excited and disappointed because we’re
still young and I’m still in high school but they couldn’t wait for the arrival of the baby
as it was gonna be their 1st grandchild as for Amy she was over the moon she also
gave me a pep talk about protection and stuff. I still hadn’t told Sam I was scared I
knew I’ve disappointed him big time but what done is done I took my phone called
him asked him to come over it was now or never, I waited while pacing up and down
planning on how I was gonna break the news, I wiped my hands on my sweatpants
as they were sweating uncontrollably
Jer:Nervous?
I nodded he came up to me held my shoulders
Him:I’ve got you babe okay?
Me:What if you drop me?
Him:I’ve done that aint gonna do it again
Me:What would be stopping you?
Him:My love for you
Me:It didn’t stop you before
He looked down I removed his hands from me left him standing there as I attended
the door Sam came in I swear I wanted to cry at that very same moment we
exchanged hugs and I let him in.
Sam:Rome
Jer:Sam
They fist bump we all got seated on different seats I took a deep breath.
Sam:You said you’ve got something important to tell me
Me:Y..a..ah
My voice was breaking
Him:Sis talk to me
Me:Samkelo uhm…I need the bathroom
I quickly went to the bathroom paced around in there my big brother was gonna kill
me! I said a short prayer asking for help to break the news and for protection I don’t
wanna get a beating, I than washed my face and went back to them. I didn’t even sit
down.
Me:Samkelo I’m pregnant
He laughed than looked at me he saw I aint joking so he became serious
Him:Come again
Me:I’m pregnant
Him:I heard you the first time!
He groaned inbetween his teeth as he exchanged the words
Me:Sam I’m sorry
Tears immediately fell out I was really sorry, he looked down and kept quiet
Me:Say something please
Him:Like what huh? Good job sis I’m so proud of you, you’ve hit the jackpot?! Fuck
you Lwa!
Jer:Bruh look we-
He didn’t even finish talking Samkelo was already ontop of him punching him yoh! I
ran to Sam I tried pulling him off Jerome but neh he was powerful never knew he had
it in him, I kept on trying until he pushed me I fell on my bum. Some how Jerome
overpowered him and placed him under but Jerome wasn’t fighting back he got up
as he was bleeding he took off his tee and held it onto his bleeding nose Sam got up
he was furious I also got up.
Him:How would you feel if some freaken old dude got your baby sis pregnant huh?
How dammit?!
Me:Sam-
He shut me up with a clap cross my face I held onto it, it was buring!
Jer:Hey you won’t com-
Him:She’s my sister!
Me:Samkelo
Him:I had high expectations from you Lwa you know our background I thought you
wanted to make it big be something you’ve always wanted to be. Couldn’t you wait or
prevent just something that won’t get you pregnant! Lwandle I’m so so disappointed
in you I thought you were different from your sisters, you’ve just met this bitch don’t
know if he’s the real thing or not-
Jer:Du-
Sam:Shut up!…Pregnant Lwa really? Like mother like daughter right?
He went out the door his last words broke me into a million pieces mom also had her
1st child in her teens but I’m nothing like her or am l? I went down as I cried my
wounded heart out normally others cry because they’ve disappointed they’re parents
but in my case I don’t have any parents Samkelo is my everything and I’ve just
disappointed my everything. Jerome wrapped his arms around me and comforted
me
Him:I’m sorry Lwa this is all my fault I took advantage of you, I should have known
better to use protection I’m sorry baby
Me:You didn’t take advantage of me its not your fault it takes to to do the deed.
We stayed in each others arms on the floor and let our minds do the thinking
Him:How come you don’t have a big belly?
Jerome was thinking nonsense!
Me:I don’t know I guess I’m blessed baby cause no one will know
He smooched my lips after so long I let him kiss me some how feelings I didn’t know
vanished came back I held his cheek and pulled out of the kiss
Him:I love you baby
I nodded I didn’t trust myself to say it back
Me:Let’s go wash this blood off
He got up first pulled me up and we went into the shower together, we stood there
and let the hot water steam off our skins his hands were on my belly from behind.
Me:Do you think he’ll come around?
Him:Sam? Yeah he will that guy loves you Lwa you are his baby sis so he’ll definitely
come around
Me:He has to or else…you know what I’ll try calling him
Him:He won’t take your calls let him cool off a bit than we’ll try together and stopping
stressing its not good for my princess have you thought of names yet?
Me:What? No!
Him:You should she’ll be here next mouth
I nodded I’m soon going to be a mother wow! we went out I decided to take a nap
that nap turned into thinking land Sam’s words were on repeat I ended up crying all
over again I tried calling him but he wasn’t answering he decided to switch his phone
off.
PART 32

A mouth went by it was now October I was again admitted to the hospital braxton
hicks I was getting scared but the doctor said its normal, Jerome was excited
couldn’t wait for Layla to arrive yeah that’s what we were gonna name her “Layla”.
Well my brother called me once to ask how far I was I told him well he dropped the
call and never spoke to me again all he did was sending me text asking how I was,
about the baby and stuff. I guess he came around but not face to face and I really
needed my big bro I didn’t even want to tell him about Jerome’s cheating that would
make things worse between them well he never apologized he just said he deserved
it. It was mid-day on the 24th of October the day Layla was brought into this world
that day I made a promise to myself to never get pregnant again that ish hurts like
hell no words can describe it I swear, Jerome was with me every step of the way
holding my hand while I was pushing he even shed a tear when she came out crying
I was too tired to do anything they even stitched me at that very same moment
*mothers will know what I’m talking about*
I was woken up by a nurse telling me to breast feed the bab- I mean Layla I took her
she showed me how to hold my breast so it won’t close the b- I mean Layla’s nose
she sucked
Me:Awww!
Nurse:That’s how it starts
Me:But it hurts
Nurse:You’ll be fine
She left Jerome just stood eyes popped out
Me:Are you okay?
Him:Yeah, she’s beautiful Lwa my baby girl
Me:Our
Him:Yeah sure I’m even scared to touch her what if I hurt her
Me:You won’t…dude she’s sucking harder it hurts
Him:You heard the nurse…Baby I’m a father I’ll never let these boys play her I’ll be
over protective I swear thanks Lwa
I nodded he kissed my cheek and we just stared at her as sucked my breast
Him:She looks like me though
Me:In your dreams
Him:No like seriously babe Layla got her fathers looks just your birth mark that’s all
Me:Mxm I’m really tired though
Him:Princess slow down now mommy is tired, my parents are on they’re way
I nodded he was smilling like a retard joy was written in his eyes I was happy for him
and for myself I mean I got a beauty here. I removed my breast and held her in my
arms we were just admiring what we created.
Him:Marry me
Me:Huh?
Him:Marry me be my wife spend the rest of your life with and me with you
Me:Uhm
Him:I know its sudden but I love you Lwa I really do let’s be a family let’s make our
princess a stable home
Me:Jerome
Him:Its not all romantic and stuff but will you be my wife?
His parents and sister entered all jolly and loud
Jer:Ssshhh she’s sleeping guys
HisMom:Oh shut up
Amy:Oh my word I’m an aunt give her to me
HisDad:Wait me 1st
He took her they were all over her
Jer:Be carefull please
HisMom:Would you shut up
HisDad:Thanks Lwa you gave us a beautiful grand daughter
Amy:She’s pink
HerMom:Because she’s still young you were also pink but that bright pink
We chatted Jerome ended up carrying her after that he didn’t want to put her down
nor give her so some else, he would look at me for the longest time and just smile.
They all had to leave so I got a chance to rest but I didn’t sleep no what if someone
steals my baby! The following day Sam barged in I was shocked he ran up to me
and gave me a tight hug
Him:I came as soon as I heard, where is she?
Me:The nurse took her she’ll be oh here she is
He didn’t let me take her instead he took her and just stared at her with a smile
Him:So you’re a mother now
Me:Yep
Him:I’m sorry okay
Me:I’m the sorry one
Him:Okay you’re forgiven so what’s her name? And really sis isn’t your blood like
stronger than that wh- I mean Jerome she’s white also
Me:Her name is Layla and I won’t answer the rest
Him:Layla really? Her name is Buhlebenkosi
I looked at him
Him:Yes she’ll be Layla Buhlebenkosi
Me:Okay fine
Him:I won’t call her Layla
Me:Yes Samkelo now give me my baby
Him:Forget it
He sat down and played with her she was too young to understand I was more than
happy I mean here he is playing with his niece, my phone rang yeah they left it here
last night
Me:Lwandle hello
Caller:Hello mam I’d like to inform you about an accide-
Me:Hold on what?
Caller:Because you’re the last person he called we thought we should call you
Jerome Brown was in a car accident
I swallowed hard eish Jerome and his hurry-ness Sam mumbled What? And I
mumbled back Jerome car accident again he nodded but shocked
Me:His he okay? Which hospital was he admitted to
Caller:Mam uhm he didn’t make it he died on the scene
PART 33
I just froze every part of my body did I could hear my own heart beat it was in a
marathon, my sight went dark, the lady on the line kept saying “hello ma’m are you
still there?” She kept saying that to the point whereby I couldn’t hear anything. The
phone slids out of my hand as they couldn’t function as I saw my world crumbling
into tiny pieces, I developed a lump in my throat. The callers last words play like a
recorder in my head while the back of my head debates maybe she’s lying but why
would she? My stomach starts tossing and turning in a painful way. My body goes
left and right making my sight to come back Sam was shaking me I set my teary
eyes onto him I couldn’t see him clearly due to the tears I blinked once and they fell
down followed by others
Him:Lwandle what’s going on? you’re freaking me out
My tears don’t stop coming out I don’t answer him I take my phone and dial in
Jerome’s number, my tears were getting in the way so I wipe them with the back of
my hand but they don’t stop so I keep on wiping hoping they will stop, hoping he will
pick up the phone and tell me he’s okay just to hear his voice that his fine, that he
loves me, loves us and he’s on his way. But to my disappointment it goes straight to
voicemail I try again but same thing I looked at the numbers in hope that I missed a
number or dialed a wrong number but…it was his it was Jerome’s number it was
Layla’s dads number, the guy who saved me from the Dlamini’s, loved me for who I
am, whom showed me what love is, my baby daddy the guy I was ready to marry
because I loved him unconditionally, he wronged me but that didn’t make me love
him any less in fact I loved him more for giving me a beautiful baby girl and
now…and now he’s left me with her. It was like god was waiting for her to be born
just for him to see what he created than…than take him and rob Layla her fathers
love.
It was like my tears were hiding somewhere they were a lot I mean why wouldn’t
they be I just lost the love of my life, now give me a good damn reason why I
shouldn’t kill myself. I’ll be nothing totally nothing without him couldn’t god spare him
more time, this was suppose to be a happy time for us but…but god doesn’t love us
enough to let us be happy for once.
Sam:Lwandle?!
Me:He…Jer-…he..Sam no! Noooo!!!!
I cry out loud thinking maybe the pain will go away maybe I’ll wake up from the
nightmare, nurses rush into the ward to see what’s going on but poor brother had no
idea. I sit up straight pull my knees to my chest and sob, my heart…my heart I had
none left Jerome took it with him. They try to calm us down by us I meam me and
Layla poor baby was crying her soul out like she knew she had no father, that she’ll
only see him in picture never hear his voice, just the previous day he was saying
how boys won’t play his daughter cause he was gonna be there for her not knowing
it was his last time holding her, staring at her.
Sam:Lwandle what’s going on?! Look at Buhle she needs her mother!
Nurse:Ma’m plea-
Me:He’s gone okay! Her father is dead!! He…he..left us…he…aint coming back
I process the last words as they were unbelievable, the room goes dead quiet only
me and my daughter are heard we kept on crying, her cry pains me so I take her into
my arms and hush her. My tears kept on falling on top of her now this will affect her,
couldn’t god just wait a little longer its too soon way too soon! Layla kept quiet I
breast feed her while tears are running down my face I don’t cry out loud cause I
don’t want her to cry again. I looked around the room the 3 nurses were still there
and Sam they had pity in their eyes who wouldn’t have pity towards me. Sam sits
down and held his head as he face down, Amy rushes through the door with blood
red eyes her face was pink the back of my mind gets a confirmation that its true I’ll
NEVER see him again. Death be not proud cause you took someone precious from
me a true angel who came into my life when I most needed him, he even knew when
I was lying I’ll always be stuck to him because of the perfect special gift he left me, I’ll
always be thankful to him because if it wasn’t for him Mr D would have already slept
with me I would have been a victim of rape, early marriage and abuse physically and
emotionally. The minute Layla falls asleep I hand her over to the nurses Amy throws
herselft into my arms my friend just lost her 1st and last sibling I imagined myself in
her situation I’d die if I’d lose Sam. We cry in each others arms while exchanging
“sorry” to one another, we pull out of the hug. I shut down like totally shut down I pull
the blanket up and cover myself I turn and face the wall. He shouldn’t have given up
that easily he should have fought for us his family, maybe I am to blame cause he
was rushing to see us, maybe if I didn’t give birth he would still be around trying to
prove how sorry he was for cheating, that’s what he was doing lately trying to show
me in all kinds of way that he’s sorry. I should have forgiven him tell him to stop
cause I love him and forgive him but I was to busy thinking what if he does it again, if
only I knew that his days were numbered if only I could turn back the clock tell him
how much I love him…he left me,us too soon
PART 34
Days went by I was now out of the hospital and at the Brown residence well they
insisted I come and stay with them because I’ll need help with Layla, staying with
them was hard and painful people were crying left right and center it was just tearing
me apart. Others had pity for me because of the new born baby I was left with they
were making me feel worse cause I had to play both roles in Layla’s life. Neo came
to pay his respect and condolences when our eyes met I saw pain in his eyes they
were blood red you could see he’s been crying he wanted to chit chat but I had
nothing to say to him and Layla was crying, she’s been restless ever sinces we
arrived at the Browns her grandma said its because she can sense something is
wrong well I couldn’t wait to get out of there so my babe could be at peace.
It was a Saturday morning the sun’s raises were already shinning out bright the was
not even a single cloud in the sky, it was beautiful the perfect day for a wedding but
to us it was a funeral…Layla was taken by her granny as she was already done, I
stood at the window as I was staring into a blank space my mind occupied by
Jerome I would smile than tears would go down. I dragged my tired defeated body to
the bathroom I took my clothes slowly off wishing the ground would just swallow me I
entered the shower and let the luke water hit my face and go down my body. I stood
there without any movement as I recall all our memories together that’s what they’ll
now always be just memories tears followed the luke water, I’ll never see him again,
hear his voice, his laughter, the way he would place he’s eyes on me, kiss me
without a reason, He’ll never call me angel again, play around with me, hold me tight
NEVER again. I hit my body against the tiles and slid it down to sit down, I brought
my knees closer to my chest and face down letting the luke water hit my back. I cried
out lout uncontrollably my heart was aching I wanted to feel better I wanted him
back, I wanted to feel his presence, his arms around me! God is unfair he takes the
precious people and leave the evil behind, he should have taken the Dlamini’s not
Jerome! The shower door slid open I looked up Amy got in she was still in her pjs,
she closed it again and sat next to me and we started crying together no one was
ready for this well no one is ready for a loved one’s death. We ended up being quiet
Amy got up and stopped the running water she sat down again.
Me:I miss him
Her:I miss him too
Me:I remember the 1st time we met
I giggled as I recall that day and looked at her she had a smile on her pink face
Me:I ran away from him
Her:Haha you never told me that infact both of you never told me how you met, but
really Lwa run away?
Me:Haha yes! I was confused and scared he was the 1st guy to approach me and
tell me what he told me
Her:What did he say?
Me:That’s none of business that’s our story we’ll share it with our ki-… Actually that’s
my story I’m the one who’s left with it now I’ll share it with Layla… I can’t Amy its too
much for me couldn’t he at least fight for us, I won’t make it I won’t survive its…its
too much he promised that he’ll never leave me
Her:I know its hard for you but the lord is there he’ll be with you every step of the
way, do Layla proud don’t let her feel that her daddy aint around live your life to be
everything to her
I looked at her as tears went down my cheeks
Me:Since when did you become a smooth talker?
Her:Since the smooth talker left me behind
Me:Hey I’m here for you
She nodded I held her hand tight as reassurance
Me:Uhm this is so weird I’m naked with you in a shower… Err Amy go
Her:Haha I’m out
She went out

We were now at chruch I’ve been crying the whole service I couldn’t help myself I
was deaf my eyes were placesd on the coffin most of the time I saw it blur due to the
unstoppable tears, nothing broke my heart like what Amy did she held onto the coffin
as she cried and begged for her brother to wake up she had to be pulled away it
wasn’t a nice sight to see. Everything went on so quickly some people were shocked
when they heard he left a child behind, I watched as his coffin went down trying to
digest to the fact that he’s no more he aint coming back and its no joke.

At the house I went to fetch my baby girl from her family I didn’t know them well they
wanted to see Jerome’s baby
Lady1:She looks just like him
I just smiled and nodded
Lady2:Why does this keep happening?
I think she was referring to Robin’s mother saga they both left behind new born
babies.
Lady3:We are here if you need anything okay
I nodded again I’ll never ask them for anything they handed her over “Lwa” I knew
that voice
Me:Excuse me
The ladies nodded I attended those two it was Sam and Neo, I kissed Sam’s cheek
and just looked at Neo.
Sam:Cheese boy was lo-
Neo:I’m older than you and I’m not che-
Me:Point taken what do you want?
Him:Ouch
He looked at Sam
Sam:Give me Buhle
Me:Don’t go far with her
Him:Yes ma’m
I gave him her and he left me with Neo, he’s hands were in his pockets he stood
there looking around not uttering a word.
Me:Neo!
Him:Whose the mother?
Me:Huh?
Him:Whose Buhle or Layla whatever her name is mother?
Me:Her name is Layla only Sam calls her Buhle and I’m her mother now watch your
tone
Him:You’re her mom?
Me:Yes she’s my mine I gave birth to her thing is I wasn’t showing
He squirted his eyes as he looked at me than shook his head
Him:How could you Lwa?
Me:How could I?
Him:Yes have a child with another man I thought… I thou-
Me:You thought wrong Neo and stay the hell away from me
Him:Oh darling I’m planning to
Me:Good!
Him:Good really?
Me:Just leave
Him:I can’t believe you were having unprotected sex with another man. I’m suppose
to be your b-… Know what forget it you aint worth it anymore
He turned around and walked away I watched him enter his car and drive away I was
stunned Neo is sick! Sam came back I took Layla
Him:Stay away from him actually stay away from all the guys
Me:I’m not a hoe Samke-
Him:I didn’t say so
Me:Not in so many words
Him:Lwand-
Me:Mxm
I left him right there and went to the room I was using to breast feed my baby I did
we eventually fell asleep.
PART 35

I stayed with the Browns because Layla was still young and I needed help learn a
few things I stayed there for a long whooping month! Okay it wasn’t bad but I just
wasn’t used to waking up to those surroundings I was used to waking up to Jerome
me waking him up, dude wasn’t a morning person. I was blocking all my emotions
thinking I will feel better his family were the ones who were suppose to cry not me I
was just a girlfriend just a sperm donor those were my thoughts every single day I
was just a person to cuddle with. I swear I was breaking inside I was a mess I turned
into the same person I was back home a quiet person who holds in everything the
only positive thing that was happening in my life was my growing daugther she was
soo cute! It was the end of November and we were already done with exams Amy
begged me to go to prom with her but I refused even her parents begged but I still
said no “Go have fun” have fun?! How was I suppose to have fun with a heavy heart.
I was now going back to the apartment they were still gonna pay the rent things were
still gonna be same they were gonna support us financially and I was greatful even
though it didn’t sit well with me. I packed all of our stuff and went downstairs, last
time I was at the apartment was on the day Layla was born so I was nervious.
MrsB:You don’t have to go
Amy:Yes I was getting used to you being around
I cleared my throat
Me:I would love to stay but…
MrB:We gonna miss you both of you
Amy:She’s not going to England we’ll visit her
Me:Yeah, you can come anytime
MrB:Let’s get going than
He took our bags Layla was in Amy’s arms so I was free we got in and Mr B drove. I
was looking outside all the way to the apartment my mind was occupied with
questions like “what now? How do I actually how do we move forward?” Some nights
I would pray or wish that’s its all a dream or joke he’ll show up and say “I’m here
Angel I’m not going anywhere I pinky promise” deep down I knew he wasn’t coming
back but I just couldn’t come to terms with that.
“Lwa we are here” I looked around oh we were parked outside the apartment I
nodded and got off we all went in. I stood at the door while I saw memories,
visualized everything how we used to sit together in front of the tv I took a deep
breath I got in to my surprise it was clean not dusty at all!
We all sat down I took Layla
MrsB:Baby if you don’t mind please sort out Jerome’s clothes we’ll come fetch it
tomorrow.
MrB:We want to donate his clothes to charity
I faked a smile and nodded
Me:I’ll do it tonight
MrsB:Don’t worry about food and other things me and Nick went shopping yesterday
Oh that explains why it aint dusty, they stayed for a few minutes than left now it was
just the 2 of us and she was sleeping so I placed her on the bed and just sat there
staring at the bedside picture of us.
At night I started with the packing it was hard! It was like he’s around his own scent
on his clothes made me to break into pieces I cried out loud forgetting my princess
was around, I hugged his favorite hoodie crying my heart out I stopped when I heard
Layla’s cry I took her into my arms and hushed her. She eventually kept quiet so I
carried on she was awake, I packed everything but left out 2 hoodies I loved them so
there’s no way I was giving them away.
The following day they fetched the clothes Amy stayed behind she was chatting up a
storm while I was quiet and looking at her not hearing half the things she was saying.
Her:Lwa!
Me:What?
Her:You not listening to me
Me:That’s not true
Her:You gotta let go look at you, you lost weight
Me:That’s because I’m a new mom
Her:Its because you’re torturing yourself
A knock came through thank god cause I wasn’t ready for her pep talk I attended it
Sam stood there I wanted to jump into his arms but I didn’t I remembered his last
words.
Him:Hey
Me:Hey
Him:Uhm can I come in?
Me:Yeah sure
I made a way for him and followed after him
Him:Whitey
Amy:Blacky
Him:Can we ta-
Amy:I’ll be in the room
I nodded she left us there we sat down
Him:Look I’m sorry Lwandle
Me:For what exactly?
Him:Everything I know I’m a jerk Lwa I disappeared when you most needed me I’m
sorry
Me:You called me a hoe Samkelo!!
Tears just went down I was now standing he also stood up and hugged me but I
pushed him he just pulled me in again and I let him be
Him:I’m sorry baby I’m really sorry
Me:I needed you Sam I still do but you..you-
Him:Sssh I’m here now
I cried on his chest he brushed my back hushing me
Me:It hurts Samkelo I’m not coping all of this is jus too much for me
Him:I’m sorry baby I’m here now
I pulled out of his embrace and looked at him
Me:Until you disappear again
Him:I won’t I promise…uhm sis
Me:Yeah
Him:Mom wants to see you
Me:I beg your pardon
Him:She wants to meet her granddaughter
PART 36

I looked at him waiting for him to say he’s joking but no he was dead serious I
giggled. I was shocked wow her granddaughter? Is she losing it?
Me:You told her about Layla?!
Him:Uhm yeah I thought she deserves to know the joy and pain you’re going through
Me:She deserves nothing from my side Samkelo!
Him:I’m sorry okay but sis-
Me:You know what go to hell with that witch of yours!
Instead of leaving he sat down I stood there taping my foot I was boiling inside
Him:Sit down Lwandlelihle
He was so calm instead of sitting down I folded my arms in front of my chest I had an
attitude, he called me that because he knows how that name melts me and it did but
I wasn’t gonna show him that.
Him:Okay, babe if I knew you were gonna react this way I wouldn’t have told her so
I’m sorry
Me:I want nothing I mean NOTHING to do with her
Him:She’s your mother Lwandle
Me:She sold me Samkelo!!
He kept quiet
Me:Truth be told I was never her daugther I was a slave Sam a punching bag I was
the black she-
Him:Lwaa
Me:She loved money more than me Samkelo she had no feelings towards me
except hatred, I won’t be the better person and forgive her pretend like nothing
happened. And I want her nowhere near Layla not even a single step or else I’ll kill
her that’s a promise brother
I was dead serious I’d move mountains for my baby girl kill if I have to, no way in hell
I’d let her near my child. Sam’s eyes were popped out
Me:What?
He cleared his throat and sat back on the couch
Him:Nothing, you really love her?
Me:With my all she’s my everything I never knew I had the heart to love someone
like this
Him:Than I’ll tell her to stay away
Me:Good
We sat there chatting well he was telling me about his life Amy joined us they got
along like a house on fire later that day Sam left and Amy slept over at least that
night I had someone to stop me from crying and feeling lonely.
*
*
Months flew by real quickly me and bestie were now varsity students yeah we made
it! We were more than just friends we were like sisters and at some point we were
each others sister in laws she had a thing with Sam but it didn’t last. Brother was still
around and doing his 2nd year I was proud of him we never talked about his mother
again. Layla oh lord she growing into a master piece of art beautiful so cute! people
at the mall or wherever would think I adopted her or I’m the nanny she was her
fathers daughter no wonder I was so cold towards him during my pregnancy. Mrs B
looked after her when I was at campus and after it I would go fetch her, emotionally I
was healing it was much better now even though sometimes I’d cry myself to sleep I
was getting used to sleeping alone no one to hold me tight some nights I would wake
up and feel like he was there watching me asleep but I would always brush it off
cause those were the times I was missing him.
I woke up in the morning and got ready for my classes they were early I wore warm
clothes cause it was cold winter was starting early I also got Layla ready and packed
a few things for her Amy came she had a car we dropped Layla off at 1st it was hard
for me to leave her anyway I attended my classes Amy had none she lied to her
parents and said she had them she was going to her new boyfriend. After classes I
waited for Sam’s classes to end he was taking me out! Some girl decided to sit next
to me I didn’t mind I mean its free country I carried on with my phone she tapped mu
shoulder I looked at her
Her:Hi
Me:Err hello
Her:My name is Mbali
Me:Okay Mbali
I looked back on my phone
Her:Yoh! That’s rude
Me:Sorry just that my mother in law just sent me a cute picture of my baby
I was lying
Her:Oh you have a baby?
Me:Yep
Her:Okay…mother in law? Oh here I was I thinking I have chance wit-
Me:Woah as like…you know
Her:Yeah I was gonna ask you out but seems like you’re already taken
Voice:Lwandle
It was Sam oh thank god! I quickly got up
Me:Oh Samkelo
Her:Is he the father
Me:Yeah let’s go Sam
I took Sam’s arm and dragged him to the bus stop
Him:What’s up with you?
Me:That girl was asking me out!
Him:Haha as in…
Me:Dude!
He laughed at me I reacted that way cause it was my 1st time being asked by a girl
so yeah. Sam kept laughing at me we went to grab something to eat.
Him:Sis look at me
Me:Mxm leave me alone Sam
Him:Hahaha
Me:Maybe I should take her offer
He stopped laughing
Him:Don’t even think about it Lwa
Me:If you don’t stop laughing than I will think about it
Him:Geez okay!
We ate while having a healthy conversation he paid and we just walked around the
mall holding hands
Me:Excuse me for a minute
Him:Where are you going?
Me:I need the ladies room Sam
Him:Okay come than
We went to the ladies he waited outside I did my deed when I got out Sam wasn’t
there I looked around but I couldn’t see him I turned and bumped into someone we
just bumped no falling of things or us. Moved back to look at him our eyes met I
quickly moved mine.
Him:I’m so sorry
His voice was so hoarse my eyes froze on him, his lips were moving but I couldn’t
make out what he was saying “Lwandle” Sam brought me back to life I cleared my
throat
Me:Where are you coming from?
Him:Uhm some gir- whose this?
He was still standing there I looked at him
Me:I don’t know
He was staring deep into my eyes I broke the eye contact and looked at Sam
Me:Let’s go
TheGuy:Wait
We looked at him
Him:My name is Lukhanyo
Sam:Okay let’s go Lwa
Luu:Wait Lwa
Sam pulled me closer to him by my waist
Luu:Once again I’m sorry I hope I didn’t hurt you
I shook my head and we walked away leaving him right there, Sam let go of me and
just held my hand.
Him:Maybe you’ll think I’m unfair or jealous but I did that because I don’t want you to
get hurt, I don’t wanna see you cry because of some dude. I love you sis and I’m
protective of you because I want what’s best for you
Me:I know that dummy and I love you too
Him:That guy is off limits
Me:Samkelo
Him:What? I saw how you looked at each other
I just shook my head we said our goodbyes and took our different taxi’s I went to go
fetch my baby and headed straight home
PART 37
A week passed my mind was so occupied by this Lukhanyo guy I couldn’t stop
thinking about him it was like I’m under some spell or something. Everyone was
against him by everyone I mean Amy and Sam I told Amy about this guy and she
went crazy, crazy to the point whereby she didn’t talk to me for 2 days and Sam or
well y’all know. I’ve been having the same dream over and over again someone I
couldn’t see clearly kept warning me about a person I should stay away from I kept
brushing it off cause I didn’t understand it. I was woken up by Layla it was a saturday
morning my baby was 7 months (it was May) I took her and placed her on the couch
and protected her with pillows I made her bottle and placed it next to her she was
making noise smiling everytime I looked at her. She was growing so fast I was
seeing Jerome through her she also had thick eyebrows no no no! She was growing
way too fast I loved staring at her cause I was seeing him, he sure left me her to
never forget him. I bathed her then dressed her and brushed her black her, placed
her in our room on the carpet so she could crawl around I also got ready we were
now both done so I called Amy
Her:I’m outside
Me:Okay
I quickly packed Layla’s things took my baby and went to bestie we got in.
Me:Babe
Her:Lwa
Me:Mxm
Her:Haha I’m joking how are you?
Me:I’m awesome and you?
Her:Errr this is so not us
We laughed as she drove us to the mall that’s where we always go! The mall argh
anyway we went to wimpy ordered and just sat there checking out our phones “Lwa”
we both looked up it was Roxanne bitch! She came to us Amy was cursing like no
tomorrow
Rox:Hey
Me:Hi
Her:How are you? I heard about your boyfriend and being a single mother
Amy:And your point is?
Rox:I wasn’t talking to you sweets
Amy:Well I was granny
Me:What do you want Roxanne?
Rox:Is that the baby? Do you know that Neo dumped after he found out about this
baby of yours
Amy:He did good! I just want to shake his hand for having some balls for your shitty
ass
Me:Amy! Layla
Amy:Nah don’t worry she doesn’t know what an ass is if she knew she would be
crying right now cause its standing right here
Rox:Mxm kids
She walked away Amy laughed I didn’t find it funny I just kept my face straight.
Me:Stop laughing Amy
Her:What? She thought she could boss us forgetting that we aren’t in high school
any more good thing Neo dumped her
Me:Eish Neo
Her:I know right? He’s so handsome
Me:You drooling over Neo Dlamini?
Her:Who doesn’t! One night with him would mean the world to me.
She said that as she sat back on the chair
Me:Sies
She giggled like a 5 year old I was disgusted our food came and we dug in I felt
someones eyes on me I looked around and saw the one and only Lukhanyo. Our
eyes locked he stood up came our way not breaking the eye contact.
Him:Hey
Me:Uhm hi
I looked away
Him:You are hard to find
I just nodded didn’t know what to say he just stood there and stared. Amy cleared
her thoat
Him:oh I’m sorry
Her:Hey
She looked at me and winked
Luu:I’m Lukhanyo
He extended his hand Amys smile faded away she just looked at his hand all
disgusted, Lukhanyo took his hand back and looked back at me
Luu:Okay, how hav-
Amy:I don’t like him
Me:Dude!
Amy:What I’m just being honset
Than Layla decided to cry this was a disaster I hushed her but nah she wasn’t
stopping Amy took her same thing than Luu decided to help she cried louder so I
took her and just walked to the car when we got there she stopped. I saw them
coming to the car Amy was walking in front and Lukhanyo following, she got in with
our stuff when Luu got closer Layla started again.
Him:Uhm okay, can I have your number please
I looked at Amy she shook her head mxm she aint my mom so I gave him my
number and we left.
At the apartment…
Amy:That guy is shady even Layla doesn’t like him
Me:And your point is?
Her:Stay away from him no one wants him around
Someone knocked I went to check who it was and it was Sam guess with who.
My older sisters!!
PART 38
I felt my blood rushing through my body when I’m mad my lips vibrate so they started
vibrating as I looked at those two pathetic evil sister of mine, the older one was
holding a boys hand and the boy was holding a girls hand(steps) the other one sis
had a baby in her hands it must be their kids. I looked at Samkelo he couldn’t even
look at me.
Me:Samkelo
Him:Uhm Lwandle uhm may we com-
Me:Fuck no!
Sam:Lwandle they wanna talk to you to us I also don’t know about what
Me:I said no!
The older one pushed me aside and got in fact they all did, I was stunned,hurt I felt
betrayed by Samkelo how could he show them where I live I followed them as they
went to the lounge.
BigSis:Lwandle make my kids something to eat they’re hungry
I just stood there like she for real? Me make food for her kids hell no!
Her:Hey!!!
She did what she use to do scream at me back than I was this traumatized jumpy kid
who didn’t everything she was told to do so she can get food and a place to sleep
but things changed. She looked at me as I looked at her with attitude.
Amy:Babe?
Me:Sisters
She rolled her eyes
Me:Samkelo I trusted you!
Sam:I’m sorry okay
Me:Sorry sorry I’m tired of your pathetic sorry’s! You know what fuck you Samkelo
Him:Excuse me?
Me:I said fuck you now get these dirty trash out of my apartment they’re inviting flies
in.
Sis2:What did ou just call us?
Me:What you are TRASH
BigSis:I see prostitution got the better of you
Me:Prosti- what?! Darling I aint you now get the fuck out!!
Sis2:Your mother is sick Lwandle and we are your sisters!
Me:Y’all died the minute you rejoiced when I was sold, let me guess Mr Dlamini’s
money is-
Sam:I’m out of here
Me:Don’t forget your sisters
BigSis:I’m not leaving I like this place me and my kids are gonna stay right here
Me:Okay
I left them there I was boiling ready to explode they made my life a living hell now all
of a sudden we’re family, we were never family! They were not me! I searched for a
knife found it and straight to them
Me:Get out!
They sat back so chilled I went to them took they’re kids out roughly I know they did
nothing wrong but ha.a they must get out I went back to them
Me:Now you I don’t mind stabbing
I pulled the 2nd sis and pushed her out Amy helped with the 1st born Sam also left. I
sat down and just cried the memories were all back Amy brought me water I took
sleeping pills and went off to bed leaving Layla with her aunt.
The following day I blocked all emotions and pretended like nothing happened I got a
call
Me:Lwandle hello
Caller:Hey its me Lukhanyo
Haaa my heart smiled!
Me:Hey
Him:Can we meet up
Me:Uhm I don’t know
Him:Please I’ve been longing for this
Me:Okay
Him:Send me your address I’ll come get you
Me:I don’t think that’s a good idea
Him:Why?
Me:I don’t know you
Him:Come on I’m not a killer
Me:That’s what a killer would say
Him:Bae please
Me:Okay
Him:Can’t wait to see you
Me:Uhm yeah
I dropped the call and sent the address Amy left with Layla to her grandparents so I
had the apartment to myself I cleaned around not that it was untidy just Layla’s toys.
After about 20+ minutes he arrived
Me:Hey
Him:You look hot
He said that as we entered the apartment
Me:Thanks I guess
I showed him to the lounge
Me:Please take a seat any to drink
Him:Juice please
I nodded and disappeared to the kitchen when I came back he was on his toes
looking around
Him:Nice place
Me:Thanks
Him:Stay with your friend?
Me:My friend?
Him:The one you were with yesterday?
Me:Oh no I stay with my baby girl
Him:You have a kid?!
Me:Yep she was crying yesterday
Him:Oh she’s yours wow so I guess this is the father
There were Jerome’s picture I swallowed hard
Me:Yeah
He looked at me with a puzzled face
Me:He passed away last year so yeah
Him:I’m sorry
Me:Its okay
Him:He left something sexy and hot behind
I laughed he looked at me straight in the eye I looked away he came straight to me
and just kissed me. It was different his full lips were to died for but I was used to
small lips which kissed unbelievably great Lukhanyo’s kissing was okay it wasn’t
magical. He lifted me up allowing me to wrapped my legs around him he crept his
hands under my butt and squeezed it. Uhm okay this was going too far and fast so I
broke the kiss
Me:Uhm please put me down
Him:Nope
He kissed him again and placed me on the couch and got on top of me started taking
of my top…
PART 39
His hands were caressing all over my body he took my top off I was left with my bra,
it felt so wrong and strange I’ve never kissed nor slept with anyone else besides
Jerome and now this. He unbuttoned my jeans and kissed my neck I shut my eyes
the moment I did I saw Jerome he was looking at me. I quickly opened my eyes but
saw the ceiling my heart was ponding I slowly closed them again and there he was
again I pushed Lukhanyo off me.
Me:Get out
I said that wearing my top
Him:I’m so so sorry Lwa I didn-
Me:Just go
Him:I’m really sorry bae
Me:Go!
He gave me a sharp look took his things and left I quickly locked the door and almost
immediately cried. I felt like I betrayed him but if he was around none of this would
have happened if he didn’t leave me I wouldn’t have a crush on Lukhanyo its all
Jerome’s fault! I went for a cold shower just to calm myself down after the shower I
air dried oh believe me its the best. I wore my under clothes with Jerome’s hoodie
and took a nap “Baby wake up” I jumped out of bed when the “I locked the door” part
crossed my mind.
Me:Wtf!!
Him:Hey its only me
Me:How- wha- I don’t understand
Him:Come here
He opened his arms for me no ways his no more! I slowly walked up to him not really
sure of what’s happening not trusting my eyes or anthing around me I cleared my
throat
Me:Jerome
I just wanted to make sure its him I didn’t believe no ways in hell!
Him:Baby don’t be affraid I’m here for you like I promised, remember our pinky
promise?
Me:But-
Him:Ssshh Angel I love you okay?
I nodded I was so confused I sat next to him and I started sobbing I missed him!
Him:Lwandle someone is knocking
I continued with my crying I looked at him and he was still there looking at me with
worried eyes, I tried touching him but he moved backwards he stood up and went for
the door.
Me:Where are you going?
Him:Someone is at the door
I jumped I was really crying I looked around and he wasn’t there so I was dreaming,
my heart sank it felt so real like he was really there, I heard the knock I quickly wiped
my tears and checked it was Amy she gave me a look
Me:Just get in
She got in
Her:What’s up?
Me:The sky
Her:I’m serious
Me:Your brother is haunting me
Her:You aren’t funny Lwa
Me:I’m serious Amy I just had a dream he was here and when Lukhanyo was here I
saw hi-
Her:That bastard was here?!
Me:Not now please
Her:When Lwa?!
I just looked at her she came straight to me attempting to slap me but I held her hand
she used the free one I held my cheek letting go of her arm then she used that one!
She held my shoulders and shook me
Her:Wake up Lwa before its too late!
She gave me a hug
Her:I’m sorry but you needed that I don’t trust that guy Lwa I really don’t
Me:My cheeks are on fire Amy
She let go of me
Her:Oh bestie I’m sorry but-
Me:I needed that! Yeah I get it
Her:No you don’t! You gave him your address what if he comes here at night hurt
you or worse the both of you and Layla. You didn’t think of that did you?!
I shook my head I really didn’t I mean I don’t even know this guy I know only his
name what if its not even his real name I started panicking
Me:Oh my god Amy
Her:Come stay with us
Me:What will your parents say
Her:They don’t have to know
Me:But surely they’ll thin-
“Uhm hey”
We screamed and held each other
Him:Its only me
We let go
Me:Neo! Neo! Neo! Eish dude you scared us
Him:I’m sorry
Me:What do you want?
Him:Can I talk to you for a minute
Me:No!
Amy:Yes!
I looked at her she shrugged her shoulders
Me:Don’t listen to her
Him:Please
We stood at the door he kept quiet
Me:Are you gonna talk or what?
Him:Uhm err…Eish Lwandle can you please get dressed 1st
I was still in that hoodie and y’all know how boyfriend’s hoodies sit on girlfriends, I
totally forgot I was still in that. I looked at myself then back at him he wasn’t looking
at me.
Me:Err sorry…just talk tuu
Him:Well I came to check on you, how you’re copin-
Amy:Lwa!
She was still in the lounge shouting
Me:Yeah!
Her:Ask him for a place to stay!
Me:Are you nuts?! No!
Neo:You need a place to stay?
Me:No
Amy:He’s gonna come back Lwa and babe his gonna hurt you!
Me:Amy shut up!
Neo:He?
Me:None of your business and as you can see I’m perfectly fine
Him:I know its none of my business but Lw-
Me:Its good that you know so bye
Him:Lwand-
Me:Bye Neo
He nodded looking all defeated he started walking then stopped and looked at me
Him:The guy…what does he want from you
Me:Eish
I got in and closed the door Neo can be a nag at times, me and Amy spent our day in
front of the tv eating ice cream. My indicated an incoming message it was Lukhanyo
Text:Lwamiso I’m really sorry about earlier I didn’t mean to I guess I was caught in
the moment, not thinking about you and your standards let alone dignity. I’m really
sorry Lwa let me make it up to you, take you out for real this time in a place where
you’ll feel save plaese. You can bring your friends if you don’t trust me please…
Lwamiso? That showed me that we really don’t know each other I closed the text
without a single reply.
Amy:Casey is coming over
Me:Oh okay but I miss Mandisa our I miss high school
Her:Yeah me too, so you gonna stay
Me:Yes, Sam is coming over
I lied! She nodded I really didn’t want to be a burden. We chilled until late went to
fetch my baby girl then came back with her everything was okay. The following
morning it was the same routine take Layla over, classes all of that yeah I avoided
Sam in all kinds of ways well I only saw him once until he pulled me.
Me:Don’t
I yanked myself
Him:Really?
Me:Mxm
I folded my arms in front of my chest
Him:They said YOUR mother is sic-
Me:She’s not my mother!
Him:Whatever her blood flows through your veins loo-
Me:And I hate every minute of it
Him:You’ve grow do you know that
Me:Hell yes!
Him:She’s sick and she wants to see you
Me:See me?
Him:Yes both of us, they said she has something important to tell us not you
Lwandlelihle US me and you
Me:What’s that?
Him:I really don’t know sis.
PART 40
I told Sam to go I’m not going and I want nothing to do with that women, he shouted
at me telling me how selfish I am but truth be told I wasn’t selfish that woman sold
me made my life a living hell! Dearest brother dragged me to the taxi rank paid for us
and we went to that evil house I was so mad at him I wasn’t even talking to him, we
got off and walked to the house. People were staring at us I didn’t mind cause now I
had proper shoes on, I wasn’t suffocating because of a small shirt, my hair was neat
and beautiful, I was carring a bag not a plastic and I wasn’t hungry a lot has
changed, changed for the better. We got in the place was dirty it was stuffy the smell
was really not a pleasent smell I looked at Sam he just shrugged his shoulders.
BigSis:Oh so now you decided to come back
They were sitting in that dirty place chilling like its clean, clothes everywhere, dirty
dishes on the floor it was a mess.
2ndSis:Good thing you came back this place needs some cleaning
Me:Samkelo
Him:Would you guys shut up Lwa is not gonna clean your mess
2ndSis:Mxm
Sam:Where is mom?
They pointed in the room Sam walked to the room I just stood there he came back
and looked at me I shook my head, tears fell out I was scared memories just came
back flooding in my mind, when I begged her not to sell me, the beating I used to
get, how I cooked and clean for them but got nothing in return. He came to me gave
me a hug like giving me approval to cry I wanted to be strong show them that they
can’t break me now and there’s nothing they can say or do to break me but I couldn’t
control my crying.
Sam:Nothing will happen I’m here
Me:You were there for 17 years Samkelo
Him:I promise nothing will happen to you trust me sis
He let go of me and wiped my tears I nodded he kissed my forehead held my hand
and led to the room, oh Lord the smell was worse!
Me:I think- I’m gon- thro- up
I ran outside to throw up it was bad just nasty! Sam gave me water
Me:No thanks
Him:Sies Lwa
Me:Is that thing even clean?
He shrugged his shoulders, I went to the outside tap there were buckets filled with
clothes in water the smell said it all “been soaked for days” I washed my mouth using
the tap and went back inside I couldn’t go back to the room
Me:I can’t go back in there
BigSis:Oh so now you’re better than us
Me:Its not about being better but this place is dirty
2ndSis:Clean it up than
Me:In your dreams
Sam:Get your mother out of the room I also won’t go back in there
BigSis:She wants you not us so get her yourself
Samkelo groaned and threatened them by beating them well they came back with
her, she was so thin the skin under her eyes turned black she should have been in
the hospital not at home especially the condition and environment they were living in.
Her:My *cough* babies *cough*
Sam:You wanted to see us
Her:Yes *takes those long sick people breathes* I missed you
Me:Samkelo I have a baby to get back to
Her:Why didn’t you come with her?
Then she started coughing I got up and stood by the door, her cough smelled bad I
stood there cause I didn’t want to get infected.
Me:So she can come to this? No thanks, why are we here?
Her:Oh Lwandlelihle *take sick person breath*
Sam:You want to tell us something
She nodded then started coughing again 1 of her grandchildren brought her water
she drank it.
Sam:Please get to the point
Her:Your real name is Lwando
The women was breathing heavily Sam laughed at her
Him:Me Lwando? Yeah right
Her:Yes Samkelo *cough* Lwandle is your sister *cough*
Him:I know that
Me:This doesn’t make any sense just get to the point
Her:You guys were *coughs* suppose to be twins
Us:Twins?!
We looked at each other than back at her, she did her coughing again it was irritating
cause I just wanted her to talk
Her:When is your birthday boy?
Sam:Err 12 March…what’s going on here?
Her:And yours Lwa?
Me:16 March I’m really confused Samkelo can’t be my twin he’s a year older then
me
She nodded
Her:You not twins but were suppose to be, 2 months after Samkelo was born your
mother was pregnant again with you Lwandle
Me:My mother?
She nodded I felt walls breaking inside of me I shook my head tears just went down
Sam:I don’t understand a thing you’re saying we not twins cause it was meant to be
that way
Me:She’s saying she’s not my mother Samkelo!
Him:Lwandle wait! You not Lwandle’s nor mine?
She nodded again
Sam:What can’t you speak now? I want to hear you say it!
Her:I’m not your mother
Tears went down her face FAKE!
Samkelo stood up and paced around
Him:Wow just wow!
Her:I’m your aunt *cough* your mother was my sister
Me:You made my life a living hell!! You loved Samkelo but not me!
Her:I’m sorry Lwa just that I wanted a son and Sam was there and yo-
Sam:Woah! you said was meaning she’s dead
She nodded again and started coughing AGAIN!
Me:Can somebody give this bitch some water!
BigSis:Don’t you dare-
Me:Or what huh?
She stood up I knew she was coming for me
Sam:I will beat you back to your mothers womb leave my sister alone and you *point
at mom/aunt* start talking
Her:She died giving birth to Lwa that’s why I hated her cause she killed my sister
I took my bag and got out I started walking feeling numb as hell tears were flowing
down my cheeks with the thought I killed my mother the women who was gonna love
me unconditionally and treat me right! The women who won’t let me sleep outside go
hungry for days because she loves me, Tell me she loves me and how beautiful I am
I KILLED HER I felt dizzy my sight went blur everything went bizzy and buzzing. I
searched for a thing to balance but nothing was near me my legs felt wobbly
Me:Sa- Samk-
I hit my head hard and everything went dark mind blank lights out!
PART 41
My eyes were so heavy I was struggling to open them, oh lord my head it was
pounding like a freak everything was just painful. I finally opened my eyes and used
the energy I had left to remove the mask on my face/nose, my eyes were taking long
blinks and I was kinda struggling to breath properly “Lwandlelihle”
It was my brother l slowly turned my head to face him the pain was just terrible. His
eyes were puffy and red oh brother was crying
Me:Lwando
I was struggling breath properly I tried smiling but it hurt
Him:You scared Lwa never I mean never do that again you’re my only family and I
still need you
I nodded and tried smiling but neh
Me:I’ll always be with you…right…t
here..in..your…heart
It was really hard breathing
Him:Don’t say that I want you around me I love you okay? I love you
He got teary which made me teary! Felt my tears going down on each side of my
face he held my hand and squeezed it
Him:You really scar- when you lay there hopelessly with blood all ove- …I thought I
had lost you sis
Me:I’m sorry
Him:Its okay
Me:My baby Sam how is she?
The machine next to me started making noise Sam was moving his lips but I couldn’t
make out what he was saying my eyes just shut down.
I woke up a bit better no mask or machine Sam was fast asleep on the chair he
looked tired though my head was still sore.
Me:Samk- Lwando
He jumped looked at me and gave me a big fat hug I groaned in pain he let go
Him:Sorry geez you gotta stop scaring me!
I nodded he stared at me
Me:Place it on my cheek Sam
He chuckled and kissed my cheek
Him:How are you feeling now?
Me:I’m better my head though
Him:I love you
Me:Love you more
We sat there he did most of the talking I had to beg him to go home and rest in the
end he agreed and left. A nurse came in she smiled
Her:Finally you’re awake
I just tried to smile
Her:You scared a lot of people
Me:A lot of people?
Her:Yes! Your husband came to check on you every night he would turn this hospital
into a mad house telling us to do our jobs but I think he did that out of love
Me:Husband?
Her:Yep your boyfriend came during the day when your brother wasn’t around…how
do you do it though?
Me:Do what?
Her:Cheat on someone who loves you
Me:I don’t know what you taking about I’m not married and I don’t have a boyfri-
Lukhanyo came in the nurse looked at me
Her:Know him?
I nodded
Her:He’s the boyfriend
She huffed then got out Lukhanyo gave a kiss on the cheek and sat down.
Him:Babe never sleep that long again
Me:How long?
Him:3 weeks I think not sure how are you feeling?
Me:Better
Him:Good soon you get out of here the better
I nodded we sat in silent
Me:So you’re my boyfriend now?
Him:Haha I had to lie they were nagging
Me:How did you know I’m here?
Him:I went to your apartnent your neighbor told me you’re hospitalized but he didn’t
know which hospital so I asked him to find out and…here we are
Me:Oh okay
We just sat there making small talks him cracking jokes now and then it was painful
when I laughed but we were cool. The Browns got in I was happy to see them but
not with Lukhanyo in the room Amy changed Mrs B looked at me
Amy:Oh hell no!
PART 42
The atmosphere in the room became tense, tense to a point whereby I was scared to
even clear my throat Mrs B’s eyes were piecing through my skin her eyes were really
intimidating I couldn’t even look her straight in the eye I was totally avoiding eye
contact. Amy was looking at Lukhanyo she purely and truly hated the guy she wasn’t
even hiding it, I finally got the courage to clear my throat just to ease the tension.
Me:You came
My voice was just bad a bit unsure I was scared
MrB:Why wouldn’t we
He wrapped his arms around me gave a squeeze and a kiss on the cheek
Him:How are you feeling?
Me:I’m getting there just my head
He smiled and brushed my hand reassuring me that I’ll be fine. I looked at Mrs B this
time straight in the eye I had nothing to hide so why not look her in the eye
Her:Lwa
She voice was so serious I gave her a smile I looked at her as her face melt down,
she came forward and gave me a hug then whispered.
Her:I’m sorry just that you were my sons pride and joy please never forget that he
really loved you baby
I nodded as she let go of me how could I forget the one guy I gave myself to, my 1st
in everything from love to heartbreak. I think god used him to show me his around
and that he is god the lord.
Amy:You’re still here geez dude leave!
We all looked at Amy she stood there with an attitude as her arms were folded in
front of her chest, Lukhanyo looked at me I shrugged my shoulders he nodded
MrB:Amy no! Son you can stay
Luu:No its okay sir I’ll leave
Amy:Yes do that!
Lukhanyo got up and kissed my forehead then walked out, the stayed the for the
longest time as we had chatted a storm I was also engaged in the chats even though
Lukhanyo kept on popping at the back of my mind a part of me wanted them to leave
so I could think about him properly. They finally left but bad luck for me I couldn’t
think about him my head was pain so they gave me medication and I fell asleep.
The following day Sam came we exchanged greetings with a hug and a kiss
Me:Twin
He laughed at me
Me:She’s nuts though
Him:Apparently they were told our real mother was expecting twins someone whom
had psychic powers also told her that
Me:Oh wow! That crazy though really fuc-
Him:Lwandlelihle don’t use french!
Me:Haha yoh okay so…uhm err did she tell you anything about…you know
Him:I actually don’t
Me:Eish our father
He kept quiet for a while I was staring at him Sam’s jaw lines were tightened he
breathed out hard I think he was calming himself down he looked at me.
Him:No
He was so serious I knew he was lying he had info about our father but it was clear
he didn’t want me to know I also let it slid just didn’t want to fuss.
Him:I saw Mihlali today
Me:Oh my word! Where?!
Him:In town she has really grown her body sis she’s fine as hell
Me:Oh wow! I miss her
Him:Don’t worry I took her number
Me:You the best, please get me a nurse
Him:Why? What’s wrong? Are you feeling okay? Where does it pain? How many
fingers am I holding?
He was showing me his fingers
Me:Dude! Geez Lwando! Chill I’m okay I just need the bathroom
Him:Why didn’t you say so come I’ll help
He said that already helping me up he held me tight as we walked to the bathroom I
got in so did he
Me:Samkelo
Him:What? What if you fall no ways I’m not taking that risk just do your thing
Me:Turn around
Him:Won’t even get a boner by you eww no offense but you don’t do it for me. I’m no
chinese…sies don’t even wanna think about it, its just disgusting get done tuu
I laughed at him as he made a disgusted face I did my deed washed my hands and
we went back to the ward I got back in bed again with his help of course.
Him:I’ve told you this before to me you ain’t sexy and you’ll never be you’re simply
beautiful, when someone says you’re sexy its clear as day light they wanna bang
you I ain’t twisted thank very much
I giggled brother can exaggerate things at times he stayed for a while then finally left
leaving my phone behind, I check my text messages I replied to them and placed my
phone on the bedside. It beeped as I was about to close my eyes oh-kay that was
quick I took it. It was Lukhanyo: “I’ve fallen in love with you please be my girlfriend
we’ll do things proper this time and we’ll be slow please”
I smiled and re-read it like 3-4 times my hands went flexing on the letters busy
replying to Lukhanyo’s message telling him how I would to be his girlfriend.
PART 43
2 months later…
I was out of the hospital and perfectly fine at first I used to get headaches but they
later on vanished. Layla was 9 months she could stand using things of course she
was just amazing I loved her with everything in me which was one of the reasons I
refused to give her away, well the Browns I had to tell them about Lukhanyo they
weren’t pleased at all they wanted to take Layla from me but I refused I’d never give
away my daughter, Amy distance herself from me she wanted nothing to do with me
actually everyone distanced themselves even Sam because of Lukhanyo they didn’t
want him. Our relationship was okay we got to know each other he grew up in a
violent household, we were taking things slowly but he had some kinda problem
something was just off about him but I couldn’t set my foot on it. So this day I was at
campus and he was gonna fetch me I had no friends he was my friend, I saw him
standing there waiting for me he was hella cute I smiled as I approached him.
Me:Baby
Him:Pumpkin
We shared a kiss with a hug and entered his car
Me:Don’t forget Layla
He nodded I could see his mind was occupied so I didn’t bother him we fetched
sleeping Layla and went back to the apartment took her to bed and went back to
him. I sat next to him he wrapped his arm around me I placed my head on his
shoulder.
Him:We going out
Me:When?
Him:Tonight with my friends
I sat up straight
Me:I have a baby so I can’t
Him:I was telling you not asking, take her to her family
Me:Lukhanyo!
Him:What? We are going like it or not we’re going
He stood up and disappeared to the kitchen I sat there confused as hell what was
that all about? I went to take a nap next to my princess.
Later on he woke me up Layla was playing on the floor
Him:Get ready
Me:I’m not going
Him:Yes you are
Me:I’m no-
Him:Hey Lwandle! You’re going end of discussion!
He stormed out I was shocked at his reaction and so was Layla I picked her up as
she was crying, I hushed her, fed her and placed her down to roam around. I got
ready even though I didn’t want to go out I wore an open back dress with heels
Lukhanyo got in as I was busy with my hair he stood there and just watched me
Him:Take it off
Me:I beg your pardon
Him:I said take it off
Me:There’s nothing wrong with what I’m wearing
Him:I’ll take it off for you then
He came straight up to me serious as ever and ripped it apart.
He ripped it into pieces I was really shocked stunned to be exact I thought he was
joking or something but neh he wasn’t, I looked at his facial expression just to see
what’s going on. He was pissed why? I really didn’t know the damn dress wasn’t
even bought by him for him to tear it apart.
Me:Are you fucken crazy?!
Him:Mxm
He turned around to leave the room
Me:What the fuck is wrong with you Lukhanyo?!
He stood at the door and turned to look at me he started from the bottom to my head
Him:Count the words you use towards me or else…you don’t wanna know, now get
ready in something decent
Was he for real? Go out after what happened hell no!
Me:I’m not going anywhere
Him:I will drag you if I have to do you know that?
He said that coming to me he held my waist really rough and sank his fingers in me it
was painful
Me:You hurting me Lukhanyo
Him:Don’t make me lose my cool Lwandle
He said that in a really deep voice near my ear which kinda scared me a little he
sank them in even more I groaned in pain he then let go and left the room. I looked
at my waist I was red you could see his fingers on my body I sat down as I listened
to the pain I was really confused by his behavior. I heard Layla crying I quickly went
to her she was in the lounge when I got there my baby was crying she was on the
floor and Lukhanyo was watching tv sitting there like Layla wasn’t crying. I picked her
up it broke my heart for him to just sit there while Layla is crying in his presence
Me:Why is she crying?
Him:I don’t know
He said that with the coolest voice ever he didn’t care, Layla didn’t stop crying
Lukhanyo gave me a death stare so I took my baby to my room. I noticed that when I
touched her back she would cry even more so I check her back oh lord she was
pink! I rushed to Lukhanyo
Me:What did you do to her?!!
He just looked at me then back at the tv
Me:I’m asking you a question!
Him:She was in the way okay so I pushed her a bit…I can see you not going so I’m
leaving
I couldn’t believe it! He went out the door he hurt my baby and leaves, I went back to
Layla I tried my all to calm her down when she finally did I started crying. What have
I gotten myself into? Pushed her a bit? What’s that suppose to mean?! My heart was
really broken I’ve never laid a hand on her actually no has but here he comes and
does that. I took my phone to call Sam or Amy but then realized that they aren’t
around anymore its just me and Layla I was sure that Jerome was turning in his
grave.
It was in the middle of the night when I heard a really strong knock with a familiar
voice to accompany it I got up check the time it was past 3 I went to the door and
listened to the voice it was Lukhanyo I hesitated to open but eventually did. He
smelled like a drunkard I locked behind him and went back to room took some
blankets he was gonna use the couch ain’t sleeping in the same room as Layla
smelling like that.
Him:And these?
Me:You using the couch
Him:Baby come on
Me:No
He surrender his hands I went back to the room and got in the bed next to my
princess I swear I was sleeping next to baby Jerome she was him I smiled as I
looked at her thinking of him but my smile quickly vanished as Lukhanyo crossed my
mind I was doing everything wrong. I felt his hands rubbing my thighs I turned
Me:Stop
Him:Mhmm
He didn’t stop instead he removed the blankets on me and got on top of me his
weight was all on me!
Me:Lukhanyo!
I said that trying to push him off but he was really heavy
Him:I wanna feel myself in you
Me:No! Not next to my baby and definitely not now I’m not ready
Him:Its been months
Me:Get off
He used his hands to pull my legs on either sides as he was still on top of me, he
rubbed my body while I was fighting him memories came backing flooding of Mr D
tears went down on the sides of my face Layla was next to me. He placed his hand
on my throat for support as he lifted his body up so practically he was choking me,
he was trying to take off my pj pants but couldn’t with one hand so he let go of my
throat I coughed as I was gasping for air. He tried taking it off but I fought him he
slapped me right across the face I screamed he slapped me again and pulled them
off
Me:Lukhanyo please I’m begging you don’t do this
He looked at me straight in the eye for a moment there I thought maybe I had
change his mind but his eyes were written ‘Lust’ he smashed his lips onto mine I
didn’t kiss him back he rested his body on top of mine he somehow had so much
power like he wasn’t drunk he quickly pulled off his jeans ripped my undies and
penetrated me it was soo painful I screamed in pain which woke up Layla. I was
crying begging him to stop cause he was hurting me and my baby was also crying
next to me, I would turn my head to look at her she was looking at me crying like she
knew what was happening. She crawled to me and touched my hand I swear that
just killed me Lukhanyo didn’t care he was just satisfiying his needs. I stopped crying
even though it hurts I wanted my baby to stop crying Jerome was probably turning
like a drifting car in his grave, she didn’t stop crying as she watched me being raped
by my so called boyfriend.
PART 44
He did his thing every thrust he took ripped my insides apart his groans stated that
he was enjoying himself, he was way too rough for my liking as y’all know no one
besides Jerome has had the privilege to penetrate me. Tears were just flowing while
staring at my daughter who was crying out loud she crawled and touched my face I
closed my eyes as it was killing me, Lukhanyo held me tighter as he groaned he then
threw his head on my chest.
Me:Get off me
He got off me my legs were numb my inner thighs were paining, I pulled crying Layla
into my arms and hushed her I tried getting up to fetch her bottle but my legs failed
me they were even hard to close.
Me:Lukhanyo fetch Layla’s bottle its in the kitchen
Him:Okay
He disappeared going out of the room Layla was just crying and so was I but a silent
cry, he came back with it. Layla eventually kept quiet and went back to sleep,
Lukhanyo went back to the couch. I tip toed to the bathroom lock Layla in the room I
got under the shower and let the tears flow just like the luke water, I wasn’t expecting
that from Lukhanyo what in the world did I do to deserve such horrible things. I dated
him because I was missing Jerome I thought he would fill the void Jerome left I
wasn’t in love with him I just liked him, I thought he will treat me the way Jerome did
but he was the opposite of him. I wrapped a towel around my body and went back o
the room locked the door behind me and wore warm pjs I couldn’t sleep anymore I
sat at the corner couch and stared into a blank space tears weren’t stopping they
kept coming out, I begged him to stop! Maybe it was meant to be 1st Mr D he missed
twice so the 3rd time someone succeeded.
I didn’t go back to sleep I sat there until the sun come out most babies wake up early
but mine neh she doesn’t like father like daughter I guess. I went for a shower my
inner thighs were still sore went back to the room and got done with everything I also
got Layla ready I needed some air, I took her things and went to the kitchen I quickly
fed her.
Me:Get out
Him:Morning to you too babe
Me:Leave Lukhanyo and never come back its over I never wanna see you again!
Him:What did I do?
Me:What di- oh god I can’t believe this you raped me you moran!
Him:Oh that mxm I thought I had done something horrible
My heart sank I felt them tears building up he sees nothing wrong in what he did. I
was confused with everything why he was behaving like that, why the sudden
change what I wasn’t confused with were my feelings. I wanted him out of my life I
didn’t love ha.a not at all hatred was build against him the minute he penetrated me.
I looked away hiding the fact that I had tears in my eyes I didn’t want him to see how
weak I was, how vulnerable I was, how I needed healing. My eyes landed on my
daughter she was playing with her favorite teddy bear she didn’t know how her
mommy was feeling what was going on around her, I then knew I wasn’t alone it
wasn’t about so but us so my baby’s safety came first no matter what I loved her
more then anyone else. I took a deep breath while pushing back my tears I needed
to be strong if not then at least act strong.
Me:Get out
Him:Huh?
Me:Leave Lukhanyo and never come back! Or so help me god
Him:Bab-
Threw him with Layla’s plastic cup it was the closet thing to me, he shot me with the
scariest look and surrender his hands took his jacket and other stuff and left us in
peace. Uninvited tears went down my cheeks I didn’t want to sob cause I wasn’t
alone and my baby wasn’t asleep, I took her and we left for the park I needed some
air to clear my mind I started at the pharmacy for MAPs I didn’t want another baby I
didn’t want a baby of rape, if I was raped by a person/people I didn’t know and found
out I was pregnant I would keep the baby love him/her with my all even if she’d
remind me of the incident I’d keep her love her like there’s no tomorrow cause at the
end of the day she’s mine I salute every sister out there who kept her precious gift
from god I’m sure it wasn’t easy but you did good by keeping him/her but I couldn’t
risk being pregnant with Lukhanyo’s baby Layla was still young and so was I and that
baby would attach me to Lukhanyo for the rest of my life. Am I not meant to be
happy pain after pain is what I keep having, my happiness is a 5 minutes happiness
God knows how I long to be happy and free, break the chain of sadness in my life
will it ever stop, will the nightmare come to an end? I sat there on the grass with
tears going down my face I swallowed my pride took my phone and called Sam it
rang
Voice:Hello
It was a female’s voice
Me:May I speak with Lwa please
Her:Who?
Me:Lwando
Her:Sorry sisi wron-
Me:Samkelo
Her:Oh well his asleep
Me:Wake him up
Her:Who the hell are you?
Me:His sister
Her:Stop lying if you were his sister I would know about you and your number isn’t
even saved so nice try. Leave my man alone
She hang up just like that, that moment I wanted to sob as loud as I could even
scream! He even deleted my number! I was alone and I had myself to blame but
can’t I do mistakes? I’m sure they all had done them but no one pushed them away. I
sat there for hours while talking in my mind Layla fell asleep so it was time for me to
leave some guy helped me with her she was heavy! I got at the apartment unlocked
and in closed the door using my foot, went to place heavy Layla on the bed she was
so beautiful sucking on her lower small lip. I went back to the door to lock oh Lord
Lukhanyo was standing there I swallowed hard
Me:I told-
Him:Shut up bitch!
My eyes popped! Did he just call me- oh yeah he did
Him:So you’re slutting around now is it why you don’t wanna sleep with me
I looked at him confused AF* I honestly didn’t knbow what he was on about
Him:Don’t look at me like that! I saw you at the park
Me:Oh so you’re following me around now
Him:So you are cheating on me!
Me:We’re not dating!
Him:Haha doll face I came to you so I will dump you not the other way around
I couldn’t believe it he was nuts!
Me:Dude you’re mentally disturbed
In a split of a second he was in front of me, he gave me a full hand clap right on my
left cheek I held onto it with shock I haven’t been slapped for over a year! I turned my
head slowly to look at him while holding my cheek he gave him another full one on
my right cheek moved back a bit and threw a hard tight fisted punch..
PART 45
We’re all different people, never will we be the same I learned that the hard way, I
yearned for someone who’s like Jerome I wanted a copy of him, someone who’s
gonna fill in his void, hold him like he used to, treat me the way he did, give him
unconditionally love but I got the opposite of him. I got a monster my biggest
nightmare I didn’t grow up in a violent household besides from me being mistreated
and now I was introducing my daughter to that. Throughout my life my body has
been nothing but a punching bag, where people just do whatever they wanted to do,
learn to hit, take out frustration just all the things they could do and never even once
have I fought back. I stumbled back and hit my head hard against the wall the punch
did wonders to my eye I was too shocked to cry, I held on to my eye as it pained he
fisted another fist I looked at him waiting for him to throw another punch. He punched
the wall and groaned in frustration
Him:Fuck Lwandle!
Tears fell out I ran to the bedroom I quickly grabbed my phone to call the police it
was now or never! I couldn’t wait for his next move who knows what next he will do.
People stay in abusive relationship thinking/saying he’s gonna change honey he
won’t there’s a saying that says through thick and thin but y’all aren’t married even if
you were you didn’t marry him to be his damn punching bag ha.a doesn’t work like
that. I dialed the number as I was about to place it on my ear he roughly grabbed me
and took my the phone but I also held on to it.
Him:Don’t test me!
He pushed me and yanked the phone smashed it against the wall, I quickly grabbed
the most important thing which was my baby girl leaving everything else behind. I ran
for the door I needed to get out of there before something worse happened
Lukhanyo ran after me. He pulled me really roughly by my hair and punched me on
my spinal cord area causing me to drop Layla. I screamed as pain took its toll it was
extremely painful, Layla cried too she fell really hard all because her mother couldn’t
say no. He threw me to the floor and got on top of me
Me:Lukhanyo please
He shut me up with a punch right on my mouth
Him:Why can’t you listen to me
I swallowed the blood in my mouth
Me:I’m sorry my baby Lukhanyo please I’m begging you
Him:I don’t give a fuck about her she ain’t mine
Me:Ple-
He punched me on the nose this time and banged my head on the floor for
numerous times until I became unconscious.
I woke up in bed body hurting like hell! I’ve never felt so much pain in my life, tiny
hands were touching me I tried sitting up so I could take her but I couldn’t the pain
was too much. It took everything in me to sit up and take her she had yogurt all over
her.
Voice:Finally you’re awake
I moved back as I was scared of him while he was so calm like he hadn’t done
anything wrong. I held on to Layla tighter as before
Him:You pushed me Lwandle
I swallowed hard
Me:What do you want from me Lukhanyo?
Him:What do I want from you huh? What do I want from you?
Me:Mxm
I needed to act strong not show him I was afraid of him I stood up as I groaned in
pain and leaped to the door with my teeth tighten and baby in my hands
Him:Get your ass back in that bed before you wake up there again UNCONSCIOUS!
I looked at him and he wasn’t bluffing what have I gotten myself into!
Him:Wanna know what I want from you?
I just looked at him without uttering a single word
Him:Marriage you are gonna marry me
Me:In your dreams
Him:You will marry me doll face like it or not
PART 46
Months passed my life turned into a horror a horror you wouldn’t watch at night, I
was now Mrs Mbenge a forced Mbenge I will never forget my wedding day I got the
beating of my life before he pulled out a gun for me to sign the papers he paid the
people not to say a word. He made me quit school by locking me in his house for 2
damn months believe me when I say I tried every possible thing I could think of to
escape, we were now staying at his place it was a prison couldn’t get out nor come
in, the only knifes that were in the house were plastic knifes only everything was
plastic even glasses the last person I made love with was Jerome but I had slept with
Lukhanyo numerous times he took it without my permission. I had no phone the
wasn’t even a telephone in that house I had already given up I once asked 1 of his
friends to borrow me his phone I called both Amy and Sam I knew their numbers by
heart but none of them wanted to do anything with me even though I told them what
was going on but nope nothing. The only positive thing that was happening in my life
was my growing baby girl she was 14 months old she didn’t even celebrate her 1st
birthday no cake nothing! I had no contact with her family actually with no one. I was
always in long skirts/dresses that’s what he bought me he did the shopping himself, I
had even lost weight from size 36 to size 28 it was bad. It was now December on a
tuesday afternoon Lukhanyo was at work it was just me and my princess, I was only
breathing because of her if it was for me I would have committed suicide but I had a
person to look after.
Me:Layla! Come here baby
She came running through the passage I picked her up and span her around she
giggled she brought light into my life made my heart smile with her smile but it
pained me because I wasn’t giving her the life she deserved. The door unlocked I sat
down with Layla we were always locked inside I once stole the key but that got me a
blue eye and cracked ribs.
Him:Doll face I’m home
The name made my stomach turn his laughter made me wanna puke everything
about him even the things I liked I hated. I sat next to us and gave me a kiss on the
cheek.
Me:Lukhanyo
Him:Baby
Me:Layla needs new clothes
Him:Layla this Layla that argh! When are you giving me my own child
Me:I told you she’s still young
That was just an excuse I didn’t want to have kids with him
Him:I don’t give a fuck!
I kept quiet cause I knew if I kept arguing with him I’d get beaten again, that was
something I was use to getting beaten to a pulps. He also kept quiet we stayed like
that for some few minutes
Him:Okay fine we’ll buy her new clothes
I looked at him
Him:Let’s go
Me:Let’s go?
Him:Yes we buying her new stuff
Me:You want me to go with you? You’re actually allowing me to go with
I haven’t been out the yard for months was always locked in there
Him:Yes Lwandle come before I change my mind
Me:Let me change Layla quick-
Him:She’s not coming with us
I looked at him in shock
Me:What? With whom will she stay behind?
Him:My friends are coming over
Me:I won’t leave her with your friends never! Go without me
Him:Geez woman! She can tag along
I jumped and went to get us ready while I was doing that I was thinking of a plan this
was it I was finally getting out. We left for the mall I was gonna run for my dear life
and not even look back he parked the car.
Him:Pull a stunt baby pull a stunt doll face pull it
He stepped out of the car and opened the door for me he pulled me to him
Him:I’ll hunt you down both of you and kill you 1st the white baby you have while you
watch then you
He licked the side of my face I closed my eyes I hated him with everything in me. He
took my hand and we walked into the mall I was looking around just to see if I’d see
someone I knew but nothing we shopped for the 3 of us he was holding my hand
tightly the whole time giving death stares after the clothes we went to Nandos the
minute we entered I looked around oh to god be the glory I saw Neo. Our eyes met
he looked so unsure and confused tears fell out
Him:Lwandle
He tighten his grip I quickly wiped my tears and looked at him faking a small, we sat
down he was staring at me getting under my skin
Him:Don’t test me you might get the results you weren’t expecting and your name
isn’t Lwandle you’re Busi
I looked down and played with my fingers, I felt eyes on my you know when
someone is looking at you I looked at Lukhanyo and it wasn’t him. It was Neo I
stared into his eyes he stood up not breaking the eye contact, he walked to our table.
Neo:Lwandle?
My eyes were still on him I nodded slowly as tears filled my eyes
Luu:Baby
I broke the eye contact and looked at him, he took Layla and placed him on his lap
and brushed her cheek giving me an unnoticed warning..
PART 47
Never jump into a relationship or get into it for all the wrong reasons cause you might
get what you weren’t expecting I learned that the hard way. I feared Lukhanyo with
my all I knew he wasn’t bluffing when he said he’d hunt us down and kill us that man
was purely heartless, he never thought twice about doing something and he was
really good at threats and they were never empty. I wanted to grab Layla from him
and run for our lives but I was afraid I looked at him as he brushed her cheek I really
didn’t trust him he was purely evil the devil himself. I swallowed hard with tears in my
eyes and looked at Neo my palms were getting sweaty, I placed my hands on my lap
for him to see how I was shaking maybe he’d get an idea of what was happening.
Him:Lwandle…oh my god
Luu:Busi who’s this?
Neo:Busi?
He looked at me all confused I couldn’t utter a word I tried opening my mouth but no
words were coming out so I just sat there with shaking lips
Luu:Baby are you okay?
He said in his hoarse voice I glued to the water that was in front of me my hands
were still shaking, I was confused I didn’t know whether to scream and make a
scene to get me out of the situation or go back to avoid being killed.
Neo:Lwa what’s going on? Why are you Busi now?
I looked into his eyes as I cleared my voice I spoke the truth through my eyes but my
mouth failed me
Me:I’ve always been Busi I don’t know any Luyanda
I gave him a hint right there, that’s what he use to call me so he had to know that
was me Lwandle.
Him:Luyanda? I said Lwandle
Me:Yeah sure whatever
I was using the words he used to use it was amazing how I remembered everything
he used to say to me. He nodded looking so unsure I wanted him to know/see
something odd but Neo can be so dumb at times, he turned slowly and started
walking it was like I didn’t get through to him.
Me:Hey!
He stopped, turned and looked at me I took a deep breath.
Me:Its Grace not Gladys, a helper not a maid.
I shook my head slowly for him not to cause a scene, his eyes popped he took a step
forward. I quickly changed my focus from him to Lukhanyo who was looking at me as
if he was reading me. I flashed my brave big smile as I pushed my tears to the back I
placed my hand on top of his.
Me:Baby let’s get take aways
He smiled I was disgusted by him but I needed to play along just for our safety.
Him:Good girl
Voice:You vanished into thin air, I looked all over for you
Eish Neo! We both looked at him he was still standing there
Luu:Man are you okay? You’re clearly mistaking her for somebody else
He walked over to us
Me:And I get that a lot
Neo:Err oh-okay
I blinked countless times hoping he won’t blow this up.
Him:I’m sorry just that you really look like her but she was darker then you and
definitely didn’t have a beauty spot on her face. She was about your size but into
girls so I’m really sorry
Luu:It’s okay man
Him:Cute baby you have there, what’s her name?
Me:Buhle
He took a deep breath more like a relieved one and smiled, he nodded and bid his
goodbyes. Lukhanyo stoop up took some shopping bags and Layla.
Him:Let’s get out of here
I collected the other bags and we left with him holding my hand tightly we were
walking so fast. If it were for me I’d cause a scene but knowing Lukhanyo he would
drop Layla making sure it kills her or causes some serious damage just to hurt me.
We got into the car and he drove us back ‘home’ he was quiet the whole way it
looked like he was in deep thoughts. I felt lighter I had hope I knew someone was
gonna save me if he really meant it when he said he loved me then he definitely was
gonna save me if not then it was back to square one. We got in carry all those bag
Lukhanyo immediately dropped the bags and shoved his hand on my throat choking
me right in front of Layla.
Him:What was that all about huh? You think I’m stupid? You think I’m stupid
Lwandle?!
I shook my head as I couldn’t speak he let go of my throat I coughed as I was trying
to catch my breath
Him:What was that all about? Grace, Gladys, Luyanda what the hell was it about!
Me:I..I..baby I was playing him, I said Luyanda just to show him I didn’t know what he
was talking about and I said Grace to assure him I ain’t Lwandle I’m not her.
Tears were flowing down as I held onto my throat I hated myself ‘baby’ I hated that
word but when you’re scared you’re scared. He looked at me and nodded kissed my
forehead and whispered “Good girl” he then walked away. I looked at Layla who was
quiet like she wasn’t there she stood there not moving an inch she was staring at me
it broke me into a million pieces my girl had seen enough I had to win Lukhanyo’s
trust to get out of there just for her.
PART 48

Mercy upon my life oh Lord for I didn’t know what I was doing, bless me oh father for
I also need happiness in my life. Is it because I’m a female for them to walk all over
me? Am I that weak for people to stumble and dance upon me? Is it because I’m
vulnerable and seeking for love for I didn’t get it from where I’m from? Because of my
fragile heart I can’t/don’t have the strength to fight back, for me it seems worthless
cause fighting back means PAINS onto them and I didn’t have the heart to cause
pain on others even though they’ve caused it to me. I was now this goody two shoes
wife obeying every tiny single thing he stated, I was so caring and loving I needed
him on my side I never argued with him even once I gave him all he needed. But
Lukhanyo surprised me he changed, he actually changed for the better words can’t
seem to define how surprised I was. He didn’t go out the way he used to anyone he
was always indoors with us to be specific for the entire festive season even with me
encouraging him to go out and have fun but he didn’t budge. In him I saw the guy
who charmed me, the man who came to visit me in hospital whom I totally liked but I
didn’t to be honest I couldn’t let go of the monster in him, I didn’t know when he was
going to unleash. He was in the kitchen cooking the pregnancy was definitely doing
wonders I’m telling you.
Me:You trying to kill us?
I was leaning against the kitchen door he looked so clueless in what he was doing,
he looked at me a chuckle managed to escape his mouth.
Him:Kill you?…Never!
Me:Need some help?
Him:No no no, I’ve got this you need to rest
I didn’t understand the resting business because with Layla I didn’t, I left him with his
cooking and went to check on my angel she was still asleep sucking on her lower lip
oh man. Lukhanyo called out for me we met half way in the corridor
Him:Uhm I tried my best
Me:With?
Him:The cooking, I’m really tired so please get take aways
I looked at him waiting for him to say he was joking but he wasn’t, he called a cab for
me cause I couldn’t drive I couldn’t even take Layla with me because she was
sleeping so it will too obvious. He gave me his card(pin) and told me to hurry before
Layla wakes up, I kissed his cheek and got in. I gave the driver directions to the
Dlamini’s I needed to see Neo, he parked in front of the house right there all the
memories came back but I blocked them as quick as I could I was there for
something more serious. I knocked but nothing I didn’t stop neither, the door flew
open her mouth hanged as her eyes popped as well she threw her arms around me
and squeezed my little frame in her embrace.
Her:Oh my god Lwandle! Oh god!
Me:Hey Grace
She let go of me and scanned me as she turned me around
Her:How are you dear?
Me:Not good at all I’m looking for cheese boy is he around?
She gave me confused look
Me:Neo
Her:He moved out last year
I swallowed hard
Me:Know where he stays?
She shook her head I looked around not knowing what next to do or say “Grace
who’s there?”
It was Mr D I swallowed
Her:Its Lwandle sir
I heard foot steps making their way near as in a faster mode, the door opened wider.
I looked at him
Him:Neo right?
I nodded
Him:I’ll call him to meet you here, he told me
His eyes were welcoming so warm he wasn’t the same man that tried to satisfy his
needs on me.
Me:Tell him to meet me at the same mall as last time as in now
He quickly nodded and took out his phone, I hurried to the car but stopped and
looked back
Me:Mr Dlamini!
He also looked at me
Me:Thanks
Him:I’m sorry
Tears tackled my eyes I nodded and quickly got in, the time I had was limited I told
the driver to drive as fast as he could. I literally ran into the mall to spur I ordered and
waited until I got everything Neo was nowhere I gave up and went back to the
parking lot. We met at the entrance he ran into my arms we squeezed each other I
broke down I couldn’t help it, to think of it it was our 1st hug
Him:Please don’t do this
Me:I can’t take it anymore Neo for the 1st time I needed your help I really need it
Him:I’m here for you now stop crying please
Me:Do something
He let go of me and held my shoulders
Him:Hey I’m here let’s go take Layla
Me:Are you crazy?! Lukhanyo is a monster
Him:Thought of that, come
He took my hand but I quickly yanked it
Me:I left Layla behind
He frowned while putting his hands in his pockets and started biting his lower lip
Him:Okay…uhm maybe you won’t like this but…eish
Me:Neo come on I don’t have the whole day
Him:Do you ever stop talking
Me:Really you gonna do this now? Mxm
Him:Is that the best you can do?
He rolled his eyes handsome didn’t even start to describe Neo he was a god himself
but he didn’t fantasy me, I didn’t see him as a lover nor a brother not even a friend
itself! I knew how rude he could be so I didn’t want to associate myself with people
like him unless it was in my favour.
Me:You can be such a brat at times
Him:Me a brat? Oh plea-
Me:Neo! Can you be serious for once please!
He nodded and looked down
Him:I’m going in circles because I don’t know how to say it
Me:Just say it please
He looked at me and stepped forward placed his hands on my waist and looking me
straight in the eye
Him:You know his a monster, you run from him he’ll come looking for you babe so…
He spoke in a slow calm tone
Me:So?
Him:Kill him
I looked at him thinking maybe my ears are deceiving me but nope they weren’t I
removed his hands from me. He was so serious couldn’t even look me in the eye
Me:Never!
His eyes popped
Him:Never? What?! are you stupid or plainly dumb or are you being an idiot now!
Neo is really dumb
Me:No Neo killing him ain’t an option
Him:Lwand-
Me:I can’t have another kid who won’t have a father! Not again Neo!
His facial expression changed he became blank I couldn’t read him at all, he shook
his head and moved backwards.
Him:You’re Lwandle you’re..
His voice was breaking inbetween I took a step forward but he moved back I swear
some how that move found its way in my heart and broke it.
Me:I need to go Layla is waiting for me
I said that looking down feeling so ashamed I walked to the cab with a heavy heart
“Lwandle”
I looked back at him
Him:Better pay that driver your ass baby daddy might have bought him
I never thought of that
Me:With what? I’m broke
He came and stood next to me
Him:I’m sorry I guess its your life you can do whatever you want, just Layla is too
young 1 year 2 months soon 3 she way too young Lwa
I looked at him totally surprised
Me:Wait, you know my daughers age? How?
Him:I keep track of everything even with you, you’re only 19 gonna be 20 but don’t
know when. So do you Lwandle I won’t stand in your way
The last part wasn’t true he didn’t mean it, his voice failed him it was filled with
sadnest it even cracked. I didn’t know what to sau or do.
Me:16 March
Him:Huh?
Me:My birthday the 16th of March
I got in the cab and immidiately doze off to my own land but my eyes were fixed on
him and the driver they were exchanging words, money handed over. He looked at
me and spoke but I couldn’t hear a thing he snapped his finger I chuckled.
Me:Yeah?
Him:You’ll be out soon okay
I nodded and he smile faintly and left the guy drove off…
PART 49
I stood in front of the door taking deep breaths I needed to act normal but my
emotions were getting the better of me I looked up attempting to push my tears back
I noticed something the clouds were changing the form of its colour they were
becoming dark grey I related to them. I had no one to blame but myself I wasn’t
forced to date Lukhanyo but I was forced to marry him “mamma I need you more
than anything” those words found their way out of my mouth which was full of saliva
that’s what happens when you wanna cry/ already crying. I called her mom
regardless the fact that I didn’t know her she was still my mother at least she didn’t
mistreat me I convinced myself that she loved me a mothers love comes naturally so
I had no doubt about that. I held my head up high and opened the door I was
welcomed by a warm smile Lukhanyo was seated on the sofa I faked a smile so I
may accommodate his
Him:Heyam ndedwa oh ndiyayithanda lentombi (She’s mine alone oh I love this girl)
That was Ringo’s song he was clearly in a jolly mood
Him:You surely took your time
He said that as he was stepping forward still showing off his white teeth he had a
gold tooth on the 3rd up tooth which I didn’t really like.
Me:It was packed! And this little fella had some cravings
I said that as I brushed my tummy his smile widen he placed his hands on my waist
Him:That’s understandable
He kissed my lips I didn’t respond I just looked at him
Me:Let me go check Layla
He let go of me I took a step but he roughly grabbed my arm I looked at him. He
wasn’t the guy whom I was with few seconds ago he tighten his grip
Me:Ouch!
Him:You smell Lwandle
Me:I beg your pardon
Him:Lwandle!!
He grip got worse
Me:You’re hurting me Lukhanyo!
He let go of me and paced around I rubbed my arm it was pink I ain’t a yellow born
but you see his fingers.
Him:Who is he? Huh? Who the hell is he?
I was totally blank I had no idea what he was on about, he fisted his hands I
swallowed hard.
Him:Lwa don’t patronize me, his damn cologne is all over you dammit!
I walked over to him I was scared but I needed to do it, he moved back he was back
to square 1 the monster in him unleashed
Him:Don’t come closer Lwa I don’t wanna hurt you
Me:I’ll take my chances
At the back of my mind I was like if he beats me the chances of me losing the baby
are high so what the hell! I touched his shoulders and took a deep breath
Me:It…it wa-
Him:It was what?!
I jumped a little letting go of his shoulders intensively shutting my eyes
Me:Some guy asked my out but I refused he hugged me unexpectedly
I spoke very fast! He pulled me into his arms my eyes were still shut
Him:I’m..I’m sorry Lwa
He placed my head on his chest I could feel his heart going crazy I quickly moved
back and left for Layla’s room when I got there oh Lord! Okay Layla has a carpet in
her room its cream(ish) off white in colour what made my heart skip a beat was the
fact that there were blood stains on the carpet and Layla wasn’t around. Negative
thoughts filled my mind, my knees got weaker I used the door for balance I blinked
uncontrollably I called out for Lukhanyo. But my voice didn’t let me it was like I was
whispering, I sat down whole debating that I’m things crab “LUKHANYO!!” This time
around I wasn’t whispering he made is way to me he went down so he may reach my
level.
Me:Whe-..Where’s Layla? What did you do to her?!
Him:Wh- What?
I pushed real hard that he fell
Me:Where the hell is my daughter
He gave me a confused face
Him:She’s playing in the back
I jumped up he grabbed my right ankle I kicked him with my left foot he let go of my
ankle, I literally ran outside. And there she was playing with her dolls in peace I just
wanted to squeeze her.
Me:Buhle
She carried on playing I giggled she didn’t know that name
Me:Layla
Her:Mommy
She ran into my arm I picked her up and spun her around he giggles were music to
my ears
Me:Are you okay?
She nodded I kissed both her cheeks “You thought I had done something to her?”
I looked at him but not responded
Me:Let’s go make custard
Lay:Yey!
I pushed Lukhanyo out of the way and went in with my princess
Me:Get her toys before it rains
I ordered him he just wasn’t my favorite person.
Later that even we were watching tv Layla was already in bed me and Lukhanyo
weren’t talking it was quiet.
Me:I’m going to bed
Him:I heard her crying so I went to check on her, her nose was bleeding Lwandle I
didn’t do anything I swear
Me:I’m using the spare room tonight
Him:Lwa please
He stood in front of me blocking my way, he looked into my eyes we literally stare at
each other. His eyes were sparkling he pulled me closer making sure our bodies
become 1 we were breathing the same oxygen he looked at my lips then back into
my eyes.
Him:I’m sorry about earlier I’m sorry about everyth-
Tears filled my eyes I looked the other way as they weren’t down
Me:Goodnight
Him:I get it you hate me right now you can’t stand me I understand its hormones
He was right I was disgusted by him I just couldn’t stand his presence, I moved back
and removed my eyes from him. My emotions were all over the place
Me:Sho
Him:I love you
I just walked away I didn’t love him nor like so it was best I shut up, that night I slept
with my baby I missed sleeping with her, I missed her kicks, her arms around my
neck the way she uncovers herself when she’s sleep not once did I complain about
her kicking me I loved her too much to complain.
Months flew by with nothing from Neo’s side not like I was doing something anyway
were turned into this small tight family. Lukhanyo had change towards Layla he
treated her like his own as for our marriage it was…well we were okay just okay
even though we had grew closer to each other my gut still didn’t let down. It was the
beginning of June winter was already taking its course I was dressing Layla in warm
clothes we were going out for dinner Lukhanyo was on his way back from work
Lay:Mommy where’s Lulayo?
Me:He’s coming baby
Her:Now now?
Me:Now now honey…let’s go
I picked her up but sad thing was that I couldn’t carry her anymore she was heavy
and her sibling didn’t allow me it was already showing it was so cute I loved my baby
regardless the way he/she was created or the blood that was flowing through its
veins. We made our way to the lounge the flew open Lukhanyo entered busy ripping
his tie off he was clearly furious
Me:Baby got get Lizzy(her doll)
Her:Is Lulayo gonna play doll house with me?
I looked at him he was pacing up and down
Me:I’m gonna play with you he’s tired baby go set it up already.
She ran disappearing to her room I sat down
Me:Share
He went cursing using all foul words
Me:Calm down tuu
Him:Cam down? Are you nuts?
Me:Then start talking!
Him:Some car was on my tail that driver had an agenda he/she wanted to crash into
me they tried several bloody times!
Me:Oh god! Did you see them
Him:No,dammit!
We went silent he threw himself next to me and placed his hand on my baby bum
Him:Daddy ain’t going nowhere princess
Me:Hey its prince not princess
Him:I created her so I know
Me:Well he’s in me so I know
He chuckled and stared at me I could see him ease down a bit, I liked him all over
again not love liked, his soft lips touched mine. My eyes automatically closed he
sucked on my lower lip bringing me closer to him I wasn’t responding I quickly broke
it and moved back. I couldn’t look at him I looked the other way he made me face
him using his index finger.
Him:Please do me a favour
I nodded
Him:I forgot to close the gate please do I beg
I nodded again stood up fixed myself
Him:Lwa
I looked at him
Him:Thanks for calming me
I didn’t respond I just went to close the gate I looked around hoping to see the car
there were a few cars parked in our street. “Sis’Lwandle!” I turned and this other guy
came running to me I moved back the gate separated us
Him:You Lwandle right?
Me:No..Yes..what do you want
Him:Yes No?
Me:Yes!
Him:Get that guy on the road or leave the gate open so we may do our job
Me:What?
Him:Boss did inform you right?
Me:Boss?
Him:Boss Neo
Me:Neo?! Whoah slow down now
He started blabbing that Neo hired them to kill Lukhanyo the moment he said that I
went deaf I was just looking at his moving mouth. I moved away from him and ran
inside closing the door well more in a banged it kinda way.
Him:Baby whatsup?
I blinked uncontrollably tears falling out causing my vision to be blur. He shook me
didn’t even realize he was in front of me
Him:Breathe..Baby breathe
I wasn’t even aware I had breathing problems until he notified me, I did as told he
wiped my tears
Him:Talk to me
I blinked yet again I didn’t know whether to tell him the truth or lie to him.
PART 50
He was staring at me with curiosity impatiently waiting on me to spill the beans but
my jaws failed me they wouldn’t move an inch. I couldn’t lie to him nor tell him the
truth, the truth meant death and so did the lie, if I’d lie to him then Neo would go on
with his plan on murdering my baby daddy the man I was now married to but then
again telling Lukhanyo the truth meant death upon me and Neo he’d probably wait
until I give birth to his child. He’d twist the whole “game” and kill those who were
planing to murder him, I couldn’t decide I went completely blank so I just stared back
at him with no emotions or whatsoever.
Him:Talk to me!
Me:And say what?
Him:You got to be kidding me, You ran in here like a mad person crying Lwandle
Me:Oh
Him:Dammit Lwandle!
Me:Don’t raise your voic-
Him:Know what? Fuck you!
I nodded and pushed him aside made my way to the kitchen I needed something to
calm me down. Lukhanyo got in while I was downing water
Him:Baby look at yourself you’re shaking!
I was really shaking I placed the glass on the counter pretending like he ain’t even
there
Him:Lwandle are you gonna tell me or must I force it out
Me:Force it out?
Him:Yes! It seems like its the only language you understand
I had two voices debating tell him/dont tell him, Lukhanyo started blabbing going on
and on until I couldn’t take anymore
Me:Would just stop! Stop nagging geez Lukhanyo go check it out for your damn self!
Man up and leave me alone!
Him:Man up? So I’m nagging? What’s wro-
Me:Layla is waiting for me
I quickly made Layla and myself something to each with cookies on the side we were
gonna play after all. Layla wasn’t exposed to the outside world she had no idea what
a friend was, I was used to being inside but my baby needed to go out there and
explore be the kid she is. We played until I was dog tired she had a sugar rush so
she was energetic well fell asleep in the end and so did I.
Lukhanyo woke me up he was busy brushing my thighs I had a phobia of wanting
him inside me which was totally weird cause I was like “that” into him. I removed his
hand but he just brought it back this time turning me to lay on my back.
Me:Would you stop
Him:I miss you
Me:I’m right next to you
Him:Baby please
His voice was husky and slow kinda begging in a way the weird feeling was there I
wanted him as much as he wanted me but I didn’t to I really didn’t.
Me:I’m tired go back to sle-
He smashed his lips onto mine I kissed him back it went on for a while until I backed
out our breathing level were already on another level.
Me:I’m sorry
I was catching my breath
Him:Don’t be
He tried kissing me again
Me:I’m not in the mood Lukhanyo
He threw himself on the bed and sighed in frustration
Him:I have a boner and you’re my wife its been what?..how far are you again?
Exactly! ever since I impregnated you you’ve forgot your wife duties.
I looked the way trying to avoid an argument what he said completely turned me off
“wife duties” meant me being his sex slave.
Next few day Lukhanyo was working from home he had this theory that the car was
still out there probably looking for him so he didn’t want to risk it. I weren’t really on
talking terms we exchanged words when needed nothing much I didn’t care a bit. It
was mid day the weather was okay to be outside so me and Layla were playing my
pregnancy wasn’t gonna stop me from playing and giving my daughter attention
never! We were at the front of the house I felt like someone was watching me I
looked around and saw that guy Neo hired standing at there with no care in the
world, I was shocked to see him there so I literally ran to the gate.
Me:What the hell are you doing here?!
Him:Sister Lwa
Me:Don’t call me like you know me
Him:Why is he never out? Or you want us to come in and perform it in front of you
and your daughter?
Me:You wouldn’t dare
Him:Allow us to do what we were sent to do
Me:Please don’t
Him:He has to meet his God
Me:Look at me I’m pregnant you really want my baby to grow up without his/her
father?
Voice:Why would my child grow up without me?
PART 51
My eyes automatically closed like a switched off robot I could feel and hear my heart
race raise it started beating like the drums in the movie called Mr Bones a marathon
was now being raced, an impossible to swallow lump grew in my throat, my body
became weak like Leleti Khumalo in the Yesterday movie, my hands started
sweating like a person whom has TB symptoms. My back was facing Lukhanyo at
that moment my mind went blank like a person who’s recently had a memory loss,
my mind was unproductive of any idea the fact that I was scared took over my body
and mind. I slowly opened my eyes my surrounding were still the same unfortunate
the hired young man was still standing there leaning next to the gate with his hands
in his pocket just like Neo, he was beaming unnaturally over my shoulder I guessed
he was looking at Lukhanyo. My vocabulary failed tears were already threatening to
tackle down my cheeks I let out the breath I’d been holding, hoping he didn’t hear
anything besides the last part of our conversation. I listened to Lukhanyo’s foot steps
as he moved closer his warm breath sent shivers down my spine it was warm like
the breeze warmth of the Kalahari desert.
Him:I asked a question mind explaining
His mouth was behind my earlobe it had a deep tone onto it making the little hair at
the back of my head stand.
Me:I..I..I
That’s all I managed to say my poor voice stated how frightened I was keep in mind
the young man was still standing there glancing at our body movement. You could
easily see he had no care in the world nor was he afraid of anyone, he was good
himself deciding when people should die.
Luh:Can we help you?
Y.M:The pregnant girl yes but you nope
Luh:So you want help from my wife?
He slowly pulled my body against his while sinking his fingers on my waist I crawled
my lips as I experienced the pain, I gently yanked myself and gave the young man
my back looking at the monster that stood a few foot steps away from me. His face
confirmed the beast had unleashed gone was my husband the devil himself stood in
front of me, he gave me a smirk before taking 1 step forward he quickly snaked his
arm around my neck tightly grabbed my hair.
Him:Say bye to the man DOLL FACE.
My stomach groaned it stumbled like the foot steps of Gorilla no doubt in my mind he
was back, no one could help the gate was locked.
Me:You’re hurting me Lukhanyo
YM:Hey man you’re hurting the pregnant girl
Luh:Shut the fuck up!
My back was bend everyone who’s been grabbed by the hair will know, he let go of
my hair I quickly looked at the guy with tears running down my cheeks.
Me:Wanna do it? Then do it! I don’t give an inch on how you do it just do the damn
thing!
He gave me a goofy laughter with a nodding in between, he set his tiny eyes on
Lukhanyo his eyes meant business and he defiantly looked like a stoner. He slowly
walked away the beast was still behind me, he roughly grabbed me and dragged me
inside the house. A single punch was enough to send me flying to the floor like I was
some contemporary dancer, I sat up trying to get up but his white Nike found their
way to my face I just went back to the floor I couldn’t cry I had no tears they dried
out. He lifted me up using my hair the minute I stood on my two toes he sent my
head into the wall I left a blood stain on the cream wall.
Him:I love you Lwandle! I love you dammit! But you, you never listen you never learn
baby aren’t I enough for you? I’ve apologize for what I’ve done you know I don’t
wanna hurt you Lwandle you’re my wife.
He sat down on the couch with his head inbetween his hands looking to the floor, I
slid down the wall my head was spinning and hurting.
Him:I don’t wanna lose you Lwa you’re my all, I react the way I react because I’m
afraid of losing you.
He started sobbing it was my 1st time seeing Lukhanyo with my naked eyes cry,
when a guy starts crying it gets awkward really awkward I looked at him he was still
in the same position. Two/Three steps he was in front of me lifting me up yet again
Lukhanyo was fast, he slapped me countless times he stopped and grabbed my
throat choking me what I noticed was that his eyes were throughout the whole ordeal
Lukhanyo’s eyes were closed. He threw me to the floor got on top of me nd
continued choking me he wasn’t sitting but bend down, he was calling out someone’s
name, the name was Noluthando his exact words were “Awumameli Noluthando”
which means you don’t listen I had no idea who Noluthando was. He started kicking
me busy mumbling stuff I couldn’t make out I protected my baby using arms that’s
the only way I could protect him/her.
Me:Lukhanyo my baby please
I cried out but he didn’t stop nor did I stop calling him I needed him to stop before he
killed his own child. He started destroying the house like DESTROYING it I’ve never
seen something like that, he was mad totally losing it left instead of right. He slid
down the door closing his ears tightly crying like a frightened baby it was first time
experiencing something like that, he was like a little child his cry broke my heart into
a million pieces it was so painful. I found myself crawling to him my heart controlled
me him beating me again was the last thing on my mind, I wrapped my arms around
him bringing him closer to me he held me tightly like he never wanna let go he was
still crying.
Me:Ssshhh
I didn’t know what to say or do I had no comfort word besides “Ssshhh”
Him:I begged him to stop, we begged him but he didn’t Lwa. I watched him kill her
baby I should have done something
He cried even more I just held him tightly with no words in my mouth my vocabulary
sucked big time!
PART 52
PART 53

People never connect the dots they never seem to understand, its easy to judge
when you’re watching from the outside its silly cause every single person goes
through it I’m probably not making any sense right now so buckle up. Why are you
still with him? Can’t you see his abusing you? That’s the question ladies ask each
other never really noticing that a physically abuse relationship is like any other
relationship. He cheats on you, makes you a damn fool & take your love for him for
granted but you still stay in that relationship why? Because you love the guy “his
gonna change, he’ll come around” that’s what abused women say! He’ll stop beating
me up but he never does, he’ll stop all the cheating but he never does.
1.You degrade yourself for him, your standards what you actually stand for
2.Lose your dignity
3.Low Self-esteem
4.You become emotionally wasted to a point where its hard to love again
Those are the things you lose on both cheated & abusive relationships yet you stay,
never judge an abused woman cause the heart fooled her just like it fooled you when
you stayed with your player.
He was only sniffing so I slowly let go of him. My knees were hurting so I sat down
next to him his white sneakers had blood on them and so did my clothes, Layla
crossed my mind. She was still outside I couldn’t go to her all swollen and bloody I
didn’t want her to see me like that, I didn’t want that image to stick in her head I
wanted the best for my daughter. Lukhanyo snaked his arm around my waist and
pulled me to him I flinched my body was painful I felt his manly hands rub where he
had touched. He gently pushed my head on top of his shoulder and kissed my head,
I moved back from him a bit. He gazed on him his eyes were red and puffy.
Him:I won’t hurt
I cleared my throat
Me:That’s what you said the last time
My voice was shaky he moved closer I moved back
Him:I promise
Me:I don’t cause you’ll break it
He simply nodded he looked defeated
Him:Layla is probably worried must I get her or will yo-
“Mommy!” That was Layla our eyes popped we were still looking at each other.
Him:Speak of the devil
We turned to her she was standing at the door leading to the kitchen holding Lizzy,
she probably used the kitchen door for entrance.
Me:Baby
I tried getting up but I couldn’t my body was unable to grind
Lu:I’ll help
He got up and pulled me to him, he held my waist looking into my eyes I wiggled his
hands off me and pushed him aside. I limped over to Layla there was no hiding now
she already saw me.
Me:Come sweety
Her:Look
She was showing me the bloody stains on my clothes I looked at Lukhanyo who
looked down. I took my daughters hand and went to her room.
Me:Stay in here okay mommy will be right back
Her:uh-ha
I went out her room to the bathroom I took a quick shower I trusted nothing for me to
think and cry under running water, who knows what he’ll do to my daughter. I limped
to our bedroom he was seated on the edge of the bed, I didn’t mind him I wore comfy
clothes and took out all my clothes.
Him:Wh-…What are you doing Lwandle?
Me:Packing my things
Him:Why?
Me:I’m tired Lukhanyo I’ve suffered long enough, I’m tired of this I’m tired of us our
marriage I’m tired of everything.
Him:Wh-..wha-..I don’t understand
I didn’t answer him I took out a suite case and stared packing he stood next to me
and held my busy hands
Him:I said I don’t understand
Me:What don’t you understand? I’m tired I said it
Him:What does your tiredness mean? You’re packing Lwa care to explain
I took a deep breath
Me:I can’t seat around and wait for you to kill me, to us Lukhanyo. I don’t know
what’s going on with you you’ve changed, you not the same guy who visited me in
hospital the guy I went out with. I’m scared that 1 day you’ll wake up and kill us all in
this house I’m sorry but I have to protect my kids
He held my hands tighter in a reassurance manner
Him:I’ll never do that baby I’m not like him I’m different
Me:Like who? Who’s him?
He let go of my hands and paced around I didn’t mind him I continued with the
packing.
Him:You’re not leaving this house you’re not leaving me! Do you hear him?! You not
going anywhere!
Me:Are even listening yourself?!
Him:I am! You aren’t going nowhere Lwandle!
Me:Then kill me Lukhanyo! Kill me! If its the only way I’ll find peace in my life then do
it please! Kill me!
Tears fell down my cheeks I wiped them but it was useless wiping them cause they
were falling off more.
Him:I’ll never do that, you are the one who’s not listening to me I said I’m not like
him. He beaten her, he eventually killed her, he molested his us all, he chased us out
of his house baby I’m not like him.
I looked at him in shock and disbelief but it seemed like he didn’t hear himself say
those things.
Him:Please don’t
More tears came out of my eyes I blinked so I may see him clear, he looked down I
stepped forward and wrapped my arms around his neck and held him tightly while
sobbed he also held me tight. I never knew those things about Lukhanyo especially
the molested part yes I didn’t know the full story but that was enough to make me
cry.
Me:I’m sorry
Him:I begged him to stop
I just held on tight to him until he calm down, I moved back.
Me:I’m sorry I know you probably need me right now but I can’t be around you
Lukhanyo, take a look at me what he did to her you did to me, what if you do what he
did to you to my babies? I have to think of them
Him:WHAT? I’ll never do that to them never! I’m sorry Lwa I’m sorry I’ve made you
cry more then smile I’m sorry I’m not good enough I’m sorry I’m not prince charming
I’m sorry about everything but I’m not sorry I fallen in love with you I’m not sorry
you’re using my last name I’m not sorry you’re pregnant with our child. Baby you’re
my wife my world you’re all I got without you nothing
Me:If I’m really your all get help before you kill me
Him:Help as in shrink?
Me:Yes Lukhanyo deal with this tackle it without me if you love me as much as you
say then let go of me. Do what’s best for you for us your child!
Him:The only word I heard was let go of you, are you nuts?
Me:Mxm
I packed everything with him watching me it was now or never.
Me:Please get my shoes I won’t be able to bend
Him:Mxm to you too
Me:Mxm
I open the closet and kneeled to pick them up but getting up was easily but he
helped me.
Me:Thanks
Him:I can’t let go of you
Me:Look around you’ve caused this, we’re both damaged. I never had a pretty
childhood to be specific my whole life wasn’t good and you made it worse! Please
I’m begging you Lukhanyo don’t do this.
He took the shoes and threw them on the bed, pulled me closer smashed his lips
onto my bruised lips not caring about them. I wrapped my arms around his neck and
let it all out naturally we kissed a innocent yet passionate kiss I pulled out.
Him:Don’t
Me:Ha.a
Him:I love you
Me:And I like you too
He chuckled I smiled
Him:If you go and I get help what about our marriage? Does that mean divorce?
I let go of him and packed the other things
Him:Lwa I asked you a question, I wanna know
Me:Get help 1st
Him:Then divorce? Are you going to file for it?
Me:I don’t know
Him:Yo- you don’t know?
Me:Yes! Just stop asking me questions and help me
Him:I’ll give you the space you need I’ll get help for my sake and our family sake I
love you guys
I nodded he helped me with my packing but I could see he wasn’t okay he didn’t like
the idea but he was agreeing to it. We packed Layla’s stuff I took them to the car
while I made something to eat for me and my daughter I was had a hole in my
stomach I was really hungry. We finished eating Lukhanyo carried heavy Layla to the
car he placed her at the and opened for me in front he also entered.
Him:Where to?
Me:To…to…I don’t know I have no one
Him:Use the house I’ll move out
Me:Too many bad memories
He looked at me the looked at away
Him:Flat?
Me:Yes but I’ll need furnished and all of that its a lot
Him:Fully furnished
Me:I don’t have that kinda money
Him:I’m your husband Lwa
Me:I know bu-
Him:I’ll take care of it
He drove off he was driving and busy on his phone I looked out the window finally I
was going out
Him:Bingo! I found a place you’ll use it while I look for a proper place okay
Me:Okay but I need to get a job to take care myself
Him:In your condition no ways I’ll take care of you, you sure you ain’t divorcing me
Me:Not now okay
He drove us to the place we got it and moved in he stayed with us for -+2 hours, him
leaving was really hard he didn’t wanna let go he even wanted to sleep over for the
night but I didn’t let him. That night I slept peacefully with my baby girl whom kicked
me to the carve, I stayed indoors for almost 2 weeks I needed to heal before facing
the world Lukhanyo constantly visited us he would beg for to come home “The ain’t
the same without you and so is my life” that’s what he always said but I was still in
his life but he never realized. I finally healed so it was time for me to get out I
dressed Layla in her favorite dress and fixed myself up I actually jazzed it up I
needed to look stunning.
Her:We going to Lulayo
Me:Nope we’re going to the Browns
Her:Who?
Me:Your grandparents
She looked confused I felt ashamed it was all my fault, we left and took a taxi my
baby was all knew to this and people were looking at me white child and pregnant
well I didn’t care cause they didn’t know my story. We got off and walked to their
house it was pretty much still the same expect for the branches I hoped and prayed
they didn’t move, we walked over some how the gate was left open like some just
parked out or went out. I knocked a couple of time until the door was open, my eyes
popped oh my god I couldn’t believe it my mouth went dry I shook my head thinking
maybe my eyes were deceiving me. He stood right in front of me he smile slowly
vanished as he looked at me probably shocked to see me at that moment I wanted
slap him I could feel tears building up I swallowed hard.
Me:Come baby wrong house
I took Layla’s hand and started walking
Him:Lwa…Wait Lwa!
I carried on walking I felt grip on my arm I turned with full steam and slapped the shit
out of him the look on his face stated he couldn’t believe it. I yanked myself and
started walking again
Him:Lwa please!
Me:Fuck you!
Him:Is that her?
I turned again I saw a brick I took it and threw it at him but the bastard ducked!
Him:Hey!
Me:I hate you!
I grabbed my daughter and walked away with a heavy heart I couldn’t believe it! I
needed to get home to cry.
PART 54

As I was sleeping next to Layla I felt warm luke going down my side cheek I touched
it, it was a bit thick so I knew its blood coming from my nose I got up the minute I
stood on my toes I became dizzy and my vision went blur. I sat back on the bed my
lower body was getting numb I took off my shirt and covered my nose I was getting
worse. I looked up to stop the blood from coming out my neck got tired so I looked
down and saw blood in between my thighs now that freaked me out I dragged my
body on the bed and quickly grabbed my phone my whole body was getting weaker,
I dialed Lukhanyo’s number it was kinda a mission because of my blur vision. He
didn’t pick up I kept on trying until he did.
Him:Hey sorry I was sleeping eish these pills
The sound of his voice stated the truth he was telling
Me:Get…here..now…plea..Lukh-
Him:Baby breathe fuck! Lwandle talk to me!
Me:Just get here now
The slid through my hands and smashed on the floor it went separate ways strange
thing was that I had no pains my body was weak/numb and blood was pumping out
my eyes got heavier and eventually shut down and so did everything else.
I woke up in hospital I looked at Lukhanyo who was staring at me I snaked my arm
around my stomach and my baby wasn’t there I started panicking.
Me:Lukhanyo my…my ba-
Him:Hey hey our baby is fine his okay
I looked at him I could feel my cheeks rising forming a smile
Me:Did you just confirm his gender?
He shyly nodded with a smile
Me:I told you! Ouch!
Him:Hey take it easy
Me:Why does it hurts?
Him:They performed a c-section he’s a premature
Me:Like they cut me open?
He nodded
Me:Why would they do that!
Him:Baby they had to
I moved to a postoperative area where I was gonna remain under observation, with
hospital staff monitoring things like bleeding
(from vagina as well as from the site of the incision) blood pressure and temperature.
Following the surgery nurses massaged my
uterus to encourage it to contract and shrink to its normal size. (Sadly, this isn’t as
soothing and
spa-like as it sounds.) I was encouraged to get out of bed, if
possible on the same day. Yes, you just had major abdominal surgery, but the
activity was gonna help speed my C-section recovery. My baby was born at 32
weeks he was 4 pounds so he was taken to the NICU but luckily for us he spent only
2 weeks there. We named him Luthando let me rephrase that Lukhanyo named him
Luthando “Everyone else in the is L so he also had to be L” cheesy? I know he was
nothing like Lay I’m not comparing but he was too damn loud always seeking
attention. It was too much for me Layla was also young she also needed my
attention, Luthando would cry and I’d join him he was really too much. Lukhanyo was
a hands on dad he even suggested we moved back to the house but I didn’t agree
he wasn’t my favorite person he hired a nanny I couldn’t do everything by myself I
was only allowed to take things lightly and easy. Layla on the other hand was jealous
she’d cry and want my undivided attention when I was busy with Thando, I don’t
know what she thought he was cause she’d randomly bite or hit him and he’d go
flying to the last note and cry!
Luthando was now 2 months and the following month Layla was gonna turn 2 she
was growing way too quickly, Lukhanyo’s leg was much better so this day we
decided to go to the mall he begged for us to go with him. He picked us up I sat at
the back with my kids.
Me:I’m going back to school next year
He looked at me through the review mirror
Him:Are you for real?
Me:Yes! I need something stable for my kids
Him:Our kids and I’m here to take care of you
Me:Lukhanyo I was telling you not asking for your permission
Him:Lwand-
Me:Mxm just leave it
He kept quiet and so did I but hell to the no I wasn’t gonna live off him I needed
something so I may take care of my children where I was gonna get the money to go
back to school no idea. He parked the car we all got out he took Layla and I took
Luthando took familiar people got out from the car next to us it was Layla’s
grandparents just great!
MrB:Is that you Angel?
Me:Uhm yes its me Mr Brown
Mrs B broke down into her beloved husbands arms now I felt bad I looked away from
them, Lukhanyo came closer to me and whispered who they were I told its Layla’s
grandparents he just nodded and moved back.
MrsB:I thought I was gonna die without seeing my grand child
She was in tears and she had lost a lot of weight, we all went inside and found a
place to sit they all over her. Now I felt horrible for keeping her away from them
MrsB:I am dying my child I have cancer the Dr had given me 6 months there are only
4 months left
Me:Oh my word I’m so sorry
I tried pushing back the tears but they wouldn’t they went down I quickly wiped them
but nothing.
Her:Its okay I’ve accepted it
More started coming out o couldn’t believe death makes my mind go back to Layla’s
dad it had been only a year from his passing and I had already had another child and
married!
Her:Please let her stay with us allow me to spend my last months with my only grand
child I beg of you Lwa
PART 55

My tears immediately dried out I looked around was she being serious, I looked at
Mrs B she was dead serious she even had tears in her eyes. I looked at Lukhanyo
he slightly nodded like he was approving or agreeing I gave the are you look.
Me:I beg your pardon
I sat at the tip of the chair just to make sure I hear every single word that was gonna
be exchanged.
MrB:We’ve never really had our chance with her all we ask for is that. Please don’t
rob me, my wife and Layla a chance to know each, a opportunity to create
memories. My sons passing and my wife’s leukemia showed me how short life
actually is, we don’t know our tomorrows. We make up for Rome not being there
cause it was gods will we want to be grandparents to our only grand child please.
I heard what he was saying but it kinda fell on deaf ears Layla knew me and no else,
who knows they won’t take her away for ever. I stood
Me:I understand I’ll pop by probably tomorrow
MrsB:Meaning that yo-
Me:Yes but we gotta go now it was nice seeing. Layla say bye
They kissed her they were taking they’re time and I needed to get out of there
Lukhanyo was holding his son. We finally left them I went straight to the car I was in
no mood for shopping Layla got in 1st I took my baby from Lukhanyo who was
extremely quiet he drove us back to the flat. When we got there Layla was asleep
Lu:I’ll take her
He carried her inside while I came behind him, my babies slept next to each other I
went to the lounge.
Me:You’re still here
Him:Yeah uhm can I say something
Me:Yeah sure
He got up
Him:I know its not my place but baby give them Layla she’ll always be your princess,
she’ll always be yours and she has always been with you. Don’t make her hate you
for not allowing her to spend time with her grand parents cause trust me she will.
Me:No, you know what you’re actually right its not your damn place so shut up
Him:Lwandle I’m onl-
Me:I said no! She’s not going there!
Him:The woman is dying for heavens sake!! Have a heart!
I looked at him in shock he raised his voice, he was taking deep breaths calming him
down.
Me:You’ve always wanted this, you’ve never wanted Layla around and its happening
you can’t wait for her to leave.
He shot me with a look
Him:What the fuck is wrong with you! Why are you so fucked up?!
Me:Excuse me?
Him:Yes Lwa there I said it, I know I messed you up but this, this not cool at all. I’m
trying to reason here, yes at first I didn’t like her but the minute you told me you’re
pregnant everything changed. I realized my mistakes how cruel I was towards a
innocent soul, I wouldn’t want Luthando to be treated that way it was wrong of me
and I’m sorry I really am I was stupid wanted you to me. But that’s in the past I love
that girl like she’s mine I wouldn’t want to see her hurt or hate you please baby think
out of the box.
Me:Leave
Him:What?
Me:Go, leave Lukhanyo
He shook his head
Him:You’re unbelievable
He grabbed his keys and slammed the door on his way out I wanted to scream, I
didn’t trust them with my baby. Layla won’t be comfortable staying with people she
had no clue who they were and I couldn’t even go with her there because I had
Luthando so it was defiantly a big NO!
After 2 weeks Layla was still at me not at the Brown residence I never went there the
following I didn’t have the guts to let go, my fears were what if she loves them more
then me, what if she won’t want to come back to me I couldn’t bare it I loved her way
too much to let go. Lukhanyo on the other side was on my neck breathing geez we
weren’t on speaking terms, the only time he talked to me was when he was telling
me to take Layla to her grandparents or I’ll later on regret it but that surely fell on
deaf ears. The door opened I was with my babies and the nanny Esona she quickly
got up to welcome him in she was smitten.
Her:Hey Luu
That was the first she usually called him Mr Lukhanyo, he wasn’t him usual self he
was a bit down.
Him:Hey Esona
He got seated and kissed Layla’s cheek took his son from me.
Him:Hey big boy
I wasn’t greeted I left him to bond with his son I was slowly falling asleep when he
opened the door, he slept next to me and tried to cuddle me every time he came
closer and moved a bit.
Him:Please I’m coming from a session
I let him get closer and wrap his arm around me.
Me:Was it bad?
Him:Yeah it got deeper today
Me:I’m sorry
Him:Its okay
We kept quiet I didn’t want to nag
Him:Still not taking her?
I nodded he turn me around and peck my lips
Him:Do it for me oh wait I forgot I’m not really important to you
I slept on his and stared at the ceiling with his hands under his head.
Him:If not for me for her father, yeah do it for the guy please. I know his important to
you and you’d probably do anything for him so do it take his daughter to her grand
parents.
PART 56
PART 57

I didn’t believe it Lukhanyo wasn’t weak to be in and out of theatre but then again his
seat belt was fasten. Tears trailed down the sides of my face the nurse squeezed my
hand
Me:Why is this happening? Why always me? Why can’t I be happy just once?!
Her:Hey! Everything is gonna be okay
Me:Nothing will ever be okay, I’ll never be happy. He was changing he was
becoming a better man he has a son Luthando is still young. I should have refused
they shouldn’t have come with us
Her:Don’t blame yourself
I looked at her as tears went down on both of our faces
Me:Who should I blame? Its always my fault, I’m a murder I killed my mother then
Jerome and now Lukhanyo.
Her:He’s not dead
Me:But he will be! He’s gonna leave just like the rest of them, nobody stays I watch
them enter and watch them leave. I’m not good enough for them to stay I’m…I’m
nothing but a piece of trash the Dlamini’s were actually right can I please see my
kids.
Her:I’ll be right back
She yet again squeezed my hand before walking away, my life is like a movie/story
its too bad to true its entertaining in a horrific way one bad thing after the other. The
nurse came back with a wheelchair she helped me up tears were running down my
ribs were cracked so imagine the pain, I sat on it with the pillows support she
wheeled me to the children section. We entered a ward it was Layla’s size, she was
seated on this other chair playing with a doll with some other girl. Tears went down
my cheeks what have I done? Why can’t I do good towards my daughter? I’ve
brought nothing but pain in her life I didn’t deserve her, she deserved more then I
could offer a warm loving home.
Me:Buhle
She nurse brushed my shoulder
Me:Layla
She looked up she sat there and stared at me before running into my open arms,
wrapped them fully around her I broke down once again I didn’t wanna let go of her
but she started making some noise so I let go. I gave her a kiss she had a small
bruise on her forehead
Me:Baby
I wiped my tears before kissing her again I was grateful.
Her:Mommy go home
Me:We will baby
She held on tight
Me:Let’s go see your brother
Her:No
Me:He’s sleeping so…come on
She nodded even though I could see she didn’t want to but I understood her
behavior she feared that Luthando was taking her place but I loved that equally, we
went to his room a nurse was nursing him. I smiled in appreciation wiping my tears
Me:Can I?
She looked at the nurse who was wheeling me, she nodded I took my baby boy I
couldn’t squeeze him I made sure Layla didn’t feel left out after bonding with them
the next stop was to see Lukhanyo it wasn’t easy leaving them but I had to.
The pipes didn’t give me hope they were too much I knew right there it was over for
him, his face was swollen with a broken neck he has done a lot of bad things but that
was too much to pay for. He bruised me up more then once but I never wished death
upon his life he didn’t deserve that, I shook my head as tears went down wheeling
myself out I couldn’t stand his condition, we went back to my room without uttering a
word she helped me up. She could see I didn’t wanna talk so she left me like that.
After 2 days I was sent home with my babies I was relieved that place was just not
my kinda place but my heart was in pieces Lukhanyo was once again rushed to
theatre. I prayed day and night it was really too much for me I was only living for the
sake of my kids if they weren’t around I would have given up, Esona was back and
looking after my babies she shocked about Lukhanyo she’d break down out of the
blue I’d comfort her which was weird cause she was suppose to comfort me Luu was
my husband not the other way around. After 3 months it was 3 days before Layla’s
2nd birthday her family were now present in her life but she didn’t want me to leave
her there she followed me everywhere I went throughout the house she bonded with
her family when I was around. As for myself I wasn’t coping Lukhanyo’s condition
was drowning me I’d think of alcohol or other things that will make me forget of my
situation that will ease the pain I was slowly entering depression. Its was just a lousy
afternoon I was going to the Browns residence we were planning well they were but
they needed me as they didn’t know her favorite things, my mind clicked everything
came in rushing it was flooding that tears became a waterfall on my face. I wiped
them angrily and quickly grabbed a hoodie and sweat pants I quickly got dressed
and hurried with my purse.
Me:Esona please keep an eye on them
She quickly got up
Her:News from the hospital
Me:I wish but no
She threw herself back on th sofa I let it slid and kissed my babies, I ran out and
caught a taxi. I was literally shaking I was unstable going crazy the damn taxi took its
time, it finally reached my destination I went off and ran figuratively. The gate was
closed and there was a guard oh wow rich people!
Me:Sir I’m looking for Neo
Him:And you are?
Me:Lwa I’m Lwandle
Him:Is he expecting you?
Me:No just let me in
Him:No can do miss I’ll have to ask him
Me:Go then!!
That man was pissing me off he slowly went ahead I was losing it I couldn’t even
stand still, after a few minutes the man appeared and Neo came after him making
noise that the man should have opened for me. The gate finally opened I went in
flying
Neo:I’m sor-
I started hitting him on his chest you know when you’re angry and crying you lose it,
he held me tightly I was yanking myself
Me:You bastard how could you Neo!
Him:What are you on about?! Calm down Lwa!
I took some breaths biting my lower lip he let go of me I slapped him with all the
energy I had left.
Him:What the fuck is wrong with you?!
Me:What do you want from me?! 1st Jerome now Lukhanyo what the hell is wrong
with you?!
Him:What?
Me:You almost kill my babies Neo! When will you stop huh? When I’m dead? Cause
trust me I’ll never be yours. I know Lukhanyo is fighting for his life because of you!
Him:Oh he’s still alive?
I couldn’t believe it I hit him again but he just grabbed me
Me:When will y’all stop hurting me? 1st your father tried to rape countless times then
your mother abused me, you kill Jerome now Lukhanyo. What do you all want from
me aren’t you satisfied I left your lives? I’m out I won’t be the gold digger you clarified
me to be. You paid my aunt not me she used your money not me please Neo stop
now
He slowly let go of me and took steps back he was staring at me I wiped my tears.
Me:I thought I could trust you but you’re just like the rest of them, I don’t what you
want from me but you won’t get it not after everything please Neo let go and stay
away from me
I turned and walked away you know I was planning to burst his forehead but I didn’t
have the energy I was tired of everything I was wasted. When I was at the gate my
arm was roughly grabbed I looked at Neo
Me:You’re hurting me
He let go
Him:Did you say my…my father tried to uhm to rape you?
He couldn’t even say it!
Me:Yes Neo he wanted to take my virginity before you, he tied me up and tried but
never succeed.
He looked away
Me:I gotta go
Him:Wait
His eyes were filled with tears he held my shoulders and swallowed hard.
Him:I didn’t do it I didn’t kill Jerome yes I had to do with Lukhanyo but not
Jerome….Why didn’t you tell me Lwa?
Me:You wouldn’t have believed me Neo you hated me you couldn’t stand my
presents, I wa nothing but a ugly farm gir-
Him:Because I was hiding how I really felt towards you!! Remember when you told
me where my tab was that’s when I had tingly feeling towards you but I hided it
because I couldn’t break Roxanne’s heart. I’ve always love you Lwa but you never
noticed I watched every guy you were with I couldn’t stand it but then its life.
I yanked myself from him
Me:I cause it was never meant to be
Him:Don’t say that you can still d-
Me:NO!
Him:I’m gonna kill that bastard
Me:I beg your pardon
Him:I mean my dad that bitch is not even my father I’m gonna kill him!
Me:He’s no-
My phone rang I still wanted to talk about what he just said the man was filled with
rang, I took out my phone and it was the hospital.
Me:Lwandle hello
Caller:Hello Mrs Mbenge I’d like to inform you that Mr Mbenge is awake
My joy hit the last note I dropped the call, Mrs Mbenge felt weird I wasn’t used being
called like that.
Me:He’s awake Neo Lukhanyo is awake!
He rolled his eyes
Me:Oh please stop being a brat and take me
He looked at me before he snaked his arm around my waist and brought me closer
to him, he smashed his lips onto mine and smoothly kissed them I first didn’t kiss
back he didn’t stop so kissed him back but quickly pushed him.
Me:Fuck! Are you crazy?!
Him:Now let’s go
I shot him with an evil eye before we left for the hospital our way there was quiet, we
got there he parked and tried kissing me again but I didn’t allow it
Me:It was a mistake don’t you dare
Him:But it felt good
Me:Mxm
We got off and went in
Me:Where are you going?
Him:To see the man
Me:I don’t think so as I said stay away from me, thanks for the lift
The man sat down I rolled my eyes and went through with the help of the nurse of
course, I found him staring at the ceiling no pipes nothing but a drip in his right arm. I
ran to him and hugged me I kissed him lips several times, he looked away.
Me:Oh my god I can’t believe this
I broke down but quickly collected myself
Me:Luu finally!
Him:Uhm err hey
Me:Is that all you gonna say?
Him:Sorry but who are you?
PART 58

Everything paused I could feel my palms warming up which meant sweat, my tears
stopped a huge lump grew right in my throat. I looked at the door then back at him,
his face was plain no emotions nothing! I was waiting for him to say he was joking or
something but he never uttered a word my tears went down he was still staring at
me. I tried swallowing the lump but it was impossible I was on the verge of breaking
up
Me:Lu-…wha-..I don’t und-..
Him:Am I suppose to know you?
That right there sent me straight to hell more tears came out the thought of him not
knowing anything killed me but was it possible, I stormed out looking for a doctor I
needed some answers Lukhanyo had to know me. I found a female doctor I narrated
everything to her we walked to the room but I was pulled into a room it was full of
pills he closed the door behind him.
Me:What the hell?
Him:Loo-…wait why are you crying?
Me:Lukhanyo is here why wouldn’t I cry?
Him:Isn’t he awake?
Me:He is but he doesn’t know who I am, why am I even explaining myself to you. I
told you to leave
Him:He doesn’t know you? Wow! I hope you learned something from this
I gave him a confused face
Him:It shows how little he actually cares about you think about it Lwa if he really
loved you, you would have been the 1st person he asked for but nope he doesn’t
even know you!
Me:Stop talking crap
Him:Its the truth and you know it the guy got what he wanted an-
Me:Neo please stop I’ve been through a lot okay stop adding fuel to the fire
Him:Lwa I’m here for you
Me:I don’t want you to be there for me to be honest I’m fed up of you you’re irritating
the shit out of me, I can’t even stand you you’re nothing but a piece of rubbish you
ungrateful bastard. I hat-
He smashed his lips onto mine and quickly changed positions he pinned me against
the door, there was so much range in his kissing the hunger was there our hands
were all over the place. The pace he was going in was like someone is gonna caught
us so he’s kissing me for the last time it was definitely full of hunger, he slipped his
hands under my hoodie and went straight to my boobs I hit his hands out of my
hoodie. He stopped and looked at me his eyes were damn red and lazy
Me:I have a 3 mon-
He shut me up with yet another kiss this time around he lifted me up and went from
my lips to my neck everything happened so fast that its now history. I was busy
getting dressed and he was doing the same I couldn’t even look at him I was
ashamed while he was smiling from ear to ear, he pulled me to him but I quickly
yanked myself and got out. He ran after me and stopped me
Him:Baby-
Me:Its Lwandle to you
He looked shock
Him:What’s wrong? Few minutes ago you were begging me for more now you’re like
this
Me:It was a mistake Neo that shouldn’t have happened, what kind of person am I.
My husband is laying in there with no freaken memory, my kids are at home waiting
for me and I’m here fucking with the most arrogant guy I know. What example am I
setting for my daughter? I’m officially a hoe
Tears went down it wasn’t suppose to happen especially with Neo of all people, he
tried holding me but I didn’t let him
Him:Never regret something you enjoyed it wasn’t a mistake and you know it. You
know how I feel about you Lwa and baby what we did was…it was magical I don’t
regret it please don’t.
Me:You took advantage of me you know I’m in a bad space
Him:Really you’re gonna blame me, did I take my clothes off? No! You did you were
fully aware of what you were doing and still continued with it. I don’t wanna fight with
you but what I’d like to know is why didn’t you stop me? Why was it so passionate?
When did you realize its a mistake after or while we were making love?
Me:My husband is waiting for him
Him:Lwan-
I walked away I tried calming down but I couldn’t I found Lukhanyo facing the ceiling,
I sobbed even more!
Him:Hey! Hey! Come here I’m sorry I didn’t mean to I’ll never ever pull a prank on
you again I’m sorry baby
Me:You don’t under- wait what?
Him:Lwandle come to your baby daddy
I smiled with tears running down my cheeks I walked over to him, my smile faded
away how could I let Neo influence me like that. I should have known better
Lukhanyo would never turn his back on me
Him:Stop crying baby I’m sorry
I nodded and wiped my tears my heart was so heavy I couldn’t even look him in the
eye
Him:I love you okay? And I can see me being here pulled a strain on you, you’ve lost
weight
Me:Luthando is sucking the life out of me
He smiled and stared at me he was trying so hard to be a better person and I
betrayed him with someone who placed him there in the 1st place. I looked down
and tears followed
Me:I didn’t mean to Lukhanyo believe me I swear it was a mistake I’m really sorry
Him:Hey baby
He squeezed my hand
Me:I did something awfu-
The nurse came me and told me it was time to leave Lukhanyo needed to rest we
tried asking for more time but she refused I kissed his cheek and left without telling
him what went down, what bitch I’ve been, how I betrayed him I promised myself I’ll
tell him as soon as he gets discharged. As soon as I stepped out of the elevator I
was met by Mrs Dlamini she was entering she went straight to Neo and hugged him,
he looked bored I was about to pass them when they stopped me.
MrsD:Hey Lwa what are you doing here?
Neo:You didn’t give a chance to explain why am here, you were too quickly to hang
up. I brought her here
MrsD:Oh I should have listened I guess is she okay?
Neo nodded I slowly walked away without even saying goodbye I was totally drained,
I saw Neo coming behind me but the taxi was already there so I left. What took place
in the pills room took place in my head the other passengers were staring but I didn’t
give a damn I wasn’t the 1st person to cry and defiantly not the last. I got off at the
rank and took another one to the flats I wiped all tears before entering I knocked
twice and got in. Layla ran to me I hugged her tightly before letting go I went over to
Esona and gave Luthando a kiss.
Her:Are you okay?
My nodding came with tears
Her:Lwa
I took a deep breath
Me:Tears of joy Lukhanyo is awake
You should have seen her face I couldn’t help myself
Me:You love him don’t you?
She looked away
Her:I don’t know what you’re talking about
I took my bag and went to the room, I took a shower before getting in bed my head
was pounding I did too much crying. I later on woke up Esona left and I spent time
with my babies they made me forget about everything their joy spread over to me I
was also happy. The following day I went to the Browns with my babies I was gonna
be there for the whole day helping out in organizing Layla’s birthday and I couldn’t
neglect Luthando he was too young. Amy welcomed us in
Her:Hey you
Me:Hi
Her:Layla come to auntie
Layla gave her a hug and came back to me, I walked over to the lounge and placed
my things there so we may start.
Amy:I miss my best friend
Me:Call her or better yet go visit her
Her:I’m talking about you Lwa
Me:Haha I’m not your best friend
Her:Lwa I really miss you at least let’s be civil you are my sister in-law after all
I was shocked so they’re dating wow!
Me:If only I had a brother but its life
Her:Forgive him Lwa Sam really misses you he has been through hell witho-
Me:What about me Amy?!! Huh?
I looked around and saw I’ve just scared my kids
Me:You know what shut up don’t talk to me and I’ll do the same okay? Good
I reassure my bunnies everything is okay and we got started without communication,
“he’s been through hell” I’ve been through worse! They all didn’t deserve my
forgiveness and they can’t make decisions for me I won’t obey everything they say.
So what I forgive them then if I don’t do as they say they’ll leave again I’d rather not
have them if that’s the case.
PART 59

Her hand filled my cheek to be honest I was shock and it hurt like hell its been
months without getting beaten and she just had to. If it were under any other
circumstance I’d probably would have slapped her back but it was for a guy whom I
was married to, I held onto the hot cheek and looked at her the chick was angry. She
tried again but I held her arm she yanked her arm.
Her:Count your words little girl
I rolled my eyes
Me:Says the woman who’s after Luthando’s dad
Her:We both know he wants me not you! He just pity’s you because of the baby
Me:Are those his or your words?
Her:Just divorce the guy its clear y’all don’t want each other
Me:You really want to be “Doll Face”
She gave me a confused look I chuckled and sat on the edge of the bed, I looked
down and held my head. I had a lot on my mind her wanting Lukhanyo was the least
of my worries the words me and Sam exchanged in Layla’s birthday party were
horrible like two bitter ex’s, we were literally on each others throats. The weeks not
seeing each other didn’t make the matter any easy his words haunted me I pushed
him away from my thoughts just like any other day I looked up and Esona was still
there.
Me:Anything else?
Her:We…I..Lwandle we slept together
Me:You and who?
Her:Me and Lukhanyo I promised him I won’t say anything but I can’t keep it
anymore
I looked at her motionless she had this annoying smirk on her face, I pushed her
aside and ran to the bathroom and did what I had been doing for the past 2 weeks.
Voice:Babe
I turned and looked at his worried face I rinsed my mouth and just stared at the
mirror I was really sick I even had dark circles around my eyes. He limped closer and
stood behind me he placed his hands on my waist
Him:I’m worried about you Lwa
Me:There’s nothing to be worried about I’m perfectly fine
Him:Look at yourself you’re not the same we have to consult a doctor
Me:No!
He turned me around
Me:I don’t need a doctor I’ll go get something at the pharmacy its probably
something small
He raised his eyebrows I removed his hands on me and walked to the bedroom he
was coming behind me, I changed into a dress something grabbed my attention but I
didn’t want Luu to notice so I carried on with my doings. I took my purse
Me:I’m going out I might take a while
He got up we walked to the lounge Esona was there she smiled at me. I kissed my
babies Layla wanted to come with but I couldn’t take her
Me:Oh uhm Luu Esona said I must divorce you apparently the two of you slept
together
Him:What?! What’s wrong with you Esona! How many times must I tell you I don’t
want you stop throwing yourself at me before I fuck you up!
Eso:She’s lying Lukhanyo!
I surrendered and left them, it didn’t bother me I mean I wasn’t a saint so I couldn’t
be mad or anything. I took a taxi straight to the Browns I needed someone to talk to I
knocked and Amy opened she looked surprised I pushed her and let myself in.
Me:Want us to be friends again?
She nodded
Her:Of course!
Me:I think I’m pregnant if I am you gotta help me terminate the baby
Her eyes popped I rolled mine
Her:What?! Oh my word Lwa
Me:Its not safe for me to have another baby my uterus will open I had a c-section
with Luthando
Her:Why didn’t you guys wait?
Me:It just happened
Her:Your baby is still young aren’t you guys suppose to wait like 6 months before
getting dirty
Me:Amy I need your help not questions
Her:Does Luu know about the baby?
I shook my head
Me:I can’t afford another baby and its not healthy for the both of us so I have no
other choice but to terminate it. Look at me
Her:I can see you aren’t well but you’re married babe I’m sure it won’t be a problem
Me:Its been months not doing the deed with him and once he finds out I’m pregnant
he’ll calculate and see that its not his.
I threw myself on the couch
Her:You slept with someone else?!
I nodded shyly
Me:It was a mistake that will never happen again yeah he’s good like very good the
dude can us- what am I saying geez the point is it will never happen again
Her:OH my word I can’t believe this! Its so unlike you!
I sighed
Her:Does the real father know?
Me:No Neo will make a big fuss out of it so its best he doesn’t know
She jumped on her feet and took a good look at me
Her:Did you just say Neo? As in the guy before Jerome
I rolled my eyes again
Me:Jerome is the 1s not Neo
I kept quiet for a while
Me:You know I miss him a day doesn’t go by without him crossing my mind and
worse Layla is torturing me everything about her screams Jerome. The way she
brushes her eyebrows, sits on the sofa, pouts when sleeping I could go on I really
miss him. If I was asked to do anything just anything to bring him back I would do it
even if it meant to kill you I would
Her:Hey!
I smiled and wiped the tears trailing down my cheeks someone notified us that their
in the room by clearing their throats it was my brother I rolled my eyes.
Me:Where are your parents?
Amy:They went to Ham for 2 weeks
I nodded I stood up and went to the kitchen I had a glass of water when I turned Sam
was standing there at the door frame the way I had to go back to Amy was to pass
him so I passed him but he pulled me back. He whispered
Him:I miss you
He was too close I could feel his out breaths I looked at his lips then straight to his
eyes, we intensively stared into each others eyes tears were forming in both our
eyes until we heard Amy clearing her throat we just looked at her and back to each
other. I moved back and walked over to Amy
Him:Lwandlelihle baby I’m so-
Me:Shut up Lwando
We looked at each other again a smiled found its way pushing my cheeks up he ran
to me and gave me a tight hug.
Me:I can’t breath Sam
Him:I don’t care
He let go and kissed my forehead
Him:You such a cry baby
Me:Dude I missed you
Him:I missed you more babe
Amy:Okay okay! Can I have my boyfriend back
Sam:Boyfriend? Haaa
He pulled me and wrapped his arms around my waist placed his head on my
shoulder get the picture? Okay
Him:Babe we need to talk
Amy:Oh okay
Him:I was reffering to Lwa
Amy rolled her eyes I slowly unwrapped Sam’s arms and stood next to him I didn’t
want to cause tension you know.
Me:Okay but not now I came to Amy not you
Him:Bull! This is more important I’ll be right back
He ran away leaving us standing there
Me:Your boyfriend is so demanding!
Her:Tell me about it!
That was sarcastic but I brushed it off we sat down we were awkwardly quiet.
Me:I’m not here to take your place
Her:I know that friend
Sam:Done! Let’s go
Amy quickly stood up
Amy:Oh where are we going?
Sam:I’m going with my no1
Her:But baby
Him:Lwa let’s go
Me:She can come with I mean she’s your girlfriend
Amy:Yeah babe
Sam:She’s not my girlfriend we’re just friends with benefit no strings attached we
bang nothing more. Right Amy?
I could see tears threatening Sam I cruel!
Her:Yeah
Sam walked over to her and gave her a hug
Him:I’ll see you later
She nodded he pulled me and we walked out I tried changing his mind to let Amy
come with us but he was still refusing. We went to spur we were catching up I’m sure
most of the people there thought we were a couple the way we were, our hands
were locked the whole time.
Me:Beer
Him:Huh?
Me:I want beer
Him:What? You drink now?
Me:No! Of course not I’m just craving it
Him:How can you crave for something you’ve never had
Me:Weird right so what do you want to tell me
Him:I found our father like dude we have a dad
Me:You joking right
Him:Babe look at this pretty face and tell me if I look like I’m joking
I laughed at him he just chuckled
Him:I found him
Me:Oh my god! How? Where? And where the hell has he been?
Him:Well after 2 weeks of us not talking I went to ask aunt about dad and she told
me most of the things I wanted to hear. Then after a month I went on a search I
found his family and got him that way
Me:Wow! So did you see him? How does he look?
He laughed I was excited we grew up with no father figure
Him:Yeah nigga cried when he saw me he says I look like mom
I teared up
Me:I wanna meet him Sam you know I never got the parental love maybe he’ll give
me
He stood up and came to kneel on my side gave me a tight hug
Him:I’m sorry I love you okay?
I nodded
Him:People are staring at us Lwa
I chuckled we let go of each other he wiped my tears and went back to his seat.
Me:So are you gonna introduce me?
He nodded excitedly
Him:I thought you were gonna be mad or something
Me:I only have you and he’s my only parent so I can’t be mad even if I want to
Him:Mom was sagging a married man
Me:What?!
Him:Yeah he was married to another woman when we were conceived
Me:Wow!
Him:I don’t know what to call him dad, sir or Mr Mbenge
I paused for a minute
Me:Wait did you just say Mbenge?
Him:Yeah
Me:What coincidence Lukhanyo is also a Mbenge
Him:Mxm I hate that bitch
Me:Haha that’s Luthando’s dad!
Him:I love the little chap but the dad hate him with passion sies!
I rolled my eyes
Me:Let’s go see him now you know dad
He scratched the back of his head
Him:We can’t he’s in jail
Me:What?!
Him:Ssshh!
Me:What do you mean?
Him:He’s inside for life you know when you do something wrong they take you insi-
Me:I know what you’re trying to say Sam!
Him:Well you asked he’s in there babe
Me:Oh my god Samkelo what did he do? Oh lord
Him:He killed someone and traumatized the kids but I don’t care as long as I know
my dad and his family
Me:Wow!
PART 60

At times you never realize how you’ve missed someone until you spent time with
them again I’d stare at him for the longest just watch him blab, Sam filled a missing
piece in my heart a piece I never realized it was missing. It was bound for us to
argue and love each other again we’re siblings after all that’s what siblings do, from
there we took a walk sharing what we’ve missed in each others lives. It was getting
late and Luthando was already complaining via my breast we walked to the rank.
Me:I had a great time
Him:Me too
He snaked his arm around my waist and brought me closer next to him I placed my
head on his shoulder.
Me:I’ll call you when I get home
He let go of me
Him:I’m taking you home
Me:Oh?
Him:Yes
I didn’t argue with him we took a taxi and went to my apartment, you see I’m an
indoor person no matter what the temperature is my door is always closed but now it
was slightly open I just pushed the door and found Lukhanyo staring at a off tv. He
jumped off the sofa
Him:I was worried sick about you! And your phone is off Lwandle why didn’t you at
least tell me you were gonna come back late, the kids were restless the whole day
arg
He spoke in a fast lane like he used to when he was gonna beat me up but now it
was different he wasn’t angry, his hands weren’t in a fist mode he had a
worried/concern face on. He threw himself on the sofa and loudly sighed in a relief
kinda way.
Him:I’m sorry just that I was worried about your safety
Me:Its okay I’m also sorry my battery must be flat. Where are they?
Him:They’re sleeping now I never knew that side of them I was totally clueless I’m
never staying with them alone ever again
Me:Where’s Esona?
Him:I fired her she was trying to break us up babe and I’ll never stand back and
watch that happen. I love you okay
I smiled and nodded Sam came in laughing but stopped the minute he saw
Lukhanyo, the room became tense it was awkward for me. I cleared my throat
Me:Uhm Lu- uhm Samk- meet
Them:We’ve met before
They’re voices were too manly when they said that I just wanted the soil to swallow
me
Me:Well yeah
Luu:Its nice seeing you again
Sam:I won’t say the same about you
Luu:That’s understandable
Sam:Do you have a sister?
Luu:Yep
Sam:So you know where I’m coming from
Luu:Yeah I do but that lead me nowhere she hates my guts cause I never approved
of her boyfriend.
Sam nodded and looked over to me I looked away
Luu:Have a seat
Sam:Neh I just wanted to drop her off make sure she’s safe, you look so familiar
Me:That’s dumb
Sam:Whatever!
Me:And now you sound gay
He pushed me we exchanged words and he bid us goodbye and left, I cooked
supper with Lukhanyo’s useless help he was somehow in a good mood I woke up
the kids and fed them biggest mistake cause after that they didn’t want to sleep so
we played games well not Luthando.
Luu:We’re leaving tomorrow night
Me:Leaving?
Him:Yep I’m taking you home we’ll spend our holidays there
Me:WHAT?! You’re joking right? Tell me you’re joking
Him:I want you to meet my family and Luthando must get his ceremony I know I
should have told you earlier but well I’m sorry.
Me:Err but I’m not ready
He laughed at me I knew it was a done deal I wasn’t ready to meet his family to be
honest I didn’t want to meet them, Lukhanyo has never told me about his family and
now all of a sudden I’m meeting them! The following day I went to the doctor I
needed answers Lukhanyo was out so I took my kids with me people were staring at
me. A 20 year old with 2 kids 1 white and the other an infant baby with a rock on her
finger just too much. The doctor gave me my pregnancy results which were negative
I immediately went on a needle prevention, from there it was the pharmacy for the
prescription the doctor gave me. I had to buy long skirts and dresses it was gonna be
the longest holidays ever! I texted Sam to meet up with me again we chilled before
leaving which he wasn’t happy about but had no say in it.
In the evening we hit the road I was tired and the pills were making me drowsy,
Luthando started showing off he was slowly pissing me off. I mean his damn sister
was asleep!
Me:What’s your problem?!
Luu:Don’t you dare Lwandle
Me:Mxm
I kept on trying but he wouldn’t budge so I placed him back on his seat and looked
out the window completely ignoring him.
Luu:Fuck Lwandle Luthando is crying for fucking sake!
Me:Then check him yourself I don’t know what he wants!
He roughly parked aside the road and took his son he was mad okay but I didn’t care
Luthando wasn’t an easy child, he kept quiet in his fathers arms he actually fell
asleep. Tears fell out I was a bad mother I couldn’t handle a person I gave birth too
Lukhanyo placed him back in his seat.
Me:*sniffs*
Him:Next time brestfeed him
Me:Mxm
He started the engine and drove, I slowly opened my eyes Lukhanyo was still
shaking me.
Me:I’m awake
Him:We’ve arrived
I yawned once more and looked over to my babes and they weren’t there.
Him:They’re already in bed come
He helped me get out it was kak* dark! I held on tight to him he chuckled. I went to
the room it was at the back there was electricity there but outside nothing.
Me:You didn’t tell me we were coming to a farm
Him:Farm?
Me:Yes!
Him:This is not a farm
Me:Yeah sure whatever
I quickly undressed and wore my pjs got in next to my babies.
Me:Where are the elders?
Him:Sleeping
He got in at the other end of the bed the kids were in between us
Him:You better sleep cause tomorrow is gonna be a long day.
And he was right! We were woken up at 4 in the morning mind you we got there at
past 2, we stared at each other not answering the loud knock I slowly shook my
head.
Me:No no I’m dreaming its a dream
Him:I’m sorry babe but its not
Me:Do they always wake up this early
He nodded
Me:We leaving tonight
Him:You’ll get used to it
Me:Never
We were whispering and the knock didn’t stop Lukhanyo looked rather annoyed.
Voice:Lukhanyo! Lukhanyo!
Him:Mxm
He looked the other way and covered his head the person kept on calling him, I got
up and put on my gown.
Luu:What are you doing? Com back to bed
Voice:Lukhanyo open this door I know you’re awake
I was about to open when Lukhanyo pulled away from the door, when he got our
from the bed I don’t know. He smashed his lips onto mine and pinned me against the
door
Me:Lukhanyo stop
Him:Make me
Me:I’m serious
Him:So am I
Voice:Heee Lukhanyo I’m gonna call your uncle
He lifted me up we kissed and moved to the sofa
Me:Uhm we can’t
Him:Can’t?
Me:Yes Luthando is still young
Him:Okay but I miss you
I pecked his lips
Me:I know
Another strong knock came with a males voice Lukhanyo groaned and opened the
door
Him:Can’t I have so-
Woman:No she must come tea and breakfast! Yee makoti come!
I swallowed hard and looked at Lukhanyo he threw me my gown
Him:She’ll be right there
He slammed the door in their faces and looked at me
Him:Your..
He was pointing my pj vest was sitting loosely you could even see my hard nipples.
Him:Its best you bath now cause that evil woman will make you work throughout the
day
Me:I’m sure she’s not that bad
After brushing my teeth and washing my face Lukhanyo took me to the big house we
went to the kitchen the woman was sitting there with another woman, we greeted
them with me looking down.
Luu:I’m going back to bed
I held his hand tightly he kissed my cheek and whispered “You’ll be fine” the minute
he left the woman ordered me to rinse 14 cups TF!
Me:14?
Her:Yes! 14 is there a problem?
Me:No ma
Her:I’m not your mom don’t you know your mother?!
That hit straight home I kept quiet and did what I was told to do. After making tea for
14 people I made breakfast the normal village porridge I was dog tired and it was still
morning after serving everyone the dishes were waiting for me, growing up I was
doing all of that but I got used to my life that I didn’t clean much so that was taking its
toll on me. After washing all the dishes I clean the kitchen I regretted not bathing
cause it was clear I was gonna stand the whole day Lukhanyo came with crying
Luthando saving my butt.
Him:Please feed him
I nodded
Him:Did you take your medication?
I shook my head
Him:Why not? Eish Lwa
He really was pissing off and he could see that he apologized and carried Luthando
for me back to the room, that woman stopped us,
Her:Where are you going? You need to clean the beans and the elders beds aren’t
made yet
Luu:Can’t you see my boy is crying he needs his mother
Her:She can come back to him
Luu:Mxm come Lwa
We went to the room
Me:Did you change his diaper?
Him:Yep
I feed him while Luu went to the house after feeding him I slept next to Layla I was
slowly drifting away Lukhanyo got in.
Him:Here’s water take a bath
I did just that after bathing myself it was Luthando’s turn then I had to wake up Layla
whom was keen. I went back to the house after bathing them leaving them with
Lukhanyo, I made the elders beds and cleaned the beans. An elderly woman
entered the kitchen and intensly looked at me.
Her:You look so familiar
I simply smiled I didn’t know what to say she asked for water I gave it to her she
looked at me once again. Layla came in running with Lukhanyo chasing her she ran
into my arms they were playing.
Him:Oh hey grandma meet my wife
He kissed her cheek
Her:People grow!
They laughed walking out I stayed behind with Layla helping me or rather playing
with the beans.
PART 61

There’s a say that says do whatever you’re asked by your in laws their just testing
you but what they were doing was more than testing they were killing me.
Lukhanyo’s grandparents were nice and so was everyone else but the aunts slash
daughter in laws were giving me a hard time forgetting that we’re all married to the
Mbenge family I didn’t even have time for my own kids. Lukhanyo and myself weren’t
on speaking terms I was really fed up that I took it all out on him I wanted to leave
that place and never go back I’d rather have them hate me for leaving then watch
them mistreat/
outcast my princess that’s what was happening those aunts were pure witches.
Started with dinner at 5 because the elders go to bed at 20:00 my body was drained
from everything I’ve done throughout the house and now I was cooking for 14
people, after cooking I served everyone and fed Layla in the kitchen I was not in the
mood for anyone, they finished eating and placed every plate in the sink so I washed
them. I went to where everybody were seated Lukhanyo’s cousin Babalwa had
Luthando
Her:He’s sleeping
I nodded even my jaws were tired
Uncle Gcobani:Heee makoti I’ve been staring at you the whole day trying to figure
out where I know you from
Me:Oh
The aunts weren’t there only family members were there
Him:Yes, no I remember
Luu:You know Lwa?
Him:No son she looks like….uhm well years back when me and your fa- err my
brother went to the city we met beau- wait where’s my wife?
The room got filled by laughter Lukhanyo patted a space next to him I sat there with
sleeping Luthando in my arms and Layla in his.
Uncle G:Well as I was saying met beautiful city girls yoh they were the ‘it’ short
skirts, round thighs eish those were the days. The sisters showed us the city he-he-
he Vuyelwa and Noma yeah those were their names and Lwa look a lot like Noma.
Ah those were the days
Luu:Gone are they now
They laughed again
I cleared my throat but fought the inner voice that was telling me to say something, a
yawn escaped my mouth I was embarrassed cause everyone was having a good
time and there I was bored as hell.
Grandma:Go rest makoti you’ve been busy shame
Me:Goodnight
Them:Night
Lukhanyo helped me with the kids have you ever been so tired that you start crying
well that was me as soon as I got the children in bed I started crying.
Luu:Hey baby
Me:Don’t touch me!
He pulled in a hug and made sure I don’t get out
Him:Talk to me
Me:I’m tired Lukhanyo my body hurts, I haven’t eaten the whole day I wanna go
home
He let go of me
Him:Why didn’t you eat?
Me:I didn’t have time! I’ve been up and down like a mad person!
Him:Don’t raise your voice
Me:Mxm
Him:I’ll be right back
He left I sat on top of the bed and carefully listened to my body it was too much I
slowly falling asleep when Lukhanyo came back
Him:Here’s water take a bath I’m gonna rub you
I took it and he gently rubbed my body
Me:You taking the couch
Him:Bu-
Me:A.a Lukhanyo
He kept quiet
Me:Your uncle was talking abo-
My phone disturbed me it was my brother we talked for good few minutes after that I
was out.
The following day it was the same and so was it throughout the week me and the
other wives didn’t like each other but I didn’t care, I was close with Lukhanyo’s
sisters they were really nice ever since they arrived they were helping me with
everything around the house. Layla made friends with the sisters kids sometimes
she didn’t even want to sleep with me that’s how close she was with them. It was
midday I was in our room busy with my phone my babies weren’t around they went
to town with Lukhanyo and his sisters I didn’t wanna go. As I was busy uncle
Gcobani passed by the door was open he laughed and came back he stood by the
door frame.
Him:Everytime I look at you I get taken back
Me:The sisters?
Him:Yes we couldn’t get enough of them ah my Vuyelwa she was too much at times
Me:You and Lukhanyo’s father?
He nodded he was about to leave but I stopped him
Me:You know my mothers name is Noma and my aunt Vuyelwa, you say I look a lot
like Noma wh-
Him:Woah! Your mother is Nomawethu?
Me:Ye- yes
Him:No!
Me:No?
Him:Really?!
I nodded
Him:How old are you?
Me:20
Him:Your father do you know him?
I looked down and shook my head
Him:So you’re the last baby she had the one she died after giving brith to?
Me:So you know her?!
Him:No I don’t
Me:You said I look like her!
He stumbled to the couch and bowed his head mumbling words I couldn’t make out
Lukhanyo got in
Luu:Oh hey uncle
He looked at Lukhanyo then back at me and nodded
Luu:Uhm are you okay?
He cleared his throat
Uncle:Ye- yeah uhm yes
Luu:Okay can I have my wife to myself please
Uncle Gcobani looked terrified he even had tears in his eyes he slowly got up and
walked to the door
Him:Uhm ple-…eish this is a curse
He left after uttering those words leaving us shocked and confused.
Luu:What’s up with him?
Me:No idea where are my babies?
Him:With my sister I need my wife to myself
He closed the door making sure he locked it.
Him:I can’t take it anymore
He smashed his lips onto mine we kissed passionately one minute were fully
dressed the next we were nude I tried my ultimate best not to be loud but I couldn’t
anyway its history. We laid in bed cacthing our breaths
Him:I love you never forget that
I nodded and snuggled next to him he simply pulled me more and held on tight. That
moment meant a lot to me I fell in love with him well it was bound to happen.
PART 62

I was peacefully sleeping when Lukhanyo woke me up my body was lighter then
usual the countless rounds drained me but for the 1st time I didn’t regret any of it,
nobody is perfect what he put me through is beyond words itself but he changed for
me for us for his son for our family. Yes its unforgettable the wounds may heal but
the scars will always be there but he deserves a second chance we all do its how
they use the 2nd chance that finalize the decision. After Jerome I never fell in love
again I just liked but there I was slowly opening my heart to a guy who forced me to
do a lot of things maybe it was because of the sexual intercourse we had that made
me fall for him. He placed his cold hands on my bare skin sending shivers down my
spine he shook me once again
Me:Mhmm
It was even hard to lift my head up
Him:I’m going out
Me:Mhm
Him:I’m going out with friends
Me:Oh okay
Him:Lwandle I’ll be back probably at 2-3 am
That right there made me jump he was all dressed up
Me:What? Where are you going?
Him:I’m going out with friends
Me:Friends?
Him:Yes
Me:Where’s my phone?
Him:I don’t know I also can’t find mine
I searched for my phone while he stood there and watched me I wanted to check the
time but I couldn’t find them both so I used his watch
Me:Its past 10
Him:Yes I love you and please look for our phones oh the kids are with my sisters so
you can sleep peacefully.
He rushed for the door leaving dumb struck that’s how it started with Jerome he used
to go out get drunk then Harley happened, I went back to bed but I couldn’t sleep so
I just laid there thinking about everything.
I jumped out of bed hurting my ankle a bit but I couldn’t careless I needed to find my
phone I was freaking out I found it on the floor next to the couch I dialed his number
it rang unanswered but I didn’t give up I kept on trying until he answered.
Him:Yeses Lwandle’lihle did you see the time
Me:Samkelo what’s dads surname
Him:You woke me up for that?
Me:Sam please
Him:Its uhm err Mbenge yeah Mbenge
A curse escaped my mouth everything was happening so fast in my head
Me:Samkelo oh my god that’s why uncle Gcobani reacted that oh my freaken god!
Him:You kno-
Then the line went dead I checked and my phone was dead I threw it on the bed and
started pacing around I was shaking, I couldn’t sleep I just sat there crying trying
convince myself that the surnames are just the same they’re not the same person.
The door opened Lukhanyo came in he wasn’t drunk I just looked a him and back at
the floor I was hugging my knees
Him:Lwandle why aren’t you sleeping?
I didn’t answer him he threw himself next to me
Him:Are you okay?
I looked at him
Him:Baby you’re crying
Me:Where’s your father?
His facial expression changed tighten his jaws he didn’t answer me he just got up
and started undressing I asked him again.
Him:Why? Huh? why are you asking about him?!
Me:Just answer me please!
Him:Don’t wanna talk about him! I don’t dammit!
Tears were running down my face he was mad okay but I needed to know.
Me:Lukhanyo please!
Him:He’s dead! Okay! Dead!
He quickly got dressed I could see that he was gonna leave I stood up and stood at
the door
Me:There’s no need to leave
Him:I need some air
I looked at him he was tense I tried touching him which was a mistake its I triggered
something, he punched the wall
Him:Don’t ever ask me about him nobody wants to hear anything about that man.
I quickly nodded
Me:Is he really dead?
I said in small voice
Him:Yes he’s dead! DEAD Lwandle!
He paced around in front of me I was kinda relief because our father was in jail and
he’s dead, he came straight to me and held my shoulders still fuming.
Him:Please move I need some air I don’t wanna hurt you
Me:Don’t go take it out on me
I kissed him but he pushed me back
Him:I don’t wanna hurt you
Me:Just do it
I regretted volunteering for him to take out his anger on me cause he ripped me
apart.
Him:Did I hurt you?
I nodded with my head on his chest
Him:I’m sorry
He kissed my forehead we kept quiet until he decided to say something
Him:Why were you asking me about him?
Me:Just something Sam said to me
Him:Which is?
Me:Nothing important
Him:You asked me about my fat- about him and you tell me its not important
Me:Its not really its just that Sam got surnames wrong
Him:You sure?
Me:Yes

PART 63

More family members were arriving as we were approaching the 25th they were nice
filled with so much warmth for the very first time I felt like I belonged, the love that
was thrown my way was more then I got back home but I knew they were nothing
but ncie-loving in laws. At times they’d ask me why I agreed to get married at a
young age I could never tell the truth I always lied, uncle Gcobani was hospitalized
apparently his high blood pressure was too high he spent 2 days in the hospital. But
ever since he was discharged he avoided us by us I mean me and Lukhanyo he was
always in his room.
It was the 24th I was in our room dressing Layla she didn’t have time for me she was
very fond of Lukhanyo’s nieces at times she didn’t even sleep with me. Dressing her
up was now a mission cause she wanted to do everything by herself. The door
opened Lukhanyo got in
Him:Lwa
I looked at him we weren’t on good terms I was planning on leaving on the 26 so
Layla may spent the rest of the remaining holidays with her family but no Lukhanyo
wanted us to leave in January.
Him:Please pack our stuff we’re leaving
Me:Going home?
He shook his head
Me:Where are we going?
He threw himself on the bed Layla snatched her shoes from me
Me:Hey!
She ran out
Me:Layla!
Him:Leave the kid Lwa
Me:She sna-
Him:Because you were taking too long and she wants to go see the others
I rolled my eyes
Me:So where are we going? I mean its the 25th tomorrow aren’t we suppose to be
with your family
Him:They’re going somewhere tomorrow I don’t wanna go there and I want you on
my side as my wife
He was now holding my hands and looking straight into my eyes, slowly nodded.
Me:You gonna tell me right?
He nodded
Him:But not now
He watched me as I packed our stuff he instructed me not to pack everything, after
packing I went to his sisters they had Luthando. We chatted about random things it
was getting late
Voice:Uhm
It was Lukhanyo
Asanda(sister):Leaving already?
Him:Yeah
Inga(sister):Is Lwa staying behind?
He shook his head
Asa:Meaning the kids are leaving too
This time he nodded
Inga:When will you change? Will you ev-
Lukhanyo gave her a death stare she kept quiet almost immediately. What I noticed
was that Inga and Lukhanyo were constantly fighting they were both stubborn and
Lukhanyo was 2 years older then her so yeah. She was the one Lukhanyo was
talking about with Sam
Asa:Err okay travel safe okay
She and Lukhanyo exchanged hugs while Inga folded her arms in front of her chest,
Lukhanyo took Luthando. Asa wrapped her arms around my frame and whispered.
Her:Thanks
Me:For?
Her:Being there for him please don’t give up on him
She let go and looked at me I nodded, Inga got up and hugged me too but not her
brother
Asa:You will be back right
Me:Yep but I’m leaving on 26 Layla is going to her grandparents
Inga:That’s understandable but we’ll miss you
Luu:Its getting late
I rolled my eyes and bid my goodbyes. We checked in a motel in town Luthando was
sleeping so I tucked him in we played some games with Layla.
Me:My-…never mind
Him:I hate that
I giggled
Me:Me too
Him:Then tell me
Me:Samkelo says my dads surname is Mbenge
He laughed until he saw I was serious
Him:Oh so you’re worried cause we share a surname a lot of people share surnames
babe
Me:I know
The following day was boring I was lazy Lukhanyo and the kids were hyper feeling all
jolly. My phone rang it was Sam
Me:Hey
Him:Merry Christmas
Me:Ho Ho Ho
It was weak
Him:No one is forcing you to say it
Me:Yeah
Him:I’m on my way to dads family its a pity you won’t be there
Me:You didn’t tell me!
Him:I forgot we’re visiting him today
Me:I hate you
Him:I’m sorry
Me:Your sorry won’t change anything
Him:Drama queen
I hung up and punched the pillow he sent a text
“I love you”
“Don’t ever talk to me. Love you too”
We continued texting I wasn’t ‘that’ angry at him but I really wanted to meet the mans
blood thats running through my veins but there’s always a next time right?
The rest of the day Lukhanyo was bonding with the kids and I was just looking at
them, he was trying his best to be nothing like his father. He didn’t want me to raise
my voice on them he went easy on them I wasn’t hard on them but he was way too
soft. Later the day as evening was approaching we went back home.
Me:Why did we leave in the first place
Him:Because everything was about him today its hard for me to forgive and forget.
No relationship of mine has ever worked, I’ve always had anger problems, the
nightmares, I’ve lost a lot because of him. I had to force you to stay in my life I was
scared Lwa I still am scared of losing you, you changed me you got through to me
while everyone had given up. I’m sorry for the scares and pain I really am and I love
you baby more than anything.
Me:I love you too
Those words came out before I could stop them he looked at me with popped out
eyes
Me:The road Lukhanyo
He looked ahead
Him:You said you love me
Me:I said I love you I said I care
I was referring to a song
Him:I’m serious Lwa
Me:Yeah yeah I said it now concentrate on the road
He laughed and kissed my hand I kissed his cheek. He drove in silent but he kept
looking at me with a big smile, he drove in the yard it was full we stepped out I took
Luthando while he took Layla.
Voice:Lwandle
It was Samkelo
Us:What are you doing here?
Luu:Hey, what are doing here?
Asa:Sam meet our big brother Lukhanyo and his wife Lwandle
Uncle Gcobani:Yoh! Yoh!
Grandma:No No No!
PART 63

More family members were arriving as we were approaching the 25th they were nice
filled with so much warmth for the very first time I felt like I belonged, the love that
was thrown my way was more then I got back home but I knew they were nothing
but ncie-loving in laws. At times they’d ask me why I agreed to get married at a
young age I could never tell the truth I always lied, uncle Gcobani was hospitalized
apparently his high blood pressure was too high he spent 2 days in the hospital. But
ever since he was discharged he avoided us by us I mean me and Lukhanyo he was
always in his room.
It was the 24th I was in our room dressing Layla she didn’t have time for me she was
very fond of Lukhanyo’s nieces at times she didn’t even sleep with me. Dressing her
up was now a mission cause she wanted to do everything by herself. The door
opened Lukhanyo got in
Him:Lwa
I looked at him we weren’t on good terms I was planning on leaving on the 26 so
Layla may spent the rest of the remaining holidays with her family but no Lukhanyo
wanted us to leave in January.
Him:Please pack our stuff we’re leaving
Me:Going home?
He shook his head
Me:Where are we going?
He threw himself on the bed Layla snatched her shoes from me
Me:Hey!
She ran out
Me:Layla!
Him:Leave the kid Lwa
Me:She sna-
Him:Because you were taking too long and she wants to go see the others
I rolled my eyes
Me:So where are we going? I mean its the 25th tomorrow aren’t we suppose to be
with your family
Him:They’re going somewhere tomorrow I don’t wanna go there and I want you on
my side as my wife
He was now holding my hands and looking straight into my eyes, slowly nodded.
Me:You gonna tell me right?
He nodded
Him:But not now
He watched me as I packed our stuff he instructed me not to pack everything, after
packing I went to his sisters they had Luthando. We chatted about random things it
was getting late
Voice:Uhm
It was Lukhanyo
Asanda(sister):Leaving already?
Him:Yeah
Inga(sister):Is Lwa staying behind?
He shook his head
Asa:Meaning the kids are leaving too
This time he nodded
Inga:When will you change? Will you ev-
Lukhanyo gave her a death stare she kept quiet almost immediately. What I noticed
was that Inga and Lukhanyo were constantly fighting they were both stubborn and
Lukhanyo was 2 years older then her so yeah. She was the one Lukhanyo was
talking about with Sam
Asa:Err okay travel safe okay
She and Lukhanyo exchanged hugs while Inga folded her arms in front of her chest,
Lukhanyo took Luthando. Asa wrapped her arms around my frame and whispered.
Her:Thanks
Me:For?
Her:Being there for him please don’t give up on him
She let go and looked at me I nodded, Inga got up and hugged me too but not her
brother
Asa:You will be back right
Me:Yep but I’m leaving on 26 Layla is going to her grandparents
Inga:That’s understandable but we’ll miss you
Luu:Its getting late
I rolled my eyes and bid my goodbyes. We checked in a motel in town Luthando was
sleeping so I tucked him in we played some games with Layla.
Me:My-…never mind
Him:I hate that
I giggled
Me:Me too
Him:Then tell me
Me:Samkelo says my dads surname is Mbenge
He laughed until he saw I was serious
Him:Oh so you’re worried cause we share a surname a lot of people share surnames
babe
Me:I know
The following day was boring I was lazy Lukhanyo and the kids were hyper feeling all
jolly. My phone rang it was Sam
Me:Hey
Him:Merry Christmas
Me:Ho Ho Ho
It was weak
Him:No one is forcing you to say it
Me:Yeah
Him:I’m on my way to dads family its a pity you won’t be there
Me:You didn’t tell me!
Him:I forgot we’re visiting him today
Me:I hate you
Him:I’m sorry
Me:Your sorry won’t change anything
Him:Drama queen
I hung up and punched the pillow he sent a text
“I love you”
“Don’t ever talk to me. Love you too”
We continued texting I wasn’t ‘that’ angry at him but I really wanted to meet the mans
blood thats running through my veins but there’s always a next time right?
The rest of the day Lukhanyo was bonding with the kids and I was just looking at
them, he was trying his best to be nothing like his father. He didn’t want me to raise
my voice on them he went easy on them I wasn’t hard on them but he was way too
soft. Later the day as evening was approaching we went back home.
Me:Why did we leave in the first place
Him:Because everything was about him today its hard for me to forgive and forget.
No relationship of mine has ever worked, I’ve always had anger problems, the
nightmares, I’ve lost a lot because of him. I had to force you to stay in my life I was
scared Lwa I still am scared of losing you, you changed me you got through to me
while everyone had given up. I’m sorry for the scares and pain I really am and I love
you baby more than anything.
Me:I love you too
Those words came out before I could stop them he looked at me with popped out
eyes
Me:The road Lukhanyo
He looked ahead
Him:You said you love me
Me:I said I love you I said I care
I was referring to a song
Him:I’m serious Lwa
Me:Yeah yeah I said it now concentrate on the road
He laughed and kissed my hand I kissed his cheek. He drove in silent but he kept
looking at me with a big smile, he drove in the yard it was full we stepped out I took
Luthando while he took Layla.
Voice:Lwandle
It was Samkelo
Us:What are you doing here?
Luu:Hey, what are doing here?
Asa:Sam meet our big brother Lukhanyo and his wife Lwandle
Uncle Gcobani:Yoh! Yoh!
Grandma:No No No!
PART 64

The signs were all there they were noticeable but I chose to ignore them, I chose to
love him instead of investigating about my father, I chose to open my legs for him
even after my chat with uncle Gcobani, I chose the wrong path and had no one to
blame but myself. I could count happy moments in a single hand that’s how few they
are but pain and sorrow I’d need more. My muscles tensed up my ears blocked up
their mouths were moving but I couldn’t make out what they were saying I was deaf,
I could feel Samkelo’s eyes piercing through my skin I couldn’t look at him I wouldn’t
be able to bare the facial expression. My eyes traveled to Lukhanyo I found him
looking at me directly I suddenly saw blur I looked down at Luthando with a single
blink my tears hit his skin my vision came back but teardrops kept hitting on him until
Inga took him from me, if what I see in movies of zombies is true then my body
language is best described by it. More family members gathered around more
mouths moved tears were falling from faces disgust faces were shown I couldn’t
utter a single word let alone hear anything, my body hit hard against the car my back
ached. His scent found its way to my nose I shut my eyes and inhaled it he pressed
his body against mine he lifted my head up using my chin all I saw was darkness my
eyes were still closed, he then smashed his lips against mine with his one hand on
the back of neck and the other on my waist he continued until he noticed there was
no movement from my side. He let go of me my eyes were still shut my baby daddy-
husband-brother’s scent was left on me I could still smell it, my body weakly went left
and right that somehow unblocked my ears, the first thing I heard was Lukhanyo
calling me he was shouting my name. I slowly opened my eyes and was met by his
he was right in front of me his eyes were filled with tears.
Him:Tell them Lwa tell them we aren’t related tell them you’re nothing but my wife
and the mother of my kids. Baby please tell them
His voice was breaking it was filled with sadness all eyes were on us he was
impatiently waiting for me to say something.
Uncle Gco:She’s your sister Lukhanyo her mother was the woman your father was
cheating with Lwando and Lwandle are your siblings
Veins started popping out on Lukhanyo’s forehead those who knew the truth started
talking making Lukhanyo worse his hands were in a fist mode I tried reaching out to
him but not physically only by my eyes.
Gco:Let’s go inside and talk about this
Luu:Ba- baby
Grandma:Let’s all go in
Gco:You’re sibling
Luu:Say that one more time and I’ll punch you right in the face! Lwandle can not be
my sister!
Inga:Lukha-
Him:Shut up!!
He grained in a deep voice
Him:You don’t believe them right? Its not true
Me:Its true
My voice came out in a weak low tone he studied my face
Him:You knew? Lwandle you fucken knew you?!
I shook my head as tears went down he looked at me in disgust and pushed me
aside he entered his car his family tried stopping him but he roughly drove out
leaving me with a lamp in my throat, I slowly went down my knees met the grounds I
screamed in pain I wasn’t crying because he left I was crying because of the curse I
have. Is it because I killed my own mother? Is it why I never get to be happy? Or is it
because my father killed his wife and abused his children? Or was I paying for my
fathers sins? All the things he’s done was I paying for them?
By the scent I could tell its Samkelo he was tightly holding me reassuring me that
everything was gonna be okay but will it ever be? He slowly got up with me I couldn’t
even look at them I was ashamed ‘I have a child with my brother’ disgusting? I know.
Him:Lwandle don’t beat yourself up you didn’t know, yes its disgusting but lolly you
didn’t know.
Samkelo was trying but that fell on deaf ears it was already midnight I’ve been crying
since Lukhanyo left. No one knew where he was his phone was off I had mixed
emotions about his disappearing I was worried and glad at the same time, worried
what if he hurts himself he considered me his all the way he always declared his love
all to find out I’m his sister, I was glad cause I wasn’t gonna face him but we didn’t
know.
I felt so dirty like it was all my fault I got up from the bed
Me:I’ll be right back
My voice was gone you had to listen very attentively to hear what came out of my
mouth, Sam’s been with me ever since Lukhanyo left.
Him:I’m coming with you
Me:I’m going to…to grandma I wanna see my babies.
He nodded and sigh out loud I could tell how disappointed he was of me he probably
was even embarrassed to call me his sister, I slowly walked out I went to her room I
could hear voices coming from the lounge but I continued. The minute I stepped in
my eyes caught them they were there just laying around I looked around and no one
was there, I quickly grabbed the three packets and went to the kitchen suicide was
the only thing in my mind. At least my babies won’t grow up to know the kind of
woman their mother was, at least I won’t disappoint more people, I just wanted to
shut down I have had enough it was now or never. I drank them all it wasn’t even
hard weird part was that I was kinda enjoying it I went back to the room and Sam
was still there.
Me:Uhm you can go I wanna sleep
Him:I’m not leaving your side
Me:I’ll be fine Samkelo
Him:Lwandle’lihle just sleep tuu
I decided to keep quiet I got out of the clothes I was wearing and into my pj’s I grew
up with Sam so for me to be all shy in front of him was no option hell no! I got into
bed he walked over and kissed my forehead
Him:Everything is gonna be okay, okay?
I nodded with tears escaping my eyes he wiped them off.
Him:I’m sorry Lwa I wish I can take your pain, I wish I was the one going through this
and not you. You’ve been through a lot already when will it be my turn to hurt its
unfair!
His eyes were filled with tears making me sob out loud he comforted me like the big
brother he was, he was there for me and him being there made a difference. I felt
drowsy Sam was brushing my back looking at me with pity eyes I slowly shut my
eyes. I was roughly shook I opened my heavy eyes and was met by Lukhanyo
Him:Lwandle! Baby please hang in there I love you baby please
He was crying Samkelo was next to him doing the same my body was performing
movements I couldn’t control it was some how vibrating something like that my eyes
yet again closed.
PART 65

At times we promote ourselves to being Gods we take matters into our own hands
forgetting that there’s a man in charge who does things his way no matter what we
say, I for one am guilty of taking it into my own hands but it wasn’t my time yet. God
wasn’t done with me I still had a journey to go he declined me in front of the glorious
gates I was tired I had already given up but I still had a road to travel.
I slowly opened my eyes weaker then ever before I could see them around me but I
couldn’t do anything I had to look carefully to see them clear I could feel the mattress
I was sleeping on it was on the floor my eyes wanted to shut down, Lukhanyo moved
closer kneeling next to me. His touches automatically made tears escape my eyes
Him:Baby Lwa baby
Me:Yo- you should have let me die
My statement was weak but it came from deep within me I seriously wanted to be
gone I couldn’t take it I had no faith of a better tomorrow, I had everything besides
happiness. I was certain I’ll see them again in the after life where I won’t be troubled
where I’ll be happy and free spirited I closed my eyes once again and I was out.
I woke up still weak but better then before but I was still on the floor a nurse was
over me doing something I shut my eyes once again. An argument was taking place
the words they were exchanging were breaking my already broken heart I looked at
them they didn’t even notice I was wide awake. I was now on a bed they kept on
going
Me:Would you stop please
My voice may have been weak but they heard me and ran next to the bed
Sam:Lwandle’lihle
Luu:Baby
Sam:I’m the only person who calls her that
Luu:Mxm, baby you- you-
I could see tears forming in his eyes they were forming so fast that they quickly
made their way out, he shook his head as he moved backwards
Him:You’re selfish Lwandle
He looked at me one more time and went out Samkelo was staring at me
Him:You know his right, right?
I looked the other side
Him:You’ve got kids who still need you Lwandle if not for us then live for them don’t
punish them because of something no one knew. At times you’re really dumb you
never think of anyone besides yourself
He kept quiet and so did I but they didn’t understand the pain I was feeling no one
understood. The barge I carried, the amount tears I cried, the need of being loved no
one knew it was like no one really cared yet I’m the one called selfish. We sat there
no uttering a word to each other Lukhanyo budged in looking like hell grabbing out
attention.
Him:Do you know how much I love you? Huh? I’m what I am today because of you
Lwandle! Yet you want to kill yourself what about Layla what Luthando what about us
all? Don’t you care about us? Do we mean that little to you that suicide is the only
option? Don’t you think if you’re not there I will go back to what I was? Baby I
changed because of YOU and no one else, you die I die our kids won’t have parents
when you aren’t there I’ll be the monster I was I won’t put them through that. Fuck
the fact that we’re siblings I love you woman more then anything yes its wrong its
disgusting but to hell with that I don’t love you brother-sisterly way I love you as my
wife. I wanna hate you so bad for putting us through shit but I can’t my heart doesn’t
allow it baby please don’t ever do that again please Lwandle.
He was looking straight into my eyes I was searching for the truth through his eyes
but I was disturbed by Samkelo whom was cursing
Him:You fucking crazy?! She’s your damn sister for goodness sake! You made a
mistake a freaken mistake by dating and getting married! You have to divorce and
don’t look back find someone new that goes for you Lukhanyo not Lwandle she’s
done with dating
The grandparents, uncles and Lukhanyo’s sisters came in they were happy to see
my awake
Grandpa:And then what’s with the noise?
Sam:Lukhanyo still want to be with Lwandle
Them:What?!
Uncle G:That’s crazy!
Inga:Its disgusting its Lukhanyo dating me sies!
Luu:You can say that again sies you’re aren’t my type I don’t go for people like you. I
love Lwandle regardless us being related she gave me something I wake up
for…mxm why am I even explaining myself its not like you’ll agree anyway
They kept going back and forth Lukhanyo I still on about us being together I was
quiet the whole time like I wasn’t even there.
Asa:What do you say Lwa? Do you want to be with Lukhanyo?
All eyes were on me Lukhanyo was looking at me impatiently I slowly shook my head
as a NO
Luu:You don’t want me? So you lied to me? When you said you love me Lwandle
you lied
Me:I wasn’t lying Lukhanyo I did love you
Him:You did? So now you don’t? That’s the thing Lwa love doesn’t die that easily
especially if you’re really in love
I looked away
Him:You know you still feel something for me I don’t know maybe you’re ashamed to
be in love with your half brother but I’m not. Its okay though its not like its my 1st time
being rejected, its not like its my 1st time not being good enough. It hurts trust me it
does
He shook his head with tears falling down his cheeks I could feel mine forming
Him:I wish I meant something to someone I wish I was loved properly but I guess I’ll
always be not good enough I’ll always be a rejected bastard not truly loved. What
was I expecting my own parents didn’t love me you kept me sane girl you really did
but then… Its all over now life its unfair
He walked out as tears were being victoria falls on his face it was dead quiet only
breaths and sobs were making sounds no words were being exchanged.
PART 66

2 weeks later…
I was out of the hospital and back in the city. I couldn’t stay there any longer I had to
leave they constantly reminded me of what we’ve done they weren’t saying it but I
knew them as Lukhanyo’s family and now them being my family it reminded me of
the shame. They were over it because Lukhanyo was missing the last time we all
saw him was the day in hospital, it was driving me crazy I had all these negative
thoughts and I knew if they were true then I’d be to blame cause he’d kill himself
cause he couldn’t have me. The new year was for us to start afresh but things were
sour I had access to Lukhanyo’s stuff so I was gonna use his money to go back to
school I mean he took him out in the 1st place so why not. Layla was at the Browns
her granny was worse she was so tiny I felt sorry for her I felt sorry for Amy seeing
her mother like that wasn’t a good sight. Samkelo has been on my side supporting
me he even moved into the same building so we were really close, so we were
chilling in his flat.
Me:I should be ashamed of myself
Him:What now?
Me:The last time I was at Jerome’s grave was on his funeral
Him:You weren’t married to the guy
Me:Samkelo don’t, he was the love of my life
Him:The love of your life is still waiting for you, if you were meant to be he’d still be
here
Me:Mxm please babysit your niece please
Him:You going there?
I nodded
Him:Okay
I kissed his cheek
Me:You the best!
Him:Don’t ever forget that
Me:Never
I ran to my flat and quickly got us ready I took him over to his uncle with his bags, the
roads lead to Jerome’s grave. I regretted it the minute I started being emotional
maybe it was a bad idea but I needed to do it. I stepped out of the taxi and slowly
walked over there I still remembered it, the funeral ordeal started playing I’ll never
forget that day death be not proud. I sat next to it the only word I said was “I’m sorry”
and nothing more I was sobbing out loud like never before I never realized how
much I was holding in.
Me:Life without you is not the same I miss you Jerome your Angel misses you. Why
did you leave me behind in this cruel world I try finding my feet but life always knocks
me down. I- I-
Sobs followed I couldn’t speak anymore I just cried I missed him if he was still alive
Luthando wouldn’t be there I’d be married to him cause trust me when he proposed I
was gonna say yes I loved him to the moon and back no one I mean NO ONE will
ever take his place. After hours of sitting there crying and thinking about our happy
moments I got up and dusted the dust off
Me:I’ll be back okay? I love you
I walked away looking back like he’s standing there watching me, I took a taxi and
went straight to my flat for a nap but I couldn’t sleep so I took some pills and fell
asleep. I was woken up by my ringing phone.
Me:Samkelo
Him:Where the hell are you?
Me:In my flat bring him over
I hang up I didn’t feel like talking I wasn’t in the mood for anything I just wanted to
sleep he brought him over.
Him:Are you okay?
Me:Yeah
Him:Lwandle
I looked at him
Him:Talk to me
I shook my head and said thanks he saw I wasn’t in the mood so he left I got
Luthando ready for bed feeding him and all, he wasn’t the loud Luthando anymore
he was so quiet that it scared me at times he just wasn’t the same. He was wide
awake but quiet not making any sound I liked the quietness but I was worried about
him the moment he fell asleep I also did. The next morning I woke up early I was
planning on going to the Browns I missed my daughter regardless the fact that I only
didn’t see her for a day I’m sure she missed me too, we were about to leave when a
knock frighted me I wasn’t expecting it. I opened the door wide awake and there
stood Lukhanyo’s friend
Me:Hey
I was surprised to see him
Him:Hey may I come in?
Me:Of course
I made way for him closing the door behind him
Me:Anything to drink
Him:No thanks I see the champ is getting there
Me:Haha yeah
Him:What’s going on?
Me:With?
Him:Lukhanyo haven’t seen him in weeks and the last text I got from him was
disturbing, where is he?
I swallowed hard
Me:I don’t know
That was the honest truth
Him:What do you mean you don’t know?
Me:I don’t know where he is its been 2 weeks
Him:Lwandle! 2 weeks that’s unlike especially now that he has a son. Have you tried
contacting him
Me:Yes but it goes straight to voice mail no one knows where he is
Him:Have you reported him as missing?
I shook my head
Him:You’re his wife do something!
Me:Fine! Let’s go to the police station then
He quickly got up he was really worried went there we were asked a lot of question
but the case was filled.
Him:Call me as soon as you hear something
Me:Okay
Him:Promise me
Me:Dude I promise please drop me off at the mall
He nodded we weren’t used to each other so he played some music 1 song came
through thou Emile Sande-Read all about it. He dropped me off I shopped for my
family me and my kids of course I lost force and shopped more then I could carry
other stuff were in the trolley
Voice:Can I help?
Me:No thanks
Him:Lwandle’lihle
I looked at him it was Sam’s friend
Him:Come on let me help
I let him only because of his friendship with Samkelo he was irritating me though he
was flirting with me I was not interested really I have had enough of guys. He helped
me to my flat
Him:So place
Me:Thanks and thanks for helping
Him:Pleasure all mine beautiful
Me:Okay please close the door on your way out
Him:Not offering me something to drink?
Voice:Why should she?
My body spoke volumes a lamp grew right in my throat I had goose bumps all over
my body I was scared believe me I was, we all stood still not moving an inch. It
couldn’t be him I was probably dreaming no ways NEVER!!
PART 67

It couldn’t be him no way in hell but the features, his features his fare white skin
small pinkish lips I was dreaming right? Suddenly a cold breeze appeared it hit him
making him squinch his eyes which had long lashes leaving his mouth partly open I
closed my eyes only to be welcomed back by him inside my apartment. A smile crept
his mouth while his beautiful eyes were sparkling I pinched myself just to confirm I’m
not dreaming and I wasn’t! He slowly went down placing Layla on the wooden floor
whom I wasn’t paying attention to he got up and moved forward while opening his
strong arms for what looked like a hug. My body took control and moved backwards
while I wanted to run into those arms but I needed some answers, he looked away
then back at me I could see how fake his smile was his eyes weren’t just sparkling
tears were being hidden I became concerned anxious to know what’s wrong. I
moved forward but not into his arms I wanted to say something but I had no voice I
didn’t know how to speak if we were wolves we would have used telepathic for
communication but unfortunately we weren’t. Layla grabbed my attention by holding
onto my leg I bend down and took her, her weight confirmed that she was growing
her silky black hair was braided I kissed her cheeks and brushed her thick eyebrows
I looked at him they were the same Thick! My heart ached he removed his eyes from
me and looked at Sam’s friend he had this irritated look on his face I couldn’t take my
eyes off from him I was reading him like a book his features and all, the cold breeze
rushed through the door his scent found its way to my noise making my heart skip a
beat.
Voice:Lwandle
It was Sam’s friend I paid no attention to him
Him:Uhm okay I’m lea- leaving
I was still reading him he was busy giving Sam’s friend ugly stares, Sam’s buddy
walked out he walked to the door and closed the door after closing it he looked right
at me. He gave me a disapproval look he took steps to the sofa I was dumb I needed
to be knockout to come back to life, he offered me a seat in my own apartment I
obeyed and slowly sat down with Layla in my hands. He cleared his throat I
swallowed hard I could see how he was pushing tears back he looked down then up
to see if I was still staring and I was he looked down yet again
Him:She’s gone
I gave him a confused look forgetting he wasn’t looking at me I sat there waiting for
him to answer my confused facial expression believe me I was dumb, he looked up
and saw the look on my face tears fell off from his eyes and down his cheeks they
went, his white ears were pink
Him:She- she couldn’t beat it…she’s gone…cancer took her from us. She- she-…
I looked around trying to connect the dots but nothing I looked at my princess and
then it click Mrs Brown! She- wait gone? I jumped off the sofa almost dropping Layla
Me:No no no! Tell me you joking
My voice came out husky
Him:At least you can talk
Me:I’m serious!
He kept quiet I quickly placed Layla on the sofa and kneeled in front of him tears
were flowing down both our cheeks
Me:Please tell me you’re joking
Him:I wish I was
I wrapped my arms around him he did the same, we all knew she was on her way
but we weren’t ready no one can ever be ready for death. We knew but it still hurt
yes it was for the best then the way she was suffering but it still hurt, we squeezed
each other but stopped the minute Layla joined in. He got up leaving me kneeled
there he attended crying Layla I heard Luthando’s cry I ran to him I paced around in
the room trying to calm him down, my phone rang it was Asa I pulled myself together
before answering
Me:Hey
She sobbed
Me:Asa! Asa!
Her:Lwa pleas- please come
Me:What? Calm down Asa please
I could hear her taking breathes trying to calm down
Her:Its Lukhanyo
She sobbed yet again I was confused she said its Lukhanyo then why was she
crying unless oh Lord!
Voice:You okay?
I turned around and looked at him with tears flowing down my cheeks
PART 68

I shook my head as tears went down I tried containing myself but I was losing
Him:Hey
He moved to the bed and placed Layla there he stood right in front of me
Him:I know she’s gone I know it hurts but it shall pass
Me:I just got a call
Him:Yeah?
Me:My hus- brother they found him well she didn’t say… I need to be there
I was panicking
Him:Okay calm down please I’ll take you
Me:Really?
Him:Yeah my car is outside we can go now
Me:Its a bit far
Him:I don’t care I can do with some air
I nodded he sat on my bed I gave him a disapproval look he just shrugged I quickly
texted Sam informing him about Lukhanyo I quickly packed a bag for the 3 of us.
Me:Done!
Him:Let’s get going then Angel
I went numb motionless I didn’t move the last word stabbed through my heart for that
word to come out of him I didn’t expect it I looked away then back at him
Him:I- I re-
Voice:Lwandle’lihle!
It was Sam
Him:In the room!
I heard Sam’s pace upper as he came to the room the minute he saw us he went still
and studied him
Sam:You- you-
Him:I know I know
He surrendered
Me:Don’t ever call me Angel again
Him:But I was told that’s what Jerome use to call you
Me:Yes him but not you
Him:I remind you of him don’t I?
Me:Ye- let’s leave it
Sam:For a minute there I thought you were him
Me:That’s the reaction I also got forgetting he had a cousin that had his features.
They had the same features but not their bone structures and walk weren’t the same
oh and the smile Mike had long hair but him being there brought back a lot of
feelings and memories. I narrated the story to Sam and left with Mike and the kids
the car was flying I just wanted to get there and hear what had happened. We got
there after hours I called Asa she told me they were at the hospital we went straight
there.
Me:Please look after them
Him:Okay
Me:Oh you’ve got a lot to answer to
Him:Okay?
Me:I’m serious
Him:Now I’m nervous
I rushed into the hospital finding the family there
Me:What’s going on?
Asa ran to me wrapping herself in me I brushed her back trying to get some answers
Me:Tell me please
I was now scared because they were all crying
Uncle Gco:He’s taken to the theater the doctors say its 70/30
Me:70% him living right?
Inga:He’s dying Lwa
I let go of Asa
Me:No..no not Lukhanyo
Tears went down I had so much tears I was Brook from The Bold & The Beautiful, I
automatically sat down I was about to lose yet another baby daddy. Curse? Yep! We
sat there for about 2 hours I saw Mike coming in I had forget about him I met him half
way
Me:I’m so sorry
Him:Its okay but we’re tired
Me:Let’s go Imma take you to a room you can use I’m sure you didn’t bring money
for a motel
Him:I didn’t
Uncle Gcobani and Inga offered to go with him Inga was gonna look after Luthando I
didn’t explain what Mike was to me, they left with him while I stayed behind with Asa.
Her:I’m scared Lwa
Me:Me too..what happened to him Asa?
She took a deep breath
Her:He- he was foun-…this hit him hard Lwandle he truly loved you
Me:If only I had agreed to stay with him thi- we wou- its all my fault
Her:Its not don’t blame yourself please
We sat there through the whole night with no answers or updates it was so
frustrating we’d hear a doctor being called through the intercom to hurry to theatre
those chairs were hard and it was damn cold!
We were woken up by a doctor we both got up there was no time to fix ourselves we
were eager to hear the news.
Him:Are you family of Robert Davids?
We looked at each other like what the hell!
Me:No we’re Lukhanyo Mbenge’s family
Him:Oh the doctor who’s busy with him will attend you I’m looking for Mr Davids
family
Us:Mxm!
He woke us up for crap we sat down again we knew better then to ask the nurses
they are damn rude!
Asa:Water?
I nodded she left me alone I started praying I prayed for everyone even the Browns
family everything was happening so fast! Asa came back looking like crap she gave
me my water
Me:Thanks
She nodded
Her:Where the hell is this doctor?!
I kept quiet I knew better than to say something after what seemed like an hour or
plus a woman in a white coat came through.
Her:Lukhanyo Mbenge?
We sat there and just looked at her we were drained don’t know about Asa but I
thought I was hearing things, she called on again that’s when we jumped up.
Her:Good morning
Asa:Nothing good about it just tell us how’s our brother will he be okay can we see
him?
Her:Slow down mam
We gave her shots
Her:Mr Mbenge is in ICU he lost a lot of blood some cuts were deeper then others,
his condition is critical we tried out best-
Me:What’s your point?
Her:He’s critical
Me:Can we see him?
Her:Not now he needs to rest
Me:Its not like he’ll be doing something when we’re there he’ll be resting, now can
we?
Her:Mam I’m really so-
Asa:Don’t patronize us!
Me:Which room?
She looked around then nodded she walked away while we followed her she said
only one person can go in Asa went in first. I paced around nervous like never before
I kept touching myself like nyaope guy who needs a smoke when Asa came out she
was so weak that she passed out nurses attended her while I went in I had to see
him.
It was worse then the last time he slept in hospital those pipes and machines were
way too many his head had a bandage around it I lost my faith right there, there was
no way he was gonna wake up from that. I walked away blocking every single
emotion I didn’t share not even a single tear when I got in the waiting room the family
were already there.
Grandma:Oh baby
She threw her arms around me thinking I was gonna cry or something I just gave her
a hug and let go
Uncle G:How is he?
Me:Critical he needs to rest Asa was submitted in I need to go.
I walked out but was stopped by uncle Gcobani
Him:Are you okay?
Me:Of course I am but I need to get to my babies
He nodded and gave me coins to take a taxi I did just that when I got home Mike was
still there
Me:We’re leaving
Him:So soon?
Me:Yes
Him:Bu-
I gave him a death stare and collected our clothes Inga came in the room Mike was
using the room me and Lukhanyo used.
Her:How is he?
Me:Where’s my son?
Her:Lwandle how is my brother?!
Me:He’ll be fine now where’s my son?
She gave me a confused look I raised my eyebrow waiting for her to answer me
Her:I’ll bring him
She left us
Me:Take these to the car
He didn’t ask anything but did as asked I switched off my phone and went to the
house where I found Layla
Me:Come to mommy baby
She ran into my arms giggling that’s where I knew I could love I’d die for that girl I
took her she was heavy I bumped into Inga at the door.
Me:Follow me
I had Layla in my arms so I couldn’t take Luthando she followed me and helped me
buckle them in Mike was already in the car.
Me:Bye
I said as I got in and closed the door
Me:Drive
Her:Lwandle wait
She had tears in her eyes I didn’t need weak people around me I had to get out of
there I built a wall around me where I wasn’t gonna let others come in
Me:Mike drive now
He did as told leaving my sister in tears begging me to stop the car I looked away
Mike drove away he didn’t ask me anything, we stopped in town got a few things for
the road and it all lead home.
We got there in the afternoon I was dog tired and Layla had a sugar rush his phone
rang I just looked at him, it rang again he switched it off.
Me:Take us to my place
Him:Okay
He showed off a fake smile making my heart skipped a beat but I quickly pushed it
aside, I hesitated on asking him but hey
Me:Why did you switch it off?
Him:Why did we go like that?
Me:I- I don’t want to be amongst weak people
Him:That was my- my soon to be wife
Me:Oh wow!
Him:I didn’t sleep at home so yeah
I nodded and minded my own stuff he dropped us off at the flat.
It was in the evening when Sam came to my flat we chilled in silent.
Him:Don’t get too close with him
Me:Who?
Him:Jerome’s cousin I saw him dropping you off
Me:Why?
Him:You’ll want to replace Jerome with him thinking maybe its him I saw how you
looked at him Lwa, the fire in your eyes they were even sparkling the last time I saw
that was when Jerome was still around.
Me:The guy is getting married and I have no idea what you on about
Him:Be in denial Lwandle but its true he was even in your room
Me:Aren’t you sleepy?
I wanted him to go
Him:Haha I’m just looking out for you
Me:Okay got it
Him:You know how fragile you are Lwandle’lihle
Me:I said I got it
I plugged in my earphones Samkelo was nagging!
PART 69

Week later…
I was always at the Browns residents helping out where I could, comforting Amy she
wasn’t taking it well but who would? I had my own driver (Mike) who fetched me in
the morning and took me back in the evening I met his fiance she was nice but Mike
wasn’t pleased on me meeting his fiance. Samkelo was working we didn’t see much
of each other besides me avoiding him as for Lukhanyo I didn’t know his current
condition my phone was always off I didn’t want to hear anything I didn’t want to be
associated with them all! They made me weak I didn’t want to be weak anymore I
was aware that I was pushing them away I was pushing my only family away.
Mrs B’s funeral was peaceful yet sad they all spoke good things about her but that’s
what happens on all funerals ‘good things spoken’ Mrs B was a good woman even
thou’ I didn’t fully know her. It was after the funeral I was in Amy’s room breast
feeding Luthando Layla was fast asleep next to me. The door opened a brunette
head peeped in
Her:Hey have you seen Mike?
It was his fiance Brenda
Me:Nope, why don’t you call him?
Her:I tried his phone is off
Me:Oh
She frown and stood there she looked at me
Her:Aww he’s so cute look at how he’s sucking on you
She came closer
Her:Can I hold him?
Me:But he’s stil-
Her:Please
I did as she asked and gave her him she slowly sat down
Her:If only I was able to have my own
Me:Yo- you can’t?
Her:Uhm I need to go look for Mike
She quickly gave me Luthando and stormed out leaving me all confused but its none
of my business so I let it slide. I sat in there waiting for Layla to wake up I couldn’t
leave her alone she’d cry when she wakes up and not see there. I quickly walked out
in need of the bathroom I bumped into Mike
Him:Hey I’ve been looking for you
Me:And so has Brenda she’s been looking for you, excuse me
Him:Where are you going?
Me:Dude I need the bathroom
I pushed him aside and literally ran to the bathroom when you need to go you need
to go. When I came out he was standing there I gave him a weird look and walked
off to the room with him following me he closed the door behind him. He threw
himself on the bed next to Layla
Me:Did she find you?
Him:Brenda? No
Me:Maybe you should go look for her
Him:Why are we even talking about her
Me:What’s going on between the two of you
Him:Nothing
He closed his eyes I quickly changed Luthando’s diaper while he was asleep, I
stared at them if only Mike was Jerome but then again he was the way he was
sleeping he was my Jerome him sleeping next to Layla brought a smile on my face
they looked the same. I stopped myself from any thought further I stepped out of the
room I was told that she’s outside Sam pulled me.
Him:Hey
Me:I’m looking for…for
I said that looking around
Him:Hi Hello I’m your brother remember me?
He was waving his hand in front of my face
Me:Of course Samkelo
Him:How are you?
Me:There she is..Hey Brenda I found him he’s in Amy’s room
Her:Thanks
I smiled and drifted my attention to my brother
Him:Who?
Me:Mike
Him:Lwandle…Know what I don’t care anyway someone wants to see you
Me:Who’s that?
Him:Neo
Me:No
I tried running but Sam held my arm
Me:Let go of me
Voice:You running away from me?
Samkelo let go of me and walked away leaving us standing there for me it was
awkward
Him:Hey
Me:Neo
Him:Can we sit down
Me:No!
Him:Please
We walked off looking for a decent place to sit but the place was still occupied we sat
on the pavement next to his car
Him:So how have you been?
Me:Awesome and you?
Him:Getting there
We both kept quiet…
We spoke at the same time
Him:You go
Me:What are you doing here?
Him:On Wednesday I got a call from Amy crying telling me about her mother
Me:She has your number? Wow!
Him:Nothing wrong with her having my number right?
Me:Absolutly nothing! Where did she get it thou’ Did you sleep with her too? Are you
guys dating? Was I a foo-
Him:Lwandle!
Me:What? Just answer me!
He smiled at me I was angry okay when a guy wants me he must want me not me
and my friends doesn’t work like that! I stood up and dusted myself
Him:You’re jealous
Me:Hehe me? Jealous? oh please!
Him:Than why are you mad?
Me:I’m not!
Him:Sit please
Me:No
Him:Babe
I walked away
Him:Lwandle!
Me:Go home Neo
Mike was already standing at the gate
Him:Who’s that?
Me:Neo he was Jerome’s friend
I walked pass him he held my hand sending chills through my veins my eyes
automatically rolled closed
Him:Lwa
He was near my ear his voice was toned off giving me an intimate craving, I opened
my eyes which were met by Brenda’s I quickly yanked myself I moved back from
Mike. She walked into the house
Voice:Lwandle
Me:Neo I tol-
Him:I wanna tell you something
Me:Can’t it wait
Him:No
I sighed
Mike:Lwa can we talk first
Me:I don’t wanna talk to neither of you
Samkelo came running to me
Him:Oh my word Lwandle
Me:What?
He was freaking out which made me freak out
Him:Its Lukhanyo he’s-
Voice:Lwa!!
We all turned it was Brenda she had Luthando in her arms whom had his eyes open
but only sclera was visible and foam was coming out from his mouth.
PART 70

I watched my baby going from arms to arms I was dumb struck my neck was the
only thing moving Sam took his niece while Neo ran to the car tears were just flowing
down my cheeks they ran ahead leaving me behind Mike grabbed my hand and
literally dragged me to the car. I got in and bend down with my head on my thighs I
could feel the pain in my heart it was painful I had a lump in my throat I tried
swallowing it but that failed his image kept popping in my head the drive seemed
long I wanted to scream and let it all out but something was stopping me the wall I
built didn’t wanna break. My son my handsome prince he may be born in shame but
the love I had for him was out of this universe never once had I punish him for his
fathers sins I had my 1st baby bump with him Lukhanyo changed because of him he
was his fathers 1st born. My lips were shaking as tears rushed out of my eyes
Me:It hurts
I kept repeating those words like a recording it really did hurt if only I didn’t go look
for Brenda if only Mike didn’t follow me to the room if only I refused to talk to Neo.
Mike:Come Lwa
I stayed in the same position I was shaking my eyes wanted to roll back Mike
banged the door making me jump a bit my door opened I looked at him with my head
still on my thighs he brought his hand forward for me to take in but I couldn’t my arm
was numb I could also feel my leg going numb. He pulled me out I tried walking but
my left leg was giving me troubles it was weak and so was my left side I could feel
my face slowly dropping Mike pulled me inside the hospital the others were already
there Sam ran to me and buried me into his chest.
Me:He’s…on- only si- six m-m-mon-…
I was having speech difficulty in one attempt I screamed my lungs out drawing all the
attention to us.
Neo:Stop staring and get us a doctor now!!
Mike:Ma-
Neo:Shut up!!
Me:My b-b-bab-baby Sa- Sam
Him:The doctors are working on him sis
My sight started giving me problems
Neo:I said get a doctor!!
Linky:Something is wrong with Lwa
Samkelo removed me from his chest and held my shoulders to give me a pretty good
look
Him:Lwa Lwandle!
Me:I…don’t..fee-
My left side was numb I went for the floor but Sam quickly grabbed me before I could
hit hard on it, a doctor came in running he looked at me.
He:She’s having a stroke nurse!
He took out an needle I closed my eyes I’m scared of needles they freak me out it
was lights out for me.
I woke up in a hospital bed no one was there I could feel something was offish
without hesitating I closed my eyes again and off I went…
“Please Lwa wake up please”
Me:I am awake
I said with my eyes closed
Him:Lwa
I opened my eyes and there he was my day 1 it looked like he has been crying
Him:Lwa
He wrapped his arms around my neck
Me:Sam
He let go of me
Me:Something is wrong with me Sam my…my
Him:Nothings wrong
Me:Sam
I felt my mouth my lips were on the side my mouth had turn I felt tears threatening
my eyes my mind jumped right into the situation
Me:My baby Sam
Him:He’s-
PART 71

Him:He’s uhm-
Me:S-S-Sam
I wanted to scream at him I wanted nothing but the truth how my baby was, nothing
was breaking inside of me cause I was already broken. Never in a million years did I
ever think I’ll have stroke but there I was with tears flowing down on the sides of my
face with a begging facial expression waiting on my brother to tell me how my baby
was if I was perfectly fine I would have screamed at him but my health didn’t allow
me trust me it was frustrating.
Him:Let’s wait for the doctor
I stared at the ceiling with tears just running down nothing was left of me I couldn’t do
much I was hopeless, when I found out I was pregnant with Layla I prayed and
hoped I’d be nothing like the woman who raised me I’d love and protect my kids but
I’ve failed them I’ve been selfish not thinking about them that’s what happens when
you grow up always putting others first and not yourself but- but…there’s no excuse
for my behavior I deserve an award for best bad mother I didn’t deserve my children
any children for that matter.
Samkelo had to leave because visiting hours were over he left me in misery not
knowing how my little prince charming was, a doctor woke me up it was like I’m
seeing a god a present I don’t know but I was really happy to see him I needed some
answers
Him:I’m Dr Morgan how are you feeling
I just looked at him how was I suppose to feel
Him:Uhm okay I’ll need you to answer me
Me:Ho- how’s m-m-my b-b-b-ba
That was how I was speaking I had speech difficulties it was really hurt and it pained
me cause I wasn’t like that I wasn’t born that way
Him:You baby?
I slowly nodded
Him:I’m sorry mam but this is a big hospital and I don’t know who your baby is
Pathetic! I thought to myself no like he’s suppose to know he is a doctor after all, I
just drifted off to my own world while he blabbed what he was saying wasn’t
important my baby was. I started sobbing out loud it wasn’t my normal sob my side-
ways mouth didn’t allow me to be loud as much as I wanted to be my heart was in
pieces my world was crumbling I was yet again heart-broken I was yet again a
victim. Maybe I was never meant to be happy maybe I was born just to get hurt they
say if you’ve suffered long enough you become strong but I was weak cause I was
always at my weakest point life didn’t allow me to be up there.
Me:My baby
I kept repeating it even though it wasn’t clear he needed to hear it so he may know I
need my child.
Him:You need to calm down
I just kept going until he took out a needle I begged him not to inject it but he never
listened he did as he pleased as soon I was out.
I woke up to Neo holding my hand I wanted to remove it but he held on too tight and
my hand was numb I clear my throat so he may see I’m actually awake, he jumped
up figuratively
Him:Lwa oh my finally, uhm do you want some water? Are you okay?
I nodded he was panicking
Him:Water?
I shook my head
Him:Thank god you’re awake you scared me I mean us
Me:My son
I blabbed out yet again
He looked away, he freaken looked away!!!
I wanted to jump out of that bed and strangle to truth out of him inside I was boiling.
Me:N-N-Neo
He looked at me I had pleading eyes
Him:I don’t wanna stress you Lwa you need to be strong okay?
Me:I’m already stressing
Him:Take it easy
Me:Plee- I beg
Sam came in walking with Asa she ran to me Inga following her we all burst out but
they were crying more then I was I wanted my baby, they kissed and hugged me
Samkelo kissed my cheek.
Asa:Lwandle
Inga:Oh my god
Me:Lu- Luthando
The room became tense it was thick I knew they were hiding something from me.
Me:Please
Sam:When are you getting out of here I miss you?
He was changing the subject
Me:Please
Asa:She needs to know the truth
They were still in tears
Inga:She’s not stro-
Asa:But still she needs to know
Neo:I agree with you but once she’s out
Asa:She’ll keep asking for him
Sam:Sis Luthando is still here, here in the hospital…I can’t do this
With that said he walked out tears were moving to a new destination from my eyes to
I don’t know where
Asa:He was poisoned
Neo:The- poison it- it..
I looked him straight in the eyes waiting impatiently for him to carry on.
Him:It damaged his kidney an-
I shook my head with full force I couldn’t hear anything further I was throwing my
body left and right still using the full force, was I losing my mind? Yes! I pulled the
drip out of my arm I wanted nothing but my baby it couldn’t be not my Luthando
noooo!
PART 72

A week later…
The fact that I was out of hospital meant nothing to me I was always in bed with Asa
as my nurse she took care of me, a number of people were on my side they were
supportive but none of them could fill in my sons void none of them could glue back
the pieces of my heart yes they wiped my tears yes they showered me with love but
none of that helped. Hospitals are were people are suppose to get help (health wise)
but at times they’re really useless no offense but they are Luthando was on a long
list my 6 month baby was on a freaken list! Waiting for a donor to be completely
honest for me it was unfair he was nothing but a baby he should have been one of
their priorities.
It was a monday afternoon we were back from the hospital no changes I was going
out of my mind, Asa had put Layla to bed she was fast asleep I was on the couch I
didn’t want to go to bed my body was tired of sleeping.
Asa:Lukhanyo just called they’re almost
I nodded I couldn’t wait to see him he was the only person who knew how I felt but I
was a bit nervous though cause I felt him I wasn’t there for him I wasn’t even there
for my own child! Those thoughts played on my mind tears automatically fell down
my cheeks
Asa kneeled in front of me and wiped them.
Asa:Lwa please
Me:He- he’s go- go-gonna bl bl blame me f-f-f-f-f-
She got the hang of what I was trying to say
Her:Hey hey he’s not okay and its not your fault it never was Lwa Lukhanyo knows
that
Tears also tackled down her cheeks
Her:Don’t do this to yourself you need to be strong Lwa be strong for Luthando for
Layla you’re not alone they need you we need you
She got up and disappeared to the corridor I didn’t want to be like that I felt helpless
defeated like my soul was stack in that body I needed to escape from. The door
opened Sam came in talking with someone by the voice I could tell it was uncle
Gcobani if I could I would have jumped to him but I couldn’t he looked at me and
faked a smile he walked over to me I couldn’t wait to wrapped my arms around my
uncle but that quickly faded away the minute my eyes met Lukhanyo’s he wasn’t
healed but he was there that was all that mattered. He dropped his crutches and
limped to me I was crying waiting impatiently for him to get to me, he wrapped his
arms around me squeezing me a bit I sobbed out loud we both did I held on tight for
getting he ain’t healed I kept mumbling “I’m sorry” I was sorry I failed to take care of
his child I was sorry I didn’t stand by him in the time of need I was sorry for a lot of
things. He was also apologizing for not being there I shook my head as I used my
right hand to wipe his tears a smile came through his face.
Him:I’m suppose to wipe you not the other way around
I tried to smile
Him:We’ll get through this our son is gonna make baby
He wiped my tears and stared right into my eyes the eye contact was intense so
many emotions running through it.
Uncle G:Lukhanyo!
He groaned through his teeth Lukhanyo swallowed and moved back from me uncle
came forward and hugged me.
Him:Oh my baby
My hug was motionless it was rather cold Lukhanyo was occupying my mind we
parted
Him:How you doing?
Me:It hu-hu-rts
Lu:She- she ca- she
Sam nodded a curse escaped his mouth he took his crutches and limped to the room
it got awkward. Sam cleaned his throat
Him:I bought you this
Me:What’s th-
Him:It will help you with your mouth you know back to its place
I nodded
Uncle:Is it safe?
Sam:Yes
Asa:Why is it black?
Sam:Why are pills white powder?
Asa rolled his eyes Sam kneeled in front of me
Him:Pretend like its bubble gum
I nodded yet again I opened my mouth for him to give me he stared before giving me
Him:I love you okay?
Me:Love you too
He kissed my forehead for the rest of the afternoon we chilled as family well without
Lukhanyo apparently he was sleeping his medication made him drowsy, Asa and
Sam were in love brother-sisterly love they argued over the simplest things!
Lukhanyo was the 1st born followed by Inga then Asa, Sam & me, Luu and Inga
didn’t really see eye to eye, Asa and Sam were the same but in a cool way. I felt like
Asa was taking my place anyone would feel that I was Sam’s only sister now we
share him, anyway after dinner which Lukhanyo and Layla joined us.
Uncle:Its time for us to leave now
Me:Lee-leave?
Him:No we’re going to Lukhanyo’s house that’s where we’re gonna stay
I nodded
Luu:We don’t have to though you can crash at Samkelo’s place and I’ll crash here
Uncle:Lwando will need his space
Luu:Sam will you?
Uncle:This is not up for discussion! We are staying at you house
He frowned but obeyed
Sam:Its a work night for me so I have to bounce, Lwa need any help
Luu:I got this
Sam:You’re injured
Uncle:Its okay I’m also here
He nodded and bid us goodnight
Uncle:We also have to leave
Asa:Okay
Luu:Can I have a chat with her? Private I promise it will be innocent
Uncle Gcobani nodded they helped me to bed it really hurt me to be like that he left
us to talk.
Him:I just wanna hold you tight
His words sounded so genuine he brushed my cheek than cleared his throat
Him:Uhm why don’t you move in to our house I mean its there no one is using it and
I won’t be able to afford this flat I’m unemployed, with everything that’s happened I
got fired.
Me:I’m so-sorry
Him:Its okay I’ll find something but not anytime soon I still need to heal. As for
Luthando he’ll be fine god will heal him he’ll heal our baby let’s be strong for him he
needs us…and this one here
He tickled Layla she giggling like no tomorrow he was trying ease the tension I
smiled my weird smile
Him:I love you okay? Never forget that
I took a deep breath before nodding he moved closer looking me deep in the eye I
looked away avoiding the eye contact
Him:I can’t let go of you instead of unloving you I’m just falling deeply in love with
you Lwandle you know me inside and out the fac-
Uncle:Lukhanyo your time is up!
He shouted from the kitchen Lukhanyo groaned in frustration
Me:Wha-ts u-u-p wiiiith hi-
Him:What’s up with him?
I nodded
Him:He wants me to stay away from you he keeps repeating that we’re siblings but I
don’t give a damn about that to me you’re the mother of my son, my wife the one
person I’ll never give up on.
Uncle:Boy don’t mak-
Luu:I’m coming!
He kissed Layla
Him:I’ll see you in the morning we’re going to the hospital, I love you okay?
I nodded he kissed my cheek with a squeeze hug and walked out the door. Minutes
later Asa came in and joined me
Her:You know he’s your brother I understand you guys were in love but now it has to
stop its wrong
I didn’t respond but inside I was she should say that to Lukhanyo not me! No matter
how much it hurt I was gonna let go of him yeah love hurts at times but I knew I was
gonna get over him I had to we shared a father so I had to get over and so did he.
PART 73

A month later…
Have mercy on me oh Lord have mercy upon my life Jesus I beg, wipe my tears and
free me from all the misery.
Sam’s stuff was helping my mouth was back to its rightful place but not fully it was
better then before, I was getting there but the process was slow with everything
happening I wasn’t gonna get well soon. Lukhanyo was miserable he wasn’t the
same sorrow was all over his face you could see the sadness in his eyes the guy’s
son was in hospital fighting for his life after 3 operations Luthando was his 1st & last
kid the doctors kept seeing something wrong bad news after bad news.
Incest or not he didn’t deserve any of that my baby didn’t deserve that he was
nothing but a baby who knew absolutely nothing! Can somebody tell me who’s this
God no like the one who does miracles where the freaken is he when I need him? I
was planning on going back to school be independent take care of my kids buy my
own stuff with my money have something on my name but no he choose to throw
stroke at me he choose to put my baby in hospital, will he ever grant me happiness?
Why is my road always bumpy? I’m human I make mistakes that’s life there are
murderers rapist whom get their breaks and be happy. What’s love? I’m always
saying I love my kids but yet I don’t even know what’s love I’m still seeking it I’m still
trying to find myself, I admit I rushed into things from moving in with Jerome and
giving Lukhanyo a child while I was searching myself. Inga & Asa had to leave they
had their own lives to live, uncle Gcobani visited every weekend always reminding us
to behave, Samkelo had a routine check up on me before going to work and every
evening he’d fetch Layla for kindergarten when leaving in the morning and
Lukhanyo/Amy would fetch her. She was so cute! For me she was too young for
kindergarten but her uncles thought otherwise she was so adorable with her bag.
Amy was back in my life but our friendship wasn’t the same Casey was also back
they visited almost everyday.
It was a monday morning the alarm notified me of the time I had to wake up even
thou’ I was wide awake for the whole night I couldn’t sleep how does a parent sleep
knowing very well that their baby the one they gave birth to is fighting for their lives
honestly I felt useless there was absolutely nothing I could do nothing at all!
I got up and dragged my temporarily paralyzed left leg to the bathroom I completed
what I went for and went back to the room.
Me:Lay
I gently shook her but she wouldn’t budge I tried again
Her:Mhmmm
She turned and slept in another position I sat next to her and watched her she
reminded me so much of her father, warm liquid hit my hands I felt it running down
my cheeks I quickly wiped the tears. I shook her again she did the same thing I
removed the blankets on her leaving her on her pj top and nappy
Me:Wakey wakey
She did the unthinkable and started crying just then a knock came through the door,
I pulled her by her leg and carried her crying self with me to the door. Lukhanyo
stood on the other side all dressed up Layla open her arms for him she was still
crying he took her I made way for him to come in.
Him:What did you do?
Me:Morning to you too
Him:Sorry, now what did you do?
Me:Nothing ask her I did nothing and then why are you suit up
Him:I’m going to an interview I need to keep myself busy and the bills won’t pay
themselves
I nodded
Him:Let me bath her
Me:No she’s gonna make you wet let me do-
Him:Do you want mommy to bath you?
She shook her head they went for the bath leaving me to start off with breakfast after
+-30 minutes they came running to the kitchen her hair was neatly tied.
Me:You getting better
Him:Practice makes perfect
I handed him his food
Him:Thanks but I’m not hungry
Me:Did you eat something?
He shook his head that was the new Lukhanyo he was part-timing food and regularly
pumping pills it was frustrating me.
Him:Don’t give me that look I’m not eating
Me:You need to eat
Him:Can you just stop nagging me about food
Me:Oh so I’m nagging you now
Him:Yes you are Lwandle!
Me:Don’t you fucken dare raise your freaken voice at me!
Him:Watch your freaken language a child is in the room
Me:Mxm
He gave me the meanest look ever I could see I had triggered something but I
needed to get through at him I wanted to take that plate and throw it in his face
telling me I’m nagging, me nagging? Mxm
Him:Baby come eat
Me:Tell him you’ll eat when he does the same
Him:Dammit Lwandle!
He banged the table causing Layla to cry I jumped a bit.
Me:Oh wow! how great look what you’ve done
Him:Its all your damn fault
He took herHim:Ssh I’m sorry princess
Me:Give me my baby
Him:I thought she’s OURS
Me:You know what I mean
Him:No I don’t
He handed her over I could see the tears forming in his eyes
Me:Go fetch your bag
She ran off she liked her princess bag, I sat on top of Lukhanyo.
Me:I’m sorry okay? Bro we’ll get through this he’ll be fine Luu I know what you going
through he’s ours I know the pain please don’t shut me out let’s be strong for him I’m
begging you
He looked away then back at me
Him:You called me bro
Me:That’s wha-
Him:No I’m not and please don’t ever call me that again
I got up he pulled me back and quickly snaked his hand around my neck bringing my
face near his he placed his lips on my cheek and let go of me leaving me rather
stunned I thought he was gonna kiss me.
Him:Please move I must eat
I slowly got up from him I was happy he was eating but what he had done…I was
disappointed like I wanted him to kiss me like wanted his soft full lips against mine, I
fed Layla and they both left I texted Sam informing him that Lukhanyo had already
taken Layla but he still came to check up on me.
I kept myself busy through the day it wasn’t the same without Luthando my heart
was aching for my little prince charming I was terribly missing him. After bathing I
waited for the girls they were coming over I rested on the couch the door opened and
in came Lukhanyo he wasn’t wearing the same clothes he was in more relaxed
clothes.
Me:You back?
Him:It was an interview Lwa
He threw himself next to me we kept quiet and stared at the blank television
Him:I’ve lost hope
Me:Huh?
Him:Luthando, is it because we’re sibling? Or aren’t I suppose to be happy? I also
deserve happiness I deserve a family someone to love me whom I can also love
unconditionally. They all leave its like I was meant to be alone like I’m unworthy of
living with other human beings, I never thought I could love someone like I love you
you guys are my family you’re all I’ve got. I don’t mention my family cause they’re
never there at times they even forget that I exist, they say men are tough but right
now I feel weak less of a man I can’t even protect my own family. Its pain after pain
after pain will it ever stop? Baby when will god answer my prayers? I need him right
now I need him to wake that boy up but-…but-
He busted out and cried like a little boy the pain he had kept inside was coming out
but not by words he held me tight while I did the same he let it all out he was sobbing
out loud. Grown ass man crying like there’s no tomorrow but he wasn’t just any man
he was a broken man, man who had nothing who kept losing who had no hope nor
happiness. I felt his pain yet again I knew what he was going through
PART 74

Later that day in the evening myself and Lukhanyo were in bed staring at the ceiling
lost in our thoughts we just had come back from the hospital the were no changes
towards Luthando it was still the same my baby was still in the danger zone my eyes
were blood red from crying Lukhanyo toughened up and comforted me one of us had
to be strong and that happened to be him. Layla was with Amy she offered to take
her as she couldn’t come with to the hospital, I was starting to feel cold so I got up
and got under covers Lukhanyo turned and just stared at me I was feeling so
uncomfortable I looked the other way. He turned my body and got on top of me his
lips met mine and they mingled I didn’t even know my muscles were tense until that
kiss they started relaxing I was melting under him, he started removing the blankets
between us not moving his lips from mine our bodies met he pushed my legs apart
and got in between them making me wrap them around his waist. It felt so good the
weird part was that when I needed to use my left arm and leg it was difficult I had to
drag them but there I was my arms and legs wrapped around him with no effort
putted in, his breathing pace started increasing followed by mine he partly removed
his lips from mine
Him:Baby I love you
He smashed them back again not giving me a chance to respond I responded with
my heart I felt the same way no lies I really did, his hands started caressing my body
bringing electrifying energy in to it. He moved away from my lips and went to my
neck sucking on it clearly making hickeys a moan escaped my partly open mouth
making my eyes roll back, his hands went under my hoodie straight to my breast a
squeeze made me moan a thought came through with that single thought I pushed
him with everything in me. He almost fell off the bed his eyes popped out both of us
breathing heavily
Him:Wha- wh-
Me:We ca- can’t
He swallowed still breathing heavily
Him:What? Why?
Me:We- we’re brother and sister Lukhanyo
He looked at me like I’ve somehow lost my mind
Me:Lukha-
Him:Yeah sure whatever
Ouch! That really did hurt he sat on the edge of the bed while I hugged the pillow
staring at him I kept quiet and watched him put on his shoes when he was done he
got up and fixed himself. His eyes met mine he stared right into them like he was
searching for something
Him:Mxm
He walked out of the room I knew where he was going I couldn’t let him I jumped off
the bed going after him
Me:Lukhanyo
No responds he went for the door
Me:Lukhanyo please don’t go please!
He stopped on his tracks quickly turned and looked at me
Him:Why? Huh? Why?
Me:Because- just don’t go. Alcohol won’t do you any good
Him:At least it will make me feel better!
Me:Is this about sex? Just because I don’t wanna sleep with you?
He chuckled and instantly became serious again
Him:Are you sleeping with him?
Me:Who?!
Him:That freaken white guy you went with to the hospital?!
He groaned
Me:Mike? Of course not! Baby I want you as much as you want me believe me I do,
your skin against mine our sweats connecting me digging my nails you inside
me….but Lukhanyo one of us has to do the right thing we jus-
Him:Where were you Lwa? Where the hell were you when Luthando was poisoned?!
Huh? Answer me dammit!
I knew this day would come I knew it but I didn’t know it would be this soon, I could
already feel tears building up
Me:I went to look for Brenda
Him:Leaving him unsupervised?
He said in shock
Me:I left him with Mike
I said that defending myself Lukhanyo chuckled in disbelief
Him:Mike huh? The same freaken Mike you gave my bed to?! The same person who
was in that room with you?! I’m back where is he now?
I looked away how did he know Mike was in my room wi- Samkelo probably told him
cause he was the only person who saw him coming out the bedroom.
Him:I was dying in hospital and you were floozing with another man!!
Me:Excu-
Him:I forgave you maybe you couldn’t handle me dying so you left and came back
here but Lwandle my son my son Lwandlelihle
He threw the vessel that was next to him against the wall I screamed tears running
down my face, he moved closer I moved backwards he kept coming until I was
against the wall. He looked at me and passed going to the bedroom I was waiting for
him to beat me but he didn’t he came back with his phone.
Him:You should call Mike and ask him who placed MY son there seeing that he was
the last person with him.
He walked to the door
Me:Lukhanyo please
Him:Please what Lwandle?
I wiped the unstoppable tears
Me:Please forgive me please don’t leave me please fi-
Him:Don’t leave you? You’re unbelievable we’re “siblings” remember?
He was so cold that it extremely hurt me I didn’t want him to leave me alone in that
flat us separate okay but that night I didn’t want to be alone I was hurting the man I
was in love with was hurting me.
Him:You know I love you, you my lady had me wrapped around your finger but I
won’t fall for your crocodile tears again
Crocodile tears? Words are so powerful they can ripped you apart and that’s what
they were doing to me the more he used them the more he was hurting me & the
more I was falling for him.
Him:Remember when you said I must not keep things to myself? That’s what I just
did I spoke out
He chuckled and shook his head
Him:Oh don’t forget to lock the door
He walked out closing it behind him I screamed out once again slidding down the
wall, once again it was all my fault.
PART 75

Seconds turned into minutes, minutes turned into hours, hours turned into days &
days turned into weeks maybe it was for the best I don’t know but I wasn’t worried
about him cause I knew he was okay he checked on our son every single day the
coloured nurse always informed me about his visits well I asked her to keep an eye
on him. Lukhanyo never thinks things through so I didn’t want him to do something
stupid like hurting himself he’d send cold texts every second day containing only 2
words “You Okay?” But at least he checked up on me right? That was better than
nothing. Things were falling into place my princess was with me growing really fast it
was scaring me I wanted her to remain my little baby girl as for her brother…Light
was starting to shine at the end of the tunnel doctors were seeing improvements he
was getting better for once God was on our side but he was still there the changes
were minor but they meant a lot to me. As for my health I was getting there light
indeed was shining my mouth was back to its normal place like nothing wrong had
happened well my leg…I still had to drag it anyway more into serious things like
Mike, I confronted him uhm he got pissed like really pissed saying that I’m wrongly
accusing him he cursed no like he seriously cursed and draw unwanted attention to
us if it wasn’t him then who the hell did?
It was in the afternoon I was watching tv I was already finish with dinner I mean I had
nothing to do so I cooked the door opened and in came Layla followed by her uncle
Her:Lwaaa
She came running to me I didn’t pick her up
Me:Mommy
She giggled
Her:Mommy
Me:Yes!
I picked her up and placed her on my lap gave her a kiss
Me:Who said you must call me Lwa?
Sam:Why would so-
Me:I wasn’t talking to you
Her:Sam
Him:Haa Buhle! I’m never playing with you again
She giggled
Her:Sorry I promise I won’t tell next time
Her pinky was up as she was promising..I wondered where she got that cause that
was her fathers doing pinky promise
Her giggles warmed my heart melting it right away I looked at Sam with a huge smile
on my face he also had one
Him:How could I ever say no to you come to uncle
Me:Noo! She’s staying on her mothers lap right baby
She nodded hiding her face away from her uncle he sulked but got over it my smile
faded away as I thought about Luthando
Me:Go put your bag and lizzy is waiting for you
She jumped off and ran to the room
Me:No running in the house Layla!
She ignored me and just ran off Samkelo threw himself next to me
Me:I miss him
Him:Lukhanyo?
Me:No silly yes I miss him too but I was referring to Luthando
Him:Uncle Gco called me a ceremony will be performed for what you and Lukhanyo
did
Me:What we did?
Him:You siblings remember? So it has to be done
Me:Why?
Him:To apologize to the ancestors
Me:They don’t even know me I was never introduced to them so why apologize to
dead people who don’t know me. That’s plainly stupid
Him:Lwandle!
Me:Its true!
Him:Anyway friday we’re going there than saturday its the ceremony
Me:Does Lukhanyo know about this?
He nodded we watched tv in pure silence Layla was probably playing in the room
with Lizzy I didn’t understand the ceremony thing it was just confusing for me (I won’t
go into deep with my personal view as it may offend some readers)
After dinner Samkelo tucked Layla into bed he was playing the father figure role I
really didn’t mind but I didn’t want to confuse my baby so we made sure she doesn’t
forget Sam is her uncle and not daddy.
Him:Finally!
I rolled my eyes
Him:She was giving me a hard time anyway my boss is looking for a PA
I just looked at him with no respond
Him:I told him about you an-
Me:I have no experience!
Him:He’s willing to take you he’s desperate
Me:Desperate?
Him:Well not really but he needs a PA I told him about your health and he doesn’t
mind all you need to do is meet him
Me:I’ll think about it
Him:There’s nothing to think about you have 2 kids Lwandlelihle
Me:I know as I said I’ll think about it
Him:Okay I’m leaving
He kissed my cheek and left I locked the door and continued to watch some tv I later
went to bed.

After a few days we went “home” for the ceremony I did not want to be there but hey
I had to it felt weird to be there Lukhanyo 1st brought me there but there I was…it
just felt weird. I informed them that I wasn’t stay after the ceremony I was gonna
leave I couldn’t stay my baby was still in hospital and both his parents were far away.
It was mid-night people were still chatting up a storm I was quiet the whole time
Layla was still in my arms fast asleep
Me:Uhm I’m tired and she’s heavy where can we sleep
Aunt:At the back where you used to sleep
Me:That’s Lukhanyo’s room
Granny:You can use it
I nodded and bid them a goodnight I was distant towards them I also don’t know why
I left and went to the back the lights were on I slowly opened the door not making a
noise. Lukhanyo M was there talking to the phone clearly not seeing me
Him:Ba-
He kept quiet I guess he was listening to the person on the other side
Him:Baby I’ll be back tomorrow
**Quiet**
Him:No I’m not here for Lwa
**Quiet**
Him:Hey! Watch your freaken tone she’s still my wife
**Quiet**
Him:Esona? baby? Hello?
I cleared my throat the minute he saw me his eyes popped but he hided his shock
Him:Uhm Lwa err
Me:I was told I’ll be sleeping here but its okay
My voice was breaking
Him:No uhm yo- you can use it I’ll leave
He couldn’t even look at me I nodded I faked a smile it was hard most of the time he
occupied my mind…but he was getting it down with Esona I’m so so stupid!!
He tried helping me with Layla
Me:Don’t you dare touch my daughter
Him:Bab- Lwa I’m just trying to help
Me:I don’t need your help you can take it and stick it where the sun doesn’t shine
I tried pushing my tears back but they wouldn’t instead they rushed out right in front
of him, I wasn’t crying because he moved on I was crying because I was stupid he
cheated on me their thing probably started when she was still our nanny!! I can be so
naïve at times!
He tried touching me
Me:Don’t touch me Lukhanyo!!!
Layla moved in my arms she started crying instead of crawling herself into my arms
she opened hers for Lukhanyo I warned him with eyes not to touch her but yoh
Him:Come baby
Her:Daddy
He took her from me I wanted to strangle him to death Layla made things worse by
calling the jerk daddy, daddy my foot! Jerome is your daddy!
PART 76

Lukhanyo’s two fully healed legs found their way out of the door the mid-night mist
passed by him bringing his scent back into the room his one hand holding the door
while his eyes were focused on mine, my sight was rather blur I blinked the tears
away I saw him clearly I inhaled his scent for the last time. His mouth moved it
looked like he wanted to say something but stopped himself his eyes traveled to
sleeping Layla I could see the sadness in his eyes they spoke volumes he looked
back at me
Him:Lwa…
That’s all he managed to say before his phone rang he took it out and looked at
screen then back at me by his facial expression I knew it was Esona
Me:Answer it
My voice was breaking it broke me he nodded and slowly closed the door I slid down
against the bed using to support my back, maybe it was never meant to be of course
it wasn’t! But I’m referring to relationships maybe…maybe I should stay single every
guy I’ve dated left me with a child they both cheated on me I’m never good enough
I’ve never been good enough or wait…maybe I’m not pretty enough? Yeah that’s it!
I’m just not beautiful I lack something. I cried my sclera blood red that my eyes
started itching when I felt I had had enough I joined my princess.
Somebody lightly shook me that’s one thing I hate being woken up while sleeping
peacefully I ignored them but didn’t stop I slowly turned it was Asa I gave her a plain
face
Her:Lwa your eyes
M:What do you want?
Her:Lwandle have you been crying?! Sis talk to me please
I fully covered myself she uncovered me
Her:Talk to me
I just looked at her
Her:Lwandle I’m talking to you
Me:And I asked you a question. Look Asa I don’t wanna talk about it now please tell
me what you want
Her:Okay I understand but I’m your sister…its time to get up
I nodded and immediately got up she left I did the bed and placed Layla back in bed I
went to the house people were going up and down
Aunt:Lwa pass me that pot
I passed it to her
Inga:Lwa give that knife
I gave it to her
Aunt:Lwandle that bowl with a spoon
I gave them to her
Aunt2:Pour me some cold water
I poured it for her
Inga:The kids haven’t eaten make them something to eat
They were all seated around the kitchen table chatting and eating I ignored Inga and
took the hot water went to the back and bathed with my baby I wasn’t gonna be a
slave. After bathing I took her we went to the kitchen they were still there with
Lukhanyo
Inga:I thought I told to make the kids something to eat
I didn’t answer her I took a bowl she quickly grabbed it from my hands
Her:I’m talking to you!!
Luh:Inga! What’s wrong with you? Can’t you see she’s not in the mood
Her:I don’t care! Hear me Lwa I don’t care nobody does
I took a deep breath and nodded I was about to exit the kitchen when she pulled me
Her:The kids!! They need to eat geez! You’re so stupid but if you were told to open
your legs for your own brother you would have done that in split seconds!
That statement cut deep I was lost for words like I had none my vocabulary sucked I
shrugged Layla was still on my hip, I moved towards the stove not knowing what to
do.
Aunt:Cereal Lwandle!
Luh:Maybe if you all would stop shouting at her she’d actually make it
Aunt2:Shut up boy this has nothing to do with you
Luh:But sti-
Them:Shut up!
He surrendered and left the room they started chatting up a storm the topic was
about me being married to my very own brother it was like they knew everything
whereby they knew none it was nothing but a forced marriage. I placed all the 11
bowls of the kids they’re comments made me freeze I stared into a blank space
Voice:Lwandle!
I slowly turned to her
Her:Make it snappy
Me:You said nobody does what did you mean by that?
Sam and Lukhanyo came in with Asa behind them talking and laughing
Me:Answer me Inga
Her:What you think we actually care about you? Your mother brought problems into
our home your mother broke our home you think we’d care about peop-
Asa:Inga!
Her:What? I’m just telling her what we talked about our mother is dead because
YOUR bloody bitch of a mother couldn’t keep her legs closed its a good thing you
killed her…haha like mother like daughter you think we don’t know that you’re
pregnant with Lukhanyo’s second child your brother Lwandle! You nothing but a slut
just like that whore who gave birth to you
I nodded and walked pass her
Aunt:Aren’t you gonna finish that?
I looked at her and shook my head I walked over to Sam
Me:Let’s go
He took Layla from me Lukhanyo stopped me
Him:Inga you better apologize to her yo-
Inga:Its the truth and you know it! I can’t believe you still fall for her slutty tricks just
get over her she’ll ruin you just like her mother did to OUR mother Lukhanyo
I looked at him as he slowly let go of my arm I chuckled in hurt
Me:Where were they when I was Noluthando? Wh-
Asa:Don’t you dare bring ou-
Sam:Shut up!
Me:When you forced yourself on me when you forced me to marry you when I was
you punching bag where were they Lukhanyo? When you held me captive in your
house? You made me quit school you bruised me you took me away from my only
family, I Lwandlelihle forgave you gave another chance supported you when you
were going crazy on me destroying your house where were they? I’ve always been
there taking the beatings I gave you a heir. I neve-

Inga:Save us the crappy story

Luh:Would you shut!
Me:It may be a crappy story but truth be told I’ve always been there…but you Mr you
had the guts to cheat on me. Weird right? But its life I hope you nothing but the
best…Its hurting but I’ll get over it. Oh Inga I never wanted to be part of this family I
don’t even know that..your father dear and I’m not pregnant. Let’s go Samkelo
We walked to the back Sam was utterly quiet but I also had a lot on my mind so I
didn’t mind I quickly shoved our stuff in our bags
Voice:Lwa
It was uncle Gco we both looked at him
Him:Lwando what’s going on?
Sam didn’t answer him neither did I
Him:Lwandle what’s going on?
Me:Ask your nieces
Sam hand me over Layla he took our bags we walked out granny approached us
Her:Where are you going? Lwando Lwandle
Sam walked pass her leaving me behind my brother was hurt it pained me to see
him like that
Me:Ask Lukhanyo he’ll tell you the truth
I also passed her
Voice:Baby wait!
I stopped on my tracks
Him:You’re right everything you said its true you were there I’m sorry Lwandle plea-
Me:Goodbye Lukhanyo
I walked away Sam was waiting for me we took a taxi to town from there back to
where we called home, we weren’t wanted on either sides of our parents we had
each other.
We got home late we went straight to my flat Layla was already asleep it was pass
her bed time, I threw myself next to him I placed his head on my lap.
Him:Lwa
Me:Huh?
Him:It hurts
I swallowed hard with no words to accommodate his statement
Him:I’ve never felt this way
Tears were starting to build up in my eyes
Him:It hurts right here
He pointed at his chest
Him:As her words keep replaying themselves the knife in my chest keeps twisting…it
hurts
My tears hit his skull I quickly wiped them off
Him:Its just the 4 of us me, you and my nieces…can I ask you something
I nodded forgetting he ain’t looking he lifted his head and looked at me
Me:Yes
Him:Why aren’t we wanted? Even our mother didn’t want us why?
He looked me in the tears were flowing down my cheeks he wiped them and kissed
my forehead I could see he want to act strong
Him:Go rest I’ll take the couch
I shook my head
Me:We’ll share my bed just like we used to share yours you’ll cover yourself the way
you made me cover myself with your blankets you’ll use my pillow the way I used
yours. I love you Samkelo
Tears ran down his face he pulled me into a hug we spoke the pain through sobs I
made his shoulder wet while he made mine.
PART 77

“Lwandlelihle Lwa! Lwandle”

I slowly opened my eyes even though I didn’t want to and to be honest I was drained
physically and emotionally I just wanted to hide away from everything just be gone, I
was met by Layla’s legs on my neck I repositioned her.
Him:You’ll never get a man with that snoring
Me:Haha very funny
Him:Sarcasmist I see
Me:You are up early
He was looking fresh all cleaned up way better than the previous day but truly
speaking its okay to be vulnerable its okay to cry if not than what are tears made for
huh? Samkelo was acting all tough hiding his true emotions doing what most man do
Him:I couldn’t take it anymore your snoring is way over board oh your phone was
ringing none stop
I ignored his 1st statement cause I know I don’t snore I rolled back and took my
phone next to it was a small plastic bag I looked over at Sam with questioning eyes
he signaled me to opened it I did, there were two clearblue’s by just seeing them I
could feel my blood boiling. I took a couple of deep breath’s to control myself
Me:Mind explaining?
Him:Come on sis just take them
Me:No Samkelo wha-…know what? I’m gonna pretend like this never took place
I threw them to where they were he walked over to them and gave them back to me
Him:Take them Lwandlelihle
Me:No
Him:Just do the damn test!
Me:I’m not pregnant okay?! Its my body so I know
Him:Like you knew with Layla?
I swear I wanted to jump at him and strangle him to death I know my body..I know it
right? I grabbed those clearblue with so much anger, my phone rang thank God!
Me:Lwandle hello
Voice:Hello its Mrs Mbenge speaking right?
Me:Yes how may I help you?
Her:I’m calling from the hospital where Luthando Mbenge is bei-
Me:Is everything okay? Please tell me my boy is okay please please nurse
Her:Please come to the hospital ma’am we don’t infor-
Me:Over the phone? Please just a yes or no
Her:I can’t I’m sorry, uhm err enjoy the rest of your day
She hung up she freaken hung up!! With anger I threw the phone against the
wall…With Jerome I was told over the phone what difference would it have made
huh? A simply yes or no would have been just fine and she tells me to enjoy the rest
of my day are you kidding me!
There is a strong bond a connection between a mother and a child nothing can break
it no matter what your child does or how they came into this world the love you have
for them is unconditional the kind of love that would make you jump in front of a
bullet for them, kill for them, take the fall cause you don’t wanna see them go down
don’t wanna see them suffer. No other love can beat that love that mother kind of
love
I froze in that room with tears running down my cheeks I was angry at his father
hated him to be exact but I couldn’t punish him that’s what some woman tend to do
they punish their kids for the fathers sins let me tell you this its wrong and stupid
sorry but its the truth let me not go deep into that.
Sam:Lwa!
He roughly shook me I wrapped my arms around him but quickly let go of him
Me:We need to go to the hospital now Samkelo
I grabbed the 1st shoes that were in front of me which were uggs and my gown
Him:What about Layla? At least change
Me:There is no time she’s coming with us
I took her gown I was panicking my tears were just scrolling down Sam opened my
closet while I dressed sleeping Layla in her morning shoes and gown.
Sam:Wear this
He threw me a dress I quickly got out of the gown and vest wearing the dress on top
of my bear skin I didn’t take the shorts off
Me:Take her
He took her with a bag in his hand I didn’t pay mind into it my mind was way too
occupied all that really mattered was what was waiting for me.
My mind was touch and go my thinking wasn’t stable that’s my baby I was cut open
because of him the only good thing I came out with from being married to Lukhanyo
my heart was aching.
We jumped off the taxi and hurried into the waiting room but I quickly stopped on my
tracks a disgusted face came up my face I wanted to murder someone
Sam:We’re here for Luthando
Me:You’re right
He was right that was the only important thing not Lukhanyo and Esona, I passed
them and went to the nurse-slash-receptionist
Me:Mrs Mbheng my baby please Luthando Mbhenge whe-
Her:Calm down please
Me:And she says I must calm down-
Sam:Lwan-
Me:Don’t tell me to calm down! I need to know how’s my baby don’t you get it
Her:I know how you’re feeling bu-
Me:Do you have kids? Has any of them been poisoned?
She shook her head
Me:Than you don’t how I’m feeling don’t you dare say you do
I shook my head moving back I turned and crashed into Samkelo’s chest he
wrapped his arms around me I sobbed on his chest he was clenching on me
Voice:Mbenge?
I quickly moved out from his embrace and there stood his doctor we all moved
forward by all I mean ALL me,Sam,Lukhanyo and his whore
Her:You all family?
Lu:Ye-
Me:No she’s not
Luu:She’s my-
Me:I’m his wife and that’s my son she’s nothing but a nanny she’s not family doctor
Dr:Uhm please come to my office the parents of course
We nodded Sam gave me a warm hug and a forehead kiss giving me a “I got you”
look he went back to Layla I ran after Lukhanyo who was heading to the office
leaving me behind why? I don’t know at least let’s be civil. We all got in I was
freaking out I just wanted to hear the feed back that’s what really mattered to me.
They sat down I couldn’t I paced around
Her:Please sit ma’am
Me:I can’t just tell us please
She cleared her throat somehow my eyes went over at Lukhanyo he was clenching
on his trousers
Him:Jus- please
Her:Luthando is…
PART 78

I’m always upfront when it comes to reading faces just to see something sometimes I
don’t though but when it benefits me I do, but the doctor should have been a thug
her face was plain no emotion whatsoever was showing.
Her:Luthando is…he-
Luh:Would you stop that! Stop repeating yourself with those simple lame words
you’re torturing us
Her:I’m sorry Mr Mbhenge, Luthando is doing okay this time around he didn’t relapse
Luh:Relapse?
Her:Yes on fri-
I went deaf my ears were blocked up I zoned into my world where everything stood
still I moved backwards until I was met by the wall I slid against it hugged my knees
and cried for once just once something good happened. The Lord had me in favor I
thought the worst was gonna take place I expected it because it always does but I
guess I thought wrong
Luh:Lwa
He touched my shoulders I could tell he had knelt in front of me
Him:The doctor said he is okay our son is fine
I slowly looked up to him he used his thumb to wipe my tears
Him:Let’s go see him
I smiled through my tears and nodded he 1st got up and helped me to get up, we
walked together to his room I was gonna see my son my baby my Luthando
We got in I just froze
Me:I thought she said he’s okay?
Him:Take a good look Lwa the pipes are gone
I nodded as tears went down tears of joy I went near him I hesitated in touching him
but I just wanted to feel his skin, I brushed his cheek
Me:Mommy is here boy you gonna go home soon back to where you’re suppose to
be
Him:We love you Luthando
I sniffed Lukhanyo looked at me and shook his head
Me:What?
Him:You’ve changed
Me:Its called growing up
Him:You used to be so sweet now you’re plainly rude
Me:Because people use me and when their done they throw me away like some
kinda trash I’ve had it with that
Him:But still you didn’t have to be that rude to Esona
Me:Already taking her side? Wow I’m impress I don’t want her anywhere near my
baby
Him:Our baby
Me:Mxm
Him:Chill she’s not even my girlfriend
I rolled my eyes he was lying if not then what was she doing there? We stayed there
for a couple of minutes
Him:The doctor wants to see us in her office
I nodded we silently walked back to the office when we were near Lukhanyo blocked
my way he had this goofy smile
Him:Luthando is better wow!
His smile went wider then he cracked up
Him:Where’s your bra? Your nipples are visible
I pushed him aside and upper my pace what was he looking at in the 1st place, I got
in there was a woman, a man and the doctor
Dr:Please come in we’ve been waiting for you
I nodded I sat down on the couch Lukhanyo joined me
Dr:This is Miss Joosta she’s a social worker and this is Mr Godfrey police officer
We looked at each other me and Lukhanyo
Luh:Uhm okay
Dr:I had to contact them its my job to do so Luthando is a baby and he’s in for
poisoning.
MissJ:How are you doing?
Us:Fine
MrG:Where were you when he got poisoned?
Luh:I was laying in hospital fighting for my life
Me:I was looking for someone outside
MissJ:Leaving him unsupervised?
Me:Of course not I left him with Mike
Her:Who’s Mike? what is he to you or Luthando?
Me:Uhm he’s nothing to him Mike is my ex fiance cousin
Her:Ex?
Me:Yes he passed away after I gave birth
Her:I’m not following
Me:Mike is my 1st born’s uncle…where is this going?
Lukhanyo squeezed my hand I was getting impatient
MrG:So while your husband its your husband right?
We both nodded
MrG:While he was “fighting” for his life you left his child with your deceased fiance
cousin?
Me:The way you’re put-
Luh:Just get to the point please
MissJ:We’ll have to take Luthando from you guys jus-
Me:Are you insane?!!
Her:Ma’am calm down please
Me:Calm down? You wanna take my son from me!!
Her:It will be just for a couple of days or weeks we have to go through procedures
ma’am
PART 79

1 month later…
Nothing was the same I had lost both the Mbenge man in my life Lukhanyo moved
on with his life I didn’t mind really cause it wasn’t Esona, him and Sam were pretty
much cool they spoke and behaved like brothers I also had no grudge towards him.
As for Luthando he was out of the hospital doing pretty well health wise they took
him away from me from his home I was scared that he’ll forget me get too attached
to those idiots Miss Joosta sent me pictures of him each and everyday I appreciated
it but it was torture watching my kid grow without me away from me the woman who
gave birth to him. If I wanted my baby back I had to have something stable to
support them both so Sam organized the appointment as his new boss wanted a PA
but I wasn’t experienced but still I had a chance, Lukhanyo and myself had this front
we set up before the social worker that we were happily married I was a house wife
but still I had to have something just in case she found out we’ve split.
I threw my head back to the pillow Sam had just left with Layla I didn’t feel like
waking up but I had an interview to go to which was at 13:30 but anyhow I got up I
was too nervous to sleep just then my phone beeped. It was that damn social worker
I rolled myself as I opened the message I knew it was pictures my heart smiled in joy
he was so cute just then an email came it was attached with a video of him. I found
myself crying he was making stupid but yet adorable baby sounds I wanted to be the
1st one to hear them but you can never predict life.
Me:You doing it for him Lwa
I took a deep breath got up and dragged myself to the bathroom as I was busy
brushing my teeth I could hear sounds like I wasn’t alone I peeped out of the door
but saw no one. I tiptoe to the kitchen and found Lukhanyo eating I threw him with
the toothpaste
Me:You freaken scared me!
Him:I’m sorry!
He continued eating
Me:You and Samkelo are making it a habit I’m not your chef
Him:If you don’t cook for your brothers then who will?
Me:Get yourselves girlfriends or better yet wives
Him:I’m never getting married ever again anyway I’m here to wish you luck for your
1st job interview
Me:Thanks
Him:You don’t look nervous at all
Me:I feel numb
Him:You’ll be okay I saw the video and picture he’s growing I miss him
Sadness draw across his face
Me:I miss him too hopefully he’ll be coming home soon
Him:Yeah uh I gotta go
Me:Just admit it you came here for food
He took another bite
Him:Cook something uhm I don’t know delicious we’re coming over
He took the plate with him
Me:Woah we?
Him:Yeah! Its time y’all meet her. Bye!
He ran out the door with the plate leaving me rather dumb struck bringing her to my
place? His girlfriend? I brushed it off cause he’s my brother and we’re cool, I locked
the door and went on to clean the house.
I stood in front of the building nervous as like never before I could feel my palms
sweating but I walked on with my head held high the receptionist smiled at me.
Him:Hello ma’am
Me:Uhm hi
I was a bit taken back he was gay don’t forget cute but gay.
Me:I’m here to see…oh my god
I didn’t know the boss oh lord I looked at him as he stared at me waiting for me to
say something but I had nothing.
Me:Excuse me
I took out my phone and called Sam he didn’t pick up I tried again just then
somebody called out my name, I slowly turned to be welcomed by Neo I could feel
my joints getting weak he was with this tall lady.
Him:Hey
Me:N-N-Neo
He smiled
Him:He didn’t tell you did he?
I shook my head
Him:Yes! Well I kinda asked him not to knowing you, you wouldn’t have come
Me:Damn right I wouldn’t
Him:You here now and the job is already yours
Me:But I don’t hav-
Him:I want someone I can trust and that’s you
Me:Now I feel like slapping you why didn’t I refuse to meet the boss without knowing
him
Him:You not making any sense
He laughed I just chuckled
The lady cleared her throat I totally forget about her she had this rather irritated look
on her face
Her:Hi I’m Mrs Neo Dlamini
I looked over at Neo I quickly covered my shock and turned back at her
Me:Oh okay hi Neo I’m Lwa
Her:Its Shantel
Me:Well you did introduce yourself as Neo Dlamini so real Neo when can I start?
That lady irritated me I didn’t like her at all
Neo:Uhm err now
Me:Its after one
Him:Imma show you some things you know
I nodded and looked at the lady and back at Neo
Me:You like white chicks
He chuckled as she rolled her eyes
Him:Uhm Shan I’m gonna see you later let’s go Lwa
We walked away leaving her there I could tell she had a lot to say but kept quiet, we
took the elevator
Him:Nervous?
I nodded
Him:Don’t be its me Neo the spoil brat
I chuckled we walked to his office
Him:I’d offer you something to drink but that’s your job
Me:I’m no tea lady! Forget it!
He chuckled we sat down and went straight into it giving me the basics I got hold of
his diary it wasn’t hard
Him:The desk outside my office is yours
I nodded and got up I walked to the door
Him:Lihle
My breath got stuck in my throat my heart skipping a beat I could feel my palms
heating up I swallowed hard and turned to him with a fake nervous smile
Me:Yes Mr D
He smiled
Him:Its Neo to you, welcome
Me:Thanks
I quickly walked out avoiding another word from him that Lihle name contained
memories I sat down taking breaths trying to get the pictures out of my head that day
in that hospital room I went from Lwa to Lihle. I chuckled as memories kept flashing
by of him groaning, moaning my name squeezing,suc-
Me:Lwandlelihle!
I stopped myself I quickly went back into his office.
Me:You’re married?!
He got up
Him:I was gonna tell you Lwa that day your boy was admitted I had plan to tell you
that I was getting married but you were too stubborn to listen to me
Me:Oh you never visited
He walked over
Him:I was busy with the wedding stuff than I went off to the honeymoon
A frown came up my face
Me:Okay congratulations
He nodded
Him:I’m sorry
He pulled me into his embrace it was familiar it was warm and it now belonged to
Shantel I slowly got out of it
Him:We cool?
Me:Yeah
We fist bumped we were really cool cooler than we were before I saw a side I’ve
never seen of him he wasn’t that arrogant bastard but my cool boss.
After hours me and Sam went home picking Layla up from kindergarten, I threw
myself on the sofa the minute we got home.
Me:I’m tired please cook Lukhanyo and his girlfriend are coming over
Sam:Uh no offense or whatsoever do you think its a good idea?
Me:Why wouldn’t it be? We’re over ourselves
Him:You sure?
Me:Samkelo we’ll always have some kinda bond we share a child and I love
Lukhanyo on a sibling manner not like before.
He nodded I took a 30 minutes nap knowing Sam he wasn’t going to start with the
pots, I woke up with Layla next to me I kissed her forehead she immediately woke up
Me:Let’s go cook
She tossed and turned I got up she was gonna follow, I started with pots Layla came
to join me handing me some stuff it was fun.
They later on arrived I was already done they cute
Him:Lwa Lwa meet Zen short for Zenande
Her:They’re both Lwa?
Me:I’m Lwandle he’s Lwando but we call him Sam
Her:Oh okay
Him:Where is she?
Me:Layla!
She came running when she saw him she ran into his arms
Her:Daddy!
Me:Where does she get that?
Him:I needed someone to call me daddy & Luthando is nowhere near that
I dished out we all sat down getting to know one another
Her:You’re married? Aren’t you a bit too young for that?
Luh:I didn’t know marriage has an age
Her:I’m just saying baby
Me:Yeah I’m married but we broke up don’t know why I still have this on
I said that taking the ring off cause she saw it and put 2 and 2 together, Sam cleared
his throat
Her:Are you also married
Sam shook his head with food in his mouth
Her:So when did you get married
Me:The year before last year
Her:Same year as Lukhanyo?
I nodded Lukhanyo was picking on his food they shared a lot for her to know which
year he got married, it was getting awkward
Her:He also broke up with his spouse
Sam:She knows cause she’s the spouse they married and have a child together, you
should’ve told her Lukhanyo she was gonna find out anyway. Come Buhle
He left with her looking really irritated leaving us with tongues in our throats
PART 80

It went silent it was so awkward that my head was bowed down I stared at my fingers
as they were fiddling, I was waiting for Lukhanyo to explain the situation. I wanted to
strangle Samkelo he dropped that bomb and left he should have said “Come Lwa”
instead of Layla
Luh:So how did the interview go?
Wait what!? Did he just ignore what was happening? Seriously? I looked at him with
my eyes popped out his face was plain no emotions whatsoever my eyes traveled to
Zen I could see her walls breaking. I wanted to reach out to her but it wasn’t my
place Lukhanyo can be so dumb at times
I cleared my throat
Me:It went well Neo gave me the job
Him:Neo? As in Ne-
Me:Yes him Lukhanyo, excuse me
I got up
Him:Sit down
Me:I wanna give you space to explain yourself
Him:I didn’t want space and I’ll explain myself later or when I want to
I sat down
Me:You are unbelievable!
Her:I thought you were taking me to your siblings
Him:And I did Lwandle is my sister and Sam is my brother
Her:Bu-
Him:But nothing
Me:Look Zen we di-
Him:Lwa stay out of my business I’m warning you
His tone was calm but yet powerful he meant what he said I could see anger building
up in him I decided to shut up. We yet again ate in silent well Lukhanyo was the only
person eating Zen and myself we were picking on our food Lukhanyo was to damn
controlling!
Him:I can see this ain’t going nowhere its better if we leave
They both got up
Me:I’m sorry I hope he explains everything it was nice meeting you
Her:Hope so too and nice meeting you too as his sister of course
Him:I’ll see you tomorrow must I come pick you up?
Me:No I’ll take a taxi
He nodded they both left I threw myself on the couch and listened to the quietness
Voice:They’ve left already?
I forgot about him
Me:Layla say bye to uncle
Him:She’s going to bed already?
Me:No you leaving
Her:Night uncle
She wiggled herself off him and ran up to me
Him:Night baby, is this abo-
Me:Bye Sam oh don’t forget to fetch Layla tomorrow
Him:Bu-
Me:Just leave please
He surrendered and left after giving Layla her goodnight kiss I wasn’t angry at him I
just wanted to be alone and punish him for having a big mouth.
The next morning I woke up covered in sweat the urge of it coming through mouth
made me run to the bathroom I let it all out until tears started coming out. I got up
feeling all drained rinsed my mouth and went out for Layla we took a bath together
she was on another level splashing the water,taking the loofah sponge from me she
was just too much!
I got us both in our clothes and went for breakfast as I was busy feeding her a knock
came through the door I flatly ignored it I knew who it was after feeding her we left
dropped her off at kindergarten and I went to work. Work was work just before lunch
a guy came storming to my desk
Him:Is Neo in?
Me:Yes but he said no disturbance
Him:This is important
I sighed and went into Neo’s office he was busy chilling with his wife
Him:Lihle
I swallowed
Me:Someone is here for yo-
The guy came in
Neo:DJ
Him:2 shareholders are on their way
He jumped up from where he was
Him:What?! why?
DJ:Look at the damn figures!
He threw the files at him
Neo:Don’t you dare yell at me buddy, Shantel I’ll see you later. Lihle make sure the
boardroom is empty
DJ looked at me
Him:I think he forgot to say please
I chuckled and walked out to do my job.
At 15:00 I left I had a meeting to attend we were meeting at her office well it went
pretty much okay but Lukhanyo had to leave early he was rushing back to work me
and Miss Joosta continued.
Her:I’ll see you on Thursday with your boy
I was overjoyed excited all emotions were running through me I couldn’t wait to hold
him kiss him. I quickly wiped the tears she smiled at me
Her:I’m sure you can’t wait
I nodded as wiped some more I stood up
Me:I’ll see you than
She nodded I bid her goodbye and left her office it was getting dark I walked to the
bus stop, a taxi stopped I quickly got in it was quit chilly outside. The minute I was in
I realized I was the only woman there were 4 guys the driver was the 5th one
Me:Oh my god I forgot my file bag driver please stop the taxi
He ignored me I repeated myself but he didn’t stop I got up only to be pulled back by
the person who was sitting behind me the other one walked over to my seat I was
about to open the window when he grabbed me by my hair and licked the side of my
face. This is close to home close to my heart its a sensitive matter to talk about all
I’m gonna say is they occupied every single hole they could find on my body well
besides my ears and nose, you know I’ve turned into a reader this passed weekend I
read 3 books where people fall madly in love, have knight shining armor, get out of
sticky situations “I kicked him where it hurts the most and ran out” that didn’t happen
to me reality happened to me no fantasies whatsoever. They were black man
normally people blame the foreigners but in my case it was South Africans we even
shared a culture they invaded my body I tried believe me I did but they were stronger
they out numbered me. The one who was occupying my vagina cum and went to sit
down I was tired,crying I was hopping they kill me when they finish off the guy got up
and walked back to us I looked at him and saw how erected he was. I knew it was far
from over
PART 81

I woke up but kept my eyes shut it was so quiet that I thought I was dreaming the last
thing I remembered was being sexually violated, tears went out of my closed eyes as
the horror of my life took over my mind. Tears were becoming more I opened my
eyes only to find myself in a hospital bed I wasn’t glad nor grateful I was broken
never to be fixed again I don’t know why they spared me my life cause they took
everything from me leaving me with nothing but my soul a broken soul. I could still
feel their hands running through my body every time I closed my eyes I saw them
My sobs became much louder I groaned as I felt the pain inside me the pain nobody
could ever take away, I was pulling the cover(blanket) trying to tear it apart just as I
was I just wanted to do something break things I wanted the pain to go away I
wanted it to be a dream.
Nurses came in running they’re words fell on deaf ears they didn’t understand what I
was going through they didn’t get it those man ripped me apart and left me naked to
lick my wounds the very same wounds they’ve caused!
They sedated me like its gonna make me heal or make what took place disappear
into thin air. I woke up from a bad dream I was covered in sweat they were haunting
me
Voice:Ssshh I’m here
It was Sam he wrapped his arms around my frame I let it all out on his shoulder
Me:The- they- Sam
Him:Hush I’m here sis
I held on tight clenching his shirt I heard footsteps Sam slowly let go of me it was
Neo and his wife oh and DJ
Neo:Lee
He ran up to me and held me tight
Him:Its okay baby its okay
I switched off something in me switched off tears were just flowing after a couple of
minutes of him keeping me in his embrace his wife cleared her throat he let go of me
My whole body was shaking uncontrollably they were clueless on how to comfort me
Shantel walked closer and held my hand she squeezed it and awkwardly let go
moving backwards Sam held my shaking hand
Sam:Its over sis you’re safe now
Tears escaped his eyes
Me:Yo- you…the- too-..
I once I again sobbed my vision became dark my body moving violently up and down
their voices became to far for me to make out what they were saying…
I woke up yet again from a dream the same dream I had I sat up straight as I took
some worthy breaths Sam was fast asleep
DJ:Uhm hey you’re okay it was only a dream
I looked at him as he stood next to my bed he reached out but I winched
Him:I’m sorry I won’t touch I promise but please stop crying I know it hurts whatever I
say won’t take the pain away but please Lihle
Me:I’m not Lihle
I somehow could respond to that despite of what was happening/happened, he
looked at me like I’m somehow crazy but quickly covered it
Him:Sorry
He moved back to his chair I kept quiet making sure I don’t close my eyes just blink
cause when I closes they came up, we sat in silent he was busy with his phone
Me:Why are you here?
Him:I’m waiting for Neo he went to get something to eat
I nodded and went back to being quiet tears rolled down my cheeks
Me:They were 5
Him:What?!
He jumped of his chair waking up Sam I nodded and started off scratch with my
crying maybe I was too weak but all I know is that it was hell
Sam:What did you do?!
DJ:Fucken nothing!
Sam wrapped his arms around me
DJ:I’m really sorry
He walked out I held Sam tighter then before
Him:What did he do to you?
I shook my head
Him:You sure
I nodded
He hushed me until a doctor came in he walked over to the other side Sam let go of
me
Him:Hello I’m Dr Muthasammy
He was indian he uncovered me I quickly covered myself
Him:I’m just doing my job ma’am
He uncovered me again my thighs were exposed you could see the finger tips of
those monsters they were blue I looked at Sam he looked away hiding how torn he
was, Dr M raised the hospital gown I was wearing
Me:Please stop!!
I covered myself
Sam:She’s still in shock
Him:Okay I understand the results are not back from the lab yet
Samkelo nodded
Him:Please excuse
He left just when Neo and his friend came in
Neo:Update?
Sam:No but Daigo did something to her Lwa crying here
Daigo:Look she said something okay?
Neo:What’s that?
Daigo:She’ll tell you herself I need to go
He left leaving me with curious quys I sank in on the bed I couldn’t tell them I was
embarrassed hurt no words can ever describe how I felt.
They later on had to leave I was scared I didn’t want to be alone I didn’t even want to
sleep nor close my eyes I was afraid of them the next day Sam was the 1st one to
come visit me we weren’t talking though I was quiet trying to block emotions
Him:The kids are with Amy she’s looking after them
I nodded once
Him:Luhkanyo uh he isn’t taking this very well his blaming himself for what happened
saying if only he didn’t leave you in that office he has turned into an alcoholic sis. I
don’t know what to do anymore I’m sorry
PART 82

2 weeks later…
I was not coping it was getting harder by day they were haunting me like I’m the one
who did them wrong where’s it was the other way around the nightmares were
getting scarier I was starting to be paranoid like I was losing it. Sam had moved in
with me I couldn’t be alone I was even afraid in his presence it sucked big time as for
Lukhanyo he was practically living with us they were so protective I was literally
suffocating but I needed them to be around. Lukhanyo hired a nanny she was in her
40s she was staying at the Browns residence the kids were still there they couldn’t
come home I was a mess a hurricane they couldn’t see their mother like that
Luthando was too young as for Layla… Neo and DJ came every second day to
check up on me DJ kept his distance he was always quiet observing everything, I
had no female support system I was hovered by men Amy knew what happened but
never visited no text nothing! But we weren’t friends so its understandable.
It was a Tuesday morning Sam had already left I was in bed crying as images
popped up every 2 minutes I sat up straight wiped my tears I wrote Lukhanyo a text
telling to fetch the kids after work with the nanny, I sat down on the carpet staring at
the large scissor in front of me I wanted to ease the pain. I went to the bathroom
filled the tub with water went back to the room I searched for pills until I got them
placed them next to the scissor just then my phone rang
Me:Sam
Him:Hey I forgot a file there next to the tv please check it for me
I walked over to the tv
Me:Its here
Him:Okay please give it to DJ he’s on his way there
Me:Okay
Him:Thanks I love you
I dropped the call I only spoke when I needed to otherwise I was always quiet my
communication sucked Sam even suggested that I go see a shrink but I declined. I
waited for DJ he was taking his own sweet time I wanted to go back to my mission a
knock came through making me jump off the couch moving backwards
Me:Wh- who is it?
Voice:DJ
I sighed in relief I walked over to the door moved the couch that was blocking it and
opened for him, he took his time studying me carefully making me uncomfortable I
felt so naked like he could see right through the gown I was wearing
I cleared my throat
Him:Let’s go
He was dead serious I moved backwards
Him:But 1st go change where’s your phone I’m gonna call Sam and tell him I’m
taking you out
Me:I’m not going anywhere
He sat down leaving me next to the door took out his phone pressed and placed it on
loudspeaker
Voice:Did you get it?
It was Sam
Him:Yeah bruh I’m taking your sis out she needs to face the world she can’t hide
forever
Sam:I know that if she doesn’t wanna go don’t force her DJ
Him:I won’t I promise I just wanted to inform you we’re going out okay?
Sam:Don’t hurt her man or else Imma kill you and I got a psychopath of a brother
Him:I won’t
He hung up and looked at me I was still standing next to the door
Him:You not changing? Okay let’s go
Me:I’m not going anywhere with you
He stood up and walked over to me took my wrist
Him:For the last time let’s go
Me:No please leave
With one stroke I was on his shoulder hitting and kicking for him to let me go even
tears started to come out
Me:Please let me go please
I was repeating what I said to those men it was like it was happening again he
placed me in his car
Him:Would you stop behaving like a damn child?!
He locked the car he walked back to the flat leaving me in a screaming mode
terrified of what was waiting for me, he came back and drove away in silent
Me:Daigo please I’m begging you please don’t hurt me
Him:Your brother knows you’re with me why would I hurt you
I shrugged I kept my head bent down continuously wiping my tears I looked up when
the car stopped we were at a malls parking lot
Me:I’m not going like this you sho-
Him:Yeah because you want everyone to see that you’re going through a difficult
time get grip woman! Suck it up hold your head up high and show them you’re
stronger your freaken troubles won’t define you
He got up slamming the door leaving me in awe my tears almost immediately
stopped coming out I wasn’t used to him nor was he to me but he got my attention I
sank in looking outside people laughing and having fun, I saw him coming carrying
two plastic bags from tops he got in putting the plastic at the back.
He drove into a complex I looked at him he was quiet focusing on the road
Me:Where are we going?
Him:To my house
Me:Please take me home please Daigo
He stopped the car taking the plastics with him
Him:Come
I hesitantly followed after him he unlocked we got in the place was a mess!
Him:I’m not a neat freak take my phone and send Sam a text telling him where you
at
I took his phone I did just that I was a bit relieved he came with glasses and started
pouring he handed me a glass half with whiskey
Me:I don’t drink
Him:Just do it
Me:I don’t trust you
Him:Just take it
I hesitantly took it and just held it he drank his glass and pour another one
Him:You better keep up
He drank another shot taking out a green 500ml bottle opening it and taking a sip
Me:Why are you doing this?
Him:You think a lot you need to take your mind off things and get away a bit you
gonna drink that or must I?
I shook my head and threw it at the back of my throat which led me to coughing like
crazy even coming tears out. Than it was shot after shot cider after cider I forgot
about reality for once I felt free Daigo was cracking some jokes he made things kinda
easy not asking or talking a lot we finished the whiskey and started with the vodka he
took the 1st two shots I only took one then it was lights out.
PART 83

I woke up in a rather complicated way my face was stuck up between several pillows
I could feel how my body was washed out I knew where I was I rolled my head out of
those pillows I saw manly clothes scattered around the room I quickly sat up straight
which I immediately regretted my head was pounding my stomach was in knots.
Something which I didn’t like at all was right in my throat. The door opposite me
opened DJ appeared drying his hair with a towel another one around his torso his
upper body was covered in tattoos like COVERED! Arms everything besides his
neck I quickly covered my eyes
Me:Would you get dressed!
Him:I thought you were sleeping
Me:I wo-
I covered my mouth as it wanted to come out
Him:That way
I ran to the bathroom and puked which made me worse after that I became dizzy I
slowly walked back to the room I was still in my gown
Me:I’m never drinking ever again mark my words
Him:I made you a… Uhm call it DJ’s hangover shake its in the kitchen
I nodded walking out to the kitchen I saw the green glass and downed it, it tasted
awful and the smell was bad. He came in a hurry
Him:I’m late and in trouble with your brother let’s go
We went to his car I was quiet the whole drive just looking out the window I was
thinking about him being covered in ink, he was focused on the road speeding. He
parked in front of our flats I was about to open the door when he stopped me
Him:You’re the dumbest chick ever!
I was taken aback by his statement
Me:I beg your pardon?
Him:You heard me you’re dumb Lwa
Me:You’re insulting me Daigo I won’t listen to this
I opened the door he held my wrist
Him:You want to look over your shoulder for the rest of your life? Wonder if they
aren’t watching? If they’d come back? What’s wrong with you woman? Like seriously
girl you just gonna let them walk away freely?
I swallowed hard looking down feeling his gaze on me with a few blinks tears went
down I had this hole inside of me a void no one could occupy, more tears hit my
cheeks and freely streamed down falling on my chest. He sighed out loud still
holding my wrist
Him:I didn’t mean to make you cry but I can’t and won’t sugarcoat it you need to hear
the truth raw as it is, look I know it hurts bu-
Me:You freaken don’t know!
I lashed out he chuckled bitterly
Me:Oh its funny? You don’t know how it feels Daigo not even close those monsters
took away my soul they broke me into million of pieces leaving me with nothing but
memories. Don’t you dare tell me you know whereby you know nothing abo-
Him:LWA!!!.. Are you even listening to yourself stop feeling sorry for yourself the only
person who can help you is YOU. You know what? Get out get out of my car
He let go of my wrist looking forward I stared at him in shock he was so cool like he
didn’t rise his voice at me like he didn’t say something wise but at that moment for
me it seem wise nor did it feel helpful
Him:I said get out
Me:I’m going
Him:I’m already late, now please
He motioned showing me out the door I nodded with tears rolling down I got out of
his car he immediately roughly drove away leaving me there standing like a mentally
ill person, I wasn’t crying because he told me to get out but those stupid tears were
flowing of what he said about letting them free. I looked around before running to my
flat like a mad person I stormed in shutting the door behind me. Lukhanyo was there
with the nanny he checked me out not in a good way I quickly wiped my tears
looking down
Me:Goodmorning
Ma:Morning ma’am
Me:Please call me Lwa I’m too young to be called ma’am, where is he?
Her:In the bedroom
I ran to the room his tiny body was in the middle of the bed I slowly walked up to him
he was sleeping peacefully
Me:Hey boy-boy
I wiped my tears but they kept on coming I was about to touch him when Lukhanyo
spoke
Him:Don’t you dare touch him
I turned around meeting his eyes
Me:His my son
Him:You don’t have a son nor do you have a daughter
Me:Excuse me? You the one who doesn’t have a daughter they’re my kids okay?
Now back off
Him:You don’t deserve them Lwa you were out all night oh don’t forget day we were
worried about you!
He groaned through his teeth I held my head
Me:All I need right now is a bath and bed not your compl-
He studied me while stood there as if I wanted him to study me
Him:Were you drinking?
I rolled my eyes pushed him aside and went to the bathroom I scrubbed myself until
my skin turned pink that was my new habit scrubbing myself scrubbing their hands
off me I just wasn’t clean enough. After bath I wore the same gown and went back to
the room taking some sleeping pills
Voice:Zen sends her greetings
It was Lukhanyo
Me:Okay
I wore clean pjs and got in next to my son who I missed dearly it was like I’m
dreaming he was finally back where he belonged, I kissed him countless times
Luh:I’m sorry about earlier
Me:Me too I was mad and took it out on you
He nodded before leaving us alone I was getting drowsy I made myself comfortable
falling sleep peacefully.
The days that followed were no different to the others nightmare after nightmare,
suicidal thoughts creeping my mind, I was battling with auditory hallucination I was
trying my best to keep calm for my kids sake but inside I was on fire flames burning
and I was always inside the house with mam’Nel.
It was a Saturday Neo was chilling with Sam in the lounge while I was in the
bedroom having an auditory hallucination as I was writing down some words that
thing is creepy and scary it takes over your mind like its the owner. I got up dropping
the book on the floor I went over to the guys Layla was chilling with them
Me:Hey
Neo:You are scarce
I faked a smile settling next to him
Me:Can you take me somewhere
He gave me a confused face expression
Him:To where?
Me:I’ll tell you on the way
Sam:And you think I’d let you go just like that?
Me:I’m not a child Samkelo you taking me or not?
Neo:Its not like I have a choice but to where?
Me:Daigo
Them:DJ?! Why?
Me:I actually broke his…his thing yeah his thing when I was there I told him I’d buy it
back.
Neo:You don’t have to
Me:I promised I don’t wanna break my promise and I need so air
Sam:You can stand at the door for “some air”
I rolled my eyes and fixed them on Neo impatiently waiting on him
Him:Okay I’ll take Imma make sure she’s gets there safely
I quickly went to the room kissed my son took a jacket and went back to them
Me:Let’s go
I kissed Layla
Me:Mommy will be right back okay? Stay with uncle Sam he’s gonna buy you ice-
cream
She nodded excitedly I kissed her again and dragged Neo out to his car, he started
at the mall for vodka and wine my idea I cooked up a lie for him. He bought it and
took me to DJ
Me:You don’t have to come in I’ll be okay thanks for the ride
Him:Its the least I can do
I smiled at him
Him:No drinking right?
Me:Nope never even tasted it don’t even want to!
Him:Good! Keep it that way.
I gave him a hug and got out with my goods walking to DJ’s door, I knocked a couple
of times before he opened. He seemed rather surprised
Me:Hi
Him:Hey come in
He made way for me I went straight to the couch taking the bottles out he flopped at
the opposite couch.
Him:You drinking?
Me:Why not?
Him:It was a one time thing
I opened the vodka he quickly snatched it from my hand taking the wine to and went
for the sink throw them all out. I was furious at him I paced around I tried stopping
him but he won’t budge all my money went down the drain. After making sure the
bottles are empty he turned and looked at me with a bit of excitement on his face
Him:I have something better
Me:What?
Him:Do you smoke?
PART 84

I waited on him to say he’s joking or change the excitement on his face bursting out
in laughter but none of that happened instead his eyebrows were high up waiting for
me to answer him. I swallowed hard moving backwards supporting myself with the
kitchen counter, my lips started trembling trying to utter some words but none came
out.
Him:Are you okay?
I nodded multiple times as my head was trying to put some pieces together who was
DJ? why was he so messed up? alcohol and now smoke, he lowered his eyebrows
looking me directly in the eyes it was like he was in me inside my head.
Him:I’m not what you think I am just answer my question
Oh he reads minds too I shook the thoughts out of my head
Me:Uhm no…no I don’t
He nodded walking away leaving me in the kitchen I buried my head in hands on top
of the counter after merely minutes his presences was in the room.
Him:Let’s go
Me:Where to?
Him:Its a surprise
I looked up at him
Me:I hate surprises
Him:You’ll love this one
He took my hand dragging me out locking the door we went to his car what I noticed
was that Daigo was friendly and interesting in a mysterious kinda way I was
intrigued. The drive was pretty much long I looked at him
Me:You not gonna kill me right?
He chuckled
Him:And why would I do that?
Me:I don’t know
He kept quiet focusing on the road tapping his fingers on the steering wheel it looked
like he was singing a song in his head I faced the other side eventually falling asleep.
Voice:Lwa
Me:Mhmm
Voice:Wake up
I slowly opened my eyes meeting Daigo’s I sat up straight observing my surrounding
I didn’t know the area but I could tell it was a coloured area I saw no black or white
just coloureds. Others were seating at the street corner you know those groupies
who sit around oh there’s one in every races but haven’t seen whites sit around in
corners thou’
Him:Come
He got out I hesitantly also got out we were in front of a…well it looked more like a
spaza shop but the double blue painted doors were closed. He looked at me I was
reluctant he came to stand in front of me taking my hand in his
Him:Its okay well you wanted fun I’m gonna give you the fun you wanted.
I swallowed really hard getting scared I could feel my palms getting sweaty in his
hands he started waking to the door dragging me with him, he pushed one of the
doors open I pulled him scared of getting inside
Him:Come its gonna be fun
I sighed and let my gut down holding my head up high just for once living for the
moment, we both got in and to my surprise it was a boxing gym my eyes popped out
I wasn’t expecting it I thought he was taking me to some druggie place. He pulled me
to some shelf taking red gloves he gave them over to me
Him:Wanna see you blow some steam
Me:I wanna go home
Him:After our session
Me:Now Daigo
He rather forcefully dressed me in those gloves and pulled me to the punching bag
him standing behind it, other people had stopped to look at us their eyes were
making me uncomfortable.
Me:I don’t wanna do this
Him:Throw a punch
I threw a very weak no effort whatsoever punch he pushed that bag with so much
range and strength that it hit me so hard making me fall on my behind
Him:Get up and throw a real punch
Again it was weak he did it again I got up
Me:Are you crazy!?
Him:Stop being weak!!
Me:I don’t wanna do this!!
Voices:Ssshhh
I folded my arms in a cheeky manner I wanted to get out of there that bag hit me
again unexpectedly making me fall yet again
Me:Daigo would you stop?!!
He pulled me up taking my wrist guiding it to the bag he went back behind it.
Him:Throw or I’m gonna hit you with it again
Me:Bu-
Once again I was on the floor tears started forming he was hurting me he pulled me
up and went back behind it
Him:Pretend like you fight with someone
Me:I’ve never fought before
He laughed
Him:Yeah right
Me:I’m serious
He stared right into my eyes then smiled
Him:Wow! Where I’m from girls fight all the time…uhm you won’t like this but its
worth the try hit this bag like its one of the guys
A knife was stabbed right through my heart a few minutes ago those monsters were
out of head I had completely forgot about them and Daigo had to bring them up, I
turned away walking to the exit door I got outside and let the fresh air hit me I was
trying so hard not to cry taking deep breaths.
Voice:Hey
I looked back I didn’t know him I nodded
Him:You new here?
Me:Uhm yeah
Him:Be careful this place is dang-
Voices:She’s with me
It was Daigo he walked to stand behind me holding my waist firmly they started
speaking in Afrikaans which I didn’t understand I stood there like a complete idiot
The guy:Nice meeting you
He said looking at me with a smile I nodded with a fake smile he left.
DJ:I’m sorry about earlier but I need something that will trigger you
Me:Maybe some other time
Him:I know you lying I can hear it in your voice but Imma let it slid.
He said taking off the gloves he returned them
We walked to his car he was right I was never setting my foot there ever again the
drive took us about an hour and half. We went straight to my place Neo was still
there
Him:Where have you been?!
DJ:At my place
Sam:We were there and you weren’t there! I warned you DJ you always
disappearing with her you need to stay away
DJ:Look I thou-
Sam:You thought wrong! Stay away from her
Me:I’m old enough to make my own decisions
Luh:Yet they’re so selfish and childish
I rolled my eyes I knew If I were to answer him they’ll behave like brothers and gang
up on me. I went to the room joining mam’Nel
Her:You back
Me:Yes ma uhm ma do you think I’m selfish?
She shook her head looking down
Me:Be honest please
Her:For not being close to your babies but you’re always home then yes my dear. I
was informed about the horrific thing that came over you but sweetie don’t push your
family away you need them as much as they need you.
I nodded not really understanding what she was saying cause I wasn’t pushing
nobody away they were just too controlling.
PART 85

It was the middle of July the coldness was yet almost over as I was on the bridge of
letting go of the past let bygones be bygones the road wasn’t easy but I was getting
there. The boxing sessions were really helping letting every feeling out I found
myself opening up to Daigo and not my brothers nor Neo its easy opening up to
strangers scared of being judged by those who fully know you. What I hated about
him was that he never sugarcoated anything the truth really hurts his positive self
rubbed off on me, I was back at work I had to get my life back together if not for me
then for my kids I couldn’t let them destroy me I was much stronger and better then
them. Lukhanyo always took me to work and brought me back too Sam couldn’t
always be there because he had a demanding girlfriend who just was too annoying
for me but I had no say it looked like he truly liked her, Lukhanyo was still with Zen
oh she didn’t like me at all acting all motherly on my son. Shantel was around more
often but it was clear as day light we didn’t like each other we just tolerated each
other because of Neo.
We dropped off Layla at her kindergarten and all roads led to my work place
Him:I asked Zen to clean the house
I nodded Miss Joosta was visiting she wanted to see where Luthando lived and all of
that so I couldn’t let her come to my flat I shared a bed with my babies the flat was
small so we were pretending like we live all together at Lukhanyo’s.
Him:Are you okay? You’re too quiet
Me:I’m fine just tired Daigo was on another level last night
Him:Is something going on between the two of you? I see how he looks at you
Me:And how is that?
Him:Like…Oh come on Lwa you know what I’m talking about sometimes I see the
two of you stare at each other
Me:Don’t be stupid now please we promised on being friends nothing more or less
and I’m staying single I’m tired of being heartbroken
Him:If you say so
Me:Yeah sure whatever
We were already in front of the building so I got off and walked through took the
elevator went to my desk. I really was tired just wanted to rest better yet take a nap
Neo’s door opened he peeped through
Him:Hey
Me:Hey
He motioned me to come into his office I did as told shutting the door behind me he
had this long sofa in his office I went for it throwing myself on it slowly closing my
eyes.
Him:What’s up with you today?
Me:I’m tired DJ is killing me
Him:I’ll tell him to slow down
Me:Please don’t
I heard footsteps then a hand lifting my head I shot my eyes open Neo sat down
place a cushion on his lap and my head on top of it.
Him:Okay fine I won’t interfere Grace wants to see you though
Me:What?! She still works for your family? Oh my word!
Him:She works for me now
Me:For you?
Him:Yes!
Me:But you’re so rude to her Neo like seriously rude I still remember the first time we
met how you wanted your gadgets
Him:I’ve changed Lwa I’m not the same arrogant Neo you hated I guess I’ve
grown…I’m sorry for treating you horrible you didn’t deserve that
I could hear the seriousness and sincerity in his voice. I smiled closing my eyes
again I felt his lips on my forehead I opened my eyes and looked at him our eyes
locked but the stare was different I didn’t feel anything towards him no spark or tingly
kinda stuff nothing! But still our eyes locked. He placed his hand on my tummy and
chuckled afterwards
Him:That day I thought I had finally scored you were finally going to carry a heir
He whispered
Me:I’m not a baby maker machine Neo
I whispered back
Him:I know bu-…if only I wasn’t so stubborn and arrogant you would be the Mrs
Dlamini probably pregnant with our second child
Me:In your dreams!
I said laughing but he was on a serious mode
Him:But you were just as stubborn as I was it kinda sucked how you didn’t want me
anywhere near you while my heart was crying for you but I couldn’t force you into
something that’s how much I loved you…and I’m starting to realize those feelings
are-
Me:Neo please
Him:The more time I spend with you the more I regret marr-
Me:Please don’t say it you married her for a reason don’t let flings fool you
He came closer his eyes falling at my lips then eyes back and forth, I could feel his
warm breath on my lips I sank my head into the cushion backup a bit but he was still
close
Him:Lihle
He whispered before the door opened we both jumped to our feet making it aware
that we were up to something we shouldn’t have I crumbled but he quickly pulled me
by my waist Daigo’s eyes roamed around us I looked away moving out of Neo’s arm
he cleared his throat.
Him:Hey
DJ:Wha- forget it I came to check up on Lwa
Me:I’m okay I guess uhm I ne- nee- err go yes go
I walked to the bathroom and just paced around thank God it was not somebody else
at least DJ was a friend I don’t know if he hadn’t arrive what would have happened
but I knew one thing I wasn’t in love with Neo yes I liked him but in a friendly kind of
way. I took a deep breath and walked back to my station there he was waiting for me
Me:Can I help?
Him:Will you be available tonight?
I looked at him
Him:Uhm a boxing match will be taking place tonight
Me:And you want me to go with you?
Him:Yes please
Me:Like a date?
I was only teasing him the shock on his face made me break through with laughter
Him:No!! Just two friends going out
Me:Then take Neo
Him:I wanna take you and besides Shantel won’t agree to let Neo go so since you
the side dish come wi-
I interrupted him with a slap across the face I was no freaken side dish and never will
be! He held his cheek
Him:What the hell was that for?!
Me:Don’t fuck with me DJ I’m not his side dish!
Him:Okay sorry geez I guess its a no
Me:Yeah and so is our friendship
Him:Oh come on Lwa! I’m sorry terrible joke it won’t happen
Me:Damn right it won’t
I ignored him for the rest of the day until he came to my desk I wanted to chat with
him laugh and do the usual but I had to stand on my grounds he looked so serious
that it kinda scared me off a little
Him:Is Mr Dlamini free?
Me:Nope he’s out at the moment
He nodded and walked away but I stopped him
Me:Daigo
Him:Mr Jordaan to you
Me:Oh wow really DJ you just gonna go all professional on me? Anyway I wanted to
ask you a favor of taking me to Lukhanyo’s place cause he won’t be able to come
fetch me but its cool.
He just looked at me and walked away that kinda hurt me cause I was used to the
friendly warm hearted guy but I pushed it aside and started packing my stuff and
exited the building.
Him:Get in
I smiled his car was next to me I quickly got in
Me:Thanks
He kept his mouth shut I did the same I gave him direction to Lukhanyo’s house the
drive was quiet it was so uncomfortable we arrived
Me:Thanks
He nodded
Me:Daigo I’m sorry abo-
Him:I’m kinda in a hurry so please
He motioned me out
Me:But you called me a side dish and didn’t even mean your apology my side of the
story
Him:Then as your friend mind telling me what I walked into
I sighed and looked forward
Him:Exactly!
Me:Why do you even care?
Him:Because Lwa-…you’re a nice girl yet fragile people especially guys are gonna
take advantage of you knowing very well how fragile you are. Neo is a friend of mine
we’ve been friends since university I’m not bad mouthing him or anything but the guy
is married you’re gonna get hurt Lwa while he crawls back to his wife don’t let him
use you for his own benefits cause trust me you not gonna benefit anything but its
your life you do whatever you want but make wise choices that won’t cause you a
heartbreak or humiliation I’m only looking out for you Lwa and as I said I’m in a hurry
so please kindly get out of my car…
PART 86

That’s when our friendship started having holes I somehow started distancing myself
from him not because of what he said I also wasn’t going to date Neo and DJ was
fully aware of me distancing myself cause he never preyed he just backed away, its
nice to have someone like him in life someone who will tell you the truth and not be
fake but still some things are better unspoken. I made friend’s with a girl/lady I was
working with she was new so we became friends it kinda felt weird for me in some
ways cause I was used to being around males and she was ladylike nails hair all that
kinda stuff while I was laid back.
We left for lunch she was busy telling me more about herself. A franchising
restaurant near our work building was where we always went and today was no differ
we settled down.
Her:You’re awfully quiet today
I faked a smile
Me:My baby is leaving for the weekend her family whom are based out of town want
her to visit
Her:And you’re worried? I mean its her family after all and less stress for you
Me:You mean more stress I know its her family but she’s never been out of town to
them before just at her grandpa’s place…but I can’t deny them spending time with
her just like me its the only thing they have left of Jerome.
My voice failed me and trailed off
Her:Since she’s leaving take the boy to his daddy cause I’m taking you out
Me:I’d rather stay indoors and spend some quality time with him
She looked at me thereafter shook her head
Her:You’re too innocent you need to let your hair loose just because you have kids
doesn’t mean you can’t have fun
Me:I don’t even know the definition of fun my life has always been busy
Her:Thank God we’re friends you’re about to know!
She squealed seeming excited while I was in a dull mood after lunch we went back
to the office I did what I was paid to do, you know when you have a void inside of
you that needs to be filled but you don’t know by what/whom well that was me
something was missing. As I was waiting for Lukhanyo to come fetch me my mind
trailed off to Pamela maybe she was right I do behave like an old woman I need to
experience some things fun things of course a text came through Lukhanyo alerting
me of his arrival I walked to his car bumping into Pam on the way.
Me:Want a free ride?
Her:Who would say no to a free ride
We walked to the parking lot I took the front seat while she went at the back.
Me:Hey
Him:Hey take the back Sam is riding with us today
I got off and sat next to Pamela
Me:This is Pam a friend of mine
Him:Nice to meet you Pam
Her:Same here friend you never told me about your eye catching boyfriend
Me:His my brother
I said rolling my eyes we waited for Sam while they were chatting about random
things Samkelo appeared walking slowly with DJ I wanted to walk up to them have a
chat with my buddy but it was best we stay out of each others ways. Why? I also
don’t know
Sam:Hey guys
We greeted back
Luh:Finally!
Sam:Sis DJ is waiting for you
Me:For me?
Luh:For her?
Sam:That’s what I said
Luh:What does he want?
Sam:Why do you care? She may be our sister but she can do whatever she wants.
Lwa go we’ll fetch Layla
Sam was cool and calm his tone was in a friendly kinda way not to make anyone
angry Lukhanyo was about to answer when I jumped in
Me:No wait for me
I quickly stepped out and made my way to him he was leaning against his car shirt
sleeves rolled up exposing his tattoos.
Me:Hey
Him:Hey
We both kept quiet avoiding to look at each other
Him:You’re scarce
Me:Uhm yeah and so are you
We yet again kept quiet Lukhanyo hooted
Me:I gotta go
Him:Lwa wait…what’s going on? I mean between us am I losing my friend?
Me:I don’t know Daigo I really don’t
Him:But you the one distancing yourself from me…
Lukhanyo hooted again
Me:I gotta go
Him:Sorry for bothering you
I could hear the disappointment in his voice I walked to the car but stopped mid-way
and turned to him his eyes were still glued to my direction.
Me:Come by later we need to catch up
A smile crept on his face his eyes lighting up. My face automatically widen into a
smile, I sighed out loud looking relieved.
Him:I’ll defiantly be there thanks
I waved him goodbye and went back to impatient Lukhanyo I felt as if a burden has
been lifted off my shoulders it was than that it hit me hard I really missed his
presence in my life. Lukhanyo kept checking me out on the review mirror I avoided
meeting his eyes I wasn’t in the mood for his crazy statics.
Pam:How about tonight you take your boy to his father and tomorrow you bond
Me:Uhm tonight?
Pam:Yes! There’s this cool club I always go to or maybe we try something new, take
him then tomorrow you stay indoors.
Lukhanyo cleared his throat Sam chuckling in between
Me:I’ll check if the father is available then I’ll let you know
Pam:I’m not taking no for an answer
Luh:I don’t think the father will be available
Pam:Than she’ll have to lie big make a story up for him and Khanyo stop being
negative
Khanyo? Knows him for what 5 minutes and he’s already Khanyo if she only knew
she’s talking to the father
Me:If he’s not available and neither is my brother then I know for sure DJ won’t mind.
His jaw tighten I rolled my eyes I don’t know why he doesn’t like him. We started with
Pam then Sam he was going to his girlfriend’s place on our way to the day-care he
kept stealing glances
Him:You really going?
Me:Yep
Him:Have fun I guess
I revealed my brave smile making him smile too from Layla we went to my flat her
bags were already packed I packed for Luthando too we went to drop Layla off she
didn’t share a single tear Amy was there. Lukhanyo took me back to the flat leaving
with Luthando Zen was gonna spend the weekend at his place so at least he wasn’t
gonna be alone. Because I’ve never really gone out clubbing I didn’t have the
necessary stuff a little what-what number you know all that stuff I let Pam know but
her wanting me to go so bad she said she’ll figure something out.
After about 30 minutes it was just after 20:00 a knock came through knowing very
well Pam was going I didn’t ask I just open and there he was leaning against the
frame he smiled a short yet sweet smile I made way for him.
Him:Hey again
Me:Hi
We both sat down not knowing what to say next it was turing into awkwardness
Him:I’m sorry about what I said to you the Neo thing
Me:Don’t be you were just looking out for me
Him:Than why am I being avoided? You don’t even come to our sessions
Me:I’ve been busy
Him:You lying Lwa
I shut my eyes thinking of what to say next the door opened and in came Pam in a
short-revealing too much little number with a big black bag
Her:Hey DJ
Him:Pamela
Her:Go get ready
She handed the bag over
DJ:Going somewhere?
Pam:Yep we my friend are going clubbing
He looked at me with a disapproving look
DJ:I’m not your friend Pamela besides Lwa ain’t going we’re going out but we can
drop you off
He blurted out politely making me gasp Pam looked at me I looked away DJ got up
from his seat and made his way to the kitchen
Her:Please explain
Me:I don’t know what he’s talking about all I know is that I’m going out with you
Her:Than tell him
Voice:Tell me what?
Pam:She’s going out with me
Him:You see Pam she’s not that kind of person she’s different clubbing ain’t her
thing…will it be just the two of you?
Her:No my boyfriend and his friends will be with us
A shiver went down my spine he rapidly shook his head
Him:She’s not going definitely not going why are we even going back and forth about
this she’s not going finish and klaar.
PART 87

Not once did I regret not going I’d rather be boring than do what I’m not used to not
everything is for everyone why must I change myself to please people? I learned that
line from my wise buddy whom spent the night at my place on the couch. He refused
to leave mam’Nel was off, Sam was at his girl so I was basically alone that’s why he
didn’t wanna leave to be honest I didn’t mind he was great company he left the
following morning. Sam came back during the day while I was still busy with our
laundry he cleaned the house and cooked for us when I was done I joined him in bed
he was busy with his phone I snatched it.
Me:I miss you
Him:I’m right next to you
Me:I miss you Samkelo
He stared at me without saying anything his hand brushed my cheek thereafter
squeezed it
Him:What happened to us we used to be so close that aunt chased the both of us.
Me:We’ve grown I guess but I don’t want that if growing means we’re gonna part
ways than I want to be young forever
Him:Hey
He pulled me closer throwing his arm over me
Him:I’ll always be here our future spouses will just have to suck it up cause we are
not separating right?
My face lit up I could hear my heart singing “Joy To The World” I also threw my arm
over him. Lukhanyo is in my life because of his son as for Sam he’s around because
we’ve got no one but ourselves and most importantly we love each other. We
cuddled as we recalled our funny childhood memories we somehow kept quiet I
looked up at him he squeezed me and gave me a forehead kiss.
Him:I love you okay?
I nodded and inhale his scent
Me:I’m tired
Him:Than sleep I’m gonna sing for you the song I used to sing still remember it?
I chuckled as I nodded and rested my head so I may fall asleep comfortably.
Me:Don’t you sometimes wonder how our mother looked like?
He cleared his throat
Him:I do but from what I’ve heard we have her features that’s why we look alike
Me:And how does Mr Mbenge look?
Him:Like father like son I guess Lukhanyo is a resemblance of his father, why don’t
you go visit him?
Me:And say what? Hi I’m Lwa your daughter who has a son with YOUR son its
fucked up and disgusting
Him:Than when are you divorcing him Lwa? Cause you’re still stuck with each other
its like the both of you are waiting to be told that its a joke you aren’t related
Me:We’ve never talked about that I’ve never even thought about it I don’t know but I
know I have to untie myself as you can see he has moved on
Him:And you? Have you moved on?
Me:That’s the last thing on my mind
Him:I found a mans watch on the sofa
Me:Oh its probably DJ’s watch he slept over last night. You know I’ve never had a
friend like him before he just understands me like he gets into my head he even
knows when I’m lying!
Him:Really? I hope you’ll remain just friends cause he’s best friend is Neo and
you’ve been with him so don’t want you doing friends
Me:Don’t worry we know where we stand with each other
He squeezed me and started singing as I was getting drowsy a knock came through
I removed myself from him and let him attend the door. I listened carefully to the
voices and it was his girl oh wow great timing as I’m bonding with my brother! I fell
asleep.
I was woken up by my ringing phone I grabbed it in frustration I hate it when I’m
woken up from a peaceful sleep.
Me:What?!
Voice:Open the door and stop being rude
I started in the bathroom rinse my mouth and attended the door
Me:Hey
Him:You look horrible
Me:I’ve been worse
Him:You alone again?
I nodded
Him:Take a bath I’m taking you out and I’m not taking no for an answer
I dragged myself to the bathroom I knew better than to argue with him Sam left me a
note stating that his out with his girl oh well I got dressed and went to the lounge.
Him:Finally!
Me:Haha very funny
He stood up and checked me out me
Him:You look…uhm good
Me:Thanks I guess
He took my hand he was wearing a black golf shirt I wanted to ask about his tattoos
but something was stopping me he was Michael from Prison Breaker. We got to his
car quiet as ever but it wasn’t awkward
Him:Let’s go to a place we’ve never been before
I simply nodded my mind was occupied I was now missing my babies the drive was
pretty much longer than I thought it would be. We stopped at a soccer field it looked
like a match was still on we both got out
Him:We taking a walk but we have to memorize this spot I’ve never been here before
We took a walk holding hands
Me:You know me but I don’t know you
Him:Well you know I’m Daigo Jordaan but most people call me DJ I was raised by
my grandparents my mother dumped me at her parents and ran off to her boyfriend
she came back to dumped my little sister then left again.
Me:Is she still around?
Him:Yep but we don’t connect I don’t hate her but something is just off-ish between
us, she’s living with my grandparents and my little sister.
Me:How old is she? Your little sister
Him:17 she’s a lot like her mother ratchet I tried fixing her but she’s too much what
makes me mad is that she’s stressing my grands. My granddad made me fall in love
with boxing he always took me to matches and my grandma taught me how to treat a
lady.
He looked at me with a goofy smile raising his eyebrows I rolled my eyes yeah he did
know how to make one feel special I looked up her heels were clicking as the two of
them held hands giggle in joy, I let go of Daigo’s hand as I felt my chest closing in
tears tackling my eyes I moved backwards they were heading to a white citi golf.
Him:Are you okay?
I looked at him than back at them
Me:Its- its-
Him:That’s Pamela
I shook my head rapidly
Me:Its him…he was there…Daigo I’m sca-
He held my arms and looked me in the eye
Him:Take deep breath you not making any sense
Me:He is one of the guys that raped me!
I blurted out he let go of my arms I could see the changes happening to him he
stormed off to them I ran after him and held his arm pulling away.
Me:Please please DJ
Tears were running down my cheeks I pushed him backwards
Me:Please let it go
He tighten his jaws I couldn’t let him go there we weren’t familiar to our surroundings
what if that guys friends come and do some damage hurt him badly I couldn’t let that
happen and I’m sure they were gonna hurt him because he wasn’t their race nor was
he mine.
Voice:Lwa!
It was Pam
Me:Let’s get out of here
He pulled into his embrace squeezing me in the process I could hear him taking
deep breaths I sobbed even louder I could hear her clicking heels coming. Daigo let
go of me holding my face
Him:You breaking me
He said wiping off my tears he snaked his hand behind my neck and thereafter did
the unexpected. He smashed his lips onto mine I literally froze with my arms hanging
on each side of my body it was only a perk but a long one. He removed his lips only
to bring them back but this time around it was short.
Him:Let’s get out of here
Voice:Lwa!
She was right next to us I was dumbfounded I slowly turned to her but my eyes met
with my rapist.
PART 88

I’ve never been to an ice land before and it doesn’t snow where I’m based but I
experienced the coldness in his eyes I searched for guilt and regret but I found none.
He tucked his lower black lip in between his teeth he had this irritating smug on I
wanted to wipe it off and drag it on the floor but I knew better then to do so. My heart
and mind were screaming “Run” but my body failed me and stepped forward his
smug disappeared as I was now in front of him, he was smoking he inhaled the
cigarette and exhaled in my face. By the scent I could tell it was DJ he wrapped his
arms around my waist and pulled me away from that rubbish he let go of me and
punched him in the face then it was my turn to pull him.
Pam:DJ! Are you fucken crazy?! Baby are you okay?
Her_Man:I’m okay babe don’t worry
His nose was bleeding and I was like “YES!”
Me:Are you nuts?
DJ:He deserves that and much more
He groaned through his teeth I held onto him trying my best to calm him down.
Pam:Look what you have done?! Stupid coloured!
Me:Excuse me?
Pam:Look what he has done! Can you believe it!
I looked at DJ his eyes were on this idiot who was in our presence I clenched his
shirt getting closer to him.
Me:Please do it for me
He looked at me and chuckled
Pam:Lwa seeing that we didn’t go out last night how about we go tonight? My
boyfriend and his friends are having a get-together at least you’ll have fun with us
and not with this idiot you’re standing with.
Me:Uh-
DJ:Get it through your thick skull that’s covered in that fake plastic weave SHE’S
NOT GOING.
Pam:That’s not for you to decide what are you her boyfriend?
Daigo looked at me like he was seeking for approval my heart rate increased I
quickly removed my eyes from him.
Me:I’d love to go out with you but I’m afraid that your boyfriend and his friend will
repeat what they did.
I said that looking straight in his eyes he had no regret he was the devil himself but
me looking away will mean I’m scared and he has the upper hand. I pulled Daigo to
the direction we came from leaving Pam dumbfound with her rapist of a boyfriend, he
threw his arm over my shoulder
Him:Are you okay?
I nodded
Him:Still don’t wanna report them?
Me:We don’t have proof it will be my word against theirs
We were now near the car he stopped and stood in front of me placing his hands on
my shoulders
Him:We have proof you were in hospital remember? Lwa we have all the proof we
need.
I took a deep breath and walked to the car I wasn’t ready for court cases what
happens if they hunt me down while trial is taking place and finish me off?
We both got in and went straight to my place I was quiet the whole journey I think he
understood cause he didn’t once disturb me. He parked in front of the flats I was
about to exit when he held my wrist
Him:Talk to me
Me:I have nothing to say
Him:Share your thoughts I can see you have a lot on your mind
I looked at him
Me:Maybe some other time
He sighed and turned his body to face me
Him:I’m sorry about earlier but I don’t regret it
Me:Daigo pleas-
Him:You don’t have to say anything I know you want nothing but friendship and
that’s how its gonna be
Me:Thank you
Him:Friends?
Me:Best friends
We did a hand shake laughing in between than he became serious and I became
scared
Him:I promise to never cross the line again I respect you and don’t wanna lose you
because of my idiotic ways…but can I taste them for the last time please
I yet again froze my temperature started increasing I was feeling hot inside I
swallowed hard he was dead serious
Me:Real friends don’t smooch each other
Him:I know that but-…please
He turned my head to face him he invaded my eyes I could tell he was in my head I
wanted to remove my eyes from him but I couldn’t I was honestly stuck
Him:Just this once
He whispered coming closer my body yet again failed me it freaken sold me off I met
him halfway with my eyes rolling back, I could feel his warm breath hitting my face
with his hand around the back of my neck I opened my eyes and found him just
staring at me.
Him:May I?
Inside my head I was like “No” but my head did the opposite and nodded
Him:Say it
I swallowed while searching for words to use he was just too close
Me:Ye-…ye- yes
He brought me even more closer and invaded my lips it wasn’t a perk like before he
started off sucking my lower lip and then our tongues danced and teeth clicked as
we found our rhythm. After a while I slowly pushed him away only to be brought even
me closer making our bodies one he held on tight with so much passion that I even
wanted to break down and cry we were still in each others mouths it was longer way
longer then it was suppose to be, I pushed him again removing my lips from his and
this time I succeeded. I quickly opened the door and left him there I could feel tears
building up my flat’s door was open I got in it was partners they all looked in love.
Me:Hey
They greeted back
Sam:Sis you okay?
I nodded rapidly but immediately regretted it cause tears went down why I was
crying? I also don’t know. Sam got up and came to me
Neo:Lihle what’s wrong?
I buried myself in Sam’s chest and sobbed out loud I was being dramatic but
something happened in that kiss something unexplainable.
PART 89

Sam had his arms wrapped around my frame rocking back and forth I felt like a child
on my brother’s lap I was already calm but he wouldn’t let go of his little sister we
were now in my room on my bed which was already occupied by my son. My mind
was already going wild thinking of lies to utter to Sam when he asks me the basic
question I couldn’t tell him about the kiss I wasn’t ready to face the disappointment
on his face I might have agreed but it was a mistake a very stupid mistake I was
planning on never allowing again. Man/boys talk they share stuff like us ladies
seeing that Neo and Daigo are best friends means DJ knows about me and Neo the
incident that took place in the hospital room…what if they planned it planned me! I’d
be really stupid and naïve to think I stand a chance with DJ that we’d have
something special something concrete can imagine Neo telling him to go try for
himself.
I removed myself from Sam’s embrace and tucked in next to Luthando he was slowly
turing into his father the nose, his eyes, ears 1st Layla looking like Jerome now
Luthando having his dads features more then mine.
Sam:Sis
His voice was broken I sat up straight to face him the facial expression I got broke
my heart I pulled him into a hug and held on tight clenching on him. He is my all I’d
die for Samkelo
Me:Talk to me
Him:I hate seeing you down I hate seeing tears on your face
He let got and held my face
Him:Lwandlelihle I hate seeing you hurt
Me:I’m okay Sam
Him:Then why were you crying?
I removed his hands and walked to the window looking outside
Me:I saw one of my- one of the guys that had their way with me
In quick movement he was next to me
Him:What?!
I nodded I felt terrible about lying to him but I wasn’t completely lying I did see the
guy
Him:Where? Did he see you? Did he co-
Me:Hey slow down Daigo was there he punched him. He didn’t do anything…can we
not talk about it please
He nodded and held me tightly whispering words into my ear he backed out a bit
planting a kiss on my forehead.
Him:I’m here for you okay? I need to call DJ over
Me:Don’t! I mean uhm you can talk to him on Monday
He nodded without noticing I was actually avoiding DJ or he pretended not to notice.
I switched off my phone just in case he calls I wasn’t ready to face him not after the
out-of-this-world kiss he gave me.
Layla came back late Sunday with a burned mark on her upper arm I was beyond
furious I wrote them a long message telling them they’ll never have her again it was
small but still she was burned by a hot coffee in their presence “We were watching
television and she was on the floor she grabbed it on the table” that’s what they said
I get it mistakes happen but still my baby got burned I am a mother I have to
overreact when it comes to my kids.
Monday morning a car hooted I ignored it mam’Nel was already in and Lukhanyo
hadn’t arrive yet I was pacing up and down nervous like never before I hadn’t talk to
DJ since saturday in his car, Layla wasn’t attending I wanted her to be at home what
if other kids hurt her burned spot? I couldn’t take that risk. A knock came through I
looked at mam’Nel I was a bit confused cause Lukhanyo doesn’t knock I went for the
door only to find Pam
Me:Uhm morning
Her:Come we’re waiting for you today you the one who’s riding for free
I faked a smile confused as ever
Me:Who’s we?
Her:Hello ma
Ma:Good morning child
Her:Me and my boyfriend
Me:No! No no no I’m not riding with that monster
She gave me confused look
Her:Girl I’m talking about my side nigga not the one I was with saturday. That jerk is
cheating on me but I have my ways
I sighed in relief she quickly took my bag
Her:Kiss your kids goodbye we’re gonna be late
I hesitantly did as told and walked out with her to the car it wasn’t the citi golf she
jumped in while I opened the door to 1st see the driver. It wasn’t him this one looked
decent with glasses and all. I got in and greeted he greeted back and focused on the
road Pam handed me my bag the drive was filled with them playing lovey-dovey like
I wasn’t there. He stopped in front of our building
Me:Thanks for the ride
Him:Pleasure all mine ma’am
Me:You’re making me old call me Lwa short for Lwandle
Pam:How come little Mr D calls you Lihle
I rolled my eyes I heard the guy chuckle
Me:Full name is Lwandlelihle he takes the last part but the only person who calls me
that is my brother Samkelo. Bye
I quickly got off I wanted no questions after that I went straight to my floor, I was late
I had totally for got about the early meeting I quickly got in Neo’s office it was him,
some loser and DJ.
I flushed as my eyes met his a smile crept on his face as always but it quickly faded
as he became serious again.
Neo:You’re late
Me:I’m sorry
Loser:The meeting has been on for the past 45 minutes this is so unprofessional
Me:I said I’m sorry
Loser:Sorry won’t ma-
DJ:Dude you’re over reacting
Loser:No she ne-
Me:I said I’m freaken sorry!!
I tossed the papers to him well in his face and got out of there grabbing my bag on
the way I left the place and went straight home I didn’t care lose my job or not I just
didn’t care. My heart was arching for the unknown I just wanted to get under my
covers and cry myself to sleep I was vulnerable I received a text as I got in it was
from Pam
Her:You said monster why?
I ignored it she should ask him not me mam’Nel was busy feeding Luthando
Her:You’re back!?
Me:I wasn’t feeling well can I feed him myself
Her:I’m already done her feed Layla
I nodded you see now this was gonna be a mission Layla always wants to feed
herself she wants to be in control I went to fetch her porridge
Me:Come baby
She came forward I placed her next to me as I was about to feed her she refused I
let her be and gave it to her.
My phone started ringing it was DJ followed by Sam then Neo I ignored all calls DJ
got over board and sent various texts
1st-Are you okay?
2nd-Where are you?
3rd-Please pick up I’m getting worried
4th-Okay I’m coming to your place
5th-Lwa please
I deleted them all after reading I had some questions to ask him he was too good to
be true unless he was on a mission him being so good to me was just a cover.
PART 90

There he was right in front of my sight furious at me as he paced around in my

presence while I stood there like a pole he had stormed into my flat only to be
shouted at by mam’Nel she was not impressed by his behavior one of the reasons
she didn’t want me to walk him out. I respect her she was like a parent to me and her
opinion mattered but I couldn’t agree with her not wanting me to walk him out I
yearned to hear what he had to say. We were near his car his tie was loose he was
in his shirt with rolled up sleeves yet again showing off his tattoos another reason
mam’Nel didn’t approve of him but he was my friend close to being best friend
Him:Why? Huh? Why don’t you ever put other peoples feelings 1st I was worried
Lwa we all were you just stormed out in the middle of a meeting
My head slowly bowed down as he paced around I was busy fiddling with my fingers
DJ was over reacting. Okay I get it I have a record I can’t just ignore them while they
don’t know my whereabouts but sometimes they become too much. He stopped and
held my shoulders I winched
Him: Are you okay?
Me:What do you want from me?
Those words ran out of my mouth without putting thought into them he let go of my
shoulders but he was still in front of me
Him:Excuse me
Me:Uhm what I mean is what do you want from me? Why are you in my life?
Him:I want you
In shock I quickly raised my head meeting his gaze I blinked uncontrollable he
looked away
Him:What I meant was I want friendship I want my friend I’m in your life because I
care Lwa I feel protective over you
I swallowed hard as he turned to face me I faked a smile
Him:No one is forcing you to smile
I smiled a real genuine smile pulling him into a hug I held on tight as he did the same
I was relieved he didn’t want more. I pushed him away
Me:I miss my buddy
Him:I’m right here can we please get out of here before mam’Nel comes and fetch
you I wanna spend the rest of the day with you seeing that we’re both getting
warnings
Me:What?
Him:What? You think you storming out won’t have consequences? Think again Neo
is professional
Me:Like he was when he tried to kiss me
I mumbled as I made my way to his car leaving him behind we both got in and drove
off he was now quiet. He went straight to his place I didn’t wanna stay indoors but I
trusted him not to do anything stupid as always his place was a mess he didn’t seem
to mind though. We started cleaning the place the only sound was from the songs
playing in the background they were low but you could still hear them we got done.
He started cooking
Me:Can I help?
He shook his head
Me:You sure?
He nodded
Me:I don’t get you sometimes you just switch off
He looked at me I surrendered and went back to the lounge after merely few minutes
I heard his footsteps
Him:What’s going on between you and Neo?
I say up straight giving him a confused look
Him:My question is clear
Me:Nothing
Him:Are you sure?
Me:Of course!
He walked over to me and knelt in front of me I could feel my stomach’s temperature
turn
Him:Look I’m just asking what I walked into that day didn’t look like nothing and the
way he looks at you Lwa it makes me sick!
He stood up
Him:Like you’re some piece of meat and he wants to chow you
Me:Why are you saying all these things Neo is your friend
Him:I know but y-… never mind you’re right I shouldn’t
He walked to the kitchen but halfway I stopped him holding his shoulder
Me:What’s going on? you’re acting strange
He turned and looked at me
Him:I can’t get you out of my head I can’t get our kiss out of my head I wanna do it
again so badly I wannna hold you in my arms and never let go I think I’m falling for
you but I know you don’t feel the same you want friendship… I think its best we stay
away from each other I can’t give you what you want I’m sorry Lwa but I just can’t
I moved backwards trying to digest what he just said I shook my head as tears
started creeping into my eyes I had a smile on my face but it wasn’t real
Me:You joking right?
He didn’t answer me but his expression did he was dead serious I didn’t wanna lose
him nor could I force him to stay in my life. He was the only person who understood
me who calm me down lifted up my spirit I quickly wiped my tears
Me:I’m such a cry baby
I took a deep breath
Me:Okay I hear you I understand can you please take me home
I didn’t understand! I didn’t want to understand Daigo I wanted him around I needed
him! He nodded and quickly grabbed his car keys we walked to his car I was beyond
broken I had to toughen up I didn’t want him to see how much he actually meant to
me its like I had known him my whole life. The drive back to my place was long and
awfully quiet he parked his car
Me:Thanks I guess I’ll see you around
He nodded I opened the door
Him:Hug?
In my head I was like just grab me and kiss the daylights out of me just man up DJ
and have your way!
I looked at him I wanted to pull him in and squeeze the life out of him but…
Me:I don’t think that’s a good idea. Bye
I stepped out and walked to my flat it felt like I was dumped well I don’t know how it
feels but the point is it hurt like hell. I didn’t understand his actions he was suppose
to be my best friend I trusted him more than anything I expected more from him but
he let got of me making me crush into the dust.
PART 91

I have to admit I’m the dumbest girl ever my mind is slow and I have pride all those
mixed together make me stupid, dumb, an idiot you name it I always mess up and
then hide behind tears Daigo once said “when life gets tough get tougher” but I can’t
seem to do that I’m just too fragile weak is the best word to describe me. We ignored
each other for the rest of the week from my side it was hard and awkward I couldn’t
do it and he knew it I think, we’d stare at each other for the longest time ever and
every time that happened I got lost in his eyes it was clear as daylight we felt the
same but..but..I have no excuse to why we didn’t get together. Him and Neo were
back to being close like the best friends they were speaking of Neo he never made
me sign a written warning because I lied about Layla’s burnt mark I used it as an
excuse so I never got it. Lukhanyo was back in life not like boyfriend/husband but as
a close brother always there while Sam cruised away with his chick, Lukhanyo would
come early and leave really late sometimes sleep over as my brother of course.
It was lunch Pam and myself weren’t gonna go out we had made lunch boxes I took
my stuff and went to her floor I waited for the elevator it open I got in
Voice:Hold it!
I did as told it was Neo and his friend they both got in
Neo:Thanks
I faked a smile as I gave him a nod DJ shook his head but I ignored him I hated how
he could see right through me
Neo:Why don’t you join us
Me:No thanks I’m having lunch with Pam
Him:So? Bring her along tell her the boss is paying
He said as he threw his arm over my shoulder my eyes met DJ’s he shook his head
again he was now pissing me off
Neo:So? You coming?
Me:Tha-
Him:I’m not taking no for an answer
The elevator open he ran out calling out Pam’s name he turned
Him:Find you at the parking lot
It closed perfect! Just perfect! We kept quiet as it took us down. We all left with Neo’s
car he and Pam did most of the talking whilst we were awfully quiet we behaved like
kids childish! we went to some place Pam directed us it was a “chillas” place we’ve
never been there except Pamela we all sat down and ordered what they served.
Pam:What’s up with the two of you? Trouble in paradise?
Us:No
We said in union
Her:Well it doesn’t look like it fix whatever problem you have you two look cute
together
Neo:They aren’t together
Her:They broke up? Oh my word why? What happened?!
Neo:They weren’t dating
Her:But the kiss? Mr D you are in the dark
They were discussing us like we weren’t there my eyes met his I touched my lips as
he licked his in my head I was recalling the kiss in the car and I could tell he was
doing the same.
Neo:Lwa
Me:Mhmm
Him:Your food is getting cold
My phone rang it was my big brother
Me:Luh
Him:That witch is back in our lives its like she’s determine to take my son from us I
just wanna strangle her
Me:Then do it! I’m giving you my blessings strangle her
He cracked up in laughter at least that was calming him down
Him:I don’t wanna lose my son Lwa
Me:Our son and we weren’t gonna lose him well that’s if we do everything right
Him:You’re right let me be positive where are you its a bit noisy?
Me:Out for lunch talk later okay?
Him:Bye
I hung up and dug into my food I could feel their gazes on me I wasn’t planning on
looking up I wasn’t even in the mood for them. After lunch we all went back to work
my day was just dull I missed my bed I just wanted to get rid of my feelings all
emotions after work Pam and myself went to the bus stop I was waiting for Lukhanyo
she was waiting for her man which one? I also didn’t know she had about 3 guys
how she did it? no idea my worst nightmare happened her jerk of a boyfriend
stopped in front of us.
Pam:I know you hate him I’m sorry for not telling you he’s picking me up
I nodded as I felt tears filling up my eyes I was terrified it was worst then before
Her:I’m sorry Lwa
I nodded again and this time they went down she gave me a hug my eyes fell on
him, he had a smirk on his face he was also looking at me with hungry eyes. He did
the unexpected and winked at me I wanted to scream and run away I was freaking
out I quickly let go of Pam
Me:Please go get him out of here
Her:Promise to tell me what he did?
I nodded she air kissed me and got in
Him:Why don’t we dro-
Her:Just drive
They left me there filled with tears I tried my best to contain them but I couldn’t…
Once in a while we all make stupid decisions those we instantly regret after making
I’m no saint nor do I know the future I’m fragile I find it hard to trust people I can’t just
give my heart away what if he doesn’t take care of it? what if he uses knives instead
of flowers? What if he doesn’t cherish it? Being scared to give it away is absolutely
and totally normal I was tired of heartbreaks but this time around I was causing it to
myself. I couldn’t even sit in one place I was just pacing around with my phone in my
hands I had written him several texts but deleted them all before I could press the
send button I couldn’t do it my pride was too high.
Ma:I said nappy not bottle
She attentively looked at me I faked a smile and went to fetch the nappy my mind
was all over the place I found it and gave it to her
Her:What’s bothering you child?
I looked down
Her:You can tell me anything
She patted the space besides her I snuggled myself in
Me:Its Daigo ma
Her:The young man that has ink?
I chuckled as I nodded
Her:He is scares what did he do? So I can sort him out
I giggled
Me:He didn’t do anything ma absolutely nothing I’m the stupid one my pride is too
high I’m scared ma. I’m confused my feelings are confusing me
I said in one breath and sighed afterwards she held my hand for reassurance
Her:My child I don’t know how you youngsters do things but the best thing to do is to
follow your heart even if you get hurt at least you’ll know you tried and gave your all
you won’t be at fault your partner will be.
I looked at her
Me:So I must let him know how I feel?
Her:That’s up to you rather be sorry then wonder but Lwa don’t go into something
you’re not sure about something you see won’t go anywhere. You have kids always
put them 1st if he really loves you then he’ll love your kids too I’m not saying get into
a relationship nor am I say don’t child you still need to heal but if and when you’re
ready you’ll know.
I threw my arms around her pulling her into my embrace with a squeeze
Me:Thank you ma thank you for being a mother to me I really appreciate it.
Her:Its okay sisi
I let go of her with a smile on my face I needed that I quickly sent him a text asking
him to come asap I was already in pajamas and I wasn’t planning on getting out of
them.
I was turning into something I myself couldn’t recognize I was losing myself in
between the lines the sweet innocent girl I used to be was gone the one that obeyed
everything and everyone was vanished the troubles we face in life changes us and I
was one of them. DJ’s text came through
Me:I’ll be right back ma
She nodded I quickly walked out my brothers and Layla were out to get us dinner I
was lazy to cook we all were. On my way to him I had doubts I wanted to run back to
the flat and tell him to go home but then again…
He stood there with his arms crossed leaning against his car I swallowed hard and
walked up to him it was now or never. I got to him and stood in front of him without
uttering a single word we just stared at each other I couldn’t find it in me to tell him
how I felt instead I moved closer to him making sure our bodies brush against each
other you see now that took a lot of guts.
Him:Wha- wh
I moved my head forward his eyes fell on my lips which were partly open he looked
back into my eyes then at my lips I could see how tempted he was it was written all
over his face.
Me:Its hard meet me halfwa-
He smashed his lips onto mine and joy to the world started playing figuratively of
course his hand crept around my neck the other one pulling me even more closer I
threw my arms around his neck as he let go of mine. In his lips I went to visit where
my mom was which is heaven I could feel the waves in my stomach I had doves
instead of butterflies I gently pushed him but he didn’t wanna let go I removed my
lips as he bit the lower lip
Him:Why did you do that?
I shyly shook my head looking down in a single movement I was the one against the
car and he was right in front of me.
Him:What’s this?
I shrugged
Him:Then why did you kiss me? Why am I here?
I looked away as thoughts ran wild in my head why was he there? I turned to face
him only to be welcomed by his lips. I moved my head backwards
Him:Babe
He was against my cheek his warm breath giving me goose bumps and I
Lwandlelihle was now babe the sensation that word gave me is out of this world I
wanted to jump up and down and scream to the world that DJ called me babe. I
smiled facing him
Him:Talk to me please
I cleared my throat
Me:I think I feel something for you
Him:You think?
Me:I know I do but its all confusing its overwhelming I’ve never felt like this before.
Yes with Jerome but with you its different that I myself can’t even explain it please
don’t leave me I can’t afford to lose you Daigo
I pushed him away as I turned my back on him facing the car because I was getting
all emotional I really couldn’t afford to lose him. He snaked his arms around my waist
planting a kiss on my shoulder
Him:I’m not going anywhere but I don’t want to be your friend well I still do but I also
want more
He turned me around
Him:I’m not good with words well I ain’t romantic so I’m just gonna say it. Please be
my girl..no woman yes woman be mine plea-
I cracked in laughter he joined in I’ve never seen him so nervous before it looked
kinda cute but…was I really ready for a relationship? Was I confusing what I felt
towards him as love? Yes I wanted him in my life but as what? My friend or lover
PART 92

The following morning was a blast I could feel it in my veins that it was gonna be an
awesome day ahead I was humming songs I couldn’t recall swinging my hips left and
right my heart was at ease and so was my soul everything was in place well it felt
like it. I stood in front of the mirror checking out my reflection I had this wide smile on
my face my cheeks were even starting to hurt I traced my fingers down the sides of
my neck his fingertips from last night were visible I chuckled as I recalled the
memories blushing in between I hid my face like someone was watching
Me:Get over yourself
I said to myself trying to compose myself but I couldn’t I tucked my lip in between my
teeth my phone disturbed me from my crazy self his name appeared from the screen
I quickly grabbed it
Me:Hey
It went quiet from the other side
Me:Daigo?
Him:I’m here
Me:Oh
Him:Yeah
Weird!
Me:You called
Him:I wanted to hear your voice uhm babe can you please ride with me to work
I giggled
Me:Of course
Him:I’m almost there
Me:Okay let me finish me up then
We both hung up I threw myself on the bed feeling all flushed up last night oh Lord
last night I turned my body sinking my face in the pillow
Voice:Lwa
I jumped up trying to ac normal it was Sam
Him:Lukhanyo is here let’s go
Me:I’m riding with Daigo
Him:Okay see you later
I nodded he came forward and planted a kiss on my cheek his footsteps faded as he
left the room I quickly gathered my stuff and went to the lounge mam’Nel was
already there I sat with my kids just passing time he called to inform his arrival.
Me:Layla let’s go ma I’m leaving!
She was in the room I quickly kissed Luthando and left with Layla
Me:Hey
He kissed my cheek
Him:Hey
Me:Can you please drop her off
Him:Of course hey Lay
She nodded the drive was quiet we’d steal glances at each other I felt like a teenager
I was whipped! We dropped her off and went to work he parked the car and pulled
me to him smooch-ing me like never before making me dizzy. I gently pushed him
and got out he came to my side wrapping his arm around my waist as we walked in
Him:You look beautiful as always
He whispered in my ear
Me:I know right
Him:Someone’s full of themselves
Me:Hey!
Him:I’m joking
We got into the elevator which was full by other colleagues he still had his arm
wrapped around my waist he came closer my ear
Him:Stop biting your lip I won’t be able to control myself I’ll just have to kiss you in
front of these snobs
I giggled drawing eyes to us those people were too serious I slowly got out of his grip
as it got near our floor
Him:See you at lunch
Me:I’ll be with Pam
Him:Bu- never mind
We all did what we were paid to do things were a bit hectic Neo was once again
failing to fill the “big shoes” of his father whom I haven’t seen ever since I became his
PA not once has he visited while retired. At lunch I went to Pam and all roads led to
the franchising restaurant she wasn’t her usual self she was rather quiet for my liking
she’s normally loud and happy.
Me:Are you okay?
Her:Yeah and those finger marks?
Me:What ma-
Her:Don’t lie to me I can see them
I looked down smiling a bit okay it was a wide smile
Her:Out with it
Me:Never kiss and tell
Her:That’s bull! Out with it who’s the guy? You and DJ fixed things? Oh my word!
Me:Slow down!
Her:I wanna hear everything
Me:I’m not telling you everything just that we’re going out
Her:You are so boring tell me about the marks
Me:That’s him he was holding me
Her:More like digging
She had this big smile on her face like she was dull a few minutes ago
Her:You know I don’t like him and its vise verse but the two of you look cute together
and it looks like he makes you happy. But if he hurt in any kinda way tell me Imma
show him how we ghetto girl do it
I fired up in laughter intruding her to join in she was serious though and I really
appreciated it knowing that a female had my back. She held my hand
Her:Last night something went down I had a fight with Mzi my boyfriend well
ex…what did he do to you? Why are you so afraid of him? Please tell me I asked
him the answer I got was..was me getting beaten up
I froze with my eyes popped she faked a smile
Me:Pamela!
Her:Don’t worry I’m used to it Lwa its been happening for the past 4 years so its cool
but you being my friend and afraid of him makes me curious
I swallowed I for one was in no place to judge an abusive relationship I was there I
know how it feels being weak and unable to fight back
Me:Why don’t you leave him?
I managed to say through my shock and emotions I’m such a cry baby imagine 4
freaken years!
Her:Oh that’s useless honey I’ve done that a thousand times only to be back in his
bed unwilling
Me:At least you have your freedom why don’t you just leave or report him
Her:So his friends may come for me! Never! I don’t want more scars but I’m used to
it so its cool and I kinda like him we have our special moments
Me:Okay
It was clear that my words were gonna fall on deaf ears so I wasn’t gonna waist my
breath on something that has been happening for the past 4 years.
Her:Please tell me Lwa I can’t get it out of my mind seeing you cry like that…it got to
me
Me:I’ll tell everything but not now nor today please understand
She nodded and concentrated on her food she looked up o me with a smile
Her:Still not telling me about those marks
Me:Yes!
Her:So you telling?
Me:No! Let go
We shared a laughter and talked about other unimportant things after lunch we went
back to work it was normality everything that happened was. After 5 my man came to
fetch me I threw my arms around his neck and perked his lips
Me:I missed you
Him:And I missed you shall we
I nodded we stared at each other smiling
Me:Let’s go
Him:Let go of me
Me:You too
We were still in each others arms he perked my lips and let go of my waist he too my
bag and motioned me the way. My mind played tricks on my DJ was too good to be
true I had to find out more about him we walked to the parking lot I don’t know how
or what he did but his wallet ended up on the floor in front of my feet I bend down to
pick it up it was flipped open there was a picture of a woman and child a girl I slowly
raised my head to meet his gaze he looked away..
PART 93

I froze in shock with our eyes locked in a cage my insides dividing into pieces he
moved closer and went down into my level his hands touching my already occupied
hands. He took his wallet from me and quickly got up to his feet pulling me up with
him I watched as the wallet disappeared into his pocket I wanted pardon me I
needed an explanation there had to be one Daigo would never do that to me right or
would he?
He stared at me with his lip tucked between his teeth his eyes were glowing his face
formed in a smile he came near passing my face all the way to me ear
Him:You look so beautiful when miserable the changes your eyes make are out of
this world
He whispered into my ears before taking my hand and opening the door for me I
snuggled in still in shock I watched him as he went to his side.
Him:You know I feel strongly towards you right?
I slowly turned my head to meet his gaze I wanted to nod or better yet say yes but I
couldn’t he fiddled with his hands in his pocket and came out with his wallet placing it
on my lap
Him:The girl has my features but take a good look at the woman then back at me
I did as told the girl really had his features her nose I could feel the pit of my stomach
wiggle I pushed the thoughts that he might have a child out of my head as my eyes
traveled to the woman in embarrassment I handed over the wallet he held my hand
tightly
Him:Never doubt me again that woman is my mother ages back when Monique was
still alive Monique is the girl that’s my little deceased sister
Me:I’m sorry
I said looking down
Him:Its okay I should have told you about her just that…its still hard
Me:What happened?
Him:She went missing for 2 days then on the 3rd we found her dead near some filthy
place uhm babe you have to trust me yeah we gonna have ups and downs that’s
totally normal but I’m your man yours only you not sharing me with no one. Besides
I’m too old for playing around
Me:Too old? Seriously?
Him:Yes!
He was laughing in between I was now at ease but my heart ached for his sister I
controlled my curiosity by not asking more question on his sister it was clear he
didn’t wanna talk about it. I told him to start with Layla cause I knew they wouldn’t
fetch her we drove in a random chit chat until the kindergarten I went in she ran to
me the minute she saw me I leveled with her
Me:Hey princess
She giggled her “teacher” came to me
Her:How are you Mrs Mbenge
Me:Please call me Lwandle
Her:Okay Mrs I mean Lwandle we were looking into our book and have noticed that
you haven’t paid for 2 months
Me:What?! But how?
She gave me a look okay that was stupid to ask but still how? I was sure I was
paying
Me:Please give me until month end I’ll be able to pay then
Her:You do know it will be triple right
Me:Uhm yeah I know thanks for informing me and I’m really sorry
Her:Its okay
We bid goodbyes and left with my girl I safely place her in the back making sure her
seat belt was buckled up while she played a mysterious imaginary game I joined
Daigo
Him:You okay?
Me:Yep just tired
Him:You’re such a bad liar but I’m gonna let it pass
I faked a smile but quickly removed it avoiding him saying I’m faking it this time
around the drive was quiet with only Layla talking showing me how old she was
clapping her hands . I sat there looking back on my life I Lwandle was married had 2
kids nothing wrong with that right? But the problem starts at my age then comes the
different fathers and last the brother saga, sometimes life doesn’t go the way we plan
my plans started when Jerome appeared in my life then dead with him I’m sure if he
was still around I would be still in school and he would have been a good father a
wonderful parent to his daughter something I’m struggling with.
I chuckled
Daigo:And now?
Me:He would have been 2-
I stopped myself what I was about to do was unfair I blocked the thoughts as I’ve
done the past years since his death block him out of mind while my heart still cried
for him
DJ:Who?
I swallowed
Me:Her dad
I said softly he chuckled out loud
Him:The guy that took you from Neo
I shot him with squinted eyes
Me:He never took me from Neo I was single Neo had Roxanne we weren’t in love in
fact we hated each other
He laughed even louder and surrendered bringing his hands back to the wheel
Him:And he gave you a cute baby but still you were gonna marry Neo and I was
gonna be his best man
Me:You? I didn’t know you since the office
Him:Did you know any of his friends?
I shook my head
Him:Exactly! I’ve known you since your arranged proposal but never seen you but
thanks God the marriage didn’t happen thanks God for all that’s happen in your life
and mine for them has bring us together.
Daigo was like a sick puppy his eyes showing off his true emotions I touched his
hand for comfort even though he didn’t need that Jerome was also “perfect” but he
also had the decency to cheat on me with a blonde bimbo DJ was just too good to be
true it was like a monster was hidden underneath that fine-sick-puppy- whom I was
falling for each and everyday gentleman.
Me:We need to talk
Him:You sound serious
Me:Because I am thanks for the ride
I got out un-buckling my princess he also got out and carried her while I took our
bags
Him:Your brother is here
I nodded his car was there this wasn’t gonna be nice well they knew we were friends
but Lukhanyo has a missing piece. I knocked lightly before entering it was my two
brothers and son mam’Nel was probably gone we all exchanged greetings I threw
myself next to Sam with my legs on the couch
Me:You are scarce
I whispered
Him:My girl wants me all to herself
I rolled my eyes and moved from him sitting up straight
Luh:You didn’t wait for me
Me:Daigo offered I couldn’t refused
He nodded
DJ:I have to bounce gents see you around?
Them:Yeah
Sam:We should hang out you’re more close to her then us guys
Me:And you are jealous?
Sam:No! Just that..well we also wanna get to know the guy
Me:What if he doesn’t?
I got up only to be pulled back by him
Me:Lwando!
They fired up in laughter I looked at Daigo sulking in between
Me:You also laughing at me
Him:Of course not babe you’re too cute to laugh at come here
He said getting into his feet I also got up
Luh:Babe?
Me:Not now Lukhanyo
Samkelo cracked up in stitches I don’t know what was so funny besides the face
Lukhanyo had
Luh:I was just asking
I walked into DJ’s arms he kissed my forehead
Him:I’ll see you guys tomorrow for drinks
Luh:I’m still on the babe thing
Me:You gotta be joking!
I pull Daigo out with me he threw me on his shoulder and ran to his car
Me:Baby put me down!
He placed me on the bonnet I opened my legs and pulled him in between them
wrapping my arms around his neck
Me:As I said we need to talk
Him:Yep
He perked my lips I took a deep breath
Me:Tell me more about yourself not just the good to me you’re too good to be true
baby you gotta understand I’ve been through a lot and can’t just…please don’t take
this the wrong way but I wanna know the real Daigo Jordaan not just DJ
He was looking in my eyes throughout my speech it was clear that he was listening
he removed my arms from his neck and held them on my thighs
Him:You wanna know the raw stuff the real deal about me?
I nodded
Him:Okay at 19 I became a cocaine addict remember when I asked if you smoke?
*nodded* that’s because I don’t wanna associate myself with smokers I’m afraid of
relapsing because I have in the past. As for the tattoos there’s a story behind each
and every one of them before and after rehab
He went quiet but I could still see he had a lot to say he turned and gave me his back
still in between my legs I took the opportunity to wrap my arms around him
Him:I hate lies I hate secrets I got hurt by them…I’ve laid my hands on a woman not
because I wanted to yes I take full-
I let go of him he quickly faced me
Him:Don’t let go it was wrong I know that and I paid the price I really did but she lied
to me I was raising my cousins kid thinking he was mine baby I lost it. I regret it I
promised myself to never do it again
I swallowed hard still looking at him I can’t not another Lukhanyo I won’t survive yes
coloureds have real love they shower you with it but the violence I won’t survive
Him:That’s me my past it has made me the man I am today I can’t change it but I can
learn from it…I’m not perfect but I try to live the best way I can
PART 94

Its true life ain’t no stupid fairy tale yes at some points in life we get to meet
happiness we get the finer things but do they really last? Does God borrow us
happiness and just snatch it away whilst we’re still enjoying it? The challenges we
meet are meant to make us stronger turning us into warriors but for what? Why are
we being challenged right, left and center he died for us right? So why can’t we be
happy and stay that way? I belong in a certain box which is a young adult/woman
that’s what I am I’m still trying to get my head around the thing called life excuse me
for always having questions its not like I’m gonna get answers but still…
Things in my life went from north to south from Cape to Cairo I was happy in my
relationship with Daigo he went the extra mile to put a smile on my face and I did the
same but we didn’t have support they all were against our relationship they couldn’t
pin point our age gap because Lukhanyo was a year older then Daigo he was only
six years older then me. My brothers turned against me ganged up on me I wasn’t
surprise that Lukhanyo disagreed but as for Samkelo it mentally hit me hard “He
used your pain to get into your life and probably your pants too” those were his exact
words mam’Nel tried smothering things between us three but her efforts didn’t work
she tried making me see from their view of point but I saw blur there was nothing!
The more they didn’t want him the more I fell for me. Neo felt betrayed by his best
friend apparently he broke the “guy code” what guy code cause he was freaken
married! Daigo had told his family about us which I didn’t approve of cause it was too
early but he still did they were happy trilled but everything took a turn the minute they
were told my name which led to my race his mother wanted a coloured girl for him
not some black…black- don’t even know what to call myself. The only person that
had my back apart from Daigo was Pam she was very supportive even though I still
couldn’t tell her what her boyfriend did she still didn’t like DJ and it was still vise
verse not once did he tell me to stop hanging out with her but he did make it clear
that he didn’t want me to go out with her clubbing or house partying.
It was a saturday evening I was at DJ’s place I had ask mam’Nel to babysit knowing
very well that my brothers won’t she didn’t mind cause it was more money for her.
My back was against the counter using it for support I had a glass of wine in my
hand which DJ was against but still let me be he had his back faced at me busy
attending the pots I took a sip staring at him in admiration
Him:Stop staring
Me:I’m not!
Him:Babe I can feel your eyes
I laughed and turned to the bottle pouring my second glass he wrapped his arms
around my waist
Him:That’s your last glass
I rolled my eyes ignoring him
Him:Do you regret this us?
Me:What do you mean?
Him:I know how close you were with your brothers I’ve caused tension between the
three of you which I didn’t mean to.
Me:I don’t regret anything and you didn’t do anything I don’t know why they stick
their noses in my business cause I never do the same
Him:I believe in family they come first I feel guilty by maki- I don’t know Lwa
I turned to face him
Me:Lwa?
He chuckled
Him:Babe Love My heart
He perked my lips
Me:That’s more like it
Him:But on a serious note I hate this hate what th-
Me:Where are you going with this?
Him:Nowhere baby nowhere
Me:You say family comes first yet you disobeyed yours
Him:You mean my mother she knows she doesn’t have a say in my life she lost all
that the moment she dumped me at her parents place and I told her to go to hell
Me:You joking right
Him:No I’m not I told her that her voice is irritating and she can go to hell I’m not
leaving you because of her racist I almost said ass but I didn’t
I choked I wanted to laugh but it wasn’t funny nor was it the time
Me:Daigo! You need to learn on how to sugarcoat things or better yet not say
anything
Him:There’s nothing wrong with being honest
Me:If it hurts peoples feeling DON’T
He took my glass and poured it in the sink I watched as it went down the drain
leaving its scent behind I rolled my eyes and walked back to the lounge I was still
enjoying that glass. We had our dinner over a movie with words flowing through us I
was having a good time he served us juice I had to drink water first I felt like a kid in
his presences, I placed my legs on top of his lap with a blanket over us we were still
watching that movie. He stood up a bit coming near my face I moved backwards
getting a glimpse of his when I did I went forward and met him halfway I threw my
arms around his neck as we searched each others faces
Him:Can I tell you something?
He whispered his warm breath hitting my face giving me goose bumps I nodded not
sure of how I may respond
Him:I’m in love with you
He invaded my lips before I could even answer him I rolled my eyes taking him in the
kiss was so soft yet so passionate we changed positions with him sat up on the
couch and myself on top of him my legs thrown on either sides of him. It took longer
then I thought it would awakening other things by his move I could tell it wasn’t from
my side only, he started caressing my thighs slightly turning me into a uncomfortable
zone but I let it slide we yet again changed positions with him getting in between my
legs his hand crawling into my jacket. One minute he was in between my legs the
next on the floor with me backed away from him I was shaking I could feel the tears
running down my face what we were doing brought back memories I wasn’t ready
Him:I’m sorry baby I’m really sorry fuck!
He kicked the couch then turned to me again taking a step towards me I
automatically moved backwards
Him:I’m sorry baby I didn’t mean to frighten you I promise I won’t do it again please
baby
He motioned me into his arms
Him:It was a mistake I won’t do it again I’m really sorry I would never hurt you please
believe me
He came forward I ran into his arms in them I found a place of comfort my personal
healer he ain’t perfect but he has the best interest in me but then again people
change. We cuddled throughout the night it was my first time in his bed and it was
just okay we talked almost the whole night he took me home the following day I
found Lukhanyo seated on my couch staring at a black blank tv screen it was quiet
so I guessed the kids weren’t there or they were asleep DJ didn’t come in with me
we both thought mam’Nel was there no matter what age I am or number of kids I
have I still had respect for elders and she would have thought I slept with him.
Me:Hey
He didn’t respond I rolled my eyes as I walked to my room my babies weren’t there
so it was clear they weren’t home I threw my overnight bag on my bed and walked
back to the lounge
Me:Where are my kids?
Him:Where have you been?
Me:That’s none of your business are you gonna tell me or what?
He stood up
Him:You don’t deserve to be a parent
Me:Oh really?
Him:You were out all night!!
Me:I’ll let him sleep over next time
That’s was a joke I didn’t mean that I respect my kids and won’t introduce them to DJ
yet even if I have he won’t be doing none sleep over.
That triggered something in him cause he had his hand fist-ed in my hair with my
head bend backwards
Him:Stay away from him!
He groaned through his teeth emphasizing his words
Me:Lukha-
He pushed me away from him I got stopped by the wall
Him:I’m just looking out for you
He walked out slamming the door leaving me in shock and hurt
PART 95

2 weeks later…
Sam was fully back at the flat not going out the way he used to he was paying
attention to little details now always around even though we passed each other in the
corridor, shared a room when eating we weren’t talking the only time he spoke to me
was when he greeted I tried talking to him but he ignored me, Lukhanyo always
showed his face only to visit Luthando the was some kinda tension between him and
Sam but it wasn’t as thick as it was with mine. I missed them I missed my brothers
even though I saw them everyday it was slowly getting to me.
It was a friday afternoon just after work my feet were killing me Neo had me running
up and down like a mad woman Shantel was in the office the entire day busy getting
under my skin. Pam and myself were walking to the bus stop she was telling me
about her partying life then she started suggesting we go out I refused but she kept
on nagging until I agreed going but only on my terms I had to be careful about this
one I wasn’t used to that kinda life. We took our different taxis in the taxi I was
seated next to a guy and next to him was an old lady not old as in old but still old he
gave me a look then looked forward I ignored him
Him:Hi
Me:Hey
Him:I’m Max we used to be in the class
I gave him a rather weird look it wasn’t my intention but I didn’t know him not even a
bit and I didn’t know which class he was talking about
Me:Oh
Him:Yeah…you don’t know me do you?
I shook my head
Him:Thought as much but I do you were friends with Amy, Casey and Mandisa
Me:You really do know don’t you
Him:Yes! Mandisa is my sister and she’s in town for a couple of days I can give you
her number
Me:Please
He gave it to me good thing he gave me hers instead of taking mine we didn’t talk
much cause I didn’t know him whilst he knew me if it was Casey’s number I wouldn’t
have taken it me and her never really saw eye to eye. I got home Sam was already
there watching tv I greeted and passed right through to my room finding Layla on the
carpet playing with her dolls
Her:Mommy look I’m making Lizzy’s hair pretty like mine
Me:Yes baby
I took of my shoes getting out of my formal clothes to something casual
Me:Don’t you want to take a nap with mommy
She shook her head still pulling the dolls hair I picked her up and placed her on the
bed
Me:Play next to mommy
I watched her as she kept pulling the poor dolls hair I silently yet secretly prayed her
life never turns out like mine she never follows in her mothers footsteps she never
faces the challenges I’ve faced. She looked so innocent she was innocent I wanted
her to stay young forever be my little princess forever I felt her tiny hands touching
my faces she was wiping my tears I wasn’t aware of my crying a smile curved the
corners of my lips
Me:Thank you baby
She nodded like she knew what was up with me I pulled her into my arms I expected
her to pull out like any other kid but to my surprise she stayed peacefully in my
embrace I covered us with a blanket she snuggled herself in I was touched she didn’t
wanna let go her hands were clenched on my shirt I moved my face a bit only to find
her asleep no wonder she was like that.
I woke up to Lukhanyo’s voice I slowly opened my eyes he was busy with Luthando
Me:Hey
Him:I just brought him back
Me:Oh thanks I guess
Him:Your phone has been going off
His tone was cold so I figured he was still mad at me I attended my phone to find
missed calls from DJ I called him back
Me:Ba-
Him:What do you want? I’m sleeping
Me:Ouch
Him:Lwandle I’m not gonna ask again
Lukhanyo was staring at me with our son in his hands
Me:Your missed calls I just woke up
Him:Your point?
Me:Why di- never mind
I hung up he had crushed me without even realizing it his voice was back to normal it
wasn’t the same as yesterday warm and fuzzy giving tingles I brushed it off maybe I
disturbed him from his sleep but there was no need to be rude right?
The following day was a drag I was just sloppy it was just me and my brothers it was
rather weird cause we weren’t really talking but just chilling together despite the
tension we loved each other I cooked we all ate and they washed the dishes.
It was getting late and I needed to get ready Pam and myself were going out.
Me:Uhm can you do me a favour please
They both looked at me
Me:I need someone to babysit I’m going out for the night
Luh:Where are you going?
Me:Pamela and myself are going out
Sam:With who?
Me:Just the two of us please
They kept quiet for a bit but ended up agreeing I jumped to hug them but stopped
myself and walked to my room to get ready I was kinda excited. Pam arrived looking
breathtaking her boyfriend was taking us I left her in the lounge to call DJ
Me:Hey
Him:I miss you
His voice was husky like he was asleep or sick his sniffing confirmed to my curiosity
Me:Are you okay?
Him:Imma be okay
Me:What’s wrong?
Him:Its just flu I’m gonna be fine….I’m sorry about last night I didn’t mean to…I was
frustrated about work and took it out on you
Me:Okay but let it never happen again
Him:I won’t lie and say never but I’m gonna try
Me:I was calling to tell you not to call cause I’m leaving my phone behind
Him:Where are you going?
Me:Err out with Pam
He went silent
Me:Uhm yeah look I gotta go
Him:I guess I can’t stop you but the least you could do is take your phone with you
Me:Okay I will I love you
Him:Yeah sure whatever
Me:Ouch!
Him:Why are you even going out? Why am I even bothering its not like you gonna
listen to me so go do you Lwandle do you
The line went dead I took a deep breath and tossed the phone across my bed and
walked out grabbing my bag on the way. Pam and myself left the place with her
boyfriend whom was with a friend we were all chatting we arrived at this place which
I immediately regretted coming I missed Daigo and my kids most importantly I
missed my bed but I didn’t wanna be boring so I pretended like everything was cool.
The guys joined us I thought it was gonna be just the two of us but they stayed Pam
was used to them and thank God it wasn’t those evil ones.
2nd guy:So you not drinking?
Me:I don’t drink
I wasn’t planning on drinking I’d rather drink amongst people I knew and were
comfortable with
Boyfriend:What?! No ways we’re all drinking
Me:No I’m not
Pam:Okay I’ll get you a virgin drink
I nodded they went on talking while I was bored the guy left and came back with my
drink which was in a cocktail form I assumed it was a virgin cocktail I took a sip or
two and it was.
Me:Pam your phone please
She gave me a weird look I begged without using words she nodded and handed it
over I got up on my two feet and went outside to call someone.
Me:Come fetch me please
Him:Who’s this?
Me:Its me
Him:Lwandle
Me:Please
Voice:Hey its not safe here come in Pam is waiting for us
I turned giving him a I’m on the phone look it was the guy we came with
DJ:Who was that?
Me:Uhm Pam’s boyfriend baby please
I lied!
Him:Why don’t you te-
Me:I’m asking you my boyfriend are you coming or wha- or wha- baby something is
wrong with me
The guy:Hey hey
He tried holding me
Me:Don’t touch me!
DJ:Baby where are you I’m coming
I looked around for the name and there it was in bold with blue lights but it was blur
Me:Its blur baby I feel weird I didn’t even drink
The guy tried holding me again
Me:Don’t touch me!
DJ:You’re freaking me out baby make sure you’re amongst people not in some
corner. You gotta try harder with the name
I could hear he was fiddling as in getting dressed or something I started walking
away from the corner the guy was right behind me he held my waist leading me
inside my vision was becoming worse we got to our table I flopped myself next to
Pam
Me:Send DJ a text tell him the name of this place
Her:He’s coming?
I nodded
Me:I can’t feel my legs why is it so dark?
The guy:I’m gonna take her to the car
Pam:I’m coming with
Him:No stay! I’ll manage
Her:I’m coming!
Him:Pamela I said I’ll manage!
Her:I don’t care! I’m coming she came with me I’m the only person she knows here
Him:Dude talk to your girl
Her:Don’t even think about it!
I could tell by the softness of the hands that held my arm it was Pam because my
legs were numb I was carried to the car I think…
Me:Pam Daigo ple- pleas-
Her:Okay
I blacked out whatever I drank was too strong for me to hold on but I only had two
sips something was definitely in that drink I didn’t have something before it. I woke
up covered in sweat my head was heavy and so were my eyelids I slowly turned my
head to meet Pam’s eyes they were red with eye bags underneath them I tried
smiling but my face was stiff I wanted to talk to her but I couldn’t
Her:I’m so sorry Lwa I should have been careful I’m rea-
Voice:Not now Pamela
Her:Bu-
2nd Voice:He’s right not now she needs to recover first
She nodded my partly open eyes were still on her but I deep down I knew the first
voice was my coloured’s voice and the second was my mothers first child. I tried
turning to face them but I couldn’t I was stuck I could feel my sweat running down my
legs I had so much to say but I couldn’t talk everything seemed impossible.
PART 96

The bed moved well went down a bit as it took someone’s weight I was wide awake
with my eyelids stuck together still in the same hospital position I was in you know on
my back whoever was next to me probably thought I was asleep cause they started
brushing my cheek which followed their lips being pressed against mine their lips got
stuck in that position. I was burning with the desire to open my eyes or move my
head away but I couldn’t do anything I was as good as dead I tried bending my lips
to the inside so they can’t press theirs on mine but I couldn’t it was so frustrating!
Their lips moved away from mine leaving mine a bit wet I could tell my lips were dry
before being invaded I felt the clicks of heels coming closer followed by an opening
door sound the clicks came to my left side
Voice:Hey
Its was Pamela’s voice it was so low like it has given up I wanted to reach out to her I
wanted my family I needed DJ by my side I needed my rock someone I know who’ll
help me through this.
Pam:Has she woken up yet?
The person didn’t respond
Her:But its been more than 42 hours
Or maybe they did respond? Wait 42 hours? Meaning 2 days right and I still couldn’t
move I tried harder but still failed I was stuck my heart began to ache I was
becoming scared. I felt a damp cloth being placed on my forehead then fingertips
trailing upwards my arm going back and forth maybe if I’d fall asleep I’d wake up
better but I wasn’t sleepy even if I’d pretend to fall asleep I couldn’t
Pam:Maybe we should take her in you know I can’t do this any longer she needs
medical attention. That idiot mixed Ketamine and Rohypnol together they are
dangerous drugs they could cause some serious damage please let’s get her to the
hospital
It went silent so I was drugged but by whom and why and what on earth are those
drugs Pam knew a lot! Now my question list grew longer I had a lot of questions to
throw at her
Voice:Isn’t Ketamine used as an anaesthetic for animals?
Her:Yes
First of all I didn’t recognise the voice but it was a mans voice it wasn’t my brothers
nor was it Daigo’s and that person kissed me secondly the Ke-whatever drug is used
for animals ANIMALS!. I’m human! A woman for that matter who in their right state of
mind would use a animal drug on a human being let alone a young woman! I wanted
to jumped out of that bed for being kissed and the ketamine drug. I felt the hands
back in my face brushing my cheek my insides jumped at his touch while my body
stayed in one place the cloth was slowly removed from my forehead followed by a
kiss on my forehead by the direction it came from I could tell it was Pamela
Her:I’m so sorry Lwa this wasn’t part of the plan we were suppose to have fun I’m
really sorry
I heard her clicking heels depart the room leaving me in the mans care I didn’t feel
safe at all I wanted to go home crawl in my own bed and forget about everything
else. How could she leave me with a man I didn’t know? Was she that careless?
What if he forces himself on me? Oh my word! what if its those guys again but I
knew their voice I’d never forget them. I started giving up slowly leaving the awake-
kind to join the land of sleep with a troubled mind and a heavy heart.
I slowly yet painfully separated my eyelids coming from a heavy peaceful sleep my
eyes were partly open the light was too bright for my eyes but I didn’t wanna close
them just in case they don’t wanna open again by the colour of the room I didn’t
recognise it I wasn’t in my room nor was I in Sam’s and Lukhanyo hated that colour I
could feel a lump in my throat growing I was scared my neck slowly making twist-
neck sounds turned to the right next to me was a mans body even though I couldn’t
see his face he looked asleep my neck didn’t wanna rise so I may see his face it was
stuck on his chest level I didn’t know the place. I slowly twisted my body so I may get
up everything pained even the muscles of my thighs I couldn’t even stand on my two
feet my body was wobbly landing my head on the guy with my body tossed on the
bed the guy quickly removed himself whilst I cried silently hoping he won’t hurt me
Him:You’re awake? Hey guys she’s awake!! Let me help but you gotta take it easy
He moved in front of me my teary gaze met his I could feel my empty stomach turn
as his eyes bored into mine he let out his hand placing it on my right arm pulling me
on my feet quickly wrapping both his arms around my waist my eyes still locked in
his I wanted to look away well down his eyes were so heavy penetrating me right
through with no shame. His hand slid behind my neck and into my hair, sending a
delicious tingling sensation
rippling down my spine I finally turned my head away breaking the eye contact and
the spell he placed me under not forgetting the fact that I wanted to taste his lips the
crave for him to roughly take charge and kiss my breath away.
Voice:Dude place her back in bed I don’t think she’s ready to stand yet
My beings went weak I felt myself slipping in his embrace but he tighten his grip
around me making sure I don’t touch the ground my legs were bent I couldn’t stand
on them
2ndVoice:Put her back DJ she needs to rest her legs can’t function yet
He slowly bend down the bed placing me nicely on the bed with him landing on top
of me he quickly perked my lips and looked at my brothers whom still hadn’t touch
nor spoken to me Sam was the 1st to tell him to put me down followed by Lukhanyo.
DJ:Say something
His voice was so different I pulled my face giving him a weird look I tried asking
where I was but I couldn’t. I was now back to the hospital position on my back Sam
and Lukhanyo occupied the spaces besides me taking both my hands into their
palms then they started talking I couldn’t hear half the things they were saying but
the seriousness in their faces told a lot of the topic but I ignored it I hate it when
people pity me.
I sat there unable to speak I was getting a bit confused as the clock was ticking I
didn’t know the room Daigo’s voice was different things weren’t the way I knew them
something was off-ish my saliva came in a rush I quickly down it just to find out my
throat was dry my jaws started releasing some tension so they may start flexing
Me:Wa- wa-ter
My voice was raspy but they heard what I was trying to say Sam had a glass with a
straw in front of me I drank the water and backed away when I was okay
Me:Where am I?
Their eyes played around each other then all six of them landed on me a strong cold
breeze came through the open window making the curtain to fly high Lukhanyo went
to close it. When the breeze came to my nostril the smell wasn’t pleasant I smelled
sweaty
I looked at them
Me:I need a bath
I tried sitting up but my body was just too heavy like it wasn’t my own my memory
about what happen was totally fine but everything seems to be blank from when
getting out of that place to wake up in bed. DJ scooped me under lifting me up whilst
Lukhanyo was running a bath for me Sam had left to buy something to eat I looked
him in the eye only for him to look away
Me:Hey
I said in a low tone not like I was able to speak like I normally did he didn’t answer
but turned to face me I saw the emotions play out on his face he yet again turned his
head away from me looking ahead as he walked to the bathroom with me in his
arms. The was a chair there he carefully placed me on it his hands travelled to my
waist slowly lifting the t-shirt I was wearing
Me:What are you doing?
Him:Undressing you for your bath
I shook my head he sigh out loud and got up
Him:I’ll get Lukhanyo
Lukhanyo? No ways I can’t let my brother slash husband undress me while my
boyfriend is here that’s so wrong on so many levels
Me:No you can do it
Him:I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable
Me:Please I want you not him
He looked at me as he stood at the door I begged with my eyes he nodded and
came to kneel in front of me
Me:Please be quick
He nodded again as he started undressing me I winched every time his fingertips got
in contact with my skin they were cold. I looked away as I was half naked in front of
him being unable to do things for yourself sucks! He slowly took off the pyjama
shorts I was in how I got into them I don’t know for the 1st time I think I was fully
naked in front of him. He lifted me up and carefully placed me in the cold water I
winched
Me:What the? The water is ice cold
Him:It will help
Help?! How? the freaken water was cold!
Me:Daigo
He looked at me I swallowed
Me:What happened to your voice?
Him:Its the flu
I nodded his footsteps started fading as he headed for the door
Me:I love you
He stopped on his tracks then began to walk again
Me:I’m sorry Daigo
He stopped again
Him:For what exactly?
Me:Please
Him:For what exactly?
I took a deep breath
Me:Everything
Him:You never learn do you? I had asked you countless times to not go out with
Pamela but no you’re big girl with no fucken brains so you go. Do you enjoy this
huh? Always being a victim and out of power? What more evil do you want from this
world Lwa? Its like you even forget about your kids if you were my mother or a
relative I’d beat you till your brains come back. Listen when warned and stop hurting
the people who love you I get it you’re young but that’s no excuse
He went quiet I was dumbfounded I couldn’t utter a single word
Him:I won’t say I’m sorry for what happened to you cause this…you called it onto
yourself you saw what kind of people Pamela goes out with but still went with her.
I’m not saying obey everything I say to you I’m not here to control you but sometimes
listening is not a hard thing to do…Let me leave you before your already cold water
gets even more colder.
He walked closing the door behind him…
PART 97

There I was in his bed facing the white ceiling with half of our clothes scattered all
over the floor he wasn’t next to me I was all alone in his bed with a aching heart my
body yearning for his touch but his family was there they had just arrived I was
scared of going out of that room those people didn’t approve of me. Its been days
since I’ve gained back my conscious the fact that he mixed those drugs hit me really
hard I don’t know what would have taken place if Pam hadn’t insisted on going with
or if Daigo hadn’t arrive I was grateful and I learned my lesson partying was definitely
not for me. Daigo’s speech didn’t go unheard for once my kids came first they
mattered more then anything and anyone maybe I needed that wake up call I admit I
can be so selfish at times but I’m human bound to make mistakes so I may learn
from them you know some things are better un-experienced.
I slowly got out of bed it was getting late and I had to go home I was only in my black
tights and vest I searched for my jeans and shirt but I couldn’t find them it’s either
they were in the lounge or the corridor but he would have picked them up if they
were there right? I wore his shirt and slowly walked out of the room taking a deep
breath I heard their voices as I got near I couldn’t make out what they were saying as
they were speaking in their language. They all stopped the minute my presence was
noticed there were 2 woman and a teenage girl
I cleared my throat looking doen
Me:Uhm hello
I sounded so unsure I didn’t know whether to say hello or good afternoon
DJ:Babe
I looked at him and there were my clothes right next to him this was so awkward
Woman1:What is she doing here?
She spoke in English making sure I understood her and how she didn’t want me
DJ:That’s nine of your business
Her:I’m your mother! I know what’s best for you!
So it was his mom he had her eyes they were beautiful she was thin with a rose and
cigarette tattoo running down her thigh don’t know how they connected or matched
she was wearing a short denim skirt with an orange t-shirt I would have been so
embarrassed if she was my mom that dress code was a big NO for her age, they all
started arguing in Afrikaans leaving dumb as ever where I grew up we didn’t have
Afrikaans speakers even if we had them no one wanted anything to do with me I was
a laughing stock I never got the opportunity to learn the language which I regretted
cause they were talking in front of me and I couldn’t understand a thing! I walked
next to Daigo who was half naked I picked up my clothes next to him making sure I
didn’t disturb them I got them so I started walking back to the room
Voice:Hey girlie where do you think you’re going? Huh? The door is that way I’m
sure your parents are worried about you busy sleeping with old men
By the voice I could tell it was his mom it was so cold. My pace stopped I stood there
with my back facibg them
Voice2:Boetie I need cash I’m going to this other party I’ve been planning for it
since… since… Uhm I need the money
The voice sounded young so I figured it was the teenage girl
DJ:I don’t have it when are you guys leaving?
Mom:Why don’t you ask her
Voice3:I can’t believe you left Janet for her
That was the third woman’s vouxe I didn’t know her I took a deep breath and walked
away my feet heading straight to the room
Me:I’m not gonna cry you’re not going to cry Lwandle not now
I was whispering to myself their opinions didn’t matter I wasn’t in a relationship with
them they could throw all words they could at me only Daigo’s opinion mattered but
then again tears still found their way to my eyes. In frustration I quickly got dressed
making sure I looked the way I did when I arrived 3 hours ago I grabbed his jeans
and walked back to the lounge he was in his boxers only. I handed over the jeans
without uttering a single word I felt anger built up as my eyes found the unknown
woman’s hands inside my bag searching for God knows what
Me:My bag please
She looked at me from head to toe she was actually scanning me with a disgusted
facial expression
DJ:That’s yours? I thou-…. What are you even doing with her bag? Why are you
even here?
Her:We came to visit you
Mom:Yes and I don’t need an invite to see MY son
She empathised the “MY” its not like I was claiming a grown ass man as my son I
had a handsome son waiting for me at home. What’s wrong with these people
Sister:I’m so hungry
Unknown:Feel free this us your boeties house
Me:My bag!
Her hands were still moving inside my bag my voice came out loud I didn’t mean to
be loud but I couldn’t help it! The girl snatched it from her and gave it to me I took it
from her the unknown woman know that bag was mine but still got her dirty claws
inside it. I scanned the girl as she walked back to the couch her lower back was bent
a bit she turned to sit down I didn’t know her it was my first time meeting her but I
could tell had stomach wasn’t normal she separated her legs as her body went down
so she may sit. I quickly looked at DJ with wide open eyes he nodded as his eyelids
met I was in no place to judge I also had my first child at 19 but she wasn’t 19 nor
was she 18 but still I was in no place to judge I’m like the worst of them all. I felt his
arms wrap around my waist gently pushing me out we walked out using the kitchen
door once outside I used the wall to support my back with him right in front of me
Me:Oh my word Daigo she’s pregnant
He nodded again sighing out loud
Me:But how?
Him:She slept with someone without using protection the guys se-
Me:I know his one gets pregnant I have 2 precious kids remember
Him:You asked not me
I rolled my eyes
Me:How are you? I know you love her
He sighed
Him:To be honest I wanna strangle her to death that girl us a problem
Me:She’s young stop being hard on her
Him:That’s no excuse to be dumb! No one is perfect but she doesn’t even know the
father I call that slut tendency and she takes after her moth-
Me:DJ!!
I wasn’t gonna allow it for him to speak like that about his mother I didn’t know their
past nor did I know how their relationship worked but she was still his mom I’d do
anything to bring back mine and he’s talking trash about he’s
Him:Sorry why are we even talking about them
He perked my lips
Him:Do you really have to go?
I perked his
Me:Yes
He perked mins again I giggled and looked away with hot blood running through my
cheeks turning them pink
Him:Their timing though…
He pulled me closer gently pacing his lips into mine we found our rhythm and moved
in it, we were in bed when they arrived I wasn’t gonna sleep with him I just wanted to
see where the kiss was heading. He crashed my body against the wall lifting my left
leg up my arms were snaked around his neck u removed my lips from his
Him:Pookies no
He invaded my mouth again after the sucking his lips left mine and travelled all the
way to my neck with wet tender kisses an unexpected soft moan escaped my partly
open mouth he lifted my second leg getting in between my legs while they snaked
around his waist I won’t lie I was enjoying the kiss it made me float in the air well until
I felt eyes on me the floating just stopped. I looked at the direction I felt them from
and his mother was standing there with a disgusted daxe I quickly pushed Daigo
from me landing on my feet
I cleared my throat
Her:I know a slut when I see one
She walked back inside DJ looked straight into my eyes
Him:And you stop me
He chuckled bitterly
Him:Let me take you home before you witness something nasty
Me:No its cool I’ll use the tax-
Him:I brought you here I’m gonna take you besides your man has a car
He pulled me closer with his lips landing in mine
Me:You’re so clingy today
Him:Are you being serious? I missed you and you tel-
Me:Let’s go DJ
I pushed him aside and walked to the car while he went back inside his mom called
me a slut not directly but it was clear as Broadway she was referring to me and he
did absolutely nothing! Okay I get it its his mom and I’m just a girlfriend but still! Its
not like I’m asking him to choose between us all I’m saying is that he must stand up
for me. He came back fully dressed I was now used to his tattoos they didn’t freak
me out his sister came behind him she was really he unlocked the car we all got in
and roads led to my place.
Her:You Lwa right?
Me:Yes I am
Her:I just wanted to make sure he isn’t cheating you know bring another girl while we
think its you cause we only knew your name
DJ:You talk a lot
Her:And your point is?
Him:I’m not your friend Linky I’ll crack your lips in a single slap don’t test me
She remained quiet meaning she knew not to mess with him oh okay the family had
a lot of drama but which family doesn’t have one. The silence became loud and
awkward
DJ:Are you okay?
I looked at him as I nodded
Linky:So how old are you?
Him:Linky!
Me:Its okay… I’m 21 and you
Her:17 so what do you do?
Me:I work I guess
Her:Do your parents approve of your relationship with my brother?
DJ:That’s enough
Her:I don’t mean it in a bad way
Him:But st-
Me:Babe its play
He looked at me and noddded
Me:Well I’d you must know I don’t have parents only brothers and they don’t but that
doesn’t matter cause I love your brother
He looked at me with a pround smile I motioned the road with mg eyes he looked
ahead as I turned to face the girl she nodded
Her:So-
DJ:She’s not in court you know
Her:I know dummy but ouma asked to see what kind of girl she is
Him:Well mummy could have asked me or better yet she could have come instead of
you and your loud mother
Her:She’s your mother!
I blocked them out of my head they fought like real siblings I wondered how and
when she would have asked me those question if I wasn’t at DJ’s. He parked the car
I sighed out loud thanking the Lord for finally arriving
Me:It was nice meeting you… Uhm Linky?
Her:Yes its Linky but its not my real name you see Dai-
Him:She gets it! Geez
Me:Uhm bye
She noddded giving him a dirty look I got our followed by Daigo I was so tired the
only thing I needed was my bed we kissed and bid each other goodbyes.
The following day Sam woke up pretty early that I even thought we were going to
church
Me:You kidding me right
Him:Get the kids ready Lukhanyo is already for us
Me:For what?
Him:Just get ready
I covered my head he uncovered me
Him:I’ll drag you out if I have to
He said that already pulling me by my leg
Me:Okay! Okay! I’m awake!
He left me to get ready I started with my toddlers followed by their mom me I tided
the room and went to join them in the lounge
Me:Hey
Luh:Morning your breakfast is I the kitchen
I nodded and went to fetch it
Me’I thought you said breakfast
Him:Then what’s that?
I rolled my eyeballls he sounded like he made beeakfasty instead I found cereal with
milk on the side. We all left for the car I had Luthando in my arms Sam had Layla
while Lukhanyo had they’re bags I had no idea where we were going. The car drove
off taking us to the destination I was busy texting with DJ to even care where we
were heading my airtime stopped us by ending making me focus on the road. I didn’t
like the route we were taking I sat up straight as the car took a turn with Sam giving
directions
Me:You kidding me right
Him:What is it with you and this lame line
Me:We’re not going there are we?
They didn’t answer me
Me:If you so badly wanted to go you should have just left me behind I hate you the
both of you
I looked outside as the car passed the familiar places memories started passing
through my head sending water to my eyes which turned into tears
Me:Do we have to come here?
My voice was trailing away as I was starting to suffocate like I did a those years I
took some deep breaths to control my breathing and looked outside again
Voice:Mommy
I quickly wiped my tears and turned to her, her arms were wide open for me I
removed the safety belt and took her into my arms. I kissed her forehead
Me:Mommy loves you princess
Her:Let’s play then
Me:Later sweetheart okay? I promise
I held her tightly as more memories took over my brain causing more threats from
tears. The car parked in front of the not so clean yard Sam turned to face me I
closed my eyes as tears freely went down
Him:Sis
Me:Why are we here Lwando?
Him:This us our home where we grew up our memories good and bad
Me:You mean bad only
Him:So you’re telling me us singing together next to the fire is a bad memory?
Chasing each other around is a bad memory? Walking back together from school is
a bad memory? Yo-
Me:I get your point Sam
I wiped the flowing tears
Him:Let’s go check on them if they still don’t want us then we leave and never look
back
Me:You mean if they still don’t want me like everybody else. What’s wrong with me
that no one wants me? Why am I so different from the others? Why do people hate
me so much? Even Daigo’s family don’t want me when are people gonna accept
me? Treat me equally like oth-
Luh:Lwandle please we don’t hate I definitely don’t hate you and you don’t need
those people you have us and we aren’t going nowhere. Go find closure you need to
face your dem-
Me:Who came up with this junk of an idea?
Sam:We did and its not junk even your boyfriend approved of it
I kept quiet their eyes were focused on me
Me:Are we gonna do this or not?
They looked at each other and shook their heads
Sam:You listen and obey to every thing he says
Me:That’s not true
Then they started disagreeing with me I didn’t obey everything just that he only
wanted what’s best for me and I was freaken in love with me so I was blinded. I
placed Layla back in her seat Lukhanyo was staying behind with them Sam and
myself got off. My feet hit the ground sending shivers throughout my body Sam’s
hand snaked into mine giving me a squeeze the door opened as we were stepping
closer a boy came out closing the door behind him he looked so familiar he raised
his head our eyes met they quickly travelled to Sam then back at me. I watched as
his eyes got filled by tears he looked like one of those street kids his head filled with
real African stiff hair his toes which were sticking out of his old dirty sneaker
reminded me when I was in his shoes he was in blue washed out jeans with a red
faded shirt slowly turning into pink, he wasn’t the same little boy I left behind the past
was repeating itself through him. No matter what words he had used against me no
matter what weapon he had used to beat me no matter how many times he had
made me jealous of food I still shared tears for him I couldn’t believe my little brother
looked that way he was young he probably didn’t know what he was doing towards
me I forgave him a long time ago. Tears overflowed my eyes and freely went down
my cheeks as I watched his eyes become blood red with tears I looked at Sam
whom also was staring at him I couldn’t help myself I ran to him throwing my
spaghetti arms around him bringing him closer into my warm embrace I had no
grudge towards him.
Voice:Get your filthy hands off him!!!
She said that roughly pulling him away from me and pushing me away making me
stumble back until I got my balance and looked at her
Her:OUT! BOTH OF YOU!!!