Impromptu Lecture That Took Place in Our WHATSAPP Groups. Compiled By:Adebayo
Email: Pstgesh@gmail.com Whatsapp: https://wa.me/2347062908106 Enquirer: Sir please, for how long should a courtship last before marriage?
Response: Ideally not less than 6 months and not more
than 2 years. Some do last more than 2years and they still end up getting married. But courting for 6 to 7 years without still having marriage in view is child's play to me. A lot of times such courtship or dating is a breeding space for various immoral acts, and at the end the relationship break without meaning reason. If marriage is not your intention then courtship shouldn’t be the next thing you are into. The longer your courtship the more the chances that you won’t end up marrying each other.
Enquirer: Thank you sir because I have been in a
courtship of over one year that is why I asked.
Response: If so, certain progress must have been made
during the course of the one year. You should have been introduced to his parents by now. One year is enough time for your parents and pastor to be aware of your relationship. If you are serious with this relationship, then, important people in your lives must be aware of your intention or engagement. Secret relationship is a nest for secret sins and chronic disappointment.
Enquirer: Sir Yes I have examined her in all ways. We
are Christian so we are planning our wedding this year.
Response: In all ways? In some ways would be most
appropriate to say. You can't examine her in all ways. Examining her would take a life time if you even end up marrying her. Humans are dynamic. You can’t use the last 6 months of knowing her to conclude that you have known everything about her. Women are complex. So examining her is a lifelong assignment. You still have more things to learn about her. Don't conclude that you have known everything that is to be known about her. Same applies to men too. You can’t just see a side of him and be confident enough that you have enough facts about him. Enquirer: I hope I will keep learning through her as you have said that they are complex being. What else should I do sir?
Response: Prepare to be a husband and father
Prepare spiritually Prepare attitudinally Prepare Morally Prepare Intellectually Prepare your Character for Marital demands Prepare Emotionally Prepare your Lifestyle Prepare Financially Prepare Vocationally Prepare Physically Prepare Socially Prepare Domestically Prepare Medically Prepare Mentally
If you are planning to marry and you haven't
developed these virtues, you got a long way to go: Humility Generosity Trust Diligence Homeliness Teachable Spirit Perseverance Contentment Friendliness Boldness Neatness Self-control Patience Versatility Respect Righteousness
You cannot really claim to be a gentle man until you
get married. Marriage has a way of revealing who you really are. It is in marriage we see the elasticity of your gentleness. Your true ability to tolerate and endure is made obvious in marriage.
You cannot really claim to be a quiet lady until you get
married. It is in marriage we see the elasticity of your quietness.
You will see what you need to shout on your husband
for. But will you have the grace to speak calmly to him? You will see what you need to slap your wife for. But will the Holy Spirit be able to restrain you? ......................................................................................... I WILL LOVE TO RECOMMEND THESE EBOOKS TO YOU.
Learn to be a DADDY D....Dependable A.....Available D......Distinct D.....Discipline Y....Yoke with your family
Learn to be a Mummy M.....Manager U.....Unique M.....Multiplier M.....Mentor Y....Yoke with your family
Enquirer: Hmmmmm this really inspire me as I see it
now. Can I have all these attributes sir?
Enquirer 2: Sir can my fiancé have all these attributes?
Response: You can if you will. Each one of us is work in
progress. As long as progress is been made you have nothing to fear. Don't force your fiancée to become her 2030 version today. She most go through the process of getting better each time. But let me caution you at this point "Don't marry who is not ready to change for the better". Has long as we are ok with our old self we will fail to do all that is required to become our new self. The more you give yourself excuse for having anti marriage characters, the more those characters would increase in your life. Stop feeding what you are trying to kill. Stop feeding your anti marriage characters with excuses and explanations.
Do you want to become a better person? If yes, then
stop encouraging your old nature.
Response 2: Do you have all of these? That's where to
start from. Be who you want to marry. Be who you are telling your fiancée to become. Be a model of virtue. These days, we give people high demands to access us, but we give ourselves low demands to access people. We pray to get the RIGHT person to marry, while we do nothing to be the RIGHT person for the RIGHT person we are praying for.
Guys, raise high standards for the lady they would
marry but they largely live a low life of low standards. You will end up with the least because you have been living the life of less.
Demand more from yourself first then you will get your type.
Enquirer 2: No sir.
Response 2: Smiles, so you want him to have all these
while you have a few?
Enquirer 2: I'll work on myself and pray about it.
Response 2: Prayer? Do you need to pray to know how
to change diapers?
Do you need to pray to know how to do house chores?
Do you need to pray to know how to manage N1000 to cook a good meal?
Do you need to pray to learn how to use domestic
machines? Do you need to pray to know how to rent a house?
Do you need to pray before you know home service
mentality?
Do you even need to pray to know about pregnancy,
delivery and childcare?
Sometimes when we say that we will pray about
something, it’s just a way to run away from doing what is required. The truth is that we end up not praying at all. Prayer seems to be our escape route.
I do not say that prayer is of no use, rather I'm saying,
pray for what needs prayers and work for what needs your efforts. Actually, these are not attributes or qualities but responsibilities that must be shouldered. Failures in these areas will make you realize that love is not enough in marriage.
SPECIAL INVITATION TO BE PART OF OUR WHATSAPP
RELATIONSHIP TEACHINGS When you are dating, it’s all about love, love and love but when you get married you realize that marriage is work, work, and work. Many problems in marriage today result from poor understanding of what marriage entails. A successful marriage depends largely on adequate knowledge about God's principles and expectations for marriage, from married people, and how He designed marriage to succeed. If you don't learn about the work to a significant level during your single days, you will lament a lot in marriage, when you realize that you married into the work side of love.
Singleness is the best time to prepare for marriage and
its demands. Singleness is about wholeness, and personal wholeness is a necessary requirement for a successful marriage. If two people that are "wounded" and remained "wounded" get into marriage, it will end up in serious crisis.
As a lady you are used to waking anytime you like and
cooking anytime you like. So you can wake at 9am and decide to cook Noodles for breakfast. When you get married, that will have to stop.
Your husband can wake you up at 6am to tell you to
start preparing his favourite meal (as if he dreamt about it). If you aren't matured emotionally you will mismanage that situation. But if you are matured emotionally you will gladly get into the kitchen to fix him his meal or turn down his request without him feeling insulted.
You may think that getting a house help is the solution.
But I'm afraid to tell you that it is not.
There is an issue men have with food.
There are three things you must not starve your
husband of; 1. Food 2. Sex 3. Respect
When husbands are angry all the time or get angry
easily then, it is traceable to lack of any of these. If you hand over your kitchen to your house help, it's like handling over your bedroom duty to your house help.
I'm yet to read the scientific explanation, but it is real.
Men have the tendency to develop feelings for the person that cooks good food for them.
It’s strange when you see a banker having an affair
with a buka girl. This is a highly principled man who isn't disturbing spicy ladies in his office. But for this buka girl, there is something he can't resist in her.
You may be quick to say he has been charmed, but
sometimes it is mere affection developed my good food he is been served.
What about men having affairs with their house help
right under their wife's nose? If you think I'm supporting infidelity through what I've just explained, then you don't understand what I'm trying to say.
Ladies! Never underestimate the effects of good food
on your husband! Don't expose him into eating outside because of your laziness or busyness. When a lady that appeal to his senses constantly give him good food, he may slowly develop likeness for such ladies. And you know what that means? Your marriage is in trouble.
Two significant men were tempted with food. Do you
remember them? Esau and Jesus. Imagine Satan telling Jesus to turn stone to bread? Satan knew He was hungry. Jesus was so powerful that Satan did not use women to tempt Him but with food.
A much anointed man of God may not fall to strange
women but to food. Those who are wise among them, you can hardly see them eat in the public. If you take food home to give them, they hardly eat such. Food has been a tool strange ladies use to get unguarded men seduced.
CLOSING WORDS… That the brother is a youth president, fellowship pastor, youth coordinator or prayer coordinator doesn't mean he's suitable for you in marriage. Marriage is for personality not title. Yes, he can be a GOOD man and not be the RIGHT man. You are safe marrying the RIGHT man and not the GOOD man. The GOOD man is RIGHT for someone else but not you.
That the sister can pray, firebrand, tongue speaking or
can sing equally means nothing to make her eligible for you in marriage. Who is she when she isn't under the anointing? She can be a ministry material but not life partner. There is more to your life than ministry. If she fits into your ministry and not your life, then there would be serious crisis. You need a woman who can stand with you not just on the altar but at home too. I do not doubt the fact that this brother is anointed. But the fact remains that he operates with the gifts of the spirit and not the fruits of the spirit. Yes, the wave of his hands makes people fall under the anointing but that same hands he uses to pull down pants of numerous fellowship sisters (no thanks to the fact that these sisters want to sex their ways into marrying him). Oh! This brother is too anointed. But he is a flirt!
All of these packed public personally impression will
change if God doesn't arrest his or her heart fast. A brother publicly seen as Youth Pastor may be a serial fornicator. A sister publicly seen as Worship Leader may be a chronic lesbian.
Let God guide you in your choice of a marriage partner
because marriage is not for now but a futuristic journey. He can be good for you now but will he be good for you in the future? She might be supporting your ministry now but won't she be the reason people would stop coming to your ministry later in marriage?
A lot of brothers in the church are available for
marriage but some are not matured enough to handle the demands of marriage. He has to be equipped to be a husband first and then a father. These two are not the same. There are WORKS to be done in marriage.
Same, a lot of sisters in the church are available for
marriage but are not matured enough to handle the demands of marriage. Oh! How I wish we have enough emotionally matured sisters. Sister that can't be moved my, "If you don't allow me to sleep with you now, then this relationship is over". How I wish our sisters can let that DOG go away to where he is coming from.
Don't be part of those "Christians" who lead
themselves into marriage when God is waiting to lead them in the right path maritally. God wouldn't force His leading on you, you are free to follow His leading or yours. It's better and sweeter when He is your leader. You need a Shepherd to lead you to the still waters of marriage. Your pastor or parents can't be your Shepherd, only Christ can do that. SPECIAL INVITATION TO BE PART OF OUR WHATSAPP RELATIONSHIP TEACHINGS Time will not permit me to go further. But I hope you learn a few things. I got to go now. SHALOM
