50THINGS

EVERY
YoungLady
SHOULDKNOW
 50THINGS
EVERY
YoungLady
SHOULDKNOW

WHATTODO,
WHATTOSAY,
ANDHOWTOBEHAVE

KAYWEST
withJOHNBRIDGES
andBRYANCURTIS
©2011byKayWest,JohnBridges,andBryanCurtis

Allrightsreserved.Noportionofthisbookmaybereproduced,storedinaretrievalsystem,ortransmitted
inanyformorbyanymeans—electronic,mechanical,photocopy,recording,scanning,orother—exceptfor
briefquotationsincriticalreviewsorarticles,withoutthepriorwrittenpermissionofthepublisher.

PublishedinNashville,Tennessee,byThomasNelson.ThomasNelsonisaregisteredtrademarkofThomas
Nelson,Inc.

Thomas Nelson, Inc., titles may be purchased in bulk for educational, business, fundraising, or sales
promotionaluse.Forinformation,pleaseemailSpecialMarkets@ThomasNelson.com.

ISBN:9781404183513(BB)

LibraryofCongressCataloginginPublicationData

West,Kay,1955–
  50 things every young lady should know : what to do, when to do it, and why / Kay West with John
BridgesandBryanCurtis.
p.cm.
Includesbibliographicalreferencesandindex.
ISBN9781401600648(alk.paper)
  1. Etiquette for girls. 2. Etiquette for children and teenagers. I. Bridges, John, 1950– II. Curtis, Bryan,
1960–III.Title.IV.Title:Fiftythingseveryyoungladyshouldknow.
BJ1857.G5W472011
395.1'233—dc23

2011017949
PrintedintheUnitedStatesofAmerica

1112131415WOR654321
 Tomymother,
JoyceKarlsonShaw,
wholaidthefoundation,andtohersister
DonalynKarlsonMorris,
wholetmetagalong
—K.W.
CONTENTS
Introduction

1.Saying“Please”
2.Saying“ThankYou”
3.Saying“ExcuseMe”
4.BeingIntroduced
5.MakingIntroductions
6.PayingaCompliment
7.AcceptingaCompliment
8.MakinganApology
9.AcceptinganApology
10.AskingPermission
11.AskingforaFavor
12.BorrowingClothes
13.TalkingandListeningtoAdults
14.BeingaDinnerGuest
15.TheNapkin
16.ThePlaceSetting
17.FoodAllergiesandDislikes
18.DininginaRestaurant
19.PublicStaircasesandHallways
20.ChoosingandGivingaGift
21.AcceptingaGift
22.WritingaThankYouNote
23.ExpressingSympathy
24.TelephonesandMessages
25.CellPhones:TalkingandTexting
26.TheComputer
27.UsingSocialNetworks
28.TakingPhotographs
29.GossipingandKeepingSecrets
30.TheSlumberParty
31.LosingGraciously
32.InanAudience
33.AttendingaReligiousService
34.TravelingonaPlane
35.DressingAppropriately
36.Cosmetics
37.Fragrance
38.PersonalGrooming
39.ManagingaPersonalEmergency
40.Sitting
41.Walking
42.EnteringandExitingaCar
43.HelpwithYourCoatandOtherSmallCourtesies
44.RespondingtoInvitations
45.WouldYouLiketoDance?
46.TheDatingGame
47.BeingaConsiderateHouseguest
48.BeingaGoodHostess
49.Boundaries
50.HelpingOthers

AbouttheAuthors
Index
 INTRODUCTION

I t’s safe to say that young women in the 21st century are exposed to more
educational opportunities than any generation of women in history. Even
before you started kindergarten you might have been on a soccer team, in a
dance class, or taking Suzuki violin lessons. At home you might have played
wordgamesonthecomputerandpracticedwritingyourname.Bythetimeyou
gettomiddleschool,youmightfeelasiftherearen’tenoughhoursintheweek
todoeverythingonyourcalendar.
Butsometimeswhatgetslostinbetweenballetandbiology,Spanishclassand
piano lessons, creative writing and cross country, are the basic rules of simple
etiquetteandguidelinesforappropriatebehavior.
Years and years ago, young ladies were expected to take classes in proper
deportment, which is an oldfashioned way of saying simple etiquette and
appropriatebehavior.Thatwaslongbeforeyoungwomenspenttheirteenyears
preparing for higher education, interesting work, and being financially
independent.
Progressisagoodthing,andnoonewouldeverforasecondsuggestgoing
backwards.Butevenanaccomplishedstudent,agiftedartist,orabrilliantyoung
law clerk is at a disadvantage if she never learned to write a thankyou note,
understand a formal table setting, accept a compliment, make an apology,
expresssympathy,orrespondtoaninvitation.
Learning these things will not cost you a cent, but knowing them and
practicing them will without a shadow of a doubt pay enormous dividends,
startingrightnowandlastingyourlifetime.
Thegoodnews—foryouandyourparents—isthatyoudon’thavetoaddone
more class to your overwhelming schedule. Within the pages of this book are
small but very important lessons every young lady should know, whatever her
dreamsforherfuturemaybe.
1
Chapter1

SAYING“PLEASE”

W hatwasyourfirstword?YourmotherwillprobablytellyouitwasMama.
YourfatherwillinsistitwasDada.Yourgrandmothermightevenbelieve
withallherheartthatitwasNana.Butyouhavenorecollection.Chancesare,
though,thatsomewherebetweenMama,Dada,andNana,andbeforeyourfirst
completesentence,youlearnedthewordplease.
Your mother may have squatted down beside you, cookie in hand and said,
“Please. I want a cookie, please,” intending for you to repeat it back to her
beforerewardingyouwiththetreat.Yourdadmayhavesatdownwithyouon
the floor, ball in hand, and said, “Please play ball” before rolling it across the
carpet to you. You also probably heard your parents use it with each other
—“May I please have the paper when you’re done with it?” “Will you please
takethetrashout?”—andsawthepositiveresults.

2
Along with mama, daddy, ball, and cookie, please is one of the most
important words you learn when you begin talking. It’s hard to turn down
someonewhoprefacesorendsarequestwiththewordplease.Itdoesn’tmatter
ifyouaretwoyearsoldandaskingforalollipopeightyearsoldandaskingfor
anewbackpacktoreplacethebabyonefromfirstgradetwelveyearsoldand
asking for money for a movie fourteen and asking for a ride to the mall or
seventeen and asking a teacher to write a letter of recommendation for your
college application. Please is a word that if you are smart—and considerate,
whichisjustasimportantasbeingsmart—youwillusefortherestofyourlife.
 YOUDO

Say“please”consistently,toeveryone,always.Itdoesn’tmatterifyou’reasking
yourbrotherto“passthepotatoes,please,”oraskingthebusyclerkinthestore
topleasewrapyourpurchaseforyourmother’sbirthdaygift.

YOUDON’T

Treat your little brother, however annoying he may be, with any less
considerationthanyoudoastranger.Andviceversa.

Why
Becausepleasereallyisamagicwordthataddsalayerofpleasantrytoevery
request.Themoreyouuseit,themorenaturalitbecomestoyou.

3
Aladysaysthewordpleaseeverytimeshemakes
arequest,nomatterhowsmallitseems.

Aladyanswers,“Yes,please,”ifsomeoneasksif
shewouldlikesomething.Ifnot,shesays,“No,
thankyou.”
 Aladyknows“please”isjustenough.Saying
“prettyplease”or“pleeeeeeeease”isunnecessary
andcanbeannoying.
4
Chapter2

SAYING
“THANKYOU”

H asthiseverhappenedtoyou?Yourmothercomesintoyourroomwhileyou
aredoinghomework,laysyourclean,foldedlaundryonyourbed,standsby
your desk for about ten seconds, then says, “You’re welcome!” before she
stompsoutthedoor.Oryourdaddropsyouoffatyourfriend’shouseandasthe
car door is closing behind you, he shouts, “You’re welcome!” This is not the
timeto roll your eyes considerwhat you havenot done that has irritated your
momordad.
You might have “thank you” down pat when someone gives you something
you’ve already asked for, but having good manners also means saying “thank
you”afterpeopledosomethingnicewhenyouhaven’tasked,orjustoutofthe
blue.

5
Whenyourmomputsyourcleanlaundryonyourbed,whenyourdadgives
youaride,whenyourfriendtellsyouhowcuteyouroutfitis,orhermomtells
youafterthesoccermatchwhatagreatgameyouhad,theresponseisassimple
as“1,2,thankyou.”

YOUDO

Say“thankyou”anytimesomeonedoessomethingniceforyou,nomatterhow
wellyouknowthem.
 YOUDON’T

Think you don’t have to say “thank you” to your mom, your dad, or your big
sisterbecausetheyarefamilyanddon’tcount.

Why
Becausefamilyiswheregoodmannersbegin,notwheretheyend.

YOUDO

Say“thankyou”whenateachercomplimentsyourdrawing,orthepianoteacher
remarkskindlyonyourplaying,evenifyou’renothappywithyourdrawingor
yourperformance.

6
YOUDON’T

Reply “it’s ugly!” or “I was terrible!” even if you feel you could have done
better.

Why
Becauserejectingsomeone’skindcommentsonyouraccomplishmentimplies
theyhavenotaste,andthat’sinsulting.

YOUDO

Say“thankyou”tothepersonwhojustmadeyourstrawberrybananasmoothie,
handed you your change at the market, or gave you a program at the hockey
game.

YOUDON’T
Assume that because people are “doing their jobs” they don’t deserve to be
thankedforthatparticularinteractionwithyou.

Why
Becauseitmakespeoplefeelgoodtoknowtheireffortsareappreciated,and
whywouldn’tyouwanttomakesomeonefeelgood?

7
Aladysmilesandmakeseyecontactwhenshe
says“thankyou.”

Aladysays“thankyou”evenwhenthepersonshe
isthankingisontheotherendofthephone.

Aladysays“thankyou”evenifnooneelsehas—
orespeciallyifnooneelsehasdoneso.
8
Chapter3

SAYING
“EXCUSEME”

W hen it comes to the vocabulary of good manners, no phrase is more
multifunctionalorcomesinhandierthan“excuseme.”
Yousay“please”whenaskingforsomethingand“thankyou”whensomeone
hasdonesomethingforyouorgivenyousomethingnice.But“excuseme”has
nearlyasmanyusesasaSwissArmypocketknife.Itcanbeusedasarequest,as
an attention getter, or as a type of apology when an apology isn’t really
necessarybutnotsayinganythingwouldberude.
Ifyou’rewalkingdownacrowdedhallatschoolandhappentoaccidentally
bumpintosomeone,yousay“excuseme.”
Iftheonlytworemainingseatstogetheratthemovietheateraresmackinthe
middleoftheaisle,asyouandyourfriendsqueezepasteachperson,youshould
quietly say “excuse me.” If you happen to step on the foot of someone who
hasn’thadthegoodsensetotuckitunderhisorherchair,youshouldadd“I’m
sorry.”

9
Ifagroupofpeoplearechattingwithoneanotherandblockingadoorwayyou
needtogothrough,youdon’thavetowaitforthemtomoveonjustsay“excuse
me” politely but loudly enough so they can hear you, and they’ll let you right
through.
Ifsomeonehasspokentoyouandyoucouldn’theartheentiresentence,you
say“excuseme?”asaquestion,andthey’llgladlyrepeatwhattheysaid.
 Ingeneral,girlsarefarmorecarefulthanboysaboutbelchingatthetable,but
it happens, and when it does, there is no need to act as if it didn’t. A simple
“excuseme”issufficient.

YOUDO

Say“excuseme”ifyouhavetowalkthroughthemiddleofalineofpeopleat
theconcessionstand.

YOUDON’T

Scootthroughwhenyouseeanopeningasifnoonewillnotice.

Why
Peoplewaitinginlinecanbeveryprotectiveoftheirspotsbutwillbehappy
tostepbackiftheyknowyourintentionisnottobuttin.

10
YOUDO

Say“excuseme?”ifyouhaven’theardwhatsomeonehassaidtoyouandwould
likethemtorepeatit.

YOUDON’T

Say“huh?”

Why
“Huh”soundsasifyouaregrunting,andyoungladiesdon’tgruntunlessthey
aremovingheavyobjectsorinvolvedinanathleticendeavor.
 YOUDO

Say“excuseme”ifyouneedtointerruptsomeone,evenifit’syourownmomon
thecomputeroryourdadreadingabook.

YOUDON’T

Fidget,waveyourarmsaround,orsighdramatically.

Why
Because saying “excuse me” is a perfectly acceptable way to get someone’s
attention.

11
Aladyalwayssays“excuseme”togetsomeone’s
attention,not“hey”or“um.”

Aladysays“excuseme”whenpassinginfrontof
someone’slineofvision,whetherthat’sinfrontof
thelipstickdisplayatthepharmacyorapainting
inamuseum.
12
Chapter4

BEINGINTRODUCED

T here’s a reason that something is repeated over and over again, until it
becomesoneofthosethingsthatparentscall“anoldsaying.”It’sbecauseit
hasbeentestedbytimeandproventobetrue.“Thegrassisalwaysgreeneron
the other side of the fence.” “Don’t count your chickens before they hatch.”
“Theearlybirdgetstheworm.”
Whenyourparentsstartaconversationwith“There’sanoldsaying...,”you
should resist sighing loudly and instead listen to what they have to say,
especiallythis:“Younevergetasecondchancetomakeafirstimpression.”
First impressions count, which is why the way you respond when being
introducedtosomeone,especiallyanoldersomeone,isveryimportant.
Let’s say your mother has dropped you off at your father’s office so he can
takeyoutosoccerpractice.Youarereadingamagazinewhileyouwaitforhim
to pack up his briefcase. His boss walks into his office, and your father says,
“Diana,thisismydaughterEvelyn.Evelyn,thisisMs.Reid.”

13
If you remain seated in your chair, barely look up over the top of the
magazine, and mumble, “Hello” or even worse, “Hey,” your father’s boss will
foreverrememberyouastherudeyoungwomanwhodidn’tknowthefirstthing
aboutrespectforolderpeople.
Whenyouareintroducedtoanotherperson,therightthingtodoistolookat
the person and say, “It’s nice to meet you Sam/Tressa/Mrs. Brooks/Mr.
Tate/ReverendStevens/Dr.Mayer.”Ifthepersonyouarebeingintroducedtois
yourage,anditseemsappropriatetoshakehands,youcandoso.Iftheperson
youarebeingintroducedtoisanadult,youwaitforthatpersontoextendtheir
handfirst,andiftheydo,offerafirmhandshake,thoughnotatightgrip.
Ifyourfather’sbosswalksintohisofficewhileyouarereadingamagazine,
thefirstthingyoudo,evenbeforeyourfathergetsonewordoutofhismouth,is
close the magazine, set it on a table, and stand up. When your father says,
“Diana, this is my daughter Evelyn. Evelyn, this is Ms. Reid,” you make eye
contactwithMs.Reid,smile,andsay,“It’snicetomeetyou,Ms.Reid.”Ifshe
extendsherhand,shakeit.
Five years down the road when you and your dad run into Ms. Reid in a
restaurantoratamovietheaterandhesaystoher,“Diana,doyouremembermy
daughter Evelyn?” Ms. Reid will remember you as the very poised and polite
young woman with impeccable manners whom she met in your father’s office
oneafternoon.Andthat’scertainlypreferabletothealternativebecauseoneday
youmightwantaninternshiporsummerjobatyourfather’scompany.Youjust
neverknow.

YOUDO

Repeattheperson’snametowhomyouarebeingintroduced.

YOUDON’T

Justsay“hello”andthinkthatcoversit.

Why
Repeating a person’s name back helps you remember their name for future
reference,aninvaluableasset.

YOUDO

Stopwhatyouaredoingwhenyouarebeingintroduced.

YOUDON’T
Simplywavethehotdogyou’reeatingattheballgametowardthepersonyou’re
beingintroducedto.

Why
If someone thinks enough of you to introduce you to someone else, don’t
embarrass everyone—especially yourself—by acting as if you couldn’t be
bothered.

15
Aladysmilesandmakeseyecontactwiththe
personsheisbeingintroducedto.

Aladyremembersthatfirstimpressionsarelasting
impressions.

Ifthepersonmakingintroductionshassomehow
forgottenyourname,aladycomestotherescueby
offeringitherself.“Hello,I’mMandy”isallthat
isneededtosavethesituation.
16
Chapter5

MAKING
INTRODUCTIONS

I f you’ve ever been invited to a birthday party for a girl you know from
elementaryschool,butnowyougotodifferentmiddleschoolsandyoudon’t
reallyknowanyofhernewfriends,youwereprobablyreallyanxious.Youmay
havetriedtogetoutofitbytellingyourmom,“ButIdon’tknowanybody.”And
your mom probably said, “You know Meaghan and it’s her birthday and she
invitedyou,soyou’regoing.Besides,it’sachancetomeetsomenewgirls,and
it’sonlytwohours,andanybodycandoanythingfortwohours.”
That really didn’t make you feel any better, and you were still a nervous
wreckwhenyougotthere.ButwhenMeaghanintroducedyoutohernewfriends
andtoldthemwhatagreatsoccerplayeryouareandthatherfriendCarriealso
playedsoccer,thatgaveyouandCarriesomethingtotalkabout,andeventually
youfoundoutthatCarriealsorunstrackinthespringandsodoesLaura.Before
youknewittwohourshadflownby,youhadagreattime,andyouandCarrie
hadexchangedphonenumbers.

17
Introductionsareawaytohelppeoplefeelincludedandasiftheymatterto
you,soitisimportanttoknowhowtoproperlymakethem.
Ifyouarewithonefriendandrunintoanotherfriendandyouareallonyour
waysomewhereelse,it’senoughtosay,“Liza,thisisCarrie.Carrie,thisisLiza.
We’regoingtoamovie.Talktoyousoon!”Ifyouareallatthesamepartyor
event, you can add a bit more. “Liza, this is Meaghan. She and I went to
Grassland Elementary together, but now she goes to Highlands Middle.
Meaghan,Lizaisonthesoccerteamwithmeatschool.”
Ifyouarewithyourparents,yousay,“MomandDad,thisisCarrie.Wemet
atMeaghan’spartyandsherunstrackforHighlandsMiddle.”Youdonotneed
toadd,“Carrie,thesearemyparents.”Thatisprettyobvious.
If you are with your mother,and you run into your soccercoach at the post
office,yousay,“Mom,thisisCoachHowe.Sheismysoccercoach.”Yourmom
willprobablyalreadyknowthatifshehasbeengoingtoyourgames,butitnever
hurtstorefreshsomeone’smemory,especiallywhenitcomestonames.

18
YOUDO

Includesomethingpersonalaboutafriendyouareintroducingtoyourparents,
like“Mom,thisisOlga.ShemovedherefromGermanylastyear.”

YOUDON’T

Justsay,“Mom,thisisOlga.”

Why
Because knowing a little something about your friend gives your parents an
openingtogettoknowyourfriendalittlebetter,whichisreassuringforparents.

YOUDO

Introduceanewcomertoagroupofpeopleshedoesn’tknow,evenifyoudon’t
know everyone’s name in the group. You can simply say, “Everyone, this is
Carrie.Wewenttoelementaryschooltogether.”

YOUDON’T
Say hello to the newcomer, then resume your conversation with your other
friends.

Why
Not being introduced makes a person feel invisible and unimportant, and no
onewantstomakeanyonefeelthatway.

19
Aladyalwaysintroducestheyoungerpersonto
theolderperson.“Grandma,thisisElizabeth.”
Not,“Elizabeth,thisismygrandmother.”

Aladycanintroduceherselftosomeonebysaying
herownnamefirst.“Hello,I’mJanaJones.”
Ideally,theotherpersonwillreply,“Hello,I’m
HannahRogers.”
20
Chapter6

PAYINGA
COMPLIMENT

T heexpression“payingacompliment”iskindoffunnybecausecompliments
arethegiftswegivetoothersthatdon’tcostacent.Theydon’tneedtobe
sized, they don’t need a box, and they don’t have to be wrapped. But they are
trulypriceless.
Acomplimentonlytakesafewsecondstosay,butitlingersforhours.When
yourmomisrushingoutthedoortowork,andyoutellherhowgreatshelooks
inhernewsuit,she’llcarrythatwithheralldaylong.Whenyoutellyourfriend
thatthepoemshewroteforEnglishwassofunnyitmadeyoulaughoutloud,
she’ll remember that each time she reads it again. When you tell your
grandmotherthatnoonemakesbetterbiscuitsthanshedoes,she’llthinkofyou
eachtimeshebakesupabatch.

21
Compliments are gifts that everyone loves getting and that never have to be
takenback.

YOUDO

Tellsomeonewhenyouthinksheorhehasdonesomethingreallywell,orwhen
shelooksreallypretty,orwhenhisjacketisreallycool.
 YOUDON’T

Keep those thoughts to yourself, even if you’re shy or don’t know the person
thatwell.Theopportunitywillpass,andthenyou’llwishyouhadtakenit.

Why
Itisneverwrongorincorrecttosaysomethingnicetosomeone.

YOUDO

Paycomplimentswithsincerityandonlywhenyoumeanit.

YOUDON’T

Saysomethingnicejusttohavesomethingtosay.

Why
If you tell your friend every time you see her that she looks fantastic, she’s
goingtostopbelievingyou.Nobody,notevenasupermodel,looksfantasticall
thetime.

22
Aladyisnotstingywithhercompliments.
Aladydoesnotexaggeratehercompliments.

Aladyisgenuineinhercompliments.
30
Chapter9

ACCEPTINGAN
APOLOGY

I f your big brother teases you in front of his friends, it can really hurt your
feelings. If your best friend borrows your favorite top and drips mustard all
down the front, it’s perfectly natural that you would get angry. If your mom
promised to come to your volleyball game, and she got busy at work and
completelyforgot,youprobablyfeltsadandmad.
If your brother or your friend or your mom doesn’t come to you and say
they’re sorry for what they did or didn’t do, you’re just going to get more sad
andmoremad.
Sowhentheydocometoyouandapologize—which,becausetheyloveyou,
theymostlikelywilldo—therightthingtodoisaccepttheirapology.
Itcanbehard,especiallywhenyou’restillfeelingbadaboutwhathappened
and want to be sure they know it. But chances are they do know, or they
wouldn’tbeofferinganapology.Ifyourbrother,yourfriend,oryourmomsays,
“IknowIhurtyourfeelings/ruinedyourshirt/missedyourgameandIamreally
sorry,”yourresponseshouldbe“Iappreciateyousayingso”or“Iunderstand.”
Yourbrothermightdosomethingnicetomakeupforbeingsuchajerk,your
friendwillprobablyoffertoreplaceyourshirt,andyourmomwilldoeverything
inherpowernottomissanothergame.
Accepting someone’s apology lets everyone start to feel better. It doesn’t
mean that what happened didn’t matter. It means that being mature about it
mattersmore.

YOUDO
Say“that’sokay”whensomeoneapologizestoyou.

YOUDON’T

Havetoimmediatelygivethemahugandactasifnothinghappened.

Why
Youhavearighttofeelhurtorangrywhensomeonedoessomethingcareless
orhurtful.Sometimesithelpstotakealittlebreatheraftertheapologyisoffered
andaccepted.

32
YOUDO

Say“Iappreciateyourapology”whensomeoneapologizestoyou.

YOUDON’T

Say, “I appreciate your apology . . . but you are really a jerk/you should have
beenmorecareful/youreallymademefeelterrible...don’tdoitagain.”

Why
Replyingtoanapologywithaqualifierisnotreallyacceptinganapology.

YOUDO

Forgivesomeonewhentheyhavedonesomethingcarelessorhurtfultoyou.

YOUDON’T

Forgetitiftheydothesamethingoverandover.
Why
Beingaladydoesn’tmeanallowingpeopletotakeadvantageofyouandyour
goodnature.Ifthesamethinghappensmorethanonce,it’stimetositdownand
talkitover.

33
Aladyacceptsanapologywithoutconditions.

Aladydoesnotkeepremindingherbrother,her
friend,orhermotheroftheirtransgressiononce
theapologyisaccepted.

Aladyknowshowtoforgiveandintime,forget.

Aladydoesnotholdagrudge.
34
Chapter10

ASKINGPERMISSION

A s long as there have been children eager to grow up—which there always
havebeen—atsomepointintheirlives,theyhavebeenfrustratedatbeing
denied permission to do something, and in frustration they have said, “I can’t
wait until I grow up and I can do whatever I want.” That’s not ever going to
happen.
Whenyouwerereallylittle,youusedtohavetoasksomeoneolderorbigger
thanyouforalmosteverythingbecauseyouweren’tbigenoughtodoityourself.
You couldn’t reach the cookie jar or pour a glass of milk. You couldn’t just
toddleacrossthestreetbyyourselftoseeyourfriendorclimbupontothechair
andturnthefamilycomputerontoplayagame.
Onceyougetolderandbigger,youdon’tneedtoaskforasmuchhelp,butin
manycasesyoudoneedtoaskpermission.Yourfatherdoesn’tjustwalkoverto
theneighbor’sgarageandtakehishedgeclippersheaskspermissiontoborrow
them.Yourgrandmotherdoesn’tjustjumpinthecartotakeoffforaweekend
with “the girls” in New Orleans. (Yes, grandmothers call their girlfriends “the
girls” long after they’ve aged out of girlhood. You will too.) She checks first
withyourgrandfathertoseeifit’sokayorifhehasotherplans.

35
Askingpermissionissomethingyoudofromaveryyoungage—likeasking
your kindergarten teacher for permission to take a puzzle off the shelf— to a
veryoldage.Nomatterhowoldyouare,askingforpermissionissomethingyou
neveroutgrow.
 YOUDO

Askpermissiontouseyourmom’slaptop,borrowyourfriend’sFrenchEnglish
dictionary,rideyourbiketotheballpark,orstayoutanhourpastyourcurfew.

YOUDON’T

Assumethatit’sokaytodoanyofthosethingsbecauseyou’renotnineyearsold
anymore,orbecauseyou’vedonethembefore.

Why
Each time you use something that belongs to someone else or do something
outoftheordinary,youaskpermission.

36
YOUDO

Offeranexplanationofwhyyouneedtouseyourmom’slaptoporstayoutan
hourpastyourcurfew.

YOUDON’T

Ask for permission without being prepared for a followup question and
response.

Why
Yourmommightneedtouseherlaptopherself,butifyoutellherthere’s a
programyouneedonthelaptopforapaperyou’rewritingandyoupromiseto
giveitbackinonehour,she’llprobablysayyes.

YOUDO
Acceptnoasafinalanswerwhenit’sclearthat’swhattheanswerisgoingtobe.

YOUDON’T

Whine,cry,stompyourfoot,andaccuseyourparentsofalwayssayingno,being
totallyunfair,andhatingyou.

Why
Acceptingnoforananswerwithmaturitywillimpressyourparentssomuch
that they are far more likely to say yes the next time. If you sense yourself
gettingupset,youmightwanttogotoyourroomtocooldown.Ifithelps,you
canyellintoyourpillow.

37
Aladyneverusesorborrowssomethingthat
belongstosomeoneelsewithoutasking
permission.Noexceptions.

Aladydoesn’tchangetheradiostationinthecar
hermomisdrivingwithoutaskingpermission.

Aladydoesn’tstayoutpastcurfeworgotoa
differentplacethanshetoldherparentsshewas
goingwithoutaskingpermissionfirst.
38
Chapter11

ASKINGFORA
FAVOR

T here’s a fine line between asking for an occasional favor, and asking
someonetodosomethinginappropriateorbeyondthecalloffriendship.
Ifyou’vehadtostayhomesick,askingyourclassmatewhocarpoolswithyou
to pick up your school assignments and drop them by your house is a favor
anyonewouldbehappytodo.Askingafriendforsomehelpwithaquestionyou
don’tunderstandisalsoafavor.Askingafriendifyoucancopytheirhomework
because you’ve missed a few days of school and don’t understand the
assignmentiscrossingthelineandputtingyourfriendinaveryuncomfortable
position.

39
Asking your little brother to cover your chore of walking the dog one
afternoonafterschoolbecauseyouhaveahugepaperduethenextdayisafavor.
Asking your little brother to walk the dog every day for a week is taking
advantageofyourstatusinthebirthorderandisguaranteedtomakehimmad
enoughtotellyourparents.
Askingyourteammatesifit’sokaytoleaverightafterpracticeandnothelp
collectandputawaytheequipmentbecauseyourbigsisterispickingyouupand
you’regoingoutfordinnerisafavor.Skippingoutonyourdutiesasamember
ofateamonaregularbasismakesyouabadteammate,andiscertaintofoster
badfeelings.
Knowingthedifferencenowbetweenaskingforafavorandtakingadvantage
ofsomeone’sgoodnaturewillbeevenmoreimportantasyougetolderandneed
biggerfavors.Whenyougotothemountainsforaweekwithyourfamilyand
youaskyourfriendtocometoyourhouseeverydaytofeedyourcat,theright
thingtodoisbringyourfriendasmalltokenofappreciation—acutesouvenir,a
boxofcandy,abarofsoap.Inthenottoodistantfuture,whenyou’regoingto
college six hours away, you might need a ride home for fall break. The right
thingtodoisoffertofillthedriver’scarwithgas.
Afavorisanactofkindnesssomeonedoesforyoubeyondwhatisduealady
doesn’ttakeadvantageorfailtoexpressherappreciation.

YOUDO

Askforafavoronlywhenyou’reinapinchandreallyneedit.

YOUDON’T

Askforfavorsoverandoverfromthesameperson.

Why
Thepersonyoukeepaskingwillunderstandablybegintoavoidyou.

YOUDO

Acknowledgethefavoryouhavereceived.

YOUDON’T
Takeadvantageofaperson’skindnessorinabilitytosaynotoyou.

Why
Wordtravelsamongfriendsandyoudon’twanttogetareputationasauser.
41
Aladysays“thankyou”whenherbrotheragrees
tocoverdogwalkingdutythatday,andagain
afterhedoesit.

Aladyofferstoreciprocateafavor,tellingher
brother,forexample,thatifhewalksthedogfor
her,shewillcoveroneofhischores.

Aladygetssomeonewhodoesabigfavorforher
asmalltokenofappreciation.
42
Chapter12

BORROWING
CLOTHES

G irlsborrowclothesfromoneanotherascasuallyandnaturallyasboyspoke
eachotherintheribsandseewhocaneatthemostpizza.Butthereissome
basicprotocoltobeawareofwhenborrowingafriend’sclothes.
Borrowing clothes can be preplanned. If you know that Brittney has an
adorable babyblue sweater that will go perfectly with your brown jeans, you
mightcallortextherandaskifyoucanborrowheradorablebabybluesweater
toweartothemovieonFridaynight.
Or borrowing clothes can be an act comparable to spontaneous combustion
whentwoormoregirlsgatheratonehousetogetreadytogoout—“out”being
anythingfromwalkingfourblocksdownthestreettotheparkwheretheboys’
soccerteampracticesortoakickofftheseventhgradepartyintheschoolgym.
Girls arrive at the staging house carrying tote bags stuffed with potential
outfitstoauditionfortheothergirls.Thehostess’sclosetisraided,andbythe
timethegroupleavesthehouse,nooneiswearinganything—exceptunderwear
—thatbelongstothem.

YOUDO

Ask before borrowing an article of clothing, pair of boots, or piece of jewelry
fromafriend,asister,oryourmom.

YOUDON’T
Takesomethingthinkingtheywon’tmindorthatyou’llgetitbackbeforethey
notice.

Why
Borrowing something without asking is almost like stealing and you would
neverdothat.Besides,youareboundtorunintothepersonyou“borrowed”the
plaidskirtfromwhileyouarewearingit.

YOUDO
Understandtheboundariesforwhatisacceptabletoborrow.

44
YOUDON’T

Borrowunderwear,makeup,hairbrushes,oranythingwiththetagsstillonit.

Why
Borrowingunderwearisfartoointimate,evenforsisters.Sharingmakeupor
hairbrushes may result in sharing far more than you bargained for. The first
persontowearanewarticleofclothingshouldalwaysbethepersonwhoowns
it.

YOUDO

Returntheitemofclothingcleaned,wrinklefree,folded,oronahanger.

YOUDON’T

Returnadirtyshirt,aknottednecklace,ormudspatteredshoes.
Why
Beingaresponsibleborrowerisasimportantasbeingacourteoushouseguest.
Youareatemporarycaretakerofsomeoneelse’sproperty.

YOUDO

Returnwhatyouborrowedinatimelyfashion.

45
YOUDON’T

Waituntilthepersonyouborrowedsomethingfromhastocomeandretrieveit.

Why
Borrowingisatemporarylease,notapermanenttradeorpurchase.

Aladydoesnotborrowsomethingthatsheknows
istoosmallforher.

Aladylaundersordrycleansclothingthatshe
borrowsbeforereturningit.

Aladyreplacessomethingsheborrowswiththe
identicalitemifshestains,tears,orotherwise
makestheitemunwearable.Ifthatisnotpossible,
sheofferstoreimburseherfriendwithcashforthe
ruineditem.
60
Chapter16

THEPLACESETTING

R ememberthefirsttimeyouopenedyourSpanishtextbookandnothingmade
sensetoyou?Therewerewordsonthepagemadeoflettersyouknew,but
youhadnoideawhattheymeantorhowtosaythem.
Youwillprobablyfeelthesamewaythefirsttimeyousitdowntoaformal
dinner, one with lots of utensils and glasses and different plates. They all look
familiar,buthowdoesitwork?
You might get really nervous about doing the wrong thing, using the wrong
fork, or drinking out of someone else’s glass. It’s actually quite logical and
simplerthanyoumightguess.
Squaretheareaaroundyourplate—totheleft,right,andimmediatelyabove
—as your “property.” Solids—like the small plate for your bread—are to the
left, and liquids—like your drinking glass—are to the right. One easy way to
rememberistoimagineasmallbtotheleftandasmalldtotherightbisfor
bread,disfordrink.

61
Asforutensils,youjustworkyourwayin,coursebycourse.Forksarealways
placedtotheleftoftheplate,andknivesandspoonstotherightoftheplate.If
thereisaforkandspoonplacedhorizontallyatthetopofyourplate,thoseare
intended for dessert and you don’t need to think about them until your pie or
cakeisdeliveredtoyou.
Asmallbutterknifemaybelaidacrossthebreadplate.Thatknifeisonlyto
be used for buttering your bread. It is not to be used for taking butter off the
butter plate. There will be a separate knife for that, and you will use it to put
somebutteronyourbreadplate,butnotonyourbread.
Onceyouhaveusedautensil,youdonotlayitonthetableagain.Ifyouare
stilleating,youcanpropthetinesoftheforkortheendoftheknifeontheedge
ofyourplate.
Themealmightbeginwithasaladthesaladforkissmallerthanthedinner
forkandwillbeontheoutsidetotheleftoftheplate.Thatistheoneyoubegin
with.Ifyoumustuseaknifetocutyoursalad,resttheknifeonthesaladplate
until it is cleared, then rest it on your bread plate until your main course is
served.Ifthereisnobreadplate,simplypropitonthespoon.
If the meal starts with soup, there will be a larger soupspoon outside the
teaspoonontherightofyourplate.

62
Whenthemaincourseisserved,youwillhavethemainforkandyourknife
lefttouse.Whenyouarenotusingyourknife,proporrestitontheplate.
Whenyouarefinishedwithyourmeal,placeyourknifeandfork—tinesdown
andpointedtotheupperleftcorner—sidebyside,diagonallyacrossyourplate.

YOUDO

Usethewaterglasstotherightofyourplate.

YOUDON’T

Drinkfrommorethanonewaterglassifyouhavegottenmixedup.

Why
Everyonehasmadethismistake,especiallypeoplewhoarelefthanded,andit
is no big deal. Tell the person to your left you have used their glass and give
themtheoneyouhavenotused.
 YOUDO

Paceyoureatingtotherestofthetable.

YOUDON’T

Gobbleyourfood—evenifyouarefamished—oreatatasnail’space.

Why
You do not want to sit and watch everyone else eat if your plate is emptied
wellbeforetheirsneitherdoeseveryoneelsewanttowaitforyoutofinishso
theycangettheircherrypie.

YOUDO

Putyourutensilsonyourplateifyoumustpausetopassthebreadbasketorwipe
yourmouth.

YOUDON’T

Laydirtyutensilsonthetable.

Why
Youdon’twanttoleavegreasestainsortomatosauceonthetablecloth.

64
 Aladydoesnotpushfoodontoherforkwithher
finger,butusesapieceofbreadortheedgeofher
knife.

Ifaladydropsautensilonthefloor,shedoesnot
pickitupandwipeitonhernapkin,butasksfora
replacement.

Aladydoesnotbutteranentirerollorsliceof
breadatonetime,butonlythepiecesheisabout
toputintohermouth.
65
Chapter17

FOODALLERGIES
ANDDISLIKES

E veryone has some kind of food they don’t like, kids especially. When you
werereallylittle,yourmomprobablyworriedyou’dnevereatanythingbut
Cheerios,chickenfingers,macaroniandcheese,Frenchfries,pizza,andgrilled
cheesesandwichesfortherestofyourlife.
As you get older, your taste and taste buds mature as well, but there will
always be those one or two things that you just can’t abide, that might even
makeyousickjustthinkingaboutthem.Maybeit’sbeetsorBrusselssproutsor
peasorpeanutbutterortuna.Maybeit’sallofthosethings.
Whenyou’reeatingathome,yourmomordad,orwhoeverdoesthecooking
foryourfamily,alreadyknowsthataboutyou,andtheirfeelingswon’tbehurtif
you don’t eat those things. When you’re a guest in someone’s home or at a
special dinner and lima beans are being passed around the table, it’s a little
trickier,butit’sstillmanageable.
Foodallergiesaremuchmoreseriousandyourparentshaveprobablytaught
younevertoeatfoodsyouareallergicto,nomatterhowdeliciousorharmless
they look. If strawberries make you break out in a rash all over your body,
shellfishmakeyouvomit,orpeanutssendyouintoshock,youneedtosharethat
withyourhostorhostess.Noonewantstoberesponsibleformakingsomeone
sick.

YOUDO

Justpassalongwithoutcommentadishofsomethingyouknowyouhate.
 YOUDON’T

Makeafaceandsay,“Ithinkbeetsaresogross!Howcanyoueatthosethings?”

Why
Making faces and blurting disparaging comments about food that is being
servedtoyouisagoodwaytoensureyouwon’tbeinvitedback.

YOUDO

Let a friend who asks you to dinner know in advance if you have severe food
allergiessoshecansharethatwiththecook.

YOUDON’T

Waituntileveryoneissittingatthetableforashrimpboil,sighloudly,andtell
themtheonlythingyoucaneatisthebread.

Why
It’sawkwardforeveryoneelseatthetableifonepersonisn’teating.Letting
your host or hostess know in advance allows them to prepare something that
won’tsendyoutothehospital.

YOUDO

Takealittlebitofsomethingyou’venevertried.

YOUDON’T

Spit something out of your mouth if it turns out you hate it, hide the rest of it
underapieceofbread,ordropitinyournapkin.

Why
 When you take just a little bit of an unfamiliar food, you might discover
somethingyoureallylove,andaskingformorewillpleasethecook.Ifyoufind
youdon’tlikeit,it’snotrudetoleavejustthatsmallbitonyourplate.

68
Aladyletsherhostorhostessknowinadvanceif
herreligiousbeliefspreventherfromeatinga
particularfood,orsheisavegetarianorvegan.

Aladydoesn’tneedtosayhowmuchshehates
limabeansiftheyareofferedtohershesimply
says,“No,thankyou.ButI’dlovesomemore
salad!”

Aladydoesn’tpointouthowfatteningsomething
is,evenifitisveryfattening.
74
Chapter19

PUBLICSTAIRCASES
ANDHALLWAYS

I magine what roads and highways would look like if everyone just drove
wherevertheywanted.Orwhatchaoswouldensueiftherewerenodesignated
runwaysforplanesordesignatedturnsfortakeoffsandlandings.
Traffic in public hallways, on staircases and escalators, and through doors
doesn’thavethesamepotentialfordisasterasoninterstatesandinairports,but
there are certain guidelines to follow to keep things flowing in an orderly
fashion.
Mostoftheserulesarejustcommonsenseandfollowthesamerulesofreal
roads,buttheycanbeforgottenwhenwe’reinahurry.

75
YOUDO

Staytotherightwhilewalkinginahallandascendingordescendingastaircase.

YOUDON’T

Walkontheleft,walkinthemiddle,ordriftfromsidetoside.

Why
 In America, we drive on the right and we walk the same way. In twoway
traffic, keeping everyone to their right avoids bumps and collisions of the
vehicularandpedestrianvariety.

YOUDO

Staytotherightsideofanascendingordescendingescalator.

YOUDON’T

Anchoryourselfinthemiddle.

Why
Some people are in a hurry and prefer to walk rather than ride escalators
when they pass riders, they need to have access to the left side of the moving
staircase.

76
YOUDO

Watch where you are going and pay attention to your surroundings and the
peoplearoundyouinpublicplaces.

YOUDON’T

Walk and text, make sudden stops in hallways or midway up a staircase, or
pauseatthetoporbottomofanescalator.

Why
You will most certainly be rearended and could hurt yourself and others,
perhapscausingadangerouspileup.
 Aladypassesslowerwalkerstotheirleft,andsays
“excuseme”asshedoesso,doingherbestnotto
startletheotherwalker.

77
Ladiesdonotwalkmorethantwoabreastina
hallway,onawalkingpath,oronastaircase.Ifthe
hallwayisnarrow,withoncomingtraffic,ladies
walkinsinglefileuntillanesareclear.

Aladystepstotherearorsideofanelevatorwhen
otherpassengersenter.Ifitisquitecrowdedand
sheisclosesttothepanel,sheasks“whichfloor?”
andpushestheappropriatebutton.Ifsomeoneis
havingtroublegettingout,shepushesthebutton
thatholdsthedooropen.

Ladiesholdadoorforolderpeople,peoplewith
packages,andpeoplepushingstrollers.Ifsomeone
holdsadoorforher,shealwayssays“thankyou.”
82
Chapter21

ACCEPTINGAGIFT

W hat’s so hard about accepting a gift? You just open it up and say “thank
you.” Sooner rather than later, your mom will hand you a pile of note
cardsandapenandtellyounottoleavethehouseuntilyouwriteyourthank
younotes.
Otherthansaying“thankyou,”therearen’treallyrulesaboutacceptinggifts,
buttherearenicetiesweobserve—evenwhenyourgreatauntHazelgivesyoua
sweater that is clearly three sizes too big and smells suspiciously like Aunt
Hazel. Or your grandmother gives you this book, when you were hoping for a
giftcardtoSephora.
No matter what the gift is, the point is that someone has taken the time and
efforttochooseitjustforyou,wrappedit,andgivenittoyouwiththenatural
expectationthatthegesturewillbeappreciated.

83
YOUDO

Say“thankyou”assoonasyouopenthegift.

YOUDON’T

Say,“Oh,Ialreadyhavethisbook”or“Thisreallyisn’tmycolor.”
Why
Evenifyoudohavethebookorfuchsiadoesmakeyoulookill,“thankyou”
is the only appropriate response for any and every gift you receive. You don’t
have to lie and say, “Oh, I love fuchsia!” But you do say, “Thank you for the
prettysweater,AuntHazel.”

YOUDO

Taketimetoacknowledgeeverygiftyouopenwhentherearemanygiftstobe
opened—atyourbirthdayparty,forexample.

YOUDON’T

Tearthroughpackagesasifyou’retryingtobeattheclock.

Why
Whenyouareopeningyourgiftsatabirthdayparty,itispartofthefunfor
yourgueststoseeandadmirewhateveryoneelsehasbrought.Openinggiftsata
moreleisurelypacealsoallowsyoutokeepthecardswiththegifts,whichwill
beimportantlaterwhenyousitdowntowritethankyounotes.

YOUDO

Saysomethingniceabouteachgiftyoureceive.

YOUDON’T

Goonandonaboutoneparticulargiftandbarelyacknowledgetheothers.

Why
Yes, the Tiffany key chain may be something one of your friends, with the
means to afford it, knows you have coveted for months. But effusive gushing
over the key chain will make it appear you like that gift more than any of the
othersyouhavereceived.Evenifyoudo,youcansaveyourraveforthethank
younoteyouwritetoyourgenerousfriend.

85
Aladysays“thankyou”foreverygift,theones
shelovesandtheonesshedoesn’t.

Aladyneverpointsouttothegiverthatshe
alreadyhasthegiftshejustopened.

Aladycanthinkofsomethingnicetosayabout
everygiftshereceives.“ThankyoufortheFigaro
CD,UncleHarold.Itwillbemyfirstopera!”

Aladydoesnotannouncetheamountofacheck
hergrandmotherhasenclosedinherbirthdaycard.
Shesimplysays,“Thankyou,Nana”andputsthe
checkbackinthecard.
86
Chapter22

WRITINGA
THANKYOUNOTE

K nowingwhentowriteathankyounoteiseasy:youwriteathankyounote
wheneversomeonedoessomethingreallyniceforyouorgivesyouagift.
Knowinghowtowriteathankyounoteisalittlebitharder,butonceyou’ve
gotthehangofit,you’llwanttomakeahabitofit.Expressingyourappreciation
for something in a brief but sincere note isn’t something you outgrow. In fact,
it’saskillandacourtesythatwillbecomeevenmoreimportantasyougetolder
andneedtoacknowledgegraduationgifts,jobinterviews,andweddingpresents.
Awellwrittenpersonalnotealwaysimpressespeople—whetherthatpersonis
yourgrandmother,yourbestfriend’sparents,orthepersonyouhopetocallyour
boss. It especially stands out when the habits of more casual correspondence
have made thankyou notes seem exceptional. Being exceptional is always a
goodthing.

YOUDO

Writeathankyounoteforagiftyou’vereceived.

YOUDON’T

Thinkthatsaying“thankyou”inpersonwhenyoureceivethegiftisenoughor
thattexting“thx!”willtakecareofit.
Why
Ifsomeonehastakenthetimeandefforttochooseandpurchaseagiftforyou,
themostmeaningfulwaytorespondistoexpressyourappreciationinwriting.

YOUDO

Writeyourthankyounotesaspromptlyaspossible.

YOUDON’T

Think that because you have procrastinated for a month or more after your
birthday,there’snosenseinsendinganotesolate.

Why
Soonerisbetterthanlater,butlateisbetterthannever.Ifamonthhasgone
pastsinceyoureceivedthewatchfromyourgrandmother,youmightstartwitha
quick apology for your tardiness, and even make a little joke about how you
hope it makes you more timely. You do not say, “I’ve been so busy, I didn’t
havetime.”Youdon’tneedtoofferanexcuse,justanapology.

YOUDO

Write your friend’s parents a thankyou note for taking you to the beach with
themforspringbreak.

YOUDON’T

Writeyourfriend’smotherathankyounoteforgivingyouaridehomefromthe
movie.

Why
Somethings—likearidehomeoraskingyoutostayforpizzawiththefamily
—aresimplyconsiderationsthatpeopledoforothersinthecourseofdailylife.
Bringing you along for a vacation, taking you as their guest to a really nice
restaurant,orinvitingyoutouseoneofthefamily’sfootballseasonticketsare
allspecial,andshouldbeacknowledgedassuch.

YOUDO

Saysomethingpersonalandspecificinyourthankyounote.

YOUDON’T

Writesomethingthatsoundslikeaformletterforwhichyouhavefilledinthe
blanks.

Why
Peoplewanttoknowthattheirgiftorgesturehasmadeanimpressiononyou
in some way. Writing “Dear Aunt Molly, Thank you for the gift you sent me.
Sincerely,AnnaBelle”isimpersonalandvague.

Aladyhandwritesathankyounoteonanotecard
orstationery,notonapieceofpapertornoutofa
notebook.

Aladyusesherbesthandwriting,evenifthat
meansprinting.Anillegiblenotecanleadto
miscommunicationorevenaheadacheforthe
personattemptingtoreadit.

90
 Hereareacoupleofexamplesyoucanuseasguidelines.

DearGrandma,
I love the sweater you made me for Christmas! Whenever I wear
somethingyouknitted,Igetsomanycomplimentsonit,andIknow
thissweaterwillbeadmiredtoo.Thankyousomuchforallthework
youputintoit.IwillthinkofyoueverytimeIwearit.
Love,
AnnaBelle

DearMr.andMrs.Green,
I had the best time at the beach with your family during spring
break.IlovelookingatallthephotosSusanandItookandseeinghow
much fun we had. Thank you so much for including me and making
mefeelsowelcome.Iwillalwaysrememberit.
Sincerely,
AnnaBelleCarter

91
DearUncleBob,
Thank you so much for the generous check you sent for my
birthday.Iamsavinguptobuyalaptopcomputerandyourcheckwill
go toward that goal. It was very thoughtful of you to remember my
day.Ihopetoseeyousoon.
Love,
AnnaBelle
97
Chapter24

TELEPHONESAND
MESSAGES

E ven when your parents deem it appropriate for you to have a cell phone,
most families with children will still have a landline phone. Your older
relativesprobablyhaveonetoo.
Yourmommighthaveafunnystoryaboutthetimewhenyouwerebarelyold
enoughtoputasentencetogetheryetyouansweredthehomephoneandkepther
boss on the line for five minutes, pleading, “Can you go get your mommy,
please,andbringhertothephone?”
Butthat’sonlyfunnywhenacutelittletoddlerdoesit,andonlyonce.Anyone
whoisoldenoughtoanswerthetelephoneshouldknowhowtouseitproperly.

98
Thatmeanshowtoanswerahomephone,howtoplaceacall,andhowtotake
amessage.Justbecausethepersonyouaretalkingtocan’tseeyoudoesn’tmean
youdon’thavetousegoodmanners.

YOUDO

Speakclearlyandpleasantlywhenyouanswer.

YOUDON’T
Shout,mumble,orgrumbleintothephone.

Why
Thecallershouldnotfeelasifhiscallisanimpositionbeforeheevenstates
hispurpose.

YOUDO

Sayeither“Hello”or“Hello,thisistheTaylorresidence.”

YOUDON’T

Say“Hey”oranyotherslangbywayofgreeting.

Why
UnlessyouhavecallerID,youdon’tknowwhothecalleris,andanythingless
formalthan“Hello”doesnotmakeafavorablefirstimpression.

YOUDO

Ifthecallisnotforyou,askthepersoncallingtoholdforamomentwhileyou
quietlyplacethereceiverdownandgetthepersontheyarecalling,orcoverthe
phonewhileyousummonthatperson.

YOUDON’T

Shout into the phone, “Mommmmm! It’s for youuuuuuuuuuuu! It’s Mrs.
Adamssssss!”

Why
Mrs.Adamswasnotexpectingsomeonetoshoutintothereceiveranddidnot
havetimetomoveitawayfromherearbeforeyounearlyrupturedhereardrum.
 YOUDO

Let the person who answers the telephone when you have placed a call know
whoyouare.

YOUDON’T

IgnoretheirgreetingandabruptlyaskforyourfriendPaige.Orevenworse,say
“Whoisthis?”tothepersonwhoanswersthephone.

Why
You wouldn’t walk into someone’s house without saying hello and
announcing yourself. The way you announce yourself to the person answering
the phone depends on who the person is. If it’s your friend’s father, you say,
“Hello, Mr. Holmes. Is Paige available?” If it’s your friend’s brother, you can
say,“HiTravis.IsPaigeathome?”

YOUDO
Simply tell the caller that the person they are asking to speak with is not
availablethenaskifyoumaytakeamessage.

YOUDON’T
Sharethatyourparentsarenotathomeorthatyourfatherisintheshower.

Why
It is not necessary to share that much specific information it might even be
unwiseifyouarehomealoneandthecallerisastranger.

YOUDO

Writethecaller’snameandnumberonamessagepadorcleansheetofpaper,
andplaceitwhereitwillbefound.

YOUDON’T

Writethemessageonyourhandoranapkinorscribbleitacrossthetopofyour
littlesister’sdrawing.

Why
Thepointoftakingamessageistodeliverinformation.Noonewouldthinkto
look at your hand, a napkin will likely be thrown away, and you’ll be in big
troubleifyouruinyoursister’spicture.

Aladyaskspermissionifsheneedstousethe
phoneinsomeoneelse’shome.

Aladyreturnsthephonetoitsbaseanddoesnot
leaveitwherevershelastuseditsothebattery
diesandnoonecanfindit.

Aladydoesnotchewgum,eatfood,ordrink
beverageswhileonthephone.

Aladydoesnothanguponthepersonanswering
thephoneifshehascalledawrongnumber.She
says,“I’msorrytobotheryou.Ihavecalledthe
wrongnumber.”

102
Aladydoesnotcallanotherperson’shomebefore
8:00a.m.orafter8:00p.m.,unlessit’svery
important.

Aladyleavesaclear,shortmessageonan
answeringmachine,includinghername,howshe
canbereached,andabriefreasonforhercall.She
doesnotgoonandonasifsheishavinga
conversation.

Aladydoesnotaskacallerwhatthenatureof
theircallis.

Aladyrepeatsbackthecaller’snumberjusttobe
sureit’scorrect.

Aladydoesnotscribblethecaller’snameand
number.Shewritestheinformationlegiblyona
messagepadsothatitcanbeeasilyread.
109
Chapter26

THECOMPUTER

A mong lifechanging inventions, the computer ranks right up there with
indoorplumbingandelectricity.
Computersareabitmorecomplicatedtouse.It’ssimpletoturnonafaucetor
alight,andturnthemoffwhenyounolongerneedthem.Turningonacomputer
isjustthebeginning.Themostimportantthingtoknowishowtouseitproperly
andsafely.
Whenyouweresmall,youprobablyusedthefamilycomputerinacommon
area under an adult’s supervision. As you got older, you gained more
independence on the computer. You may have one of your own, or use the
computers at your school or in the public library. That means you have more
responsibilitytooperatethecomputerappropriately.
There are so many uses for the computer, you’ll wonder how anyone—like
yourparentsandgrandparents—everlivedwithoutthem.Youuseittoresearch
foranEnglishproject,orlookupshowtimesforthemovieyouandyourfriends
want to see. You’ll write papers, design PowerPoint presentations, and you
mightevencreateyourownblog.You’llsendemails,IMyourfriends,poston
bulletinboards,andmaybeparticipateinonlineforumsandchatrooms.

110
Atthesametime,therearemanyopportunitiesforonlinemisuse,abuse,and
evendownrightrisktoyoursafetyandsecurity.
Neverlosesightofthefactthatthoughyourcomputerisaningeniouspieceof
technology,itconnectsyoutoreallivepeople.Andwhileitcanbringthewhole
worldtoyourfingertips,itcanalsotakeyoutoplacesyoushouldn’tanddon’t
reallywanttogo.

YOUDO
Follow the rules for computer and Internet use that your parents, school, or
publiclibraryset.

YOUDON’T

Try to skirt your way around security barriers, sneak onto inappropriate Web
sites,orenterchatroomsclearlyintendedforolderpeople.

Why
Likeanytool,ifusedimproperly,theInternetcancauseyouandothersharm.
Donotshareyourpasswordwithanyoneexceptyourparentsiftheyrequestit
for security purposes, and do not fill out any forms that ask for your personal
information. Do not post your address or phone numbers on your Facebook
profile,orsendtheminanemail.DonotdownloadanythingfromaWebsite
youarenotfamiliarwith.

111
YOUDO

Createanemailaddressthatisappropriateforayoungladyyourage.

YOUDON’T

Createanemailaddressthatissuggestiveorinbadtaste,oronethatusesyour
fullname.

Why
 Thinkoftheimpressionyouwantyouremailaddresstomakenotjusttoyour
peers,butalsotoyourfamily,teachers,coaches,aclergymember,ortheparents
of the child you babysit. Using your full name as your email address, like
laurenmariesmythe@gmail.com,allowspeopleyoudon’t knowtofind you too
easily.

YOUDO

Carefullywordyouremailssoasnottooffendanyone.

112
YOUDON’T
Sendanemailinangerortoavoidtalkingtosomeonefacetoface.

Why
Emails lack the nuance and emotion of speech, and can easily be
misunderstood and misinterpreted. Emoticons help, but seeing smiley or frown
facesalloveratextcangetannoying.Keepyouremailsshortandtothepoint,
andreadthemoveragainbeforehittingthesendbutton.

Aladydoesn’tusealluppercaselettersfor
emphasis.ITMAKESITSEEMLIKEYOUARE
SHOUTING,andaladydoesn’tshoutatothers,
evenwhensheisangryorupset.

Aladydoesn’tsayanythinginanemailorona
publicpostthatshewouldnotsayinperson.

113
113
Aladyneverputsanythingthatcouldharmorhurt
anotherpersoninapublicforumliketexts,e
mails,Twitter,orFacebook.

Aladydoesn’tthinkthatbecauseshecanposta
meancommentoruglyrumoronablog
anonymouslyorwithapseudonym,it’sokay.Ifit
wereokay,aladywouldnothavetohideher
identity.

Aladydoesn’tmonopolizeacomputerusedby
othersathome,atschool,orinthelibrary.

Aladyshouldusehandsanitizerbeforeandafter
typingonapublickeyboard.
130
Chapter30

THESLUMBER
PARTY

A slumberpartyisaprettyfunnynameforapartywherethepointisbasically
not to slumber at all. The most successful slumber parties are the ones
where the guests stay up all night eating, watching movies, doing each other’s
nails and hair, sampling beauty products, trying on clothes, taking lots of
pictures,textingboys,playingmusic,andtalking.
Anyparentwhohashostedaslumberpartywouldadd“squealing”tothatlist.
There’s nothing quite like the sound of six girls simultaneously emitting high
pitchedsquealstomakeparentsthinktheyareinimminentdangerofatornado
orunderattackfromanalienarmy.

131
Slumberpartiescanbethemostfunthingintheworld,butsomeguidelinesof
conductcanmaketheexperiencemoreenjoyableforyouandyourfriends,and
almostbearableforthehostparents.

YOUDO

Participateinalltheactivitieswiththeothergirls.

YOUDON’T
Sit in a corner and text another friend all night, or call home at one in the
morningandbegsomeonetocomegetyou.

Why
Things don’t always go as we wished or anticipated. If you don’t like the
movie being shown, feel that you are being left out, or are not having a good
time,makethemostofitandrememberthatthepartyisn’tforyou,butforthe
birthdaygirl.Inthemorningwhenyouwakeup,youcanmakeaprivatecallto
yourmomordadandasktobepickedupearly.Orinstickingitout,youmight
discoveryouhadagoodtimeafterall.

YOUDO

Findthehostess’sparentstosaythankyouandgoodbyewhenyourridecomes
topickyouup.

132
YOUDON’T
Sneakoutthedoorwhenyourridetextsyoutoletyouknowthey’reoutsideand
waiting.

Why
Thanking your friend is not enough. You must also thank your friend’s
parents, who put up with all the noise, lost a good night’s sleep, and enjoyed
noneofthefun.Besides,iftheydon’tseeyouleave,theymightbeconcerned
thatyoumayhavewanderedoffinthenight.

YOUDO

Bring things to share—a type of candy you know the birthday girl loves, fun
colorsofnailpolish,individualpacksoffalseeyelashes.
 YOUDON’T

Bringonlyenoughforyouandthebirthdaygirl,anythingyoucouldn’tbearto
accidentallyhavebroken,eyemakeuptoshare,orglitter.

Why
Aslumberpartyisacommunalactivity,socheckbeforethepartytoseehow
manyguestsareexpectedsoyouknowhowmuchcandyorhowmanypacksof
falseeyelashestobring.Nomatterhowcuteitlookedsprinkledonthatmodelin
themagazine,glitterisneveragoodideainreallife,especiallynotinsomeone
else’shouse.

133
Aladybringsherownpillow,facewash,
toothbrush,andtoothpastetoaslumberparty.

Aladydoesn’tleaveanyoneout.

Aladyhelpsthehostesspickupinthemorning.

Aladydoesn’tgoanywhereinthehosthouse
excepttheareadesignatedfortheslumberparty.

Aladydoesherbestnottosquealaftermidnight.
134
Chapter31

LOSINGGRACIOUSLY

T hewordloserhassuchanuglysoundtoit.Andasweallknow,itfeelseven
worse.
Losingfeelsbad,butit’snothingtobeashamedofifyoudidyourbest.Inany
contestorcompetition,therewillbeawinnerandtherewillbesomeoneormany
someoneswhodon’twin.
You really can’t win them all. No one can. Not even the University of
Connecticut women’s basketball team, who did win a recordsetting ninety
games in a row until December 30, 2010, when the University of Stanford
Cardinalsgotthebetterofthem.ThatmadeStanfordthewinners.Diditmake
UConn losers? Technically yes. But did they act like losers? Did they stomp
aroundandkickbasketballswhentheylosttotheCardinals?No.Theyshookthe
hands of every person and coach on the team that defeated them. They might
havecriedinthelockerroom,buttheyweredignifiedinpublic.
EveryyearattheOscars,therearefiveactresseswhoarenominatedforBest
Actress.Outofallthehundredsofactressesinhundredsofrolesthatyear,just
five are honored for their performances. And of those five, only one will win.
Fourwilllose.Doanyofthefourlosersopentheirmouthsindisbelief,rolltheir
eyesindisgust,orcrumbleintearswhentheirnamesarenotcalled?Ofcourse
not.Theysmileandapplaudtheircolleagues.Eveniftheirheartisbreakingwith
disappointment.Theyareactresses,afterall.
Loserisanuglyword,butbeinguglyaboutlosingisnotgoingtomakeyou
feel any better. It will only succeed in making you look even worse than you
alreadyfeel.
 YOUDO

Congratulatethewinner.

YOUDON’T

Burstintotears,runoffinahuff,throwahissyfit,orstompyourfootandcry
“Unfair!”

Why
Callingattentiontoyourselfinsuchaselfabsorbedfashiontakesawayfrom
the attention that the winner of the competition deserves. Losing won’t reflect
negatively on you. It’s reacting poorly and immaturely that will hurt your
reputation.

YOUDO

Holdyourheadhighevenwhenyoulose.

YOUDON’T

Walkaroundlikealoser.

Why
Ifyoudidyourbestandtriedyourhardest,youhavenothingtobeashamed
of.Someoneelseranfasterthatday,masteredajumpyouhadn’tquiteperfected,
orhitanoteyousomehowmissed.Nexttime,you’lldobetter,butonlyifyou
believeyoucan.
137
Aladydoesnotblameherlossonanunfaircallor
ajudgefavoringhercompetitor.

Aladydoesnotblameherteammateswhenher
teamloses.

Aladyconcedesthespotlighttothewinner.

Aladyisdignifiedindefeat.
138
Chapter32

INANAUDIENCE

T herewillbetimeswhenyouareamemberofanaudienceforaperformance
youreallywanttosee.Maybeit’saconcertbyasingeryou’recrazyabout,
oryourbestfriend’sperformanceintheNutcracker.
Therewillalsobetimeswhenyou’reforcedtoattendalectureon“Teensand
Technology”withyourmom,orwhenyourgrandmotherhasdecidedtotakeyou
totheopera,whetheryoulikeitornot.
Though you are more likely to pay attention and be engaged with a
performance that interests you than one you are sure is going to bore you to
tears, being respectful to other members of the audience as well as the
performersrequirescertainnicetiesandsometraditionalrulesofconduct.
Movie theaters are more casual than performance halls, and movie tickets
aren’t quite as expensive as those for plays and concerts, but disrupting or
interferingwithanotheraudiencemember’senjoymentisthoughtlessandrude,
whetheryouareattheoperaorinamovietheater.

139
YOUDO

Arrive in time to get to your seat before the curtain goes up or a performance
begins.

YOUDON’T
Walkdowntheaisleofatheaterorperformancehallwhilesomeoneissinging,
playing,oracting.

Why
Entrancesareforperformers,notaudiencemembers.Ifyouarrivelate,waitin
thebackofthetheateruntilabreakintheactionoruntilanusherescortsyouto
yourseat.

YOUDO
Facethepeopleyoupassasyounavigatetherowtoyourseat,andsay“excuse
me”asyougo.

YOUDON’T

Godowntherowwithyourbacktothepeoplealreadyseated,orgosoquickly
theydon’thavetimetomovetheirknees,feet,purses,orwaterbottles.

Why
Noonewantsarearendintheirface,whichiswhattheywillgetifyougo
downtheaislewithyourbacktothem.Atthesametime,donotpressyourrear
endintothebacksoftheheadsofthepeopleintherowinfrontofyou.Make
yourselfassmallaspossibleandbeawareofallyourpossessionsasyougo.If
you step on someone’s toes, say “I’m sorry.” If you are already seated and
someone needs to pass you by, rise enough so that your knees are out of their
way.

YOUDO

Sitstillandattentivelyduringtheperformanceorlecture.

YOUDON’T
Fidgetabout,crossanduncrossyourlegs,hitthebackoftheseatinfrontofyou
withyourfoot,orsighloudlyandrepeatedly.

Why
Even if you have been forced to attend the concert, play, or lecture against
yourwill,theothermembersoftheaudiencewanttobethere.Yourtheatricsand
squirming about draws their attention away from the stage and is disturbing to
thosearoundyou.

141
Aladyusestherestroombeforeenteringthe
auditoriumorduringintermission.

Aladycarriesalozengeofsometypeinher
pocketorpurseifshehasacough.

Aladydoesnotrummagearoundinherpurse,
rustleherprogram,orchewgumloudlyduringthe
performance.Infact,chewinggumisbest
disposedofbeforeaperformancebegins.

Aladydoesnothurtherhost’sfeelingsby
 showingherboredomorimpatience.

Aladyusesonlyonearmrestandcupholder.

142
Aladyturnsoffhercellphoneoratleastthe
ringtonebeforesheentersanytheater.Shedoes
notopenhercellphonetocheckmessagesortext
duringaperformanceoramovie.

Aladyfollowstheleadoftheaudiencein
applaudingorstandingifsheisnotsurewhatto
do.
152
Chapter35

DRESSING
APROPRIATELY

W ouldn’t it be embarrassing to show up at a pool party wearing a pair of
shorts and a Tshirt over your bathing suit if everyone else was in party
clothes? The invitation did say “pizza and swimming” but in hindsight, you
shouldprobablyhaveerredonthesideofcaution,wornthatcutesundress,and
broughtyourbathingsuitinatotebag.
Sometimes we know exactly what type of attire is expected of us. Some
schools require uniforms or have a strict dress code, and there’s not much
leeway permitted. When you’re on a team, you know just what to wear to a
game.Ifyouplayinastudentorchestra,thedresscodeisprobablyprettystrict
forgirlsandboys.
Inothersituationstherearealotofopportunitiestoexpressyourselfwithyour
clothing,andasmanyopportunitiestomakeawrongchoice.Thisisespecially
trueatyourage,whenyou’retoooldorbigforlotsoftheclothesinthegirl’s
department,andtooyoungformanyofthemoregrownupclothesinthejunior
department.Advertisingandmediaoftenshowgirlsyouragedressingtenyears
olderthantheyreallyare.It’snotalwayseasytofigureitout.

153
That’swhenerringonthesideofcautionisnotanerroratall.Unlessyouare
tryingtocallattentiontoyourselfandprovokegossip—andwhywouldayoung
lady do that?—it is a better choice to dress so that people don’t remember
exactlywhatyouworeratherthanhavethemwhisperaboutyourshortskirtor
yourlowcuttop.Goodtasteisalwaysinstyle.

YOUDO

Thinkaboutthemessageyouroutfitissendingandwhereyouaresendingit.

YOUDON’T

Wear your designer label clothing when you are volunteering in a homeless
shelterorsoupkitchen.

Why
Volunteering for people who have no food while you are wearing a pair of
bootsthatcosttheequivalentofaweek’sworthofgroceriesisinsensitiveand
separatesyoufromthoseyouareserving.

YOUDO

Havefunwithfashion.

YOUDON’T
Loaduponeverytrendtheminuteithitsthestores.

Why
Unless you have an unlimited clothing budget, a closet full of this season’s
trends has a very limited style life. For example, don’t buy three pairs of the
cropped cargo pants and four pairs of the skinny jeans all over the fashion
magazinesforfallbuyoneofeach,andusethemoneyyousavedforsomecool
newtops.
155
Aladydoesnotwearclothesthataretoo
suggestiveorexcessivelyrevealing,nomatterhow
proudsheisofherfigure.

Aladywhowearsashortskirtrememberssheis
wearingashortskirtandwalks,sits,reaches,
bendsdown,andclimbsstairsaccordingly.

Aladydoesnotwearstainedortornclothingout
ofthehouse.

Aladydoesnotwearclothingthatistoosmall.

AladydoesnotwearTshirtsprintedwithvulgar,
obscene,orsuggestivelanguageorimages.

Aladyknowsthatabasicwhiteblouse,darkskirt,
andclassiccardiganinherwardrobewilltakeher
anywhere.
156
Chapter36

COSMETICS

C onvincing your parents that you’re old enough to start wearing makeup
mightbehard.
Thereisno“right”ageformakeup,otherthantheageyouandyourparents
agreeon,butmostgirlsstartusingsimplecosmeticssometimearoundsixthor
seventhgrade.
Yourmakeupshouldnotleadyourfaceintoaroom.Cosmeticsareintended
toenhanceawoman’sassetsandbeauty,notconstructamask.
For young girls taking their first plunge into the wonderful world of
cosmetics,anaturallookispreferableandwillprobablybethemostacceptable
to parents. That means no raccoon eyeliner, no line of foundation on your
jawbone,nogarishstreaksofpinkblushonyourcheekbones,nopurplelipstick,
andnobabyblueeyeshadowfromlidtobrow.

157
Only the luckiest teens in the world make it through adolescence without
suffering at least an occasional breakout on their faces or other parts of their
bodies.Evenmoreimportantthanwhatcoloreyeshadowyouwearorwhatkind
of mascara you choose is to start taking care of your skin at an early age and
adjustingthecareasyourskinchanges.Thatmeanskeepingitcleanandusing
therightproductsforyourskintypeandproblemareas.

YOUDO
Takecareofyourskin,keepingitascleanaspossible.It’stheonlyfaceyou’ve
got,andyou’llbelivinginitforalifetime.

YOUDON’T
Pop or pick at pimples put new makeup on top of old makeup wear heavy
makeupwhenparticipatinginsportsoratthebeachorpoolorgotobedwith
makeupon,nomatterhowtiredyouare.

Why
Adirtyfacewithcloggedporesisabreedinggroundforskintrouble.Popping
and picking at pimples is so tempting, and may be a quick fix, but will most
likely cause scarring. There are plenty of better options available, and if over
thecounter products are not working, ask your parents if you can see a
dermatologist. Makeup that streaks as a result of sweating or heat is not
attractiveorgoodforyourskin.

YOUDO

Go with your mom or girlfriends to a department store for a consultation and
freeapplicationwithaprofessionalwhorepresentsalineofcosmeticssuitable
foryoungwomen.

YOUDON’T

Gotothedrugstoreandbuymultipleshadesoffoundation,eyeshadow,blush,
andlipglosstotakehomeandfindtheonesthatwork.

Why
Makeup in department stores is more expensive than makeup in drugstores,
butifaprofessionalhelpsyoufindexactlytherightshadesandapplicationsfor
your skin type, you can actually save money, and learn how to use them
properly.
 YOUDO

Sharemakeuptipswithyourfriends.

YOUDON’T

Sharemakeupwithyourfriends,especiallyanyproductthatgoesonyoureyes.

Why
Pink can be a fun shade of eye shadow. Pinkeye is not fun. It is extremely
contagious,andsharingeyeshadow,eyeliner,andmascaracanresultinsharing
muchmorethanyouintended.

Aladyalwaysremoveshermakeupandwashes
herfacebeforebed.

Aladydoesnotapplymakeupinpublic.

160
Aladyiscarefulwhentryingonclothesthatshe
doesnotstainthemwithhermakeup.

Aladykeepshercosmeticsandskincareproducts
inacase,notscatteredalloverthevanityinthe
bathroomsheshareswithhersiblings.

Aladywearssunscreeneverydayotherwiseshe
willlooklikeanoldladylongbeforehertime.
165
Chapter38

PERSONAL
GROOMING

W hen you were younger, personal grooming was as simple and quick as
taking a shower once a day, washing your hair when it got dirty, and
brushing your teeth in the morning and before bed at night. When you were
goingouttoplaywithyourfriends,youjustgotdressedifyouhadlonghair,
youprobablypulleditupinaponytail.
ThosedaysareasmuchapartofyourpastasSesameStreetandBarbiedolls.
Now, your little brother complains about your stuff all over the bathroom you
share, your mom is tapping her foot outside your bedroom door while you
changeclothesfivetimesbeforeschool,andyourdadjustshakeshisheadand
wonderswherehis“littlegirl”went.

166
Atyourage,gettingreadytogoouttakesalotlonger,andrequiresalotmore
stuff and steps. That’s a natural part of adolescence, but young ladies are
mindfulthattheirstuffandtheirpersonalgroominghabitsdon’timposeonother
people’sspaceortime.

YOUDO

Keep your face, body, and hair products in one area in a bathroom that you
share.
 YOUDON’T

Scatteryourthingsalloverthevanityandtub.

Why
Bathrooms are contained spaces with limited shelf space. If you take more
than your share, you’re not sharing at all you’re hogging. You might keep all
yourproductsinawaterproofplasticbasketyoucanputoutofsightinalinen
closetoryourbedroomwhenyouarenotusingthem.

YOUDO

Talktoagrownupbeforecoloringyourhairorpiercinganything.

167
YOUDON’T

Comehomefromthemallwithpiercedearsoremergefromthebathroomwith
platinumblondehairandsay“Surprise!”

Why
Piercings and hair coloring are dramatic changes and not easily reversed
should you decide that, for now, you’re not that interested in wearing earrings
everyday,orthatplatinumblondeisn’treallyyourcolor.Anadultwillpointout
thatspontaneousactionscanhavelongtermconsequences.

Aladyclearsthedrainintheshoweraftershe
washesherhair.
 Aladydoesnotshaveherlegsinthesink.

168
Aladystylesherhair,putsonhermakeup,and
appliesbodyproductsbehindcloseddoorsinher
bathroomorbedroom.

Aladydoesnottrytoshapehereyebrowsherself,
butasksforprofessionalhelp.

Aladyremovesorappliesnailpolishinher
bedroomorbathroom,andneverinacommon
spacewherethesmellwouldoverwhelm
everyone.
 Chapter39

MANAGING
APERSONAL
EMERGENCY

P ersonalemergenciesaren’tthingslikefloodsorearthquakesortornadoesor
hurricanes.Thosearemajoreventswithtragicconsequences.
Personal emergencies are not life threatening or even dangerous. They may
evenseemsillyincomparisontorealemergencies.Astuckzipperorbrokenbra
strap is nothing compared to actual disasters. But when they happen to you, at
thatmomentit’sunsettlingandupsetting.
Accidentshappen.Beingpreparedforunexpectedsnafusdoesn’tmakethem
goaway,butdoesmakethemeasiertomanage.

170
YOUDO
Blotasplashofspaghettisauceorsalsathathaslandedonyourwhiteblouse.

YOUDON’T

Rubatitfranticallywithanapkinandwatertryingtogetitout.

Why
Rubbingatsomethingthathasthepotentialtostainwillonlyworkitintothe
fabric and guarantee it will never come out. As hard as it is to be patient, just
gently blot up what you can, and get the garment to a professional as soon as
possible—whetherthat’syourmomorthedrycleaner.

YOUDO

Pin a few safety pins to the lining of your purse or keep them in the change
pocketofyourwallet.

YOUDON’T

Useastaplertocloseasplitinthebacksideseamofyourjeans,oruseScotch
tapeforatornhem.

Why
Why do you think they call them safety pins? Safety pins are perfect for
temporary repairs on rips, torn straps, hems, and broken zippers. Staples can
scratchandtapewon’thold.Ifyouhavesomesafetypinsinyourpursewhena
friend’sadorablesundresspopsastraponthewayintotheparty,youwillbea
hero.

171
YOUDO

Preparebeforeleavingthehousewhenit’syourtimeofthemonth.

YOUDON’T

Leavethehousewithoutextrafemininehygieneproducts.

Why
Ifyouarehavingyourperiod,it’snotthebesttimeofthemonthtowearyour
whiteslacksoryellowdress.Whytemptfate?Ifyouareclosetostartingorare
on your period, you must carry tampons or sanitary pads in your purse. If you
getyourperiodunexpectedlywhenyouareawayfromhomeandnoneofyour
friendscanhelp,athicklayeroftoiletpaperwillworkasapantylineruntilyou
canfindtheproductyouneed.Ifyoushouldstainyourclothesandyouhavea
sweaterorajacket,orcanborrowonefromafriend,wrapitaroundyourwaist
untilyoucangethome.

172
Aladydiscreetlytellsherfriendifshehasspinach
inherteeth,acrucialbuttonundone,orneedsa
breathmint.Sheexpectsherfriendstodothesame
forherandwillnottakeoffense.

Aladytakesoffbothshoesifonebreaks,and
doesn’thoparoundononefoot.

Aladyalwayscarriesheridentification,abitof
cash,andabankcardifshehasone.

Ifaladyhasaseriousallergytoanymedicationor
fooditem,shecarriesthepropernotification.
173
Chapter40

SITTING

I fyou’rebigenoughandoldenoughthatyourfeethitthegroundwhenyou’re
sittinginachair,thenyou’rebigenoughandoldenoughtomindhowyousit.
We don’t mean the procedure that takes you from standing to being seated.
(Other than not plopping down so hard on a chair its legs quiver, there’s not
muchtoit.)
Onceyouareactuallyseated,however,thereareafewthingsyou’llwantto
getinthehabitofdoing.Theymightfeelunnaturalatfirst,butbeforelongyou
won’teventhinkaboutthem.

YOUDO

Keepyourkneestogether.

174
YOUDON’T
Spreadoutonaseatasifyou’retryingtouseupallthespace.

Why
Sittingwithyourlegsspreadwidewhenyouarewearingadressmightshow
yourunderwear.Sincethat’snotwhatyouwanttodo,keepyourkneeslessthan
aninchapartwhenyou’rewearingaskirtordress.Sittingprettyiskeepingyour
kneestogetherevenwhenyou’rewearingjeans,pants,shorts,orsweats.

YOUDO

Crossyourlegsattheankles.

YOUDON’T

Crossyourlegsattheknees.

Why
Etiquetteclassesforyoungladiesteachthatcrossingonelegoveranotheris
consideredveryunladylike.Manyetiquetteruleshavebeenrelaxedforourmore
casual lifestyle, but there are still times when it is more appropriate to cross
ankles rather than knees, particularly in spaces with limited leg room, such as
airplanes and theaters. It’s easy to do: once you are seated with your knees
together,slantyourlegssoyourkneesfaceonecornerofyourchair,thencross
the opposite ankle over the other. For example, if you slant your legs so your
kneespointleft,crosstherightankleoveryourleft.

175
Aladydoesn’tslumpinherchairshesitsup
straight.

Aladydoesn’ttipherchairback.

Aladydoesn’tputherfeetonthetopofthechair
infrontofher.
Aladydoesn’tsitcrossleggedonthefloorunless
sheiswearingpantsorshorts.

Aladyinashortskirtpullsthehemdownassheis
sitting.
176
Chapter41

WALKING

I t’sawalkinthepark”isanexpressionpeopleusetodescribesomethingthat
isreallyeasy.Walkingseemssosimpleit’sjustonefootinfrontoftheother.
Walking gracefully takes a little more awareness and effort. Not that you
shouldemulaterunwaymodelstheydon’twalkthatwayofftherunway.
Walking with grace puts good posture in motion. Your shoulders are level,
your spine is straight, your head is up, your heel hits the ground first, and the
weightrollstotheballofyourfoot,whichyouusetopushoffforyournextstep.
Your gait is natural— not tiptoe tiny and not as if you are preparing to do the
longjump.Backinthepreviouscentury,youngwomenusedtopracticewalking
properly by balancing a book on their heads as they walked back and forth
acrossaroom.Thatprobablyseemsabitextremethesedays,thoughitmightbe
funtoseehowyoudo.

177
Whenyouwalkwithgraceandconfidence,youpresentyourselfasapositive
person.Knowinghowisthefoundationformasteringaskilluniquetowomen:
walkinggracefullyandconfidentlyinhighheels.

YOUDO

Buyshoesinthecorrectsize.
 YOUDON’T

Buyshoesthataretoosmallthinkingtheywill“stretch”orshoesthataretoobig
thinkingyoucanmakethemwork.

Why
Shoes that pinch or rub will make you hobble. Shoes that are too big make
youlooklikealittlegirltryingonyourmom’sshoes.Neitherscenarioispretty.
Nomatterhowcutetheshoesare,ifthey’renotavailableinyoursize,they’re
nottheshoesforyou.

YOUDO

Practicewalkinginheelsathomebeforegoingoutinpublic.

178
YOUDON’T

Thinkyourfirstpairofheelswillnotrequiresomepractice.

Why
When you learned to ride a bike, you started with something your size
equipped with training wheels. Think of heels the same way start with
somethingsmallandlowtotheground.Everytimeyougainheightintheheel,
practicewalkingaroundathomeonthecarpet,hardsurfaces,andespeciallythe
stairs. There’s little that looks as awkward as tripping over your own feet or
wobblingandfallingoffyourheels.
 Aladydoesn’tshuffleasifshe’ssweepingthe
floorwithhershoes,butpicksupherfeetwhen
shewalks.

Aladydoesn’twalksoheavilythatshesounds
likeshe’swearinghorseshoes.

Aladydoesn’twobbleonherheelsifyoudo,you
needmorepractice.

Aladydoesn’tswingherbottomfromsidetoside
whenshewalks.
180
Chapter42

ENTERINGAND
EXITINGACAR

W atchingabunchoflittlekidsgetinandoutofcarsislikewatchingalitter
ofpuppiesclimbingovereachothertryingtogettotheirmother.Upuntil
recently,yourbiggestconcernaboutgettingintoacarwasscramblingaheadof
yoursiblingssoyoudidn’thavetotakethemiddle,orsittingnexttoyourbest
friendsoyoucouldsharetheearbudsonyouriPod.
Nowthatyou’regettingolder,yourbiggerconcernisgettingintoandoutofa
cargracefully.Whenyouarewearingadressoraskirt,particularlyashortdress
or skirt, it is important to know how to do it without flopping and heaving, or
evenworse,showingyourunderwear.
Toavoidthat,followthesesimplestepsforgettingintoacar.

181
1.Backintothecarorentersideways,bottomfirstontotheseat.
2.Onceyourbottomisontheseat,withkneestogether,swivelyourlegsinto
thecar.
3.If you have to slide over to makeroomforanotherpassenger,placeyour
handsflatoneithersideofyou,slightlyliftandswivelyourbottominthe
directionyouneedtogo,thenfollowwithyourlegs,kneestogether.

Togetoutofacarwithoutshowingeveryonewhatcolorunderwearyouare
wearing:

1.Pulldownyourskirtasfarasitwillgo.
2.Whenthedoorisopen,withkneestogetherputyourlegsoutfirstandonto
thegroundifyoucanreachifyou’reinaTexassizedpickuptruckorSUV
thathasarunningboard,placebothfeetthere.
3.Placeyourhandsontheseatoneithersideofyourhipsandpushyourself
upandout.Ifthereisabuiltinhandleononesideofthecarinterior,use
that to pull yourself up while using your other hand as leverage to push
yourselfup.

YOUDO
Acceptahandwhenitisofferedtohelpyououtofacar.

182
YOUDON’T

Swatthehandawaysaying,“DoIlooklikeanoldladytoyou?”

Why
Offeringsomeoneahandtogetoutofacar,particularlywhenthecariseither
verylowtothegroundorveryhighofftheground,isathoughtfulthingtodo
and has nothing to do with your age. But reacting rudely will reflect on your
maturity.

183
183
Aladydoesnotscrambleheadfirstintoacaror
crawlacrosstheseattogetout.

Aladyalwayswearsherseatbelt,evenifitwill
wrinkleherclothes.

Aladydoesnotgetintoacarwithanimpaired
driver.

Aladydoesnotbendoverwithherbottominthe
airtogetsomethingsheleftinthecar,butgets
backinthecartoretrieveit.
184
Chapter43

HELPWITHYOUR
COATANDOTHER
SMALLCOURTESIES

A syouenteramoregrownupsocialworld,withanyluckyouwillencounter
gentlemen who have been taught by their mothers and fathers to practice
certain courtesies toward women. A young man who has been taught these
thingsisluckyindeedgoodmannersareoneofthemostvaluableassetsanyone
—boyorgirl—offerstheworldaroundthem.
When courtesies are offered, you accept and say “thank you,” even if you
don’tthinkyouneedthehelpthatisbeingoffered.Torefuseagestureofgood
mannersisbadmanners.
When someone opens a door for you, you say “thank you.” When someone
offerstosharehisorherumbrellainanunexpecteddownpour,yousay“thank
you.”Whensomeonepullsoutyourchairinarestaurant,yousay“thankyou.”

185
It’simportanttoknowhowtoacceptcertaincourtesies.Walkingthroughan
opendooriseasy.Knowinghowtobehelpedwithyourcoatisalittletrickier.
Presumably,thepersonwhoofferstohelpwithyourcoatknowswhattodo:
hestandsbehindyou,holdingyourcoatopenatwaistlevel,withthearmsofthe
coat lined up with your arms. You hold your arms straight and slightly behind
you,insertbothhandsintothearmsofyourcoat,andlethimpullituptoyour
shouldersuntilyoucangraspthefrontofyourcoatwithyourhands.
 Ifagentlemanoraserverinarestaurantorabanquetpullsoutyourchairfor
youtositatthetable,standwithyourbacktothechairuntilthebackofyour
knees hit the chair’s seat. Slowly lower yourself at the same time the chair is
being pushed in. If you are still too far from the table, rise slightly so that the
chair can be nudged forward a bit. If you are offered help to get up from the
table, lift your bottom up slightly from the chair so it can be slowly pulled
backward,thenstand,beingcarefulnottoknockthetable.

YOUDO

Checkyourcoatatarestaurantorbanquethallifacoatcheckroomisavailable
andisofferedtoyou.

186
YOUDON’T

Hangyourcoatoverthebackofyourchairsothattheserversandotherdiners
triponit.

Why
Wouldyoubringyourcoattothetableathome?Atnicerrestaurantsandfor
formal occasions, coat checkrooms are provided as a courtesy to you, other
guests,andstaff.Checkyourcoat,aswellasumbrellas,scarves,gloves,andany
bagsyoumightbecarrying.Youdonotcheckyourpurse.Bepreparedtotipat
leasttwodollarswhenretrievingyourbelongings.

187
187
Ifacheckroomisnotprovided,aladyfoldsher
coatoverthebackofherchairorputsitinthe
cornerofaboothsoitisoutofthewayandnotin
foottraffic.

Aladyalwayscarriessomemoneyinherpurse
anddoesnotrelyonthegenerosityofothers.

Ifherpurseisverysmall,aladyputsitinherlap
oronthefloorunderherchair.Shedoesnotputit
onthetable,hangitonthebackofherchair,or
leaveitanywheresomeonemighttripoverit.

Aladysays“thankyou”whensomeoneopensa
doorforher,helpswithhercoat,orhelpswithher
chair.
188
Chapter44

RESPONDINGTO
INVITATIONS

I nvitations are kind of like presents. They’re fun to receive and open, and
they’re almost always in celebration of a special occasion. Some you like
betterthanothers,butallofthemrequirearesponseofsomekind.
Whenyouwerelittle,invitationstobirthdaypartiesorJulyFourthcookouts
probably came to your parents, especially if it was something to which your
wholefamilywasinvited.Yourmomordadansweredforeveryone,andyouall
wentasaunit.
Asyougotolder,invitationscamedirectlytoyou,andthoughyoustillneedto
ask your parents’ permission to attend or check to make sure there isn’t
somethingelseonthefamilycalendar,respondingtoinvitationsisincreasingly
yourresponsibility.Thatmeansyouneedtolearnhowtodoitcorrectly.

189
Some invitations might be facetoface, very casual, and have nothing to do
withabirthdayorcelebration.MaybeaftersoftballpracticeThursdayafternoon
Ellie says, “Hey Katie, I’m having the team over to swim Saturday after the
game.Bringyoursuitifyoucancome.”Yourteammateisn’texpectingyouto
callheronthephonetoconfirm,butevenifyouendupnotgoing,atthegame
youtellheryouwon’tbeabletoattend,andthankherfortheinvitation.
Otherinvitationsaremoreformal,likeonesthatcomeinthemailorviaEvite.
In these instances, the hostess would like to have an idea beforehand of how
manygueststoexpect.
 Being invited to something doesn’t mean you are required to accept. You
might have a previous obligation, or you might not have seen the person
throwingthepartysincefourthgradeandwouldfeelawkwardgoingtoaparty
whereyoudon’tthinkyou’llknowtheotherguests.
You do not have to explain or make up an excuse. But you do have to
respond.“Thankyouforasking.I’msorryIcan’tmakeit”isabsolutelyenough.
Therearetwotypesof“formal”invitations—regretsonlyandRSVP.

YOUDO

Letthehostessknowyoucannotattendiftheinvitationsays“regretsonly.”

190
YOUDON’T

Calltoletthehostessknowyouwillbeattending.

Why
When an invitation says “regrets only,” it is usually for something like a
comeandgoopenhouse.Ormaybeit’sanendoftheseasonteampartywhere
thehostessexpectsthattheentireteamwillbeattending.Ifyoucannotattend,
yousendyourregrets.

YOUDO

ReplyeitherwaytoaninvitationmarkedRSVP.(Frenchstudentsmayknowthe
acronym is for répondez s’il vous plaît, which literally translated means
“respondifyouplease.”Itmaybeeasiertorememberas“pleaserespond.”)Be
suretorespondbeforethedeadline.

YOUDON’T
Waitsolongtoreplythatthehostessorherparenthastocallyouonthephone
tobesureyoureceivedtheinvitation.

Why
The invitations that ask for an RSVP are the parties for which the hostess
needstoknowinadvancehowmanygueststoexpect.Itmightbeaskatingparty
or a bowling party. Maybe the hostess is planning to take her guests to see a
concertoraplayandherparentsneedtoknowhowmanyticketstobuy.Maybe
thepartyisatarestaurantandtheyneedtoknowhowlargeatabletoreserve.If
you forget to reply and show up anyway, it is bound to cause a problem. The
easiestthingtodoisreplyassoonasyougettheinvitationandafteryoucheck
withyourparents.

191
Aladydoesnotputoffreplyingtoaninvitationin
casesomething“better”comesalong.

Aladydoesnotacceptaninvitationandthen
cancelatthelastminuteforapartyshethinkswill
bemorefun.

Aladydoesnotchangehernotoayesatthelast
minutebecausesomethingshethoughtwouldbe
morefundidnotmaterialize.

192
Ifaladygetsillorafamilyemergencyarisesthat
 preventsherfromattendingapartywheresheis
expected,shecallsthehostessassoonaspossible.
Shedoesnotaskanotherguestwhoisgoingtolet
thehostessknow,orcountonherhostesschecking
heremailbeforethepartybegins.
212
Chapter49

BOUNDARIES

W henyouwerelittle,youneededhelptakingabath,washingyourhair,and
getting dressed. Now that you’re older, you can do all those things
yourself,andyoudefinitelywanttodothembehindacloseddoor.
When your mother, your sister, or your close friends want to tell you
somethingprivately,theymightgetveryclosetoyousotheycanwhisperitnear
yourear,andthat’sfine.Butifsomeoneyoudon’tknowverywelloratalldoes
thesamething,it’snotfine.Infact,itprobablymakesyouveryuncomfortable.
Everyone has a need for boundaries, privacy, and personal space. You have
theresponsibilitytorespectothers’spaceandeveryrighttoexpectitforyourself
aswell.

213
YOUDO

Knockonacloseddoorandwaitforaresponse.

YOUDON’T

Knockandthenbargein,orevenworse,notknockatall.

Why
Thedoortoaroommightbeclosedbecausesomeoneischangingclothesor
usingthebathroom.Ifyoudon’tknockfirstandthenwaituntilthepersoninside
says“comein”or“justaminute,”youmightbothbeembarrassed.

YOUDO
Askyourfamilytoknockwhenyourbedroomdoorisclosed.

YOUDON’T

Turn your music up so loud when you’re in your bedroom that you can’t hear
whensomeoneknocksorcallsyourname.

Why
Privacyisdifferentfromisolation.Ifyouarealwayslockedinyourroomwith
yourmusicturnedupsoloudyoucan’thearanythingontheothersideofyour
door,yourfamilywillbegintowonderwhyyouareisolatingyourselffromthe
restofthehousehold,andtheywouldhaveeveryrighttobeconcerned.

214
YOUDO
Setboundariesinthebedroomyousharewithyoursister.

YOUDON’T

Leave your things all over her bed, desk, or dresser— or throw her things all
overthefloorifsheleavesthemonyourbed,desk,ordresser.

Why
Sharingaroomisn’teasy,evenifyouandyoursisterarethebestoffriends.
Setting boundaries and even an imaginary dividing line might sound silly, but
knowingwhattherulesareinadvancewillhelpavoidandresolveissuesinthe
future.

215
Aladydoesn’tslamadoor.

Aladydoesn’twigglethehandleofalocked
bathroomdoortoshowthepersoninsideshe’sina
hurry.Ifthepersoninthebathroomistakinga
longtime,aladysoftlyknocksonthedoorand
hopesthatisenoughtoletthepersonusingthe
bathroomknowsomeoneiswaiting.

Aladydoesn’tgothroughotherpeople’sthings,
readsomeoneelse’smailorjournal,oreavesdrop
onaprivateconversation.
216
Chapter50

HELPINGOTHERS

I t’shumannaturetohelpotherpeople.Itfeelsgoodtodoagooddeed,make
someonesmile,heara“thankyou,”orgetapatontheback.
Whenyouwerelittle,yourmomanddadmayhavetaughtyoutheimportance
of helping by asking you to “help” with dinner or “help” in the yard, even
though you were so little it would probably have been easier for them to do it
themselves.
If volunteering is something you have always done with your family, you
know how rewarding it is, and that it helps you see that people are more alike
thandifferent.Volunteeringisalsoagreatwaytomakefriendswithpeopleyou
wouldnormallynevermeetotherwise.
As you get older, your help really makes an important contribution to your
familyandamongyourfriends,andcanmakearealdifferenceindailylife,in
yourcommunity,andevenintheworld.
There are many ways, big and small, to help others. Here are some small
thingsthatcanmakeabigimpact:

•Carrythegrocerybagsintothehouseforyourmomwithoutherhavingto
ask.
•Donatethetoysandclothingyou’veoutgrowntoafamilyshelterinsteadof
throwingthemaway.
•Recycle.
•Readtothekindergartnersintheaftercareprogramatschool.
• Take your little brother to the park so your parents can go for a walk
together.
 •Writealettertoamemberofthemilitary.
•Sweeptheporchforyourgrandparents.
•Payastrangeracompliment.
•Lendafriendalisteningear.

Whenyoutaketheinitiativetohelpothers,youshowthatyouaregrowingup
tobeafineyoungladyandanoverallgoodhumanbeing.

YOUDO

Answer a request for help affirmatively and cheerfully unless there is a very
goodreasonyoucannot.

218
YOUDON’T

Slamdishesdownifyourmother’srequesttosetthetableinterruptsyourphone
callortelevisionshow,orkickballsaroundthegarageifyourdadasksyouto
putawayallthesportsequipment.

Why
Doyoureallyneedtoberemindedhowmuchyourparentshavedoneforyou
sinceevenbeforeyouwereborn?Yourmotherwouldprobablybeagreeableif
youaskedpermissiontosetthetableassoonastheshowisover,aslongasyou
keepyourword.

YOUDO
Offerassistancetopeoplewithphysicalchallenges.

YOUDON’T
Insistonhelpingiftheydeclineyouroffer.

Why
Just as you would open and hold the door for anyone, you would offer the
samecourtesytosomeonewhoisblindorinawheelchair.Youdonotneedto
pushthewheelchairorleadtheblindpersonthroughthedoor.Iftheyareinneed
offurtherassistancetheywillletyouknowhowyoucanhelp.

219
Aladydoesnotmakeherparentsasktwicefor
help.

Aladydoesnotletotherpeopledown.

Aladyputsherselfinotherpeople’sshoes.

Aladyhelpsevenwhennoonewillknowshehas.

Aladydoesnotkeepascorecardofhelpfulthings
shehasdone.
Aladyknowsthathelpingothersisitsown
reward.
 ABOUTTHE
AUTHORS

KAY WEST Has been a professional writer in Nashville, Tennessee, for 30
years.ShewasrestaurantcriticfortheNashvilleScenefor15yearsandremains
a contributing feature writer. She is Nashville stringer for People. She has
written four books, including How to Raise a Lady and How to Raise a
Gentleman,andcoauthoredDani’sStory:AJourneyFromNeglecttoLove.She
has raised a wellmannered daughter and a wellmannered son and is an avid
baseballfan.

JOHNBRIDGES,authorofHowtoBeaGentleman,isalsothecoauthor,with
Bryan Curtis, of seven other volumes in the bestselling GentleManners series.
He is a frequent guest on television and radio news programs, always
championinggentlemanlybehaviorinmodernsociety.Bridgeshasappearedon
the Today Show, the Discovery Channel, and CBS Sunday Morning, and has
beenprofiledinPeoplemagazineandtheNewYorkTimes.

BRYANCURTISisanauthorandthepresidentofDanceFloorBooks.Heisthe
author/coauthor and editor of more than fifteen books, including the popular
GentleMannersseries.
 INDEX

A
accidents
apologyfor,26–29
effortstoavoid,209–210
adults,talkingandlisteningto,46–49
age,andintroductions,19
airplanetravel,147–151
airportsecurity,148
allergies,65–68,172
answeringmachine,leavingmessageon,102
answeringphone,97–98
apology
accepting,30–33
“excuseme”as,9
making,26–29
attention,“excuseme”toget,10–11
audience,beingpartof,138–142

B
bathrooms,215
sharingspace,166
useashouseguest,206,207
bedrooms,sharingspace,214
belching,9
birthdays,79
blameforloss,137
blessingbeforemeal,55
bodylotion,161
borrowingclothes,42–45
borrowingitem,askingpermission,35
boundaries,212–215
boys
dating,199–203
invitationtodancefrom,195
buffet,servingyourselffrom,52
“but,”avoidinginapology,27
butterknife,61

C
car,enteringandexiting,180–183
cellphones,103–108,142,146
chair,helpbeingseated,185
chewinggum,141,146
closeddoors,213
clothes,152–155
forairtravel,150
spillson,170
forworship,144,146
coat,helpwith,185
coatcheckroom,185–186
cologne,163
communion,145
compliments
accepting,23–25
paying,20–22
“thankyou”for,5–6
computer,109–113
contests,losing,134–137
conversationwithadults,46–49
cosmetics,156–160
cotillion,193–194
courtesies,accepting,184–187
crossinglegswhensitting,174–175
curfew,37

D
dance,invitationsto,193–198
dating,199–203
dininginrestaurant,69–73
dinnerguestbehavior,51–55
placesetting,60–64
dinnertable,cellphoneand,107
disappointment,acknowledging,93–94
door,holdingforothers,77

E
eaudecologne,162
eaudetoilette,162
elevator,77
emailaddress,111
emails,111–113
emergencies,personal,168–172
enteringcar,180–183
escalator,75
exaggeration,22
excuse,formistakes,vs.apology,28
“excuseme,”8–11,76,139
whenleavingdinnertable,54
exitingcar,180–183
eyecontact,50
inintroductions,13,15
with“thankyou,”7

F
Facebook,114–120,202
photoson,118–119
facetofaceconversation,andcellphoneuse,107
familymembers
saying“thankyou”to,5
treatmentof,2
familystylemeal,52
favors,askingfor,38–41
femininehygieneproducts,171
fingers,licking,57–58
firstimpressions,12
foodallergiesanddislikes,65–68
forgiveness,32
forks,61
Fortnightly,193–194
fragrance,161–164
friendrequests,116

G
games,losing,134–137
gifts
accepting,82–85
choosingandgiving,78–81
ashouseguest,205
gossip,126–129
grooming,personal,165–168
grudges,33
guests,beinggoodhostessfor,208–211

H
haircoloring,166–167
hairbrushes,44
hallways,public,74–77
heels,practicewearing,177–178
help
offerforclearingtable,54–55
offerwhenexitingcar,181–182
receiving,184–187
helpingothers,216–219
hostess,208–211
houseguest,204–207

I
identification,172
“I’msorry,”26–29
Internet,110–111
socialnetworks,114–120
interruption,48
 “excuseme”for,10
introductions,12–15
byhostess,209
making,16–19
invitations
fromboy,200
todance,193–198
respondingto,188–192

K
knives,61

L
lickingfingers,57–58
lies,201
lipstick,59
listening,95
toadults,46–49
losinggraciously,134–137

M
makeup,44,156–160
messagesfromphonecalls,97–102
mistakes,apologyfor,26–29
movietheaters,138–139

N
nailpolish,168
napkin,56–59
“no”asanswerwhenaskingpermission,36

O
odors,150
overflattering,53

P
parents,introducingfriendsto,17
passingfoodaroundtable,52
performance,beingpartofaudience,138–142
perfume,150,162–164
period,planningfor,171
permission,asking,34–37
personalemergencies,168–172
personalgrooming,165–168
personalinformation,inintroductions,18
personalspace,212–215
pet,deathof,94
photos,121–125
onFacebook,118–119
ofreligiousceremonies,124
physicalchallenges,offeringhelptopeoplewith,218
piercings,166–167
placesetting,60–64
“please,”1–3
posture
whensitting,173–175
whenwalking,176–183
prayerbeforemeal,55
price,andmealselectionfrommenu,70–71
privacy,212–215
photosand,122–123
onsocialnetworks,115
publicstaircasesandhalls,74–77
purse,187

R
radiostation,permissiontochange,37
“regretsonly”invitation,189–190
religiousceremonies,143–146
photosof,124
requests,“please”whenmaking,1–3
respect,forolderpeople,13
respondingtoinvitations,188–192
restaurant
cellphoneand,107
diningin,69–73
restroom,141
ringerofcellphone,turningoff,105
ringtone,108
RSVP,190–191
rumors,127

S
safetypins,170–171
schoolassignments,favorsand,38
secrets,126–129
shakinghands,13
shoes,177
siblings,askingfavorof,39
sincerity,incompliments,21
sitting,173–175
skincare,157
slumberparty,130–133,162
socialnetworks,114–120
spoons,61
staircases,public,74–77
steppingontoes,196
sunscreen,160
sympathyexpression,92–96

T
takingadvantage,vs.favor,39
talkingtoadults,46–49
telephones,97–102
cellphones,103–108
texting,48,103–108,199
“thankyou,”4–7,187
atendofdate,203
 forfavors,41
forgift,83
forofferofhelp,184–185
asreplytocompliment,24
afterslumberparty,131–132
thankyounote
afterbeinghouseguest,207
examples,90–91
writing,86–91
tips
forcoatcheckroom,186
forrestaurantstaff,73
travelonplane,147–151
tweets,119
Twitterwars,120

U
underwear,44
uppercaseletters,inemail,112
utensils,61,64

V
vegetarian,68
volunteering,216–219
clothesfor,153

W
walking,176–183
waterglass,62
wrappinggifts,80