INDEX

INTRODUCTION

CHAPTER 1 - WHEN THE MIND BECOMES A CAGE

What is overthinking? - Why do we tend to ruminate? - The causes of overthinking The present moment -
The past causes pain The future creates anxiety - The_bookmark8 nightmare of the night
STEP 1: Practice worrying at another time and place
STEP 2: Organize your concerns
STEP S: Take a step toward solving a problem STEP 4: Choose a mantra If all else fails, get out of bed
CHAPTER 2 - HOW TO STOP OVERTHINKING
Metacognitive strategies to calm the mind: Effective concentration exercises
Environmental Immersion Window Exercise Key Points - How to Stop Overthinking
CHAPTER 3 - DON'T RUN FROM ANXIETY
Breathing techniques to relieve anxiety and stress
Alternate Breathing Belly Breathing - Box Breathing 4-7-8 Breathing Lion's Breath Conscious
Breathing - Closed Lip Breathing_bookmark30 Resonance Breathing Simple Breathing Exercise - How
"Normal" Breathing Can Contribute to Anxiety Chest or Abdominal Breathing - The Best Strategy to
Eliminate Negativity from Your Life - Fight for Freedom Stop Taking Life Personally Set Goals and Go
for Them - You Are the Company You Hang Out With the Most Do a Digital Detox Self-Help Rituals
Show Kindness Eliminate Negative Thinking Express Yourself Learn to Be Grateful
CHAPTER 4 - COGNITIVE _bookmark47RESTRUCTURING
What is cognitive restructuring? -Why is it so effective? -Step-by-step strategy for cognitive structuring
Step 1: Pause. - Step 2: Identify the trigger. -Step 3: Write down your automatic thoughts.- Step 4:
Identify your emotional reaction and observe its intensity.- Step 5: Generate alternative thoughts-. Step
6: Reassess the intensity of your emotional response. Common Obstacles to Cognitive Restructuring -
Don't practice -Not remembering to practice -Practicing in your head Spending too much time -This is
just positive thinking It seems too simplistic -The Inner Map of Reality
CHAPTER 5 - THE ROLE OF THE UNCONSCIOUS
What is the unconscious mind? _bookmark68- How to reprogram the unconscious to achieve lasting
changes Why your personal image is important - How to reprogram your subconscious mind for lasting
success - Activate your success mechanism -
Use creative visualization (stop worrying) S. Hypnotherapy (self-hypnosis or formal hypnotherapy) 4.
Replay Starts today

CONCLUSION
 INTRODUCTION
It resonates in the mind like a monolithic phrase - "You are what you think" -
Who among you hasn't heard this phrase at least once in your life? Unfortunately, some have believed this
and have let it greatly influence their serenity. If you are part of that group, then the book you have in your
hands can literally change your life. But let's start slowly. The truth is that we have nothing to do with our
thoughts.
Dear reader, the information contained in the pages of this manual will not only prevent you from
constantly worrying, but will also help you solve the problems you have in managing your thoughts. Using a
light-hearted, pragmatic approach, you will be provided with practical tools, techniques, and science-backed
“best practices” to dramatically improve your relationship with your thoughts and enable you to live a more
peaceful life. My promise is that this book will provide you with concrete and effective support to improve
your quality of life.
In order to maintain my commitment to you, I would like to warn you that in the course of reading we may
come across false beliefs, useless conventions and dysfunctional approaches that have unconsciously
determined your current situation. And it is precisely in this spirit that I want to approach the phrase that
introduced this book, let's analyze it more deeply...

Renowned Austrian neurologist Sigmund Freud, famous for his clinical methods, developed the idea that
human behavior was linked to the unconscious mind. The logic behind this concept was deeper than we
thought. He stated that being conscious means being aware of our surroundings and our inner world. This
means knowing what's going on in your head. On the other hand, the subconscious mind refers to the
processes in your brain that you are not aware of. Freud therefore suggested that we tend to smother
unwanted thoughts and painful memories into the subconscious part of our mind to avoid facing them. The
neurologist concluded his thesis by arguing that repressed thoughts and memories are released through our
actions and behaviors, so a large part of our identity is our thoughts. But what exactly does this mean?
To be more detailed, the theory implies that our physical actions are a representation of our mental activity
and vice versa. Therefore, it means that thoughts passing through the unconscious mind trigger
emotions/feelings, which subsequently trigger actions that ultimately produce certain results, painting a
more or less accurate picture of the kind of person you are, what you do, and the results you achieve.
Furthermore, the thesis states that thoughts transmit a vibration that attracts the same type of energy. This
means that if your thoughts vibrate at low frequencies (anger, depression, sadness, etc.) you will tend to
attract situations that are consistent with that vibration. But to what extent is this true?
Although the theory is supported by logical reasons that make it quite credible, it is actually not as true as
people think. In fact, psychologists, psychiatrists and other neurological experts have widely refuted this
idea. According to many of them, we are not our thoughts. Thoughts are nothing more than reflections of
the mind. Like perceptions, feelings and ideas. From the perspective of those who have made this their
reason for living, thoughts are nothing more than passing clouds, and there is really nothing you should take
personally. Let them pass. That's all you have to do. To demonstrate the inaccuracy of the thesis, below are
some of the main reasons that experts from around the world have put forward in its defense. These are
scientifically proven opinions and logically supported facts that demonstrate that what goes through our
minds does not constitute our identity.
So what really makes the difference is how you react to the thoughts that pass through your mind. Think
about it for a moment, if you saw the thoughts that pass through your mind projected on a screen in a
detached way, you would inevitably not be emotionally involved and, therefore, these thoughts that you
see passing by would not cause you any discomfort. On the contrary, if you identify with it, an emotional
link is created that has the thought as its cause and the resulting negative emotion as its effect.

We don't always act according to our thoughts

As humans, we experience hundreds, if not thousands, of thoughts every day. But do we always act in
accordance with each of them? Of course not. Imagine you're sitting in a restaurant, your stomach is
growling, and a steaming hot steak alla Fiorentina has just been brought to the table next to you. Your
mouth is watering, your belly is finally preparing to receive the bite, you are really tempted to bite into that
steak... But do you do it? No, of course not (I hope). American psychotherapist Stacey Kuhl supports this,
saying that she herself experiences many strange thoughts throughout the day. According to her, people
give too much importance to the incessant buzzing of the mind. As said before, they are just clouds floating
by. Just let them pass without giving them any importance, they really don't do anything to deserve it!
Internal imbalances can be a cause
Illnesses such as depression, cancer, other chronic conditions, or traumatic incidents such as injuries and
concussions can be the cause of strange and unusual thoughts. The latter are simply sudden reflexes that
have not gone through any stage of development, they literally came out of nowhere! Even in the case of
clinical problems, they are simply a pathological response to the disease and are not part of one's own
personality. They do not define who we are. They are simply the body's response to stress and illness.
Thoughts change with age and environment
An eight-year-old child going to school will not have the same thoughts as a grown man working in an office.
This means that the mind continues to change according to physical and mental development. Therefore,
your thoughts are more likely to change over time, even if your subconscious does not undergo the same
evolution. The repressed thoughts and traumatic memories are still there, but you are evolving. If you were
your thoughts, this would not be possible. You would still be the same kind of person you were in
childhood, and you would still harbor the same thoughts. What do you think? By its literal definition,
thought is simply an idea or opinion created by the mind. The thought is sudden and spontaneous; it has no
determined origin. We can say that thoughts are just your mind creating random scenarios, therefore, they
are not real. They are nothing more than an idea that the mind presents to you, most likely due to an
external stimulus. Thoughts are real to the extent that you consider them as such. The more attention you
give to a thought, the more credible it will be. The bigger you make it, the more it will influence you. For
example, if your mind dwells on the idea of eating ice cream, it will probably only last a second and then
pass. However, if you stop to think about that thought, and think about it a lot and for a long time, you will
naturally crave ice cream as a consequence. It's simple, right? Realizing that you are not your thoughts is
vital to living a peaceful, stress-free life. Overthinking about the chatter of the mind can lead to worsening
mental conditions that become so severe that they manifest as physical symptoms. Increased frustration
can also lead to potentially irreversible damage.
The sooner you realize that your thoughts are not a problem, the sooner you will stop taking them seriously.
By doing so, the rest of your day—and hopefully your life—will be much calmer and more serene. Having
constant and persistent thoughts is perfectly normal, and in any case they will not dictate what actually
happens! Furthermore, recognizing that you are not your thoughts will create a natural barrier between the
stimuli you receive and the mental response that follows. It will help you manage negative thoughts and
illusory worries; you will be able to properly manage rumination and avoid any negative effects on your
well-being.
In conclusion, although Sigmund Freud conceived an idea supported by logic, in recent years the concept
has been denied by experts around the world. So if you thought this concept was true, you might want to
reevaluate your ideas about it. I hope that the information, advice and exercises in this manual will help you
become aware of this. At this point, I can only wish you a "bon voyage" through the pages that follow and,
in the words of the writer and journalist Romano Battaglia: "Thoughts are like the waves of the sea, they
come, they go, they stir, they foam, they break, they fade away."

CHAPTER 1
WHEN THE MIND BECOMES A CAGE

Everyone worries from time to time, but when does mere worry become
overthinking? Overthinking is simply what the name suggests: thinking too
much. It means reconsidering the same thought over and over again,
analyzing even the simplest situations to the point of losing all sense of
proportion. The overthinking mind cannot translate these thoughts into
decisive action; therefore, it responds through feelings of stress and anxiety.
These days, the various declensions of “overthinking” are often used in a
superficial way (think of social media posts: “I can’t stop thinking about which
of these clothes to buy, what do you recommend?”). As you might have
guessed, overthinking has nothing to do with this context. For one who "lives in his mind" in a state of
perpetual anxiety and agitation, there is nothing really light and superficial. So what distinguishes
overthinking from just thinking? The following paragraph will be dedicated to giving you a clear explanation
of this.

What is overthinking?
It can happen to anyone that they dwell on a thought longer than necessary. As parents, husbands or wives,
sons or daughters, employees or entrepreneurs, worry is naturally linked to the desire to "get it right."
However, people who struggle daily with overthinking - referred to as "ruminators" - find themselves
constantly thinking about events that have already happened and drawing anxiety from future predictions.
Typically, the simple concern is things like: Will I be able to pay my bills on time? Will I be able to hand in my
work to my boss the day after tomorrow? Often, these types of thoughts help us move forward, because
they mean we are taking care of them (active focus) - once the bills are paid or the work is delivered, that
thought will no longer be in our mind. In contrast, the ruminator tends to be passive rather than active,
dwelling on past events and constructing disproportionately negative future outcomes. Consider this
scenario, for example: You accidentally call your new boss by the wrong name. What do you think and feel
when you realize it afterwards?
On average, a person will feel slightly embarrassed, think about apologizing the next day with some self-
deprecating comment, and then forget about it and get on with making dinner. On the contrary, the
ruminant will mentally replay this error over and over again, with different results each time. At four in the
morning, the poor ruminant will mentally experience tragic scenarios in which he will find himself passed
over for future promotions, or even chosen for the next staff cut. The incident has triggered huge questions
in the ruminant's mind and he will relive the entire event in his mind in an inordinate way. The above may
seem like a trivial example, but it is a good representation of how overthinking can take over many aspects
of life. Thinking about a past event and making catastrophic predictions from it is a classic example of
rumination.

Why do we tend to ruminate?

Like many traits of anxiety and depression, overthinking stems from one of our primal instincts of self-
preservation. In fact, the mind is designed to always see things from the worst possible perspective. To
understand why, we have to go back in time and analyze the circumstances of early humans. Imagine you
are one of the first hominids and you come across a cave. What seems to have all the characteristics of
being your next refuge could hide tremendous threats: a saber-toothed tiger, for example. Now you will
understand that the thoughts triggered by your mind at that moment were directed at avoiding the
possibility of being mutilated by the feline mammoth. You might be interested to know that our minds have
remained more or less the same since then. What from the point of view of technological progress is an
immense amount of time, from the biological point of view is just enough time to make small recalibrations
in the system. That's why our brain is hypervigilant, its goal is to try to keep us alive at all costs; after all,
there's no point in being optimistic when there are sabre-toothed tigers at play!
Going back to the previous example, the rational part of our brain will suggest that it is not possible to lose
our job over such a silly thing. However, those who are prone to rumination will respond to that stimulus
through the emotional mind – in full primitive fight-or-flight mode – where focusing on worst-case scenarios
is more likely to keep us alive. Overthinking and anxiety work together, exacerbating feelings of stress and
helplessness.
The causes of overthinking
Even as children we are told that "too much is too much." The same is true of thoughts, and in fact with
greater intensity. Those who suffer from overthinking often don't realize they've slipped into a negative
mental space until the situation degenerates. But to understand (and overcome) the consequences, we
must first analyze the causes. So the question this section will answer is: what causes overthinking? If you
suffer from mind-bending, you can easily confirm how the progression of overthinking makes you feel
suffocated, exhausted, and how all that "rethinking" is an absolute waste of energy.
The two basic causes of overthinking are stress and anxiety. In addition, self-esteem problems and self-
doubt can be other important causes of this disorder. Given the pandemic situation, social withdrawal and
constant restrictions are a source of anxiety and stress, natural responses to fear.

In the current situation, it is normal to feel fear and uncertainty about the future: illness, infections and
finances are some of the most common concerns. Situations like these are what lead us down the path of
overthinking. Trauma is another factor that can trigger overthinking. People who have suffered trauma are
more vulnerable to this disease. For example, parental neglect can alter an individual's thought system,
causing them to lend themselves to a constant state of hypervigilance. Therefore, under these conditions,
people with trauma may experience obsessive thoughts.
Those who harbor perfectionist values or have obsessive, controlling tendencies may also find themselves
overthinking, ruminating about their past mistakes or those they might make. In particular, these
personality types tend to be overly concerned with the judgments of others. Fear of being judged is,
therefore, another possible cause of overthinking. All these causes - however different they may be - have a
common denominator: having lost joy in the present moment. What might seem like the introduction to an
Eastern guru's diatribe actually hides a profound truth. In the next section we will explore the meaning of
“living in the present moment” in a practical and concrete way, providing valuable ideas and new
perspectives to recalibrate your focus and enjoy greater psychophysical well-being.
The present moment
How much of your life do you spend in the present moment? How much time do you spend daydreaming,
dwelling on the past, or worrying about the future? What part of your life are you missing out on by going
with the flow of your thoughts? In the book "The Power of Now," author Eckhart Tolle explains that learning
to live in the present frees us from pain by connecting us to the infinite calm of our "essential existence."
The famous German writer and lecturer attributes human suffering – depression, anxiety, guilt, worry, fear
and others – to the tendency to live in our minds rather than in the present. If you take the time to examine
your thoughts, you will realize that they are very often related to the past or the future and rarely focus on
the present. Tolle argues that time, or "psychological time", is nothing more than a complex of the human
mind. In other words, the future – whether it's work on Monday or a beach holiday in two weeks – exists
only in our minds.
Similarly, the past is nothing more than a set of memories inevitably conditioned by our "I" at that time. The
only thing that really exists is the present. By always thinking about the past or the future, we ignore or
"resist" the now. In essence, we are denying reality and in doing so, we are causing ourselves great pain.
The past produces pain
Tolle explains that ruminating too often on the past leads to feelings of depression, guilt and self-loathing.
The following are examples of past-oriented thoughts that can cause pain:
'I should have asked her out! I'm just a coward... "I will never find my soulmate."
"I shouldn't have made that statement in front of my boss. "Now I'll never get ahead in my job."
"I wish I'd never eaten that piece of cake. "I feel fat and undisciplined."
Even letting the mind wander back to happy memories can create sadness that that period of time is over,
which can lead to feelings of emptiness, loss, and general dissatisfaction in the present. For example:
"At high school I felt very free. I had a million friends, zero wrinkles, and unlimited energy. I don't think I'll
ever feel that way again. "My life is over."
The future forges anxiety
On the other hand, Tolle explains that regularly thinking about the future causes worry and anxiety. For
example:
"I have to go to the store, call the doctor, finish three reports at work, and pay a bunch of bills that I can't
afford!"
On a Sunday afternoon, instead of enjoying your walk outside, you may find yourself thinking. "Oh my God, I
have to go back to work tomorrow! The weekend is almost over, the stress is back!
Even habitual thinking about positive future events, which may initially provoke feelings of excitement, can
 become a source of dissatisfaction with the present moment.
"I'm looking forward to my beach vacation: warm sand, ice-cold sprites, free time... Too bad I'm stuck out in
the cold with work until then."

As if that weren't enough, habitually living in the future also prevents you from experiencing and enjoying
positive events when they finally arrive. The reason is simple: you will always be waiting for something
bigger and better. While you're at the beach on that long-awaited beach vacation, instead of enjoying the
bright sun on your face and the warm sand between your toes, you may be thinking... "I'm so hungry! I can't
wait for the evening to come so I can eat spaghetti allo scoglio... it's three hours away!" Let's be clear: we're
not just talking about thinking about a future event. Thinking little about the future is acceptable as long as
it allows you to plan the next step in life.

Needless to say, it is not planning that causes the malaise, but rather the constant rumination over future
events. Fortunately, there is an escape route from the pain caused by overthinking. If you embrace the
present moment, you will free yourself from this suffering and be finally free to enjoy the peace of your
"essential existence": the joy of the present moment. Easier said than done, you might think - how do you
live in the present? The easiest way to start living in the present is to notice the sensations in your body and
pay attention to how the world is unfolding around you. Personally, I like to pay attention to my breathing
by noticing the details of my surroundings: nonjudgmentally scrutinizing the color and shape of the clouds,
feeling the warmth of the sun on my face, gently focusing on the rising and falling movement of my
diaphragm with each breath. This technique is called mindfulness and later in the book you will find a
section on integrating this art into your life. The importance of mindfulness lies in its versatility; it can be
practiced while:
You drive by concentrating on the tactile sensations of your hands on the steering wheel and your foot on
the accelerator pedal while watching the road;
Do some housework – feel the warmth of freshly dried clothes, feel the vibrations of the vacuum cleaner, or
smell the lavender scent of dishwasher detergent;
You walk, noticing the quality of your breathing, the feel of the ground beneath your feet, taking in the sights
around you, and listening to the sounds of birds, the chatter of people, and other ambient noises.
Whenever you notice your thoughts drifting uncontrollably into the past or worrying about the future,
gently redirect your attention back to the present moment. The result will be a pleasant feeling of peace
and well-being that will quickly dispel any thoughts. In addition, Tolle gives us a trick to avoid unnecessary
stress on psychological time. The technique is as simple as it is effective: when you notice that your
thoughts are out of control, ask yourself: "Do I have a problem right now?"
The answer will almost always be "no" (unless you're being chased by that saber-toothed tiger from earlier!)
For example, even if tomorrow, on a workday, I have to figure out how to interact with each of my
customers about the problems that have arisen with the company's new electronic alarm while having to fix
its glitches to prevent future inconveniences, here and now I don't have any problems. Right now, I'm sitting
on my patio enjoying the first warm day of a cloudy week and all I have to do is type words on this
keyboard, not worrying in advance about a task I can't start tackling until tomorrow. In the past, you might
have viewed the task ahead as an insurmountable "problem." Now, I know that the problem is just a "life
situation" and I will deal with it when I enter my present.
Because right now, I just have to dedicate my energy to writing the book you have in your hands. Right now
—and for the next thousand nows—I am free to live in the peace of the present. My mind will probably play
a few more tricks on me when I tuck myself in. Now I know how to control it, but a long time ago, when
rumination was a constant in my life, the night was a real torment. But why? Why is nighttime the worst
time for overthinkers? Let's find out together.
The nightmare of the night
If you've ever found yourself trying to give yourself over to the arms of Morpheus only to be suddenly
overcome with thoughts and worries, you're in good company. In fact, it appears that brain activity
increases exponentially at night. Unfortunately, there are no scientific studies that explore this topic in
depth. However, it is a widely accepted fact: if you suffer from overthinking, the night can be a real
nightmare. The reason for this phenomenon is that the brain remains active even while you sleep. This brain
activity is why we can sometimes influence our dreams and why the last thoughts before falling asleep can
be part of your dream journey. However, very often those same thoughts can prevent you from relaxing
enough to fall asleep, especially if those thoughts cause you stress, anxiety or frustration. The nocturnal
world provides the ideal environment for rumination. The lack of other stimuli - such as light, noise,
television and telephones - allows the mind to remember all the thoughts we put aside during the day. The
phenomenon seems to be amplified when you try to fall asleep when you're not actually tired enough. The
brain's lack of desire to rest can initiate an incessant flow of thoughts. Here are the most accepted reasons
for this phenomenon:
1. Common behavior: Have you ever forgotten what you ate last night? Or what shirt were you
wearing? How can we forget something we did just a day before? The reason is that activities such as
eating or changing clothes are part of our routine, our usual behavior. While we perform a habit, we
do not think about it. Most of us spend our lives repeating the same actions every day, meaning we
spend much less time actively using our brain. So at night, when we can think about our daily
activities, we tend to overthink.
2. Alone time: The only time one has to oneself after a long day is at night. In the warmth of our sheets
we have the opportunity, like never before, to reflect on the course of our day and, in general, our
life. We are rarely alone during the day, most of the time we are immersed in social contexts: office
workers are among colleagues, teachers are surrounded by students, business people juggle
appointments on a very tight schedule, etc. After a long day, the only time one has to oneself is at
night, where there are no distractions.
3. Fatigue: Fatigue also plays a key role in how you spend the night. Some days, when you may be
exceptionally tired, you will fall asleep as soon as you get into bed. Whereas if you are not tired on a
particular day, it is obvious that you tend to think too much.
That's why, when we are alone with ourselves, without distractions and we tend to think about anything,
our "inner demons" come back to visit us. But how is it possible to stop the whirlwind of
night thoughts? Answers to this question often involve the use of ineffective techniques or simply
inconclusive talk that will only add frustration to a real problem you are experiencing. The web is full of
useless advice on this topic. That's why I've decided to share with you a practical and effective strategy that
you can apply immediately to get back to having peaceful nights. But first I must make a premise: this is not
the magic pill, it will require an effort on your part, but the result is guaranteed, you have my word. The only
thing left for me to do at this point is to explain to you step by step what it is all about:
STEP 1: Practice worrying at another time and place
Start by setting a timer for 10 minutes and writing down all your thoughts. You can make a to-do list, write
down your problems or worries, write about your sadness or anxiety, etc. The goal is to empty your mind of
all the thoughts it turns to when your head rests on the pillow. The key is to do this activity away from your
bedroom, in a totally neutral place. By doing this, you are reconditioning your mind to worry at another
time. You are getting used to stopping having negative thoughts at night.

STEP 2: Organize your concerns

Once you have all your ideas on paper, try to categorize them and take steps to resolve them. Write down
the errands you have to run on a calendar, make a structured list of your goals, create an agenda to
organize your tasks, etc. Organizing your thoughts will help you take the next step.

STEP 3: Take a step towards solving a problem

Look for problems, challenges or concerns that keep coming up. Take one or two of the challenges on your
list and determine one step you could take to solve that problem. It is important to keep in mind that you
should not look for the definitive solution, but simply define a first step to achieve your goal. Let's say you're
worried about organizing childcare for the upcoming school year. This is a huge problem that needs to be
solved, and it would be impossible to avoid it immediately. An example of a single step to solving the
problem would be calling local child care agencies to find out more about their plans, posting on a local
Facebook group to find out more about what other people are doing, or calling a former babysitter to ask if
she will be in town for the new school year. I realize that these are very small steps, but that's what it's all
about. You try to move towards a solution and with this approach it is often resolved sooner than we
imagine. Often, when we are worried about something, we spend a lot of time pondering the problem, but
we do not act to find the solution. The goal of this activity is to get started.
STEP 4: Choose a mantra
Inevitably, when you go to bed at night after doing all the activities already mentioned, your mind will start
generating thoughts as it usually does. You have not failed. You haven't done anything wrong. Your mind
has a habit of worrying when you go to bed. You are building a new habit right now, and it will take time to
crystallize. While your mind adjusts to this new routine, it is important to have a plan to deal with the
nighttime thoughts that prevent you from resting peacefully.
For this, a mantra can be a really powerful tool. It's a single phrase you can repeat every time your mind
starts to wander with anguish or give reasons why it won't work. Remember that your mind doesn't think in
terms of functionality, but of survival: if the habits you have have kept you alive until now, why would you
want to change anything? Your mind will try hard to prevent you from achieving it. In the following lines
you will find some examples of mantras, but it is important that you formulate your own.
"I don't need to have all the answers, problems are solved step by step."
"I don't forget anything. I set aside some time to write down all the errands that need to be done."
"Now I'm going to rest a little, tomorrow I'll be able to take care of everything in peace."
If all else fails, get out of bed
Sometimes, despite your efforts, you will have a night of worries and excessive thoughts. If you have a
sleepless night, get out of bed and write down everything that's on your mind on a piece of paper. This
process usually takes no more than 10 minutes and will allow you to relieve tension in a functional and
intelligent way. This is because over time, you will stop associating your bed with worry, you will be able to
think more clearly and potentially take action instead of rolling around in bed.

CHAPTER 2
How to stop overthinking
If you're an overthinker, you'll know exactly how this works. A problem keeps popping into your mind – say,
a health issue or a work concern – and you can't stop mulling it over as you desperately try to make sense of
it or find a solution. Thoughts go round and round but, unfortunately, solutions almost never come. Aside
from my own past as a serial ruminator, I have known many people who, in an attempt to find answers,
meaning, or in an attempt to make the right decision, spend most of their waking hours hammering their
minds for solutions. Ironically, in this process of trying to figure out how to proceed in life, we all hit a dead
end. When we spend too much time analyzing our problems and dilemmas, we often end up with more
problems than we started with. Furthermore, persistent overthinking can lead to a wide range of
symptoms, including insomnia, concentration problems, and loss of energy, which in turn often lead to
more worrying about the symptoms themselves, creating a vicious cycle of overthinking and anxiety.
When excessive thoughts and associated symptoms become unbearable, it is normal to look for ways to
calm the mind and return to serenity. Many of the commonly used strategies seem reasonable, but
research shows that many of them can inadvertently cause more harm than good and generally just lead to
more thinking. You may recognize some of them in your own behavior:
Constantly looking for threats: There's nothing wrong with this strategy if you feel like you're gaining
control, but it can quickly backfire. For example, consider health concerns. If, as a strategy to dispel your
worries, you begin to excessively scrutinize yourself or your loved ones for reflex signs of your illness, this
state of constant alert will only lead to a greater sense of danger and more health-related worries. Another
example is constantly monitoring whether people think highly of you, trying to find out what they think.
This mechanism inadvertently leads to being more distant, uninvolved and caring, and not being able to
enjoy their company.
Seeking answers and reassurance: It is natural to seek reassurance from those close to you and to seek
answers on how to best deal with your situation. However, if you get to a point where you rely entirely on
these strategies to calm down and reduce your worries, you're on a slippery slope. For example, some
people close to me spend several hours a day on Google, hoping to find reassurance or at least an
explanation for why they feel so anxious. But this strategy is often even more worrying, since searching
Google for relatively common symptoms often brings up a wide range of search results, including diagnoses
you hadn't even thought of.
Overplanning: Again, there is nothing wrong with a moderate level of planning. It is perfectly healthy to
keep a diary or leave notes for yourself. However, some people plan their lives down to the last detail and
this can be problematic. In addition to being time-consuming, excessive planning can have other negative
effects, such as exacerbating worries. For example, when we plan carefully, we are tempted to anticipate all
the things that could interfere with our plan and how to potentially handle those events if they occur,
resulting in a process of constant worry. Others plan meticulously because they believe they will not be able
to cope otherwise, which can lead to excessive worry when planning is not possible or unforeseen events
arise.
In addition to these unhelpful strategies, another key factor that can perpetuate overthinking is your beliefs
about thinking (the term “metacognitive” in “metacognitive therapy”—a very popular clinical approach—
refers precisely to thinking about thinking). When some ruminants decide to embark on a course of
metacognitive therapy, many of them are convinced that they have no control over their thought processes.
They believe that their thoughts appear automatically and attract attention and that they cannot control the
development of endless ruminations about how bad everything is or catastrophic worries about what can
go wrong in the future.
I have good news for you: you don't have to live with excessive worry. That overthinking is an innate trait is a
false myth, meaning that it can be changed and you don't just have to live with it. Adrian Wells, the clinical
psychologist at the University of Manchester who founded metacognitive therapy, discovered that
overthinking – that is, worrying and ruminating – is a learned strategy that we choose, consciously or
unconsciously, as a way of trying to cope with our difficult thoughts and feelings. It is not a fixed trait, but a
habit that we fall into, and we can learn to change it if we want. Whether you worry more than you'd like,
or suffer from an anxiety disorder or depression, the metacognitive strategies I'll explain in the next section
can help you reduce overthinking. Metacognitive therapy is about discovering that you can choose whether
or not to engage with a thought, regardless of its content or the feelings it arouses. In the next section, I'll
walk you through some of the steps that world-renowned psychologists use in metacognitive therapy to
help their patients reduce overthinking and get them to realize that overthinking is not an insurmountable
condition, but rather a habit that is entirely under our control.

Metacognitive strategies to calm the mind:

1. Know your trigger thoughts and leave them alone
It is estimated that the human brain produces thousands of different thoughts, associations and memories
every day. Most of these thoughts are meaningless; they come and go without us being aware of them. In
metacognitive therapy, these thoughts are called "trigger thoughts." If you pay enough attention to them,
these thoughts can trigger an explosion of bodily sensations and feelings. Some trigger thoughts can
generate feelings of joy and excitement about an upcoming plan: meeting up with an old friend, a holiday
you fancy, or a drink with the woman/man you like. Of course, these types of triggering thoughts are not
problematic. However, other triggering thoughts can lead to a long series of additional thoughts that can
become a vortex of anxiety and negativity. Worries often form around hypothetical scenarios and begin
with “What if?” statements like “What if I make the wrong decision?” “What if he doesn’t like me?” “What if
I get sick?” etc. Typical rumination, on the other hand, begins with thoughts about the what, why, and how:
“What’s wrong with me?” “Why do I feel this way?” “How can I change?”

You can compare these thoughts to trains in a crowded railway station. There are constant departures to a
wide list of different destinations. Each train can represent a thought or a sequence of thoughts. For
example, a thought like "What if he doesn't like me?" might come to the mental platform. In this way, you
can "catch" the thought and soon notice that other thoughts are involved in it: "I won't be able to stand it if
he doesn't like me" - "Maybe I shouldn't go on the date then." Or you can dismiss the thought, as if letting a
train pass, and return your attention to what you were doing. When you don't expend energy on a thought,
you'll find that it will sit on the shelf and just pass you by.
So, it's not the triggering thought itself that will overwhelm you and cause a host of unpleasant symptoms;
it's also not the number of triggering thoughts you have (everyone has them). Problems arise if you
continually jump on each train - that is, if you start analyzing your thoughts and ruminating a lot - then it is
as if you are adding more and more cars to the train, one after another; the train becomes heavier and
slower, and eventually it will have difficulty getting over even the smallest hill. The same applies to your
trigger thoughts: the more time you spend thinking about these thoughts, the heavier and more
overwhelmed you will feel.

2. Recognize what you can and cannot control

If you are accustomed to jumping on most trains uncritically, that is, continually engaging in triggering
thoughts and starting to worry for long periods of time, then unfortunately you are on your way to
developing an unhealthy pattern. If you repeat this pattern over and over, it may seem to come
automatically. You may, understandably, come to believe that it is beyond your control. It is true that the
triggering thoughts themselves are completely automatic: you have no say in which trains will arrive at your
mental station and why. However, you can choose which trains you board. You can choose whether or not
to consider the triggering thought. You can control whether to "respond" to the thought or follow it up with
other questions.
To better understand these concepts, instead of in terms of trains, you might imagine your thoughts as if
someone were calling you on the phone. Of course, you don't decide whether the phone rings, who calls, or
what time of day. Unfortunately, in this case it is not the kind of phone that can simply be turned off. But
you can choose to answer the phone or let it ring and get back to what you were doing. The ringing of your
phone can be loud, annoying and draw your attention, but what happens if you ignore it? Eventually it stops
ringing. Although thoughts and phones are, of course, different things, this metaphor leads to a key idea in
metacognitive therapy: although triggering thoughts are out of your control, you can always control
whether or not you heed them. In principle, thoughts are ephemeral, even if you don't see them that way.
Try asking yourself how many of the thoughts you had yesterday you can remember today. To be honest,
out of the several thousand I've owned, I'm not sure I can even remember ten. But why? Most of the
thoughts we have come and go almost instantly because we don't pay attention to them, we let them go
and go back to what we were doing. Even if you are not aware of it, you are already capable of choosing not
to engage in a conversation with your thoughts, just as you can ignore the phone that keeps ringing.

3. Postpone and reduce your worries and ruminations

Many chronic thinkers find it difficult to change their belief that thoughts can be controlled, and perhaps
you yourself, dear reader, are still not convinced. One way to further challenge your belief is to examine
whether you are able to postpone worrying and rumination. In this regard, I recommend introducing the so-
called "time of concern/rumor". It should be a fixed time of day, for example from 6:30 to 7:30 p.m., when
you allow yourself to ruminate freely. So when triggering thoughts or feelings arise during the day— for
example, you feel the need to evaluate your health or reflect on what your friends think of you— try to
postpone these thoughts to your scheduled rumination time (you can simply tell yourself, "I'll deal with this
later"). This pre-arranged time is also useful for any planning or security seeking you feel you need. One
note: It might be a good idea to avoid scheduling your rumination time within an hour or two of your
planned bedtime, especially if you're prone to insomnia.
The introduction of a predetermined rumination time has several objectives. First, it is an experiment that
challenges the belief that worries and ruminations are uncontrollable. By performing this experiment, most
overthinkers discover that it is indeed possible to postpone worrying. While this may seem like a difficult
goal, it is actually something you already do on a daily basis without realizing it. An example? Every time you
notice an alarming headline in the newspaper on your way to work and start to worry, but then remember
that you are in a hurry and bring your attention back to the present moment so that you won't be late, this
is controlling your thoughts. Or: You're sitting at a bar with a friend and overhear a conversation at another
table that brings back unpleasant memories, but instead of thinking about it, you decide to refocus your
attention on the conversation with your interlocutor. Again: you control your thoughts.
In the same way, you can learn to consciously ignore your triggering thoughts, experiencing that you
actually have the ability to engage less with them. A second function of setting rumination time is that it is a
great way to discover that triggering thoughts are fleeting and ever-changing. For example, thoughts that
seemed very relevant and important in the morning will often seem less important when you get to your
rumination time later. You may even find that you are unable to remember some of the thoughts that have
been troubling you during the morning. All feelings, positive or negative, are usually harmless if we tolerate
them and leave them alone. Of course, not all thoughts go away forever when you snooze them: some
thoughts may be about important issues that you really need to deal with. In any case, it is much more
constructive to deal with these issues at a specific time of day, rather than endlessly dealing with them
while trying to carry on with your daily responsibilities.
Finally, although it may seem obvious, rumination time is a way to reduce and contain the amount of time
one spends worrying. As I explained before, it is not the triggering thought itself that causes unpleasant
symptoms, nor the number of triggering thoughts, but the amount of time spent ruminating. If you spend
some time ruminating, you are more likely to feel in control and not get overwhelmed.

4. Avoid avoidance and train attention

For people who struggle with overthinking, it's all too easy to develop a fear of the triggering thoughts.
After all, if you feel at their mercy, you might be tempted to avoid them in the first place. Unfortunately,
this is not only largely useless, it is also counterproductive: avoiding triggering situations will hinder your
life, and furthermore, to the extent that you manage to avoid the situations that stimulate triggering
thoughts, you will not have the opportunity to practice letting them go. After all, you can't learn to ride a
bike without pedaling. Inspired by the above, and if you feel ready, I recommend that you set yourself daily
challenges that involve triggering thoughts, and that you practice letting them be until a certain moment.
This strategy will help you become more adept at letting go of your triggering thoughts and realize that you
are in complete control of your worries. Be careful: you won't always succeed, and it's perfectly normal to
fall back into the vortex of overthinking, especially at the beginning. But just like learning to ride a bike,
you'll have to get back up every time you fall and keep pedaling until you get the hang of it.
Effective concentration exercises
Some people find it difficult to develop this skill. In this case, attention training is used in metacognitive
therapy to help patients realize that they can shift their focus independently of internal inputs, such as
triggering thoughts, and external inputs, such as stressors. Patients are usually asked to do the following 10-
minute exercise. I hope finding out how it works inspires you to give it a try:
Environmental immersion
Tune in to three or more ambient sounds, such as: traffic; birdsong; the chatter of a nearby radio or
television; children playing; an active construction site, or others. You have to find a place where you can
 experience these ambient sounds. It is helpful if in the circumstance you choose, some sounds are closer
and louder, while others are farther away and quieter.
Of the three or more sounds you detect, practice tuning into just one at a time for about 10 seconds each
and let the others fade into the background. After 10 seconds have passed, shift your attention to another
of the sounds you have chosen.
After two minutes, repeat the exercise, but moving more quickly from one sound to the next; now
concentrate on each sound for only two to four seconds. The goal of the exercise is to develop a shift in
focus. When you feel more confident, you can introduce a recording of a triggering thought into the
exercise, and practice shifting your attention to and from the sound of that thought.
Window exercise
Another useful exercise you can try is the window exercise: this practice will further illustrate that your
attention is under your control, regardless of the existence of triggering thoughts in your head. Putting this
exercise into practice is simple and fun, let's discover it together.
Write one or two trigger thoughts on a window in washable ink (such as "What if I fail my driving test?" or
"What if she finds me boring?"), and then practice looking through the words to catch a glimpse of the
scene beyond—the trees, the sky, the buildings, whatever the view from your window. Next, return your
attention to the words, and again to the details of the sight. The goal is to familiarize yourself with the
feeling of being able to control your concentration. If you try, you'll find that as long as your written
thoughts remain visible, you can control whether you focus on them or let them fade away and enjoy the
outside world instead.
Key Points - How to Stop Overthinking
Persistent overthinking in the form of worry and rumination can lead to a variety of symptoms, including
insomnia, concentration problems, and loss of energy, which in turn often lead to further worry about the
symptoms themselves, creating a vicious cycle of overthinking. In some cases, this can lead to anxiety or
depression.
The usual strategies for managing anxiety and worry, such as threat control, security seeking, and excessive
planning, are unhelpful and
counterproductive. They often lead to a heightened sense of danger, increased worry, and maintaining
the belief that the worry is beyond your control.

Many view overthinking as an innate personality trait, something that cannot be changed. However,
overthinking, in terms of worry and rumination, is a learned strategy that we choose – consciously or
unconsciously – when trying to deal with our thoughts and feelings. It's basically a habit we fall into, but we
can learn to change it. Overthinking begins with a "trigger thought." It is not the triggering thought itself that
causes the unpleasant symptoms, nor the amount of it. It is the time you spend engaged in these thoughts
that causes discomfort. Although trigger thoughts are completely automatic, you can learn to control
whether or not you engage in a trigger thought. You can choose to "respond" to the thought and follow it
with other related thoughts, or just let it be. Thoughts are fleeting and will pass by if you don't pay attention
to them. One way to challenge the belief that overthinking is beyond your control is to explore whether you
are able to postpone worry and rumination. Set aside half an hour a day when you can worry and ruminate
freely. When triggering thoughts occur early in the day, practice postponing rumination until the appointed
time.
It is tempting to avoid situations that may provoke triggering thoughts, but this is counterproductive. Instead,
it is better to practice letting them pass without getting involved in them.
So far, I've talked about overthinking on the premise that it's something most of us would rather do
without, and so we're probably highly motivated to reduce it. However, you may be one of the many people
who have more ambivalent views on the habit of overthinking—after all, you may believe that overthinking
has some benefits. If this is the case, not only will it be difficult for you to change this habit, but it may also
seem scary to let go of what has been like a crutch, a cane of support that has helped you through life.
Despite the problems created by overthinking, you may feel safe because it is a familiar mechanism for you,
it is what you have always done. You may see overthinking as both a problem and a solution.
This ambivalence reflects specific assumptions that you, like many others, may have about your thoughts
and strategies. If you want to reduce your overthinking, you may have to confront these assumptions head
on. For example, a common assumption is, "If I worry about what can go wrong, I'll be able to handle it
better." Another is: "If I think about what I've done wrong, I can do better next time." Needless to say, if you
live with these beliefs about the supposed benefits of rumination, you will find it especially difficult to let
go.

To challenge these beliefs, I suggest you ask yourself if your thoughts have ever led you to make better
decisions, to have less stress and more control. Most of the responses are ambivalent. On the one hand,
you may feel that your ruminations have given you a certain sense of security and control. On the other
hand, you recognize that these worry strategies cause tension, restlessness, and perhaps even anxiety,
factors that do not usually lead to better decisions. One way to challenge positive beliefs about the
usefulness of worry is to weigh the pros and cons on paper, and then decide whether or not you want to
practice limiting your worry time.
The hard truth is that you can't worry for long about everything that has gone wrong or will go wrong, and
at the same time remain emotionally balanced and stress-free. Of course, sometimes you have to think
things through. So what to do? My advice is that if you want the best of both worlds – fewer symptoms and
room for contemplation – set a time for the worry/rumor, as I described above, and postpone your
thoughts to that specific time. This may be a little scary at first, if you're a firm believer that worrying or
ruminating actually helps keep you (or others) safe and functioning well. You will need a good dose of
courage to explore whether you can do without reflection. But I encourage you to do it. Try to think of it as
an experiment where you explore what happens when you let go of this mechanism. If you can do this, I bet
you will feel a great relief, and the decisions you make will not be affected. If it doesn't work, well, you can
always go back to your old strategies. The choice is yours.

CHAPTER 3
DON'T RUN AWAY FROM ANXIETY
Listening is a skill that requires practice. Our instinct is to absorb only what is necessary, with one part of
our mind dedicated to listening and the other focused on a million other things. Active listening, with our
full attention, requires such concentration that it is no wonder most people find it difficult. It's much easier
to let our subconscious mind filter out the noise into things we should be paying attention to and things
we're better off overlooking and pretending nothing's happening. Anxiety usually falls into this last
category: things we should ignore. We treat it like a mole from that famous game that populated the
arcades in the early 2000s.
When it rears its head, we grab whatever we can—a bottle of beer, a glass of wine, a show on Netflix—and
dunk it in the ditch, hoping it will be the last one and suspecting its eventual reappearance. So we have the
hammer ready. This has been my self-treatment for anxiety and its more subtle and silent companion,
depression, during long years of insidious anguish and discomfort. Piano and beer. Netflix and beer. Piano,
Netflix and beer. Well, the equation is pretty simple: I was doing whatever it took to make that damn
anxiety go away, at least for the moment.
I eventually realized that my self-treatment plan wasn't working. My anxiety seemed to intensify over time,
with panic attacks becoming more severe and longer. Attacks that kept me trapped in my situation. Attacks
that left me overwhelmed with self-doubt. Attacks that began to manifest with physical symptoms, such as
a sharp pain in the left side of the chest for days. A sharp, stabbing pain that doesn't go away. Finally, after
years of this, I broke down.
The burden of anxiety had become too heavy to ignore. I could no longer drown it out with music, beer and
crime TV shows, or even with habits that seemed more effective, like going for a run by the lake. No matter
how fast I ran, I couldn't outrun him. When I sped up, he ran faster. When I put obstacles in his path, he
would rush and leap over them, gaining ground with every step he took. That's how I decided to stop
running away from her.

Very deliberately, I decided to face it, to start listening to it, to start understanding it as a signal from my
body, a warning siren sounding from my subconscious, telling me that something is wrong, something I
need to listen to deep within me. There's no doubt about it: it was a huge change in mentality. The first step
forward in a long journey to try to understand my chronic anxiety in the hope of finding a way to heal.
It's worth repeating that my first step in treating anxiety was not meditation, yoga, or medication. Or even
therapy, which has become a crucial part of my treatment today. It was a decision to start listening to the
message my body was sending me. A message I had spent years trying to ignore with every activity I could
think of. It was a very difficult change for me. It made me feel incredibly vulnerable. Because going from
seeing anxiety as an annoying inconvenience to seeing it as an important signal was about recognizing that I
wasn't okay, that something was really wrong, and that I had no idea what it was. This was both terrifying
and liberating, but a crucial step in my healing journey. And it is, at the same time, a step that I think is too
often overlooked in anxiety management. That's why, in this section of the book, I open up about the
difficult moments I've been through. I want to fill in some gaps in the conversation and reduce the distance
between you and me, dear reader.
Too often in our day, we are offered quick fixes to all sorts of problems. A few deep breaths here, a yoga
session there, and you're all set. "Open yourself up to treatment, consult a psychologist," the narration
states, "and you will progress quickly." I do not want to belittle the work of professionals, for many they
have been and are an incredible healing tool. But for me, “the psychologist” just didn’t work. It has been a
long and arduous journey towards healing. A journey to dark inner places where I never wanted to venture.

But the only way I could really begin to heal was to turn around and face my anxiety.
Before you start looking for treatments for anxiety, take a moment to pause. Sit with him. Give yourself
time to reflect on what issues may be floating around in your subconscious, issues that you may have
ignored but that may be related to that feeling of discomfort running through your body. Think of anxiety as
a ball of string. A big, confused, messy ball of yarn. Pull the rope. Look what happens. You might be
surprised by what you discover. And in doing so, give yourself credit for being brave. It takes courage to face
the things you don't understand within yourself. It takes courage to start a journey without knowing where
it ends. The good news is that these pages are imbued with all my experience and my sincere desire to help
you overcome your problems. And it was through relentless information and experimentation that my
swirling, confused thoughts slowly began to focus. I began to understand anxiety as a symptom of deeper
problems, not as a ghost that haunts me, appearing to scare me from time to time, or as a mole that needs
to be thrown back into the well.
I began to realize that my anxiety was related, in part, to big changes in my life that I had minimized or tried
to ignore. Like the death of my father a few years ago, which I dealt with by focusing on doing all the "things
that need to be done" ("This is what he would have wanted" became my mantra). As you slowly sink into
isolation from friends, family and previous sources of socialization. Anxiety does not exist in a vacuum, it is
tempting to think of it that way, because it allows you to distance yourself from it. But it just doesn't. It is a
message from your body, telling you that something important is happening, something that you are
neglecting at the moment. Anxiety is a siren. Listen to it. In the following section we will discover a series of
useful breathing techniques that have helped me greatly in my process of change. These are simple
strategies that can be put into practice anywhere to bring your focus back to the present moment, calm
your mind, and live more peacefully. You just have to put into practice the advice I am going to give you, the
result will be incredibly comforting.
Breathing techniques to relieve anxiety and stress
Have you ever noticed how you breathe when you are relaxed? The next time you're lying down, take a
moment to notice the sensations in your body and the rhythm of your breathing. Or think about how you
breathe first thing in the morning or just before you go to sleep. The breathing exercises you will discover
shortly can help you greatly to reduce anxiety and stress, because they trigger the same sensations you
experience in a state of complete relaxation.
Deep breathing is one of the most effective ways to reduce cortisol levels and calm your thoughts. This is
because when you breathe deeply, you send a message to your mind. It is then the latter that returns it to
the body, causing a deep feeling of well-being. The things that happen when you're stressed, like increased
heart rate, rapid breathing, and our beloved rumination, are dramatically reduced when you breathe
consciously.

Before moving on to the practical part, here are three simple notes to keep in mind:
The way you breathe affects your entire body. Breathing exercises are a great way to relax, reduce tension
and relieve stress.
Breathing exercises are easy to learn. You can do them whenever you want and you don't need any special
tools or equipment to benefit from them.
 You can do different exercises to see which one works best for you. There is no better or worse exercise,
but rather a technique that may work better than another.
That said, it's time to try practicing. Below you will find several breathing exercises that you can try
immediately to promote relaxation and calmness. The first exercise, alternate breathing, is the easiest to
learn and the most immediate to put into practice. If you have never done this type of exercise, I
recommend that you start with this technique. The following exercises are gradually more advanced.

Alternate breathing
Alternate breathing (nadi shodhana) involves blocking one nostril at a time while breathing through the
other, alternating nostrils regularly. It is advisable to practice this breathing technique in a sitting position to
maintain a correct posture.
 Place your right hand with your index and middle fingers folded into your palm, leaving your thumb, ring
finger, and pinky extended. This position is known in yoga as Vishnu mudra.
 Close your eyes or look gently down. Begin to inhale and exhale gently.
 Close the right nostril with your thumb. Inhale through the left nostril.
 Close the left nostril with the ring finger. Release and exhale through the right nostril.
 Inhale through the right nostril.
 Close the right nostril with your thumb. Release and exhale through the left nostril. Inhale through the left
nostril. And so on...Focus on completing 10 reps while maintaining a smooth, deep rhythm. If you start to
feel dizzy, take a break. Release both nostrils and breathe normally.
Belly breathing
According to the American Institute of Stress, doing 20 to 30 minutes of abdominal breathing each day
produces incredible benefits in stress management. Putting it into practice is very simple. Find a
comfortable place and
quiet to sit or lie down. For example, try using a chair with your legs crossed, or lie on your back with a
small pillow under your head and another under your knees.
Place one hand on your upper chest and the other on your belly, just below your rib cage.
Let your belly relax, without forcing it inward by contracting the muscles.
Breathe slowly through your nose. The air should move gently so that you feel your stomach swell and
retract inward (toward your spine).
Exhale slowly through your mouth while slightly parting your lips. Look at the hand on the chest, the
correct execution implies that the hand is almost still.
Although the frequency of this technique varies depending on your health status, most people start by
doing the exercise three times, repeating it for five minutes, one to four times a day.
Box breathing
Also known as "square breathing", the box breathing technique is very easy to learn and practice. If you've
ever noticed yourself inhaling and exhaling to the beat of a song, you're already familiar with this type of
exercise. It works like this:
Take a deep breath, hold it, count to four, and exhale;
Keep your lungs empty for another four seconds; On number four, inhale gently;
Hold the air in your lungs for another four seconds. Exhale and start the pattern again.
4-7-8 Breathing
 The 4-7-8 breathing exercise, also called relaxing breathing, acts as a natural tranquilizer for the nervous
system. At first, it is best to perform the exercise sitting with your back straight. Once you've become
familiar with it, you can do it while lying in bed.
Make yourself comfortable and keep the tip of your tongue against the roof of your mouth, behind the upper
arch of your teeth, throughout the exercise.
Exhale completely through your mouth, making a liberating "whoosh" sound. Close your mouth and inhale
calmly through your nose for up to 4 seconds. Hold your breath for up to 7 seconds. Exhale completely
through your mouth, making a "whoosh" sound to the count of eight.
Lion's Breath
Lion's Breath, or simhasana in Sanskrit, is an ancient exercise during which you stick out your tongue and
roar like a lion. It can help relax facial and jaw muscles, relieve stress, and improve cardiovascular function.
The exercise is best performed in a comfortable seated position, leaning slightly forward with your hands on
your knees or the floor.
Place your hands on your knees and inhale deeply through your nose. As you do this, open your fingers.
Open your mouth wide, stick out your tongue and exhale while holding your breath. As you exhale, make a
"ha" sound from deep within your abdomen.
Breathe normally for a few moments and repeat the lion's breathing up to seven times.
Conscious breathing
Mindfulness meditation involves focusing on your breathing and bringing your attention to the present
without allowing your mind to wander. Choose a calming focus, such as a sound ("om"), a positive word
("peace"), or a phrase ("inhale calm, exhale tension") to repeat silently as you inhale or exhale. Let yourself
go and relax. When you notice your mind starting to wander, take a deep breath and gently bring your
attention back to the present moment.
Breathing with closed lips
Closed-lip breathing is a simple breathing technique that helps you take slower, more focused, deep
breaths. Research has found that this technique is especially beneficial for people who suffer from anxiety
associated with lung conditions such as emphysema and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD).
Sit in a comfortable position with your neck and shoulders relaxed.
Keeping your mouth closed, inhale slowly through your nostrils for two seconds.
Exhale through your mouth for four seconds, pursing your lips as if you were giving a kiss.
Keep your breathing slow and steady as you exhale. To achieve the correct breathing pattern, experts
recommend practicing closed-lip breathing four to five times a day.
Resonance breathing
Resonance breathing, or coherent breathing, can greatly help you enter a state of relaxation and reduce
anxiety. Putting it into practice is very simple:
Lie down and close your eyes. Inhale gently through your nose, with your mouth closed, counting to six
seconds. Do not fill your lungs with too much air. Exhale for six seconds, letting your breath leave your body
slowly and gently. Continue for a maximum of 10 minutes. Take a few more minutes to stay still and focus on
the sensations in your body.
Simple breathing exercise
This exercise can easily be done as often as you need. It can be done standing, sitting or lying down. If you
find this exercise unpleasant, stop the session. You can try again in a day or two. Breathe in slowly and
deeply through your nose. Keep your shoulders relaxed. Your abdomen should expand and your chest
should rise slightly. Exhale slowly through your mouth.
As you exhale, purse your lips slightly but keep your jaw relaxed. Naturally, you can make a slight sound
when you exhale. Repeat this breathing exercise. Do this for several minutes until you start to feel better.
Sometimes very anxious people initially feel an increase in anxiety when doing this exercise. This may be
due to anxiety caused by focusing on breathing, so remember that skill comes with experience. Focus on
execution and trust in natural progress.
How “normal” breathing can contribute to anxiety
When you're anxious, you tend to take rapid, shallow breaths that come straight out of your chest. This type
of breathing, called thoracic or "chest" breathing, causes the levels of oxygen and carbon dioxide in your
body to change, leading to increased heart rate, dizziness, muscle tension, and other unpleasant physical
sensations. The blood is not well oxygenated and this can be perceived by the mind as a sign of stress that
contributes to anxiety, rumination and mental and physical discomfort.
Diaphragmatic or deep breathing, on the other hand, stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system,
which is part of the peripheral nervous system responsible for regulating heartbeat, blood flow, breathing,
and digestion. Deep breathing therefore helps to avoid the "fight or flight" response (acute stress response)
to mentally or physically exhausting situations.
Thoracic or abdominal breathing
Most people are not really aware of their breathing, but in general we can identify two breathing patterns:
Diaphragmatic (abdominal) breathing: This type of breathing is deep and even, allowing the lungs to gather
air as they expand and create negative pressure that pushes air out through the nose and mouth. This is, for
example, the way babies breathe. You probably also adopt this breathing pattern during the deep sleep
phase.
Thoracic breathing: This type of breathing comes from the chest and consists of short, rapid breaths. When
you are anxious, you may not even be aware that you are breathing too much.
this way. The easiest way to determine your breathing pattern is to place one hand on your upper
abdomen, near your waist, and the other hand in the center of your chest. As you breathe, notice which
hand rises higher. If you are breathing correctly, your abdomen should expand and contract with each
breath (and your hand on it should rise higher). It is especially important to be aware of these differences
during times of stress, when you are more likely to engage in chest breathing. For deep breathing to work,
it is essential to listen to your body and be aware of how anxiety or stress is affecting your daily life.
If you still feel very anxious after practicing deep breathing, consider consulting a certified mental health
professional or doctor. If you have a lung condition such as COPD or asthma, or if you have difficulty
breathing, talk to your doctor before trying any of the breathing exercises mentioned.
At this point we have at our disposal a series of useful tools to calm the mind and release tension. The
effectiveness of conscious breathing lies in the fact that it can be practiced anywhere and without any
particular limitations.
Before continuing, I would like to emphasize that all the exercises mentioned have been selected for their
effectiveness; all you have to do is put them into practice. Only in this way can you achieve real
improvements. However, at this point, you might be wondering, "Okay, good tools to calm anxiety, but
anything to stop me from having it?" Okay, that's fair. The following paragraph is entirely dedicated to
showing you the best strategy to eliminate negativity from your life and live a more peaceful and carefree life.
The best strategy to eliminate negativity from your life
There are not many people who understand or know that happiness is actually a choice. Most people think
that happiness is simply a reaction triggered by certain positive events. Well, I was one of those people. I
believed that happiness came from success, or from an event in my favor. So I never allowed myself to feel
real joy unless I truly thought I deserved it. This has led me to suffer a lot, to have little self-acceptance and
to have feelings of guilt for not getting to where I thought I should be. When you allow yourself to give in to
these types of thoughts, you allow negativity to enter your life. You start to get discouraged and
underestimate your efforts. You start telling yourself, “I’ll be happy when I make X amount of money,” or
“I’ll be happy when I get this promotion at work,” or my all-time favorite, “I’ll be happy when I’m like this
person.”
These are just some of the psychological impediments we allow to stop us from living the life we want. By
constantly telling yourself that you can't be happy or fulfilled until you achieve something, you allow
negativity to dominate your thoughts. It is human nature to criticize and find fault with everything.
But what if you were able to change?
What if instead of immediately identifying all the flaws and everything negative, you flipped the switch and
learned to highlight the good instead?
How would your life change if you woke up every morning and made a conscious decision to commit to being
happy?
What if you allowed yourself to stop waiting for good things to come to you and just enjoy what you already
have, realizing that you are on the right path to being more successful in your life?
What if you could eliminate negativity from your life and just be... happy?
In the following lines I want to share with you what I have discovered as the best strategy to become
positive again. This is a series of
"good practices" and changes in perspective that constitute a reliable and safe path towards improvement.
Are you ready? Here's how you can learn to eliminate negativity and become the happiest version of
yourself.
Fight for freedom
One thing that often stops us from living a happy life is the feeling of being restricted. For example, diets are
a common restriction that people impose on themselves. When setting a goal for one's physique, one
strives to achieve a certain "look" or body weight. Although being healthy should always be a priority, for
some people diets can have negative consequences. You may feel depressed if you don't get the results you
wanted to achieve, or you may embrace negativity thinking you haven't tried hard enough. When it comes
to dieting, you should always focus on sustainability. Choose what you can sustain long-term, rather than
immediate results that will fade over time. Whatever aspect of your life feels restrictive, whether it's diet or
relationships, choose to pursue freedom rather than limitation. Allow yourself to be exposed to
opportunities instead of closing yourself off to new things.
Stop taking life personally
Not everyone wants to hurt you. Personally, I've always been a very defensive person, partly because I've
never felt like I had a lot of people on my side. I've always been an introvert and didn't grow up with many
friends, which led me to be extremely sensitive towards people who had different perspectives than me. I
recently heard that when we judge others, we are actually saying something about ourselves. Instead of
always thinking that everyone with a different opinion is just trying to get in your way, learn that not
everyone grew up the same way you did. Not everyone reads the same books, watches the same movies,
and listens to the same stories. Each person hears differently. Everyone experiences, feels and understands
things in their own way. And just because your point of view doesn't match, it doesn't mean there's
anything wrong with you or them. It just means you have differences, and it's 100% okay to have them.
Ultimately, it is these differences that define our uniqueness. When you learn to accept it, you will feel
freer, more understanding, and you will stop taking everything at face value.
Set goals and pursue them
Aligning yourself with the person you want to become will push you to not only do better, but to be better.
It is important to have goals, ambitions and to fight for something. It is also essential to have a trajectory to
know where you are going in your life. You'll never know exactly where you'll end up, but if you've set goals,
you can create an outline of what you need to do to get where you want to go. For me, identifying the type
of person I wanted to become and what I wanted to be known for helped me a lot in understanding what
actions I needed to take. Once you are able to do this, you will start eliminating all the unnecessary things
from your life. To conclude, things that do not benefit your goals, things that do not add value to your life in
terms of well-being, can be eliminated little by little.
You are the company you hang out with the most.
People can steal your energy. Choose carefully the people you spend your time with. Every element of your
life should bring you more joy, not do something that undermines it. Focus on quality, not quantity. The
people in your life shouldn't drain you, the job you have should inspire you, the things you do should make
you feel good about yourself. Take stock of your life and ask yourself, "Is this adding something to my life?"
The people you associate with should add value to your life, just as you are adding value to theirs.
Perform a digital detox
Social media is the epitome of modern culture. And they are also spaces where everyone shares the best
versions of themselves. Yeah, okay, I know what you're thinking. I can't blame you, they're a great way to
connect with friends and loved ones, but they're also a veritable hall of mirrors that often leads to
dysfunctional comparisons. Chances are, your feed is full of statuesque turtle influencers and what you
probably do subconsciously (and sometimes not even so much) is spend time comparing your looks to
theirs. Giving yourself a detox from all of this will give you more balance. It will give you a sense of clarity
and allow you to remember what really matters in your life. Remember that on social media you only
witness 10% of people's lives, and only 10% of what they decide to show you. You may think Kylie Jenner
has a great life because she has a beautiful mansion and a killer body, but you don't know the other 90% of
what goes on in her days away from the camera. It's all about balance. Take a break from time to time, or
better yet, delete the accounts that make you think most often.
Self-help rituals
Developing small self-help rituals allows you to be more aware of how you feel and what bothers you.
Sometimes, you just need a break. You can't always be positive, you can't always be at the top of your
energy. If you are stressed, tired and bitter, it is essential that you set aside some time to calm your nerves,
clear your mind and relax your body. But be careful, self-care doesn't have to take your progress away, it
can be promoted through all those little things that bring you joy. Take a walk in the morning, have a hot
cup of coffee at your favorite coffee shop, read a good book that gives you pleasure, cook a chef-inspired
dinner, do things that make you feel good.
Show kindness
We are all constantly caught up in our busy lives and frustrating problems. But remember one thing: making
others feel good will make you feel good too. Therefore, be kind to everyone. Be kind to strangers, to your
friends, to your family. People always need other people. Through your loved ones, you can develop
meaningful connections and foster relationships that can make you feel good and support you in times of
need.
Eliminate negative thinking
Despondency is one of the heaviest stones you have to learn to overcome if you want to get rid of
negativity. Would you ever tell your best friend that he is ugly? Or not be successful? Or that he is not
dedicated enough? No? So why do you tell yourself this?
It is important to be aware of the chatter that your mind produces and how it influences the way you feel
and behave. Modulate what the British call "negative self-talk" with uplifting and encouraging phrases. You
have the power to change your mood, you have the power to change your thinking. You have full control
over yourself and you need to start harnessing this power for your own well-being.
Express yourself
Negativity often arises when you don't allow yourself to accept what you feel. Sweeping things under the
rug will always bring you more problems. Making a conscious decision to be happy won't eliminate all
negative emotions from your life, and deep down you don't even want that. You probably just want to be
able to learn how to manage those emotions in a healthy way, right? You won't want to get rid of them for
complete. Well, find your creative outlet and use it. Personally, I like to get up in the morning and fill out a
page in my journal to take what my dear mother used to call "the point of the situation." What I do is take
stock of my emotions at that moment, analyze how I felt the day before, what bothered me, what problems I
need to address, and what actions I can take to feel better. Writing is a relief for me. A way to communicate
the things I couldn't say. Ultimately, what I recommend is finding your own form of expression and using it
every day to relieve the pressures of everyday life.
Learn to be grateful
Practicing gratitude on a daily basis can greatly improve your mental and physical well-being as it can
transform your energy and harness your desires to gain a greater sense of security throughout the day.
Think about it, if you are constantly in a negative frame of mind, wishing and hoping that good things and
success will come to you almost by accident, you will not recognize all the good things you already have.
You will begin to believe that you have nothing in your life that brings you joy.
Start focusing on the things you already have in your life that make you happy. Many people fear that being
grateful for what they currently have will prevent them from achieving more; they believe that being
content means settling for mediocrity.
In reality, practicing gratitude simply allows you to notice the abundance in your life. This makes you feel
happier and makes you more self-aware. Oprah Winfrey herself, a famous American public figure, keeps a
gratitude journal that she consults often. Here are her words on the importance of gratitude:
"Opportunities, relationships, and even money flowed into my life when I learned to be grateful, regardless
of events." Ultimately, the moment you start acknowledging all the things you're grateful for is the moment
you stop worrying about all the things you think would make you happier.

CHAPTER 4 COGNITIVE RESTRUCTURING

Marco has just handed in a report to his boss, Angela. He reads it, thanks him for his work and lists a
number of critical points. Unfortunately, one of these comments "hits a nerve" in Marco, who returns to his
office upset and furious.
Marco knows he has to get over that moment. So he decides to take a few minutes, take a deep breath, and
write two lines about why he felt attacked by Angela. Then he remembers that the quality of the work left
Angela pleasantly impressed and that his desire is to boost her career. After all, he enjoyed working on the
project too, and he knows that he had a lot at stake. After taking some time to reconstruct the situation,
Marco no longer feels angry. He calls Angela to apologize for his reaction and then uses her suggestions to
improve the relationship.
In this situation, Marco used cognitive restructuring to overcome negative and reactive thinking. Cognitive
Restructuring is nothing more than a famous technique to identify and overcome negative thought patterns,
such as worry and rumination. Do you often find yourself “stuck in your head,” caught in endless spirals of
negative thoughts?

Perhaps it is due to an overly judgmental inner voice that constantly dwells on past mistakes and perceived
flaws. Or maybe it's a perpetual worry about the future and comparing yourself to other people. For many
of us, negative thought patterns are the source of enormous emotional suffering and unhappiness. They are
the key factors of depression and anxiety. And although negative thinking may seem completely automatic
and out of our control, with practice and the right techniques, you can learn to retrain your habitual way of
thinking and free yourself from the weight of negative thinking. In this chapter, I will walk you through the
exact definition of Cognitive Restructuring, how it is practiced, and what the benefits of doing so are. Next,
we will explain step by step how to use Cognitive Restructuring to identify, change and ultimately free
yourself from your negative thought patterns. Are you ready? Let's get started.
What is cognitive restructuring?
Cognitive Restructuring is a fundamental technique of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, the approach
considered scientifically most effective for treating mental health problems such as anxiety and depression.
And while it is widely used to treat these conditions, Cognitive Restructuring can be equally helpful for
anyone struggling with overly negative or self-judgmental thinking patterns.
Cognitive Restructuring is based on the principle of cognitive mediation. This concept suggests that what we
feel is not the result of what happens to us, but rather the result of how we think about what happens. This
means that we can change the way we feel if we change the way we relate to a given event. Here is a simple
example:
One night before going to bed, I was browsing Facebook and saw a post from my best friend showing how
much fun she had with a mutual friend. I immediately started to feel sad and a little angry because I had a
good time with her the day before, but I didn't see a single post about it. Before I knew it, I was thinking of
all the reasons why my best friend might not really be the person I thought she was and probably wants to
leave me. I felt perfectly happy all night, and within three minutes I was plunged into anxiety and
despondency. Cognitive Restructuring would have helped that person make sense of the experience by
showing them how to organize what happened and changing their initial thoughts.
What happened? Our character observes how the Facebook post was the spark that triggered the unrest.
What were your initial thoughts? Let's imagine that our character has two concerns on his mind: Why
 didn't he share our day yesterday? He couldn't have had as much fun with me!
What were your initial emotions? Our example felt mostly angry at first and then moved on to feelings of
disappointment and resentment. Can you find alternative ways to think about what happened? Maybe you
posted about your day together but Facebook's algorithm didn't show it. Well, it's true that he hasn't
posted anything about your day together, but that doesn't mean he didn't have fun. etc
How do you feel now? After generating these alternative thoughts about what happened, our example -
and you too - responds that he is still a little upset, but certainly not as sad as before.
Why is it so effective?
Let's see how Cognitive Restructuring works, encouraging us to put into practice a defined process when we
are upset and trying to get rid of negative thoughts:
It helps us organize ourselves mentally. Just like making a to-do list helps us feel more organized and less
overwhelmed when working on a big project,
Cognitive Restructuring helps us feel better by better organizing our "mental space."
It forces us to slow down. Every negative thought leads to a corresponding "dose" of negative emotion. If
you can slow down your thinking and have fewer worries, you will experience fewer emotions and be more
stable.
It helps us to be more aware. Thoughts can trigger emotional reactions automatically. Cognitive
Restructuring helps us become more aware of our mental habits, which is an essential step in being able to
take action.
It gives us a sense of control. By realizing that our pre-set thought patterns are nothing more than habit and
committing to generating alternative thoughts, we are actually turning something as seemingly
unmanageable as mental activity into something over which we can exert a good deal of control.
It helps us think more clearly and rationally. By encouraging us to question and examine our line of thinking,
Cognitive Restructuring helps us expose the errors in our instinctive way of thinking.
It helps us to reflect rather than react. When we're upset, it's natural to react: worry more, crack open
another beer, distract ourselves with YouTube, etc. Aside from the negative habits that fill our "emotional
holes" when we're upset, by always reacting without reflecting we deprive ourselves of the opportunity to
better understand our own minds. Which, of course, is important if we want it to work better.
Break bad mental habits. We can develop mental habits (such as worry, for example) with the same
the ease with which we develop physical habits, such as twisting our hair or biting our lips. The key to
breaking these habits is to notice when we start doing them and replace them with a different behavior.
Cognitive Restructuring does just that: it forces us to become aware of bad mental habits and replace them
with better ones. These are just some of the mental skills that Cognitive Restructuring helps us develop. In
the next section, you will discover a step-by-step explanation of how to put it into practice successfully.
Step-by-step strategy for cognitive restructuring
Now that we've talked a little about what Cognitive Restructuring is and how it works, it's time to get into
the details of how to put it into practice. A quick note before we begin: Much like working out on the
treadmill or practicing chords on the guitar, the power of Cognitive Restructuring comes from doing it
consistently over time. It is not enough to understand the principle or put it into practice occasionally; for
Cognitive Restructuring to have a significant effect on your life, it must be done consistently so that it
becomes a habit. Below are the 6 basic steps to follow to implement Cognitive Restructuring.
Step 1: Pause.
Cognitive restructuring can be useful in many situations. However, the best time to use it is when you notice
that you are experiencing a strong negative emotional reaction to a particular event, especially if your
response seems disproportionate to what has happened. Our typical way of responding to a sudden surge
of negative feelings is to act on instinct:

Feeling angry → attack Feeling anxious → hide Feeling sad → drink a beer

A good alternative to counteract this is to use a strong and sudden emotion as a wake-up call to take a
"pause." Once you've paused briefly, ask yourself: What's going on? When we can inhibit our instinctive
response to negative feelings and approach them with an attitude of curiosity, our chances of handling the
situation intelligently increase dramatically.
Step 2: Identify the trigger.
Once you have linked the sudden onset of a strong negative emotion with the need to take a few minutes to
reflect, the next step is to identify what critical event triggered your response. A trigger event is usually
something that happens in our external environment: a colleague makes a snide remark, our spouse gives
us a dirty look, a car cuts us off, etc. But events in our internal environment—that is, in our mind—can also
act as triggers: think of a certain event we forgot to mention, a negative comment from our boss, a memory
of a recently deceased friend, etc. To help us identify the trigger event in a given situation, use who, what,
when, and where:
Who is or was present with me at the moment I got angry? Since we are social animals by nature, people
often play a direct or indirect role in our emotional reactions.

What happened? Literally, what kind of events took place before I felt upset? Remember that every detail,
even the seemingly insignificant ones, deserves attention. He
The trigger doesn't necessarily have to be something obvious; very often it's something small and subtle.
When did I start feeling upset? What happened immediately before? This question is especially important if
you are doing Cognitive Restructuring hours or days after the event being analyzed.
Where did it happen? Triggers are often part of the environment or are somehow related to it.
Step 3: Write down your automatic thoughts.
Automatic thoughts are predefined interpretations of what happens around us. They are almost always
spontaneous (that is, we have not generated them) and usually take the form of verbal self-conversations
or, sometimes, images and memories. For example, if someone cuts you off while you're driving, your
automatic thought might be, "What an idiot!
But who gave him the license? Or, if you see an email from your boss late at night, your automatic thought
might be, "Oh no, what's wrong? "I must have forgotten something." Or maybe seeing a poster for a funeral
home makes you remember your mother's funeral: what it was like, how you felt, etc. We all experience
automatic thoughts in our daily lives. And most of the time we are either unaware of them or only vaguely
aware of them. When we talk about Cognitive Restructuring, it is important to commit to becoming aware
of our automatic thoughts and analyzing them in depth.
Step 4: Identify your emotional reaction and observe its intensity.
We have seen how emotions are generated from our interpretation of the events that occur. The type and
intensity of emotions, on the other hand, depend almost entirely on the type of thinking we give rise to. For
example, using the previous example of being cut off while driving: If your thought is "What an idiot!", you
are likely to feel angry. If, on the other hand, your thought is "That son of a bitch! "What the hell is he
thinking?" you're likely to feel an even stronger form of anger, perhaps bordering on exasperation. On the
other hand, if your automatic thought is "Oh my God, I almost got hit by a car!" "I'm going 70 miles an hour,
I'd be dead!" You are much more likely to experience something much closer to fear than anger. In
conclusion, it is important to consider that your emotional response may contain more than one emotion. If
your automatic thought was: "What an idiot! "He almost ran me over." You would probably have felt a mix
of anger and anxiety. In this case, it is good to take both into account, but normally one will prevail. For
each emotion identified, rate its intensity on a scale of 1 to 10.
Step 5: Generate alternative thoughts.
Once you have identified a trigger, captured your automatic thoughts, and noted your emotional reaction,
the next step is to find alternative thoughts for each of the initial automatic thoughts.
For example, continuing with the car example above, instead of "Oh my God, I almost got hit! I'm going 70
miles per hour - I'd be dead! You might consider an alternative thought like, "Wow, that was scary! We
almost had an accident, luckily I handled it well."
Or, instead of "What an idiot! "I almost got caught." You could say something like: "
"Maybe your wife is going into labor and you're rushing to the hospital?"
In any case, the important thing is simply to be flexible and find alternatives to your first automatic
interpretation. This practice creates mental flexibility, a key component in the ability to let go of negative
thought patterns and overwhelming emotions. But there is more. In addition to simply generating more
interpretations or alternative explanations for what happened, it can be helpful to realize the obvious errors
in your initial thoughts and develop alternative thoughts that are more realistic. For example, if your
automatic thought was "Oh my God, I almost got caught! "I would have died!" you might tell yourself that "I
would have died" is far from certain, even if you had had an accident. Replacing the thought of death with
the consideration of your ability to have not made any false steps is much more motivating and realistic at
the same time. If possible, generate at least two or three alternative thoughts for every excessively negative
automatic thought.
Step 6: Reassess the intensity of your emotional response.
After finding an alternative (hopefully more realistic) set of thoughts, go back to the emotion(s) you
identified in step 4 and reevaluate their intensity. Most of the time, they will be substantially reduced as a
result of challenging your automatic thoughts and considering more realistic alternative thoughts. This last
step is crucial for you to notice and feel that the relief from your negative emotion is increasingly illusory. It
is an excellent positive reinforcement in the development of your new Cognitive Restructuring habit. In
other words, you are much more likely to maintain this habit and benefit from it in the long run if you can
dampen your emotional reactions as a result.
Common obstacles to cognitive restructuring
So far we have seen what cognitive restructuring is, why it is beneficial and how exactly to do it. But before
moving on to the next chapter, it is important to recognize that acquiring the habit of regularly performing
cognitive restructuring is not so easy. Partly because various obstacles often arise that thwart our best
intentions. Here, then, are the most common obstacles to cognitive restructuring that many people
encounter when trying to integrate this practice into their daily lives, along with some ideas on how to
effectively address them.
Don't practice
On the one hand, it seems obvious: for cognitive restructuring to be successful, practice is necessary.
However, I think it's surprising how often we try new things expecting immediate results. The goal of
cognitive restructuring is to fundamentally change the way we habitually interpret negative events in our
minds. This is an important goal. And while integrating this habit is completely feasible, the process requires
a lot of practice and perseverance. So be sure to adjust your expectations accordingly.
Not remembering to practice
Even though cognitive restructuring requires practice to be successful, there is a problem with remembering
to practice in the first place. Despite our best intentions, new habits often fall by the wayside simply
because we don't have a reliable way to remember that we're practicing them. Remembering to do
cognitive restructuring is challenging because it is not something we can simply do whenever we have a free
moment; instead, it would be much better to do it immediately after an event that causes us to be upset.
To reverse this problem, we could start by identifying the things we tend to do after being upset (smoking a
cigarette, locking ourselves in the bathroom for a few minutes, going for a walk) and see if we can use these
as reminders to practice. For example, if you tend to text your spouse every time something upsetting
happens at work, you can ask him or her to text you back with a reminder to start practicing cognitive
restructuring. Or suppose that every time you argue with your spouse and get angry, you tend to disappear
into your room and mess around on your computer. In this case, a sticky note on your laptop that says
"Cognitive Restructuring" might help you remember everything you need to do to get your mind in order.
Practice in your head
This aspect is very important (bordering on essential). Don't do Cognitive Restructuring in your head,
especially when you're just starting out. The act of writing things down and consulting a thought log allows
you to develop the basic knowledge and skills you need to successfully carry out cognitive restructuring.
Plus, doing cognitive restructuring on paper (or digitally) has a second important benefit: it forces you to
slow down. We can't write/type as fast as we can think. So when we force our thoughts to the speed of
writing, we often lower the overall intensity of our state of torment (Remember: the more negative
thoughts you have, the more negative feelings you will experience).
Spending too much time
While spending too little time practicing cognitive restructuring will obviously limit its usefulness, spending
too much time on it could also be a problem. Many people spend too much time in practice, agonizing over
the small details and trying to be too precise in the details. The problem is that this approach is not
sustainable and those who follow this path often end up burning out quickly.
A good rule of thumb is that cognitive restructuring should last no more than 5 to 10 minutes. At first, it
may take a little longer to practice depending on the complexity of the situation and how familiar you are
with the exercise, but in general, it shouldn't be a task that requires you to spend entire afternoons.
This is just a positive thought
One of the biggest misconceptions about cognitive restructuring is that it is “just positive thinking.” Actually,
that's not the case at all. The overall goal of cognitive restructuring is not to think more positively, but to
think more realistically. Of course, if you are used to thinking negatively in an unrealistic way, then yes,
doing cognitive restructuring will lead you to think more positively. But this is just a pleasant side effect, by
the way, much more effective than "positive thinking".
It seems too simplistic
Many people believe that something as simple as changing the words they use to talk to themselves cannot
produce a significant effect. As a result, they rule it out outright. My counterargument is simple:
What would happen if you surrounded yourself with negative people who constantly berated and put you
down? Even if you knew they were wrong, the constant bombardment of negativity would start to get to
you. And in the end, changing the type of people you hang out with (or getting them to change the way they
talk to you) would be the solution to not feeling so bad. Isn't it counterproductive to "fight" with my
thoughts? Shouldn't I accept them? Perhaps the most legitimate obstacle to Cognitive Restructuring is the
idea that engaging with our inner chatter—even in an attempt to make it more realistic—is not always a
good idea. And in fact, I think this is true.
Although cognitive restructuring is often helpful, it is not the only way to deal with negative thoughts and
self-talk. In fact, many people prefer to take a more mindfulness-based approach that involves observing
negative thoughts without actively participating in “demolishing” them. The point is that cognitive
restructuring is one approach – and often a powerful one – but we must recognize that there are other
exercises that can be just as effective or even more so, depending on the context. One of them will be
explained in the next section. It is another extremely effective principle for reducing anxiety and stress in
everyday life.
The inner map of reality
Have you ever had any of these thoughts?
"Why don't you understand me?" - "Why don't you listen to me?" - "That's not what I meant!"
Do you remember anything similar? Have you ever wondered what they were thinking?
What was going through their minds? If you could have this other point of view....

These are all questions that Alfred Korsybski posed in his massive tome, Science and Sanity. If we were to
look at a map of the Italian road network, we would notice that all motorways are blue. In fact, they are
usually made of grey asphalt. This trivial example leads to the conclusion that: the map is just a
representation of what is really there. What Korsybski was referring to is the fact that we experience the
world through our senses (sight, hearing, touch, smell and taste): the territory. What we do is take the
external circumstances and make an internal representation of them: the map. This internal map, formed by
our perceptions of the outside world, is never an exact replica. In other words, what is outside can never be
the same as what is inside our mind. You see, our senses, beliefs and past experiences eventually form a
synthesis of the world in which we move. But the map we operate on can never be completely accurate. Let
me tell you this story of mine....

One day, I walked into a small sandwich shop in the city centre and was asked to fill out a short form about
the quality, service and value for money of the products. Apparently the two girls at the counter were very
angry because the man in front of me had rejected the survey. Outraged, the two clerks thought the
customer was rude for not taking a minute to answer a few simple questions. So I asked them if they had
thought about how the poor man would feel if he were illiterate and his rudeness stemmed from the shame
of not knowing how to write. The change in the two girls was phenomenal. "Oh, I hadn't thought of that,"
one exclaimed. His attitude immediately changed from one of anger and resentment to one of deep
empathy. They also felt much better about themselves by letting go of all the negative feelings they had
harbored up until that point. It is easy to see in this scenario that in real life we tend to project our
assumption (our reality) onto the situation, but the reality may not be what we perceive. People respond
according to their map, because it is their reality. It's not my past that makes me who I am, but how I
respond to it. Reality is not something you perceive; it is something you create in your mind. In this
introspective and personal speech, I challenge you to let go of excuses, assumptions and fears, and accept
the responsibility of being the creator of your reality.
Therefore, reality is an illusion of the mind. It is your mental construct that we use to add meaning and
structure to our life and identity. Thus, the illusion of reality becomes reality in the human mind, while the
reality that originally induced it remains completely or mostly ignored. All our experiences - all our
perceptions, sensations, dreams, thoughts and feelings - are forms that appear in consciousness. It's not
always like that. When I see a tree, it seems like I see the tree directly. But science tells us that something
completely different is happening. Light entering the eye triggers chemical reactions in the retina, which
produce electrochemical impulses that travel along nerve fibers to the brain. The brain then analyzes the
received data, recreating its own image of what you are observing. So it would be technically more correct
to say: I am experiencing seeing a tree. What I really experience is not the tree itself, but the image that
appears in my mind.
This is true for everything we experience. Everything we know, perceive and imagine, every color, sound,
feeling, every thought and every sensation, is a form appearing in the mind. Everything is a formation of
consciousness. Also for this reason, when we see the same tree next to another person, each one will begin
to describe it differently. Reality is not the tree, but the way we see it based on our values, beliefs and
experiences.

The same is true of the language we use to describe what's going on inside us. The words we use may not
be the event or object they represent, but rather an approximation to it. Although the words we use to
describe an event are chosen to best represent it, they do not constitute the actual event. You might also be
interested to know that when we cannot explain a situation with words, we will not be able to register it in
our mind. This was scientifically proven by an experiment on an African tribe where there is no word for the
color "blue." What emerged years later was that the townspeople were unable to capture the event in that
colour. Furthermore, their vocabulary allows them to verbally identify many shades of green and thus be
able to communicate (and memorize) exactly what they see. This experiment thus demonstrated that, with
linguistic capacity, our mind expands, registers and works differently from an image or an event that we
cannot explain verbally. Have you ever encountered a situation that you couldn't label? What are your
feelings compared to another event that you can easily label? Do you notice any difference?

The images you create in your mind through the use of language influence how you feel and how you react
to others. If you are able to integrate your map, you will be able to shape your reality. Furthermore, if you
want to get along better with yourself, it is essential that you understand the world you have built for
yourself and that you critically analyze the objectivity of what you think. Similarly, if you are able to
understand the map of the people close to you, to see things through their eyes, to hear them through their
ears, you will be on the right path to gaining their trust and achieving the results you want.
Do you know your reality? If you can see/hear/feel this perspective, you will have a really powerful tool to
modulate your communication with yourself and with other people. The time has come to explore your own
map and that of the people whose reality is important to you... This will give you much more control in
managing your emotions.

CHAPTER 5
THE ROLE OF THE UNCONSCIOUS

Are you living the life you always wanted? Or have you adapted to a condition where you feel overwhelmed?
If you have reached a dead end,
If you feel stuck or know you haven't reached your full potential, it's not too late. In this chapter you will
discover how to reprogram your mind to achieve the focus and
determination to change your life so that it gives you more
fulfillment, joy and passion.
The reality is that most of us only have a vague idea of what we think
we deserve. When life deviates from the pattern we have defined for
it, we often feel frustrated and upset. "Why is this happening to
me?" we ask ourselves. This discontent can be powerful; it can drive
us to change, probably the same thing that prompted you to buy this
book. But our subconscious may be working against us.
Many of us end up turning our frustration and discomfort against
ourselves, sabotaging any possibility of change. We start to think
that we deserve better, and for a few days we may even work
harder. But instead of persisting in the effort to achieve lasting change, we fall back into the situation we
think belongs to us: in our career, in our finances, in our relationships, in our health, in our overall sense of
well-being. What if you take active control and learn to reprogram your mind?
What if you were able to redirect your attention to finally change the aspects of life that don't satisfy you?
Your subconscious mind is the key to success, and you can reprogram it. If you want to live the life you
want, it's time to decide, commit and resolve. It's not what we might do in life that makes the difference,
but what we will do. And there is no better time to take control of your mind and aim for something better
from now on. However, before we look at how to work with our mind, let's see what is meant by
"unconscious."

What is the unconscious mind?

The unconscious is the part of our mind that makes decisions without us actively thinking. The conscious
mind, on the other hand, understands the thoughts we have at any given moment, which makes it much
easier for us to modulate them. Learning to play an instrument is a good example of how the unconscious
mind works. At first, you have to think about translating the score and how to move your fingers, but as you
practice you discover that you can take any song and play it "naturally."
The unconscious mind goes beyond learning new skills. It is involved in information processing and
influences everything we think, say and do. It stores our beliefs and values, determines our memories, and
controls the information around us, determining what to send to the conscious mind and what to store in it.
It influences every moment of our lives, and most of us don't even know it. But how long does it take to
reprogram the subconscious mind? On average it takes between three and four weeks, but for some it may
take longer. The answer will depend on how deep-rooted the behavior you want to change is, as well as
your limiting beliefs about it. Now let's look at how to reprogram your mind so that a thought pattern, skill,
or idea about something becomes second nature.
How to reprogram the unconscious to achieve lasting changes
So you want to learn how to reprogram your unconscious mind and finally create lasting change?
In the previous paragraph, we have seen what is meant by the unconscious mind. According to Dr. Bruce
Lipton, "95% of your life comes from automatic programs recorded in the unconscious." So by definition,
your life is a reflection of what's in your unconscious mind. In other words, the unconscious mind is the seat
of all your beliefs, thought patterns, and habits. Think of it this way: Smokers smoke cigarettes. The runners
run. But have you ever wondered why they do it?
How is it possible that some people smoke a pack of cigarettes a day and others run 5 km every morning?
Are they born differently?
Do some people simply have more willpower than others? Although willpower plays a small role, the real
reason is that it is about your identity. If you are a smoker, you smoke. Smokers have smoked tons of
cigarettes in their lives and it is part of their routine. Runners, on the other hand, run. Runners have run
hundreds or thousands of miles and running is probably part of their daily routine. Both habits, good or bad,
are nothing more than programs that operate in the unconscious mind. They are part of your identity and
your identity directs your life.
Why your personal image is important
Whether you realize it or not, each of us keeps a "mental blueprint" about ourselves on a subconscious
level. Consciously, you may not recognize it at all, but deep down, it is within all of us. Self-image is your
conception of what you think you are. This reflex begins to develop at an early age and, if you allow it, can
direct your entire life. The problem is that most of these beliefs are unconscious. They are based on your
triumphs, failures, successes and even humiliations throughout your life. From all your past experiences,
your brain builds an image of yourself and operates according to those paradigms. All your actions, feelings
and behaviors will be consistent with the image you have of yourself. In other words, you behave exactly
like the kind of person you think you are. Everything in your life is literally based on the image you have of
yourself. If you believe you are stupid at a particular subject, such as math, your brain will trigger behaviors
and situations to confirm this idea. If you believe that you are the type of person that people don't want to
be around, your mind will again find opportunities to make it real in your eyes. Fortunately, it is possible to
change your self-image without positive thinking or an endless amount of willpower. Both approaches
influence the conscious mind, which only intervenes in 5% of your life. Therefore, to create lasting change,
you need to recreate your self-image at an unconscious level.
How to Reprogram Your Subconscious Mind for Lasting Success
In the following paragraphs you will discover four effective ways to reprogram your unconscious mind.
These are extremely powerful and functional methods that you probably haven't tried or even heard of yet.
However, I can tell you from experience that if you can reprogram your unconscious mind, you can do much
more than you ever thought possible.
1. Activate your success mechanism
"The so-called unconscious mind is not a 'mind' at all, but a mechanism, a target-directing 'server
mechanism', consisting of the brain and nervous system, which is used and directed by the mind." - Maxwell
Maltz: Every human being has what is known as a "creative mechanism," and if used correctly, it can
become a mechanism for success. It is scientifically called the reticular activating system (or RAS). The latter
can act as your secret weapon to reprogram the unconscious mind and witness true miracles in your life.
Your success mechanism is impersonal and will help you achieve any goal you set, regardless of the type. If
you program it with success goals, it will work as a success mechanism. If you present negative goals, it will
function as a failure mechanism. It is not designed to help you thrive, but to help you survive at all costs.
Your brain and nervous system are constantly guiding you in the direction of the image you unconsciously
think about. That's why it's vital to focus on what you want in life, not what you don't want. So, every day,
spend as much time as possible thinking about what you would like to achieve. You can do it in different
ways:
Write down your goals in a journal.
Visualize and imagine your goals coming to life.
Use affirmations and talk about your goals as if you have already achieved them. Over time, these habits
can tune your mind to the frequency of success and well-being. The reason? Your success mechanism
doesn't know the difference between what's real and what's imaginary. So focus 100% of your energy on
what you want, not on what you fear might happen. Over time, through repetition, this will help you bring
your goals to life.

2. Use creative visualization (stop worrying)

As best-selling author Jack Canfield said, "Worrying is nothing more than setting negative goals for
yourself." If you spend all your time worrying about what you don't want to happen in life, you are sending
the wrong signals to your mind. Remember that the mind does not know the difference between what is
real and what is imagined. Instead of worrying, you need to start using the power of visualization to your
advantage. Visualization activates the creative powers of your unconscious mind by creating new neural
pathways. In essence, creative visualization focuses your mind on imagining and “living” your goals come to
life. Don't forget that worrying incessantly is also a habit. When you learn to worry, you can learn to stop.
3. Hypnotherapy (self-hypnosis or formal hypnotherapy)
The third way to reprogram your unconscious mind towards lasting change is hypnotherapy. Although this
method may seem unconventional, it is one of the most effective ways to bring about profound change.
Here's why. For the first seven years of your life, your mind operates at a low vibrational frequency, similar
to hypnosis. When you are a child, your mind is like a sponge and uncritically accepts everything that arises
from circumstances. During this time, all of your beliefs are poured out and placed into the "grand scheme"
of the unconscious mind. This happens whether you want it or not, because the mind is wired to help you
survive in society, and to do so it absorbs everything it considers useful for your functioning. However, you
probably no longer want to feed all the beliefs you received from others when you were still a child.
Fortunately, you don't have to accept your past as reality. With clinical hypnotherapy, self-hypnosis audios,
and some forms of meditation, you can get your brain back into that theta brainwave state. Once in
hypnosis, you can more easily imprint new beliefs that help you achieve your goals. But you can't use any of
these methods just once, you have to do it over and over again.
4. Repetition
The last way to reprogram your subconscious mind—and the easiest to do—is through repetition. Once
much of our identity has been formed around the age of seven or eight, thought patterns, mental habits,
also called paradigms, begin to form. They are reinforced by repeating a certain action or thought over and
over again over time. Think about learning to ride a bike or drive a car. Everything is done through
repetition. Practice, retry and repeat until it becomes an unconscious movement that "comes naturally" to
us. And it is exactly the same way that the unconscious can be "rewired" - through constant repetition.
That's why it's so important to affirm your goals or imagine yourself.
even achieving your goals on a regular basis. Repetition is the key to mastering your mind and creating your
new identity.
Start Today Life is too short to live by your past belief system. Just because you were given these beliefs as a
child doesn't mean you have to act on them for the rest of your life. It's time to start evaluating your old
beliefs and letting go of those that no longer serve you. Doing it is simple, you just have to observe your life.
If there is an aspect of your life that you are not happy with, or you recognize a "pattern," it is a sign that
there are dysfunctional thought patterns in your mind. Through repetition and the above methods, you can
reprogram your unconscious mind to create a new identity that will help you achieve your goals. This will
ensure that 95-99% of the day your beliefs will "naturally" help you achieve what you want. Remember that
no one will do this work for you. Success is an inside job, it all starts with your desire to change for the better!

CONCLUSION
Dear reader, our literary adventure has come to an end. Writing the manual you hold in your hands was a
wonderful opportunity to challenge myself and open my heart to often silent reflections. Over the years, I
have penciled them down in my notebooks, too intimidated by the idea of revealing my life-improving
impressions to a wide audience. Finally, here I am. I embarked on this editorial project by travelling around
Italy and Europe in search of the right words to convey the fundamentals of psychology and personal
growth. The hymn of imperfection, after all, produces sweet and soft music, worthy of being heard by as
many ears as possible. I hope my company has intrigued, entertained and informed you. I hope that you
have discovered, in the previous pages, some useful tools that you can use to recompose the existential
fragments of your life, the very fragments that make you unique and inimitable. Don't be in a hurry to
soothe your wounds. Instead, learn to accept the painful manifestations of the past and focus on what you
can do today to avoid reliving them in the future. You've never really arrived at your destination, but that's
the secret to a full and exciting life: enjoying the journey. If so, it would be great if you could leave some
honest feedback on Amazon to allow me to grow and spread my message to as many people as possible. I
can only wish you a good life full of joy and satisfaction.