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TV Transcripts
1 INT. NETHERFIELD - HERTFORDSHIRE - DAY. I
Futurama
Seinfeld A vast mansion is coming to life. Maids pull dustsheets
South Park off furniture; servants open shutters. Sunshine spills
Stargate SG-1 into the great rooms of Netherfield. outside, a glimpse
Lost of rolling parkland.
The 4400
TITLE:
International "It is a truth universally
French scripts acknowledged...

Latest Comments Its a whirlwind of activity. Servants bustle around,

sweeping and polishing, readying the house for its new
occupants. The shutters of a room are opened onto the
ALL SCRIPTS
imposing gardens. A coach pulls up and, through the
window, we see a young man get out.

"that a single man in possession of a

good fortune, must be in want of a wife"

A white sheet is pulled from a spinet and obscures our

vision.

CUT TO:

2 EXT. LONGBOURN HOUSE - DAY. 2

Elizabeth Bennet, 20, good humoured, attractive, clearly

nobody's fool, walks through a field of tall meadow
grass. She is reading a novel entitled 'First
Impressions'. She approaches Longbourn, a fairly run down
17th Century house with a small moat around it. Elizabeth
jumps up onto a wall and crosses the moat by walking a
wooden plank duck board, a reckless trick learnt in early
childhood. She walks passed the back of the house where,
through an open window to the library, we see her mother
and father, Mr and Mrs Bennet.

MRS BENNET
My dear Mr Bennet, have you heard that
Netherfield Park is let at last?
We follow Elizabeth into the house, but still overhear
her parents' conversation.

MRS BENNET (CONT'D)

Do you not want to know who has taken it?

MR BENNET
As you wish to tell me, I doubt I have
any choice in the matter...

2.

3 INT. LONGBOURN - CONTINUOUS.

As Elizabeth walks through the hallway, we hear the sound

of piano scales plodding through the afternoon. She walks
down the entrance hall past the room where Mary, 18, the
bluestocking of the family, is practising, and finds
Kitty, 16, the second youngest, and Lydia, 15, the
precocious baby of the family, are listening at the door
to the library.

LYDIA

(TO ELIZABETH)
Have you heard? A Mr Bingley, a young man
from the North of England, has come down
on Monday in a chaise and four.

KITTY
With five thousand a year!
Jane, (the eldest, most beautiful and most charmingly
naive of the girls), joins them at the door.

JANE
Goodness!

LYDIA
- and he's single to be sure!

INT. LIBRARY - LONGBOURN - CONTINUOUS.

Mr Bennet is trying to ignore Mrs Bennet.

MRS BENNET
What a fine thing for our girls!

MR BENNET
Bow can it affect them?

MRS BENNET
My dear Mr Bennet, how can you be so
tiresome! You know that he must marry one
of them.

MR BENNET
Oh, so that is his design in settling
here?
Mr Bennet takes a book from his table and walks out of
the library into the corridor where the girls are
gathered, Mrs Bennet following.

4 INT. CORRIDOR - LONGBOURN - THE SAME.

Mr Bennet walks through the girls to the drawing room

pursued by Mrs Bennet.

3.

MRS BENNET
- So you must go and visit him at once.

5 INT. DRAWING ROOM - LONGBOURN - THE SAME. 5

Mr Bennet walks to the bookshelf to replace the book he

is carrying. Mary is there practising the piano. The
girls come in to listen.

LYDIA
Oh, yes, Papa.

KITTY
Please, Papa!

MR BENNET
There is no need, for I already have.
The piano stops. A frozen silence. They all stare.

MRS BENNET
You have?

JANE
when?

MRS BENNET
• How can you tease me, Mr Bennet. You have
no compassion for my poor nerves?

MR BENNET
You mistake me, my dear. I have a high
respect for them; they are my constant
companions these twenty years.

MRS BENNET
Is he amiable?

KITTY
Is he handsome?

LYDIA
He's sure to be handsome.

ELIZABETH

(IRONICALLY)
With five thousand a year, it would not
matter if he had a big pink face.

MR BENNET
I will give my hearty consent to his
marrying whichever of the girls he
chooses.

LYDIA
So will he come to the ball tomorrow?

4.

MR BENNET
I believe so.
Lydia and Kitty shriek with excitement.

KITTY

(TO JANE)
I have to have your spotted muslin,
please!

LYDIA
I need it!

KITTY
- if you do, I'll lend you my green
slippers.
Mr Bennet winks at Elizabeth and turns to Mary, a
serious, somewhat pedantic young woman.

MR BENNET
And what do you say, Mary? Are you not
excited by the prospect of a ball?

MARY
Society has claims on us all, Papa. As
long as I have my mornings to myself, I
consider an interval of recreation and
• amusement as quite desirable.
Elizabeth laughs.

6 INT. ASSEMBLY ROOMS -- MERYTON VILLAGE - NIGHT.

The local subscription dance is in full swing. It's a

rough-and-ready, though enthusiastic affair...yeoman
farmers, small-time squires with their ruddy-cheeked
daughters.
Lydia and Kitty, with their mother, are fussing over
their clothes - straightening their dresses, tidying
their hair and so on.

LYDIA
(fussing over her dress)
I literally can't breathe its so tight.

KITTY
My toes hurt.
Elizabeth and Jane are a little apart from their family.
Jane looks breathtaking.

5.

ELIZABETH
• Well, if every man in this room does not
end the evening completely in love with
you then I am no judge of beauty.

JANE
Or men.

ELIZABETH
Oh, they are far too easy to judge.

JANE
They are not all bad.

ELIZABETH
Humourless poppycocks, in my limited
experience.

JANE
One of these days, Lizzie, someone will
catch your eye and then you'll have to
watch your tongue.

ELIZABETH
And eat my hat.
She stops speaking. And stares. A dazzling group enters
the room: George Bingley, 25, a good hearted soul but
• prone to bumbling embarrassment when his enthusiasms get
the better of him, his sister Caroline, 23, a victim of
every latest fashion, counting herself superior to most
company she encounters, and finally, Mr Fitzwilliam
Darcy, 27, dashing, brooding with an introversion which
could be misconstrued as hauteur. They are dressed in the
highest fashion. Darcy surveys the hall. He catches
Elizabeth's eye. She stares, with a kind of surprised
shock. Jane notices and looks at Darcy. He turns away.

JANE
Luckily, you are not wearing a hat.
A hush falls as the local people turn to stare. The
newcomers - creatures from another world - make quite a
stir.

CUT TO:
Caroline Bingley, standing next to Darcy, gazes at the
somewhat provincial gathering with distaste.

CAROLINE BINGLEY
We are a long way from Grosvenor Square,
are we not, Mr Darcy?
He does indeed look superior to the assembled company. On
the dance floor a young couple, staring at the newcomers,
trip over each other, stumble and burst out laughing.

6.
Mr Bingley spots Jane Bennet. For a moment he forgets
himself and openly looks at her.

MR BINGLEY
I find it very charming.

CAROLINE BINGLEY

(TO DARCY)
My brother is so easily pleased, is he
not?
Darcy does not answer.

CUT TO:
Elizabeth has found her great friend Charlotte Lucas - an
intelligent, sensible woman in her late twenties. They
spy through the crowd.

ELIZABETH
So which of the painted peacocks is our
Mr Bingley?

CHARLOTTE
He is on the right, and on the left is
his sister.

ELIZABETH
And the person with the disagreeable
expression?

CHARLOTTE
That is his good friend, Mr Darcy.

ELIZABETH
Poor soul.

CHARLOTTE
On the contrary, he has ten thousand a
year and owns half of Derbyshire.

CUT TO:
Sir William Lucas, 53 a hale but unsophisticated member
of the self-made gentry, takes it upon himself to
introduce Mr Bingley and Mr Darcy to his daughter
Charlotte and the Bennet family.

SIR WILLIAM
(to Mr Bingley)
My eldest daughter you know, Mrs
Bennet ...miss Jane Bennet, Elizabeth and
Miss Mary Bennet.

MRS BENNET
It is a pleasure. I have two others but

40
they are already dancing.

7.

MR BINGLEY
Delighted to make your acquaintance.

SIR WILLIAM
And may I introduce Mr Darcy.

(SIGNIFICANT LOOK)
-- of Pemberley, in Derbyshire!
A stiff bow from Darcy, Elizabeth smiles, Darcy does not.

CUT TO:
Moments later. Elizabeth is standing in a small group
with Jane, Bingley, Miss Bingley and Darcy. Bingley can't
keep his eyes off Jane, but is frightfully at a loss in
disguising his instant ardour.

ELIZABETH
How do you like it here in Hertfordshire,
Mr Bingley?

MR BINGLEY
(smiling at Jane shyly)
Very much.

ELIZABETH
The library at Netherfield, I've heard,
is one of the finest in the country.

MR BINGLEY
Yes, it fills me with guilt.
He looks at Jane a little blush starts around his collar.

BINGLEY
Not a good reader, you see. I like being
out of doors. I mean, I can read, of

COURSE -
His sister steps in. as the blush threatens to engulf his
ears.

MISS BINGLEY

(TO DARCY)
Your library at Pemberly, Mr Darcy, is
astonishingly good.

DARCY
Thank you. It is the work of many
generations.

MISS BINGLEY
And then you have added so much to it
yourself.

8.

JANE
I wish I read more, but there always
seems so many other things to do.

BINGLEY
That's exactly what I meant.
He beams at Jane.

CUT TO:
Mr and Mrs Bennet stand a little apart from Elizabeth and
the other young people. Lydia and Kitty bound up to them
in a state of high excitement.

LYDIA
Mama! The regiment is arriving next week!

KITTY
And will be here for the whole winter!
Mrs Forster told us!

LYDIA
They're going to be stationed in the
village!

CUT TO:
Mr Bingley'turns to Jane.

MR BINGLEY
May I have the honour?
They leave, to dance.

ELIZABETH
Do you dance Mr Darcy?

DARCY
Not if I can help it.
Elizabeth, Darcy and Miss Bingley stand in silence as
they over hear the following...

CUT TO:

LYDIA
officers! Lots of officers!

KITTY
How will we meet them?

LYDIA
It's easy. You just walk up and down in
front of them and drop something.
Lydia pantomimes the actions for Kitty.

9.

LYDIA
• They pick it up. You say 'oh thank you
sir' and blush prettily and then you're
introduced!

MR BENNET
I have long suspected that we have two of
the silliest girls in the county.

MRS BENNET
Oh Mr Bennet! I remember the time when I
liked a red coat myself, and if a smart
young colonel with six thousand a year
should want one of my girls I shall not
say nay to him.
Mr Darcy overhears this. Profoundly embarrassed, Lizzie
moves away.

CUT TO:
The dance floor. Mr Bingley is dancing with Jane. His
ears blushing with thrilled embarrassment. Mrs Bennet,
with a group of other mothers, watches the young couple
with rather too obvious satisfaction.

MRS BENNET
7 That dress becomes her, does it not. 7
• Though of course my Jane needs little
help from couturiers.
Elizabeth wanders through the throng. She looks at
Bingley and Jane ending the dance - she is coy and
demure, he clearly smitten -

CUT TO:
Darcy is joined by Bingley exhilarated by the dance.

BINGLEY
Come Darcy, I must have you dance. I hate
to see you standing by yourself in this
stupid manner.

MR DARCY
(shakes his head)
You know how I detest it.

MR BINGLEY
Upon my word, I've never seen so many
pretty girls in my life.

DARCY
You are dancing with the only handsome
girl in the room.

10.

BINGLEY
Oh, she is the most beautiful creature I
ever beheld, but her sister Elizabeth is
very agreeable.
They have stopped at the edge of the dance floor and have
not seen Elizabeth and charlotte who are standing close
behind them. Elizabeth smirks as she overhears their
conversation.

DARCY
Perfectly tolerable, I dare say, but not
handsome enough to tempt me.
Elizabeth's smile drops.

DARCY (CONT'D)
You had better return to your partner and
enjoy her smiles, for you are wasting
your time with me.
Bingley goes off.

CUT TO:
Elizabeth and Charlotte, who have overheard Darcy and
Bingley's exchange.

CHARLOTTE
Ignore him, Lizzie, he is such a
disagreeable man it would be a misfortune
to be liked by him.

ELIZABETH
Don't worry. I would not dance with him
for half of Derbyshire.

CUT TO:
Later. Bingley politely dancing with Charlotte. As he
does so, he catches sight of Jane dancing with somebody
else. A look of pure longing, but he cannot dance every
dance with her. Lizzie too is dancing and clocks this.
Lydia and Kitty are exuberantly dancing too, laughing and
chatting. Darcy stands watching, a look of infinitely
superior boredom on his fine features.

CUT TO:
Bingley is standing with Jane, Elizabeth, Mrs Bennet and
Darcy.

BINGLEY

(TO LIZZIE)
Your friend Miss Lucas is a most amusing
young woman.

11.

ELIZABETH
• Yes! I adore her.

MRS BENNET
It is a pity she is not more handsome.

ELIZABETH
Mama!

MRS BENNET
But Lizzie will never admit she is plain.

(TO BINGLEY)
Of course it's my Jane who's considered
the beauty of the county.

JANE
Oh, Mama, please!

MRS BENNET
When she was only fifteen there was a
gentleman so much in love with her that I
was sure he would make her an offer.
However, he did write her some very
pretty verses.

ELIZABETH

(IMPATIENTLY)
And so ended their affection. I wonder
• who first discovered the power of poetry
in driving away love?

DARCY
I thought that poetry was the food of
love.

ELIZABETH
Of a fine, stout love it may. Everything
nourishes what is strong already. But if
it is only a thin, slight sort of
inclination, I'm convinced that one good
sonnet will starve it away entirely.
Darcy looks at Elizabeth with surprise. A glimmering of
interest.

DARCY
So what do you recommend, to encourage
affection?

ELIZABETH
Oh dancing, of course. Even if ones
partner is barely tolerable.
She gives him a dazzling smile. Darcy looks startled. He
has no idea she heard him. He blushes.

CUT TO:

12.
Elizabeth is dancing happily in a round, Jane and Bingley
• are also in the same dance. At the edge of the dance
floor Darcy is watching.

7 INT. BEDROOM -- LONGBOURN - NIGHT. 7

Elizabeth and Jane are both tucked up in the same bed,

but are too excited to sleep.

JANE
Mr Bingley is just what a young man ought
to be. Sensible, good humoured -

ELIZABETH
(completing the list)
Handsome, conveniently rich -

JANE
You know perfectly well I do not believe
marriage should be driven by thoughts of
money.

ELIZABETH
I agree entirely, only the deepest love
will persuade me into matrimony, which is
why I will end up an old maid.

JANE
Do you really believe he liked me,
Lizzie?

ELIZABETH
Jane, he danced with you most of the
night.

JANE
I was flattered, I must admit. I did not
expect such a compliment.

ELIZABETH
That is one great difference between us.
Compliments always take you by surprise.
Well, Mr Bingley is certainly very
amiable, and I give you leave to like
him. You've liked many a stupider person.

JANE
Lizzie!

ELIZABETH
You're a great deal too apt to like
people in general, you know. All the
world is good and agreeable in your eyes.