Biblical Framework of the

Family System
Dayo Odukoya, Ph.D
dayoodukoya@gmail.com
http://dayoodukoya.org.ng
Preamble
 The course has its main focus on
introducing you to the context of
marriage and family life so you can be
adequately prepared for marriage and
issues that are vital to making marriage
work, from a Christian perspective.
The course is expected to provide a 360
degree perspective to understanding
marriage and family in order to open
up students in the graduating class to
expectations in marriage and family
life.
Issues concerning current marital challenges
faced in the 21st century nationally and
globally are addressed, with a view to
presenting the scriptural and biblical
submissions on marriage and the
foundational role that marriage and
families play in the society.
 The focus of this session is on
teaching you the model of
family as espoused in the Word
of God.
Marriage & Family Scripture
“Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will
of the Lord is. And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess;
but be filled with the Spirit; Speaking to yourselves in psalms and
hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your
heart to the Lord Giving thanks always for all things unto God
and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; Submitting
yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit
yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the
husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the
church: and he is the saviour of the body. – Ephesians 5:17-32
Marriage & Family Scripture
Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives
be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your
wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for
it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of
water by the word, That he might present it to himself a
glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing;
but that it should be holy and without blemish So ought men to
love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife
loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but
nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: –
Ephesians 5:17-32
Marriage & Family Scripture
For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of
his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his
father and mother, and shall be joined unto his
wife, and they two shall be one flesh This is a great
mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the
church. Nevertheless let every one of you in
particular so love his wife even as himself; and the
wife see that she reverence her husband” –
Ephesians 5:17-32
Marriage & Family Scripture
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is
right. Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first
commandment with promise;) That it may be well with
thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye
fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring
them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Servants, be obedient to them that are your masters
according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in
singleness of your heart, as unto Christ;” – Ephesians
6:1-9
Marriage & Family Scripture
Not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but as the
servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the
heart; With good will doing service, as to the Lord,
and not to men: Knowing that whatsoever good thing
any man doeth, the same shall he receive of the Lord,
whether he be bond or free. And, ye masters, do the
same things unto them, forbearing threatening:
knowing that your Master also is in heaven; neither is
there respect of persons with him.” – Ephesians 6:1-9
14 Pillars of Successful Marriage
& Family Life
It is from the preceding scripture the 14 Pillars
of Successful Marriage and Family life are
drawn. You cannot outwit the wisdom of God
Be ye not unwise, but understanding what
the will of the Lord is – Ephe. 5:17 1
Until you can correctly discern the will of God for every situation in your
life you are not mature enough or ready for marriage. The Word of God
is the Will of God. The Holy Spirit reveals the unwritten will of God. And
the first evidence that you have mastered this vital key [for success in life
and ministry] is in correctly finding your spouse, though this responsibility
is primarily for the man. The woman must discern rightly too. Without
this skill, every other step in the journey of marriage is bound to lead to
confusion. This is a powerful wisdom key – knowing the will of God per
time for every step you take. So watch it.
[How can I know the will of God? See next slide]
Be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess;
but be filled with the Spirit – Ephe. 5:18 2
The Holy Spirit is the Principal Person who guides us in all affairs of life.
He teaches us all things, guides us into all truths and shows us things to
come. He is the Revealer of the Will of God. He is the miracle working
arm of God. In Him we have understanding, knowledge and wisdom.
The power of God is resident in the Holy Ghost. Without Him we can do
nothing. It is truly wise to be filled and drunk with the Holy Ghost
always and not with wine. Until you are genuinely born again, accepting
Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour, you are not qualified to receive
the Holy Ghost. Stop waiting so you don’t end up wasting. Attend the
Foundation School today!
Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual
songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord 3

One principal way to being filled again and again with the Holy Spirit
[HS], after consistent walk in His righteousness, is by practicing a lifestyle
of praise and worship like king David. This is because God inhabits the
praises of His people. I have personally experienced several infillings of
the HS this way. Practice it before and during your marriage. So you
enjoy His divine presence that makes all things work prosperously. This
is also the key to divine guidance and fresh anointing. So you ride on
eagle’s wings, even the wings of the HS and enter into rest.
Giving thanks always for all things unto God and
the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ 4
An attitude of thanksgiving as opposed to murmuring and complaining will attract
Gods favour and grace for all round multiplication of good things in your life.
Watch it, everything you genuinely give thanks unto God for in the name of the
Lord Jesus is bound to multiply. Jesus gave thanks for 7 loaves of bread and 2 fishes
whilst in need of food for over 10,000 people in the wilderness, and God multiplied
it so much that 7 baskets were left over. God has not changed. Murmuring and
complaining cut short peoples’ life. Practice giving thanks always for all things unto
God in the name of Jesus, and your lifting and multiplication shall know no limits.
Even for the seemingly bad experiences, give thanks, for He makes all things to
work together for our good. Teach everyone in your home this vital principle.
Submitting yourselves one to another in the
fear of God. 5
The instruction to submit here is prelude to marriage, while you are still
single. It is one of the vital requirements for attaining spiritual maturity.
Ditto for the preceding points. It is imperative you have mastered
these traits before entering the marriage institution. Marriage is not
for spiritual babies. Submission is the spirit of meekness. Such are
hardly ever offended, not even with the worst insults or provocations.
They are totally dead to self, sin and the world. They are alive to the
Holy Spirit. Such are sold out to God. They never want to offend God,
hence they are ever ready to forgo their rights to please Him. This is the
strongest proof of readiness for marriage.
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own
husbands, as unto the Lord 6
“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head
of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore
as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.”
Once the potential wife has mastered the preceding 5 steps, this sole responsibility of the wife in
marriage becomes easy. The greatest cause of confusion and conflict in marriage emanates when
the wife refuses to obey this injunction. Because of familiarity, a number of wives will rather
submit to other peoples husbands than their own husbands. Listen, you cannot beat the wisdom
of God. As mentioned earlier, once both parties in marriage have successfully mastered the first 5
preceding steps, this step and others that follow will come easy. Once we align ourselves to the
will and wisdom of God, we are bound to have heaven on earth experience in our marriage. To
submit literally means to wait on your husband for all instructions per per time in all aspects of
your marriage, the same way the body waits on the head/brain for instruction on what to do per
time. The husband is expected to do the same with the Lord Jesus who is his head.
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ
also loved the church, and gave himself for 7
it love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify
“Husbands,
and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not
having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish So ought men to love
their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but
nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his
bones.” The core assignment or responsibility of the husband in marriage is to love his wife as Christ loved the
Church, ready to give his life for the perfecting of his wife. The greatest mistake most men make here is in
waiting for their wife to submit before they will love her. That is conditional love. Christ’s love is unconditional.
While we are yet sinners, He died for us. Because love is the greatest, there is no barrier it cannot conquer. As
you love you wife, even the most rebellious wives will submit. However, this is not saying that the wife should
also wait until the husband loves before she will submit. Let’s all learn to prove our love for God in obeying His
instruction to us and trust Him to touch the heart of your spouse to change. Loving your wife also implies taking
care of all her basic needs and that of the children [1 Tim 5:8]. Dear husband or husband to be, daily pray for
God to reveal the love of Jesus to you and engrace you to be rooted and grounded in it [Ephe 3:14-18]
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and
shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh 8
“For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his
wife, and they two shall be one flesh This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning
Christ and the church.” The key lesson here is not to allow your parents [from both
sides] to take over the control of your marriage. This does not mean you should
abandon your parents and not care for them. Many are still tied to the aprons of
their parents in marriage and this is bound to cause a lot of confusion and conflict in
marriage. This include control from siblings. The husband should particularly learn
to protect his wife. Wives should also not allow their husband to be trampled on by
her parents, especially if they are affluent and bossy. Ensure the counsel you take
from them aligns with the Word. Furthermore husband and wife should learn to
blend into oneness, speaking the same thing and being of one mind [1 Cor. 1:10]
“Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for
brethren to dwell together in unity! It is like the
precious ointment upon the head, that ran down
upon the beard, even Aaron's beard: that went down
to the skirts of his garments; As the dew of Hermon,
and as the dew that descended upon the mountains
of Zion: for there the LORD commanded the blessing,
even life for evermore” – Psalm 13:1-3
And the wife see that she reverence her
husband 9
This is the second responsibility of the wife in the marriage equation –
wife, see that you reverence your husband. This is talking of respect.
Familiarity borne out of immaturity is what often disturbs a woman
reverencing her husband. However, it comes easier when the husband
is loving his wife as Christ loves the Church. Wives, remember this, the
way you project your husband is the way the world will treat him. If
you project him like a foot mat, your siblings and friends will naturally
treat him the same way and vice versa if you treat him with reverence,
like a king. As you lay your bed so you sleep on it.
 OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS
The family is begins with husband and wife.
Children are only additions. Nonetheless, it is the
will of God that we procreate and multiply and
fill the whole earth. The next few slides show
how to handle other members of the family for
heaven on earth family experience
Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for
10
this is right
Ensure you teach your children to obey your instructions. On
your part, ensure your instructions are in total agreement with
the Word of God. As a child, son or daughter, you are to obey
your parents in the Lord. What this means is that if, for instance,
your parent is asking you to worship an idol and do things
contrary to the will or word of God, you have a right to politely
decline, with clear explanations. You may be persecuted for doing
so, endure it. God will vindicate you with time. But beyond this,
ensure you obey your parents promptly and fully.
Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment
with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live 11
long on the earth

Honour your parents always. Never despise them as they

grow old. You will soon get there too. Even if they are rich,
care for them from your resources. Reverence them always.
Talk about them with respect in from of your siblings, children
and friends. Give them the best always. So you reap the same
from your children. So will the Lord be pleased with you. So
you live long and well on the earth. The scriptures cannot be
broken.
And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but
12
bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Most fathers, especially African dads are autocratic and authoritarian. This
leadership style naturally provokes subordinates. Let’s watch it. Persistent
provocation lead to confrontation and disrespect. If not checked, this trend will
ultimately dis-integrate and destroy the family. This explains why the Holy Spirit is
particularly warning fathers not to provoke their children. Women are naturally
softer, loving and more accommodating, though there are exceptions. But left to
most women, the child will end up being spoilt too. The antidote is learning to
correct in love. And doing it with moderation or temperance. Train a child the way
s/he should go, and as s/he grows up s/he will not depart from it. Balanced
Parenting is vital for success in life. Please make it easy for your parents by
cooperating with them and promptly taking to corrections. You will succeed!
Servants, be obedient to your Masters 13
“Servants, be obedient to them that are your masters according to the flesh, with fear
and trembling, in singleness of your heart, as unto Christ; Not with eye service, as men
pleasers; but as the servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart; With good
will doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men: Knowing that whatsoever good
thing any man doeth, the same shall he receive of the Lord, whether he be bond or
free.” At one time or the other, we are bound to be servants in life. If you are
working to earn a pay or salary, you are a servant in that organisation. That’s why
most salary earners are called civil servants. Though we are children of God, yet we
are all servants of God. We are on earth to SERVE. We are saved to serve. Learn to
operate servant leadership life style. Do it as one serving the Lord. Be conscious that
the Lord is watching you always and taking records. He is coming soon with His
rewards. So do it diligently and in love. Avoid eye service. Avoid hypocrisy. Give your
best always. This is a vital secret to all round prosperity and promotion.
Ye masters, do the same things unto them,
14
forbearing threatening
“And, ye masters, do the same things unto them, forbearing threatening:
knowing that your Master also is in heaven; neither is there respect of
persons with him.” As the Lord promotes you to become a master or
employer of labour [in the home or an enterprise], never forget that you
were once a servant, and in fact your are still a servant to the Lord. So
avoid threatening. Don’t be autocratic. Relate with your subordinates
in love. Correct them in love. Lead by example. Operate
transformational leadership style by working to build your servants, not
use them. This way, you, your family and your organisation will prosper.
 Marriage & Family Assignment

List the core secrets of successful marriage and family life as

enumerated in this lecture.

As you adopt these divine principles, your marriage and family shall
be super successful in Jesus name.
Cheers and lol.

SEVEN PROOF S/HE IS THE RIGHT LIFE PARTNER

Daddy Dee [08034730219; http://dayoodukoya.org.ng]