Raising our Parents

Reda Bedeir, Ph.D.

Instructor, Almaghrib Institute
Associate Professor, Al-Azhar University
 ‫‪Start with this story‬‬
‫• أن رجال أتى أبا الدرداء فقال إن أبي لم يزل بي حتى زوجني‬
‫وإنه اآلن يأمرني بطالقها قال ما أنا بالذي آمرك أن تعق‬
‫والديك وال بالذي آمرك أن تطلق امرأتك غير أنك إن شئت‬
‫حدثتك بما سمعت من رسول هللا صلى هللا عليه وسلم يقول‬
‫الوالد أوسط أبواب الجنة فحافظ على ذلك الباب إن شئت أو دع‬
‫قال فأحسب عطاء قال فطلقها‬
‫• الراوي‪ :‬أبو الدرداء المحدث‪ :‬األلباني ‪ -‬المصدر‪:‬‬
‫صحيح الترغيب ‪ -‬الصفحة أو الرقم‪2486 :‬‬
‫خالصة حكم المحدث‪ :‬صحيح‬
What do I get if I am kind to my parents?

• Being dutiful to parents is one of the keys to

enter Paradise
• Abu Huraira reported Prophet Muhammad as
saying: Let him be humbled into dust; let him be
humbled into dust. It was said: God's Messenger,
who is he? He said: He who witnesses either of
his parents during their old age or he sees both
of them, but he does not enter Paradise (because
he has been undutiful to them). (Muslim)
What do I get if I am kind to my parents?
• Taking care of your parents is equal in reward to Jihad
• It is narrated that a man came to the Prophet asking his
permission to take part in Jihad. The Prophet asked him,
"Are your parents alive?" He replied in the affirmative.
The Prophet said to him, "Then exert yourself in their
service." (Bukhari 4.248).
• A man came to the Prophet  and asked him for permission
to join a military expedition. The Prophet  asked him if he
had a mother, and when he replied that he had, he said,
"Stay with her, for Paradise is at her feet." (Ahmad)
What do I get if I am kind to my parents?

• A way out of hardships and tribulations (story

of the three blocked in the cave)
What do I get if I am kind to my parents?

• Expiation for sins (story of the aya that good

deeds erase bad ones)
What do I get if I am kind to my parents?

• If you take an oath upon Allah, He would

honor it (story of Uwais Al Qarni)
What do I get if I am kind to my parents?

• Allah will alleviate your pains at death and

will guide you to Jannah
• The Prophet (peace be upon him) was
reported to have said, "If anyone possesses
these three characteristics Allah will give him
an easy death and bring him into His Paradise:
gentleness towards the weak, affection
towards parents, and kindness to slaves."
(Tirmidhi 3364)
What do I get if I am kind to my parents?
• It is the second most beloved act of worship in the sight
of Allah
• “I asked the Prophet "Which deed is the dearest to
Allah?" He replied, "To offer the prayers at their early
stated fixed times." I asked, "What is the next (in
goodness)?" He replied, "To be good and dutiful to your
parents." I again asked, "What is the next (in goodness)?"
He replied, "To participate in Jihad (religious fighting) in
Allah's cause." 'Abdullah added, "I asked only that much
and if I had asked more, the Prophet would have told me
more."” (Bukhari 1.505).
What are the consequences if I am
disobedient?
• The most dreadful major sin
• The Prophet, peace be upon him, said thrice,
"Shall I not inform you of the biggest of the
great sins?...“ (Bukhari)
What are the consequences if I am
disobedient?
• Allah will not look at you on the day of
judgment
What are the consequences if I am
disobedient?
• Depravation form Jannah
What are the consequences if I am
disobedient?
• The wrath of Allah
 How can I be good and kind to my parents?
• Treat  parents with honour & speak to them graciously & with humility
• Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but
address them in terms of honour. And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say:  My Lord! Bestow on them thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood. (17:23)

• Kindness
• Best treatment
• Humbleness and mercy
• Duaa for them
• Obedience to them except…
• Be grateful to parents but do not obey them if they strive to make you associate things with God
• ...Be grateful to Me and to both your parents; to Me is the eventual coming. But if they strive to make thee join in worship with Me things of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not; yet bear them
company in this life with justice (and consideration), and follow the way of those who turn to me (in love): in the end the return of you all is to Me, then will I inform you of what you did (31:15)
• Be good to parents and everyone else who you meet
• Serve God, and join not any partners with Him; and do good- to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, those in need, neighbours who are near, neighbours who are strangers, the companion by your side, the
wayfarer (ye meet), and what your right hands possess: For God loveth not the arrogant, the vainglorious;- (4:36)

• Hadith Mu’ath
• After their death
• Acts of kindness we can do for our parents after their death
• While we were with Prophet Muhammad of God . A man of Banu Salmah came to Him and said: Apostle of God is there any kindness left that I can do to my parents after their death? He replied: Yes,
you can invoke blessings on them, forgiveness for them, carry out their final instructions after their death, join ties of relationship which are dependent on them, and honour their friends. (Abu Dawood)

.15 :‫ األحقاف‬،8 : ‫ العنكبوت‬،23 : ‫ اإلسراء‬،151 : ‫ األنعام‬،36 : ‫ النساء‬،83 : ‫ البقرة‬: ‫ اإلحسان‬-1 •

.14 : ‫ لقمان‬،23 : ‫ اإلسراء‬: ‫ الكلمة الطيبة وحسن المعاملة‬-2
.15 : ‫ لقمان‬،24 :‫ اإلسراء‬: ‫ التواضع ولين الجانب‬-3
.28 : ‫ نوح‬،86 : ‫ الشعراء‬،24 : ‫ اإلسراء‬،41 : ‫ إبراهيم‬: ‫ الدعاء لهما‬-4
.15 :‫ لقمان‬،8 :‫ العنكبوت‬:‫ طاعتهما في غير معصية هللا‬-5
‫حديث معاذ وان امراك ان تخرج من مالك وأهلك‬ •
‫اية وإن جاهداك على أن تشرك بي وقصة سعد بن أبي وقاص مع أمه‬ •
‫ حديث الرجل الذي سأل النبي‬:‫لهم حقوق بعد الممات أيضا‬ •
 What if my parents are not Muslims?
• There is also a hadith that tells us that Asma' bint
Abi Bakr was visited in Madinah by her pagan
mother. This was at a time when the pagan Quraish
had a treaty with the Muslims. Asma' asked the
Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) how
she should treat her mother. He instructed her to
treat her mother kindly. He (peace be upon him)
said: "Yes, do an act of kindness to her" (Al-
Bukhari, Muslim and Abu Dawud).
What is wrong today in the relationship between
children & parents?
• My parents do not understand me
• They do not have time for me
• I need a role model at home but I can not find
• I learnt professional lying at home
• You are wondering why I am not praying, there is no doing this at home
• You are wondering why I drink: because all me friends do
• Why I am not married till now: because my father gave me two options: to marry my cousin
or my cousin
• Thanks to TV, movies and bad company for all the bad characters that I have
• My role models are celebrities in sports and movies
• Why I don’t understand the Qur’an: my father’s main concern that I must be a physician or
an engineer
• My parents have no clue to the challenges facing me
• Even when Allah guided me my father is against me attending halaqas or wearing a beard
• My mother does not want me to wear the hijab till I marry
 What are the rights of children
• Choosing the right mother upon marriage
• Choosing a good name
• Best care and education
• Providing for their needs
• Being just among them in everything
 ‫‪Stories of parents‬‬
‫‪• The man who saw Mu’awyia in his childhood‬‬
‫‪• Mother of Imam Shafi’e‬‬
‫رجل رأي مع‪b‬اوية‪ :‬إن أظن أن هذا الغالم سيسود قومه‬ ‫•‬
‫أم معاوية‪ :‬ثكلته إن ساد قومه فقط‬ ‫•‬
‫أم االمام الشافعي‪ :‬نذرتك للعلم لعل هللا أن يجمع بك األمة‬ ‫•‬
‫ماذا سيكون رد فعل الناس اليوم لو أوقف اإلم‪b‬ام الخطبة ونزل من‬ ‫•‬
‫على المنبر ليحمل طفال يحبو في المسجد؟‬
‫ماذا سيفعل الشباب المتحمس اليوم إذا قصر اإلمام الصالة عندما‬ ‫•‬
‫يسمع طفل يبكي؟‬
 ‫• أن رجال جاء فاستأذنه في الجهاد فقال ‪ :‬إني أر‪b‬يد أن أجاهد‬
‫معك فقال النبي صلى هللا عليه وسلم ‪ :‬ألك أبوان ؟ قال ‪ :‬نعم ‪،‬‬
‫قال ‪ :‬كيف تر‪b‬كتهما ؟ قال ‪ :‬تركتهما وهما يبكيان ‪ ،‬فقال ‪ :‬ار‪b‬جع‬
‫إليهما وأضحكهما كما أبكيتهما‬
‫• الراوي‪ - :‬المحدث‪ :‬ابن الملقن ‪ -‬المصدر‪ :‬البدر المنير ‪-‬‬
‫الصفحة أو الرقم‪9/40 :‬‬
‫خالصة حكم المحدث‪ :‬صحيح‬
 Introduction
• Do you know?
• Are you grateful to your parents?
• What are the rights of the parents
• What is the problem today?

• Perform your duties b4 you claim your rights

• If you abuse your rights, you lose them
 Are you grateful to your parents?
• Abu Burda and Abdullah ibn Omar
• No child repays his parent fully unless he
finds him a slave, then he buys him and sets
him free.” (Bukhari)
• Disobedience to parents is a major sin
• Anas narrated from Prophet Muhammad  about the major sins. He (Mohammed) observed: Associating anyone
with God, disobedience to parents, killing a person and false utterance. (Muslim)
• One of the dearest deeds to God is being good & dutiful to parents
• Narrated 'Abdullah: I asked the Prophet  "Which deed is the dearest to God?" He replied, "To offer the prayers at
their early stated fixed times." I asked, "What is the next (in goodness)?" He replied, "To be good and dutiful to
your parents"...(Bukhari)
• Being dutiful to parents is one of the keys to enter Paradise
• Abu Huraira reported Prophet Muhammad as saying: Let him be humbled into dust; let him be humbled into dust.
It was said: God's Messenger, who is he? He said: He who sees either of his parents during their old age or he sees
both of them, but he does not enter Paradise (because he has been undutiful to them). (Muslim)
• Acts of kindness we can do for our parents after their death
• While we were with Prophet Muhammad of God . A man of Banu Salmah came to Him and said: Apostle of God is
there any kindness left that I can do to my parents after their death? He replied: Yes, you can invoke blessings on
them, forgiveness for them, carry out their final instructions after their death, join ties of relationship which are
dependent on them, and honour their friends. (Abu Dawood)
• The High Status given to Mothers
• A man came to the Prophet  and asked him for permission to join a military expedition. The Prophet  asked him if
he had a mother, and when he replied that he had, he said, "Stay with her, for Paradise is at her feet." (Ahmad)
 ‫• رغم أنف ‪ ،‬ثم رغم أنف ‪ ،‬ثم رغم أنف قيل ‪ :‬من ؟ يا رسول هللا ! قال ‪:‬‬
‫من أدرك أبويه عند الكبر ‪ ،‬أحدهما أو كليهما فلم يدخل الجنة‬
‫• الراوي‪ :‬أبو هريرة المحدث‪ :‬مسلم ‪ -‬المصدر‪ :‬صحيح مسلم ‪ -‬الصفحة أو‬
‫الرقم‪2551 :‬‬
‫خالصة حكم المحدث‪ :‬صحيح‬
‫• وفي الحديث‪ :‬أنه‪ ،‬عليه السالم‪ ،‬قال‪َ :‬ر ِغ َم أَنفُه ثالثاً‪ ،‬قيل‪َ :‬م ْن يا رسول‬
‫هللا؟ قال‪ :‬من أَدرك أَبويه أَو أَحدهما حيّا ً ولم يدخل الجنة‪ .‬يقال‪ :‬أَرْ َغم هللا‬
‫أَ ْنفَه أي أَلزقه بال َّرغام‪ ،‬وهو التراب؛ هذا هو األصل‪ ،‬ثم استعمل في الذل‬
‫والعجز عن االنتصاف واالنقياد على ُكرْ ٍه‪.‬‬
‫وفي الحديث‪ :‬وإن َر ِغ َم أنف أبي ال َّدرْ داء أي وإن َذلَّ‪ ،‬وقيل‪ :‬وإن َكره‪.‬‬
 ‫• عناية القرآن الكريم بالوالدين وبيان حقوقهما ‪:‬‬
‫‪ -1‬اإلحسان ‪ :‬البقرة ‪ ،83 :‬النساء ‪ ،36 :‬األنعام ‪،151 :‬‬
‫اإلسراء ‪ ،23 :‬العنكبوت ‪ ،8 :‬األحقاف‪.15 :‬‬
‫‪ -2‬الكلمة الطيبة وحسن المعاملة ‪ :‬اإلسراء ‪ ،23 :‬لقمان ‪.14 :‬‬
‫‪ -3‬التواضع ولين الجانب ‪ :‬اإلسراء‪ ،24 :‬لقمان ‪.15 :‬‬
‫‪ -4‬الدعاء لهما ‪ :‬إبراهيم ‪ ،41 :‬اإلسراء ‪ ،24 :‬الشعراء ‪،86 :‬‬
‫نوح ‪.28 :‬‬
‫‪ -5‬طاعتهما في غير معصية هللا‪ :‬العنكبوت‪ ،8 :‬لقمان‪.15 :‬‬
 ‫• أال أخبركم بأكبر الكبائر ‪ .‬قالوا ‪ :‬بلى يا رسول هللا ‪ ،‬قال ‪:‬‬
‫اإلشراك باهلل ‪ ،‬وعقوق‪ b‬الوالدين ‪ .‬حدثنا مسدد ‪ :‬حدثنا بشر مثله ‪،‬‬
‫وكان متكئا فجلس ‪ ،‬فقال ‪ :‬أال وقول الزور ‪ .‬فما زال يكررها‬
‫حتى قلنا ‪ :‬ليته سكت ‪.‬‬
‫• الراوي‪ :‬أبو بكرة نفيع بن الحارث المحدث‪ :‬البخاري ‪ -‬المصدر‪:‬‬
‫صحيح البخاري ‪ -‬الصفحة أو الرقم‪6273 :‬‬
‫خالصة حكم المحدث‪[ :‬صحيح]‬
‫ثالثة ال ينظر هللا إليهم يوم القيامة ‪ :‬العاق لوالديه ‪ ،‬والديوث ‪• ،‬‬
‫والمرأة المترجلة تشبه بالر‪b‬جال ‪ ،‬وثالثة ال يدخلن الجنة ‪:‬‬
‫العاق لوالديه ‪ ،‬والمنان عطاءه ‪ ،‬ومدمن الخمر‬
‫‪-‬عبد الحق اإلشبيليالراوي‪ :‬عبدهللا بن عمر المحدث‪• :‬‬
‫‪ -‬الصفحة أو الرقم‪850 :‬األحكام الصغرىالمصدر‪:‬‬
‫خالصة حكم المحدث‪[ :‬أشار في المقدمة أنه صحيح اإلسناد]‬
‫إن هللا حرم عليكم عقوق األمهات ‪ ،‬ومنعا وهات ‪ ،‬ووأد البنات •‬
‫‪ ،‬وكره لكم ‪ :‬قيل وقال ‪ ،‬وكثرة السؤال ‪ ،‬وإضاعة المال‬
‫‪ -‬المصدر‪ :‬البخاريالراوي‪ :‬المغيرة بن شعبة المحدث‪• :‬‬
‫‪ -‬الصفحة أو الرقم‪5975 :‬صحيح البخاري‬
‫خالصة حكم المحدث‪[ :‬صحيح]‬
‫أوصاني رسول هللا صلى هللا عليه بعشر كلمات قال ال تشر‪b‬ك •‬
‫باهلل شيئا وإن قتلت وحرقت وال تعقن والديك وإن أمر‪b‬اك أن‬
‫تخر‪b‬ج من أهلك ومالك‬
‫‪ -‬المصدر‪ :‬المنذريالراوي‪ :‬معاذ بن جبل المحدث‪• :‬‬
‫‪ -‬الصفحة أو الرقم‪3/301 :‬الترغيب والترهيب‬
‫خالصة حكم المحدث‪[ :‬إسناده صحيح أو حسن أو ما قاربهما]‬