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Zo has ZERO money

@autiezo

WARNING ⚠️: Disco Elysium is a M18 game with dark themes and I re-blog tons of stuff about it. Anyways, I voice act comics and memes sometimes. I write DE shitposts too. Oh and occasionally, I troll my DE peers light-heartedly for enrichment purposes
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Reblogged

Disco Elysium try not to become emotionally dependent on kim kitsuragi challenge [impossible]

ppl who describe kim as 'no nonsense' are lyinggg he's all about the nonsense he literally goes 'fuck it let's talk about cryptids more' during one dialogue tree without much pushing

Kim is also lying about being "no nonsense", he has so much authority that he fooled some of us into believing it

Wait a minute if elves take a hundred years to grow up that has some weird implications.

So… if we say a human comes of age in fantasy worlds at 16, that means it takes an elf 6.25 years to age one human year. If we say the age of maturity is 18 that’s 5.55 years.

So then… okay with people that live a long time have to see their human friends die and probably see them like pets yeah that’s been explored to death. But what about a human just seeing their friend not grow up?

An elf toddler and a human toddler become friends at a playdate. At the time the human is two and the elf is 13. Emotionally the elf is just a little older than the human. But then the human grows up. He grows up and as he grows up his friend doesn’t. Not much, anyways.

She’s still sucking her thumb and throwing tantrums the entire time that he grows up. When he reaches the age where he’d choose a trade or go to an academy he’s earning extra money by babysitting her. During his initiation into adulthood on his 18th birthday she’s there with her parents holding a stuffed animal. Later that afternoon he sees her being shown some colorful flashcards with letters of the elvish alphabet on it by her father.

The human gets older. He learns how to fight, he goes from town to town getting work. At some point he joins the army. Every time he visits his hometown he has at least one more scar and by the time he’s 30 and the elf girl is mentally seven by human standards she starts to understand that something is wrong. Even after he settles down to be a home maker for the local blacksmith something feels wrong.

And she watches him grow old. When she’s in her 80s she babysits his grandchildren for extra cash after school, coming over in her school robes and ruffling his hair. She doesn’t remember why she became friends with this human or when but a strange sense of jealousy fills her heart.

Now she realizes it. She realizes it too late, on the day her friend learns that he is dying. The first day of her 100th year and the start of his last. Humans’ lifetimes may only last for the childhood of an elf if they’re lucky, but they learn so fast. They do so much. They cram their days full of love and hate and learning and wonder.

He knew this was coming. He knew all of this decades before she did, because elves are slow. Not stupid, certainly not stupid, but very very slow. She holds her old friend’s hand as he lays down on his bed. A man that has led such an ordinary life but feels so extraordinary to her. Because he has always, always been there and now he just won’t. Because in her eyes he became so wise so fast and now he’s just gonna be gone.

On an elf’s 100th birthday they are allowed to choose a new name for themselves. It can be important, or not. Usually it will follow them until the end of time. She stands in front of her family’s elders and is asked what name she will be called from now on.

She names herself after him.

“What is your name, child?” The elders ask.

She’s shaking, shuddering, and coming to terms with death, “Glaive Hammersmith.”

She is a poet. She stays in her chambers and charts the stars. She grows flowers that heal otherwise fatal wounds within days.

Her name is Glaive and she carries the weapon of her friend like a staff.

Her name is Glaive and

she carries the weapon of

her friend like a staff.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

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my dnd party has run into an npc who may or may not be evil and may or may not decide to betray us and the dm was in chat today like “just so everyone knows…not addressing this comment at anyone in particular…his favorite colors are red and black…wink” so now i’m desperately trying to get a real physical friendship bracelet done before session tomorrow in the vain hope that i can somehow stop this npc from trying to do a murder on my party

UPDATE: the npc was in fact a shapechanged adult black dragon with violence and conquest in his heart. however he did let merry put a friendship bracelet on him and then when she was like “hm okay how big is your wrist in dragon form” he was like “you wanna see?” and then turned into a dragon and let merry measure him for a second, dragon-sized friendship bracelet. the dm described him afterwards as being deeply confused as to why he did this or let any of this happen to him. call that the merry effect

this guy is now a recurring npc because merry was SO determined to make him her friend that it actually somehow worked. he cast dream to talk to one of my party members like “hey…how’s it going…how are the tieflings in the party…not that i care…also i’m not lonely. bye” and the player was like “is he still wearing merry’s friendship bracelet in this dream” and the dm was like “yeah…”

fsdfjhskdf the dm just sent us all this image

so merry taught naeric (the dragon) the power of love, obviously, and because his heart was open and beautiful he started dating…a SECOND evil dragon. and then that gf betrayed him and cast ninth level imprisonment on him so now naeric is our damsel in distress and we have to save him from his girlfriend, the actual villain. how the turntables…

and. in the most horrible plot twist of all. the gf stole his friendship bracelet.

STRONG fluttershy/discord energy ^

a buddy cop action movie but instead of an uptight public servant/street smart cool guy combo it’s about an anarchist and a leninist

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splendidland

i’m not very good at worldbuilding

this is what disco elysium is about

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In 2024 hyper realistic graphics are no longer impressive. You know what impresses me? A fully complete and functional game at launch

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Can you believe I'm having to make this meme even after successfully finishing up taxes and applying to job

Yo guys just unmuted this again bc of the amount of notes (didn't think this was gonna be such a hit in the audhd&anxiety fandom) and I just wanna say we're all gonna be okay, okay?

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