Bittersweetly

not all ships are For wanting them to be in a happy healthy relationship together. sometimes shipping two characters means you want them to be erotically obsessed with each other and become entwined in a mutually toxic love affair for a few months and then horrifically break each other's hearts and never speak again. sometimes you want them to be codependent best friends with enough repression to explode a submarine who only make out/have sex when they're at their worst. sometimes you want them to pine after each other for years, never say anything, and then die. sometimes you want them to kill each other. this, too, is shipping

yes they are toxic but it is because of the love. without the love it would be a lot healthier actually.

they matched each others freak. 42 injured. 7 dead. 12 missing.

Charlotte/Ted but in a severed au like. It would be so fucking messy. Their innies AND their outies would be hooking up. Mr Davidson knows this. He's thriving on the drama.

charlotte and ted are queerplatonic but they dont know it yet tbh. mostly because they dont know what that is. these disasters are mirrors into each others souls but it is NOTTTTTT romantic

Sometimes tweeter people know their stuff- this is the right kind of toxic angst I want to read.

The term 'ship' is too vague. I don't think they should date i think they should be fucking regularly. I don't think they should date i think they should yearn for eachother endlessly but never have it be requited. I don't think they should date i think they should kiss one night and never talk about it again. I don't think they should date i think they should hate eachother so much that it turns into bottled up lust. I don't think they should date i think one of them should have a one-sided crush on the other. I don't think they should date i think they should have a situationship that ruins their lives. I don't think they should date i think they should stab eachother

i think the worst thing in the world is seeing two characters with something weird as hell going on between them and you think to urself "wow i love the weird as hell thing these characters have going on between them" and you open archiveofourown.org and find out everyone else thinks they would actually be in a very normal romantic relationship

hey sorry i said those weird and pathetic things. do you still think i’m mysterious and alluring

sometimes in life u meet a horny asshole and go "its okay that hes an asshole to others bc hes horny for ME and that makes me feel special" and i need you to know that voice is the devil. youre about to enter thr worst situationship of your life and once ur no longer horny for him youll be consumed by shame

u ever think about how charlotte 100% definitely absolutely certainly only reinforces ted's "women only want assholes" complex. like unfortunately being a dick to her DOES make her want u. which is great for ted, i guess. but also probably makes him even more insufferable because he thinks hes right now

Ted and Charlotte both have problems with drinking a bit too much, a bit too often. Charlotte always has a flask on her and sneaks sips throughout the day, Ted pours himself a glass as soon as he gets home. Every fight Charlotte has with Sam ends with too much wine, every fight Ted has with Charlotte ends with too much whiskey. Charlotte can't remember a day she went without a drink, Ted can't remember the last time he slept without one.

Ted sees Charlotte's problem. He notices whenever she drinks at her desk or in the break room or on her smoke breaks. He smells it on her breath when she comes over after a bad day. Always tries to stop her from breaking open a bottle of wine, but knows she'll just go to a bar if he doesn't give in. He tells her she needs to stop drinking so often, that surely the way her hands shake when she's sober should tell her she has a problem, but Charlotte denies it. These are nicotine withdrawals she says, nothing else. I'm fine, its fine, I just need to take the edge off. Ted doesn't believe her.

Charlotte sees Ted's problem. Knows whenever she gets a garbled text from him that he's drunk out of his mind again, recognises the hangover he has each morning. She tells him he has a problem, and that he's going to get seriously sick if he doesn't slow down and give his liver a goddamn break. Ted doesn't even deny it, but the doesn't mind if he gets sick. There's nothing for him to live for, anyway, so he may as well drink himself to death one of these days when he gets the courage to do it.

The fights with Sam get more intense and more frequent and Charlotte starts crashing at Ted's place more days than not, always bringing a bottle or two with her that she slowly goes through on his couch. Ted stops pouring one out as soon as he gets home so he can be sober enough to look after Charlotte when she inevitably shows up. He stays up with her until she falls asleep, takes care of her when she drinks herself sick. He still drinks before he himself sleeps, though. He has a few more now, though, just to forget the awful feeling he has that even after all this time together, after everything he does for her, Charlotte always goes back to Sam.

Ted's hangovers get worse, and Charlotte can tell he's drinking more than ever now after she falls asleep. He barely functions in the mornings and starts staying home from work more days. Charlotte knows it's partly because of her, and the guilt eats at her.

the great thing about charlotte/ted fic is that it doesnt even have to make sense. she canonically hears "always have been [a horny bastard], always will be" and immediately climbs him. and he canonically tries to get it on in front of her husbands corpse. these two are unhinged and looking for literally any reason to bone. literally write anything.