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@cavka / cavka.tumblr.com

ruthie-lyn. 30+. audhd and disabled. check the pinned post for more blog info and links.
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info and links.

ruthie lyn ▸30s ▸usa ▸audhd and disabled i have been on the tumblrs since the dark ages and will continue to be here until the cows come home.

the askbox is currently open for prompts and discussion of all kinds!!

some things you might want to know: ▸ this blog is 18+. anything even vaguely nsfw will be tagged with #osha violation ▸ i live by the old principles of SALS, YKINMK, and DL;DR. please tag your stuff, blocklist what you need to, and curate your own fandom experience ▸ currently this blog is mostly 911, dragon age, and nonsense that amuses me. ▸čavka is croatian for 'jackdaw'

tags and links: ▸ text posts tag, writing tag, asks tag, memeing tag ▸ ao3 ▸ ko-fi

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Reblogged quarra
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There are people – some in my own Party – who think that if you just give Donald Trump everything he wants, he’ll make an exception and spare you some of the harm. I’ll ignore the moral abdication of that position for just a second to say — almost none of those people have the experience with this President that I do. I once swallowed my pride to offer him what he values most — public praise on the Sunday news shows — in return for ventilators and N95 masks during the worst of the pandemic. We made a deal. And it turns out his promises were as broken as the BIPAP machines he sent us instead of ventilators. Going along to get along does not work – just ask the Trump-fearing red state Governors who are dealing with the same cuts that we are. I won’t be fooled twice.
I’ve been reflecting, these past four weeks, on two important parts of my life: my work helping to build the Illinois Holocaust Museum and the two times I’ve had the privilege of reciting the oath of office for Illinois Governor.
As some of you know, Skokie, Illinois once had one of the largest populations of Holocaust survivors anywhere in the world. In 1978, Nazis decided they wanted to march there.
The leaders of that march knew that the images of Swastika clad young men goose stepping down a peaceful suburban street would terrorize the local Jewish population – so many of whom had never recovered from their time in German concentration camps.
The prospect of that march sparked a legal fight that went all the way to the Supreme Court. It was a Jewish lawyer from the ACLU who argued the case for the Nazis – contending that even the most hateful of speech was protected under the first amendment.
As an American and a Jew, I find it difficult to resolve my feelings around that Supreme Court case – but I am grateful that the prospect of Nazis marching in their streets spurred the survivors and other Skokie residents to act. They joined together to form the Holocaust Memorial Foundation and built the first Illinois Holocaust Museum in a storefront in 1981 – a small but important forerunner to the one I helped build thirty years later.
I do not invoke the specter of Nazis lightly. But I know the history intimately — and have spent more time than probably anyone in this room with people who survived the Holocaust. Here’s what I’ve learned – the root that tears apart your house’s foundation begins as a seed – a seed of distrust and hate and blame.
The seed that grew into a dictatorship in Europe a lifetime ago didn’t arrive overnight. It started with everyday Germans mad about inflation and looking for someone to blame.
I’m watching with a foreboding dread what is happening in our country right now. A president who watches a plane go down in the Potomac – and suggests — without facts or findings — that a diversity hire is responsible for the crash. Or the Missouri Attorney General who just sued Starbucks – arguing that consumers pay higher prices for their coffee because the baristas are too “female” and “nonwhite.” The authoritarian playbook is laid bare here: They point to a group of people who don’t look like you and tell you to blame them for your problems.
I just have one question: What comes next? After we’ve discriminated against, deported or disparaged all the immigrants and the gay and lesbian and transgender people, the developmentally disabled, the women and the minorities – once we’ve ostracized our neighbors and betrayed our friends – After that, when the problems we started with are still there staring us in the face – what comes next.
All the atrocities of human history lurk in the answer to that question. And if we don’t want to repeat history – then for God’s sake in this moment we better be strong enough to learn from it.
I swore the following oath on Abraham Lincoln’s Bible: “I do solemnly swear that I will support the constitution of the United States, and the constitution of the state of Illinois, and that I will faithfully discharge the duties of the office of Governor .... according to the best of my ability.
My oath is to the Constitution of our state and of our country. We don’t have kings in America – and I don’t intend to bend the knee to one. I am not speaking up in service to my ambitions — but in deference to my obligations.
If you think I’m overreacting and sounding the alarm too soon, consider this:
It took the Nazis one month, three weeks, two days, eight hours and 40 minutes to dismantle a constitutional republic. All I’m saying is when the five-alarm fire starts to burn, every good person better be ready to man a post with a bucket of water if you want to stop it from raging out of control.
Those Illinois Nazis did end up holding their march in 1978 – just not in Skokie. After all the blowback from the case, they decided to march in Chicago instead. Only twenty of them showed up. But 2000 people came to counter protest. The Chicago Tribune reported that day that the “rally sputtered to an unspectacular end after ten minutes.” It was Illinoisans who smothered those embers before they could burn into a flame.
Tyranny requires your fear and your silence and your compliance. Democracy requires your courage. So gather your justice and humanity, Illinois, and do not let the “tragic spirit of despair” overcome us when our country needs us the most.

Sources:

• NBC Chicago & J.B. Pritzker, Democratic governor of Illinois, State of the State address 2025: Watch speech here | Full text

• Betches News on Instagram (screencaps)

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If you think I’m overreacting and sounding the alarm too soon, consider this:

It took the Nazis one month, three weeks, two days, eight hours and 40 minutes to dismantle a constitutional republic. All I’m saying is when the five-alarm fire starts to burn, every good person better be ready to man a post with a bucket of water if you want to stop it from raging out of control.

Those Illinois Nazis did end up holding their march in 1978 – just not in Skokie. After all the blowback from the case, they decided to march in Chicago instead. Only twenty of them showed up. But 2000 people came to counter protest. The Chicago Tribune reported that day that the “rally sputtered to an unspectacular end after ten minutes.” It was Illinoisans who smothered those embers before they could burn into a flame.

Tyranny requires your fear and your silence and your compliance. Democracy requires your courage. So gather your justice and humanity, Illinois, and do not let the “tragic spirit of despair” overcome us when our country needs us the most.

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#fucking love pritzker#so glad i voted for him#best governor#us politics#highly recommend actually watching this if you can#he does a great job with it#also the temptation to add a blues brothers gif to this#specifically the i hate illinois nazis one#is extremely tempting
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Reblogged grison-in-space
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breaking from the fandom norm here a bit but i actually do want to see eddie being a flustered mess about buck, too. i want to feel like there are stakes here that matter to him! eddie's only confident and smooth about romance when he's playing a role, wearing his Perfect Romcom Boyfriend mask, and he doesn't wear that with buck. i want to see him flounder a bit. i want them both to be disasters here.

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like, my issue with 'eddie strolls in with a confident smirk and smoothly flirts and watches with patient amusement as buck melts down and loses his mind' is (besides the fact that it feels way more like generic booktok male lead than eddie diaz, to me) that it presupposes that eddie loves buck, sure, but he's not affected by him in the same way that buck is by him.

and i want him to be affected! i want him to have butterflies! i want him to be blushing and getting distracted because Buck's not wearing a shirt! i want him to be nervously rehearsing his little speech because he needs to get this right, only to look up halfway through at buck all blushing and stunned and happy and realize that he doesn't have to be nervous, it's buck, and buck always catches him; they always catch each other.

i want them both to be giddy.

#eddie has no game!!#he's an awkward bean sometimes!!#that's why i love him#and why he should absolutely be as messed up about buck#as buck is about him#also like#this man has a history of anxiety re: romantic relationships#you think that's gonna change just 'cause he recognizes he's queer?#nah#the wee woo show#eddie diaz#buddie
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@grison-in-space didn't want to derail from this post even more and also i think this may have gotten too long for an ask sooo...

heavily agree on everything you've said re: chris. i'm audhd and physically disabled (though i can often hide the physical disability) and have a lot of the same thoughts and frustrations about fandom and the show. i remember when i was watching for the first time i got to the whole "he never feels sorry for himself" thing and just... sighed. a lot.

at the same time, i'm kind of grateful to the show? 'cause even if they're missing the mark a bit, i can tell they're trying. they're not shying away from giving chris' story everything it would every other character: inner conflict, learning, growing. like the fact that they gave him that mini-arc where he had multiple middle school girlfriends was huge, imo.

and it's kind of frustrating to go from that ^ to fandom. because there's a ton of flattening of his character and his struggles. like you said, kid's clearly inherited some of his dad's anxiety. there's the chess tournament but also things like him stressing out about xmas which set the trajectory for a lot of s5!eddie's arc, and him having nightmares about his mom post-tsunami and not wanting to make eddie sad. that's not even touching the fact that, despite fandom in general often bragging about the obscure and minute research it's done for fic, a lot of times it feels like people don't want to do so much as a cursory google search or wiki page skim about cp or disability in general.

which i guess circles us back around to the original post's point of "it's easier to ship these characters if a.) i can project one onto another character, b.) i just shove their kid in the background, or c.) everything is happy families and unrealistic." makes me sad. and a little mad. smad.

(also re: buck--tooootally agree with him being audhd. like the first time i watched him do the confused puppy head tilt because someone said something and he took it literally--specifically thinking things like hen's "you don't ever hear wham, bam, thank you, sir" and buck's "it doesn't rhyme..."--i was like "oh! he's mine. i'm claiming him for the audhd crowd he's so not just adhd. god it's like watching myself on tv." and it just was reinforced from there especially because of a lot of things you mention.)

(personally, i also tend to think eddie is neurodivergent but that's a whole other can of sardines.)

#the wee woo show#man idk how to tag this#discussion??#also i think a lot of the flattening of disability does in part stem from the show itself#like it does some great things with chris specifically#but oh my god no one except maybe hen should be able to be a firefighter#they should all be various levels of physically disabled by this point#and parts of chris' cp have definitely been glossed over and hidden quite a bit--#the ugly bits of visible disability like you said but also like#someone correct me if i'm wrong but i'm 90% sure he would be using multiple mobility aids depending on the day not just crutches#hell i am much more physically able and *i* use multiple mobility aids depending on the day even if i have a favored one#but yeah the whole thing is weird and frustrating and because in my heart i am a bit of a fixer i wish i could just make it better laksdjfa
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Reblogged
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big thing we don't talk about in this fandom is the fact that a lot of people don't like Eddie as a romantic partner for Buck because Eddie has a kid

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said i wasnt getting into it but i lied. yeah a lot of it is about how eddie intrinsically cannot ever put Buck "first" because he is a DAD and his kid needs to be his priority (nevermind the fact that Buck ALSO actively prioritizes Chris and that in fact making Chris a priority has been a huge part of his character development over the past 7 seasons and as recently as the past 5 episodes).

it's ALSO about how Eddie having a kid means he has a complicated messy past and complicated messy grief about his first marriage and the mother of said child. in contrast, tommy is essentially a complete blank slate when it comes to past relationships, with the exception of abby whom he clearly does not really have complex feelings about given the way he talked about her in 8x06.

to these people, shannon and by extension chris are "baggage" that eddie is bringing into any relationship with buck, and obviously anyone with "baggage" can't be a good or healthy partner!!! (🙄)

and it's also this: (copied from the replies)

they like the idea of buck with a kid but not an ACTUAL kid--just basically a cute little prop for buck to perform fatherhood with. chris is an actual kid with actual messy emotions and an actual complicated relationship with buck, eddie, his grandparents, and his dead mother and Certain People don't want to engage with that because they just want buck to basically have like a neat little fairytale white picket fence marriage & 2.5 kids nuclear family. When 911 has ALWAYS embraced the beautiful messiness of people coming together, working through their messy feelings and past traumas and regrets and grief and complicated relationships and creating family together out of those messy parts. from athena, michael, bobby + may & harry to henren and denny to maddie and chim and jeeyun that has ALWAYS been the story they are telling in this show.

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Via @glorious-spoon :

Ding ding ding. And I will add a third dimension y'all are tiptoing around:

Chris is a visibly disabled kid. You're both right that fandom detests real children with actual opinions and personhood beyond being extensions of the ship. Now take that, and not only is Chris a very specific kid with more personality than any other kid on that show with the possible exception of May, but he spoils the generic blank child shaped hole that fandom tends to prefer by having a very specific, very obvious disability that literally inflects every move he makes right down to speech. And then he has the nerve to be bursting with a very specific personality.

Come to think of it, that also influences the ways people write Chris and his CP influenced speech in fandom. You know, stories where they give him a stutter rather than his characteristic carefully shaped and controlled speech pattern? The thing about Chris is that you actually have to think about someone with CP who grimaces and probably drools occasionally and needs crutches or a wheelchair — and puberty tends to be hellish for CP kids, notice Gavin isn't doing much walking right now — anyway, you have to treat this person with a very obvious disability like the person of narrative importance he is, and a lot of folks are really not willing to actually interrogate their own shit about that.

The show seems really committed to avoiding some of the most common stories about disability as they handle Chris's arcs, but that also means that they haven't really engaged with the day to day reality of Chris's life very much. I think a lot of fandom very much wants to avoid thinking about Chris himself very much, and I think that frankly his disability is a big part of why. As Chris grows up and moves closer to adulthood, when his opinions can't just be shoved into the corner and written off as a cute kid to be used as an inspirational prop, I think that behavior intensifies.

I have got to think some more about that story where Chris discovers Vorkosigan. There's no way that kid wouldn't find a story about another kid with a messy birth that left him with mobility disabilities, frequent surgeries, and having to think twice as fast as everyone else to deal with his shitty body to be intensely gratifying and meaningful, especially given the way that The Mountains of Mourning starts.

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not to slightly derail this but--i think large parts of the fandom have some unexamined issues with chris. between the way they give him a stutter to the way some people write him in fic or talk about him in posts as if he's still seven, it's... well. it's ableism and infantilization.

chris is a highly intelligent, incredibly sharp young man. he's also every bit eddie's son and can be, as i mentioned in a chat with some people last night, kind of a bitch just like his dad. most people love that about him! he's snarky, he has no problems dragging his dad, even when he was a tiny he was smart and witty. but his very obvious physical disability is something people don't know how to deal with so they either make him a prop or do exactly the thing a lot of fandom hates helena diaz for doing: they treat him with much less agency than he should have.

when you get into the context of shipping (to bring this back around) it makes things Awkward for some people who want to ship buddie because--what are they supposed to do with this character who is absolutely priority one for both members of the ship? i don't think it's a coincidence that a lot of buddie fics have chris conveniently on a class trip or a sleepover or summer camp.

and then, to @glorious-spoon's point about buddie fics with them having able-bodied kids, this is always a little frustrating to me because the odds of them having a kid that isn't disabled and/or mentally ill is like. very slim.

no, really, stick with me for a second.

buck has adhd. pretty much everyone agrees on that. adhd is a disability. and if they're having biokids that are made from buck's sperm, odds are greatly in favor of the kid also having adhd. and if it's eddie's kid? anxiety disorders and depression also have a genetic component to them. would not be surprised if any kid of his inherited his anxiety at the very least and his panic attacks at the worst. and this isn't even going into scenarios where people headcanon one or both of them as autistic or other shades of neurodivergence which would just add to the probability of their kid inheriting that.

to be clear, i also don't think a lot of this is conscious. ableism is one of those things that people don't really know they've internalized until someone points it out or, like me, they end up disabled and realize "oh, shit, that's kind of a terrible thing to think, isn't it?" like, you know, a whole bunch of other stuff society ingrained into us that we have to examine and unpack.

#we must now become the picket fence dream even though there are serious#considerations and who knows if the characters would even want kids besides chris#and like i feel like i should say i do enjoy a number of fics where there is another kid#but usually those fics have a.) them not being together yet when bonus kid shows up#or b.) the main plot of the story is dealing with bonus kid showing up either via unexpected pregnancy#(not necessarily buddie)#or by accidental baby acquisition or whatever#the difference i think between these kinds of fics and the ones mentioned#is either the plot doesn't center around the kid and the picket fence dream#and there's actual conflict that needs to be resolved#and/or it's not like they get together and then are like#y'know? i don't know if this makes sense but i was thinking about it#the wee woo show#buddie#long post
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Reblogged atlasblue85
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Happy International Asexuality Day!! Shoutout to all of my self-shippers on the asexual spectrum!!! 💜✨

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closetfascination asked:

Tell me more about "I can't believe I'm writing omegaverse" 👀👀👀

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oooh this one's fun. it's kind of playing with the typical omegaverse tropes and attempting to add something like logic to them. but the main thing to know is that some people have the a/o gene and while they're usually born one way they can flip secondary sexes. like it evolved as a way to stabilize population or entice a mate, so to speak, but in the modern day it's a thing that can be stopped pretty easily with hormone therapy.

buck started the process once during his nomad years and got himself to a planned parenthood to stop the switch from alpha to omega. but then after he spends a bunch of time taking care of eddie after the shooting, his body is like "time to switch? yes??" and he has to figure out wtf to do especially since it's clearly happening in part because he wants so badly to be a family with eddie and chris.

AND THAT WAS A LOT OF BACKSTORY alksjfs so here's a... rather long snippet because i really love this passage

#ask#closetfascination#*writing#wip game#memery
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young-waverer asked:

i need to hear more about eddie reading poetry bc of a priest asap

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hah i started this one right after confessions aired. it starts with a slightly extended talk with hot priest brian where he recommends eddie read some poetry if he really wants something more tangible than "find joy", since brian's not going to assign scripture readings to someone who isn't part of his church

"I wouldn't say I get it, exactly," Eddie says, swirling his coffee in its stained, well-loved mug. "Sometimes I read something and I have no idea what the hell I just read. But sometimes..." Brian smiles at him. It's the kind of soft smile that he remembers giving to Christopher so many times, full of pride at his discovery of something new. "Sometimes?" "Sometimes it feels like they pulled the feelings right out of"--he makes a swirling gesture at himself--"wherever they are and put them into words."
#ask#young-waverer#*writing#memery#wip game
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greenharrow asked:

For the WIP game, can I ask about bsb #1 or crack as a study of gender? 👀

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crack as a study of gender -- aka the "buck gets fantasy genderswapped and realizes he's nonbinary" fic

Buck shrugs, not even pausing to think about it. "I mean, I'd miss my dick if I was stuck like this forever, but it's not a huge deal? I'm still me, you know?" "Man," Eddie says, then points a finger at Buck before he can interrupt, "I heard it; don't even. What I was going to say was I don't think I'd be anywhere near as chill about this as you are. I'm pretty sure most people wouldn't be this chill."

and i'm gonna put the other snippet under a cut because it's slightly nsfw. bsb is short for "bad sex bingo" and this fic is for the prompt "porn dialogue"

#ask#greenharrow#*writing#memery#wip game
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wip ask game

rules: share the file names of your five most recently edited WIPs. when someone types the name into your inbox, share a sentence snippet from it❤️

i was tagged by the lovely @greenharrow!

this is kind of hard for me because i have a bunch of wips in one scrivener file. sooo... five six random wips. ('cause i wanted some fandom variety)

  1. eddie reads poetry because of a priest (911)
  2. i cannot believe i'm writing omegaverse (911)
  3. crack as a study of gender (911)
  4. bthb #1 (twoof)
  5. bthb #2 (da:v)
  6. bsb #1 (sw:tcw)

aaaand tagging @young-waverer, @atlasblue85, @redrosydiaz, aaaand @closetfascination since y'all mentioned liking being tagged!!

#memery
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Reblogged
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cannot stop thinking about chris's shy hopeful "you'll be my dad again?" like goddddd

so okay. he went with his grandparents to get some space after a trauma. that's probably actually helpful at first. but then.. weeks start to go by and his dad hasn't come to get him or told chris he needs to come home. and then he starts to get inundated with snide little comments from his grandparents (who he also loves!!) insinuating eddie wasn't/couldn't be a good dad to him, which chris then interprets as them saying eddie doesn't want to be his dad anymore. which, in chris's mind is definitely a thing that happens sometimes right? like sometimes your mom decides she doesn't wanna be your mom anymore and just leaves in the middle of the fucking night. so here's this fourteen year-old thinking he literally drove yet another parent away and his grandparents aren't doing a fucking thing to dissuade him from that notion, in fact they're actively encouraging it!!!! like just when i thought i couldn't hate them any more than i already did..

#and on top of all this#given the way helena talked about things#and the woman at the chess tournament saying ramon was chris' father#i'd put money on helena not correcting people about who they are to chris#if not outright calling them his parents to other people#god it makes me so mad and sad#i'm so glad eddie got him out finally#got them both out really#911 spoilers#the wee woo show#christopher diaz
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