henlo

hey guys, so today I will take a moment to be completely honest with yall.

The probability of me fully posting and writing on here is maybe about a 2-3%. And I've finally figured out why it's so hard for me to post nowadays. I believe that I've put too much of myself into this blog. Like, I'm not even anonymous anymore. To the ones that have been around for a while, you probably know some facts about me that I've overshared on here, or you might know my face. I mean, that's my fault, of course, so I'm blaming no one but myself.

Because of this, I feel extremely exposed. IRL, I am a prude, ngl, like I don't talk about sex with my friends, I don't have sex, I'm simply not very sexually liberated. Which is weird, right, because I write about sex T.T Though I've always been curious about it, even when I was a child, I thought it was such a taboo and forbidden topic, so I wrote about it a lot under an anonymous persona. But, now it feels like you're all my closest friends, and I feel embarrassed in a way. I don't want to write heaps of paragraphs about this but take this as me breaking up with you and then telling you that "it's not you, it's me" :D

I still do like to write, but I believe I'll keep this blog on hiatus...and then I'm going to create another very anonymous blog where you'll never know it's me hehehehehe

okay bye!

oooof girl, it's already kicking my ass and I'm this close to changing my mind. like, my first semester truly wasn't that bad, my classes were easy, it's just hard to do as well as I want to when I have ADHD. And the fact that I eventually have to take organic chem and anatomy & physiology in the same semester makes me want to jump off a bridge lol

but, yeah, i know it's gonna get much harder and ugh im so scared but im so excited at the same time because I love to be challenged!!

but omg I heard pharm was so hard, too, and the fact that you're in an accelerated program??? that sounds so rigorous T.T good luck lol, you're more than halfway there...for undergrad lolol

i needed the break so much tho bcs to be fr, i skipped most of my classes in the last two weeks of the semester LMFAO so yeah, I learned that mistake already and I WILL be attending all, if not, most of my lectures next semester. But fr good luck to you, getting into healthcare is so challenging and super expensive, too, so no matter what, I give kudos to everyone pushing through and I hope I can do the same!! I find that really having people there with you going through the same thing helps so much, so please let's talk more!!

and yes, you can be 💊 anon, but I feel so guilty accepting anons when I rarely post T.T I am trying to write tho I have many excuses for my I'm a slowpoke

@lickingan0rchid I love you

Dying red raccoon tails in my hair rn if it looks bad I'm going bald

Ngl I know I've written mostly sub!reader and dom!txt (with an exception to soob tbh) but I'd peg every single one of them until they're whimpering and crying

HIIIIII i'm so sorry for answering this late, I haven't been on tumblr bcs these last two weeks of the semester are kicking my ass and my anxiety has been skyrocketing :( though, I'm getting through it

and YES, I really believe in fate, too! Whether it be god, the universe, or something else, fate is one of the things I full heartedly believe in. I'm not exactly religious, but I am a bit spiritual, and I also do tarot readings. Tarot has a lot of mixed reactions and beliefs as a divination source, but I think that rather than there being a spirit talking to me through the cards, it's fate. I do a lot of readings for my mom, and even though I forget what the cards say after doing the readings, she remembers and it's insane how the cards are always right T.T the cards fall out of the deck due to fate. Sometimes, it has be wondering if the future is already set in stone.

I've also finished watching Attack on Titan, and the future being set in stone is kinda the premise of the show if you haven't watched it. The ending also made me super depressed, and I know that I should stop watching depressing anime, but it's so good and I think a toxic trait of mine is that I like the feeling it gives me. Like, I like being sad. Idk lol.

Also, with writing, I think I found out the reason why I stopped. For one, I've kind of lost interest in TXT and kpop as a whole. I still listen to the music often, but I don't keep up with the news as much as I used to. Another thing is that watching certain things like AOT, I always wonder if I'll ever be able to create something as powerful and heart wrenching as something like that. Something to move people and have them thinking about it for years after. And due to my insecurities, I don't believe I can do that. So, every time I write, I feel like I've lost my touch, or that what I'm writing isn't meaningful enough. Tbh, I don't think it's that serious, because at the end of the day, I should enjoy what I write, even if it's not some huge hit that inspires people. I just have to fully convince myself of that.

but OMG, I haven't gotten a new anon in a really long time! I don't know what ever happened to my old anons, but I hope they're still out there lolol. You can def be ☄️ anon, and I'm so glad you asked!!!

Gonna be posting tmrw! At least one Taehyun smut fic, but if I lock in tonight, it'll be two!

YIPPEEE you can do it!

Honestly, I think that lvl infinity is the only fic that I've written where I can read it again with cringing

AWWWW don't worry! Definitely do not force yourself to read something if you're not able to! Lvl infinity is def a bit heavier in terms of angst and violence, so I completely understand if it's hard to stomach it. Honestly, for that reason, I didn't think that many people would like it lol but it's fun to write!