Master List

Azriel X Reader

Wings of Dusk

You’re Rhysands Elder sister. The first born of the Moonbeams yet no one ever talks about you much. After a years of every one thinking you dead you come back and find that special connection with a certain shadow singer still exists. A story of heart break, mystery, and past trauma….

AzrielxReader + HelionxReader

Warnings: abuse. War

“Cassain! Where is he Rhysand?” You had burst into the camps healing tent. It had been a month since the fight between you and Azriel. A month since you’d been Mated to Helion. Unfortunately for the two of you the wall had fallen the next day and since then there had been battle after battle. You didn’t have time to talk about it or let any one know and right now as you were standing soaked in blood waiting to see if Cassain was ok it was the furthest thing from your mind.

“He’s going to be ok Y/n’ it was then that Rhysand had actually looked at you. Soaked in blood your white leathers had turned crimson red a long time ago. There were bags under your eyes and dried blood in your hair. He didn’t know where the blood stopped and you begun. He knew that you were exhausted. You all were but he had watched you slash your way through half of Hyberns army. Knew that you were pulling more that your fair share of the force on the ground while him and his brothers took to the sky. He had watched you time and time again from the sky jump in front of your men ready to die for every single one of them but here you stood unharmed.

“Y/n you need to rest please” he hoped that you would listen because having you and Feyre out there fighting was too much. He couldn’t afford to loose anyone in his family but he had lost You and Feyre once and couldn’t… wouldn’t do it again. With Feyre he could always feel the bond know in a second if something was wrong. He couldn’t do the same for you at all. He could get Feyre to rest. Could plead with her to fall back and Feyre would always understand respect his worry. With you he couldn’t tell or ask you to do anything. If he told you to pull back you pushed forward. If he said take a break you’d work twice as hard. He didn’t know how to protect you because you wouldn’t let him or anyone.

“I’m fine Rhysand” hearing this Rhys got visibly agitated. His weight shifted from foot to foot. It took real effort on his part not to roll his eyes into the back of his head.

“You are not fine. None of us are fine but you haven’t taken more then 15 mins since the first battle. You need to take a break. I mean seriously y/n when was the last time you slept.?”

Your brother was right you were not fine but to be honest you didn’t know how to be. There was something about war…you couldn’t just sit and do nothing. Couldn’t sleep when you could be training or coming up with battle strategies. You couldn’t do nothing when your family…your men were risking their lives and could be dead any second. This was where everything you’d ever been taught came into play. Where years of insisted perfection paid off. Because anything less then perfection out on that battle field could cost you and somebody else there life. You were prepared to die every time you stepped out of your tent. Ready to give your life for anyone of your soldiers on that field.

“I know your worried about me brother. The same as I’m worried about you. But just as you can’t promise me you will live, I can’t promise you either. However I can keep the promise we made as children.” With that you had told Rhys to update you about Cassain, gave him a hug and exited the tent. You remembered back to that promise Rhys and you had made centuries ago. You remembered that night like it was a week ago.

“Father I think maybe it would be wiser not to involve Rhysand in this war.” You pleaded for your brothers safety to your father. You knew that you were walking a very dangerous line but you had to try. Hell your mother had even requested you to “talk some sense into your father” which of course she didn’t need to do she had asked while you were already on the way to his office. Whenever your family needed something from your father it was always you they would send. Like they knew you were the only one who could be in his presence that he wouldn’t immediately beat. This night was a strangely quiet night at your home.

“Absolutely not Y/n. He is my son he will fight. No matter how insistent you and your mother are.” your father was sitting at his desk he didn't offer you anymore than a glance. You could feel your nerves this kind of defiance was unlike you. Typically your defiance was classier. It could almost go undetected like a faint thread of manipulation hidden under a smile and a logical response. You were calculated in everything that you did...but not that night. That night you had only one rhys life on your mind.

“Of course father, my apologies I just thought that since he’s your next successor then-“ the room was tense, you kept your wings so tightly pressed against your back the pain had started to creep its way up your shoulders.

“Enough Y/N! Your brother will fight and if he can’t survive then it’s due to his own incompetence and failure!” Your fathers word stung. You didn’t know how he could care so much for you and not at all for your brother and sister. It was clear your father didn’t care if Rhys was ready to fight. Or even if he was given a better chance of survival. You could see on your fathers desk that he planned to place Rhysand right on the front lines. It was almost as if your father was trying to get your brother killed.

“At least keep him in the sky with Azriel and Cassian! They fight better together.” the second the words left your mouth you knew it would send him into a rage.

“Y/N you forget your place!” Your fathers voice boomed, He stood from his desk so fast you flinched on instinct. His voice so loud you were sure that it carried down the hall where your family was residing. But you had to continue, it wasn't an option not to make him change his mind. Otherwise your brother would pay the price.

“I’ll fight on the front lines in his place! Just please father.” You spit the words out as fast as you could before your father could throw you out.

“You can’t keep protecting that boy Y/n. One day that protection will cost you your life.”

That day you had left your fathers office with a black eye, a busted lip and a guaranteed death sentence on the front lines. You knew that he would retaliate by your lack of obedience but you couldn’t afford not to fight him. Not when the cost was your brother. For as long as you could remember you always protected your mother, sister, and brother. Had taken lashes, foul words, and their punishment so that they could have some sense of peace. Kept the true price for their safety as secret as you could. Glamoured the marks. Put on the mask of confidence and indifference.

Later that day your brother had come running into your room

“Y/N! I just talked to father and got my assignment and placement in the war effort. Get this he’s keeping me in the sky.. same fleet as Azriel and Cassian! I can’t believe it. Whats your assignment? Did he give you your own fleet to command or are somewhere higher. Maybe commander?” Rhys had ran in so quickly that you almost didn’t have time to glamour your face. But the second you saw the joy on his face all the pain washed away. like it did every single time. How many times had you hid the bruises and scars upon your body for your siblings... you couldn't keep track anymore but every time you saw their faces the pain or thought of telling them disappeared

“Umm I am on the front lines” You mustered every bit of confidence you had to try and calm Rhysands worry. You could tell if wasnt nearly enough as you watched your brother begin to panic and break down.

“What?!? No! Why would he do such a thing. I thought for certain he’d give you something. Of more importance! This is absurd. I’ll go talk to him! HE CANT… He JUST CANT-

“HE CAN. And He did. And YOU! Will not breathe one word of this to him. Do you understand?” You waited for Rhys to reply needed him to tell you he wouldn’t provoke your father further. But Rhys only stood there staring at you. So you walked over to him and grabbed him by the shoulders

“Do you understand Rhysand?” you meant it as a question but it came out more as a demand.

“yes I understand” he answered meekly you sighed a thank you to the Mother.

“Thank you.... And Rhys don’t argue with father. Do as he says and listen to his every command. Especially on that battle field.” Rhys only laughed and rolled his eye at your comment.

“Pfft come on Y/n, I know, I know.” Your brother laughed like you weren’t being serious. Like it was something you warned him of everyday. Which he wasn’t wrong but your father wouldn’t be as “forgiving” with Rhys now. He would actually expect Rhysand to perform otherwise it was his reputation that was put at risk.

“I’m serious Rhysand. Do not provoke him. Do not give him any reason to reprimand you. You need to be training everyday and not just till you’re tired like you do now. You need to practice until you’re perfect. He will expect you to be the epitome of perfection and wrath on the battle field.”

“Please I’m not you y/n he couldn’t give two shits about how I perform. I’ve worked my ass off trying to prove I could be worth his Time but no matter how “perfect” I perform, it all about you.” Rhysands words came with a bite. Underlined with jealousy. You wished your father cared for Rhys and your sister....more than anything. But if your ability to protect them meant they had to stay out of his eyesight you would fill this roll everytime.

“I won’t be around forever to protect you from him Rhys. This time he put me in the grunt position and you in the high seat. He’s not expecting me not to embarrass him. I’m expected to be dead before that fight begins. You will be the one who will have to be perfect for him because any weakness in you will make him look bad. You’re his trophy now not me. You will have to protect our sister and mother from him once I’m gone. DO NOT PROVOKE HIM ANYMORE. No more running out with Cassian and Az acting like children. He will take notice and I won’t be there to distract him.” You had never been so serious with Rhys before. Had never spoken to him with such aggression and demand for him to understand. But you needed him to understand because you could not protect him once you were gone. You had shielded him from this for a long as you could.

Rhys didn’t know what to do. He was shocked and scared. Like for the first time he got a glimpse of the pressure and weight that laid on your shoulders. Never thought about how much exactly you shielded him and your sister from. He knew that many times you were the difference between being beat and being sent to his room but had you given more for his protection then he thought? All of these things ran through his mind but what he couldn’t get over was how easily you had admitted you were going to die. How that was the last thing on your mind. But it was the biggest on his mind

“Do you really believe your going to die” Rhys tried to say without shedding a tear but it was clear that he was about to become a mess.

“Oh Rhys I- I will always be honest with you when you ask me something you know that….the truth is that it’s very likely almost impossible not to on the front line.”

“You can’t die out there y/n. Promise me you won’t die out there.” Rhysands voice cracked and tears streamed down his face.

“Rhys I can’t promise you that.” You couldn’t promise him you’d survive so you did the only thing you could do. you held him and for a while the two of you didn’t say anything. Accepting that the each of you could die very soon.

“I can’t promise you I’ll live. But I do promise that I will die fighting to stay alive for you. Can you promise me the same?

“I can. I promise y/n.” And just like that a tattoo formed on your body right behind your ear with a matching tattoo behind Rhys ear.

To this day it was the only tattoo on your body. You didn’t believe in promises did everything you could to avoid them actually but it was a promise that kept you and Rhys connected. A promise that reminded you of how your relationship with your brother used to be. How he used to look up to you and trusted you…. Now you were last person he’d trust to do his laundry. Just another hurdle in his life as High Lord.

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“Again! I want it perfect this time!” It had been 3 weeks since Cassian was injured and thank the Mother he was back on his feet. Rhysand had asked you to lead a fleet of rejected Illyrians. Illyrians who had failed miserably every step of their training.

“Y/n please if anyone could make them capable fighters in this short amount of time. It’s you. I’d ask Cassian but he’s healing right now.”

“Rhysand I’m already leading a fleet of day soldiers. Also their Illyrians and I don’t know if you’ve noticed I’m a female…they won’t listen to me.”

“Then make them.”

And that is how you had ended up here. With Day soldiers and Illyrians at each others throats. The Illyrians had actually improved impressively since the first week. You were quick to put them in their place and after three weeks of hard non stop training some of them had even come to respect you. Others were still learning that it was possible a female could run laps around them. On the other hand the Day soldiers were continued to give you an impressive amount of respect and obedience they were more skilled then most of the Illyrians but that was only because they had been training with you longer. But the respect and courteousness of Day combined with the Arrogance and disrespect of the Illyrians didn’t mix well. It led to unnecessary tension you would have to fix. At any moment another battle could arise and they would have to fight with each without trying to kill the other. You had been stuck in your own thoughts when you spotted Helion outside your tent.

“Kemal and Theo grab a weapon and step into the ring Everyone else work on your blocks and dodges.” Kemal had been the Illyrian who had improved the most while Theo was your best soldier from Day. You were truly curious to see who would best who. But you had business to attend to first.

“When I get back everything better be in order or we aren’t breaking for dinner till breakfast” you said as you walked into your tent with Helion following.

“Helion… what do I owe the pleasure?”

“What I can’t come see my mate without a reason” Helion teased while placing a kiss on my temple. You simply laughed.

“I suppose you don’t. However my mate typically does have a reason.” You and Helion had decided not to accept the bond until after the war and to keep the bond a secret until after as well. But you two would undoubtedly accept it the second the war was over. The two of you had found solice and joy in each other in such an awful time. With flirty remarks and touches you kept each other fae while the world threatened to make monsters out of you.

“Ok fine you got me I’m checking in to see how your troops progress is going.”

Helion had taken a seat on your cot and you had found your self standing between his legs running your hands through his hair.

“They are progressing well. I’m no longer worried about the Illyrians fighting they improved however now I worry about the tension between the two groups.” You whispered and could feel Helion relax under your touch

“I don’t understand why your brother gave you them in the first place. You have far exceeded enough favors for him. He cant just keep expecting you to jump to his every whim. What will he do when you become my High Lady? Continue to treat you like your less than-“

“High lady?” You didn’t know why his words had shocked you so much it hadn’t even occurred to you that you’d become a High Lords mate. It wasn’t that you hadn’t expected Helion to treat you as an equal it was more that you had given up those foolish dreams long ago.

“Oh Y/n sorry I didn’t mean to assume you’d court me after I just had thought we were on the same page.”

“No-no Hel that’s not what I meant we are on the same page. I just I don’t know. Hadn’t thought about what my title would be.”

“Did you expect to be anything less? You are my mate. My equal and your brother started something of importance I intend to uphold.”

“Oh Hel I lo-“

“Y/N! I need you now!” Rhysand had come running into the room so fast I had withdrawn my weapon from the sheer shock of it. Helion had instinctively stepped in front of you

“Rhysand you cannot just storm into my tent and demand I go with you.”

“It’s Azriel” that’s all he had to say and you were as serious as could be and running out of your tent without thought. Leaving Helion and rushing to Az.

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“Y/N thank the mother your here….it’s his wings y/n we need your help.” Cassian looked like more of an emotional reck then Rhys. You could feel the pit of worry growing to a disastrous size. You had no idea what to expect.

“Ahhhhhh, STOP, AHHHHH” you could hear Azriels screams from outside the door. You felt like you were going to be sick like everything in you depended on him surviving.

“Y/N! You need to get in there.” Both Cassian and Rhys stated. They looked like the two little boys you remember making food for. For a split second they mirrored their younger selves coming and pleading to you to make all their problems disappear. But as much as you wanted to make their sorrow go away your feet wouldn't budge. You had no control over your body.

“What?!? I can’t go in there. No I….I can’t.” You couldn’t go in there and see the shape he was in, you would break down the second you saw him.

“Y/N you have to. You’ve studied wings and repairs and clipping reversals for centuries. You studied under Madja. Y/N I’ve seen you save hundreds of wings and Madja needs your help and another person skilled enough to heal his wings so he can still fly after.” Everything they said made sense. It was all logical and you knew that. But it didn’t change that your feet were glued where they were. You indeed had studied under Madja. After you lost your wings you were obsessed with finding a way to reattach them it drove you mad. Once you realized it was just an impossible obsession. Your motivation for the knowledge changed to finding a way to heal or reverse clippings for all those poor girls. Even Illyrian soldiers who’d been injured in the war. You had secretly set up a safe haven for girls who needed immediate help in the mountains. You couldn’t always save the wings but if you couldn’t you could at least ease the pain they’d feel for the rest of their lives.

You were by no means a better healer than Madja you wouldn’t even say you were a healer. You were just skilled in this one area of study because maybe if there was someone who knew all that you knew your back wouldn’t ache everyday. Madja was the best, a great healer and she had taught you well you had just “specialized” and been able to do more with wings.

“Y/N Madja is asking for you” you heard Rhysand say. You wished, wished that you could pull yourself together right now but everything was foggy and blurring together all you could hear was Azriels cries and with each of them you felt more faint. Everyone was frantic, crying, screaming at you. But you couldn’t pull your self out of this state until

“y/n…I know that you love him. I know he is a very dear friend to you and I know that this cannot be easy. I know that your fear and worry for him is over taking you and that is understandable. But right now he needs you to help him.” Feyre spoke to you softly and with love. You could see her compassion and even her own fear in her eyes. Those eyes got your attention enough to realize the severity of the situation and that time was running out.

“Yes I’m. Im sorry. Thank you” you said as you entered the room that Azriel was in. He was laying on his stomach. Head tossing with his arms hanging of the bed. The first thing you saw was blood. There was so much blood. His wings had cuts , breaks, and tares all over them. It was awful, heartbreaking to see his once strong wings torn and tattered. The next thing you noticed was how much pains he was in. His cries and jerking. How every time he jerked or moved the more blood there was.

“Mother thank you, Y/N I need some help stabilizing him. He won’t calm down and if he doesn’t calm down soon he will have lost to much blood.”

Immediately you started to help Madja try and stop the bleeding. You grabbed a cloth and began to apply pressure to his left wing. You weren’t prepared for the screams and cries that came from him.

“I’m sorry….I’m sorry.” You had whispered under your breath over and over again.

“Y/n! I need you to calm him down” Madja instructed.

I can’t I’ll get Rhys or Cassian they can talk to him and Rhys can help ease his pain.

“No they’ve gone to get more elixirs form my office”

You tried to ask him to calm down but nothing. So finally you went to the head of the bed and crouched down so that the two of you were face to face.

“Az I need you stay still for me.” His face was scrunched up and tears were streaming down his face. You didn’t know what else to do so you went with your gut. You brought one of your hands and cupped his cheek while the other grabbed his hand and held it.

“It’s going to be ok Azriel. I’m here I’m going to help you. But I need you to calm down for me. I will not stop until I know that you’ll fly again. But I need you to calm down because every time you jerk or thrash you loose more blood.”

“Y/n i…I’m sorr-“

“None of that. None of that matters right now. Right now I need you to know that I have you. And that I’m sorry for what I have to do. Hold onto this bar ok this is going to hurt.” He squeezed your hand and met you eyes once more. It was a glace that told each of you everything you needed to know.

After he had calmed down you, you tied your hair back and instructed Madja.

“Madja we need to reset the bones now if he stands a chance to ever use them again.”

“That will be far to painful without anymore elixir.” Madja responded with a pained look on her face almost like she was praying that Rhys and Cassian would walk through those doors right now.

“I know that. But we have already lost vital time. And too much blood. It we don’t reset them now then that’s it.” You didnt want to be the fae doing this. prayed to the mother that someone could take your place or that he hadnt been hurt in the first place. Something in you called out to him willing him to hold on. Ensuring him you would do everything you could.

“How much time do we have to wait” was her only reply. As you looked at his body laying on the table you knew he didnt have long but you werent sure if you could bring yourself to break his bone with no way of easing his pain.

“We can only wait 5 more minutes but that mean we don’t have a second to make a mistake we will have to be perfect”

“You’re the expert on this Y/n I’ll follow your instruction” you spared one more glance at Azriel and made a decision within yourself.

“5 minutes” and those were the longest 5 minutes of your lifetime. You and Madja spent it packing his open wounds and staring at the door. By the end of the five minutes you were curing the mother that the only thing your power was capable of was destructive. It consumed and snuffed out unlike feyres or rhysands. They could silence pain, help heal and all you could do was expediate death.

“Thats 5 minutes” you stated with zero joy there was no sign of Rhys or Cass and you would of cursed them but just as you were about to break the first bone Cass and Rhys come running into the room with at least Madja whole stock of Elixirs.

“Give it to him now!” You said and broke the first bone and the scream that fell from Azriels mouth broke your heart. But you knew you had no choice but to keep going and with each break another agonizing scream.

“Rhysand! Put him to sleep!” You yelled at Rhysand while breaking and resetting 2 more bones.

“What I thought Madja said-“

“PUT HIM TO SLEEP RHYSAND” it’s wasn’t instruction or a question it was a command and Rhys didn’t dare finish that sentence and quickly put Azriel to sleep.

“Out” was all you said and Madja shoved them out.”

Madja turned and for just a second watched as a tear rolled down your face. How you moved swiftly and precisely. Not making a single mistake completely focused on repairing his wings. You worked and worked until there was no more work to do.

14 long grueling hours of, resetting, packing, bandaging, and more work but after 14 hours you would of gone 32 hours to know for certain he’d fly again. It wasn't until you were done and collapsed that Cassian had come to retrieve you. You were nothing more than a statue exhausted, silent, and covered in Azriels blood. Cassian had brought you to the shower and helped clean the blood off of you. He didn't expect any words to be exchanged he knew that you had shut out any emotion while you were working on him so everything came up once you were done.

Cassain had seen you like this once before when your family had been murdered. Found you curled up outside of your fathers office staring off into a void. Tried to get you to speak but nothing. He stayed with you all night that night just sitting there with you. You had even completly shocked him that moring when rhysand came down the hall and you shot up, pulled yourself together and were the image of perfection. Went right to taking care of Rhys like there was nothing wrong with you to begin with. If Cas hadnt sat with you all night he would of thought their death had no affect on you. It was that morning Cas realized just how much you loved rhys. How much of yourself you hid away to care for him. How much you had given to become the strong, capable and invincible older sister that all of them had known their whole life. Azriel and Cas had found a way to see through the mask throughout the centuries. It took a long time and it was still difficult to see through they had seen all the signs through out years and years of friendship that showed you were just a female with the weight of prythian on her shoulders. Cas didnt think Rhys was ever able to see through the mask. He still treated you like you were unbreakable. You were and always have been his very capable rock of an older sister.

So now Cas knew what was going to happen. Knew that come morning you would go right back to working like Azriel almost dying had never happened. Like having to hear his screams and be the one to keep pulling him back from death was just another tuesday. But for tonight he'd help wash off the blood and force you to stop scrubbing under your nails when there is no more traces of blood so you didnt rub your hands raw. Hold you while you screamed and beat his chest while tears streamed down your face, insisting you were fine. He would hold you all night while you sobbed and found irrational ways to blame yourself. That is exactly what Cas did and the next morning when Rhys came to check in with you he watched as you smiled at your brother and asked him "why wouldn't I be ok brother? He's fine."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~{*}~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Azriel had slept for 5 days. Slowly coming in and out. Any second you had that wasn’t spent teaching was spent next to Azriel, watching his vitals, tending to his wounds , and ensuring the wing bracing hadn’t slipped or moved. Yet the second he awoke you stayed away. You didn’t know what it was that kept you away after he had awoken.

The fear that he didn’t want to see you? That you weren’t ready to forgive him? You didn’t know. Maybe it was that you’d never kept secrets from him and now you were mated and you didn’t know why that made a difference but it did. Was it that you couldn’t trust yourself around him? Or maybe it was simply that Helion had confronted you while he was asleep about the way you felt.

“Y/n I’m not trying to sound jealous or pushing over my line I just want to ensure that you feel nothing for him in that way anymore.”

“Helion you’re joking right? He’s unconscious. I’m simply helping a friend.”

“Y/n this is the first time I’ve talk to you in a week. You have avoided, pushed me off, and ran from me. While your every second is spent here in this tent with him. Rhysand and Madja have assured me and you that he will wake. That he’s fine…..if this is just you worrying for a friend then I entirely understand. However you can’t blame me for being worried. I found out you were my mate the same night you tried to start a relationship with him. I just want to check in with you about where you stand with this bond…..that we want the same thing.

“Helion I- I don’t know what I want the war is all I can think about and then Azriel got hurt. I was concerned for my friend.”

“Ok y/n I understand…. I think it’s best that we pull back a little then. Maybe completely until after the war that just so you have time to think about what you want.”

“Hel that’s not what I meant-“

“Y/n my sweet I am not mad at you. Nothing I have said was against you. You have every right to love whoever and want whatever it is that makes you happy. I’ve just. I’ve loved before and I’ve been stripped of that love. That was one of the hardest things I have been through and I don’t know if I could survive the rejection from my mate if I let myself continue to fall in love with you. Don’t get me wrong I’m already so far deep but I could pull myself out and keep some of my heart. But if don’t pull myself back and I continue to let myself have everything that I want and you were to change your mind it would break me. My heart is yours to have if you want it. All I’m asking is that your sure it’s my heart that you want before we continue.” With that Helion had kissed your forehead and left you outside of the medic tent.

If you had been paying attention you may of caught the pair of eyes from inside that were locked on you and Helion. Maybe of even seen the way Azriel had tried to push him self up to hear the whispered fight the two of you were having.

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“Y/N” he’s been asking for you.

“I’m not going I have far to much work to do and not enough time.” Rhysand only sighed at you. This is the 5th person who had come to your tent and pleaded with you to see Azriel. First it was Cassain going on and on about how if it weren’t for that one fight you’d be right by his side and instead of him trying to get you to see him, he’d be trying to get you to leave.

When you had told Cassian to fuck off then they sent Mor who described in vivid detail how every time someone walks into the medic tent Azriel is practically breaking his neck to see if it was you. That he is just wrecked with guilt over everything he said. When you had told her you didn’t care she just walked out in disbelief.

Then they had decided to send Feyre…thought maybe because she stopped you from panicking maybe she could convince you to go see him. “Y/n please I know he hurt you. But doesn’t that pale in comparison after almost losing him? I saw you that day you care for him and up until he woke up you were there. Why is it different now that he’s awake?” You had only told Feyre that your decision had been made.

Before they had sent Amren you thought they had given up. Turns out they were just deliberating on who to send. “Girl you need to get your shit together and see the boy.” “No I don’t.” “You need to come see him if I have to watch him mope around like a kicked dog one more day I’m going to kill somebody.” Amren had just stormed out. She gave you the impression that if she had stayed a little longer she would have shared something with you she wasn’t supposed to.

Eventually you found yourself here arguing with your dear brother.

“Y/n you cannot be serious about this. You can’t avoid him forever” Rhysand only pleaded with you.

“I am, I can, and he made it very clear he wanted me to stay away that Is what I’m doing.” You were tired of this. You knew they had watched him say those things to you. Knew what it meant to you. How could they still be insistent you needed to get over it.

“Y/N he didn’t mean-

“I don’t care. I’m not going. I took beatings, I went with Amarantha, I have stayed in your court. Took in your Illyrian troops, saved his wings, and jeopardized a relationship I really cared about by the way, I have sense agreed to seduce Eris about Beron joining this war. What more do you want from me brother? You were broken, could feel all the tape and glue coming apart. Helion had decided to give you space. You couldn’t blame him it was smart and responsible for the both of you. But that left you alone with a troop at each others throat. And friends dying everyday. You just wanted everyone to let you be.

“I want you to go see him.” Was his only reply and you couldn’t believe it or could you? All you were to him was a chess piece to play. Not a sister, not a friend, or a member of his court. Just a pawn to be placed. With that he made his way out of your tent but right before he left you simply replied with what you realized he wanted from you.

“Of course my lord”

What you didn’t expect was for that to make him stop in his tracks and turn around. He stared at you for awhile and you stared back. Neither of you said a word but you could tell he wanted to say 1000 things but not one left his lips.

Rhysand felt guilt overtake him the second the words left your mouth. He knew that all he did was ask more of you. Knew what he sentenced you to under the mountain. A part of him knew he still looked up to you. While the other part only blamed you. For everything. For Mother and your little sister Marjorie. He looked at you and saw the person his father picked every time. He was too busy teaching you how to balance the courts expenses when he bested Cassain the first time. Too busy introducing you to high lords and their sons when he made carynthian. And off instructing you of the do’s and don’ts of war when mother and Marjorie were killed. He had so much bitterness in him but he knew you did everything for him. Held him together and all he did was let his bitterness take over him.

“I’m sorry about Azriel Y/n”

“Why? That may be the one thing that truly isn’t on your shoulder Rhys. He just doesn’t feel for me the way I had him.” The look that Rhysand gave you before leaving almost fooled you. Almost had you believing guilt flashed through his eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~{*}~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You hated coming to Rhys side of the war tents. It always got you into uncomfortable situations with someone. However we were about to head to the human lands for the last battle fortunately you had finally solidified your troops. Day soilders had learned how to loosen up, Illyrians learned some respect and they were actually getting along. The Illyrian almost made a complete 180 with them actually respecting your power. Asking you actual tips to get better had even included you in some of the barrack pranks. They were ready and you could say that you were proud of the work they had accomplished. As you thought you couldn’t help overhearing the argument coming from the medic tent and peeking in.

“I am coming. I’m fighting in that battle.” You could hear Azriel grunting as he got up from his cot.

“You are not” Cassain and Rhys were quick to respond.

“I am”

“You will not Azriel if you fight you will not fly again.” Madja interrupted and you could feel the shift in the room. Saw the way Cassain and Rhysand shared a look and the way Azriel froze.

“I forbid it Az you will stay here and that is final.” Rhysand commanded and exited the tent on the opposite end with cas and madja followings

Maybe you should of left. Maybe you should of stayed and slipped in when you saw that he was still insistent on going but you couldn’t allow that to happen.

“You better get back in that cot” you had said with your back to a supporting post of the tent.

Azriel flew his head to your voice. Like he didn’t believe it. Couldn’t

“Y/n”

“You can’t do what I know you’re about to do Azriel. You will never fly again. Take it from somebody who knows that pain doesn’t go away.”

“I have to. My entire family is fighting today. What would I be if they died while I laid in this tent.”

“It means youre safe and healing properly. It also means the hours of work I did to save those bat wings don’t go wasted.” You joked and you saw tension roll off Azriels shoulders. “Well um anyway I should get going don’t do anything stupid” as you were leaving azriel grabbed your shoulder and spun you around.

“Y/n, please don’t die. I uhhh, I need you to know... ya know about what I said its-

"Azriel. You can tell me after this war.....look you were right I am exactly what my father raised me to be. Which is why i wont die on that field, I have been in war with far worse odds and lived. I was born for times such as this." You were looking at Az but the male staring back at you wasn't someone you had ever met. There was fear and regret swirling behind his golden orbs. Fear you had never seen Azriel have but this fear was new, like if he released his grip from your shoulder his world would come crashing down.

Azriel stood staring at you with no mask to hide behind. He was wracked with terror. You were once again going into a dangerous situation without him. He would have no way of ensuring your safety... no way of knowing youd come back to but the hope he had in his heart. If that hope was the only thing that could bring you back after this war then mother he'd have more hope then there was in all of pryrinthian.

Before you knew what was happening Azriels had craddled your head back and his lips had met yours. This kiss was different than the first. It wasnt full of lust, desire, and hunger. No this kiss was gentle, it was soft and warm something you couldnt help but melt into. His tongue dipped into your mouth you couldnt help the muffled gasp that escaped from you. He smelled of cedar and ash and in this moment it was like the only thing that existed... the only thing that mattered were the two of you. His shadows danced around your two forms and it felt as if you'd been made whole could of sworn that you felt something snap in your chest. As fast as it came it had disapeared and Azriel had pulled away cupped your cheek and pressed his forehead to yours and whispered.

"just come back to me" before you could reply he had winnowed away leaving you flushed with a sense of guilt as you felt Helion tug on the bond.

--------------------------------------{*}-------------------------------------

When you had finally found Mor to winnow you to the human lands it was chaotic. Humans running and some flat out calling you wicked things simply because you tried to help them. After coralling what felt like hundreds of humans it was time to have march into battle with the king of hybern. You couldnt say that you were ready but you could say that youd give everything you had to ensure the people you loved came out of this war.

--------------------------------------{*}-------------------------------------

In the midst of Battle you struggled to breath there was so much blood. It was like you were drowning in it. Hybern Soldiers just kept coming so just you kept slashing them down one by one. When the battle had first started you could see Cassian and Rhys in the skies but blood coated your eyes so that all you could truly see was right in front of you. Your men surrounded you and as you looked to your left and right you could tell they were just as exhausted as you. Every now and then you or Helion would tug on the bond just to give peace of mind that the other was still ok. As time went on you weren’t sure if you’d win this war. It seemed that the Hybern Soldiers just outnumbered you. Many lives were lost and the battle went on. You used every bit of strength and ounce of magic you had. Especially when you heard Nestas scream for Cassian. It was so loud that both you and Cas had whipped your head around and if it had been a second longer both you and Cas would have been dead but you called to the power inside of you and wrapped the starlight around yours and Cassians figure tightly. Pushed up a wall of pure power to protect your men on the battle field. The blast was so strong it brought you to your knees and the scream that left you broke Cassians heart. But he Watched as you fought every second holding the shield and wall against the blast. Honestly after that the war was a blur. The only other thing you remember after that was Rhys.

You could remember right before your brother had died. You magic racing across to Hybern. To tear his very heart out for threatening Rhys. You remember the panic and dread. Your power an inch of hybern when one of his men had tackled you to the ground. And then you felt it the tattoo on your neck glow and disappear. You had sliced the soldiers throat so fast and stood. Had to know if what you felt was true and when you saw Rhys body and Feyre screaming the world went black.

The next thing you knew you were being carried by Helion off of the field. Madja over your body. You were in and out of consciousness. one second there was madja or mor, then Cas and always Hel. But it wasnt until you saw Rhys. You saw your brother and you could feel the smile on your face. Had determined he was there to take you home.

"rhys...' you let out with a shaky breath.

"Y/N thank the mother, Y/n you are going to be ok". You could hear Panic and see tear on your brothers face which confused you. You were ready you just wanted to be with him and here he was telling you no.

"y/n please Im ok. But you have to be ok. Im alive you can come back. COME on Y/N. You promised remember.. You promised me... Y-

you watched in and out how upset rhys was how worked up he was. Saw as Cassian dragged him away and then nothing.

When you finally awoke your family filled you in and just like that you insisted you were fine. Now arguing in your room with Helion who hadn't left your side. went on about how you needed to slow down. to go back home to day and relax.

"I couldn't of lost you Y/N" Helion shared as he let out a sigh.

"Hel Im ok. Its going to be ok." you held him as he cried for awhile until he stood.

"Come back home. I'll know you're safe there. I can even ensure i dont go overboard with overprotecting you." you could see the love shing through Hels eyes. Could feel how much needed you to say yes. To let him care for you flowing through the bond.

"Ok ok... we will pack tomorrow tonight just be with me."

"I love you Y/n"

With that Helion brought you in and kissed you longingly. Like this was what he needed to ground him in your safety.

Poor Azriel couldn't pull his gaze from your bedroom window. Where he stood outside with a bouquet of flowers eye glued to the scene above him. You smiling at Helion, his hands on your hips looking down at you with so much love almost Azriel could feel it. Watched as he placed a kiss on your lips and how you only deepened it. how you leaned into him and flung your arms around his neck. Watched as Helion lifted you up with your lips still attached to one another. And he especially couldn't tear his gaze away when he felt a golden thread snap into view...connecting him to you. Azriel sat atop that mountain with those flowers with his heart breaking long after the lights of your bedroom had gone out.

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Azriels POV

Azriel flew and flew it felt like hours. He couldn’t believe he had actually done it this time. He had imagined kissing you and touching you since he was old enough to have such desires. But never had he actually acted on those thoughts. He’d never kissed you not even when he would see you laugh and watch your lips and could only think about his lips on yours. Had never torn your clothes off when the mere thought of you made him go wild. He had resorted to brothels before just to stop the desire to take you where you stood. Went to brothels and imagined the female on his cock was you. But it was never enough for the desire to disappear.

It took a bit of time for Azriel to realize that the feelings he had for you weren’t just physical. Physical was just what he tried to convince himself it was so that he wouldn’t break his own heart. But he realized it was much more than that one day when you two were younger. It was The day he had found out that Cassain had ask you on a date…..and he had lost it, almost beat his brother black and blue in the training ring that day.

“Az! Brother. Today…..today is a good day.” Cassain had proclaimed when he saw his brother walk into the house of wind.

“Uhh ok.”

“Oh come on don’t ruin my good times ask me why.” Cassain was more chipper than usual and it made Azriel uncomfortable but also reminded him why he loved his brother.

“Fine! Whyyyyy is today going to be a good day.” Cassain happiness always had a way of seeping into Azriel.

“I asked Y/N on a date! Can you believe it, she said yes, so later we are going to be going to a cute little coffee shop.”

Within seconds the joy that Cas had placed in Azriel disappeared. But it wasn’t then that Az realized his feelings for you were more than physical. The pain in his chest wasn’t enough of an indicator for him. It was when he saw Cassain and you outside of that little shop. Saw how he made you laugh and throw your head back. You looked gorgeous. You had worn a little black dress, done your hair and makeup and there you were laughing. But it was when he saw Cassains lips hit yours that he knew he was fucked. Knew he couldn’t help beating Cas in that ring.

And now here he was flying around stunned that he had just done what he had just done. And he had just left you in that cabin. When he had finally landed by the sidra the sun was starting to go down. All Azriel could do was remember the feeling of being entangled with you. The taste of you. You tasted like honey and brown sugar. He could only smile and scream. He just had in his hands the thing he’s desired for centuries……yet he left you. Why? Why did he leave you. The question rang through his head. He wasn’t sure he just saw his scarred hands on you and knew he couldn’t help but feel like he was ruining you. Couldn’t help but feel like he had tainted the perfection that was you….so he ran before he really did something he couldn’t undo. Plus you are Rhysands sister. You were already off limits. It was almost 2am when Azriel made it back to the house of wind and even when he made it to his room he just laid in bed staring at the ceiling and thinking. He couldn’t stop the thoughts that spun through his head. What you were doing right now? Did you want to kiss him? To do more, or had he imagined it. Were you disgusted by the thought of what transpired?

Mother! he wished he had never fallen in love with you. Wished he never realized it anyway. Morning had passed and he had still spent all day avoiding you at every turn. That of course was new it was like even his shadows were confused that for the first time they were supposed to be warning him of your arrival and not actively seeking you out. All day he ran away but it was the look on your face that broke him when you were walking down the same hallway towards one another and instead of going up to talk to you he just turned around and practically ran away. That’s what made him decide to go to Rhysand.

“Rhysand I need to talk to you about something” Azriel knocked on Rhysands office later that night.

“Az of course, what’s going on?”

“It’s about Y/N.” Azriel stilled and studied Rhysand. Azriel had fought in wars seen horrors and yet he was scared, because he has had this conversation with his brother many times before and he hoped it wouldn’t end the same way.

Rhysand sighed, dropped his pen and laid back in his chair.

“Az….no. Come on we’ve done this exact conversation this exact dance at least once every century.”

Rhysand was right Ariel couldn't remember how many times they'd done this. They had the first conversation after you'd come back from the priestesses because of Cas. Thats when Azriel found out that it was Rhys who let it slip to your father that you were on a date with Cas. Then Once after the war. Then again one night when you told him he was your Achilles heel. And plenty more after that and it always ended the same way…..Rhysand vehemently refusing. He really didn't know why he didn't just give up.

“But Rhys this…she came back from the fucking dead. It’s not just some fling Rhys I have felt this way since I met her. She’s back like a gift from the mother herself.”

“She’s my Sister Azriel…NO. We have done this to many times. My answer will not change, not this century or the next.”

“Why Rhysand. Why? It not just a silly infatuation..I-I’m in love with her. We thought she died and not once did I stop loving her Rhys not a second. It’s more than that-

“Is she your mate?” Azriel stiffened…visibly stiffened He knew that this would be a card that he played he just thought-had hope that this time maybe it would be different since he himself had understood love. This time he had Feyre.

“No. No but-.” Azriel started to plead.

“No exactly then it’s not more than that Azriel. What happens if you ask her and she says no? Or she says yes and you go out and it’s awful. Or you live a long life together and then you end things. Or you’re together and one of you does find your mate. Then what Azriel? It’s messy and could ruin everything we have here. A family, we got her back. The Mother did provide a gift. But it wasn’t your gift Azriel… it was mine. I got my Sister back. You got a friend back. The two of you are best friends why ruin all of that.”Azriel had never thought about it he just assumed if he did ask and got lucky enough that you’d say yes then that would be it and it might as well be happily ever after. Rhysand had always brought up the ifs but for some reason this time the risk seemed worth it.

“Then we handle the obstacles as they come. I just know that if She says yes… there’s nothing we couldn’t tackle. Just at least give us..me a shot.” Azriel didn’t try to stop his emotions form showing. Didn’t hide the Hope behind his eyes or the twitch in his wings.

“No Az.” Rhysand only stood out of his chair as a way to signal he was done with this conversation. But Azriel didn’t budge.

“Why? The real reason! Not the BULLSHIT you’ve been telling me forever now! Because WHY ? why did You tell me to set my sights on Mor then? It holds the same issues, Same risks. So why.?” Rhysand had broken Azriels last amount of restraint and he couldn’t help the raw anger that shot through him.

“Because she’s my sister and she’s the only one I have left.” Rhysand was hanging onto his last bit of patience. Something the shadowsinger didn’t miss but he also didn’t miss how carefully Rhys picked his words.

“BULLSHIT. WHY” Azriel wouldn’t give till he got a real fucking answer this time.

“BECAUSE….because.” Rhys took a second to breath and calm himself before he began speaking sternly and starring into Azriels rage filled eyes. “Because Az my sister has lived enough of her life in the shadows.”

Azriel didn’t move. Didn’t speak. The words just hit him and he was expecting maybe he just wasn’t good enough for you and he’d have to agree but he’d try to be enough. But this he didn’t know what to do with that.

“Azriel she has been through so much. She has had to fight for every ounce of power and respect she’s ever gotten. Been beat,raped, and had her wings torn from her back. She couldn’t become leader of this court because shes a female and everyone including my father knew it should of been her. I have done what I can do to make it easier for her. Made High Lady a position in honor of her. I can beat down Devlin, make clipping illegal but I can’t force them to change there outlook. She deserve easy for once….. Brother I love you but do you realize how much harder it will be for her to become what she wants to be if she falls in love with the half born Illyrian who wields the shadows? She has it hard enough defending her worth and demanding respect from pompous Dicks like Beron and Devlin without also having to defend who she loves……….My sister is strong and a force to be reckoned with. But this time, this time she deserves to be a force in the light of day, not in the shadows.”

Azriel couldn’t do anything. Didn’t know what to say other then what he did next.

“I um can you send me anywhere until the meeting. Till she goes back.”

“Of course” was all Rhysand offered. Before Az faded into the shadows.

After that conversation with Rhys Azriel spent everyday of his mission trying to forget. Trying to convince himself he didn’t feel anything for you. Trying to keep himself from falling into a pit of self loathing. And trying to keep himself over obsessing over what your brother had said. But all Az could think about was how Rhys was right. You had lived in everyone’s shadow. When you fought and won it was assumed a male let you win. When you were let into the camp it wasn’t because you were skilled it was because of your “daddy”. Every win was chalked up to somebody else. When you touched that stone Devlon went around telling everyone look at how great he was “he could even train a female to be great”. Then in the war when you had led your own troop to victory and there was not one casualty in your troop it was because the males in your troop were already skilled and protected you. But Azriel had never seen any of it beat you down not until your father had passed. After your father passed Rhys became High Lord and had no idea what he was doing. But you…. You essentially ran the court and taught Rhys how to. You came up with the idea for the inner circle. Placed new laws and set up trade with foreign courts. Even insured Velaris’s protection. Taught Rhysand how to rule and be good. You Taught him that they didn’t have to be exclusive. When Rhys finally did get the hang of it. You got credit for exactly zero percent of what you did, Rhysand got credit for all of it. Azriel only watched as you became nothing other than the High Lords Older sister. Hell even with your Father as High Lord you were more than just his Daughter. But You never complained however Azriel saw how you were different after Rhysand got the hang of it. Like the spark of Hope in you to change the world faltered for the first time in centuries. Now you were someone of great importance in Helions court. Helion didn’t push you aside like Rhysand did. He valued your opinion and for the first time since Rhysand had became High Lord he had seen that spark in you. So he knew. Knew that if he truly loved you he’d let you shine in day. For the first time in your life you’d escape all of the expectations and responsibilities because he’d let you go.

When he finally returned home everyone was already in the foyer waiting to leave for Thesans. Even Helion to his surprise.

“Aren’t you a sight.” Mor poked and giggled

“Yeah well some of us do there job all the time” Azriel laughed back, being with his family, the people he loved reminded him of what he was protecting in the war. “Hey Mor you look beautiful I’m sur-

It was about that time Azriels shadow curled around one of his ear whispering in excitement.

“She’s here……..she’s here…….shes here”

Azriel could barely keep his shadow under control but it was always like that when it came to you. Azriel had no sooner been told of your arrival when he spotted you walking down the stairs. You were breathtaking. Literally Azriels breath hitched at the sight of you. He couldn’t do anything but admire you. You wore a dress that showed more skin then Azriel was used to. Which meant it was all that much harder to convince himself he felt nothing for you. That was already proving to be a hopeless cause because images of the other day started pouring into his mind. The image of you under him, your lips on his, and-

What the hell is that. Helions gaze on you and yours locked on him was enough to snap him out of whatever trance he was in.

“With you looking so beautiful I must ask Are you sure I have to go to this meeting with you as your high lord and not your lover”. The sentence may as well of been an ice bath for Azriel. He was completely aware now. Maybe too aware of how long Helions eyes had been locked on you. How gently his fingertips grazed your skin. How Helion kept having to bite the inside of his cheek to stop from dipping his eyes disrespectfully. Azriel had always presumed Helion was just a flirt but the way he looked at you like you were the moon and stars….well that was the same way he looked at you.

“Hmm ya know if you had asked me 5 minutes ago I might of said no” your answer seemed like innocent flirting but that didn’t change the fact that Azriel felt like he was going to be sick. Had you been imagining it was Helion when he was relishing in the fact that for once it wasn’t a fantasy, it was you. Had he completely been a fool to think that he could be anything more than your friend….And the dress you were wearing was a constant reminder that you may be from the night court but you were headed out and he’d truly lose you forever. All of it was to much. The conversation with Rhys, the realization of Helion, trying to force himself to feel nothing for you, the thought that you and helion….he was going to be sick. And that is exactly what happened next. Azriel had ran to the nearest bathroom and threw up whatever was left in his stomach from the small meal he had had that morning.

“Hey brother are you ok?” Cassain words with laced with concern. Az could here it. Az also knew that his sudden runaway scene had probably caused Cassain to follow him.

“I’m fine.” Be a wall…your fine be a wall was all Azriel could think

“Az If your sick I’m sure we could spare you at the meeting”

“I’m fine just nerves.” Az answered as he pushed passed his brother.

Cassain knew better then to push Azriel when he got like this but he also knew better then to believe the shadowsinger had “nerves”

During the meeting all Azriel could do was try not to look over at you but when Tamlin strolled in he couldn’t help but whip his head to you. He could only imagine the feelings going through your hard exterior. An exterior he had always been impressed by. Impressed by just how you could keep in so many emotions at once . You were trained for this life. Showing no fear, no hint of weakness. He knew that often you were the only female in a room full of males making decisions. But Azriel knew that the presence of Mor, Feyre, and all the other women here gave you some ease. The rest of the meeting was exactly as he expected with the exception of putting Tamlin in his place everything was just putting up with ignorant words.

No matter how much he tried not to pay attention to you for some unknown reason he caught every fucking interaction you had with Helion. Like the Mother herself was trying to torture him.

He saw Helion place his hand on yours when everyone’s words started to stick. Watched as he gave a light squeeze but worst was when he saw you grab his hand in return and share a glance like you two were the only ones in the room. Just like that the jealousy had fully taken over him. Wished it was him, hated Helions guts and was certain he had imagined all of the little clues that would ever make him think you wanted him the same way he wanted you. Then Eris opened his fucking mouth and Azriel couldn’t take it. Wouldn’t listen to him say anything else, not about Mor and wouldn’t allow him to keep trailing his eyes over you like he was undressing you. So he fought…

Right after the meeting was over.

Azriel had told his family he would meet up with them soon. He had business to attend to before everyone met at Thesans.

“Eris may I have word.” Azriel was blunt and quick to pull him aside.

“What do I owe the pleasure Shadowsinger.” Eris was cocky and over confident as always.

Azriel wasn’t in the mood for games he simply pulled the truth teller from his waist and quickly held it to Eris’s throat.

“If I catch your eyes on y/n or so much as hear a whisper of her name come from your mouth again I will personally take this very dagger and make you regret the breath that comes from your lungs” Azriels eyes were dark and showed no hint of deceit. The only thing playing through his head was what had happened earlier during the meeting.

That was why Azriel now had the truth teller digging into Eris’s throat. Because he may not be able to lash out at High Lords without consequence like Helion. But oh could he put the fear of the mother in people in private. Azriels eyes were dark and he was almost fully cloaked by Shadows and did pull the blade from Eris’s throat till he knew that Eris understood him.

As Azriel was walking away Eris called out

“Shadowsinger! You have never been one to show any sign of weakness or even a glimpse of your thoughts but you always show your cards when it comes to Y/N Moonbeam….. One day that will cost you everything.”

Azriel didn’t know whether his Words were a threat or a warning but all he offered in return was

“Always a pleasure”. Before vanishing in the shadows leaving a Vancerra behind hand still braced around his throat.

When Azriel arrived at Thesans palace his shadow immediately tried to search for you but he held them back. Instead he would listen to Cas flirt with Nesta and make mental notes so he could make fun of him later. Az loved his family and as he looked around he couldn’t help but notice there was one face missing. Yours. He knew he shouldn’t of but he let his shadows go let them search and report back and before he could process what was happening his feet were moving to you.

“So you’re not avoiding me anymore?”

Azriel almost wasn’t ready to have this conversation with you because he knew that it would be the end of you and him. Whether it was friendship or more. So he threw on the mask and proceeded knowing exactly what he had to do. He would not let you be hidden anymore. You would shine and he’d make sure he never began to stand in your way.

“I think that maybe I want-“

Here you were in front of him about to give him everything he’s ever wanted. About to tell him that you want exactly what he wants. But he couldn’t let you tell him that because if you did he’d have no self control. He’d crumble and forget every single thing the Rhys told him. Azriel also knew that you were far to kind. That if he lied and said he wasn’t ready for something like this, that youd accept his answer with out argument and the two of you would go on like nothing ever happened. Right back to best friends but Azriel didn’t have that kind of self control around you. He knew that if you went back to normal he’d replay that’s kiss until he couldn’t take it and he’d do so much more. So he cut you off and knew that he’d need you to hate him enough to stay away from him because mother knew he couldn’t stay away from you.

“This is not something I want” stoic as he could be. As steady as he could manage as every shadow turn to chaos like they were begging you to understand it was a lie.

Eventually Azriel had let his Jealousy over take him. Brought up Helion. He didn’t know why he did. He just wanted you to tell him that you weren’t imagining anyone else while all he could think about was you. But you just got angry. Which only infuriated him more. He didn’t know why he was getting so upset if it was that he couldn’t have what he wanted or the realization that the second he really put an end to this that Helion would sweep in and take you away and in doing so take away his dream.

The only thing that had made him realize that he’d gotten so close to you was that you brought up Mor and he couldn’t believe it. The two of you were trying to ignore the blatant desire forever and this whole time… all 3 or 4 centuries you had thought his heart belonged to Mor. Absurdity he couldn’t believe it. How had you not realized that it was you who consumed his every thought. And all he wanted to do was wrap you in his arms, kiss you, and show you that you were all that he ever wanted. Even his shadows had taken grasp of you. And he almost brought his lips to yours when he saw you close your eye and wait for him. But right before his lips met yours he felt talons at the walls of his mind asking to be let in.

“Azriel! You need to let her go. Make her despise you if you can’t control yourself but this cannot happen!”

Rhysand had forced Azriel to tear himself form you and in an instant he was across that balcony. Heart aching when he noted your hurt and confusion at his absence.

“You cannot be what I want.”

Make her despise you if you can’t control yourself Rhys words rang through him and he knew the only way to make you leave him..Hate him.. was what he did next.

“You’re exactly what your father raised you to be” it felt the air had been stolen from him when he your face had changed the instant the word left his lips. But he continued anyway. If you believed he loved Mor then he would let you..”it’s Mor…it’s always been Mor”

“And here I thought I was nothing like him. I guess that was just something a friend told me once.”

Azriel knew that this was your way of giving him a chance to take it back. To concede. He also knew that he wished he could take it and The way that you were looking…. Well it wasn’t helping him continue. He felt like his heart was crushing him from the inside out.

“Well they were wrong” Azriel couldn’t offer anything knew that if he budged he’d crumble so he just put on the best mask he could as you stood staring at him holding back tears.

“fuck you Azriel”

The second you ran off that balcony Azriel simply sank to the ground. And sat there completely defeated. He broke his own heart to hopefully save yours. The thing is he knew he’d do it all over again.. just for a chance for you to have everything.

“AZ what THE ACTUAL HELL MAN.” The doors to the balcony had burst open startling Az and he was displeased to see his brother fuming.

“Leave me alone Cassain”

“Absolutely not you FUCKING IDIOT! What the hell did you do?!?

“Azriel. Cassain. Enough. My sister is strong and Independent she will be fine. Now this is not our home this can be handled when we get back.”

“I don’t know what the hell has gotten into you Rhys, or you Azriel but I do know that since Y/n has been back Rhys has only given her reason to leave and Azriel has only avoided her at all cost. You two idiots act as if she won’t leave us forever. You act as if you’re prayers to the mother wasnt answered when we found her that day at Helions palace. Stop acting like fools who think this gift comes without consequence or like it can’t be taken back. Did either of you know that Y/N is exceptional at playing the piano? Or that she single handedly reconstructed Helions libraries again? Or that she is the lead of not 1 but 7 reconstruction programs after Amaranthas reign.”

Both Azriel and Rhysand we still and quiet they had no idea you had accomplished so much since under the mountain.

“No.. of course not. Because neither of you have taken the time to reintroduce yourself to this version of her. Rhysand just keeps demanding she do more for the Night court. And Azriel you just what? Told her she was exactly like the man who tore the wings off her back…. Get your fucking shit together.”

You ran until you couldn’t anymore. You found yourself in one of Thesans gardens and Helion never once stop following. But you just collapsed to your knees and bawled. Your heart thundered through your chest. Your vision began to blur. Your hands were so shaky you couldn’t even cling to your dress. The breath in your lungs began to get caught as the thought in you head consumed you.

"Don't let them see you falter. If they think for one second that you aren't the image and definition of collected you've already lost."

"You're just like me. Rhysand is weak, he cares to deeply about others. He doesn't have what it takes, doesn't have the same cold and Ruthless capabilities as you do my sweet. Me and you We could burn down city's. Be vicious and unwavering, that's how you command power.

"Y/N don't let them see you falter. If they think for one second that you aren't the image and definition of collected you've already lost."

"Vicious and unrelenting'

"My Dear Girl Emotions are beneath you. No one deserves your kindness. No one... Now remember we do not beg and we do not cry. Understood?"

"Never risk yourself for another. You foolish girl. If you let emotions overcome you, you're no better than a dimwitted child."

"You're just like me."

"Certainly sounds like pity. Pity is given to the weak, which is the last thing l'll allow you to be. Before anyone ever see's a weakness in you, make sure you're dead."

You’re everything you father raised you to be…

You couldn’t breath the air in you lung felt like it was trying to suffocate you.

“ Y/N! Y/N it’s ok. It’s ok just breath.” Helion grabbed your hand and placed it on your chest and made eye contact with you and coach you through slow and steady breaths. Felt your hand encased in his as you focused on the rise and fall of your chest.

“There we go Y/n it’s ok just breath. Everything is ok.”

“Thank- thank you” you struggled to stay steady while speaking like if you slipped up you’d go spiraling again.

“Y/N you don’t need to thank me. What happened tonight.”

You just sniffled and looked up at the sky shook you head and told him. Told him off your father and what Azriel had said.

“Y/n I have no idea why your friend would say something like that to you. But I do know that I’m the High lord of Day and ever since you’ve been around….you’ve been the light in my darkness. I find you painstakingly beautiful and brilliant. I’ve never seen you loose a fight. I’ve seen you solve every issue that arises with fast and sure solutions. You are kind even when you have no reason to be. You have saved me and my people on multiple occasions. You are not anyone to Pity, Protect, or doubt. You’re not foolish or a whore, your worth is not determined by how much you can provide. I- I am your High Lord and your boss so I will not say what I want to say to you. But if I was not your High Lord I would say that I am hopelessly in Love with a fae women who has done nothing but save those around her. That I’m in love with..You.” With that Helion went to stand and leave.

“Hel wait.”

You got up made eye contact with Helion and within seconds you were on the tips of your toes kissing the High lord of day. He quickly had you in an embrace gripping you by your waist. The kiss continued to deepen when you felt a string snap in your chest it was almost painful and the next second it felt like something had replaced it like another string and clear as day you could feel a golden string between you and Helion you both broke the Kiss and just stared at each other. Realizing what had just happened. Helion was your mate…

@mis-lil-red @bankerfrog @paasrin @judig92 @boys-no-books-better @powerfulpantera @randomfortheday @answer-the-sirens @kuraikei @issybee0611

You laid in bed staring at the ceiling. It had been 3 long days since you had kissed Azriel. It had been electrifying, you had never felt so alive.You’d be lying if you hadn’t thought about kissing him and doing much more with him before. You’ve had many dreams about crossing that line with Azriel. He was your best friend and you could see yourself living a life with him. Or……could. Now you can’t even imagine being in the same room as him. You groaned to yourself and tried to figure out how you could of possibly gotten yourself into this situation.

“Uuuuuggggg”

Today was the day of the high lord meeting. Which wouldn’t be an issue but that would mean you will be sitting in a room with Azriel for who knows how long. Over the past 3 days you haven’t seen or heard from him. You’ve been obsessing over what happened between the two of you since. But what made it worse is you obsessed over what happened after that more. You remembered back to the “incident”

Things had gotten more heated after that kiss. More rough….needy. What had been a soft and deep kiss became rapid, hot, and demanding. Within moments he had picked you up and pressed you against a wall. Your legs wrapped around him, a hand buried in his hair while the other desperately roamed his leathers. His tongue fighting for dominance with yours. You were lost in him. Lost In the way his body pressed against yours, the way your mouths fit together like a perfect puzzle piece. The smell of his arousal was enough to send you into a frenzy. All of it was a daze until you felt something hard against you. Felt his bulge press into you. Could almost feel the strain of his leathers. You couldn’t help your next movement as you bucked your hips into him. And the groan that left his lips turned you into jelly. It Would surely haunt your thoughts and fantasies. The two of you were getting high off the taste of each other and soon his hands had found there way under your shirt.

His lips had started to travel down your neck and nipped at your throat. The gasp that escaped you had only made him more desperate and you could feel his smirk as he continued and grinded into you. You were grateful for the attention and shocked by the sudden pleasure that ran through you that your hand had looked for something to grasp and ended up digging into his wing. Which prompted him to shiver and let a deep moan escape.

Azriel needed more of you, needed to be in you and when his hand went down your body to undo your pants. He caught a glimpse of your leathers how well they formed your body and saw his hands touching you. About to give him everything he wants and he just put you down. It Took everything in him to pull away. When he saw you, your swollen lips and a mark forming on your neck that he put there. He met yours eyes and couldn’t do anything but say sorry and spit out that this was a mistake before he ran out the door and flew away.

All you knew was all of sudden the pleasure ceased. He had put you down looked at you in disgust, told you this was a mistake and left you there. Mor had come to get you hours later and since then Azriel avoided you at every turn wouldn’t so much as talk to you about what had happened. If he had listened you would of lied to him told him you regretted what happened, that you were emotional and were thankful he had stopped it from going any further. That you also thought it was a mistake. But he had quickly ran away on a job when he realized he couldn’t stay away from you without raising questions from the others.

So here you were now staring at your ceiling feeling stupid and dreading this meeting where you would sit across from Azriel and try desperately not to think about his body pressed against yours. All well trying to not to obsess over the fact that you thought you had successfully buried you feelings deep within yourself for the shadowsinger. Oh And realize that the act of being with you in any form brought out the look of disgust and regret onto Azriels handsome features.

Just get through today and then you go back to Day and never have to see him again the thought brought sadness but also relief. You were starting to get ready when there was a knock at your door. “Come in” with that your heard the door creep open and no other than your cousin Mor step in.

“Y/N you haven’t been out of this room all day what’s going on? Dreading the fact that you’ll be leaving us soon..” she poked

“No Mor I’m fine just busy getting ready for tonight.” You voice was cold and void of emotion. Hoping she’d take the hint and either leave or stop prodding for answers

“Ok I can help you pick what you’re going to wear? And maybe even you could tell me what’s actually on in your mind.”

“Nothing is on my mind Mor…. Actually. You could distract me from what’s actually wrong.”

“And how would you have me do that” she giggled

“I don’t know maybe by answering some of my long unanswered questions…… I have been gone awhile.” You knew you shouldn’t do what you were getting at. Knew it may raise questions but you couldn’t help it.

“Hmm ok like what?”

“I don’t know like how come Azriel and You haven’t figured it out yet. I thought for sure you two would have gotten together officially by now. And yet I’m back from the dead and nothing.” You tried to sound innocent like you had no reason to pry and damn you could of fooled yourself.

“Y/N Az and I are never going to work out.” Mor stated without doubt or a hint of desire.

Now that answer, that answer had surprised you they would of made a beautiful couple and complimented each other well

“What are you talking about? You two could have a lovely life with one another. Orrrr is it because your waiting for a prettier female to take interest in you? You knew of Mors sexuality. Knew she found pleasure in both it was something you had accidentally stumbled upon in the library one night at hewn city.

Mor laughed “No I am not waiting. But I wouldn’t mind it either.”

“Ok so why then?”

“Azriel didn’t want me Y/N.” You laughed like that was the most hilarious thing you’d ever heard. But when you scanned Mors face there was no hint of joking.

“You’re kidding right. I have watched that dumbass pine over you for centuries.”

“I’m not joking Y/N. I was a distraction. Something he threw himself at because I was a possibility and what he really wanted wasn’t.” Mor sighed like this was the most obvious piece of information. Like everyone knew it and you were the only one who was to dumb to see it.

“Ok now I think you’re insane he followed you around like a lovesick puppy dog Mor.”

“Look believe me or don’t believe me but I know when a male is in love and Az was certainly not in love with me. Honestly it hurt to know that even if I had taken him up on what he thought he wanted I would of just been a runner up. The second choice.”

“Morrigan-“

“But that doesn’t matter now. He’s done with his pursuit for me and set his sights somewhere else.” This peaked your interest who could he be pursuing if not Mor.

“Who is that bat pursuing now?” You laughed

“Elain.” She stated and looked at you almost like she was testing to see what your reaction would be. Something you couldn’t help but notice.

“Who?.” Was all you could muster without revealing the disappointment that washed over you when you hadn’t heard you’re own name.

“One of the Archeron sisters. The quiet one.”

“You mean the one who’s a shell? The one that looks like innocence incarnate.? I- I mean I guess that makes sense she’s beautiful and quiet. Sweet and well tempered. I just- she hates being fae. And that sister Mother.”

“Why the sudden interested?” Mor had pulled you from your thoughts.

“Huh oh I don’t know. Like I said I just needed a distraction. I was just surprised by the um, I don’t know I guess she such a large difference from….you.” Mor and Elain were different but not extremely. Mor was every bit as feminine and Mor had a sweet and gentle persona. One that backed just the right amount of danger and mystery. While Elain was much more reserved but both were elegant and had a certain amount of charisma. Your point was more that Elain was nothing like you. You wouldn’t describe yourself as gentle, feminine, or patient. And Mother you wouldn’t describe yourself as charming and certainly not quiet. You were the loud and confident older sister who picked fights and made being independent apart of your identity. You were not something someone thought to protect. In fact most of the time you were the thing people needed protecting from.

“You’re sure that’s the only reason Y/N” she asked like uncertainty and knowing laced her question.

“Yes and if you don’t mind I have to get ready”

Later you were almost done getting ready for this meeting, you had bathed and done your hair with touches of some makeup that highlighted your fae feature’s beautifully. You wore a gold gown that fit snuggly and reflected Amazonian Armor. You were trying to decide what jewelry to wear when there was a knock at your door. Without taking a peak you just shouted for them to come in while you put on a set of earrings in the mirror.

“Wow….. I almost feel bad for giving you what I’m about to give you if it means you have to change out of that.” Helion breathed. You whipped your head around to the sound of your friends voice.

“Hel!” You ran and gave him a hug you had truly missed him. Not as much as you thought you would but you found yourself thinking about him more often then you’d like to admit.

“What do you mean gift?” Helion didn’t give any details or make some joke he just smiled and handed you a large box that was wrapped with golden silk. You took it and gave him a quizzical look. You set the box on the bed, opened the box and what you saw took your breath away.

“Hel….I…. I don’t know what to say. It’s beautiful.

“I had it made for you to wear tonight you are not just apart of the day court and I wanted you to have something that represented where you’ve come from and where your going.”

“Hel this is incredibly thoughtful.. thank you.” You pulled out a beautiful nude toned gown with golden stars embroidered onto it. It encapsulated the golden rays of the sun from day and the star from your home beautifully. And for the first time in a while you didn’t feel guilty for leaving home or not coming back. Instead you felt understood and that it was ok that you loved both night and day.

“Hel you have no idea what this means to me…..I’m going to change and I’ll meet you down there ok” you quickly kissed his cheek and ran into your bathroom to change.

You stared at yourself in the mirror in disbelief. Helion had impeccable taste. Maybe taste that showed more skin than you were accustomed to but impeccable none the less. It wasn’t that you were a prude or anything your mother had just always been a modest women who raised you to be a proper lady. Something that your father also required to be perfection. You remembered the first time you and Mor went shopping for what to wear to starfall at hewn city and when you father saw what you were wearing and that it came down a bit to low for his liking……well he stormed across the entry way and dragged you back to your room by your hair.

“You’re my daughter my Princess. Not some common whore. You are gorgeous and elegant the face of perfection for my court. I will not catch you in anything that implies otherwise”

He was funny that way. Ruthless, but then he’d make you feel like you were everything and in the next second…nothing. After that happened before he left your room he almost looked sorry and spoke words to you that almost resembled a loving father.

“You are better than Every male in that ballroom tonight. One day you’ll be betrothed to someone worthy of you and you won’t be my little girl anymore. Someone with a title…a high lord who will know your every bit his equal if not better. Until then its my responsibility to make you better than any of us”

You had no idea why your father would treat you with such respect, break rules for you, and tell you that you were every bit as powerful as a male and then turn around and treat your mother and sister the way he did. Never understood why you were the exception to so many of his rules and beliefs. Why he demanded so much more from you, especially when we all knew it would be Rhys who ruled his court. Yet your father spent more time teaching you the ins and outs of ruling than he ever did your brother. No one knew why you were different to him and it would forever be a question that kept you up at night. Was it love? The fact that you were the oldest, selfishly motivated, or just dumb luck?

You never let yourself give those questions the time of day so instead you distracted yourself by the gown that Helion had hand made for you. Stunning was all that came to mind and it fit you in all the right places. You were relieved to find that the dress had a back that covered your scars. You could of glamoured your back all night, like how you’ll glamour your neck, but you try not to do that at all costs. You had To much anxiety about if you slipped up and somebody saw. You made sure that nobody had ever seen the scars and remaining stubs of your wings. One of the few parts of yourself you truly hated.

On your way down the stairs you could hear everyone below. Hear them gush over outfits and fret over the upcoming meeting. They sounded so happy and hopeful for the future yet terrified at the same time. But there was one voice that made you stop in your tracks. Made you hold your breath like if you didn’t make a sound his shadows couldn’t tell him of your arrival. Foolish thinking, but that’s what you needed to believe to get you down these steps. Step by step you got there. You didn’t pay much attention but if you had you’d notice that when you hit the last step the room went silent. All eyes were on you but there were two pairs that were at a loss for words. Two pairs of eyes that’s were full of shock, desire, and a tad bit of sadness. Those eyes belonged to no other than your High Lord Helion and a certain shadowsinger. However it was Helion who broke the silence and took you by the arm and joked.

“With you looking so beautiful I must ask Are you sure I have to go to this meeting with you as your high lord and not your lover”. He quipped with a smile that made you remember just how fitting the lord of day title was. His smile could light up the darkest of rooms.

“Hmm ya know if you had asked me 5 minutes ago I might of said no” you teased, however this time you saw something wash over Helions features that you had never seen before. Peculiar but you were more focused on not making eye contact with Azriel who still had not peeled his eyes from you. You could feel him burning holes into your back from his stare.

“Helion is right you look gorgeous” Feyre stated

“Thank you. But I could say the same to you.” You liked your brothers mate. She was good for him and he deserved someone like her. Brave and strong. You were happy for him….and he made her High Lady. The first one you ever knew of. His equal in every way. You’d be lying if hearing that he created the title for her didn’t sting at first. I mean It was something you’d dreamed of being since you were small. A dream over 500 years old. A dream that kept you going when you wanted nothing more than to fade away out of existence. High Lady of the Night Court.

And she was brilliant, she wore the title well. Managed to get your mothers ring from the weaver. You remembered when your mother had the insane idea. Made jokes about the kind of women who would be capable off retrieving it. She had Broken Amaranthas Curse, and wore the dresses your mother had made perfectly. Wore those family jewels and crown like it was her birthright. Rhysand had grown up to be a fine High lord and an even better Male. He was everything you had ever wanted him to be. You were just sorry that your relationship with him wasn’t like it used to be. Had never been right after your mother and sister. Often you felt like Rhysand would of traded your life for theirs in heartbeat. It was almost as if he looked at you with hatred and regret that you were the sister that survived.

Helion and I arrived at the dawn court after the others and entered the meeting room. It was almost serene with chairs laid out around the circular reflection pool. Helion gracefully strolled into the meeting with you on his arm and a crown of golden spikes upon his head. Helion had always been handsome to you but tonight there was something about the way he was the sun personified that made butterflies form in your stomach.

“Y/N…..oh it’s good to see you alive! Now how were you dumb enough to end up on Helions arm and not mine.” Tarquin smiled and rushed over you to. You had always been fond of Tarquin. Summer was One of the places you would escape to when your father didn’t have you on a tight leash. Where you and Tarquin created a friendship built on equality and honesty. Things no one had ever given you freely until Tarquin. He was kind hearted and spoke his mind. He wasn’t beat into tradition and court scheming like every other high lord which always made him a breath of fresh air.

Before you knew it you were if entrapped in his arms and off the ground.

“Tarquin it is good to see you too.” You laughed

You had some type of relationship with almost all of the high lords so seeing them all was something. Thesan had always took a special liking to you. Guiding you and even teaching you a few ways to control your powers. While your father had also made it a priority for you to learn about the dawn court and understand there customs and rules. He Had sent you to the dawn court a couple times to learn or become a lady. You had always assumed he was prepping you to marry the high lord but when you asked about it you’re father only laughed and evaded your question. Beron was a “gentleman” to you when your father was alive in hopes you’d marry his son. After that he treated you like he treated every other woman. An object to be gawked at…..

Kallias was someone you respected, he truly cared about his people and you came to hold that respect for one another when you saved his now wife from being caught by Amarantha. And Tamlin well you hated his guts had vowed to kill him and watch the breath leave his lungs with nothing but pleasure after your mother and sister. You almost did, you had him within your grasp that day your father died but your dear brother begged you not to.

“Please Y/N don’t do this. Don’t let his life be on your conscience he not worth it. If you kill him your no better than him and his father…or ours” the words had stung but you knew in that moment that Rhys was a far better fae than you. That you in fact were no better than your father. That you would of set the world on fire and watched it burned to avenge someone you loved.

So there you were gathered around with some of the most powerful individuals in all of pyrinthian. And what were you doing? Watching men cry like baby’s that there’s such thing as a high lady now. But when tamlin strolled in it was like to whole room stiffened and you would only watch as Tamlin came in. You would not give him the satisfaction of know that you even noticed his presence. It was a challenge with the constant waves of anger hitting you like a ton of bricks but you would not waver. Wouldn’t give him that satisfaction. In you attempt to look bored and anywhere but Tamlin you caught a glimpse of Azriel studying you. You would of even guessed he been studying you since the second Tamlin walked in.

Once Tamlin arrived It didn’t take long for everyone to start throwing questions and insults around. You tried not to pay much attention to them but one did catch your attention

“No your just in the business of fucking them” Tamlin said with ease. The mother was truly going to test you tonight. Everything in you was fuming with rage. If you could rip out Tamlins vocal chords without consequence you’d do it this second.

“When you fuck her, have you ever noticed that little noise she makes right before she climaxes” …..breath you told yourself to breath… You may not have known her long but she was now your family. Your sister and how dare that arrogant self-righteous pri-

“Be careful how you speak about my High Lady” your head snapped to Azriel. His voice only dared Tamlin to keep going. It would be foolish for anyone to test your friend after the tone that came from him. The tone was even enough to send a shiver down your spine. Everyone knew what he was capable of and would push farther so the meeting progressed and proved to be more of a challenge than you anticipated. More and more people brought Rhysands honor into question. And the older sister in you wanted to make them regret the words they spoke. They Talked of those poor children from winter. Your brother would never. Breath…..you told yourself to breath.Had to tell yourself to Ignore the itch under you skin to release that power and shove all of their fowl words back down their very throats.

“Don’t let them see you falter. If they think for one second that you aren’t the image and definition of collected you’ve already lost.”

“Where did she confine you” Viviane asked Rhysand

“Her bedroom” it was not just you and your family that recoiled at the answer. But you knew better than any of them what it was like to be kept in anothers bedroom and you wanted to go back and do everything you could to protect your brother. You’d do anything for him even if he thought you were nothing more than a spoiled brat who didn’t deserve the air she breathed. You were still his older sister even if he didn’t want to admit that.

“Stories and words” Tamlin said lounging in his chair. “Is there any proof”

Proof?!? You were livid to hell with collected. However when you went to stand to fight back a warm hand was placed on yours. A reminder to who you were supposed to be tonight. Not Rhysands sister. Not apart of the night court but Helions second in my command. You looked at Helions hand who gave you a slight squeeze of comfort and slightly nodded your head in thanks.

Everything else that had happened was a blur Helion had spoke up and tried to put an end to the nonsense that took place in front of us now. You did give it to your brother for keeping his cool as long as he did. You could of cheered when Rhysand shut Tamlin up. Didn’t even try to hide the smile that appeared on your face. You sat quietly when Azriel had lunged at Eris. You couldn’t say he didn’t deserve it but you knew for sure that Azriel had to love Mor. One fowl word pointed her direction and there he was threatening everything they’ve been working for to protect her. You had no idea what she was talking about earlier.

Eventually you all started talking about actual important information. Like a cure to faebane. And yet that didn’t last long until once again more childish behavior started being thrown around again.

“Did you know that while your mate was warming Amarantha's bed, most of our people were locked beneath that mountain? Did you know that while he had his head between her legs, most of us were fighting to keep our families from becoming the nightly entertainment? Why should we trust him or anyone from the night court for the matter. Might I remind everyone that being a whore must run in the family? Because both of the Nightcourt royalties were whoring it out under that mountain.” Beron gestured to me.

“Enough Beron”. Helion stated like a challenge or a threat you didn’t know. Clearly Beron didn’t take the hint because he continued

“However I must say Y/N while we were stuck under that mountain I would of loved to see that pretty little mouth of yours wrapped around my cock. Tell me could I still purchase your services…..and now Rhysand wants to play hero, Amaranthas whore becomes Hyberns destroyer. But if it goes badly….. will he get on his knees for Hybern or will Y/N just spread her legs.”

You went cold and empty Helion had let go of your hand and chaos had ensued. Feyre had released an impressing amount of power and all the High Lords have now understood what she took-what they gave to her. Helion had practically thrown Beron across the room. And no matter who pleaded with Feyre she didn’t let down. She had every right to be upset Berons words were disgusting but Feyre was making things much harder than they had to be. High Lords were screaming about there power. Rhysand pleaded with his mate, Azriel kept Eris within arms reach. It was a circus and you couldn’t take it anymore.

“Enough!” You were loud and confident as your power seeped from you one flick of your wrist and that shimmering liquid went shooting toward the water that now held beron and the flames that had singed Eris. The second your power came in contact with Feyres the water seemed to be consumed by the starlight that was your power. The same was done to the remaining flames. All eyes were on you and you watched as everyone of them remembered. Remember that you weren’t just a pretty face, or slut, or another meak and powerless female they’d been so accustomed to. They remembered that your power was different from theirs in one very distinct way. That yours was the only one that could dissipate theirs on a whim. Could engulf and suffocate an entire room. That one touch could drain life. You didn’t know why you had the power you did. Many had whispered that you were your fathers secret weapon, the lady of death herself. Your powers were nothing known to be from the night court. Like a gift from the mother herself…..or a curse.

“I have had enough of all of your bickering. The matter at hand is that war is upon us AGAIN. Most of us fought in the last and still remember those that were lost. Must we go through it again because you fools can’t put away your insufferable arguments.” You were angry. No not angry, angry didn’t give this kind of calm tame rage justice.

“Y/N is right we are the difference between winning and losing this war and we are acting like children.” Tarquin came to your aid.

“This is outrageous last I checked I don’t take orders from whores who think theyre anything more than a pretty face” Beron spit.

His words were vile and you could see something ripple through Helion. You Had almost felt the moment the words hit Helions ears because in an instant it was warm. The closer you got to Helion the warmer it got. It wasn’t the kind of heat that someone basks in but it was the heat you shield from. The kind of heat that’s comes from the sun and burns and set things ablaze. You saw through Helion for maybe the first time. It wasn’t friendship or appreciation that burned in his eyes. It was something else. Perhaps something else burned in them a feeling you weren’t aware you could give anybody.

You tried to brush of what you saw play out in front of you because you had to be wrong. It wasn’t possible and you certainly weren’t worth a disagreement with another High Lord. So you did the only thing you knew you could do, you would do what he had done for you. So you reached out and grabbed his hand. And let a single star swirl around him. And like a whisper, a message had been sent

After the meeting Beron had decided he didn’t know who he was siding with but everyone else seemed promising we were headed in the right direction. Now everyone was staying was staying at Thesans palace and you were out on the balcony alone trying to have some peace. The peace didn’t last long as you felt Thesan approach behind you.

“You know your court has always been one of my favorites. Something about dawn has always drawled me in.” You told thessan the truth you had, had enough of lies and games tonight.

“I know when you were just a child you always seemed to have an understanding of the rising and setting of the sun. I’m glad your alive. If your father had been alive and heard of your death I think he would of marched and killed Amarantha himself.” You could of sworn Tarquin was messing with you but his face showed no sign of deception.

“Hmm sure” was all you could say

“Look I’ve known you since you were young so I know you aren’t happy. There’s something going on. What’s wrong, because for someone who’s always so filled with life and hope you are well….rather bland.”

“I don’t know. Do you ever just wish you’d made different choices in life…..because my life has just been wrong choice after wrong choice it feels like.” Honesty was all you knew tonight and sometimes you thought about what your life would be like if you just didn’t push as a girl to be more. Would you be dead like your sister or like Berons wife married off and silenced? If you had flown away when you planned to as a teen would you have found your own peace? Would you have found the place you felt you belonged. If you had come home would Azriel and you ever happened? Because now you looked into Thesans palace and you saw your family. Saw them laugh and fit. Saw them finding peace in the chaos. Saw Cassain flirt with nesta. Rhys and Feyre in love. Mor and Helion contemplate sneaking of…and Azriel brooding over it but still be present enough to insult Cassain. For some reason all of it had never been enough for you. Like there was something key missing-

“Thesan would you give us a second”

“Of course I’ll see you sometime soon Y/N” with that Thesan left you with the one and only shadowsinger.

“So you’re not avoiding me anymore huh” you tried to play confident but if someone had looked closely at your eyes they told a story of hurt.

“Yeah look Sunshine I, we should talk about the other day.” At least he used your nickname you thought. That had to mean we weren’t as bad as you thought.

“You think?.”

“Yes look I apologize you were in a vulnerable position and I took advantage so for that I am sorry.” He would barely look you in eyes, like if he did he would run away and never talk to you again.

“Azriel you did not take advantage I am an adult. I may of been a little emotional but not to the point that I didn’t know what I was doing.” You hesitated but what if this was one of those what if moments. What if to change everything you just had to speak. So you continued nervously and unsure but you continued. “Azriel that wasn’t just something I did without thought. I wanted to…..I have wanted to. I mean maybe I want-“

“This is not something I want.” Azriel cut you off quickly and was so void of emotion like he didn’t care at all how they hit you. “It’s just you’re…..”

“Im what Azriel?”

“It’s nothing it’s just….”

“What!?” Maybe you shouldn’t of pushed but, what was it about you that had turned him off so immediately. You needed to know….right?

“You know what Y/N don’t even act like what happened was because you wanted it to happen. I’m sure you were just using me as a stand in for Helion.”

…….Now that, that was something unexpected. He was upset you could tell. His shadows swirled around without control. Almost like they were trying to grab you, take you away somewhere were you couldn’t disturb him anymore. Whispering to him your every move.

“What are you talking about?!?” You were confused and angry why does he even give a shit about Helion especially if he didn’t want you. It didn’t matter.

“Oh please like I couldn’t tell that the two of you were practically begging each other for more. Theres so much sexual tension between the two of I’m surprised he didn’t take you right in the foyer!” He was fuming and if you didn’t know any better you’d even say, jealous. His eyes were lit with fury. Rage pulsed through his veins and you watched as the collected shadow singer unfurled. Watched his jaw clench and the rise and fall of his chest.

He made you so angry sometimes it was like he was the only person in all of Pyrithian that could make you act like a crazy fool. You felt like rage itself flowed through you like lava.

“Bullshit Helion is a friend! Maybe your just projecting? Like I haven’t been watching you pine over Mor for Centuries!.” His eyes widened like you’d actually slipped him up but for some reason all you could focus on was how close he was to you. Noticed just how close the two of you had gotten in your argument. Your faces mere Centimeters away from each other other. Practically breathing one another’s air. And then you felt it. Felt his shadows wrapped securely around you waist. Your breath hitched and you didn’t dare take your eyes away from his. But his eyes dipped down and snapped back up almost immediately like he realized his mistake. He was bringing his lips down and You closed your eyes already giving yourself to what was about to happen. And then nothing. You slowly opened your eyes in shock. You weren’t sure why…….he had told you that this is not something he wanted but His shadows had held you so close and now they were gone and he was halfway across the balcony

“Look you were telling me about what had happened to you and I felt bad for you that’s all that happened.”

“You felt bad for me?” Tears threatened to spill from your eyes. You were sure your voice was shaky sure you shook with anger and hurt. “Tell me that’s not true. I know that can’t be true…..tell me that my best friend for over 5 centuries now hasn’t been to hell and back with me because he pitied me.” You didn’t know why you just stared at him, didnt know why you needed him to tell you he didn’t mean it and take the words back.

“Certainly sounds like pity. Pity is given to the weak, which is the last thing I’ll allow you to be. Before anyone ever see’s a weakness in you, make sure you’re dead.”

Your father words were the only thing that rang in your ears until they weren’t and you didn’t know which was worse.

“You can never be what I want.” He was like a wall a true master of the shadows who wouldn’t let a single emotion slip past him.

You had no words didn’t know what to do just stood there staring at him and trying not to make more of fool out of yourself then you already had.

“You’re exactly what your father raised you to be. It’s Mor…it has always been Mor.”

“And here I thought I was nothing like him. I guess that was just something a friend told me once.” You were numb Az had never spoken to you this way before. Never even began to be irritated with you outside of silly arguments.

“Well they were wrong.” All he did was stare at you. He didn’t offer and single emotion beside annoyance. Beside the fact that this was something he’d known forever.

“Fuck you Azriel.” You didn’t wait to see a reaction or stop for a response. You were already off the balcony and running to your room. You didn’t care that your family watched you with confusion. Wondering what the hell could of happened that had tears rolling down your cheeks. You needed to be away.

“Y/N! Hey what’s happened.” You didn’t stop as you heard Helion running after you.

@mis-lil-red @bankerfrog @paasrin @judig92 @boys-no-books-better @powerfulpantera @randomfortheday @answer-the-sirens

Wing of Dusk pt 7

There stood Devlon holding a chain with a singular golden feather attached to it.

You couldn't help it, the second you saw it you could no longer hold back the anger and power that now spilled out of you. You wanted the smile on Devlon's face to be replaced with one of fear and pain. Wanted him to choke on his laughter. You could feel your blood pumping through your veins, the noise of your heart the only sound in your ears. Hear as the laughter of the other Illyrians died out. Your family noticed the wind dying around them, and the birds in the surrounding mountains fall silent. Deathly silent. Something they had only experienced once before and knew exactly what was coming. They had tried to get to you realizing what was about to be unleashed.

But for you, the mountains are no longer there. The birds could be blotting out the sun for all you would notice. Even the pleas of Az and voices of Cas and Rhys fell on deaf ears. For you, the only thing in this ring was Devlon. Even from this distance you swear you can hear his heart quicken. you watch his eyes dart across the ring his smug smile still plastered on his face. You watch as his eyes widen as he watches what unfolds in front of him.

You felt your blood chill into sudden clarity, as a wisp of mist disperses from your hands and travel between you and him. You could feel the sensation of your mist, the chilling and wet to the touch mist with a glimmer to it pass over that golden feather, watch it twist around what you know to be the last remnant from your wings. See Devlin jerk that chain as his smile falters at the sight of mysterious mist coming toward him. His smile falls completely as he raises his eyes towards you and sees a cloud forming behind you. You see reflected in his eyes the almost translucent grey wall of mist you had summoned without thought. See the tiny shimmer of light within it, like stardust in a pool of ink. Like liquid starlight itself.

You were going to get everything that you wanted. Could see the fear in his eyes start to form. See that golden feather, still on that cauldron be damned chain. And spotted his wings, the glint of velvet on the delicate membranes. Hear their pulse and remembered your own wings. Your black and golden feathers stained with crimson red blood. Still help the ache on your back.

At this point your anger had boiled over and your vision tunneled away. 

That shimmering mist moved along the ground towards Devlon. He who had just made his last mistake. Your Mist had become a wave behind you, crashing and swirling around, intent on its kill. Intent on tearing his precious wings from their undeserved back and spine, intent on leaving nothing but barren, worthless stubs. Wanted to give him exactly what he deserved. He saw over hundreds of wing clippings of young and defenseless females. Had been the mastermind of your missing wings. It seemed only fitting to rip them away from his back and wear one of their bones around your neck.

You watch as he attempts to sprint away. But willed that power of yours to gather in front of him and rise like a serpent ready to strike. You feel everything in you ready to push that liquid starlight right down his open, gaping mouth, and know that it will nest itself in the shadows of his throat and refuse air to pass through his lungs below. You were about to attack had heard his last pant of breath, when in a flash of midnight air and a rustle of wind you see a dark figure place itself between your magic and your prey. The spear point of mist stops short at the sight of your brother in front of it, and your vision slides back into place, finally seeing more than just Devlon’s cowering. You see the Illyrians warriors on the far side of the ring, mouths agape at your magic, eyes wide in fear and trembling hands grasping weapons they all know would be ineffective if you thought to direct even a glimpse your power against them. You see Cassian, siphons gleaming in the afternoon light, with a look on his face that you haven't seen since Lanthys walked Prythian. And you see Az next to you with pleading eyes. Your hearing no longer blocked by pure rage, there were whispers and cries, could remember Azriels warnings and pleas. However, his siphons lay dormant, his posture relaxed not an ounce of fear detectable, and his shadows were dancing around him, almost like they had sensed a partner to dance with. Finally you returned your eyes to where your brother now stands between you and Devlon.

Rhys approaches you hesitantly and looks back at Devlon, who still hasn't seemed to realize that he should be dead to the world by now. Your mist follows behind him, though much of it still lingers around Devlon in a tight ring, like a dog waiting to be given slack on its leash before it tears out the throat of its prey. Rhys walks up to you, and stops a few feet from you. You can see from here that even he's shaken by the presence of that cold shimmering liquid but you doubt anyone but yourself would be able to detect the slight fear behind his eyes. He makes eye contact with you, as he says in his deep rumble, “After this war, you won't find me between you two again but until then we need him. So let your power drift away, and let's go home." You spared one last look at  Devlon, and the illyrians standing off to the side, terrified to draw attention to themselves.

“Be vicious and unrelenting” “You’re just like me.”

Realization hitting you like a ton of bricks on what you just let unleashed and you turn away from all of them, and draw that starlight back towards you, though you let it linger long enough around Devlons neck to feel him shiver underneath your power as you walk away from the training rink. 

“Az get her out of here” was all you heard Rhys say before being enveloped in shadows and winnowed away.

“You’re just like me.” Your fathers words swirled around in your head like an unrelenting storm. You were so caught up in your own hurricane of thoughts you hadn’t even realized that you and Az were now outside of the cabin you hadn’t seen in ages. Az had practically dragged you in, still drowning in your own self hatred and doubt. The world around you began to disappear. It was almost like Azriel could see you spinning out of control and attempted to pull you back in.

“Y/N…… Y/N, come on Y/N!!” Azriel could only plead with you as he watched that shimmering mist start to reappear and swallow you whole. He tried to reach out and touch you, just get to you but when he did he reeled back in pain. The cold sensation that struck through his body. Like life itself was being drained from him. It tingled, almost like his hand had been frost bitten. But it wasn’t the pain that had him starring at the starlight now. No it was the numb feeling, the emptiness and hopelessness the mist had left with him. It was the sheer amount of panic, anxiety, and worry that rushed into him when he came in contact with the glimmering mist that now wrapped you in a tight cocoon. It was what he could only assume death itself felt like. He knew nothing else he could do, but let his own power free.

His shadows had been frantic and trying to get loose since your power had emerged. And the Instant Azriel let his shadows free they shot out toward you, toward that shimmering mess. Azriel wasn’t sure what would happen but he knew what he didn’t expect was how his shadows reached that liquid mist with ease. How they wrapped and twirled around each other. Azriel had never dared think about his shadows, his power as beautiful but watching the way his pitch black shadows danced around your glistening starlight he couldn’t help but admire the way the power gleamed and flickered together. It was something of true rare beauty. And slowly the mist had unwrapped and relaxed revealing you curled up knees to your chest and forehead tucked down. You looked defeated, like to worlds problems rested on your shoulders. And he knew exactly what was going through your mind. Had over heard the way your father would manipulate and speak to you. Knew that because you had acted on what Devlon said, because you’d let him get to you, showed emotion you were foolish and no better than a child. Azriel could remember the first night he realized your father demanded more from you than anyone else.

Him, Rhys, Cassain and you had been running around the illyrian mountains and taken time to laugh and be children. He remembered how you had stopped mid-laughter, starring into the distance. A young girl had hurt herself trying to learn how to fly. She shouldn’t of been outside of the camp. Could be beat for it. But you without hesitation had gotten up and walked straight to her. Had torn of a part of your leathers to wrap around the girls wrist. Azriel had thought you would come back after. Knew you weren’t allowed out, to have fun often. Knew that you had to be back before your father arrived at the camp looking for you…..knew you knew that. But you stayed with her and proceeded to teach her the basics of flying. Showed her how to stand and take off. Did that for hours and when even Cas and Rhys had returned home he had stayed and watched you in awe at the kindness you were capable of showing. Your father had come searching for you in the mountains that night, stormed through shouting. Scared Az enough for him to try and retreat further into shadows and observed. Saw how angry and disappointed your father looked at you when he realized what you had been doing. Saw your torn leathers around her wrist and when he had tried to toss her aside you jumped in front of the little girl taking the hit that was so strong it dropped you to the ground you simply told the girl to go, to run and fly off. She did just that. But that only fueled your fathers rage.

“Never risk yourself for another. You foolish girl. If you let emotions overcome you, you’re no better than a dimwitted child.”

Your father had beat you in the mountains that night telling you that since you jumped in front of her you would endure what she should have. He did until you cried and begged him to stop. Until you had apologized and said it wouldn’t happen again. And he had only bent down and grabbed your chin softly, wiped away your tears and said

“My Dear Girl Emotions are beneath you. No one deserves your kindness. No one…Now remember we do not beg and we do not cry. Understood?”

“Understood.” Was all you offered with you head hung low and With that Az watched your father carry you back home. It took everything in Azriel not to reveal himself and try to beat your father bloody. But he knew it would only prove worse for you later. It was that night Azriel had decided how much he truly hated your father.

Now he watched with sad eyes as you tried to pull yourself together. Tried to act like you were fine desperately tried to draw that power back into you. Az just came up and sat on the floor right next to you.

“Let’s skip the part where I ask if you’re ok and then you lie to me… So what going on?

Silence… you wanted to answer but you just couldn’t bring yourself to let the thoughts in your mind out of the air.

“You know the last time I saw you unleash that power underneath your bones was in the war…. I almost forgot just how consuming it was, how powerful and capable you truly are.”

You huffed “that’s because I keep it on a very tight leash, keep it buried within me.”

“I know that but why?” He was calm. Sounded concerned and sweet, like milk and honey. He studied your features. And you felt like if you didn’t look away he’d see every insecurity and flaw you truly had.

“Because when I let go I’m worried it will consume me that I’ll become someone… someone I don’t like.” Not that you liked yourself very much any other day. “The power that lies within me. I don’t know. My father did everything he could to get me to unleash it for him. It’s why I know it needs to be locked up its dangerous and I fear if I let it….it could make me more like him than I already am.” Azriel laughed he had actually laughed at you.

“You are nothing like your father. *sigh* I think that’s the most hilarious thing you’ve ever told me.”

“I’m not joking Azriel. I’m not selfless or kind like you guys are. I’m not kindhearted. I am just like my father. Methodical and cruel.” It hurt.. hurt Az so much to hear the way you thought of yourself all because your father had told you that you were those things. Beat you till you believed him. It Left a pang in his chest to know he couldn’t do anything to stop those thoughts so he did what he could. Taken your chin in his hand to force you to look at him.

“You are nothing like him. Could never be anything like him. If you truly think yourself methodical and cruel you don’t know yourself at all. I’ve seen you jump in-front of ash arrows to save someone you didn’t even know. Watch you fight your way through armies for the same humans who spit in your face hours before war. And the most impressive thing I think I’ve seen you do was stop a girls wing clipping. That one act costed you everything and yet I’ve never once heard you say you regretted it or go back and change it.” He sounded so sure and truthful. If you didn’t know any better you’d say they were laced with love. And you could of sworn his eyes had drifted to your lips before he had let your chin go.

“Az i-“

“Don’t Az me sunshine……. You know you never told me about it.”

“About what” you knew exactly what he was implying and you hadn’t. You had told Az many things but never that. Never why you had choosen her wings over yours.

“Y/N please. You almost just killed Devlon for speaking of it and though I don’t blame you and found it quite entertaining. I have never understood why that night ended the way it did. Still can’t”

“ I….. after I won the rite. I was the first Illyrian women to touch that stone. Devlon did everything he could to ensure I hadn’t participated in it until my father overruled him because to many illyrians were bringing my skill into question since I hadn’t or didn’t have a title. Then Devlon tried to ensure I would die on that mountain. But I didn’t, I fought with everything I had and touched that stone. When I got zapped back I was so happy and confident and the looks on all there faces were priceless. But my dad he , I had never seen him so proud and I thought I had even seen worry roll off of him when he spotted me. After that for awhile my life was the best it had ever been. Father had started to include me in meetings, taking my ruling suggestions, the Illyrians actually started to show me an ounce of respect. And the Illyrian women… they started to get brave and confident. Looking men in the eyes, attempting to train, and had started retaliating, almost rebelling. Which of course didn’t go over well with Devlon. He started clipping wings in bulk as warning or punishment. There were so many clippings happening because the women started to believe they could be more than housemaids, that they mattered………and one evening I was at the camp and there was a girl who refused to get on her knees and kiss his boot. Devlon struck her so hard her nose broke and with her blood gushing down her face she still refused to kiss his boot. Devlon grabbed her by her hair so fast and dragged her over to the clipping station he had set up for girls to be made examples of. Stepping in or saying something about the treatment of women at the time had been illegal. Especially if you interfered with a wing clipping. But when I had seen her face and recognized who she was I couldn’t do nothing………I don’t know if you remember but she was the little girl I had taught how to fly years before.”

Azriel just looked at you waiting for you to continue so you readjusted and rested your head on his shoulder before you continued. He took your hand in his in a way to comfort you.

“Well I had taught her how to fly and there she was years later grown into a beautiful set of wings…that were about to be clipped because she refused to kiss a man’s boot. Before I knew it I was across the camp with my sword drawn and had sliced open Devlons leg. I had drawn attention and I fought Illyrians off for what felt like forever guarding her. That is until Devlon had called for my father….. when he arrived he commanded me to stand down and I refused unless I was given his word that she would be untouched.”

You remembered back to that evening

“Y/N Stand down at once.” Your father was loud and confident.

You stood taller and stared your father right in his eyes and refused. You could still remember the look of shock that washed over him like he hadn’t been expecting you to disobey him. You couldn’t blame him for being surprised you were trembling and surprised at your own disobedience. It was about that time your father had noticed who exactly you were protecting and you had hoped to the mother he didn’t recognize her. However unlucky for you he knew immediately.

“What have I told you about these childish emotions Y/N. Must I teach you again? Step down from that platform now or there will consequences Y/N.”

You breathed in and remembered your fathers very words he had to of told you more than a dozen times.

“Don’t let them see you falter. If they think for one second that you aren’t the image and definition of collected you’ve already lost.”

With that you unfurled your feathered wings and stretched them out wide and powerful. Blocking the girl and making you bigger. Gripped your sword tighter and repeated

“Not unless the girl remains unclipped.” Before you was your Father, Devlin, and many Illyrians. With your wings spread large and wide. You looked like true warrior and hero. Someone they tell stories about for centuries. With those unique feathered wings unlike other Illyrian wings that resembled more of a bat than bird. No one knew why you were gifted such different wings but they made everyone you had ever met stop and gawk at their beauty. Your wings were large with black and golden feathers the picture of beauty and grace.

You couldn’t believe it yourself, but there you stood defying your father. The perfect image of “Vicious and unrelenting”

That only enraged your father and Devlon

“Fine Y/N if you want to play this game lets see if you remember another lesson I’ve taught you. You can choose between your wings and the girls to be clipped.” Your father had a cocky smile on his face like he had won. So proud he was. But you relaxed your sword and looked back at the girl. She looked terrified like that was it. You’d surely pick to save your own wings. But you just met her gaze and gave a soft smile.

You dropped your sword to the ground.

“Perfect glad you’ve listen to one of my lessons. Now-“

“Mine”. You’re voice wasnt loud. Wasn’t but a whisper as you yourself realized what you were choosing.

“I’m sorry what did you say?” You father asked in disbelief and anger. You weren’t sure if it was anger that he was wrong or that you had chosen someone over yourself.

You answered again however this time you were louder and more confident.

“I said mine. I choose mine.” The entire camp had gone silent. You could hear the wind rustle every pitter patter of the animals in the mountains around you. You stepped off that platform and grabbed those clips and shoved them into your fathers hands. Even Devlon didn’t have a singular shitty response.

“This is ridiculous EVERYONE LEAVE!” Your fathers voice roared through out the camp. Everyone scattered except Devlon, the girl, and for the first time through out the chaos you saw Your family across the camp. They look petrified for you like they couldn’t believe what was happening in front of them. Rhys, Cassain, and Az just stared worried if they moved the unthinkable would happen. Your mother rushed your sister into the house and Rhys had scratched at the walls in your mind

“Please y/n just stand down. This isn’t worth it, you don’t even know this girl. Please….” You had only met Rhysands eyes and shook you head no.

“Look at me Y/N you are going to clip that girls wings and then we will talk about the little stunt you’ve pulled later.”

“I won’t”

“Do you not understand what will happen if you don’t obey? What has gotten into you?”

It was then that Devlon had spoken up and things had truly gone to shit

“Well High Lord it would seem you have no control over your eldest. I’d sooner saw the wings right off my daughters back if she spoke to me like this. And your High Lord I believe she must be made an example of. If not the Illyrians and Keir won’t hold you in such fear after they find out you bent for somebody your daughter no less.”

“Quiet Devlon” your father snarled “Y/N you will clip that girls wing or you will give me no choice but to make an example of you. I will not be made a fool of.”

You breath and moved the wings on your preparing to remember every feeling it gave you. “No”

Your father had a look in his eye you couldn’t place, had never seen before, it almost look like pain or fear. Maybe even pleading but you have never seen such emotions come from him. And the next thing you knew you were being dragged by Devlon into a room next to your mother house. Had screamed, fought, and begged. Watched your family panic and try to reason with your father. And that was it. You had never lost so much blood and experienced so much pain. But you relayed it all to Azriel. How after you were never the same. Never had the same hope or will. How it took you years to relearn and rebalance yourself. How your back would still ache from it never properly healing.

“You know the thing is I truly don’t think he wanted to do it. I had cried and begged. And he looked at me and had actually said please. It was the first time I had ever heard the word come out of his mouth.” You told Az

“Please Y/N just clip the girls wings. Don’t make me do this to you”

“ I had only told him he didn’t have to but that I couldn’t clip that girls wings. It was one of the only times I had seen my father shed a tear……But he did. I had heard it seen him cry while sawing through them. It’s not that I didn’t believe he would do it… he just had always told me how stunning they were. I had hoped he would of chosen peace, choosen me and just let the girl go but he knew no such thing.”

Az had been silent watching you but he finally spoke up. “Your wings were a masterpiece but they were not the things that made you beautiful. I’m sorry that it happened to you. I don’t know if any of us would of done the same so please do not ever think your anything like him.”

You only scooted closer to him practically on his lap and looked into his eye. “You know I loved flying more than anything. It was freeing and fun something I could do to escape whatever went on at home.”

“I know… you looked at peace while doing it.” Az only starred into your eyes. Those mesmerizing eyes. Thought about your life what you’d been through, what he’d been through. And how after it all you still had a kind heart and lovers soul. He reached his hand up to your face and tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. You didn’t flinch or pull away from his scarred hands. Had never shown any sign of fear as his shadows grazed over you body. Your eyes only stayed locked on his. And brought his face closer to yours

You were only mere centimeters away from Azriels face and you tried to resist the urge for your eyes to fall to his lips. Tried to stop the shiver that went down you body when his hand went around your back to support you. But you stayed still and still as you could when his other hand found it’s way into your hair and held your head. You wanted to kiss him. Needed to kiss him and it was like he had heard your silent request as his lips came crashing into yours. You’re body felt electric as his tongue dipped into your mouth and your hand found their way into his messy black hair. You felt alive, everything on you was on fire. And all you wanted was more.

Tags: @powerfulpantera @bankerfrog @paasrin @boys-no-books-better @judig92

A week, it had been a week since you had arrived home. It was surprisingly easy to fall back into a rhythm and you’d be lying if you said you hadn’t enjoyed being back home with your family. You had gotten to meet Rhysands mate Feyre, finding out she was High lady had taken you aback and was hard to swallow at first but she was great and Az helped you realize that it was something Rhys had made sure of to help break past wrongs and idiotic traditions, and you truly were proud of him.

After sitting in meetings you realized how true a threat hybern really was. Even sent letters to Helion and set up extra precautions and new regimens for day court troops to follow. Your presence here had proved to be successful for the lord of day and You were almost forgetting that being here,..being home meant giving something of yourself away. That is until this very moment.

“Y/N please if you would just do this.. I think we could seriously secure Autumn at the meeting.”

“I will do no such thing Rhys. I refuse to be yet another pawn in one of your schemes.”

Here you were once again being given yet another order that would further undermine your true capabilities.

“Y/N everyone is aware of the feelings you evoke in the Eldest Vanserra. If you give him just an inkling of an idea that the two of you could form a partnership he would certainly convince Beron to join our side.”

Your brother was not wrong. Eris and Beron had actually came to your Father before he went to keir about an arranged marriage with you. However your father laughed in Berons face and told him to come back “when you have someone who is worthy of my daughter” he had said

“No Rhys what your implying is for me to seduce him and When he wants to make a deal or solidify the “Alinance” to ensure he isn’t being played. what then? Would you have me betrothed to him as well?…Not to mention I’m not going to that meeting as a member of this court.”

“You will always be seen as the princess of this court and you know it. Anything that could get Beron on board is worth the shot.”

“I said no Rhysand. Find somebody else or ask for my help in which what I’m trained to do and my skillset are actually of use. Now what I will do however is see Devlon with you to discuss his Illyrian troops otherwise we have no other business with one another.”

Rhysand watched as you turned on your heels and walked out. He knew he should of said something, stopped you, or just dropped it but he didn’t. Rhysand could feel the distance and tension between the two of you. Something he hated but didn’t know how to repair.

On your way out Az had caught your trail and you could tell he knew something was off. The mother had to be playing some cruel trick on you. In the week that you’d been back home anytime you were fed up or ready to leave again and never come back Az was always right around the corner. You were sure he could only think you to emotional at this point. The thought alone made you sick to your stomach. Showing emotion, rather being vulnerable was never your strong suit. You saw it as a weakness or at least that is what your father taught you.

“Y/N don’t let them see you falter. If they think for one second that you aren’t the image and definition of collected you’ve already lost.”

“You ok sunshine?”

“Yes I’m fine. I’m just not sure when the switch happened.”

“What switch?” Az was calm and focused on any signal you were giving him to what had you so tense. His shadow had made him aware of your location and that something was wrong. He knew he shouldn’t indulge his shadows when it came to you because they would become Twice as hard to keep away from you, but anytime his shadow whispered in his ear that you were slightly off he couldn’t help but take off trying to remedy the situation.

“You know the switch….. When did Rhysand stop being my little brother. The one that used to follow me around and beg for my approval for something as trivial as what leathers he should wear that day. When did that stop and become him ordering me around and treating me like I’m the child.”

When did he stop seeing you as someone respectable and capable of anything to someone who’s only skill was that you had a pretty face. When had you being his sister stop being enough for him to care for you. And that your worth to him was equal to what you could do for him. Is what you really wanted to say.

“Sunshine a lot of has changed. He isn’t the same person you knew when you went under the mountain.”

“Az he was like this a few months before he sent me under the mountain. But it doesn’t matter after the meeting I’ll be back on my way to day.”

You had said it so matter of fact. Almost like you were waiting to get out of there and Az felt like he had just gotten you back. He had no plans on letting you slip through his fingers so quickly, and from the way Azriels shadows tried to reach out and grab you told him they didn’t either.

“Let’s go to Devlons camp Y/N.” Was all Azriel offered as a reply, so you just sighed and pushed the incessant thoughts that refused you piece deeper down.

Az used his shadows to essentially winnow the two of you into WindHaven. Cassain and Rhys had left before you so they were not so patiently waiting.

“Devlon should be meeting with us soon.” Rhys gestured inward toward the two illyrians sparing with each other. You took a look around the camp you used to know like the back of your hand. Truly nothing much has changed the women still walked around in fear and submissiveness making sure to keep there eyes down cast. While the men walked around drowning in their own arrogance. The smell of blood and sounds of grunts filled the air around you. The cold threatened eat away at your skin even through your pristine white leathers.

Being at this camp was like stepping right into your childhood. The camp still exuded nothing but cold and despair.

While looking around something or rather someone did catch your eye, a young girl with chocolate brown hair was sneaking around the outskirts of the town. She looked unsure in her footing almost terrified. If you didn’t know any better you’d say she was getting ready to run. You were about to make your way over to her when Devlon had spoke and distracted you for a split second. When you had turned back she was gone.

“High Lord what a displeasure seeing you and your band of rejects.” You hated Devlon with your entire being he was everything you hated in a person wrapped into one.

“Oh you have someone new with you this time around. Well Rhysand who’s the pretty little thing it white.” About that time you turned back around to face Devlon head on. To say you felt overjoyed that when he caught sight of you, the man who never had any issue finding words now stood before you dumbfounded would be an understatement.

“What Devlon? Cat got your tongue. Who knew a woman could still evoke such a reaction from you.” Hatred and Pride laced everyone of your words. Something that didn’t go unnoticed.

“Here I thought we had all been blessed by your death.”

“I see your still an arrogant Dick.”

“You little bitch! You don’t have daddy to hide behind anymore so I’d watch what comes out of that pretty mouth. Or else I could think of a dozen things your mouth would be better suited for” You could feel Azriel stiffen beside you and watched as his fist clenched, Heard the low growl that came from him. It was all enough to send shivers down your spine. The shadow singer always jumped to your defense but it could easily be that he hates Devlon just as much if no more than you do.

“Enough Devlon.” Rhysand shot a warning. A warning that was cold and empty, one that left no question what would happen if Devlon ignored it. You had forgotten that here and Hewn city the two of you had to be completely different people. Ruthless and cold. Well Rhysand had to be different. You were always the most like your father out of your two siblings. Something you tried with all of your will to forget. But your father had never let you begin to.

“You’re just like me. Rhysand is weak, he cares to deeply about others. He doesn’t have what it takes, doesn’t have the same cold and Ruthless capabilities as you do my sweet. Me and you We could burn down city’s. Be vicious and unwavering, that’s how you command power.

“We are here to make sure your troops are prepared” Cassain said

“They are always ready to shed blood you don’t need to be worried about such things”

“Well seeing that neither of the warriors in the ring can pivot correctly on their right foot. Clearly leaving a vulnerable opening that could cost them there lives I’d disagree.” You spit out while pointing toward to the Illyrians who were skilled from what you could tell but lacked the fundamental basics. Your brother, Cas And Az quickly assessed and you could tell they thought the same.

“And you think you could do better? Tell me Y/N how out of practice are you.”

“Devlon we both know I could easily do better. I could easily take you.” You knew you had hit a cord, could see it land and got to sit back and watch the child of a man in front of you unfold.

“You little-“ within seconds Devlon had drawn his blade and swung a blade at you and you had simply pivoted on your right foot with a smirk.

“That would be the correct way to pivot by the way Devlon” you taunted.

Rhysand had stepped forward prepared to put Devlon in his place but you had simply held your hand to Rhys chest and stated.

“No Rhys if Devlon truly wants to play this out I’ll gladly step into the ring with him.”

“This is ridiculous you’re nothing but an over privileged little bitch.” Devlon was clearly pissed and at this point his screaming had drawn the attention of his camp.

“Must I remind you who you’re speaking to Devlon.” Azriels shadows swirled around him as he spoke the very image of death and mystery.

“Are going to keep stalling Devlon or are you going to meet me in that ring.”

You and Devlon were now in the sparing ring neither of you wielded weapons it was a battle in hand to hand combat.

Devlon was a skilled fighter sure but he had never been forced into perfection. You easily dodged his attacks, even toyed with him a while figured you could tire him out a little and then land the one punch you would need to bring him down. You moved smoothly every move and breath you took a picture of perfection. Had separated your emotions from the task in front of you like the true Valkyrie within you, and were ready to play dirty if Devlon did like an Illyrian.

“Are you going to just keep running away or are you going to throw a punch.” He snarled

“I certainly will Devlon just waiting for my moment.”

What you said only further fueled his rage and it was that moment that you saw it, your moment. Devlon had been so caught up in his emotions that when he launched his attack on you he left his right side unguarded. You took the opportunity and grabbed his left arm and kneed Devlon in his right side. Which gave you enough time to twist his arm and bring him to his knees. You now stood partially behind him and to his side hold his left arm his back.

“You look much better on your knees Devlon.” You laughed and Devlon pulled a blade from his side and stabbed it right into your thigh but you only grimaced and within seconds Azriel had tossed a blade your way which you caught and now had pressed against Devlons throat.

“I’d say you lost but in effort not to point out the obvious I won’t.” With that you dropped your stance letting the dagger that was pressed into his throat now safely tucked into your belt. Loosened your grip on his arm and simply kicked over and made your way out of the ring. The stab wound had now turned your leathers red and you pushed through that pain not even letting so much as a wince past your wall.

“Don’t let them see you falter. If they think for one second that you aren’t the image and definition or collected you’ve already lost.”

Your fathers word rang through your ears as you tried to stop the limp that threaten to appear.

“You’re still just a desperate little bitch vying for her daddy’s approval.”

Without turning around you simply stated

“Maybe but I’m bitch with the title of Carynthian. Princess of the night court and now 2nd to High Lord Helion. And all you will ever be is a pathetic male from these dreadful mountains.”

“Tell me Y/N, What’s it like to be Illyrian without any wings?” You stopped dead in your tracks and Devlon knew he had found a weak spot and intended to poke at it until you broke. “Do you know that when I have a rough day I think about how hard you fought against your fate, Dream about the precious screams that left your mouth as your father sawed those feathered wings off your back. Remember the defeated look in your eyes when you realized there was no way out and all of sudden I’m in bliss.” Devlon was up and smiling widely.

Rhysand couldn’t do or say anything about Devlons words by getting involved he could jeopardize his alliance with the illyrian troops but more so if he intervened in any way you would loose all credibility you had just made for yourself in front of all those Illyrian brute that now watched in anticipation. You were possibly and only female they had seen take Devlon on and win, or any Illyrian male for that matter. And Rhysand wasn’t about to make you look weak. Not when he knew with certainty that you had more fierceness in your pinky finger than any of them would ever have

“Y/N walk away he’s not worth your time.” Az was now by your side whispering to you. His shadows slid around your wrist in an attempt to coax you into walking. Rhys and Cassain just held there breath watching and waiting to see what was about to play out, what they’d have to stop. It had almost worked. You had taken another step forward when Devlon spoke.

“Did you know I have a keepsake from that night. I wear it around my neck everyday to remind myself that no matter what High Lord or bitch like you tries to come in and change what’s been done here for centuries they’ll never succeed. That I made the great and terrifying High Lord saw off his own daughters wings.”

You tried to push that anger down inside of you. Tried to keep the rapidly growing power inside of you at bay and keep walking away. But when you turned around and saw what Devlon had pulled out of his shirt all you saw was red.

Tags: @powerfulpantera

@bankerfrog @paasrin @boys-no-books-better

After the meeting had adjourned you found yourself in your room packing when Helion had entered.

“You know you don’t have to go and I won’t ask you too.”

“I know but if this will truly put the day court in a position where we are at an advantage and can possibly prepare for whatever is coming.. I have to go.”

Helion sighed there was a sadness within him. Something that told him if he let you go you’d never come back to him….No not him, his court. He wouldn’t let himself go down that rabbit hole again. He’d fallen in love before and then she was whisked away to another court as well. He wouldn’t make the same mistake twice so he would let you go without objection because no matter how much he hoped and tried to make this your home the night court is where you grew up and had been all you’d ever known for a long time.

“If you need anything I’ll be right there.” He said and when you had turned around to face him he was gone.

A few hours later you had a bag packed and were readying yourself to leave. Had said your goodbye to Helion and headed up to Mor.

“I presume you’ll be winnowing me” you said

“Yes however I’m sure Anyone of those three idiots would be more than happy to fly you home.” She just looked at you hoping maybe you would fly home. But she knew exactly why you wouldn’t and why you hadn’t in centuries.

“I know, I know but it’s alway worth me asking. One day I want to see you in the air again.” You hated it when she pushed you on this. She was the only one confident enough to ever bring it up you after….the incident but you knew you’d never see the skies again and everyone but Mor had ever accepted that as a reality. Sometimes when you were drunk off copious amounts of faerie wine Az would try to bring up the subject but that was very rare.

Within a second Mor had winnowed you taking a few stops to pick up things in some of her favorite shops but you had eventually been winnowed right onto the townhome balcony that looked over the heart of Velaris. You couldn’t help the warmth that spread through you or the gasp that left your lips. You had almost forgotten how beautiful it was, how peaceful, and calm. You loved it here always had.

“I thought you would appreciate the view.”

“Thank you Mor…” you answered while keeping your eyes focused on the glisten of the beautiful city.

“You know Rhys isn’t the only one upset at you for not reaching out right” with that the little peace of bliss the city had given you slipped through your fingers

“Not you too Mor. I can only hear this little lecture from so many people. And I know that Cassain won’t let it go unmentioned.” Cassain had always been the one of the three brothers that could get you to apologize to Rhys for being to hard on him or understand his side. He would spar with you for hours and let you get the anger out of your system and then hit you with all of the cold hard truths.

“Fine Y/N but you owe me so many details and shopping trips. I can’t believe you’re here and alive. I love you.”

“I love you too Mor.” You and your cousin hadn’t always been close. She had seemed to always prefer your younger sister. Well almost everyone had, Your mother, Rhys, Cas, and even Az had took your sister under there wing. You had never really fit into the sister relationship with Cas and Az. You all had just been friends, and you had even been on a couple dates with Cassain in your younger and dumber days. But your father had quickly shut it down when he had found out about it. He had basically dragged you away from from Cas when he had seen the two of you laughing in an ally together. “You are under no circumstances to be with a Bastard like him. Do YOU UNDERSTAND.? You are better then him in every way” You had never forgotten the words he had spoken to you that night. And when you had tried to tried to defend Cassain he only dragged you home by the hair and explained that you’d be sent away for the next three months, that it was about time you learned how to be a lady. He had done exactly that sent you away to a few priestesses and another Lady the next morning, who spent 3 long months primping and training you. To look, act, and speak like an honorable lady.

“Y/N!” Cassain was practically screaming as he burst into to balcony. “ You better have a Damn good reason why you never reached out! And why when we were lucky enough to find you ALIVE, Rhys tells me you aren’t coming home. NOT TO MENTION , you didn’t offer us anymore than a hello in Helions court.” Cassain was fuming and you couldn’t remember a time when his anger had ever been pointed at you.

“I….. Cas I’m sorry.”

“Y/N I’m not Rhys I’m not going to just leave out of fear of pushing you farther away, I’m not Mor who will probably let all of it slide simply to have you back with zero qualms, And I’m certainly not Az who would LITERALLY let you get away with anything for some UNKNOWN FUCKING reason!” You could see the heave of Cassain chest as he spoke and quickly realized he wouldn’t be backing down, so you made eye contact with Mor

“Mor would you please give Cassain and I the balcony” as Mor walked in you could spot the rest of your family peaking out of the windows. Nosey Bastards.

“Cas I’m sorry I’ve heard it plenty from just about everyone now. I should of let you all know I wasn’t dead and as for home I have no excuse.”

“Oh fuck you Y/N I don’t want the answer you tell yourself and the rest of them. I want the truth.”

“Cas that is the truth!”

“BULLSHIT! What is it Y/N?”

“I-“

“What?!? WHAT HAPPENED UNDER THAT MOUNTAIN THAT MEANT YOU DIDN’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT US ANYMORE Y/N!?”

“That’s enough Cassain! I know I hurt you but that gives you no right to scream at me like a child!”

“YOU ARE BEING A CHILD! Just tell me the truth!”

“There is no truth.” You had just about had it with Cassain. You’re own anger and power boiling over, ready to be let go.

“We lost you and then Rhys to that mountain in the span of a couple months and then we get word you died and we were trapped in that fucking house! Unable to do anything. Do you understand how long we stewed in our own guilt and grief. Az couldn’t even Control his damn shadows….. and you were what? Fine, enjoying yourself in the warmth the day court gave you.”

“This was a mistake.”

“So what you’re going to just run away? Go back to Helion.?”

“I DON’T BELONG HERE ANYMORE CASSAIN!” The second you had spit the words out of your mouth you realized you had shared more than you were willing to and Cas had just stop dead in his tracks. He had expected many things to come out of your mouth, but not that.

“How could you possibly think you don’t belong here?”

“I- because Cas… Do you know how many things have been decided for me in this court? How many things are expected of me here? Or just how many choices were made for me without any consideration for me??……. Those choices and the consequences of them didn’t just disappear because Rhys became High lord.

“Y/N you have choices.”

“I don’t Cas, and I don’t think I ever have here.” With that you pushed your way through those balcony doors. Watched as your family tried to scatter and seem non-conspicuous.

After the argument with Cassain Mor had quickly showed you to your room. That’s has where you had been all day and it was now sundown. You were sure they would bother you soon about dinner but that was the last thing on your mind. The only thing you could think about was being here and what tragedy’s were in store for you. You didn’t know what it was about this court but it just demanded more and more of you…and you weren’t sure how much more you had to give. It was no secret to anyone that out of everyone in your family it was you that your father had taken interest in or actually cared about in his own way. You had never known why but he looked after you, spoke with, and had even bent rules for you. He had never given your brother the same attention and certainly not your sister. Maybe it was because you were the first born or that you were born….well.. special. He had deemed it important that you could fight even with his more traditional views. He had made arrangements for you to train with the Valkyries and become one. Once your mother had convinced your father to let Rhysand train in the Illyrian camps you had begged your father to train with them. For awhile he refused but eventually he used his command as High Lord to let you train there… Devlon hated you because of it. It was certainly rough for you to get used to the hate and Blantant sabotage that came with it simply because you were female, but all you could remember was wanting to make your father proud and when you’d fight and beat the other boys you’d find your father watching you with a proud smile on his face. The relationship you had with you father was a complicated one. You knew he was a cruel man had heard how Rhys, Az, and Cas talked about him. Seen how he treated your mother and siblings but you couldn’t help it you had become his weapon like a prized trophy and you wrapped your entire identity into it. He could be kind and caring to you, like you were truly his princess that there was no one better and in a second, If you made one misstep or failed to listen to one instruction of his you paid for it. You remebered back to a time when you had been bested by Az in the sparing ring while your father was present, that night at family dinner he refused to speak a word to you and when your plate had been served he had made it disappear with the snap of his fingers. Had smacked you in the face when you tried to be excused. So you sat in silence watching your family eat. It was like that for three day until you had sparred with Az and successfully knocked Az on his ass that your father had treated you like something worthy of his attention again. When it came to you nothing less than perfection was acceptable in any aspect of your life.

Your father, Rhys, and this court had taken so much from you. Your childhood, your innocence, and your free will. But the worst thing they had taken from you, the thing that had broken you and could still shake you to your core were the once beautiful wings on your back that were now nothing more than a memory.

Tags: @paasrin @powerfulpantera @bankerfrog @boys-no-books-better

Wings Of Dusk Pt 4

“Az…. No of course not. That’s not nothing it’s….its everything.”

“Then come home, Sunshine.” Sunshine…. It had been so long since you had been called that. Az had always called you that. On one of your late night talks you had asked him why Sunshine, and he had told you that after his brother and his shadows, you had been the first kind soul he had met. Had been his sunshine that coaxed him out of the pit of darkness. That was the first night you had attempted to become anything more with Az. You had always had a crush on the shadow singer even as a child and realized it had turned into love before the blood rite. You were so worried about him, irrationally, so you knew but you couldn’t shake it, and that’s when you had realized it. Both of you were buzzed on faerie wine and laughter. You had told him that he had always been your Achilles heel. That you had never needed a hero, not even after you served in the war. But he made you want him, that he was your hero and that no matter how unwavering and independent you had become you would always bend for him…only him. By the end of your confession his hand had come up to your face, cupping your cheek and his thumb brushed over your lips. There had been no words by either of you and when you both had leaned in. Rhysand had burst into the room going on about his latest brawl with Cas and dragged Az out of the room. The next morning Az had said nothing to you and was cold toward you for an entire month. That’s when you realized there would only be friendship between the two of you, and that Az was too sweet to tell you he had not felt the same so you just acted like it had never happened and eventually had fallen back into being best friends like the telling of sweet nothings that night never happened.

“Azriel I can’t just up and leave here. I have a duty here as well, projects, treaty’s, and affairs to take care of, and unlike Rhysand, Helion doesn’t have a small army of family members who would do anything for him.”

“So what? You’re going to reside in the day court and wear white and gold for the rest of your days?”

“What you think I look ridiculous?” You teased

“Oh absolutely, I think night court black is much more fitting for you” he laughed. “How do you stand it here? It’s so bright.”

“ I’ll be honest it took awhile to get used to. But after being under that mountain I guess it was just refreshing to be cloaked in daylight.”

Azriel paused “I’m sorry Y/N. For what you endured. I should have told Amarantha to fuck off that night. And I should of searched harder for you after they had told me you had died… I could of brought you home safe an-“

“Az none of this has been any fault of yours. None. Plus it wasn’t that bad. I’ve been through worse”

“Sunshine… you don’t have to do that.”

You looked at him quizzically you weren’t sure towards what he was implying.

“You don’t need to downplay your experience or pain it doesn’t make you weak or pathetic it makes you strong. Not with me.”

“I believe I told you that exact thing once.”

“Hmm that must be why they sound so wise.” He huffed

“I’ve missed you Az…”

“And I, you, Sunshine” and there it was, that same feeling you got whenever you were around him. The incessant pull you felt toward him even after all of the years apart.

“Umm, I’m going to head in. Do you want to come in? And we can keep talking….” You quickly turned in and sat on the love seat in the lounge area of your room. With your back along the arm rest and knees tucked to your chest. You gave a glance to the door, and mother he really was everything. You could see his toned muscles through his leathers, his hair ruffled, his eyes soft and piercing. But the sight you had missed the most were his wings… large, strong, and handsome. You could see some new scars since you had left and you could tell they had to have been painful.

Az had taken a seat on the other end of the love seat. His leg tucked under the other that hung off the couch. Head resting on his hand that was being propped up by the back of the couch. He faced you and the words just came and started to spill out from the both of you. The two of you talked for hours and hours well into the night. Eventually your legs had ended up in his lap after the two of you kept becoming more and more comfortable with the other. His wings relaxed and were drooping lazily off the end of the couch, no longer tight and pulled into his back. His shadows had been let go soon after. He let them wander and envelope you, and you just laughed. They had always tickled. The two of you talked about everything. The struggles each of you had faced over the years, Amarantha, funny stories of Cas, of everyone. You laughed and caught up like that for hours until sleep had finally stolen him from you.

If you weren’t so concentrated on laughing with Az, you might have caught the growing glow that had seeped through under the door.

When you had awoken, there was no sign of Az and you were in bed under the covers. It was later than you’d typically wake up so you had missed breakfast with Helion. You quickly got ready for the day, put your hair in a high ponytail and put your pure white fighting leathers on. Why Helion had picked white leather for his army you had no idea. It was like his goal was for them be drenched in crimson red and kept that way. The fighting leather fit close and snuggly to your body and accentuated your ass rather well. (Think Katniss’s mockingjay fit but white lol)

Once you were dressed you headed out to Helion’s office. 

“Helion! Good morning.”

“Y/N.” His tone was flat and void of emotion which was unusual for Hel

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah I’m fine just tired”

“You didn’t sleep last night?”

“No, sleep did not find me, and then I was rudely stood up for breakfast…. do you know who would do such a thing? To a high lord no less?” he said shooting a playful eyebrow at me.

“Oh Hel I’m sorry, I slept right in this morning. I was catching up with family last night and lost track of time.” You didn’t know why you hadn’t told Helion it was Azriel you stayed up all night with with. There was no reason not to tell him.

Helion just nodded his head and looked like he wanted to push it but decided against it.

“Well, um, we need to complete the meeting with Rhysand today, and then we have to go onsite to the rebuilding of the library, not to mention-”

“Yes Helion I know, meet with the scholars and see how some of the apprentices are coming along…. I did it yesterday.”

“Y/N! What did I do before you”

“Well it definitely wasn’t filing the court expense sheets.”

At about that time Rhys and your family had entered the office.

“Helion, Y/N, we need to talk about why we came here in the first place. We sent a letter to you about a meeting with all of the High Lords and you, Helion, are the only high lord that hasn’t responded.” Rhys had put on his cold exterior, something you had come to know meant he was going to get what he wanted.

“Well yes, I don’t have intentions on attending, Rhysand. Surely you know know what rejection is. Or has your pretty face never experienced it?” You held back your laughter and added

“Look Rhys I understand why your trying to set up a meeting, it’s quite smart on your end, but on our end it just doesn’t make sense to align ourselves with you when we’ve been given no reason to believe that Hybern has plans that include the day court at all. Not to mention if the moment does arise and it becomes necessary to have an alliance we can just send a word to you. Otherwise we don’t have time to take off and halt our progress and work within our court.”

“I’m not asking you to attend Y/N, I am asking Helion.” And there it was the very reason you had stepped down from his 2nd in command. The blatant disregard for your opinions and thoughts on how to effectively lead or manage a court. Before you could defend yourself Helion had quickly come to your defense.

“How dare you come to me and ask for my presence and disregard a member of my court! And not only a member MY advisor. I don’t know who you think she is Rhysand but here, she is not your sister, and not a part of the night court. Here, she is my 2nd, my advisor, and a member of the Day court.” Helion was loud and unwavering as he stared down Rhysand, like a battle of the wills. Eventually Rhysand realized he needed Helions presence, and whatever was going on between him and his sister would have to wait.

“I apologize. But Hybern will stop at nothing. He won’t spare your court, he will destroy that wall, and he will start another war. Helion, your presence and participation is crucial in getting all the High lords to unite. If one, just one of us doesn’t show up or agree it could be the difference between a united front and nothing.”

“Y/N what do you think about Rhysands claims.” Maybe it was a genuine question, but the way Helion’s eyebrow had tipped towards you made you think that it was Helion’s way of showing and proving that you were a part of his court.

“I think what he says holds truth. It will be more complicated to get all of the Lords on board if not all of them are there. But at the end of the day it is time away from here and leaving the day court open and vulnerable. If what Rhysand says is true, leaving the court open could end badly, however not having a united front could prove worse.”

“Thank you Y/N. Rhysand why is it that you brought your entire inner circle with you today? Except Feyre with you, I know she slipped through Tamlins grasp. I may not have a shadowsinger but I have a few spies of my own.”

“Each member with me today serves a purpose, I am also aware you are a Person with a taste for extravagance and a little show. As for Feyre she is dealing with other business back home.”

“Hm. We shall attend your meeting, Rhysand. You and your court are free to leave.”

“High Lord if you don’t mind me asking. Having Y/N in the Night court with us until the meeting would be highly beneficial to each party.” Cassian had stepped forward, almost pleading with Helion.

“How so? I see no reason why her absence would be beneficial to me.” You take one look at your family and had realize Cassain had gone rogue. But it didn’t take them but a second to jump on what Cassain was getting at.

“Well, with her with us we could fill her in, giving a more in depth understanding of what we are facing. That would also give your court advantage and more preparation time.” Azriel had spoken up and you couldn’t help but whip your head to him in shock. He had met your gaze and only gave you a smirk in return.

“Of course, and Helion already being in such a direct alliance would give me more reason to visit the day court more often to attend to whatever business needs attending to.” Mor had jumped in with a flirty tone. Mother you had almost forgotten that that was thing in the first place.”

“And seeing as Y/N is very familiar with the night court already, it won’t take much to become accustomed to it.”

They were all making good points and you wished you could smack the smug smirk on Rhysands face when Helion had just looked at you and furrowed his eyebrows as in a question if you would go.

You just met his gaze and sighed. It would seem you were going back home.

Tags: @powerfulpantera

@bankerfrog @paasrin @boys-no-books-better

Warnings: Talk of past SA and torture. I’ll put a 🌸 before the paragraph so people can skip over it if they want. Angst!

"Y/N your alive..." Rhys spoke and before you knew it

He had you entrapped in a bear hug. You missed this

seeing him and getting to hug him. The moment

lasted for a while but it of course couldn't last forever

until the thousand of questions started pouring out

of him.

"Wait I don't understand Amarantha told me you

died she let me look into her mind and I watched you

die?" "how did you escape? why didn't you find

anyone or reach out» "you didn't come home

amaranthas gone you can-

"Rhys please one question at a time. (sigh) Um what you saw was real...." it was hard thinking back on that night you had been beat, prodded and rape countless times that night. You never stopped fighting them and refusing whatever twisted and disgusting thing they had in mind for you which often meant they tried to beat you into submission even more. Or that Amarantha had a list of punishments for you the next day. You could sometimes get the men so drunk they either thought they had done something to you or forgot about you entirely. On that particular night you were particularly defiant you had bit and drawn blood from one of the guards. Amaranthas captain had always thought you a challenge so he thought it would be fun and that by choking and forcing you to feel the breath leave your lungs you would surely stop your defiant acts and he’d finally knock you into submission. Instead you starred him in the eyes and used the last bit of energy you had to spit in his face and passed out.

When you had awoken you were essentially trash they had thrown out. You didn’t know why they hadn’t checked or heard the faint heartbeat or who had brought you out off the mountain but you took no time in thinking about until you were up on your feet and running as far and as fast as you could. You struggled, starved, and fought your way all the way to the day court and you had truly planned to travel all the way home but you were tired and when you had collapsed and a lady from the day court palace snuck you in and offered you a place to stay you told yourself you’d leave for home once you were better but when you realized Amarantha had just looted and burned libraries and the lady had still stopped to help you, you couldn’t leave so you helped rebuild and salvage what could be.

“I got lucky her captain choked me and they thought me dead and threw me out so I ran”

“Why didn’t you go home”

“ I couldn’t get there, I was weak and tired” Mother even just talking about this made you skin crawl and made you want to retreat into youself.

Rhys took you in and noticed the shift in your mood and body language. It was strange for him you were always so self-assured, confident, and well badass so to see you try and shrink into yourself made him unsure on how to go forward. You were his older sister had looked after him, taken lashes and verbal assaults for him with your father. Without you he would of had no idea how to rule as High Lord he remembered not knowing how to do anything worried he’d be the night courts ruin. Yet you were there every step of the learning curve and for the first year and a little after it was really you pulling all the strings. Had kept him together after your mother and sister passed.

“Y/N it’s fine none of that matters anyways what’s important is that you’re alive and we can take you home with us tomorrow”

“Rhysand… I’m not going home with you all-“

“What do you mean you’re not coming with us?” Rhysand could feel his temper and confusion start to rise within him.

“ Rhys I’m Helions 2nd in command I’m apart of the Day court…. This is my home now and I love you and miss you but I’ve made a life here for myself.”

“Y/N. No you’re coming back with us! This is ridiculous we are your family. You’re the Princess of the Night Court! You’re coming back and that’s it.”

“NO I am not!” You could feel the anger boiling under your skin and that power within you beg to be released but you tamped it back down per usual. It wasn’t that you didn’t like the power that called to you or that you lacked control or precision with it, no it was that your father taught you to keep it down because raw power is power sure but true power and skill came from what you could do with your bare hands and fighting ability. “I will not be going and you can’t make me anymore little brother.”

He hated it when you called him that. It had been so long since he had been reminded that he wasn’t the first born or High Lord because he was the most powerful but because he was the most powerful MALE. In fact if anyone could over power him or at least match him it had always easily been you but you were always overlooked simply because of your sex. “You will go Y/N. I will drag you there myself if I have to”

“You are no longer my High Lord Rhysand.” It was as if You could see the words leave your lips and land on him, and once you saw the effect it had on him you had immediately regretted them.

He stiffened and his jaw could slice paper with how hard he was biting down and the flash of betrayal that flashed through his eyes made you try and take your words back immediately.

“Rhys I’m so-“

“ Stop Y/N you’ve said what you had to say, stay here if you want but…. But how selfish can you be? Staying low while Amarantha was alive I can understand, but after you didn’t write, didn’t reach out or even come home or visit. Then we find out you’re alive and instead of coming to us you chased after Helion! I had to come find you here. Did you even have plans on seeking me out? And now! NOW you don’t even want to come home with us. Tell me will you see us off tomorrow and speak words to your family or will we be escorted out like we were to our rooms tonight? We are you’re family Y/N.

You just stood there and let him say what he had to say and then he stormed out letting the door slam behind him. When we was gone you slid down the side of you bedpost and just cried. It wasn’t often you did but you couldn’t help it. You weren’t sure why you wanted to stay in the court of day, why you so desperately didn’t want to go home. Maybe it was that back home you were reminded of all the hardships you’d been through solely because it had been your duty to the night court, or that you just didn’t feel like you belonged there anymore. You sure as hell didn’t feel like a fucking princess or even deserving of the title. It could easily just be that you felt you were doing things worth something here. Like you could grow and become something. After your father had passed Rhys has been made High Lord shortly after and even though you were older, knew what you were doing, and could match Rhysand in combat and raw power, you watched your younger brother take the thrown with no contest because you were nothing simply a woman. You used to have dreams that maybe you could become the first High Lady or just have you own Illyrian fleet to command but all of those dreams had slipped away when Rhys had became High Lord. You handled affairs and for awhile you were his 2nd hand but you soon stepped down because you just wanted more. Felt you were capable of more and you realized your brother never took you to serious after he had gotten the hang of ruling and no one in Hewn city would ever respect you. You were incapable of making a difference there or growth. But it was different here, Helion had made sure of it. Heeding everything you said, introducing you to his troops and having you control training sessions, being the lead of rebuilding projects. You could grow here and make something of yourself without having to jump through all of the political hoops. You sat crying for what seemed like hours until you pulled yourself up stripped of you gown and took well needed bath.

Once you got out of the bath you dried off and padded across the floor to your closet. Of course Helion filled the it with over the top sleep wear you laughed to yourself at the memory of him bringing bags of nightgowns and had even made a vulgar joke when he pulled out a white lace lingerie set and said “look I even got this for you when you inevitably take me up on the offer and let me bed you” you smiled when you pushed the set aside and decided on a gold nightgown with a matching robe to go with it

Once dressed you tucked yourself in bed and prayed to the mother that sleep would allow itself tonight. Luckily it did and you trailed of to sleep and let the dreams take you.

You were awoken by a Thwump coming from your balcony. It wasn’t very loud and probably wouldn’t of awoken anyone who wasn’t trained to wake up at the drop of a pen. But it didn’t take you long to grab the dagger you kept under your pillow and sneak around to the door and right before you opened the door to the balcony and slice the persons throat who was going to sneak in, you catch a glimpse of shadows making there way under the door.

With a sigh you opened the door and stepped onto the balcony and were met with the chilly air.

“Azriel I could of hurt you. Don’t you know you shouldn’t land on a girls balcony at these hours of the night.” You quipped

“You haven’t changed one bit have you.” His tone was playful and you truly had missed him and reveled in this space.

“It’s good to see you Az.” Within seconds he had you in a hug and although you knew it was unlike him you never wanted it to stop.

Azriel held onto like if he let go you would slip away again forever. He did eventually let you go and his eyes dipped down a little to far because he became increasingly aware that you only wore a thin gold night gown and light robe. He was reminded just how breathtaking you were. Not like he had ever forgotten but seeing you in person after so long….his dreams had not done you any justice. But he quickly swept away the thoughts. He shouldn’t think of you like that. The thought of you shouldn’t make him go wild with lust, or itching to be by your side. You were Rhysands older sister. The two of you were close friends…. Just friends and the way he had broken and wailed when he heard about your death and had needed to be locked away by Cassain so he didn’t fly under the mountain and do something reckless. Well that was normal any close friend would do that.

You watched as Az stepped away and you swore you saw a blush, sworn he had wanted to say something he forced himself not to.

“Y/N Rhys has told me everything. I don’t understand how you stayed hidden..I looked for you myself for years refusing to believe you had died. I don’t understand why… why you never wrote.” You hadn’t wrote anyone but he couldn’t help but feel like it meant more that you hadn’t written him. The thought itself was idiotic your brother was Rhysand thats how his brother had the right to feel not him.

“I know Az it’s complicated I needed time to heal and then I was doing such needed work here.”

“I- we could of helped you heal…”

“Az it’s not like I meant to hurt everyone. I just…. I had been well “dead” for long enough I had figured people had made peace with it and moved on.”

Moved on?!? Peace? Was that what he had done. The way his shadows searched for you in every room still. The way he prayed and cried to the mother that it had all been a bad dream. The nightmares he had about you dying alone and violated and how he had failed you. The way no one could ever find him on your birthday, or the way he couldn’t smell or be surrounded by all the things that reminded him of you without brooding and hiding within his shadows. The way he compared every female who had ever looked his way to every aspect of you. That was the peace you were talking about? That’s what he had done… moved on.

“That’s Bullshit! We love you, the news of your death broke us. And now you aren’t even going to come home! I mean Y/N come on.”

“I have no interest in going home I have a life here!”

“A life?!? Y/N! You have a life there! Work to be done there. You told your brother he wasn’t your High Lord anymore. Have you completely denounced your heritage? Your brother is there, Mor, Cassain, Amren, ……Me. Is that all nothing”

Tags: @powerfulpantera @boys-no-books-better

@bankerfrog @paasrin

Warning: angst

Azriel… once you said his name you couldn’t stop the smile that spread across your face and watched as Azriels eyes widened and just by you saying his name his shadows were frantic and whispering into his ear. It was all so unlike him and it took everything in you to pull your hand away and head back next to Helion. On your way back you cleared your throat and spoke “sorry spymaster but I’m afraid it’s hard not to know the name of the Illyrian who can wield the shadows themselves”

You had always had a special connection with the shadowsinger in fact you were what some would call best friends. That shadows that always surrounded him had never scared you like it did others, you actually had always found them stunning. It actually wasn’t Rhys and Cassian that met Azriel first…but it had been you. From the moment you met him you had always felt understood with him and you were the first person he had opened up to. You almost immediately dragged him to your younger brother to meet. Rhys and Cas immediately took to him and the trio had begun. Thinking back on it warmed your heart you all were merely children and yet had found each other. “ Y/N” “Y/N” said Helion.

“Hm yes”

“Y/N it would seem they are too flustered about your presence to speak. Would you like to fill me in on why they can’t seem to find their tongues”

“I um yes sorry my lord I am originally from the Night Court”

Helion paused before he answered and brought his eyes to mine almost in a silent question of why I’d never said anything.

“Ah so you know them…. And they know you…”

Before you could even answer Rhysand had finally found words and stepped forward with what you could faintly recognize as anger graced his features and he loudly roared

“Not just know Helion that would be my Sister who was presumed to be dead. And I would very much like to know why she’s here in this court with you.” Not a single one of Rhys words wavered and it reminded you that he was no longer new to being high lord like he had been when you were sent under the mountain.

“I would watch your tone and accusations while in my court Rhysand. Y/N is here of free will and seeing as I was not aware of that bit of information and your court members seem to be in a daze I find it necessary to reschedule this meeting for tomorrow. Rhysand you and you inner circle are welcome to stay in the palace, someone will show you to your rooms” with that Helion stood from his throne and you could feel the anger radiating off of him. Your shoulders tightened and you silently cursed yourself for being the reason Helion could of easily been made a fool of. You had to make a choice go talk to Helion or stay back and face your family and only one of those options were you ready for.

Helion was angry and it wasn’t because it became apparent to the other high lord that he had no idea who resided within his court no it was because you hadn’t told him. It wasn’t because it could be a conflict of interest or even that you were supposed to be his most trusted member of his court. It was because above all of that he thought of you as a close friend. You had helped him heal and rebuild his court after Amarantha, held him after nightmares where he had been glowing so blindly it would travel to your room and awaken you. You gave insight and troop suggestions like it was a no brainer. Stayed up until early morning with him discussing life and traumas. You were the only female he’d met who would sass him back or quip back with things not proper for a lady to even know about. You had quickly wormed your way into his home and heart without even trying. So to find that the person he had shared countless stories and secrets to kept something as simple as where who your family was pierced him deeply.

When you had followed after Helion you spared one last look at your family and you could still hear Rhysand yelling for you “Y/N! ….. Y/N DONT YOU DARE WALK AWAY! Y/N” his words rang through your ears. He tried to chase after you and Cassian had desperately got in his way repeating that this wasn’t the time nor the place. Could still feel the clawing at the walls within your mind, sure to give you a pounding headache later. Oh and poor Az when you had met his eyes before you walked out the door he seem so sad so hurt. You were sure there were a million self deprecating thoughts and self blame going through his mind. But you shook it off and push your way through those enormous gold doors and chased after Helion. Now you stood in Helions private lounge room outside of his bedroom. It was a place you two had spent many nights laughing and crying and now he’s pacing around angry at you an emotion you weren’t familiar with coming from him he was almost always calm and charismatic.

“Helion I’m sorry please just let me explain”

“Explain what? What Y/N! You never thought it relevant to tell me you Weren’t just from the night court you ARE the princess of the night court!!”

“Heli-“ you tried but were cut of and you realized that if this conversation kept escalating you very well might go blind as helion kept becoming increasing brighter by the second.

“I mean Y/N! You’ve told me stories of your family and things that have happened in your childhood! Was that all a lie?!

“NO! Everything I’ve told you has been true I only left out names that’s it. My life was on the line and after everything was over I don’t know! I was worried that if I told you who I was exactly you’d make me leave.. and I wasn’t ready, I love my family but that place…them it’s all a reminder and Rhys he. He forced me to go with Amarantha had commanded it and I didn’t want to forced to go somewhere else Hel” you used the nickname you had coined one night while he had a particularly harsh nightmare and you couldn’t even find the doorknob to his room it was so bright. So once you had finally found it and opened the door you found him slumped against it and you held him that night and reminded him that Amarantha was gone couldn’t terrorize his people or him anymore.

You could see Helion relax a little from your confession and the nickname and he just pulled you into a hug and his blinding glow slowly dimmed.

“If you still aren’t ready I’ll throw them out send them back and you won’t have to even breath in their direction.”

You laughed and knew that he would do just that if you asked but you were ready to see them maybe not ready to hear Rhys bitch at you but ready to talk to them again.

“I’m ok Hel it’s about time I face them I just needed you to know that I didn’t mean to deceive you. You’re my High Lord, my friend.”

Helion felt a tug of hurt pull at his heart at the term you had used to describe him but he pushed that feeling far down and within himself. A feeling he wouldn’t let see the light of day and only question on nights he watched you dance with some men of his court and had far to much faerie wine.

With that you gave Helion a light kiss on the cheek and exited on your way to your bedroom. A gesture that wasn’t rare between the two of you it was something you did to bring comfort and let him know he wasn’t just a high lord he was a friend and cared for deeply with his court. Once in your bedroom you took a second to breath and look around. You had opted for a less extravagant bedroom within the palace and had to listen to helions objections about it all the time. But you reassured him that what he considered not extravagant was by definition extravagant and it was true. Looking around your room it was large with its own walk in closet that Helion insisted on filling, a bathroom with a tub you were sure three people could fit in. The walls were white with gold crown molding adorning them. A gorgeous large canopy bed. But your favorite part and the reason you choose this room in particular was the gorgeous balcony that looked over the sea and pointed toward home. While you were taking a second and had opened the curtains there was a harsh knock at the door. You took a breath and readied yourself for whoever stood behind the door.

When you opened the door you were met with the face of your dear brother and before you could invite him it he had already pushed you aside and entered the room.

“Well please come in” you said sassily

“Y/N” Rhys struggled to get out.

Tags: @powerfulpantera

Wings of Dusk

Azriel X Reader

You’re Rhysands Elder sister. The first born of the Moonbeams yet no one ever talks about you much. After a century of every one thinking you dead you come back and find that special connection with a certain shadow singer still exist. A story of heart break, mystery, and past trauma…. Please be kind I’ve never written a story before I just couldn’t get this out of my head! The only thing decided about the readers appearance is that you have jet black hair and my timeline of events may differ forms the books a little.

Warnings: speak of torture and SA

You couldn’t even remember how long it had been since you had seen your family. It had been before you went under the mountain and it had been some time since Amarantha had been beat by that human girl. You of course weren’t there seeing you had escaped the mountain and Amaranthas punishments for you. It was hard to even think about… being under that mountain and the fact your own brother had commanded you to go with her to be her soldiers whore . All because the captain of her fleet took a special liking to you. You were never sure why Rhysand had given you away nor did you dare ask when you found that he himself became her whore not long after you had went under. But the past was the past and after you had escaped you found yourself in the day court where you stayed kept a low profile knowing everyone thought you dead you couldn’t risk reaching out or going back home. After everyone had been freed you had befriended the lord of day Helion and didnt see a reason to go back home. Eventually you had even become his 2nd in command and as close as the two of you were you still had never told him you were basically the princess of the night court. You guessed that’s how you ended up in this predicament standing outside of the day courts side doors to the throne room in which your family was in to see the High Lord.

You stood outside the throne room doors that connected right to the throne. Nervously pacing adorned in day court colors. You wore a beautiful shimmering gold dress with a fairly modest v neck. Gold had surprising always looked stunning on you. You were of course not ignorant to your beauty family and strangers were never shy to tell you that you were the most beguiling woman they had ever seen. In fact in the presence of Mor it was she who was compared to you. And maybe your beauty was the very reason Helion had put up with your sass and back talk for so long. It was during your pacing you heard Helion say “Well Rhysand to what do I owe the pleasure” you couldn’t hear Rhys reply over your own heartbeat and the next thing you knew you heard Helion introduce his 2nd in Command. You quickly opened the door and saw the back of Helions throne and you prayed your shaky knees would get you up the stairs of his throne. Once at the top you stood tall and proud next to Helions throne and he introduced you.

“Inner Circle of the night court it is my pleasure to introduce my second in command Y/N. Although Stunning be careful she’s quite dangerous.”

You swore you felt the whole room stop breathing and you finally allowed yourself to scan your family and there before you stood from left to right Cassian, Mor, Rhys, Amren, and Azriel. You could feel all of there eyes piercing through you with looks of pure disbelief except the dear shadow singer his face wore something of shock, disbelief, relief, and excitement all wrapped up in one like all his prayers to the mother had just been answered. It was then you made your way down the stairs to Cassian and simply held out your hand and said “and you must be the High lords general”? “ What was the name again?” Cassian looked at you dumbfounded and watched as Mor jabbed him in the side and he quickly shook himself out of it grabbed your hand and very unsurely told you his name. It was then you moved down the line in front of Mor where she as well gave her name and shook her hand. Next up was your dear brother and you bowed “High Lord” when you rose you could see the start of a tear form and felt a pounding at the walls in your mind to be let in. But at last you moved on and let Amren spit out her name almost like she knew about the game you were playing at. And lastly you met the eyes of a certain shadow singers who’s gaze had never left you with the same face he wore before and you felt proud of yourself to had finally shocked the all knowing shadow singer and gotten through the cold emotionless face he wore all the time. His shadows twirled around your figure and he just held your hand and starred into you (c) eyes. And right before he gave his name you bowed slightly never leaving his eyes and interrupted him and lightly breathed Azriel…. 

Let me know if anyone is actually interested in more parts 💕