Derpycat02

surgeon going "damn boy your tits look nice they'd look even nicer on the surgery room floor"

is the mic on

BBNO$ is holding a contest on his Insta so I figured I'd take a shot

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Yeah my name is Tim, short for OpTIMus Prime

[id: tags saying "wait wait i wanna know where they plan on using their full name, why'd you cut it off"]

answer: THEIR WEDDING.

I can't describe to you the emotion I would feel if I was hanging out with my friend Tim and he was like "hey we've been friends for a while now I want to show you something," and he hands me his driver's license, upon which I read "Optimus Prime Jones"

genuinely wheezing laughing at this description of dicken's awful pet with lead poisoning

important thing i forgot to mention: i looked this up bc adam read a thing about how dicken's pet was an inspiration for poe's "the raven" and we were like "well thats not true" but now that ive looked it up, i believe it

Yep! Dickens cited Grip as inspiration for the talking raven in his novel Barnaby Rudge, and Poe was one of its earliest critics (literary critic here being a career title, poe quite liked the work), and he spent time in his review discussing how raven could have been utilized to a stronger effect. Some time later, he used that concept in The Raven.

Dickens was distraught at Grip's passing and had him preserved. He currently resides in the US, in the Free Library of Philadelphia's rare books archive in Pennsylvania and can be visited with appointment.

@hydrofelicity Good stranger, pray do not hide this gem amongst the tags

Sonic after doing an April Fools prank on Knuckles

(Tags via @reprintable)

Oh no fucking way

The Seed Song

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Made him some sugar water and a matchstick bed, this little fucker is living in my house rent free

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Fuck ass bug I found in my backyard. I don’t know what to do with him so I put them in a container. He just keeps staring at me.

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the worst part about cardio is the laundry

“ancient Greeks exercised naked for spiritual or sexual reasons” no they exercised naked because they didn’t own automatic washing machines

This is galaxy brain thinking

university is like a video game. you can pick up sidequests. Youre gonna neglect the main storyline. youre gonna end up in a guild of sorts. i just looted a bush on campus and found a sticker

I’m literally on thr verge of tears

Yall are gonna keep laughing until Bumberchrist starts talking and Timothee Chalamet’s voice comes out

The Toaster Incident