a star's odyssey

Joy Sullivan, from "Late Bloomer", Instructions for Traveling West

the fact that i'm no longer the same age as the protagonists of novels and films i once connected to is so heartbreaking. there was a time when I looked forward to turning their age. i did. and i also outgrew them. i continue to age, but they don't; never will. the immortality of fiction is beautiful, but cruel.

you can't just switch off years of unhealthy behaviors, negative thought patterns, and counterproductive emotions. but u can recognize them and be like 'i'm not engaging. this isn't the end of the world. i'm box breathing. i'm not giving those thoughts attention; i'm acknowledging them and letting them go. i'm going to take a break when i can.' don't be hard on yourself if it doesn't work or you do something that feels like you've set yourself back. that doesn't help, either, lol

Natalie Díaz, from "American Arithmetic", Postcolonial Love Poem

—Yiwei Chai, The Jacaranda Years

jenny holzer, 1983

As an avid fan of Fullmetal Alchemist for nearly twelve years, I am intrigued by how differently the story hits me as an adult.

As a kid, it was a story about alchemy and homunculi and defeating the literal, physical evil of false humans named after the seven deadly sins.

Looking back as an adult, I am cognizant of the overt fascism present in the government of Amestris.

The fictional Ishvalan war was awful from any angle, but as a kid I saw it mainly as a backstory for character development. In the modern day, with all of the daily horrors shared from Gaza, I am striken by the reality of those scenes.

This show was one of the ways I processed my understanding of the world as a kid, and it is deeply engrained into my personality.

I say this to preface the horror I feel looking back on these scenes which were drawn from the author's culture, and the history of the Ainu Genocide.

I think of that panel of Major Armstrong crying and holding the body of a child, the panels showing piles of bodies barely covered by white sheets. And I see those same images in photos and videos from now.

In the same vein, I remember the discomfort I felt as a kid discovering that in the context of our world Maes Hughes, a lovable and popular character, would have been a Nazi, as depicted in the Conqueror of Shamballa.

At the time it was almost a joke, to say to friends who loved him "hey he's a Nazi in this movie!" and laugh at their surprise.

But as an adult, I understand why. The adults in this story are members of a fascist, militant government. They are lied to and manipulated, yes, but they also uphold the system. The important part though is that they come to realize this.

They look at Ed and Al, these young hopeful teenagers who are one bad day away from being coerced into enacting war crimes, and they do their research. They realize that the government is fucked up, and stage a coup.

Aside from all of the fantastical alchemic elements, it is a wonderfully grounded story that is painfully reflective of both historical and modern systems of corrupt power.

I think one big reason why we don't consider the stars as important as before (not even pop-astrology anymore cares about the stars or the sky on itself, just the signs deprived of context) is because of light pollution.

For most of human history the sky looked between 1-3, 4 at most. And then all of a sudden with electrification it was gone (I'm lucky if I get 6 in my small city). The first time I saw the Milky Way fully as a kid was a spiritual experience, I was almost scared on how BRIGHT it was, it felt like someone was looking back at me. You don't get that at all with modern light pollution.

When most people talk about stargazing nowadays they think about watching about a couple of bright dots. The stars are really, really not like that. The unpolluted night sky is a festival of fireworks. There is nothing like it.

ur purpose on this earth isn’t to be liked by everyone why would u waste ur time trying to live such a restrictive existence trying to impress everyone like who really gives a fuck

this has been said before but I feel like it is very important to view being kind as something you do rather than something that you are because all people have the capacity for meanness and cruelty and often use it inadvertently but the point is to change your behavior and your attitude and practice paying attention and being selfless and sincere and vulnerable and putting kindness and warmth into your actions and words instead of being like oh I value kindness and thus I am such a good person. like it’s about the attempt

i hope you meet people with intentions as pure as your own and i hope you travel to all the places you’re curious about and i hope the restaurants you go to have your favorite drink and i hope you always have good dreams when you sleep and i hope the life you live is a fulfilling one

Being a young adult is so strange. You enter a coffee shop. The 20 year old girl waiting behind you cried all night because she just came to a new city for university and she feels so alone. That 27 year old guy over there works a job he is overqualified for, he lives with his parents and wants to move out but doesn't know what to do about it. That one 24 year old dude already has a car, a house, and a job waiting for him once he graduates thanks to his dad's connections. The 26 year old barista couldn't complete his higher education because he has to work and take care of his family. The 28 year old girl sitting next to you has no friends to go out with so she is texting her mother. That couple (both 25 years old) are married and the girl is pregnant. The 29 year old writing something on her laptop has realized that she chose the wrong major so she is trying to start all over. We are not alone in this, but we are actually so alone. Do you feel me

i'm still here... thinking about seonghwa's battle cry...

the raw emotion, the perseverance, the art that is crafted with blood sweat and tears

infinitely admire and am inspired by him

اللهم اجعلني سبباً للخير لكل نفس أقابلها

Oh Allah, make me become a source of goodness for every soul that I meet.

Self improvement is great but ultimately? you have to accept your self. Yes you can eat better, exercise more, read more, set boundaries, love your self, but it all comes down to this. Some days you won’t have the energy to do any of these things. And you’ll look in the mirror and think that this is not enough. That’s a lie. The biggest love for self is to live slowly. To rest. To really rest. Have a nap. Eat what makes you feel good. Read if you want to. Embrace yourself and accept that you cannot and will not be ever be perfect. Accept that you are good enough. You don’t need to keep busy all the time. you don’t need to go out all the time and post on instagram. You don’t need to journal if you don’t want to. You don’t need to make art if you don’t want to. Breathe, give yourself grace and compassion. Give yourself the love and tenderness you so badly need. Be gentle with yourself. You are trying and it is good enough. You are good enough.

A beautiful poem that illustrates my point