love you like a heartbreak pt.2

a/n - sorry lixie

part 1

felix knew his words that night were particularly harsh. his tone had a particular contrast to his usual sweet demeanour. he wasn’t stupid. he wasn’t even sure what happened - being busy was just his excuse.

felix lee was someone who could express his emotions with such ease, such effortless grace. crying came easy to him. after all, why hide when you could embrace? but you. you were different. he was afraid - “you were falling for someone who was willing to catch you”, seungmin deadpanned. the taller boy’s words held no lies. you were at the bottom with welcoming arms. instead, he let the overwhelming fear of vulnerability take over.

he left you with just the words “i’m sorry”. it was his fault, so why was he hurting? “opening your heart is the only way to truly allow it to feel.” jisung had added. curse his emotional lyricist best friend. moments with you were the only times he had faithfully felt something. he would kill to feel something these days - whether it be pain or happiness. felix deserved the latter. you gave him every emotion under the sun. who knew that several in months, he would crave the pain that was rooted from you?

without even thanking you, he just left behind sharp words in a trembling voice. even if felix acted like everything was fine - “if you carry on, you’re going to magically drop ranks in pubg, lix… take a break. for yourself, and for the poor godforsaken game”. he couldn’t even lie. he wouldn’t lie.

felix needed to be truthful with himself. that was the least he could do. he decided to visit you. how long had it been? 2,3 months? that was enough time for you, right? the australian cursed to himself. how could he consider your feelings now of all time? he didn’t have the right.

he didn’t have the right. who was he to think such thoughts? felix hesitated in the middle of the street, calamitous and inclement. not even a lamppost to guide his way. not even the headlights of a car rushing towards him, giving him a sense of direction. not even you, who was there to lead him to where was right. he had nothing. he had really lost his mind.

felix took all this time without you, and in the end, you were all he had. he never realised. it was so hard to breathe without you. there was a weight holding him down - there was the suffocating feeling of helplessness lodged in his throat. he wasn’t free. what made him think he had the virtue to do that? felix had lost it that day.

but you had said everything you needed to say that day. agonisingly, he wrote it off as “not being right for eachother”. what was he saying? doubt ran through his head. he didn’t know what he was thinking. hell, he didn’t even know what time it was. What was he even doing outside? all he knew was that it was his fault for letting his attention wonder. letting his priorities falter.

in his broken state, felix searched for you. whether it be metaphorically, on that deserted street, where even the sounds of the bushes rustling could be heard, he tried to grasp memories of you. but no matter how hard he tried, all he could think of was your tears. those promises you made in the comfort of your room - the promises that felix would never make you feel anything less than what you deserve. the promises that were sealed tight by the dim glow served by the reading light on your bedside table. they were empty.

felix didn’t know his place and he let you go. he hated himself for regretting it so much, when he was solely responsible for the breakup. What could he say? he couldn’t control it. although his heart was a mess, there was one clear truth. he missed you, truly and faithfully. you were a distant memory now. you had to be, alas he couldn’t reach you, even in his memories. in this moment, felix lee lived in the pain of not being able to forget you. 


love you like a heartbreak

part 2

you and felix has always had what others would call a “honeymoon phase”. you couldn’t help it. your personalities both clashed in the best way. he treated you exactly how you wanted to be treated, vice versa.

he wasn’t a boyfriend who would shower you in gifts, tell you you were beautiful every passing seconds. no. when he complimented you, he truly meant it. when he took you out on dates, he truly enjoyed it. when he texted and called you, he used every ounce of emotion in it.

you loved it. he was different to others - you were told you were loved a lot, but it was different when felix said it. you felt the most validation you had felt in a while. every interaction with him made you feel fuzzy inside. some could say it was butterflies but you didn’t really know. you were new to the whole concept of dating. you could say that felix was a good boyfriend though.

due to this new concept, he was all you could talk about to your friends. you gushed on about how cute he was - how well you two got along. you were sure your friends didn’t care, but what could you say? you were in ...love?

it had been 10 months. 10 months since everything was going well. now conversation lacked substance. his texts became shorter. he stopped expressing excitement whenever he saw a cute animal, he stopped sending you stupid memes. his texts reduced to one line. at the same time, you just didn’t feel the same way you did whenever he replied to you.

your dates became less frequent. you just assumed felix was gaming more, and you respected that. at least you could go on minecraft and animal crossing dates. but you never went out to the woods to escape the bustling city. you never went to one another’s house to watch the latest horror movie (which usually ended up with you buried in lix’s shoulder). all you did was stare emptily into the computer screen, only hearing his voice.

“what are we doing, lix?” you finally questioned, during a rare time he came over to yours to study. “what do you mean?” he replied, confused. “we don’t act like us anymore. you’re always busy, you take so long to reply. i just feel like we’re drifting”.

and there it was. the million dollar response.

“maybe we are. maybe jisung and seungmin are more fun to talk to.” felix’s expression darkened.

“this is the end, isn’t it?” you knew felix better than that. you knew he was too stubborn, too careless to fight for this relationship. he probably had something new to fixate on.

“i guess it is”

know you’re my destiny pt.3

“so, i know you think we can’t work out, me being an idol and all but i want us to work”, hongjoong started out, in a fast paced tone. you stared at the silver haired rapper in disbelief. what was he saying? “joong, just because we’re soulmates... i don’t know how it’ll work...”.

“i respect it if you don’t want to have a chance with me... it’s just that i can deal with it. i don’t care that im an idol— i know i don’t know you that well either, but if you’d give me a chance?”

what was hongjoong saying? he wanted to date you? he thought you didn’t want to date him?

“no, no i want to try. you should know, i’m your fan” you cut off with a small chuckle, “it’s every atinys dream, and that’s what makes me scared, joong.” hongjoong’s facial features instantly softened. “i’ll protect you” he reached out, rubbing your arm, which was quite tense. “what if they find out about us?” you questioned, unsure about how the small man could avoid such circumstances.

“it must be this soulmate thing — to be truthful, i don’t know anything about this concept”, he paused, “but i have this feeling that if it’s with you, anything is possible. soulmate attraction?”, he looked up nervously.

“i’m as clueless as you are, how do you say we give this a go? let’s see where it takes us” you offered hongjoong. with that, his eyes lit up, giving your heart a warm feeling.

a couple months later, there you were at the ateez dorms — a place you’d never imagine yourself to be. “let’s play mafia”, mingi suggested one the midst of your small debate on what to play for game night. “i want to sleep with both eyes closed, thanks” yeosang quickly retorted, knowing how mafia could escalate between the 8 boys. “jenga!” you exclaimed. and with that, the others excitedly agreed.

with seonghwa as the moderator (as long as he was there, no cheating would occur. and he swore on his hoard of toothless plushies), you divided into 4 teams.

“take it slow y/n! take it slow... oh noooo it’s wobbly! slowly!!” hongjoong pestered you on. in all honesty, this was the loudest you had ever heard him. “well maybe if you stopped talking” you snapped back. “i’ll take over — let me take over” the rapper offered. “fine but if you lose-“ you started, “not to pressure me or anything...” he muttered.

as you sat back down, san leaned over to you “so are you guys secretly married?” he asked. “yeah you fight like a married couple”, wooyoung added on, a grin plastered on his face. “we’re a bit offended you didn’t invite us” yunho and jongho pouted, as they joined in the conversation. they were all excited their leader was finally finding happiness. “we’re not even dating?” you spluttered, confused at the sudden questioning.

“i did it!” hongjoong strode over to where you were sitting. “well done” you rolled your eyes. “now massage my back, it’s hurting since i’m carrying this whole game” he beamed. “anything for you”, you placed your hands on his back.

“i bet you 2 weeks he’s going to confess”

“make it 3”

part 1 | part 2

know you’re my destiny pt.2

you never thought you’d see hongjoong again. you had decided to just focus on your studies for now — that seemed reasonable, right? love wasnt something to worry about at the moment. you had the whole world in front of you, and you were ready to dive in head first.

time went by, people passed by, soon enough, it was time to prepare for your college entrance exams. your plans to study hard failed. netflix was too enticing. you were scraping through school, no matter how hard you tried, you just couldn’t get those A’s. these were hard times, it was an internal battle. there was only one constant in your life, and that was ateez.

you felt that no matter how pressuring school could be, ateez were always there. they probably forgot your existence now, but their existence had impacted you. watching seonghwa fancams in the library during study breaks was a must now (his dancing was motivating, but perhaps you liked a good visual to distract yourself from the ugly reality of studying). nonetheless, you found strength in their music; you found yourself listening to sunrise one too many times. what could you say? you could relate.

but it got you thinking. hongjoong worked so hard to make the music he released for his fans. you were... worried? was it a soulmate instinct? you hoped he wasn’t overworking himself. he was the last person on earth you’d want to be in pain. hongjoong was such a selfless person though, it was evident. he was so precious it almost hurt you.

hurt. pain. was that what it felt like? it had hit you. late nights of you wincing in pain, pain that wouldn’t ease itself until the next day. you had read somewhere that i’d your soulmate was in pain, whether it be mentally or physically, you would be in pain too. it seemed a bit cliche to believe. it was ridiculous. but, could it really happen? you knew being an idol wasn’t easy at all. you knew he’d go through hardships. you were used to brushing off aspects of this soulmate concept, but this wasn’t something you couldn’t brush off.

“hongjoong, you’re lacking”

“i know, i’m sorry, i’ve been feeling these pains all day, i don’t know what it is. i’ll try harder”

the sight was unbearable to see for the ateez members. to see their leader in such a distressing state had its toll on them too. he was currently curled up in the corner of the practice room, hoping he could go back and practice like normal. he had 2 more weeks of promotions to go. he could do it.

“hyung, please take care of yourself. if you really are hurting, you can go on hiatus” jongho quietly suggested to the small rapper. hongjoong couldnt. he couldn’t disappoint his fans. he had to carry on.

“wait, it’s exam season right?” mingi asked, “you know in those wattpad stories where you feel pain when your soulmate is in pain? hongjoongs soulmate is a student, she could be doing her exams right now. exams are painful you know.” he carried on in an all knowing tone. “what’s wattpad?”

“that site atiny write fan fiction on”

“you read fan fiction?”

“yeah, our fans are creative!”

“you all disturb me, shut up. anyways, i’ll ask kq”, seonghwa interrupted the bickering in the room, coming from the ‘99 liners.

mingi was right. perhaps seonghwa should read wattpad too, it seemed helpful.

kq wasn’t a heartless company. they knew when to take care of their artists. hongjoong was a critical member in ateez and they weren’t going to let him be in pain. they would take action. fans considered yunho as the nations boyfriend, they couldn’t do much harm if hongjoong were to date. this topic was sensitive, kq were aware of dating culture in the kpop industry. of course, consideration had to take place.

you had finally finished your last exam, and you were excited to finally get a meal. you were planning to get a KBBQ with your best friend. “i’m starving so like, i’ll race you there” your friend quipped out before running to the holy source of food. exams just took your brains, the fact that she had that much energy amazed you. “excuse me? did you go to an ateez fansign around 3 months ago?” a female voice interrupted your confusion.

“yes?” you carefully said. “ah good! do you have time to come with me? we’re going back to kq entertainment.”

this was a trap. you weren’t going to fall for a stalker. “no”

“i knew you would say that. should i bring hongjoong here?”

“pardon me?” you questioned in a more bewildered tone.

“he’s waiting in the car, we can chat there?”

now this was too much. you were a fan but to believe someone who said your bias was waiting in a car out of nowhere was ridiculous.

“bring him here.” you said firmly, “ok” the female simply said. quickly, you pulled out your phone to text your friend about this rather bizarre situation.

you

[15:35] i’ll be late some girl said she bringing hongjoong to me ????

cHinGoo

[15:35] wtf

you

[15:35] idk but i’ll update u

you looked up, and there he was in all his glory, kim hongjoong. you swore today was full of surprises. when you woke up this morning you did not expect to see hongjoong casually walking towards you.

“hi uhhh, can we talk?”

part 1

— a/n this is for @mingiibabieee thank u so much for commenting, it really makes me happy🥺🥺

know you’re my destiny pt.1

you saw it everywhere on the internet, those soulmate aus. the ones where the first words your soulmate says to you are tattooed on your wrist on your 18th birthday. you never believed in it, you just thought everyone had a wild imagination. phone in the name of science could such a thing happened? hence you always brushed the topic off whenever someone brought it up. until your birthday.

there it was, a short “hi, what’s your name?”. you couldn’t believe it. were you seriously that cursed? you heard that sentence multiple times a day in your life. that was a turning point, if you didn’t believe the whole soulmate thing in the first place, you absolutely despised it now. you vowed to yourself to not fall for it.

the next few weeks, a new year of school started. a perfect situation for more hi, how are you’s. you grumbled at yourself at the thought, slowly peeling off the duvet, (not) ready to face such disappointments.

“hello!”

“hi!”

“what’s your name?”

“how are you?”

these greetings flew past your ears, yet you didn’t hear a single “hi, what’s your name”. weird, but it was probably a coincidence. your best friend cut your thoughts — “WE GOT IN THE FANSIGN LOOK” she shoved her phone in your face. “seriously? we bought 2 albums” you muffled under her phone. “we must be the luckiest broke atinys out there” she stood there, wide eyes, realising that she was going to have her y/n moment with choi san.

you weren’t a hardcore fan of ateez, perhaps you liked their songs and found hongjoong cute, but that was it. you joined this fansign for the album, and the 0.001% chance that you’d be chosen. apparently you were. “is it offensive to tell san that he looks like prince charming from shrek? i mean it’s prince charming right?” your friend rambled on your way to class. all you could do is sigh and try to keep the squealing girl under control.

the day had finally come. you had watched their content and researched the members and it was safe to say you fell in love. these boys were so charming and full of talent, it was unbelievable. also, you had completely and utterly fallen for hongjoong. the short, silver haired rapper had caught your heart and he now lived inside your head. “let’s goooo to ateez!” your best friend dragged you out the house, to the venue.

7 members in, you had concluded that they were in fact the sweetest boys, making nicknames for you, and them gently grabbing your hands (no boy had acted this way towards you, to say jung wooyoung was your first is now your biggest flex). “i hope to see you next time, my aurora!” jongho flashed you a gummy smile, handing your signed album to the next member, kim hongjoong.

now, your heart was beating out it’s chest. the man that was a couple of feet away from you was absolutely breathtaking. he was there, raw, no editing done. his skin glowed, hair slightly messy from the headbands fans had given him. “hi, what’s your name?” the ethereal boy started off conversation. wait. you stopped you and your beating heart for a second. you were anticipating that phrase, but from where? meeting ateez had made your mind blurry, you forgot everything that wasn’t the 8 talented idols.

it couldn’t be. “uhhhhhynsnhmmmm???” you uttered out, in disbelief. “i never knew a person could keyboard smash in real life, could you believe the surprise when you appeared on my wrist?” hongjoong smiled, seemingly confident.

excuse me?

“s-so we are-“

“i believe we are soulmates, uhhhhhynsnhmmmm”

in that moment right there, everything stopped — did hongjoong just clown you? the lights dimmed, you stopped hearing the chatter around you, you no longer felt the boys hands in yours. he was an idol. he was soon going on his second world tour. you were just an ordinary student. you had barely scraped the money to be in this position.

“hello? i don’t know your name but... i’ll call you my shine light, if that’s ok with you of course” hongjoong snapped you out of your trance. “y-yeah it’s perfect joongie” how did he not seem phased by the knowledge that you were his soulmate? was he trained to ignore it? was this an idol thing? you decided to brush it off, rambling on about how he was your bias to him, earning you the sight of red ears and little giggles. he was so cute. alas, it was time to go. you were left with an unforgettable memory and your soulmate, who you could never rejoice with.

“i know he’s your soulmate, you lucky hoe” your best friend caught up to you, “i was listening”. “what am i going to do now?” you almost cried into her arms. you realised that it could never happen, were you supposed to settle with someone you didn’t love? “i don’t know, but you’ll be together, someday. this world has its ways” your friend stroked your hair comforting you.

“guys... i just met my soulmate. what am i gonna do?” hongjoong walked in the dressing room, addressing his members. “she’s a fan? damn atiny really are our destiny” mingi piped up, followed by a series of cheers by yunho, and yeosang. “i think you should tell kq, they’ll have a solution” seonghwa patted hongjoongs back. thank god seonghwa has braincells, hongjoong wouldnt know what to do without him.

part 2

beautiful night right now

in this moment, you felt pretty content with your life. you were cuddled up in the blankets on your bed, with a book and boyfriend! seonghwa was writing lyrics next to you. it was a windy night, occasional drafts of wind let themselves in, causing you to bury yourself underneath the covers. in one of those moments, your boyfriend caught your eye.

he looked awfully domestic. his raven black hair was tousled (most likely from your constant fiddling with it), and he was clad in a simple white t-shirt. the boy was concentrated deeply in his battered up notebook. his eyes were sparkling, and his eyebrows furrowed. “babe, you good?”, seonghwa asked, noticing your stares on him. “i’m good, you’re so beautiful, did you know that?” you replied, voice soft. you swore you could see a slight blush on his face. “stop”, the vocalist curled in the sheets, putting away his notebook.

“i mean it hwa, swear to god you’re beautiful”. you loved to compliment him. seonghwa wasn’t the demon that couldn’t keep his tongue in his mouth on stage, but a soft, soft boy who was utterly weak when you gave him those words. he loved it, you were his ray of sunshine. you knew he loved it. especially now, where the corners of his lips was slightly upturned.

“i love your lips, they’re so plump, i just want to give them love constantly. i love the way you look in the chokers your stylists give you. i love your stage presence, how you manage to capture the eyes of everyone in the room” you rambled mindlessly, spilling the contents of your heart. your boyfriend could do nothing but hide his blushing face in the crook of your neck. “i love how you care for the members, i love how they’re comfortable enough with you. i love your voice, it’s so relaxing and silky. i wish you could sing me to sleep every night. i would never get a nightmare again!” you finished off, looking at seonghwa, only tufts of his messy black hair visible. you felt his hold on you get tighter.

you left small kisses in his hair, hoping to relay your message to him more. soon enough, seonghwa peeked out from his hiding spot, eyes bright and filled with love. “i love you more, did you know that?” he let out in a small voice that was filled with pure adoration and sincerity. “i think you’re wrong because i love you more!” you grinned. “debatable” the boy smiled back, eyes fluttering, head finding its place in your neck. this was a moment you cherished.

promise

it was late at night. the streets were empty, only the faint glare of the streetlights guiding you back to humanity. once in a while a person would pass by, but rare in the long walk from the library to your apartment. you hoped no one would pass, you were aware of the news stories.

to your dismay, someone did. he sneezed. a simple sneeze. you didn’t think much of it, you were a polite person, so you uttered out a small “bless you”. that was when your breath became ragged and your feet were forced to move faster. you could feel his presence behind you. it was dark, so you couldn’t see his, but you could feel him creeping up. goosebumps.

after what seemed like a lifetime and a half, you slipped in your front door. you slammed it shut. hopefully you were safe now. “l-love?”, a croaked voice came out from the bedroom. “channie!” you cried out. “what’s wrong?” chan replied, slowly regaining consciousness. you felt bad; you knew he didn’t sleep, and the one time he did...

“it’s all my fault, i shouldn’t have said anything. i don’t know. i should have done it. i should’ve kept quiet. maybe it wouldn’t have happened, it all my fault” you bursted out, running into chans arms. your boyfriend had a talent for calming people down. he led you to the bedroom, never taking his arms away from you. even if he had no clue, the producer knew he had to protect you. “love, i don’t know what happened, please tell me, but never ever blame yourself ok, never” he whispered softly. “b-but if i never said bless you, the man wouldn’t have followed m-me” you weakly let out. this was enough to set chan off.

“no, no no no. no. baby, you should never have to be in this state because some thirsty old man doesn’t have the ability to keep to himself. no man is ever entitled to a woman like that. he should know his boundaries. this is harassment. this isnt ok. please baby just don’t ever blame yourself. it really breaks my heart. you’re strong and independent. you deserve to be able to go out at late nights and feel safe. heck, that’s all i want from you. i promise, as your boyfriend, i’ll never make you feel uncomfortable like that, always tell me, yeah. promise?” it was chan’s turn to burst out. he felt disgusted that he had to hear those words from you, regarding the situation. “i promise”, you smiled up at the boy.

even though things like this happened, you were glad you had bang chan to keep your peace of mind in this society.

always wanna be with you

you liked to think your life was full of risks. for example, you scrolled through twitter in the middle of class, right where everyone could see your screen. that was risky enough. you even sat on the very edge of a cliff in once; it really got your heart beating. but what really took the cherry on the cake was that you were dating the most anticipated vigilante — spider-man. jeong yunho.

it wasn’t a surprise to you. the tall boy was always so selfless, not an evil bone in his body. soon enough, you got used to yunho swinging through your bedroom door at two in the morning, covered in marks from his previous battles. tonight was no different.

“so, how was your night?” your boyfriend cheekily asked, glancing at your desk from his comfortable position on your bed. “you know i hate seeing you hurt, look at that! how deep are your cuts? i’m no doctor, theres a limit to how much i can clean you up“ you rambled, pausing to catch your breath, grabbing his arm to examine the cuts, “no! every night. please baby i love how you love to help others but-“ you felt the warmth of his hand slowly pull away as he leaned in to give you a peck that radiated playfulness. “come on, they’re not even that bad. you’ve cleaned up all of them.” he grinned, his eyes gleaming with absolute love for you. “yunho!” you wasn’t amused by his persistency. “okay, okay, let’s forget this happened and cuddle” he compromised, while changing into comfier clothes — not his torn up, grass infested spider suit.

you fixed his tousled hair as he pulled you onto the bed, caged in his arms. “y’know, i wouldn’t let anything harm you, you know that right?” yunho hummed after a brief silence. “i’m more worried about you dying than me” you pouted in his chest. “and what can i do to stop you from scolding me everytime i take this city a step away from disaster hmm?” the caramel haired boy held you tighter. “stop acting all pretentious, spider boy. now sing me to sleep, i love your voice.” you ordered him, jokingly. “okay, my shine light” yunho replied, his face nestling in your hair.

i wanna walk with you, i wanna share more with you. i wanna be with you. always stay with me.

his soft voice blanketed the restful atmosphere in your room — until he heard your soft snores.

you were hard on the kind hearted boy sometimes. occasionally you felt that it was annoying. unbeknownst to you, yunho slipped in subtle grins during your outbursts. he loved it. he loved that you loved him. he always thanked you for loving him in a way no one else could. you made him happier, especially ever since his uncle ben died. so there you were, in the dark of the night. you, asleep soundly, breathing in the comfortable scent of your teddy bear of a boyfriend. jeong yunho, awake, helplessly feeling pangs of fondness, a wide smile painted on his cute face.

wanna write a yunho and spider-man imagine but i don’t write for ateez... unless...

it’ll always be you

lee eunsang. the name of a boy you had held so close to your heart.

the snow crunched beneath your feet. trees resembling dark sticks surrounded you. hues of whites and grey inhabited the sights before you. you were following a small path that led you deep in the forest.

the air was crisp, stinging your red stained cheeks and nose. the sting was a nice contrast to the numb feeling inside of you. this is why you had taken a walk in such temperatures. it was a desperate attempt to clear your head. you felt peace in the serene commodities of nature.

other than nature, there was another thing that gave you the same contentment. lee eunsang. the boy with the brightest smile and the loudest laugh. the two of you had been best friends for a time. eunsang was a nice boy, to say the least. that was an understatement. you met as 6 year olds. you were feeling distraught after being left out in the games that your classmates were playing. the black haired boy was there though, to introduce you to the amazing game of tag. although now, those times were over. the boy you had once shared joy with was gone. there was no warning. he just left.

now, at age 16, you were alone. alone to swim in your own thoughts. you felt empty. you had tried to forget about eunsang in the form of studying, but even in the middle of exams, you caught yourself thinking about the boy who’d sing you to sleep. you didn’t know why you felt like this. it was just eunsang, right? you had other friends — they were there in full support of you too. school wasn’t too tough for you, you had study times planned out, and you could understand what the teachers were talking about. why was there a hollow feeling in the pit of your stomach? not even playing guitar could get rid of your worries. to think of it, everything else that made you happy just didn’t feel effective anymore.

“hello there, little one” a familiar voice interrupted your trance in the snow below. “eunsangie?” you called out, looking up, dark eyes filled with hope.

dear x1

i’ll start off with a thank you. thank you so much for being in my life. thank you for giving me a giggle when i needed it the most, thank you for making me feel like i’m not alone, thank you for motivating me. maybe i wouldn’t have the achievements i have without you boys. thank you for working the hardest you could. thank you junho, for being my bias, for making me the happiest just by posting a selca on fancafe.

but nevertheless, i’m sorry. i’m so so sorry. i’m sorry that we couldn’t protect you. i’m sorry you were victims of such a harsh industry. i wish i could protect you all. if i could, i’d save you from all the bad in the world. i’m sorry that you had to go through this. i know you don’t deserve this — no one does.

instead of being sad, i’m happy. i’m happy that you were there in my life. i’m grateful for those moments — i’m grateful for you. i hope the 11 of you do well in your future paths. i’ll always support you; seungwoo, seungyoun, wooseok, yohan, hangyul, junho, dongpyo, minhee, eunsang, hyeongjun, dohyon.

— aisyah

cheese popcorn and white chocolate chips

“camp rock or high school musical?” best friend! dongpyo hummed from his place in front of the cabinet. “camp rock, everyone in that movie is annoying so we gotta clown them” you replied, sprawled out under the pillow fort that you had made. “you’re so mean” you heard a slight snigger come closer to you.

the pair of you had planned an impromptu throwback movie night. being 17 and at the prime of your teen years (being buried in exams), you thought it’d be good to reminisce over the good days. so there you were, situated on dongpyos living room floor. pillows were thrown carelessly around in an attempt to make a fort. after all, the more pillows, the more comfort. soon enough, all the pillows in his house was piled up around you.

“we forgot snacks!” dongpyo broke the momentary silence, in a panicked state, “help me make the popcorn, you know i always burn it”. popcorn was hard to make right — as if you succeeded better. “sweet or savoury?” you piped up. “cheese” he grinned cheekily. you hated cheese flavoured popcorn. it sounded and looked disgusting. cheese didn’t belong on popcorn and you lived by that. however, it was your best friends favourite snack, and you were always dragged down by him to consume it. “we go down together or not at all” he had pouted. at least you had the white chocolate chip cookies he bought for you (he hated white chocolate).

despite your obvious differences in movie snack choices, your friendship with the small boy had always prospered. he could read you like a fangirl in her feels. dongpyo was always there. although you weren’t the emotional type, he knew what do to, when to come over. even your star signs and personality types aligned.

“okaaaay i have the food, the drinks and your most ever favourite person!” dongpyo cheered. “let’s play the movie!” you dragged him down to sit on the throne of pillows.

“if i was a celebrity i’d never be that stuck up”,

“i could sing better than that”,

“do you want to hear me hit that high note? do you, do you, do you”

“dongpyo, shUT UP”

“okay”

after a while, only the tv could be heard, with the slight crunch of the snacks that you had now devoured.

“nick jonas is kind of a visual though”

“i agree”

i think im in too deep (because of you)

“move next to jisung, so we have equal pairs” your psychology teacher ordered you, an evil glint in her eyes. she had always hated you. from the moment you walked in her room, you knew she would constantly pick on you. unfortunately, your usual partner felt it would be nice to skip school. alas, you were alone — until your teacher moved you to the cute boy in the corner of the room.

han jisung was well liked. wherever you went, you always saw a group of friends surrounding him. it was deserved. his delightful mannerisms and easygoing personality earned him a general popularity with the kids in your year. he wasn’t rowdy, a conversation with him was always chill; he was easy to talk to, a valuable trait in the society you lived in. he was also adorable. soft cheeks framed his face, with little strands of dark hair falling into his eyes. round glasses sat snugly on his nose. you had overheard the girls saying how his nose was cute. you brushed it off, not wanting to notice and catch feelings for the boy with the cute nose.

“do you have a clue about what she’s going on about, because i don’t” jisung whispered, mid snigger. “i was counting on you to tell me” you replied, with worried undertones. mid snigger turned into full laugh. you couldn’t help but notice how embracing his smile was. his smile seemed to radiate happiness and all the boy was doing was writing down the answers, in a hope that your devilish teacher would let the pair of you down easy and not lecture you on not reading the textbook properly. despite that, you felt your heart beat out of your chest and your body stiffen up. this was a foreign feeling, the last time you felt this way was at a stray kids fan meet, and you were face to face with hwang hyunjin.

now, you were dumb blonde level dumb; you weren’t afraid to show it. embarrassment was a social construct anyways. “demand characteristics?” you blurted out. “what?” the soft boy beside you laughed. “that’s what the answer is right?” you were genuinely confused. “that’s a totally different topic” he told you, never breaking contact with you, laughing. you could have sworn you were going to die today. moments passed. curse han jisung for being so endearing. he was always engaged in a conversation. you could have mustered up your minimal social skills to perhaps know him more.

you were catching feelings. hard. now, you were faced with the biggest decision you had to make since you started this school. were you going to be a fool and fall harder for the boy with round cheeks or would you stick to your promise of focusing on school? being a teenager was hard. you could have just stayed streaming hyunjin fancams in the library. that would be a more simple life. “nice finally talking to you, we can go home now” your thoughts were brutally cut off by jisung himself. he rushed out the door, leaving the suffocating wrath of psychology. you were left alone with circling contemplations in your head and a new story to tell your best friend.

your tomorrow, your today

the morning air nipped past you and boyfriend! minho’s ears. the both of you had been up all night binge watching high school musical (courtesy of minho, “nostalgia is good for the mind”) under the multiple pillows you had summoned. after countless hours of indulging yourselves int the oh so very interesting lives of American high schoolers, you decided to give your eyes a rest. “min, its 5 am, lets watch the sunrise!” you suggested. “so sleep isn’t an option?” he questioned, emerging from the mountain of fluff. “never, babe”.

hues of pinks littered the sky when you and your boyfriend arrived on the cliffs, on the other side of town. it was closer to nature, and the perfect spot to watch the sun rise across the horizon. neither of you spoke. instead, you basked in the sunlight, taking in the sentimental atmosphere. you were with each other, surrounded by the best things the world could give you. lee minho took top of the list. he laid beside you, eyes closed. he was at peace. long eyelashes fluttered on his cheeks, exhaling softly. a small smile took place on his face.

“remember how we met?” you pondered out loud. a chuckle replaced the serene silence. “y’know i was never even mad about that packed train, it led me to you” the cat lover winked. you had accidentally fell on him when the rush of hurried students had fled in the train you were on, and there were no intentions of the pair of you separating. truth be told, you weren’t mad either. minho had a glint in his eyes, you noticed it the first time you (awkwardly) locked eyes with him. that glint held kindness, warmth. that was the first time the foreign feelings of butterflies raged in your stomach.

for the nth time this morning, minho captured your eyes. you thought about the stormy nights you had endured with him, and how the love had remained. he gave you strength. you glanced at his figure, the sun encapsulating his golden skin, highlighting his cheek bones. he looked painfully captivating with tufts of dark hair sticking up. that morning, a promise was made to the sky; even if your dreams were far away, you promised you wouldn’t let go of him. even if both of you lost your way for a moment, you promised to find him.

you and your boyfriend had a unique story — a hopeful never ending story. the sky above you had merged from orange to blue. nature changed so effortlessly. “babe, you good?” minho noticed you caught in your thoughts. “can you promise that we won’t change?” you almost whispered. “you’re my partner in crime, just continue smiling by my side just like this moment” he assured you, embracing you in his arms. longer than tomorrow, farther than eternity, i love you.

gone

seo changbin was a cold person. it had taken you a fair amount of time to break through to him, for him to let you in. however, you were stubborn. you were determined to get through to him; naturally, he broke. you dated in secret. his tsundere mask was known throughout the school and he wasn't going to feel more vulnerable than he already did.

unbeknownst to you, he was breaking down. emotion was dangerous — the feeling of love was the rust to his iron. but he loved you, he really did. you made him happy. you showed changbin that there was innocence in this tainted world.

his world was everything but. his home lacked the warmth, love and comfort of the typical family home. his world was a tunnel with no light. his mother tried, but changbin couldn’t fathom the suffocating lies. although he never experienced it, he knew. years of deceit followed him, haunted him. soon enough, he was oblivious to the line between the truth and the lie. so he closed off. he built up walls in his head — he made a pact to never let anyone past those barriers he carefully protected. until you came along.

you were his seat mate, sat at the back of the dim classroom. seo changbin didn't speak, didn't have emotion dusted on his sculpted face. on the other hand, you were an optimist. you were the sun, whilst everyone around you was the moon. time passed, and his inhospitable demeanour was creeping up on you. he was attractive, it was almost painful. you used to lie in bed at night with only positive thoughts flying in your head, but now, you had butterflies colliding in your stomach and thoughts of the dark haired boy flooding your head. so you did what you did best - charm him.

you had dragged him out to the park in the midst of a cold autumn night. “i have an ice cream craving” you dramatically announced as he trotted up to you, clad in a thin sweatshirt. “it’s midnight” he stated, as if it was obvious. nonetheless, his attempts to stop you were useless. you skipped down the empty path with joy etched on your faces, nibbling on the frosty treat. leaves made their way to the gravel, ensuing your enthusiastic footsteps. changbin clasped you’re hands together in a flimsy attempt of warming up. love was evident in his eyes, in the guise of sparkles. the both of you showed up in school the next day with frequent sneezes. you didn’t care, you were young and fearless he remembered that night as the night he knew he was falling for you. foolishly, he let himself.

but, time wasn’t good to your relationship. the jovial atmosphere you emitted ate him inside. he was a ticking time bomb and your presence sped up the process. changbin wanted to be strong. he wanted to hold on for you. you were aware. you embraced him in your arms on the nights he felt down. “it’s better to be held than holding on” you had repeated. alas, his strength had limits. the truth was, he was weak. he knew this. once again, his attempts were useless.

you sat at your desk, excited to tell him about the netflix show you were binging the night before, but you noticed his lack of presence. perhaps he was late. but, the desk beside you that was once inhabited by the short boy was empty. the textbooks and pens that once took place in the drawers were gone. you knew that you wouldn’t see him again, for he warned you that broken people couldn’t be saved. he was merely another person in your life that had left. seo changbin was gone. a single tear rolled down your cheeks, went unnoticed by the rest of your class from the back of the room.

the love you had shared with changbin was beautiful, but as you knew, the best things wilt out the fastest.