"Wound" - Jegulus microfic - 707 words
Regulus was not one for showing his emotions, he took pride in his ability to appear indifferent even as his whole body was screaming with something contrasting. This was the first time since he was a child that he could not hide what he was feeling. Like some gaping wound, a hole in his chest, he was bearing it clearly and with shame.
What was worse was that it had gone exactly according to plan, James had been so angry and they had broken up, which is what needed to happen so that Regulus could do what he was intending to do. But what he hadn’t expected was how, more than angry, James had been sad, had cried and begged for Regulus to say that it was some misunderstanding. Regulus had nearly given in, told him everything. But he couldn’t, not with how long he had been planning this.
“You ready?” Evan asked, voice gentle.
“Yeah, I’m ready,” Regulus agreed, standing up.
“We don’t have to do this, Reg,” Evan reminded him.
“I have to,” Regulus mumbled. “James reacted the way he was supposed to. I can’t give up the entire plan just because I didn’t anticipate how much this would hurt.”
Together, Regulus, Evan, and Barty left for the cave. Together, they emerged, Regulus still exhausted from the Emerald Potion. Together, they found each of the Horcruxes. Together, they survived.
Unsure of what else to do, Regulus suggested they go to Sirius and Remus’s flat. If anyone was going to hear him out, it would be Sirius.
Regulus knocked hesitantly and the door opened, revealing not Sirius, but James, who eyed Regulus with so many emotions that he couldn’t decipher a single one.
“Hi,” Regulus said dumbly.
Requiring no further elaboration, James let them in. The four walked to the living room, where Sirius was sitting with Remus, Peter, Marlene, and Lily. Sirius’s eyes widened at the sight of his brother and, without asking for an explanation, he lunged forward and hugged Regulus.
“A year. A fucking year,” Sirius was muttering, “without a single word.”
“I’m sorry, we couldn’t…we couldn’t tell anyone,” Regulus mumbled.
As they explained, Regulus did not look away from James for even a second. Please, please understand, please love me, I love you, I never stopped. James’s expression was indecipherable, and it all felt wrong. When they were together, James had been the emotional one, wearing his heart on his sleeve, and Regulus had been carefully apathetic. This was the exact opposite, and Regulus hated it.
“Why would you do that alone? Why wouldn’t you tell us?” Sirius asked.
“You’d try to convince me not to do it,” Regulus answered quietly. “And I wasn’t alone.”
“Yeah, fuck you, we were with him the whole time,” Barty cut in, grinning. He had not shown any sign of fear or sadness in the entire year they had taken to find all the Horcruxes.
Regulus did not say another word, not until James gestured towards the kitchen so they could have a moment alone. His throat was tight with nerves, hands trembling. James rendered him incompetent, made him foolish and childish and so, so desperate.
In the kitchen, James leaned against the counter while Regulus stood opposite him, wanting to be close and not sure if he was allowed.
“I know…I know why you didn’t tell me, okay? I- I get it,” James started, “but that doesn’t mean that I can suddenly be okay with what happened. You…you still got the mark, you still left for a year. I can’t just move on from those things.”
“I’m not asking you to,” Regulus assured quickly, then shrunk into himself a little, feeling vulnerable and exposed. “Is there…Is there no chance?”
James reached out his hand, and as Regulus took it and allowed himself to be pulled towards James, a little spark of hope warming his chest. That always was the effect James had on him. Nothing had changed, not really. Save a mark on his forearm and a few new scars, Regulus was the same person he had been. He hoped James could see that.
“Of course there’s a chance, Reg,” James whispered into Regulus’s hair. “I’ll always give you a chance.”
