Trauma
Summary: After a sudden revelation you and JJ look at each other in a different light.
Request: Hi! Can you do a request where jj and y/n βhateβ eachother, constantly fight and bicker. So John B and the gang truck them into getting stuck on Haywardβs boat and leave them for the night. When jj gets high he notices she gets anxious. He persuades her to reveal a sensitive side that she doesnβt like being around drugs because of her abusive dad. Jj doesnβt tell her he can relate just that he understands. He tells her that sheβs beautiful and she deserves better, in his own jj way;)πI love u @maybebanksΒ
Trigger Warnings: Mention and depiction of overdoses, drug use, death and abuse!!
When John B and the rest of the gang drove away from Heywards boat leaving you and the boy you despised the most, JJ Maybank alone you werenβt that mad. They werenβt going to leave you guys there over night. Surely they were going to come back and get you guys from the middle of the marsh so you two wouldnβt kill each other.Β Or so you thought.
A few hours went by, your friends have yet to return and the sun just finished setting. This is when the situation at hand finally hit you. You were stuck out in the middle of the marsh with JJ and no one else. Yea you couldβve continued what you were doing all evening which was ignore the blue eyed boy and do your own thing.Β
However, as the stars and moon shone down on you both and the smell of weed filled your nostrils you couldnβt help, but feel anxious. Your heart was hammering in your chest and your breathing started to become labored.Β You despised the smell of weed and feeling abandoned was the cherry on top. Knowing the signs of a panic attack you decide to sit down against the edge on the other side of the boat than JJ. As you do this the blond looks over at you and watches you wrap a blanket around your body before resting your head on your knees.Β
Despite your distaste for the Maybank boy his feelings towards you werenβt reciprocated. Yes he wasnβt fond of you especially after the first time he met you, he made a joke about you not smoking or drinking when Kie invited you to hang out, but he didnβt know why you werenβt interested in that stuff. He simply thought and still believes that you canβt take a joke. JJ hated people that couldnβt take a joke considering most of those people were Kooks. And after all you used to be a Kook when your mom was alive. As if your old social status actually mattered to anyone else though.Β
Finally speaking up after basically a whole evening of silence JJ opens his mouth.Β βYou know they obviously left us here to become friends so you should make an attempt at least.βΒ
You roll your eyes looking down at the floor between your open legs, your head still resting on your knees. He was right you should make an attempt to befriend him, but right now wasnβt a good time to try or for JJ to make a snarky remark about it.Β
Ignoring him, you try your best to focus on your breathing to prevent a panic attack. You hated having panic attacks in the first place, but there was no way you were going to let JJ see that side of you. You had to stay strong like you always were.Β
Rolling his blue eyes JJ stands up and sits back down beside you. Since you were so focused on your breathing you didnβt realize he was now by your side.Β
βIgnoring me isnβt helping Y/N.β He says, annoyance dripping from his voice.
JJβs remark and the smell of weed being closer to you now was your last straw. You couldnβt hold in the panic attack anymore. Suddenly a gasp for air leaves your mouth as tears begin to fall down your face.Β
Confused, JJ looks over at you and notices your body shaking. Even though you werenβt his most favourite person in the world you were still apart of his friend group and the blonde would do anything for them.Β
βWhatβs wrong Y/N?β He asks genuinely concerned, placing the roach of his joint down beside him.Β
He places a hand on your back as you begin to sob into your hands and knees, but you move away, not wanting him to touch you. He retracts his hand, but grows even more confused and concerned. During the span of knowing you JJ has never seen you cry so he was genuinely confused as to why you were. What triggered it?Β
As the sound of your sobs filled JJβs ears he felt inclined to make you feel better despite your distaste for each other.Β
βTalk to me Y/N.β He simply says.Β
You finally look over at the boy beside you, your eyes red and cheeks stained with tears. Seeing you like this flipped a switch in JJ that he wasnβt even aware of. All of a sudden he wanted to take care of you or just simply hold you. You looked so broken and JJ understood the feeling.Β
Without saying anything JJ scoots over to you and wraps his arms around you. Surprisingly you donβt pull away from his grasp. Instead you simply move closer into to his chest, desperately craving any type of loving touch. The blonde boy rubs his hand up and down your back in a soothing motion which you appreciate.Β
A few minutes go by, both you and JJ allow you to ride out your panic attack, but he made sure to show that he was there for you by holding onto you.Β
βDo you want to talk about it?β He asks softly, looking down at you in his arms.Β
βNot right now.β You stutter out, still reeling from the physical and mental attack you just went through.Β
βWell do you want to light up? It should make you feel better.β The blonde suggests even though he knows you donβt like participating in that type of stuff.Β
You simply shake your head no and close your eyes while resting against his chest.Β βSuit yourself, but Iβm going to.β He says digging through his cargo shorts pocket with his free hand for another joint.Β
JJ notices you sharply inhale as he does this which makes him hesitate for a second, before deciding to leave it in his pocket.Β βWhy donβt you smoke or drink?βΒ
The Maybank boy would always make fun of you for not participating in the same activities as the rest of the Pogues, but he just realized he doesnβt know why you donβt do that stuff.Β
A minute or two go by and JJ was about to ask you again, thinking you didnβt hear him, but in reality you were just trying to figure out what to say. You sigh, but not realizing you start to play with JJβs fingers to calm yourself down.Β
βDo you know how my mom died?β You simply ask.Β
βNo.β He says allowing you to continue to play with his fingers.Β
You were quite surprised by his answer in all honesty. Basically everyone on the island knows what happened to your family and their downward spiral to misfortune.Β Β
βShe died from an opioid overdose.βΒ
JJβs dilated eyes widen at your answer, not expecting that to be the cause of your moms death.Β βShit sorry Y/N I didnβt know.βΒ
You simply shrug your shoulders.Β βItβs not a requirement for you to know that.β You say in a monotone voice as you start to think about your deceased mother.Β
A silence falls over the two, but for the first time ever it wasnβt awkward. JJ realized he knew hardly anything about you and he was genuinely curious to find out more, but he didnβt want to push you. So he simply started to graze his fingers up and down your wrist, moving your bracelets up an down as he does so.Β
Although it was dark out and the only light was coming from the moon and a small light outside of the cabin JJ noticed something on your skin. Along your wrist and up your forearm were round scars that looked like they resembled cigarette burns.Β
He looks down at the round marks on your arm then gazes at his legs that had similar marks along them. Someone was using you as their personal ash tray like how JJβs father used to do.Β
βWhat are these from?β He asks, tracing his finger around one scar.Β
Once you realize what JJ is talking about you start to readjust yourself in his arms, starting to feel slightly uncomfortable.Β βItβs nothing.βΒ
JJ bites his lip, deciding whether he should continue talking or not and he eventually decides to continue.Β βYou donβt have to talk about it, but I have them too.β He says moving away from you to show you the scattered scars along his legs before turning slightly and lifting up his shirt to show the healed marks on his back.Β At a loss for words you simply ogle at the boy beside you in shock. Even though he didnβt straight up say what happens when he goes home he showed you that he understands which oddly made you feel not so alone. Who knew you guys had something so terrible in common?Β
He lets his shirt fall back down and wraps his arm around your shoulders once again. You suck in a breath of fresh air as thoughts swarmed your mind. You didnβt know why, but in that moment JJ made you feel so comfortable around him that you felt inclined to tell him the deep dark truth about why you donβt do certain things.Β
βWhen people ask why I donβt drink or smoke I say itβs because of my mom.β You say grabbing a hold of JJβs fingers once again.Β βHer death is a big reason as to why, but once she died my whole life went downhill. My dad didnβt cope with her death well and I canβt get mad at him for that, but he started to abuse drugs like she did.βΒ JJ glances over at you resting on his shoulder as he listened intently to you speaking.Β
βMy dad started to spend money on anything and everything. Then one day he went to a meeting for an important business deal, high out of his mind on coke and of course he got fired. After that we lost the house, the boat, and his car. We lost everything. And you would think that wouldβve been a wake up call for him.β You say removing your head from the blondes shoulder and meeting JJβs gaze.
JJ simply nods his head in understanding, but you take that as a hint to go on.Β βHe only got more angry and agitated since then. He started to take his anger out on me and my brother, but mostly me because I look more like my mom.β You say glancing at the moon then back to JJβs blue orbs.Β
He couldnβt believe how similar your guysβ home life was. For starters JJβs dad started abusing alcohol and drugs once his mom passed away as well. She died of cancer and JJβs dad felt like it was his fault since he couldnβt afford chemotherapy. JJβs fathers built up guilt and anger against the world for taking his wife away from him ultimately festered into him beating JJ every chance he got. It also didnβt help that JJ was a constant reminder of her just by his looks.Β
You suck in another deep breath just before you tell JJ, the guy you despised just hours ago the most personal and sensitive thing about yourself. βIt was yelling matches at first then one day he just started physically attacking me. First he slapped me a few times or pulled my hair or even pushed me down the stairs. Occasionally he would put out his cigarettes on me. Then he eventually pinned me up against a wall and held a broken beer bottle against my throat.β You say, the look on your face expressionless and your eyes dull because you were used to it. When you shouldnβt be. No one should.Β
As you reveal this to JJ he feels his heart clench and wince at your sentences. He understands the pain that you have and are going through more than you know. But as you tell him this he starts to connect the dots. Suddenly waking up at John Bβs in the morning to see you sleeping out in the hammock or on the living room floor made sense. Or seeing you wear heavy amounts of make up on parts of your face when you hardly ever wore make up, or how you spent more time at Kiaraβs and John Bβs than he himself did.Β
You open your mouth to tell him some other things such as how you havenβt been home since that day he pinned you against the wall or how your brother is fine and misses you, but he stops you. Although he wanted you to be comfortable enough with him to tell him those things it was starting to get too much for him. JJβs own dark memories and demons were starting to cloud his mind and he didnβt want that. He wanted to be there for you the way John B and Pope are there for him.Β
βY/N, Iβm really sorry you have gone through that. No one deserves to go through that.β He says turning towards you while moving a stray hair out of your face.Β You shrug your shoulders and give him a sad smile. After all of these years your father has made you believe that you deserve everything he does to you.Β
Another moment of silence falls upon you two, but JJ breaks it to speak his mind, he could tell you didnβt believe what he previously said.Β βYou know youβre beautiful right? And although we started on the wrong foot Iβm willing to be arrested again if your dad lays even a finger on you.β The blue eyed boy says, revealing his protective side which was very on brand JJ. You chuckle and nudge the boy away from you lightly. Even though you were originally anxious and upset that your friends left you two out in the middle of the marsh you are actually quite grateful they did.
βYou can have the pull out couch at John Bβs for now on.β JJ says scooting back over to you.Β
You appreciate JJβs offer, but you canβt help, but turn it down.Β βNo because you wouldnβt have a place to sleep then.βΒ
βThen weβll have to figure something out together.β JJ suggests wrapping his arm back around you.Β
And what JJ said was true. From that moment on you two made an effort to be there for each other while navigating each others trauma.Β
I have linked some websites and resources for people going through similar situations as JJ and reader in this fic. Please do not hesitate to reach out to me if need be I will try to help you to the best of my ability!Β
P.S: You all are strong, beautiful and loved. Donβt forget that.
