The jokes really do write themselves.

the groundhog reportedly saw "a blood red sun. in the foreground a massive wheel framing the sun in the sky. the wheel has ceased to turn". nobody is sure what this means but its probably fine

Ok I am once again liveblogging the Word of the Year vote

• For informal word of the year, multiple people have gone up to the mic announcing themself as “team rawdog”

• One respected professor threw his support behind “W”, saying (I’m paraphrasing) “double the u, double the pleasure”

• In lieu of an institution, one person announced themself as a “tumblr shitposter”. That person? Was me.

Unsurprisingly, “rawdogging” has won Informal Word of the Year 2024 by a truly MASSIVE landslide

“Bleach Blonde Bad Built Butch Body” has just been last-minute nominated for political word of the year, challenging “Luigi”’s crowd-favorite status.

Someone just started playing smooth jazz on the speakers to pass the time as waited for the presenters to resolve their tech issues

“Luigi” wins political word of the year!!

• Somebody (me) just last-minute nominated “I’m bald” for Digital Word of the Year.

• A middle school teacher has gone up to the mic to INSIST that the correct order is “Skibidi Ohio Rizz”, not “Skibidi Rizz Ohio”

• The Digital Word of the Year commentariat appears to be almost entirely made up of middle school teachers

• A middle school teacher sitting next to me: “I’ve had to set a quota for how many ‘skibidi’s are allowed in my students’ creative writings”

“Brainrot” wins Digital Word of the Year!

• For the second day in a row, the presenter has insisted that “hurkle durkle” can be used as a synonym for “bedrotting”

• “Lock in” wins Most Useful Word of the Year

• WOTY mvp Nicole Holliday has brought up the concept of “Toilets with threatening auras”, arguing that “we live in a vibes-based economy”.

• Arguing in favor of “Unserious”, someone claimed that “there is nothing more cutting than being called unserious.” She then proceeded to call the rest of the contenders unserious, eliciting audible gasps from the audience.

• “Unserious” has defeated “NIL” in a runoff for Most Likely To Succeed Word of the Year

Ok we’ve moved on to “Most Fun While it Lasted”, a category that I accidentally caused to exist during nominations yesterday.

• Someone has gone up to defend “hawk tuah”, calling it the “most potent, most virile” word of all time. The havoc this comment has caused is indescribable.

• Ok seemingly everyone this round is speaking in support of “Hawk Tuah”

• “Brat” wins Most Fun While it Lasted!

• Someone has provided “We boutta rawdog an entire presidential administration” as an example sentence

• In a profoundly unsurprising development, basically half of the commenters this round spoke in favor of “rawdogging”

RAWDOGGING WINS WORD OF THE YEAR 2024!!

OFFICIAL BREAKING LINGUISTICS NEWS

May Sarton, The House by the Sea

LET'S DO THIS, MY FELLOW BELIEVERS IN SANTA! It's that magical day again, for us to keep an eye on our favorite fat red man with presents via NORAD Tracks Santa! 

Here’s your yearly history lesson about this merry tradition:

In 1955, a Sears department store placed an advertisement in a Colorado Springs newspaper telling children that they could telephone Santa Claus on Christmas Eve.  But the phone number for the “hotline” had a typo in it and calls from excited kids went to Colorado Springs’ Continental Air Defense Command (CONAD) Center instead. Colonel Harry Shoup responded by telling children that there were signs on the radar that Santa was on his way south from the North Pole.  Colonel Shoup also told his staff to give all children who called in a “current location” for Santa Claus. A tradition began which continued when NORAD replaced CONAD in 1958.  And it’s been going on for OVER SIXTY-FIVE YEARS!  

As of right now on the tracker (8:11 am EST), Santa is flying over the Pacific Ocean in his open sleigh, and he and the reindeer have already delivered 767k gifts!  DO YOUR BEST, SANTA!  PLEASE SPREAD YOUR JOYFUL MAGIC FOR 2024!! WE NEED IT!!!

Meanwhile, NORAD’s Santa-spying tech can also be used as a fun way to learn more about the world, since its map pops up new links to Wikipedia articles and photos–and sometimes little videos–for locations Santa visits! Check it out!  

I had to write YEARS of posts about British Clownfall and South Korea just straight up speed ran theirs a mere seven minutes longer than it takes to watch Wicked

I literally just got back from seeing Wicked what's going on??

Oh, well, so as the pre-movie ads were playing, Korea's desperately unpopular president decided he didn't like his fellow party creeps getting impeached for crimes and his shitty budget not being approved, so he threw a spectacular temper tantrum, accused all opposition party politicians of being North Korea sympathisers trying to overthrow democracy, and DECLARED MARTIAL LAW.

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Even his own party opposed him doing this, which tells you a lot about the staggering stupidity of this move.

NOW! Martial law can be annulled by a majority vote in the National Assembly, but part of the terms of martial law mean that political activities are banned to prevent such a vote taking place. The minimum number for a majority is 190. So, the stage becomes set - all parties are now desperate to get 190 total members into the Assembly, while President Yoon Suk-Yeol is now desperate to keep them out.

About an hour into you watching the film Wicked, the military tried to lock down the National Assembly building and disperse protesters who gathered in front of it. Soldiers tried to gain entry, but were humiliatingly blocked by party officials who sprayed them with fire extinguishers. Instead they decided to therefore block entry into the building, to keep 190 (or more) people from voting.

As you watched the film Wicked move into its third act, soldiers tried to move into the crowd of protesters, and were politely but firmly denied. Here is footage of an embarassed soldier being rotated and repelled by the crowd.

Meanwhile, Democratic Party members Lee Jae-myung and Lee Seong-yoon, blocked by the army, literally climbed over a five foot fence to get into the National Assembly so they could go and vote.

Finally, as you watched the credits of the film Wicked roll, the 190th necessary member brushed off twigs and staggered into the chamber, and so the vote was immediately called rather than waiting a single minute longer. The vote to annul martial law took place and was passed 190-0. It was completely unanimous, including members of the ruling People Power Party.

Martial law ended 2 hours and 48 minutes after it began.

Protesters are now calling for the impeachment of Yoon Suk-yeol. Military generals are milling about going "Whaaat? Martial law? Oh dear me no, I knew nothing about that at all, I have no idea how three military helicopters and a troop of soldiers got to the National Assembly so fast..." We shall see how soon the clowns fall.

So. That happened.

--Terry Pratchett, Going Postal

The North Carolina Prohibitionist, Archdale, North Carolina, December 2, 1887

They say no one is living here — but lights come on, once every year.

For those not tapped into Australian politics, King Charles is in Australia to conduct his "historic first tour to the commonwealth realm" i.e visting countries that King Charles is supposedly a monarch to.

Indigenous senator Lidia Thorpe had requested an audience with King Charles for weeks prior to this visit, she wrote countless letters to speak to him. Unlike other commonwealth nations and other former Brisitish colonies, a treaty with Indigenous peoples in Australia was never formed. Their land was never ceded to the British Crown. After being denied and ignored, Lidia Thorpe, draped in a traditional possum skin cloak, stormed in the Great Hall during the reception for Charles at Parliament House in the capital shout the following:

I literally can't even look at these photos without getting goosebumps.

Wow, same.

This is probably bad to say but what a relief that the trump shooter was a registered republican white male US citizen

Sadly, this was also my first thought.

ooh, good choices, but I'm having trouble concentrating enough to decide because this bird will *not* leave me alone

Around the world today, the penumbra of the rising of the first sun of May is lined with onlookers and wellwishers, eyes on the eastern horizon to catch the first glimpse of a new season.

Because in our hearts, this is how summer returns to the northern hemisphere; this sun a baton passed in the annual relay as the south prepares for what winter may bring.

Among our number, where the hilltops flatten enough for people to trust their feet in the gloom, for over a century now morris dancers have set out in the fading dark to dance in the dawn, for the same reason we do anything: because it's what we do. That's all tradition is, after all.

And every year, alongside the bells, a passage from Terry Pratchett's Hogfather rings in my mind.

And so, every year, follow the sound of bells and sticks, the chorus of voices singing Hal And Tow, and you'll find a bunch of knackered weirdos in the middle of nowhere in daft hats and a chill breeze, but proud of what they've done.

After all, we just made the sun rise.

I am one of today's lucky 10,000.

I did not know until this moment that Morris Dancing existed as an irl phenomenon. I thought Pratchett made it up for his books. I was wrong. Apparently Englishmen will really get out of bed in the pitch black, stalk through the night in a costume with bells on, and dance to herald the dawn on the first of May.

Pratchett did not make this up. He didn't have to.

Dear OP, thank you for dancing in the dawn.

Oh it gets weirder! There are different schools of Morris dancer. They have fun.

The Cotswold Morris dancer is usually an old white British man, extremely serious and would be the perfect uncle if you yearned for an uncle. They wear bowler hats with flowers, white clothes and bells on their legs. They do a symmetrical polite dance with a hanky. They are VERY spry, like alarmingly spry and athletic. There is usually an accordion. In addition to the hanky thing, they also carry small rounded sticks like spoon handles, which they gently tap against each other in a pattern (this is called rapping.) Their presence usually evokes the vibe of cricket grounds, mown grass and a speech from the mayor: the genteel English folk tradition whose pagan roots are endorsed enthusiastically by the history-minded vicar. I think the best thing about everything Cotswold dancers are is that they are doing something in public that is likely supposed to be incredibly embarrassing and they are completely immune to that. Because of the purity of their confidence and focus and the courage of their convictions, nobody can object to them or interfere with them or even mock them. If a straight old man wants to wear a flowery hat and strap ribbons and bells to his legs and high-kick in the middle of town, then that’s what men do, fuck off. The cringe factor is utterly dead in these men. The second best thing is that their mathematical focus and hypnotic autistic rizz DO make you think that they are doing something Significant and Important here. Clearly they ARE underpinning the seasons because why else this confident wizard behavior?

The Border Morris dancers are the goth ones, usually wearing some mixture of black, stompy boots, a decorated top hat and a “tatted coat” of colorful dark rags. They used to paint their faces black to disguise themselves, but as this began to collide unpleasantly with blackface and anti-Blackness, the progressive ones now use alternative makeup. Today they might do a black painted eye mask or other gothy looks. Women are more common in this tradition. Their dances often involve rushing at each other in mock battle and thwacking each other in ferocious patterns with sticks. There is whooping and howling and a sense of chaos and usually a Hobby Horse; they are going for a mad max witchy vibe. Clearly these rituals also do something.

You also get fusion ones…

And outliers like the extremely sexy topless young men with knives, who randomly broke out at the wassail this year and did a sexy knife dance with each other before shouting HUP and sprinting off into the dusk. I don’t know if anyone knew who they were, but they were great at it. I’m sure it did the apples a lot of good, and I’d like to study the effect further, please come back and try it again with a control group etc. Secretly hoping OP is one of those

There are morris dancers in a whole lot of places. Some of them may have made the sun come up near you, possibly while putting on a play.

BEHOLD, FOR NATURE RECLAIMS THE SACRIFICE THAT THE ESTABLISHMENT REFUSES TO ALLOW US TO MAKE. IF WE CANNOT BURN IN SACRIFICE TO THE GODS, THE GODS WILL TAKE WHAT IS THEIRS BY FORCE

A TikTok that actually made me laugh out loud.

Bonus comments:

I haven't heard her yet but it's only a matter of time.