there's our catastrophe

I cannot emphasise this enough: fuck Jeff Kennett and fuck Beyond Blue

I've decided that being good at tarot is a way better party trick than being good at astrology, partly because it's different every time and lends itself to acting as a counsellor but in a somewhat detached way, which I think is nice and find helpful myself. but mostly because shuffling a deck of beautiful jewel-like cards is a way better visual than plugging someone's birth data into a chart generator at astro.com. Sadly I'm only just average at tarot, and I think what's really holding me back is that I struggle to pin down my approach to reversed cards. There are lots of different approaches but mostly people won't admit that they're different approaches, they'll just insist that theirs is the correct one. Reversed cards: opposite meaning to their regular-side-up equivalents? The same meaning, but in a bad way? The same meaning, but slowed down, suppressed, retrograde, distorted? A warning? Something you lack? A sign to look back at the previous card? Not using reversed cards is not an option because I'm bound to lose track of things when I'm shuffling and mix them up. I'm convinced that this is the real reason most tarot readers incorporate reversed cards into their readings, tbh. This wouldn't happen if we just used a $2 deck of regular cards like IRL witches probably would.

A Valentine's Day message to dodgy Australian politicos like the jaw-droppingly opportunistic Australian Marriage Equality, anti-sex worker Greens, and all round despicable racist neolibs the Australian Sex Party: "queers are breaking up with you". Features Tony Abbott's rape apologism, Joe Hockey puffing on a cigar, and Fiona Patten waffling about the importance of strong borders like the civil libertarian she is.

I'm getting to the age where my smarmiest, most disingenuous peers are actually starting to fulfil their destinies and run for office and it feels awful

Anyway I'm mad all the time, disproportionately so, and it hurts and I want it to stop. I feel like leftie type people are always saying that the idea of Mental Illness is an overly rationalist and apolitical approach to suffering, which is sometimes true ("depression is just like a broken leg!"*). but I actually think the idea that mental suffering is directly and proportionately linked to a specific social injustice and can be cured by understanding and addressing that injustice is crushingly rationalist, also naive, and anyway we better hope to God it's not true because none of this is going to be fixed in our lifetime *the distinction between physical and mental illness seems tenuous to me too, but for the opposite reason to what's generally implied by this sentiment.

I had an afternoon coffee then talked about the Sex Party for a bit with a friend then went on Facebook and got so mad looking at people's posts about their dumb parties thinking "I know you support them! And you, you believe whatever your mate tells you about them! And you over there, you care about your right to get wrecked way more than anything else and that's why you love them! You're all fucked and I want to run away and enter a convent", but since steadily isolating myself from the majority of queer people I know has shockingly failed to make me feel better about any of it I think I should try not having afternoon coffee anymore

My dentist calls my wisdom teeth "your wizzies" which is. Not that weird for an Australian I guess? But coming from him and also I guess to a person named Liz/Lizzy it sounds like baby talk and it's overall very offputting

I wonder if it's possible to change dentist partway through a multi-stage procedure? I hate my dentist, I'm leaving that practice straight after this is over anyway

I was hit by a car on my bike two years ago and I have a fake front tooth as a result. The temporary cap is being replaced with a permanent one soon. The whole process has been a nightmare from start to finish. The only good thing is that it's mostly free because the transport accident commission in this state covers you for major medical care resulting from a vehicle collision. On the other hand, going through the paperwork to file my claim was like, 10 times more distressing than the accident itself. Anyway, the technician who's making the crown just called me up to guilt trip me about not being willing to travel 2 hours to the other side of the city to get a more exact shade match. I'm so busy at the moment. I can't tell the difference between the shades I was offered anyway. He was smarmily like "from what I understand you're a young woman, in your 20s, you have many years of smiling ahead of you. Now is it really impossible to come here, or is it just difficult?". I'm so angry, I'm tempted to just chuck the whole thing in and live with my crappy, crumbling fake tooth forever. I'm vaguely aware I have PMS and on another day maybe someone offering you inconveniently located free medical care wouldn't be the WORST most INFURIATING thing that has ever happened to anyone. But it's today and I'm so mad.

The only shapes I care about are hearts, moons, and hypercubes. All other shapes back the fuck off

In a dream you saw an extra shelving unit in your house where you could put miscellaneous craft supplies and you were full of joy

I don't write much here about my life anymore because I started to feel incredibly scrutinised. It reminds me that the hardest part about being queer, for me, is not homophobia from the straight world, it's how claustrophobic and insular queer communities can be. If I'd thought about this kind of thing at all, before everything, I would have thought it would be freeing to really be part of this #bohemianlifestyle. Now I understand in a way I couldn't when I was a bratty teenager scorning homonormativity why older queers quietly drop off the map and make a life with a partner and a cat and few queer friends. I know it's kind of a fake feeling and there's not one all-encompassing panopticonic Queer Scene, that everyone feels this way sometimes, that straight women are hardly immune from feeling suffocated, watched. But, but.

It is probably very spiritually purifying or something to be on the receiving end of dislike given that I so often write people off based on relatively trivial things that just push my buttons, but actually I am a big hypocrite and I want everyone to either like me or (possibly better?) sound really stupid for not liking me