ayup

Internet vernacular has completely altered what some words and expressions mean to me. Forevermore, I will hear the words "hear me out" will only and exclusively as "before you cast your judgements prematurely, please pause and allow me to explain how and why I should be allowed to fuck this thing".

One underappreciated thing about visiting somewhere completely different where you've got local hosts to hang out with is when you've gotten used to seeing wild shit that would absolutely not fly at home, and going "wow, this would be illegal where I'm from", but you're chill because when in rome you do as romans do.

And then at some point you're all in the middle of doing stuff and you make that remark again, and your host just goes "yeah it's illegal here too, we're just straight-up breaking the law rn."

And you just go aye, fair enough.

I wear loud dangly belt chains and accessories for the same reason some people put a bell around their cat's neck. Doesn't keep me from decimating the local bird population but trains me to be more stealthy about it. And if they ever come off it's like Rock Lee's ankle weights - good luck having any idea where the fuck I am at any given time.

A delivery only restaurant named "send help" that specialises in hangover food. Everything comes with some sort of an electrolytes beverage, if not two, a bag to throw up in, and one of the food options is simply "whatever", and you get an order of whatever random food options the kitchen happens to find the most convenient.

The "whatever" can be specialised, like ordering a two-piece vegan whatever gets you two random vegan options, there's "whatever w/ peanut allergy", kosher whatever, and so on.

The halal option comes with a free letter reminding you of the reasons why a muslim shouldn't drink.

"I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy" nah fuck that I would. Actually if I could choose to have any superpower, I'd want the power to make people feel whatever I've felt at any point of my life, at my choice. Someone mildly inconveniences me, I'm letting them have 30 minutes of being five years old and trying to learn how to cry silently because you know nobody's coming to help you and if someone hears you, they're coming to make it worse. Fuck you and your eyebrows.

"Wait, humans have culture? Oh, sorry, no, I was just taken aback a bit. I don't mean to insult your species, you just all seem so constantly preoccupied with your warfare and mating rituals that it hadn't occurred to me that you would have time for the arts."

"Oh, no, we have plenty of art. Visual arts, sculpture, music, storytelling... And their combinations in all sorts of way. I actually play an instrument myself, and one of my favourite songs is based on an old folk tale. Would you like to hear it?"

"Absolutely! I was already astonished to only hear that human art exists at all, not to imagine that I could witness it!"

"Alright. So this is a song about a man who starts a war against his brother because they both want the same woman."

they should invent activities for sleepy people with no energy

The thing about reclaiming slurs is that once you've been affectionally called 'faggot' by friends, loved ones, and amiable fellows on the internet for long enough, you almost forget that it means something else to people who hate you.

Honestly at this point if a stranger on the street yelled "hey faggot!" after me, I'd probably turn around like "what?" like they'd just casually called me by name, and they were only trying to get my attention because they wanted to tell me something, before processing that they're being hostile.

trans flag but it hasn't bloomed yet

guess what

Shrek 2, while a cinematic masterpiece, is also an interesting look at queerness and comp het.

Fiona is married so it's time to reunite with her parents. But instead of marrying a prince, she's married to an ogre. Not just that, but she's also an ogre. (Yes everyone knew she would sometimes be an ogre but that was when she was a child, she didn't know she would be an ogre for the rest of her life, and besides once she met the right prince she would stop being an ogre. She was supposed to stop being an ogre.)

But okay they're both ogres. We can still ask about when they'll have children because even if they're ogres they can still have kids, right? That's what married princes and princesses do so naturally that's what everyone does. Even if ogres might not be great parents (I've heard that ogres eat their young, is that something you people do?) it's still something that should be discussed.

And okay you can stay in Fiona's childhood bedroom filled with all the reminders that hey, everyone thought she was just a princess and princesses marry princes. Her toys left out from the last time she played with them. The prince slays the ogre. The princess offers a token of gratitude for slaying the ogre. Fiona wrote Mrs. Fiona Charming a million times in her diary because what else was she supposed to grow up to be?

And Harold you have to fix this, your country can't be ruled by ogres. You were unfit to rule when you were a frog but I changed you, I made you better, I made you a prince. You know how this works. Think of your daughter's safety.

Shrek goes to the Fairy Godmother and oh honey, ogres don't live happily ever after. It's just not done. It hasn't happened in all of fairy tale history. You have to change the both of you to be happy. You have to present as a prince and a princess. It will be better. You'll fit in better that way. You'll be accepted that way.

"Adulting" is such a juvenile word we should give it a more dignified suffix. How about "Adultery"

fashionistas cosette and courfeyrac and their sad little loser boyfriend marius <3

reblog this to remind the person you reblogged it from that theyre loved

healthcare should not have a weight limit.

like it doesn’t matter if a person is so fat they’re immobile & have infections in their skin folds & need assistance with everything from hygiene to cooking to cleaning etc. they should still get good medical care.

the fattest person you possibly imagine still deserves medical care. it also doesn’t matter why they’re fat, even if that person got fat because all they did was eat and eat without ever exercising, they still deserve medical care.