call me a salmon the way i want to be in a bears mouth

Watching polycules form in real time is like watching an earthquake and a tsunami strike at the same location

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

there are way more slides btw!

here are some additional notes:

for those who want to view the list of tariffs in text format for accessibility reasons, here's a newsweek article that lists them

"We're witnessing American suicide" as somebody on twitter put it.

And aside from the hilarity of tariffs on islands populated by nobody but penguins: the British Indian Ocean Territory is a group of over 1000 tiny islands, the only population are British and United States military personnel and associated contractors in a joint US/UK base.

Here's the NPR article explaining the math.

I bet this is tied into why he wants greenland so bad. Put enormous tariffs on foreign oil, gas prices sky-rocket, and americans with no alternatives will support drilling there if it means cheaper gas.

Like, the NPR article says that the white house economists are "glossing over" the pain american consumers will feel, but I think the pain is part of the point. I think many more americans are going to be vocally in support of his policies if they're desperate and he's promising cheaper goods.

Slipping estrogen into your boss's coffee might sound cathartic, but if you unionize your workplace then you won't even have to slip it in his coffee. You'll be able to openly demand that he take estrogen. That's the power of collective bargaining.

Der Sumpf/The Swamp

Bertolt Brecht trans. Naomi Replansky in Poetry Magazine, December 1947 (original German)

u know someone’s about to get dragged through the mud when an academic uses the phrase ‘it’s tempting to assume’

“it’s tempting to assume” is academic speaking for “you might think, if you’re a fucking idiot,”

never forget the universal rule of the order of things: People Will Not Read It

signs at stores? émail? menu ?? instruction ? post online ? caption with andswer to question ? group hand outs ??? street sign ??? no. The Written Word Is The Enemy

#The number of compliments i have gotten for reading a thing

The ability to occasionally Read A Thing will make you a hero in your workplace, especially if it is for example an error message that tells you what you need to do differently, or instructions on unjamming a printer.

how dare you say we put jam in the printer

Ok reblogging this again because story time.

I work in tech, and much of what I do is support sales reps within the company by resolving errors with the software they use.

There is one sales rep who, every single time I send her a message or email with extremely specific instructions that will resolve her issue, does something completely different from what I tell her. Every time. Without fail. It is so glaringly obvious that she has never read even a single word that I have written to her.

So one day, she sends me a message that says little more than "(software) is broken, help"

So I do my standard song and dance of asking her what she's trying to accomplish, and what specifically is stopping her from doing that. And eventually, after much unnecessary back and forth, she tells me there's an error message. I ask her to send me a screenshot of the error message. She does.

The error message basically says, "these two required fields are blank. To resolve this, please fill in these two specific fields, and then click save."

So I take a few deep breaths.

Then I lie to her.

I message her back, saying "hey yeah, for some reason it's not loading that screenshot on my end. Could you type out the full text of the error message for me?"

She does.

I ask her if she still needs help.

She does not respond.

glow in the dark dildos are all fun and games until it’s 3am and you’re wondering why there’s a quest item in the shower

trans women: ugh i'm so tired of being seen as a disgusting worthless sex object

50% of people: aww don't worry i see you as a desireable sex object <3

other 50% of people: i just combed through your social media account and found out you have expressed sexuality several times before, even as recently as just last week. if you're not gonna be perfectly chaste and completely repress this emotion that most people have then you can't expect people not to see you as a sex object. you basically are one anyways

Being an evil doppelganger has to be so fucked up like imagine meeting a better version of yourself. Some chain of events going differently that led to "you" being a better person in a way you can never achieve. Personally I'd have no other option but to try and kill them

It's always "oh no my evil clone or twin or whatever is trying to kill me" and never How is my evil clone? Says a lot about society

Me, crashing the fuck out: you think you're better than me? You think you're fucking better than me???

My good clone, dodging a glass: I mean like objectively yeah

only real springheads know about tipping their face up to the sun and enjoying a gentle breeze and birdsong

My train was late. AGAIN.

OH So this guy’s purpose in life is to hang out in a Pokémon Center on Poni Island and tutor one move that only one Pokémon can learn, a Legendary postgame Pokémon from a Hoenn one/four generations ago. And that Pokémon naturally knows that move anyway.

Fuck me, I’m getting a new job. I’ll be standing in a Dunkin Donuts on Staten Island tutoring Spanish. But only if you’re early 19th Venezuelan military leader Simón Bolívar.

Pokemon Heritage Post

i like working at plant store. sometimes you ring up someone and there's a slug on their plant and so you're like "Oh haha you've got a friend there let me get that for you" and you put the slug on your hand for safekeeping but then its really busy and you dont have time to take the slug outside before the next customer in line so you just have a slug chilling on your hand for 15 minutes. really makes you feel at peace with nature. also it means sometimes i get to say my favorite line which is "would you like this free slug with your purchase"

@holyknuckled you get it. lterally what are we here on earth for if not to occasionally impose gastropods upon unsuspecting customers. this story is delightful