vix 🐈‍⬛

My name is Vix. 🌪️ 💤❄️

I like coffee, literature, and the colour blue in all its miserable beauty.

typology: intp 5w6 541 sp/sx mel-phleg Rloe|I|

"i am an unspeakable of the Oscar Wilde sort." - Maurice, Edward Forster. (Bisexual)

+ i don't participate in tag games anymore

if you sent me an anon ask then check #asks under my profile- if its not in there then i haven't gotten around to it yet :,)

tiktok account: @/sleepless.vix

discord: veri.bored (active)

neoo and pickled sad, where are you guys?

I recommend serious concerns by wendy cope if you want some fun poetry (that actually rhymes). i just started it and its actually so sweet and amusing

i recommend brute by Emily Skaja. i love her poetry

why does talking to alot of people and making lots of friends make me feel so shallow. is this normal? how do i make friendships that are meaningful instead of joking around all the time. it makes me feel sick at the end of the day

ok so grentperez drops a new album and me and my friend listen to it tgt and i ask her if shes going to the grentperez signing this afternoon and she says no but she wants to go and she asks me if i am and i say no im too poor but i wouldve gone if she went but we never confirmed if we would go tgt

and then afterschool i run into her she asks me if im going i say no

i ask her if shes going she says no

i tell her that 2 of our moot friends r going

and shes like sigh i wanna go

and then hours later one of our moot friends post abt it and SHES ON THEIR POST

my heart drops

like

i know i said i wouldnt go and i didnt explicity say i wanted to go with her

and she went as a spontaneous decision

but she didnt even tell me about it? like she assumed i didnt care? like she thought we were nothing?

WE LISTENED TO THE ALBUM TGT AND WE ALWAYS LISTENED TO GRENTPEREZ TGT

like is it not our thing...? i just wish she had told me. i couldnt have gone bc i ddint have money and i was too indecisive and i didnt ask my parents yet so it was my fault that i didnt go

BUT SHE COULDVE TOLD ME

And now im fucking hurt but like the prideful insecure dumbass i am i wont tell her

and i just message her and say "omg u went?? was it like meeting god" and then we just... exchange messages of glazing him. its playful, jesting, idc idc idc. its like we're not even close. we r just friends and just so happened to listen to grentperez together sometimes. she will neevr know that i am hurt, affected by her. she will NEVER mnow because i am like that

and no one will ever know

and

but

like

im so hurt lol? its not rlly her fault like maybe she assumed i didnt care abt her so she didnt tell me, and she did ask me if i was gonna go and i said no. i shouldve been more clearer and said "i would go if u go. can we please go tgt?" but its over now. the moment is over

and its my fault

for being the indecisive, uncomunicative asshole that i am

and now i will just swallow it and pretend i dont care at all

it sucks cus we r close, to me. we see eachother rveryday, call like 3 times a week, listen to jams all the time. we arent in the same friend groups and we only talk briefly, shallowly, and mostly know eachother through video games

and she isnt the type of person to hurt me on purpose. rhat wasnt what she was doing w

at happened here was just miscommunication but im so sad and i feel so betrayed that she didnt tell me and i had to find out from someone else's story

i wanted to go with her... i wouldve gone with her if she asked me to... but its not her fault. i shouldnt have expected it

im more social now like i dont care about approaching new people and asking them things and becoming friends but i hate for people to view me as social? like im trying to push myself by meeting people and exploring the world as a growth thing but what if people think im a shallow extrovert and none of my new friends know the introspective, quiet, introverted side of me augh

i gave my friend my grimms fairy tales book to read in chemistry yesterday because he had alrdy finished his work and after the lesson he gave it back to me and was crashing out at how ridiculous the stories were 😭🙏

why am i so restless and bad at getting close to people? avoidant attachment be making me leave as soon as they show the tiniest bit of disinterest or things are going too well and im scared that they'll hurt me before i hurt them so i keep everyone at an arm's length and i have 5 different friend groups so i can run away whenever i want and idk if the is is good that im so open to new friendships and meeting new people or bad because what if im never able to find my people and get close to anyone properly ever

i love stem but i also love literature and stem doesnt love me back but i love being good at it when im good at it and i hate when im bad at it and literature is always there but it is valued so much less by society and i love it and im good at it and i love being good at it but i also want society to value me

why do i cry on a sunday morning after saturday night was such a wonderful night?