every year since i turned 20 when christmas arrives i reflect on the whole year and get progressively more depressed when i realize that yet again i haven't achieved anything groundbreaking or life changing (for me). only things i'm somehow proud of this year are:
1. i became more efficient at work
2. i learnt how to put my hair in rollers to do sabrina carpenter's hairstyle
3. i went on 2 dates and the second one still keeps me awake at night because i haven't gotten over anything in my life, like ever.
my life's really boring. i don't travel, i rarely go out and when i do it's always the same places, i don't meet in people. and even if i wanted to do all those things i can't because my friends act like they're 40 something and would rather spent their early 20s cooking new pasta recipe or binge watching a medical drama series. not to mention alllllll the talks about having babies (gag me, honestly). its true that i nearly lost 2 years of my life huddled up in my house during pandemic because i was afraid of contracting it and endangering my parents. in my head i'm not turning 24 next year, i'm barely 22. i know i'm missing out so much and it makes me just so sad. how could i ever find myself a boyfriend if i am such an uninteresting person myself? id grow bored with me too. why would i even bother "putting myself out there" if i know its not going to lead anywhere. recently i watched "stay the night" and i cried the whole movie because i've never related more to a female character and her struggles. sometimes i feel like if i didn't have uni and work my depression would've been waaaay worse, but at least i have something to do in between bed rotting and occasional night outing when my friends miraculously remember what it's like to have actual fun.
