Hey kid you want a job?

Great get online and go to a job board. Indeed, Linkedin whatever. Now you're gonna search for a role that's in your city, fits your qualifications, and doesn't seem like a bad time.

See that easy apply button? Don't hit it they just throw those in the trash. Now you're gonna want to go to the company's website and check their careers page.

Oh? That job doesn't exist anymore. Cool go back to the job board and find another one.

Great you found another job, you're on the company's career page and the job exists!! So you're going to need to make an account on the career page website. They're using Workday, the same site as the last job you applied for? Who cares? You need to make another account for THIS job's workday page.

Now you're going to upload your resume. That'll autopopulate about 15 boxes with everything on your resume, except formatted wrong and with tons of errors. So just go through and painstakingly check the dates on all of that and rewrite everything you already laid out in an aesthetically pleasing format on your resume.

Ok time for the cover letter, explain why this specific job and company are deeply important to you. You love their mission statement and wouldn't even laugh if their ceo was gunned down in the street. You'll really want to reiterate the things you just spent the last 20 minutes filling out on the resume section

(Remember to include language from the job description, people who work in HR are lower than dogs and they need patterns or they get confused.) Write about a page, but hey don't sound too desperate or robotic this is where they judge your character!

Maybe add your portfolio site at the end here, who knows if that helps no one has ever clicked mine haha.

Anywayyy time to hit apply! Congrats! You'll see that confirmation email come in and you should be getting the rejection letter in about 2 weeks. Unfortunately your resume didn't have the right buzzwords and the AI auto rejected you :(

Time to start again and try not to kill yourself!

Listen to me

Listen very closely

The above is exactly why half of my friends come to me, and cry they're suffering, and I get to bestow my job hunting knowledge on them. I love this shit, it's a game.

For credentials my fastest job hunting time has been 1 week. I searched for 1 week, got an interview, and was hired within a week. My slowest was 1 month, while out of work, while telling ALL my interviewers that I quit my work without notice (I was testing my interviewers to see how shocked they'd get when I'd tell them why, anyone who wasn't shocked I would tell them at the end that I will keep them in mind (not)). My entire average is 2-3 weeks.

Firstly, what you're gunna do is pick a job sector. You're gunna pick a few of these by the end, but for now pick one. Maybe you wanna do bookkeeping, maybe you wanna do something in doggy daycare. Maybe you're a sous chef. Idk! Figure out what abouts you want first. Do not apply to anything yet. You're gunna look at the job description, I've picked out a few for bookkeepers below.

Now what you're gunna do is you're gunna look for "buzz words", or rather words that are gunna appear commonly and indicate the tone for that job. I've highlighted some, but not all in my examples below

Just look at that snout at how similar those descriptions are!

Now that you've got your buzzwords, you're gunna slap those babies into your resume! You see, since your resume is usually read by a computer first, you're gunna trick the computer into giving it to a person. Really what the computer is scanning for is how similar your resume is to the job description. Remember your bullet points, and to keep it short, try to only have 3 to 5 bullet points per job:

- Processed over 500 invoices a day in an efficient and accurate manner

- Curated reports for management review by utilizing available data

- Monitored and recorded over 100 submissions each day increasing accuracy by 50%

These are some great, made up examples I pulled from those buzz words. You might notice I added some numbers into there. That's something you'll wanna try and note for yourself, how much of something you can do, how accurate, how much efficiency you increased, these look GREAT when your resume gets past the computer and is moved in front of a real person.

Now you have your sector-based resume with lots of buzzwords. This is great! Now for the easy part. You're gunna channel your inner "IDGAF" And you're gunna send that to every listing you like on indeed. Filter for "Apply on Indeed" and spam that shit. Sometimes you gotta answer a few extra questions, but if they give me more than 5 quick questions I trash the submission and move on.

Don't waste your time jumping through hoops, streamline it for yourself and use the same methods companies are using. Push MASSIVE amounts of average quality resumes out. The more opportunities taken = the greater the chance of success. For every opportunity taken you've now pitched a chance of success, for every resume you cannot submit because you're piddling around on their stupid website or answering 50 interview questions online, you send out a 0% chance of success.

So go, try this, and see how it works for you.

Some additional things to consider:

- Add random shit in your resume, I added my "Board Game Club" (BDSM group) into my resume for hobbies and discussed how I got my start using sparklines there

- Never underestimate the flair of a little Clipart fleur-de-lis or something on your resume. Never put colored Clipart, but a little floral or swirl design located somewhere nice makes it stand out

- if you don't have a degree that doesn't mean they won't pick you, twice now I've come to a job without a bachelors and being honest that I was only getting an associates before I think of my next steps

- Embellish, do not lie. Jargoning your job description to make it sound cool and professional is GREAT. Do not give me a resume saying you can use CNC machinery when you've only used a 3D printer. Just tell me you know how to program and manage a 3d printer and want to learn CNC machinery.

- Keep. Your. Resume. To. Two. Or. Less. Pages. You don't need EVERY job, only the relevant ones, if your interviewer asks about the gap, tell them what job you had during that time (or if you wanna lie say you were taking college courses and were on a break, you dont need a degree to say you took courses) and that you only wanted to showcase the most relevant ones

- I'm serious on that last one I'll eat your fucking resume

I hate job hunting with the heat of a 1000 suns, and this seems like a good strategy.

have you guys done that “what kind of reader are you” quiz and if so what did you get

here’s mine

ah here’s the link guys

Mine:

Fascinating, and honestly very accurate.

Huh, interesting.

That doesn’t surprise me at all lol!

Interesting!

Lol I got red and you blue.

I got orange

I got Blue... but also Purple, at the same percentage. Orange was high up there, with Red close behind.

I'm blue

Da ba dee da ba di

Da ba dee da ba di

Da ba dee da ba di

Da ba dee da ba di

Da ba dee da ba di

Da ba dee da ba di

Da ba dee da ba di

help out a trans woman in need

hi everyone, i'm a disabled, chronically ill and as of this week, unemployed trans woman from south america, and i live with a mother undergoing cancer treatment. things have taken a turn for the worse lately as i got laid off from my two jobs and my house's electrical wiring started shorting every day on top of struggling to help my mom with her treatment.

i know i'm asking a lot and it always fills me with shame but i need to ask for help yet again to cover the repair bills and expenses related to my mom's treatment. if there's anything you can spare, even a reblog, i would be immensely grateful to you all

paypal: https://paypal.me/V3nusP

kofi: https://ko-fi.com/S6S6IC6X

400/600

thanks everyone for your kindness and help, it means more than i could ever put into words

490/600! thanks everynyan so much!

-- -- -- -- Image Descriptions -- -- -- --

6 square graphics. ID 1: light pink background with two toned pathogen illustrations in the top left corner. There’s a darker pink rounded rectangle in the middle with white text that reads: Reminder - wearing a N95 or higher rated respirator can save not just your life, but the lives of those around you! Beneath the text is an image of two N95 respirators, one in black and one in pink. End id.

ID 2. light purple background with two toned pathogen illustrations in the top left corner. There’s a darker pink rounded rectangle in the middle with white text that reads: Reminder - anyone can get covid-19. Regardless of their health and vaccination status. Yes, even you. Beneath the text is an image of a kn95 ear loop purple respirator and a purple 100 respirator. End id.

ID 3: light teal background with two toned pathogen illustrations in the top left corner. There’s a darker pink rounded rectangle in the middle with white text that reads: Reminder - wearing a mask is a proven layer of protection; engage in multiple layers of protection during an ongoing pandemic. Beneath the text is an image of a green kn95 ear loop mask and a N95 white respirator. End id.

ID 4: light pink background with two toned pathogen illustrations in the top left corner. There’s a darker pink rounded rectangle in the middle with white text that reads: Reminder - covid is airborne. It will not build your immunity. It will compromise your immune system with each infection. Beneath the text is an image of a pink kn95 ear loop mask and a white N95 3m aura. End id.

ID 5: light purple background with two toned pathogen illustrations in the top left corner. There’s a darker pink rounded rectangle in the middle with white text that reads: Reminder - we’ve been abandoned for profit but we can protect each other by wearing a mask. We keep us safe! Beneath the text is an image of purple N95 3m aura and a dark mauve p100 respirator. End id.

ID 6: light teal background with two toned pathogen illustrations in the top left corner. There’s a darker pink rounded rectangle in the middle with white text that reads: Reminder - Back to normal is a blood-soaked lie We must take care of each other and that means masking up! Beneath the text is an image of a blue p100 respirator and a white N95 respirator. End id.

people who write fics. how do you feel about comments on super old ones you wrote like 2+ years ago

Bringing this out of the tags:

A fic written 2 years ago is NOT OLD. Two years is nothing. Two years ago was yesterday.

Also I don't care if a fic is 10 years old. Leave those comments!! Even if you think the author isn't active, or moved on from the fandom, I promise you it will make them smile.

I commented on a fic that was 11 years old, and there was already a response by the time I got up the next morning. Comment on the fics, please, comment on them, I promise it'll make the author's day either way

I got a comment on a fic of mine this week that just read "TWO THOUSAND AND NINE?"

I replied to it within seconds, of course. someone commented on my fic

As @pentapoda put it in this post:

band on the run

she got stage fright

Thanks for the toilet paper bestie💅🏻✨

@theshitpostcalligrapher

SKFHSKJFHJKDSH OH MY GOD

Okay I did the math for the data as of 2022 ish. Note that Costco statistics are… predictably not exact.

The average Costco trip consists of nine items totalling $114. Costco's 2022 net sales were $222.7 billion. For the absurdity, I will assume that a purchase is an item rather than the whole $114 transaction and that it is not just Canadian Costco locations that birth Canadians.

Which works out to… about 17.6 billion Canadians born in 2022.

Canada's population in 2022 was 38.94 million making this a 45150% increase with a resulting average population density of about 1767 people per km^2 (roughly that of the Maldives). This would be like if everywhere was uniformly… Kitchener, Ontario… oh good god…

wh

okay

iconic

Astronomers are the funniest people on earth actually

Astronomers are

the funniest people on

earth actually

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

space’s haunted

everyone avert your eyes [expresses a standard human emotion] [illogically experiences shame even with only myself as witness]

acts like an animal looking for a private place to die (experience a very basic + necessary feeling)

they’re banning cis ppl from sports after an investigation revealed they were annoying

please watch this two second clip from santa clarita diet

mah shErbet.,, mah sp ᵒᵒⁿ

the transcription is 100% accurate and yet still doesn’t do it justice somehow