rat old bastard

I don't think we give Jonathan Harker nearly enough credit for his absolutely unhinged choices. In 1897, that pathetic wet cat of a man was written with enough grit, willpower, and raw human stupidity to rival any of our modern horror podcast protagonists. When faced with a centuries-old vampire, in a coffin, drenched in fresh blood, he really thought the best thing to do was to hit it in the face WITH A SHOVEL. The audacity. The misplaced confidence. The sheer desperation. No plan. No hesitation. Running on fear and spite alone. And i fucking love him for it. Truly the character of all time.

Dracula: That was very stupid.

Jonathan: [having a breakdown] I KNOW!!

@see-arcane

Babe wake up. Would you still love me if i split myself into two people, one ‘evil’ and one ‘good’. But actually just one who runs from pain and one who faces it. And we thought we lived in two different realities but actually one of us just succeeded in following societal rules and one failed. And it didn’t make us any happier but we’re still jealous. So now I am simultaneously the wolf and dog and the lamb and Caine and Abel and Pollux and Castor. Because this divide simultaneously protected and smothered each other. And we hated and envied and pitied each other and refused to see that we are the same person but we are and things would be better if we just accepted this but we never will and no one else will and if anyone did see all these parts of us and loved us anyways we would push them away. And this will only ever end with both of us dying but we were never really alive anyways. Okay now what if I was a worm

Can't decide whether it's funnier to say "my hungry ass could never work at a" and then say something that implies you're eating something truly grotesque or something that just, makes no sense

"my hungry ass could never be a brain surgeon" awful. 10/10

"my hungry ass could never be a truck driver" ????? 10/10

EATYIGNIN TIJOK;L'HE????

my horny ass WILL be an engineer and I will make sure of it.

my horny ass WILL

be an engineer and I

will make sure of it.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

bonus:

IF YOU ARE UNMARRIED, DON'T HAVE KIDS, AND HATE YOUR PARENTS PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HAVE A FUCKING WILL

this has been a public service announcement from your friendly neighborhood probate lawyer

Again:

1. The law doesn't care how long your parents and family have been out of your life

2. The law doesn't care about your long term friends or "found family"

If you don't have legal documents that say otherwise, your biological family calls all the shots.

This goes especially for LGBTQ+. Please do not get deadnamed in your obituary.

How to make a will.

How to make a living will (Advance Healthcare Directive) so you don’t get fucked over by biological family if you end up in a situation where you cannot make your own healthcare choices.

If youre trans, this video is a good ref to start with and she provides links and organizations that can help

also have a designated medical power of attorney. even worse than your shitty parents getting control of your estate is your shitty parents getting control of your still-living but incapacitated body.

no, having a chill adult sibling isn't enough, it still defaults to parents for some dumbass reason even if your parents are old as balls. if you want your chill adult sibling to be your emergency decisionmaker, get it in writing.

Talk to someone about life insurance. I don't care how young and healthy you are, you are one beer truck away from lifetime disability or funeral expenses. Do what you can within your means to avoid saddling your loved ones with the bill.

I love all books but sometimes you read a book and you’re like so were all 21 thousand of you blindfolded and at gun point when you rated it 5 stars

they need to make phones mega durable so whenever I notice I've been staring at it all day I can throw it across the room at breakneck speed like an evil object like GET AWAY FROM ME and it won't explode

I am in love with the idea of location-based horror I am in love with it

there is no ghost here the house just hates you

I want to be an evil architect who builds houses that want to hurt you

We know that Facebook is brainscorching your parents and tiktok is brainscorching your cousins, but some of you refuse to admit that you got your brain scorched here. However unlike those sites there isn't an algorithm here you just make bad choices.

sometimes a trans headcanon is 5 pages of careful textual analysis and reasoning and sometimes it's "i know this doesn't make sense but it's my favourite character and i get to decide the gender" and sometimes you have both within the same media and that's beautiful.

"it's all in your head" correct! unfortunately I am also in there

i love when an author truly understands a character so well that they can just put said character in any situation and still have them act correctly. like yeah okay hes a cat cafe owner. hes a middle school teacher. hes a dog. and hes acting exactly how he would act if he was a dog.

i love how jared hopworth is basically meat barbie. he has so many different jobs. you can buy all the playsets. like oh! here he is, he’s a butcher and he’s throwing bodies into a hole. now he’s the owner of a gym and he wears a sweatsuit that has a J embroidered on it. now he’s in helen’s hallway! and oh, look, now he’s a cute little gardener! and he loves his friends to boot. what can’t jared do

if you're on instagram get off that thing and go outside

if you're on tumblr hold fast and keep scrolling soldier

i hauve a cold